"I don't have Daddy Issues, my Daddy has issues" is a great thing to say! I think shifting the blame onto the parent that caused the issues is the perfect way to respond.
I understand exactly what she’s saying. The consequences that we as a family had to deal with due to my father’s issues with were caused SOLELY because of his actions. Failure of the parent IS the parent’s fault; it‘s sad that EVERYONE suffers because of ONE bad apple. The definition of “daddy issues” alone identifies the negative traits enacted by the father onto others. I appreciate the empowerment of the experience and the twist of perspective on the trauma with the statement. “Daddy Issues” are a thing because of a daddy with issues - and ALL us who suffered “daddy issues” wish these daddies would STOP HURTING, ABANDONING, DEFLECTING, ETC. & GET IT TOGETHER. ‼️ #SINCERELY
It is so disgusting that people BLAME the girl child for having "daddy issues". But, not the father who physically or mental or sometimes sexually abusive.
Exactly, and the fact that being fatherless is used as an insult toward the girls/ women not toward the person who actually is NEGLECTING his own family. And people never insult boys/ men for being fatherless...
It's usually the mother that is to blame for keeping the father away from the child. In the sisters story, the didn't blame the one responsible for keeping the sister away from her father and gave the step-father access to the child, that being the mother. ruclips.net/user/shortsatPCwwI3WPY?feature=share
I hate that the label “daddy issues” is always a word that’s meant to shame the child for having problematic fathers. When it’s the fathers who are meant to be shamed for not being a good parent. No child asks to be born and they certainly didn’t ask for a father that never cared.
YES!! Thank you. I always want to ask people who use that as an insult: “why shame the woman? Why not shame the man who made her suffer?” I don’t get why it’s an insult, it doesn’t even make sense as an insult, in my opinion.
@@kai-yuh1531 women can't be forced into keeping pregnancies or raising children in America (barring egregious situations like kidnapping). Why did you pretend to have a point?
My father was abusive, and if ever I tell someone this they say I must have “major daddy issues” then I hit them with the “my dad tried to murder my entire family and my mom killed him.”
My husband who is an excellent parent. Often tells me he finds the “compliments” he receives when he has our children out alone so annoying and borderline insulting and at times racist. People are so surprised to see him parent that they can’t help but pat him on the back for it. And the fact that he is a black dad blows them even further away. This made me think of that. I am never complemented or praised for having my kids at the market why should he be? Let’s normalize men and especially black men as active participants in child rearing.
I'm a trans guy and the single parent of two, and I've seen the difference in how people act towards me online. When I still went by a feminine name I was slut shamed and victim blamed, and a horrible parent who shouldn't have pushed the fathers of my children away. Now that I go by a masculine name I get complimented and told I'm an awesome king for just being a parent to my kids. The sexism is so obvious...
When Shaneka said "every girl's first love is their father" I just felt something click. My father is incredibly emotionally intelligent and present in my life and his father was the same for his family. I think more men should self reflect the same way women are expected to before having a child to ensure they don't instill trauma in their future child
@@thatgurlnamedria I think its great either way!!! I think as humans we automatically view our parents as the main example of what love is supposed to be ( as she said in the video) so you'll probably look for qualities your mother instilled in you in your future partner!
ngl i never understood why WE are ridiculed because absent (and sometimes abusive) fathers traumatised us and warped our sense of security and love. like... i didnt ask to be this way??? why am i being blamed for it lmaoo
Yes! I remember a comment on a girls video where she was doing something deemed ""cringe"" (she was just singing and yk tiktok videos) and istg it said "fatherless behaviour" si I asked them why that is. They straight up said "she had no dad to beat her straight" 💀 •DO YOU WANT TO QUIT EARTH?• ✔YES ✔F*CK YES
Whenever people say stuff like that I say "when women have daddy issues they become sad when men have mommy issues they become serial killers" So who are actually the more fragile ones here lmao
As a man with no father, it also pisses me off how people can label you as damaged because you didn't have a father figure or something, like a father is tantamount to growing up healthy. Which to me is just baseless. I have a better relationship with my mom than most of my peers have with either of their parents. Truth of the matter is, its parenting that makes a healthy kid, not filling some arbitrary boxes, and in a lot of ways people don't want to accept that because they don't want to admit that they failed as parents. I find it far easier to find examples of when a father being present did damage to a kid than a father not being around did. Its just bs, pure and simple
I mean having both parents (as long as they're both good and loving ofc) is always the more desired/better option but myself and many other people have grown just fine with only one so 🤷
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE HEARD THIS AND IT IS VERY VERY TRUE My dad mistreating my mom made me feel horrible and once we moved out, it felt nice to know my mom was finally not going to be abused by him. He was a bad father and being without him made me so much better than when i was living with him.
Like I have a father, and he wasn’t healthy at all. Abusive mentally and yet people still give my mom shit? Like imo she single handedly raised me while my father just gave me emotional trauma.
daddy issues in men is more common than ppl think and I see it manifest as low self esteem, aggressiveness, discomfort with affection and emotion...but society is not ready for that conversation
Yep. My father was terrible to all four of his children and himself grew up with a terrible father. He despises him still to this day, after his death. Since I was the one my father abandoned when I was a child, as my brothers are a lot older than I am, I am generally perceived as the person who should have daddy issues in my family, but the three of them continue to this day to deal with *theirs*. If I told them that, they would probably call me a large array of misogynistic insults though. I have fear of abandon - they have whatever is making them antisocial and out-of-touch with their emotions. Not that I love what I have going on but I still think I'm handling myself better in the end.
Yeah my...very mentally unwell bully who went on to murder someone as an adult blamed his mother for his dad's absence because that was the norm. This manifested into blatant generalised sexism where he would attack me just for being a tomboy and regularly tried to get all the boys and girls to fight. Meanwhile I also had an absent father but it was never really that much of an issue for me, just pretty sad. I have an incredibly loving family and lived with my grandmother up until her death last year, so she also raised me, much like a parent but with understandably less authority.
The bare minimum of fatherhood is being physically and emotionally available and nurturing. Not just staying or making money, nurturing. A parent’s job is to nurture, not just provide.
True, emotional neglect leaves deep scars. It’s a generational cycle as well. I never understood why I was so perfectionistic and had such low self esteem until I realised the effect of not receiving praise, acknowledgement, or affection from my father. I know he is also a victim of this generational curse, but it’s still hard not to resent him
Nurturing is the perfect word, you just nailed it completely! It's a really misunderstood topic and even I dare to say somewhat taboo. Because if you look for statistics the father abandonment towards children it's not a small figure, it obviously depends of the country but it's such a big number around the world that probably at least one of your group of close friends had an abusive/neglectful/absent father. The worst part is that as a society we usually blame mothers for their abusive/neglectful/absent husband's and the impact he has on the children, we also blame them when they move on and get together with another partner, it just never stops. Later we blame the children to have issues because of this absent parents and constantly fall in circles of abuse perpetuated by older men (mostly girls), and outlook the pain and trauma that's also inflicted in the boys with the same situation preventing them from recognizing the problem and healing. This healing so necessary for them that could help the break this cicles of abuse, having a better life and providing healthier parenting for their children.
THANK YOU! I’m tired of people saying “oh he’s a great father, at least he take care of his kids” to excuse a man having multiple broken homes. You can’t physically be there for your child on the daily if you have multiple broken homes. Paying for materials and providing financial aid is not being a parent it’s being a bank account.
It's not really. Idk why people here think fatherlessnees is an insult towards girls only when, for example, if a black man is acting without discipline (or if any man acts in a "delinquent" manner), lack of a father figure is brought up or thought of almost immediately. Heck, daddy issues are mostly talked about with sad edgy boys or male fictional characters in mind. As a woman, sometimes you have to acknowledge when a problem is universal & not sorta gatekeep it to your gender only. Just sayin'.
@@spaghetto9836 Wtf they weren't gatekeeping daddy issues??? They were just discussing how it is used as an excuse to demean women. They didn't say anything about how daddy issues was only for women?
@@pigeonhaha Yeah, I knew someone would respond with that viewpoint. "'Fatherless behaviour' *IS NOW JUST A WAY TO SILENCE ANY WOMAN WITH AN OPINION"* How she worded it, she is stating how this is what the term has now become, & that that is its sole meaning. If she was just talking about how it's used when used on women (in that case she could've worded it better), it's still mostly untrue. How is "You have daddy issues." a response to a woman giving a truly harmless opinion? You say that in response to someone's behaviour, not their opinion to silence them. Yes, bc everything serves to silence women. I'm not saying this to be a troll or mean, I'm saying this bc there are a lot of comments directly implying that "Daddy Issues" is just another ploy to harm women, not what you said, in which case I wouldn't have said anything if she wrote what you wrote. It's just that folks love adding to conversations in a video but can end up taking arguments too far. Are you going to blame me for taking her words at face value?
as a fellow fatherless, I also heard my mom blamed for "choosing" a terrible man to have kids with. I'm blamed for my daddy issues, and my mom is blamed for being abandoned in a vulnerable part of her life. It's sickening.
Fr, women are often blamed for "putting up" with abusive and disrespectful behavior, when in reality, why is it okay to be a complete shit of a human being to another person? While having high self esteem is important, we shouldn't have to do this just so that we aren't disrespected and abused. And also, self esteem is overrated, some malicious people are malicious just because they can get away with it.
Freud was really going through some weirdo tingles and he was like “don’t we all guys…am I right!!” But no sir please go to the therapy that you helped invent 😐
It took me 35 years to realize men blame the women for having issues instead of the men who cause them. And simultaneously men will mock these women yet admit to taking advantage of these very women for their own benefit and sexual gratification , like vultures.
Yeah like the subtle « was something » to avoid the blame. Like I always see « This women was raped. » Bro who raped her a ghost ?? No, this women was raped by a men.
When I was younger my parents got divorced but instead of telling people that I would tell everyone he died because I didn't want to be told "oH YoU hAVe daDdy IssUes" or "wHat dID yOuR mOm Do tO HiM". Single moms always get so much shit and I still think it's incredible how everything is their faults. Growing up and seeing that is disgusting. My mom was doing everything in her power to raise me and my sister on her own while my "dad" was complaining about how he didn't have enough money to pay child support after getting a new car.
@pepe did nothing wrong 😤😠 so I have a stupid question. I'm not part of any religion, I don't belive in any God but if it's "natural beauty" then why cover it and if men stare that's their problem. I'm not coming off as offensive, I respect whatever you belive in but I just don't get why women have to stay covered
I actually love it when men say "fatherless vibes", or "daddy issues", it's funny because they're trying to hurt a woman, but are saying that the reason they're acting like that is at the fault of a man 💀💀💀
i personally used fatherless as just a baseless insult to anyone who DOES have a father because of how common separated couples are where I live (I imagine it’s in the 40% range or smn)
This woman I used to hang out with when she was about 70 called him “that motherfucker” because she thought he might even be the ONLY man who ever wanted to bed his mother (although sad to say I’ve known at least one since then 😬)
The mother is the only and first image of a woman you have for the first part of your life, also the female you live the most. Even if you dont wanna fuck your mom (i am genuinly concerned about that he got hard seeing his mom undress) your mother definitely had an influence on your sexual preference or behavior. Just like how they influnced other parts of your behavior/life
@@kotkafer2292 ... We know that our mother is a prevalent figure in life, but I'm very concerned that you say is the only one; aunts, cousins, sisters, grandma, friends, teachers, actresses, singers like?? They're so much more prevalent figures on our childhoods!
@@Nat-ls1uo i meant like the VERY first part of your life, so like as an Infant you mostly have your mother. Yes also female family members but mostly her. Also some people dont have for example aunts.
My favorite disco stick envy theory came by a criticism from Hornay, who said the disco stick envy has nothing to do with the organ, or inherent male superiority, but young girls starting to notice the benefits men and boys around them have and how differently women are treated in the culture and society. She said this is why girls experience envy towards those privileges, or/and anger towards their gender, men or their mother. Which honestly resonated and made a lot more sense to me. Funny thing is she was basically Freuds contemporary.
Yeah I'm honestly getting sick of having to talk about Freud. People argue that he was actually close to the truth in a lot of cases but like... no? Freud did *not* suggest that we form attachment patterns based off of our parents he *literally* said that boys want their moms and girls want their dads and it's just not anywhere close to true or useful. This video did a great job pointing out how his theories directly contribute to misogyny and the justification of abuse. Now can we please stop teaching his stuff all the time and focus on writers that actually got things right.
She's the same person who coined the theory of Womb Envy to counter Freud's Penis Envy, isn't she? She must've been facepalming hard anytime she heard one of Freud's new theories.
@@Shiralkian yes thats her. And tbh Womb Envy makes a lot of sense to me to in terms of how society, aka men did a lot in order to gain control of womens wombs. Ive been saying for years I wish they figure out how to make an artificial one so they would finally maybe get out of ours.
It’s sad tbh, like i have “daddy issues” and people are like “Well you still have your dad.” And they don’t realize Daddy issues can come in many forms.
❗️❗️ My father refuses, doesn't care or doesn't accept the fact that he's the problem.. We call him the dark cloud because he's around, you just feel the negative energy. Over the years there has been many repetitive arguments and conversations with him about the issues. Now everyone bites thier tongue and avoids long conversations with him. My siblings, mother & myself are all trying to heal and better ourselves now but he still will let out a burst of negatively when he pleases
@princessama4872 It really is. And I realize with everyone outside of the home, sometimes us in the house, he tries to make himself seems like he's the greatest person alive. My brother wanted to do his own custom clothing line, told my father. My pops supports it when he's bragging about it to everyone & it'll benefit him, but that's it. He brags about how much he "knows" his wife, children & my daughter, but he doesn't. He'll brags about things my daughter does when I say she can't or doesn't do it with me. Thing is .. she doesn't do it with him either because my mother or brother would tell me. Brags about how he "cleans better" than my mother & "cooks better" 🤦🏾♀️ again .. doesn't 😂😂 Ughhhh soo much more. Lol. Sometimes I sit and think about whyyyy is he that way but I don't wanna think about it
Kudos to Your sister. She appeared so comfortable in front of the camera, as if she had done it 100 times before. Her section was both emotionally raw and extremely composed and I really want to commend her for being able to not just get behind the camera, but rising to level of talent you constantly bring to this channel. It also really highlights your talent in production and direction.
@@Nerdycluster lol yes I know he's just a myth; I knew about the oedipus complex before hearing the myth and then when I read the actual myth I wondered why the complex was named that if Oedipus was unaware and then disgusted when he became aware
@@SnickersFantasy yeah I mean he and his mom both committed scooter-ankle after they found out and I'm pretty sure odeopis clawed his own eyes put when he found out
You feel bad for him after he straight up murdered an old man (for all he knew) for daring to say he should be allowed to go first? He sounds like he was a mega asshole.
@@kiamaria331 I think they mean they feel bad for him because his name was used for a complex that says everyone wants to fuck thier mom,but when he found out he fucked his mom he literally plucked his own eyes out (and in the first version I heard offed himself right after?
Actually both can be results of daddy issues, anxiety, shyness and low self esteem? Probably more submissive. Aggression, insecurity and compensating? Probably more dominant. I get your point though, just calling women you dont like the dynamic with as having "daddy issues" is pretty misogynistic
i HATE the “fatherless/motherless” insult, but it wasn’t always that way, it wasn’t until i witnessed my one of my best friends, who has no mom, have an episode because of being the butt of many jokes. it really effects them, and blaming absent/abusive parents for actually BEING absent/abusive and not the victims of said parents needs to become normalized.
I've never heard of "Motherless behavior". It's always Fatherless behavior and almost always directed at women and queer people. It's like people think the job of the father is to beat'em straight.
@@arempy5836 only place I’ve ever heard motherless being used as an insult was the sopranos lol so your right I don’t think it’s something people say that often… on the flip side, I always see people calling out “fatherless activity” on social media often. I’m guilty of using it too, which is ironic given my own daddy issues 😅 won’t be using the term anymore tho.
This also plays into the whole “overprotective father” stereotype. Where a man feels _so_ entitled to his daughter (often her body), that he controls her dating life. And then people blame the daughter for rebelling and responding to her dad’s possessiveness, as if he wasn’t at fault for borderline sexualizing his own daughter. People say “She’s a sl*t, her father has to protect (control) her.” This, of course, ignores her agency and justifies this extremely warped/manipulative parenting. And it often exposes how these men feel about sex and intimacy (and women). Because when their daughters get boyfriends, they immediately perceive it as “he’s trying to f*ck her”. Obviously it’s healthy to be concerned for your child and who they’re influenced by, but many of these men are just projecting their own misogynistic thinking onto their daughter’s boyfriend. They don’t perceive sex or relationships as acts of love and compassion, but immediately believe it’s for exploitation because that’s how they perform romance. Their daughter’s about to be claimed and all that toxic understanding of relationships these fathers pass down to their kids. And there are so, _so_ many films/books about mothers and women who cause their sons to become serial killers. There’s a thin line here, because parents (any parents) can screw up their child, and women do historically play greater roles in raising their kids. But it’s often a double standard because fathers are never perceived as the “cause” for their child’s bad behavior. Nor are they held emotionally accountable for their daughters like mothers are with their sons (A boy can’t process his feelings in a healthy way?? He has to torture animals to do it?? It must be the mother’s fault!!) Even though many girls cope with trauma in different ways than men, they’re often exploited and sexualized/simultaneously shamed for it. There needs to be greater accountability and expectations for fathers to contribute. They can mess up their kids and affect their emotional perception and reaction to the world just as much as mothers can. None of this “bare minimum” bs.
Dads should protect their daughters from men who seem dangerous(ie men too old for her or very obvious assholes), but they should also respect her agency to date boys her own age who seem nice. If you just teach the girls how to note red flags and deal with fights, as well as safe sex, then they'll be fine. I was okay, because my parents actually bothered to meet my bf and talk to me about the concerns they had so I would be cautious.
