I rewrote the first chapter of Twilight
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 21 окт 2024
- Editing Twilight to make it a little cooler. Let me know if this should be a series.
GRAB THE PDFS: view.flodesk.c...
BUY LITTLE BIRDS: amzn.to/2FMdbmg
AUDIOBOOK: adbl.co/2Vo8sMo
SIGNED COPIES: hannahleekidde...
🌎 L I N K S
WEBSITE: hannahleekidde...
PATREON: / hannahleekidder
FACEBOOK: / hannahleekidder
TWITTER: / hannahleekidder
INSTAGRAM: / hannahleekidder
🙌D I S C O U N T L I N K S
SKILLSHARE (2 month free trial): skl.sh/2Vp4HUA
THREDUP ($10 store credit): www.thredup.com...
📸 E Q U I P M E N T
VIDEO LIGHT: amzn.to/2YDN3P5
RING LIGHT: amzn.to/2IEK7Ll
CAMERA (sorta, mine is discontinued, but this is close): amzn.to/2NmTxMe
MICROPHONE: amzn.to/2O43KCH
LAPTOP: amzn.to/34ow1s0
![Life with ME // ft. DissociaDID [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/jBOVl68jLCw/mqdefault.jpg)
![FNAF vs TF2 - Episode 2 [SFM]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/z5b3V2-VLb0/mqdefault.jpg)
Wanna read the edited chapters? view.flodesk.com/pages/60a6b2262c1a4117de4b7602
Love how Hannah needed something she could rewrite without using brainpower so she rewrote twilight.
It was the easiest video I've ever made tbh
right, love how the story she wrote when she was eight was more complex than this lol I believe it tbh
"Which was wet."
I loved this. Do the whole series. And Fifty Shades of Grey 😂
Oh god great idea
Your editing videos are so good and should be required watching for anyone who writes anything ever
My thesis statement of writing advice is: shut up more
You had me at 'Bella said ACAB.' :)
she said it and she said it with her chest
I've said it before and I'll say it again, but Twilight would have been amazing if it had taken place from Charlie's perspective.
How interesting 🤔🤔. I never thought of how the books might be different from Charlie or even Edwards point of view. Thanks for blowing my mind ❤ It is much appreciated 😂🎉
This reminded me of how much I hated seeing Bella on the same lists as Hermione, Katniss, Tris, Annabeth and Clary.
None of Bella's unhealthy self-sacrifice ever seemed like kindness or selflessness to me. It just seemed like she had a complete lack of self worth. Especially how she blames herself for everything when she never does anything, and never gets mad at anyone for the harm they do to her.
She's potrayed as such a good person, when she's just egocentric. Bringing all faults to herself. Bringing herself down to be percieved by herself and others as that sacrificial angel, when really, she's just too shallow to have real motivations...
@@spiritualsnail1584 Bella has a martyr complex. It's baffling how she both thinks so little of herself and still thinks she's the center of everything that's going on with her constant "Oh, it's all my fault".
Seriously Bella, other people are responsible for their own actions and reactions!
@@breezy3392 Omg yes ! I can't imagine how putting up with someone like her must be in real life. Probably a nightmare. I bet she'd drain people's energy from her constant moping and self centered pointless angst.
@@spiritualsnail1584 In the opening of the book, while it is nice that she wants to give her mom space for her new marriage, Bella is so beyond melodramatic about having to live in Forks, going on about how it's impossible for her to be happy there, etc. And there's that martyr complex again at the end where she goes to meet James instead of telling the strong clan of vampires - which includes an empath, a telepath, and a psychic - so that they can set an ambush.
This is it exactly. And it's so blazingly obvious how this terribly written character is a direct ancestor to the garbage that is the protagonist of Fifty Shades of Gray.
Oh god please do more
U got it
Ok, that was the most twilight I've ever consumed. Wow.
Just wow.
eat up
@@HannahLeeKidder Om nom nom nom
literally the only thing that will get me to read Twilight is watching you editing it, can't wait for more :,)
It did everything for me everyone say thank you Hannah and Mrs. Meyer for providing
Thank u Ms Meyer prayer hand emoji
Hi! Just binging your entire channel immediately after stumbling across it. I should be working, but I'm too busy dying laughing from your sense of humor, like at 7:17 for example. lmfao
Not you leaving the "capital C" in conversation!
