This was extremely helpful. Glad to know that I'm not crazy. For most of my life I felt like my family operated in a cult-like fashion. My parents where both super controlling and obsessive about presenting a certain perfect public image while in reality we lived in silent misery. Obedience and compliance was my coping mechanism. But I have stubbornness and strong aversion to injustice that often got me into trouble. We were often subjected to a lot of verbal abuse, physical abuse and public humiliation to keep us ' silent and compliant'. We could never do anything right in their eyes. I became an overachiever and anxious perfectionist. Going to college and leaving home was my saving grace. But the more independence I gained, the more my parents found new ways to try and control and stifle my progress and independence. When you speak of cognitive dissonance, dependence and false sense of safety I was literally screaming at my computer scene. I am 40 and finally it's all starting to make sense. I never had the words, knowledge and barely had the courage to express what I know was a super traumatic childhood. My relationship with my parents has totally broken down because I cannot live in denial or silence anymore.. My parents have resorted to using my siblings to do their bidding but fortunately that is starting to fail because they too are coming to terms with the truth.. I am truly grateful for your videos. They have helped me immensely..
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. There is nothing "free" about this way of living and thinking. What so many people fail to realize is that life is to be lived, with boundaries of course, and experienced in a way that allows for freedom of mind, finding of oneself, and exploring the life that God has given. It is not a life to be controlled and dominated by someone else. Even parents have a limited degree of power over their children -- to guide them, give them wisdom, give them insight, love them, etc. It doesn't sound like that was your experience. I'm so glad this was helpful to you. And I truly pray you continue to find the answers and will find the strength to stand in what you know to be true.
I was raised in a family cult. What made it even more confusing is that our family was also a part of a religious cult, and my parents were both respected leaders in that cult. I had to leave the religious cult first, before I could leave my family cult. The family cult was more abusive, more isolated, and had a stronger hold on me.
My mother is the cult leader of the family and I was the black sheep/scape goat I had to block them all 2 end toxicity in my life. The description of the charismatic so called upright and wholesome leader is so accurate to my former situation. Ty for this message🙏
You're welcome! I completely understand that. Sometimes that's the only answer you have until something shifts in your life and you can maybe see things different, set healthy boundaries, etc.
My father considered it to be an act of betrayal that I was not trying to model myself around him. Verbally, he was always attacking my expressed thoughts; ways, and values. Also, he was, almost constantly, making false accusations about my various different, supposed intents.
Thank you, Tamra, for speaking more about this topic tonight. My Mother-in-law uses Authoritative behaviors to keep the family in line. She’s the Matriarch. Also, she uses their money as a way for her children (adult children) to conform with the family. They don’t speak up about her toxic behaviors. It’s like she can do no wrong. Which is why she’s ostracized her sisters & me (in all fairness I decided no contact with her first). She had shouted on a phone-call “that’s my goal weight!!” when I was answering my in-law’s question about my Father’s failing health. I had said how much he weighed. He passed away in 2021. I don’t have to say anything more. The family including my husband did not punish her for her actions or behavior. Unbelievable🤯
You're welcome! I do believe we need more informatino about this in this world. It truly is a prison for so many. A matriarch can be so destructive to a family. I'm sorry you have experienced this. It's so helpful to learn about this topic, common behaviors, and ways to keep yourself balanced as you deal with a dynamic like this.
Thank you. You always have a clear way of describing this, so many people needs this right now, me included. I always wondered why some members in my family got upset when certain members started outshining other members. It was crazy. So much competition, so much jealousy and envy...it is just a really ugly environment when that happens. You can't even have outside friends without them getting mad, they need to control the narrative of everyone.
This was exactly my life.. Manipulation is a soft word for what their intentions are and how it effects our entire life. The relationship for them was nothing more than a strategic mind game designed to keep you as the family scapegoat
THANKS! Unwittingly sucked into religious cult. Demonic. Goal was to convert Christians from salvation by grace (free gift, not earned) to salvation by works - earned. Implication is even the smallest mistake or omission by you is severely punished. Kicked out of church and abandoned by God ideas. If you leave voluntarily can be stalked and guilt and shame used to intimidate you. These are religious zealots not Christians. Very mind warping.
