Story 1: AITA for for not splitting my sons pay checks with his two brother? Story 2: 6:17 AITA for agreeing to take in my sister but not my step sisters when my parents wanted to go on vacation Story 3: 10:55 AITA for not telling my family which of my children is biologically mine? Story 4: 15:06 AITA for not being more supportive of former stepdaughter?
Story 1 She was abused in her former relationship. Her husband told her what he was doing and why. She didn't follow his advice, now she's mad at him. Kevin Samuels said, making the man in your present pay for what the man in your past did to you. The husband did everything right. She didn't trust her husband because her ex hurt her.
I've watched a LOT of these videos during qt. I've come to the conclusion that entitled people seem to love to use words like "family", "selfish", "share" and "unfair" when they're about so steal someone else's money...
@@maritnordin6017 That's my rule of thumb. More often than not those who use such words are more likely have vested interest, or expects to be at the receiving end. Those who advocate for charity are more likely expects others to write the check. I realize those who actually do charity out of the goodness of their heart (ie not as tax deduction) often don't speak about it.
First story: OP keeps saying his wife was in a previous financially abusive situation. By her actions, it seems as if she was the abuser and kept mentioning the "abuse" so she could gain his sympathy. In her mind, their separate finances seem to be "what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine (or at least ours)". Throw that garbage out.
Agreed 100%. And towards the end OP mentioned she had a decent amount of money saved because he paid the mortgage and she didn't contribute.....So why in the world didn't she just use some of that money to buy her son a car or a better car? This makes no sense.
In my eyes the only type of financial abuse there is is either keeping the person so poor they starve or genuinely stealing money they earn other than that you have no right to anyone else’s money only an idiot would think you should know woman nor any man should half to keep another person up unless it’s their own child and only to a certain degree
The dad basically saved his son's earnings for him. It's a good lesson! It would teach his son that he can live without spending all his paycheck each month. If he gives half of that to the stepson it will ruin the lesson and their relationship.
Until I went to college, my parents had something similar for me. Any gift money that I'd get or cash that I'd earn, they'd take half and it would go into the bank for a college fund. At the time, it made me more thankful for gift cards because they couldn't be split up that way...then I was rather happy because of the funds I got access to.. Even the person my uncle married claimed to do that...though, she tended to loot and "balance" the funds out for her partying. Didn't find that out until after my uncle died and my parents had custody of my cousins and were trying to figure out all of the financial things to continue their rule for college funds and found out just how much she'd looted.
I wish my parents made me save a majority of my 4-H money. Instead from 9yrs old I spent it when I had it barely saving anything, had I saved I would've had over $10k in the 10yrs of showing my hogs and I wish my dad would've been more forceful with me doing other farm work for money too, because that really could've helped my husband and I with a down payment on the house we wanted, helped with our wedding and hospital expenses for our children. I plan to do what I wish they would've done with me to my kids, they'll have a certain percentage they keep to spend however they want and then they'll have the majority saved for their futures.
@@sierraguru6942 if he don’t work, no play ,if OP told the wife why,she might done the same,she didn’t know and no money where saved. And no work done ,but if the step brothet knew he would maybe get a job to save up, seams there are a something left out of the story
Seperate households always, and no to getting remarried. Especially with a kid. As a single guy with child, noone ever will move in with me. Noone will have a claim on my property and eventual my kids inheritance
@@thereturnoftheprodigalyams6763 I don't do SO's anyway, strictly "friends with benefits" at the very most. It's frightening when you talk to a chick and the probing questions they ask, to size you up. The "lean-in" as soon as they hear you own your own house lol. Yea, I can tell what's suddenly perked up your interest hahahaha. Suggest all guys to test it out at bars, see how it works, and learn to avoid making bad had mistakes
Story 1: Your wife knew what you were doing and had the same opportunity. Do not give them a dime. Do you, talk to your son about NEVER loaning his car to either of them to keep them from damaging it out of spite.
The stepson reaction in the little update is really telling. The fact he blew up at his mother after seeing the post and didn't double down on op and his son leads me to believe his mother wasn't being completely honest about the situation with him. That said while I think it's wise to set aside money if possible to assist your children for their early adulthood ( ie. for college or some initial financial stability until they can stand on their own two feet ) not everyone thinks that way and I accept that and thus don't consider the step mother an a hole for this but for thinking her son should be entitled to any money op's son earned or op matched since she insisted their finances be separate does
@@heleneclark563 Right! Also, was the stepson forced to share the Apple products he purchased? After all, the son didn't have them, and that's not fair according to her logic. Was this really the hill worth dying on? I've seen this kind of crap before where it's "separate finances" until someone notices the other party is doing better, then it's suddenly a communist revolution.
Her son has no right to be mad at her. He's 19. If he wants a car, he can save for it. The other boy is 17. He can't open a bank acct without parents and his dad knew that. So his dad opened a savings acct for him. The wife is mad because the father wouldn't steal money from his son and give it to her son. I mean what the actual.
@@cgamejewels He has every right to be mad at his mother. His mother is trying to steal money from his step brother on his behalf, without him knowing what she is doing to blacken his name with the rest of his family.
@@cgamejewels Probably made out that the dad gave son all the money in the account instead of just matching his son’s savings. “Why did you pay for his car and not mine?” sounds like a much more reasonable grievance than “Why does he have savings from his job and I don’t?” Especially given the stepson’s reaction after seeing the post. I get the feeling mom wasn’t telling him everything.
@@cgamejewels maybe the sons mad at her because she simply told him that step dad was only paying for it and that it was actually all stepbros money. that would make him an accomplice to attempting to rip off a 17 year old.
No it wasn't. In the first page it says "I matched it 100%" so half of the money in the account came from the son and the other half from the dad. The dad was giving money to his son and not equaling the amount to the stepson. Since this savings arrangement doesn't sound optional for the son it was giving one child more money than the other. It's one thing to say the mom and dad keep separate finances but that normally doesn't mean that each pays for their own children.
@@randomn4me205 er yes it does. The wife had every opportunity to do the same for her own son and didn’t. That’s on her. Why should he double dip into his pockets because his wife doesn’t want to teach her son the values of saving? He even discussed it with her and she didn’t like the idea. Not his or his sons problem. When you keep finances separate like this and have separate children, this is what happens.
@@randomn4me205 I see it more like the dad was paying the kid back for taking large portions of his money. It's not really unfair just because the dad gave him something in exchange for taking what he worked hard to earn from him all the time. Either way it still wouldn't be fair for him to take money out of ones savings to give it to the other when the stepmom had the option to provide for her son the same way. It's her responsibility to teach her kid how to save money and if she thinks it's unfair then she should be the one to pay the difference.
@@untitled-gv3qp I don't see it that way. He didn't give his son a choice and according to the edits didn't tell wife, son or stepson that he was matching the deposits in the account. "I'm teaching my son to save money by forcing him to save", I completely agree this is reasonable. "Because you are my son, have some money that I decided to give to you because I can and I'm not giving the same to my stepson because he is my stepson and it's my wife's responsibility to give him money" I don't see this as reasonable. He wasn't rewarding saving money he was just giving his own son money. My own understanding of separate finances for parents doesn't include this level of separation when it come to paying for things for their children or gifts to children. Maybe separate finances means different things but I've not seen it where one parent gifts their own child with money and expects the other parent to match it to their stepchildren.
@@randomn4me205 But the stepson never had money taken from him. For each paycheck one kid got less while the other got to freely spend his money (assuming he was also working). If the wife chose to do the same thing the OP did but didn't know about him adding money then you would have a point. It would make sense to help put some into the step kids account to make the difference, but she didn't want to save anything for her son to begin with. It's not fair to take from one kid even if the dad puts something into his savings because the mom never helped with it or helped her own kid. She gave nothing to her stepson either but she says it's unfair that her bio kid doesn't get the same treatment when he never saved anything. Besides that, both of the kids are adults or close to it. She's the one who wanted to keep the finances separate so she should be the one to give her kid extra money if she wants him to have it.
1. Story: 100% NTA he told her what he was doing and suggested she does the same when he started, that alone makes him NTA in that whole story after the stepson read the story even he knew that OP is NTA and his mother is in the wrong, sure he still is entitled but he did direct his anger and entitlement onto the right person so OPs cousin seemed to have known that marriage will not last, hence the talk about „what if you divorce“ all in all it sounds like she did go from being financially abused to be the financial abuser
NTA. The only reason OP’s mom would want to know which one is the bio-son is so she can differentiate and discriminate. If she learns which one is the bio-son, there will be immediate favoritism.
One of the commenters made a valid point. The mom wasn't even around to know when her daughter gave birth and know what she named her son. It's basically the mothers fault that she doesn't know which is her biological grandson .
The OP's mother is the narcissist by insisting on finding out which of the boys is biologically related to herself. The OP should not allow her near them just in case she swabs their mouths or whatever to find out.
@@sheilaclemett4353 , Spot on. Narcissists typically see family members as extensions of themselves. So she has a real need to know which one of them is "part" of her. OP should definitely make sure that the mother cannot find out which child is which. Better yet, kick the old witch out of their lives.
you can ask every women why their paszt relationship failed, and you get always the answer that the men abused her ( I dont say there isnt any abuse, i say its not 100% of all failed relationships..)
@@supercunthunt7756 My relationships never failed because of abuse. Usually, the breakup was amicable and we just don’t have compatible life goals. Not everyone claims abuse. Your circle is full of weirdos.
not necessarily...trauma from abuse literally fucks up your brain. she's still completely in the wrong in this and is being a massive asshole, but that doesn't mean she wasn't abused in her last relationship. especially if she's never gone to therapy or something for it.
@@supercunthunt7756 I've had exs (men) who would describe abusive behaviours as the reason for previous breakups. When they were the perpetrators...I unfortunately later learned.
Dad set up a savings incentive plan for his son to teach him advantage of delay spending to save for future goals. Wife did nothing for hers. And wants to steal from his. NTA. Not his fault. Have stepson ask his Mom why she didn't do same?
@Jim Bob I have actually had the complete opposite happen and have been taken advantage of and screwed over probably just as much as any man in divorce in the last 3 relationships That I have been in. it's not just women that do this, men do it too so be fair.
Theuglykwan..This was my ex husband's mantra and he meant it....He took almost everything,so it is not 'always women'' and this was many years ago and it doesn't change much.
With stories 1 and 2, what is up with people claiming "favoritism" when a person does not feel the same to a step relative/in law as they to people who have been in their lives longer? Just cause you like someone enough to marry them and take their family doesn't mean everyone else has to.
It's only called favoritism when an idea executed good gives one party an advantage. It does not matter if the other party had exactly the same opportunities. The fact that grandparents want to support THEIR offspring is considered favoritism as well, if the other party does not have nice grandparents as well. And retired grandparents usually have anything they need and nothing they wish for, except their offspring to thrive. And many of them have a lot of fun money to spoil their offspring. They still expect their kids to work for their money (mostly), but that is usually not expected from the "little ones" further down the line. And of course those grandparents brag more of their grandchildrens accomplishments then they did of their own kids. - I have observed this quite often and I can only ROFLMAO! I love it.
So it's favouritism if op has one extra room in hers and her boyfriends apartment which had already been converted to the sisters room screw off the girls don't like each other there's no way on earth op wouldn't her sister sleep in the same house as people who don't like her the mum needs to find the girls a place to stay on their dads side and stop bugging op
1st story... An abuser that claims to be the abused. She saved a nest egg for herself while living at the house for free. That nest egg will be "spent" and she's coming for half your house in the divorce.
Wtf doesn't she use her nest egg to add to her sons car fund, big red flag her money is only her money but everyone else's money is also HER money. Hell no. And who leaves a marriage over some car money.
@@karencarpenter5845 A totally entitled person who realizes the man she married to be her personal ATM isn't such a jelly-spined loser as to let her steal his son's money...? Her past "abusive" relationship was 100% her abusing some dude.
Clark and Kent: NTA, the only reasons why the mom wants to know which child is her biological grandchild is for favoritism or something worse. I wouldn't let her or any other family near them for a minute in case they try a send away DNA test
The family telling her that what she is doing is causing more issues now than her mother will cause later… what? What issues is it causing right now except for sneakiness on the mother's part and everyone thinking they get an opinion?
I'm not sure if the names are real, but they are not the only connections to the classic superman. I laughed when I read those names. On your opinion: I support it fully. The attempts are so telling. I would stay LC for a long time. And I would state that within the family any attempt (successfull or not) by anybody to disclose that secret would result in NC forever.
Mother has remarried 2 years ago. OP was 18. She has barely met the step sister (then 11 and 13 now 13 and 15) 2 - 3 times during that time. She must live nearby or her sister could not come over almost every week.
I think both sisters are very intentionally sidelining the new family. It matters less (at the moment) with the older, but the youngest is 17 (was 15 at the time of the marriage) and she lives in the household.
Imagine the 17 year old would now get pregnant and wanted to keep the baby. would the step dad be expected to be gracious about it and she could live at home and they would help her raise the child. Because if HE can be expected to step up (in a household that is 50 % his and the children live there because the parents provide for them - so the adults set the rules) - then the girl of then 15 now 17 also can be expected to make an effort. Imagine the family would make a trip to Disney, but the 17 year old would be excluded (even though she would like to go, too. "you do not seem to be into family activties you can stay with your sister while we are in Florida"). But that be O.K. ?? I would also see it as a sign of character of the 20 year old to try to connect a little more with her new family (she makes a point that this is the family of HER mother and it has nothing to do with her even though she does not quote any harm they have done to her. She can wait until the step children, that may connect more with her mother get favored in a will, I wonder if she would like that. She too could show some GRACE and a little bit of polite effort. There is a middle ground between being close and I hardly met them 2 - 3 times in 2 years. If only in order to support her mother who seems to try to bring the family together (with her bio daughters being obstinantly opposed). The older sister must live nearby and somehow managed to not meet the children of the husband of her mother in 2 years (not more than 2 - 3 times. Let me guess: 1 the wedding, and 1 - 2 x Christmas. If her count is even at 3 already. She must very carefully avoid having anything to do with them (heck they could be nice). of course she does not acitvely hate them (not counsciously), at least not the children, but you do miss your second family while living nearby w/o being _very intentionally showing the new family the could shoulder._ Screw the mother that obviously would like to have better and closer relationships. Screw her efforts. Screw the strain that stance most likely puts on the household and her marriage. We often meet people that are not immediately our cup of tea (or we resent them, and that could be for reasons they are not even their fault) - and still have to give it an effort. There may be huge emotional blockades why both sister have the mission to keep the new family at arm's length.