@@Nakia11798 That’s what I mean. A healthy concern for who you’re daughter is dating is natural and shows engaged parenting. But many men are clearly just misogynistic and possessive of their daughter’s “chastity”. The best example I can think of is Marlon Wayans comedy show “You Know What it is”, where he talks about passing on his daughter’s p*say to her bf who was going to “f*ck her” on prom night. It made me so, so uncomfortable with the aggression he was directing towards his own daughter, as well as his complete insensitivity to exposing her dating life to an audience of strangers for his own selfish sense of ownership (ew). Passing her on to another man, doing so through sex and sexual intimacy isn’t a way to teacher her about health relationships. It’s always about ownership and narcissism with these types of fathers; how they feel as parents, removing their child’s agency and seeing them only as something to be owned and passed around through sex (that’s also super creepy but not the time to get into that). While my dad joked about it, I’m glad he never did that to me. He taught me what healthy partnership is and didn’t interfere in my dating life unless he saw a red flag.
Haven’t seen it mentioned in the comments yet, but the “fatherless behavior” insult is also a dig at voluntarily single mothers because of the assumption that children need a father and mother to be raised properly. If the woman chooses to do the responsible thing and raise the child because the father is abusive, deadbeat, dangerous, etc., the mom will be blamed for picking him in the first place, and that contempt is transferred onto the daughter because society views children as an extension of the same sex parent.
Well to be fair, it IS the mother's fault for choosing who the father is. The woman might choose a deadbeat, good for nothing individual and decides to have his baby on the pretense (dumb, foundationless hope) that he will "come around" (aka change his ways) for his children. The mother hopes for this while not considering that the gift of parenthood has been given way more significance to the mother role than to the father role, hence, makes it easier and acceptable for the father to just not care that much for his 3 kids and 3 babymamas (with another one on the way of course!). And no, just because the mother did the responsible thing to raise her child by herself, does not take away the fact that a child being raised by two stable parents who don't hate each other is better than being raised by one single parent. Hey, it takes two to make a baby, taking two parents to raise one child shouldn't be any different.
@@aimforlifenow I agree, that having two stable parents raising you is a good thing but I'll speak from my mother's own experiences. First, it's not always the mother's fault with choosing the father. The father could seem sweet and caring at first but could easily change after gaining the woman's trust. Of course, I would say it is a small bit of my mother's fault for staying with him even after he started abusing her, but it's not always easy escaping an abusive relationship. Especially if the person is manipulative. There's also this: the father could rape the mother and have children with her, children he does not care about. Also, sometimes it's better to have one parent than two depending on your/their past.
@@helenvane I disagree, because I'm a petty person and have totally called emotionally stunted men "motherless" or implied mommy issues. It's not as prevalent, but it's not "never"
just an fyi, Anna Freud (yeah his daughter) actually expanded on the penis envy stuff (we learnt this three years ago in my psychology degree so i may be vaguely wrong at times) - she said that females don't want an actual penis, we are just aware that men have all the power and we hate that, and we want power (rightly so), so we don't want to be men, we just want to be in control of at least ourselves.
Will power is in the mind and the womb. She would be talking about the artificial social structure right or liberties. Great point though that Anna had even a friend employed were the ones to work on this of conscious mind not Sigmund
She also worked with Erikson, a student of her father's and came up with the psychosocial stages which is one of the foundations of the science of teaching. She did so much more for us as a whole but everyone knows about her dad instead of her.
@@thekalenichannel1812 I don't think that's what they ment, having trauma doesn't make it ok to be a toxic/bad person, despite you being a victim. The person who gave you trauma should be absolutely accountable for what they did but it doesn't give you a green card to treat other people like whatever.
Usually people say, "Is your father proud?" As an insult (specially to SW) but after seeing someone say that Father's should be the one making their child proud really changed how I saw things.
@So and so YES. people need to stop glorifying fathers who do the BARE MINIMUM! buying food and claiming your kid does not make you a great father, you are doing YOUR JOB.
I’ve noticed a weird kind of “daddy issues” joke in fandom that leads back into the feminization of daddy issues as a concept, and it’s the prevalence of saying that a male character has daddy issues in a sort of joking way. I feel like the reason it’s so funny to say a male character has daddy issues is for the same reason it’s funny to see a very masculine character wear a dress. It’s emasculating. Which it shouldn’t be, because there’s nothing inherently feminine about childhood trauma.
This a thousand times!! It always kills me when I see this, especially in my day to day. Very small personal snippet here but I see this happen often with my little brother. People don't say it but since he's expected to "be the man of the house" without a father present it's odd for him to have a father complex? I hate it so much
dude yes, also feel like men wearing dresses shouldnt be a joke anymore, clothes are clothes and no one should be ridiculed for wearing what they want. (man here)
It‘s so weird how society copes with single parents. If the mother is the single parent and has a son: „The child needs a father to look up to. Mom must have scared the dad away.“, if she has a daughter „They are gonna cope. Mom must be ‚weird‘“ If the father is the single parent (with son/daughter): „He is soo strong to pull this of alone. Must be a great guy.“ In both cases putting inherently more value on the male (cause hE nEeDs moRe) while at the same time putting females down for having the same problems.
I will add there is a weird double message i see for single moms, where its mom drove dad away she must be a pain but also a martyr role from people around them. While from my experience single dads are usually just heroes. my exes mom really got used to pulling the struggling single mom ''what am i to do with my son alone'' card. Which does not minimize his dad being an absolute immature dipshit, dont get me wrong, nor does it mean she didnt get a lot of the she drove him away, the boy needs a father in his life, why couldnt she do better.
I wonder if instead of “your parent is your first love”, it’s more that “your parents are your first example of love”. That sounds a lot more realistic and less deranged!
“Daddy issues” really is just another way to hate on women and girls. Me and both of my bio siblings had a dad that was often very emotionally distant, volatile, and was definitely dealing with a lot of untreated mental health issues. He had been on a downward spiral of hoarding and a worsening physical state for so long that when he disappeared the summer before my senior year of high school, neither me nor my sister were surprised. Though we both were affected by the time we spent in his house on visits (our mom had custody) and his disappearance, how they manifested in us was very different. My sister is in a straight passing relationship and they tend to show some of the behavior that’s stereotypical of someone with daddy issues. Meanwhile I went in a complete opposite direction, leaning heavier into emotional repression and trying to fill the hole he left by “becoming my own dad” in a way and acting as a source of parental support and advice for many of my friends. We both have issues caused by our dad, but my sister is the only one who is often disparaged for having “daddy issues” because they seem more femme and are attracted to men.. It’s a double standard that frustrates me to no end.
Me and my siblings got regularly beaten by my mum and dad when we were younger. The christian cult like community we grew up in saw it as the best way of parenting and thankfully my parents have realized by now that it did us no good and they've apologized and are still changing to be more supportive and all that. But still, it heavily impacted us but in different ways. My oldest sister has a rather bad relationship with my parents becayse it is hard for her to forgive them for how we were raised, but on the outside she seems "unaffected". I myself struggled and am still struggleing with the need to prove my strengh or my worth as a woman and stuff like that. My 17 year old sister has daddy issues in the way they're portrayed most. The siblings after her are a little less affected yet still have their pieces of trauma to deal with and yea it frustrates me too that one if my sisters gets slut shamed and my parents are like oh why do all our children have so little self respect like well it's cause we didn't learn to have it. Idk where I'm going with this. I think I wanted to say that daddy issues can make themselves recogniseable in many ways aside from yk idk how to end this bye
@@Max-lh9ko omg same, at least your parents apologized, my dad used to beat me so much I'll start bleeding, and my mom would say i deserve it, and as i am the oldest, i was the babysitter and never had a life, i actually started having some sui**** thoughts last year, but than i told myself that i wont let them win, they didn't fucked my life and I'll finish what they did, so i decided to study hard, learn about ways to get money online, and I'm working hard to become the first billionaire in my family and than I'll just leave them, i believe your sister acted like that because her childhood was ripped off, she was probably very envious because other grew up with loving parents while she had to suffer, the love of parents cannot be replaced, and i feel like she knows it, deep down she will always grow with this lack, and that's why she cant totally forgive them,
Tbh when most of men used daddy issues it didn’t necessarily have to mean a product of abuse if u had a good relationship and argued with ur father a lil bit men would say “daddy issues” and it’s not like no one says nothing about absent fathers either it’s a big talked about problem in urban melenated kommunity
We also need to stop problematising women who have children with deadbeat men. We need to problematise absent and abusive dads. And ppl become enraged when I say society hates women and children. Great video loved it.
@@eugeneboondock4573 it's always either your mom's fault because "she didn't raise you well" if you're a man (idk your mom she is probably a lovely lady) or your fault when you're the daughter. Never is it a thought in these peoples heads that the problem might be.....the dad ? 🤔🤔
@chubasco-dnube Yes!! This almost happened to me. My ex was so nice and apparently caring when I met him. After living together the veil dropped, he was abusive and narcissistic, only cared about himself, provoked constant fights (moody and blame-shifting, harshly criticizing me and everyone), and was extremely manipulative. I could not count on him for any kind of support. Thankfully I got away, and without children for him to emotionally and mentally damage.
Sometimes it IS the woman's fault though, because she knew he was a deadbeat and still had a child with him. My sister got married to a guy ONLY because she was pregnant. Lo and behold they got divorced four years later and now she's with a man who actually cares for her and her children. Women need to be smarter about men. It doesn't matter if you think no one else will love you, it doesn't matter if you'll end up a single mother, what matters is you get out of that shitty abusive relationship. Lots of single mothers out there do just fine and eventually find someone who really loves them instead of staying with a deadbeat. Maybe it's because I'm neurodivergent, but I wish other women would fucking stop thinking with their pussy and emotions instead of their reasoning.
Frueds explanation of girls missing their "disco stick" is so utterly hilarious when you learn we all start off as female in the womb before biology decides if it'll make you a male instead
It's not true that we start as a "female" this is wrong notion that was popularized by some woke science magazines but if you look at the specialized literature they call it a "neutral" state, the embryo in this is stage is neither male or female. Also, the freudian notion of penis envy don't have anything to do with how an embryo is formed IoI
I just want to point out how exclusively American the “daddy issues” thing seems to be. Runaway/absent fathers are not a common theme in movies/music/books in all of Western culture, and particularly where I live, it's not a common thing to talk about... Let alone make fun of. When I first found out what the term meant and how it was meant to humiliate THE DAUGHTER, I was super shocked. Y'all are weird sometimes lol
Liking ketchup on your eggs is weird. Blaming the daughter for the fathers absence is just sick and is perpetuating the abuse… it’s like some sick joke everyone is in on to make the already traumatized daughter’s life a living hell.
Where are you from? Just because it doesn't happen where you live it doesn't mean it's a exclusively American thing, i think it's also a thing in Brazil but with some differences because of the culture
That's what I fkdn so annoying with American Leftist discourse: like please you're talking about America and America alone, it's a specific situation but you're trying to make some sort of universal out of it.
@@lesteryaytrippy7282 she's a genius. when Electra Heart was released I was really young and I couldn't understand the meaning of the lyrics. But now that I'm older I understand them and I enjoy all of her music. she deserves more
lol, I love how society points at the woman saying "daddy issues" but never mention the guy who left in the first place. why shame the woman? shame the guy :/ misogyny
The men who do that are selfish. They don't care about what's right or wrong, they just unleash their anger and frustration because those women with "daddy issues" usually seek the "Chad" type that gives off daddy vibes and thus, never give a fuck about those men who keep whining or screaming that lame sentence. By doing so, they are not calling out the girl because of a behaviour they deem as bad or unworthy, it's more like: "Fuck you for not liking guys like me, you're hurting my feelings and so will I."
Because it’s usually a toxic behavior that the woman is acting out because they haven’t healed. It is the fathers fault for failing to be a father, but that doesn’t excuse someone’s behavior as a result of their pain. You must make a conscious effort to heal
@@dividedbyzero11 stfu you shouldn’t be talking. women aren’t being “toxic” for saying how their dads left them. it can take a while to get over something. you’re the one without any bitches smh
So the children get the blame for the emotional issues caused by the Father's negligence, but the Father gets all the praise and glory for the bare minimum of care that he puts for them. The Mother gets all the blame for any emotional issues she causes to her children, but not even 1% of the appreciation for basically sacrificing her life for her children. And yet, since Mothers are favored during custody battles, that sole fact means Fathers are treated like "second-class" parents, and any problems suffered by the Mother are automatically invalid forever. Make it make sense.
Yes! Make it make sense! Mothers don’t get blamed for their child’s issues, the child gets the blame or the father. The entire term “daddy issues” blames the father.
@@lethalslaughterband5498 this whole statement is patently false. Mothers get a significant amount of the blame for trauma that should be blamed on the father. If a father abandons his child, that should be on him because in the vast majority of cases, he made that choice. Instead the blame is deflected towards the mothers who “should’ve chosen better” and “don’t know how to raise boys”. Meanwhile the father gets to act like the victim and say things like 1. He never wanted to be a father so why should he have to be a father because the mother chose to keep the child that they created together. Because obviously he shouldn’t have to face the consequences of his actions. 2. The mom is the one who’s keeping him from seeing his kids and the court system is against men. 🙄 Excuses. My advice to those men is to clean up your life to show the courts that your child would be safe with you, document every interaction and show proof of the mother withholding the child and and get a lawyer… of course that is if your kid matters enough to make the effort instead of complaining on social media. And 3. I was young and I was trying to get my life together… meanwhile the mother who was most likely just as young has to suck it up and deal with being a single parent while he gets to pop up randomly for pictures to pretend he’s an active father. The term “Daddy issues” blames the father because the father is to blame. Just like there’s a term that blames mothers for trauma called “mommy issues”.
@@jayl0v3ly yea I know that daddy issues blames the father why wouldn’t it. Also shitty mothers do keep fathers away from their children, One time a father was kept away even though the mother abused the children. I know a guy who is currently trying to get custody, one of his children had gotten sick and the mother didn’t take them to the doctor, had them sleeping on the floor, and did drugs around them. Fathers do clean up their lives but because of bias it doesn’t work. Also you seem a bit like a hypocritical person so, I have a question, what if the shoe was on the other foot? Would you feel sympathy? Also who doesn’t blame the father when he leaves? I have never seen it and I doubt you have either. Also your points are total bullshit, we have proof that women have an easiest time in court, we also have all of the “believe all women” shit. Most fathers don’t want to be fathers, the mothers have a choice in whether or not they become a mother. Fathers have to pay a lot of money for child support, formula discounts also favour women.
Has it always been used as an insult? I've seen people use it in a non insult way I think. I don't want to use it if it has demeaning connotations in itself
A big realization I had, that might help others, is this: my dad would be a cool uncle. He's always showing off to the younglings. He's charismatic when people are around. He'd be cool to hang out with a few times a year. But he stopped being more than that a long time ago. I became the mini-parent. I outgrew him in emotional intelligence. He was ever-present, but so far away.
This is me. Raised by my step-dad, so he is my father figure. Bio dad was always in my life, but I have always described him as more of a cool uncle. I love having 2 dads. One created me and the other raised me. I look just like my dad but my God he is such a child!
Feud had a lot of patients share stories of abuse from paternal figures. His solution to the ethic issue of having heard of these women was to decide that he is not going to help them but create the concept of the complex in question and simply present it as something all kids go through and that the girls and women who share that they have been abused as liars and stuck in that juvenile period. Knowing who and what Freud is and who he chose to protect needs to be called out and looked at with clear eyes instead of misattributing his official opinions as personal fetish/weird shit which basically let's him off the hook.
I think it was more political than that. He was working with wealthy, powerful families, and got into a lot of trouble for exposing that the mental health issues these woman had were mostly the result of abuse oppression, and trauma... He caved and made it a general thing rather than go against the families. The main contribution Frued offered to mental health was promoting the idea of listening to people, rather than isolating and torturing them. I think it's important to put Frued in the context of what else was being done in his period.
@@laurie8857 Its possible. But nothing is for sure. Some say he changed his mind cause he came to suspect his own father and couldnt handle it. When you deal with repressed memories its very difficoult to find proof of anything and the patients themselves were not sure thats what happened to them. Some people took advantage of that to say like "see! Freud said it could be just a fantasy" but like... I doubt thats what Freud meant. There is a difference between "not everyone who suffers from that condition has been abused" and "no one has ever been abused". 🤔
@@liscer6812 is it "just a theory and a 'controvertial' [sic] one?" From The British Psychological Society: Freud had actually started off as a supporter of the oppressed, initially working on the effects of trauma and bringing to light the sexual abuse that went on in families. He believed that sexual abuse in childhood was responsible for many of his patients’ neuroses and other mental health problems, and Freud was the first psychiatrist to believe his patients were telling the truth. His early papers in the 1890s embraced the mechanism of dissociation, and he gave a speech called ‘The Etiology of Hysteria’, in April of 1896. Freud strongly believed his ‘Seduction theory’, and wrote in letters to close friends about the autopsies where he’d seen something ‘of which medical science preferred to take no notice’ - bodies of children that had been raped and murdered. Unfortunately, his colleagues maintained that a child’s report of sexual abuse was a symptom of pseudologica phantastica - a pathological fiction or fantasy. They were appalled at Freud’s ideas, and choosing to save his career and reputation, Freud chose to follow suit in dismissing the victims’ claims. This was what prompted him to introduce the ‘Oedipus complex’ and penis envy as an explanation for patients ‘fantasising’ their rape. There are several theories as to why Freud abandoned his initial claims, ranging from denial of his own personal experiences, attempts to salvage his career after the speech in 1896 or the knowledge that in a society where so many influential people were abusers, his claims would go unheard. His decision was later called a ‘failure of courage rather than a clinical or theoretical insight’ by psychoanalyst Jeffrey M. Masson. thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-31/june-2018/freud-and-penis-envy-failure-courage
As a gay male, I have an adoptive father but a biological mother. My biological father was a terrible person who was a substance abuser and my mom took me out of that situation before I was 2. And then when some people find that out they like to mention it to invalidate any opinions on men I have. Some people need to reevaluate themselves.
My mom took me and my then baby sibling out when I was three. I only got a true father figure when I was 12. I recently went no contact with my paternal grandmother because she got jealous that my step father and mom's family, who raised me, were higher on my priority list than she was because her son couldn't be bothered to even pay child support for either of his kids.
@@persephon3639 well I am a man and I don’t do this and no one I know does this so who is more likely to be more knowledgeable on this kind of thing a woman or man?