You're welcome! Yes, I very much agree with this statement you make: "Implication is even the smallest mistake or omission by you is severely punished. Kicked out of church and abandoned by God ideas." They are indeed zealots. Lost and confused. Finding your way out of this is freedom.
God will behind everything. If you break through the cult then you are a very powerful person . And you should remember that with great power become great responsibility God bliss everyone Best video ever explains what cult is. Thank you very much Love and abundance to you lady
As it pertains to the family, is it possible for someone to have a personality so strong that they can go through all the back stabbing, the wrong doing, the gossip, the ostracizing and still have the ability to maintain their character their integrity accomplish their goals and show the family love through it all??? If so, in this case the victim is also the victor.
Yes, absolutely! 100% In families where there is a cult-like mindset about life, boundaries, values, etc. a person of this character would be considered a psychopath. The coldness, callousness, and warped mindset is destabilizing to the entire family.
This person would be called everything but a child of God. That's so unfortunate. Maximum Strength is required in a family setting such as this one. Critical thinking is required in a family setting such as this one. Being reactionary and emotionally driven will cause life long psychological damage. Like you said, these are all the characteristics they don't want you to have.
I think I see what you are hetting at. It's not connecting for me! 🤦♀️ I'm sorry. Re-read this 5 times lol Probably me! Posed a different way, I may understand it better then.
We're on the same page, trust me. I'm basically agreeing with you about what you said in your monologue. The strong character traits mentioned are character traits this type of family wouldn't want you to possess because they would lose their grip on you psychologically. The person with the strong character traits in this particular family will be called everything but a child of God.
Tamara. Just as you mention church- I’ve discovered a writer Dr Gerald May. He was a psychiatrist and also very religious in a healthy way. He wrote some very interesting books.
You're welcome!! And thank you so much because it's always a blessing to my soul when I hear this channel is helpfulp to healing. Thank you! So glad this has been helpful to you.
I'm going experience this in a narcissistic racist neighbor that are in actuality a family community isolation but little do they know I have a TON of evidence but don't know how to prepresent it. Protecting my mother and self for 5 years now going through this. I hope you see this comment because any advice would be appreciated ❤
Yes. Sometimes they exist in rural areas. But here's what is most frightening about them, they can find their way into your life in some form. One of my current clients is going through this with her 75 year old father. He has become a member of a relgious cult, has shared his thoughts and beliefs with her family, and now treats everyone in the family as if he is a "called leader" of some kind. The entire dynamic is abusive.
To see my most recent video on "mistaken identity" click here: ruclips.net/video/8KPcC5U1K0g/видео.htmlsi=7-uwthKiHmPRGBoX
It is a big problem in here.
This was extremely helpful. Glad to know that I'm not crazy. For most of my life I felt like my family operated in a cult-like fashion. My parents where both super controlling and obsessive about presenting a certain perfect public image while in reality we lived in silent misery. Obedience and compliance was my coping mechanism. But I have stubbornness and strong aversion to injustice that often got me into trouble. We were often subjected to a lot of verbal abuse, physical abuse and public humiliation to keep us ' silent and compliant'. We could never do anything right in their eyes. I became an overachiever and anxious perfectionist. Going to college and leaving home was my saving grace. But the more independence I gained, the more my parents found new ways to try and control and stifle my progress and independence. When you speak of cognitive dissonance, dependence and false sense of safety I was literally screaming at my computer scene. I am 40 and finally it's all starting to make sense. I never had the words, knowledge and barely had the courage to express what I know was a super traumatic childhood. My relationship with my parents has totally broken down because I cannot live in denial or silence anymore.. My parents have resorted to using my siblings to do their bidding but fortunately that is starting to fail because they too are coming to terms with the truth..
I am truly grateful for your videos. They have helped me immensely..
