I lived with my dad rent free until I was 28. He let me do that as long as I was saving money. I paid for tech school avoided debt and built a massive down payment for the house I currently live in during that time. It really helped me.
Only in the USA is it common for Parents to kick their kids out as soon as they turn 18. In Asian cultures, it's common to have a multi-generational households. Grandparents, parents, and kids. Everyone helps out as best they can. It forms tight family bonds. Kids aren't forced to move out (unless they want to) until they get married and find their own place with their partner. And even then they might live nearby just to be near their parents. And if anyone is in trouble, then they can always return home and be welcomed.
I come from such a culture and I think the worst thing is most young adults (age 20+) are too dependent on their parents. Helping out your kids until they are 18 or maybe 20 is fine but it is also important for kids to start their journey to become independent as soon as possible. I have many friends (age 25+) still living with their parents and dependent on them for daily needs.
As an Asian myself, it is just our cultural trait and no one will accuse me or many fellow Asians of being lazy since we work hard and also help pay the bills at home.
My grandparents told my mom she had to start paying rent the day she graduated college. My mom swore she’d never do that to me and she didn’t. I still contributed to the house in small ways and it set me up financially to never have to ask for help
Asians like me tend to do that as well. As you can see there are many successful Asians because of that. I don't know why helping pay the bills or the groceries is seen as being a freeloader just because you still live with your parents.
@@whatevergoesforme5129 It’s not just in Asian. In Latino and European culture it’s also acceptable to be home longer. My host mom in Spain’s youngest son lived with us. And it was fine. Cost of living in Valencia was expensive even back in 2006.
@@samh5218 I am aware that Africans and Hispanics or Latinos (I am not really sure about the difference) tend to be like Asians when it comes to families and even extended families. In Europe, I only know of Italians acting the same way but now I see it is also done in Spain. Maybe Eastern Europe does this more than Western Europe? Or can Brits, the French or German still stay longer with their families?
@@whatevergoesforme5129 All good questions! I can’t speak for all of Europe but I know in Germany my friends from there (they were exchange students for a semester at my college where I met them). My friends lived at home well into their 20s. It wasn’t until they moved in with a partner (boyfriend or now husband) they moved out. Housing in Germany was in shortage back in the early 2000s and I don’t think it’s gotten any better.
The new husband wants his stepson out of the house. He married a single mom with the expectation that her sons would both be out of the house when they turn 18 and finish high school, and now he's upset that the son is going to continue to be in the house during college.
Yes ! They should have discussed the difference between a dad and a step dad in the conversation in this episode... That's sooooo relevant here ! New husband does not want to live with another mans grown up son, and by charging rent he makes it "make less sense" to live "at home"...
No, don't charge him rent until after college. After he graduates, if he's still living with you, have him pay some household bills. It gives him a opportunity to save.
As an Asian, this is what we usually do. I know Westerners value independence and individualism so they do things differently from us. Yes, it is not good to be a freeloader but if a person lives with his/her parents still and helps pay the bills and groceries like many Asians tend to do, then that is not being a freeloader. We also tend to take care of our aging parents since they took care of us when we were young and paid for almost everything until college, and even beyond college for some (like medical degree, master's or doctoral degrees).
@@whatevergoesforme5129 It's true there are many cultural differences. I admire Asian and Hispanic cultures in how they tend to live as an extended family and take care of each other. Nothing wrong with that at all, and there is a lot young people can learn from their elders - that definitely facilitates the transfer of knowledge between generations. That said, some American families are nuts and the kids just want to get away. XD That was the case for me.
@@fishjungle9 yes that what my family does. My fiancee family is Guyanese Indian but they don't charge their kids rent after college. I was like they better save up now lol
@@icestationzebraassociates2460 I do admire the independence of Americans and Westerners. That is why Americans and Westerners are so innovative. It is not all roses for our families as well but when you raise a family where the value being taught is you need to be responsible by taking care of one another, then at least you don't grow up just thinking of yourself or entitled to favors. You know that you need to work hard and also take care of your family. You know you need to pitch in and not just think of yourself all the time. I don't know if some American families are nuts as you call it because in the first place, they were not raised in a family where they are taught to help take care of each other. So the cycle goes on.
Lol. Once my youngest finished coding school, I let him live rent free for a year to SAVE. I viewed it as giving him a gift. Plus he was able to have health insurance on my plan. He got a job and saved 40k before he moved out. He is debt free and now living on his own making over $75k and pays cash for everything. At 21.
honestly, concepts like moving out as soon as you graduate are only that common in the US. Flying the nest isn’t that early anywhere else, and I don’t think there’s any country other than the US where charging your son to live with you actually exists
Exactly like i get that it teaches valuable lessons but as long as theyre not lazy and understand the importance of finances i dont think its necessary to rush them into things but also never spoil them
Other countries also charge 50% in taxes and imprison you for having the wrong haircut. Part of being American is being independent. No better time to start than at 18.
My suggestion is: to charge a very minimal and unburdensome amount, maybe like $200/month or something depending on the kid's maturity level and work ethic. Then, set aside that money to give back to them in 1-2 years when they leave the house (assuming they are still behaving and moving forward with their lives and not being kicked out). Granted, I have no kids of my own it's just what I would do.
I don’t believe parents should charge their kids rent, especially if they’re in school. Being a student is a full time job and the kids should be focused on that. If they’re working, money should be saved for life after college. Set your kids up for success, not struggle.
I disagree. I think this is true for full time education upset of University. I don't know what kind of privileged background you grew up in but legit most people have a part time job and get a student loan to support themselves threw college and I think that not charging them rent is great for certain situations but should not be a expectation at all. If increase the likelihood of teaching bad habits. I think it would be way better if someone really wanted to support their kids and teach them good habits is to charge them a small amount of rent and but that into a savings account for their future house. Setting your kids up for success is putting them threw struggles. If someone has not learned how to handle the struggles of life then they will have a rude awakening when they grow up. At least when they struggle in University you are there to help them out when they fail. But once they are in their 30's then it is almost certainly too late.
Absolutely not. He’s going to college to try to better himself so he can get a high paying job and support himself and his future wife and kids with a good life after he graduates. Don’t make it more difficult for him. Let him focus on his grades. If you charge him rent, that cancels out the advantage of him living at home and makes it pointless. As Dave would say, “sell the husband”.
I agree. As long as your kid is pursuing education and staying focused with his/her path, then I would allow him/her to stay rent-free. Once that changes or they abandon the education path, then it's a job and rent or get your own apartment.
My wife and I have agreed to allow our kid to live at home rent free with these conditions: - going to college full time. - not take school loans. - work part time. - pay for everything else in their life. - follow basic house rules.
Are you helping pay for college? How are they supposed to pay for college on a part time job and no student loans, all while paying car insurance, gas, food? I'm in this boat except my dad pays for college because it literally costs 8700 every semester, and that's with a scholarship at a state school.
These conversations should have been had before they were married. These types of expectations and setting boundaries are things that can be deal breakers in a new marriage.
Charging your kid rent right out of high school is teaching them to treat family with the same cold business calculations the world will treat them with. We don’t treat family like that. Instead, their “rent” should be getting a job and building their emergency fund, etc.
I agree. I told my son when he graduated from college to come home rent free for a year until he got a job in his field and established himself. It wasn't that much of an expense and we enjoyed having him home. My parents never charged me rent and I bought groceries and did the cooking while my parents and I worked. It took a load off my Mother. Children should help out. Better deal than charging them rent.
@@jackiemoore3442 That is the Asian way. I agree as an Asian :) Although we can actually live forever with our parents if we want to but of course it is also part of our culture to take care of our aging parents since they took care of us and paid for almost all our expenses when we were getting higher education.
Nah it teaches them responsibility. When her son gets his own place, the landlord will be cut throat. The mom can explain she's charging but if he has an issue they ca come to a new agreement
Why does she need to parent an 18 year old? That right there lies the problem. The raising is done. Now she needs to just be a support system. I mean hes working and shes giving him an allowance. I think the husband is just seeing the mother not wanting to let go and let her son be an adult
Given that the son is receiving a low wage, I do not think that rent should be charged. College/university is expensive, and adding that additional expense is more of an incentive to take out a student loan. Yes, I agree that it builds "discipline", but in a hypothetical scenario like this, it is rough trying to balance paying rent and college/university.
