Is he my man? Is he my guy? (5 powerful signs)

[@thejackbutler]

GET my free guide:
➜ bit.ly/realfreedomguideNEW

[@chenhwun1549]

can i just clarify when you mean he disappeared 5days or a week, does that count if you nv initiate to get in touch or reach out to them and they did not reach out back to you?

[@HugDealer]

I love it! I remember many many years ago, before I ever started dating, a guy asked an older guy "How do I know if she is the one?" (this guy was debating if he should propose to his gf or not). I still remember the older guy's answer: "When you don't need to ask". It's true, when someone is right, you don't have to use formulas or lists of pros and cons, you feel it and there is no anxiety nor sick-gut-feeling

[@thejackbutler]

I like that anecdote - it's powerful - thanks for sharing it 🙏

[@est4084]

Oh that's very true.

[@frederike9371]

1. Consistency. 2. He sees/gets you. Encourages/Supports your true self. ->being able to epress what you need. 3. Clarification. Are you his woman? 4. Initiated exclusivity conversation. 5. What is your quiet knowing? This is the person I wanna be with.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Frederike - thanks for the summary 🙏

[@alexanderstevens145]

Thats interesting because when we are consistent ,encouraging and want a relationship you ditch us for the next exciting guy because its become routine and "boring" . We've wised up to this good luck out there. ;)

[@thejackbutler]

@@alexanderstevens145 Wonder if there's a way to be consistent without being boring?

[@alexanderstevens145]

@@thejackbutler Im not sure man, if the woman is healthy yes you do different activities together lots of going out together communicate and grow the bond. If not they're just addicted to the emotional highs n lows of the undeveloped men they previously slept with. Thats why alot of us dont care anymore we seem to get punished for it.

[@shelleydavis5231]

@@thejackbutler absolutely, a mature real relationship is one where there's honesty, understanding, respect and mutual interests where you enjoy one another and mutual activities, that in itself creates consistency and eliminates boredom, no game playing

[@cavelleardiel]

If I didn't hear from someone after 5 to 7 days......I can keep on not hearing from them.

[@thejackbutler]

Cavelle Ardiel Yes, if you have moved beyond initial dating, suspect that’s not your guy! 🙏

[@cavelleardiel]

@@thejackbutler Agreed. If a man is interested he will make an effort to contact you. I am lucky to have rekindled a relationship from two years ago. I wasn't in a place emotionally to let this man into my life. I enjoy your videos.

[@thejackbutler]

@@cavelleardiel Agreed! Gd luck w the rekindling! And thank you :)

[@debra7752]

@@thejackbutler after a first meeting when i was told he wanted to see me again, what is a reasonable time to go without hearing from a person? 2 or 3 days? He is a busy executive

[@eeyeltee]

A man who's really interested and intentional will definitely NOT keep her guessing. He makes her his priority no matter how busy he is. If he does not, he's probably not that into her. My 2 cents.

[@annaworthington9522]

I just want to say you have really a great "something" in all your videos. Your energy, you clarity, your sense of benevolence and integrity to the listener. What a refreshing person in an emotionally convoluted, selfishly driven world. Thank you for your contribution. :)

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks Anna - that's a really nourishing reflection - I appreciate your noticing that and feeding it back. 🙏

[@Zaydee51]

Right on point Jack! I’m in a relationship where I
He is exhibiting each point you mentioned! And in my center of heart I know he is my guy!

[@thejackbutler]

Zaydee Cordova Well that’s amazing to hear, wishing you well with the unfolding of your relationship! 🙏

[@annettephillipsdelaney4023]

You completely answered my question near the end. A guy if he genuinely cares for you will show up, will offer commitment. I personally find if a guy doesn't push forward or show that he wants to be with me then I know in my gut he's not looking for commitment

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Annette! Glad I did! Yes, I think that's usually right. Big fan of people dialling into their intuition more :)

[@annettephillipsdelaney4023]

@@thejackbutler totally totally agree. Gut is usually 100% spot on

[@thejackbutler]

@@annettephillipsdelaney4023 The fantastic 2nd brain!

[@annettephillipsdelaney4023]

@@thejackbutler like it being called that... Perfect description

[@thejackbutler]

Annette Phillipsdelaney Think we are early in understanding its amazingness

[@lindylee1139]

I was in love with someone and 1 and 2 were going well but he made it clear it was never going to progress. Recently went into no contact. Even though I love him I need someone who wants what I want. Enjoy your time in England Jack and thank you for your videos.

[@thejackbutler]

Linda Casper Good work, I know how hard that can be so just honoring that you are honoring yourself 🙏 Thanks for the England well wishes!

[@ciggytwiggy]

My boyfriend has all the signs. I already knew it but it is nice to hear it haha. No. 5 is powerful, because I have never felt this way with anyone else. Ladies, when you know, you know. You feel it deep in your gut.

[@thejackbutler]

Happy for you!

[@Vixinaful]

"If you've been seeing this guy for about 12 months and you're the one who has to keep the conversation going, that's a little bit of a red flag" -A LITTLE bit? :D

[@thejackbutler]

Lol :) What are you sensing is next for you?

[@Vixinaful]

@@thejackbutler Oh this is one strange story. He wanted to meet once every three weeks and only replied once every three weeks aswell because he "didn't have so much energy" and "isnt the demanding type" so I told him that wasn't working for me and stayed silent for 5 months before I finally answered two long and very nice texts about his life that took him 2 months to send.
He's now chasing alittle bit and I'm the one playing hard to get. He seems emotionally like ice, so so cold yet a year ago he moved to his first apartment across from mine. Why move so close when he doesn't wanna meet very often? There was also talk about an ex and one day he was moving after her, the next he was moving down the hill in a few years, which is MY dream. He seems very confused, arrogant yet insecure. I told him I think he's autistic but he's in complete denial. What do I do? This got me so stressed I got sick.

