Why men get married: it's not about you
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- Опубликовано: 31 май 2024
- Men don't approach marriage the same way that women do. Given the enormous risk and responsibility entailed, most men will only consider the possibility of marriage when everything in their life is working. This means that they have arrived at some measure of professional success and financial security, and that there are no significant problems in their relationships. In order to get married, it's much more important that women be unproblematic than highly desirable.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#relationship #marriage #men
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Men don't approach marriage the same way that women do. Given the enormous risk and responsibility entailed, most men will only consider the possibility of marriage when everything in their life is working. This means that they have arrived at some measure of professional success and financial security, and that there are no significant problems in their relationships. In order to get married, it's much more important that women be unproblematic than highly desirable.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#relationship #marriage #men
So, Orion, back to Red Pill crap? Sorry, its a shame.
@@marguskiis7711Please point to the alleged "Red Pill crap". Hint: It's not in this video.
@@marguskiis7711"Reality is that which, when ignored, does not go away."
True for most cases: for men, the timing must be right, and we ladies must be unproblematic.
But MANY men don't get married until they find THE ONE, and some men get married young.
The risks assumed in marriage are all taken by women. We risk pregnancy, loss of career, domestic violence, and death.
"A man must first decide where he's going before he decides who is going with him."
Well said
Most people can’t predict where they will be in a decade & no one possesses a crystal ball. It’s up to each party to choose a partner based on more than just looks & a few months of dating.
This is really sad. Because I am so far from knowing what direction to take in my life...that having a girlfriend, much less marriage, couldnt be further from being an option for me. Utter singleness for life is something I am very recently beginning to accept and settle into.
wherever im going...its gonna be alone
@@susandavis903Or we just go it alone. A 10000 times better option.
We are free from the burdens of the plantation.
We ain't coming back.
Let me say, it is not just men that prioritize PEACE. Id like a man that is calm and doesnt have anger issues. And is capable of reasonable conversation during disagreements instead of yelling, belittling or being passive aggressive.
He thinks women are only the problem and men possess no issue when in fact statistics show that most women surpass men in education, income, etc., and men seldom take care of their hygiene, add no value to our lives and expect 50/50. No thanks. I do not need to introduce unnecessary drama to my life. We detest manchilds. 😢
Well said
Absolutely!
💯💯💯
100 percent agree! I’ve worked so hard to live and maintain a peaceful life. I’m not letting some man tornado blow through and destroy that. So many men have serious anger issues
Another model is to marry young and build your life together. I married at 26 with nothing to offer except courage and attitude. Waited a year for my wife to graduate from medical school. It has turned out much better than expected 35 years on.
happy for you. these days, no woman in medical school would consider a 26 yr old with nothing much to offer
@@Denussy Hahaha She had good judgement cos I didn't do so badly. We have 2 daughters, a tax lawyer and an English literature teacher. They married at 25 and 22, both using first mover advantage like their mother.
I married at 23 and don’t regret it 🙏🏼 I still had a social life and went to parties with my husband so we grew up together and travelled before we had kids… people make it seem like you need your 20s to sleep around and travel… you can have fun and travel with your spouse…. and you will be less likely to have fertility problems (although it does happen sometimes)
@@devadii24 Well done. I tend to think that's a good way to order our lives.
She recognised your own COURAGE AND ATTITUDE. Well done to both of you.
As a women, i think we often waste our time waiting around for men who don't actualy want to marry us, thinking they will change their minds.
Also, i thought when the woman expects him to be financially stable too, she's considered a "gold digger," and she should have been there when he had nothing, right?
But, according to this video, if he had nothing then he would not be ready for marriage anyway, so...?
Confused? Here is what a young woman to do: Find a good young man of character, qualities, ambition, and be in his life as his cheerleader and lover and boost him without disturbing his peace. He will marry you very soon. Alternatively, the young woman can try to secure an established older gentleman (ignore who calls her golddigger).
@@rayrwyr who knows, who cares? Do whatever you want. A hack I did was to care about other people well being, mental well being and what they want as in how can i make their lives better and how i can positively affect others lives.
I cant help you with the perspective of " what i want" " how can i get more for me from others" " how can i win". As i see it any interpersonal relationship is pointless with that approach or mindset, thats he approach your boss or employer takes to you, and I and everyone have more than enough of all that generic and exploitive "relation" which what it is ar heart and core so dont need anymore of that thank you.
So good luck, nothing is guarantee, go and try and net a rich guy or something, your condition may vary so who knows, keep an eye out , not every sitaution is the same.
Askimg or thinking for most people or a woman especially a western women to have such perspective is ridicoulous so I do nt know what to tell you on how to get what you want from other people.
Another solution would be to be the provider like men have been doing for centuries. I married my cheerleader when I had nothing so the previous poster is correct.
@@watamutha No, they want all the resources and money to be given to them so they can do nothing with it but proclaim how they are winning.
its smart to invest in men as they were expected to provide for friends, family and loved ones.
invest in women because of pop culture and politics so she can provide for no one but herself and boast how strong and independent she is lol.
seems like a good formula for a functioning soceity.
They torture all sorts of ideas forgetting that when two people meet who simply cannot, will NOT, be without each other, then they won't. Simple as.
That's regardless of all this social drama about men and women playing sero sum games, stupid enough to get so caught up in what is ultimately a vile and nonsensical institution...all because well ... WHAT ABOUT DA CHILDREN?
Yeah. What about them?
Take care of them!
MEN just want PEACE. and not PROBLEMS. You don't need to be a super model.
They are natural agents of chaos.
Yes, a huge reason why I’m still with my partner. Doesn’t give me problems, in most cases. We just moved in together though, so we will truly see
That's not true. They do want peace, but the non-narcissistic versions also want a partner who values who they are, and this includes their sexual wiring. The latter is usually a big problem. Women want to be dictatorial when it comes to marital intimacy and get angry and toxic when they are confronted with their selfishness. It is just as wrong for a woman to be sexually dictatorial as for a man to be sexually dictatorial. It is all about finding a HAPPY balance. Narcissists of all sexes want conformance to their agenda and see their spouse's contrary agenda as something TO WAGE WAR AGAINST. That's just EVIL.
Yikes... keep us updated i. 6 mnths @ajseb
Women just want peace and not problems .... also
I'm terrified of choosing the wrong woman, and then having my family destroyed
Get an ironclad prenup.
Mine sold our own daughter
Be a team, not a solo player. Date throughout your entire marriage. Do unto others…
That’s the key to a healthy, happy marriage.
Smart. PS - as an attorney I can tell you. There is no such thing as an iron clad prenuptial.
If you have enough $$ at stake, the validity of the prenup will be challenged
YES
WOMEN STOP SLEEPING WITH THESE MEN!!!!! AND LEARN TO VALUE YOURSELF
Exactly 🎉🎉Will bring happiness to everyone. Both men and women.
As long as being “unproblematic” doesn’t mean smile through behaviour that is unacceptable to keep the peace in his life then I agree with this message for women.
As long as "unacceptable behavior" does not mean "everything I subjectively dislike" then I agree with your comment.
@obviouslyasockpuppet you like unacceptable behavior? Like what is it that is socially considered unacceptable that you feel like women shouldn't speak on?
@@PhotoJeticPoet C'mon, today a good chunk of women already consider it abuse, if he doesn't fold to her demands.
I bet a lot of these marriages that 'lasted' were marriages where the other partner cheated and the other just 'toughed it out'.
@@Smartcom5or the men consider her 'quarrelsome' when she didn't fold to his
If a woman is already problematic before getting married, she will be a nightmare after. That's like a job candidate being lazy and disrespectful during the selection process, before even getting the job.
