Ex-Mormon Examines the Young Women Program
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- Опубликовано: 30 июн 2024
- How was your experience in the Young Women program??
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I was so jealous of the young men. They did such amazing activities… fishing, rock climbing, swimming with dolphins. When I asked the leaders why the young women didn’t do those activities I was told they didn’t have the budget. We did sewing, cooking and doing lists of what we wanted in a husband, lessons on how to dress modestly. We were taught how to be obedient stepford wives
I did the exact same thing when I was Mia Maids president and they told me it was “budget” too! When I asked if the young men’s could just cut one of their 10 boating trips so we could have one, they literally kicked me out of the meeting and replaced someone else more obedient for MM president. Because if that I helped 6 other young women walk away from the church tough haha
Lmao yeah same here we sowed scrunchies last week
Me too! We had to have a bake sale to raise money to go on a rafting trip. The boys already had a built in donation program through the BSA. Luckily we had good YW leaders who helped us make it happen.
#BrockSampsonridingadolphinonayahuasca.gif
I remember those lists! At least once a month we would have a YW lesson where we all made lists of exactly who we wanted our future husbands to be. It promotes such a strong toxic mindset in so many ways. A lot of my friends followed their long lists exactly (including: must be this height, must be interested in A B and C, must have enough money to support me, etc). They somehow found husbands that made the grade, and are now completely miserable. A handful of my friends have already gone through divorce by the age of 22.
I gave my medallion to my daughter. She thought it was cool and “gothic” looking. 😂 I didn’t argue. I love that we gave it a new story.
I love that, too!!
That's so funny too me, what a cool daughter!! 👍🌟✨
That's hilarious.
Love it
Excellent achievement!
"a new story" = a brilliant idea
I was in the yw presidency a few years ago, and the president gave a lesson on Individual Worth. At the end, she asked the girls, "WHAT CAN YOU DO TO INCREASE YOUR WORTH?" ....Like..?? I spoke up RIGHT away, and said, "you girls are already worth EVERYTHING. the real question, is how can you KNOW your worth?" Ugh, I'm so glad I'm done with all that.
I remember being 12 and we had a YW activity of planning our dream weddings, and all the girls were gluing magazine clippings on poster boards and covering up models to make them modest. I was told I "had to participate" to cross off requirement for a value. The young men were playing kickball for thier activity. I cried because I didn't want to plan my wedding, I wanted to play kickball, but wasn't allowed. There was a huge difference between our activities based on our church gender roles and I was in YWs from 2009-2015
I've heard and read, some awful stories on Lexy's Site. Stories that frankly, horrify me, from both Men and Women, young or old...But your story is one of the saddest, because of its mind bending, indoctrination..
It's the first time I've ever heard anyone describe perhaps one of the most sacred games known to Man in the World ....."Football"......as..."Kickball"
Just joking...so glad you removed your self from the grip of (what I regard) of these crazy people.
Good luck for the future..
Lexy does good work. 💜
"Kickball".
@@HeardFromMeFirst kickball is a different game than football. apparently kickball is more like baseball but with feet (i’m not american)
I had a VERY similar experience! For one Mutual activity the young women were made to do a homemaking relay. We literally had to do a relay race where we 1. Changed a diaper, 2. Folded laundry, 3. Sewed a button, and then vacuumed up some crumbs.
Even as a teenager, I was LIVID. I became red in the face angry at the apparent sexism and I called out my young women leaders for it. I refused to participate and sat in the hallway. What were the young men doing that night?
Playing basketball. 🙃 That always stuck with me.
@@lilith_450 lost in translation then ?
@@HeardFromMeFirst kickball is a different sport than soccer/football. It's like baseball, in that you have bases and you run around them, but instead of hitting a ball with a bat, you kick a ball. Hence, kickball. It's not an "official" sport really - it's mainly just played at recess in school when you're a kid or at summer camp or something.
When I received my YWs medallion my bishop said it was one of my greatest accomplishments. He also said that he had a prompting from the spirit to tell me to wear it on my wedding day as a sign to all of my continued virtue through life. When I saw him on my wedding day I showed him that I was wearing it as he'd instructed 5 years earlier. He had no memory of that interaction and I was wearing an ugly necklace to please yet another manipulative old white man who didn't actually give a shit 🤣
Wow I guess his "prompting" wasn't important enough to remember, I wonder what other advices he gave people based on this spiritual discernment and couldn't remember those either 😂
Young Women scarred me in so many ways. I got left out of so many activities and things because I wasn’t like them. We didn’t have a ton of money and my parents weren’t temple worthy. 😅 I was bullied so bad by the young women leaders and they would often tell me it was MY responsibility to get my parents to be temple worthy.
Sorry to hear that
@@jamminjamin55 My cousins were mormon, they were struggling cuz their good mormon dad became an alcoholic and of course their good mormon mom HAD to be the cause of it, said the bishop. They were shunned from activities due to their dad being a jack mormon. They were becoming poor as he was drinking himself stupid. She wasn't allowed to drive back then, but decided to learn how, bought this piece of a car, and left that jerk in UT, and came out to our family in CA to begin a new life. How that car made the journey is mind boggling, it went straight to the junk yard after arrival. Escaping UT was the best thing they could have done.
@@savannahsmiles1797 "Escaping" is definitely the right word for it.
Love to you. Sorry for these negative experiences! I feel you.
Because nothing says good values like bullying a little kid
Is it really free agency if there is supposedly only one correct answer?
As a lesbian, it was so frustrating and depressing to constantly be told that I was worth nothing if I didn’t get married in the temple and have a bunch of children. Growing up, I pretty much said that I never wanted to get married and have kids, but I really just didn’t want to grow up and get married to a man. It so often felt like that was all I was supposed to do. Luckily, I never caved, and hopefully someday I’ll marry a woman and have a child when I’m ready.
im so sorry you had to go through that :(
I am a straight woman and went through the same. I never caved either and I am glad I am still childless.
I'm a 62 man have a wife and kids as that was what we wanted. Go after what you want with who you want when you want. It may not happen just as you hope but it will be you doing your thing that is what is important. This is the same for everybody.
I had kids so that I could be part of their lives not so I could make them into what I thought they should be. Any group or person that seeks to impose their view is wrong even if you or I agree with that view, others should be allowed to express themselves.
Good for you 👍 that you stood your ground. I stood my ground also by refusing to do mission.
@@chrisyoung5929 yep, I agree 100 %
The time that the young men went rappelling while the young women made friendship bracelets...
Yes!!! Honestly! This was every month in my ward
Oh we made skirts and bread.... woo?
That literally happened to me except it was MAKING A RECIPE BOOK
and the thing is that all the girls constantly complain about it, but the leaders never do anything to change it.