To op in the second story,your mother is forcing a relationship between the two families ,it's never going to happen ,and it will blow up in her face ,causing her to lose her two bio children and She's left with only her step kids .Your right to tell the truth about the situation as it be worse ,what happens if your sister decides to move out when she turns 18? ,all her belongings go with her and the step kids are left with very little ,your mum needs to back off and parent all the kids the same ,instead of favouring the step kids ,as she is destroying her relationship with her own daughter.NTA
I like to think of it as this, she looses her kids, her marriage fails, now she's as alone as the youngest daughter must have felt living under her roof.
@@alexismyers6053 The then 15 year old might not have liked it - at all - that he mother remarried, bu there can be an expectation that she gives it an effort. She is not living on her own, she would be required to live with siblings she is not close, with a grandma if the parents take her in. She might later have a roommate that she has to get along with. - I think the then 15 year old (now 17) might be a brat. Or in a deep loyalty conflict to not accept the new family because that would be betrayal towards her father, or she resents that she does not have the mother to herself. her older sister was out of the house - but just when she was going to be the only daughter in the house, her mother got herself a new husband and 2 new younger siblings came into the home. Older sister seems to be supportive of that attitude (we do not care about these other people that are now the family our our mother and do not even try). She overlooks that she owes her mother for raising her, and at age 18 - 20 she could also start to think of the wellbeing of her mother. She found a (hopefully good) man - as her bio kids grow up and one already left and one is going to leave soon. Good for her mother. Neither the 20 year old nor the 17 year old mind putting a strain on the marriage of the mother. (I do not suggest the older sister should take all 3 minors - she could have lived in the house of the mother and stepfather for the time of the vaccation. If the kids can be expceted to obey her, and if the distance is not too long. Her mother makes a good effort to create a bond and she tries to be a good step mom. That is a sign of character. A mature ! 20 year old would be proud of her mother.
@@xyzsame4081 you lost me at "she owes her mother for raising her." I'm not even going to bother with the rest. That is a HUGE NOPE from me. KIDS DO NOT OWE THEIR PARENTS FOR BEING PARENTS! The mother CHOSE to have and keep her kids, therefore she CHOSE the responsibilities that came with raising them. End of story. Full stop. Do not pass go. Also, did you miss the part where the OP said that the stepsisters are very mean to her sister and take her things and the mother ALLOWS this because she wants them to see her as their mother? She doesn't care about her BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER THAT SHE CHOSE TO RAISE! She only cares about maki g her marriage work and being on good terms with her "new" daughters. Her biological daughter probable feels like the puppy gifted to the spoiled entitled kid last Christmas: old news and no longer wanted. You can't be a happy family when one member is made to feel miserable by the others. Get off your high horse and listen to the stor as many times as it take to realize the mother is a huge, gaping AH.
The mum will most likely force her to leave her belongings behind so that her step sisters can use them. Its like "if you wanna leave, go. but your stuff stays here."
@@dreamhobbiz I would definitely fight her one it, or slowly and secretly move them out. "Oh that one thing of mine that the hellspawn like to use without my permission is missing? Hm, well how should I know where it is when no one ever asks to take my things? I bet they broke it and just won't say because they KNOW I will make them pay for a replacement, regardless of how badly you, dear egg donor, would want me to forgive them because YOU think I see them as family."
1st story, it's not unusual for a parent to get a some money from a child's paycheck and put it away for them. It's called saving. Maybe for a college fund or a car, or a good downpayment for a house. People who are financially smart do these kind of things. OP don't let your wife guilt trip you into giving your step son your bio sons saved money. You suggested to you wife to do the same thing for the step son, but she didn't, and now its come to bite her in the butt.
So $150 per Week multiple by 52 weeks and Double that, so Bio son had $15k he hadn't thought about when wanting a car. Sounds like mom tried manipulate her son with disinformation until he read the post and realized mommy had been given the heads up years prior and the option to follow suit, but choose not to.
Props to the Dad in the first story! He's a great Dad looking out for his kid. The Dad had wisely kept away the funds and saved it in an account for his bio son's future investments and it paid off. Essentially he's teaching his kid the lesson that he should save for a rainy day and be rewarded by that. Thus, in the future the kid would grow to understand how to set aside his salary to pay for better things in the future. NTA and the mom should have done something like that as well from the start and listen to the advice.
When you are a parent you do not have the luxury of "getting away" or "a break" when you have underage children either you take your children with you or you just don't go away.
or at the very least PAY someone to do so and at a fair rate. i fully believe parents need to be able to have some time away from their kids and just be a couple. it's just how they go about making sure those kids are taken care of while they're gone (and that they are at a developmentally appropriate age level for the length of trip taken) that's fucked up.
If they want a break, they need to fairly compensate the person who's taking care of them, and not let the kids know so that they don't feel like a burden. Example: When I was little and mom wanted some time, she'd give my grandparents or the person looking after me some money and free reign over the kitchen, as well as access to a guest (master) bedroom and any amenities they'd like. I think that's fair.
Exactly! My family would babysit for my mom for free a lot cuz they knew she was struggling financially for much of my childhood, but that was offered and my mom still did whatever she could to minimize that and have us cared for on her own.
Exactly. I have 8 step siblings. Well, one I claim. The rest? I have no idea where any of them live, nor care. Pretty sure they feel the same. I have family I don't talk to.
My mom and her husband (my @$$hole stepdad) forced me to see hims as my father. They very obviously favored my sister (HIS biological daughter) and treated me like crap then strut around making everyone think they were the best parents to ever exist (to be fair, given the mentality of the backwater town I live in, that's not too hard). What people didn't know was that, at home, I was screamed at until I cried for the most trivial things (grades, forgetting to do something, refusing to do something that was honestly u reasonable) by my "dad" while my mom just sat back and said nothing until he decided to walk away, then she would tell me that I need to learn how to "just shut up and do as your told." I hated it. I didn't feel safe or comfortable or even loved in my own home. All because she wanted to play happy family with her husband, regardless of how I felt about it. She did everything she could to force my biological father into signing his rights away when I was an infant and then cut off everyone in his family from me with the exception of 2 people who I was not allowed to know were my relatives. She was so proud of herself for threatening to never let my childhood best friend (who turned out to be mybolder half sister) see me again if she ever told me the truth. I probably wouldn't be working on cutting her out of my life had she acted like a mother to me. As it stands, I only see her as an egg donor. All because she couldn't accept that I may not see her husband as my father if she let me know the truth and have my biological father in my life.
@@alexismyers6053 How old are you? Can you form a relationship with your bio dad, now? Maybe go live with him? You seem to know who that side of your family are. Just remember, the best revenge is living well ... and giving all the credit to your bio dad and his family after your horrible upbringing with your mother and step. Get a good profession. Get a good trade. Keep your nose clean and don't make any questionable choices in life (like becoming an unwed mother). Be as Ceasar's wife - above suspicion. You can talk wistfully - just a little bit, tho, and to the worst gossip in town - about how horrible your childhood was and how your real dad's family helped put you on the right path. It will drive your mother and step crazy.
To op in the first story,NTA your son earned his money fair and square ,it's not your fault that your step kid possibly spent his money and wasted it on junk .Your wife could have insisted on at least 25% of his earnings go into a savings account ,she didn't.Your son knew you were saving that money for when he needed to buy a big item ,you and your son are smarter than your wife and her son .If she wants the money now ,Don't ,but be careful for when it's time to transfer the money to a solo account for your son.
To the mom of twins. You are their mom.!!! You aren't raising your mother or her family, the twins are your responsibility, not theirs. You stand between them and this situation. God bless you, you have really made my heart smile.!!!
Story 1: wow that blew up. I never thought this was going to lead to divorce. Especially when the step son took OP's side. This story may have opened the door but something else must have come out in the argument that lead to the divorce.
OP 1) Well, that soon to be ex of yours sounds entitled as hell. Glad you're leaving that harpy since she's just mad that you had the sense to save your child from being an impulse buyer when he was just starting out in the working world. The fact that she wanted to do the exact same thing that her abusive ex did to her is disgusting.
I think there is no abusive ex . She probably played victim to keep her money for herself. Guess what if she remarries ,she will call OP as an financial abuser .
last story: leaving an abusive relationship is hard and without a legal connection to the child there wasn't anything she could do to stay in contact while protecting herself from the girl's dad. The lack of legal rights with the stepchild is much different than if OP and boyfriend have a child together.
Agree, I do feel like she could have at least told her a very glossed over version of the truth "Hey you're a great kid and I always loved you, but me and your Dad are very different people and it couldn't work, the straw that broke the camel's back was when your Dad didn't want me to attend a family funeral" that puts the ball in the Dad's court and gives him room to spin it to where he's not a loon in his daughters eyes. No harm in correcting a lie told about yourself. Granted that depends on OP's priorities and sense of responsibility to Chloe. Edit: I say this in light of the fact she already told Chloe her Dad was lying and gave evidence to support (that she hadn't met fiance when she left) but refused to provide any alternative explanation other than "Go ask your abusive Dad." Seems more dangerous for the girl than just telling herm
So I actually know something about this one not covered in this video from reading the reddit post before listening to this. The abusinve father knew and allowed Chloe to contact her. I cannot I'm my wildest dreams consider her not an asshole when her own SO tells her she is abandoning a little girl out there who just wants the mother she never got. She absolutely can set ground rules and keep away from the abusinve ex while being there for her and that what I would have done/what good people would do.
Why in christ would the big sister, want the step sisters staying over, when the bio. sis. comes over all the time, specifically to get away from them?!?! That's just dum...D U M... DUM!
Story 2 NTA. I’m glad the mother wants the family to be a blended family but she is going about it the wrong way. I’m a spiteful jerk so I would make the mom not want to talk to me.
OP's Mom: "Why wont you love your new sisters" Op's Sister: "you let them get away with bullying and stealing from me, why would I want anything to do with bullies and thieves"
She got a sitter for 1, now get 1 for the other 2. So nobody thought of asking big sis to move in for week? For pay? Plenty of room, she can sleep in mother's empty bed.
1st guy: Some people don't bring home the food, cook it up or set the table and yet they are the first ones to invite themselves down to eat. Your wife and family are of that ilk.
@@cl1cka except he singlehanded paid the mortgage on the home her and her son lived in and she she let him handle most bills. So no, she’s the gold digger and he’s getting money back that was due from her entitled ass
Not really, its not his sons money ONLY - he was also giving the son money for free. And you cant do that in a family - you cant give money to one child and ignore the other...the guy is a moron....
@@cl1cka His son was 17. His stepson was 19. He can't take money from a grown man that's not even his child even if it was his child. Besides he told his wife she should do the same for her adult son.
#1 OP NTAH..... My granny did the same thing to me... When I got my first job... "I" not "GRANNY" decided that I would give her something for raising me and to help pay bills. Even though she didn't need or want me to. I insisted!!!!! Well I didn't know that she was putting EVERYTHING I have her in her savings account. When I told her I wanted to get my first car, I had saved about $500 and was working with the person to make payments after (total cost of car would have been $800 but reason for payments would have been so I could pay for maintenance, registration and all that other stuff) Well when I told her, she said you know you can do all that with no problem right? I was like how? She said I saved EVERYTHING that you been giving me. Loved my grandparents with all my heart!!! Say "LOVED" because I lost them both a couple years ago.
The one who is raising her bio son’s half brother. Be careful that someone in your family doesn’t start collecting anything from you or your sons that they could get DNA 🧬 from.
I'm a petty bastard, I'd have lied about which one was mine, and if any one of them favored that son over the other, tell them it was a test, they all failed and I'm going completely NC with the whole family, with an add-on about whose fault it is too.
@@SH-qs7ee but op really needs to tell the kids bc they will soon enough learn that 6 months isn't time apart enough and someone else could tell them bf op is ready.
Last story: You could, at the very least, tell Chloe that you will disclose everything to her when she reaches adulthood. Considering she's still living with her dad, you don't know how she'd react to hearing "truth" from you. If she goes "all up in ya" on her dad, he could kick her out, and wind up on your doorstep. This isn't so much about hearing Chloe out, she's already told you what she wants to know. This is about her hearing you out (you must be honest). Explain that leaving her dad meant leaving her, and since she's a minor her dad has final say. You should have a raised eyebrow at your fiancee's reaction and comments. It sounds like he has a different method of control.
Absolutely agreed. That man is emotionally abusing her with his history. I really doubt this is the 1st time.. People tend to get into abusive relationships repeatedly. I wonder if OP is in one right now
I think Chloe texting OP is a big call for help, I wouldn't be surprised at all that her father is awful to her as well and OP is the only way out she remembers, and while I see why OP would panic and cut off communication with her so quickly (considering she's still, to a certain point, a trace of the abusive ex in her life) I can also see why her reaction would scare her current fiance, abandonment issues are no joke and they can easily take hold of your mind. Sure, neither reactions were super appropriate but you can't expect people to always act put together and civil, especially when dealing with things that bring you back traumatic memories. OPs last paragraph really gave me hope though, I hope she can find peace and give peace to the other two involved. And fuck Sam honestly.