Why wouldn’t she be that way when she knows how desperate most men are for her in the first place? Seems that men are the real problem
Why wouldn’t she be like that if she knows how desperate most men are for her? Seems that we found the problem, and it’s not the woman
Amen!
I don’t understand how women don’t understand this!
It becomes confusing for women (well, young women anyway) partially because men continue pressuring women for sex even when they don’t like being around them otherwise. Men’s lives would be easier if they would cut off the sexual tie and make a clean break.
As an older man, I've talked to so many women who do not understand that men prize peace. They think that pushing and confrontation adds excitement to the relationship. Most men know women thrive on drama, keep up the good work, wish you were around in the 70's and 80's, could've saved me a steep learning curve.
Men who say they don’t want drama are usually the ones who cause most of it. A healthy woman will also want peace. An unhealthy man or woman will create unnecessary drama.
@@hiannahgus574nope. Absolutely false statement. Women want emotion, hence easily addicted to drama.
@@hiannahgus574 I've never met a single man in my life who went out of his way to create drama and "excitement" the way a lot of women do. Even d-bag men don't do that, they may be d-bags or distant but they won't provoke bullshit in the same way
@@hiannahgus574 One of the easiest ways for a man to prevent divorce is to add drama.
@@hiannahgus574 Why do you think that?
The upshot of this is that women are best served decentering and prioritizing our own peace, wellbeing, and fulfillment the way men prioritize theirs.
I disagree with "the right woman at the wrong time does nothing to change this".
It absolutely does. Having a good woman can change everything. She provides him the support and security he needs to become the best version of himself. This is the best thing about having a good partner. They help unlock the best version of you.
Yeh, while I agree with a lot of his thoughts, it's sad that he thinks women drain a man who's not established yet. It's revealing about his view and experiences of women overall.
In reality, a good woman makes a man tremendously more successful. You just have to do the self work to not choose toxic patterns in relationships so you know the red flags when you see them.
This guy has not gotten there yet...
Yup too many cases of ride or die women building him up and then he leaves her for the woman at the end of the finish line 🏁 soooo yah no. We’re done with that.
@@cosmickinksu made no sense
@@tyronelorenzovalentio3414 Made perfect sense to me.
Thank you for saying that!
Plenty of women have an intuitive sense of this and will hold off on introducing problems until after the wedding.
What wedding? 😂😂😂
A few clever ones may be able to hold off, especially if the man is high value and in high demand, but a person's true nature is usually difficult to disguise. The truly spoiled, demanding, problematic women reveal their true selves right away. It's like they can't help expressing their nature, and lack the self awareness to tone down the detrimental behaviour.
No, they can't control themselves. If they could do that, they would be illuminated beings. It's exactly when they complain about their bad boyfriend's or husbands, that they never showed themselves. Tos totally false, that kind of disfuncionality is so strong that is impossible to control it.
good point
Yup. Only the ones dealing with desirable men tho.
I GOT MARRIED BECAUSE 1) She is my best friend 2) She is my lover 3) She would do anything for me as I would for her as well. 4) We complement each other perfectly. 5) We never fight. 6) She makes her own money. 7) Neither of us wanted children.
If you didn’t want children then why get married?
What tangible benefit did marriage give you that her being your lt live in gf couldn’t?
7) sad thing. That's the only reason why I would consider marriage
You left out No. 8) I knew I'd never find another like her
Your not married you are business partners.
Your parents, grand parents, and so on fought for you to have a life and then you decide not to have children. It must be the most selfish idea a person can have. Even if you don't do it for yourself you do it for your ancestors that gave you life.
It's also pretty much biological suic*de. I'm sorry you two are choosing that path. You'll very surely regret it deeply.
sorry you guys have had such a bad experience with women. I have increased my husband's net worth by 125% over 15 years. i knew he was exceprtional and invested in him. He was in grad school when i was a succesful professional. many people said why dont you go for someone above you? i didnt need someone above me, just wanted a great human being. we have done so many great things together. Did i mind him earning 28K while i was earning 300k? no. did he mmind me working part time when we had kids? No. guess what we married when i we were both 35. had 3 kids. still happily married 20 years later.
Only 125% increase in 15 years? That's not much for 15 years. $10,000 to $22,500 is a 125% increase. Did you mean something else like 125X ?
@@megalodon1726 Well, $10,000 to $22,500 is a 125% increase, which isn't much for 15 years, but why do you assume that the starting number is only $10,000... you know, $100,000 to $225,000 is ALSO a 125% increase. $200,000 to $450,000 is ALSO a 125% increase.... I don't think that's so bad then, right? Probably, given the context of what was said, the starting number was already decent, and no where near minimum wage, seeing that it would be rather silly for them to "brag" about a 125% increase...
NAWALT...it never fails. Her and all her friends are amazing. It's the other bad women out there lmaoooo. Never fails. Any of these type of videos you will find this genre of comment.
@@megalodon1726 right! If I have my math right, 125% means that after 15 years he only went from making below minimum/ minimum wage to MAYBE 65k a year. That’s not impressive, especially since, according to her, he needed her help to do it.
❤
I married the woman who seemed to be unproblematic, supportive and charming at what seemed to be the right moment of my career. The day after I discovered a completely different woman in my bed. There is a joke which goes "When did you know your wife?" "After the wedding" is the answer...
Good luck.
how long were you with her before tying the knot?
Some are definitely good actors. I got rid of one after the kids had been grow up. And I remember the day when my brain finally got on top of my hormones. I remember that look of a young colleague, when I suddenly recognized I only see what she is, not what she looks like. Never talked a word to her, but that day I saw that she recognized her acting (the all do to every Y-person) was no longer working.
During the divorce is when most men meet their wives.
Same happened to me. It was the ole bait 'n switch.
To Modern Marriage Apologists,
If your property and family can be destroyed on a whim, do you really have anything?
Yes, integrity, dignity, courage, and respect.
@@maam-yj8ph - Except that women and the gynocentric court system will often come for those too. ;)
@@maam-yj8ph Except none of these things get you anything today either
@@maam-yj8ph Good luck with those because they're more than worthless
@@wiseonwords don't choose wrong woman. Simple.
This is awesome advice. I married the wrong woman and am a divorced single Dad now. I'm only glad that I don't have to go through the misery of living with her for the rest of my life. Everything the Doc says is on point.
This video should be required viewing for all of you dudes out there.
Yes, divorced single dad here too. I will absolutely teach these principles to my son as soon as he is old enough to understand them!
Divorced single father here too... Cheers.
Just imagine how many "wrong" women there are out there. All eager for marriage because they only stand to gain. Truly terrifying.
The woman was YOUR OWN choice. Just choose better instead of whining.
The dumb victim mentality here is just pathetic.
My husband had I have been married for 40 years. We've watched couples around us divorce as soon as they hit the first bump in the road. Marriage isn't easy. "For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health," those aren't just words. They are the true test of a genuine friendship/relationship. Supporting each other through seriously tough times, cements your bond where nothing and no one can come between you.
Those are "just words" in today's society where everybody is taught they should never have to endure any form of hardship at any point in their lives.
No modern women will honor those words. The state pays them to destroy their marriages.
Nobody should have to deal with hardship if there is a way of escape. Not everyone feels a moral obligation to stay married when they get bored. I think it's fine to leave as long as the process is civil.
@@gracerules2008 The key, I think, is that people have different default definitions of the word "should." And people don't recognize that when communicating.
@@gracerules2008 any man who hears you say that should run far and fast
In my experience this is completely untrue. Men tend to end up with the most difficult women who insist on the most from him. I think some men are delusional about what they think they want vs what they actually go after
True!! Same thought I had..