I can agree with this if the kid is in college. But he can still lift a finger around the house, clean up after himself help do chores rather than have a live-in servant doing everything for him. That does not prepare him for adult life at all.
Grateful my parents didn’t charge me rent when I was living at home and going to college. I paid the car insurance (had an old vehicle that was only good for in town driving but was grateful not to walk- but before that I had a bicycle!), helped with groceries when I could, worked, had a full course load. I saved what I could so I could move out when I got a job offer. It was tight for A WHILE working a job in my industry, while finishing my masters traveling back and forth and paying off my undergraduate student loans before I graduated with my Masters. (No loans for grad school were needed due to assistance ship and then my employer helped pay for the rest.)
The kid is like 18. Babying him by letting him stay at home for a bit so he can go to community college? Are you kidding me? Whats really going on is the new husband wants to just have a relationship with his new wife that doesnt include kids at home. Thats ok I guess but thats what is really going on.
@@michellerichardson3090 i lived at home and took college classes at 18 just like this kid. Im now 40 and 100 percent absolutely self sufficient in every way. Is it really unusual for an 18 year old to live with their parent and take college classes? Maybe society has changed since I was 18.
Her new husband will end up driving the son out of the picture by wanting to be an overbearing control freak when sport is finally stretching out his wings and then there will be enmity between the two of them.
My Parents were the "If you are 18 and out of high school, you are out of my house". They had a lot of kids and it worked for us. I in turn, told my kids, you can live here but you are living my rules, and contributing to the household. My son moved back for a short period of time after the military, he paid rent. He moved back in after he strted school, again, he contributed to the household. It doesn't hurt for them to have an obligation to a household.
Just an option here, If you feel the lesson is needed and charging rent would help him see the big picture. Not knowing what the parents financial situation, they could possibly charge their son the rent and place that money in a separate savings account and then when their son is able to move out on his own they could surprise him with that money. Win win
My father raised us with "If aren't working or going to college, then you have to move out". He wanted no freeloaders. He told all of us early on and we all left home early. lol! Even funnier is that when he was very old he wanted me to quit my job and move in! I did not quit my job and move in with my Dad. He could afford good help at the house and I visited with him every weekend. I told him that he raised us not to stay at home and for all of us to get a life. I would not have been comfortable to move home on a permanent basis.
Older parents?🤔 GOD bless us.🥰 Your Dad did right in your youth. Why he changed his mind toward the end of his life, only GOD knows. I'm glad you were able to visit him on weekends, he didn't feel abandoned.👏🏻👏🏿👏🏼👏🏾😀 GOD bless.
My stepmom did that after my parents died and I was displaced from their home She made it very clear that she'd only support my recovery, not any debauchery Best move ever made, completely changed my life and character for the better Taught me self responsibility and accountability To stay motivated instead of being complacent Think of someone other than myself Meanwhile nearly all my classmates from high school still live at home, high off the hog and are carefree I'm 32 by the way...
Completely agree with you. You family should be there to support you when you fall but they should not be expected to pay for their kids even after full time education.
Agree to a rent and then have him pay it to his savings account. Living at home to save money only works if you actually save money. It’s a good exercise in discipline and gets him closer to eventual independence.
Taught you not to expect freebies? Are you telling me that you thought you could walk into a store and take whatever you wanted without paying before they charged you rent?
@@michellerichardson3090 most of those people didn’t even go to college. The caller’s son is going to college, so he will likely be ok. What you’re describing is an outlier. The statistics and my daughters’ success support my argument.
@@michellerichardson3090 I didn’t work or pay for anything until after I graduated college and I retired in my 50s while people my age or older who worked their way through school and paid their own way are still working.
Since he's trying to avoid debt, I feel giving him 3-6 month rent free is reasonable and setting a plan for him. Setting a plan with the baby steps and or making sure they have reasonable responsibility in the household. Also to set him up good to be off on his own.
This is a great way to make your kid hate his new stepdad… I feel like some relevant questions weren’t asked here. Are you paying his tuition? Other expenses? What else will he be responsible for? I just graduated college in December, paid 100% of my school expenses because my dad couldn’t afford to. I went to a state school, worked all summer and saved 80% of my income, and was able to pay cash for tuition and books every year. If my dad wasn’t letting me live at home, paying my phone bill, and my car insurance, no way would I have been able to make it through college debt free. If he made me pay rent simply because my stepmom wanted him to?? I’d resent her and probably grow to resent him for listening to her… Not to mention, probably one of the better investments they can make, especially if he is pursuing a worthwhile degree.
@@purezaserrano5417 I’m not sure how you mean? I’m saying I’m grateful for him letting me live at home, and pay the expenses that he could afford to. I said if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have been able to get through college debt free like I did. Never said anything about being j grateful, I simply said I’d be pretty upset if he made me pay rent, simply because my stepmom wanted him to…
@@thaisrutman8994 exactly. Coming from someone who has a stepparent, this is a surefire way to drive a wedge between the parent and child. To me personally, it’d feel like the stepparent is being chosen over me.
I wouldn’t charge rent. He’s already trying to be responsible by going to community college instead of university. He doesn’t sound like he’s a bad kid. College is already expensive enough, don’t add to that.
Exactly i think if he’s in school and working a part time make sure he is saving and etc not charging rent but rather teach him out to manage $ and be smart with it
Also, if the parents can afford it, take all the money they give you on rent, and save it. When they buy a house or get married, give it back. My daughter is currently 17 and paying car insurance. I'm saving that for when she can use it later.
As a parent.....if you cant afford to pay YOUR rent/mortgage WITHOUT your child's money, then you have a HUGE problem..... But if you insist on charging them "rent", then yes...it should be saved for when they are ready to move out and buy a house.
@@mattlol163 it's not about NEEDING. But once the kids move out, the living cost of the household will go down. If they chose to stay there, why shouldn't they help offset that cost?
whatever boundaries you decide on ... make sure they're stuck to! my parents made boundaries for my older sister, but since she kept breaking them, they'd just make new ones for her. she ended up staying til 28 and having stunted emotional maturity. no college at all... just unmotivated turkey like Dave says.
After he completes college I feel he should begin paying rent. However as a student in college if he has a part time job he can pay for his own gas, clothes, outings, etc......
As long as there is a spare room, my children are welcome to stay with us while in college. We're also paying for most of their college, and there is an expectation of zero college debt, which may mean some community college. My kids mean the world to me, of course I want to help them.
I had an agreement with my boys that they had one year after graduation to stay at home rent-free. This was whether they were in college or high school full-time. If they only went to school part-time this was prorated. This was meant for them to be able to save for deposits on a house or an apartment. The rent amount started low and would go up each year. I did not want to encourage my adult children to be free-loaders. I watched that happen with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law and wanted to prevent that from happening to me.
NO RENT!. I have a deal with my son. He is working on his masters, and is debt free. He can stay at home as long as he doesn't do drugs, no drinking, and save 80% of of his income. When he graduates he will have a fully funded emergency fund and have 20% down payment for house if that what he wants To do.
I am charging my working teenager rent as it sets them up and gets them used to paying bills for when they move out. What they don’t know is that they will be getting all that rent money back when they move out for a deposit or down payment on a house… If you don’t set up a regular rent payment that is spoiling a child and doesn’t give them a push to stay in a job… and a spoilt child is never Happy 🙏🏽
Parents charging their kids rent is so weird. Why because they turned 18, they automatically have to give you money??? The children don’t owe parents anything especially when they’re in school.
If our son stays at the house while in college, we aren't going to charge him rent. Once he graduates from college, if he would like to stay at the house, we will charge him some kind of rent. We will probably take at least a portion of that money and keep it in our savings until it is time for him to move out. We will take that money that we kept and give it to him as a gift to help him get established as an adult living out in the world. That is our plan at least for now.
We recently charged my step son rent. I don’t see a problem with it. My husband gave him the option to go to school and we would support him, or work and pay rent, he chose to skip school and work. Not fair to not contribute to the household if you’re an adult age
I agree. When kids get to adult age, it's fair to charge them rent, especially if not attending school, nobody lives for free in this world, everything cost money, so when you have them contribute at a young age, they learn responsibility, they also learn that nothing is free in this world, which will better prepare them for self sufficiency later on in life.
