I was diagnosed with BPD and am always scared that my therapist and counselors will start to dislike or want to give up on me because of the negative traits I probably exhibit. I liked hearing this story where the clinician didn't give up on her. It's also encouraging that she improved so much.
Well… is it just me? Or did anybody find the therapist sus in this story? Like “oh she’s just dating this new idiot guy to upset me.” I’m sorry, what? That doesn’t sound appropriate. And it doesn’t sound rational. And I also was suspicious of him withholding the diagnosis. I’m not sure what the motivation was, but idk all this stuff sounds weirdly personal. She’s the patient, you expect her to act unhealthily. But for all that doctor did right, in terms of holding boundaries firm, he red flagged me with those things. Dr grande brought them up too, so I know I’m not just being “ew people”-y and just not trusting him because he walks on two legs and has a pulse.
I’ve run across some pretty blatant narcissists over the 50+ years I’ve been in treatment. Still struggling with BPD and ADHD after all these years. Life is he’ll sometimes
THIS!! Im in therapy because when I get overwhelmed I run away but then when I inevitably do withdraw and want to apologize and restart therapy I'm terrified they’ll tell me no because I'm not committed enough, it's such a cruel self fulfilling prophecy 🫠
I like the way you looked so relaxed and at ease after reaching 200k. Remember the time you just started videos, wore an orange shirt and we teased you about being in custody?
It's very sad to see someone you love dearly suffer from BPD. Over 9 years I saw her lose jobs, friends and family and eventually me and she genuinely couldn't understand (or chose not to understand) why. They have such great potential but ultimately they self destruct. Very sad indeed..:(
I'm watching my daughter go through this right now. Eight months ago, she dumped her entire family as "toxic" and has torpedoed every relationship she has except her romantic one (she's in the "he is EVERYTHING to me" stage of this relationship). Her vindictiveness has gone so far as to trying to get a brother put in jail for something he didn't do to her, and elder abuse of her own grandfather, who lives with her but has been subject to eight months of "silent treatment" because he doesn't like her boyfriend (who pays no rent). Everyone is "always such the best" or "never supported her in any way" (both statements are false). She has cut her children off from her own family and her ex (the childrens' father) is so terrified of her doing that to him that he also refuses to let us have any contact, even though his kids beg him to (they're 5 and 3 so have no agency in this). C-19 has meant we can't even rescue my dad from this; there's no housing. She lies about every little thing, which I know is not bpd but nonetheless, she does (she is used to being, and has a need to be, the smartest person in the room and seems to like fooling people. People who believe her are suddenly her "best friends". People who don't or who call her out on a lie are "toxic". So, yeah, that informs why she won't talk to her family any more). It's heartbreaking, and not just because I can't see my much-loved daughter and grandkids, and I know my dad is suffering, but also because I know that when her relationship falls apart (and it will; she has had a long history of this), her life will get even worse. I love her but am completely helpless to help. She threw out her meds and is now self-medicating with MDMA, which can only make things worse.
@@Bethgael so sorry to hear this. My advice would be best not to get emotionally involved.. as hard as it may be. Make all your future decisions based on truths not on emotions. You dealing with someone with extreme emotions like a 6 six year old child.
I have bpd. I've isolated myself for 10 years now because I was tired of hurting people. Now that I want to come out of my shell, I have agoraphobia. I did it to myself. I need to get a therapist online.
@@karenKristal you lose faith after awhile in therapy. That's at least how I was. Kept thinking everyone was leaving for stupid reasons. Getting angry, so now I just see my kids, yes I so want to be in a romantic relationship, but I'm afraid I didn't outgrow things. Plus, the agoraphobia now will take time to get over. Yes all my doing and fault but never changes the fact you get tired of being alone.
This is probably one of the most interesting videos I've seen in months. I think at some point while watching the video it suddenly clicked for me, a better understanding of what BPD actually is and how it manifests. Thank you for the effort you put into these videos Dr. Grande 👍
Same, Im in DBT, and a guy and a different subtype (internal) but brought out at lot of subtle things that go on in my head, and I see how my therapist has stayed not too much or too little on advice and conclusions, very good.
I'd love to see one on the short term personality changes as well I.e. each mood manifesting as almost a totally different human, much moreso than a neurotypical person
I have diagnosed myself because I was misdiagnosed with bipolar 2. I know I'm not a doctor but I strongly believe I have bpd. When I was 12 years old I saw my mom have a grand mal seizure. She had fallen face 1st and blood was coming out of her mouth she was convulsing also. I thought she was dying. I had never seen this happen. As I ran down the stairs and out the front door, I heard nothing but a ringing in my ears, everything was blurry except the concrete steps and driveway, it felt as though time was slowed down and I couldn't run fast enough to the neighbors side of our duplex nor could I feel my legs or feet hitting the ground. I was running fast as I could and could a glimpse of myself from my other body. For a moment I was watching this traumatic event from someone else's point of view. I was not inside my body. As I knocked I couldn't feel my knuckles on the door I tried to knock harder but I panicked even more because it felt like I was barely hitting the door. When they answered I couldn't get my words out I had to repeat it until it made sense finally I said my mommy fell she fell! And that is what I believe to be disassociation.
Watching this made me remember this one therapist who, after only 1 month (that's 4 weeks, one session per week) told me I got so much better and I can come for a follow-up once a month or so if I'd like to. At that time, I was struggling with the aftermath of a long-term relationship breakup, cannabis addiction, possible termination at work, and a short-term relationship with a psychopath (yes, I was trying to get over my ex).
My most favourite video yet. So much of this chimes with my clinical work. Sometimes it’s just about sitting alongside someone encouraging them to reflect and come up with their own solutions rather than “doing to” them 🙂
This was really thought provoking...Whenever a clinician finds zie is doing something different, altering boundaries..it’s a good idea to step back and talk to a colleague or supervisor...this was really helpful for me. Thanks so much!!!
Thank you! What do you think about the HyperSensitivity Narcissism Scale? If you haven't already, may we have a comprehensive review of dependent personality disorder?
I have CPTSD with borderline traits. My toughest issue's are being extremely sensitive, and a lot of pain. Anything someone says to me can be taken negatively and it cuts like a knife. And the pain is excruciating. I've been working on myself in therapy for 6 year's now but didn't get the borderline diagnosis till a little over a year now. Little by little it's become more manageable and I always have hope I'll be better. I have to reflect and look back at how far I've come along since I started my journey of healing so I can keep that hope alive, because it's sure easy for someone like me to have setbacks. I like these case studies.
Both of the following quotes are from Emily Bronte’s dichotomous characters in “Wuthering Heights”. ***“He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” ***“If he lived with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn’t love as much in eighty years as I could in a day.” Why do I get the sensation that Emily Bronte may have been afflicted by BPD? What do you all think?
I have BPD... interesting to know how my therapist might see things. I can understand her method a lot more now. At the end of the day, her calm composure to my 'crises' has, indeed, taught me how to stay calm. It works!
Dr. Grande, just love listening to your videos. I’m a lay person and get so much out of your videos. Have you ever made a video on your assessment of 12 step recovery groups? If not, can you make one?
