My Healing Journey
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- Опубликовано: 7 июл 2024
- A comprehensive discussion about my journey from anxiety, emotional distress, and disassociation, to groundedness, self-respect, and compassionate connections.
00:00 Background
10:12 Meditation
12:10 Boundaries
14:45 Books
18:11 Art & Poetry
19:07 Nonviolent Communication
25:26 Mental Health Coaching
28:38 Friends are Medicine
34:22 Therapy
37:37 De-Prescribing/Prescribing Medication
41:05 Window of Tolerance
46:42 Attachment Theory
49:14 Self-Love
53:27 Being Trauma Informed
57:38 Relearning / Learning
59:33 Conclusion
01:00:59 Credits
/ boderiis 
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i know i’m just some random who’s been watching your stuff for a while, but i hope it’s not too weird to tell you that i had a dream about you last night. we were just talking at a pool party. when i woke up i realized i hadn’t seen a video from you in a while and wondered how you were doing. so i was surprised to see you post today! thanks for sharing your journey with us, i hope it continues to bring you fulfillment and resilience. 😊
Wow! Thanks for sharing your journey. This video is very timely for me. I’ve been considering how to help my mental health and realizing my mental health is awful and has been awful for most of my life. A lot of the things you listed in the video I’ve heard of and been considering for myself. So, I feel like I may be on the right track. I’m very excited to check out your book recs!
Thanks! Let me know how it goes :)
VAMPIRE THE MASQUERADE EARRING! :O
I've done a lot of the thigs in this video. Have a lot to say about a lot of it but perhaps best not expounded upon in the comments. One thing I have come to but haven't fully implemented yet is the hunch that most of us do not need to be medicated. I'm becoming a tin-foil hat adjacent person with psychiatric medication although I know it is not actually coming from a delusional place. It is hard to talk about because people are very defensive (rightly so) about our mental illnesses being legitimate. My understanding about ADHD, for example, is that it can be treated/managed without medication just as well or nearly as well as with medication but it is less of a quick fix. The flip side of that is that it is also longer lasting than taking a vyvanse or a ritalin or a concerta, etc.
The other thing that I find keystone level helpful is that deconstruction and dismantling white supremacy/colonialism in my head has made it easier to be motivated to heal. I have responsibility to the people around me to unlearn shame, to learn how to be on time despite my ADHD (with whatever solution works whether that be alarms, friends reminding me, etc), to learn how to set boundaries. It is counterrevolutionary/anti-radical/whatever not to do those things - I will become hard to work with, extractive, potentially dangerous if I don't. Good for motivation when I don't want to have a hard conversation or do some sort of exercise that will help or whatever else.
🙌🙌🙌 Yes to deconstructing and dismantling white supremacy and colonialism!
In terms of ADHD, what I do know is that a lot of what I thought were ADHD symptoms were childhood trauma symptoms, and once I've worked through a lot of my childhood trauma, the impact my ADHD has had on my life has significantly lessened. It's for sure still there, but yes mostly managed without medication now.
I dont like books on empathy. I dont have it. Either i wasnt born with it or it was traumatized out of me, and every book on empathy refuses to acknowledge people like me can be good people and acts like its a moral failing to be unempathetic. Empathy obsession doesnt help me want to try cognitive empathy. It makes me want to shield myself away more.
I still care about people. Just not like most people do. And its not my fault. If it were a choice to be like this then maybe id accept being shamed for it by every corner of society.
In your opinion, in what way does your care for people look different from the way most people's care looks?
i can experience empathy if i really go super hard on understanding the other person. it's pretty magical when it happens but it usually isn't necessary. i operate without empathy nearly all of the time and i do just fine - arguably very well - by the people around me. i agree about being sussed by books on empathy/etc. i have a friend who teaches a how to be empathetic course and i always kind of cringe when they mention it. presumably it is very helpful for some people and i'm glad of that but it doesn't make much sense to me and makes me sort of uncomfortable.
@@BodeRiisI hope I understand the question: I am very bad at comforting my friends. I don't know how they're feeling or how to move myself into that space. I don't get it. I am, however, action oriented and wanting to offer solutions to the problem that they're facing. It takes practice figuring out when each person responds best to that, and I hate how long it can take some people to be ready for the most obvious way forward, but I know my emotional range is both erratic and stunted so it's not fair to rush them just because I don't care. And that's another part isn't it. I'm only able to process empathy through the lens of myself. It doesn't have super bad outcomes per se, but it's not normative empathy. It's the acute awareness that the way i behave and feel is not normative, and reacting to that knowing i need to be patient or ill end up hurting somebody even of that person is me.
I care about not hurting people anymore. Watching my tone and the way I move. Making sure everybody is comfortable and safe. Putting as little pain out into the world as possible and focusing on some people I think are cool and hot and think I'm cool and hot because I don't like people, but I like a Person. Sometimes Persons are okay.
Bad idea to write this while super sleepy. Hope a little bit made sense. It's hard to know how to say that because I don't know how anybody else cares. I know what I do and why I do it(mostly) but I have no perfect understanding of the difference between me and others. That which requires traumadumping remains private.
@@flightwithtools I get this. It takes so much effort. If they're not exactly like me it's monumental time and effort to get a twinge of real feeling, otherwise I'm just performing a socially necessary act. I'm fine with it most of the time. The way I am, I want the attention. But it DOES feel better when I finally really get somebody. Takes so long though. They have to be really cool and good to me. Not waste my time.
Can you tell which end of the B cluster I'm on lol
If I may offer my perspective on empathy (which lines up with a lot of Brené Brown's work)-- You don't need to know how your friends are feeling without them telling you. We're human, we're not mind readers. We're allowed to ask how our friends are feeling, and if they don't tell us and we don't know, that doesn't mean we lack empathy.
We also can't feel other people's feelings. This is a misunderstanding. If someone expresses sadness and we then feel sad, our feeling of sadness is our own. It's impossible to feel somebody else's feelings. Our brains can sometimes mirror a feeling someone else is having if we're familiar with that feeling, but then it is our own.
In my experience, most people are action-oriented; we want to help other people! Empathy is often about letting the other person have autonomy in the type of support you offer, so asking; "What are you needing right now? Do you need solutions, or do you just want to be heard?" And learning this empathy takes practice! We're not all taught how to empathise. It's about learning what that looks like, what types of empathy feels good for our friends, and practicing that. It is about feeling our gut-reaction -- to help solve the problem-- and taking a breath, setting it aside, and asking "What do you need from me in this moment?"
Amazing sharing. At almost 60, Ive been trying to heal for the last 30years. None of the therapy has helped very much. Buddhist principles did impact me some.... living in the moment, detatchment. Mindfulness. Meditation doesnt help. I havent been able to do much for my own mental health, as my kids needs in that area have far overshadowed mine and Ive been poor for all my life. They trigger me in so many ways, that its difficult to heal. I'll have to wait for them to leave home before I can start to work on myself. Glad you are finding you and have confidence in who you've become or becomming.