I think my entire life just started to make sense. I often feel so drained from hanging out with anyone for a day or even from going to work! And a lot of it probably due to this exact reason, I am having a stress response trying to be hyper vigilant reading their reactions. Thank you!
Hypervigilance is probably what I struggle with the most and it really is so exhausting. I cannot get out of my head and the overthinking is unbearable at times. I avoid a lot of social situations now because I feel I just don't have the energy to take on other people's energy. If I pick up on anything negative happening inside another person it completely throws me off and then I tend to make myself small/shrink to make them more comfortable. I get so angry at myself because that's not really who I am.
omg yes, i noticed myself having all these painful stories coming up for me because i was not in the emotional space to be around my partner. all of these stories of "he doesn't really love you. he actually hates you. he's probably cheating on you." just running in my mind like a broken tape, and i had to get alone time so i could re-center myself to reality. i'm still working on rewriting those subconscious thoughts but phewww, it is a lot of work. i just realised how much i don't trust anybody in fear that they'll hurt me. it's so tiring to be in survival mode all the time, but empowering myself to really LIVE my life is how i can take my life back for me. thank you thais, yet again!
that has to be painful. i only have the anxious side of that, and it's bad enough. i wish i had known earlier how to express those feelings instead of shutting down, then blowing up later.
I can relate to this so SO much. its really helpful knowing there are others experiencing similar things, so thank you for sharing. you should feel really proud of yourself that you have so much on your plate internally yet you are still taking the time to re-center and do the work thats needed to be kind to yourself and heal. well done!
@@adamwood87 yeah, im realising that when i am in dire need of self-care, it will start exacerbating stories about the people around me. i'm already an introvert, but me having alone time to tend to my needs FIRST is so important so i won't project my subconscious wounding onto my partner. it has taken me almost a year to get to this point because it felt like so many conflicting thoughts in my head. the wounded part of my brain wanted to write my partner as someone evil, neglectful and abusive when in reality, he really wasn't. he just was unlike anyone i've ever been with. he sets boundaries with me. he takes care of himself. he doesn't center me in his life. he truly sees me as someone who adds onto his life. now i understand that a healthy partnership looks like this. it's a process of unlearning and learning, but the goal of returning home to myself is well worth it. i have never felt more love and respect for myself in my life!
This and another comment below is EXACTLY what I am experiencing with my partner now. We were living together when he and I realized I still had a lot of healing to do. It wasn't until now that I realized his presence was "triggering" to me because of the stories I have been telling myself, and being away from him to heal on my own is necessary.
Oh THAT'S why I had a burnout at 16 years of age 🙃 fun times. But really, it's good to more deeply and deeply understand the reasons for my own biography. No therapist ever explained this to me as thoroughly as you do in your videos
blown away. Now I know why I have always thought I was an introvert but only lately have realized I actually love being around people more than not. It's just that I have been working on myself so much that I am turning my hypervigilance into a superpower. Thanks for the example, I didn't realize that was hypervigilance too. I wish I could tell people of authority at work why I only now have started to ask for things/changes/improvements etc that I should have done a long time ago. :D
Thank you so much for this Thais. Now I have a better understanding of why I feel so drained all the time. At work you can often hear me saying "I don't want to get yelled at" or "I don't want to get in trouble". My boss has asked me on several occasions who is going to yell at me? They see how my perfectionism is wearing me down. Thank you for the insights.
I am happy you got some insight. Keep questioning the stories and provide evidence for the opposite perspective. When you start balancing out the stories you're telling yourself you will build new associations to situations. Always question your thoughts when you feel uncomfortable..."do I know this to be 100% true?" "how would I feel if I was believing the opposite?
You can talk to authority figures? 🤯 I struggle with this. I feel like if they know you’re “watching them” back because you don’t want to get yelled at, you’ll get in trouble.
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I try to share your wisdom (the videos) with everyone I come in contact with that might need it. The ripples of your effect will be long and lasting. 🌹
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 😊 I hope so. I want to grow in awareness. I'm still afraid of mistakes, but I yearn to keep trying. One day... if I don't give up, I'll fly. Thank you for your example.
Diving into my childhood and analyzing it has been really eye opening to me. Since I was a teenager I always had terrible anxiety and wore a mask for everything, never good enough for anyone, always having to lie to others so they wouldn't see who I really am, lying to myself so even I couldn't know who I was. I quit drinking 6 months ago and have dove into my unconscious childhood emotional trauma. Even have sat down with my mom to talk about it and she just confirmed everything that Ive realized. Knowing the root cause of my anxiety and being in a flight/fight mode 24/7/365 has really helped me heal and better myself. Thank you for your videos. They have been a big help.
I've lived in a constant state of anxiety since I was a teenager and I've had many cycles of burnout and chronic fatigue in my life. It's debilitating and has thwarted every attempt I've made at establishing myself as an independent, successful adult. I also have ADHD so I'm painfully aware of my shortfalls with memory and organization. I've always felt like living in constant adrenaline mode is the reason behind my energy issues but for some reason I've always dismissed the significance of it. I think I've struggled to let go of my anxiety and hypervigilance because I believed it was keeping me safe, now I realize it's just stopping me from living and draining my life force.
100%. I have a few habits in my personal life that make me decent at my job. These habits revolve around the desire to lack overt weakness. I exercise a lot. There was an event where everyone had to be all hands to get something done and afterwards, one of my co-workers praises me in a room with other people. Instant discomfort and attempts to change the subject from my part. The compliment made me feel profoundly uneasy.
Those are connected to eachother. Perfectionism is not being able to be proud of yourself as there is something wrong with you so you are outward proving yourself while simultaneously believing that doing it perfect is just how it is supposed to be. Doing it in perfectly is what you punish yourself for. I am still a perfectionist as the bar is still very high, I have learned to accept and value compliments, be proud of myself and be kinder to myself when I don't reach that bar. Start giving yourself compliments that you can learn to believe and then see how people are being kind to you not watching you and judging you (althow positively) when appreciating you and just accept that, it will be less awkward if you see it that way. And it also will help you become more secure as you will believe more in yourself. 😊
This is 100% me and it is completely exhausting. There is so much stress and turmoil that just bubbles up inside me, sometimes I’m genuinely worried about my heart. I don’t feel anything weird nor have any serious worries but I just feel like this much stress for such a young person can’t be healthy. And this has been going on since high school.
OK, yup I thought everyone thought and felt this way!!! I get a lot of shit from people too when they find out I worry about what others think. Which is very frustrating. I get that idea as a concept, that you shouldn't worry what others think, but at the same time I wonder why don't people care more about making sure their message is clear to others and avoid conflict and misunderstandings?? People act very casual about the fact they don't care if what they say and do has a negative affect. Misunderstandings are very painful to me. Maybe at the core I worry for my safety and also other peoples safety. This really explains a lot for me. I am actually OK with this outside of the stress and exhaustion side (THERE!!). And for me yes is backed by a childhood of continuous punishment and 'being sheltered' and fear of the next punishment coming. There has to be a way to have healthy balance of 'caring' without being exhausted and anxious over it
Wow this explains exactly what I’ve been going through my whole adult life. I’d come home from being around people and feel exhausted and always so tired that I’d have to have a nap just to be able to continue my day. Then I’d continuously question what is wrong with me, why do I get so tired. I’ve had so much blood work done to try and work out what’s going on with me and I’d always have elevated cortisol levels. Now I understand. Thank you so much 🙏🏻
Wow! This video is amazing! I'm FA and now I know why I'm exhausted after work and have no energy do do anything. I never thought about how I try to "manage people's perceptions of me" I guess I thought maybe everyone does this. But it is incredibly detailed. And you always talk about how FA's are hyper aware of people's voice tones/facial expressions/body language, it totally makes sense that we'd be exhausted by the end of the day being around people for so long and doing all of that in addition to a full workload on top of that!