[@rachaelgordove8430]

Wow

[@therealone8628]

12months??? No way One month is enough highest 2 months

[@rachaelgordove8430]

@@therealone8628 my man is sending mix signals and now I'm pulling away...i deserve better!!

[@jenniferlorence1950]

"He Sees You, He Gets You" He Knows You.

[@marciamellow1211]

Quiet knowing... love that, also knowing that when we can quiet ourself... the answer is ALWAYS there...💖💖💖💖💖
..

[@thejackbutler]

Marcia mellow Yeah such a gift to relax into our own quietness if we are able to. And if that the answer isn’t there it’s maybe ‘I don’t have a knowing yet’

[@universoulhealing]

You're a very conscious male🙏

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks so much, I appreciate that - doing my best - and certainly I can still have my moments of age regression ha! 🙏

[@universoulhealing]

@@thejackbutler don't we all!

[@thejackbutler]

@@universoulhealing I think we probably do. Or if people don't they may have retreated from life in ways that most of us don't want to

[@mrsbutterflyrainbows6654]

He is awesome

[@thejackbutler]

@@mrsbutterflyrainbows6654 Thank you :)

[@caroljohnson6366]

Jack, thank you! You are good at urging wisdom in this strange and unpredictable world of seeking a life-partner. Even for widows like me in 60’s, starting over is such a joy...and requires discernment and spiritual maturity. Bless you!

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks Carol! Wishing you well on the path of discernment, maturity and finding what you want 🙏

[@mariavelasquez5857]

I’m from California & my bf from Liverpool, & ALL of these fit our relationship! I am actually going to England for the first time in 2 months (nervous) & most of my friends think I’m crazy because of the long distance, but I’ve never had such a healthy relationship. I was just telling him that he gets me like nobody ever has, in my soul. I totally agree! Great video!

[@thejackbutler]

Hope you have a good trip to England! LD isn't a barrier usually if it's really meant to be. Good on you for seeing if it's something worth pursuing 🙏

[@mariavelasquez5857]

Jack Butler I agree! Thank you!!! 😊

[@YogawithAliBeale]

Can I ask did you meet on line? I am so reluctant especially long distance. But locally I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said men (I'm sure women too) are disrespectful.

[@mariavelasquez5857]

@@YogawithAliBeale Yes, but not a dating sight. We were actually FB friends, & we started out as friends, & message each other, because we had the same job with disabled ppl, & I would ask questions about medicine for seizures. We actually talked for months as friends, & love grew. I never thought it was possible to fall in love with someone before meeting them. He is on another level of men.
He’s not perfect, but he is a real respectful & honorable man. We are still going strong.
Our love grows more and more each day, because we make a conscious decision to keep our love going, & both put in the work! I feel it’s because we had a strong foundation, before sex. Sex ruins things if you don’t do it the right way. Don’t lose a faith. Not all men are monsters. 😊❤️

[@YogawithAliBeale]

@@mariavelasquez5857 Thank you for the long reply. This is so beautiful to read 💗 many years of happiness together. I'll remind myself of this when I need it.

[@brendapatton4144]

I dated a man twice over 15 years.. we saw each other for almost 3 years.. I was only ever his “friend” . I finally had The Conversation and told him I wanted more. That ended our relationship. Every few weeks he contacts me but he does not want a physical relationship and I do. Thank you for giving me encouragement to believe in myself.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Brenda! Well done for having the courage to broach the conversation. It takes courage, especially when us guys are not stepping up to the plate. Hoping that you get met in the ways you want with the right guy 🙏

[@darknightblue7779]

Wow, Jack, I'm thoroughly impressed by your understanding of the psychology that goes into a relationship. This video helped me immensely. I've been seeing someone for a couple of months and, being a girl from a traumatized childhood, was balking at the true, soul felt, connection I was feeling. You gave me the insight necessary to reduce my anxiety responses. This could be my man.😊No joke!

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Jennifer! Thanks for reflecting that back, glad this video was really helpful to you. And exciting that you may be with your man! All the best with it! :)

[@caterinachimenti1618]

That inner knowing is everything

[@ellieon]

I love the part about consistency that is important. It really does tell the whole tale.
It's a huge deal when you have to leave parts of yourself out of the relationship.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Ellie, yes for sure, I think it probably does distill the picture pretty quickly.
🙏

[@ellieon]

@@thejackbutler I really appreciate this video and I appreciate the commitment to helping women be respective of themselves. Your channel has helped me quite a bit in that regard.
There was one concern I had. I will be blatant bc its something that the world is going to have to answer for. You know the part of the video where you said polyamouros relationship is ok? I pray you do not take this the wrong way but that is an extremely sinful attitude based on the permeation of pornography culture into the mainstream. I realize people have inappropriate sexual fantasies but it is appealing to the based level of human degradation to ascribe that baseness to people.
In one of your videos you referred to humans as a form of animal. It was a vague reference but nonetheless one that separates humans from the consequences of choice. The thing that makes humans so distinctive from animals is choice and the ability for higher thought. Cognitively speaking it's the reason the Creator gave Adam dominion over the animals in the garden of Eden. The thing is we are 100 percent free to do what we want but we are not 100 percent free from the consequences of those choices.
I totally recognize your desire to help women and your clients. I would just like to encourage you to maybe add to that by subtracting the cultural norm that normalizes deviant behavior in humans. That is as trait that is prevalent in Hollywood and is foisted upon the culture.
I honestly take responsibility for not bring these points out when I first watched part of the video. I actually have a habit of partially watching something and coming back to it bc I am doing five things at once. I came back to this video and was finally finishing it and came upon that statment.
There is nothing wrong with fulfilling sexual needs inside the confines of marriage but polyamorous relationships are a detriment and scripture indicates that an individual can scar their very soul permanently with such behavior. Yahuwah created Adam and Hawah(Eve) with the express intention of the specialness of expressing that love in a way that is based on the creators original plan. Anything else is a pimp culture narrative based on a Hollywood illusion of love.
If we are to buy into the the idea of consistency and real true romantic love it isn't based on lust it's based on a choice which includes expression at the highest and purest form which most people do not allow for them selves bc they were raised by parents who exposed them to wickedness.
Sexuality is the deepest expression of true love based on celibacy before marriage so as scripture commands a person can morally rupture their soul in a way they will be weeping for when they stand before their creator in eternity.
It is entirely possible to practice celibacy until marraige. I have done for over 40 years.
Just my two cents.
Much respect and thank you for always trying to help people attain life long love. I do appreciate that. It's a priveldge that not everyone experiences in this life. But certainly people dilute a situation that is meant to be experienced in it's most pure and innocent form.
Just sharing what is on my mind. I should add that there is a scripture that states its folly and shame unto a person to comment before they have heard the entirety of a matter. I commented before I heard the entirety of the video so that is on me.
I think I would have added this so I apologize for that bc I realize this a serious matter. I pray you take my commentary as it is meant. It was just something I needed to express bc I completed the video.