Jeanette Waverly I am ok breaking my anonymity. I attend Al-Anon and have found it very helpful. However, I understand 12 step recovery is not for everyone and additional support may be needed.
i am thoroughly impressed by the patience and machiavellian-level fore- and far-sighedness of the clinician. not being drawn into her intense need for immediacy...i think the inference about the patient's bad-boy binge being about himself said more about him than her, but other than that, i was impressed. even though he called it "prolonging the assessment phase," all he did was withhold the diagnosis from the patient until he decided it was time to tell her...i think he figured it out as quickly as the rest of us did, but he took the time to get to know her patterns, and reactions to various situations (including a short-lived romance.) i am more intrigued by the head-shrinker than i am with the wild-woman...mood.
I have been watching "Better call Saul" lately, and noticed that many relationships are filled with personality disorders. I would love Dr. Grande to discuss most specifically the family relationship between the Mc Gill brothers according to the flashbacks and show.
What makes you think Chuck McGill had a personality disorder? I imagine that’s who you were referring to, because to me it’s quite clear Jimmy doesn’t whatsoever. If you look through an electron microscope, *everyone* has traits of a PD. that’s precisely why self- or peer-diagnosis is so dangerous.
I never said anyone specifically had a disorder. I think the family dynamics of all the characters are sketchy. I never said Chuck or Jimmy, I asked for Dr. Grande to evaluate.
Love the case studies. Twice a week sessions seemed to allow more rapid progress than usual, but further treatment would have seemed desirable. An update on her 5 years after treatment would be interesting. This reminds me of an early 70s true crime case that got fictional treatment by novelist Judith Rossner, and was made into a movie with Diane Keaton and Richard Gere, Looking for Mr. Goodbar. The female character is a young teacher of deaf children from an Irish Catholic family who had a traumatic childhood illness that required spinal corrective surgery and long, grueling recovery. She is left with feelings of inadequacy, shame, unworthiness, and emptiness and seeks the transient company of strangers at a local watering hole, Mr. Goodbar, where she eventually encounters a very troubled bisexual reduced to selling sex due to his complete lack of adult skills. It was a troublingly and brutal movie, although it lacked today's almost required gratuitous violence, but depicted violence to allow viewers to understand the scope of this woman's tragedy.
Great analysis! So many nuances in this case study, a lot to learn from. It was nice to see some improvement at the end, however I agree that Amber would benefit from continuing the treatment. Thank you for another wonderful video Dr. Grande!
There was a lot I learned from this video, thank you. I'm just about to start therapy for bpd and I'm really committed to getting well mentally. The dissection and reflections on the therapist/ client relationship was the most helpful part for me. I don't want my own disorder and its subsequent behaviours to de-rail my recovery and now I can be actively aware of that. 😊👍
Thanks for sharing that. I always appreciate these success stories. It means there's hope for my loved one -- if she's aware enough and honest with her Doctor.
Thank u Dr. Grande for your informative discussions on these psyche matters. They are always very detail complete & you're always so thorough & professional. I have learned alot from you!! 🗃️📖
I have bpd traits, I’m not sure if I have full on bpd. I recently went to a therapist with a situation similar to this case study. I’d like to point out that if I was being manipulative it wasn’t exactly a conscious effort. I just wanted help. My therapist went from seeing me every week to seeing me whenever she could fit me in, I felt both judged and like she didn’t particularly care for me as a pt. I just want someone to tell me how to be worthy of help. Or how to help myself. I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job so far of fixing this all on my own. I’ve held down the same job and marriage to the same person for over a decade. How do I stop feeling like an unlovable alien? Or is that the deal with bpd? You never stop feeling that way? What was so wrong with “Amber” wanting help? Why can’t someone just tell me what I’m doing wrong?
We are all worthy of help. You seem to be making an effort to understand yourself and improve your circumstances. However, IMHO, there are some things we can't effectively tackle on our own. A broken bone and BPD would be two good examples. Your best chance for a better life would be to begin a consistent, regular and indefinite course of therapeutic treatment. If you do this, many significant benefits could result. I hope you have already found this path.
Well, maybe Amber will get to work in Aquaman 2 after all. Kidding. 🤐 I do think there are some pretty inept psychologists out there. I have seen some who don't give advice any better than a highschooler could, or don't give any at all. This guy sounds very different than the usual (more affordable) experiences I've had. Thank you Dr Grande. 🌹👍
Given this situations complexity, I don’t think I could be a clinician because holding that boundary for so long seems impossible. Hope Amber finds her way to health and happiness.
As you’ve said , therapists can be narcissists too. Though she sounded like she was up to usual behavior, maybe she really did need someone to help and didn’t want to explore her feelings for another ten weeks. I have compassion for women who are treated like this because we all are discounted by someone and far too often. Sometimes we don’t have anyone at all and look for help in these areas when all else fails. Society isn’t exactly on our side when we’re in precarious situations.
Thanks for all the great info. As always thank you Dr. Grande. Excitement seeking was me in my younger years. I am now pretty laid back besides my mood swings . I know If I was in a romantic relationship my life would be all messed up. It's so much better. They put me on zoloft and serequil and surprisingly clonazapam. For now I am using natural medicines and vitamins and I am really feeling alot better off those meds.
Comment 130: 2,400 views. I had gone to another video to respond to one of the comments and I realized that 12 minutes past there were 2336 views, or 64 views in 12 minute. Good work on getting to 201k SUBSCRIBERS. DR. Grande, keep up great advance...🥺🥰😂🥰 300 likes-and 1 dislike
Romantic desperation and dependency related behavior among complex trauma clients is a minefield of countertransference pitfalls *if* the diagnosis is not ascertained at an early stage in therapy. A highly impulsive BPD's sense of urgency to be soothed, reassured, protected, and "nurtured" is emotionally contagious if the holding environment necessary for objective analysis cannot be maintained. These are cases that often evoke rescue fantasies and misinterpretations among primary caregivers who sometimes feel responsible for alleviating the client's intense autophobia. The pwBPD is subconsciously pleading for the therapist to become the "good" parent who will provide unambiguous demonstrations of validation and love. Demanding forms of communication are often taken at face value as some type of situational "emergency" rather than representing an anachronistic language that requires careful symbolic deconstruction.
Also, doctor, all this talk about addiction, what does the research literature say about being predisposed to addiction? Is there evidence that overcoming addiction or avoiding it altogether is all due to willpower, as many would suggest? What does the research literature say about changes in brain neurochemistry due to elicit or prescription drug use? is the change permanent? Thanks a million!
I second this question, is there evidence that there is such a thing as being more predisposed to addiction or dependency? in the broadest sense, to anything ranging from food (looking at you chocolate), games, drugs. Congratulations on 200k, well deserved and you will be doubling that in no time
@@Algo1 Eating chocolate at the moment. (Very dark, bitter, not particularly yummy. But I think it's high in magnesium, which is supposed to be calming. Maybe your body needs magnesium...?) I'm wondering if addiction can't also apply to an idea, rather than a behavior? It seems like I have been addicted to the idea of being married. I'm so tired of thinking about who would be a good mate, and how I could improve to be a good mate. It would be nice to flush that kind of thinking out of my brain, and just be content (or happy, or enthusiastic) about being single.