...
I'd take making friendship bracelets over that fucking wedding planning activity I had to go to when I was SIXTEEN
my 7th grade best friend was a mormon. i remember when she showed me her personal progress book and i saw something like "in your journal, make a list of your dreams, including being a wife and a mother". even to me, a 12yo still in the evangelical church going through a whole other set of indoctrination, that sounded super weird, as if there was no other choice for a woman other than marrying and having kids. it sounded like there was so much pressure around it, like she HAS TO want it, even when she doesn't
I'm surprised she was allowed have a non mormon friend..I can only imagine how they treat women or men who are unable to have children.its probably expected that they adopt many children to make up for it.
@@Jac-Jay they let her be my friend bc I followed the same "standards", but that didn't stop her and her family of trying to get my family to join the lds church. And yes, I would imagine that it's expected of them to either adopt or go under numerous fertility treatments.
I remember this part of personal progress it made me so uncomfortable
I got my personal progress medallion from pure fakery because shit like this did not resonate with me, like?? What if I have other goals and plans.
@@ninjapegasus3009 You can't have other goals and plans. You're going to be a mother and pop out as many kids as you can whether you like it or not! (Isn't Freedom of Choice a wonderful thing?)
When you are the ELDEST of 6 children, and GAY.... man, oh man.... that is a mindfuck into depression & anxiety. I literally told the bishop 'everyone should hate me'. And i wrote on the whiteboard all the people. The list included god & jesus & my parents & siblings. I had let everyone down merely by existing.
High school years were GREEEEAAAAT fun for me.
How dare you try to exist Quincy? Just be a clone like the rest of us!
Hope you're free of that nonsense.
Doing some self reflection this morning and I saw your comment. Sending hugs your way.
Ok, non Mormon here. I was SHOCKED to learn that a multimillion dollar establishment is taking TOOTH FAIRY money! Like, the depravity and greed never ends.
Some parents use it as an example for young children and money, but the Church does not ask for it expressly. Many LDS families don't do the Tooth Fairy thing at all.
I left the church when I turned 18. A little over a year later I had the thought that I didn't want to have children. Because of church the teaching that women should have babies I spent too many years trying to convince myself that I did want to have children. Today I am happily child free. I love being an auntie.
Me too. The minute I left for college I was done with the LDS nonsense. I tried for two decades to convince myself I wanted children. I don't. The day I let go of that was the most freeing day of my life.
OMG SAME!!!! i lived with crippling anxiety that the inevitability and requirement of adulthood required motherhood. It was as if the world opened up when I realized thats not a real requirment, just one that was forced onto me by the church.
I was the opposite. I vehemently never wanted kids and actually resented women and mothers until I left the church. It's been 5 years and now I'm a stay at home mom. Lol but I also have my own business and say fuck a lot. The issue is not having a choice, it really messes with your perception. It's super fucked forcing women who aren't motherly inclined into having children. It's just fair to anyone
I still haven't left, but I hope to in a year or two. I knew I didn't want children when I was 12 and I've stuck to that since then. I hated feeling like I had to have sex and children when I wasn't comfortable with either. Today I have a niece and nephew, and I love being an auntie too. My half-sister (their mother) and her husband are also not raising them in the church either
The Sunday after I turned 18 I left the church and never returned. I'm in my early 30's now and still reeling from the religious trauma that growing up female in the LDS church left me with. When you began reciting the theme, I was just blown away that I too could recite it word for word. I know that there are men that also are permanently scarred from the church, but they really did brainwash us as females so thoroughly. My brother left the church as well, and always comments that I am over-reacting about our upbringing. But he as a male was treated so differently both at home and church that I don't think he truly realizes just how harmful the teachings were for women. He says he left because he didn't like all the rules, and when I tell him I left because I felt manipulated and abused he tells me it wasn't all that and I need to calm down. It is infuriating.
Having been raised without religion, this was so interesting. It's equal parts unsurprising and horribly depressing. I'd LOVE to see you dive into other literature/pamphlets/etc if you want to do more videos like this? It's fascinating to hear the insanity of the teachings along with your personal experiences.
the issue I find as well is that the church specifically sets up women to be a sort of "reward" for return home missionaries.
Women feel compelled to marry specifically "worthy" men with all the environmental pressure and indoctrination they've gone through in the church.
the church takes this exploitation and sets up men to believe the only way to find a wife is to serve a mission. so men essentially serve a mission to get a wife as a reward and it's all essentially exploiting the lust and emotional trauma of those individuals to enforce church ideologies.
men go on a mission to get sex essentially, and women are compelled to marry those men specifically due to peer pressure and they feel the only way to find "true love" is to marry one of those men.
the church essentially uses a sex sales/exploitation tactic with its own members to make members do missionary work for free.
people end up married incredibly young due to peer pressure and end up locked down with each other due to peer pressure to immediately start a family and such.
it's insane. incredibly toxic and abusive, and I feel so sorry for any person who's had to experience Mormonism, let alone any religion.
oh i remember our ym leaders would tell the young men "the more you pray the hotter our wife will be" It was gross how women were rewards
@@LitleLuci yup, or women would be told their kids won't do well and will be ugly if you marry a non-missionary/non-mormon. just blatant lies.
I was a convert, I remember going to Girls Camp to help out and at the camp fire the first night all of the girls start singing Mormon Boy. I was like wow! These poor Mormon boys have a lot of pressure. Then I went to Utah about a year afterwards when I went through the temple. I stayed with a Missionary's family that I knew. His 2 sisters were married. They were all about showing me their engagement rings and telling me how their husbands were RMs and how they had to be able to prove their love by the size of their diamonds. Literally what the eff? Those poor guys have so much pressure. A marriage and a relationship isn't predicated upon the size of a freaking ring. It is about the quality of your relationship. Ironic how both of those gals are now divorced.
@@PrincessKryssiQTthe divorce rate in the church is incredibly high.
it's usually within 6 months - 2 years that most marriages end for any number of reasons that derived from the cult indoctrination influencing the sexual dynamics and the civility of the relationship, or issues like suicides occur.
the amount of abuse and trauma members are essentially led into due to the churches practices is incredibly terrifying and sad.
The church literally has nothing to offer a woman besides trauma and abuse.
whats a mission?
I just had the most visceral reaction when you started reciting the young women's theme holy shit. I had totally forgotten about all the journaling and projects I did for the personal progress program when I was a teenager. I always felt like a robot just writing shit I thought I was supposed to in my "journal". Thanks for sharing this, would definitely love to hear more about your thoughts on For the Strength of Youth.
I thought I'd forgotten the YW theme years ago but the second you started reciting it, something unlocked in my brain and I was able to recite it word-for-word along with you. Yiiiiikes.