Chloe reaches out: Ask your fiance if he wants your abusive Ex to be intimately involved with your relationship. Once he discovers is daughter is talking to her daddy's ex, he will be in the middle of this relationship. This couple needs to decide: do they take Chole in completely, paying for her emacipation process, or do they tell her the truth: their hands are tied by what her father would want. They could be prosecuted for trying to lure her away from her father, and you can bet good money, that is what he would claim. They cannot continue this interaction in secret, and she must tell her father. After that, they can make ration decisions based on fact, and not assumptions.
Agreed. I wish Chloe could know the truth but being in a similar situation myself, I know that by reaching out to the abuser's loved ones and exposing them, you're putting a target on your back. Sam is 10000% gonna go after OP and her family if he gets wind that she's badmouthing him to his daughter.
Agreed. Sadly the lady has no right on Chloe. She can only protect her by staying away and NOT tell her the truth. Only by saying "it didn't work out between the adults" can she save the current life of Chloe. If Chloe gets to know the truth, she will resent her dad, which will result in her having to suffer. There is nothing else that can be done now. Even a hint for the future might be dangerous because Chloe would ask her dad.
NTA - if I were you I would let anyone know that if you found out they took it on themselves to attempt to learn that information about your son’s then you and them would cut all contact with them all. This would be for the protection of both your son’s. I was a stepchild and my stepdads family always treated his bio daughter like family and me and my other three siblings as if we were the neighbors kids, cold and distant. The scary thing is my parents had willed us to the that side of the family if anything ever happened to them. But now that I am grown I still have nothing to do with them. So yeah she should definitely keep all of them out of your family business and sue them if they find out. Good Luck with the busybodies in your family.
You are right. I don't have a history like that, but I believe that people should treat kids always the same: bio kids, step kids, adopted kids. And you are right about the "busybodies". In each group of people you have a certain amount of lunatics. And thus I would state that any attempt to get that information regardless of the result and regardless of the perpetrator would lead to full NC for all of them and no return. (Thus they would be forced to police the stray family members themselves.)
Story 1. Nothing will ever screw things up quicker then a good lump of money. And this is even more true with family. Being your closest they always seem to think what is yours is also theirs.
The one about the two boys reminds me of a story I read years ago A woman had two boys, one adopted, the other her biological son. They were very close in age, possibly even the same age. When asked which one was her son, she'.said both. When they then said, which one is adopted, she'd say, I forget.
To op in the third story,it's up to your sons to decide if and when they want people to know ,not your mother .Your sons will one day come and ask to see their birth certificates ,then it's up to them what they do .If your mother keeps this up ,make sure all documents are locked away with you having the only key .Your mother can snoop as much as she wants to her hearts content .NTA
NTA, was it the 30% of his paycheck or the 100% matching that set her off? If she wants to make it up to her son she can put 30% of her paycheck into savings for him and he can match it.
1. NTA. I was going to say YTA because he took money his son earned, but then I saw that he was saving it and adding equally to the amount to give back, so ... :') OP managed to teach his son(s) an important lesson about saving money while also managing to 'donate' quite a bit towards his son's first car. That's a good lesson that I think they'll remember. The son works, it's not like this is just a gift. I almost lean towards ESH because parents in a blended family keeping separate finances and treating their kids differently as a result of different spending/saving practices are definitely going to dig a canyon between the kids, BUT, OP gave his wife all the info she needed and suggested she do the same for her son - did she not see what was coming, that one son would get money and the other wouldn't? Did she just assume OP planned to make up for this? 2. NTA. If the kids are brats, avoid them. Especially of your place is your sister's sanctuary. I hate stories with parents treating their own kids like crap to get on better terms with their stepkids. 3. NTA. No is all you have to say. But you could say, 'No, I don't want this to be an issue; I parent them both so they are both mine, end of story' or 'No, I don't want to risk that you'll see one of them as less a part of the family, and your pushing is uncomfortable'. Or something way less polite, lol 4. This is not about your babyish fiancé, and I'm not going to sugarcoat that I think he's being childish. An absent parent is not something to sulk over, especially for an adult. This situation might have brought up some bad memories or whatever, but it's a situation that doesn't actually affect him. He's basically giving you the silent treatment/'punishment' for not being there for a child who was not yours, who you only 'left' to escape her abusive father. He's making this about him when it's not. Really give some thought about whether marrying this man-child is worth it. I've seen people who have issues with their parents be seriously, irrationally horrible to other people. I'm saying this as someone whose father left the family, too. It's not always the big deal that drama TV makes it out to be. NTA. OP left for her health and safety. It sucks that Chloe's father drove away a woman willing to help raise the kid, but it's not OP's problem.
For story 4, I think op gets a very soft yta. Chloe has been lied to for years and lost the only mother figure she has. Op dont need to start to form relationship with her but chloe deserves to hear ops side of the story. She had most likley been thinking that she did something to help push op away and leave their family.
Yep. I get that Chloe is still a minor, but OP is serving up a lifetime of guilt and trust issues to her simply to protect her manipulative ex. Hopefully she doesn't listen to the crater-brains on reddit, but if she even had to ask in the first place she probably already is an a-hole.
OP doesn't have to give the full reason; 'There were issues between your father and I, issues you don't need to know about' is a valid answer in my opinion. Its completely true, and vague enough that she will only learn her father is abusive if she searches out the answer herself.
@@teacheschem I doubt Chloe would believe her even if she told her the truth about her dad. Sam probably has told her many things about OP too, most of them lies.
@@dreamhobbiz Actually, I don't believe that. Chloe's actions speak the loudest. She's looking for her mum, whatever OP says, that's her in Chloe's heart. Chloe will hear her out, but I would suggest instead of doing that, that teen girl would be better off having the reassurance that OP is still with her. Another thing: That top comment about the boyfriend. Ironic those same idiots are putting their own emotions into his reaction. I do use past experience with people to help them understand, but I think they went overboard trying to suss OP's boyfriend from a lifetime of trauma over abandonment. It has to be a sign to have OP's boyfriend and first child (Chloe) experiencing the same thing and both still needing to cope/heal from it.
13:12 That’s like a racist saying “if race isn’t such a big issue why are you mad when I use a racial slur?” OP’s mom is clearly hung up over the “lineage” of her kids.
The story this situation is causing your fiancé to rely of a bad situation. You need to sit him down and say look I’m sorry this is hurting you, but I’m not a parent leaving a child. And if I get involved with her and her father starts playing head games who is truly going to be the one to suffer. If I get involved with her I have to get involved with him again and if that something you really want, a man in our life who will feel that He will think that he has control of. You really have to look at the big picture!
Man i wish my parents was like that, came from a background that wasnt well off so i started a business in crafting and raising pet fish. It was doing great because i saw the business were improving the more effort i put in at the point it was stable. Parents started to take the money from me saying it was helping out the family i said yes because who wouldnt want to help there family but the more time past the more they want, to the point where the business was deteriorating. One day i just gave up, lost all motivation to do it. Started at the age of 12 end it at 14.
1. Well.... saw that coming 🤷🏿♀️ 2. I hope sis moves in with op the mom is horrible. 3. No... either they love them both or they can go NC. Non-negotiable. Try anything op doesn't like and op should curse her out and block her on everything. 4. Op was in an abusive relationship. I'm glad she got away. Also, op legally couldn't take Chloe and any contact could give her abuser access to her. Op needs to rethink marriage of this is how the fiancé reacts to her when he disagrees.
Regarding 4, Kind of an oversimplification. OP'S Fiance was legitimately in a similar situation. He was Empathetic towards kid and felt(wrongly) that she was abandoning her. People do not always respond rationally to emotional issues close to the heart.
@@Busefalis I see that too. I have mental issues myself. But I see some work on that issue. He should know his GF better than to assume her fault. I guess his thought process was a bit shortcircuited because of his own experience. But relationships can grow when working out such topics. I hope they are up for the task.
Last Story - Abandoning Chloe: NTA. However, blocking her is cruel. She has reached out to you and clearly wants you back in her life. You should unblock her and firstly reassure her that the reason you and Sam parted company was nothing to do with anything she had done wrong and it wasn't because you met somebody else either. Stress that you met your current partner X months/years after breaking up with Sam. She obviously wants to know why you left and this is difficult, but you can phrase the answer in such a way that it doesn't badmouth Sam - something along the lines that you grew apart and you realised it just wasn't going to work. For all you know, her father might be subjecting her to the same sort of treatment that drove you away and that's the actual reason why she needs you. So get back in touch and take things very slowly. She's about 14 now - still a minor, but old enough to have a reasonably grown up conversation, providing her father doesn't block it. You should also say at an early point in the ongoing talks that if her father does forbid her to talk to you, then she should respect that until she's 18, when she can recontact you if she pleases. In a way, your fiancé is right - you are leaving Chloe a second time by blocking her, though it would be better if he supported you rather than shut himself away in his room. Currently, all three of you are hurting and you're the one with the key to fix that.
The last two commenters don't get it. The husband didn't want her to stay with the abuser, he just didn't want her to cut off the child. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
Ironicly, they ended up involving themselves in the whole thing too. The second last comment just makes me think of a narc. Oh, wait, now I'm putting myself in none of my business situations. Oops.
Story 3: I got a kick out of the OP using Clark and Kent as the brothers' names. Also, I agree that the OP is NTA. And as much as the OP's mom is trying to use logic to defend her argument, it seems completely obvious to me that the OP is correct that keeping the identity of the bio son and adopted son secret for now is the right way to go.
Also as one commentator said OP wasn’t close enough to know that OP was pregnant until well after birth so it unlikely that she even care about the children that much
No way. This child stealing hussy exposed her self hard in that post. A history of bad decisions that likely included drug use and /prostitution. Now she wants to play mind games with grandma!? Better check for that crack pipe, sounds like she never let it go.
Story 4: Chloe was NOT your step-daughter. You were not married to Sam. OP can tell Chloe some of her reasons for having to leave. The girl probably remembers some of the atmosphere.
It may put them (Chloe, the woman and her new family) in danger coz if she starts exposing him for being abusive, it could blow up in their faces if he gets aggressive. So I get why she's not talking to Chloe until she's out of Sam's care.
They have separate finances. The father was open to his wife about what he was doing and told her to do the same for her son and she rejected the suggestion. She should have at least told her son so he could have had the same opportunity as his stepbrother. I blame the wife for everything in this case.
Damn my curiosity now I gotta look online to find out the gestation period of a hamster. Apparently the gestation period of a hamster can be between 16-22 days depending on the hamster according to one source.
Story 1: So stealing from your stepchild is fair... Teaching your biokid to be entitled and greedy and resentful is fair... Teen keeping what he earned and what his bioDad matched (when ya passed on the same opportunity) is somehow UN-fair. How do people end up with such utterly screwed up thinking? NTA
When I started working i was the only one who had to pay rent to my parents out of all my friends group, taken into account I was earning nearly 6 times more than them, at the time my mum explained it was because I was old enough and financially stable enough to move out but if I wanted to stay I would have to cover the cost of the food I ate, electric water bill etc, and I was cool with it, but everyone around thought I was being robbed by them, which made me think okay yeah maybe I am but that's the rules and that's the rules that apply for the real world, you pay for what you use and what you need etc. I spent a couple years trying explain to my friends that its the same situation as if I was to move out and rent, they were all deluded to the fact that I only paid my parents £250 a month, and that flats and house cost upwards of £400/£1200 so I was getting off easy. I never knew what my mum and dad were using the money for until it came to passing my test fro driving and I realised I never saved anything to buy a car... until my dad took me out and said let's look at some cars, when I told him I had no budget it would be pointless he showed me a account with all the money I had paid them saying that they saved every penny for this moment which I am internally grateful for. That moment I realised that my parents taught me how the real world worked, the importance of paying my bills and that I would have to accept if I earned £1200+ by the time I'd pay my bills I'd have to be more conscious of what I had left, they also taught me the importance of saving and having money to fall back upon, made me realise that financial stability is a responsibility I should not neglect. If it wasn't for my parents I would never have had a car to take my fiancé to hospital when giving birth to my children, I wouldn't be able to say I bought my daughters home for the first time, I didn't have to rely on someone else, I would never have had the ability to take my family on holidays and days out. It all came to head when my friends started to move out or got kicked out of their parents they all moaned and cried about how hard it was, they had no money, how much of their wage is gone when bills go out etc. I realised that I had be raised well prepared for the rest of my life, I also realised that the arrogance of people can out weigh the reasonability of someone aswell, I spent years trying to explain it but not one of them listened
Lmao I was in an abusive relationship; let's keep finances separate. Though I had every opportunity to mimic good financial advice, instead I'll balk; then I'll DEMAND your SON'S money for MY son! It just doesn't get any more hypocritical than that.
Yup. Blended family members always prioritizing their own spawn over their new, non-related children/relations (applies to both, but NTA for the father, YTA for the step-mother). Typical issues. Edit: and she ended the marriage after she realized he wasn't going to put her crotch-goblin over his own flesh and blood. Don't. Date. Single. Parents.
"how dare you not give half of your money to your step-brother?!" , like, seriously, wtf?. Keep finances separarte until it is convenient for one party is douche bag move
Read the title, tell the "B" to tell her son to get a job if he wants money like your son has. That's money your son has "earned" it wasn't given to him.
that grandma story, I would not tell her, she is going to use that against you and them and will tell them at some inappropriate time to hurt the mother the kids or both.
Story one: Wait a minute! The wife thinks her son is being short changed by OP? It sounds like her son is being short changed by her. Also, OP matched the saved amount for his son and she wants OP to do the same for her son. Using her logic, she needs to match the money that OP saved for his son. She hasn't helped anyone.
