The Real ISSUE With NOSY People In Toxic Family Dynamics |A Deep Dive

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  • Опубликовано: 5 ноя 2024

Комментарии • 106

  • @TherapistTamaraHill
    @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +9

    To see my live chat on foolish and dominant people, click here: ruclips.net/user/liveXcHhFAMR-GY?si=TeG8US25Xn8FzmnP

  • @FelisaLewis-rr9ww
    @FelisaLewis-rr9ww День назад +90

    There is something to be said for someone who feels the need to tell your story before you do. And also about the adults that believe the stories without knowing you personally.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +19

      I agree. We just should be more careful. I'm sure I am at fault too as we are all imperfect. I gossiped I'm sure as a teen. But when it comes to telling someone else's story, you're right, we need to be more careful.

    • @eeyoresgirl55
      @eeyoresgirl55 День назад +17

      Trying to control the narrative. To me it's creepy.

    • @eeyoresgirl55
      @eeyoresgirl55 День назад +8

      This sounds like the old telephone game.. that never girs well

    • @ElizzzaB
      @ElizzzaB День назад +2

      A technique used by abusers.

    • @dclarke1896
      @dclarke1896 День назад

      Well said!

  • @MsActor2009
    @MsActor2009 День назад +39

    I’m not a therapist, but I’ve noticed that most people who are nosy or tend to gossip are repressed or bored! They don’t get out much or their romantic life is dead, so they find out information about others for entertainment and excitement. Using information they have they make rude and crude assumptions about the other person’s life from the safety of their living room while binge watching TV. This behavior shames people!
    The can also pretend to be “really concerned” about the other person to find out more. It’s called “concerned shaming”!
    More often than not, nosy people come from toxic families!

    • @saladfingers.
      @saladfingers. День назад +8

      @@MsActor2009 100% spot on. I've found this at work. The people who have nothing going on in their life gossip, gossip, gossip. It's ridiculous.

    • @martha2540
      @martha2540 21 час назад +5

      @MsActor2009 Soo true, they literally live their lives through what's going on in someone else's life. I agree they are definitely bored

    • @Privatenospying
      @Privatenospying 18 часов назад

      There are 12 step groups filled with woman consumed with concerned shaming.

  • @cbzzzzzzzzzzz1167
    @cbzzzzzzzzzzz1167 День назад +50

    I learned to not share my dreams and goals. If I did, it seemed my family always tried to interfere with them some way, or they just tried to get into my head that it was silly what my dreams and goals were. Just ignoring and not commenting back on them was a way that got into my head, as it was not important enough to address. I stopped sharing and started accomplishing instead. Now they learn after the fact, once I accomplish something. But that makes them even angrier. It is better to just stay away from them, and live a happy life away from the drama.

  • @justinkevish
    @justinkevish День назад +43

    This resonates with me. Some people feel obligated to know everyone's business, and i don't like that.

  • @fifilafleur5555
    @fifilafleur5555 День назад +45

    This is evil behavior. The female narcissists in my family spoke poorly of me to other extended family and that destroyed all my family relationships. I also remember this kind of behavior with mean girls in school. It seems to be what women do (relational aggression) to other females they dislike and/or see as a threat. The damage has been devastating. It’s heartbreaking when it’s your own family (who hate you) doing it.

    • @badomaji
      @badomaji День назад

      Nobody can gossip more than idle men. And they use illegal electronic equipment to 'spy', too - especially if they think they can take something from someone else that they feel entitled to.

    • @miriamhavard7621
      @miriamhavard7621 День назад +4

      @@fifilafleur5555 that's usually who does it. 🌺

    • @Sunbreeze7
      @Sunbreeze7 День назад +1

      concur with'ya....evil to the core

    • @carpathianken
      @carpathianken 14 часов назад

      My sister is a welfare grubbing malcontent that reported me to the Police for verbally abusing my mother when I called her out on her harsh language towards our mother after mom refused to give her any more money. Narcissists are indeed evil & their games to ruin relationships while making themselves appear to be the benevolent relative or innocent victim are far more important than truth, fairness, decency & justice.