Natasha Mudford I find I crave dark chocolate when I am lacking in magnesium. I also find it helps with migraines and severe pain caused by food poisoning and tampering. I have often had a tea or coffee or foods from a supermarket where the manufacturing process can be not up to a high standard. Maybe the cleaning of the product line is not up to standard I do not know? I bought uncle bens ready made golden vegetable rice last week from my local freezer shop and had an allergy reaction to the food causing hand tremors, dizziness, headache and numbness in the hands and feet. I have found it in a non caffeinated aloe Vera tea too from Asda. I make notes of the serial number and time it was manufactured and normally make a complaint to the manufacturer or supermarket manager. I can only think that the factory staff have put something in the food by mistake or because they have been paid to by unscrupulous people. Sometimes I can have a product and it has caused severe stomach pains too. I find coconut water with potassium, water and magnesium supplements help. I find the carb cravings difficult to deal with though along with trying to lower the blood pressure. I try to vary where I shop now and never go to the same supermarket every week. I would suggest a food diary and list everything you are eating and the body’s physical response. The weird thing is I have had products that are okay for a few days, then I go out for a few hours and have the same product when I come back home and the tea or food causes ill health whilst I have been out. I feel like if I go out, someone is able to tamper with my food. It happens to my daughters food that I don’t eat also. It has caused me not wanting to go out, out of fear of having my food tampered with. www.healthline.com/nutrition/magnesium-deficiency-symptoms#section6
My wife hasn’t been diagnosed, but I’m certain she has BPD. She’s in the middle of her 4th affair over 12 years. She thinks this guy is the greatest, yet he’s spent most of his life in prison, works in fast food at the age of like 40, has no house, license, or car, and is a bad alcoholic. It boggles the mind. I wish I could help her but she listens to no one that tells her the truth.
Dr. Grande your case study sounds correct if Amber's confusion was the main factor as to why she felt unable to care for her children. For sure never a good idea rushing into any kind of intervention. Rushing into only a friendship with someone while they are still poor maybe but no romance or clinical intervention.
Honestly I can't see what's wrong with having a lot of short time relationships and seeking adventure when you're young. Or to put it that way, you better HAVE them when you are young, otherwise you are likely to have this need in later years, somewhere around the age of 45 to 50 - and this late puberty can become an embarassing thing. I've often seen it. So, in this point I disagree. The question for me is, when do you end this lifestyle and look out for long term relationships? I would say, Ambers age of 35 is a good time to do so. I did a bit earlier. Next thing is, well, therapy can indeed be extremely dull, once the client seeks for practical help in life (I think, this is what she had looked for, more a kind of social worker) and the client thinks, s/he'll get that there. This is a common misunderstanding of what psychotherapy is about. It's the responsibility of the counselor to set the record straight in the first one or two sessions. It's also important to ask the client, if it was the wish of someone else that this person seeks treatment - that's also a bad precondition, I think. The worst precondition is without a doubt to have a counselor like Dr. Grande. Who would be sooo mad, to give him up through getting "better"? This totally makes no sense to me at all. Thank you very much for this interesting vid, I always enjoy lively disagreement. 😊, 🐰
All so true. For years I wasn't happy unless I was engaged in high risk behaviors like IV drug use, dangerously rough sex, shop lifting, driving too fast etc etc. "Being bored" aka being safe has been so hard for me. Im always begging my counselor "just tell me what to do! Please!" 😂
From Dr. Grande's review, I gather that the clinician may have been stringing the client along by withholding a diagnosis. That seems like it would have been good for the patient. Without the diagnosis, a pattern of returning to therapy was created.
Idk. Sounds like she actually did feel desperate and overwhelmed and felt as she really needed immediate help. I might get a little annoyed if it took several weeks to address my panic, too. As for the relationship issues to follow, isn't that just kinda proof she's really sick? I don't get how she can simultaneously be exaggerating and also presenting all the symptoms.
The thing I've found that helps a lot in all kinds of relationships is to not automatically join in on other people's emotions. I don't know if this is one of those weird moments unique to those of us with autism who live at least a little bit outside of the societies of our own species, but it seems like some emotions are kind of infectious, but that kind of thing always made me feel really weirded out because it just doesn't make any sense. However, when I am closer to someone, I am more likely to fall for the same stupid bullshit. I don't know how one person can spread an emotion among other people but it seems like this is particularly powerful when that emotion is associated with one you might feel during a fight or flight adrenaline response and the weird thing is that people crave that experience so long as they can somewhat control it. Yep, people are crazy and so am I.
Done the same thing. I like to see the shocked look on people's faces, I don't even mean what I say half the time. I always of course though do tell them I lied and I was just joking around to see their reaction. I also drive extremely fast and take chances with that, only by myself in the car.
could someone be diagnosed with BPD if they've never been in a significant romantic relationship? i have many bpd traits, but i have never really dated anyone since middle school. this is partially due to the fact that i know i'm intense and needy and 'high maintenance' and know that i don't want to subject others to that [other pieces include being transgender and also having no self esteem].... bpd criteria focus mainly on close interpersonal relationships. i don't have many of those, and i actively distance myself from them often, so it's hard to tell what traits i really endorse. from crushes and close relationships i've had in the past, i know i fit many of the symptoms to a T, but from the outside it may not seem like it. i also heavily endorse most avpd criteria... i know this comorbidity is common, and i would love to see some comorbid PD comparison videos in the future.... this was an interesting video... thanks! (+ you're already at 201k??!? i love that for you!!)
@musicobsessive123 A lot of people seem to think that all borderlines have a really high body count. I've even heard people suggest that a virgin cannot have BPD because, obviously, no list of discarded lovers. That is just not true. Sex is just one thing that can be dysregulated in this disorder. People with BPD just have problems with stabilizing very intense and volatile emotions and controlling impulses. And, yes, there are problems in relating to other people. But not all borderlines have wild sexual adventures!
I love all the videos but the case study videos are my favorite! In the 200k sub video you said questions are important. I have asked one question before about a general overview of scopophobia but i would also love to see a case study on scopophobia if there is any. I do get a nervous asking for a video topic because i not sure if my questions are all that great. I am trying my best to leave comments on videos i watch though!
Psychodynamic psychotherapy is an offshoot of psychoanalysis, and uses many different “theories” to treat a patient, depending on what the clinician feels is needed. Psychoanalysis is where the clinician stays mostly silent and psychoanalyzes the patient based on what the patient says, with very little input from the doctor except “interpretations” of what the patient is feeling. Psychodynamic psychotherapy is more modern and focuses more on the patient/doctor relationship. Hope that helps?
This is literally someone I know but couldn’t find the DX! I narrowed it down to BPD but couldn’t put my finger on the finer nuance of the excitement factor.
i dont know if it had to do with it but i understand how visible distress can interfere with the descriptions of problems and those might have been factually not as inmediate as the patient percieved, so the step of learning to tolerate negative emotions could've been what the therapist tried to start with, based on relayed decisions seeming impulsive in their context and noting the urge to respond to the relayed problems in such a manner despite those being of a non-urgent nature.