Yep. All these men saying they only want peace. They sure didn’t pick the peaceful girls in high school and college. They picked the ones who looked the best.
This is true in many cases, but part of the reason for that is that problematic women are often highly deceitful and try to get men sexually involved very rapidly. Being sexually involved often distracts from red flags that would have been noticed otherwise. Just saying....seen this way too many times
Some are too nieve, and others fall for the cry story because they actually become protective of people who are being taken advantage of, or at least are successful at spinning a victims tale with a lot of woe; they think they are truly helping, but realize later that they were taken advantage of, because the woman actually didn't want a hero, they were just looking for a stepping stone to get them out of another relationship that is going down the drain because they did the same deceitful thing to the last man.
Yes it is hard to watch male friends end up with women like this simply because she spread her legs knowing they bought a one way ticket on the titanic its just a matter of time before he hits that iceberg
Absolute “Stellar” advice.
At around 8:24 he says, all most word for word, what I asked myself a couple times in life, including two engagements, for me it was “Can I live like this for the rest of my life (especially if I don’t try and address it now)?” Dodged a couple of bullets.
Good luck to all. Please strongly consider and applying what the Doctor has to say in this video.
Yes!!!!
He is bullshiting. He has no experience with marriage, so his suggestions about it are crap.
@@marguskiis7711 do you have experience with crap then? You do sound like crap
@@marguskiis7711 Lol, who is projecting himself? I sense envy.
@@alen2937 explain please...
I'm 57 and everything in my life right now is peaceful and stable. WHY would I get involved with anyone else who could f*** it all up?
I will be where you are in 17 years from now , can’t wait ❤
Choose better. 🤷
Choose an emotionally healthy & stable partner. Enjoy the love between you.
@@hiannahgus574 easier said than done if someone has been traumatized from bad relationships before. That takes a lot of time and effort all on it's own. Men's libido tends to drop after 40ish too, which makes things far less interesting in many cases.
Sounds lonely tbh
Sex
I once dated a man who had his own business and was constantly dealing with the problems of employees, customers, suppliers, etc. He told me, "When I come home I want peace and quiet. I have enough drama and stress during the day, I don't need it at home too." Ladies, listen to the doctor, and don't rock the boat.
That's exactly what I tell the women I'm interested in dating given my occupation. But drama is always in abundance.
Women feel the same way. I don’t need to come home from work to a lot of drama…
What is "drama"...Real issues that need to be addressed? Real emotional connection from a man who views his wife as a "dependent " instead of an equally intelligent friend/partner? ...I don't know about the supposed women who "create drama". To me, that idea seems like a fictional story told by men who view marriage through the lense of collectivism and Patriarchy, ...Do people who view marriage through the lense of something that is built upon the base of love, communication, respect, friendship, emotional intimacy and commitment to understanding each other as one genuine being to another? Or are people losing sight of that meaning, or is that the reason why I am a lonely wierdo in a land of insanity, hahaha.
My grandmother got married 3 times. Fist husband came back from WW2 wrong, second husband got face cancer and passed away, third husband was in a car crash and lost the use of his legs, they stayed together till he died of old age. She was single after that till she passed away. What part of a real relationship, a real marriage is unproblematic? People get sick, people die, people are not a set and forget unproblematic solution to some issue you need to solved. Like if you(guy or girl) don't have the strength of mind to understand that marriage is a BURDEN OF LOVE then you have no business getting married.
💯
Immature men are getting married to have someone take care for them and to have a family as a social status. That's why it's 7x more often that a man will leave his sick wife, than the other way round. It's the ratio of bad mysoginistic men to good mature men we're facing here.
Men who see women as "problematic" are most often problematic themselves, expecting free labor, submissiveness and servitude, they cannot regulate themselves (aggressiveness), communicate and coexist with others who they think are "lower in hierarchy". And women are "lower in hierarchy" in their mind. They don't treat women as people who they can talk to, that's why it's challenging for them to hear that a working woman will not spend 15 additional hours a week on taking care of his stuff and his children (aka married single mother) and won't prioritize his leisure and free time because he thinks her time is worthless and "she likes cleaning". They expect women to deal with everyday problems alone and be a hero when there's a one time job to be done.
I've never heard from anyone who is mature that their spouse is "problematic" or that they need some external validation to love and support someone.
He didn't say that life is to be unproblematic. He said that the woman has to be unproblematic, meaning that she must not add voluntary and unnecessary drama to a life that is already difficult enough as it is. At least, that is how I understand it.
I am a woman, grew up with women, worked in a woman's job (midwife), and yeah, we have a tendency to create drama out of thin air. We have other qualities, but peace,... yeah no. There are exceptions but as a whole, let's be honest...
You didn’t understand his point. Maybe rewatch the video with an open mind
Problematic: arrogance, hormonal craziness, passive-aggressiveness, financial incontinence..
So men don’t really live their wives?
I suspected when my ex-husband never stopped flirting with other women, and I was expected to just deal with it and not say anything about it.
Then after 27 years of marriage one of his high school crushes started paying attention to him and she divorced her husband to get between us.
He wasn’t popular in high school, so he thought that was worth throwing away his marriage and hurting his family.
So now it makes sense. They just take the woman who looks good, and will not be problematic, and put up with them until one of women who rejected him in high school will take a second look.
Thank you. It’s good to know they just use women for selfish purposes.
Facts
You sound hurt by the experience you went through and as a consequence bitter.
The reality is he likely was with you because you were the best when he was getting married.
He likely moved on because of a failing of his character or yours or a mismatch between both. Either you became a drag, he was an asshole or you guys seemed right for each other initially but we're unbearable together after a long time.
There is also the possibility that his true love stole his heart many decades ago and that she then used this to destroy your family.
I don't think being upset about this will benefit you or the situation. Also when you are angry often you overlook your own shortcomings. I know this sounds high and mighty but trust me it comes from having had to look at how lowly I had been. While initially much more painful it will likely heal much quicker if you honestly analyze what led to this. Something might have been very off, he must have been very unhappy if he left you and a family he had like that.
I wish you the best and that you heal and find happiness once more.
@@Pattern_Noticer This is the most delusional advice I have ever heard. Sounds impractical.
The reason why I am not married at 39 as female as I have a lot of male friends and noticed one tendency - they never marry the woman they love the most, just the one who was around when they felt themselves ready for marriage. Unfortunately, felt ready and was ready is not the same. I am not going to be someone`s solace prize. I am so sorry this happened to you! I am sure there were some clues that were missed along the way. You will be fine! If the man can be stolen, she stole your problem - that`s all x
Doc there’s also the angle of the fact that women of today no longer value potential and more so results. A man who pairs up with a woman who stuck by him since his humble beginnings is far more likely to appreciate her and remain loyal for the long term. Men who are already established and accomplished will be far less generous in terms of bending their lives to accommodate a woman. In life, we often cant have it both ways.
In fact Dr. Taraban did a video called *founders get equity* using the analogy that women who are with their man before he becomes successful then they will be entitled to equity but if they wait for a company to be as successful as Apple the best they will get is a salary and it may be a CEO salary but nowhere near having part ownership
Sure, but it's pretty clear that a lot of women have difficulty identifying the men who have potential and those that do not.
@@kevinkearns7719worse, they sabotage their men, often unwittingly, by taking up their attention and inhibiting their potential
@@kevinkearns7719the fathers were the one who did the vetting
Very well said.
This is EXACTLY why I ended things with my ex. She would make mountains out of mole hills. The only problem with this advise is a lot of women will just hide that part of themselves until after they got the ring and then let out all the same crap. Then you’re trapped in an even more financially devastating situation weather you stay or leave.