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. There is nothing "free" about this way of living and thinking. What so many people fail to realize is that life is to be lived, with boundaries of course, and experienced in a way that allows for freedom of mind, finding of oneself, and exploring the life that God has given. It is not a life to be controlled and dominated by someone else. Even parents have a limited degree of power over their children -- to guide them, give them wisdom, give them insight, love them, etc. It doesn't sound like that was your experience.
I'm so glad this was helpful to you. And I truly pray you continue to find the answers and will find the strength to stand in what you know to be true.
I was raised in a family cult. What made it even more confusing is that our family was also a part of a religious cult, and my parents were both respected leaders in that cult. I had to leave the religious cult first, before I could leave my family cult. The family cult was more abusive, more isolated, and had a stronger hold on me.
My mother is the cult leader of the family and I was the black sheep/scape goat I had to block them all 2 end toxicity in my life. The description of the charismatic so called upright and wholesome leader is so accurate to my former situation. Ty for this message🙏
You're welcome! I completely understand that. Sometimes that's the only answer you have until something shifts in your life and you can maybe see things different, set healthy boundaries, etc.
They feel like they own you. Must not give in to them. And that can be difficult
I agree. That's the power you have.
Being taken wrong and purposely misunderstood.
Yes, this is so painful
To make others wrong is not right, right!?...
These types of families have unspoken rules - in mine they demanded loyalty.
Very good point. Yes they do. The unspoken rules dominate the family conversations, values, what's accepted, etc. It can feel very overwhelming.
My father considered it to be an act of betrayal that I was not trying to model myself around him. Verbally, he was always attacking my expressed thoughts; ways, and values. Also, he was, almost constantly, making false accusations about my various different, supposed intents.
@@dandoneral5405 Been there, it is hard living with them
Very good description- thoughts- feelings- behaviours. It shows the deliberateness if it all- my mother was a violent psychopath.
Yes, you are right! It does show the "deliberateness" of it. Agree.
Thank you, Tamra, for speaking more about this topic tonight. My Mother-in-law uses Authoritative behaviors to keep the family in line. She’s the Matriarch. Also, she uses their money as a way for her children (adult children) to conform with the family. They don’t speak up about her toxic behaviors. It’s like she can do no wrong. Which is why she’s ostracized her sisters & me (in all fairness I decided no contact with her first). She had shouted on a phone-call “that’s my goal weight!!” when I was answering my in-law’s question about my Father’s failing health. I had said how much he weighed. He passed away in 2021. I don’t have to say anything more. The family including my husband did not punish her for her actions or behavior. Unbelievable🤯
You're welcome! I do believe we need more informatino about this in this world. It truly is a prison for so many. A matriarch can be so destructive to a family. I'm sorry you have experienced this. It's so helpful to learn about this topic, common behaviors, and ways to keep yourself balanced as you deal with a dynamic like this.
Thank you. You always have a clear way of describing this, so many people needs this right now, me included. I always wondered why some members in my family got upset when certain members started outshining other members. It was crazy. So much competition, so much jealousy and envy...it is just a really ugly environment when that happens. You can't even have outside friends without them getting mad, they need to control the narrative of everyone.
You're welcome and thank you! Glad this was helpful. And I very much agree this is needed right now, feels like more now than any other time. 😫
This was exactly my life.. Manipulation is a soft word for what their intentions are and how it effects our entire life. The relationship for them was nothing more than a strategic mind game designed to keep you as the family scapegoat
Yes…I left and now my life is in danger
Excellent ✅
Thanks 🙂
THANKS! Unwittingly sucked into religious cult. Demonic. Goal was to convert Christians from salvation by grace (free gift, not earned) to salvation by works - earned. Implication is even the smallest mistake or omission by you is severely punished. Kicked out of church and abandoned by God ideas. If you leave voluntarily can be stalked and guilt and shame used to intimidate you. These are religious zealots not Christians. Very mind warping.
You're welcome!
Yes, I very much agree with this statement you make: "Implication is even the smallest mistake or omission by you is severely punished. Kicked out of church and abandoned by God ideas."