Yes!! Break down the strength of youth it’s such a trip hearing these things after years of being an exmo!!!!!!!
I did this book 2 times. Never got my necklace because I was never “good enough” to receive one.
This 1980s metal fan was distracted by OZZY. You and Ozzy both ROCK!
I always had mixed feelings about going to young women's, most of the girls in my ward where popular girl, so most of them didn't really pay me any mind, no direct bullying, but we weren't friends either. There was one girl who was a few years younger than me that the popular girls quickly singled out as weird cause she was home schooled, but she and I got along like two peas in a pod. She was always happy to see me and would perk up when I walked into the room, and I honestly enjoyed her company. And, of course, camping was always fun, though it always hurt whenever it felt like we got close on a camping trip, only for things to go back to the way they where as soon as it was over. Don't know a ton about young men's, but I know they never put in any effort to include my autistic brothers in anything, especially very physical stuff, and my mom always had to fight the leaders if she wanted them to go, but have the amenities they needed. It's lead to my mom being a very "love the gospel, hate the people" kind of Mormon.
so much ableism in the church
I remember YW being so conditional and I never did it right. It was traumatic to say the least, I remember being constantly criticized. I never fit the mold and only wish I had took the red pill sooner.
I also can’t believe that I still remembered the values, yikes!
Don’t beat your self up. I stayed in the cult for five decades…
Thanks for this video! I was in YW from 1982 - 1988. We had a different medallion, I don't remember the weird robotic statement, and from the comments of others, we probably had fewer values. I was forced to attend YW on Sunday and Wednesday (plus early morning seminary) but I daydreamed through all of it and did absolutely nothing. I mean nothing. Blank book. I was suspicious about Mormonism from first grade (I was withdrawn from Girl Scouts because they supported the ERA) and I knew in 3rd grade (when we moved to a very black neighborhood in Alabama and I found out why our branch was 100% white) that Mormonism was BS. I just had to survive until I could leave for college.
Did you do weird stuff in Primary? When we were 11 we had this weird banner that we had to embroider. We had to memorize all 13 articles of faith, and when we memorized each one, we got this button thing with an adhesive back to put on the banner. When you were done with all 13 and the embroidery you were recognized in Sacrament meeting, and then you had to recite one of the Articles of Faith from the podium, and most wanted to do the 13th because it was the longest. I did do the weird banner thing, but I did nothing in YW despite attending 95% of the time.
I only had sisters and no brothers, so I can't compare directly to the YM program. Maybe they heard religious brainwashing on Sunday, on Wednesday they just did sports and scouting. For some reason only the YW got two days of brainwashing per week.
There is one thing about the difference between YW and YM that will be seared into my memory until I die. Boys were allowed to raise a $hi+ ton of money and go on high adventure trips, while the girls were not allowed to. My dad was Scoutmaster, and he took them hiking/camping for a week in Canada. One year they spent ten days on a houseboat at Lake Powell. I still remember the Wednesday YW activity the week the boys were at Lake Powell. We were learning to knit hanger covers. Have you ever seen a wire hanger that has a hanger shaped cover knitted over it? That is what we were learning, so when we were housewives our hangers would be attractive and clothes would not slip off the hanger. The boys were jet skiing while I was learning to knit hanger covers. I was so mad I could hardly see back then, and I'm about at that place now. Stupid cult.
I Googled to find an example of the weird banner we did when we were 11. I found a pic of one! www.listia.com/auction/6605159-merrie-miss-banner I forgot that we were called "Merrie Miss".
While I was looking for the banner, I also stumbled across the Young Women's Personal Progress bracelet, I had forgotten about that. There was a bracelet in addition to the "medallion" (necklace). There was a different colored link for each value. The bracelet was useless unless you got all the links, I got zero. You can buy it on eBay for $125. LOL! www.ebay.com/itm/283360825333
I’m the only girl/child in my family who didn’t complete the personal progress program or seminary. The amount of pressure I felt to complete it and get my medallion and certificate worsened the anxiety and depression I was already dealing with. I just couldn’t finish because my heart wasn’t in it. I still have feelings of "unworthiness" to this day because of not finishing personal progress or seminary, but I’m glad I didn’t, because pretending that I believed what they were teaching me really took a toll on my mental health.
You are beyond worthy of love and respect and acceptance and happiness and every other good thing - regardless of your ability to follow some dudes' made up rules. I'm so sorry you went through this bullshit and are still dealing with the trauma.
@@azuradawn5683 thank you ❤️
i used to feel guilty for not completing mine until I was maybe 24. now I dont care .
the church preys upon these most basic of all human fears: Not being enough and not being loved. the church just uses different lingo. not being worthy and the threat of not going to the celetial kindom that has the full measure of love family and belonging.
Ahh the YW program, **nam flashbacks** the best way to describe my experience is a never ending death race with the finish line constantly moving. Did wonders to my undiagnosed ADHD and enhanced my anxiety and stress to the point of crying myself to sleep on numerous occasions. To say nothing of how the other young women found any excuse to exclude me in hanging out, only inviting me because i guess it was a charity case? Ugh this program sucks and i did not get my medallion, so now my shame was known to everyone, wheeeee
Wow, "virtue" wasn't even an explicit value in the list when I was put this through garbage. It ended at "integrity" when I was subjected to this indoctrination (I think I'm about ten years older than you, Lexi). Purity culture was still very central then, of course, but it's depressing that they got even more explicit about it since I escaped.
I love videos like this, breaking down church literature paragraph by paragraph so there's no denying what the content truly is. Thanks for another great video!
When you brought up how becoming a wife and mother is basically not optional, it reminded me of this time in PRIMARY when they were giving a lesson on the importance of getting married in the temple and I was like 9 and they were handing out these worksheets kind of things? I don’t remember but it said something like “I promise to remain worthy enough to get married in the temple” and I remember when the teacher tried to hand one to me, I said “no thanks, I’m not getting married” and she was like “but you have to get married to have children!” And I was like “oh that’s okay I don’t want children either” and she was so dumbfounded, she tried to hand it to me again and I wouldn’t take it bc I would have no use for it and finally the bell rang and I got out of there as fast as I could, but yeah! It’s not just YW it starts EARLY; AFAB people are not just expected to marry and have as many children as you can possibly have, it’s basically a requirement to most members, like, you’re not supposed to question it at all (which was part of my problem growing up in the church, I wanted answers to questions they’d never thought of AND/OR I didn’t believe the “right answers” to their requirements; it got especially bad in seminary but those are stories for another time lol)
OMG I had forgotten the robotic motto. You reciting it brought me right back! Lol! The things we keep in our subconscious!! Please do For The Strength Of Youth!! I played piano for that program sooooo many times while in Young Women's. Even back then I thought it was condescending and cheesy af. Lol
And… BTW… for the strength of youth needs a series with one episode per chapter
I left before they tacked on Virtue. As an impoverished member of the church, I could not afford all the different projects proposed in the booklet and so I feared that I wouldn't be with my family which had already been broken before I entered YW. I'm very grateful that book made me think about the relationship I wanted with God while dealing with the hardships I had to face. I'm just glad I am not a young woman now that has to "qualify" for exaltation despite having a "Divine nature." Ty for the video!