[@shenaturistic7695]

jack this video should have millions of views, i salute you for this. Thank you very much!

[@thejackbutler]

Well thanks! Feel free to share it :) Glad you had such a good experience of it!

[@sonjakeri4934]

Such a great video and messages! I’ve been back and forth in my mind for around a month if this guy is someone worth pursuing. I could sense something is just not right, my mind was destroying me not knowing if it’s my fears playing with my head or my gut talking. Inconsistency. Barely existent. Shame. Because it felt like he sees me. Listening to you highlights that that might be something I need to work on. And I think that is the bit that makes it hard to cut it off. Great videos! Keep it up!

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for the encouragement! Seems like you had your answer here, hope it's resolved for you 🙏

[@cassandragarcia573]

Wow, lately when guys message me online and ask what I’m looking for I respond with consistency. For me, it’s so important. If a guy texts me and disappears for 4/5 days I just delete the number because I can see the pattern already.. My friends and I have struggled with the “You’ve been dating a guy for 3 months/plus..are we together talk? “ I usually have the exclusivity talk about 2 months in (for my own safety) and what not. With the am I your partner discussion, I’ve brought it up in the past and now looking back, I feel like I pressured the guy to say yes we were, when I knew he wasn’t really ready. Should a guy take the lead on this? If I have to bring it up it probably is a red flag right?

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Cassandra, like the courage of moving on and broaching the conversation about what the relationship is. It's great when a guy leads on the conversation. If he doesn't, I think it's fine to invite it. Some guys, and I have some of this myself, may be processing internally and not 100% clear and won't broach the conversation until they are clear but that timeline may be different than yours. Definitely good not to be pressuring where possible and to make it clear that you want the truth not what he thinks you may want to hear 🙏

[@lennysgirl2011]

Some types say they want to be "your guy" but have no corresponding ACTIONS that align with those declarations. This is an important part of #3.
You can tell by actions, not words.

[@thejackbutler]

Yep I agree that it's really important to look to actions.

[@cjennings6179]

He has said "I want to make you happy" meaning just Sex intercourse only. Use & forget her feelings.) NOT Honorable RESPECTing her DIGNITY as a woman.

[@elahem2851]

It's also not doubting that he's going to stay.

[@CorporateCulturePro]

I really needed this perspective; have been struggling to meet appropriate guys in recent dating efforts (after a lengthy hiatus of nearly 3 years being intentionally single, which I called my Self-Love Project).
The idea of really tuning in early to the signals of an available man - I listened to that segment 3 times. When I eliminated sugar and toxic foods from my diet, I had to intentionally stop focusing on the craving for those things, start noticing what good foods feel like. It was not easy! In this case, I'm actually not sure I know the EARLY signs of an available man? (these 5 signs being more "over time.") other than him "saying so" - have heard that declaration before from men who were NOT really available in the end, emotionally or otherwise. Making a clear distinction here between men who THINK they're available but aren't really, versus a man who is not "into me" and is looking for a way to breakup without breaking up.)
Is there a video on "how to spot an available man quickly and early?"

[@bomaigimogeremawi4242]

When you know, you know 😌

[@empresslyn5614]

You are the best so far you always hit the nail at the head no curves no Bend thanks a lot😌🙏

[@thejackbutler]

I appreciate that - thank you! 🙏

[@mariannedressler6784]

Very helpful information! Particularly loved tip 5. That really spoke to me.

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks Marianne - glad the content spoke to you 🙏

[@nengahtung3756]

Brilliant Jack as always. To the point & so honest approach. Thank you🙏

[@Celt_Downunder]

Can see the jet lag. Gawd I hate that journey. Thank you in spite of being tired you did this for us. Go Jack!

[@thejackbutler]

Yeah, it's a bit rough with my inability to sleep on planes!

[@siritasaneep.m9974]

Clear and to the point. I really appreciate your advice. 🙏🏻

[@thejackbutler]

Thank you! 🙏

[@kmac5822]

This was really great, thank you Jack! I can’t even begin to tell you how much I am grateful for your vids! Thank you so much!

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for your gratitude! 🙏

[@luciem5372]

Those last 30 seconds were invaluable

[@thejackbutler]

Lucie M Glad you stayed for them! 🙏

[@katerinakiaha6925]

Wish you had named this "Relationship with reality". Superb and I am only at 9:36.

[@thejackbutler]

I like that naming! Thank you!

[@tamarap4201]

Jack, I listen to a lot of relationship coaches, and you Sir, are amongst the best, if not “THE” best. Thank you for taking your time and insightfulness to help others move into the relationships they desire🙏❤️. P.S. You’re very handsome also😊

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Tamara - thank you for the +ve feedback, that's sweet 🙏 I feel very grateful to do this work :)

[@yamunajolicoeur2807]

Wow jack you are super talented iv been watching all your videos

[@ghadag8128]

Thank you Jack , wonderful video .