Kind of like showing your cards during poker ♦️ ❤
Actually, you was yourself dumb enough to choose the wrong woman. YOU yourself did not see the elements which did not fit with you. Don`t bullshit about evil "hiding" etc. Its all your own fault.
The downside Is I wouldn't hide, guess that's why I'm not married. So honestly most to have to hide If they want the ring.
@@melc8388and thats why only 6.5 out of 1000 men are getting married
Instead of hiding, you could change.
Wow. Happily married man here for 21 years.
Great video.
Most men don't watch soap opera's, or talk shows for a reason.
Drama sucks.
I'm a woman and I don't watch that stuff either. I could careless about all the drama. I just want to live a peaceful life with no stress.
I would never get married again ever under any circumstance. And I advise every young man that I meet to avoid marriage and there’s no benefits in it for him whatsoever. Only benefits for the woman and the state.
First, explain to us the woman you were with and why you chose to marry her.
I would advise all young men that you're wrong and absolutely stupid, and following the advice of perpetual losers in life and love only increases their chances of becoming the same. You can be cynical, selfish, and a perpetual adolescent if you wish, but being married has been amazing and one of the greatest gifts of my life.
what if you want kids?
@@matthewhunter6421 can you mention 3 benefits of marriage for men? (something measurable that can only be obtained in marriage)
100% agree, just don’t sign the paperwork
The crazy thing is that the world is super unstable right now and it feels very difficult to get even have a baseline…
All the guys who want peace and unproblematic women need to learn how to be peace keepers instead of peace makers.
simp
My Ex-wife told me she did things just to make me jealous, I hated it. I got in more than a few fist fights over it. When I handed her divorce papers she looked at me and said "I did everything right?" She just didn't understand I don't want to feel intense Jealousy everyday for the rest of my life. To her jealously ment I loved her but to me it was just added unnecessary stress.
She is a messed up person.
😂wow !!! Well good for you getting out that is annoying as heck .
I’m sorry that happened to you. Many women afraid to lose their men are taught to make men jealous to keep them interested and that’s not a good idea
What a psycho! Tragic loss for both of you. Time, money, and energy.
My ex boyfriend did that. He wanted me to be jealous. I have a lot of confidence and that bothered him and he aimed to decimate it. He also felt if I wasn’t fighting for him I must not love him. Not true. I just wanted a peaceful relationship.
All women have to do is demonstrate loyalty and not be a pain in the ass, and getting marriage shouldn't be a problem.
But the problem is that most women are being socialized to see marriage as a power struggle: I have to fight him to get equal treatment….
So everything gets seen through a victim lens, and her every bad feeling is his fault….
@@kellygreeniigood comment.
People who are pains in the ass may be more loyal than those who are not.
Oh is that all. Hahahahahahaha
@@kellygreeniiHmmm, read your reply. That’s a victim mentality right there!
My husband married me because I “checked all the boxes.” He fit the bill too, until we moved in together. Then he immediately turned into someone else. Took me 3 years to learn about narcissism. He checks most of the boxes.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. Hope you are living a better life without him ❤
lmaoooo the new word for women on the internet. It is NOT possible for all these "exes" of women to be narcissists. Extremely low percentage of the population is that. It's a clinical designation, not about someone you dislike. Geesh.
100% truth. My ex wasn’t as hot or young as I would want, but every 4 months she blowed up with demands and coldness. After the 3rd time I walked away, though I really loved her and was thinking about marrying her one day. Her problematic behavior ruined everything.
Could've been hormonal birth control? I know that tips a lot of women over the edge-- but still, you did the right thing
Lucky guy!
Marriage is fraud on hormones. Stay single. Life is wonderful
You need a hot unicorn to rock your 🛥️ boat 😂
Probably just period pain
Unproblematic, that is the key word here. I can still remember mulling over that 34 years ago when I was about to marry my girlfriend.
Unproblematic is so much more important than anything, very important insight. I know tons of guys who are in long term relationships and never took that step and every one of them will tell you that their woman has some unstable, vengeful, or capricious trait that makes marriage impossible
Doesn’t someone have to do something to someone already for there to be a need for vengeance?
@@pleidastaurus5908 people will inevitably upset each other in relationships without intending to, doing something deliberately to hurt the other person in response is a very bad trait and it's a very common behavior in women who are otherwise fairly well adjusted
And what would "unproblematic" look like, and how about men being "unproblematic"?
@@Monk7791 we’re talking about men’s criteria for marrying women, so men being unproblematic isn’t relevant.
@@pcap8810 Of course they may set every condition they'd like. But leaving themselves out as a factor is very naive at best. But I'm sure theoratically it will all be sound.
This is perhaps the most accurate articulation relating to marriage I've ever been shown. Any hesitation I've ever felt to commit to let alone marry someone revolved around whether or not that person was challenging problematic difficult. The idea that women think we want to constantly be challenged by their attitude in a relationship is part of what precludes them from ever being chosen. That some men choose these women against their own inner warnings shows a willingness to override their own sense until they are presented with the reality of what that means to have chosen that woman.
25 years ago I ignored my inner warnings and it hasn’t been fun
5:07 I can attest to this. When I was married 27-32 years old it was hard to save because my wife always spent our potential savings. Now 2 years later (34) after divorce I have almost 20k saved up, imagine that🤣
That’s why they want a 6-figure guy, but they are able to spend any amount. Same here, since I managed to pay her of finally, I save more every month than a lot of families have as a total income. Unfortunately I need it, because EX took half of my retirement plan.
Congrats brother!
I know another couple like this…. he brought his wife over from Brazil, she spent like she was in congress and would go back for months at a time to ‘see her parents’… they split up and the man was able to finally buy a house and pay his debts 😂
True, a woman is the most expensive thing a man can have his life.
Get a woman who likes to buy precious metals and you’ll only get richer 😏
As a 39 year old successful male who is still not married by choice, I can attest this is correct and I've made decisions ending relationships in the past because of ultimatums and great women being problematic
The ultimatums. Always the ultimatums. It happened to me too with someone I really loved and cared. But I didn't take the ultimatum so she left. Best decision in the end.
@@stat5webUltimatums are their last ditch effort to tip the balance of power in their favour and get you in their frame. Any woman resorting to ultimatums sees relationships as nothing more than a power struggle and a means to extract value from you for as long as she can milk you. I've learned to elicit a reaction of disgust within myself when I see someone acting from a position of power struggle towards me. So I cannot be manipulated by power struggling women because I cannot love who I am disgusted by.
@@Kuk0san I'll assume you don't do that to women at work, right? That's a fast track toward getting fired by the women in HR. Also, to play Devil's Advocate, there are certainly times to make ultimatums in a relationship. For example, if a woman is a follower of a certain religion and her boyfriend who was previously a part of the same religion departs from it, that would be the time for an ultimatum.
@@selohcin I hope you don't work in HR since there is a difference between established frames and women's manipulations.
@@selohcinwhat religion?
Well, he has a good point. However, I have also met quite a few men who once they have accumulated wealth become more wary for "gold-diggers" and are actually more protective. In my experience, it's more likely that the man will marry and share his wealth with you if you also were there supporting him when he had nothing.
🎯 it's very rare that a man will try to get higher up on the totem poll when he becomes successful.
Finding women after you're successful means you are never sure she will stick with you if your success wanes.
100%. They have more to lose, and they fought to get it.
Women are wary for a GOOD reason! I married my ex-husband when he was a poor Grad Student. After he became a sucessful Ph.D and was pulling down the big bucks, he dumped me after a 20 year marriage and traded up for a Younger Woman. Happens all the time!