@@blacksheep6415 There’s 8 billion+ people on this planet just because you or someone you know doesn’t act that way doesn’t mean it isn’t common. I know many individuals who’ve acted like this. As well as mutual that also can relate to my experiences. And a women would be less ignorant on this subject because they’re the ones facing the short end of the stick.
This kinda of annoys me because it treats fathers as a secondary parent to mothers. It's not just when a male parent leaves. Its not specific to fathers, they're not special. It's just that fathers leave more often. I have the greatest father in the world, he's caring and loving and kind. But my mother left. It was just as scarring, just as damaging for me. I made the same bad decisions based on my trauma many young women make that they blame on 'daddy issues'. It's not that your father left. It's that you lost a parent.
Thats like saying that "if a certain type of person has a better chance of contracting some illness, why should we protect them more?" The issue is with the male stigma, thats why there's more male abusers, more males who leave, and more male assailants.
(This comment is going to be very hetero-normative. I am speaking as someone who’s father abandoned them and ran away to start a new family. I’m aware that any parent of any gender identity can do this to a child. It’s not fair for anyone to assume that only a father could potentially give you abandonment trauma.) Fathers in general are treated as secondary parents, regardless of their relationship with the child. To begin with, there’s either no paternity leave or they have significantly less time. Father’s also need a few weeks (or months, if the leave lasts for that long) to bond with the new baby. We’re often told that women have a “natural nurturing instinct” 100% of the time and that’s obviously not true. Some women, unfortunately like your mom, want nothing to do with their children and just want to move on with their lives. Sometimes men are natural nurtures, but nobody wants to believe or see this. Women have the pressure of being the most “important person in the child’s life”, while father’s are just … pushed to the side. Women are also held responsible for pretty much everything the child goes through, while men, again, are a second thought. Why are we as a culture still pretending like men can’t play an important role in a child’s life? Nobody really expects men to feel connected and put in an effort with their loved ones and it’s not fair to either parent. There are some wonderfully empathetic, kind fathers who go out of their way to support and nurture their loved ones. They’re unfortunately just discouraged to do so.
It's not even that you lost a parent, it's that you didn't have a certain type of support that you needed. You can have both parents be there and trying and still end up with "daddy issues" because they just suck at parenting and are a little neglectful. I've definitely been labelled with daddy issues in the past and my dad was always there. He's not perfect, but my mother is worse than him. SHE'S the one who was always at work or sleeping, and the one who berated me and told me I was the reason that no one likes me, not my dad. His biggest problem was LETTING my mother do those things. If he'd stepped in to tell her she was being cruel, I'd be far less fucked up, but it's still her fault overall.
I'm not sure you understand, I agree that NOW, and even more so in the future, it will more come down to simply losing a parent, but in the time a lot of us grew up, the gender roles were more strict, its only slowly getting better. so not having a figure to provide what society wouldn't allow mothers to do. I lost both parents, despite them being alive. Even so, the effects I never got from my father, were more damaging then the effects I lacked from my mother. The both hurt, sometimes one more than the other, but if I look past how I feel, and society's standards, the discourse with my father fucked me up more so than my mothers discourse. Im not saying what youve gone through is less valid, an abuse mother is dreadful, I know. But as someone whos been abused by both parents, whos gone through different house holds and seen it so many times, the effect a father has on his child, brings more damage in the long run.
No. I'm sorry for what you faced with your mother, but it's called Daddy Issues because these are wounds specifically caused by the absence of Fathers, most often felt by their daughters who grow up without proper male role models and who get the blame for their Father's absence. Parent issues would be when you have two (or more) Fathers and one of them leaves, or two (or more) Mothers and one of them leaves, or if we truly did live in an egalitarian society with plenty of caring parents of all genders. Further, society does not treat men as secondary parents because they don't value men; most men (not all) didn't put much effort to raising kids and left it to the women to struggle, barring her from living an independent life. This paved the way for society to assume that men are secondary parents, as a consequence of their own misogynistic actions, rather than because women are "naturally" better. I'm a woman. I don't have an ounce of motherly instinct in me and dislike kids very much. Yet I will always be kind and caring towards a kid if need be because NO kid should suffer because of an adult and kindness is free, damn it.
to grieve a parent that's still here, to have a hole in yourself that festers when you see people with a good relationship with their dad, that shit personally crawled into my chest and is now breathing inside my ribcage
Especially if women were able to achieve a pretty decent lover who genuinely loves them, all because of the way their fathers had love and respect for themselves and their daughters. Not jealous of the romance itself, but being able to connect with someone without the excess pain and trauma to influence their decisions.
@@VivienneVixxen28 People say this a lot, but...I have had zero issues with love and intimacy and my father left when I was 8 months old. If you base your idea of love on your parents only I think you're doing yourself an injustice; there are so many great examples of love and not all of them are heteronormative.
@@beththedarkmage3359 You're undermining how a father's relationship can affect a daughter and "heteronormativity" is not a even the problem in this scenario. While its sad that your father left you at 8 months old, people process their trauma or problems differently. There are people who actively are facing abusive from their father and have been subjected to that abuse all their lives, the way that fucks with our brain is not just us "doing ourselves an injustice" and us being "heteronormative" and rightfully affects our ability to love and have intimacy with anyone. I feel physical disgust and repulsion when a man tries to touch me because of the sexual and physical abuse from my father and its all involuntary, am i doing an injustice to myself for that?
As lame as the last quote may have sounded, "I don't have daddy issues, my daddy has issues" actually captures it perfectly. For too long the victims of poor parenting have been blamed and mocked ('fatherless behaviour' etc) when really, it's the parent/s who caused the issues who need to be held accountable.
yea something kind of similar to that happened to me. i was in the car with my father for the first time in at least a year and this dude had the NERVE to play daddy issues by the neighbourhood. the neighbourhood has been one of my favorite bands for years now and that specific song is one of my most played songs of all time on spotify. i literally cannot listen to it now. its been ruined, and its just another reason added to the very long list of why i hate the guy so much lmfao
@@melanyl424no, we don't let them do ENOUGH. I am who I am today in large part because my highschool English teacher was a passionate, fiercely intelligent woman who challenged her students to THINK about the materials and language we learned about. Thank you Ms. Eiseley, you were an amazing teacher.
Ive had a couple experiences with men who have 'daddy issues' and aggressiveness is definitely the one that manifests the most but then it's closely followed by this self-pitying repentance. I feel like women with 'daddy issues' are more likely to be destructive to themselves (getting into relationships with violent men, unsafe sex etc) whereas men are more outwardly destructive. Not saying this is universal but just what I've seen.
Yeah, sadly as it's expected from men to have violent behavior and a lack of emotional intelligence. So when there's neglect, abuse and trauma inflicted by father's towards their sons the symptoms are mostly overlooked by society standards, and even underestimate by the victims as something they have to deal with by themselves. It obvious makes it harder for them to heal and break the cicles. I've met a ton of men with these problems and it's really sad to look how this just goes on and on, the victims quickly become the victimizers and it never ends.
although it can be beneficial for a better understanding to notice patterns, it can be pretty harmful. i know quite a few people that have father problems, including myself, and it hasn't translated to aggression (towards women or otherwise), and i think a part of that is that individuals who didn't have a father were raised by their mothers, there are plenty of guys with father issues that grow a resentment in the form of a generalized view towards men. it can affect people a lot of ways but wearing it down to aggressiveness towards the opposite sex is kinda hurtful, as i'm sitting here with VERY different problems than people are saying men come out of fatherlessness with, so it's kind of creating a generalization about fatherless men, which is the SAME case with fatherless women, a few extreme examples representing the whole, and it's the reason that there are as many guys saying these things as there are. societally we cannot progress unless everyone can notice the faults in their words and beliefs, even if those words or beliefs make life easier to endure. parental problems can create many bad results, and hyper-focusing on only a few destroys the point of coming to an understanding of it. the answer is never going to be as easy as " men do blank, while women do blank". i see people using the point of aggressiveness for when the father is both present AND absent, which just makes it sound like your making aggressiveness a male* problem. collectively we all need to listen to what we're actually saying, and then remove ourselves from the situation and listen to what we're actually saying another time, even from a different perspective, or with switched roles, it can really help you understand when you're applying your own bias. knowledge is power, but skewed knowledge is poison, we're never going to fix any problems if we all just keep shifting blame to each other. anyways, i hope you have a good day, don't forget not to generalize and to see each person as an individual human being, considering how different yet alike we all are
@@roscoe5427 yeah I literally said this isn't universal - just what I've seen and there's certainly many experiences that exist outside of my very limited view.
@@shayan6291 i'm glad you understand that, sadly a lot of ppl in this comment section are generalizing too much, and i doubt a lot of them can see that they are. despite it being a very real and damaging problem, grouping all men together is just as regressive as letting problems continue on. i hope you have a good day and support those with unbiased viewpoints
I was conditioned to believe that my abuser saying "sorry" and showing remorse after abuse was love. And that, as a daughter, I had a responsibility to love and respect my family no matter how poorly they may treat me. The only time my father really paid me any gentle attention was when he realized he had 'gone too far'. It was the only time he showed me any empathy. His relationship with my mother was the same. We were only lovable if we were hurting and that the fact that he showed remorse (even though he would repeat his acts) affirmed our womanhood. "If she really loves him, she can change him" Constantly trying to meet his standards in order to avoid abuse caused me insane people pleasing tendencies and extreme fear of showing imperfections. I constantly seek joy and love from others but also feel unnerved when they treat me with love and kindness. When they stay by my side to help me, not in exchange for something I can offer, but out of genuine concern for my wellbeing. I am so fortunate to have friends who can show me how it should be. I now, mostly, can show love much more honestly and healthily when I am not acting mostly out of fear of being turned against. I can find joy in moments now that I'm not scrambling for safety. I used to (and occasionally still) read web fiction with the enemies to lovers trope and I think this is largely because of the above dynamic. And too this day, I have a hard time watching romance movies because still, on some level, find myself bitterly jealous that I have never received such acts. The fiction I most relate to is about romantic abuse. The kind of affection my brain perceives as the most likely to happen and most valid, is toxic. As I grow older and meet people outside of my family, Ive started to re-learn love. Happy healing.
-The only time my father really paid me any gentle attention was when he realized he had 'gone too far'. It was the only time he showed me any empathy.- I get this I really do, hope you are doing good.
I feel for you and resonate with you deeply. We are all proud of you for putting in the hard yards to make a better life for yourself. It’s not easy but you’re not alone in this! Let’s continue borrowing strength from one another so that those that come after us won’t have to to suffer at the hands of generation trauma any longer. It ends with us ❤️🩹
What is so messed up about men so casually using daddy issues to mock women is how insignificant the abuse that a a literal child faced is to them. To have such a lack of empathy that you laugh at someone's trauma, even worse, childhood trauma goes on to show how disgusting these people are. On more than one occasion my feminist views have led men to ask me if I was abused by men in my childhood. Often times to just judge me as mentally unstable and bitter. These people would accept that men abuse children, but they won't tolerate anyone trying to bring a change to prevent it from ever happening again to any child...just makes me so angry
@So and so that's not true at all lol. I can hardly ever recall women saying that, but countless examples of men saying it. And daddy issues are referenced more often because men abandon their kids way more than women do. But go ahead and take over the conversation to turn it into, 'but but what about men??'
I don't have daddy issues but my daddy has daddy issues. He was like "Nah I'm not perpetuating this cycle. I'm going to be this kid's best friend!" and he's powerful for that
I seriously despise how people on tik tok, well MEN, make humor with girls daddy issues and say shit like "anything but a daughter". It truly sickens me how they "make fun" of absent fathers and the repercussions it has on women.
Women do that too. It's not targeted at men bc men are taught not to show emotions, so of course they bottle theirs up instead and lash out in anger instead of being an emotional mess.(both are bad of course, but anger results in violence)
@@Mazadepizza omg yes and I hate those 'this is what happens when theres no male figure in the house' comments on tiktoks where the guy is effeminate-looking
Honestly, I just feel like every child just needs an adult that can provide security, love, attention and an overall backbone. Doesn't need to be just a man or woman or both
THANK YOU! frankly it's exhausting how instead of shaming shitty fathers we as a culture have turned the sauron eye towards their daughters as if it's their fault those men can't take responsibility... i think this is definitely a topic that deserves more attention and this is a fantastic video
Misogyny is taught young and it starts with victim blaming young girls because they have the audacity to show that they were affected by the neglect of their absence father. Mixed in with a culture that has negative stigmatization towards therapy… honestly what do people expect? I am thankful that I have a wonderful stepdad who is kind to my mother and is a wonderful father to me and my siblings. He isn’t perfect person but I think he’s the perfect dad because he’s present, encouraging, and tries. Plus even at the age of 22 he still encourages me to skip school and have fun and gives me a dollar when I randomly ask 😂
@@candy-ninja not really I don't think culture has a negative stigmatization against therapy or misogyny being taught young or victim blaming young girls being much of a issue either. Honestly seems a bit like a victim complex on that part
"To lose a father that's still alive, to grieve a parent that is still here leaves a person with a deep wound, a wound that aches and festers every time you see someone with their father, especially when it seems that their relationship is better than yours was" This is exactly it for me. It's good to know other people get this, too.
In America you have a father, a mother, and one or two siblings and when things go south between the parents the children find themselves neglected. My mom was a single mother, I had never met my biological father but I don't have unresolved daddy issues, Why? Because I was raised in a clan or an extended family structure. I had many father figures from uncles, to older cousins, and my grandpa. I had never desire to meet my biological father or have resentment towards him.
This is fantastic and ideal. The clan or extended family are SO important in a child's upbringing. I've always heard it takes a whole village to take care of a baby and raise a child.
I'm hispanic, I grew up really close to my mom's family, and I can totally relate. I had my father in my life, but he was an asshole. I would constantly, since I was like 6 or 7, ask my mom to leave him, as all he did was bring us down. I didn't feel any need for a father, and it only served to frustrate me when my family claimed it was better for us to grow up with one. I'm pretty sure we would have been better without. Being lovingly raised by my mom, aunts, grandma, and having good relationships with uncles, cousins and my grandpa was all I needed, and my dad just served to fuck it all up. He pulled us away from my family, made us move far away, away from all that love, when I was about 10. Then he took advantage that I didn't have them to protect me emotionally and psychologically, so he could project all his bullshit on me, bring down my self esteem, make me angry, and then blame me for lashing out in retaliation. And my mom only left him after my sister and I were "raised", because that bs belief that "children need to grow up with their father".
SAME!!! It's so strange to me that people assume all children whose fathers left are just fumbling through life searching and praying for their male parent savior??? Like why would I miss something I never had or needed?💀
Great video! Just my two cents, growing up in a conservative, abusive South Asian household, i developed a lot of bad behaviors like being very emotionally closed off and having anger issues. To some extent reflecting the abusive stuff my parents did to me. And being a man, everyone praised me for “being tough” and “not being broken” by the abuse, not one person saw my negative traits as negative, there was no “daddy issues” label for my insecurities and anger. It made it even harder for me to understand this behavior was bad and look to fixing it, because patriarchical standard congratulated me for being an ass. I’m getting better now, but just wanted to mention my first hand account of how systemic and self reinforcing male familial abuse is. Thanks again for the food for thought and perspective. Also your sister is awesome!
I hope you're doing well! As an abuse survivor too, it sucks to have been in a situation like that. But remember, you're very strong for getting through it and I hope you have good people around you who are proud of you.
you should do a video on mommy issues in women, its the parental dynamic i see explored the least because of how the talks around parental issues are usually daddy issues in women and mommy issues in men
Yeah! I think abusive mothers get off easier just because they have the status of a nurturing mother and don't get immediatete backlash if a man was to comment on the same actions. The phrase, you should be thankful they raised you hits too hard.
@@maheenm.k1015 yeah id say so. trauma from a mom can be caused by many different types of mother daughter dynamics and the one present in lady bird is a common one
People don't talk nearly enough about the grief that comes with having a present but abusive father, and even less about the "second grief" that comes after you cut him out completely.
I feel you. My father was around all my life but he was very...difficult. He'd get mad an break things, say terrible things, cheat on my mother constantly and treat her like shit. Recently I stopped talking/seeing him after I found out he SA'd a cousin of mine. This Father's day was the first I spent alone, it was so so painful.
@@horchatatee5407 Sorry to hear this... If it can help you, father's day for me is now a self-care day. I take my day to do something I enjoy, either alone or with someone I enjoy, and I completely avoid social medias. Kinda like I'm reclaiming this time and love for myself, after everything I've been through. If you're not there yet, take your time. These things are hard to digest, hard to make sense of.
@@horchatatee5407 I really feel you, my story is similar to yours, father's day made me feel so sad and angry, I envy all those good relationships father/daughter I see in media or real life, why I had the worst paternal figure? Why I couldn't had a loving father like my friends? I'm full of envy, sadness and resentment, but I'm working on it, seeing all these comments makes me feel a little better, healing is a long process, distancing from him it's a big step 🙌🏻
I find that a lot of the men who are out here passing around daddy issues memes are the same men who are giving their own daughters daddy issues & they lack all self awareness in realizing it.
My favourite fact about Sigmund Freud is, without a doubt, that before he became an "expert" on psychology and developed the theories about Oedipus Complex and "Penis Envy", he worked in zoology. Now, what did he focus on when he worked in zoology, you may ask. Well, his mission was basically to discover where the sexual organs of eels were and how eels reproduced, because eels are cryptid motherfuckers, and nobody knew how that worked until very recently. But, and I kid you not; he dissected over four hundred (400) eels and never found out where the sexual organs of eels were nor how they procreated, so instead, he gave up and went into human psychology instead. And people wonder why he was so weird and hyperfocused on sexual things. Clearly, he was either A, always that weird, or B, developed some sort of issues under the course of his work, or C, all of the above.
No fr I always see “fatherless behavior” thrown around now whenever a woman either speaks up about injustices or does something as little as dying her hair or cutting it short. Even if someone really did grow up without a father, why tf would you blame them for that instead of the father?
7:53 Please tell your sister thank you for sharing her story that mustn't have been easy and it was so brave of her to talk about. And she must be an excellent mother and her children are blessed that she's seeking the help that her parents didn't seek for themselves.