They are indeed zealots. Lost and confused. Finding your way out of this is freedom.
God will behind everything.
If you break through the cult then you are a very powerful person .
And you should remember that with great power become great responsibility
God bliss everyone
Best video ever explains what cult is.
Thank you very much
Love and abundance to you lady
As it pertains to the family, is it possible for someone to have a personality so strong that they can go through all the back stabbing, the wrong doing, the gossip, the ostracizing and still have the ability to maintain their character their integrity accomplish their goals and show the family love through it all??? If so, in this case the victim is also the victor.
Yes, absolutely! 100% In families where there is a cult-like mindset about life, boundaries, values, etc. a person of this character would be considered a psychopath. The coldness, callousness, and warped mindset is destabilizing to the entire family.
This person would be called everything but a child of God. That's so unfortunate. Maximum Strength is required in a family setting such as this one. Critical thinking is required in a family setting such as this one. Being reactionary and emotionally driven will cause life long psychological damage. Like you said, these are all the characteristics they don't want you to have.
I think I see what you are hetting at. It's not connecting for me! 🤦♀️ I'm sorry. Re-read this 5 times lol
Probably me! Posed a different way, I may understand it better then.
We're on the same page, trust me. I'm basically agreeing with you about what you said in your monologue. The strong character traits mentioned are character traits this type of family wouldn't want you to possess because they would lose their grip on you psychologically. The person with the strong character traits in this particular family will be called everything but a child of God.
Thank you for clarifying!! I see what you mean. Yes, this dynamic is common in these families and groups.
The truth is not toxic...the truth Sets you free!...but very often the truth is twisted from people...
Tamara. Just as you mention church- I’ve discovered a writer Dr Gerald May. He was a psychiatrist and also very religious in a healthy way. He wrote some very interesting books.
Wow! I might Google him and see what I can find. Thank you! You always offer good insights.
Thank you for such important work and information! This is incredibly liberating to hear and I hope to deep dive into this for my own healing 🙏🏿✨
You're welcome!! And thank you so much because it's always a blessing to my soul when I hear this channel is helpfulp to healing. Thank you! So glad this has been helpful to you.
I really needed to hear this. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
Jim" Jones" the Guyana " tragedy" . Someone" once' told" me 'what' goes" on 'in 'the familie "stays "in the 'family" big facts".
I'm going experience this in a narcissistic racist neighbor that are in actuality a family community isolation but little do they know I have a TON of evidence but don't know how to prepresent it. Protecting my mother and self for 5 years now going through this. I hope you see this comment because any advice would be appreciated ❤
Happy Halloween-
Happy Halloween! Not a fan of the holiday but I ❤ the kids and their costumes. Always the best part.
Thank you Tamera
Good evening!🥰
Hello 😊 Hope you are doing well! Thanks for tuning in.
The constant argument over ‘nothing’… Could be asking to be simply heard without a complete opposition, sigh, or dissing.
Your amazing!
Thanks so much 😊
I can't imagine being in one, I hate conforming to one person that is all be all In to free spirited to belong to one. Thats slavery 💩💩💩
I have seen small community groups that seemed a bit cultish.
Yes. Sometimes they exist in rural areas.
But here's what is most frightening about them, they can find their way into your life in some form. One of my current clients is going through this with her 75 year old father. He has become a member of a relgious cult, has shared his thoughts and beliefs with her family, and now treats everyone in the family as if he is a "called leader" of some kind. The entire dynamic is abusive.
@TherapistTamaraHill I really do worry about it getting into families like that. It seems unreal how fast people can be indoctrinated.
I agree. Yes.
That sounds also like what my husband was at.
I hope that wasn’t a person lost in the woods😮
I sent this to my older sister they’re scary lol
Yes, for sure.
Happy Halloween
Happy Halloween to you too! The only thing I like about it is all the cute little babies and their customes. 🙊
I hope i can make it. Kinda depends when my elder is having his live too lol.
Totally get that!!