Why is CPTSD misdiagnosed as BPD so much? It's like you were metaphorically pushed down the stairs as a kid and broke bones and trust, developed "SOMETHING" - more often than not, diagnosed as BPD and then being "punished" by the stigma of the label BPD in adulthood. In essence - being punished for being pushed down the stairs in the first place? Once removed from any toxic environment, what is diagnosed as BPD accompanied with all the maladaptive coping skills ends because you've learned healthy coping mechanisms following treatment, the diagnosis of BPD remains. It's like you're being metaphorically judged and diagnosed by a medical practitioner, by merely observing a segment in your daily resulting in the BPD diagnosis. This label and the associated stigma that comes along with a cluster B personality disorder essentially punishes you because your primary care giver neglected and abused you.
exactly. the trauma was mentioned off hand, but it doesn't seem to be addressed enough in the video or in the treatment. her therapist even doubted? she had real trauma which is really harmful.
Insurance companies expect a diagnosis within 5 sessions?! That seems crazy. All the care, therapy, medication, follow up, etc., is going to be based on that diagnosis, possibly for the rest of someone’s life. I would think the most important thing is to get a diagnosis right so everything can follow from there. How can you get to know someone that quickly? Especially when dealing with complex psychological issues. Of course, to them, the most important thing is the bottom line.
Listening to this was kind of exhausting. I don’t know how clinicians can put up with the Drama. It’s so much hard work. Therapists are angles Is it necessary for the clinician to be male? If it was a female wouldn’t there be less testing? Or is that necessary to lessen the feelings of being unloved and the unworthiness in the client? I don’t know if someone can get completely over the fear of abandonment.
I'm not sure she would have been consciously manipulating the therapist, I feel like it's a coping mechanism to be seen, heard and soothed. To a non disordered thinking person bpd behavior might appear manipulating but you have to remember the bpd coping mechanism is childlike and not developed like the average person.
In my city we have behavioral health teams that will come to the home in a "crisis." The persons with BPD know how to create a crisis. It seems that therapy takes too much work and goes too slowly for some of them. They will also get Police on scene, call Police on others and join into the intervention of another person's situation.
I have a question/statement that I was wondering if you were ever asked this. Does BPD hinge on societal/Ethic/moral constructs? Meaning, does BPD and how BPD manifests and gets experienced in an individual, hinge on the individual's own understanding on Social Constructs, Ethical Constructs and Moral Constructs while it also co-insides with a person's age? More over, does BPD have an existential component that has been discussed? I am Diagnosed with BPD and I am finding with the help of DBT, that I am hitting a rather weird wall in understanding BPD and how to validate my own experience, and I keep finding myself in Philosophical tropes of which I am trying to understand my own experience, able to validate and accept it, with the ever-so changing of our human existence. Its seems, at least for me, and maybe its about of the self-identity portion of the disorder, but has there been any connection with BPD and a person's understanding of Social/Ethic/Moral constructs in modern human society and what philosophical teachings can help a person with BPD more so ground themselves and are able to validate their experience on a much needed deeper level.
Yes, on moms pple, they recreate the past abuse with new people to abuse, manipulate and I never understood why until after 2010's into present day. I miss moms family but I cant go around them again.
I had a counselor in college who violated boundaries with me. I often wonder if he eventually got fired. He was the campus psychologist and I doubt I'm the only one he did it to. I'm talking touching. I was 17 and stupid.
My first girlfriend was when I was about 19 years old. I saw her less than ten times. When she dumped me I feel to pieces and couldn't stop feeling bad about it for well over a year. I kinda resolved not to put myself in a position where I could get hurt like that again.
My life partner has BPD (formally diagnosed). With therapy and meds he did well. Long story short a horrible thing happened to him having him treated in a hospital for a month for a physical injury. While there he was never given his BPD meds. Let’s just say that I couldn’t see him every day because of this. How is this possible? Why did they not give him his meds? Anyway he’s improving again with meds and we will get to the bottom of that.
Can you talk about borderline personality disorder without fear of abandoment as a symptom? It seems that is the biggest component. However, you do not need that symptom to be diagnosed. I am asking because I was diagnosed with BPD but I do not have a fear of abandoment. I know I don't need to have that symptom, but Its so unheard of. I feel like I don't really relate to anyone else with BPD because I lack that symptom. Could you possibly talk about a case study like this or describe what BPD would look like without fear of abandoment?
I can't really relate to that either. I'm usually more comfortable on my own. In fact I kind of have the opposite fear, of people getting too close. I hate feeling controlled or smothered. At least by myself I can breathe!
This is horrific to listen to. My worst fear is that my therapist thinks I’m being manipulative, and acting out in my life because it has something to do with therapy 😞
8:30-9:30 Dr Grande, transference is real, but could the clinician have any narcissistic traits? Ok 10:15 you explained it. Thank you "unlovable", "empty", and "shameful" are feelings characteristic of BPD. Yes BPd sufferers can refer to their "FP" as a drug.
The problem I have is that my belief is that you can't just go to any body for help. there seem to be more therapists out there that don't understand anything. It almost seems like the good one are maybe 1 in a hundred and that's being extremely generous. It's a lot of work to find someone good and because of the nature of all these psychological problems most people will tend to give up after seeing just 2 or 3 of them. So where do you go? Also there are a lot of pointing out peoples problems but no real solutions to them. People tend to give up even if they really want the help. They become disillusioned, there really is no help.
im defo thrill seeking atm. diagnosed w bpd a couple yes ago. currently having a new sexual partner every two-three days. but i dont mind atm, ill stop when im sick of it
Some people have legitimate complaints about previous therapists. One counselor I saw would not let me talk about me being sexually abused and one of my goals was to not date black guys (I am white). Another counselor told me I should get my tubes tied when I was only 27.
*sigh* this describes me to a T :( Beyond CBT Lamotrigin to help stabilize mood and Flouxetine for depression helped immensely, later on Ritalin and Lyrica was added and i function very well these days, tho not well enough for any kind of full time job. You know when people say "i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy"? yeah i would...
What is meant exactly of feeling of emptiness. This is a confusing concept to me. How is it described be the clinician? How is it described by the patient? How do behaviours stemming from emptiness manefest themselves?
@@maton100 Im the internal subtype and for me its been intense but I rarely get to where I try and get it filled by someone else, I just used all the time for years & years, but treatment after a year is helping immensely!!! So glad for DBT!
@@maton100 please forgive my ignorance when I ask for clarification as I am painfully lost on this concept. Currently, you have described someone who is empty as someone who seeks repeated external stimuli, to achive their perceived want's or goals. Is someone who is "empty" unable to generate internal stimuli? Perhaps you could describe a person who is the antithesis of someone who feels chronic emptiness? What is meant by identity diffusion? Personally, i was educated to view personality as diffused from the loci of an individual and negotiated/affected with/by their familial bonds, social setting, cultural milieu and is shaped physical/ biological environment as a cofactor (or catalyst). Likewise, what differentiates generalized consumerism, colloquial notions of romance, or status seeking behaviours from, as you stated and I paraphrase, 'the "need" to feel completed by external stimuli'? I hope i have articulated my questions adequately, thank you for you first response.