All the young woman, and young woman leaders treat me as if I’m below them in everything bc I’m poor, my mom has depression, I have depression, my mom anxiety, my biological fathers rep, my sister having autism, and that my last name is my moms instead of my dads. They treat me like I’m “a poor little thing” (kinda true tho, I’m short and poor lol). It pisses me off tho 🙄🤚
happens to me too, but they are also racist and look down on me because i’m not white and have perfect blonde hair, i got body shamed by them because of my body too.
My dad remarried to a mormon woman, but my bio mom at the time was a drug addict and in n out of jail, so that was hung over my head (because thanks to word of mouth, everyone in the ward knew my family's situation 🙄) and that i had two options, either not become that or slip once and my moms fate would be my own.
They enslaved me and my family by withholding aid unless we cleaned the church every week. I recall taking hours every Saturday after Pokemon to go scrub the bathrooms and my 10 year old self nearly barfing at the messy urinals.
It's not just a race thing. I'm as white as you can get. The church just hates people who don't contribute to their wallets.
@@ashphoenix406 i’m so sorry you had to go through that
Boyd K Packer's 'little factory' talk, it's been scrubbed from all of the church's websites but it's still out there on the interwebs. That was a fun time to grow up in the church...
I always felt guilty that I didn't want a life of submissive servitude. I never finished this "personal progress" because I didn't want to submit. 🤷🏼♀️
You describing indoctrination of young LDS women provoked a powerful memory:
Spring 1997 with my faith crisis in progress (I left early 1998, with a pretended "court of love" held on my behalf), I was triggered during Stake Conf. when a visiting 70GA counseled the men with "10 Points of Counsel" regarding their personal conduct, ie. deference to your wife, don't look at nasty photos, pay tithing, do home teaching, be a "good boy," etc. But what then triggered me (and still does now) was when he said: "Sisters, you also listen very carefully to this counsel, SO YOU WILL KNOW IF YOUR HUSBANDS ARE DOING IT!" (My Emphasis) I was livid, beside myself. My wife grabbed me by the shoulders to prevent me from physical contortions on the bench after hearing this stuff. My pain was that he offered ZERO "counsel" to women, other than they should listen also to the men's counsel, so that they know what each of their pet husbands should be doing!
After, I approached and objected to our Stake Pres (whom I knew well), stating: "This isn't right ... to give this counsel to the 'brethren,' yet none comparable to the sisters, other than to be a watchdog over their husbands. This isn't right!" My wife and I were having a very difficult, contentious marriage, and we had already visited with our Stake Pres, so he knew our difficulty. I remember what the Stake Pres told my wife at the time of our visit: "Why won't you communicate with your husband? He is very active in the Church, he pays his tithing, he loves you, he tries to communicate with you, why won't you reciprocate and communicate with him?" I cannot adequately describe our issues here, but we had a very difficult, desperate, painful marriage. Most people don't believe me when I say that she was mean-spirited and emotionally abusive, and took serious advantage of my overly strong desires to have a loving marriage, but rather to hurt and manipulate me. (I didn't know what emotional independence was at the time) Twenty-three years later (finally) my two sons with her have now realized how their mother behaved, because she started to behave the same way with them, and so I am much closer now with my two sons with her, which is comforting. They both now see the emotional damage she also did to them, all while playing the innocent victim for years to my own family, and to our former friends. The fact that I also left Mormonism when we divorced gave her more power in her false destruction of my character (She also falsely told my own family members and all our former that I had had an affair.)
The Stake Pres replied that this counsel was because most marital problems they see were because of the men (which notion still infuriates me). I didn't agree, as I felt that such counsel was hurtful and wrong. But I was unaware that this visiting 70 GA overheard my conversation with the Stake Pres.
So when I get home, The Bishop called asking me to come and speak with him. I went, but when I arrived, I found two Stake Pres. counselors, not just the bishop. So I felt deceived, as I was invited to visit with the Bishop, but instead the Stake Presidency was there, which was a more serious issue. The Bishop and one Stake Counselor immediately laid into me in very rough tones for studying "apostate" materials and people, and that I was to write an apology to the visiting 70 GA, which I wasn't going to do. Apologize for expressing my heart-felt feelings to somebody who propagates a mindset and counsel which exacerbates problems in my marriage? NO WAY. I hadn't yet decided if I was going to stay LDS or not, so I didn't push things there too hard, but the Bishop told me to just stop studying and reading all together, and even told me to stop reading the scriptures. He also said that he would "throw away all the lesson materials, all the Church books, and even throw away the scriptures themselves, to only FOLLOW THE PROPHET." No joke, he said that. So when I went home after, my wife looked at me as if to say, "See, I could have told you so, you got yours for acting like you did."
Needless to say, this event was a milestone in my exit from Mormonism, but damn, as a serious, deeply committed TBM, it was so HARD to get to the point where I had had enough. (4 years Seminary, Mission, BYU, many callings, very active, lots of member friends, full tithe payer, Bishopric executive secretary, etc.) But I am so, grateful to be out of it all now, and even after many years, I continually find out more about Mormonism and its history that bolsters my gratitude to be out of it. Mormonism is a very harmful, detrimental system. At least it was for me.
Maybe others' experience in Mormonism was better, and if so, good for them. I feel that there are some genuinely happy couples in Mormonism. But Mormonism has male and female roles and issues all mixed up. They often do not understand the mechanics of healthy relationships. I agree the Mormon concept of a ruling patriarchy in the official "priesthood" power structure over women is harmful, unnecessary, and very neglectful of the capabilities and intelligence of women. But on another hand the Mormon Church contributes culturally to women mistreating, manipulating or controlling their husbands, or in hurtfully "watching over" the the husband's conduct. There is my case, and while my wife's chaotic and dysfunctional youth was not the fault of the Mormon Church (She joined with her mother when she was 14, but she has never held Mormonism in her heart, only as things were expected of her outwardly. She was the illegitimate daughter her mother bore from an affair, and ALL of the male role models in my ex-wife's youth were complete toads, from her supposed father, to her birth father, to her grandfather, to her older sister's boyfriend who left her when he found out she was pregnant), but the Mormon church was clueless to know how to help her, or even to recognize that she had any problems with even basic things about having a husband, or loving a husband, about tenderness, empathy, or compassion, or about give and take and negotiation in marriage, and basically any of the skills a man or a women should possess to have a constructive, and happy marriage.