“To lose a father that’s still alive” that hit so hard, right off the bat. As someone who grieves the loss my father because he isn’t alive, my heart breaks for you. I can’t imagine the weight of that grief. Thank you so much for this video, and for choosing to share your personal experience-it’s incredibly powerful.
I feel envious of people who have good relationships with their dads. Ofc I feel glad for them but whenever I see a dad supporting their kid or doing stuff fun, it upsets me bc I didn't get to experience it. Even my dad's brothers are better dad's by the way the kids are raised and how he actively engages with them. I'm a grown legal adult ffs and I still feel like a lost kid and I feel like these traits are slowly crawling into my relationships...
Every time I reflect on a bad trait of mine, it's come from one or both of my parents. I don't have a good relationship with either, nor do my siblings. It's kinda fucked bc it makes it hard to have a relationship with my siblings as well, when really we should be leaning on each other for support, having all experienced the same parents.
The feeling of being jealous of others who have good parents and feeling like a lost kid is so relatable. I wasn't raised by my parents and I get so irrationally pissed or sad when I see happy kids with their parents in public. I wish I could be better
It's weird to bring this up, but I'm envious of the good relationship my boyfriend has with his mom because my mom left me when I was a small child. It's led me to really seek his mother's approval and love, which I'm not sure is entirely healthy.
I’ve never heard anyone talk about grieving a parent who’s still there, more so a father. And my resulting fear and paranoia over men. Thank you, thank you for being the only person who I’ve personally heard talk about that. If anyone has any resources for coping with a father who’s ab*sive, distant, and just not really there. I just need something to help me, i’m deeply paranoid because he’s watching me. Anyways, thank you for giving me time to read this.
Briefly exiting the manosphere for a palette cleanser; did not expect to be confronted with the established issue of absent fathers in the Black community 😮💨 lemme grab mi tea
@@theonewhosthere Yeah, my mom is my 1st love and soulmate. I think people expect fathers to be the 1st love of daughters because it fits into that weird social gender expectation. It's creepy and sick tbh
I remember reading about a psychological trait humans have: whoever we grow up with, we see as family. Thus, we subconsciously cross them out as potential mates. We’re supposed to seek out ppl outside of our shared blood/gene pool. Basically, anyone who is not related to us and we *don’t see as family in any type of way (adopted, step-relatives, cousins, etc.), we subconsciously recognize as a potential partner. So yeah, Freud needed help… Edit: *
Yes and No. I was strange for a year but i passed it and went through. Even after a Death of such a Person... it is okay to grief .. for yourself, the situation(s) and so on. Giving permission to yourself to grief is okay cause we are not heartless like our biological or Step Fathers.
That's what I experienced after my Dad's death. You're completely right. I'll add from personal experience that what I'm still grieving is the loss of what could have been, the "what ifs." What if he hadn't withheld appropriate expressions of love towards me? What if he behaved in an emotionally healthy way towards me? I grieve that more than my actual father's passing.
It’s nearly impossible to completely avoid trauma throughout your childhood. As human beings, our childhoods are so much more mailable than other animals since we don’t just rely on instincts. We have much stronger, long-lasting emotions and memories. Although every person is likely to experience SOME sort of trauma, it’s crazy how, even after so many generations, we’ve only just recently been able to find people like this on the internet! We absolutely need more people talking about the misconception of drama and trauma, especially in women
I agree we have some bad memories in our lives that is human. However if you get robbed your childhood, then as an adult you get coŕrupted even more...
I haven’t watched the video yet but this type of topic already reminds me of when people on tiktok comment “fatherless behavior” when a woman is doing anything. It used to mean when someone was just being an asshole. 💀
Trigger Warning I was in what I understand now to have been an abusive relationship, and one of the things that still causes me a lot of distress is the fact that in response to me telling him I suffered trauma from my biological father, he started to request I call him daddy and initiated me into a highly s***ulized father/daughter-like bdsm dynamic. I became almost completely emotionally and psychologically dependant on him as he would tell me one day he would always be there to take care of me and I could trust him to telling me I wasn't worth talking to or visiting because he didn't get paid to do it. It was like being abused and abandoned all over again in a lot of ways. I ended up agreeing to more and more things I didn't want just to try to prevent that from happening, but in the end, I couldn't keep taking it, begged him to change, and he blamed me for not being appreciative enough In the end, I think there's a massive problem with guys taking full advantage of vulnerable women and girls, and the fact that it's become a lighthearted meme and aesthetic also kept me, maybe others from fully realizing what was happening. Please stay safe everyone, and don't let anyone try to convince you of acts that make you uncomfortable, because that's the surest sign they simply do not care about you no matter what they say.
I hope you're okay and safe and that you have good people around you and a healthy support system! You are so strong to be able to get through a situation such as that
this really breaks my heart man im so sorry. ive been abused too and i can get pretty annoyed with all the "sympathy" responses i get sometimes but. bro. i hope you are in a better place now.
I get told I have daddy issues a lot. My only response Is usually "yeah well that happens when you're m0lested for 10 years". And it's like I'm 16. This shit is still very recent to me even though I've been out of that situation for 6 years. It was not my fault. I did not have control over what happened to me or the problems I developed because of it. The PTSD, trauma response "kinks", the dissociative disorder. None of that was my fault. So blaming someone who was literally a baby for something that happened to them is sick and that's what making fun of daddy issues does. It puts the blame onto the person with the issues. I am not damaged for what happened to me. I am not to blame for what happened to me. Neither is my mother since I never told her what he was doing. Instead of blaming hurt daughters people need to start blaming the horrible parents. Instead of joking that a girl likes it rough cause she was abused, people NEED to helping them. The only reason I was able to heal from that shit was having a good relationship with my step, soon to be adoptive, dad, and my boyfriend helping me through the memories. Not everyone gets that chance or support because of how society victim blames and that NEEDS to change. Thank you for reading that. This was mostly to help me since I'm still accepting the fact that it wasnt my fault. I hope yall can heal from any of yalls issues or problems caused by shitty dads. I care for yall ♡♡
I want to share a little anecdote that shows you just how common "daddy" issues are. Last year, I was at a birthday party. Me and 8 other girls and we were playing a drinking game. Without getting into the nitty gritty of the rules, basically at one point someone asked "Who here thinks they have daddy issues" and all nine of us raised our hands, 0 hesitation. Each with their own, seperate but valid reason.
I would never have thought those three things to be related Something I’ve never understood about daddy issues is how the children who the victims of bad parenting are those who stigmatized, not the actual TERRIBLE FATHERS
@@redrumnoir7552 meanwhile the absentee father isn’t getting anything more than lip service. I THINK daddy issues should refer to irresponsible and incompetent fathers
There's such a lack of empathy in our society for people who have problems caused by others. I never had a present father. But he's not a good man. He was abusive to my mother and was selfish. I've never met him and don't plan to. Media gives the idea of a "complete" family with a mother, fathers, and X amount of children. Families in media are always loving and emphatic. And I think I've always yearned for that without really knowing.
as a kid of a single mother thank you for this!!! i'm sick of being told or treated as less because of the action of my father-- i have nothing to do with that 🤷♀️
I always felt weird how this traditions works. And a Man should marry a Woman who is gonna cook for him, clean for him like a mother. Woman should marry a Man who can protect her, and provide money to the house like a father. If your relationship is like that, I don't have any problem, my problem is why we think that is "goal"
Because its a good goal to strive for? You usually want one person to be working and one person to be at home doing chores and taking care of the kid if both are working then no one will be able to take care of the kid which isn't good no one working you have no money?
@@killertigergaming6762 you missed the point that those aren't the only traits that are needed to make a lasting relationship or raise kids. You can be a good provider but shitty and abusive person.
I met my father at his funeral. I only got the news of his death earlier that morning and I traveled to catch his burial. It was all around a very bizarre experience. I think I did it out of morbid curiosity but getting hugged by his family as if they knew me still bothers me. After that I went to see John Wick 2 at a theater.
Your sister is so articulate. Besides having the strength to rise above what she went through, she perfectly captured the emotional impact of daddy issues.
The way Shaneka tells her story is powerful, and really emotional and relevant. I definitely relate to having an abusive father and just how disappointing and heartbreaking it is. It truly puts your guard up and makes it difficult to find love in your life from men if you've experienced fatherly abuse. I don't think men always realize just how much privilege and power they hold for making people (especially young children and women) scared of them.
It’s so sad, fathers being emotionally unavailable during their children’s childhood is “normal”. I didn’t realize how common it is until I discovered TikTok.
I remember one time when I was around 16-17 on a writers facebook group and was talking with this guy that I believe was on his 40s-30s then. He was showing me all his works, short stories, poems and things he made while bragging about how much people liked all of it. I think the implication was that I should be a fan of him in order to learn to be a good writer, or the guy was generally fishing for me to tell him he was a genius in the making or something, but I actually read his stuff and didn't liked any of it so I told him so. Then this guy proceded to hypothetize that my parents must have been divorced or something, because that was the only explanation he could come out with as to why I was a "rebel without a cause", like this dude couldn't accept that this random ass teen on facebook couldn't like his stuff purely because it wasn't my taste or maybe he wasn't that good in the first place so it had to be me on a rebel phase because of my parents's imagined divorce. Suffice to say, I blocked that guy and I had a good laugh telling friends about it later, but this video made me remember it and think about how many times women/afab people had perfectly understandable reactions to men's attitudes and had it excused it away as "surely your parents did something wrong with you for you to turn out like that and thus I don't have to be responsible for being a piece of shit because you were already fucked in the head by them."
I think we met the same guy but I fell for it and didn't block him 😬 that or the older "writer" preying on young writers online is an unfortunately common thing.
I feel like the whole term of “daddy issues” is a problem in an of itself…….. it’s not always “daddy issues” that cause these behaviors in children or people and I feel we shouldn’t be calling it that. The term daddy issues carry’s a negative misogynistic connotation. It’s not “daddy issues” it’s literal trauma, abuse, neglect - physically, emotionally, and mentally.. Children can wind up having these behaviors with or without a father.. and it’s not something there for others to make into a joke or memes.. the sexualization of these so called “daddy issues” is just absolutely gross… also all of this very much pertains to an effects men just as much as women it’s just shaped differently and manifests differently in men but it definitely still effects them even if they say it didn’t or doesn’t - physiologically it does trust me. And it’s natural for things like this to bother us, it doesn’t make you bad, gross, or weird for having a total natural response to literal trauma/neglect.
Personally, I’ve only seen daddy issues be referred to when a father abandons his family and almost never when the father is present but exhibits abusive and overall toxic behavior wither it be physical or emotional/mental/psychological abuse, for so long I knew I had daddy issues but I was too afraid to admit it because I felt like I would be lectured/attacked just because my father was in my life, because my daddy issues aren’t the most common version of daddy issues, I still struggle with it
Dealing with the same thing over here. And it’s especially bad bc I’m from a black American family and the “the black community has too many single mom households” stigma/stereotype had my extended family and other people I grew up around so into the fact that mine was a two parent household that the possibility of my dad being trash was something that basically didn’t even exist. Anyhow, I came to this video looking to see if anyone would talk about my type of daddy issues (lol seeking validation) and you just nailed it on the head. Thanks for speaking up, and I hope all is going great in your life right now. Good luck!
I live in Spain and having Daddy issues is not only related to a dad abandoning his family but also to mistreatment or absence in a more affectionate way. So don't worry, you don't need to loose someone, your feelings are also valid
"I don't have Daddy Issues, my Daddy has issues" is a great thing to say! I think shifting the blame onto the parent that caused the issues is the perfect way to respond.
Agreed! I tend use daddy’s issues, and it works.
So she inherited the issues?
I understand exactly what she’s saying. The consequences that we as a family had to deal with due to my father’s issues with were caused SOLELY because of his actions. Failure of the parent IS the parent’s fault; it‘s sad that EVERYONE suffers because of ONE bad apple. The definition of “daddy issues” alone identifies the negative traits enacted by the father onto others.
I appreciate the empowerment of the experience and the twist of perspective on the trauma with the statement. “Daddy Issues” are a thing because of a daddy with issues - and ALL us who suffered “daddy issues” wish these daddies would STOP HURTING, ABANDONING, DEFLECTING, ETC. & GET IT TOGETHER. ‼️
#SINCERELY
I agree.
@@charvonay you said this perfectly, amen.
It is so disgusting that people BLAME the girl child for having "daddy issues". But, not the father who physically or mental or sometimes sexually abusive.
EXACTLY!!! 👏👏👏
It’s insane.
Exactly, and the fact that being fatherless is used as an insult toward the girls/ women not toward the person who actually is NEGLECTING his own family. And people never insult boys/ men for being fatherless...
It's usually the mother that is to blame for keeping the father away from the child. In the sisters story, the didn't blame the one responsible for keeping the sister away from her father and gave the step-father access to the child, that being the mother.
ruclips.net/user/shortsatPCwwI3WPY?feature=share
@@LoXena because that would be rasist.
I hate that the label “daddy issues” is always a word that’s meant to shame the child for having problematic fathers. When it’s the fathers who are meant to be shamed for not being a good parent. No child asks to be born and they certainly didn’t ask for a father that never cared.
YES!! Thank you. I always want to ask people who use that as an insult: “why shame the woman? Why not shame the man who made her suffer?” I don’t get why it’s an insult, it doesn’t even make sense as an insult, in my opinion.
@@silent-hills it's an insult because some men will take any opportunity to make fun of and drag down women to keep them vulnerable.
Why are you trying to shame a man who might not have even wanted the daughter/s?
@@christopherbrown5409 what about the women who didn’t want daughter/s either, but are forced to because the father left?
@@kai-yuh1531 women can't be forced into keeping pregnancies or raising children in America (barring egregious situations like kidnapping). Why did you pretend to have a point?
My father was abusive, and if ever I tell someone this they say I must have “major daddy issues” then I hit them with the “my dad tried to murder my entire family and my mom killed him.”
❤❤
Damn I'm so sorry you went through that. Proud of you and your mom for taking back the power
W mother
So... you have daddy issues? You're kind of just proving their point.
@@PhilosophiceRetardari no I don’t I have mommy issues
My husband who is an excellent parent. Often tells me he finds the “compliments” he receives when he has our children out alone so annoying and borderline insulting and at times racist. People are so surprised to see him parent that they can’t help but pat him on the back for it. And the fact that he is a black dad blows them even further away. This made me think of that. I am never complemented or praised for having my kids at the market why should he be? Let’s normalize men and especially black men as active participants in child rearing.
Black men as a COLLECTIVE need to do that work for themselves boo🤷🏽♀️
We have come to a point where bare minimum deserve a compliment.
YESS
This comment reminds me of the Katherine Ryan bit on single dads... "Incredible dad learns to braid his own child’s hair! How does he do it?"
I'm a trans guy and the single parent of two, and I've seen the difference in how people act towards me online. When I still went by a feminine name I was slut shamed and victim blamed, and a horrible parent who shouldn't have pushed the fathers of my children away. Now that I go by a masculine name I get complimented and told I'm an awesome king for just being a parent to my kids. The sexism is so obvious...
When Shaneka said "every girl's first love is their father" I just felt something click. My father is incredibly emotionally intelligent and present in my life and his father was the same for his family. I think more men should self reflect the same way women are expected to before having a child to ensure they don't instill trauma in their future child
SING IT 😫
Me as a girl whose first love is their mother....
you are so right. shitty fathers are so commonplace that we all just accept it as a fact of life.
@@thatgurlnamedria I think its great either way!!! I think as humans we automatically view our parents as the main example of what love is supposed to be ( as she said in the video) so you'll probably look for qualities your mother instilled in you in your future partner!
Exactly. I am lucky to have a fantastic father. My 'Daddy Issue' is with men who don't measure up.
ngl i never understood why WE are ridiculed because absent (and sometimes abusive) fathers traumatised us and warped our sense of security and love. like... i didnt ask to be this way??? why am i being blamed for it lmaoo
Yes! I remember a comment on a girls video where she was doing something deemed ""cringe"" (she was just singing and yk tiktok videos) and istg it said "fatherless behaviour" si I asked them why that is. They straight up said "she had no dad to beat her straight" 💀
•DO YOU WANT TO QUIT EARTH?•
✔YES ✔F*CK YES
Honestly I don’t like yall much so 🤷
And the sexualizing part of it when they say weird shit like,”I just know they’re good in bed”...like🤨huh run that back
Whenever people say stuff like that I say "when women have daddy issues they become sad when men have mommy issues they become serial killers" So who are actually the more fragile ones here lmao
Male logic
As a man with no father, it also pisses me off how people can label you as damaged because you didn't have a father figure or something, like a father is tantamount to growing up healthy. Which to me is just baseless. I have a better relationship with my mom than most of my peers have with either of their parents. Truth of the matter is, its parenting that makes a healthy kid, not filling some arbitrary boxes, and in a lot of ways people don't want to accept that because they don't want to admit that they failed as parents. I find it far easier to find examples of when a father being present did damage to a kid than a father not being around did. Its just bs, pure and simple
I mean having both parents (as long as they're both good and loving ofc) is always the more desired/better option but myself and many other people have grown just fine with only one so 🤷
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME IVE HEARD THIS AND IT IS VERY VERY TRUE
My dad mistreating my mom made me feel horrible and once we moved out, it felt nice to know my mom was finally not going to be abused by him. He was a bad father and being without him made me so much better than when i was living with him.
Bad parents are bad parents, however many you have!
Like I have a father, and he wasn’t healthy at all. Abusive mentally and yet people still give my mom shit? Like imo she single handedly raised me while my father just gave me emotional trauma.
yes i can vouch on that, my present mom did more damage to me than my “absent” dad
daddy issues in men is more common than ppl think and I see it manifest as low self esteem, aggressiveness, discomfort with affection and emotion...but society is not ready for that conversation
Yep. My father was terrible to all four of his children and himself grew up with a terrible father. He despises him still to this day, after his death. Since I was the one my father abandoned when I was a child, as my brothers are a lot older than I am, I am generally perceived as the person who should have daddy issues in my family, but the three of them continue to this day to deal with *theirs*. If I told them that, they would probably call me a large array of misogynistic insults though. I have fear of abandon - they have whatever is making them antisocial and out-of-touch with their emotions. Not that I love what I have going on but I still think I'm handling myself better in the end.