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Ghada! Appreciate that comment :)

[@anon_ya]

3 years later listening and still resonates

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for continuing to tune in 🙏

[@cindym5896]

Very very very deeply helpful advice! Thankyou 4 these very relevant vids!

[@thejackbutler]

Cindy, love hearing that!

[@moneymagnetelizabeth]

If you have to ask RUN. Most cannot even show up for a job let alone step up for a responsible real relationship. If I have to analyze a relationship it's a red flag.

[@thejackbutler]

I hear that. As long as it's not your own defense to uncertainty.

[@cultural3388]

Jack thank you so much for this information its just what I needed at this moment because some signs in a new relationship I'm in, is missing, and i feel that this guy is not interested and giving me some signs that he is not the person that will be a long term relationship possibility for me.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey thanks for writing. Glad it's helping give you clarity on what's possible / not possible in your current connection
🙏

[@imwatching2960]

Jack, how to have that conversation about the relationship's path/future?
Thank you for all your videos, they're very useful and wise!

[@thejackbutler]

Hey there - I think one important thing is that if he really sees a future with you then it's not make or break in that conversation, so don't put too much pressure on yourself. I would mention to him that you'd love to check in sometime soon about where you guys are both at, and ask him if he'd be up for that. That way, you're not springing it on him and he can have a few days to collect his thoughts/heart. You're welcome! :)

[@MariaMendez-lp9td]

🙌🙌🙌 amazing content! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom 🤗🙏🙏

[@thejackbutler]

Learn It With Aya So happy you are experiencing it that way!! 🙏

[@gracetracy234]

You was right on..God bless you and all your doing!!..Ty...I'm in my late forties...and he his late 20ties..28
Thank you!!

[@thejackbutler]

You're welcome Tracy, glad it was right on for you :)

[@thejackbutler]

Cindy Lou 🙏⭐️

[@alexanderstevens145]

Does he want kids? You should ask him otherwise you will get hurt in the longrun. He might not though.

[@thejackbutler]

@@alexanderstevens145 That's a good question to be including in right timing

[@gracetracy234]

@@thejackbutler yes and thank you!

[@edaturk7529]

Another great video with excellent advice.. Thank you Jack ❤️

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Eda! Thank you 🙏

[@vanessagardner8484]

Thank you for explaining these words, these steps

[@thejackbutler]

You're welcome! 🙏

[@tanyapineda7212]

Excellent! Loved this. I do believe I might just finally be catching on ;)

[@thejackbutler]

That's awesome Tanya, onwards! :)

[@nalianalianalia]

I'm really happy you have included the no. five. In case of my soon to be ex husband, he wanted from the very beginning to be with me. He wanted exclusivity. He was trying to care for me (buying flowers, coming and meeting me as often as he could, even if he couldn't). He was askign me a lot about myself, pretending to understand and accept me. But the last point you listed: do I really feel he is the one? Actually I felt from the very beginning when I met him in person (previously we were talking and laughing over the phone) that I don't like him. That he is fake. That video should b afraid of him. That he is posh and only emulates a gentleman. And unfortunately it turned out to be true (he is a scumbag, he keeps on gaslighting me, abusing me and so on, and I cannot get rid of him, he doesn't want to move out from my place, has no other place to go, has no money etc.). Anyways, this means that actually all five criteria need to be met all together: even if I fell for a (another) guy who would be perfect as my guy, then he's not mine if he doesn't want to be one. Anyways, we're doomed these times :-( Chances to find anyone who we accept and who accepts us are incredibly slim.

[@marciamellow1211]

Great job...such a sweetie... fabulous information...deep!

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks Marcia!, glad you're experiencing the depth
🙏

[@tokki8070]

Jack, thank you! The point about quiet knowing is proving to be the most important thing for me as I figure things out with several suitors. Thank you~

[@thejackbutler]

If you can, relax and enjoy that discernment. Congrats on multiple suitors!

[@tokki8070]

@@thejackbutler You know what you're talking about, Jack. It was hard, but I relaxed into my intuition. Conversation with some fizzled out, I was feeling imbalanced with another, and, with sufficient time and care, one in particular stepped up to the plate and made himself known. We have been dating for a little over three months now. I think that he may be the one to go the distance with me. I don't want to put too much pressure on him, me, or us at the moment, so I'm enjoying the ride.

[@thejackbutler]

@@tokki8070 Sounds like you are holding it wisely. To the unfolding!

[@makeitcount2985]

I started dating last year after no dating for 3 years, he stayed near Brighton so I would drive down to see him. Long story short, a few months down the road I realized that he was seeing a whole lot of people and not being honest and so I decided to walk away from everything. I loved your description of the mental, physical and spiritual connection (in a different video) , that's what I've always been looking for and not yet found.

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for the share. Sorry he wasn't being honest with you, that's not cool. Keep faith, sure the right connection will be out there for you 🙏

[@makeitcount2985]

@@thejackbutler Hi Jack, he has allot to work through and I hope he will but he's not the right match for me so walking away was the right decision, and I used to enjoy the drive to the sea. I'm a big girl :) I realize that it's about finding the right match and walking away from the wrong people, the faster I eliminate the wrong people the sooner I can find the right match :)

[@thejackbutler]

Just J xx Oh yeah, I like that drive down to Brighton! I think your philosophy will serve you well 🙏

[@redeemerl5212]

Ive just had a karmic relationship Oh boy did i need it now 46 massive patterns broke, mindset now secure, empty and feeling of hate and low self esteem gone, radiant looks have come back to my face.. ive been chasing bad boys for 20 years , although it always them that starts it initially.

[@thejackbutler]

@@redeemerl5212 Glad you're breaking through patterns! Keep it up! 🙏

[@nicedwards7420]

Jack, you are sharing a lot of truth and wisdom. Good work! Thank you. Keep going! :)

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks Nic! That's really cool to hear. I intend to keep going!