My mom didn't teach my any of the skills I would need to live on my own (I still got out and survived just fine until she became a controlling witch). I was never taught the value of a dollar. I was just given the money I asked for as a young child (a dollar to play the skill crane or the shooting game). When she forced me t ok go the bowling alley with her and her husband, I was given only one caller per game (3 games) to keep me entertained. The only time I saved any money she gave me was when I wanted to buy the new Pokemon Pearl game, and she pitched a fit about it because she "didn't give me that money for that" (she meant $10 she gave me when my school took us to a baseball game and she never said she wanted the change back, so I added it to my savings). So, I think I would start my kids off young. I like to daydream about fun, interactive ways to teach them to do the the things my mom refused to teach me. One idea I kind of like is getting a wooden box for each kid when they're around 5 or 6 and letting them decorate it however they like. Then using that box as a sort of bank. When they get their allowances, I would give them a sort of fake pay check to tell them what they earned, let them decide how much they want to put into their boxes and how much they want to keep, and then help them fill a "deposit" slip to put into the box along with the money they chose to go in. If they want to take money out, I would show them how to write out a withdrawal slip. I would also use this when they break something and need to replace it, to show them how to be more responsible. Of course, I wouldn't use this to pay for things like school lunch or trips. But they would have the extra money to buy something they want- a bag of chips for lunch or a souvenir they like. I always take pride in what I can buy for myself (and then a lot of time I later regret buying it because it wasn't something I wanted or needed, it was just me being impulsive) and I want my kids to learn that feeling young so that it isn't something so new and exciting when they're old that they let it get to them. I still have a lot of kinks to work out with the parenting ideas I have and i may do as the first OP did when my kids get their first jobs fo give them a financial headstart they worked for. But I also want to make sure my kids are better with money than I still currently am, so that it's one less thing for them to worry about when they leave to start their own lives. However I go about teaching that, I will still pay for their necessities and have funds in place for their futures. I just don't want them to struggle the way I did. I'm no where near ready to be a mom, but I still want to have "plans" in place. I know with kids, plans can change in an instant, so I don't dare make a plan that can't be flexible enough to either change or be dropped completely without disrupting the routine. But it gives me comfort in knowing I am taking steps to give my kids a better life than what I've had.
Definitely do it. I'm 36, and everyone I grew up with, you can tell who's parents did this. Save their money, or charge "rent" and it's saved/added to. It's both financial Education and a nest egg. That nest egg can be a mortgage deposit and gives a huge boost to the kid. Going into the world with a mortgage v rent, is halving you housing costs from the start. A huge boost
@@johnnycarrotheid my husband and I are this for my children. One is his, and one a stepdaughter. As he has helped me raise them from the age of 4, we agreed on this. We also have a piggybank for them, eventhough they are young. Saving and showing kids how to save is good. My sister in law does the same. And my parents did the same for us. It's a win win for the kids. By the time they reach the age of college and or wanting vehicles, it's good.
First story, I like that. Helping the kid save. I didn’t have a job as a teen but as a YA (Young Adult), I did make money. I blew it all. I didn’t start saving until I turned 23 because I didn’t grow up for a while mentally (because I was paying bills just fine but didn’t save due to addiction and what not), but if my parents did this for me when I was younger or told me they would, would’ve probably worked haha. NTA. She has money. She can do the same. Step Son is your problem, but also not. By marriage, he is your son but he is also not your son due to blood and its not like he doesn’t have A parent at all related to him by blood that could help him.
I cannot believe that some women who remarry can sacrifice their own BIOLOGICAL children for kids that are not even theirs! Just to please their new husbands! And to force bio kids to form a relationship with step kids is so cruel! Its like the minute they get remarried, they purposely push their bio kids as far away as possible. Then why even bother fighting for custody in the first place when you dont want your bio kid around?? Let the dad have them, then you can enjoy your step kids all you want.
How is not telling who is the bio kid selfish if she doesn’t care about the genetics?? Clearly they think you’re trying to ‘trick’ them into taking of a kid that’s not ‘theirs’
If her biological dad's clearly lied to her about why you left, obviously you couldn't trust him to have that real conversation with her and you need to have it now
Story 1, NTA, wife knew about everything so has absolutely no leg to stand on. Is now also pissed because her kid now knows the truth as well and actually realizes it's not step dad in the wrong. HOWEVER should just let him know that the amount you added may in his case have gone to his college fund if he has one. STORY 2. NTA The bare fact that they haven't offered their house as an option is super sketchy. Also nta for not wanting to watch 2 spoiled teenagers you barely know. STORY 3. NTA Sadly in that situation you had no real legal right to custody of her. You should make sure your husband understands this vital difference as there was no real way to get even visitation rights legally. Tell him that if he were to be an ahole like the ex you could legally sue him and get full or partial custody no problem. BIG DIFFERENCE. Girl is 14 now though and should be able to hear the truth, you hiding it will not protect her and only cause further harm.
Story 1: NTA Your stepson works; where is his money going that he has to mooch off of you? He and his mother can do the same thing. Stealing your son's hard earned money is so very entitled that I would reconsider the marriage.
Last story: NTA I 100% agree with OP that her story needs to be told when Chloe is an adult and does not live with Sam. She's made the right decision, a heart breaking one, but she would destroy Chloe's life and herself if she had just blurted out the truth.
If the wife and step son want money,let him get a job and do the same thing with him,but do not give someone else money to someone that didn’t earn it.
What’s with step families believing they are entitled to love, possessions and money from the people their parents married? How can you love your mother’s step kids that have been around for 2 years like you love your own sibling? The mothers are crazy!
OK this is the story with the mom want you to take three teenage girls while she goes on vacation. My first reaction is our you on drugs and do you share!? Do you have a small two bedroom apartment that she wants you to take three teenage girls. She didn’t even say hey could you come stay here were the girls have their rooms are closed, she feels the fridge. Tell your mother if she wants to give the new girls love and attention that’s what they need, but they also need guidance and structure. And if she pushes it and keeps going with the way she’s going she may have two new stepdaughters, Only she’s going to lose water for real daughters. Mom you married the man, you took the girls on. It wasn’t my choice it wasn’t my sister’s choice and it’s not our responsibility it’s yours, enjoy. And I’ll bet she needs his vacation because she cars so much shit in her house she can’t handle living with it! If I was you and your sister I would go no contact for a while make her realize you know what I think I need to change my behavior!
In most places, 17 is legal to move out of home. If OP can manage it, maybe they should think of making sisters bedroom a more permanent place to stay.
My family consisted of Mom, Dad, me, and three siblings. When my parents had to leave for a week or two (which happened fairly frequently through the years), they would either farm us out to friends' houses (You get to have a long sleepover with your bestie! Yaaaay!), or they would hire someone to stay with us at our house. Yes, they paid for babysitters. I'm pretty sure they paid our friends' parents, too, when they took us in. We only lived close to family for about six months out of my whole life, so family was never an option (those six months, my parents didn't need to take a trip). BUT, my parents made friends/budgeted for babysitters. OP is NTA, when she says she can only comfortably take her sister. Forcing her step-sisters to sleep on a too-small couch, or on the floor, for a week, is not a kindness to them. Don't these people have any friends? Don't they have someone with whom they would like to spend a week visiting? Or why can't they have a responsible adult stay in their house for the week? In fact, OP COULD stay in their house for the week, maintaining it, and keeping an eye on all three girls, and simultaneously build up a better relationship with her sister. Unless the daily commute to work would be too bad. I see they are reasonably close for weekend visits, but I don't know about daily trips to her job, especially if they live on the opposite side of OP's house from her job, so the commute would be even longer. But that's just a possibility to consider. OP is NOT obliged, because nobody is obliged to take care of their kids, unless they are under contract to do so. The parents don't need to delay the trip (and really should have made childcare arrangements long in advance, so they don't need to do last-minute delays, except for an ACTUAL emergency. Poor planning on the parents' part). They need to either get one adult to stay in the house, or else farm all the girls out to their individual friends' houses, so that the girls get a fun "vacation," too.
Story 4: I am gonna say NAH, although your husband needs to take a chill pill. However, I am worried about Chloe. If EX abused OP then he is more than likely abusing HER. She is probably reaching out not just for answers but it is a cry for help. OP needs to hear CHole out and let her know it's not her fault OP left.
Yeah, I can see why she didn't though. Chloe still lives with that guy and it's obvious he lied about the OP. If she found out the truth then the guy could take it out on her or try and find the OP. I don't think she's wrong for trying to wait until Chloe was out of the house and had distanced herself from her dad enough that it wouldn't cause either of them problems. It's still sad though. If she can she should find some resources for Chloe to help her get out if the dad is treating her as poorly as he did the OP.
And yet you think the husband needs to chill, you can't see how someone that was abused would be sensitive about her abandoning and blocking a child that reached out to her. Hell I wasn't abused and I would be considering divorce if my wife did that to a vulnerable kid. She's absolutely TA, and her husband is just realizing it, that's why he is so broken up about it.
@@tinamoul Soooo OP should have just taken the abuse and stuck around? When you are in a abusive relationship sometimes yeah you have to take your leave when you can. She had no rights to Chole, if she took her, the police could have arrested her. Husband needs to be more understanding but I can see his viewpoint from the points your brought up.
My kids all had to work. They were all required to put money into their savings account includes my step daughter. When they were 18 they were all given the money. I put the same amount of money in that they put every time. They knew that I was matching them and my girls tried to put as much money as they possibly could put from every check. My son’s joined the military so they both got their money when they got home from basic training. My girls kept saving when they were in college. They both went to medical school after college. They were not able too work when they were in medical school. Just too much school work. They still had little nest eggs when they graduated from medical school and they have both been able to put down payments on their own houses .
It amazes me how people have the same opportunities and advancements that other people do and when somebody says "hey I'm doing XYZ for my child. You should or have you thought about doing the same for So-n-So?" Then it's always "Leave me alone! Mind your own business!! I know how to take care of my child!!!" blah blah blah!!!!! But then when they find out that you saved so much money for your child all of a sudden it's "Oh why don't you share?" Nope!!!!!!!!!! This was my money you had the opportunity to do the same thing with yours but DIDN'T. TOOOO BAD!!!!!!!!! SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If the wife wants more money for her son she should have saved for him. Oh by the way I love when you say LoL! Tell her parents and her friends to pound sand. OP is a good dad! Number 2 Sounds like mom is trying to trick OP into having a relationship with the steps
Second story - Mum and Stepdad want OP to look after 2 stepsisters as well as your sister while they're on vacation: 1. The 2 stepsisters can't be trusted to stay at home because they're likely to trash the place. Therefore they should stay with you and trash your place instead - makes sense. 2. Your sister often stays with you to escape the 2 stepsisters. So where's she supposed to go to escape them when they're at your place? 3. Your sister visits you regularly, but the stepsisters have only met you 2-3 times, so you barely know them. 4. You've only got a 2 bedroom place anyway, with insufficient beds for 4 people. Are there any other compelling reasons why you should let the stepsisters stay with you?
Story 1:
AITA for for not splitting my sons pay checks with his two brother?
Story 2: 6:17
AITA for agreeing to take in my sister but not my step sisters when my parents wanted to go on vacation
Story 3: 10:55
AITA for not telling my family which of my children is biologically mine?
Story 4: 15:06
AITA for not being more supportive of former stepdaughter?
Some of the responses to that last story are wild AF. NEVER listen to reddit if you are male with testicles.
If I was the older brother in first story, my pride would just hit the bottom 😂
Story 1
She was abused in her former relationship.
Her husband told her what he was doing and why.
She didn't follow his advice, now she's mad at him.
Kevin Samuels said, making the man in your present pay for what the man in your past did to you.
The husband did everything right.
She didn't trust her husband because her ex hurt her.
So basically his wife wanted to steal his son's money.
I've watched a LOT of these videos during qt. I've come to the conclusion that entitled people seem to love to use words like "family", "selfish", "share" and "unfair" when they're about so steal someone else's money...
@@maritnordin6017 Yep.
Yep
Yep
@@maritnordin6017
That's my rule of thumb.
More often than not those who use such words are more likely have vested interest, or expects to be at the receiving end.
Those who advocate for charity are more likely expects others to write the check. I realize those who actually do charity out of the goodness of their heart (ie not as tax deduction) often don't speak about it.
First story: OP keeps saying his wife was in a previous financially abusive situation. By her actions, it seems as if she was the abuser and kept mentioning the "abuse" so she could gain his sympathy.
In her mind, their separate finances seem to be "what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine (or at least ours)". Throw that garbage out.
Agreed 100%. And towards the end OP mentioned she had a decent amount of money saved because he paid the mortgage and she didn't contribute.....So why in the world didn't she just use some of that money to buy her son a car or a better car? This makes no sense.
I was thinking the same thing, she was the abuser in the abusive relationship.
Maybe the financial abuse story was true, maybe not. Either way, that's her problem, not OP's.
In my eyes the only type of financial abuse there is is either keeping the person so poor they starve or genuinely stealing money they earn other than that you have no right to anyone else’s money only an idiot would think you should know woman nor any man should half to keep another person up unless it’s their own child and only to a certain degree
Very good assessment of the situation. That woman is not wife material
The dad basically saved his son's earnings for him. It's a good lesson! It would teach his son that he can live without spending all his paycheck each month. If he gives half of that to the stepson it will ruin the lesson and their relationship.
Until I went to college, my parents had something similar for me. Any gift money that I'd get or cash that I'd earn, they'd take half and it would go into the bank for a college fund. At the time, it made me more thankful for gift cards because they couldn't be split up that way...then I was rather happy because of the funds I got access to..
Even the person my uncle married claimed to do that...though, she tended to loot and "balance" the funds out for her partying. Didn't find that out until after my uncle died and my parents had custody of my cousins and were trying to figure out all of the financial things to continue their rule for college funds and found out just how much she'd looted.
I wish my parents made me save a majority of my 4-H money. Instead from 9yrs old I spent it when I had it barely saving anything, had I saved I would've had over $10k in the 10yrs of showing my hogs and I wish my dad would've been more forceful with me doing other farm work for money too, because that really could've helped my husband and I with a down payment on the house we wanted, helped with our wedding and hospital expenses for our children. I plan to do what I wish they would've done with me to my kids, they'll have a certain percentage they keep to spend however they want and then they'll have the majority saved for their futures.