As long as my children were full-time students and making progress, I paid for everything. They all worked too, but not because I required it--they're just that kind of people.
I charge my daughter rent/electric and babysitting. She got into a mess, didn't want my assistance to plan a budget, so she is learning the hard way. Life is tough and I've been homeless. Once I got a steady job I was able to climb out of those circumstances. Things happen. I don't want her "enabled" or "entitled", not a good example to a child.
My parents asked for a small amount of rent once I started work, and I did the same with both my boys. None of us are rich so basically the idea is that all adults contribute to the household-, the money pays for electricity, food, etc. It also gets them used to paying rent, before they leave home and have to learn to budget and pay bills.
What disturbs me most is that she has been dating this guy, decides to marry him and seems like they never had a conversation leading out to this timeline about her children, good one parents, now you left your child is a vulnerable state, good job 👍
I like the idea of charging rent and giving him back that money + a bonus when he moves out (without him knowing), though maybe during college no or very low rent
Call your husbands mother and ask how long he stayed in the nest? some of these guy be saying one thing and doing another. If his mom started charging rent after HS then maybe 🤔 it’s your child not his.
Unpopular opinion… I am very skeptical of this new husband… I mean the boy is still in high school… with plans to go to community college to avoid debt… like seriously the new husband should have several seats.
My husband had no idea how much his insurance or phone cost until we were engaged and we started talking about our finances. I on the other hand paid for my insurance and phone as long as I had one. It's so interesting to me how differently we were raised.
I would charge him rent, and set that money aside. And after he moves out and settles into his own apartment or house surprise him with that money. A great way to show him the benefits of investing/saving.
Sounds like a good idea from an intention point of view, but I'm struggling to see how this approach shows the kid the benefits of 'investing' (if anything, there's a risk it gives him the wrong idea of what investing is).
Charging rent for your kids isn't the way to go. Let your kid save money for life projects and start them debt free. Perhaps he wants to start a business and needs money upfront, perhaps he wants to buy a car, perhaps he wants to buy a house with a good down payment, let him stay, but he needs to take care of the house and the living place.
When rent, food, laundry, cable tv, phone are all free there's little incentive to "grow up." DO NOT let him get the impression that this is a long-term situation. Three-to-six months after graduation should be plenty. Oh... and DON'T get into the habit of "slipping him a few bucks" or paying his car insurance, etc. It gets to be expected.
I was being charged rent while I was still living at home and in college. I didn't really mind it because it really got me into the habit of budgeting very well now.
This is a great conversation. I am step mom to four boys, but only two are under 19. One just graduated from HS. Now, his dad kept trying to get him into the army. I saw that he did not want to do that at all. I gave him some firm ground rules and a timeline to: 1. get a full time job 2. Have rent free for 6 months to save for a car 3. based on communication with us on his general whereabouts as a courtesy and 4. NOT disturbing the peace or safety of the household. He is the "free spirit" of all his brothers, and now the consistency of the boundaries is really creating a good home environment. He is doing well and very excited about saving for his car and to get a place with friends to share in another 3 months.
You should give him a deadline to move out of the house, not charge him rent. If he has a deadline he can save up, sucking money from him will put off the moving out even more.
This is too soon for this new husband to have that type of conversation. But the boys should show sign of responsibility and go live their own life. They will survive and when they do they will strive.
Absolutely not to early. Frankly they should have had multiple parenting discussions often before they got married. The new husband is not the biological father but he does have a parenting role.
This is honestly a conversation they should have had before getting married. I would not charge my son rent. I wpuld have clear boundaries. My children come first. If you are not happy then i am not the right person for you.
My parents charged me about half the going rate for a small 1br or studio apartment at the time after I reached the age of majority. Made sense to me, learn to budget rent into my spending habits. They also required me to pay the amount THEIR insurance went up before getting my driver license @ 16yo (late '70s, it went up $200 AFTER reducing from full coverage to PLPD).
She doesn’t have to pitch anything to this husband. She has had a relationship with her boys all their lives. This new guy doesn’t get to butt in on that. When the youngest boy is out of the house then he and her can make the rules together. But right now those kids are priority, and mom continuing with what she has raised them with is giving them stability.
The discussion and clear parameters are essential. I graduated a few weeks after turning 17, Mom sent me out of state to live with an older lady for a few months. I got a job and paid room and board. Mom charged me rent when she called me back home. No warning, just a declaration. I saved for college, she dropped the rent, and after moving away to attend school, I was totally on my own. It's unsettling not knowing what the rules are, especially when they aren't applied consistently.
I don’t have a problem with a small amount of rent, chores etc. My problem is the new husband being the one that feels this needs to be done. At the end of the day, it’s not his house, they’re not his kids, and he’s obviously incentivised to turn your kids off of living at home so that they are more out of the picture. Would certainly make his life easier. Careful not to end up estranging your kids for a new man in your life
What do you mean it's not his house? That sounds like a recipe for disaster in a marriage. Everybody, Son, mother, step-dad, they all need to have healthy boundaries and make adult family decisions TOGETHER. That's what family is for.
They are not kids. They are adults. If you expect your parents to pay for you after full time education then you shouldn't have a parent. You should have a sugar daddy.
@@hyui5096 Parents should be lifelong safety nets for their children. None of us asked to come into an existence where we’d need to keep making money, usually doing things we don’t even like, just to survive and live a decent life. Children should have everything covered for as long as they, the children, are alive, even after the parents’ death. Parents are nothing but slaves to their children’s needs & wants and their whole lives should be dedicated to providing everything they can for their children while not overworking themselves to death in the process just so they can keep providing for their children!
@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. No one asked to be born but you are in such a spoilt situation it is insane. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to the world. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job. Clown
@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. No one asked to be born but you are in such a spoilt situation it is insane. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to the world. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job.
@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to reality. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job.
Charging kids rent while they are in school fulltime just irks me. They are still students. If they are part time just don't want to adult kinda students... Different story. I let my son live rent free to get himself properly employed once graduated then he pays rent. I'm keeping part for groceries and the like but the rest is being saved for stuff he needs for his first apartment
My parents charged me high rent right out of college. I had 70k of debt (have to get a masters to be a speech therapist). I paid my 1200/month rent to my parents (they had no mortgage)... and I paid 2k a month to my student loan. It was unfortunate because I didn't have the ability to accumulate $ at all. I offered to pay their electricity and water but they refused and claimed that I was saving money this way and paying utilities was way cheaper. They were super secretive on the bills It really hurt our relationship in the long run. I suggest if anything... Son should save $$... show responsibility.. pay their own phone/car insurance (give you the difference) or utilities or something...
I had to pay my parent's rent when I graduated college but they only charged me like $300. Still lame. I don't think parents should charge rent as long as you are helping them or bettering your life.
Sounds like the husband just wants the kid out of the house so he can have some alone time with his new wife. Those aren’t his kids, so he just wants them out of the way
I live in the UK. My long term unemployed parents made me leave school at 16 in 1992, and take a factory job. They then charged me rent. I didnt get to go to university until I was 35 and could afford it myself.
I agree with the hosts' advice . It has to be a balance of responsibility and tough love . It cant go from floating along to being thrown in the deep end . It will ruin the relationship in the family . My nephew hates his stepfather because this process was done incorrectly.
Fo not charge rent! My sons stepfather and I always felt if in school no rent and work only part time only and i agree! He had no student loan debt while he lived at home! And he now makes 6 figures and is an awesome son and human! ❤
I charge my son rent. He goes to college and works part time. He never had any issues with me asking for rent. He actually said that it only made sense and prefers to be at home than having to look for a roommate and still not able to afford his own apartment. So it works out for everyone 😊
I don’t believe in charging your kids rent when they have lived in that house their whole lives. Having him contribute to paying for his own bills, car is a little better choice. Maybe have him start a savings plan, so he can find his own place to live.
No because he is going to college and not having to deal with the extreme expense of renting or house ownership is very helpful to a young person. She should cut off the allowance though. Allowances are for children to compensate them helping with small chores around the house. As an adult it should be expected for an adult to help with around the house.
