The Skaven go to Redwall | Total War Warhammer meme dub
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- Опубликовано: 22 ноя 2024
- Matthias and the other wholesome little mouse dudes of Redwall Abbey have come under attack by Cluny the Scourge, the dastardly rat who threatens their very way of life. They COULD go on a 20 episode long quest to find the mythical sword of Martin the Warrior to overpower Cluny and save the day, OR they could hire an insane extradimensional rat guy with a gun and a green rock addiction to just shoot Cluny in his [redacted] face. What will they choose??????
Constance and Cornflower voiced by Carole Carolemeyer of the Carole Clan (everybody say thank you to Carole Carolemeyer of the Carole Clan)
#totalwarwarhammer3 #skaven
![BRASIL vs. URUGUAY [1-1] | RESUMEN | ELIMINATORIAS SUDAMERICANAS | FECHA 12](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/-hWBAuxF1eY/mqdefault.jpg)
I'm only a couple of episodes in but I'm adding the Abbot to the Pantheon of Characters Wot I Don't Like right up there with John Freakin Grammaticus
>army of rats come to assault your home
>"erm, come on in guys! there's plenty of food and board for you!"
>they predictably start acting the mickey and attack people and steal stuff
>abbey inhabitants want to fight back
>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WE CAN'T DEFEND OURSELVES THAT ALWAYS LEADS TO TRAGEDY AIEEEEEEEEE SAVE US MARTIN!!!!"
What a dork
Yeah that's pretty much his character from the books from what I remember. Constance wanted to shoot Cluny with a super crossbow lol.
Read the books, there’s way more violence.
Diversity is the abbey's strength
If I recall correctly from the books (been a long time since I’ve read the original Redwall and not one of the others) there he was more understanding of the whole “we gotta protect ourselves and the people under our care, but I’m really worried about how this will affect us in the long run, especially since some of us are taking to this with more gusto than expected”. Like how Constance responded to initial threats in the great hall by heaving a massive oak table above her head and telling the rats to fuck off “while you still have your skulls”
@@nerdyvids1 Ye the badger going mental on the rats, if I recall right it's also implied that she bites one or two of the named rats heads of
Honestly, that has got to be the nicest Skaven in the universe.
He didn't kill his allies during the mission.
He was willing to help his comrade and defend the Abbey.
He was happy to share his warpstone boof with Martin.
What a nice fellow for a Skaven.
He was banished for being too altruistic
@@JM-mh1pp to add more.
Snakhra Gutgouger was a Skaven with common sense and not as self-destructive as other Skavens. However the leader of his clan thought that he was too competent and could threaten his authority, so the leader tried to stage an assassination on Snakhra. But the assassination fails due to typical Skaven shenanigans. Snakhra then realised that he was basically a dead rat walking now, so he exiled himself for his own safety and went far far away. Eventually he joins the Redwall Abbey community and starts a new life.
I was honestly expecting him to kill Matthias while they went up against Cluny
That’s why he was there. The other Skaven tried to murder-kill him for not trying to murder-kill them.
Boof?! "Snakhra, I...I don't think I should stick this glowing rock up my bum."
"Don't be a bitch-pussy, squeaka! Just jam-shove it up there! ...And enjoy the ride."
A Connecticut Skaven in Redwall's Court, except instead of jumpstarting an industrial revolution he just gets everyone in the abbey hooked on warp fent.
So,
Jumpstarting the Opium Trade?
@@Da_ComputerMonster Which leads to industrial revolution, cause you have lots of money and all people are working on farms (for...reasons)?
“Erm, violence goes against our founder’s teachings!”
My brother in Martin then why does he keep possessing people and turning them into slaughter machines?
“Violence goes against our founder’s teachings”
“Didn’t our founder lead a rebellion against the old tyrannical regime of these lands and personally duel a wildcat eight times his size to end her reign?”
Martin literally let a exslave borrow his sword too lead a revolution
@@nerdyvids1 Never read Redwall but this Martin fellow sounds like a badaas.
Martin said violence should be an option of last resort. However, he never said anything about letting the moles flash-boil people alive in their siege tunnels.
@@sithar He really was. Protected his tribe from sea raiders for years, got taken as a slave and eventually led a revolt to free himself and all the other slaves, wandered off to a new land and found it under oppression, got imprisoned for resisting arrest, gets broken out and immediately starts spearheading the resistance as mentioned above, helps establish an abbey to provide a place of peace and safety for all those who need it. Long after his death, his spirit continued to watch over the abbey, often giving visions to new heroes and occasionally even haunting the dreams of those who threatened his home.