Finding twice monthly BPD groups is ideal but hard to find. Seems like the online world of groups on FB is disorganized how might we find a reputable group
Amber sounds exactly like my mother's case, she was abused at a young age and had a long hard road in short term exciting relationships. She's 49 now and still the same, she will justify all her actions through her past Which she has the right too. But when it comes to take action on finding a solution for her issues it's all toxic self destructive attachment's. It all comes down to choice in my opinion ultimately if she wanted to, she will change her toxic addictions through disapline of her impulses, I digress, great case study good sir.
It seems that because relational understanding was Amber's goal, prior therapists and the current therapist's approaches did not meet it. More failed attempts of having the goal met contributed to Amber's building distrust and eroded Amber's interest in therapy.
Then you're in the minority. Unless someone has other diagnoses ( like depression, bipolar disorder, panic attacks etc) borderlines are rarely helped by psychiatric meds. Personally I cannot manage without my 40 mg of Fluoxetine (Prozac) everyday, but that's because I also have depression and some traces of OCD. But in general BPD is not managed with meds, unlike bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.
Sir. Could you do a video on males dealing with circumcision? I had one done in late teens, was kind of ok with it but lost sensitivity hence got erectile dysfunction and sex just isn't as exciting anymore... there are men who killed themselves. I won't lie that after studying more about it I felt an excruciating pain of regret and misery... had a thought of killing myself going through my head...
@M Z I had a case of phimosis that could be fixed alternatively and I don't remember but I think I had a mildly short frenulum. I was young, rushed my decision, thought I'll be fine since I was really sensitive but read more about it last week and I'm in a fucking despair... I broke down yesterday thinking WHY!? Why I didn't do more research on that... I have a options, do foreskin restoration by stretching or wait for Foregen technology to hit the market in couple years up to maybe even a decade... there's 3rd option too = end my life the day I cannot bear the pain... I wish I could reset my life or go back in time...
90%+ of Americans are circumcised and are fine. You’re grieving what you lost. Porn and masturbation are almost undoubtedly part of the problem if you’re from a western culture. Porn emphasizes “edging” and finding the “best”/hottest possible videos/images. That only further emphasizes and optimizes for purely physical sensations. Contrast this with real sex with another human, which places more emphasis on connection and less on objectification and pure mechanics.
I don't doubt this person had 9/9 BPD traits but where are the histrionic traits?! This is exactly the dynamic histrionics have in therapy. Typical borderline therapy looks different. I've read multiple times that it is important for borderline treatement to understand the subtype behavior and possible comorbid manifestations because it takes a COMPLETELY different approach to treat a self-destructive borderline to treating a petulant (histrionic) one. This case study is a great example. DBT is considered the best therapy for borderlines, yet in this case it wouldn't be very useful in my opinion. This person probably needs to be treated like a histrionic and "boring and stale" is EXACTLY what histrionics need, since those breakthrough moments are a histrionic's supply. It's like feeding a narcissist admiration during therapy, it even makes things worse.
Could someone with this condition be sort of looking forward to the corona virus chaos in society with visions of mad max ect as long as it does not happen to them because they feel they have prepared like peppers do ?
doesn't really seem like her trauma was addressed much or linked to her actions. she could've been seeking out her abusers in her relationships, very common with victims. victims will also experience emotional dysregulation, feelings of emptiness, self destructive behavior. i am disappointed that trauma was just addressed briefly, but pretty much ignored otherwise.
No its definitely not. For me, the best way to understand bpd is: morbid fear of abandonement. The feat causes the person to do whatever they think will keep the person in their lives. This will include all kinds of behaviour like manipulation etc.
It's not drama is misdirected anger like a child throwing a fit because they don't get their way but in an adult body. Growing up without learning emotional regulation.
Seems very likely to me she dated that guy to try and make the therapist jealous. Pretty obvious when BPDs do this, which is why he picked up on it, even if it does not seem the most logical explanation from your POV.
Im to chicken shit to look for work because so many (all) of my jobs ended so poorly. BPD is like being infested with bedbugs. Its infront of you and behind you and all around. Good luck making a living. Amf
*More Like;* Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Borderline... You may be gone, but (sadly) You're not forgotten, Fare thee well, my Borderline.
I was diagnosed with BPD and am always scared that my therapist and counselors will start to dislike or want to give up on me because of the negative traits I probably exhibit. I liked hearing this story where the clinician didn't give up on her. It's also encouraging that she improved so much.
Well… is it just me? Or did anybody find the therapist sus in this story? Like “oh she’s just dating this new idiot guy to upset me.”
I’m sorry, what?
That doesn’t sound appropriate. And it doesn’t sound rational.
And I also was suspicious of him withholding the diagnosis. I’m not sure what the motivation was, but idk all this stuff sounds weirdly personal.
She’s the patient, you expect her to act unhealthily. But for all that doctor did right, in terms of holding boundaries firm, he red flagged me with those things. Dr grande brought them up too, so I know I’m not just being “ew people”-y and just not trusting him because he walks on two legs and has a pulse.
@@BeckBeckGo I agree completely. Seems like he made her treatment about him...a bit narcissistic?? Bleh.
I’ve run across some pretty blatant narcissists over the 50+ years I’ve been in treatment. Still struggling with BPD and ADHD after all these years. Life is he’ll sometimes
THIS!! Im in therapy because when I get overwhelmed I run away but then when I inevitably do withdraw and want to apologize and restart therapy I'm terrified they’ll tell me no because I'm not committed enough, it's such a cruel self fulfilling prophecy 🫠
It's pretty funny how it's sounds crazy as fuck ,yet the clinician is 100% correct .Crazy fukn bitches !
I like the way you looked so relaxed and at ease after reaching 200k. Remember the time you just started videos, wore an orange shirt and we teased you about being in custody?
Too funny. I'll have to go back and find those.
I remember that haha orange is the new grande.
Hehe, very funny!! :-)
Almost 400 000 now!
576K now. Doc Grande is literally one of, if not the most humble RUclipsr on the internet.
It's very sad to see someone you love dearly suffer from BPD. Over 9 years I saw her lose jobs, friends and family and eventually me and she genuinely couldn't understand (or chose not to understand) why. They have such great potential but ultimately they self destruct. Very sad indeed..:(
Ouch
I struggle with self destructive patterns, why is death drive so strong in some people?
Ain't dead yet.