@@jadziajan yeah both situations are tough but I'd much rather have an absent parent than an actively abusive one :/
Hey don't call me out like that...
@@alexrose20 that's kind of what I'm saying. He wasn't there for me so I'm not the one with the issues. My brothers, who had to deal with him, are.
Yeah my...very mentally unwell bully who went on to murder someone as an adult blamed his mother for his dad's absence because that was the norm. This manifested into blatant generalised sexism where he would attack me just for being a tomboy and regularly tried to get all the boys and girls to fight.
Meanwhile I also had an absent father but it was never really that much of an issue for me, just pretty sad. I have an incredibly loving family and lived with my grandmother up until her death last year, so she also raised me, much like a parent but with understandably less authority.
The bare minimum of fatherhood is being physically and emotionally available and nurturing. Not just staying or making money, nurturing. A parent’s job is to nurture, not just provide.
Agree
This.
True, emotional neglect leaves deep scars. It’s a generational cycle as well. I never understood why I was so perfectionistic and had such low self esteem until I realised the effect of not receiving praise, acknowledgement, or affection from my father. I know he is also a victim of this generational curse, but it’s still hard not to resent him
Nurturing is the perfect word, you just nailed it completely!
It's a really misunderstood topic and even I dare to say somewhat taboo.
Because if you look for statistics the father abandonment towards children it's not a small figure, it obviously depends of the country but it's such a big number around the world that probably at least one of your group of close friends had an abusive/neglectful/absent father.
The worst part is that as a society we usually blame mothers for their abusive/neglectful/absent husband's and the impact he has on the children, we also blame them when they move on and get together with another partner, it just never stops.
Later we blame the children to have issues because of this absent parents and constantly fall in circles of abuse perpetuated by older men (mostly girls), and outlook the pain and trauma that's also inflicted in the boys with the same situation preventing them from recognizing the problem and healing.
This healing so necessary for them that could help the break this cicles of abuse, having a better life and providing healthier parenting for their children.
THANK YOU! I’m tired of people saying “oh he’s a great father, at least he take care of his kids” to excuse a man having multiple broken homes. You can’t physically be there for your child on the daily if you have multiple broken homes. Paying for materials and providing financial aid is not being a parent it’s being a bank account.
“Fatherless behavior” is now just a way to silence any woman with an opinion. It’s exhausting
Lmao and what makes it worse is that other women use it against other women.
Yes :(
It's not really. Idk why people here think fatherlessnees is an insult towards girls only when, for example, if a black man is acting without discipline (or if any man acts in a "delinquent" manner), lack of a father figure is brought up or thought of almost immediately. Heck, daddy issues are mostly talked about with sad edgy boys or male fictional characters in mind.
As a woman, sometimes you have to acknowledge when a problem is universal & not sorta gatekeep it to your gender only. Just sayin'.
@@spaghetto9836 Wtf they weren't gatekeeping daddy issues??? They were just discussing how it is used as an excuse to demean women. They didn't say anything about how daddy issues was only for women?
@@pigeonhaha Yeah, I knew someone would respond with that viewpoint. "'Fatherless behaviour' *IS NOW JUST A WAY TO SILENCE ANY WOMAN WITH AN OPINION"* How she worded it, she is stating how this is what the term has now become, & that that is its sole meaning. If she was just talking about how it's used when used on women (in that case she could've worded it better), it's still mostly untrue. How is "You have daddy issues." a response to a woman giving a truly harmless opinion? You say that in response to someone's behaviour, not their opinion to silence them. Yes, bc everything serves to silence women.
I'm not saying this to be a troll or mean, I'm saying this bc there are a lot of comments directly implying that "Daddy Issues" is just another ploy to harm women, not what you said, in which case I wouldn't have said anything if she wrote what you wrote. It's just that folks love adding to conversations in a video but can end up taking arguments too far. Are you going to blame me for taking her words at face value?
as a fellow fatherless, I also heard my mom blamed for "choosing" a terrible man to have kids with. I'm blamed for my daddy issues, and my mom is blamed for being abandoned in a vulnerable part of her life. It's sickening.
Fr, women are often blamed for "putting up" with abusive and disrespectful behavior, when in reality, why is it okay to be a complete shit of a human being to another person? While having high self esteem is important, we shouldn't have to do this just so that we aren't disrespected and abused. And also, self esteem is overrated, some malicious people are malicious just because they can get away with it.
@@medicscout3509YoU'rE jUsT A SeNsItIvE FeMaLe
-every alpha male kid
Freud was really going through some weirdo tingles and he was like “don’t we all guys…am I right!!” But no sir please go to the therapy that you helped invent 😐
Pfff not him trying to drag us all down with him. Like who is “We” 🤨🤨🤨
HAHAHAHA
I wonder if anybody ever confronted him on this, like
Pal, I revised your book aaand we need to talk
Funny bit of trivia - Freud had a "wet nurse" as a baby, so it could just be that he Westermark Effected on her instead of his bio mom.
I saw ur comment under kennie jd lol
It took me 35 years to realize men blame the women for having issues instead of the men who cause them.
And simultaneously men will mock these women yet admit to taking advantage of these very women for their own benefit and sexual gratification , like vultures.
cis men*
Yeah like the subtle « was something » to avoid the blame.
Like I always see « This women was raped. »
Bro who raped her a ghost ?? No, this women was raped by a men.
yep that's how patriarchy works
And this is one example of why women say men are trash
Spot on 👏
When I was younger my parents got divorced but instead of telling people that I would tell everyone he died because I didn't want to be told "oH YoU hAVe daDdy IssUes" or "wHat dID yOuR mOm Do tO HiM". Single moms always get so much shit and I still think it's incredible how everything is their faults. Growing up and seeing that is disgusting. My mom was doing everything in her power to raise me and my sister on her own while my "dad" was complaining about how he didn't have enough money to pay child support after getting a new car.
I think I will start saying this. Literally dead to me.
this!!!!!!!!!! im so sick of the stigma around single mothers when it's the father's fault in the first place!!!!!!
@@creativename1590 to be fair, in some cases, it can be the single mom's fault or both can. Although the single mom hate online is still rediculous
@pepe did nothing wrong 😤😠 so I have a stupid question. I'm not part of any religion, I don't belive in any God but if it's "natural beauty" then why cover it and if men stare that's their problem. I'm not coming off as offensive, I respect whatever you belive in but I just don't get why women have to stay covered
@pepe did nothing wrong 😤😠 how did you know the original commenter gender and religion? Did u just guess or did u use magic?
I actually love it when men say "fatherless vibes", or "daddy issues", it's funny because they're trying to hurt a woman, but are saying that the reason they're acting like that is at the fault of a man 💀💀💀
i personally used fatherless as just a baseless insult to anyone who DOES have a father because of how common separated couples are where I live (I imagine it’s in the 40% range or smn)
As long you do not blame all men you do not have "Daddy issues"
@@maxirgendwas6079 that's... not how this works lol
@@maxirgendwas6079 smoking the new zaza I see.
@@maxirgendwas6079Put the pizzle down and go to rehab.
Freud was the embodiment of the thought, "No bro, it's just you 😟"
This woman I used to hang out with when she was about 70 called him “that motherfucker” because she thought he might even be the ONLY man who ever wanted to bed his mother (although sad to say I’ve known at least one since then 😬)
The mother is the only and first image of a woman you have for the first part of your life, also the female you live the most. Even if you dont wanna fuck your mom (i am genuinly concerned about that he got hard seeing his mom undress) your mother definitely had an influence on your sexual preference or behavior. Just like how they influnced other parts of your behavior/life
@@kotkafer2292 now I know that ain’t true for most of us…
@@kotkafer2292 ... We know that our mother is a prevalent figure in life, but I'm very concerned that you say is the only one; aunts, cousins, sisters, grandma, friends, teachers, actresses, singers like??
They're so much more prevalent figures on our childhoods!
@@Nat-ls1uo i meant like the VERY first part of your life, so like as an Infant you mostly have your mother. Yes also female family members but mostly her. Also some people dont have for example aunts.
“i don’t have daddy issues, my daddy has issues “
WRITE THAT SHIT ON MY TOMBSTONE💀
as a therapist, Im gonna use this line with my clients 💀💀
@@pri2x0x as a person who needs therapy pls do💀✋
@@pri2x0x pls do
@no name IMMA DO IT MYSELF
Yes. My therapist told me this. I turned out better than him.
My favorite disco stick envy theory came by a criticism from Hornay, who said the disco stick envy has nothing to do with the organ, or inherent male superiority, but young girls starting to notice the benefits men and boys around them have and how differently women are treated in the culture and society. She said this is why girls experience envy towards those privileges, or/and anger towards their gender, men or their mother. Which honestly resonated and made a lot more sense to me. Funny thing is she was basically Freuds contemporary.
Wait wait I haven’t watched the video yet but this literally how I feel I didn’t even know ty
Yeah I'm honestly getting sick of having to talk about Freud. People argue that he was actually close to the truth in a lot of cases but like... no? Freud did *not* suggest that we form attachment patterns based off of our parents he *literally* said that boys want their moms and girls want their dads and it's just not anywhere close to true or useful.
This video did a great job pointing out how his theories directly contribute to misogyny and the justification of abuse.
Now can we please stop teaching his stuff all the time and focus on writers that actually got things right.
She's the same person who coined the theory of Womb Envy to counter Freud's Penis Envy, isn't she? She must've been facepalming hard anytime she heard one of Freud's new theories.
that’s actually such an interesting theory and it makes way more sense but i can’t get over her name
@@Shiralkian yes thats her. And tbh Womb Envy makes a lot of sense to me to in terms of how society, aka men did a lot in order to gain control of womens wombs. Ive been saying for years I wish they figure out how to make an artificial one so they would finally maybe get out of ours.
It’s sad tbh, like i have “daddy issues” and people are like “Well you still have your dad.” And they don’t realize Daddy issues can come in many forms.
❗️❗️
My father refuses, doesn't care or doesn't accept the fact that he's the problem..
We call him the dark cloud because he's around, you just feel the negative energy.
Over the years there has been many repetitive arguments and conversations with him about the issues. Now everyone bites thier tongue and avoids long conversations with him. My siblings, mother & myself are all trying to heal and better ourselves now but he still will let out a burst of negatively when he pleases
@@GrenadaLoveeYou’ve just described my relationship with my father. It’s so damn exhausting!!!!!
@princessama4872 It really is.
And I realize with everyone outside of the home, sometimes us in the house, he tries to make himself seems like he's the greatest person alive.
My brother wanted to do his own custom clothing line, told my father. My pops supports it when he's bragging about it to everyone & it'll benefit him, but that's it. He brags about how much he "knows" his wife, children & my daughter, but he doesn't.
He'll brags about things my daughter does when I say she can't or doesn't do it with me. Thing is .. she doesn't do it with him either because my mother or brother would tell me. Brags about how he "cleans better" than my mother & "cooks better" 🤦🏾♀️ again .. doesn't
😂😂 Ughhhh soo much more. Lol. Sometimes I sit and think about whyyyy is he that way but I don't wanna think about it
@@GrenadaLovee I really hope your doing amazing rn
Exactlyyyyyy
Kudos to Your sister. She appeared so comfortable in front of the camera, as if she had done it 100 times before. Her section was both emotionally raw and extremely composed and I really want to commend her for being able to not just get behind the camera, but rising to level of talent you constantly bring to this channel. It also really highlights your talent in production and direction.
We loved to see her! 🥰
Her sister radiates strength- I'd love to see her more!
Absolutely. Her sister did a great job sharing her experiences growing up💯
Your sister is a rock star!
I feel so bad for Oedipus because he was rightfully disgusted yet his name was used for the complex
Well, he‘s also not…a real person. So I don‘t think his feelings are too hurt.
@@Nerdycluster lol yes I know he's just a myth; I knew about the oedipus complex before hearing the myth and then when I read the actual myth I wondered why the complex was named that if Oedipus was unaware and then disgusted when he became aware
@@SnickersFantasy yeah I mean he and his mom both committed scooter-ankle after they found out and I'm pretty sure odeopis clawed his own eyes put when he found out
You feel bad for him after he straight up murdered an old man (for all he knew) for daring to say he should be allowed to go first? He sounds like he was a mega asshole.
@@kiamaria331 I think they mean they feel bad for him because his name was used for a complex that says everyone wants to fuck thier mom,but when he found out he fucked his mom he literally plucked his own eyes out (and in the first version I heard offed himself right after?
how convenient that both 'women being submisse' and 'women being dominant' are classified as a sign of daddy issues lmao
Yeah like wtf are we suppose to do is there any other option
@@cutepencilcase3170 Seeking a precisely equal partnership I guess
Actually both can be results of daddy issues, anxiety, shyness and low self esteem? Probably more submissive. Aggression, insecurity and compensating? Probably more dominant. I get your point though, just calling women you dont like the dynamic with as having "daddy issues" is pretty misogynistic
You can’t really win with misogyny. 😂
Lol
i HATE the “fatherless/motherless” insult, but it wasn’t always that way, it wasn’t until i witnessed my one of my best friends, who has no mom, have an episode because of being the butt of many jokes. it really effects them, and blaming absent/abusive parents for actually BEING absent/abusive and not the victims of said parents needs to become normalized.
I've never heard of "Motherless behavior". It's always Fatherless behavior and almost always directed at women and queer people. It's like people think the job of the father is to beat'em straight.
L
@@arempy5836 only place I’ve ever heard motherless being used as an insult was the sopranos lol so your right I don’t think it’s something people say that often… on the flip side, I always see people calling out “fatherless activity” on social media often. I’m guilty of using it too, which is ironic given my own daddy issues 😅 won’t be using the term anymore tho.
@@darthmader057mmm6average low effort unfunny troll
Motherless insult? You sure you're not just making things up?
This also plays into the whole “overprotective father” stereotype. Where a man feels _so_ entitled to his daughter (often her body), that he controls her dating life. And then people blame the daughter for rebelling and responding to her dad’s possessiveness, as if he wasn’t at fault for borderline sexualizing his own daughter. People say “She’s a sl*t, her father has to protect (control) her.” This, of course, ignores her agency and justifies this extremely warped/manipulative parenting.
And it often exposes how these men feel about sex and intimacy (and women). Because when their daughters get boyfriends, they immediately perceive it as “he’s trying to f*ck her”. Obviously it’s healthy to be concerned for your child and who they’re influenced by, but many of these men are just projecting their own misogynistic thinking onto their daughter’s boyfriend. They don’t perceive sex or relationships as acts of love and compassion, but immediately believe it’s for exploitation because that’s how they perform romance. Their daughter’s about to be claimed and all that toxic understanding of relationships these fathers pass down to their kids.
And there are so, _so_ many films/books about mothers and women who cause their sons to become serial killers. There’s a thin line here, because parents (any parents) can screw up their child, and women do historically play greater roles in raising their kids. But it’s often a double standard because fathers are never perceived as the “cause” for their child’s bad behavior. Nor are they held emotionally accountable for their daughters like mothers are with their sons (A boy can’t process his feelings in a healthy way?? He has to torture animals to do it?? It must be the mother’s fault!!) Even though many girls cope with trauma in different ways than men, they’re often exploited and sexualized/simultaneously shamed for it. There needs to be greater accountability and expectations for fathers to contribute. They can mess up their kids and affect their emotional perception and reaction to the world just as much as mothers can. None of this “bare minimum” bs.
Spot on!!
Dads should protect their daughters from men who seem dangerous(ie men too old for her or very obvious assholes), but they should also respect her agency to date boys her own age who seem nice. If you just teach the girls how to note red flags and deal with fights, as well as safe sex, then they'll be fine.
I was okay, because my parents actually bothered to meet my bf and talk to me about the concerns they had so I would be cautious.
@@Nakia11798
That’s what I mean. A healthy concern for who you’re daughter is dating is natural and shows engaged parenting. But many men are clearly just misogynistic and possessive of their daughter’s “chastity”. The best example I can think of is Marlon Wayans comedy show “You Know What it is”, where he talks about passing on his daughter’s p*say to her bf who was going to “f*ck her” on prom night. It made me so, so uncomfortable with the aggression he was directing towards his own daughter, as well as his complete insensitivity to exposing her dating life to an audience of strangers for his own selfish sense of ownership (ew).
Passing her on to another man, doing so through sex and sexual intimacy isn’t a way to teacher her about health relationships. It’s always about ownership and narcissism with these types of fathers; how they feel as parents, removing their child’s agency and seeing them only as something to be owned and passed around through sex (that’s also super creepy but not the time to get into that).
While my dad joked about it, I’m glad he never did that to me. He taught me what healthy partnership is and didn’t interfere in my dating life unless he saw a red flag.
^^
A. Men. Thank. You.
Cries :')
Haven’t seen it mentioned in the comments yet, but the “fatherless behavior” insult is also a dig at voluntarily single mothers because of the assumption that children need a father and mother to be raised properly. If the woman chooses to do the responsible thing and raise the child because the father is abusive, deadbeat, dangerous, etc., the mom will be blamed for picking him in the first place, and that contempt is transferred onto the daughter because society views children as an extension of the same sex parent.
THIS.
Well to be fair, it IS the mother's fault for choosing who the father is. The woman might choose a deadbeat, good for nothing individual and decides to have his baby on the pretense (dumb, foundationless hope) that he will "come around" (aka change his ways) for his children. The mother hopes for this while not considering that the gift of parenthood has been given way more significance to the mother role than to the father role, hence, makes it easier and acceptable for the father to just not care that much for his 3 kids and 3 babymamas (with another one on the way of course!). And no, just because the mother did the responsible thing to raise her child by herself, does not take away the fact that a child being raised by two stable parents who don't hate each other is better than being raised by one single parent. Hey, it takes two to make a baby, taking two parents to raise one child shouldn't be any different.
@@aimforlifenow I agree, that having two stable parents raising you is a good thing but I'll speak from my mother's own experiences. First, it's not always the mother's fault with choosing the father. The father could seem sweet and caring at first but could easily change after gaining the woman's trust. Of course, I would say it is a small bit of my mother's fault for staying with him even after he started abusing her, but it's not always easy escaping an abusive relationship. Especially if the person is manipulative. There's also this: the father could rape the mother and have children with her, children he does not care about.