I gonna do this to my child,but maybe say why from the start.
And it will turn the stepson into a lazy leech.
@@sierraguru6942 if he don’t work, no play ,if OP told the wife why,she might done the same,she didn’t know and no money where saved. And no work done ,but if the step brothet knew he would maybe get a job to save up, seams there are a something left out of the story
Folks if you have kids and get remarried please make sure your future spouse isn't a loon.
Yea sometimes you don't find out until it is too late.😂🤣😂🤣
Amen.
Seperate households always, and no to getting remarried.
Especially with a kid.
As a single guy with child, noone ever will move in with me.
Noone will have a claim on my property and eventual my kids inheritance
@@johnnycarrotheid this. And if your SO doesn't empathize with this point she/he has ulterior motives.
@@thereturnoftheprodigalyams6763
I don't do SO's anyway, strictly "friends with benefits" at the very most.
It's frightening when you talk to a chick and the probing questions they ask, to size you up.
The "lean-in" as soon as they hear you own your own house lol.
Yea, I can tell what's suddenly perked up your interest hahahaha.
Suggest all guys to test it out at bars, see how it works, and learn to avoid making bad had mistakes
Story 1:
Your wife knew what you were doing and had the same opportunity. Do not give them a dime. Do you, talk to your son about NEVER loaning his car to either of them to keep them from damaging it out of spite.
The stepson reaction in the little update is really telling. The fact he blew up at his mother after seeing the post and didn't double down on op and his son leads me to believe his mother wasn't being completely honest about the situation with him. That said while I think it's wise to set aside money if possible to assist your children for their early adulthood ( ie. for college or some initial financial stability until they can stand on their own two feet ) not everyone thinks that way and I accept that and thus don't consider the step mother an a hole for this but for thinking her son should be entitled to any money op's son earned or op matched since she insisted their finances be separate does
So the wife wants to keep her finances separate stating abuse in her past, but expects her husband to share his income with her son.
@@heleneclark563 Right! Also, was the stepson forced to share the Apple products he purchased? After all, the son didn't have them, and that's not fair according to her logic. Was this really the hill worth dying on? I've seen this kind of crap before where it's "separate finances" until someone notices the other party is doing better, then it's suddenly a communist revolution.
First story: so she is staying with someone else because her son found out and is now rightfully mad at her? Good riddance.
Her son has no right to be mad at her. He's 19. If he wants a car, he can save for it. The other boy is 17. He can't open a bank acct without parents and his dad knew that. So his dad opened a savings acct for him. The wife is mad because the father wouldn't steal money from his son and give it to her son. I mean what the actual.
@@cgamejewels He has every right to be mad at his mother. His mother is trying to steal money from his step brother on his behalf, without him knowing what she is doing to blacken his name with the rest of his family.
@@cgamejewels Probably made out that the dad gave son all the money in the account instead of just matching his son’s savings. “Why did you pay for his car and not mine?” sounds like a much more reasonable grievance than “Why does he have savings from his job and I don’t?” Especially given the stepson’s reaction after seeing the post. I get the feeling mom wasn’t telling him everything.
@@cgamejewels maybe the sons mad at her because she simply told him that step dad was only paying for it and that it was actually all stepbros money. that would make him an accomplice to attempting to rip off a 17 year old.
It’s literally his son’s money that he worked for
No it wasn't. In the first page it says "I matched it 100%" so half of the money in the account came from the son and the other half from the dad. The dad was giving money to his son and not equaling the amount to the stepson. Since this savings arrangement doesn't sound optional for the son it was giving one child more money than the other. It's one thing to say the mom and dad keep separate finances but that normally doesn't mean that each pays for their own children.
@@randomn4me205 er yes it does. The wife had every opportunity to do the same for her own son and didn’t. That’s on her.
Why should he double dip into his pockets because his wife doesn’t want to teach her son the values of saving? He even discussed it with her and she didn’t like the idea. Not his or his sons problem.
When you keep finances separate like this and have separate children, this is what happens.
@@randomn4me205 I see it more like the dad was paying the kid back for taking large portions of his money. It's not really unfair just because the dad gave him something in exchange for taking what he worked hard to earn from him all the time. Either way it still wouldn't be fair for him to take money out of ones savings to give it to the other when the stepmom had the option to provide for her son the same way. It's her responsibility to teach her kid how to save money and if she thinks it's unfair then she should be the one to pay the difference.
@@untitled-gv3qp I don't see it that way. He didn't give his son a choice and according to the edits didn't tell wife, son or stepson that he was matching the deposits in the account.
"I'm teaching my son to save money by forcing him to save", I completely agree this is reasonable.
"Because you are my son, have some money that I decided to give to you because I can and I'm not giving the same to my stepson because he is my stepson and it's my wife's responsibility to give him money" I don't see this as reasonable. He wasn't rewarding saving money he was just giving his own son money.
My own understanding of separate finances for parents doesn't include this level of separation when it come to paying for things for their children or gifts to children. Maybe separate finances means different things but I've not seen it where one parent gifts their own child with money and expects the other parent to match it to their stepchildren.
@@randomn4me205
But the stepson never had money taken from him. For each paycheck one kid got less while the other got to freely spend his money (assuming he was also working). If the wife chose to do the same thing the OP did but didn't know about him adding money then you would have a point. It would make sense to help put some into the step kids account to make the difference, but she didn't want to save anything for her son to begin with. It's not fair to take from one kid even if the dad puts something into his savings because the mom never helped with it or helped her own kid. She gave nothing to her stepson either but she says it's unfair that her bio kid doesn't get the same treatment when he never saved anything. Besides that, both of the kids are adults or close to it. She's the one who wanted to keep the finances separate so she should be the one to give her kid extra money if she wants him to have it.
1. Story: 100% NTA
he told her what he was doing and suggested she does the same when he started, that alone makes him NTA in that whole story
after the stepson read the story even he knew that OP is NTA and his mother is in the wrong, sure he still is entitled but he did direct his anger and entitlement onto the right person
so OPs cousin seemed to have known that marriage will not last, hence the talk about „what if you divorce“
all in all it sounds like she did go from being financially abused to be the financial abuser
NTA. The only reason OP’s mom would want to know which one is the bio-son is so she can differentiate and discriminate. If she learns which one is the bio-son, there will be immediate favoritism.
One of the commenters made a valid point. The mom wasn't even around to know when her daughter gave birth and know what she named her son. It's basically the mothers fault that she doesn't know which is her biological grandson .
The OP's mother is the narcissist by insisting on finding out which of the boys is biologically related to herself. The OP should not allow her near them just in case she swabs their mouths or whatever to find out.
@@sheilaclemett4353 , Spot on. Narcissists typically see family members as extensions of themselves. So she has a real need to know which one of them is "part" of her. OP should definitely make sure that the mother cannot find out which child is which. Better yet, kick the old witch out of their lives.
Can’t blame her I would do the same exact thing
Swabbing is a very real concern. She would probably start pitting them against each other or something nasty. She should go no contact again.
If you get married when you have kids you have two options, parent your kids the same, or don't. 1st OP's wife chose not to. She shouldn't complain.
I bet there is more about the 1st op wife than she told him about in her first failed marriage.
you can ask every women why their paszt relationship failed, and you get always the answer that the men abused her ( I dont say there isnt any abuse, i say its not 100% of all failed relationships..)
@@supercunthunt7756 My relationships never failed because of abuse. Usually, the breakup was amicable and we just don’t have compatible life goals. Not everyone claims abuse. Your circle is full of weirdos.
not necessarily...trauma from abuse literally fucks up your brain. she's still completely in the wrong in this and is being a massive asshole, but that doesn't mean she wasn't abused in her last relationship. especially if she's never gone to therapy or something for it.
@@supercunthunt7756 I've had exs (men) who would describe abusive behaviours as the reason for previous breakups. When they were the perpetrators...I unfortunately later learned.
@@supercunthunt7756 and every men will say their ex are “crazy” but wouldn’t say the whole reason why they drove their exes to “madness” 🤡
First OP's wife seems to be the abusive one. NTA, obviously. OBVIOUSLY.
Dad set up a savings incentive plan for his son to teach him advantage of delay spending to save for future goals.
Wife did nothing for hers.
And wants to steal from his.
NTA. Not his fault.
Have stepson ask his Mom why she didn't do same?
Wife: we should keep our finances separate.
Husband: ok!
Husband: helps his son buy a car.
Wife: pickachu face
What's mine is mine and what yours is also mine!
@Jim Bob I have actually had the complete opposite happen and have been taken advantage of and screwed over probably just as much as any man in divorce in the last 3 relationships That I have been in. it's not just women that do this, men do it too so be fair.
"Pickachu"
Theuglykwan..This was my ex husband's mantra and he meant it....He took almost everything,so it is not 'always women'' and this was many years ago and it doesn't change much.
@@bpcc-b8579 Cool story babe, pics or it didn't happen.
With stories 1 and 2, what is up with people claiming "favoritism" when a person does not feel the same to a step relative/in law as they to people who have been in their lives longer? Just cause you like someone enough to marry them and take their family doesn't mean everyone else has to.
It's only called favoritism when an idea executed good gives one party an advantage. It does not matter if the other party had exactly the same opportunities.
The fact that grandparents want to support THEIR offspring is considered favoritism as well, if the other party does not have nice grandparents as well. And retired grandparents usually have anything they need and nothing they wish for, except their offspring to thrive. And many of them have a lot of fun money to spoil their offspring. They still expect their kids to work for their money (mostly), but that is usually not expected from the "little ones" further down the line. And of course those grandparents brag more of their grandchildrens accomplishments then they did of their own kids. - I have observed this quite often and I can only ROFLMAO! I love it.
It's especially galling when the people claiming favouritism have an obvious favourite.
So it's favouritism if op has one extra room in hers and her boyfriends apartment which had already been converted to the sisters room screw off the girls don't like each other there's no way on earth op wouldn't her sister sleep in the same house as people who don't like her the mum needs to find the girls a place to stay on their dads side and stop bugging op
1st story...
An abuser that claims to be the abused.
She saved a nest egg for herself while living at the house for free.
That nest egg will be "spent" and she's coming for half your house in the divorce.
Wtf doesn't she use her nest egg to add to her sons car fund, big red flag her money is only her money but everyone else's money is also HER money. Hell no. And who leaves a marriage over some car money.
Dude is lucky his lawyer already told him that he has claim to half that nest egg
@@karencarpenter5845 A totally entitled person who realizes the man she married to be her personal ATM isn't such a jelly-spined loser as to let her steal his son's money...?
Her past "abusive" relationship was 100% her abusing some dude.
Clark and Kent: NTA, the only reasons why the mom wants to know which child is her biological grandchild is for favoritism or something worse. I wouldn't let her or any other family near them for a minute in case they try a send away DNA test
Yup, she’s 100% going to treat them differently. You need to reduce all contact with her. She’s going to ruin their self worth.
The family telling her that what she is doing is causing more issues now than her mother will cause later… what? What issues is it causing right now except for sneakiness on the mother's part and everyone thinking they get an opinion?
I'm not sure if the names are real, but they are not the only connections to the classic superman. I laughed when I read those names.
On your opinion: I support it fully. The attempts are so telling. I would stay LC for a long time. And I would state that within the family any attempt (successfull or not) by anybody to disclose that secret would result in NC forever.
Op 2's mom is going to lose her bio kids and will wonder why her kids don't talk to her.
"I'm so a good mom, I gave them food and raised them. I don't understand why they treat me like this!"
Mother has remarried 2 years ago. OP was 18. She has barely met the step sister (then 11 and 13 now 13 and 15) 2 - 3 times during that time. She must live nearby or her sister could not come over almost every week.
I think both sisters are very intentionally sidelining the new family. It matters less (at the moment) with the older, but the youngest is 17 (was 15 at the time of the marriage) and she lives in the household.
Imagine the 17 year old would now get pregnant and wanted to keep the baby. would the step dad be expected to be gracious about it and she could live at home and they would help her raise the child.
Because if HE can be expected to step up (in a household that is 50 % his and the children live there because the parents provide for them - so the adults set the rules) - then the girl of then 15 now 17 also can be expected to make an effort.
Imagine the family would make a trip to Disney, but the 17 year old would be excluded (even though she would like to go, too. "you do not seem to be into family activties you can stay with your sister while we are in Florida").
But that be O.K. ??
I would also see it as a sign of character of the 20 year old to try to connect a little more with her new family (she makes a point that this is the family of HER mother and it has nothing to do with her even though she does not quote any harm they have done to her. She can wait until the step children, that may connect more with her mother get favored in a will, I wonder if she would like that.
She too could show some GRACE and a little bit of polite effort. There is a middle ground between being close and I hardly met them 2 - 3 times in 2 years.
If only in order to support her mother who seems to try to bring the family together (with her bio daughters being obstinantly opposed). The older sister must live nearby and somehow managed to not meet the children of the husband of her mother in 2 years (not more than 2 - 3 times. Let me guess: 1 the wedding, and 1 - 2 x Christmas. If her count is even at 3 already.
She must very carefully avoid having anything to do with them (heck they could be nice). of course she does not acitvely hate them (not counsciously), at least not the children, but you do miss your second family while living nearby w/o being _very intentionally showing the new family the could shoulder._
Screw the mother that obviously would like to have better and closer relationships. Screw her efforts. Screw the strain that stance most likely puts on the household and her marriage.
We often meet people that are not immediately our cup of tea (or we resent them, and that could be for reasons they are not even their fault) - and still have to give it an effort.
There may be huge emotional blockades why both sister have the mission to keep the new family at arm's length.
The mom’s logic is so weird, they’re your stepsisters, so you have to love them, even though you’ve only met them a couple times? What?