I'm watching my daughter go through this right now. Eight months ago, she dumped her entire family as "toxic" and has torpedoed every relationship she has except her romantic one (she's in the "he is EVERYTHING to me" stage of this relationship). Her vindictiveness has gone so far as to trying to get a brother put in jail for something he didn't do to her, and elder abuse of her own grandfather, who lives with her but has been subject to eight months of "silent treatment" because he doesn't like her boyfriend (who pays no rent). Everyone is "always such the best" or "never supported her in any way" (both statements are false). She has cut her children off from her own family and her ex (the childrens' father) is so terrified of her doing that to him that he also refuses to let us have any contact, even though his kids beg him to (they're 5 and 3 so have no agency in this). C-19 has meant we can't even rescue my dad from this; there's no housing. She lies about every little thing, which I know is not bpd but nonetheless, she does (she is used to being, and has a need to be, the smartest person in the room and seems to like fooling people. People who believe her are suddenly her "best friends". People who don't or who call her out on a lie are "toxic". So, yeah, that informs why she won't talk to her family any more).
It's heartbreaking, and not just because I can't see my much-loved daughter and grandkids, and I know my dad is suffering, but also because I know that when her relationship falls apart (and it will; she has had a long history of this), her life will get even worse. I love her but am completely helpless to help. She threw out her meds and is now self-medicating with MDMA, which can only make things worse.
@@Bethgael so sorry to hear this. My advice would be best not to get emotionally involved.. as hard as it may be. Make all your future decisions based on truths not on emotions. You dealing with someone with extreme emotions like a 6 six year old child.
Dr Grande you look very nice in these warm toned shirts.
The consistency of daily videos on this channel is great
*listening to this as I drive to DBT group therapy! THIS will count as my thrill-seeking behavior today!* 😜😂😁🖤
I have bpd. I've isolated myself for 10 years now because I was tired of hurting people. Now that I want to come out of my shell, I have agoraphobia. I did it to myself. I need to get a therapist online.
Brandon Vanlieshout ♥️
You kick ass Brandon.
Molly Magpie you do get help asap
what about 'Better Help' ?
@@karenKristal you lose faith after awhile in therapy. That's at least how I was. Kept thinking everyone was leaving for stupid reasons. Getting angry, so now I just see my kids, yes I so want to be in a romantic relationship, but I'm afraid I didn't outgrow things. Plus, the agoraphobia now will take time to get over. Yes all my doing and fault but never changes the fact you get tired of being alone.
This is probably one of the most interesting videos I've seen in months.
I think at some point while watching the video it suddenly clicked for me, a better understanding of what BPD actually is and how it manifests.
Thank you for the effort you put into these videos Dr. Grande 👍
Same, Im in DBT, and a guy and a different subtype (internal) but brought out at lot of subtle things that go on in my head, and I see how my therapist has stayed not too much or too little on advice and conclusions, very good.
hi, can you do a video in the dissociation part of BPD? I cant really find much information about this. thanks
Yes This is a very important piece of the disorder.
I'd love to see one on the short term personality changes as well
I.e. each mood manifesting as almost a totally different human, much moreso than a neurotypical person
I have diagnosed myself because I was misdiagnosed with bipolar 2. I know I'm not a doctor but I strongly believe I have bpd. When I was 12 years old I saw my mom have a grand mal seizure. She had fallen face 1st and blood was coming out of her mouth she was convulsing also. I thought she was dying. I had never seen this happen. As I ran down the stairs and out the front door, I heard nothing but a ringing in my ears, everything was blurry except the concrete steps and driveway, it felt as though time was slowed down and I couldn't run fast enough to the neighbors side of our duplex nor could I feel my legs or feet hitting the ground. I was running fast as I could and could a glimpse of myself from my other body. For a moment I was watching this traumatic event from someone else's point of view. I was not inside my body. As I knocked I couldn't feel my knuckles on the door I tried to knock harder but I panicked even more because it felt like I was barely hitting the door. When they answered I couldn't get my words out I had to repeat it until it made sense finally I said my mommy fell she fell! And that is what I believe to be disassociation.
Yes please i really want to know more on this topic
Watching this made me remember this one therapist who, after only 1 month (that's 4 weeks, one session per week) told me I got so much better and I can come for a follow-up once a month or so if I'd like to. At that time, I was struggling with the aftermath of a long-term relationship breakup, cannabis addiction, possible termination at work, and a short-term relationship with a psychopath (yes, I was trying to get over my ex).
My most favourite video yet. So much of this chimes with my clinical work. Sometimes it’s just about sitting alongside someone encouraging them to reflect and come up with their own solutions rather than “doing to” them 🙂
This was really thought provoking...Whenever a clinician finds zie is doing something different, altering boundaries..it’s a good idea to step back and talk to a colleague or supervisor...this was really helpful for me. Thanks so much!!!
Thank you! What do you think about the HyperSensitivity Narcissism Scale?
If you haven't already, may we have a comprehensive review of dependent personality disorder?
Great questions, I'm interested too.
I have CPTSD with borderline traits. My toughest issue's are being extremely sensitive, and a lot of pain. Anything someone says to me can be taken negatively and it cuts like a knife. And the pain is excruciating. I've been working on myself in therapy for 6 year's now but didn't get the borderline diagnosis till a little over a year now. Little by little it's become more manageable and I always have hope I'll be better. I have to reflect and look back at how far I've come along since I started my journey of healing so I can keep that hope alive, because it's sure easy for someone like me to have setbacks. I like these case studies.
Both of the following quotes are from Emily Bronte’s dichotomous characters in “Wuthering Heights”.
***“He is more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
***“If he lived with all the powers of his puny being, he couldn’t love as much in eighty years as I could in a day.”
Why do I get the sensation that Emily Bronte may have been afflicted by BPD? What do you all think?
I have BPD... interesting to know how my therapist might see things. I can understand her method a lot more now. At the end of the day, her calm composure to my 'crises' has, indeed, taught me how to stay calm. It works!
Dr. Grande, just love listening to your videos. I’m a lay person and get so much out of your videos. Have you ever made a video on your assessment of 12 step recovery groups? If not, can you make one?
Tania Varela Yes, please. I’ve attended twelve-steps and have mixed emotions about them.
Jeanette Waverly I am ok breaking my anonymity. I attend Al-Anon and have found it very helpful. However, I understand 12 step recovery is not for everyone and additional support may be needed.
i am thoroughly impressed by the patience and machiavellian-level fore- and far-sighedness of the clinician. not being drawn into her intense need for immediacy...i think the inference about the patient's bad-boy binge being about himself said more about him than her, but other than that, i was impressed. even though he called it "prolonging the assessment phase," all he did was withhold the diagnosis from the patient until he decided it was time to tell her...i think he figured it out as quickly as the rest of us did, but he took the time to get to know her patterns, and reactions to various situations (including a short-lived romance.) i am more intrigued by the head-shrinker than i am with the wild-woman...mood.
I have been watching "Better call Saul" lately, and noticed that many relationships are filled with personality disorders. I would love Dr. Grande to discuss most specifically the family relationship between the Mc Gill brothers according to the flashbacks and show.
Yes very much so!
What makes you think Chuck McGill had a personality disorder? I imagine that’s who you were referring to, because to me it’s quite clear Jimmy doesn’t whatsoever. If you look through an electron microscope, *everyone* has traits of a PD. that’s precisely why self- or peer-diagnosis is so dangerous.
I never said anyone specifically had a disorder. I think the family dynamics of all the characters are sketchy. I never said Chuck or Jimmy, I asked for Dr. Grande to evaluate.