  • @eeyoresgirl55
    @eeyoresgirl55 День назад +40

    Yes so true. I’ve moved to get away from those sorts of people.

  • @halfthebattleknowingis4862
    @halfthebattleknowingis4862 День назад +18

    I believe this nosey, gossipy, and rumor spreading person has deep seated uncertainty within themselves. They are looking at you and noticing your peace, happiness, and ability to navigate life and it instantly becomes a harsh reminder of their flaws, so much so, that they cannot live without talking, being nosey, and spreading rumors. What they don't know is that the truth has an uncanny way of not only revealing itself but them as well.

  • @757Princess
    @757Princess День назад +24

    This is why I don’t tell my family anything until I decide how I feel about the situation

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +8

      Totally understand that! It can ultimately feel isolating but sometimes you just have to.😬

    • @rubberbiscuit99
      @rubberbiscuit99 21 час назад

      That is wise. I wish I figured this one out years ago.

  • @amandaball353
    @amandaball353 День назад +30

    I know that my MIL loves a smear campaign on people she has ostracized (including me) in her Life. Small minded people talk about other people while great minded people discuss ideas and events. If you listen closely the narcissist always tell on themselves. She asked one day on a call “do you like drama?” Of course I answered “no”. She said “neither do I”. Yet she stirs the pot and discussed what Aunt so & so was doing or who the Aunt was dating. She’d talk for over an hour about herself, gossip in the family, and nothing important. I finally said something to my husband bc it wasn’t normal. You couldn’t get a word in edgewise. I’d be exhausted and we barely spoke on these calls but she was an energy vampire. So glad I reclaimed my Life after no contact with her. Life is short why make your Life miserable. Thanks Tamra for this informative video tonight 👏🏻👍🏻👏🏻

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +6

      You're welcome!! And well said here: " Small minded people talk about other people while great minded people discuss ideas and events."
      It's okay to process your own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors including the behaviors of others (being observant). But it's another thing when idle conversation is happening and conversation is only occurring for the mere purpose of personal pleasure or interest. Seems like that may have been the behavior of MIL.

    • @amandaball353
      @amandaball353 День назад +5

      @@TherapistTamaraHill or a controlling person?

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +3

      Yes, absolutely!

  • @rootsiebee
    @rootsiebee День назад +17

    Yes, also defending people can backfire. Just done with gossips long ago..

  • @rootsiebee
    @rootsiebee День назад +18

    I’ve a longing for people to learn manners …

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +3

      Me too!

    • @carpathianken
      @carpathianken 14 часов назад

      The current generation have been warned off of displaying manners because their peers then accuse them of being weak & a doormat.
      I tell them that only idiots mistake manners for weakness. Intelligent people see manners as a positive attribute of refinement & high standards

  • @ashleyterry2715
    @ashleyterry2715 День назад +7

    My neighbor above me is like this and this s*** drives me crazy

  • @Classybrown27
    @Classybrown27 День назад +21

    Nosey ppl in general ill never understand my own life keeps me busy enough I don’t see how ppl keep tabs on someone else’s

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +4

      Very true! Good point.

    • @Classybrown27
      @Classybrown27 20 часов назад

      @@TherapistTamaraHill Yes dealing with this currently it’s no excuse for this behavior and it’s also criminal…

  • @Anatheempress
    @Anatheempress День назад +13

    Sounds like one of my coworkers! I would love a video on how to deal with nosy coworkers or nosy people in general

  • @Scene68
    @Scene68 22 часа назад +6

    I am going through this with my family. I think it is because I am a very private person and rather keep to myself. So, that brought out psychopathic relatives who feel the need to breach my boundaries with the intent to create chaos. More so than to be nosy. They're very sick people.

  • @HayQu
    @HayQu День назад +7

    This is great information!! At the end of the day those people listened, took heed, and action based on disgusting rumours. They made a choice to carry on the rumours. No one forced them to listen and act upon it. Shame on all of them!! They were willing participants, helping vile human beings push a dangerous rhetoric. All of the atrocities I experienced or witnessed as result of their misdeeds. “Woe to them that call evil good and good evil.” I have no doubt they will reap what they have sown.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +1

      Thank you! Glad this was helpful.
      Being a "willing participant" can often be explained by Milgrim's shock experiment and Standfort prison experiment. Both research studies show that for some people, they will carry on offensive and dangerous practices and mindsets if the "majority of people" see nothing wrong with it. Some people are just that weak-minded that they can't see where they are wrong. It's so sad to see this play out in rural areas.