To op in the second story,your mother is forcing a relationship between the two families ,it's never going to happen ,and it will blow up in her face ,causing her to lose her two bio children and She's left with only her step kids .Your right to tell the truth about the situation as it be worse ,what happens if your sister decides to move out when she turns 18? ,all her belongings go with her and the step kids are left with very little ,your mum needs to back off and parent all the kids the same ,instead of favouring the step kids ,as she is destroying her relationship with her own daughter.NTA
I like to think of it as this, she looses her kids, her marriage fails, now she's as alone as the youngest daughter must have felt living under her roof.
@@alexismyers6053 The then 15 year old might not have liked it - at all - that he mother remarried, bu there can be an expectation that she gives it an effort. She is not living on her own, she would be required to live with siblings she is not close, with a grandma if the parents take her in.
She might later have a roommate that she has to get along with. - I think the then 15 year old (now 17) might be a brat. Or in a deep loyalty conflict to not accept the new family because that would be betrayal towards her father, or she resents that she does not have the mother to herself.
her older sister was out of the house - but just when she was going to be the only daughter in the house, her mother got herself a new husband and 2 new younger siblings came into the home.
Older sister seems to be supportive of that attitude (we do not care about these other people that are now the family our our mother and do not even try). She overlooks that she owes her mother for raising her, and at age 18 - 20 she could also start to think of the wellbeing of her mother.
She found a (hopefully good) man - as her bio kids grow up and one already left and one is going to leave soon. Good for her mother.
Neither the 20 year old nor the 17 year old mind putting a strain on the marriage of the mother.
(I do not suggest the older sister should take all 3 minors - she could have lived in the house of the mother and stepfather for the time of the vaccation. If the kids can be expceted to obey her, and if the distance is not too long.
Her mother makes a good effort to create a bond and she tries to be a good step mom. That is a sign of character. A mature ! 20 year old would be proud of her mother.
@@xyzsame4081 you lost me at "she owes her mother for raising her." I'm not even going to bother with the rest. That is a HUGE NOPE from me. KIDS DO NOT OWE THEIR PARENTS FOR BEING PARENTS! The mother CHOSE to have and keep her kids, therefore she CHOSE the responsibilities that came with raising them. End of story. Full stop. Do not pass go. Also, did you miss the part where the OP said that the stepsisters are very mean to her sister and take her things and the mother ALLOWS this because she wants them to see her as their mother? She doesn't care about her BIOLOGICAL DAUGHTER THAT SHE CHOSE TO RAISE! She only cares about maki g her marriage work and being on good terms with her "new" daughters. Her biological daughter probable feels like the puppy gifted to the spoiled entitled kid last Christmas: old news and no longer wanted. You can't be a happy family when one member is made to feel miserable by the others. Get off your high horse and listen to the stor as many times as it take to realize the mother is a huge, gaping AH.
The mum will most likely force her to leave her belongings behind so that her step sisters can use them. Its like "if you wanna leave, go. but your stuff stays here."
@@dreamhobbiz I would definitely fight her one it, or slowly and secretly move them out. "Oh that one thing of mine that the hellspawn like to use without my permission is missing? Hm, well how should I know where it is when no one ever asks to take my things? I bet they broke it and just won't say because they KNOW I will make them pay for a replacement, regardless of how badly you, dear egg donor, would want me to forgive them because YOU think I see them as family."
1st story, it's not unusual for a parent to get a some money from a child's paycheck and put it away for them. It's called saving. Maybe for a college fund or a car, or a good downpayment for a house. People who are financially smart do these kind of things. OP don't let your wife guilt trip you into giving your step son your bio sons saved money. You suggested to you wife to do the same thing for the step son, but she didn't, and now its come to bite her in the butt.
So $150 per Week multiple by 52 weeks and Double that, so Bio son had $15k he hadn't thought about when wanting a car. Sounds like mom tried manipulate her son with disinformation until he read the post and realized mommy had been given the heads up years prior and the option to follow suit, but choose not to.
Props to the Dad in the first story! He's a great Dad looking out for his kid. The Dad had wisely kept away the funds and saved it in an account for his bio son's future investments and it paid off.
Essentially he's teaching his kid the lesson that he should save for a rainy day and be rewarded by that. Thus, in the future the kid would grow to understand how to set aside his salary to pay for better things in the future. NTA and the mom should have done something like that as well from the start and listen to the advice.
Sometimes it's hard for women to hear anybody else over themselves
@@trollfarmergoestowashington And that's on why feminism is toxic
When you are a parent you do not have the luxury of "getting away" or "a break" when you have underage children either you take your children with you or you just don't go away.
AMEN! It bothers me to no end when these stories have parents demanding others watch their children so that they can have a break.
or at the very least PAY someone to do so and at a fair rate. i fully believe parents need to be able to have some time away from their kids and just be a couple. it's just how they go about making sure those kids are taken care of while they're gone (and that they are at a developmentally appropriate age level for the length of trip taken) that's fucked up.
Sucks but true.
If they want a break, they need to fairly compensate the person who's taking care of them, and not let the kids know so that they don't feel like a burden. Example:
When I was little and mom wanted some time, she'd give my grandparents or the person looking after me some money and free reign over the kitchen, as well as access to a guest (master) bedroom and any amenities they'd like. I think that's fair.
Exactly! My family would babysit for my mom for free a lot cuz they knew she was struggling financially for much of my childhood, but that was offered and my mom still did whatever she could to minimize that and have us cared for on her own.
Clark & Kent: All mom needs to know is that both of the boys are OP's sons and if she can't accept that go NC, which I gather she has in the past.
Favoritism. Why is someone automatically supposed to love step family?
Cause its a family now that you CHOSE!
@@cl1cka OP and her sister did not choose it. They were given no choice at all about it.
Exactly. I have 8 step siblings. Well, one I claim. The rest? I have no idea where any of them live, nor care. Pretty sure they feel the same. I have family I don't talk to.
My mom and her husband (my @$$hole stepdad) forced me to see hims as my father. They very obviously favored my sister (HIS biological daughter) and treated me like crap then strut around making everyone think they were the best parents to ever exist (to be fair, given the mentality of the backwater town I live in, that's not too hard). What people didn't know was that, at home, I was screamed at until I cried for the most trivial things (grades, forgetting to do something, refusing to do something that was honestly u reasonable) by my "dad" while my mom just sat back and said nothing until he decided to walk away, then she would tell me that I need to learn how to "just shut up and do as your told." I hated it. I didn't feel safe or comfortable or even loved in my own home. All because she wanted to play happy family with her husband, regardless of how I felt about it. She did everything she could to force my biological father into signing his rights away when I was an infant and then cut off everyone in his family from me with the exception of 2 people who I was not allowed to know were my relatives. She was so proud of herself for threatening to never let my childhood best friend (who turned out to be mybolder half sister) see me again if she ever told me the truth. I probably wouldn't be working on cutting her out of my life had she acted like a mother to me. As it stands, I only see her as an egg donor. All because she couldn't accept that I may not see her husband as my father if she let me know the truth and have my biological father in my life.
@@alexismyers6053 How old are you? Can you form a relationship with your bio dad, now? Maybe go live with him? You seem to know who that side of your family are. Just remember, the best revenge is living well ... and giving all the credit to your bio dad and his family after your horrible upbringing with your mother and step. Get a good profession. Get a good trade. Keep your nose clean and don't make any questionable choices in life (like becoming an unwed mother). Be as Ceasar's wife - above suspicion. You can talk wistfully - just a little bit, tho, and to the worst gossip in town - about how horrible your childhood was and how your real dad's family helped put you on the right path. It will drive your mother and step crazy.
To op in the first story,NTA your son earned his money fair and square ,it's not your fault that your step kid possibly spent his money and wasted it on junk .Your wife could have insisted on at least 25% of his earnings go into a savings account ,she didn't.Your son knew you were saving that money for when he needed to buy a big item ,you and your son are smarter than your wife and her son .If she wants the money now ,Don't ,but be careful for when it's time to transfer the money to a solo account for your son.
To the mom of twins. You are their mom.!!! You aren't raising your mother or her family, the twins are your responsibility, not theirs. You stand between them and this situation. God bless you, you have really made my heart smile.!!!
People talking about being fair then talk sht because it's unfair to them now
Story 1: wow that blew up. I never thought this was going to lead to divorce. Especially when the step son took OP's side. This story may have opened the door but something else must have come out in the argument that lead to the divorce.
literally!
OP 1) Well, that soon to be ex of yours sounds entitled as hell. Glad you're leaving that harpy since she's just mad that you had the sense to save your child from being an impulse buyer when he was just starting out in the working world. The fact that she wanted to do the exact same thing that her abusive ex did to her is disgusting.
I think there is no abusive ex . She probably played victim to keep her money for herself. Guess what if she remarries ,she will call OP as an financial abuser .
last story: leaving an abusive relationship is hard and without a legal connection to the child there wasn't anything she could do to stay in contact while protecting herself from the girl's dad. The lack of legal rights with the stepchild is much different than if OP and boyfriend have a child together.
Preach! Talking badly about the abuser and wreaking his life could 100% cause him to flip out and target OP and her family.
@@Skyler_Momoko or even targeting Chloe
Agree, I do feel like she could have at least told her a very glossed over version of the truth "Hey you're a great kid and I always loved you, but me and your Dad are very different people and it couldn't work, the straw that broke the camel's back was when your Dad didn't want me to attend a family funeral" that puts the ball in the Dad's court and gives him room to spin it to where he's not a loon in his daughters eyes. No harm in correcting a lie told about yourself. Granted that depends on OP's priorities and sense of responsibility to Chloe.
Edit: I say this in light of the fact she already told Chloe her Dad was lying and gave evidence to support (that she hadn't met fiance when she left) but refused to provide any alternative explanation other than "Go ask your abusive Dad." Seems more dangerous for the girl than just telling herm
So I actually know something about this one not covered in this video from reading the reddit post before listening to this. The abusinve father knew and allowed Chloe to contact her. I cannot I'm my wildest dreams consider her not an asshole when her own SO tells her she is abandoning a little girl out there who just wants the mother she never got. She absolutely can set ground rules and keep away from the abusinve ex while being there for her and that what I would have done/what good people would do.
Why in christ would the big sister, want the step sisters staying over, when the bio. sis. comes over all the time, specifically to get away from them?!?! That's just dum...D U M... DUM!
Story 2 NTA. I’m glad the mother wants the family to be a blended family but she is going about it the wrong way. I’m a spiteful jerk so I would make the mom not want to talk to me.
OP's Mom: "Why wont you love your new sisters"
Op's Sister: "you let them get away with bullying and stealing from me, why would I want anything to do with bullies and thieves"
She got a sitter for 1, now get 1 for the other 2.
So nobody thought of asking big sis to move in for week? For pay? Plenty of room, she can sleep in mother's empty bed.
1st guy: Some people don't bring home the food, cook it up or set the table and yet they are the first ones to invite themselves down to eat. Your wife and family are of that ilk.
First story:. That is one entitled stepmom.
A post-marriage gold-digger more like.
@@Kragith Except he is the gold digger as he is going after his wifes money....
@@cl1cka except he singlehanded paid the mortgage on the home her and her son lived in and she she let him handle most bills. So no, she’s the gold digger and he’s getting money back that was due from her entitled ass
Not really, its not his sons money ONLY - he was also giving the son money for free. And you cant do that in a family - you cant give money to one child and ignore the other...the guy is a moron....
@@cl1cka His son was 17. His stepson was 19. He can't take money from a grown man that's not even his child even if it was his child. Besides he told his wife she should do the same for her adult son.
#1 OP NTAH..... My granny did the same thing to me... When I got my first job... "I" not "GRANNY" decided that I would give her something for raising me and to help pay bills. Even though she didn't need or want me to. I insisted!!!!! Well I didn't know that she was putting EVERYTHING I have her in her savings account.
When I told her I wanted to get my first car, I had saved about $500 and was working with the person to make payments after (total cost of car would have been $800 but reason for payments would have been so I could pay for maintenance, registration and all that other stuff)
Well when I told her, she said you know you can do all that with no problem right? I was like how? She said I saved EVERYTHING that you been giving me.
Loved my grandparents with all my heart!!!
Say "LOVED" because I lost them both a couple years ago.
1st story, what an awesome dad saving up his money and matching it for him. I want to do that for my kiddos.
The one who is raising her bio son’s half brother. Be careful that someone in your family doesn’t start collecting anything from you or your sons that they could get DNA 🧬 from.
I'm a petty bastard, I'd have lied about which one was mine, and if any one of them favored that son over the other, tell them it was a test, they all failed and I'm going completely NC with the whole family, with an add-on about whose fault it is too.
@@SH-qs7ee I only say no to your plan bc that envolves the kids.
@@LadyNikitaShark I know, that's what makes me a bastard, I don't think I'd actually do it tbh, but a large part of me would want to
@@SH-qs7ee but op really needs to tell the kids bc they will soon enough learn that 6 months isn't time apart enough and someone else could tell them bf op is ready.
@@LadyNikitaShark You'd be surprised; there is only 8 months between my nephew and niece. They were born in the same year, and both born prem too.
Last story: You could, at the very least, tell Chloe that you will disclose everything to her when she reaches adulthood. Considering she's still living with her dad, you don't know how she'd react to hearing "truth" from you. If she goes "all up in ya" on her dad, he could kick her out, and wind up on your doorstep.
This isn't so much about hearing Chloe out, she's already told you what she wants to know. This is about her hearing you out (you must be honest). Explain that leaving her dad meant leaving her, and since she's a minor her dad has final say.
You should have a raised eyebrow at your fiancee's reaction and comments. It sounds like he has a different method of control.
Absolutely agreed. That man is emotionally abusing her with his history. I really doubt this is the 1st time..