God, this is extremely niche, and I'm all for it
420th like🍁🍁🍁
I love the idea that abbott's actual goal is Redwall just getting constantly fucked over.
Like, he doesn't care about the methods. He's just mad about the possibility that their people might be able to live in peace.
Fits with the rat nosed monsters in its real life historical, and modern, counterparts.
The Abbot sure does seem to not understand why their founder's title is "The Warrior"
Yeah, that kind of pacifism is basically nihilism for hippies.
The Abbot was a lot more reasonable in the books
@@Brother_O4TS yeah, he basically tells Cluny to bugger off in his own polite way.
...Did that Skaven just invoke Jesus?
He's at an Abbey, it was the style at the time
Maybe he's a convert
It’s been known to happen
@@BoboyMagdalera More like an apostate that still invoke out of habit imo, like Driver Nephi.
Fet Gucked.
Would not you do that to after listening to such lame attempt to insult someone?
0:28
I call absolute bull shit. I re-read Redwall every single year. Mother Constance will ABSOLUTELY throw hands if it comes to defending the Abby.
She straight up killed redclaw aby smashing the squeaka on a tree.
Good to know
"LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL HAVE YOUR SKULLS" ~Mother Constance
This is from the show, which was not as based as the book apparently
Yeah like... Didn't she literally invent the crossbow/ballista or something...?
Martin is basically Sigmar if he was fucking awesome (he's a rodent and he does warpstone)
There is no lore that said Sigmar DIDN'T do warpstones.
Sigmar is always awesome... behind Sotek.
@@arya31ful that is a very good point actually
@@arya31ful Maybe THAT'S how he ascended to Godhood.
@@gaminginthelincolnyears sigmar wore nagash's crown of sorcery. Nagash has used warpstone a lot, so it can be that the crown has warpstone in it.
The B-plot of most Redwall books would probably be over in a single chapter if Martin dispensed with the cryptic sword scavenger hunts and just wrote down where he buried the Rat Gat.
He had to make it inconvenient enough so that they would only resort to it when they REALLY wanted to commit some violence.
The problem is that different people kept hiding the sword. There was one book where the guy had simple instructions until he got stumped by some even older obscure text
@@justinokraski3796 and in Redwall, the sword’s hiding spot was correct according to all the clues - until some fucking birds stole it like four generations back.
at least as I remember it, a cryptic sword quest was only in the first Redwall book and the rest of the time, the Martin Cryptic vision quest hunts were for what was relevant in the book cause most of the time the sword was just hanging on the wall.
@@Backstabmacro who then lost it to a big 'uck off snake who kept it until Mathias and the GUOSIM shrews went into the pit to find it.
Show: no blood, no on screen wounding/deaths, somehow still pretty good show.
Book: Rats boiled alive, dashed against walls by their tails, impaled by ballistae, torn by shrapnel, cut in half, and decapitated.
Every *DAY* I live in ANGUISH that Netflix decided to CANN their adaptation.
We could've had something GOOD.
welll..... i mean......... technically..... IIR there was one guy who got shot by a ballista on screen. though they were behind a curtain. buuuut this was like.... oh god this show existed so far in teh past i feel old.... idr.
Asmodaus straight up gets decapitated on screen it's wild
They wussed out on that and made it a shadow depiction
I say they adapted the violence pretty well, considering its made into a kid show. I remember the cult/slave leader getting stoned to unalive by kids
My only complaint about this god tier video is that Constance the badger would be 1000% on Gutgougers side on this. She invented a ballista for the soul purpose of killing Cluney
Abbot Mortimer in the show: "If you kill your enemies, they win"
Abbot Mortimer in the book: "Yeah, I don't like violence but we have no choice. Lets do it."
Constance in this video: "Maybe we should defend ourselves but violence isn't the answer!"
Constance in the book: Threatens to crush Cluny with the abbey table upon first meeting him, hunts rats with a giant longbow and beats a rat to death against the abbey wall.
Damn! Mother Constance sounds like a badass bitch (the good kind) that will go full Joshua Graham on anybody who dares attacks her flock.
This was the comment I was looking for
Mother Constance is a badass through and through.
In the show she literally bites a rat to death, the scene almost suggests she ate that fucking rat.
I love how the Abbott is preaching the non-violent teachings of Martin THE WARRIOR when being attacked. Because Martin THE WARRIOR would absolutely tell people not to fight back or defend themselves.
The tv show was very sanitized
@@mr.stotruppen8724even with how sanitized it was it still showed a decapitation
@@dalek--ck9oy Constance literally bit one rats head off! *chomp*
That de would be like a muslim trying to peacefully convert people to his religion 😂
I regret nothing
@@user-unos111 you HAD to fucking ruin it huh ?