@@SunnytimeDolls no it does not happen all the time. Unfortunately it may have happened to you but it is not something that happens ALL THE TIME.
When your home is your castle where you want to regain your strength to compete in the outside world, you don’t want someone you’ve granted access to this sanctuary to sneak up on you and stab you in the back . Should be an easy concept to grasp . Actually.
This is exactly why, as a woman, I have my own castle; it is my sanctuary. No domestic violence or disrespect, Thank you.
🎉😊Darn right about that! I choose myself 💆🏽♀️, my peace, my Financial security, and my Freedom ✈️ 😎🏝️
I would not take a mans sanctuary. He can live in his peace. Nothing wrong with that. He never needs to know if I am ok or safe or anything ... I'll be down the road in the woods. No problem. I would never be a leech to anyone. Men don't need to have some chick leech off his hard earned money. She should have her own. They should not live together since he doesn't want that. And she should have her own way to get through life. Doesn't matter if they are married Or not. If he wants peace let him.
This guy is referring to emotionally immature or narcissistic women just like the women complain about narcissistic and abusive men. With us regular , mature, self aware people this isn’t an issue. We all want peace. This isn’t profound. I met my husband when he didn’t have much, actually. And I was also quite broke. We’re stronger than most couples we’ve interacted with. We went through the fire together. But we’re also self-aware and always growing character. We approached marriage the same way and we’re in agreement with what that covenant meant to us.
As a man, I say you should listen to Dr Taraban's advice here, ladies. He's handing you gold.
I listened! I never got married because I didn't want to be an abused slave like my mother was. I thank God daily for saving me.
@@junetaylor8396 Well if you never wanted it in the first place, I guess it doesn't apply to you. Doesn't change the fact that 95% of women actually do want to get married though.
Great point, women do not realize they relationships make men less successful not more. Despite the narrative behind ever successful man is a good wife.
Every time I've been single I accomplished the most. Everytime in a relationship not so much.
Behind him doesn't mean that she is contributing to his success
Another BS lie that promotes women when it is absolutely false, like mature earlier or better communicators or that their bodies cannot be attractive after childbirth. The last one may be controversial but how many post birth women maintain a healthy lifestyle with regular exercise? Yes the mammary glands turn downward to feed the baby but all the rest of the body can get it's shape back.
Right, behind as in not the number one priority.
This is because they always want to take credit for the mans success when he was already successful in the first place, men accomplish a lot more when single and without any distractions and women can be the biggest distraction ever..
It's fiscally irresponsible to sign a contract where the other party gets rewarded for breaking it - Marriage
Please explain. How in the world is a woman rewarded for divorcing? Her lifestyle goes down dramatically if she was a SAHM. And quite a bit too, even if she works.
I usually tune in to these episodes and I had to comment on this one. I'm 22 and I am pleased that I found this video now. Definitely saved me from making a bad choice.
Men say they want peace but usually that translates to…”Let me be a horrible selfish partner, a cheater, and treat you badly without you nagging me about it too much.” I’m such a laid back woman but in my past, I felt like men took my kindness for blindness like I was naive and then started doing bad things in the relationship because they thought I was so chill and laid back about everything. Then I finally had to start speaking up for myself and all the sudden the “peace” was gone, according to them. Men can get peace when they give it. Peace isn’t treating your partner unfairly and then having her be silent about it.
Absolutely agree with you
THIS!!
That's why men want to marry young women. They are naive, inexperienced and moldable, and it's easy to normalize their alcohol problems, anger issues, cheating, gambling addiction, emotional neglect ect...
This reflects on you. You reward cads and dogs, and then expect them to change for you.
Let me call *projection* here …
Since today it's usually the _women_ who don't respect boundaries, are eager to get their owns ways (and threat with withdrawal of youknowwhat and/or breakup), want to have their nights out and rock the boat when he doesn't want that and whatnot. If he doesn't give in to her demands, he always faces severe consequences, either legal or relationship-wise.
My ex wife was super problematic. She is still problematic. My mother was problematic. Surprised?
You chose her, btw. Remember? Lol.
Amd the mother of your ex wife is problematic. The main problem of this modern era are the mothers.
Why did you marry her then 😅
But you are not problematic, right? You are a great guy! All men are convinced they are wonderful. Everyone else is always the problem when you are a guy.
@@junetaylor8396 women are more problematic, as simple as that. That's why they are problematic not only for their partners but for sons daughters, siblings and themselves. It's knows and accepted by the same women that are complicated and carry unnecessary problems most of the time. As simple as that
As an engineering project manager, I did a simple life cycle cost/benefit analysis. Someone to clean my house every week, someone to do my food shopping, hookers, in home assistance and transportation when I’m older, etc. Versus marriage. Wow. If this was a project, wouldn’t even be close.
LOL you either - 1) don't have much of a libido or 2) hire $20 workers. A $1000/ a night gets expensive. FYI - a good housekeeper cleans daily.
@@DeshaunDamon I didn’t share the results of my comparisons 😂😂😂
Talk about jumping to conclusions, ey? Hahaha
@@DeshaunDamon Also, I don’t clean every day. I wouldn’t expect a wife to clean every day. So the comparison doesn’t include a housekeeper cleaning every day. Same with s3x. Gotta do a realistic apples to apples comparison
What about when these "female" AI robots get so good and advanced that they have actual replacement value for real women? Women are then obsolete except for child bearing.
The problem is women don’t know the difference between peace and boredom. When everything is working and peaceful a man is content but a woman is bored. Then she starts saying she’s not “happy”. Then she screws another guy and leaves with half your stuff.
Yep xactly
Saw this exact thing happen to a close friend. He could have been kinder to her but even after providing her with so much she threw it all away because "she didn't feel butterflies" anymore.
That is not what happens!!! What happens is u become complacent and stop doing things to show u treasure her!! The minute you stop being the man she fell in love with she doesnt want you anymore!!! That is how it is!!! U must always date your wife throughout your marriage!!! A lot of men dont understand that!! U think its about you!! Its not!! U just become lazy and dont want to do what it takes to keep peace!! Then blame her when she feels rejected!! Especially if she doing her part correctly!!! A man is responsible for the happiness of the home!!
@@chercher304
So We have to constantly jump through hoops and impress her and remain her best option or she will cheat and leave. There is no such thing as loyalty for a woman. There is no faithfulness. A man has to create his value every day, or he is worthless. A woman can simply exist, and we are supposed to cherish her. You women are absolutely ridiculous.
Well, a simple way to prevent boredom for a women is to have kids with her. That eats up all of her time, wards of most other men and you also get a deep feeling of responsibility.
When deciding whom to allow into my inner circle, I ask myself, "Is this relationship making each of us better people & our lives easier?" Anything other than an enthusiastic and unreserved "YES!" is grounds for relationship termination. My advice is to ask that of EVERY relationship.
If it's not a hell yes, it's a hell no
Btw equal relationships are great too! Seing your wife as a partner - a human being who has interests, job, might be brilliant, charming and you love them for who they are. I think that's a bit better than finding a "somewhat acceptable non-problematic match" 😊
what you said is womanese. He spoke like a man. That's it. Romantic relationships are not "equal". Men and woman think and act differently and do things for different motivations.
This guy gets it! Ladies please listen.
He is speaking crap tho.
@@marguskiis7711Post your rebuttal video...
@@marguskiis7711such as?
@@therealstunbmun men get married bc they are in love with a woman and don't want let her go. And they want the future with the woman and kids with her. Earlier Orion talked crap about women and now bullsh.t about men too. Horrible.