[@marleank.2975]

Yes. Clarity
Thank you.🌻

[@thejackbutler]

Marlean k. You’re welcome, like that’s it’s supporting clarity 🙏

[@marleank.2975]

@@thejackbutler yes...me too....🙏
.just sent you a short message through email

[@vicmichael7768]

i watched other like video however you stand out amongst them , so i subscribed😄

[@thejackbutler]

vic michael Thank you! Appreciate the sub and welcome!

[@nimfabangay7318]

He is...ty.❤

[@thejackbutler]

Nimfa Bangay Well congrats! 🙏

[@trichardson8071]

Thanks Jack! This clarified alot!

[@thejackbutler]

Tawana R Richardson Yay to clarity Tawana! 🙏

[@jayhulrs1435]

Really helpful

[@thejackbutler]

jay hulrs Awesome, thanks for that

[@lauriemiddleton6883]

Quiet knowing. Yes.

[@thejackbutler]

Right?

[@biblepool6313]

You're awesome! Had to subscribe!

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for the sub!

[@jessieparker2435]

I have to get the guy first hahjahja. Great advice to have in mind!
Thank you for your time!

[@thejackbutler]

Jessie Parker Ha yes totally and can save you future time! 🙏 Hope you’re well! 🙏😊

[@jessieparker2435]

@@thejackbutler I hope so Jack.
All is well.🙄😁
Have a great day!😊

[@thejackbutler]

Jessie Parker Thank you and glad you’re well 🌟🙏

[@jessiewattenhofer8583]

Your not the only one. I thought I was the only one rowing that boat.

[@justlove8865]

Loved your video ❤️!!

[@thejackbutler]

🙏🙏

[@lynngertrudeclark6531]

Thanks

[@thejackbutler]

🙏

[@Utoober729]

We're both over 60 yrs. I fell for him quickly but didnt let on. I want him to tell me so I dont push him. Over 1.5 yrs he's gradually raised me up in terms of how he refers to me from friend to best friend and recently beautiful & other complements. He's been text me morning and night all this time. I have my own timetable how long I'll wait before I see other guys. I hope he hurries up. All 5 I can answer Yes.

[@thejackbutler]

Utoober729 Thanks for writing. Sounds like he may be available for companionship not partnership? What’s your authentic desire? 1.5 years is a quite a while to know someone without it really clarifying as a clear relationship 🙏

[@sonyacolvin8488]

Excellent

[@thejackbutler]

Awesome Sonya, thank you :)

[@mominator69]

Consistently in my life and consistently dependable in every way, he shared his experiences and I shared mine neither of us feeling judged by the other. We shared common goals of family and I felt alive for the first time in my life and he said he felt the same. We were friends for more than a year and we were classmates and worked together in the US Army. We had the talk about exclusivity and a future together and how we wanted to raise our 3 children that were in our mutual future, consistently present with me, he claimed that he was mine and asked that I be his til death do we part. You could say that he is still consistent, just not the ways he was consistent before we got married. The very next day after we both said " I do" " I will" and " I promise" he began to consistently leave me behind, running off to hang with the boys. Consistently make jokes at my expense about the things I shared with him in private, insecurities and humiliating events that I told him about were then consistently exploited. He was consistent in breaking plans and putting everyone else before me. The thing we should have talked about is what the image each of us had was in regard to what we believed our partner would be, how we intended to treat them if it was different then how we were treating each other before we got married. In other words what we considered a spouse to be. The role of each person as individuals and as a married couple. He also became a consistent liar and was consistently unavailable on an intellectual, spiritual, emotional, and supportive level but he did stay consistently in my physical world.

[@QuantumHealingTarot]

Love this! ♥️

[@thejackbutler]

Thank you 🙏

[@ElizabetaDante]

Hola Jack!

[@ritag.bowman5723]

Cadence = LDR. In the last 9 months (when we first started communicating), there has been maybe 4 days of no contact. More often than not, he calls 2 times per day and texts 3 or 4 times depending on his work. I initiate contact sometimes, but he's the one who usually starts our calls or texts. I'm going to vote "Yes" for #1. Now, on to #2 ... Well, he totally gets me. It's quite scary because no one has ever gotten me before. Yes, we have differences, but he supports my expression (tap and jazz). #3 ... No, he hasn't declared his hand. We have been together just twice thus far. We will be together within the next 2 weeks for at least a week or two. A road trip is in store. We feel like we need to see what's in store for us. This LDR is whew difficult at times. We're both leaning in, and we both have faith. Being together will tell the story. #3 ... At the moment, he sees me as his girl. Again, our time together will tell us if this is the real thing. #4 ... Yes, he wants exclusivity as do I. This has been the case (as far as I know, and I think I'm right), for 9 months. #5 ... Yes. Heart, body, and soul ... I feel he is the one. This is a challenging relationship due to physical distance. However, the quiet knowing is powerful. I have no illusions - just waiting to feel him in person over time. Thanks, Jack. You're so inspiring!

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Rita! Thanks for sharing all that. What's the reason for the physical distance? Is there anything preventing more time together? It seems like you're doing a good job of tracking everything that's between you. I wish you well with it and really going for the together time even if you just eat ramen noodles when you are! :)

[@ritag.bowman5723]