People tend to get into abusive relationships repeatedly. I wonder if OP is in one right now
I think Chloe texting OP is a big call for help, I wouldn't be surprised at all that her father is awful to her as well and OP is the only way out she remembers, and while I see why OP would panic and cut off communication with her so quickly (considering she's still, to a certain point, a trace of the abusive ex in her life) I can also see why her reaction would scare her current fiance, abandonment issues are no joke and they can easily take hold of your mind. Sure, neither reactions were super appropriate but you can't expect people to always act put together and civil, especially when dealing with things that bring you back traumatic memories. OPs last paragraph really gave me hope though, I hope she can find peace and give peace to the other two involved. And fuck Sam honestly.
I hope OP has a spine because I've seen bio parents Backstab their kids to help stepchildren by taking their bio kids inheritance.
Chloe reaches out: Ask your fiance if he wants your abusive Ex to be intimately involved with your relationship. Once he discovers is daughter is talking to her daddy's ex, he will be in the middle of this relationship. This couple needs to decide: do they take Chole in completely, paying for her emacipation process, or do they tell her the truth: their hands are tied by what her father would want. They could be prosecuted for trying to lure her away from her father, and you can bet good money, that is what he would claim. They cannot continue this interaction in secret, and she must tell her father. After that, they can make ration decisions based on fact, and not assumptions.
Agreed. I wish Chloe could know the truth but being in a similar situation myself, I know that by reaching out to the abuser's loved ones and exposing them, you're putting a target on your back. Sam is 10000% gonna go after OP and her family if he gets wind that she's badmouthing him to his daughter.
Agreed. Sadly the lady has no right on Chloe. She can only protect her by staying away and NOT tell her the truth. Only by saying "it didn't work out between the adults" can she save the current life of Chloe. If Chloe gets to know the truth, she will resent her dad, which will result in her having to suffer. There is nothing else that can be done now. Even a hint for the future might be dangerous because Chloe would ask her dad.
NTA - if I were you I would let anyone know that if you found out they took it on themselves to attempt to learn that information about your son’s then you and them would cut all contact with them all. This would be for the protection of both your son’s. I was a stepchild and my stepdads family always treated his bio daughter like family and me and my other three siblings as if we were the neighbors kids, cold and distant. The scary thing is my parents had willed us to the that side of the family if anything ever happened to them. But now that I am grown I still have nothing to do with them. So yeah she should definitely keep all of them out of your family business and sue them if they find out. Good Luck with the busybodies in your family.
You are right. I don't have a history like that, but I believe that people should treat kids always the same: bio kids, step kids, adopted kids.
And you are right about the "busybodies". In each group of people you have a certain amount of lunatics. And thus I would state that any attempt to get that information regardless of the result and regardless of the perpetrator would lead to full NC for all of them and no return. (Thus they would be forced to police the stray family members themselves.)
Story 1. Nothing will ever screw things up quicker then a good lump of money. And this is even more true with family. Being your closest they always seem to think what is yours is also theirs.
The one about the two boys reminds me of a story I read years ago
A woman had two boys, one adopted, the other her biological son. They were very close in age, possibly even the same age. When asked which one was her son, she'.said both. When they then said, which one is adopted, she'd say, I forget.
To op in the third story,it's up to your sons to decide if and when they want people to know ,not your mother .Your sons will one day come and ask to see their birth certificates ,then it's up to them what they do .If your mother keeps this up ,make sure all documents are locked away with you having the only key .Your mother can snoop as much as she wants to her hearts content .NTA
Once someone is adopted a new birth certificate is filed with the adoptive parents names on it.
NTA, was it the 30% of his paycheck or the 100% matching that set her off? If she wants to make it up to her son she can put 30% of her paycheck into savings for him and he can match it.
1. NTA. I was going to say YTA because he took money his son earned, but then I saw that he was saving it and adding equally to the amount to give back, so ... :')
OP managed to teach his son(s) an important lesson about saving money while also managing to 'donate' quite a bit towards his son's first car. That's a good lesson that I think they'll remember. The son works, it's not like this is just a gift. I almost lean towards ESH because parents in a blended family keeping separate finances and treating their kids differently as a result of different spending/saving practices are definitely going to dig a canyon between the kids, BUT, OP gave his wife all the info she needed and suggested she do the same for her son - did she not see what was coming, that one son would get money and the other wouldn't? Did she just assume OP planned to make up for this?
2. NTA. If the kids are brats, avoid them. Especially of your place is your sister's sanctuary. I hate stories with parents treating their own kids like crap to get on better terms with their stepkids.
3. NTA. No is all you have to say. But you could say, 'No, I don't want this to be an issue; I parent them both so they are both mine, end of story' or 'No, I don't want to risk that you'll see one of them as less a part of the family, and your pushing is uncomfortable'. Or something way less polite, lol
4. This is not about your babyish fiancé, and I'm not going to sugarcoat that I think he's being childish. An absent parent is not something to sulk over, especially for an adult. This situation might have brought up some bad memories or whatever, but it's a situation that doesn't actually affect him. He's basically giving you the silent treatment/'punishment' for not being there for a child who was not yours, who you only 'left' to escape her abusive father. He's making this about him when it's not. Really give some thought about whether marrying this man-child is worth it. I've seen people who have issues with their parents be seriously, irrationally horrible to other people.
I'm saying this as someone whose father left the family, too. It's not always the big deal that drama TV makes it out to be.
NTA. OP left for her health and safety. It sucks that Chloe's father drove away a woman willing to help raise the kid, but it's not OP's problem.
For story 4, I think op gets a very soft yta. Chloe has been lied to for years and lost the only mother figure she has. Op dont need to start to form relationship with her but chloe deserves to hear ops side of the story. She had most likley been thinking that she did something to help push op away and leave their family.
I think she hasn’t told her because it would involve telling her ugly things about the only father she has. Sad situation.
Yep. I get that Chloe is still a minor, but OP is serving up a lifetime of guilt and trust issues to her simply to protect her manipulative ex.
Hopefully she doesn't listen to the crater-brains on reddit, but if she even had to ask in the first place she probably already is an a-hole.
OP doesn't have to give the full reason; 'There were issues between your father and I, issues you don't need to know about' is a valid answer in my opinion. Its completely true, and vague enough that she will only learn her father is abusive if she searches out the answer herself.
@@teacheschem I doubt Chloe would believe her even if she told her the truth about her dad. Sam probably has told her many things about OP too, most of them lies.
@@dreamhobbiz Actually, I don't believe that. Chloe's actions speak the loudest. She's looking for her mum, whatever OP says, that's her in Chloe's heart. Chloe will hear her out, but I would suggest instead of doing that, that teen girl would be better off having the reassurance that OP is still with her.
Another thing: That top comment about the boyfriend. Ironic those same idiots are putting their own emotions into his reaction. I do use past experience with people to help them understand, but I think they went overboard trying to suss OP's boyfriend from a lifetime of trauma over abandonment. It has to be a sign to have OP's boyfriend and first child (Chloe) experiencing the same thing and both still needing to cope/heal from it.
13:12
That’s like a racist saying “if race isn’t such a big issue why are you mad when I use a racial slur?”
OP’s mom is clearly hung up over the “lineage” of her kids.
The story this situation is causing your fiancé to rely of a bad situation. You need to sit him down and say look I’m sorry this is hurting you, but I’m not a parent leaving a child. And if I get involved with her and her father starts playing head games who is truly going to be the one to suffer. If I get involved with her I have to get involved with him again and if that something you really want, a man in our life who will feel that He will think that he has control of. You really have to look at the big picture!
Man i wish my parents was like that, came from a background that wasnt well off so i started a business in crafting and raising pet fish. It was doing great because i saw the business were improving the more effort i put in at the point it was stable. Parents started to take the money from me saying it was helping out the family i said yes because who wouldnt want to help there family but the more time past the more they want, to the point where the business was deteriorating.
One day i just gave up, lost all motivation to do it.
Started at the age of 12 end it at 14.
1. Well.... saw that coming 🤷🏿♀️
2. I hope sis moves in with op the mom is horrible.
3. No... either they love them both or they can go NC. Non-negotiable. Try anything op doesn't like and op should curse her out and block her on everything.
4. Op was in an abusive relationship. I'm glad she got away. Also, op legally couldn't take Chloe and any contact could give her abuser access to her. Op needs to rethink marriage of this is how the fiancé reacts to her when he disagrees.
Regarding 4, Kind of an oversimplification. OP'S Fiance was legitimately in a similar situation. He was Empathetic towards kid and felt(wrongly) that she was abandoning her. People do not always respond rationally to emotional issues close to the heart.
@@Busefalis I see that too. I have mental issues myself. But I see some work on that issue. He should know his GF better than to assume her fault. I guess his thought process was a bit shortcircuited because of his own experience. But relationships can grow when working out such topics. I hope they are up for the task.
Again, the poison of stepfamily dynamics. "What's yours is mine" mentality.
Last Story - Abandoning Chloe:
NTA. However, blocking her is cruel. She has reached out to you and clearly wants you back in her life. You should unblock her and firstly reassure her that the reason you and Sam parted company was nothing to do with anything she had done wrong and it wasn't because you met somebody else either. Stress that you met your current partner X months/years after breaking up with Sam. She obviously wants to know why you left and this is difficult, but you can phrase the answer in such a way that it doesn't badmouth Sam - something along the lines that you grew apart and you realised it just wasn't going to work.
For all you know, her father might be subjecting her to the same sort of treatment that drove you away and that's the actual reason why she needs you. So get back in touch and take things very slowly. She's about 14 now - still a minor, but old enough to have a reasonably grown up conversation, providing her father doesn't block it. You should also say at an early point in the ongoing talks that if her father does forbid her to talk to you, then she should respect that until she's 18, when she can recontact you if she pleases.
In a way, your fiancé is right - you are leaving Chloe a second time by blocking her, though it would be better if he supported you rather than shut himself away in his room. Currently, all three of you are hurting and you're the one with the key to fix that.
She didn't block her she unadded her
NTAH I did the same for my girls when they started working. Kids don’t know how to save. You showed him what saving can do and now he will continue.
The last two commenters don't get it. The husband didn't want her to stay with the abuser, he just didn't want her to cut off the child. One thing has nothing to do with the other.
Right! They just completely ignored the actual question and made something up that doesn’t even have a part in the problem
Get a little older and you'll realise the world is full of people like that. Sad really.
@@ssjwes pretty much.
Ironicly, they ended up involving themselves in the whole thing too. The second last comment just makes me think of a narc. Oh, wait, now I'm putting myself in none of my business situations. Oops.
Thank you, Reddit is super sexist, the relationship subreddit is a manhating cesspool.
Story 3: I got a kick out of the OP using Clark and Kent as the brothers' names. Also, I agree that the OP is NTA. And as much as the OP's mom is trying to use logic to defend her argument, it seems completely obvious to me that the OP is correct that keeping the identity of the bio son and adopted son secret for now is the right way to go.
Also as one commentator said OP wasn’t close enough to know that OP was pregnant until well after birth so it unlikely that she even care about the children that much
No way. This child stealing hussy exposed her self hard in that post. A history of bad decisions that likely included drug use and /prostitution. Now she wants to play mind games with grandma!? Better check for that crack pipe, sounds like she never let it go.
18:54 A guy shares his feelings about abandonement Issues and Reddit shreds him a new one.
Wow. Stealing the sons paycheck? STEALING the SON'S paycheck!!!!
To GIVE to someone else.
Disgusting.
Story 1: not mixed funds but …
Story 3: The perfect response to grandma is, "They say you don't get to pick your family, I guess they're right."
Story 4: Chloe was NOT your step-daughter. You were not married to Sam. OP can tell Chloe some of her reasons for having to leave. The girl probably remembers some of the atmosphere.
op is still in love with sam, its why she wont tell the truth
It may put them (Chloe, the woman and her new family) in danger coz if she starts exposing him for being abusive, it could blow up in their faces if he gets aggressive. So I get why she's not talking to Chloe until she's out of Sam's care.
They have separate finances. The father was open to his wife about what he was doing and told her to do the same for her son and she rejected the suggestion. She should have at least told her son so he could have had the same opportunity as his stepbrother. I blame the wife for everything in this case.
Damn my curiosity now I gotta look online to find out the gestation period of a hamster.
Apparently the gestation period of a hamster can be between 16-22 days depending on the hamster according to one source.
hahahaha Thank you I was going to do that when I got done reading comments!
Story 1: So stealing from your stepchild is fair... Teaching your biokid to be entitled and greedy and resentful is fair... Teen keeping what he earned and what his bioDad matched (when ya passed on the same opportunity) is somehow UN-fair. How do people end up with such utterly screwed up thinking? NTA
When I started working i was the only one who had to pay rent to my parents out of all my friends group, taken into account I was earning nearly 6 times more than them, at the time my mum explained it was because I was old enough and financially stable enough to move out but if I wanted to stay I would have to cover the cost of the food I ate, electric water bill etc, and I was cool with it, but everyone around thought I was being robbed by them, which made me think okay yeah maybe I am but that's the rules and that's the rules that apply for the real world, you pay for what you use and what you need etc. I spent a couple years trying explain to my friends that its the same situation as if I was to move out and rent, they were all deluded to the fact that I only paid my parents £250 a month, and that flats and house cost upwards of £400/£1200 so I was getting off easy. I never knew what my mum and dad were using the money for until it came to passing my test fro driving and I realised I never saved anything to buy a car... until my dad took me out and said let's look at some cars, when I told him I had no budget it would be pointless he showed me a account with all the money I had paid them saying that they saved every penny for this moment which I am internally grateful for.
That moment I realised that my parents taught me how the real world worked, the importance of paying my bills and that I would have to accept if I earned £1200+ by the time I'd pay my bills I'd have to be more conscious of what I had left, they also taught me the importance of saving and having money to fall back upon, made me realise that financial stability is a responsibility I should not neglect. If it wasn't for my parents I would never have had a car to take my fiancé to hospital when giving birth to my children, I wouldn't be able to say I bought my daughters home for the first time, I didn't have to rely on someone else, I would never have had the ability to take my family on holidays and days out.