Man I loved reading Redwall as a kid. Believe it or not the book series could get pretty dark at times. Also, I am pretty sure Constance was pretty down killing Cluny (badgers are like berserker warriors in the Redwall universe). Anyway, pretty funny stuff as usual DreadAnon!
My lovely co-star was a fan of Redwall growing up and called me out on me doing Constance dirty but I promise it was necessary for comedic purposes 😔🙏
She build a balista and was going to use it to headshot Cluny. The only reason she failed? He was busy with other plans that day, and a Mook had taken his helmet. Constance put her makeshift batista bolt clean thru his head
@@DreadAnon Completely understandable lol!
Cartoon Mother Constance: "Violence isn't the answer, Matthias."
Book Mother Constance: "Lay a finger on a single person in this abbey, and I'll make sure your funeral is closed-casket."
for badger, violence is like a crack high
Fun Fact: Magic recently had a set based off Redwall, The Rats hang out underground and in the swamps obsessed over snails and ancient knowledge stuff.
Innstrad?
@@joaoalbertocostaelima4357bloomburrow.
@@joaoalbertocostaelima4357 It's called Bloomburrow. It's legally distinct Redwall as well.
This is a total "we have Redwall at home" moment.
@mastadonking3816 ya I admit it was not true Redwall.
honestly, I dearly wish Warhammer Fantasy had some kind of woodland critter faction to contrast against the skaven. Where the squeakas are paranoid, conniving undercity rats, their country mice cousins could be laidback and bumpkiny, but capable of extreme violence if provoked
So, kinda like hobbits?
I like this, Halflings but more ratty. Rat-lings… wait.
The Beastmen *could* have been this, but instead it's just chaos goat-men.
@@the13inquisitor59 This. Even the Greenskins could fight for humans, (don't expect them to stay that way for long tho) I couldn't fathom whybthere is no renegade/Dogs of War Beastmen faction that actively hire themselves so "pathetic humans" stop messing with their forest.
@@arya31ful
I mean, Wood Elves kinda fill that role, but only in the more sacred forests
I AM-AM THAT IS-WAS, SQUEAKA!
As someone who recently went out of their way to watch the Redwall series after being introduced to the books years ago, I must say. I think the skaven easily could out-crazy Cluny
Ye, Cluny might be low rank storm vermin at best
@@matsudoambition2509 to be fair cluny is pretty strong as a regular albeit intelligent rat. Even by the settings standards he's more used to intimidation than heads-up fighting
For all their many quirks skaven are magical creatures permanently altered by the power of chaos as a race and are decidedly not ordinary. Storm vermin(or most skaven infantry) might be an absolute joke in their own setting but they'd be a world ending threat in redwall
Until they inevitably self destruct even harder than most redwall villains seem to
The crossover-collaboration we most want-needed.
And suddenly my memories of Redwall come rushing back in… Honestly, didn’t expect a Skaven post to reawaken something from my childhood but I guess the Great Horned Rat deems it so.
Well hey...they are rodents after all. Rats, mice, shrews...
You should know that Cornflower carried out a plan to drown rats in their tunnels with boiling porridge.
Was honestly expecting the twist of Martin to be a sanitized avatar of the Great Horned Rat
Turns out, he's exactly that.
Slander against Martin? Blasphemy.
Martin isn't the horned rat, he actually likes his followers.
@@whitewall2253He’s the warrior spirit of the Horned Rat. Alot more courageous and honorable than others.. still will hit that Warpstone spoof like there’s no tomorrow.
@@thejestor9378the embodiment of mors
"If you off your enemies, they win"
Spoken like a true Castro
You mean castrated?
So castro didn't want to win?
@@MouldMadeMind Castro Jr.*
I grew up reading these books.
This was funny as shit.
I mean, "don't fuck with redwall" is very good advice in this universe
Martin would probably like the idea of Skaven weaponry
Ratling Gunners, Warplock Jezzails, Doomwheels, hell imagine how fast the rebellion would have succeeded if he had Ikit's patented Warp Nukes.
"Ikit Claw goes to Redwall."
Where's the 3 page description of food? Inadequate redwall representation
Yeah I think f****** Ratatouille put less emphasis on describing food than the Redwall Books lol
Correct lol, it needs to derail for like three minutes and make you REALLY want some candied chestnuts (I think it was chestnuts? It's been a minute).
It's just not Redwall if you don't have the vittles on deck. Shoutout to the god-tier Redwall cookbook.
@@JimoftheSlim Good to know the cook book is quality
@@JimoftheSlim "redwall cookbook"? hmmmm.