@@thejackbutler Met on fitnesssingles.com last Oct. He's in MS; me in MI. We met in Cleveland two weeks after our first texts then again in Feb in New Orleans. He has many complications in his life ... selling his mother's home after she passed away, job stuff, and his truck underwent and is still undergoing several fixes. No one knows the following but you ... He told me at the get go that he had been divorced for a year. He finally told me the truth on August 6th. I said that if I had stayed married, Aug 7th would have been my 43rd anniversary. He slipped and said that he had been married for 39 years. Well, he got married at 20 and is now 59. It didn't take me long to do the math. The next day, we talked for 2 hours. I shut him down ... called him a liar, cheater, manipulator. He wasted 9 months of my time. He and his wife live in a 4500 sq ft home. He lives in the back - she in the front. He's getting it ready to sell, and they will split the profits. He has told his kids about the divorce the two of them have settled on as soon as the house is sold. Finances and some big fix-its are in order before that can happen. It's so interesting that he wasn't able to tell me this, but I know he was afraid that I wouldn't get involved with him. He asked which was more important - being divorced legally or divorced in his heart. I have never been involved with a married man. I realize whole-heartedly that I am being defensive, and I know the reason. He hurt me. The following day, he called and said he slept like a baby for the first time in a year. No kidding - the truth will set you free. He now tells me every detail about the repairs to the house, the bills, etc. It sounds as if his wife is a religious freak and extremely negative about life. They barely speak. He tells me the last time they had sex was 2 years ago. They decided to stay together until the youngest was off at college. She's now 19. Jack ... this is all out of his mouth - not mine. Obviously, I care deeply about him. I am willing to see him one more time, but I am not willing to wait around forever. I am a person filled with optimism and hope. I smile at strangers and look for the good in everyone. I was married to a narcissist for 23 years, a wealthy one who used money to keep my two kids away from me. I have never felt this way about anyone. This is not infatuation. Even though he tells me that I know more about him in 9 months than his wife knows in 39 years, the trust is gone. I have told him that he is going to have to regain it. Time will tell the story. This is such a huge risk for me, and I can already sense your reply. In the meantime, as always, I am taking good care of me - physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have a wonderful tribe, and I am busy with my dance troupe. My intuition tells me to be patient. I will, but the outcome will be on my terms. Thanks for reading.

[@katechopin6698]

Why women ignore red flags ? Its not that we cant see them ? Why is that we prefer to wear pink goggles most of the time even though deep down we know what the truth is ?

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Kate! That's a really good question. I think lots of things...sometimes it's more comfortable in the ST to not be with the real truth. Many relationships meet some needs, even if not all. Sometimes a relationship is the best you've had or better than previous ones, so you wonder if you can do better, or you don't want to be alone again. Sometimes it's addictive, he's hot and cold and you haven't had to let go of someone like that before. What's your experience?

[@katechopin6698]

Having experienced quality relationship before i do struggle to let go of hope.Hope that new person brings into your life. I live in jersey channel islands and this place is rather unique when it comes to meeting quality men. New person that you meet is either known to somebody else or it honestly takes one call to a friend ro find out more about them. Its not that i would judge them based on this info but you are more careful to be volnurable with them.Do they deserve to hear your story ? Believe that you have no options can get in the way sometimes also .

[@drlutskovsky]

for women who grew up "surrounded" by red flags, or were in relationships where there was a growing amount of red flags, having red flags is not a big deal. They overlook them later in life as you would overlook a dark cloud in London.. Really not a something to worry much about. Sad but true. They also may not want to be "judgemental" if they were harshly judged by others and they really like the guy. Or if they are lonely and like the guy. They ignore red flags and not question the guy. They go with how they feel instead of what the head may be saying.

[@thejackbutler]

Victoria Lutskovsky I think you are right that we will often accept patterns from our past because we have unconsciously encoded them as love or at least acceptable. 🙏

[@janesullivan684]

Hey Jack. Up here in Canada.

[@thejackbutler]

Hope you're staying warm!

[@janesullivan684]

@@thejackbutler in the minus 40s

[@karennoar3737]

Really good

[@thejackbutler]

Thank you!

[@sallgrey5494]

I always enjoy so much listening to your wisdom on these topics and love how you move for our own selves to really do the work for ourselves. For me, I’m curious if I’m over extending myself in some way and would like to hear your recommendations as to how I can possibly analyze if I am over extending myself. I currently have a friends w benefits and he’s also being a friend to me as we do other things together and also with our other friends as well. He and I have discussed how we’re looking for different things, he’s not looking for a relationship and I am looking for a monogamous relationship for the long-term. So he and I have agreed that I will still be doing my own thing and dating others, and we have agreed that the benefits part will end once I find someone to be exclusive with. I’m curious as to whether if it’s possible to have a fwb and to still be out there dating without that taking a toll, or if trying both is going to end up being exhausting and taking too much out of me and ruin my chances either way.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Sal! Glad you are enjoying the channel! Thanks for the share. I would really encourage you to trust yourself. If needs be get quiet and give yourself a good listening to! You'll know if you're feeling over stretched or just trust that if you need to make an adjustment, you can make it when you need to?

[@kathyasophya77]

I loved this one, specially the last ❤️, Jack, how can I ask you something in private? Thank you.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Catia, glad you loved it 🙏- you're welcome to DM me on insta - instagram.com/realjackbutler

[@kathyasophya77]

Thank you, I will 🙏

[@thejackbutler]

Cátia Sofia Great ⭐️

[@Chaptersaudio]

Great and insightful advice. So much to ponder about in my own life as I re-enter the world of dating.

[@thejackbutler]

Very happy to hear that! Good luck as you make that re-entry :)

[@nimfabangay7318]

Ty.😊

[@tugzsurf]

Yup men can be confusing. I watched another one of you videos and I’m totally that challenging women independent yet nurturing supportive motivating person. I been with a guy who was hot and cold in beginning and then I think it didn’t expect to like me. Then we hung out more and more and met his friends and wants me to meet his dad. A couple times we separated because he won’t commit. But now he wants to hang out almost every night but I refuse to some of the time because I still don’t feel it’s equal. I give more. So I pull back. He says he has love for me and loves me but yet won’t commit. I stopped trying to figure it out and pulling back my emotions. It’s like it’s getting more intense but still no commitment and he still talks to other girls. No thank you. Opening up to dating other men. ;)

[@thejackbutler]

Sorry you've had a confusing experience. Sounds like you're wanting to receive more in relationship - that can be worked from your side and through having a partner that wants to give

[@tugzsurf]

@@thejackbutler thank you. The prob is there are no good men in Orange County. They are all boys and lots of desperate women here who settle. Think I just need to save money and move ASAP. Hahaha

[@thejackbutler]

@@tugzsurf If you move, I would do it because you feel more aligned/alive somewhere, not for the perceived quality of men. Within Orange, LA and nearby counties, you have what 10M+ men (more than most small European countries!), so you will likely have plenty of all types?

