It takes a lot of courage to have your work critiqued by other writers. Great review. Datta has been a HUGE partner in both of my books. I would love to see more critiques.
@@DattaGroover Totally agree! Great content though. JMO- any sound at all in the background is distracting. Barely noticeable is just as bad because it's indistinct. just my opinion.
I totally agree with fewer words. I find I put a lot on the page and then go back and edit a lot of words out. I also agree that the first sentence, paragraph and page has to grab the reader's attention. I would love to offer my first page for editing. I can definitely use it. Thank you Datta!!
You are welcome. I will keep you on the list for a first page edit. I already have a volunteer for next time, but you could be after that. Glad you got something out of this.
I've heard both ways about it, but I think you're right and will dial it down next time. That might be fine for some kinds of video, but for this type I'm thinking less is more. THANK YOU!
Hope you enjoy today's video. I took a new track and critiqued someone's first page. I'd love to know what you think. Would you like me to critique your first page? Let me know!
Insightful video, Datta! Fewer words is always the challenge. I believe Jerry Seinfeld had a quote about a good writing day is when he can take a sentence from 7 words to 5.
Thanks, Stephanie. Keeping that word count down is always a challenge! I remember that Seinfeld quote: so true. By the way, did you see any Sea Lions you recognized?
I love your videos and am very grateful for them. I think this critiquing is a great idea although I'm not sure how well it can actually work with regard to receiving our feedback. For instance, in the first para, first sentence, I'd remove only the word "over". In the second para, I agree with removing "so" but would not add "might". I prefer the writer's second sentence and agree with your abbreviations but would not add "myself". And so on and so forth. I think it's punchier this way. As you say, critiquing is so subjective. I would certainly be interested in reading the full story as the premise is intriguing. I admire the author for being so brave and wish her every success.
Thanks for the useful feedback. Though you're right that it's all subjective, I love hearing other points of view. I always make it clear to the author that I'm only making suggestions and they have to make the final decisions.
I like the changes you suggested. The page is much stronger and easier to focus on. Her writing reminds me of Janet Evanovich. Yes. I would like you to edit my first page.
Thanks! Glad you liked it. I plan to do another critque next month. email me your first page as an attached Word document to Support@Dattagroover.com. NOTE: I typically get a lot of requests, so I can't guarantee I will be able to critique yours.
Hi Anthony. Thanks for asking. I don't do one-off critiques and edits anymore, but offer them as part of our larger writing program: lp.theawakenedschool.com/page-turning-fundamentals
First of all, how brave of the writer to have the first page publicly reviewed ! I really liked your editing, for me it makes it more readable. It is something I take from this: less words. It is a good first page though, I want to read more! How is she doing in Boulder and who is that guy '.... 🙂. btw I am not able to see your answers on the comments unfortunatly....
HI, great concept, hard to listen to, content of editing starts at 3 min .. the music in the background is too much for me, I guess some people don't get distracted easily or find such things distracting. Too much with fast paced music and voice.
It takes a lot of courage to have your work critiqued by other writers. Great review. Datta has been a HUGE partner in both of my books. I would love to see more critiques.
Thanks Rachael Jayne.
The music just wore me down. Couldn't tough it out.
Thanks for the feedback. I have to agree. For future videos, if I use music at all it will be so far in the background it will be barely noticeable.
@@DattaGroover Totally agree! Great content though. JMO- any sound at all in the background is distracting. Barely noticeable is just as bad because it's indistinct. just my opinion.
You're hilarious... 😂😅😆🤣
Is there a reason we need music in the background at all? @@DattaGrooverWe want to hear YOU.
Let me know if this fixes the annoying music problem, @EveningTV. This is on character arcs:
ruclips.net/video/SjBBz5WvUPw/видео.html
I totally agree with fewer words. I find I put a lot on the page and then go back and edit a lot of words out. I also agree that the first sentence, paragraph and page has to grab the reader's attention. I would love to offer my first page for editing. I can definitely use it. Thank you Datta!!
You are welcome. I will keep you on the list for a first page edit. I already have a volunteer for next time, but you could be after that. Glad you got something out of this.
PS: I agree with Joy's comment about the background music; it's distracting.