Constance would be all for gut-gouger's plan lmao, she'd probably make the flag herself.
She basically invented the siege scale ballista and used it to snipe an enemy officer.
@@SignificantpowerTimballisto's family invented it, but she certainly rediscovered it.
I actually read redwall for the first time recently, and y’all, Constance is definitely team “flay the rat” 🤣
Real talk, as all badgers do she rolls out with those badger cannons
Redwall badgers give about as many fucks as actual badgers.
I believe that the skaven would suggest the idea of if they try to attack put some mines that are conected to doomshperes in their enemys homes
They're low on warpstone. Easier to do it manually
My guy if you've read any of the red wall book they have ZERO issue defending themselves. I mean Cluny got a fucking BELL dropped on him and fell through three floors of said bell's tower and died. Not to mention Constance is a badger and badgers in the setting don't fuck around. There's a reason Salamandstron is always the home of a badger lord.
One wonders if he’s heard the old battle cries
“Sssssssss death on the wind!”
“Blooooood and vinigaaaaaar!”
@@kathrineici9811 EULALIA!
Honestly I can find few things that would make me more peacefull than seeing a flag made of invader skin with " don't f with us" written in his blood
I grew up reading the Redwall books, I watched the cartoon, I got into warhammer when TW:W came out, didn't realize I needed a crossover
2:11 i love how the insults are so bad it made a skaven speak normally
NOOOOOO!!! This makes sense but DAAAAAAMN!! I love the Redwall representation though! Good stuff brother!
It's alright, guys, he has the S pass. Not like he said it with the hard R.
If your enemies kill you, you win!
"I'm bleeding, making me the victor!"
Average Skaven from Clan Chudus
Perfectly designed to appeal to both my inner 11 year old and inner 16 year old
for moment I thought the title was skaven go to mouseguard... which is really really really violent... in fact the skaven would be welcomed in the group
Skaven aside, this is pretty close to the Redwall books.
Martin the Warrior kicked more ass while he was alive than a hemorrhoid epidemic!
Him agreeing with the Skaven was perfect lmao!
If it was Martin physically there Cluny wouldn't have made it out of that first meeting. Also the Abbott is the secret mvp of this book. He placed an insane amount of trust in Matthias. About the only reason Matthias was able to get anything done.
I can't believe Matthias was the Bay Harbour Butcher.
he was the WHAT
Oh god I knew I couldn’t escape this
love this man-thing
What?
The voice acting is absolutely spot on along with a strong sense of humour
"HORNED RAT APPROVED, YES-YES. FUNNY YES!"
I’m just saying they would’ve been saved a lot of trouble if Mother Constance just ate Cluney from the beginning but OK.
🎩
🐍 no step on snek!🇺🇸🇭🇰
Why does Constance, the largest resident of Redwall, not simply eat the foes of the abbey?
@@judeblack4360oath of non violence, badgers in the setting basically have the red thirst and are known to go on indiscriminate rampages. I believe in the books at least it was mentioned Constance joined the abbby because she did kill somebody and regretted it
@@judeblack4360
Perhaps she's saving them for sweeps!
Skaven. The true race for the rat and mouse race.
Let the glory of the great horned one be known to all!
2:10
When a skaven drops the yes-yes accent, you know he's too disappointed with something
I never read or watched Redwall, but I can confidently say that you have ruined it for me, because it will never be as hilarious and awesome as this.
I mean it's pretty raw for a kid's book, (I fervently remember the antagonist fucking running over one of his lieutenants with a chariot and the casual description of how said lieutenant slowly died after being fucking crushed to death afterwards) but it's still a kid's book lol
@@unclefiend3087 "Tell the devil Cluny sent you!"
@@unclefiend3087the two worse fates in redwall is to either be a villan or the protagonist friend
@@jamesfreeman3617Or a loveable character in the long patrol.
@@silentangel2259 poor russa and rock grang
I have no fucking clue what I just watched, but I'm down for it regardless.
I had no idea what Redwall Abbey was before this video, but now I’m gonna binge it just so I can make Skaven conversions of the characters.
There are around 22 novels, two pictures books, and three seasons of the show. I wish you luck
Read the books, I adored the series as a kid and routinely reread them. saw a couple episodes of the show and immediately dropped it.
Books are way more violent and have a 3 or 4 pages of describing food and lots of songs. God i love those books
The shrews are probably the most like the shaven, but only in the sen7they like to argue and fight more than anything else, so they woukd probably be good night runners.
Badgers woukd probably be stormfiends.
While a little to small, storm vermin would be the otters I guess
And the hares would need to be something fast, so doom-flayers?