My therapist insinuated this! I go into "screensaver mode" all the time which means I'm either hypervigilant or exhausted. My therapist told me I was using un-observantness as a coping mechanism and I should practice grounding techniques but I think this comes back to FA! Thank you so insightful :)
Thank you so much for all this information! Wow... And for keeping it accessible to all for free! I feel very seen and supported as an FA by your videos on us.
I worry so much about ppls perception it's almost crippling in my decision making. Perfection and order keeps me very safe, because my thoughts are so disorganized, my emotions are all over the place and sadly have more to do with others than they do with myself
This shit is completely changing my life. 🥰 Especially the core wound breakdown. I had no idea any of this nonsense was going on in my head 😂😂😂😂😂 Ms Gibson is the GOAT 🤙
I have been struggling with this for SO LONG. oh my, your work is so important. Ive noticed lately, that my hypervigilance about other people has transfered itself bit to my over-vigilange on my health as well. (I have a faulty belief that my health problems is always my fault-> might not be safe when making mistakes/im not worthy)
My ex FA was always living in hyper vigilance. I didn’t understand what was going on until I questioned it and he admitted to it. Along with this, he was highly stressed and in constant fight or flight mode! His past punishments were projected onto me and I felt like and experienced being emotionally punished by him! I walked on eggshells-NEVER AGAIN!! Thank you Thais for your wonderful, descriptive videos!!♥️😘
As a FA this has resonated with me more than pretty much any of your videos have... everything you described in the beginning occurred in my childhood and all the behaviors you described is exactly what I do in most social situations.
Ugh. This is why I'm so scared to go back to work at the office after quarantine ends. Working from home has been way less stressful. I use to cry in the bathroom several times a week. Now it's maybe... once a week lol, and I can cry on my own couch! 😉 Probably why I also have insomnia, all that dang cortisol. 😩
Hey Ginny, have you thought about taking a course at PDS? The Emotional Mastery course will help with managing the thoughts and the underlying beliefs that have you in a frequent state of worry. Especially around people. You're going through your work day perceiving through the filter of your subconsciously stored emotional wounds. A lot of this suffering comes from the painful stories we are telling ourselves on autopilot that are not accurate for whats happening in the moment.
@@Alphacentauri819 I love my job. I just struggle with anxiety in relationships at work (and everywhere else haha). I would rather learn to get better at managing that, than stay home. Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I will really think about it!
@@ginnytilby email info@personaldevelopmentschool.com and let them know that you are interested in taking courses but your therapist bills are high and see if there are other options
I'm also autistic, and have c-ptsd from narcissistic abuse, so hyperviligence is the name of the game. But I think the reason I'm now a FA (I was AA), is because after being betrayed by my parents, and losing out on friendships, the traumatic breakup I went through last year was the final straw. It's like after all these various failed attempts to connect to others, I guess this "need" to control peoples' perception of me comes from trying EVERYTHING and nothing working out. And so now, since I've experienced so much rejection and loss, I need to keep myself safe and sometimes feel the need to people please (because based on my past experiences, I'm seemingly never enough :/ ) Can you please make a video for FA's who were AA, but went through a traumatic breakup, and are now FA's? And how to regain the ability to be vulnerable and re-enter the dating world (it feels impossible rn)? Thank you
I will share these suggestions with the team. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you continue to work on healing your trauma and sending you love - PDS team member
I wanted to ask the same question! Like is it possible to transition from one attachment to another over the years depending on our experiences, and whether there is a general process through the attachment styles to becoming securely attached 🤔
@@TheHermitTeller yes attachment can change through years and and a traumatic relationship can change your attachment style. If you know your attachment style there would be a course in the school that helps you heal your attachment style and go towards being more secure. Actually lots of different courses in the school would help with becoming more Secure :) - PDS team member
My attachment style also changed from AA to FA after a "final straw" sort of situation. After my mom passed (the only person in my family with whom I had a secure attachment) my family betrayed me. Then I lost a lot of friends because I was "too much" to deal with (was anxiously attached and desperate for support during this time of my life) and ended up being diagnosed with BPD. 5 years later I would say this diagnosis no longer applies to me, however a couple of years ago something happened that was the last straw, and ultimately I became a people pleasing FA. Can relate so much.
I don't like the thought of upsetting people or letting them have a negative view of me because, for me this always meant that they were going to punish me in some way. You nailed it. I know that I'm a toxic people pleaser. Now that I understand what's going on with me. I have to tell myself in my head that there's no threat and breath. I find that this helps me to calm down. And it's not only people that I am fearful of. It's also the fear of something going wrong in my environment. That's why from the moment that I get up in the morning. My whole day is planned out in my head. I need routine. I also self isolate myself from the world because I want to avoid people at any cost. I don't like to go out and eat at a restaurant for instance because, it's different. And different makes me anxious and nervous because, I feel the safest in the comfort of my own home. I need to have control of my surroundings at all times.
Dear Thais, can you please talk in healing borderline pd and suicidal conditions in one of your videos? Talking about why theyre experienced and what we need to work on to heal? Please. I am also a part of your personal development school which i love! I am so happy for all the great wisdom shared. Blessings!!
i’m ashamed to admit i almost clicked away because you’re young and i am arrogant and think i’ve heard it all. this video was extremely succinct and the point about it being people pleasing or vain vs. about being terrified and needing safety really hit home
Well I just realized that I would try ALL KINDS of vitamins and wellness tactics for my general fatigue. And, I would research these things in a very fast paced way in fear of missing the key to being normal and accepted! I thought that when I am fatigued I am unable to participate in social interactions in the perfect way and people’s perceptions of me will be affected. You just gave me an instant relief with this breakthrough. I hope that this awareness will be a step for me tire myself less and foolishly participate more in life ;D Thank you! 🤩🌈
LIFE CHANGING. Yes! ABSOLUTELY. This is how I’ve described this to everyone I’ve shared it with. The missing piece of my puzzle that I’ve been looking for, for years. I found you less than a week ago and I’m already a completely different person and I feel like I just woke up after sleeping 37 years.
I had a huge breakdown and decided to just STOP!! I’ve been like this all my life and it had got to the point where I was just tired and I felt like if I continued I would die from stress and thinking. And I do exactly what you suggested in this video . When I start trying to be responsible for how everyone feels I stop and ask myself is this true.. how do I know it’s true? And if I don’t have evidence or if the person didn’t say it directly to me I let it go to the best of my ability...... thank you for this video because I work really hard on myself and sometimes it feels like I’m getting no where but this was confirmation to just keep going.