  • @angiep8605
    @angiep8605 День назад +6

    Its when your only sibling thinks its normal to dig into your life behind your back and no one says anything to them. All the time you know they are talking to your parents about you and spreading gossip but they never talk to you to find out the truth, they alwys go via parents.

  • @JKDVIPER
    @JKDVIPER День назад +5

    Yup. Nosy to me, is where you sorta don’t know them that good, but when they see you it comes out like a blaze of questions, the speed is off, you notice the mood doesn’t match the line of questioning. They sometimes call police for no reason, they spread gossip and cost people jobs. Because any persons problems could seem judge worthy at a first glance, but when a good person says “But, ya, he has a disorder or a disability. She was traumatized. ❤things like that, now we understand. It’s like you say to a family member, “I gotta talk to you about something.” And instead of listening and articulating what to do. You get handed a criticism based on the narcissist attempting to look like a teacher. So the advice won’t be one of value. Nosy with a purpose in mind I’d call it.” 😬🧠💯

  • @ilovepeonies9801
    @ilovepeonies9801 День назад +12

    Thank you so much for this informative video. As someone who has struggled with boundaries my entire life due to being raised in a toxic family, having people like this in my life has been one of my biggest challenges. I am getting better at shutting this behavior down, thank you for this validating information.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +2

      I'm so glad that this video was helpful to you and that you are learning to stand firm with your boundaries. This journey of healing is a process.

  • @Classybrown27
    @Classybrown27 День назад +16

    Yes they invade your privacy in a very covert sick way like you have no right to my information & it’s illegal they feel entitled to your entire life

  • @tome3454
    @tome3454 День назад +6

    This was so helpful. My ex-husband would regularly share things about me with his family. I repeatedly asked him to stop, but he argued that he was proud of me or that he didn't think it was a big deal. The result was I could never form a real relationship with any of them. Instead, they went to him for updates about me.

  • @blackwolverine1
    @blackwolverine1 День назад +10

    Sent this video to my twenty two year old daughter. She has this problem with her older half sister. Great stuff Doc, thank you. 👍🏽

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +5

      I'm glad you found it helpful. We all need tools to navigate these dynamics.
      Thanks for sharing too!!

  • @Bo-zr5yu
    @Bo-zr5yu День назад +12

    Thank you. Its heartwarming just to know there are people out there who understand and care. Ive always been misunderstood and its caused a lot of grief and pain. Ive also been getting closer to God and the closer I get it the more people seem to test me.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +4

      It’s amazing how much peace comes with faith and knowing Who to turn to. I do believe there is a spiritual realm we, as all humans, experience where any and everything may come against you including testing of patience, crossing of boundaries, etc. Staying close to The Truth is key.

  • @a.m.4994
    @a.m.4994 День назад +9

    😮TY! I feel so seen 👀. Moved to a different state only to have a narcissist neighbor begin to spread rumors about me without even having a conversation with me. Isolation indeed, everyone believes his false narrative 🙄.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +5

      I'm.sorry. That's such an invasion of privacy. But I do believe what goes wround, comes around. What you reap you sow.

  • @MariaJoseRozas
    @MariaJoseRozas 15 часов назад +1

    It's great to see a professional like you saying that gossips lack social skills, given my mistaken preconception of gossips employing social skills too well for controlling others' growth. On second thought, most of them have this impulsive kind of drive that gets on my nerves when seeing it, because it's too fast and too soon, like the stereotypes of salespeople.
    Great video!

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  12 часов назад

      Thanks so much!! I'm glad this resonated with you.
      Good point as well. I can agree to that.