In the counsel that I had from LDS leaders, they made it about some wrong that I was doing, and that I was to suck up to her caprices. Though as I mentioned above, our Stake President Randy Turner in California shortly before the end did counsel her in our meeting that she needed to "talk and communicate with [me]," this counsel she ignored. Randy Turner was a pretty decent man, though of course followed the LDS "party line."
I was also not alone with a difficult, abusive marriage in Mormonism. I was talking once years before to my friend, elder's quorum pres, when he recited back to me almost the same, abusive relationship he was having with his wife.
As I served in the Air Force, I had Mormon boss - a Lt. Col. He invited me to his home to watch him install new ceramic tiles in his bathroom so I could learn for my own home. I couldn't believe my ears when I witnessed how abrasively and abusively his wife continually treated him as he was trying his hardest to do a good job with the tiles in the bathroom (he really was). I will never forget that. She would openly berate him for this or that, and speak so abruptly and rudely to him constantly. His only response to her was, "Yes dear, yes dear ..." I was so embarrassed for him! Even my wife wouldn't treat me that way when guests were present (only when it was she and I alone--as my wife was keen on managing her image in front of others). I felt so bad for my Mormon Air Force Boss!
Part of our problem was that I wouldn't tolerate the abuse, so we had a contentious marriage. I might say something like, "We need to talk about something here," or "Why do you talk to me like that," or to try to mirror her feelings and have her feel feelings validated, or to try and negotiate an issue, or to come to agreement. By any effort by me to communicate constructively was spurned, and met with nasty sarcasm, accusation, & innuendo. This woman was a looney, but the Mormon paradigm that I felt rammed down my throat was to stick it out. Yes, I constantly helped with the kids when little. I changed diapers, bathed babies and toddlers, did activities with them, read stories, etc. I even got up with babies at night.
I began to see this pattern in other Mormon couples. I saw husbands who were paralyzed with fear to offend their wife, or to make decisions, even minor ones, or even to go somewhere, without her royal permission. I'm not talking about discussing important decisions with the wife-of course that is necessary, or to have planning meetings, or to routinely discuss the progress of children. but I'm talking about personal preferences, and little stuff. Some men I saw were as if inside a plastic bag the wife holding it closed with her fist. Expressions such as "I'll have to check with the boss," that I heard from countless Mormon men, are in reality very degrading and harmful. I knew of one couple who after the temple marriage ceremony, the officiator handed her the marriage certificate, saying, "Now, here's your owner's certificate!"
This subtle conditioning in Mormonism is constant, and was brought to mind by the conditioning given Mormon Young Women that you are describing here. What I write here is but a small part of my Mormon Exit Story that you called for in a recent video. Have you ever considered interviews? Sort of like what John Dehlin does? I'm willing if you want to do that kind of thing. Thank you if you have endured this entire comment. I really appreciate what you do, Lexi, and your efforts. People need to learn frankly what the horrible mess called the "Mormon Church" is really like, and I don't care what Nelson tries to rename it to. Frankly, I feel the same about all organized religion.
I was born in '84. I was in YW program '96-2002. "Virtue" and "strengthen home and family" were added later.
As well as mother in heaven
"You dont have to be a mother! You can get those blessings in other ways!"
*reads the family a proclamation to the world the next sunday*
Hi! I usually get nervous about posting comments but I really wanted to thank you for making these videos. These kinds of videos have helped me to see that the Mormon Church doesn’t define how “worthy” I am. Because of your videos I am comfortable with my gender identity and sexuality and I don’t feel like I need to hide it. I loved this video so much and I’d love to see one that goes over the young men’s program too. Keep up your great work :D
Omg u r adorable I'm so glad u r comfortable in ur own skin now :)
Don't be nervous posting comments it's comments like urs that make my day!
At 13 years old my grandparents told me they'd give me $100usd if i completed personal progress (after saying since i was 10ish that the YW program and PP was trying to make me be prepared to be a wife and a mother which I didn't and still don't want to be as an adult) i never completed it nor seminary
I am curious to what went on with the Young Men’s Group and what standards they were held to. I hope to see a follow up video. This is interesting.
It depends on location/the locals.
Not nearly as strict where I was. And what Lexi said about women receiving harsher penalties for transgressions definitely holds true; I was expecting to get excommunicated when I had my first sexual experience but all I had to do was abstain from the sacrament until I felt I had atoned (the bishop suggested about a month). Didn't even take my temple recommend. I was an RM
yessss I agree for a follow up
@@thepiratemongoose8965 this absolutely blue my mind -exmormon
blew*
Oh no. We were taught that even our thoughts would disqualify us from worthiness. I was kicked out of even the scouting program for "messing up." If anything, I felt as though I was viewed as more to blame than my girlfriend.
They are big on shaming and humiliation, not on guidance and support. I am sad to hear that happened to you.
I was kicked out of scouts as well. My scout leader throat snatched me in the church. What a nice member to assault a kid.
@@heather1650 Guilt and shame….
@@tedgarrison8842 I am sorry to hear that happened
@@heather1650 I was a smart ass teenager but still I did deserve to be assaulted by an adult member of the church
Your feelings on the young men being treated differently are justified in my experience. I too am an ex member. I remember before I completed my transition out of the church I decided to give it one more shot. I was 18 and had already gotten 4 tattoos and broken chastity rules several times. My sister just turned 8 and she wanted me to baptize her. I did feel guilty for my “sins” and confessed everything to my bishop prior to baptizing her. I was a little surprised how understanding the bishop was with everything. After a 45 minute conversation that was it and I was allowed to baptize my sister, bless the sacrament and continue doing everything as before with no punishment or judgment. Yet I’ve seen and heard of others who had a much different experience even with the same bishop for what I would consider much less than what I did. This is especially true for some of the young women I knew.
I wasn't allowed to get my drivers license until I had earned my medallion. I fought it for more than a year and managed to get it two months before I turned 18 just so I wouldn't have to retake drivers ed in my senior year. What a waste of time.
One thing I think the church does do “well” is that as a young man growing up through the Duty to God program, the same fear about maintaining worthiness was effectively instilled in me. I never “messed up” (at least, I never admitted it to my parents or bishop), so I don’t know if men are differently treated to women, but it seemed to me that I would be equally punished to any Mormon girl that I did something “wrong” with. So at the very least, I think the modern church is equally oppressive to young men and young women. I know I was always terrified that my hands would be dirty and corrupt the sacrament. It’s obviously much worse for women for adults, though.