As a FA this describes me and how i behave toward people. I was attached in this par asocial relationship for a while but had to break up because i noticed so many micro things about the person for so long in interviews ,her own videos that raised my cortisol level so many times .I used to vent a lot to my therapist most of our sessions and i felt crazy because they were things that i felt other people did not notice.I feel like a practiced being in a relationship with her even though it was one sided. After so long it became too much and i had to de-touch from her and my subconscious was ready because i see her completely different now.I also used to be very hyper vigilant with my boss and upper management but i have working on myself and therapy i started to advocate for my self with less fear,this has enabled to leave work at work and not bring it home in my head.
Hi Thais I just wanted to say thank you. You’re helping me understand the avoidant attachment style so so much. You really have a gift. I’m blessed to have found your channel.
Hi THais! I've been working through my hyper vigillance despite hearing from many sources that it's incurable, you mentioned reprogramming hyper vigilance while difficult is possible, could you make a video of how to reprogram hyper vigilance? Thanks so much! :)
I'm not even in the school yet and your videos have already been life changing. I can't wait to join the school next month after my current therapy ends. I already know which courses I want to take.
Omg this is everything. You just spoke my thoughts. Turning in the assignment without my name on it has happened to me countless times. Those are my exact thoughts. Verbatim.
You accurately just explained a period in my life, during a high pressure job. It did not fare well for me especially working with high authority figures which I could not shut my sensitivty around, and hugely felt the negative impact constantly. Wish a knew then what I know now.
So funny, the timing of this. Had v exhausting day. xD Haven’t felt this kind of deep exhaustion in awhile but I know it was 100% related to this. So, it was great to see this video. Thank you for making me feel heard, seen and cherished, Thais & PDS community.
❤I get completely exhausted from having this. But started to have strategies so I don't exhaust myself. Before I went completely into the abyss. But started to get good at being able to break this and just be. But a lot of hard work behind it.
I like to call this "intuition". What do you do if you've recognized a pattern in your hypervigilence? For instance: I've had boyfriends that have claimed nothing is wrong when i know all too well that if (for example) someone goes from texting every day to not texting for several in a row, something is wrong. They try to blame it on an external factor such as work stress. I see this as an attempt to avoid conflict vs me "creating stories". Particularly when the withdrawal occurred after a tense event between us. This is what drives me crazy is having to question myself and can't decide if I'm "creating stories" or if they are just flat out lying. I don't want to recreate my own trauma but how can I help that if I keep getting met with the same behaviors? So my hypervigilince has taught me that men are just generally avoidant and dishonest. And honestly I don't think I'm wrong. 🤣 But I keep in mind the possibility that I'm in some form of denial and question my own sanity with all this stuff sometimes. But anytime I've tried to just trust someone's word I later find out I was lied to. So the way I see it, the only way to avoid the stress of being an FA is to stay away from others because we just pick up on way too much to ever be calm. I think people need a certain amount of illusion to maintain comfort in relationships... and we FAs just "know too much". I've also noticed that people do not like this quality of being a "mind reader" either. It makes them uncomfortable. End rant. Thanks for taking the time to read if you did. Any new perspective would be appreciated.
This is the catch 22 with trauma and hyper vigilance. It's like conflicted entitlement, like we're trying to cater to everyone's needs but at the same time trying to find evidence as to why we can't trust people or why we're undeserving of love. We forget that people are complex and have a completely different set of tools, coping mechanisms, intentions and methods of navigating life. Interrelating is highly complex and if there's anything I've learned it's so pointless trying to predict what everyone is feeling and thinking in order to essentially have control over the situation and protect ourselves from harm. If anything the ruminating just causes ourselves more harm. I think it could be a combination of an individual avoiding conflict, not wanting to be vulnerable infront of you (because the situation hurt them) and wanting to seem like they have their internal emotional world under control. No one likes being told what they're thinking and feeling or having assumptions made about them. People want to have control or at least seem to be in control of their lives including autonomy on whether to feel hurt or not, when to express it and how to express it. It may be trauma related as I've heard Thais say this before about almost seeking evidence in our negative core beliefs. We re-project and tend to reenact our past experiences to protect ourselves, reinforcing the belief e.g. 'see you can't trust people because they can't be honest about their feelings'. As much as many of us may like to call it intuition and maybe a lot of the time we may be right in the end, I think a lot of people hate the fact we're so good at reading what people feel haha but they should be given the chance to come to their own conclusions in how they navigate their life. To summarise... Are they lying or are they just trying to self-soothe without hurting you in the process or causing an argument? Or maybe they don't wish to seem like they've been hurt over something they or you might judge as trivial. Maybe work stress exacerbated something that usually wouldn't have bothered them? I think this is why boundaries, being aware of our energy reserves and being able to communicate healthily is so key. Easier said than done coming from a predominant FA then AP myself 😩
@@TheHermitTeller thats so helpful thank you. I spend so much time analyzing other people (and myself) but its really hard to catch myself in the act of some of this recreation of trauma. As my ex told me, it's a self fulfilling prophecy every time. And I know he's right but if I'm overthinking things, I feel like i have to tell him about it in order to be open and honest. If I don't, I feel like I'm unseen like how can anyone truly love "me" if I'm not putting my entire brain on the table lol. And I also expect that of others. But I suppose that's some kind of unhealthy boundary thing going. Yeesh. Appreciate your input so much!
@@megankaywin Right! The crazy thing is, is I think the inference making is what causes the anxiety/overthinking in the first place. Also when you've developed a habit (texting daily) and then you notice a difference, of course alarm bells would go off as a hyper-vigilant, especially after a sensitive event. I think it's always good to let things simmer, have some time away from each other to reflect and process what happened. Then come back again to have that check in with each other to reassure the connection. That's where Thai's scripts would probably come in super handy for both parties! Everyone deals with conflict in their own way you know?
Agreed..... I am a pshycic too..... Utilise your gift.....polish it more.....meditate..... You can download supernatural abilities and find peace ..... Love from India 😘
@@TheHermitTeller Somebody once said: Really think about it ... Can you control your own emotions or thoughts? No right? They just come to you... So trying to control others thoughts or emotions is an impossible task to take on. It is a waste of your time and energy and stops you from discovering yourself. I found that quote to be very soothing in situations were I recognize that I try to control how others perceive me.
This is crazy, I veered away from attachment styles since the ending of the first lock down and started reading on narcissistic abuse from my parenting, from there made me more self conscious and started finding out my core wounds, then I literally was drawn back to thinking of fearful avoidance, but wasn’t sure. So googled “fearful avoidance and hyper-vigilance” and this came up and literally described me to a T. Thought for a while that I was anxious, but started realising I’d become avoidance when someone clinged to me via their anxiousness. Felt like I was on a stage or pedestal. Which is a place I am very uncomfortable being, maybe because of my social anxiety, but I am uncomfortable experiencing love for that reason. But yes, this video was spot on for me
What you've described here is exactly what I experience and you refer to it as 'hypervigilance', but I've searched for information about hypervigilance elsewhere and it's not explained the same way. I saw some other videos talking about constantly using all of your senses to scan your environment for threats, but I pretty much only have this issue when interacting with people.