Read the books or you won’t experience the true weight of battle scenes
3:04 thats the victory theme for total war medieval 2
Yes, for Islamic factions...
I respect for you for knowing more than me
@@Jimmy_the_ork sorry, don't respect me. I got it wrong. Actually, the song is for Northern and Western Europe factions. Woops...
I had a suspicion, but thanks for correcting yourself.
Good ass game. Love total war.
Remember that there are 2 types of people in this world:
Redwall people
And wind and the willows people
Toad & Skaven tomfoolery would honestly cause the Endtimes, when you think about it...
Third option: Watership Down people.
From the desk of Brian Jacques:
"Dear Mr. Mackey,
The harsh and frosty winds descend upon my winter writing home with a fierce howl, sending great powdery waves of snow around the towering red brick of my writing tower to settle in a lacy halo over the cold dirt of the garden. I have recently finished my breakfast of a thick slice of rich honeyed bread, slathered thickly with fresh butter and tart strawberry jam, all washed down with a creamy glass of good milk. I sit now at my writing desk, lovingly carved with a wee x for every hundred dollars I have relieved from the world's children, and I consider grimly your note concerning my latest and, I hope, final work in the Redwall canon.
I appreciate the kind way in which you approached your misgivings regarding the manuscript for this book, especially after I reminded you of the unfortunate way in which I had to terminate my previous nine editors after discovering they were all on the side of the vermin hordes. "Does every vermin character have to be 100% evil?" they had queried of me. Like the vermin races could be anything but the lowest scum, created that way from birth. As I have aspired to show with the bulk of my literature, one should have no hatred for those born with lower, dirty souls, but, as the denizens of Redwall abbey have discovered again and again, one must be prepared to expel or even exterminate these vermin races should the natural evil within them ever rear its vile head.
But enough idle chatter. Let us consider two of your most easily deflected criticisms.
1. "My constant and wordy descriptions of food." - Oh come now, have you even read one of my books?
2. "My insistence on referring to all stoats as 'nx663r5' and all rats as 'sand nx663r5'." - This one can be shoved aside right off, as it was a simple editing oversight on my part. Ordinarily I replace those terms with the correct ones after they have served their purpose in exciting the necessary passion needed to describe their malevolence. I simply forgot to run the usual "search and replace" before printing. This is almost as embarrassing as the time that Mossflower was published with the vermin's castle still referred to as "Africa".
For now I must get back to my own little dibbuns (I am a grandfather now, if you did not know!), but please contact me if you have any further questions concerning the book. Thank you."
"Dear Mr. Jacques,
I must say that your letter made me very alarmed and hungry. To begin, with all due respect, I question the use of your suastica envelopes. You may be a World War II Memorabilia collector, but this and your welcoming gift of an ⚡⚡ dagger may be misconstrued by others as being in poor taste. Granted, I was incredibly happy to be working with such a legendary name in children's fiction, but perhaps these eccentricities should stay private?
Which brings me to my next point: I have only read a few books of the Redwall canon, but I must say I was shocked and disturbed by many of the concepts contained within your currently untitled manuscript (and right now I would sincerely express my apprehension about your proposed title, Death Comes Slow to the Wicked). For example, when the mouse hero Feather Kindface and his friend Good Goodly infiltrate the lair of the weasels: we are certainly going to face challenges from librarians on this, and not just in the states. Very little do I question such large passages, but what - may I ask - is the point of two mice heroes systematically mordor-ing thousands of innocent weasel babies with sharp rocks? Yes, the content does bother me, but what also bothers me is that this passage is 200 pages long!
Sir, maybe J.K. Rowling's works inspired you to make your newest Redwall novel as epic and sprawling as the latest Harry Potter adventure, but her books do not include graphic depictions of genocide immediately followed by lavishly-detailed feasting scenes. No one is questioning your ability to describe soup, but one can hardly enjoy these descriptions when the tortured cries of mordor-ed vermin babies are echoing through one's mind.
Please Mr. Jacques, do not forward me any more phrenology literature.
Also, please assist me in determining what your mole characters are saying. I was stymied on page one by a line of dialogue stating: "Hurr, oi fuhhoy nurr oi guvv.""
"Dear Mr. Mackey,
Ah yes, the famous question of the moles. Since the beginning of my career so very many years ago (I have been at this for some time, please recall. I feel more than polite entertaining questions from a newcomer to this business, but a small tip, friend: Never question a writer's tools. I would sooner give up my David Duke "Children Are Our Future" Award Pen than my suastica envelopes. Where was I? Oh, right.), the moles have performed a special role in my work. With their friendly, unthreatening presence and difficult to parse language, they serve the same purpose as a cuddly stuffed animal that whispers propaganda to a child as he sleeps, like any grandfather might secretly give to his grandchildren (these letters are confidential correct?).