@@marguskiis7711 Speak for yourself pal, this is not the '80s anymore.
I was a single mother with a 2.5 yr old son, when my husband and I got married 32 yrs ago. We’re both 60. All we knew was that we liked each other enough to be committed to the process. Both worked full time. He worked for xerox, climbed the corporate ladder and retired 3 yrs ago. I made sure bills were paid on time, and as his income grew, we decreased expenses and put more into savings, investments etc. We bought our 1 st house in 92’ 80k, second in 98’. 140k, third in 2001 240k,(job transfer) forth, 2006 188k(condo investment) 2019 740k purchased retirement home now worth 1.2 mil. the other two are rentals. We did what we saw our parents do. Our kids(2) think the same way. They don’t fear marriage or relationships.😅🤷🏽♀️
My husband just admitted to me that it took 10 years for him to propose to me because he was establishing himself in business (which I knew) and I "got less crazy" which was news to me lol. It was around the time I started working on myself, deep diving into the issues that made me unhappy and dealing with them at the root cause. I gave up feminism and found sense in embracing the homemaker role. I did this to make myself happier and it had the side effect of becoming a catalyst to getting my husband to decide to marry me.
When I share this self improvement advice, most women shy away from it, but it's no surprise because looking at oneself in the mirror with all my flaws almost broke me at times. But it was worth it. I don't relate to the petty things many wives complain about and find peace in supporting and trusting my husband. Things aren't always perfect but we have a system for dealing with challenges as they come, so we don't allow anything to fester for long, so things tend to feel close to perfect most of the time between us. Then together we deal with the problems that come from the outside world
You are one of the few women who managed to see through the lies, deceit, and manipulations of feminism. I salute you for that.
I also salute your husband for enduring 10 years, most men would have dipped long ago but at least this one was patient on waiting for you to work on yourself while he worked on himself establishing his business.
You are a very rare woman. Thank you for supporting him and being there. Please continue on your journey
"I gave up feminism". Probably key.
@@JT-rx1eo I think so! A lot of people I know unfriended me after publicly making it clear I was no longer a feminist, even though I listed logical reasons why. The attacks I got further distanced me from the movement
"Gave up feminism" This would be the best thing you did.
Until mean learn empathy and emotional intelligence instead of emotional avoidance they’ll never find peace in a woman. Protect and provide is the bare minimum for a man just how they feel providing sex and food is for a woman. We want nurturing, loyalty and respect
… and _nurturing, loyalty and respect_ is mostly, what men are also asking for in exchange. *Isn't that some happy little coincident?!*
Yet in the majority of cases, loyalty is a remote afterthought, respect most women know only as being giving to them and meritlessly received without questioning it and nurturing falls under oppression by most women, when he simply asks for her to cook …
Just left my girlfriend for the exact reason you mentioned. Been together for 5 years. We are in our early 30's. I feel liberated.
Stay happily single ladies, you can do absolutely everything you need/want without being married. House, kids, money, sex, happiness all without being married. Get yourself a skill/trade or an education and live your best life, HAPPILY single.
Absolutely agree. 100%.
❤
This is the perfect set up for men. As long you have male friends and hook ups. You are living a man’s dream. Which is essentially female company without any financial responsibility.
@@m3mario I think you approach this from the wrong side. Maybe it’s an american way of thinking or an american reality, but in Europe it rarely happens, that after a divorce the woman goes out with a huge amount of money, because we mostly have everything divided equally. As well there is mostly no maintainance spousal support anymore in Europe. Also mostly both work full time, even when having children.
So while married the larger part of couples have 50/50 on a shared bank account, and of course quite often there is someone earning more, but that in many cases can be the wife (in my case it is).
In my case, life would be easier on my own. I could do more, make my own decisions, be more free, without the need to having to watch behaviours that disgust me, day after day. But I’m hanging in there for my daughter.
@@niemodna the same applies to men too. That’s why I’m saying it’s a perfect set up for men. If women stay unmarried, but are open to sex / hookups, that would be a man’s dream set up.
It is not difficult for a woman to keep a man. Just offer him peace, tranquility, emotional and mental maturity, and overall good and open communication. It's just that simple.
However, instead, women often resort to self-sabotage behaviors such as manufacturing drama, creating indignation, being toxic, and making problems out of nothing, blowing things out of proportion.
Even if they have these features from your 1st paragraph, they have friends who plant doubts in their heads.
Been there, went through it. The farmer (lady) who planted the doubts (what she did not like in her husband) into my 1st wife‘s mind and suddenly I was accused of things the other guy did. Soon after we split. That was 30y ago and guess who’s still married to the same guy.
Did my ex understand what happened?
No!!
@@fromgermany271 Misery loves company. Women often compete among themselves, and even as friends, they get jealous when one of their friends seems happy in a healthy relationship.
It's like crabs in a bucket, where a crab pulls you back into the bucket just as you're about to get out. They want you to be on the same level or below them, not above them.
If he offers joy and inspiration to begin with, it's easy peasy.
If he offers crap in terms of inner connection, she can't offer "peace, tranquility, emotional and mental maturity."
If he is a log and she ends up feeling neglected, you will hear from her.
@@roses6564 so if he's forced to work to the point that he's drained mentally and emotionally, in order to provide the material and physical means for her and their children to live healthily... then he's still at-fault?
Or his wife just won't get over the fact that she's not a baby anymore, and that she shouldn't require more emotional and mental attention than the man is even able to give to their children?
Only spoiled women raised by hypergamists believe their man is a neverending source of non-dellusional energy (easy for people who are often manic to have neverending energy, but then they're somewhat delusional and causing other problems). And the same goes for the rare-but-increasingly-common marriages where the man stays at home, while the wife works. The wife shouldn't have to work all day just to work on the spoiled husband's "needs" (wants)
It's almost as if sending men to work for large corporations was a blow to the family mental/emotional health structure, which was then followed by another blow of the women being allowed and pressured to work, followed by another blow of Prussian-based indoctrination-aimed mandatory-schooling to make everyone think everything's normal.
You've had hundreds of generations before you, and less than five before you that large-corporation-based societies have dominated... You don't think there's some chemical effects inside the body relating to our current unnatural behavior, which then cause us to perceive some wants as "needs?" Love, care, and attention release addictive chemicals in the brain. Drug addicts think they "need" the drug too. They aren't requirements, they're "if I don't have this, it will be more difficult and require more willpower to act and think in a way that I find to be normal of myself." Aka, spoiled.
Also, this isn't referring to the people that are on the f-drug with the purpose of seeking unaliving, or getting close enough to it, for it not to matter. That's a whole different mental psychopathy, where the addiction is actually rooted in the attempt to escape from reality, and just reinforced with chemical addiction.
@@fromgermany271obviously the answer is pick one without friends. That way there's no one else getting in the relationship
Women who are career focused are hedging their bets incase the marriage doesn't work out and are invertently making it harder for themselves to get married in the first place
NAILED IT!
They "backup plan" themselves right out of their primary plan.
@@josealexi5141 ...women like OPTIONS...the more the better.
@@steveburke7675 I always give my women 2 choices:
1. take me (and ST-F-U)
2. leave me (and never contact me again)
Thankfully, I'm happily married for many years.
Not to mention the effects of hypergamy in this matter.
WRONG this guy is not so bright - we all start to make passive income in our 40s after punching the clock for 15 years. Women are denied this passive income when they stay at home until the kids are grown. I retired at 49 because my passive income was tremendous. My home value shot up as well. Men like to keep all women punching a clock because men are essentially cruel.
I m 27 from Pakistan. I have felt it but couldn’t put it in words…. Bravo Doc. Couldn’t have been said better.