My ex is FA and would accuse me of cheating often, even when at church functions it was ridiculous. Been NC for 5 months, not expecting to hear from her again. We were together for a year and it was the most fucked up relationship I’ve ever been in, she would lash out over petty things and lash out at her kids, sad they were so used to it
Same here, mate. He would make up these elaborate stories in his head about any guy that’s not him that I interacted with in any way whatsoever, and take it to mean the guy was after me and that I couldn’t be trusted. It was INSANE. Exhausting trying to get him to believe he could trust me. If he sees this comment I’m making here to you he’ll store it as evidence of me being a whore that collects men’s numbers (I don’t want your number, by the way, lol) and that he was right about me all along. Imagine what it must be like inside the head of an FA - just the overspill is enough to send you round the bend!
It's crazy how much I resonate with what you said. It describes my experience pretty accurately. And what you're saying about the hyper-vigilance being a low-key super power, I have often struggled with it because it felt like a blessing and a curse. But I love what you talk about wrt challenging the stories that develop through hyper-vigilance. Would you be able to do a follow up video going into more detail on how to challenge those stories? Or is this dealt with in detail in the course?
...To survive, and then projected onto me, which I didn’t deserve! I couldn’t be his therapist, and was getting anxious and depressed to be around his toxicity.
11:07 - it's not the hypervigilance itself that's painful and exhausting, it is what happens after. The storytelling, the taking on people's perceptions, the buying in and investing in the belief that you need to control everybody's perceptions to stay safe, it's the investment in the idea that people are going to think you are bad, you have to earn your worth everywhere to stay safe, you have to avoid punishment, something bad is going to happen at any point and you just have to wait for the other shoe to drop.
6:25 & 11:0212:00 I can relate Also the example you gave was soooo on point lol! 6:25 & 11:0212:00 I can relate Also the example you gave was soooo on point lol! 6:25 & 11:0212:00 I can relate Also the example you gave was soooo on point lol! "Work on questing those stories and notice what your stories are when you feel hyper vigilant. Question stories repetitively, use repetition to illicit emotional response that oppose that original statement."
Thank you so much! I feel grateful, This brings a lot of clarity I don’t have a lot of words to express that. - It’s so true on worrying whether or not someone will be upset with one and trying to make it ok. My therapist gave me homework a few months ago to work on that like not unnecessarily apologizing >_
Are you inside my brain? This was spookily me to a tee. Do you happen to have any reading tips on more info regarding overcoming life-long hypervigilance? I’m so tired and worn out. My whole PTSD is killing me, but the hypervigilance part is SO frikkin energy-draining.
I did the quiz thing a few times and I'm mostly an FA but also an AP but i never seem to quite relate to any of these experiences... Maybe it's on such an unconscious level that i don't notice OR as usual I don't fit in a category 🤦🏼♀️ I just wanna relate to someone or something one-day for heaven's sake 😭 I do love your videos though!
You've watched numerous videos on FA and AA and none of the patterns apply at all? Or just from this video alone? I'm sure you still relate to lots of people. Regardless we're all having a human experience with shared experiences. Have you done the Myers Briggs personality test? I found that one to be super interesting and enlightening as well. Lastly, think about joining the Personal development private Facebook group. Lots of people posting stories, situations, questions etc... I'll be some of the posts will resonate with you in some ways :) - PDS team member
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Yeah I've watched quite a few, i mean little bits i can relate to but nothing I can fully be like "yep, that's me" 🤔 I'll give that other test a go too. I'm currently having a break from fb but I'll join the group when I'm back on it. Thank you 😊
Hi Thais, I have a question I would love if you could answer... or anyone else who relates. I find as,a FA I am hypervidulent and can overreact from past traumas. Because I know this about myself and don't want to overreact I swing the pendulum to the other side and don't react at all! So I can dismiss red flags with people or ignore bad behavior. Is this common?
Whoa this is profound. Thais, is it still true that the cost of one course 89$ covers even the more advanced expensive courses….? Such as the Gibson integration theory?! 😂
Ok, if the stories that I tell myself come true. How do I get to a point to ignore the hyper vigilance? I guess I'm having a hard time seeing the better option. (Not be over vigilant, or the pain of missed ques.)
8:09 They can have these very elaborate thought patterns when they're around groups of people Hmm maybe not me then 08:43 She turned something in and didn't know if everybody knew it was her thing... Oh oh ok totally me
"I am responsible for other people's emotions
I need to be perfect in order to be safe"
WOW. JUST WOW. You got me there!
got me there too
Me too
Meee..i have this exact same belief🤒
I think my entire life just started to make sense. I often feel so drained from hanging out with anyone for a day or even from going to work! And a lot of it probably due to this exact reason, I am having a stress response trying to be hyper vigilant reading their reactions. Thank you!
Hypervigilance is probably what I struggle with the most and it really is so exhausting. I cannot get out of my head and the overthinking is unbearable at times. I avoid a lot of social situations now because I feel I just don't have the energy to take on other people's energy. If I pick up on anything negative happening inside another person it completely throws me off and then I tend to make myself small/shrink to make them more comfortable. I get so angry at myself because that's not really who I am.
I feel ya!
Hypervegilance is so hard, it's so hard to not know how you actually feel about anything because you're trying to figure out perceptions etc.
omg yes, i noticed myself having all these painful stories coming up for me because i was not in the emotional space to be around my partner. all of these stories of "he doesn't really love you. he actually hates you. he's probably cheating on you." just running in my mind like a broken tape, and i had to get alone time so i could re-center myself to reality. i'm still working on rewriting those subconscious thoughts but phewww, it is a lot of work. i just realised how much i don't trust anybody in fear that they'll hurt me. it's so tiring to be in survival mode all the time, but empowering myself to really LIVE my life is how i can take my life back for me. thank you thais, yet again!
that has to be painful. i only have the anxious side of that, and it's bad enough. i wish i had known earlier how to express those feelings instead of shutting down, then blowing up later.
I can relate to this so SO much. its really helpful knowing there are others experiencing similar things, so thank you for sharing. you should feel really proud of yourself that you have so much on your plate internally yet you are still taking the time to re-center and do the work thats needed to be kind to yourself and heal. well done!
@@adamwood87 yeah, im realising that when i am in dire need of self-care, it will start exacerbating stories about the people around me. i'm already an introvert, but me having alone time to tend to my needs FIRST is so important so i won't project my subconscious wounding onto my partner. it has taken me almost a year to get to this point because it felt like so many conflicting thoughts in my head. the wounded part of my brain wanted to write my partner as someone evil, neglectful and abusive when in reality, he really wasn't. he just was unlike anyone i've ever been with. he sets boundaries with me. he takes care of himself. he doesn't center me in his life. he truly sees me as someone who adds onto his life. now i understand that a healthy partnership looks like this. it's a process of unlearning and learning, but the goal of returning home to myself is well worth it. i have never felt more love and respect for myself in my life!