Edit: The main differences between how young men and young women are treated, in the modern church at least, have to do with the priesthood and the “divine roles” of each gender. Fatherhood and being a strong, worthy provider for your future family is definitely emphasized in the young men’s program, and while it’s not as bad as the expectation for young women to be mothers, that’s almost balanced out by the constant mission talk. Young men have to be worthy to go on their missions, and they should be preparing for it from the time they turn 12. The mission focus probably replaces much of the talk of motherhood and family, but it seems equally insidious to me
Equal opportunity trauma...
And this is why so many young men resent their missions and are I'll equipped to be husbands and fathers.
this reminds me of like a month ago when my friend's dad who was teaching the lesson that day and he was like: " are you guys preparing for your mission and trying to grow your testimony, or just letting your friends take the front wheel??" for context: we were 14-15. If the boys in that room felt anything like me, you got a room full of guilty and shamed teenagers. Its not even a choice like women get, it's a requirement. I personally do not want to go on a mission and have spent 0 time preparing for it because I'm A TEENAGER trying to survive school and life and ugh. sorry for the rant.
Growing up I felt so bad about not finishing personal progress. They just had so many requirements. You have to read a million scriptures, write in your journal, and do time consuming projects. As a neuro-divergent person who struggles with executive functioning it was difficult. And the truth is all you get is a medallion and a little wooden box. Growing up with girls I knew since I was a toddler and not really being apart of their group is difficult. And them completing their personal progress while I didn’t was another layer of separation.
My ex is paranoid and when I had my accident and could not work for a while as I healed coming out of a two month coma. She told me she had to divorce me because now she had to work and I got to stay home with the kids. Then as my legal guardian took out a protective order when my neurologist told me I could not have defended myself because I was suffering from a traumatic brain injury and amnesia. The church controls and destroys families.
I just found your channel and love the work your doing here. I left the church and my Mormon husband a few years ago when I came out as gay but haven’t really dig into all the conditioning that’s still there until now. I totally remember getting my medallion and always feeling so unworthy for struggling with “same sex attraction “ that was such a trip hearing all this now that I’m outside the church looking in. Thank you for sharing.
Everything said in this video DESPERATELY needed to be said. Thanks again
I chanted that entire motto along with you. Didn't miss a word. I'm 37 and was in the YW program from 1998 - 2002.
Also, yes please on the For the Strength of Youth! (And I've seen snippets of the 1966 one, if you can find the whole thing, with stuff about knowing good footwork for dancing, etc. 🤣)
Definitely do the Strength of Youth breakdown. I love watching ExMo RUclipsrs do those
Good observations! That background color works much better!
Gen X here, so for me the YM program for me was pretty much just Scouting. I do remember a lot of pressure for being worthy to go on a mission, but nothing a defined as they have now.
I have no idea how but I had forgotten almost everything we did in young women’s. This unlocked to many memories, I could even recite that mantra along with you and just 30 seconds before I didn’t even remember it existed! I left the church as a late teen and I LOVE your channel and have been going through and watching so many of your videos. Thank you so much for reminding me! Having all of those memories suddenly come flooding back was so creepy😂😂
✨Not me feeling guilt + shame for not getting my second personal progress award, after already completing my first + honor bee before age 14✨
I totally relate with all the panic attacks and depression the church brought. It's so crazy trying to unpack it all now, it's literally like starting your whole belief system over. What I thought were these incredible morals were really very dehumanizing.
Liking this before watching, I’ve waited for this video.
I left 34 years ago at 22. Born in it & the teachings we’re the same. I still have remnants of this nonsense in my head. It is so damaging to women, our sense of self, body image & feeling worthy in general. What you are doing is so important & I am so proud that this generation is standing up & speaking out.
My daughter was very shy in YW, so she was ignored by the girls. That I saw coming. What I was surprised by was how much the leaders needed the approval of the teen girls.
Break down the strength of youth rusty nelson has been emphasizing it as a guidebook for everyone not just the youth so pleaseee do it
Great video. Yes please to your offer to review the whole pamphlet.
All very salient points you make Exmo Lex.BTW I love the t-shirt.Keep rocking with your posts.
You should totally do the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet... that little thing caused me so much needless worry and stress.
Love your channel! Have you done a video talking to non Mormons who live/grew up in predominantly Mormon communities? That’d be very interesting to me. I grew up non Mormon in a predominantly lds community 2.5 hours outside of salt lake. Recently I’ve been reflecting on how that affected me as a child. I always felt lesser than my female Mormon friends, even though we moved before we were the aged in which they would’ve gone into the young women’s program. little did I know how much pressure they would be under to be “worthy,” and so comparing themselves to crummy Catholic me probably helped them in that pursuit.
Out of curiosity, when did they add "virtue" and "strengthen home and family"? These were not in the weekly recitations I got stuck with back in the late 80s, early 90s!
Me neither! I was in YW from 1987-1992, and ended up leaving before I ever got to relief society... But when she started reciting the young woman reteric, I found myself reciting it along with her! But she added a couple of things which threw me off! Lol!
Love the new color of the background. Your logo was different than mine from 1993 - 1998. If I remember correctly I had the Dress girl, gold; YW torch, colored, there may have been one with a temple but not the one you showed. Also while I was still in, as an adult the YW theme was changed and the word virtue was added. I have done my best to forget all of it, move forward as part of my healing, as I work on becoming a better person. There is so much cultural shame, guilt, expectations, with fear used as well for all of those programs to be completed.
My husband and I had sex before marriage. Confessed our sins and was put on discipline for a year. We were able to, a year to the day of our civil marriage, be sealed in the temple. Much of my, and my older siblings, Wednesday mutual was spent with the boys playing basketball or some sport with the YW having many indoctrinating lessons, faith-promoting activities, etc. The story goes that my older brother once went to mutual in his cub scouts uniform and was beat up by the other YM. My dad hadn't believed him.
I remember being a YW and receiving printed forms in the form of letters from my future RM. Something about our 'dream boy or guy.' At 19 the only reason I did not have sex with my then bf was due to the programming of he needing to be worthy to receive his endowments and serve a mission. I, at that time, loved him more so wanted the proper and right thing for him over the extreme physical desire I felt.
Paying tithing, teaching it from 18 months on, is further indoctrination so you'll do it once you start earning income. The reason saying the YW theme sounds robotic is due to repeating it so many times the words and feelings become stagnant. Once I was out or on my way out of being a believing member, looking at the primary song that went, "faith is knowing the sun will rise..." really was impactful. We know through science why and how the sun rises.
1. Faith is knowing the sun will rise, lighting each new day.
Faith is knowing the Lord will hear my prayers each time I pray.
Faith is like a little seed:
If planted, it will grow.
Faith is a swelling within my heart.
When I do right, I know.