Horrible advice. Imagine your elderly parents need to live with you or be homeless and you go "how much rent you paying?". Would completely change your mind if you saw the future and that happened.
Hmm...I think a happy compromise would be for the son to pay 'rent' and for the mum to save a significant proportion of that to support a house deposit when he leaves.
I would love to hear their opinion if you take the whole new husband thing out of the equation......young adult living with parents after graduation from high school....rent or no rent?
In most African American households parents have a tendency to want their kids out of the house at 18 and I'll keep it 100% it's detrimental it has lead to low paying jobs, most not graduating, not going to college, way to many kids at a young age. Stop putting your kids out 18 yes they are adults but they are not ready mentally or financially, they are not equipped to sustain themselves and what happens they end up back home with no real skills and parents frustrated because they have no motivation let your 18 year old breathe a little hes going to school charge him a few dollars for rent but save it for him for his first apartment or first purchase of a home, put some away for his new utilities, and dishes and maybe furniture he isn't ready to go let him stay if he's going to school not being disrespectful Iet him stay
I do not rent rooms in my home! My home is not a boarding house! But my home is my family's home any time they need me! I would not know how to calculate the value of rent dollars against the value of family. So many families are not families anymore! Eight weeks old? Sorry, baby, you're in my way; I have to live my own life. Here's a nice babysitter/daycare! Five years old? Sorry kid, I don't have time to teach you things; too busy working two jobs to pay for two cars and the huge house we never see. Eighteen? Sorry, kid, you're on your own! Sink or swim, I just want you out! A few years later, the parents are 70. Sorry mom, dad, I'm so busy working two jobs to pay for the boat, three cars and huge house; here's a nice nursing home, I'll call ya at Christmas! It's shameful! Why do we not value family anymore?
My dad kicked me out at 18 with nothing but the clothes on my back. This pushed me to find a way to keep a roof over my head, food in my belly and income rolling in. Fast forward to today, I have more passive income than my dad makes for social security/retirement and he is begging me for a place to stay rent free due to his income choices. I still help in some ways but financially their is no help. I set a boundary and because of it I am seen as selfish but I am okay with my decision.
@@jeromehenry4484 It is my hope that one dad he can be proud of my progress and even take steps to ease his retirement but those choices are up to him.
My parents allowed me to stay rent free during college. Not only was I able to wipe out any student debt, but I also saved up enough to have a 20% down payment on a home. This set me ahead of my peers by years financially and I’m forever grateful. If I had been partying, not disciplined, and not saving, that would have been a whole different story…
I think it depends on what the son or daughter is doing. I had two older boys good kids but a little lazy and unmotivated working part-time jobs. Once I started charging they started working more then I increase the rent to $100 per week they cried but then started working a lot now they have their own business have their own house. I think if I would have let them stay rent-free they would still be there at my house with their little part-time job
It’s either/or. Once you turn it into a landlord tenant situation as a parent I think you forfeit your right to impose a curfew, tell him to turn down their music, etc. Which is precisely for the few months after my graduation my parents did NOT charge me rent, lol!😹 Their way of preserving their right to impose rules on my a$$!!
Ok but long answer is this: what do you want out of your son? Do you want him to leave? Charge way too much for rent. Do you want him to stay and help you financially? Charge reasonable rent. If you want him to have absolutely no reason to leave, unless he finds a gf who refuses him, or something like that, don't charge rent. Simple, easy, not complicated
Note that rent received from an adult child constitutes taxable income for federal and possibly state income tax purposes, and depending on the circumstances, may increase the parents’ income tax liability.
My mom - son, if you're gonna live here, then I am going to charge you rent and at the same time, this my house and my rules. Me - so you're gonna charge me rent and I still have to answer to you when I am going out and I still can't have my girlfriend sleep overnight??? Yeah.....BYE!!!!!!!!!!
My parents charge me rent, but it's currently only $400/month, which is much smaller than anything I could get around here. My parents are aware that I'm putting $5500/month down on student loans. I'm on track to pay them off by the end of the year, and I expect the rent to go up substantially by then haha.
If you do charge rent I would save it for the child to help build their nest egg for the future, whether renting an apartment, a car, a down payment…etc. Setting up a budget to cover rent is a good skill to learn…
My dad did the same thing to me when I graduated college. Put his arm around my shoulders and said "I love you, you have six months to find yourself a place to live". It wasn't as dramatic as it sounds because I had already gotten hired by a Police Department. But, that is what he told me.
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No, don’t charge him rent. Help him put together a savings plan so he can move out. Track the savings and put a timeline for him to depart.
Exactly
Great idea
I think either one works, also it’s a plural decision. Her and her husband BOTH must decide
I paid rent my mom did it to teach me the value of money and that no where is rent free.
Charge him and then return a portion once he moves out!
I lived with my dad rent free until I was 28. He let me do that as long as I was saving money. I paid for tech school avoided debt and built a massive down payment for the house I currently live in during that time. It really helped me.
this should be the way for any decent parent child relationship
Just like many Asian households of which group I belong to. As you can see, many Asians are successful on average.
@@gottesma and that's why people with this mentality end up in retirement homes.
Okay yes thats good.
@@gottesma your adult kids at age 28, you will be a sugar daddy for your kids. lol
Only in the USA is it common for Parents to kick their kids out as soon as they turn 18. In Asian cultures, it's common to have a multi-generational households. Grandparents, parents, and kids. Everyone helps out as best they can. It forms tight family bonds.
Kids aren't forced to move out (unless they want to) until they get married and find their own place with their partner. And even then they might live nearby just to be near their parents. And if anyone is in trouble, then they can always return home and be welcomed.
Yes
I come from such a culture and I think the worst thing is most young adults (age 20+) are too dependent on their parents. Helping out your kids until they are 18 or maybe 20 is fine but it is also important for kids to start their journey to become independent as soon as possible. I have many friends (age 25+) still living with their parents and dependent on them for daily needs.
I know of people with kids who are married and have their own kids still living with them, can't imagine that being too good
As an Asian myself, it is just our cultural trait and no one will accuse me or many fellow Asians of being lazy since we work hard and also help pay the bills at home.
If you're smart, you stay single...
My grandparents told my mom she had to start paying rent the day she graduated college. My mom swore she’d never do that to me and she didn’t. I still contributed to the house in small ways and it set me up financially to never have to ask for help
Asians like me tend to do that as well. As you can see there are many successful Asians because of that. I don't know why helping pay the bills or the groceries is seen as being a freeloader just because you still live with your parents.
your grandparents were awesome. If you have a college degree, you can work full time and be on your own. no excuse to stay with mommy anymore
@@whatevergoesforme5129 It’s not just in Asian. In Latino and European culture it’s also acceptable to be home longer. My host mom in Spain’s youngest son lived with us. And it was fine. Cost of living in Valencia was expensive even back in 2006.
@@samh5218 I am aware that Africans and Hispanics or Latinos (I am not really sure about the difference) tend to be like Asians when it comes to families and even extended families. In Europe, I only know of Italians acting the same way but now I see it is also done in Spain. Maybe Eastern Europe does this more than Western Europe? Or can Brits, the French or German still stay longer with their families?
@@whatevergoesforme5129 All good questions! I can’t speak for all of Europe but I know in Germany my friends from there (they were exchange students for a semester at my college where I met them). My friends lived at home well into their 20s. It wasn’t until they moved in with a partner (boyfriend or now husband) they moved out. Housing in Germany was in shortage back in the early 2000s and I don’t think it’s gotten any better.
The new husband wants his stepson out of the house. He married a single mom with the expectation that her sons would both be out of the house when they turn 18 and finish high school, and now he's upset that the son is going to continue to be in the house during college.
The husband should be kicked out!
Yup thats what I gleaned as well. He really just wants him out of the house. That's his next move
Yes ! They should have discussed the difference between a dad and a step dad in the conversation in this episode... That's sooooo relevant here ! New husband does not want to live with another mans grown up son, and by charging rent he makes it "make less sense" to live "at home"...
That’s not how life works
Wrong guy. Dump him.
No, don't charge him rent until after college. After he graduates, if he's still living with you, have him pay some household bills. It gives him a opportunity to save.