  • @alexm.7781
    @alexm.7781 День назад +4

    So validating, restoring my sanity to hear you speak about this issue with such clarity. Thank you Tamara! ❤

  • @eeyoresgirl55
    @eeyoresgirl55 День назад +8

    Good evening all❤

  • @jacquelineglitter4328
    @jacquelineglitter4328 20 часов назад +3

    I had an acquaintance that would ask very personal questions and she would get angry when I didn't tell her my income, house payment and insurance information. I realized she had many issues besides that and told her not to bother me anymore.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  12 часов назад

      That's none of her business. Hopefully you never gave in! It's unbelievable that some people are like this.

  • @nadiaconseillant8616
    @nadiaconseillant8616 21 час назад +2

    I don't want to know about anyone. I speak My truth

  • @tjongejongeman8153
    @tjongejongeman8153 День назад +5

    The gossipers I know have lots of people surrounding them, the 'in your business' folks also, while I a loner and not bothered by what my neigbours do or say or where they go but the other way round?? Oehhhhh....so curious to know and make assumptions. Bet a few of them still have trouble sleeping at night as my holiday destination is still unknown to them....😂😂

    • @carpathianken
      @carpathianken 14 часов назад

      I keep the gossipers well informed of my holiday destination. Whenever they ask me what I'm doing & where I'm going for my annual leave I always tell them to drink icy margarita's on the beach in the Bahama's

  • @naturalgirldiy
    @naturalgirldiy День назад +2

    I can absolutely relate. I'm currently at loggerheads with an old friend who I recently reconnected with. Things where good till she started telling me her families business. I had to tell her that some of the things she shares are really none of my business. In recent months I've realized that she has been sharing personal information about me. I am starting to think she does this deliberately to cause rifts between the people around her... It's very disturbing.. I've seen her do this with her friends too and realized none of her close friends, who know each other, are friends with each other.

  • @sallybutler1005
    @sallybutler1005 2 часа назад +2

    Narcissistic people also love drama.

  • @Smartbeautifulawesome
    @Smartbeautifulawesome 12 часов назад +1

    Beyond insane. Yes lmao they looked like they wanted to fight. These people switch it’s scary

  • @Sigma_Enigma1
    @Sigma_Enigma1 День назад +4

    11:20 :I considered myself a lone-wolf having very few friends if any at all. I don't consider myself to lack sympathy or empathy and I'm not nosy about other people at all.

    • @TherapistTamaraHill
      @TherapistTamaraHill  День назад +2

      I don't consider that to be myself either! I've always been independent and love my alone-time. So please see this as relating to some people and not all. That's the truth of anything we talk about. Not everyone fits into that cookie-cutter perspective.

  • @Smartbeautifulawesome
    @Smartbeautifulawesome День назад +11

    Some people are very bright others no lol

  • @nadiaconseillant8616
    @nadiaconseillant8616 21 час назад +1

    Yes even as a professional privacy

  • @R.oboCop.
    @R.oboCop. День назад +5

    Thanks for sharing

  • @sallybaddeley6060
    @sallybaddeley6060 4 часа назад +1

    My cousins like this. Luckily I don't have much to do with her. We were close when we were little, but she was quite sadistic & bullied me (and small animals) a lot. Now we're in our 40's I see her maybe once every 2 or 3 years. She's very nosy, but also very controlling & has no issue telling you all about your life. If you do give her any info & it doesn't match her assumptions she becomes a bully again.
    She also thinks she's psychic & uses that as her excuse to control labelling it as spiritual. The last time we spoke she got in touch to tell me that I had no right to be affected by the way my family treats me. It's normal for every family to have a black sheep & by not toeing the line I was upsetting my Nan who died about 20 years ago. She also spent years telling me she was very close to my Dad who died when we were 13 (30 years ago) & didn't have anything to do with that side of the family before that because him & my Mum were divorced. She insists now we're adults, that her & my dead Dad are a lot closer than me & my Dad were when he was alive & around. She gets very angry when I don't want to "hear messages from him". She keeps insisting that he SAed me as a child & wanting to know all the ins & outs, but he never did. He wasn't perfect, but never did that. It's hard work being around her, she's only interested in prying & controlling both me & narratives surrounding me.