2. Faith is knowing I lived with God before my mortal birth.
Faith is knowing I can return when my life ends on earth.
Faith is trust in God above;
In Christ, who showed the way.
Faith is strengthened; I feel it grow
Whenever I obey.
GODS!!! the indoctrination was strong.
www.etsy.com/listing/695653055/old-young-women-medallions-lds-church?gpla=1&gao=1&&Cj0KCQjw8vqGBhC_ARIsADMSd1APsBa6WeV4WASQQOvHschNhIg0xixcHQDXHInHQUM8HWX20q6AY5AaAlOdEALw_wcB_k_&gclid=Cj0KCQjw8vqGBhC_ARIsADMSd1APsBa6WeV4WASQQOvHschNhIg0xixcHQDXHInHQUM8HWX20q6AY5AaAlOdEALw_wcB
That's terrifying and oppressive. How could a person feel worthy when the bar is set sooo high & it's so ambiguous. My religion, I must admit, encouraged education for all. This is why I strove to gain entry into a great (& secular) university. We suffered more from cruelty by words and actions. My parents never slapped us but the clergy (especially the Convent school nuns) sure didn't hold back when our parents were not present. I can understand why some Mormons find it so difficult to leave and have a new start. Now, all my family understand why I left and are not as involved in Church as they were. It's such a relief and relationships are really good. Women are strong. We all deserve to be encouraged to set and achieve our goals, regardless of scripture. There is now a strict line drawn between church & state in Europe. Some try to bypass that by starting their own schools but oversight is controlled by statute. It's a start and a good one.
Divine Nature = Keep Sweet, get married, have 7 kids
I grew up in the church and have never thought of the YW values this way. Thanks for this video. You're doing good work.
I remember one of the young women leaders was a covert and was always guilt tripping us. "I never got to do personal progress, so I'd better see all of you finish it." I never did 😆😆
My family had mostly phased out of the church before I was able to get too deep into the young women's program. However, I was still affected by it because my heavily mormon family and community. One disturbing thing (that I realize only now as an adult) was my teen mormon friends were obsessed with having me read mormon fiction books that they often learned about from their young women leaders where the girl/women in the story gets raped because she was making "bad" (aka non mormon) choices. They thought I should know what path I was heading down. I wish I could remember some of the book titles.
What!? Hold on, I thought you're meant to avoid books (along with movies, music etc) that have bad, unclean stuff in them. But rape is okay!?
Yeah it didn't give details but just had a sentence at the end of the chapter about her dealings with the guy that said she was raped. All really weird to think about.
A perfect example of victim blaming-a characteristic of cults according to Steve Hassan.
@@miguelthealpaca8971 I have not read the Book of Mormon but have been told there is lots of it in there :( I wonder if that's true?
@@HomeSweetAbundance towards the end it talks about people murdering, raping and eating others. It's disturbing, but it's only a couple of verses. There's a lot of war though.
omg when you started reciting the YW theme I had a frickin' flashback to when I was a YW in the late 90s-early 2000s and remembered almost every word. When I was a YW Virtue wasn't one of the values, but everything else was the same. We were also broken up into age groups with names that I don't think are used any more (Beehives 12-13, Mia Maids 14-15 and Laurels 16-18), and you couldn't get your personal progress medallion unless you completed all three age group medallions first. It was a slog, but I wanted to be like all my other molly mormon friends, so I did it even though I was already feeling pretty apathetic about organized religion and the idea of an all knowing deity at that point.
I know this comment is late lol but i actually left thw church in 2007 because of (among other moral issues) this project was the equivalent of my shelf breaking and so to leave the church so young i started doing the opposite of so many of those things (i started dressing "immodestly" and swore and just stopped doing any church stuff) so id be unworthy and i could not have to worry about the church's control of me
Im 29 and ive officially taken my name off last year this was cathartic to watch ❤
Keep being you i really like your channel 😊
personal progress in the yw program was one of my main stressors when i was in the church🤦🏼
I was the last generation to have personal progress, as they changed it when I was a senior in high school. I always felt so much pressure to work on PP but due to a lot of things, not the least of which being undiagnosed ADHD, I never got close to finishing it. I held a lot of shame surrounding this and feeling like I wasn’t doing enough. I also struggled with remembering to pray and read the scriptures, so PP was just the cherry on top of everything that I felt made me a bad mormon. The fact that I felt this way despite strictly following church standards and attending church is ridiculous. Definitely a big shelf item for me.
I'm so happy I never got my medallion! I was to lazy to do all crap anyway.
Oh please do a whole video on the for strength of youth. I would love to hear your take on it.
My 13 year old niece came to me really upset after learning that her older brother would be enjoying his young men's summer activity boating on a lake and zip lining, camping and learning archery while she was told for girls camp they are going to camp in a leaders back yard then go paint a fence for this leaders fathers property (which I see it as free labor for them).........complete bull shit. She texted her leader back and told her that she wasn't going to go, pointing out the inequality in activities given to her vs her older brother. My sister completely supported her daughter in that decision. So the leader messaged back begging my niece and bribing her with candy to come to "girls camp". I before I left I was an activities day leader and saw first hand that inequality the young men had a yearly budget of a couple thousand dollars for their activities where as our activities had a budget of 150 dollars fir an entire year. The young woman leaders would end up having to pay out of their own pocket for some of these activities 😑😑😑
Could you examine the new program? That's the one I had to follow for a while before I left, so it would be fun for me to see!!! Thank you!!!
Awesome shirt!
While watching this I had a great cringed memory. When we were 16 and started going to dances and more of us were having their first kiss. My very Mormon neighbors encouraged their daughter to wait for her first kiss. Well they offered her $1000 if she waited to have her first kiss until she was 18. She did it.
Some Mormons believe that you should save your first kiss until your wedding night. And then you finally get to do the big deed on your 10th anniversary. And then once you hit the big 5-0, you can start experimenting with... Ah, to hell with it! I'm just making stuff up now, but I have heard of the first part anyway!
my sisters first kiss was on her wedding night. I didn't make it past kindergarten lol
I’m not even religious and I had my first kiss at 19 (not by choice, just no one wanted to date me in high school)
Geez it's so overwhelming to hear the theme again. I haven't heard it in years. And the urge to say it along with you...
I "messed up" a few times. One of those "mess up" was steady dating one guy in my Jr year of hs. My bishop told me that I needed to figure out a suitable "punishment".
Thank you so much. The more I watch your channel, the more I understand why my Mormon friends are the way they are. It's hard to ask questions about their lives without them getting extremely preachy or even suspicious at why I'd be asking. And when I say "friends" I mean casual neighbors and people I associate with during community volunteer events, not people who invite me over to their homes or out for lunch, or would accept if I extended the invite. No matter how friendly we are during our community activities, as an "outsider" I know I'll sadly never be on that level of friendship with them.
its not friendship, its kind of a narcisistic comraderie on a march to eternal glory. their pride of being the chosen ones hides their fears of being kicked out. youre not missing anything.