Also, sometimes it's better to have one parent than two depending on your/their past.
you'd never see a boy (or even a girl) being called motherless as an insult because women are expendable and replaceable or something.
@@helenvane I disagree, because I'm a petty person and have totally called emotionally stunted men "motherless" or implied mommy issues. It's not as prevalent, but it's not "never"
just an fyi, Anna Freud (yeah his daughter) actually expanded on the penis envy stuff (we learnt this three years ago in my psychology degree so i may be vaguely wrong at times) - she said that females don't want an actual penis, we are just aware that men have all the power and we hate that, and we want power (rightly so), so we don't want to be men, we just want to be in control of at least ourselves.
Will power is in the mind and the womb. She would be talking about the artificial social structure right or liberties. Great point though that Anna had even a friend employed were the ones to work on this of conscious mind not Sigmund
also she was a lesbian
based
She also worked with Erikson, a student of her father's and came up with the psychosocial stages which is one of the foundations of the science of teaching. She did so much more for us as a whole but everyone knows about her dad instead of her.
That makes a lot more sense. Also something I'm sure many of us can relate to 😅
The whole term daddy issues is just proof of how women are expected to take the blame for the negative actions and abuse from men.
Daddy issues describes the behavior of the woman herself, of course she needs to take responsibility for her actions.
@@Bloatlord_the_Magnificent the woman is not responsible for her parents actions. Women cannot take responsibility for all male failures.
@@thekalenichannel1812 I don't think that's what they ment, having trauma doesn't make it ok to be a toxic/bad person, despite you being a victim. The person who gave you trauma should be absolutely accountable for what they did but it doesn't give you a green card to treat other people like whatever.
Men never take accountability it always women fault!!
@@jaylicious4694 Then daddy issues shouldnt be used. Daddy issues goes: oh you are traumatised due to your father's actions. Haha youre ruined
Usually people say, "Is your father proud?" As an insult (specially to SW) but after seeing someone say that Father's should be the one making their child proud really changed how I saw things.
@So and so YES. people need to stop glorifying fathers who do the BARE MINIMUM! buying food and claiming your kid does not make you a great father, you are doing YOUR JOB.
Ikt
I’ve noticed a weird kind of “daddy issues” joke in fandom that leads back into the feminization of daddy issues as a concept, and it’s the prevalence of saying that a male character has daddy issues in a sort of joking way. I feel like the reason it’s so funny to say a male character has daddy issues is for the same reason it’s funny to see a very masculine character wear a dress. It’s emasculating. Which it shouldn’t be, because there’s nothing inherently feminine about childhood trauma.
This a thousand times!! It always kills me when I see this, especially in my day to day. Very small personal snippet here but I see this happen often with my little brother. People don't say it but since he's expected to "be the man of the house" without a father present it's odd for him to have a father complex? I hate it so much
That’s called 💫 toxic masculinity 💫
god I've seen this happen and never could explain why it rubbed me wrong
dude yes, also feel like men wearing dresses shouldnt be a joke anymore, clothes are clothes and no one should be ridiculed for wearing what they want. (man here)
it's just downright people don't like men having feelings because its seem as "feminine" tell me something more stupid than that.
It‘s so weird how society copes with single parents.
If the mother is the single parent and has a son: „The child needs a father to look up to. Mom must have scared the dad away.“,
if she has a daughter „They are gonna cope. Mom must be ‚weird‘“
If the father is the single parent (with son/daughter): „He is soo strong to pull this of alone. Must be a great guy.“
In both cases putting inherently more value on the male (cause hE nEeDs moRe) while at the same time putting females down for having the same problems.
Well said. Couldn't have said it better.
Who tf thinks like this? It’s definitely not this way
I don't think that is true
@Fabian Lopez no one has ever called a single dad a pedi. Stop the bullshit
I will add there is a weird double message i see for single moms, where its mom drove dad away she must be a pain but also a martyr role from people around them. While from my experience single dads are usually just heroes. my exes mom really got used to pulling the struggling single mom ''what am i to do with my son alone'' card. Which does not minimize his dad being an absolute immature dipshit, dont get me wrong, nor does it mean she didnt get a lot of the she drove him away, the boy needs a father in his life, why couldnt she do better.
I wonder if instead of “your parent is your first love”, it’s more that “your parents are your first example of love”. That sounds a lot more realistic and less deranged!
“I don’t have daddy issues…. my daddy has issues” where’s the lie and where’s the merch?
I would buy that
I really want her to put this on a shirt. And a sticker.
cant wait to buy a shirt and stickers of this so that i can skate around the park and piss off every guy there. we gotta reclaim that shit
The lie uh the first one if you have a absent father for example you have emotional problems lol
The dad does have issues. Now so does the daughter. Did you not listen to the adult parent in the room.
“Daddy issues” really is just another way to hate on women and girls. Me and both of my bio siblings had a dad that was often very emotionally distant, volatile, and was definitely dealing with a lot of untreated mental health issues. He had been on a downward spiral of hoarding and a worsening physical state for so long that when he disappeared the summer before my senior year of high school, neither me nor my sister were surprised. Though we both were affected by the time we spent in his house on visits (our mom had custody) and his disappearance, how they manifested in us was very different. My sister is in a straight passing relationship and they tend to show some of the behavior that’s stereotypical of someone with daddy issues. Meanwhile I went in a complete opposite direction, leaning heavier into emotional repression and trying to fill the hole he left by “becoming my own dad” in a way and acting as a source of parental support and advice for many of my friends. We both have issues caused by our dad, but my sister is the only one who is often disparaged for having “daddy issues” because they seem more femme and are attracted to men.. It’s a double standard that frustrates me to no end.
Me and my siblings got regularly beaten by my mum and dad when we were younger. The christian cult like community we grew up in saw it as the best way of parenting and thankfully my parents have realized by now that it did us no good and they've apologized and are still changing to be more supportive and all that. But still, it heavily impacted us but in different ways. My oldest sister has a rather bad relationship with my parents becayse it is hard for her to forgive them for how we were raised, but on the outside she seems "unaffected". I myself struggled and am still struggleing with the need to prove my strengh or my worth as a woman and stuff like that. My 17 year old sister has daddy issues in the way they're portrayed most. The siblings after her are a little less affected yet still have their pieces of trauma to deal with and yea it frustrates me too that one if my sisters gets slut shamed and my parents are like oh why do all our children have so little self respect like well it's cause we didn't learn to have it. Idk where I'm going with this. I think I wanted to say that daddy issues can make themselves recogniseable in many ways aside from yk idk how to end this bye
@@Max-lh9ko omg same, at least your parents apologized, my dad used to beat me so much I'll start bleeding, and my mom would say i deserve it, and as i am the oldest, i was the babysitter and never had a life, i actually started having some sui**** thoughts last year, but than i told myself that i wont let them win, they didn't fucked my life and I'll finish what they did, so i decided to study hard, learn about ways to get money online, and I'm working hard to become the first billionaire in my family and than I'll just leave them, i believe your sister acted like that because her childhood was ripped off, she was probably very envious because other grew up with loving parents while she had to suffer, the love of parents cannot be replaced, and i feel like she knows it, deep down she will always grow with this lack, and that's why she cant totally forgive them,
Tbh when most of men used daddy issues it didn’t necessarily have to mean a product of abuse if u had a good relationship and argued with ur father a lil bit men would say “daddy issues” and it’s not like no one says nothing about absent fathers either it’s a big talked about problem in urban melenated kommunity
Absent with abusive included
"My sister is in a straight passing relationship" wtf
We also need to stop problematising women who have children with deadbeat men. We need to problematise absent and abusive dads. And ppl become enraged when I say society hates women and children. Great video loved it.
O h
I'm a man and I have daddy issues, society will always focus on problematizing and gaslighting women!
@@eugeneboondock4573 it's always either your mom's fault because "she didn't raise you well" if you're a man (idk your mom she is probably a lovely lady) or your fault when you're the daughter. Never is it a thought in these peoples heads that the problem might be.....the dad ? 🤔🤔
@chubasco-dnube Yes!! This almost happened to me. My ex was so nice and apparently caring when I met him. After living together the veil dropped, he was abusive and narcissistic, only cared about himself, provoked constant fights (moody and blame-shifting, harshly criticizing me and everyone), and was extremely manipulative. I could not count on him for any kind of support. Thankfully I got away, and without children for him to emotionally and mentally damage.
Sometimes it IS the woman's fault though, because she knew he was a deadbeat and still had a child with him. My sister got married to a guy ONLY because she was pregnant. Lo and behold they got divorced four years later and now she's with a man who actually cares for her and her children. Women need to be smarter about men. It doesn't matter if you think no one else will love you, it doesn't matter if you'll end up a single mother, what matters is you get out of that shitty abusive relationship. Lots of single mothers out there do just fine and eventually find someone who really loves them instead of staying with a deadbeat.
Maybe it's because I'm neurodivergent, but I wish other women would fucking stop thinking with their pussy and emotions instead of their reasoning.
Frueds explanation of girls missing their "disco stick" is so utterly hilarious when you learn we all start off as female in the womb before biology decides if it'll make you a male instead
It's not true that we start as a "female" this is wrong notion that was popularized by some woke science magazines but if you look at the specialized literature they call it a "neutral" state, the embryo in this is stage is neither male or female. Also, the freudian notion of penis envy don't have anything to do with how an embryo is formed IoI
As someone with complete androgen insensitivity syndrome, I am living proof of this
@@reynardfox6135 if you had that, does that mean your ovaries are in working condition?
@@harsh3948 not really. I technically don’t have ovaries
@@reynardfox6135 you’re technically intersex
I just want to point out how exclusively American the “daddy issues” thing seems to be. Runaway/absent fathers are not a common theme in movies/music/books in all of Western culture, and particularly where I live, it's not a common thing to talk about... Let alone make fun of.
When I first found out what the term meant and how it was meant to humiliate THE DAUGHTER, I was super shocked. Y'all are weird sometimes lol
Yea, we're pretty toxic over here
Liking ketchup on your eggs is weird. Blaming the daughter for the fathers absence is just sick and is perpetuating the abuse… it’s like some sick joke everyone is in on to make the already traumatized daughter’s life a living hell.
Where are you from? Just because it doesn't happen where you live it doesn't mean it's a exclusively American thing, i think it's also a thing in Brazil but with some differences because of the culture
That's what I fkdn so annoying with American Leftist discourse: like please you're talking about America and America alone, it's a specific situation but you're trying to make some sort of universal out of it.
@@aymericst-louis-gabriel8314 nobody was talking abt leftism 🤨
Electra Heart is such a beautiful and well written album, I've never heard something like it. I'm glad that you talked about it
MARINA in general 😭💖
@@lesteryaytrippy7282 she's a genius. when Electra Heart was released I was really young and I couldn't understand the meaning of the lyrics. But now that I'm older I understand them and I enjoy all of her music. she deserves more
It’s one of my go-to albums :]
Mostly for when I am feeling ✨extra mentally ill✨
Electra heart is one of my favorite albums of all time😌
Every album that MARINA has released is a masterpiece.
lol, I love how society points at the woman saying "daddy issues" but never mention the guy who left in the first place. why shame the woman? shame the guy :/
misogyny
The men who do that are selfish. They don't care about what's right or wrong, they just unleash their anger and frustration because those women with "daddy issues" usually seek the "Chad" type that gives off daddy vibes and thus, never give a fuck about those men who keep whining or screaming that lame sentence. By doing so, they are not calling out the girl because of a behaviour they deem as bad or unworthy, it's more like: "Fuck you for not liking guys like me, you're hurting my feelings and so will I."
Fr
It’s not “daddy issues” it’s “daddy’S issues”
Because it’s usually a toxic behavior that the woman is acting out because they haven’t healed. It is the fathers fault for failing to be a father, but that doesn’t excuse someone’s behavior as a result of their pain. You must make a conscious effort to heal
@@dividedbyzero11 stfu you shouldn’t be talking. women aren’t being “toxic” for saying how their dads left them. it can take a while to get over something. you’re the one without any bitches smh
So the children get the blame for the emotional issues caused by the Father's negligence, but the Father gets all the praise and glory for the bare minimum of care that he puts for them. The Mother gets all the blame for any emotional issues she causes to her children, but not even 1% of the appreciation for basically sacrificing her life for her children. And yet, since Mothers are favored during custody battles, that sole fact means Fathers are treated like "second-class" parents, and any problems suffered by the Mother are automatically invalid forever.
Make it make sense.
preach!!
Exactly
Yes! Make it make sense!
Mothers don’t get blamed for their child’s issues, the child gets the blame or the father.
The entire term “daddy issues” blames the father.
@@lethalslaughterband5498 this whole statement is patently false. Mothers get a significant amount of the blame for trauma that should be blamed on the father. If a father abandons his child, that should be on him because in the vast majority of cases, he made that choice. Instead the blame is deflected towards the mothers who “should’ve chosen better” and “don’t know how to raise boys”. Meanwhile the father gets to act like the victim and say things like
1. He never wanted to be a father so why should he have to be a father because the mother chose to keep the child that they created together. Because obviously he shouldn’t have to face the consequences of his actions.
2. The mom is the one who’s keeping him from seeing his kids and the court system is against men. 🙄 Excuses. My advice to those men is to clean up your life to show the courts that your child would be safe with you, document every interaction and show proof of the mother withholding the child and and get a lawyer… of course that is if your kid matters enough to make the effort instead of complaining on social media.
And 3. I was young and I was trying to get my life together… meanwhile the mother who was most likely just as young has to suck it up and deal with being a single parent while he gets to pop up randomly for pictures to pretend he’s an active father.
The term “Daddy issues” blames the father because the father is to blame. Just like there’s a term that blames mothers for trauma called “mommy issues”.
@@jayl0v3ly yea I know that daddy issues blames the father why wouldn’t it.
Also shitty mothers do keep fathers away from their children,
One time a father was kept away even though the mother abused the children.
I know a guy who is currently trying to get custody, one of his children had gotten sick and the mother didn’t take them to the doctor, had them sleeping on the floor, and did drugs around them.
Fathers do clean up their lives but because of bias it doesn’t work.
Also you seem a bit like a hypocritical person so, I have a question, what if the shoe was on the other foot?
Would you feel sympathy?
Also who doesn’t blame the father when he leaves?
I have never seen it and I doubt you have either.
Also your points are total bullshit, we have proof that women have an easiest time in court, we also have all of the “believe all women” shit.
Most fathers don’t want to be fathers, the mothers have a choice in whether or not they become a mother.
Fathers have to pay a lot of money for child support, formula discounts also favour women.
"Daddy Issues" is just victim blaming. Plain and simple.
This comment is the best. Straight to the point. No hidden meanings. Pure facts. 10/10
i don't get it. please explain?
@@delilah_15 It's blaming the person who has been hurt
Has it always been used as an insult? I've seen people use it in a non insult way I think. I don't want to use it if it has demeaning connotations in itself
@@goobunnies I've never seen it not used an insult, so I don't know how it could be used without it being an insult
A big realization I had, that might help others, is this: my dad would be a cool uncle. He's always showing off to the younglings. He's charismatic when people are around. He'd be cool to hang out with a few times a year. But he stopped being more than that a long time ago. I became the mini-parent. I outgrew him in emotional intelligence. He was ever-present, but so far away.
Fuck I felt this shit too hard
ouch LMAO
A few times a year only 😭😭
This is me. Raised by my step-dad, so he is my father figure. Bio dad was always in my life, but I have always described him as more of a cool uncle. I love having 2 dads. One created me and the other raised me. I look just like my dad but my God he is such a child!
felt that
Feud had a lot of patients share stories of abuse from paternal figures. His solution to the ethic issue of having heard of these women was to decide that he is not going to help them but create the concept of the complex in question and simply present it as something all kids go through and that the girls and women who share that they have been abused as liars and stuck in that juvenile period. Knowing who and what Freud is and who he chose to protect needs to be called out and looked at with clear eyes instead of misattributing his official opinions as personal fetish/weird shit which basically let's him off the hook.
To be fair, this is just a theory and a very controvertial one. I don't think we have the evidence to say for sure.
I think it was more political than that. He was working with wealthy, powerful families, and got into a lot of trouble for exposing that the mental health issues these woman had were mostly the result of abuse oppression, and trauma... He caved and made it a general thing rather than go against the families.
The main contribution Frued offered to mental health was promoting the idea of listening to people, rather than isolating and torturing them.
I think it's important to put Frued in the context of what else was being done in his period.
@@laurie8857 Its possible. But nothing is for sure. Some say he changed his mind cause he came to suspect his own father and couldnt handle it. When you deal with repressed memories its very difficoult to find proof of anything and the patients themselves were not sure thats what happened to them. Some people took advantage of that to say like "see! Freud said it could be just a fantasy" but like... I doubt thats what Freud meant. There is a difference between "not everyone who suffers from that condition has been abused" and "no one has ever been abused". 🤔
Thank you!
@@liscer6812 is it "just a theory and a 'controvertial' [sic] one?"
From The British Psychological Society:
Freud had actually started off as a supporter of the oppressed, initially working on the effects of trauma and bringing to light the sexual abuse that went on in families. He believed that sexual abuse in childhood was responsible for many of his patients’ neuroses and other mental health problems, and Freud was the first psychiatrist to believe his patients were telling the truth. His early papers in the 1890s embraced the mechanism of dissociation, and he gave a speech called ‘The Etiology of Hysteria’, in April of 1896. Freud strongly believed his ‘Seduction theory’, and wrote in letters to close friends about the autopsies where he’d seen something ‘of which medical science preferred to take no notice’ - bodies of children that had been raped and murdered.
Unfortunately, his colleagues maintained that a child’s report of sexual abuse was a symptom of pseudologica phantastica - a pathological fiction or fantasy. They were appalled at Freud’s ideas, and choosing to save his career and reputation, Freud chose to follow suit in dismissing the victims’ claims. This was what prompted him to introduce the ‘Oedipus complex’ and penis envy as an explanation for patients ‘fantasising’ their rape.