@@karrrot i'm so glad that it resonated with you
This and another comment below is EXACTLY what I am experiencing with my partner now. We were living together when he and I realized I still had a lot of healing to do. It wasn't until now that I realized his presence was "triggering" to me because of the stories I have been telling myself, and being away from him to heal on my own is necessary.
Oh THAT'S why I had a burnout at 16 years of age 🙃 fun times. But really, it's good to more deeply and deeply understand the reasons for my own biography. No therapist ever explained this to me as thoroughly as you do in your videos
So good to hear - PDS team member
blown away. Now I know why I have always thought I was an introvert but only lately have realized I actually love being around people more than not. It's just that I have been working on myself so much that I am turning my hypervigilance into a superpower. Thanks for the example, I didn't realize that was hypervigilance too.
I wish I could tell people of authority at work why I only now have started to ask for things/changes/improvements etc that I should have done a long time ago. :D
Thank you so much for this Thais. Now I have a better understanding of why I feel so drained all the time. At work you can often hear me saying "I don't want to get yelled at" or "I don't want to get in trouble". My boss has asked me on several occasions who is going to yell at me? They see how my perfectionism is wearing me down. Thank you for the insights.
I am happy you got some insight. Keep questioning the stories and provide evidence for the opposite perspective. When you start balancing out the stories you're telling yourself you will build new associations to situations. Always question your thoughts when you feel uncomfortable..."do I know this to be 100% true?" "how would I feel if I was believing the opposite?
You can talk to authority figures? 🤯 I struggle with this. I feel like if they know you’re “watching them” back because you don’t want to get yelled at, you’ll get in trouble.
Yes, The Personal Development School has changed my life. Thank you, thank you. I have no words for the depth of my gratitude.
Rachel thank you for your lovely comment. I will share this with the whole PDS team - PDS team member
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool I try to share your wisdom (the videos) with everyone I come in contact with that might need it. The ripples of your effect will be long and lasting. 🌹
@@rachelannecreamer410 The more we all heal the more we can all make these beautiful ripples - PDS team member
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool 😊 I hope so. I want to grow in awareness. I'm still afraid of mistakes, but I yearn to keep trying. One day... if I don't give up, I'll fly. Thank you for your example.
Diving into my childhood and analyzing it has been really eye opening to me. Since I was a teenager I always had terrible anxiety and wore a mask for everything, never good enough for anyone, always having to lie to others so they wouldn't see who I really am, lying to myself so even I couldn't know who I was. I quit drinking 6 months ago and have dove into my unconscious childhood emotional trauma. Even have sat down with my mom to talk about it and she just confirmed everything that Ive realized. Knowing the root cause of my anxiety and being in a flight/fight mode 24/7/365 has really helped me heal and better myself. Thank you for your videos. They have been a big help.
I feel this 🤘
I've lived in a constant state of anxiety since I was a teenager and I've had many cycles of burnout and chronic fatigue in my life. It's debilitating and has thwarted every attempt I've made at establishing myself as an independent, successful adult. I also have ADHD so I'm painfully aware of my shortfalls with memory and organization. I've always felt like living in constant adrenaline mode is the reason behind my energy issues but for some reason I've always dismissed the significance of it. I think I've struggled to let go of my anxiety and hypervigilance because I believed it was keeping me safe, now I realize it's just stopping me from living and draining my life force.
Something I learned is that you have to set in your mind what mood you want and let nothing take it away! Nothing!
Does anyone else relating to the FA style have a simultaneous issue with perfectionism *and* a really hard time accepting attention or compliments?
100%. I have a few habits in my personal life that make me decent at my job. These habits revolve around the desire to lack overt weakness. I exercise a lot. There was an event where everyone had to be all hands to get something done and afterwards, one of my co-workers praises me in a room with other people. Instant discomfort and attempts to change the subject from my part. The compliment made me feel profoundly uneasy.
Those are connected to eachother. Perfectionism is not being able to be proud of yourself as there is something wrong with you so you are outward proving yourself while simultaneously believing that doing it perfect is just how it is supposed to be. Doing it in perfectly is what you punish yourself for. I am still a perfectionist as the bar is still very high, I have learned to accept and value compliments, be proud of myself and be kinder to myself when I don't reach that bar. Start giving yourself compliments that you can learn to believe and then see how people are being kind to you not watching you and judging you (althow positively) when appreciating you and just accept that, it will be less awkward if you see it that way. And it also will help you become more secure as you will believe more in yourself. 😊
This is 100% me and it is completely exhausting. There is so much stress and turmoil that just bubbles up inside me, sometimes I’m genuinely worried about my heart. I don’t feel anything weird nor have any serious worries but I just feel like this much stress for such a young person can’t be healthy. And this has been going on since high school.
The stress and pain our parents set us up for is a huge injustice indeed. I hope you're doing alright
OK, yup I thought everyone thought and felt this way!!! I get a lot of shit from people too when they find out I worry about what others think. Which is very frustrating. I get that idea as a concept, that you shouldn't worry what others think, but at the same time I wonder why don't people care more about making sure their message is clear to others and avoid conflict and misunderstandings?? People act very casual about the fact they don't care if what they say and do has a negative affect. Misunderstandings are very painful to me. Maybe at the core I worry for my safety and also other peoples safety. This really explains a lot for me. I am actually OK with this outside of the stress and exhaustion side (THERE!!). And for me yes is backed by a childhood of continuous punishment and 'being sheltered' and fear of the next punishment coming. There has to be a way to have healthy balance of 'caring' without being exhausted and anxious over it
Wow this explains exactly what I’ve been going through my whole adult life. I’d come home from being around people and feel exhausted and always so tired that I’d have to have a nap just to be able to continue my day. Then I’d continuously question what is wrong with me, why do I get so tired. I’ve had so much blood work done to try and work out what’s going on with me and I’d always have elevated cortisol levels. Now I understand. Thank you so much 🙏🏻
Wow! This video is amazing! I'm FA and now I know why I'm exhausted after work and have no energy do do anything. I never thought about how I try to "manage people's perceptions of me" I guess I thought maybe everyone does this. But it is incredibly detailed. And you always talk about how FA's are hyper aware of people's voice tones/facial expressions/body language, it totally makes sense that we'd be exhausted by the end of the day being around people for so long and doing all of that in addition to a full workload on top of that!
Yay! An FA video on my birthday.
I'm laying here exhausted and withdrawn (it's a vibe at this point).
Love you Thai♥️
Happy birthday David from the whole PDS team - PDS team member
Happy birthday!
It really is a vibe 😩 Happy Birthday! I hope your recouping is a refreshing, relaxed and enjoyable one!
My therapist insinuated this! I go into "screensaver mode" all the time which means I'm either hypervigilant or exhausted. My therapist told me I was using un-observantness as a coping mechanism and I should practice grounding techniques but I think this comes back to FA! Thank you so insightful :)
internal dialogue is my life 🥺
Thank you so much for all this information! Wow...
And for keeping it accessible to all for free!
I feel very seen and supported as an FA by your videos on us.