It all came to head when my friends started to move out or got kicked out of their parents they all moaned and cried about how hard it was, they had no money, how much of their wage is gone when bills go out etc. I realised that I had be raised well prepared for the rest of my life, I also realised that the arrogance of people can out weigh the reasonability of someone aswell, I spent years trying to explain it but not one of them listened
Lmao
I was in an abusive relationship; let's keep finances separate.
Though I had every opportunity to mimic good financial advice, instead I'll balk; then I'll DEMAND your SON'S money for MY son!
It just doesn't get any more hypocritical than that.
Yup. Blended family members always prioritizing their own spawn over their new, non-related children/relations (applies to both, but NTA for the father, YTA for the step-mother). Typical issues.
Edit: and she ended the marriage after she realized he wasn't going to put her crotch-goblin over his own flesh and blood.
Don't. Date. Single. Parents.
They divorced over the first story? Holy shit that went from 0 to 100 real quick.
But of course?! Now that the wife knows she can’t bully or manipulate him into paying for everything he is of no use to her
"how dare you not give half of your money to your step-brother?!" , like, seriously, wtf?. Keep finances separarte until it is convenient for one party is douche bag move
Read the title, tell the "B" to tell her son to get a job if he wants money like your son has. That's money your son has "earned" it wasn't given to him.
Story 1.. Good on you op.... Those tears and that hug.. Wife had the same opportunity.. Oh well
that grandma story, I would not tell her, she is going to use that against you and them and will tell them at some inappropriate time to hurt the mother the kids or both.
Story one: Wait a minute! The wife thinks her son is being short changed by OP? It sounds like her son is being short changed by her. Also, OP matched the saved amount for his son and she wants OP to do the same for her son. Using her logic, she needs to match the money that OP saved for his son. She hasn't helped anyone.
NOT YOUR SIBLINGS. HAVE YOUR OWN SISTER.
Story 1: Ask her how she feels about divorce.
First story. I might actually do the same when i hv a kid
My mom didn't teach my any of the skills I would need to live on my own (I still got out and survived just fine until she became a controlling witch). I was never taught the value of a dollar. I was just given the money I asked for as a young child (a dollar to play the skill crane or the shooting game). When she forced me t ok go the bowling alley with her and her husband, I was given only one caller per game (3 games) to keep me entertained. The only time I saved any money she gave me was when I wanted to buy the new Pokemon Pearl game, and she pitched a fit about it because she "didn't give me that money for that" (she meant $10 she gave me when my school took us to a baseball game and she never said she wanted the change back, so I added it to my savings). So, I think I would start my kids off young. I like to daydream about fun, interactive ways to teach them to do the the things my mom refused to teach me. One idea I kind of like is getting a wooden box for each kid when they're around 5 or 6 and letting them decorate it however they like. Then using that box as a sort of bank. When they get their allowances, I would give them a sort of fake pay check to tell them what they earned, let them decide how much they want to put into their boxes and how much they want to keep, and then help them fill a "deposit" slip to put into the box along with the money they chose to go in. If they want to take money out, I would show them how to write out a withdrawal slip. I would also use this when they break something and need to replace it, to show them how to be more responsible. Of course, I wouldn't use this to pay for things like school lunch or trips. But they would have the extra money to buy something they want- a bag of chips for lunch or a souvenir they like. I always take pride in what I can buy for myself (and then a lot of time I later regret buying it because it wasn't something I wanted or needed, it was just me being impulsive) and I want my kids to learn that feeling young so that it isn't something so new and exciting when they're old that they let it get to them. I still have a lot of kinks to work out with the parenting ideas I have and i may do as the first OP did when my kids get their first jobs fo give them a financial headstart they worked for. But I also want to make sure my kids are better with money than I still currently am, so that it's one less thing for them to worry about when they leave to start their own lives. However I go about teaching that, I will still pay for their necessities and have funds in place for their futures. I just don't want them to struggle the way I did. I'm no where near ready to be a mom, but I still want to have "plans" in place. I know with kids, plans can change in an instant, so I don't dare make a plan that can't be flexible enough to either change or be dropped completely without disrupting the routine. But it gives me comfort in knowing I am taking steps to give my kids a better life than what I've had.
Definitely do it.
I'm 36, and everyone I grew up with, you can tell who's parents did this.
Save their money, or charge "rent" and it's saved/added to.
It's both financial Education and a nest egg.
That nest egg can be a mortgage deposit and gives a huge boost to the kid.
Going into the world with a mortgage v rent, is halving you housing costs from the start.
A huge boost
@@johnnycarrotheid my husband and I are this for my children. One is his, and one a stepdaughter. As he has helped me raise them from the age of 4, we agreed on this. We also have a piggybank for them, eventhough they are young. Saving and showing kids how to save is good. My sister in law does the same. And my parents did the same for us. It's a win win for the kids. By the time they reach the age of college and or wanting vehicles, it's good.
First OP, good for step son for seeing that his mom was TA. You can offer to teach step son how to save/invest money too.
First story, I like that. Helping the kid save. I didn’t have a job as a teen but as a YA (Young Adult), I did make money. I blew it all. I didn’t start saving until I turned 23 because I didn’t grow up for a while mentally (because I was paying bills just fine but didn’t save due to addiction and what not), but if my parents did this for me when I was younger or told me they would, would’ve probably worked haha. NTA. She has money. She can do the same. Step Son is your problem, but also not. By marriage, he is your son but he is also not your son due to blood and its not like he doesn’t have A parent at all related to him by blood that could help him.
I cannot believe that some women who remarry can sacrifice their own BIOLOGICAL children for kids that are not even theirs! Just to please their new husbands! And to force bio kids to form a relationship with step kids is so cruel! Its like the minute they get remarried, they purposely push their bio kids as far away as possible. Then why even bother fighting for custody in the first place when you dont want your bio kid around?? Let the dad have them, then you can enjoy your step kids all you want.
How is not telling who is the bio kid selfish if she doesn’t care about the genetics?? Clearly they think you’re trying to ‘trick’ them into taking of a kid that’s not ‘theirs’
If her biological dad's clearly lied to her about why you left, obviously you couldn't trust him to have that real conversation with her and you need to have it now
Story 1, NTA, wife knew about everything so has absolutely no leg to stand on. Is now also pissed because her kid now knows the truth as well and actually realizes it's not step dad in the wrong. HOWEVER should just let him know that the amount you added may in his case have gone to his college fund if he has one.
STORY 2. NTA The bare fact that they haven't offered their house as an option is super sketchy. Also nta for not wanting to watch 2 spoiled teenagers you barely know.
STORY 3. NTA Sadly in that situation you had no real legal right to custody of her. You should make sure your husband understands this vital difference as there was no real way to get even visitation rights legally. Tell him that if he were to be an ahole like the ex you could legally sue him and get full or partial custody no problem. BIG DIFFERENCE. Girl is 14 now though and should be able to hear the truth, you hiding it will not protect her and only cause further harm.
Story 1: NTA Your stepson works; where is his money going that he has to mooch off of you? He and his mother can do the same thing. Stealing your son's hard earned money is so very entitled that I would reconsider the marriage.
Last story: NTA I 100% agree with OP that her story needs to be told when Chloe is an adult and does not live with Sam.
She's made the right decision, a heart breaking one, but she would destroy Chloe's life and herself if she had just blurted out the truth.
If the wife and step son want money,let him get a job and do the same thing with him,but do not give someone else money to someone that didn’t earn it.
1st guy raised a great kid by the sounds
What’s with step families believing they are entitled to love, possessions and money from the people their parents married? How can you love your mother’s step kids that have been around for 2 years like you love your own sibling? The mothers are crazy!
Ah.... good old "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine.
OK this is the story with the mom want you to take three teenage girls while she goes on vacation. My first reaction is our you on drugs and do you share!? Do you have a small two bedroom apartment that she wants you to take three teenage girls. She didn’t even say hey could you come stay here were the girls have their rooms are closed, she feels the fridge. Tell your mother if she wants to give the new girls love and attention that’s what they need, but they also need guidance and structure. And if she pushes it and keeps going with the way she’s going she may have two new stepdaughters, Only she’s going to lose water for real daughters. Mom you married the man, you took the girls on. It wasn’t my choice it wasn’t my sister’s choice and it’s not our responsibility it’s yours, enjoy. And I’ll bet she needs his vacation because she cars so much shit in her house she can’t handle living with it! If I was you and your sister I would go no contact for a while make her realize you know what I think I need to change my behavior!
In most places, 17 is legal to move out of home. If OP can manage it, maybe they should think of making sisters bedroom a more permanent place to stay.
My family consisted of Mom, Dad, me, and three siblings. When my parents had to leave for a week or two (which happened fairly frequently through the years), they would either farm us out to friends' houses (You get to have a long sleepover with your bestie! Yaaaay!), or they would hire someone to stay with us at our house. Yes, they paid for babysitters. I'm pretty sure they paid our friends' parents, too, when they took us in.
We only lived close to family for about six months out of my whole life, so family was never an option (those six months, my parents didn't need to take a trip). BUT, my parents made friends/budgeted for babysitters.
OP is NTA, when she says she can only comfortably take her sister. Forcing her step-sisters to sleep on a too-small couch, or on the floor, for a week, is not a kindness to them. Don't these people have any friends? Don't they have someone with whom they would like to spend a week visiting? Or why can't they have a responsible adult stay in their house for the week?
In fact, OP COULD stay in their house for the week, maintaining it, and keeping an eye on all three girls, and simultaneously build up a better relationship with her sister. Unless the daily commute to work would be too bad. I see they are reasonably close for weekend visits, but I don't know about daily trips to her job, especially if they live on the opposite side of OP's house from her job, so the commute would be even longer.
But that's just a possibility to consider. OP is NOT obliged, because nobody is obliged to take care of their kids, unless they are under contract to do so.
The parents don't need to delay the trip (and really should have made childcare arrangements long in advance, so they don't need to do last-minute delays, except for an ACTUAL emergency. Poor planning on the parents' part). They need to either get one adult to stay in the house, or else farm all the girls out to their individual friends' houses, so that the girls get a fun "vacation," too.
Story 4: I am gonna say NAH, although your husband needs to take a chill pill. However, I am worried about Chloe. If EX abused OP then he is more than likely abusing HER. She is probably reaching out not just for answers but it is a cry for help. OP needs to hear CHole out and let her know it's not her fault OP left.
Yeah, I can see why she didn't though. Chloe still lives with that guy and it's obvious he lied about the OP. If she found out the truth then the guy could take it out on her or try and find the OP. I don't think she's wrong for trying to wait until Chloe was out of the house and had distanced herself from her dad enough that it wouldn't cause either of them problems. It's still sad though. If she can she should find some resources for Chloe to help her get out if the dad is treating her as poorly as he did the OP.
@@untitled-gv3qp agreed. If she badmouths her abuser and causes issues in his life she's gonna have a target on her back.
And yet you think the husband needs to chill, you can't see how someone that was abused would be sensitive about her abandoning and blocking a child that reached out to her. Hell I wasn't abused and I would be considering divorce if my wife did that to a vulnerable kid. She's absolutely TA, and her husband is just realizing it, that's why he is so broken up about it.
@@tinamoul Soooo OP should have just taken the abuse and stuck around? When you are in a abusive relationship sometimes yeah you have to take your leave when you can. She had no rights to Chole, if she took her, the police could have arrested her. Husband needs to be more understanding but I can see his viewpoint from the points your brought up.
My kids all had to work. They were all required to put money into their savings account includes my step daughter. When they were 18 they were all given the money. I put the same amount of money in that they put every time. They knew that I was matching them and my girls tried to put as much money as they possibly could put from every check. My son’s joined the military so they both got their money when they got home from basic training. My girls kept saving when they were in college. They both went to medical school after college. They were not able too work when they were in medical school. Just too much school work. They still had little nest eggs when they graduated from medical school and they have both been able to put down payments on their own houses .
It amazes me how people have the same opportunities and advancements that other people do and when somebody says "hey I'm doing XYZ for my child. You should or have you thought about doing the same for So-n-So?"
Then it's always "Leave me alone! Mind your own business!! I know how to take care of my child!!!" blah blah blah!!!!!
But then when they find out that you saved so much money for your child all of a sudden it's "Oh why don't you share?" Nope!!!!!!!!!! This was my money you had the opportunity to do the same thing with yours but DIDN'T.
TOOOO BAD!!!!!!!!! SO SAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If the wife wants more money for her son she should have saved for him.
Oh by the way I love when you say LoL! Tell her parents and her friends to pound sand. OP is a good dad!
Number 2 Sounds like mom is trying to trick OP into having a relationship with the steps
Second story - Mum and Stepdad want OP to look after 2 stepsisters as well as your sister while they're on vacation:
1. The 2 stepsisters can't be trusted to stay at home because they're likely to trash the place. Therefore they should stay with you and trash your place instead - makes sense.
2. Your sister often stays with you to escape the 2 stepsisters. So where's she supposed to go to escape them when they're at your place?
3. Your sister visits you regularly, but the stepsisters have only met you 2-3 times, so you barely know them.
4. You've only got a 2 bedroom place anyway, with insufficient beds for 4 people.
Are there any other compelling reasons why you should let the stepsisters stay with you?
at 11 and 13 they should not be left alone anyway, this is considered way too young, so what are parent s doing leaving them
5:52 I heard that as : 'My cousin is a liar'
Wow, ending a marriage over helping your son save for a car...
You did the right thing for your son. Do NOT split the money. Your wife is wrong,!!!!!!!
Don’t understand why people are so offended at biological parents/relatives favoring their bio kids. That is human nature and you can’t change it.
So his wife wants him to steal from his son. And he is wondering if he’s the AH? This world is bugging