Love the video it has inspired me to write in a less is more mind set with my book, so I don't end up with 50,000 words as well.
This is something I never knew I wanted until now. Please make this a series!
I’ve never been so hype for a video oh my god oh my god
I've never read it. Initial thoughts ... massively over-written and my word does she need an editor. Your version much improved.
idk what you mean. it's flawless as it is. Peak Literature Experience
It gets a lot worse - wait 'til you hear Meyer's descriptive prowess.
This seems like a great exercise to grow personal style. I hadn't thought of doing it. I might have to do another book. Will have to figure out which one!
english is not my mother-tongue and i read the twilight books in english when i was a teenager. i have to say, the books suck, and obviously the sentences are awkward, but this video made me remember how many synonyms for 'say', 'answer', 'laugh', 'watch', etc. i have learnt from it. :D i don't think anyone laughed in this book once. they chuckled, and snickered and giggled. it's like that episode of friends where joey uses a thesaurus to write a speech and calls himself 'baby kangaroo tribbiani'
Hahaha that this the best comparison ever!
holy shit, for a non-native speaker of English, this is ONE HELL OF A COMMENT.
fucking golf clap, sir and/or ma'am and/or non-binary friendo!
“Did this book had an editor”
Omfg, I found your channel today and I’m already in love
I love this so much! I don't know how fervently I can express how badly I'd love to read Twilight if you completely rewrote it. (Can you tell I love fanfic?) This is awesome. I'd definitely love to watch more:) Your perspective and comments are great.
Haha we'll have to do the whole book then
This was awesome - I love seeing less is more in practice. But it made me wonder - isn't this what her editor should have been doing? How did this go to print with so many redundant words?
The publishing house wasn't that big and was likely cheap. F
Maybe the publisher knew there was a niche for that kind of thing? Twilight's specifically written for girls who are not smart enough for the Hunger Games.
Wow. This looks amazing. This kind of inspires me to get better at my writing channel where I create videos on short stories. 👏👏
oh, you have a channel? sub'd and bell hit :)
I particularly love the ruthless editing of the preface.
This is such a brilliant concept
Eyes tighten. I can't wait for more of this.
tightest eyes in the west
@@HannahLeeKidder I hope you edit the part where Edward confesses to Bella of him breaking into her room while watching her sleep.😂
I love your editing videos so please make this a series!
On it!
The first line of the Preface is actually pretty good. I am pleasantly surprised :)
I AM SO HERE FOR THIS!
As an extremely verbose person, this video was fresh water in the summer.
Gotta bookmark it for the future, no doubt.
I would honestly love for you to keep editing it.
Have a nice day!
This was incredibly entertaining! You could make this a series and I’d watch the crap out of it
this is the exact content i needed today
Death to the double floating dots. Awesome series start! Excited to keep watching.
pleeease do more this is so much fun
Question: how do you decide whether to write in past or present tense? I prefer writing in past tense (possibly because I've done mostly academic writing? Idk), but I feel like it can get really clunky really quickly
Great question! Depends on the piece. I'll write period pieces in past tense because it helps with setting. If I'm writing contemporary, I lean present just because it's easier when you wanna avoid past perfect and all of that mess. I find present tense is good for pieces where you want your reader to feel like they're Living the story, as opposed to being told it.
I think it mostly comes down to author preference though tbh. I probably do solidly half and half.
When I'm writing in 3rd person, I always write in past tense, but when I'm writing in 1st person, I always write in present tense. I don't know why
please keep going this was very entertaining. a very young me wanted to rewrite twilight but i stopped after realizing that actually i just wanted to write my own book
I just found you through this video and wow this is actually so helpful?? You’re a fantastic editor 😍
I am listening to this while working and laughing my a** off. Thank you for this series!
I'd love to see more of this.
"Surely that was a good way to die," and "At least that was a good way to die," have completely different meanings. Isn't it?