I worry so much about ppls perception it's almost crippling in my decision making. Perfection and order keeps me very safe, because my thoughts are so disorganized, my emotions are all over the place and sadly have more to do with others than they do with myself
Wow, it's crazy how accurate these videos are. This is exactly it!
This shit is completely changing my life. 🥰 Especially the core wound breakdown. I had no idea any of this nonsense was going on in my head 😂😂😂😂😂 Ms Gibson is the GOAT 🤙
3:03 start
I have been struggling with this for SO LONG. oh my, your work is so important. Ive noticed lately, that my hypervigilance about other people has transfered itself bit to my over-vigilange on my health as well. (I have a faulty belief that my health problems is always my fault-> might not be safe when making mistakes/im not worthy)
Story telling has been such a part of my dysfunctional thinking, often i catch myself 3 chapters in to realise the drama i'm creating.
My ex FA was always living in hyper vigilance. I didn’t understand what was going on until I questioned it and he admitted to it. Along with this, he was highly stressed and in constant fight or flight mode!
His past punishments were projected onto me and I felt like and experienced being emotionally punished by him! I walked on eggshells-NEVER AGAIN!! Thank you Thais for your wonderful, descriptive videos!!♥️😘
For the longest time I thought it was my ADHD burning me out. I think it's the constant upregulated state of my nervous system instead. Wow.
This is the reason why I go sit in a coffee shop alone for an 1.5 hours after work most every day...to recharge.
As a FA this has resonated with me more than pretty much any of your videos have... everything you described in the beginning occurred in my childhood and all the behaviors you described is exactly what I do in most social situations.
Ugh. This is why I'm so scared to go back to work at the office after quarantine ends. Working from home has been way less stressful. I use to cry in the bathroom several times a week. Now it's maybe... once a week lol, and I can cry on my own couch! 😉 Probably why I also have insomnia, all that dang cortisol. 😩
Hey Ginny, have you thought about taking a course at PDS? The Emotional Mastery course will help with managing the thoughts and the underlying beliefs that have you in a frequent state of worry. Especially around people. You're going through your work day perceiving through the filter of your subconsciously stored emotional wounds. A lot of this suffering comes from the painful stories we are telling ourselves on autopilot that are not accurate for whats happening in the moment.
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool yes! I would love to! But my therapist had been just so expensive that I keep putting off purchasing the courses
@@Alphacentauri819 I love my job. I just struggle with anxiety in relationships at work (and everywhere else haha). I would rather learn to get better at managing that, than stay home. Thanks for sharing your experience with me. I will really think about it!
@@ginnytilby email info@personaldevelopmentschool.com and let them know that you are interested in taking courses but your therapist bills are high and see if there are other options
I'm also autistic, and have c-ptsd from narcissistic abuse, so hyperviligence is the name of the game. But I think the reason I'm now a FA (I was AA), is because after being betrayed by my parents, and losing out on friendships, the traumatic breakup I went through last year was the final straw. It's like after all these various failed attempts to connect to others, I guess this "need" to control peoples' perception of me comes from trying EVERYTHING and nothing working out. And so now, since I've experienced so much rejection and loss, I need to keep myself safe and sometimes feel the need to people please (because based on my past experiences, I'm seemingly never enough :/ ) Can you please make a video for FA's who were AA, but went through a traumatic breakup, and are now FA's? And how to regain the ability to be vulnerable and re-enter the dating world (it feels impossible rn)? Thank you
I will share these suggestions with the team. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you continue to work on healing your trauma and sending you love - PDS team member
I wanted to ask the same question! Like is it possible to transition from one attachment to another over the years depending on our experiences, and whether there is a general process through the attachment styles to becoming securely attached 🤔
@@TheHermitTeller the simple answer is yes. I think she mentioned it often on her past videos (but I forgot which, I watches a lot, sorry :)
@@TheHermitTeller yes attachment can change through years and and a traumatic relationship can change your attachment style. If you know your attachment style there would be a course in the school that helps you heal your attachment style and go towards being more secure. Actually lots of different courses in the school would help with becoming more Secure :) - PDS team member
My attachment style also changed from AA to FA after a "final straw" sort of situation. After my mom passed (the only person in my family with whom I had a secure attachment) my family betrayed me. Then I lost a lot of friends because I was "too much" to deal with (was anxiously attached and desperate for support during this time of my life) and ended up being diagnosed with BPD. 5 years later I would say this diagnosis no longer applies to me, however a couple of years ago something happened that was the last straw, and ultimately I became a people pleasing FA. Can relate so much.
I don't like the thought of upsetting people or letting them have a negative view of me because, for me this always meant that they were going to punish me in some way. You nailed it. I know that I'm a toxic people pleaser. Now that I understand what's going on with me. I have to tell myself in my head that there's no threat and breath. I find that this helps me to calm down. And it's not only people that I am fearful of. It's also the fear of something going wrong in my environment. That's why from the moment that I get up in the morning. My whole day is planned out in my head. I need routine. I also self isolate myself from the world because I want to avoid people at any cost. I don't like to go out and eat at a restaurant for instance because, it's different. And different makes me anxious and nervous because, I feel the safest in the comfort of my own home. I need to have control of my surroundings at all times.
Dear Thais, can you please talk in healing borderline pd and suicidal conditions in one of your videos? Talking about why theyre experienced and what we need to work on to heal? Please. I am also a part of your personal development school which i love! I am so happy for all the great wisdom shared. Blessings!!
Yes please! I have also recently joined the school and love it... this video would be so helpful!
As a mostly healed BPD I agree this would be helpful to touch on! TY.
i’m ashamed to admit i almost clicked away because you’re young and i am arrogant and think i’ve heard it all. this video was extremely succinct and the point about it being people pleasing or vain vs. about being terrified and needing safety really hit home
Goodness this knocked the wind out of me...in a good way. 🙏🏾❤
Well I just realized that I would try ALL KINDS of vitamins and wellness tactics for my general fatigue. And, I would research these things in a very fast paced way in fear of missing the key to being normal and accepted! I thought that when I am fatigued I am unable to participate in social interactions in the perfect way and people’s perceptions of me will be affected. You just gave me an instant relief with this breakthrough. I hope that this awareness will be a step for me tire myself less and foolishly participate more in life ;D Thank you! 🤩🌈
Great explanation for why after a date or party I have to withdraw for a day not interact with others and rest.
LIFE CHANGING. Yes! ABSOLUTELY. This is how I’ve described this to everyone I’ve shared it with. The missing piece of my puzzle that I’ve been looking for, for years. I found you less than a week ago and I’m already a completely different person and I feel like I just woke up after sleeping 37 years.
Probably the only online course thing ive actually entertained purchasing.
I had a huge breakdown and decided to just STOP!! I’ve been like this all my life and it had got to the point where I was just tired and I felt like if I continued I would die from stress and thinking. And I do exactly what you suggested in this video . When I start trying to be responsible for how everyone feels I stop and ask myself is this true.. how do I know it’s true? And if I don’t have evidence or if the person didn’t say it directly to me I let it go to the best of my ability...... thank you for this video because I work really hard on myself and sometimes it feels like I’m getting no where but this was confirmation to just keep going.