There are several theories as to why Freud abandoned his initial claims, ranging from denial of his own personal experiences, attempts to salvage his career after the speech in 1896 or the knowledge that in a society where so many influential people were abusers, his claims would go unheard. His decision was later called a ‘failure of courage rather than a clinical or theoretical insight’ by psychoanalyst Jeffrey M. Masson.
thepsychologist.bps.org.uk/volume-31/june-2018/freud-and-penis-envy-failure-courage
As a gay male, I have an adoptive father but a biological mother. My biological father was a terrible person who was a substance abuser and my mom took me out of that situation before I was 2. And then when some people find that out they like to mention it to invalidate any opinions on men I have. Some people need to reevaluate themselves.
What does you being a homosexual have to do with your bad dad?
My mom took me and my then baby sibling out when I was three. I only got a true father figure when I was 12. I recently went no contact with my paternal grandmother because she got jealous that my step father and mom's family, who raised me, were higher on my priority list than she was because her son couldn't be bothered to even pay child support for either of his kids.
"Men dwindle their trauma down to a mode of sexualization and memes." THIS!!
LITERALLY
Doubt it but ok
@@blacksheep6415 ofc you do
@@persephon3639 well I am a man and I don’t do this and no one I know does this so who is more likely to be more knowledgeable on this kind of thing a woman or man?
@@blacksheep6415 There’s 8 billion+ people on this planet just because you or someone you know doesn’t act that way doesn’t mean it isn’t common.
I know many individuals who’ve acted like this. As well as mutual that also can relate to my experiences.
And a women would be less ignorant on this subject because they’re the ones facing the short end of the stick.
This kinda of annoys me because it treats fathers as a secondary parent to mothers. It's not just when a male parent leaves. Its not specific to fathers, they're not special. It's just that fathers leave more often. I have the greatest father in the world, he's caring and loving and kind. But my mother left. It was just as scarring, just as damaging for me. I made the same bad decisions based on my trauma many young women make that they blame on 'daddy issues'. It's not that your father left. It's that you lost a parent.
Thats like saying that "if a certain type of person has a better chance of contracting some illness, why should we protect them more?" The issue is with the male stigma, thats why there's more male abusers, more males who leave, and more male assailants.
(This comment is going to be very hetero-normative. I am speaking as someone who’s father abandoned them and ran away to start a new family. I’m aware that any parent of any gender identity can do this to a child. It’s not fair for anyone to assume that only a father could potentially give you abandonment trauma.)
Fathers in general are treated as secondary parents, regardless of their relationship with the child. To begin with, there’s either no paternity leave or they have significantly less time. Father’s also need a few weeks (or months, if the leave lasts for that long) to bond with the new baby. We’re often told that women have a “natural nurturing instinct” 100% of the time and that’s obviously not true. Some women, unfortunately like your mom, want nothing to do with their children and just want to move on with their lives. Sometimes men are natural nurtures, but nobody wants to believe or see this. Women have the pressure of being the most “important person in the child’s life”, while father’s are just … pushed to the side. Women are also held responsible for pretty much everything the child goes through, while men, again, are a second thought. Why are we as a culture still pretending like men can’t play an important role in a child’s life? Nobody really expects men to feel connected and put in an effort with their loved ones and it’s not fair to either parent. There are some wonderfully empathetic, kind fathers who go out of their way to support and nurture their loved ones. They’re unfortunately just discouraged to do so.
It's not even that you lost a parent, it's that you didn't have a certain type of support that you needed. You can have both parents be there and trying and still end up with "daddy issues" because they just suck at parenting and are a little neglectful.
I've definitely been labelled with daddy issues in the past and my dad was always there. He's not perfect, but my mother is worse than him. SHE'S the one who was always at work or sleeping, and the one who berated me and told me I was the reason that no one likes me, not my dad. His biggest problem was LETTING my mother do those things. If he'd stepped in to tell her she was being cruel, I'd be far less fucked up, but it's still her fault overall.
I'm not sure you understand, I agree that NOW, and even more so in the future, it will more come down to simply losing a parent, but in the time a lot of us grew up, the gender roles were more strict, its only slowly getting better. so not having a figure to provide what society wouldn't allow mothers to do. I lost both parents, despite them being alive. Even so, the effects I never got from my father, were more damaging then the effects I lacked from my mother. The both hurt, sometimes one more than the other, but if I look past how I feel, and society's standards, the discourse with my father fucked me up more so than my mothers discourse. Im not saying what youve gone through is less valid, an abuse mother is dreadful, I know. But as someone whos been abused by both parents, whos gone through different house holds and seen it so many times, the effect a father has on his child, brings more damage in the long run.
No. I'm sorry for what you faced with your mother, but it's called Daddy Issues because these are wounds specifically caused by the absence of Fathers, most often felt by their daughters who grow up without proper male role models and who get the blame for their Father's absence. Parent issues would be when you have two (or more) Fathers and one of them leaves, or two (or more) Mothers and one of them leaves, or if we truly did live in an egalitarian society with plenty of caring parents of all genders. Further, society does not treat men as secondary parents because they don't value men; most men (not all) didn't put much effort to raising kids and left it to the women to struggle, barring her from living an independent life. This paved the way for society to assume that men are secondary parents, as a consequence of their own misogynistic actions, rather than because women are "naturally" better. I'm a woman. I don't have an ounce of motherly instinct in me and dislike kids very much. Yet I will always be kind and caring towards a kid if need be because NO kid should suffer because of an adult and kindness is free, damn it.
to grieve a parent that's still here, to have a hole in yourself that festers when you see people with a good relationship with their dad, that shit personally crawled into my chest and is now breathing inside my ribcage
oof I know exactly what you mean 😓
Especially if women were able to achieve a pretty decent lover who genuinely loves them, all because of the way their fathers had love and respect for themselves and their daughters. Not jealous of the romance itself, but being able to connect with someone without the excess pain and trauma to influence their decisions.
fr ://
@@VivienneVixxen28 People say this a lot, but...I have had zero issues with love and intimacy and my father left when I was 8 months old. If you base your idea of love on your parents only I think you're doing yourself an injustice; there are so many great examples of love and not all of them are heteronormative.
@@beththedarkmage3359 You're undermining how a father's relationship can affect a daughter and "heteronormativity" is not a even the problem in this scenario.
While its sad that your father left you at 8 months old, people process their trauma or problems differently.
There are people who actively are facing abusive from their father and have been subjected to that abuse all their lives, the way that fucks with our brain is not just us "doing ourselves an injustice" and us being "heteronormative" and rightfully affects our ability to love and have intimacy with anyone.
I feel physical disgust and repulsion when a man tries to touch me because of the sexual and physical abuse from my father and its all involuntary, am i doing an injustice to myself for that?
As lame as the last quote may have sounded, "I don't have daddy issues, my daddy has issues" actually captures it perfectly. For too long the victims of poor parenting have been blamed and mocked ('fatherless behaviour' etc) when really, it's the parent/s who caused the issues who need to be held accountable.
Exactly i always feel bad for them rather than their parents
My abusive dad literally stans marina, especially that album, to the point it was unbearable for my mom. I think it's quite ironic
yea something kind of similar to that happened to me. i was in the car with my father for the first time in at least a year and this dude had the NERVE to play daddy issues by the neighbourhood. the neighbourhood has been one of my favorite bands for years now and that specific song is one of my most played songs of all time on spotify. i literally cannot listen to it now. its been ruined, and its just another reason added to the very long list of why i hate the guy so much lmfao
He probably views it literally as good instead of as a tragic irony.
🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡
I love your pfp
"y'all making fun of English teachers when they're teaching you critical thinking"
THANK YOU.
Been saying this for years
Girl they just be doing too much like relax
@@melanyl424no, we don't let them do ENOUGH. I am who I am today in large part because my highschool English teacher was a passionate, fiercely intelligent woman who challenged her students to THINK about the materials and language we learned about. Thank you Ms. Eiseley, you were an amazing teacher.
I wish there was something like that in my country...
Frr
Ive had a couple experiences with men who have 'daddy issues' and aggressiveness is definitely the one that manifests the most but then it's closely followed by this self-pitying repentance. I feel like women with 'daddy issues' are more likely to be destructive to themselves (getting into relationships with violent men, unsafe sex etc) whereas men are more outwardly destructive. Not saying this is universal but just what I've seen.
Yeah, sadly as it's expected from men to have violent behavior and a lack of emotional intelligence. So when there's neglect, abuse and trauma inflicted by father's towards their sons the symptoms are mostly overlooked by society standards, and even underestimate by the victims as something they have to deal with by themselves.
It obvious makes it harder for them to heal and break the cicles.
I've met a ton of men with these problems and it's really sad to look how this just goes on and on, the victims quickly become the victimizers and it never ends.
although it can be beneficial for a better understanding to notice patterns, it can be pretty harmful. i know quite a few people that have father problems, including myself, and it hasn't translated to aggression (towards women or otherwise), and i think a part of that is that individuals who didn't have a father were raised by their mothers, there are plenty of guys with father issues that grow a resentment in the form of a generalized view towards men. it can affect people a lot of ways but wearing it down to aggressiveness towards the opposite sex is kinda hurtful, as i'm sitting here with VERY different problems than people are saying men come out of fatherlessness with, so it's kind of creating a generalization about fatherless men, which is the SAME case with fatherless women, a few extreme examples representing the whole, and it's the reason that there are as many guys saying these things as there are. societally we cannot progress unless everyone can notice the faults in their words and beliefs, even if those words or beliefs make life easier to endure. parental problems can create many bad results, and hyper-focusing on only a few destroys the point of coming to an understanding of it. the answer is never going to be as easy as " men do blank, while women do blank". i see people using the point of aggressiveness for when the father is both present AND absent, which just makes it sound like your making aggressiveness a male* problem. collectively we all need to listen to what we're actually saying, and then remove ourselves from the situation and listen to what we're actually saying another time, even from a different perspective, or with switched roles, it can really help you understand when you're applying your own bias. knowledge is power, but skewed knowledge is poison, we're never going to fix any problems if we all just keep shifting blame to each other. anyways, i hope you have a good day, don't forget not to generalize and to see each person as an individual human being, considering how different yet alike we all are
@@roscoe5427 yeah I literally said this isn't universal - just what I've seen and there's certainly many experiences that exist outside of my very limited view.
@@shayan6291 i'm glad you understand that, sadly a lot of ppl in this comment section are generalizing too much, and i doubt a lot of them can see that they are. despite it being a very real and damaging problem, grouping all men together is just as regressive as letting problems continue on. i hope you have a good day and support those with unbiased viewpoints
@pepe did nothing wrong 😤😠 wtf are you on about?
I was conditioned to believe that my abuser saying "sorry" and showing remorse after abuse was love. And that, as a daughter, I had a responsibility to love and respect my family no matter how poorly they may treat me. The only time my father really paid me any gentle attention was when he realized he had 'gone too far'. It was the only time he showed me any empathy. His relationship with my mother was the same. We were only lovable if we were hurting and that the fact that he showed remorse (even though he would repeat his acts) affirmed our womanhood. "If she really loves him, she can change him" Constantly trying to meet his standards in order to avoid abuse caused me insane people pleasing tendencies and extreme fear of showing imperfections. I constantly seek joy and love from others but also feel unnerved when they treat me with love and kindness. When they stay by my side to help me, not in exchange for something I can offer, but out of genuine concern for my wellbeing. I am so fortunate to have friends who can show me how it should be. I now, mostly, can show love much more honestly and healthily when I am not acting mostly out of fear of being turned against. I can find joy in moments now that I'm not scrambling for safety.
I used to (and occasionally still) read web fiction with the enemies to lovers trope and I think this is largely because of the above dynamic. And too this day, I have a hard time watching romance movies because still, on some level, find myself bitterly jealous that I have never received such acts. The fiction I most relate to is about romantic abuse. The kind of affection my brain perceives as the most likely to happen and most valid, is toxic.
As I grow older and meet people outside of my family, Ive started to re-learn love.
Happy healing.
-The only time my father really paid me any gentle attention was when he realized he had 'gone too far'. It was the only time he showed me any empathy.-
I get this I really do, hope you are doing good.
I feel for you and resonate with you deeply. We are all proud of you for putting in the hard yards to make a better life for yourself. It’s not easy but you’re not alone in this! Let’s continue borrowing strength from one another so that those that come after us won’t have to to suffer at the hands of generation trauma any longer. It ends with us ❤️🩹
Damn.
What is so messed up about men so casually using daddy issues to mock women is how insignificant the abuse that a a literal child faced is to them. To have such a lack of empathy that you laugh at someone's trauma, even worse, childhood trauma goes on to show how disgusting these people are. On more than one occasion my feminist views have led men to ask me if I was abused by men in my childhood. Often times to just judge me as mentally unstable and bitter. These people would accept that men abuse children, but they won't tolerate anyone trying to bring a change to prevent it from ever happening again to any child...just makes me so angry
makes me angry too
You put it way better than I ever could have
@@keela2890 yeah same..
@So and so that's not true at all lol. I can hardly ever recall women saying that, but countless examples of men saying it. And daddy issues are referenced more often because men abandon their kids way more than women do. But go ahead and take over the conversation to turn it into, 'but but what about men??'
How are men against protecting children
I don't have daddy issues but my daddy has daddy issues.
He was like "Nah I'm not perpetuating this cycle. I'm going to be this kid's best friend!" and he's powerful for that
My dad too, he never liked his father much but choose to be the most loving father out there.
I seriously despise how people on tik tok, well MEN, make humor with girls daddy issues and say shit like "anything but a daughter". It truly sickens me how they "make fun" of absent fathers and the repercussions it has on women.
Or called girls "fatherless" when they do slightly things to men.
Women do that too. It's not targeted at men bc men are taught not to show emotions, so of course they bottle theirs up instead and lash out in anger instead of being an emotional mess.(both are bad of course, but anger results in violence)
@@Nakia11798 im talking about what ive seen ok tik tok.
@@electraheart-g5e yeah the "fatherless behaviour" comments are disgusting
@@Mazadepizza omg yes and I hate those 'this is what happens when theres no male figure in the house' comments on tiktoks where the guy is effeminate-looking
Honestly, I just feel like every child just needs an adult that can provide security, love, attention and an overall backbone. Doesn't need to be just a man or woman or both
THANK YOU! frankly it's exhausting how instead of shaming shitty fathers we as a culture have turned the sauron eye towards their daughters as if it's their fault those men can't take responsibility... i think this is definitely a topic that deserves more attention and this is a fantastic video
it's interesting that women are blamed for "having daddy issues" when men are the ones that gave them to us
@benjie Sala That's not a privilege, you can bet those men are despised by society.
@benjie Sala men have a lot of privilege that’s why I hate them to my core
@benjie Sala ur right
LITERALLY
There are equivalent terms for men like "bastard".
Misogyny is taught young and it starts with victim blaming young girls because they have the audacity to show that they were affected by the neglect of their absence father. Mixed in with a culture that has negative stigmatization towards therapy… honestly what do people expect? I am thankful that I have a wonderful stepdad who is kind to my mother and is a wonderful father to me and my siblings. He isn’t perfect person but I think he’s the perfect dad because he’s present, encouraging, and tries. Plus even at the age of 22 he still encourages me to skip school and have fun and gives me a dollar when I randomly ask 😂
The first half made no sense but cool
@@killertigergaming6762 Actually, it did make sense.You're just being contrarian for no reason
@@candy-ninja not really I don't think culture has a negative stigmatization against therapy or misogyny being taught young or victim blaming young girls being much of a issue either. Honestly seems a bit like a victim complex on that part
@@killertigergaming6762 true and also... fatherless child isn't a gendered term used for women only
@@killertigergaming6762 your comments reek of male privilege
"To lose a father that's still alive, to grieve a parent that is still here leaves a person with a deep wound, a wound that aches and festers every time you see someone with their father, especially when it seems that their relationship is better than yours was" This is exactly it for me. It's good to know other people get this, too.
In America you have a father, a mother, and one or two siblings and when things go south between the parents the children find themselves neglected. My mom was a single mother, I had never met my biological father but I don't have unresolved daddy issues, Why? Because I was raised in a clan or an extended family structure. I had many father figures from uncles, to older cousins, and my grandpa. I had never desire to meet my biological father or have resentment towards him.
This is fantastic and ideal. The clan or extended family are SO important in a child's upbringing. I've always heard it takes a whole village to take care of a baby and raise a child.
I'm hispanic, I grew up really close to my mom's family, and I can totally relate. I had my father in my life, but he was an asshole. I would constantly, since I was like 6 or 7, ask my mom to leave him, as all he did was bring us down. I didn't feel any need for a father, and it only served to frustrate me when my family claimed it was better for us to grow up with one. I'm pretty sure we would have been better without.
Being lovingly raised by my mom, aunts, grandma, and having good relationships with uncles, cousins and my grandpa was all I needed, and my dad just served to fuck it all up. He pulled us away from my family, made us move far away, away from all that love, when I was about 10. Then he took advantage that I didn't have them to protect me emotionally and psychologically, so he could project all his bullshit on me, bring down my self esteem, make me angry, and then blame me for lashing out in retaliation. And my mom only left him after my sister and I were "raised", because that bs belief that "children need to grow up with their father".
I had plenty of father figures and they all sucked, as did most of the mother figures. My dad's family is absolutely shit.
SAME!!! It's so strange to me that people assume all children whose fathers left are just fumbling through life searching and praying for their male parent savior??? Like why would I miss something I never had or needed?💀
Same
Great video! Just my two cents, growing up in a conservative, abusive South Asian household, i developed a lot of bad behaviors like being very emotionally closed off and having anger issues. To some extent reflecting the abusive stuff my parents did to me. And being a man, everyone praised me for “being tough” and “not being broken” by the abuse, not one person saw my negative traits as negative, there was no “daddy issues” label for my insecurities and anger. It made it even harder for me to understand this behavior was bad and look to fixing it, because patriarchical standard congratulated me for being an ass. I’m getting better now, but just wanted to mention my first hand account of how systemic and self reinforcing male familial abuse is.
Thanks again for the food for thought and perspective. Also your sister is awesome!
I hope you're doing well! As an abuse survivor too, it sucks to have been in a situation like that. But remember, you're very strong for getting through it and I hope you have good people around you who are proud of you.
I'm really proud of you for being self-reflective. I know you don't know me, so it may not be worth much, but I felt compelled to say it.