To close this particular point, I merely ask you to consider the following line of dialogue from the main mole character, Buggo: "Hurr, oi'd ar remoindin' ya ta be kiollin' burr lowur racies hurr durr".
As for the size of that particular passage, I would point out that even at the current length it constitutes a trivial fraction of the entire work. The book, as you are aware, is going to be a massive one. Anyone who, say, stopped reading my work when they were twelve and then discovered recently that I have since written eight more books in the series would be able to tell that I'm having trouble letting this series go. Allow me to choose the scope of my farewell.
Besides which I feel the passage plays an important part as the genesis of the good creature's eventual plan for victory. Without it, it would feel forced to the reader when the following passage came around:
Feather stood atop the great wall of the abbey and Good Goodly approached his friend cautiously.
"Look at them, Good," said Feather, gesturing with a quivering paw at the vermin which were probably living somewhere in Mossflower even if they hadn't made any trouble in over a decade. "Not a peep from them in years, but you know their black souls will drive them to attack our fair abbey once again."
"Nothing to be done but wait, I suppose," replied Good, his bushy tail standing a great salute behind him.
"No, there is…another way." said Feather. "Do you remember, Good? Do you remember long ago…in the cave…what we did?"
"That was…" said Good in a shaky voice. "That was nothing. I remember nothing."
"Martin the Warrior came to me in a dream," said Feather. "He gave me eight riddles to solve, and after doing some anagrams and solving a crossword puzzle that was carved into a hidden corner of the abbey long ago, I realized he was proposing an idea to me. A, let us say, 'Final Answer' to the vermin problem."
"Hurr di burr, oi'm a mole," said Buggo.
I await your further comment."
"Dear Mr. Jacques,
Before I once again bring to the surface the morality issues, let us discuss further some other qualms I have with your current manuscript.
Once again you are using the device of Martin the Warrior to propel your protagonists towards their goal. I can't say that I blame you, as these references to Redwall's history only add to the charm of your books. I, however, am alarmed with your lack of care pertaining to this section of your manuscript. Perhaps you didn't have time to think out a real mystery for your characters to solve, but why - may I ask again - did you feel it necessary to clip multiple sudoku puzzles from the newspaper and paste them into the ten pages following the proposition of a Martin the Warrior puzzle? Perhaps these clippings are just a placeholder for future text, but I can't help but think this is what you intend to be published - after all, why else would you have crudely drawn smiling mouse faces around these errantly glued scraps of paper?
Mr. Jacques, you may be trying to break down the confining walls of children's fiction with these bold experiments, but to me this just seems like the act of an author who just doesn't care anymore. Yes, critics called your last Redwall novel "daring and Pynchon-esque," but were these critics aware that this book was merely a random assembly of unrelated chapters from previous Redwall novels? I think not. In fact, my 12 year-old nephew, who recently gave up your work for more challenging authors like Dan Brown, made me aware of this fact.
Also I have found more elements many would deem inappropriate for a children's book. I am familiar with your "adjective/noun" method of naming characters, but a few of the vermin characters' names threw me off a bit. Sharptits? Stinkcunt? I am aware that these names evoke the "antagonist attitude" you are trying to create, but the folks on the Newbery Award Panel will not look kindly on such things - nor will they look kindly on the 8(!) reap scenes in the third chapter alone, many of which are justified with your personal footnotes(!).
Just a thought - if you're looking to win an award, why not write a novel about a young woman who is raped and must learn to live again? Boring stories of survival such as these are Newbery Award pay dirt! As it stands, I cannot fathom the amount of hysteria that will come of the triple penetration paragraph on page 27.
A question - if the moles are loyal friends to the kind denziens of Redwall, why are they custarted and ensleeved during the war that takes place within your manuscript? Please clarify."
"Dear Mr. Mackey,
There comes a time in every author-editor relationship where the half without talent starts to go too far in his criticism. Simply put, you have overstepped your boundary in questioning the basic theme of my book.
Remember, this is a triumphant end to an endless struggle. To expect such a struggle to end cleanly is pure naivety. Any child reading such a book that did not include the reap and gleefully described groe would write letters to the publisher asking where these things are. True, my previous books (including the one just published, "Dreams of an Abbey Day Surrendered: A Fugue for Two" which you so rudely maligned in your missive) did not contain such levels of violence, but I hoped the message came through clearly enough that goodbeasts must get their hands dirty in order to deal with evil. Such as I may find myself having to do with you, Mr. Mackey.