Agreed. The first implies uncertainty. She's self-sacrificing but scared and self doubting- maybe even regretful of the decisions that lead her to Forks and that moment. The second implies a level of stoicism and resolution that I don't think was meant to be there in that moment based on how the author originally wrote it.
Oh, boy. Thanks, this was fun. It's interesting to see how you edit a piece, whatever that piece is :). Especially an overwritten example!
*☼ hey hannah lee, is your fridge running?*
Apparently it was since it's gone lol
Cant believe it’s been almost four years 🤭
This was great hahah. Hope your move goes well.
omgggg i loveeed this idea
OG Bella’s writing sounds like English Comp I assignments Noah fence
This was funny and interesting! I would love to see you rewrite more 😂
I couldn't bring myself to struggle through the entirety of Twilight, but I did read the beginning when it first came out, and I agree with all your edits.
I love this. The twilight books clearly didn't have an editor, you're doing the lords work.
Haha I'm planning on doing a series with the new book from Edward's perspective, and I'm excited to see how the editing is with more resources
More! This is great. And I love Twilight so...there ya go! 😊
Those first 30 seconds of the video were the best first impression I've ever gotten from a YT channel :D
☼ re-writing other authors' works is always fun. but *NEVER* send it to them, they can be _way_ sensitive hey *coff* anne rice *coff* . gr8 vid.
You don't think that's a tad bit rude? Not even a little?
I love this
That was weirdly soothing
I have not written anything at all yet. I never even thought of editing a book that already exists as a way to practice. Thank you for making this.
Love this video. ♥️
How to slay editing like Hannah . . . ? ♥️
Wishing to be like her when I'm about to start editing my own work somewhere in the future 🥰😂♥️
i love ur intro image thing it’s very nice
Love your editing videos! Your attitude is so good too because you come into this to actually display good editing, and even using a crappy source, you can acknowledge which parts do work for you. It shows that you actually want the viewer to learn rather than wanting to tear apart something easy purely for the drama
Thanks for saying that! Writing is so subjective that there's never a reason to tear down a writer doing their best. ☺️
I love this so much. I would actually read Twilight if it was edited by you (well, hyperbole, I can't actually stand any of the characters, but still).
bella says defund the police so we can get to our vampire boyfriend's house without hitting traffice from the wee woo wee woo lights
WOW! You will go far! This was truly enjoyable! Subscribing
Love this content
Yessss please do more!
0:03 well now i wanna know
so i doubt hannah will see this but in case anyone else does, i know taste is subjective but i notice she and a lot of commenters cut a lot of stuff. i write a slice of life comic which means it's mostly dialogue and character focus. i find it interesting to see how different people talk so my story is dialogue heavy. my question is since it's subjective, and people in real life talk a lot, how do you choose what dialogue is worth keeping for characterization in a story that isnt exactly plot heavy.
In your first draft, write it for you, keep the dialogue heavy, and the prose minimal if that's your preference- or what the genre demands. Then, when editing- maybe after the chapter of the comic is done, you can identify the goal and tone of the entire conversation, then the goal and tone of the each bit of dialogue. Identity these features in the first group of sentences, right through to the last sentences. The goal and tone should be able to read on their own as a road map of where the dialogue is going and why it's important. Anything that doesn't advance the main goal is probably an aside, and may be eligible to be cut- or it needs to be justified.
Identifying the archetype of the characters speaking will also help you to identify if the dialogue is crafted well for your character and their goals. The jester will likely imbue humor when discussing things, even hard things, whereas the sage may be cryptic or even long-winded. Do the asides fit the characters archetype and goal? Is the overall goal met?
Just some things to think about as you write amd edit. I hope youre still writing, even if its not the slice of lice comic! ✍️
I'm glad I got to experience reading twilight for the first time through this video. Also Bella needs to be nicer to Charlie and the car. I can vaguely see them both having the same sad expression when Bella is not extremely excited about the car.
Charlie deserves the world
Please keep doing this. It’s great😂.
Just for you
Hannah Lee Kidder - Writer yayyy
please do more!!