Love is expressed in many recognizable ways:: A smile, a wave, a kind comment, a compliment. Thomas S Monson
personal progress was only required in my first 1 1/2 years of being in the young woman's program but even when it was removed for the first bit I was encouraged to continue filling the pamphlet out and such... I never did that
I was in the Young Women's program from 2005 to 2011 as well and I left in 2014. When you started saying the theme, I started saying it too. Like something triggered my memory omg
after i finished the young women stuff i never got the rewards they promised like the medallion etc. i wasted my entire summer for something i never got in return :/ apparently im not worthy enough for it, that’s what my bishop said.
I am so sorry, this happened in our family also you are worthy and you are worth it!
That is just plain cruel.
When I was Mormon I was always told that tithing only had to be paid on money that you earned and not on gifts
Same here
I remember my Patriarchal blessing stressing over and over reading and study. It just didn't specify WHAT to read and study. "Read and study regularly and your knowledge and truth will grow" or something close to that. I am glad I did because I know the truth. Great job, Lex.
YW gave me some of my most vivid memories with racism and sexism. The YW leaders regularly invited all the white girls for manipedis, ice cream nights, etc but the black and brown girls were never invited and never were treated the same in class. And I remember talking about my career goals and aspirations, and the YW leaders would talk about how wrong I was, how I would never be blessed, how being a career woman wouldn’t give me worth and how my duty was to bear children and be submissive to my husband only.
I’m so glad I stopped wasting time on personal progress by the time I was 16. I read my For the Strength of Youth so many times I probably would have gone crazy if I’d done another
My youngest sister (both of us Exmos) told me that the YW organization is messed up.
And yes the worthiness of priesthood holders is really emphasized to the point that I hated myself for having “lustful” thoughts or touching myself.
Wow it’s been 10 years since I’ve gone to church and I knew that word for word
I’m in the LDS church rn and I’m 14, my dad is very involved but my mum isn’t. She knows the truth. I was forced to say yes to all the questions for the temple recommend to go to the temple. I didn’t agree with any, very unfair. My dad is always not letting me wear a dress that’s too short”. When I was 8 my dad would re-enforce the words that I gave to be “pure” to be protected by the holy ghost essentially. He always says things like “when you get married “ and “when you have kids”. I had a massive conversation telling him I don’t believe in god, Jesus SND church etc. he’s “accepted “it but when he tells everyone at church it’s like “I don’t know yet” so he thinks it’s a “phase.”
Exmo Lex: You are devine and full of peace, love and light shedding light about the evils of religion. I applud you. In 1993 when i was 10, i moved to las vegas and when in 5th grade, i was one of the few minorities at school. Everyone was LDS and blond hair blye eyes. I was bullied. The principal told my mom that my brother and i were the only kids who weren't sexually active. All the other kids have had sex with older boys even though its highly illegal. I came from Northern California.the culture shockrd me as i stood out like a sore thumb.i was bullied until highschool
Virtue was a value added after I was no longer a teenager. Definitely appreciated this dive into something I put so much blind faith in.
My mum moved house a few years and she had some of my childhood stuff and found my book. It was really strange reading it though xx
I was lucky to grow up with parents who were mormon, but not intense about it. We were encouraged to work on personal progress, but not really expected to complete it. I always felt like the odd one out w the other girls cuz my mom is a beauty queen, she is not a scrapbooker, quilter or pianist like the rest of the girls. I didn't expect her to be like that's but the other girls just were different from me. I always look back at our young women's showcase my junior year and giggle cuz the other girls brought projects like quilts, musical instruments, etc. I did not care about personal progress and my hobbies were not pp type of activities. So I chose "knowledge" as my value and brought my chemistry textbook as my showcase item 😂
Awesome seeing an Ozzy Osbourne t-shirt, when liking heavy metal artists like Ozzy Osbourne or Slayer got me the most shit as a teenager growing up in a Mormon family and highly nosey/judgmental mormon community. Every time my parents would invite their church friends, "visiting teachers", missionaries or the bishop over, they would sneer or give concerned looks over the posters I had on my wall..... People would go into my room without my permission, etc. looking for "satanic paraphernalia". I had so much grief as a teen from people trying to take that music away from me, while music was one of the only things that was really holding my world together and keeping me from committing suicide at that point.
The years my family were deep into the church were miserable unhappy years indeed. I hear people who say faith gives them strength, joy, or comfort..... for me, it only made me and my family miserable. Music was the only thing that gave me that strength or joy, not god or Jesus.....
My wife essentially ran away when she was 17 and lived with her swim coach her senior year. She and her 6 siblings were all homeschooled and she went to actual school for some of her classes and said the education was so wildly different from some of what she was taught at home. They were about as poor as you can possibly get, and they built their own home. Like their dad and 7 kids built the house from the ground up, and the oldest kids were like 10 or 11 at the time. Despite this poverty, her mother didn't work for the majority of her childhood and (not kidding here) the majority of their income came from tax returns for all the kids and the odd jobs their dad worked.
The eldest daughter and my wife were both basically disowned as teenagers, and my wife left the church. The eldest didn't even leave the church or deviate from the teachings or scriptures whatsoever and was still disowned.
We went to a family reunion like 3 years ago and her dad didn't say a single word to me, her, or his grandson. I never met him, they didn't attend the wedding, they've never met their grandkids.
But, thankfully the rest of the family is not not like her parents. The matriarch (Grandma) is a wonderful woman and so are all her kids (except my FIL)
Raised in an extremely Mormon family, this program wasn’t optional for me. I questioned EVERYTHING and hated going to YW. But, I was guilted into going. All my friends and family believed it so it must be true. I had crippling depression, and my dr wanted me on medication, but my parents told me I just need to pray more and buckle down harder on reading the Book of Mormon. The anxiety of never being worthy enough is huge! “Mistakes” weren’t allowed in our family. My parents taught that being friends with non members was ONLY to try to convert them. Invite them over and have the missionaries there ready to “teach” them. I have 2 brothers. The YM program mostly involved scouting, and preparing for a mission. Yes, worthiness was emphasized as not looking at dirty magazines, and “helping” young women stay moral by encouraging HER proper dress code. “Men’s sexual feelings are stronger than women’s so they are going to have a more difficult time controlling themselves.” Even as a youth I hated the misogyny. Recommend interviews in the name of worthiness and Godliness are absolutely inappropriate. Having a grown man sit with a 12 year old girl asking sexual questions was ok because “that’s how God helps determine our worthiness”. WTH?!!