I find most interesting your discomfort with the plot of my book. That you have not begun to whine about the Mossflower creatures building a large "Friendship Camp" near the Abbey and herding all the vermin they can find into it in order to end the problem once and for all, well, I can only attribute this to your pitiful reading skills that have not yet carried you past the halfway point of my opus. If I were not eating a great wedge of hazelnut cheese on an apple-honey salad all washed down with a hearty glass of October Ale (Coors Light, in real world terms), and if my granddaughter were not practicing a song for her school talent show in the next room, I would laugh at the hash you make of your so-called "job".
Are you a Ju', Mr. Mackey? Does there, perhaps, run through your veins the occasional drop of the "lower" blood? Do you speak the tongue of civilization, or do the thick, guttural animal sounds of the African or Shimitic "languages" ever escape your lips?
In closing I say simply this: I have in my closet a sword, blood stained but sharp as the notes my granddaughter is singing just now. Next to it is a special mouse mask that I only wear on certain occasions. Keep a close eye on what you write to me from now on, or do the same to your windows in the nighttime."
"Dear Mr. Jacques,
It is with this letter I must regrettably end your association with T.H. Mackey and Sons. In my line of work, nothing is quite as tragic as being disappointed in a respected author; I can't say I've felt like this since the late Kingsley Amis "upper decked" my toilet at a cocktail party. Enclosed you will find the "authentik [sic] Joo skull" you previously sent me with the notebook paper authentication still attached. Postal regulations dictate that I cannot return your "home purity test" along with its various hypodermics.
In the future, Mr. Jacques, you may want to treat your editors with a little more respect - even if you deny certain historical tragedies and they do not. Many others do not have the good humor I do to not phone the authorities when they wake up to the words "FUCKING STOAT" burning on their front lawns. These same people also do not act rationally when they see their Jaguar covered in the corpses of weasels dressed in full battle armor. Please, Mr. Jacques, I insist you get help, lest the public see your unsavory side.
Please note my house is now enclosed by many expensive fences."
"Dear Scotland Yard,
The acclaimed author stood before his writing desk, still panting from the wounds of a mighty fight. His bloodied sword hung loosely from his side, and his mouse mask was now limp and crumbled on the desktop. The vermin lord Mackey had been vanquished at last. The land of Mossflower and also Britain and America were free from that tyrannical scourge. But the warrior Jacques had incurred many a wound in the course of the tussle, and he staggered back to recuperate in his spring writing home.
Soon others would come, alerted by what he was writing at that moment. They would congratulate him for his brave deeds and prepare a place of resting where he could hang up his sword and live a life of peace. He took a bite of honey cake from his desk, its yellow frosting sinking damply into the fresh cake beneath it.
I wish I could describe this cake more, because it tastes really great, but I'm too weak, so here ends this hero's story.
I love food."
One of the Funniest things I’ve read in a while great job!😂😂
@@theloweffortchannel7211 Thank you for reuniting me with this post
I don’t think there’s necessarily anything wrong with a setting having different sapient species which have strong tendencies towards different moral characters, just because there are no such multiple species (…on earth anyway? Who is to say regarding distant worlds) irl.
(Different species are quite unlike the “races” among us humans. Race isn’t really a natural category like a person’s [whether they are male or female]. Species is a much more natural category than “race” (though there is still some small amount of fuzziness in the boundaries of species, (with fertile hybrids being occasionally possible).
Racism I think pretty much always comes from treating “racial” categories as if they are more real than they are.)
I will say that I did laugh at your comment, so I don’t mean to say that it wasn’t funny or anything like that. I just want to express that I don’t think what is depicted really suggests racism on the part of the author of the books. Now, perhaps/probably you didn’t mean to suggest that as a sincere/actual critique of the author, and were only making a joke, and in that case my comment can be disregarded (other than the small part where I mention that you made me laugh).
Anyway, best wishes and g’db’w’ye
@@drdca8263 its a copypasta
I LOVE THIS- I have nostalgia for Redwall and a frankly concerning obsession with the skaven- it’s perfect
1:33 the only time you will catch me siding with a skaven
The rat with a gat approves snakhra gutgouger’s rat gat
The ending was tamer than I feared.
I thought Snakhra was going to ask for Cornflower as a breeder or something.
I think the universe is sending me a sign; first Instagram, now this, it appears I am compelled re-read Redwall.
Bo hurm, gudd luck on ee gurt journey maister. Redwall h’abby bees ee keepin ee loight on fer ee
Atleast he ain't forklift certified
Yet.
@@Da_ComputerMonster 😱
DreadAnon's skaven content is the only thing I'm on RUclips for anymore, i love it so much
Holy f*****g s**t I COMPLETELY FORGOT REDWALL EXISTED!