D. Fahey you actually said “the McGill brothers” specifically, which is why I mentioned them.
Love the case studies. Twice a week sessions seemed to allow more rapid progress than usual, but further treatment would have seemed desirable. An update on her 5 years after treatment would be interesting.
This reminds me of an early 70s true crime case that got fictional treatment by novelist Judith Rossner, and was made into a movie with Diane Keaton and Richard Gere, Looking for Mr. Goodbar. The female character is a young teacher of deaf children from an Irish Catholic family who had a traumatic childhood illness that required spinal corrective surgery and long, grueling recovery. She is left with feelings of inadequacy, shame, unworthiness, and emptiness and seeks the transient company of strangers at a local watering hole, Mr. Goodbar, where she eventually encounters a very troubled bisexual reduced to selling sex due to his complete lack of adult skills. It was a troublingly and brutal movie, although it lacked today's almost required gratuitous violence, but depicted violence to allow viewers to understand the scope of this woman's tragedy.
Great analysis!
So many nuances in this case study, a lot to learn from. It was nice to see some improvement at the end, however I agree that Amber would benefit from continuing the treatment.
Thank you for another wonderful video Dr. Grande!
There was a lot I learned from this video, thank you. I'm just about to start therapy for bpd and I'm really committed to getting well mentally. The dissection and reflections on the therapist/ client relationship was the most helpful part for me. I don't want my own disorder and its subsequent behaviours to de-rail my recovery and now I can be actively aware of that. 😊👍
Thanks for sharing that. I always appreciate these success stories. It means there's hope for my loved one -- if she's aware enough and honest with her Doctor.
Thank u Dr. Grande for your informative discussions on these psyche matters. They are always very detail complete & you're always so thorough & professional. I have learned alot from you!! 🗃️📖
Great way to start my day😌. Thanks! Hope your week is good.
I have bpd traits, I’m not sure if I have full on bpd. I recently went to a therapist with a situation similar to this case study. I’d like to point out that if I was being manipulative it wasn’t exactly a conscious effort. I just wanted help. My therapist went from seeing me every week to seeing me whenever she could fit me in, I felt both judged and like she didn’t particularly care for me as a pt. I just want someone to tell me how to be worthy of help. Or how to help myself. I feel like I’ve done a pretty good job so far of fixing this all on my own. I’ve held down the same job and marriage to the same person for over a decade. How do I stop feeling like an unlovable alien? Or is that the deal with bpd? You never stop feeling that way? What was so wrong with “Amber” wanting help? Why can’t someone just tell me what I’m doing wrong?
We are all worthy of help. You seem to be making an effort to understand yourself and improve your circumstances. However, IMHO, there are some things we can't effectively tackle on our own. A broken bone and BPD would be two good examples. Your best chance for a better life would be to begin a consistent, regular and indefinite course of therapeutic treatment. If you do this, many significant benefits could result. I hope you have already found this path.
Well, maybe Amber will get to work in Aquaman 2 after all. Kidding. 🤐
I do think there are some pretty inept psychologists out there. I have seen some who don't give advice any better than a highschooler could, or don't give any at all. This guy sounds very different than the usual (more affordable) experiences I've had.
Thank you Dr Grande. 🌹👍
Thank you, Dr Grande. Very interesting and helpful as always.
Given this situations complexity, I don’t think I could be a clinician because holding that boundary for so long seems impossible. Hope Amber finds her way to health and happiness.
As you’ve said , therapists can be narcissists too. Though she sounded like she was up to usual behavior, maybe she really did need someone to help and didn’t want to explore her feelings for another ten weeks. I have compassion for women who are treated like this because we all are discounted by someone and far too often. Sometimes we don’t have anyone at all and look for help in these areas when all else fails. Society isn’t exactly on our side when we’re in precarious situations.
Thanks for all the great info. As always thank you Dr. Grande. Excitement seeking was me in my younger years. I am now pretty laid back besides my mood swings . I know If I was in a romantic relationship my life would be all messed up. It's so much better. They put me on zoloft and serequil and surprisingly clonazapam. For now I am using natural medicines and vitamins and I am really feeling alot better off those meds.
LIFEISAJOURNEY LETITGO i hear you living without a romantic partner is the best!
@@pointsbeingmade7996 🤗👍
Comment 130: 2,400 views. I had gone to another video to respond to one of the comments and I realized that 12 minutes past there were 2336 views, or 64 views in 12 minute. Good work on getting to 201k SUBSCRIBERS. DR. Grande, keep up great advance...🥺🥰😂🥰
300 likes-and 1 dislike
I think Amber should probably consider seeking female clinicians.
Dewi Lew fat chance
Why?
Yep why?
My thoughts exactly
@The Real Deal maybe because she could develop feelings for the male counseller (if she's straight).
Thank you Dr Grande for a very intersting video on borderline .🙂💜
201!! Congrats on the subs!! Awesome Success. And so much personal growth and applied understanding. Thank you Dear Doc!
Do a case study on me papa grande
Romantic desperation and dependency related behavior among complex trauma clients is a minefield of countertransference pitfalls *if* the diagnosis is not ascertained at an early stage in therapy. A highly impulsive BPD's sense of urgency to be soothed, reassured, protected, and "nurtured" is emotionally contagious if the holding environment necessary for objective analysis cannot be maintained. These are cases that often evoke rescue fantasies and misinterpretations among primary caregivers who sometimes feel responsible for alleviating the client's intense autophobia. The pwBPD is subconsciously pleading for the therapist to become the "good" parent who will provide unambiguous demonstrations of validation and love. Demanding forms of communication are often taken at face value as some type of situational "emergency" rather than representing an anachronistic language that requires careful symbolic deconstruction.
Also, doctor, all this talk about addiction, what does the research literature say about being predisposed to addiction? Is there evidence that overcoming addiction or avoiding it altogether is all due to willpower, as many would suggest?
What does the research literature say about changes in brain neurochemistry due to elicit or prescription drug use? is the change permanent? Thanks a million!
I second this question, is there evidence that there is such a thing as being more predisposed to addiction or dependency? in the broadest sense, to anything ranging from food (looking at you chocolate), games, drugs.
Congratulations on 200k, well deserved and you will be doubling that in no time
@@Algo1
Eating chocolate at the moment. (Very dark, bitter, not particularly yummy. But I think it's high in magnesium, which is supposed to be calming. Maybe your body needs magnesium...?)
I'm wondering if addiction can't also apply to an idea, rather than a behavior? It seems like I have been addicted to the idea of being married. I'm so tired of thinking about who would be a good mate, and how I could improve to be a good mate. It would be nice to flush that kind of thinking out of my brain, and just be content (or happy, or enthusiastic) about being single.
ACE study and yes if you kill enough brain cells with drugs you can change how a brain processes information.