Ladies, "Don't rock the boat. You'll probably just end up getting tipped out of it." Brilliant. 💯🔥🔥
That line says it all. Love it.
Don't get in the boat! To begin with. And no problem. Lol
@@phoenixtoash2396get in the right boat 🛶. Just find a good steady boat that is harder to rock. I would rather be in a boat than just floating on the ocean treading water alone.
@@phoenixtoash2396 Ladies- buy your own boat and sail into happiness
@@phoenixtoash2396 I can tell by your attitude that you're one of those women who know how to "keep" a man and that's okay because cats need some loving too.
Let's be honest - most marriages do not last for the rest of our lives. And most men will chose the "easiest" woman but later on they will cheat on her with women they are actually attracted to. What a tragicomedy 🥴
Precisely accurate. Thank you for explaining this to the ‘fairer sex’, as it seems to be too often lost to them.
A successful marriage is based on love, respect, friendship and sex. Having a lot of money, being successful or having kids is not going to help if something is missing from the 4 elements. In other words, people can get married young (both men and women) and achieve a successful marriage.
western definition of reasons for marriage. Arranged marriages have a higher "success rate" than western marriages. Marriages for most places on this planet is about building family and consolidating wealth. Friends, love, sex (for it's own sake) is not prioritized.
Dated a guy who only gave demands and ultimatims. Would not recommend anyone be in a relationship with someone who wants drama, man or woman. The most stressful time of my life was during this time
Finally, someone said it plainly. LISTEN to this message ladies. It will save you your good years on a false hope.
This is then a bunch of great advice. No longer dating no longer waiting. Good bye.
In the words of the late fictional drug lord Tony Montana, FIRST you get the money, THEN you get the power. Finally, you get the women. Women come last.
He was never happy.
@@marguskiis7711Are broke people happy?
Yes, and look how he ended.
@@gaunt1410It's a great example of what men seek.
@@yourfavoriteentertainment its easy to be happy with a moderate income.
That’s my reason why I’m not married. I don’t want my husband to bear that responsibility. I want both of us to bear that responsibility. I still want to be a working woman in marriage and with kids.
youre working he is working, who takes care of the kids???
I got married when my husband and i didnt have anything apart from God. We are now 7 years into marriage with two beautiful daughters. We are not where we desire to be but i know my God will take us there. I believe in humble beginnings. You are able to build on trust, respect and unity among partners. If its about money, what if something happens and the money is non longer there? What about those men struggling in life? Are they not deserving to have a partner?
This takes me to a point where man is self confident and has no room for God in their life. No matter how much money a man makes, there is no guarantee that even if he finds a partner things will be smooth. Its only God that makes marriage work.
I met my wife at 24 and married at 26. I taught high school. I know I am anecdotal evidence, but I’m aware of many men ready in their early to mid twenties.
He’s right about cost of living in certain places and women earning more making it harder.
He’s also right about being unproblematic. But the initial attraction needs to be there too in the first place.
As someone (42y/o) who has a stable life, home, income but 2 kids from my exwife- dating has a different goal. I think he nails the main goal of finding someone that is not problematic. I'm good staying single- so for me to add a woman to my life she has to add value beyond what I could do on my own. Most women in their 20s have no clue what they want and are headaches. Those in their 30s finally get their first glimpse into reality. find one of those that add value without the baggage, unicorn.
I'm in exactly the same position as you, even down to the age. I agree 100%. I'm no longer looking to have kids as I already have 2. I just want someone to grow old with that's going to be fun to be around and not make life difficult for me. Being single is fine but it can be lonely at times, so it would be nice to have someone around, but not if it requires a ton of work and involves ultimatums and demands etc.
Bingo.
Even the unicorns can end up becoming problematic after a few years. Women always want more and you need to be able to say "no"
@@ElBromoHojo absolutely, there are no guarantees. As a man you must always protect yourself and vet the woman beyond her looks.
Thing about unicorns is you only gotta find one
Lot of pessimism towards marriage here.
I am divorced after a ten year relationship to a man after he seemed to change on me. But really what happened was we both changed, and grew apart. I don’t hate him, I wish him all the best and I cherish those ten years of loving and learning.
I look so forwards to my next marriage where I can apply all that I learned in love and not make the same mistakes. This is my opportunity to grow and to prove to myself all that I have learned. It’s not the next man’s responsibility to love me harder this time, it’s mine.
It’s my responsibility to come to the table more open, more willing to be flexible and compromise and work together.
I think the man who said he can’t wait to marry me one day did choose me cause I am his dream woman as he said, but I know he is a brave man up to the challenge to learn and grow old together.
In my experience, nothing beats the idea of entering a sacred bond of marriage, and it takes both parties to last “till death do us part”.
Don’t ever settle in life, be brave, and make it work with the one you really want.
On the other side, good women are looking for a man who is emotionally stable and consistent. I don’t want a husband who is easily rattled and will shut down due to stress. I need to know that his actions and behavior is consistent throughout life’s curve balls.
There is three things ladies.
1) it’s not if you can live with him, it’s when you cannot live without him. If he were purpose to you and if you are unsure then he isn’t the guy for you.
2) kindness trumps intelligence. If he’s not kind to you then it won’t matter. You need to have a husband who is kind to you.
3) The most important thing in his life is you.
"You women are expensive"
Truer words have never been spoken!
Not true. He only ever speaks to high maintenance or upper middle class women. There are plenty of women that earn and want to contribute. It’s just that these women probably aren’t good looking enough for men or that she is “too difficult”. I get he has a channel and I came to peak but I do not agree to this.
@@jasmineparmar2228the crazy witch and the good brave working woman that is only average looking 😅 Most women are average. Jasmine after Diane pills...
You need to not pay for her stuff dude. Make her pay her own way.
@@jasmineparmar2228I’ve never met one out of thousands
@@phoenixtoash2396 So how do I make her enjoy her own time, attention and validation? Did you miss the second part of what Orion was saying there? Women will inherently drain those types of resources out of us by sheer virtue of their presence in our lives. They just require it out of us. As men with ambition and drive, we could use the time that women would otherwise drain out of us to make potentially thousands or millions to create generational wealth for our offspring, or create something in the world that will last for generations to the better of humanity. But instead women come in and expect to readily take this precious non-renewable resource that is our time, and for what? To placate their fleeting emotions...? That's the meaning of 'expensive' here.
As a guy, I actually resented the assertion that women compete against men for money, but as I thought about it, he is fundamentally correct.
Honesty, trustworthyness, faithfulness, got your back, communication kindness and consideration, a sense of humor. These are things that are a must in any marriage.
My husband broke up with me when we were dating because he wanted to graduate and focus on his career. He said that he wanted me in 5 years which I thought for sure I would find someone else by then. Well, we ran into each other 5 years later and got married 3 years later!
What the actual EFFF? @4:00 he tells women to target men who are financially stable and have status. They *ALREADY* do that! In fact, they do it to such an extreme that _MOST_ "regular" guys aren't even considered.
Agreed, any woman attractive enough is a hypergamist . Im older and wiser. Never got married. Tried to. Had 2 rules for 1st date : 2 turndowns - Im gone / 1 standup {excuse me flake } Im gone.
Yes that is called female hypergamy. And due to more independent, socioeconomically successful women because of modern feminism, their hypergamy has run amok.
@JohnMcLaughlin-ec4zz And I like the use of the word "hypergamist" in that form. All women are hypergamous to some degree. But women who manifest extreme levels of hypergamy are hypergamists. It dominates their personality.
So then we can’t get mad at women for “waiting at the finish line” instead of being with us while we’re building ourselves up then?