As an Asian, this is what we usually do. I know Westerners value independence and individualism so they do things differently from us. Yes, it is not good to be a freeloader but if a person lives with his/her parents still and helps pay the bills and groceries like many Asians tend to do, then that is not being a freeloader. We also tend to take care of our aging parents since they took care of us when we were young and paid for almost everything until college, and even beyond college for some (like medical degree, master's or doctoral degrees).
@@whatevergoesforme5129 It's the same way for Hispanics. Being hispanic myself, my family was brought up that way.
@@whatevergoesforme5129 It's true there are many cultural differences. I admire Asian and Hispanic cultures in how they tend to live as an extended family and take care of each other. Nothing wrong with that at all, and there is a lot young people can learn from their elders - that definitely facilitates the transfer of knowledge between generations.
That said, some American families are nuts and the kids just want to get away. XD
That was the case for me.
@@fishjungle9 yes that what my family does. My fiancee family is Guyanese Indian but they don't charge their kids rent after college. I was like they better save up now lol
@@icestationzebraassociates2460 I do admire the independence of Americans and Westerners. That is why Americans and Westerners are so innovative. It is not all roses for our families as well but when you raise a family where the value being taught is you need to be responsible by taking care of one another, then at least you don't grow up just thinking of yourself or entitled to favors. You know that you need to work hard and also take care of your family. You know you need to pitch in and not just think of yourself all the time.
I don't know if some American families are nuts as you call it because in the first place, they were not raised in a family where they are taught to help take care of each other. So the cycle goes on.
Lol. Once my youngest finished coding school, I let him live rent free for a year to SAVE. I viewed it as giving him a gift. Plus he was able to have health insurance on my plan. He got a job and saved 40k before he moved out. He is debt free and now living on his own making over $75k and pays cash for everything. At 21.
As an Asian, I approve :)
@@whatevergoesforme5129 Good job bringing in Race for no reason what so ever.
The best way to do it. You are a Blessing
@@RobTzuPointing out the differences between cultures is not "bringing in race" its showcasing the benefits of other ways of interacting with family.
Hey, I think I might like your plan better than mine! We still have a highschool student, so we still have time to decide on this.
Stepdad just don’t like him. Been there unfortunately
I was thinking that
Yeah definitely
For sure been there
For me it's the other way around , it's my evil stepmother
Yup, he really just wants him out. That will be his next move.
honestly, concepts like moving out as soon as you graduate are only that common in the US. Flying the nest isn’t that early anywhere else, and I don’t think there’s any country other than the US where charging your son to live with you actually exists
Well thats why america rules the world.
That's because we're not Communist.
Exactly like i get that it teaches valuable lessons but as long as theyre not lazy and understand the importance of finances i dont think its necessary to rush them into things but also never spoil them
and your point is???
Other countries also charge 50% in taxes and imprison you for having the wrong haircut.
Part of being American is being independent. No better time to start than at 18.
My suggestion is: to charge a very minimal and unburdensome amount, maybe like $200/month or something depending on the kid's maturity level and work ethic. Then, set aside that money to give back to them in 1-2 years when they leave the house (assuming they are still behaving and moving forward with their lives and not being kicked out).
Granted, I have no kids of my own it's just what I would do.
thats exactly correct. i completely agree
Agree - even if you set aside half of it for them
That’s is a good option. But please put on a high savings account or some kind of investment.
My parents charged me around that much but I never got it back. Which is fine, learned quickly how to be financially responsible.
Yeah I know my maternal grandparents did that for my mother. The money went towards her wedding gift later in life. Seems like a good approach
I don’t believe parents should charge their kids rent, especially if they’re in school. Being a student is a full time job and the kids should be focused on that. If they’re working, money should be saved for life after college. Set your kids up for success, not struggle.
Yes yes yes 👏
You are a great person
This is the Asian way. And nobody will accuse us Asians as being lazy. We are also more successful on average.
I agree, but as John said, there needs to be an exit plan.
I disagree. I think this is true for full time education upset of University. I don't know what kind of privileged background you grew up in but legit most people have a part time job and get a student loan to support themselves threw college and I think that not charging them rent is great for certain situations but should not be a expectation at all. If increase the likelihood of teaching bad habits. I think it would be way better if someone really wanted to support their kids and teach them good habits is to charge them a small amount of rent and but that into a savings account for their future house. Setting your kids up for success is putting them threw struggles. If someone has not learned how to handle the struggles of life then they will have a rude awakening when they grow up. At least when they struggle in University you are there to help them out when they fail. But once they are in their 30's then it is almost certainly too late.
Absolutely not. He’s going to college to try to better himself so he can get a high paying job and support himself and his future wife and kids with a good life after he graduates. Don’t make it more difficult for him. Let him focus on his grades. If you charge him rent, that cancels out the advantage of him living at home and makes it pointless. As Dave would say, “sell the husband”.
Yes, hemay as well houseshare with friends with same rent
They are talking about charging him rent when he graduates.
@@semosancus5506 They're talking about charging him when he graduates from high school, not when he graduates from college.
I agree. As long as your kid is pursuing education and staying focused with his/her path, then I would allow him/her to stay rent-free. Once that changes or they abandon the education path, then it's a job and rent or get your own apartment.
That's how you create deadbeat men John
My wife and I have agreed to allow our kid to live at home rent free with these conditions:
- going to college full time.
- not take school loans.
- work part time.
- pay for everything else in their life.
- follow basic house rules.
Perfect!! This is exactly how I think I’ll handle it with my kids in college.
Agree!
Are you helping pay for college? How are they supposed to pay for college on a part time job and no student loans, all while paying car insurance, gas, food? I'm in this boat except my dad pays for college because it literally costs 8700 every semester, and that's with a scholarship at a state school.
Sick people
Force them to do college ? Lmao they don’t even have a say ur sad ppl
I’ll support my kids through their college years, as long they are making the right decisions.
These conversations should have been had before they were married. These types of expectations and setting boundaries are things that can be deal breakers in a new marriage.
Charging your kid rent right out of high school is teaching them to treat family with the same cold business calculations the world will treat them with. We don’t treat family like that. Instead, their “rent” should be getting a job and building their emergency fund, etc.
Yes yes yes
No no no. I was charged rent out of high-school. Not much, but something. And I never felt like you are saying.
I agree. I told my son when he graduated from college to come home rent free for a year until he got a job in his field and established himself. It wasn't that much of an expense and we enjoyed having him home. My parents never charged me rent and I bought groceries and did the cooking while my parents and I worked. It took a load off my Mother. Children should help out. Better deal than charging them rent.
@@jackiemoore3442 That is the Asian way. I agree as an Asian :) Although we can actually live forever with our parents if we want to but of course it is also part of our culture to take care of our aging parents since they took care of us and paid for almost all our expenses when we were getting higher education.
Nah it teaches them responsibility. When her son gets his own place, the landlord will be cut throat. The mom can explain she's charging but if he has an issue they ca come to a new agreement
New hubby moves into HER home and starts to tell her adult son how to live and how to parent her ADULT son lol
Kids an adult!
@@alko-ovialko5816 Yeah and so is hubby, why does he have live of his new wife?
@@alko-ovialko5816 Not really he is still a high school student currently, yes he is 18, but he is still a kid!
Why does she need to parent an 18 year old? That right there lies the problem. The raising is done. Now she needs to just be a support system. I mean hes working and shes giving him an allowance. I think the husband is just seeing the mother not wanting to let go and let her son be an adult
@@alko-ovialko5816 but he is her family, no this new guy. New hub needs to suck it up, he must have known all this before he married her.
Given that the son is receiving a low wage, I do not think that rent should be charged. College/university is expensive, and adding that additional expense is more of an incentive to take out a student loan. Yes, I agree that it builds "discipline", but in a hypothetical scenario like this, it is rough trying to balance paying rent and college/university.
Agreed
The stress on that kid right out of HS.
I can agree with this if the kid is in college. But he can still lift a finger around the house, clean up after himself help do chores rather than have a live-in servant doing everything for him. That does not prepare him for adult life at all.
Grateful my parents didn’t charge me rent when I was living at home and going to college. I paid the car insurance (had an old vehicle that was only good for in town driving but was grateful not to walk- but before that I had a bicycle!), helped with groceries when I could, worked, had a full course load.