This was fantastic
Broke: Hannah writes short stories. Woke: Hannah writes novels and then edits 95% of the book out
I started writing a novel and after edit it was less then half. But I like that way of thinking - if it's too short I'll just call it a short story... Anxiety gone
So good, I shared it on my writer's page :*D
People sharing my videos on their writer page has got to be responsible for 80% of my channel growth, I swear
needs more SWAMP
M U D G A N G
Someone should tell Stephanie that people in wheelchairs can still drive with but a few modifications to their cars.
Liked that this was fun, continue at your leisure
This is great; I'd like to see more!
You're an amazing editor! Great video!!
Thanks!
i like how there's a character mentioned whose name is Billy, and he's in a wheelchair.
i go by Billy, and i'm in a wheelchair. except, it's always been that way, since i was like 11 or 12. (before that it was a walker, and before that i crawled)
Damn, Hannah, you took a hatchet to that thing! xD But it needed it. Out of curiosity, what are the word counts before and after?
Here's another little cut: 11:15 "greenly" isn't an adverb.
If you do a series, may I suggest other massively successful but poorly written books? 50 shades, Hunger Games, etc.
I love a good, original adverb haha.
It's been a while, but I don't remember the prose in HG being bad?
@@HannahLeeKidder To be fair, I haven't read the books. I just skimmed the first couple of pages to get a feel for it.
Honestly a super short, disconnected opening can definitely be a powerful tool.
Also all that slashing looks an awful lot like me when I'm going over something I wrote while "in the zone" hahaha.
Lately it's been less of that and more "SHOW DON'T TELL, COME ON YOU KNOW THIS", which I think is because most of the writing I've done for a while was me jotting down story ideas before I forget them, and it's invaded my attempts to actually write stories.
Also also "I don't like to use parentheses" *side-eyes my intense use of parentheses in my writing*
I have been cutting that down though. I've learned, for instance, that I can often just write a second sentence instead. Truly a game changer.
Parentheses do be funny sometimes. Nothing wrong with a lil sprinkle of em
@@HannahLeeKidder For sure! I was just definitely using them entirely too much =P
Where is the god damn fridge Hannah, don't hold out on me
None of ur fckn business
12:38 Ya' R The Drama Queen, you know...!
Nooooo! Why did you stop? Just do the whole book. Please and thank you!
Writing Down The Undead Bones: the Unauthorized Sequel to the Smash Hit Writing Reference Guide by Natalie Goldberg, by Hannah Lee Kidder
THAT IS THE BEST IDEA EVER haha
12:22 "Honey!" XD
Is it wrong that I thought you were gonna be drinking or already drunk?
Hahaha W E L L
🤣 That was fun. Sorry, Stephanie.
I love the idea of rewriting this. Maybe you can try rewriting the first chapter of 50 Shades of Grey haha
Man, imma have content for years
I love the first 30 seconds. 😂
“really been fairly” *Hannah strokes out*
I was already clinging to my sanity when i started filming. I'm fragile
I love this plz continue XD It's interesting to see what you keep and what needs to be shortened/clarified. They're great examples for us when we edit our own works!
Wow. I always wondered why I hated reading through Twilight in my teens. Now I know why. It is so poorly written. And this was an educational experience to see someone else editing a book.
Where is your fridge? I wanna' know!
Can we have another write with me video? Without music. Hearing you type forces me to focus lol. I play your two recent write with me videos back to back to get through an hour of writing lol
Please keep doing it 😂 I actually love the melodrama of twilight 😅
this is everything I never knew I needed omg. (also, "but that'd require thinking" is such a mood) just alone having Bella narrate the preface in past tense already tells us she's going to survive like??
Can someone confirm if this is indeed the start of Twilight?
Jupp
Thanks
Bella finds fishing painful? I suppose ragworm are gross and can deliver a nasty bite.
I'm having a ball watching you edit this, but I actually disagree with you on something: dialogue doesn't have to be "correct." People talk repetitively and incorrectly. As long as it's not boring or annoying to read, saying "anything" in consecutive sentences could be a character quirk, not a writing typo
finally, i can rest
Good idea, though that prologue should be cut completely. It’s clunky and gives the reader a bad first impression.