On target. Well said. My sister couldn't stop sabotaging herself by bringing up manufactured problems.
Growing up in the 1980s and 1990s, I had met several men who tried to introduce me to their daughters. I guess that was back in the days when the fathers did the vetting because the nuclear family was still in place in many cases. I used to laugh about the image of a dad with a shotgun trying to chase away The guy courting his daughter. That was definitely not my experience. Women nowadays, left to their own devices, chase the drama and excitement of the bad boy and end up in a series of bad relationships.
No, they still settle for the "nice guy" (a facade) because they don't have enough time to find someone actually compatible WITH THEM, and it ends badly.
Oh they will usually settle with a nice beta boy once they can't pull the bad boys anymore and project all their frustrations with said bad boys onto poor Beta Billy. And then once she meets a bad boy who's interested in her at the company picnic- BOOM- divorce time. Too bad if Billy Beta Boy has money because he won't have it for long lol
"Why men get married?" A modern mystery.
There are three reasons why:
- 😺
- companionship
- children
However more often then not they get instead:
- celibacy
- drama
- children from another man to raise
The first answer that popped into my head was "Masochism?"
The most succinct explanation ever. Thank you.
Older, and my experience was very different, times have changed. Met at church, married young but, we didn't want kids for a long time. We waited until he finished grad school and was established, with an agreement I'd stay home with the kids. Eventually, he had a job where we could travel with him, and visited numerous states, once spending a month living out of a campervan touring the West while he flew in and out of different airports. A couple can choose to become a husband and wife to make decisions together, grow together, experience life together whether or not kids will be or are in the picture.
Thank you so much! This is exactly what I needed to hear!
You hit the nail on the head man. Just don't be bothersome or painful to deal with. Even an average looking woman who's pleasant to be around sounds like a fantasy in 2024.
Some change their color only after marriage.
Just don't switch to boring, detached and neglectful, as soon as marriage begins. Men quit their interest in their partner and making an effort the day after the wedding.
@@roses6564 Such lies. Women are perpetually unsatisfied and demand more. There is only so much a guy can do, eventually he detaches and resents you for your nature. He might stick around for physical needs to be met but in his mind he resents you for the lack of respect and endless demands you put on him.
@@roses6564 Projection
I keep saying this but this might be his best episode yet.
This is 100% spot on and I can't believe you're the only one I've ever seen to lay it out so clearly.
This video was listed under a “psych hack” channel Eak. I’m all for choosing to date someone who is ready for marriage if that’s your goal. Telling women not to rock the boat before marriage is terrible advice. You should be authentic and yourself when dating someone. If you are not emotionally mature enough for a relationship then the breakup will be an opportunity to become aware of that and work towards changing for the better. We all have situations and life that comes up and your boyfriend should be able to demonstrate some emotional availability in those moments as well. Know those qualities is also helpful to know before marriage for sure.
I'm one and done. I don't see myself remarrying unless I have my own biological children. Even tough, I can still have them, I don't want to be 80 when they finish high school. So no marriage for me.
...smart man
Best Summary of what we think, feel, believe and perform. ❤🎉
Very informative Dr. Your advice over years has helped me in my relationships as a woman. Bitter truth, but it has to be said 😂
Not everyone today is going to be well established before marriage, thanks to excessive government spending, causing insane inflation, and destroyed dreams. Regardless of that, it didn’t stop families from building during the great depression. I am not a fan of encouraging women to look for the gold mine in a well established man, because like myself, we work hard, and may not be at that level. I will certainly agree that men aren’t necessarily chasing the hotties, but would certainly appreciate a kind, feminine, noncombative, four or five, who can actually cook and raise children. Very good video man
The opening words to Pride and Prejudice are meant to be ironic. They're the opposite of what they mean. Despite his status, Darcy is NOT looking for a wife. He's actually resistant to the idea and fighting his better judgment.
Smart man this Darcy ... He's making the women fight for and win him.
The drama is, that they both are using the same tactic.
I think you're the one inverting the situation. That quote is from the woman's perspective, and the 'in need of a wife' is the female story about it. He's resistant because naturally for him as a man at the moment it ISN'T great for him.
Though long term, if he wants to pass on his genes in a socially responsible fashion and have someone minding his social standing and all the related games around that, it is what he needs.
That isn't what he wants though.
@@JB-jg1tc No, Lizzy was an incredibly sarcastic young lady (she's the one quoted)-- she was responding to the gaslighting of the day. The women all wanted him (his fortune) but instead of saying this they talked as if HE was the one who wanted to be married to make themselves look less desperate. It's a truly timeless novel.
She was the one mocking the situation of fortune and marriage. I love Lizzy, she's hilarious
@@montana-road-kill-harvest that is what I was getting at, yes?
@@JB-jg1tc No. But I suspect you haven't read the book whereas I have.
It's a commentary on societal expectations at large rather than the female perspective.
Darcy is the most established/highest status man in the book from the outset. We're dealing with hereditary wealth and title after all. He isn't building his status or material wealth in the hope of attracting a wife. He has all the wealth and status and is actively avoiding at least 3 named suitors. In vain as it turns out in the case of Elizabeth Bennett but then that of course is the central love story.
It used to be my favourite novel but sadly it's a blue pill nightmare. Theres only one major red pill moment in it that justifies my reading or watching it any longer.
Alot of men miss out on great women because they are seeking bigger and better.
I have personally known men who wasted their youth and looks being a player and now in older age they are either alone or with a woman that most men would consider bottom of the barrel.
Women are able to attract men at any age, but same can't be said for men and if they can attract a woman then its because he's flashing money, but he will attract the wrong type of woman.
This is why its important for men to forget about looks and focus on a woman's personality instead because all women will eventually lose their looks and the personality is what will really matter.
Correct ❤
Let’s be real, todays woman are competing to be “the Man” they want the bag, and there happiness. And nothing will stand in there way. Long gone are the trad wives that want to make a happy home. Men don’t want to wife up these woman because they will destroy the marriage.
I don't agree with '...the same can't be said for men...', it goes both ways
"Women are able to attract men at any age" Biggest cope ever. The wall remains undefeated, otherwise there wouldn't be so many cat moms complaining about "where have the good men gone?". Its true though that a lot of men don't want to admit they decrease in value with age. Less motivated, low T, getting fat and generally becoming ingrained in their ways.
_»Alot of men miss out on great women because they are seeking bigger and better.«_
I think you're projecting hard here and have it upside-down, since always seeking the higher, bigger, better deal, that's usually what women do all the time.
It's called hypergamy. You should look it up though. Meanwhile, men always marry down …
_»Women are able to attract men at any age, but same can't be said for men and if they can attract a woman then its because he's flashing money, but he will attract the wrong type of woman. This is why its important for men to forget about looks and focus on a woman's personality instead because all women will eventually lose their looks and the personality is what will really matter.«_
Okay, let me correct myself. I was mistaken, you're not just projecting hard, you're outright delusional!
_It's women you _*_can not_*_ attract the opposite after a certain age, and men who largely _*_can_*_ instead._ Since a 40 year old established male bachelor can easily get a 20 year old, yet the opposite is hardly ever happening - Women tend to marry up or at least seek a older partner most of the time (again, that's hypergamy in a nutshell).
Women have very difficult times to attract a man after a certain age themselves. Many call it the wall, and it's real.
I am 90 years old. I totally agree with your analysis! 1in 1955 after watching my husband’s buddies slowly decide to get married I noticed “ it was the next NICE girl they met!” that became the chosen one ! I’ve repeated this observation ever since. They had to observe their buddy’s marriage for a while before they made the decision too as their group of single buddies got smaller and smaller.