I saved what I could so I could move out when I got a job offer. It was tight for A WHILE working a job in my industry, while finishing my masters traveling back and forth and paying off my undergraduate student loans before I graduated with my Masters. (No loans for grad school were needed due to assistance ship and then my employer helped pay for the rest.)
@Beyond Tribalism Sounds like many Asians like me LOL.
The kid is like 18. Babying him by letting him stay at home for a bit so he can go to community college? Are you kidding me? Whats really going on is the new husband wants to just have a relationship with his new wife that doesnt include kids at home. Thats ok I guess but thats what is really going on.
Exactly, you’re just looking out for your kid to get ahead in life while he’s able to save a ton of money instead of paying you rent.
She can help but she also has to remember this is her ADULT son. Help him but leave him to figure out how to take care of himself
@@michellerichardson3090 i lived at home and took college classes at 18 just like this kid. Im now 40 and 100 percent absolutely self sufficient in every way. Is it really unusual for an 18 year old to live with their parent and take college classes? Maybe society has changed since I was 18.
Exactly. He just wants the son out That's his next move
Her new husband will end up driving the son out of the picture by wanting to be an overbearing control freak
when sport is finally stretching out his wings
and then there will be enmity between the two of them.
My Parents were the "If you are 18 and out of high school, you are out of my house". They had a lot of kids and it worked for us. I in turn, told my kids, you can live here but you are living my rules, and contributing to the household. My son moved back for a short period of time after the military, he paid rent. He moved back in after he strted school, again, he contributed to the household. It doesn't hurt for them to have an obligation to a household.
Just an option here, If you feel the lesson is needed and charging rent would help him see the big picture. Not knowing what the parents financial situation, they could possibly charge their son the rent and place that money in a separate savings account and then when their son is able to move out on his own they could surprise him with that money. Win win
My father raised us with "If aren't working or going to college, then you have to move out". He wanted no freeloaders. He told all of us early on and we all left home early. lol! Even funnier is that when he was very old he wanted me to quit my job and move in! I did not quit my job and move in with my Dad. He could afford good help at the house and I visited with him every weekend. I told him that he raised us not to stay at home and for all of us to get a life. I would not have been comfortable to move home on a permanent basis.
Oh yeah my mum and step dad were like this .
Older parents?🤔 GOD bless us.🥰
Your Dad did right in your youth.
Why he changed his mind toward the end of his life, only GOD knows.
I'm glad you were able to visit him on weekends, he didn't feel abandoned.👏🏻👏🏿👏🏼👏🏾😀
GOD bless.
Lol smart move better to be a free loader in your own pad then your parents 🍺
My stepmom did that after my parents died and I was displaced from their home
She made it very clear that she'd only support my recovery, not any debauchery
Best move ever made, completely changed my life and character for the better
Taught me self responsibility and accountability
To stay motivated instead of being complacent
Think of someone other than myself
Meanwhile nearly all my classmates from high school still live at home, high off the hog and are carefree
I'm 32 by the way...
Completely agree with you. You family should be there to support you when you fall but they should not be expected to pay for their kids even after full time education.
Agree to a rent and then have him pay it to his savings account. Living at home to save money only works if you actually save money. It’s a good exercise in discipline and gets him closer to eventual independence.
My parents charged me rent after high school. Wasn’t much but taught me not to expect freebies and budget money.
Taught you not to expect freebies? Are you telling me that you thought you could walk into a store and take whatever you wanted without paying before they charged you rent?
multi generational homes is what's natural. anglos are delusional.
@@johnmartin4641 ask all the parenrs who have 40 year olds still living in their house because theyre "saving money" yet never have any
@@michellerichardson3090 most of those people didn’t even go to college. The caller’s son is going to college, so he will likely be ok. What you’re describing is an outlier. The statistics and my daughters’ success support my argument.
@@michellerichardson3090 I didn’t work or pay for anything until after I graduated college and I retired in my 50s while people my age or older who worked their way through school and paid their own way are still working.
The missing question, "are you living in his place or your place?"...
Since he's trying to avoid debt, I feel giving him 3-6 month rent free is reasonable and setting a plan for him. Setting a plan with the baby steps and or making sure they have reasonable responsibility in the household. Also to set him up good to be off on his own.
This is a great way to make your kid hate his new stepdad… I feel like some relevant questions weren’t asked here. Are you paying his tuition? Other expenses? What else will he be responsible for? I just graduated college in December, paid 100% of my school expenses because my dad couldn’t afford to. I went to a state school, worked all summer and saved 80% of my income, and was able to pay cash for tuition and books every year. If my dad wasn’t letting me live at home, paying my phone bill, and my car insurance, no way would I have been able to make it through college debt free. If he made me pay rent simply because my stepmom wanted him to?? I’d resent her and probably grow to resent him for listening to her… Not to mention, probably one of the better investments they can make, especially if he is pursuing a worthwhile degree.
You sound a little spoiled and premeditated disruption in your dad's relationship not thinking of his sacrifice for you.
@@purezaserrano5417 I’m not sure how you mean? I’m saying I’m grateful for him letting me live at home, and pay the expenses that he could afford to. I said if it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have been able to get through college debt free like I did. Never said anything about being j grateful, I simply said I’d be pretty upset if he made me pay rent, simply because my stepmom wanted him to…
In 100% with you on this.
The dynamics between this mom & sim should not be imposed but the new guy. He could suggest to the mom but stay out of it.
@@thaisrutman8994 exactly. Coming from someone who has a stepparent, this is a surefire way to drive a wedge between the parent and child. To me personally, it’d feel like the stepparent is being chosen over me.
I wouldn’t charge rent. He’s already trying to be responsible by going to community college instead of university.
He doesn’t sound like he’s a bad kid. College is already expensive enough, don’t add to that.
Exactly i think if he’s in school and working a part time make sure he is saving and etc not charging rent but rather teach him out to manage $ and be smart with it
Also, if the parents can afford it, take all the money they give you on rent, and save it. When they buy a house or get married, give it back. My daughter is currently 17 and paying car insurance. I'm saving that for when she can use it later.
As a parent.....if you cant afford to pay YOUR rent/mortgage WITHOUT your child's money, then you have a HUGE problem.....
But if you insist on charging them "rent", then yes...it should be saved for when they are ready to move out and buy a house.
@@saulgoodman2018 yes. When she needs it. But she won't know about it.
@@mattlol163 it's not about NEEDING. But once the kids move out, the living cost of the household will go down. If they chose to stay there, why shouldn't they help offset that cost?
whatever boundaries you decide on ... make sure they're stuck to! my parents made boundaries for my older sister, but since she kept breaking them, they'd just make new ones for her. she ended up staying til 28 and having stunted emotional maturity. no college at all... just unmotivated turkey like Dave says.
After he completes college I feel he should begin paying rent. However as a student in college if he has a part time job he can pay for his own gas, clothes, outings, etc......
Like John said - give him a year rent free is a good compromise. He gets a break and has life's deadlines/rent.
As long as there is a spare room, my children are welcome to stay with us while in college. We're also paying for most of their college, and there is an expectation of zero college debt, which may mean some community college. My kids mean the world to me, of course I want to help them.
Personally, I’d have them pay maybe $150 per month and secretly put into an account. Then use it as a deposit for them when they find a place.
I had an agreement with my boys that they had one year after graduation to stay at home rent-free. This was whether they were in college or high school full-time. If they only went to school part-time this was prorated. This was meant for them to be able to save for deposits on a house or an apartment. The rent amount started low and would go up each year. I did not want to encourage my adult children to be free-loaders. I watched that happen with my sister-in-law and mother-in-law and wanted to prevent that from happening to me.
Good to make them pay rent but you should also prepare them to get out on their own so they will need to have a decent amount of savings
NO RENT!. I have a deal with my son. He is working on his masters, and is debt free. He can stay at home as long as he doesn't do drugs, no drinking, and save 80% of of his income. When he graduates he will have a fully funded emergency fund and have 20% down payment for house if that what he wants
To do.
He’s already working on his masters and he’s not even old enough to drink? That’s impressive. I was still working on my undergrad at that age.
You are awesome! Great job dad
@@johnmartin4641 I get your sarcasm but his dad's house, his dad's rules. If you can't take it, then move out. It is as simple as that.