  • @IndraYule
    @IndraYule День назад +2

    Good one Tamara

  • @Lyrielonwind
    @Lyrielonwind День назад +1

    That's what has happened to me when I moved to a different city. I haven't had a clean slate. That's why after three years I'm still ostracized.
    My neighbors did a great job and I don't know what they have created in others' mind or what they have gossiped about me since I'm on my own and now I don't want to relate to people.

  • @nadiaconseillant8616
    @nadiaconseillant8616 21 час назад +2

    Yes many intrusive people

  • @slambangwallop
    @slambangwallop 16 часов назад

    Is there a problem with only rarely asking other people questions? I used to be way too quiet and socially shy, so I'm thinking that may have seemed rude and unempathetic! I have made a conscious effort to be more present while talking to other people since, even though it can be draining to me to worry about how you are coming across to other people. Not worrying at all is definitely a worry too. I have pain problems so I find it hard to concentrate and my memory isn't always the best, so I tend to not worry too much, beyond emergency and all that anyway. It takes extra energy. 😢
    Thanks for all the videos, I'm checking in now and then to help me with my own life. 🙏

  • @bobhope4949
    @bobhope4949 21 час назад +1

    My neighbor stalking me hardcore, got my phone hacked to shit, always listens to text videos I’m watching, phone calls, she’s a whack job

  • @janetthomas7492
    @janetthomas7492 День назад +3

    💯

  • @montena369
    @montena369 День назад +1

    So true 😢

  • @jofann7370
    @jofann7370 День назад +2

    I hate when a co-worker ask me for my phone number every time I see them - but they never call?
    I like to add that they work in a different department . That said, I might see her 1 or 2 times a year.
    I gave her my number again but I said
    " Why do you always ask me for my number but never call?"😅
    I don't get it. It's very ignoring 😕

  • @rheadreid
    @rheadreid 20 часов назад

    I had a nosy friend, but didn’t see it as such and was openly sharing things about my life due to the perceived level of closeness I thought we had. When I wanted to ask this person personal questions, they got very defensive and ended the friendship.

  • @MelaninSpeakzOut
    @MelaninSpeakzOut День назад +2

    This is soooo spot on to what I have been going through since I moved to Michigan. Detroit (surrounding areas) to be specific. Although, I am aware of these facts, I still learned from this video. I will be super happy the day my time comes to move again 😌
    ##NEWSUBSCRIBER

  • @Sunbreeze7
    @Sunbreeze7 День назад +1

    sadly ...the entire video's applicable to my 'situation' ALL of IT; been blotched into a corner by BULLIES, ostracized by whole town and friends, including work collaborators thereby generating loss on income, ALL done intentionally and deliberately by a master manipulators, rapist, and doing all the dirt and criminal acts mostly by proxy; if you'd know my 'story' you wouldn't believe me bc it's shocking

  • @ExoticalT369
    @ExoticalT369 13 часов назад

    In my experience, nosy people are potentially crazy and dangerous, and are best avoided whenever possible. 🤔

  • @elisadelaurenti2516
    @elisadelaurenti2516 Час назад

    Sometimes you can have fun with it by pretending you have a hearing problem.
    I actually did have a hearing problem recently that lasted almost 2 years. I couldn't hear anything at all, so unless I really wanted to engage in conversation with someone, I could just point to my ears, yell "SORRY I CAN'T HEAR YOU RIGHT NOW." with a shrug and they stopped bothering me.
    About a month ago my hearing in my right ear returned.
    I'm still pretending I'm deaf around nosey people. 😉

  • @the_infinity_channel
    @the_infinity_channel 19 часов назад

    Here in Eastern Europe all people are like this. Is like tradition to slavs especially. When I growed up I was shocked that people for example in Germany or any other Europien country do not do that. Now I get used to that but it does always shocked me how people here are. For example my neighbour from 5th house from mine knows exactly who I am with, when I am in house or not, all family history and I dont even know him 😂😂

  • @Smartbeautifulawesome
    @Smartbeautifulawesome 12 часов назад

    That’s unsafe. Wow

  • @Smartbeautifulawesome
    @Smartbeautifulawesome День назад +2

    Amen lol

  • @leanita7549
    @leanita7549 4 часа назад +1

    💯