I've heard both ways about it, but I think you're right and will dial it down next time. That might be fine for some kinds of video, but for this type I'm thinking less is more. THANK YOU!
Hi Datta sounds like a wonderful opportunity and I had No way to Unmute so didn't have audio! ? Bummer
Next time! Sorry you couldn't unmute!
Hope you enjoy today's video. I took a new track and critiqued someone's first page. I'd love to know what you think. Would you like me to critique your first page? Let me know!
Yes, I would! Seems scary as hell, but yes 😊
So sorry I missed this before, Rebecca. Please send your first page to me at the email I gave you.
Insightful video, Datta! Fewer words is always the challenge. I believe Jerry Seinfeld had a quote about a good writing day is when he can take a sentence from 7 words to 5.
Thanks, Stephanie. Keeping that word count down is always a challenge! I remember that Seinfeld quote: so true.
By the way, did you see any Sea Lions you recognized?
I love your videos and am very grateful for them. I think this critiquing is a great idea although I'm not sure how well it can actually work with regard to receiving our feedback. For instance, in the first para, first sentence, I'd remove only the word "over". In the second para, I agree with removing "so" but would not add "might". I prefer the writer's second sentence and agree with your abbreviations but would not add "myself". And so on and so forth. I think it's punchier this way. As you say, critiquing is so subjective. I would certainly be interested in reading the full story as the premise is intriguing. I admire the author for being so brave and wish her every success.
Thanks for the useful feedback. Though you're right that it's all subjective, I love hearing other points of view. I always make it clear to the author that I'm only making suggestions and they have to make the final decisions.
. . . I'm happy you love these videos. That is encouraging, and you are very welcome.
I like the changes you suggested. The page is much stronger and easier to focus on. Her writing reminds me of Janet Evanovich.
Yes. I would like you to edit my first page.
Thanks! Glad you liked it.
I plan to do another critque next month. email me your first page as an attached Word document to Support@Dattagroover.com.
NOTE: I typically get a lot of requests, so I can't guarantee I will be able to critique yours.
Would love a critique. Do you do cosmic zombie comedies?
Hi Anthony.
Thanks for asking. I don't do one-off critiques and edits anymore, but offer them as part of our larger writing program:
lp.theawakenedschool.com/page-turning-fundamentals
We also have free membership at theawakenedschool.com/
Great, thanks!!
First of all, how brave of the writer to have the first page publicly reviewed ! I really liked your editing, for me it makes it more readable. It is something I take from this: less words. It is a good first page though, I want to read more! How is she doing in Boulder and who is that guy '.... 🙂. btw I am not able to see your answers on the comments unfortunatly....
It was brave of her! I think the writer is creating a very captivating story.
Until 4:05 nothing here for my time. Music is distracting.
Thanks for that feedback. Starting with my next video, it will be shorter, get to the point sooner, and have little or no music.
@suzamac3260, you spoke and I listened. Please tell me how I did this time:
ruclips.net/video/SjBBz5WvUPw/видео.html
Great content, but... please turn that dreadful music off
I hear you. I turned it WAY down for subsequent videos.
I love for you to check my book.
Hi there. I appreciate you asking, but I do not have the time. Why not try some of the online writing groups and make a request there?
HI, great concept, hard to listen to, content of editing starts at 3 min .. the music in the background is too much for me, I guess some people don't get distracted easily or find such things distracting. Too much with fast paced music and voice.
I did enjoy reading the editing notes, find that very interesting as a writer who has yet to put her work in someone else's hands.
Thanks for the feedback, Joy. That's helpful.
Fewer "I" (descriptive)statements. More POV
Thanks!
Subscribed. I absolutely agree 👍🏼 DONT ASK FOR SUGAR
You got it!
Ask for sugar, and you may get bullsh*t instead. 😉
@@DattaGroover That’s the name of my biographical novel. Now published 😊💥🎈
I love that title! Seriously!
@@DattaGroover Thank you so much 🙏🏼
First impression of their writing: They're a poet who's new to fiction writing.
I think that's a pretty good analysis.
what happens when producers intentionally pay for mediocrity?😅
nobody can answer this.
I would say that is sad. It also happens.