I am charging my working teenager rent as it sets them up and gets them used to paying bills for when they move out. What they don’t know is that they will be getting all that rent money back when they move out for a deposit or down payment on a house… If you don’t set up a regular rent payment that is spoiling a child and doesn’t give them a push to stay in a job… and a spoilt child is never Happy 🙏🏽
Parents charging their kids rent is so weird. Why because they turned 18, they automatically have to give you money??? The children don’t owe parents anything especially when they’re in school.
If our son stays at the house while in college, we aren't going to charge him rent. Once he graduates from college, if he would like to stay at the house, we will charge him some kind of rent. We will probably take at least a portion of that money and keep it in our savings until it is time for him to move out. We will take that money that we kept and give it to him as a gift to help him get established as an adult living out in the world. That is our plan at least for now.
We recently charged my step son rent. I don’t see a problem with it. My husband gave him the option to go to school and we would support him, or work and pay rent, he chose to skip school and work. Not fair to not contribute to the household if you’re an adult age
I agree.
When kids get to adult age, it's fair to charge them rent, especially if not attending school, nobody lives for free in this world, everything cost money, so when you have them contribute at a young age, they learn responsibility, they also learn that nothing is free in this world, which will better prepare them for self sufficiency later on in life.
Sounds like a typical step dad
You don’t have to make them pay rent to educate them on responsibilities.
Thank you!! 100% agree
But you do need to know how to do so.
My dad made me pay rent the day I graduated high school. And I love that he did that put me on the path I am now
As long as my children were full-time students and making progress, I paid for everything. They all worked too, but not because I required it--they're just that kind of people.
Let the kid save money.
Unless you're desperate for extra money let the kids set his life up by saving extra money.
Ignore these two guys
I charge my daughter rent/electric and babysitting. She got into a mess, didn't want my assistance to plan a budget, so she is learning the hard way. Life is tough and I've been homeless. Once I got a steady job I was able to climb out of those circumstances.
Things happen. I don't want her "enabled" or "entitled", not a good example to a child.
Totally agree
I would never charge a child rent. Husband needs to stay out of your business with YOUR child.
Exactly. The person she needs to set boundaries with is her husband
My parents asked for a small amount of rent once I started work, and I did the same with both my boys. None of us are rich so basically the idea is that all adults contribute to the household-, the money pays for electricity, food, etc. It also gets them used to paying rent, before they leave home and have to learn to budget and pay bills.
No! Don’t charge him.
Your new husband is wrong. Have boundaries to your new husband.
Agreed. He seems hung up on money more than other things
Exactly. The person she needs to set boundaries with is her husband
What disturbs me most is that she has been dating this guy, decides to marry him and seems like they never had a conversation leading out to this timeline about her children, good one parents, now you left your child is a vulnerable state, good job 👍
He just wants the son out. Thats the next move
I like the idea of charging rent and giving him back that money + a bonus when he moves out (without him knowing), though maybe during college no or very low rent
Charge him his part of the water, electricity, internet, and food
Call your husbands mother and ask how long he stayed in the nest? some of these guy be saying one thing and doing another. If his mom started charging rent after HS then maybe 🤔 it’s your child not his.
I actually offered my mom rent at 17. I lost my dad at 15 though so that probably played a major part in it.
Good for you!
Unpopular opinion… I am very skeptical of this new husband… I mean the boy is still in high school… with plans to go to community college to avoid debt… like seriously the new husband should have several seats.
Yes he needs to stay out of it. He really just wants the son out. That will be his next move
It's ok to charge your kids rent, only if you don't expect to be living with them in the future without helping them out lol
My husband had no idea how much his insurance or phone cost until we were engaged and we started talking about our finances. I on the other hand paid for my insurance and phone as long as I had one. It's so interesting to me how differently we were raised.
Wow John is an amazing doctor and wish I could find someone like him
How is he supposed to go to college debt free if you charge him rent?
I would charge him rent, and set that money aside. And after he moves out and settles into his own apartment or house surprise him with that money. A great way to show him the benefits of investing/saving.
Sounds like a good idea from an intention point of view, but I'm struggling to see how this approach shows the kid the benefits of 'investing' (if anything, there's a risk it gives him the wrong idea of what investing is).
Charging rent for your kids isn't the way to go. Let your kid save money for life projects and start them debt free. Perhaps he wants to start a business and needs money upfront, perhaps he wants to buy a car, perhaps he wants to buy a house with a good down payment, let him stay, but he needs to take care of the house and the living place.
When rent, food, laundry, cable tv, phone are all free there's little incentive to "grow up." DO NOT let him get the impression that this is a long-term situation. Three-to-six months after graduation should be plenty. Oh... and DON'T get into the habit of "slipping him a few bucks" or paying his car insurance, etc. It gets to be expected.
I was being charged rent while I was still living at home and in college. I didn't really mind it because it really got me into the habit of budgeting very well now.
This is a great conversation. I am step mom to four boys, but only two are under 19. One just graduated from HS. Now, his dad kept trying to get him into the army. I saw that he did not want to do that at all. I gave him some firm ground rules and a timeline to: 1. get a full time job 2. Have rent free for 6 months to save for a car 3. based on communication with us on his general whereabouts as a courtesy and 4. NOT disturbing the peace or safety of the household. He is the "free spirit" of all his brothers, and now the consistency of the boundaries is really creating a good home environment. He is doing well and very excited about saving for his car and to get a place with friends to share in another 3 months.
You should give him a deadline to move out of the house, not charge him rent. If he has a deadline he can save up, sucking money from him will put off the moving out even more.
This is too soon for this new husband to have that type of conversation. But the boys should show sign of responsibility and go live their own life. They will survive and when they do they will strive.
Absolutely not to early. Frankly they should have had multiple parenting discussions often before they got married. The new husband is not the biological father but he does have a parenting role.
The person she needs to set boundaries with is the husband
This is honestly a conversation they should have had before getting married. I would not charge my son rent. I wpuld have clear boundaries. My children come first. If you are not happy then i am not the right person for you.
Exactly. The boundaries should have been with her husband
My parents charged me about half the going rate for a small 1br or studio apartment at the time after I reached the age of majority. Made sense to me, learn to budget rent into my spending habits. They also required me to pay the amount THEIR insurance went up before getting my driver license @ 16yo (late '70s, it went up $200 AFTER reducing from full coverage to PLPD).
She doesn’t have to pitch anything to this husband. She has had a relationship with her boys all their lives. This new guy doesn’t get to butt in on that. When the youngest boy is out of the house then he and her can make the rules together. But right now those kids are priority, and mom continuing with what she has raised them with is giving them stability.
The discussion and clear parameters are essential. I graduated a few weeks after turning 17, Mom sent me out of state to live with an older lady for a few months. I got a job and paid room and board. Mom charged me rent when she called me back home. No warning, just a declaration. I saved for college, she dropped the rent, and after moving away to attend school, I was totally on my own. It's unsettling not knowing what the rules are, especially when they aren't applied consistently.
I don’t have a problem with a small amount of rent, chores etc. My problem is the new husband being the one that feels this needs to be done.
At the end of the day, it’s not his house, they’re not his kids, and he’s obviously incentivised to turn your kids off of living at home so that they are more out of the picture. Would certainly make his life easier.
Careful not to end up estranging your kids for a new man in your life
What do you mean it's not his house? That sounds like a recipe for disaster in a marriage. Everybody, Son, mother, step-dad, they all need to have healthy boundaries and make adult family decisions TOGETHER. That's what family is for.
You should never charge your kids rent when you’re the one who chose to have them
They are not kids. They are adults. If you expect your parents to pay for you after full time education then you shouldn't have a parent. You should have a sugar daddy.
@@hyui5096 Parents should be lifelong safety nets for their children. None of us asked to come into an existence where we’d need to keep making money, usually doing things we don’t even like, just to survive and live a decent life. Children should have everything covered for as long as they, the children, are alive, even after the parents’ death. Parents are nothing but slaves to their children’s needs & wants and their whole lives should be dedicated to providing everything they can for their children while not overworking themselves to death in the process just so they can keep providing for their children!
@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. No one asked to be born but you are in such a spoilt situation it is insane. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to the world. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job. Clown
@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. No one asked to be born but you are in such a spoilt situation it is insane. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to the world. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job.