And it was really fking good as a kid… i loved the books…
I loved the redwall books as a kid and that made me laugh 😂 well played
Man, empire of man would not survive a martin lead vermintide
I can't believe Matthias didn't get shot in the back, really Snakhra has a lot-many things to learn still.
Martin was all for killing those who try to kill you. He wasnt for meaningless torture or inspiring fear in the weak. He believed in striking fear into the powerful.
I always get thrown for a loop when I’m reminded that the Redwall books I loved so much as a kid have an animated adaptation.
Hey if it helps they there are games as well
@@jamesfreeman3617 What the fuck? What the fuck?! I learned about the show several years ago but it never sticks with me, I've NEVER heard of there being games.
@@nerdyvids1 most are mobile games but the lost legends of redwall scouts anthology game is greet on xbox series s
Imagine think what could have happened if we had a ratkin of the great great clans like Moulder. Also now I'm curious and horrified scared of a Skaven Weed Saga episode entry where a Clan Moulder got the munchies or made their own strain type.
Cue the Bretonnians finding their mood kindred.
I don't know Redwall lore so I was very suprised when I discovered this Martin guy the abbot thought wouldn't want them to defend themselves is Martin *the warrior*
Blame the show the redwall books arnt afraid to get graphic while the animals of redwall are peaceful they have killed so many bad guys the abbey is literally built on there corpses also Martin killed a wildcat warlord that was 8 times his size he was a killing machine
@@jamesfreeman3617 This basically. The denizens of the Abbey are as pacifist as can be, but their unofficial motto might as well be "fuck around and find out."
Fantastic video. I was obsessed with Redwall as a kid so I’m PLEASED
I JUST dug up Redwall from the recesses of my childhood and there you are coming out with a skit, I swear there's some strings of fate being pulled
It makes sense that Skaven is in the abby, he seems a bit friendlier than the norm.
As someone who is a Warhammer fan and also grew up reading & watching Redwall this was both an unexpected and absolutely hilarious start to my day.
Thanks for that!
the cross over ive always wanted. only rediscovered red wall recently caught a couple episodes in canada when i was a kid.
thought tim curry was in it and was confused when he wasnt. then got to the 2nd season and was alike oooooh there he is XD
more of these please
Yes-yes, all for the Great Horned One, good-great job, human-thing, now do-don more!
More than anythin, Im just surprised that Skaven a) had a book with him, and b) the implication that he was literate
I’m new to the party but I love both red wall and skaven so I owe you a follow subscription.
I never knew I wanted a crossover like this and I love this. And I can't believe I never saw what was in front of me this whole time. Quick everyone to google docs, this is a fanfiction in the making!
I mean warhammer fantasy straight up based a lesser skaven clan off of the rapscallions
I didn't realize it, but I need a series of Skaven in the Redwall world. Seriously though, this was hilarious. Thank you!
Fun Fact: Martin the Warrior was a former slave, so I don't think he would take kindly to having his entire abby enslaved by a skaven
NOOOO! That would stop people from attacking us!
God I love this
And that, in a nutshell, is why you don't rely on mercenaries for national defense.
I remember teading some of those books as a Kid. Never could fully get into them.
Damn Red Wall that takes me back. Having Skaven in it just make 10 times more hilarious.
Grew up watching redwall and got into warhammer as an adult.
you killed it bro , home run !
Redwall was such a fucking good series of books. And shows. Both are great. And fuck yeah Warhammer!
NGL I completely forgot about Redwall and you activated some good childhood memories, thanks!!
Holy shit he said the S-word with a hard Q, wasn't expecting that
Glad to see the memory of our king Brian Jacques still lives on. He really wrote the same book 20 times and it was exactly as badass every single time. Shoutout to Luke the Warrior, the best book in the series.
This Skaven used logic to appeal to his allies, motivated them in a moment of weakness and helped them improve and then then used to the power of teamwork to defeat the enemy leader.
You know now I really want the isekai adventures of Snakhra Gutgouger and his buddy Matthias.
This....this has been a crossover i pondered on for some time...and you brought it to light.
QUICK SOMEBODY CALL GW MAKE IT CANNON! MAKE IT A BOOK!!
Haven't seen Redwall in ages, maybe i should revisit the series.
I think this is an allegory for something... but I can't put my finger on what...
This gave me the biggest laugh I've had all week and a gigantic smile. This is the sign I needed to finally binge Redwall.
What’s the music that played when Snahkra said that they should shoot the squeaka in his face at 0:43? It goes pretty hard
By the Horned Rat i love this channel.