[@benedictaalfonso5802]

Some times people realize things and move up with their life, life is to short we don’t wait for things that we doubt about it ✌🏿

[@thejackbutler]

Benedicta Alfonso Thanks for the perspective 🙏

[@cynthiafields34]

What if a guys never called u his girlfriend but always called u his wife.

[@oinchoo9535]

😂 I meet man on facebook this 2021.He probably want me to be his girlfriend as I give him a chance , problem is we not yet meet face-to-face.what he said is ,his first impression about me?? what sense..

[@virginiajohnsonrealtorbrok6181]

Hey Jack,
I love this piece! The part that I am curious about is navigation inviting/allow my potential guy to claim me?

[@thejackbutler]

Virginia Johnson Realtor/Broker RE/Max Gold Coast Thanks Virginia! Things which may support a guy claiming you - letting romantic connections with other guys go, giving him a clear green light, relaxing your masculine energy - let him do things for you, lead etc., working on trust issues - is that helpful?

[@relayne6609]

Im the one who interested for the commitment and label for 3years. We fight every time the commitment issues brought up. Then he said this is so stressful lets rest. That's it. But if im distant to him , he texting me that he wants a commitment, lets fix this. Then if i give him a chance, then when we encounter arguments again , he said again lets rest and i realized im not ready for a commitment, im sorry! And he always do a block and unblock in social medias and regular sms. So weird! Because i loved him i always give him many chance and still im hoping every day.

[@Amyehme]

Ella pizon Sounds like he is game-playing to me! If he knows you want a commitment, but keeps stopping that (and blocking you on social media!), then he is not giving you what you want, and is, in my opinion, messing you around. How many chances are you gonna give him? There are many people 'out there', and there may be one that would be what you're looking for, but while you are giving attention to the person who it seems is playing games, you may miss out on somebody who will give you respect and commitment.

[@relayne6609]

@@Amyehme many times since i discover his betrayal last june 2018, november 2018 he is trying to win me back because the girl he used to flirt distant to him and back to her ex boyfriend and get married this june 2019

[@user-hx9sn3fy3j]

What if I was pretty sure at first he is my Mr. Right and that gut feeling lasted 2,5 years but then all of a sudden I saw him in a different light? I also saw how needy we both were so that it was a mistake to ever want him to be my man.

[@thejackbutler]

I think it's okay to have different realizations in different seasons. Truth often refines itself over time and life is a dynamic unfolding.

[@eeyeltee]

@@thejackbutler Wow! That is such profound insights. I needed to read this for clarity in my personal journey. Much love Jack!

[@thejackbutler]

@@eeyeltee Yay 🙏

[@iceblue1457]

Hi Jack, in my deeper knowing, I know I really like this guy. But I have my huge trepidation because of our big age gap which he doesn't seem to mind. But because I am the older one, I am the one so concerned. I'd love to hear from you. Thanks.

[@thejackbutler]

Ice Blue I think stage gaps are more problematic than age gaps - ie, where the way of life you’re wanting is too different to work (like one person working FT and one person retired) The other thing is to discern if a guy is really available for partnership which again isn’t really an age thing. Take your time!

[@StandupGirl-ym3ey]

Recently had a guy tell me with his mouth he wanted a relationship, not necessarily with me! His actions and or energy didn't clarify that for me! They did however confirm for me that he just wanted sex!! I apologize but I ghosted him after I mentioned it to him and his actions continued in that direction!! Smh and he lacked affection!! That's kinda a big thing for me!! Lol

[@sarah-janeross864]

The guy I like is showing up for me, but I don't know how we get past core values differences.
I am vegan, he hunts.
I am repulsed by Trump, he thinks he's a hero.
I find this confusing because we are so good in so many ways...

[@user-bj2lu9qt3o]

Hi Jack,
So you're back to England... back from America, I guess...
Doesn't really matter -
It's just that I realized that I have no clue who you are.
I really like your channel description a lot, yet I'd like to know where you come from in the sense of how you became who you are today. When and why did you start to have interest in personal development, understanding and "fixing" relationships. How did your work start and develop, why did you start RUclips.. etc. etc. ...
Would be great if there was an introducing vid.
Greetings from Germany

[@thejackbutler]

Hey M! Yes, that's right from US to UK. You can read a bit more of my story here: www.jackbutler.com I may do a bit more of an intro video sometime, thanks for the suggestion 🙏 Short answers - I have been interested in personal development since I was a kid and I have always worked in human development. During my 20s it was with teens and young people. I started coaching FT 6-7 years ago and the relationship piece kinda found me through what people wanted help with and after my own difficult experiences of relationship. I have always loved doing videos and have put them out for several years but earlier this year decided to take it more seriously. J :)

[@user-bj2lu9qt3o]

@@thejackbutler thanks for the reply!
Really appreciate that you put so much effort in giving personal answers!👍

[@thejackbutler]

@@user-bj2lu9qt3o Thank you! I really enjoy how people engage here and it means a lot to me that I get to share the things that feel meaningful to share without having to dumb down. Enjoy Germany!

[@TheoriginalANGEK439]

Jack, have you ever thought of doing ebooks. Voice overs. Advertisements, Hypnotherapist ? You have a very nice voice, that is soothing. Like I can listen to you. Like relaxing. And you capture my attention to the point of me wanting too listen to the very end of the video. And it’s not necessarily the content that I am interested in. No offence. Not meant to be offensive. I think you have a talent.
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙💖💙🇬🇧

[@thejackbutler]

Thanks for reflecting that (no offence taken ha) - all my private client coaching work is over phone/whatsapp so it's in use there. And I am open to doing more voiceovers or audio products for sure. :)

[@CorporateQueen]

He told me the other week that he felt he should pull back because he feels he's only sexually attracted to me...and needs to figure it out...after 2 years. And yet we have all the basics required for relationship. I believe he is looking for limerence and he won't invest Ihave pulled away completely...yet he's still texting me. He loves me but doesn't recognise that he does... Poor upbringing, some trauma.
Not sure where to go other than gently walk away. I notice he's downgraded other people in his life to unreliable or lost touch...and I believe he's now doing it with me.