@@Mosesusorer Yes parents should be safety nets for their children but that is when their children needs it and are in a bad situation. Not when their children can afford to or is just not doing anything with their lives. That is called taking advantage of your parents. And your view on your parents are disgusting. Parents should be "slaves" of what you want? No your parents should try to support their children and meet their needs, not their wants. If you want to drive a BMW then go earn it yourself. You parents is not responsible to buy your dream car. 99% of people are born into this world to make money just to try to live a decent life. Welcome to reality. Welcome to having a job. Most people's jobs aren't their hobbies. Not sure what entitled background you come from where children as spoon fed by their parents while only doing their hobbies as a job.
Charging kids rent while they are in school fulltime just irks me. They are still students. If they are part time just don't want to adult kinda students... Different story. I let my son live rent free to get himself properly employed once graduated then he pays rent. I'm keeping part for groceries and the like but the rest is being saved for stuff he needs for his first apartment
My parents charged me high rent right out of college. I had 70k of debt (have to get a masters to be a speech therapist). I paid my 1200/month rent to my parents (they had no mortgage)... and I paid 2k a month to my student loan. It was unfortunate because I didn't have the ability to accumulate $ at all. I offered to pay their electricity and water but they refused and claimed that I was saving money this way and paying utilities was way cheaper.
They were super secretive on the bills
It really hurt our relationship in the long run.
I suggest if anything...
Son should save $$... show responsibility.. pay their own phone/car insurance (give you the difference) or utilities or something...
I had to pay my parent's rent when I graduated college but they only charged me like $300. Still lame. I don't think parents should charge rent as long as you are helping them or bettering your life.
Rule in my house was if you weren’t in college, you’d have to pay rent.
Sounds like the husband just wants the kid out of the house so he can have some alone time with his new wife. Those aren’t his kids, so he just wants them out of the way
I live in the UK. My long term unemployed parents made me leave school at 16 in 1992, and take a factory job. They then charged me rent. I didnt get to go to university until I was 35 and could afford it myself.
I agree with the hosts' advice . It has to be a balance of responsibility and tough love . It cant go from floating along to being thrown in the deep end . It will ruin the relationship in the family .
My nephew hates his stepfather because this process was done incorrectly.
Fo not charge rent! My sons stepfather and I always felt if in school no rent and work only part time only and i agree! He had no student loan debt while he lived at home! And he now makes 6 figures and is an awesome son and human! ❤
I charge my son rent. He goes to college and works part time. He never had any issues with me asking for rent. He actually said that it only made sense and prefers to be at home than having to look for a roommate and still not able to afford his own apartment. So it works out for everyone 😊
I don’t believe in charging your kids rent when they have lived in that house their whole lives. Having him contribute to paying for his own bills, car is a little better choice. Maybe have him start a savings plan, so he can find his own place to live.
No because he is going to college and not having to deal with the extreme expense of renting or house ownership is very helpful to a young person. She should cut off the allowance though. Allowances are for children to compensate them helping with small chores around the house. As an adult it should be expected for an adult to help with around the house.
Horrible advice. Imagine your elderly parents need to live with you or be homeless and you go "how much rent you paying?". Would completely change your mind if you saw the future and that happened.
Watch your husband. He Seems evil. Don't charge your son rent so he can save and move
Or charge him rent, save it and give it back when he moves. This teaches responsibility and gives them a boost when they need it the most
@@rcmike09 very smart
I wouldn’t say evil. Maybe extreme and cold
Hmm...I think a happy compromise would be for the son to pay 'rent' and for the mum to save a significant proportion of that to support a house deposit when he leaves.
Yup, he really just wants the son out. The person she needs to set boundaries with is her husband
I would love to hear their opinion if you take the whole new husband thing out of the equation......young adult living with parents after graduation from high school....rent or no rent?
In most African American households parents have a tendency to want their kids out of the house at 18 and I'll keep it 100% it's detrimental it has lead to low paying jobs, most not graduating, not going to college, way to many kids at a young age. Stop putting your kids out 18 yes they are adults but they are not ready mentally or financially, they are not equipped to sustain themselves and what happens they end up back home with no real skills and parents frustrated because they have no motivation let your 18 year old breathe a little hes going to school charge him a few dollars for rent but save it for him for his first apartment or first purchase of a home, put some away for his new utilities, and dishes and maybe furniture he isn't ready to go let him stay if he's going to school not being disrespectful Iet him stay
I do not rent rooms in my home! My home is not a boarding house! But my home is my family's home any time they need me! I would not know how to calculate the value of rent dollars against the value of family. So many families are not families anymore! Eight weeks old? Sorry, baby, you're in my way; I have to live my own life. Here's a nice babysitter/daycare! Five years old? Sorry kid, I don't have time to teach you things; too busy working two jobs to pay for two cars and the huge house we never see. Eighteen? Sorry, kid, you're on your own! Sink or swim, I just want you out! A few years later, the parents are 70. Sorry mom, dad, I'm so busy working two jobs to pay for the boat, three cars and huge house; here's a nice nursing home, I'll call ya at Christmas! It's shameful! Why do we not value family anymore?
My dad kicked me out at 18 with nothing but the clothes on my back. This pushed me to find a way to keep a roof over my head, food in my belly and income rolling in. Fast forward to today, I have more passive income than my dad makes for social security/retirement and he is begging me for a place to stay rent free due to his income choices. I still help in some ways but financially their is no help. I set a boundary and because of it I am seen as selfish but I am okay with my decision.
You are not selfish; you are honoring the rules Dad made when you were 18 years. Glad to hear things worked out well for you.
What goes around comes around. Family should always help family whether they're 18, 38 or 68. Sad situation when families break down.
@@jeromehenry4484 It is my hope that one dad he can be proud of my progress and even take steps to ease his retirement but those choices are up to him.
My parents allowed me to stay rent free during college. Not only was I able to wipe out any student debt, but I also saved up enough to have a 20% down payment on a home. This set me ahead of my peers by years financially and I’m forever grateful. If I had been partying, not disciplined, and not saving, that would have been a whole different story…
I think it depends on what the son or daughter is doing. I had two older boys good kids but a little lazy and unmotivated working part-time jobs. Once I started charging they started working more then I increase the rent to $100 per week they cried but then started working a lot now they have their own business have their own house. I think if I would have let them stay rent-free they would still be there at my house with their little part-time job
It’s either/or. Once you turn it into a landlord tenant situation as a parent I think you forfeit your right to impose a curfew, tell him to turn down their music, etc. Which is precisely for the few months after my graduation my parents did NOT charge me rent, lol!😹
Their way of preserving their right to impose rules on my a$$!!
Exactly! You blur the lines. You want me to have adult responsibilities but stay in a child’s place??🤨
Ok but long answer is this: what do you want out of your son? Do you want him to leave? Charge way too much for rent. Do you want him to stay and help you financially? Charge reasonable rent. If you want him to have absolutely no reason to leave, unless he finds a gf who refuses him, or something like that, don't charge rent. Simple, easy, not complicated
Note that rent received from an adult child constitutes taxable income for federal and possibly state income tax purposes, and depending on the circumstances, may increase the parents’ income tax liability.
Fortworth I live there and yes charge a rent teaches responsibility
My mom - son, if you're gonna live here, then I am going to charge you rent and at the same time, this my house and my rules.
Me - so you're gonna charge me rent and I still have to answer to you when I am going out and I still can't have my girlfriend sleep overnight??? Yeah.....BYE!!!!!!!!!!
My parents charge me rent, but it's currently only $400/month, which is much smaller than anything I could get around here. My parents are aware that I'm putting $5500/month down on student loans. I'm on track to pay them off by the end of the year, and I expect the rent to go up substantially by then haha.
5500k/mo on school and loans?…Jesus Christ lol..sounds like you’re doing ok so you tho to be able to afford that
If you do charge rent I would save it for the child to help build their nest egg for the future, whether renting an apartment, a car, a down payment…etc. Setting up a budget to cover rent is a good skill to learn…
My dad did the same thing to me when I graduated college. Put his arm around my shoulders and said "I love you, you have six months to find yourself a place to live". It wasn't as dramatic as it sounds because I had already gotten hired by a Police Department. But, that is what he told me.