I just can't thank you enough, this has helped me feel I'm not one in a million. I feel so much better now. I'm going to save up for the course
As a FA this describes me and how i behave toward people. I was attached in this par asocial relationship for a while but had to break up because i noticed so many micro things about the person for so long in interviews ,her own videos that raised my cortisol level so many times .I used to vent a lot to my therapist most of our sessions and i felt crazy because they were things that i felt other people did not notice.I feel like a practiced being in a relationship with her even though it was one sided. After so long it became too much and i had to de-touch from her and my subconscious was ready because i see her completely different now.I also used to be very hyper vigilant with my boss and upper management but i have working on myself and therapy i started to advocate for my self with less fear,this has enabled to leave work at work and not bring it home in my head.
Hi Thais I just wanted to say thank you. You’re helping me understand the avoidant attachment style so so much. You really have a gift. I’m blessed to have found your channel.
Wait....people don't all think like this?? Yikes. No wonder I'm so tired all the time 😬
Girl same 😭
Hi THais! I've been working through my hyper vigillance despite hearing from many sources that it's incurable, you mentioned reprogramming hyper vigilance while difficult is possible, could you make a video of how to reprogram hyper vigilance? Thanks so much! :)
I hope she sees your message 🙏
I'm not even in the school yet and your videos have already been life changing. I can't wait to join the school next month after my current therapy ends. I already know which courses I want to take.
I would be interested in a video about noise(light) sensitivity due to hypervigilance and how to reprogram/change it. :-) thank you
Omg this is everything. You just spoke my thoughts. Turning in the assignment without my name on it has happened to me countless times. Those are my exact thoughts. Verbatim.
About to start a new job on Monday so this was super helpful, thank you!
You accurately just explained a period in my life, during a high pressure job. It did not fare well for me especially working with high authority figures which I could not shut my sensitivty around, and hugely felt the negative impact constantly. Wish a knew then what I know now.
So funny, the timing of this. Had v exhausting day. xD Haven’t felt this kind of deep exhaustion in awhile but I know it was 100% related to this. So, it was great to see this video. Thank you for making me feel heard, seen and cherished, Thais & PDS community.
❤I get completely exhausted from having this. But started to have strategies so I don't exhaust myself. Before I went completely into the abyss. But started to get good at being able to break this and just be. But a lot of hard work behind it.
Oh wow this makes so much sense it is exactly how I feel, especially when I'm at work.
Maybe this is why I'm exhausted everyday at work even though I would just be replying to emails.
Thank you for this video o:
I am halfway through the courses. I was living with alot of pain. Still am but I'm getting better. This is worth the work. Thank you
I like to call this "intuition". What do you do if you've recognized a pattern in your hypervigilence? For instance: I've had boyfriends that have claimed nothing is wrong when i know all too well that if (for example) someone goes from texting every day to not texting for several in a row, something is wrong. They try to blame it on an external factor such as work stress. I see this as an attempt to avoid conflict vs me "creating stories". Particularly when the withdrawal occurred after a tense event between us. This is what drives me crazy is having to question myself and can't decide if I'm "creating stories" or if they are just flat out lying. I don't want to recreate my own trauma but how can I help that if I keep getting met with the same behaviors? So my hypervigilince has taught me that men are just generally avoidant and dishonest. And honestly I don't think I'm wrong. 🤣 But I keep in mind the possibility that I'm in some form of denial and question my own sanity with all this stuff sometimes. But anytime I've tried to just trust someone's word I later find out I was lied to. So the way I see it, the only way to avoid the stress of being an FA is to stay away from others because we just pick up on way too much to ever be calm. I think people need a certain amount of illusion to maintain comfort in relationships... and we FAs just "know too much". I've also noticed that people do not like this quality of being a "mind reader" either. It makes them uncomfortable. End rant. Thanks for taking the time to read if you did. Any new perspective would be appreciated.
This is the catch 22 with trauma and hyper vigilance. It's like conflicted entitlement, like we're trying to cater to everyone's needs but at the same time trying to find evidence as to why we can't trust people or why we're undeserving of love.
We forget that people are complex and have a completely different set of tools, coping mechanisms, intentions and methods of navigating life. Interrelating is highly complex and if there's anything I've learned it's so pointless trying to predict what everyone is feeling and thinking in order to essentially have control over the situation and protect ourselves from harm. If anything the ruminating just causes ourselves more harm.
I think it could be a combination of an individual avoiding conflict, not wanting to be vulnerable infront of you (because the situation hurt them) and wanting to seem like they have their internal emotional world under control. No one likes being told what they're thinking and feeling or having assumptions made about them. People want to have control or at least seem to be in control of their lives including autonomy on whether to feel hurt or not, when to express it and how to express it.
It may be trauma related as I've heard Thais say this before about almost seeking evidence in our negative core beliefs. We re-project and tend to reenact our past experiences to protect ourselves, reinforcing the belief e.g. 'see you can't trust people because they can't be honest about their feelings'.
As much as many of us may like to call it intuition and maybe a lot of the time we may be right in the end, I think a lot of people hate the fact we're so good at reading what people feel haha but they should be given the chance to come to their own conclusions in how they navigate their life.
To summarise...
Are they lying or are they just trying to self-soothe without hurting you in the process or causing an argument? Or maybe they don't wish to seem like they've been hurt over something they or you might judge as trivial. Maybe work stress exacerbated something that usually wouldn't have bothered them?
I think this is why boundaries, being aware of our energy reserves and being able to communicate healthily is so key. Easier said than done coming from a predominant FA then AP myself 😩
@@TheHermitTeller thats so helpful thank you. I spend so much time analyzing other people (and myself) but its really hard to catch myself in the act of some of this recreation of trauma. As my ex told me, it's a self fulfilling prophecy every time. And I know he's right but if I'm overthinking things, I feel like i have to tell him about it in order to be open and honest. If I don't, I feel like I'm unseen like how can anyone truly love "me" if I'm not putting my entire brain on the table lol. And I also expect that of others. But I suppose that's some kind of unhealthy boundary thing going. Yeesh. Appreciate your input so much!
@@megankaywin Right! The crazy thing is, is I think the inference making is what causes the anxiety/overthinking in the first place. Also when you've developed a habit (texting daily) and then you notice a difference, of course alarm bells would go off as a hyper-vigilant, especially after a sensitive event. I think it's always good to let things simmer, have some time away from each other to reflect and process what happened. Then come back again to have that check in with each other to reassure the connection. That's where Thai's scripts would probably come in super handy for both parties! Everyone deals with conflict in their own way you know?
Agreed..... I am a pshycic too..... Utilise your gift.....polish it more.....meditate..... You can download supernatural abilities and find peace ..... Love from India 😘
@@TheHermitTeller
Somebody once said: Really think about it ... Can you control your own emotions or thoughts? No right? They just come to you... So trying to control others thoughts or emotions is an impossible task to take on. It is a waste of your time and energy and stops you from discovering yourself.
I found that quote to be very soothing in situations were I recognize that I try to control how others perceive me.