More power to you bro. It takes great strength to accept ones flaws and fix them.
you should do a video on mommy issues in women, its the parental dynamic i see explored the least because of how the talks around parental issues are usually daddy issues in women and mommy issues in men
Is the movie lady bird an example of it?
Yeah! I think abusive mothers get off easier just because they have the status of a nurturing mother and don't get immediatete backlash if a man was to comment on the same actions. The phrase, you should be thankful they raised you hits too hard.
@@maheenm.k1015 yeah id say so. trauma from a mom can be caused by many different types of mother daughter dynamics and the one present in lady bird is a common one
I like how ur profile pic is Asuka :) it matches with ur comment!
YES, although usually this kind of abusive behavior whether it's from the mom or the dad has kinda the same out come in children
I'm gonna have to retroactively nominate "I don't have daddy issues, my daddy has issues" as one of the most iconic lines of 2021
Nice one😂
That is such a funny yet telling sentence
This should be a t shirt
People don't talk nearly enough about the grief that comes with having a present but abusive father, and even less about the "second grief" that comes after you cut him out completely.
I feel you. My father was around all my life but he was very...difficult. He'd get mad an break things, say terrible things, cheat on my mother constantly and treat her like shit. Recently I stopped talking/seeing him after I found out he SA'd a cousin of mine. This Father's day was the first I spent alone, it was so so painful.
@@horchatatee5407 Sorry to hear this... If it can help you, father's day for me is now a self-care day. I take my day to do something I enjoy, either alone or with someone I enjoy, and I completely avoid social medias. Kinda like I'm reclaiming this time and love for myself, after everything I've been through. If you're not there yet, take your time. These things are hard to digest, hard to make sense of.
@@horchatatee5407 I really feel you, my story is similar to yours, father's day made me feel so sad and angry, I envy all those good relationships father/daughter I see in media or real life, why I had the worst paternal figure? Why I couldn't had a loving father like my friends? I'm full of envy, sadness and resentment, but I'm working on it, seeing all these comments makes me feel a little better, healing is a long process, distancing from him it's a big step 🙌🏻
I find that a lot of the men who are out here passing around daddy issues memes are the same men who are giving their own daughters daddy issues & they lack all self awareness in realizing it.
Or they are fully aware of it because they are sickly “benefiting” from it… 😬
My favourite fact about Sigmund Freud is, without a doubt, that before he became an "expert" on psychology and developed the theories about Oedipus Complex and "Penis Envy", he worked in zoology. Now, what did he focus on when he worked in zoology, you may ask. Well, his mission was basically to discover where the sexual organs of eels were and how eels reproduced, because eels are cryptid motherfuckers, and nobody knew how that worked until very recently.
But, and I kid you not; he dissected over four hundred (400) eels and never found out where the sexual organs of eels were nor how they procreated, so instead, he gave up and went into human psychology instead. And people wonder why he was so weird and hyperfocused on sexual things.
Clearly, he was either A, always that weird, or B, developed some sort of issues under the course of his work, or C, all of the above.
Or D: he likes cutting open Phallic objects, probably derived from his father cutting open phallic objects
@@P3RSONA Oh my god...
@@P3RSONA I'm voting D
@@P3RSONA I-
That was wishful thinking in the universe of the problem of wound and The problem of womb energy
No fr I always see “fatherless behavior” thrown around now whenever a woman either speaks up about injustices or does something as little as dying her hair or cutting it short. Even if someone really did grow up without a father, why tf would you blame them for that instead of the father?
7:53 Please tell your sister thank you for sharing her story that mustn't have been easy and it was so brave of her to talk about. And she must be an excellent mother and her children are blessed that she's seeking the help that her parents didn't seek for themselves.
“To lose a father that’s still alive” that hit so hard, right off the bat. As someone who grieves the loss my father because he isn’t alive, my heart breaks for you. I can’t imagine the weight of that grief. Thank you so much for this video, and for choosing to share your personal experience-it’s incredibly powerful.
The abusive dads should be the ones who get blamed for their actions not the moms who absolutely did nothing
EXACTLY
THANK YOU. Why do people bash single mothers when they're the parent that stayed?
@@pussydestroyer69285 EXACTLY
Weird how mothers get blamed both for "daddy issues" AND "mommy issues."
Daughters too.
Literally i as son is blamed too
Also dad are blamed too . They say "it's your fault for not picking up better woman" . 😢
I feel envious of people who have good relationships with their dads. Ofc I feel glad for them but whenever I see a dad supporting their kid or doing stuff fun, it upsets me bc I didn't get to experience it. Even my dad's brothers are better dad's by the way the kids are raised and how he actively engages with them. I'm a grown legal adult ffs and I still feel like a lost kid and I feel like these traits are slowly crawling into my relationships...
Every time I reflect on a bad trait of mine, it's come from one or both of my parents. I don't have a good relationship with either, nor do my siblings. It's kinda fucked bc it makes it hard to have a relationship with my siblings as well, when really we should be leaning on each other for support, having all experienced the same parents.
The feeling of being jealous of others who have good parents and feeling like a lost kid is so relatable. I wasn't raised by my parents and I get so irrationally pissed or sad when I see happy kids with their parents in public. I wish I could be better
I feel ya'll
i have no response, but *this*
It's weird to bring this up, but I'm envious of the good relationship my boyfriend has with his mom because my mom left me when I was a small child. It's led me to really seek his mother's approval and love, which I'm not sure is entirely healthy.
I’ve never heard anyone talk about grieving a parent who’s still there, more so a father. And my resulting fear and paranoia over men. Thank you, thank you for being the only person who I’ve personally heard talk about that. If anyone has any resources for coping with a father who’s ab*sive, distant, and just not really there. I just need something to help me, i’m deeply paranoid because he’s watching me. Anyways, thank you for giving me time to read this.
just don't be paranoid
simple as
@@moldierthanthou bruh
@@boldanabrasevic3020 bruh
@@moldierthanthou no😐
@@coffin3050 ok
Briefly exiting the manosphere for a palette cleanser; did not expect to be confronted with the established issue of absent fathers in the Black community 😮💨 lemme grab mi tea
I'm saying!😅✌🏾
It's a topic that is intrinsically linked to "daddy issues".
I see you everywhere bro. Love it 💕
@@splicedsociety9221 that just mean yuh av good taste gyal 💜
@Lauri London what manosphere figure advocates child abandonment?
“Every girl’s first love is their father “ which is why it hurts so much when they abuse and destroy the love you have for them :/
I think it makes more sense that everyone’s mom is their first love because we literally grow and develop inside of them
But don't kids, especially AFAB ones love both their parents?🤔
Lmao no. Mine was puppies.
@@theonewhosthere Yeah, my mom is my 1st love and soulmate. I think people expect fathers to be the 1st love of daughters because it fits into that weird social gender expectation. It's creepy and sick tbh
@@IagainstI. Maybe you're lesbian?
I remember reading about a psychological trait humans have: whoever we grow up with, we see as family. Thus, we subconsciously cross them out as potential mates. We’re supposed to seek out ppl outside of our shared blood/gene pool. Basically, anyone who is not related to us and we *don’t see as family in any type of way (adopted, step-relatives, cousins, etc.), we subconsciously recognize as a potential partner.
So yeah, Freud needed help…
Edit: *
Like I'm really fucked in the head but I've never wanted to have sex with any of my family members lol
@So and so freud 💀💀
My "daddy issues" can best be described as "I won't be happy when he passes on, but I won't really be consumed by grief for it either."
the way that some1 finally put this feeling into words i-😃
exactly
Yes and No. I was strange for a year but i passed it and went through. Even after a Death of such a Person... it is okay to grief .. for yourself, the situation(s) and so on. Giving permission to yourself to grief is okay cause we are not heartless like our biological or Step Fathers.
This perfectly summed up the way I feel about my mother
That's what I experienced after my Dad's death. You're completely right. I'll add from personal experience that what I'm still grieving is the loss of what could have been, the "what ifs." What if he hadn't withheld appropriate expressions of love towards me? What if he behaved in an emotionally healthy way towards me? I grieve that more than my actual father's passing.
I hope everyone knows that YOU are enough, YOU are loved and that YOU matter.
💞💞💞
It’s nearly impossible to completely avoid trauma throughout your childhood. As human beings, our childhoods are so much more mailable than other animals since we don’t just rely on instincts. We have much stronger, long-lasting emotions and memories. Although every person is likely to experience SOME sort of trauma, it’s crazy how, even after so many generations, we’ve only just recently been able to find people like this on the internet! We absolutely need more people talking about the misconception of drama and trauma, especially in women
I agree we have some bad memories in our lives that is human.
However if you get robbed your childhood, then as an adult you get coŕrupted even more...
I haven’t watched the video yet but this type of topic already reminds me of when people on tiktok comment “fatherless behavior” when a woman is doing anything. It used to mean when someone was just being an asshole. 💀
Tiktok had me fucked up every time I opened it. Uninstalled that shit as if it were an abusive father.
@@johnjohnson3681 RIGHT LMAO
I love the anti-demonetisation vocabulary like "self-deletes" or "disco stick" lmao
Trigger Warning
I was in what I understand now to have been an abusive relationship, and one of the things that still causes me a lot of distress is the fact that in response to me telling him I suffered trauma from my biological father, he started to request I call him daddy and initiated me into a highly s***ulized father/daughter-like bdsm dynamic. I became almost completely emotionally and psychologically dependant on him as he would tell me one day he would always be there to take care of me and I could trust him to telling me I wasn't worth talking to or visiting because he didn't get paid to do it. It was like being abused and abandoned all over again in a lot of ways. I ended up agreeing to more and more things I didn't want just to try to prevent that from happening, but in the end, I couldn't keep taking it, begged him to change, and he blamed me for not being appreciative enough
In the end, I think there's a massive problem with guys taking full advantage of vulnerable women and girls, and the fact that it's become a lighthearted meme and aesthetic also kept me, maybe others from fully realizing what was happening.
Please stay safe everyone, and don't let anyone try to convince you of acts that make you uncomfortable, because that's the surest sign they simply do not care about you no matter what they say.
I hope you're okay and safe and that you have good people around you and a healthy support system! You are so strong to be able to get through a situation such as that
I'm sorry you had to go through that. It's sad that there's ppl who still think that in all bad relationships it's "the woman's fault"
this really breaks my heart man im so sorry. ive been abused too and i can get pretty annoyed with all the "sympathy" responses i get sometimes but. bro. i hope you are in a better place now.
I get told I have daddy issues a lot. My only response Is usually "yeah well that happens when you're m0lested for 10 years". And it's like I'm 16. This shit is still very recent to me even though I've been out of that situation for 6 years. It was not my fault. I did not have control over what happened to me or the problems I developed because of it. The PTSD, trauma response "kinks", the dissociative disorder. None of that was my fault. So blaming someone who was literally a baby for something that happened to them is sick and that's what making fun of daddy issues does. It puts the blame onto the person with the issues. I am not damaged for what happened to me. I am not to blame for what happened to me. Neither is my mother since I never told her what he was doing. Instead of blaming hurt daughters people need to start blaming the horrible parents. Instead of joking that a girl likes it rough cause she was abused, people NEED to helping them. The only reason I was able to heal from that shit was having a good relationship with my step, soon to be adoptive, dad, and my boyfriend helping me through the memories. Not everyone gets that chance or support because of how society victim blames and that NEEDS to change.
Thank you for reading that. This was mostly to help me since I'm still accepting the fact that it wasnt my fault. I hope yall can heal from any of yalls issues or problems caused by shitty dads. I care for yall ♡♡
I'm so sorry that that happened to you bro, i wish you all the good vibes in the world, i hope you have the best life ever.
i could have written this comment. peace and love to you, this shit is rough but getting out means we only get better. ❤
I want to share a little anecdote that shows you just how common "daddy" issues are.
Last year, I was at a birthday party. Me and 8 other girls and we were playing a drinking game.
Without getting into the nitty gritty of the rules, basically at one point someone asked "Who here thinks they have daddy issues" and all nine of us raised our hands, 0 hesitation.
Each with their own, seperate but valid reason.
I just want to appreciate how well-made every thumbnail made by Shanspeare is!!! They’re so attractive and obviously clickable!
I would never have thought those three things to be related
Something I’ve never understood about daddy issues is how the children who the victims of bad parenting are those who stigmatized, not the actual TERRIBLE FATHERS
This always confused me too, like why are we blaming the child for THE FATHER being absent?? They didn’t tell him to dip 🥲
@@redrumnoir7552 meanwhile the absentee father isn’t getting anything more than lip service. I THINK daddy issues should refer to irresponsible and incompetent fathers
@@olivianjoroge I agree. If Daddy IS the issue, treat him like the issue he is, not the child(ren) he damaged.
Society hates women and protects men. Easy as that and sadly not that deep.
@@kam-lw4ez "society hates women and protects men. Easy as that and sadly not that deep" - generic narcissistic feminist
There's such a lack of empathy in our society for people who have problems caused by others.
I never had a present father. But he's not a good man. He was abusive to my mother and was selfish. I've never met him and don't plan to.
Media gives the idea of a "complete" family with a mother, fathers, and X amount of children. Families in media are always loving and emphatic. And I think I've always yearned for that without really knowing.
as a kid of a single mother thank you for this!!! i'm sick of being told or treated as less because of the action of my father-- i have nothing to do with that 🤷♀️
the electra heart look is EVERYTHING!!
I always felt weird how this traditions works.
And a Man should marry a Woman who is gonna cook for him, clean for him like a mother.
Woman should marry a Man who can protect her, and provide money to the house like a father.
If your relationship is like that, I don't have any problem, my problem is why we think that is "goal"
Because its a good goal to strive for? You usually want one person to be working and one person to be at home doing chores and taking care of the kid if both are working then no one will be able to take care of the kid which isn't good no one working you have no money?
@@killertigergaming6762 you missed the point that those aren't the only traits that are needed to make a lasting relationship or raise kids. You can be a good provider but shitty and abusive person.
@@vortexvulture7997 I don't see that point ever being made but okay
@@killertigergaming6762 nah, both of my parents went to work AND took care of me, and it was fine. Gender roles are toxic garbage, bye 💋
@@Fantallana exactly but we are told to "embrace" those gender roles
Your sister’s testimony is so heartbreaking. I hope she is able to overcome that trauma and give her children the lives they deserve.
It really is. I'm just sitting here in complete awe of her strength
I met my father at his funeral. I only got the news of his death earlier that morning and I traveled to catch his burial. It was all around a very bizarre experience. I think I did it out of morbid curiosity but getting hugged by his family as if they knew me still bothers me. After that I went to see John Wick 2 at a theater.
Ngl this was an interesting story :D
Holy shit that's very dark..
Your sister is so articulate. Besides having the strength to rise above what she went through, she perfectly captured the emotional impact of daddy issues.
The way Shaneka tells her story is powerful, and really emotional and relevant. I definitely relate to having an abusive father and just how disappointing and heartbreaking it is. It truly puts your guard up and makes it difficult to find love in your life from men if you've experienced fatherly abuse. I don't think men always realize just how much privilege and power they hold for making people (especially young children and women) scared of them.
It’s so sad, fathers being emotionally unavailable during their children’s childhood is “normal”. I didn’t realize how common it is until I discovered TikTok.
you just gave us semester 2 of IB psychology in like 15 minutes. so good.
LITERALLY!
I remember one time when I was around 16-17 on a writers facebook group and was talking with this guy that I believe was on his 40s-30s then. He was showing me all his works, short stories, poems and things he made while bragging about how much people liked all of it. I think the implication was that I should be a fan of him in order to learn to be a good writer, or the guy was generally fishing for me to tell him he was a genius in the making or something, but I actually read his stuff and didn't liked any of it so I told him so. Then this guy proceded to hypothetize that my parents must have been divorced or something, because that was the only explanation he could come out with as to why I was a "rebel without a cause", like this dude couldn't accept that this random ass teen on facebook couldn't like his stuff purely because it wasn't my taste or maybe he wasn't that good in the first place so it had to be me on a rebel phase because of my parents's imagined divorce.
Suffice to say, I blocked that guy and I had a good laugh telling friends about it later, but this video made me remember it and think about how many times women/afab people had perfectly understandable reactions to men's attitudes and had it excused it away as "surely your parents did something wrong with you for you to turn out like that and thus I don't have to be responsible for being a piece of shit because you were already fucked in the head by them."
I think we met the same guy but I fell for it and didn't block him 😬 that or the older "writer" preying on young writers online is an unfortunately common thing.
I feel like the whole term of “daddy issues” is a problem in an of itself…….. it’s not always “daddy issues” that cause these behaviors in children or people and I feel we shouldn’t be calling it that. The term daddy issues carry’s a negative misogynistic connotation. It’s not “daddy issues” it’s literal trauma, abuse, neglect - physically, emotionally, and mentally.. Children can wind up having these behaviors with or without a father.. and it’s not something there for others to make into a joke or memes.. the sexualization of these so called “daddy issues” is just absolutely gross… also all of this very much pertains to an effects men just as much as women it’s just shaped differently and manifests differently in men but it definitely still effects them even if they say it didn’t or doesn’t - physiologically it does trust me. And it’s natural for things like this to bother us, it doesn’t make you bad, gross, or weird for having a total natural response to literal trauma/neglect.
daddy issues are literally at face value saying that this person has issues with there daddy what more is there to it?
Personally, I’ve only seen daddy issues be referred to when a father abandons his family and almost never when the father is present but exhibits abusive and overall toxic behavior wither it be physical or emotional/mental/psychological abuse, for so long I knew I had daddy issues but I was too afraid to admit it because I felt like I would be lectured/attacked just because my father was in my life, because my daddy issues aren’t the most common version of daddy issues, I still struggle with it
Dealing with the same thing over here. And it’s especially bad bc I’m from a black American family and the “the black community has too many single mom households” stigma/stereotype had my extended family and other people I grew up around so into the fact that mine was a two parent household that the possibility of my dad being trash was something that basically didn’t even exist.
Anyhow, I came to this video looking to see if anyone would talk about my type of daddy issues (lol seeking validation) and you just nailed it on the head. Thanks for speaking up, and I hope all is going great in your life right now. Good luck!
I live in Spain and having Daddy issues is not only related to a dad abandoning his family but also to mistreatment or absence in a more affectionate way. So don't worry, you don't need to loose someone, your feelings are also valid