[@thejackbutler]

RollingPanda Sorry, that sounds hard and confusing 😔 Ideally you don’t want to be trying to persuade him that he wants this. How about going fully no contact then agreeing to a meeting on the other side?

[@CorporateQueen]

@@thejackbutlerI agree... I think that's my only sensible course of action.

[@thejackbutler]

RollingPanda If you do, maybe get a friend or two enrolled to support you?

[@CorporateQueen]

@@thejackbutler yes my friends are aware of the struggle. I'm trying to start a new role with work, get an art exhibition happening and focus on me so I have plenty to do. He's overthinking and will rationalise everything....until he's got nothing left. Analyst by trade, analyst by nature. I'm going to let him go, go find my opportunity and leave a door open.

[@CorporateQueen]

@@thejackbutler enjoy the UK. My sister in Manchester tells me the weather's been bad.

[@ajokenoni3239]

Hi Jack, love all of your videos i have seen. I went on a first date with a guy i have been chatting with over a month ago. I already have a Son and he already has a daughter. The first question he asked me is, if i want more children? He is very polite and quite shy. We are going on another date next Friday. And he has been asking me if he can see me before that date, but i said no, bcos of what I've learned from your videos. Do you think he is genuine?

[@thejackbutler]

Would be more interested in your intuition than mine!

[@cjennings6179]

A serious question is do i want all his FLAWS & his bagage & debts he owns?

[@thejackbutler]

Hey! Is that a general question or with a specific guy in mind? At some level, everyone will come with flaws, so you may want to be with someone whose flaws you can be with. (There may be work for you in being with someone's flaws?)

[@nimfabangay7318]

I want him to say ti me pwrsonallt, but he is speechless evrytime we come together.....ty.❤

[@mariamoconnor7921]

I guess he’s not the one .......

[@thejackbutler]

Hope that clarity is helpful if hard 🙏

[@cjennings6179]

There will be CONFLICTS. Ouch. He not an advocate. Not get my values. He does NOT Understand the seriousness & COMPLEXITY OF LOVE WORK.

[@cjennings6179]

Love is a GREAT LIFE TIME of MENTAL EMOTIONAL & physical EFFORTS as A TEAM. MANY RESPONSIBILITIES develop. Housing EXPENSES. BILLS have to be PAID on TIME. SOME PERSONS have to remind each other & NOT BLAME the female. House or Apartment CHORES have to be SCHEDULED he is EXPECTED to DO his SHARE 1/2 of duties. No LAZINESS allowed. Unless he Can hire some person to COME IN TO Manage All that RESPONSIBILITIES weekly?? He is NOT made of money. He s getting disability. Can t WORK. Can't connect with TIME & days/dates. That is borderline personality disorder/ADHDisorder etc. acts like a adolesant teen boy. He is 30yrs.young.

[@thejackbutler]

Sounds like you have your answer. Are you able to move on?

[@Levandetag]

Wise Wise advices, which one, can feel one would have had in early yrs, and also have a lot of experience about, today in middleage age.
I must say europeans have clearer better understanding than "the american dream stuff" stuffs people full of ;) Rather tough clear than cottoning!

[@thejackbutler]

Or maybe 'Cotton clear' - sensitive but true!

[@vivianvennicia]

NO. He is not your man. He is not your guy.

[@thejackbutler]

Vivian Vennicia Sounds like clarity!

[@vivianvennicia]

@@thejackbutler Lol. They publicly chose someone else and then got mad that I am trying to move on. I don't know all the full story what was true and what was not. I don't know what they wanted or if they were even who they said they are. I do not expect to ever have any clarity. The best I can do is keep it moving. What are your thoughts on hypergamy?

[@DianaCardenas-qx4nd]

Hello Jack! I want to share my situation but it’s a little complicated would looooove to get little or a lot of advice from u iam in “situationship” over a year and still don’t have any clarity about what we are my guy is different to any other guy I have ever met and that made him super attractive to me iam a heart broken cuz I don’t know how to deal with him I have tried to end or stop seeing him for weeks and he always reach out to me.... even when he disappear for weeks ..... and when I think iam done and over with..... he contact me and here I come again with all my broken feelings thinking he has realized he wants me .... pls help me I would love to get an email from you. Or if u have interest in helping me.... I think iam hopeless but let’s see!
Thank you in advance.

[@thejackbutler]

Hey Diana, thanks for sharing. You're not hopeless - you just may have to learn how to really do no contact. When a guy really loves you and gets his impact on you, he may learn not to do what's happening - disappearing then coming back. Have you blocked him so that he can't actually contact you? 🙏

[@chrisw9399]

The decor resonated with me somehow - encapsulates cosy upper middle-class Britishness in a good way ;)

[@thejackbutler]

Ha! It's quite the upgrade from how it was when I was living here lol - kind of like when you leave school and then they get the cool computer equipment :)

[@katerinakiaha6925]

Peel under the layers. So much peeling... My discernment goes cookoo. It is so ambiguous that i can't grasp truth and of course no one is vehemently declaring FACT

[@thejackbutler]

Sounds like you saying you want to dial in your discernment more?

[@minami7291]

Does this rules work with LDR too ?? Pls reply

[@nurshuhada1587]

I think it does. I'm in a LDR yet I can see all the points

[@thejackbutler]

Yes, I think it does. In some ways, these things can be more important in LDR as there are fewer needs being met day to day.

[@lilbitqueenbee4life]

🌻🧡💛🧡🌻

[@thejackbutler]

🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