This is crazy, I veered away from attachment styles since the ending of the first lock down and started reading on narcissistic abuse from my parenting, from there made me more self conscious and started finding out my core wounds, then I literally was drawn back to thinking of fearful avoidance, but wasn’t sure. So googled “fearful avoidance and hyper-vigilance” and this came up and literally described me to a T. Thought for a while that I was anxious, but started realising I’d become avoidance when someone clinged to me via their anxiousness. Felt like I was on a stage or pedestal. Which is a place I am very uncomfortable being, maybe because of my social anxiety, but I am uncomfortable experiencing love for that reason. But yes, this video was spot on for me
i hate myself so much. i don’t even feel motivated to do the work to not be like this. i feel overwhelmed and hopeless with who i am
Feel you, hope it gets better 💗
I hope it gets better for you hun
Intro ends at 2:59
I used to think it was normal to do this, that that's just what people did to interact with each other.
I'm exhausted.
I feel sane on this channel :D
You got is Thais!! My ex FA created crazy, scary, negative, untruthful stories in his head for
Working in a dangerous psychiatric facility exhausted me. People ended up in restraints often. In order for the population to stay safe.
welcome to my world. did this exact thing yesterday at work. unbelievable insanity!!!
this was so much helpful
What you've described here is exactly what I experience and you refer to it as 'hypervigilance', but I've searched for information about hypervigilance elsewhere and it's not explained the same way. I saw some other videos talking about constantly using all of your senses to scan your environment for threats, but I pretty much only have this issue when interacting with people.
My ex is FA and would accuse me of cheating often, even when at church functions it was ridiculous. Been NC for 5 months, not expecting to hear from her again. We were together for a year and it was the most fucked up relationship I’ve ever been in, she would lash out over petty things and lash out at her kids, sad they were so used to it
Same here, mate. He would make up these elaborate stories in his head about any guy that’s not him that I interacted with in any way whatsoever, and take it to mean the guy was after me and that I couldn’t be trusted. It was INSANE. Exhausting trying to get him to believe he could trust me. If he sees this comment I’m making here to you he’ll store it as evidence of me being a whore that collects men’s numbers (I don’t want your number, by the way, lol) and that he was right about me all along. Imagine what it must be like inside the head of an FA - just the overspill is enough to send you round the bend!
"Those previously stores subconscious beliefs that can be activated."
thank you for this!!! ❣️❣️❣️
It's crazy how much I resonate with what you said. It describes my experience pretty accurately. And what you're saying about the hyper-vigilance being a low-key super power, I have often struggled with it because it felt like a blessing and a curse. But I love what you talk about wrt challenging the stories that develop through hyper-vigilance. Would you be able to do a follow up video going into more detail on how to challenge those stories? Or is this dealt with in detail in the course?
Yea I always felt the hyper-viglilance was a good thing. We're like detectives and can spot red flags and consistencies from a mile away.
...To survive, and then projected onto me, which I didn’t deserve!
I couldn’t be his therapist, and was getting anxious and depressed to be around his toxicity.
My recently diagnosed chronic fatigued and "treatment-resistant” depressed ass watching this: 😮
11:07 - it's not the hypervigilance itself that's painful and exhausting, it is what happens after. The storytelling, the taking on people's perceptions, the buying in and investing in the belief that you need to control everybody's perceptions to stay safe, it's the investment in the idea that people are going to think you are bad, you have to earn your worth everywhere to stay safe, you have to avoid punishment, something bad is going to happen at any point and you just have to wait for the other shoe to drop.
Me rn. 🙂🙂🙂 your videos always come at the right time.
Checking in
It's fucking exhausting. That being said. Time to watch the video.
6:25 & 11:02 12:00 I can relate
Also the example you gave was soooo on point lol!
6:25 & 11:02 12:00 I can relate
Also the example you gave was soooo on point lol!
6:25 & 11:02 12:00 I can relate
Also the example you gave was soooo on point lol!
"Work on questing those stories and notice what your stories are when you feel hyper vigilant. Question stories repetitively, use repetition to illicit emotional response that oppose that original statement."
Well hot damn I thought I had an anxious attachment until now
Thank you so much! I feel grateful, This brings a lot of clarity I don’t have a lot of words to express that.
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It’s so true on worrying whether or not someone will be upset with one and trying to make it ok. My therapist gave me homework a few months ago to work on that like not unnecessarily apologizing >_
I would like to know if vipassana or other deep meditation would help change our subconcious thoughts
You explained that (me) perfectly!!!
Are you inside my brain? This was spookily me to a tee. Do you happen to have any reading tips on more info regarding overcoming life-long hypervigilance? I’m so tired and worn out. My whole PTSD is killing me, but the hypervigilance part is SO frikkin energy-draining.
Could it also be that FA´s are in many times HSP´s? (Elaine Aaron)
Being like this is exhausting....but we take on day at a time
Please do another video for the anxious preoccupied
I didn't even know what this meant, turns out this is my life haha woah.. Thank you so much
I did the quiz thing a few times and I'm mostly an FA but also an AP but i never seem to quite relate to any of these experiences... Maybe it's on such an unconscious level that i don't notice OR as usual I don't fit in a category 🤦🏼♀️ I just wanna relate to someone or something one-day for heaven's sake 😭 I do love your videos though!
You've watched numerous videos on FA and AA and none of the patterns apply at all? Or just from this video alone? I'm sure you still relate to lots of people. Regardless we're all having a human experience with shared experiences. Have you done the Myers Briggs personality test? I found that one to be super interesting and enlightening as well. Lastly, think about joining the Personal development private Facebook group. Lots of people posting stories, situations, questions etc... I'll be some of the posts will resonate with you in some ways :) - PDS team member
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Yeah I've watched quite a few, i mean little bits i can relate to but nothing I can fully be like "yep, that's me" 🤔 I'll give that other test a go too. I'm currently having a break from fb but I'll join the group when I'm back on it. Thank you 😊
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool lol I just googled that test... I cant afford that, but thanks anyway
@@rachelmaree4712 free version ;) www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool ok I just did that as accurately as possible and the result couldnt be further from the truth so idk wtf to do 🤷🏼♀️😂
Oh my gosh ... this is me 😞
3:00 start
Hi Thais, I have a question I would love if you could answer... or anyone else who relates.
I find as,a FA I am hypervidulent and can overreact from past traumas. Because I know this about myself and don't want to overreact I swing the pendulum to the other side and don't react at all! So I can dismiss red flags with people or ignore bad behavior. Is this common?
I have experienced this, yes!
Whoa this is profound.
Thais, is it still true that the cost of one course 89$ covers even the more advanced expensive courses….? Such as the Gibson integration theory?! 😂
Ok, if the stories that I tell myself come true. How do I get to a point to ignore the hyper vigilance?
I guess I'm having a hard time seeing the better option. (Not be over vigilant, or the pain of missed ques.)
This is me 24/7 😯
What course would you take to help with this?
Save us the lost souls
Thank u
Can I be both severly fearful and dissmisive?
8:09 They can have these very elaborate thought patterns when they're around groups of people
Hmm maybe not me then
08:43 She turned something in and didn't know if everybody knew it was her thing...
Oh oh ok totally me