Natasha Mudford I find I crave dark chocolate when I am lacking in magnesium. I also find it helps with migraines and severe pain caused by food poisoning and tampering. I have often had a tea or coffee or foods from a supermarket where the manufacturing process can be not up to a high standard. Maybe the cleaning of the product line is not up to standard I do not know? I bought uncle bens ready made golden vegetable rice last week from my local freezer shop and had an allergy reaction to the food causing hand tremors, dizziness, headache and numbness in the hands and feet. I have found it in a non caffeinated aloe Vera tea too from Asda. I make notes of the serial number and time it was manufactured and normally make a complaint to the manufacturer or supermarket manager. I can only think that the factory staff have put something in the food by mistake or because they have been paid to by unscrupulous people. Sometimes I can have a product and it has caused severe stomach pains too. I find coconut water with potassium, water and magnesium supplements help.
I find the carb cravings difficult to deal with though along with trying to lower the blood pressure.
I try to vary where I shop now and never go to the same supermarket every week.
I would suggest a food diary and list everything you are eating and the body’s physical response. The weird thing is I have had products that are okay for a few days, then I go out for a few hours and have the same product when I come back home and the tea or food causes ill health whilst I have been out. I feel like if I go out, someone is able to tamper with my food. It happens to my daughters food that I don’t eat also. It has caused me not wanting to go out, out of fear of having my food tampered with.
www.healthline.com/nutrition/magnesium-deficiency-symptoms#section6
Dr. Grande, may you please do more videos on codependency, causes and treatment? Thank you!
My wife hasn’t been diagnosed, but I’m certain she has BPD. She’s in the middle of her 4th affair over 12 years. She thinks this guy is the greatest, yet he’s spent most of his life in prison, works in fast food at the age of like 40, has no house, license, or car, and is a bad alcoholic. It boggles the mind. I wish I could help her but she listens to no one that tells her the truth.
Dr. Grande your case study sounds correct if Amber's confusion was the main factor as to why she felt unable to care for her children. For sure never a good idea rushing into any kind of intervention. Rushing into only a friendship with someone while they are still poor maybe but no romance or clinical intervention.
Honestly I can't see what's wrong with having a lot of short time relationships and seeking adventure when you're young. Or to put it that way, you better HAVE them when you are young, otherwise you are likely to have this need in later years, somewhere around the age of 45 to 50 - and this late puberty can become an embarassing thing. I've often seen it. So, in this point I disagree. The question for me is, when do you end this lifestyle and look out for long term relationships? I would say, Ambers age of 35 is a good time to do so. I did a bit earlier.
Next thing is, well, therapy can indeed be extremely dull, once the client seeks for practical help in life (I think, this is what she had looked for, more a kind of social worker) and the client thinks, s/he'll get that there. This is a common misunderstanding of what psychotherapy is about. It's the responsibility of the counselor to set the record straight in the first one or two sessions. It's also important to ask the client, if it was the wish of someone else that this person seeks treatment - that's also a bad precondition, I think.
The worst precondition is without a doubt to have a counselor like Dr. Grande. Who would be sooo mad, to give him up through getting "better"? This totally makes no sense to me at all.
Thank you very much for this interesting vid, I always enjoy lively disagreement. 😊, 🐰
All so true. For years I wasn't happy unless I was engaged in high risk behaviors like IV drug use, dangerously rough sex, shop lifting, driving too fast etc etc.
"Being bored" aka being safe has been so hard for me.
Im always begging my counselor "just tell me what to do! Please!" 😂
From Dr. Grande's review, I gather that the clinician may have been stringing the client along by withholding a diagnosis. That seems like it would have been good for the patient.
Without the diagnosis, a pattern of returning to therapy was created.
Idk. Sounds like she actually did feel desperate and overwhelmed and felt as she really needed immediate help. I might get a little annoyed if it took several weeks to address my panic, too. As for the relationship issues to follow, isn't that just kinda proof she's really sick? I don't get how she can simultaneously be exaggerating and also presenting all the symptoms.
Factitious victimization.
The thing I've found that helps a lot in all kinds of relationships is to not automatically join in on other people's emotions. I don't know if this is one of those weird moments unique to those of us with autism who live at least a little bit outside of the societies of our own species, but it seems like some emotions are kind of infectious, but that kind of thing always made me feel really weirded out because it just doesn't make any sense. However, when I am closer to someone, I am more likely to fall for the same stupid bullshit. I don't know how one person can spread an emotion among other people but it seems like this is particularly powerful when that emotion is associated with one you might feel during a fight or flight adrenaline response and the weird thing is that people crave that experience so long as they can somewhat control it. Yep, people are crazy and so am I.
Done the same thing. I like to see the shocked look on people's faces, I don't even mean what I say half the time. I always of course though do tell them I lied and I was just joking around to see their reaction. I also drive extremely fast and take chances with that, only by myself in the car.
could someone be diagnosed with BPD if they've never been in a significant romantic relationship?
i have many bpd traits, but i have never really dated anyone since middle school. this is partially due to the fact that i know i'm intense and needy and 'high maintenance' and know that i don't want to subject others to that [other pieces include being transgender and also having no self esteem]....
bpd criteria focus mainly on close interpersonal relationships. i don't have many of those, and i actively distance myself from them often, so it's hard to tell what traits i really endorse.
from crushes and close relationships i've had in the past, i know i fit many of the symptoms to a T, but from the outside it may not seem like it. i also heavily endorse most avpd criteria...
i know this comorbidity is common, and i would love to see some comorbid PD comparison videos in the future....
this was an interesting video... thanks!
(+ you're already at 201k??!? i love that for you!!)
@Ack i can relate to your situation, and thanks for your response! 💜
@Ack thank you. its always good to know you aren't alone, even if it's in something like this. 💜
@musicobsessive123 A lot of people seem to think that all borderlines have a really high body count. I've even heard people suggest that a virgin cannot have BPD because, obviously, no list of discarded lovers. That is just not true. Sex is just one thing that can be dysregulated in this disorder. People with BPD just have problems with stabilizing very intense and volatile emotions and controlling impulses. And, yes, there are problems in relating to other people. But not all borderlines have wild sexual adventures!
I love all the videos but the case study videos are my favorite! In the 200k sub video you said questions are important. I have asked one question before about a general overview of scopophobia but i would also love to see a case study on scopophobia if there is any. I do get a nervous asking for a video topic because i not sure if my questions are all that great. I am trying my best to leave comments on videos i watch though!
Hello Dr Grande. What is the difference between psychoanalysis and dynamic counselling? I read somewhere that these are related.
Psychodynamic psychotherapy is an offshoot of psychoanalysis, and uses many different “theories” to treat a patient, depending on what the clinician feels is needed. Psychoanalysis is where the clinician stays mostly silent and psychoanalyzes the patient based on what the patient says, with very little input from the doctor except “interpretations” of what the patient is feeling. Psychodynamic psychotherapy is more modern and focuses more on the patient/doctor relationship. Hope that helps?
@@mgal6234 Thanks
This is literally someone I know but couldn’t find the DX! I narrowed it down to BPD but couldn’t put my finger on the finer nuance of the excitement factor.
i dont know if it had to do with it but i understand how visible distress can interfere with the descriptions of problems and those might have been factually not as inmediate as the patient percieved, so the step of learning to tolerate negative emotions could've been what the therapist tried to start with, based on relayed decisions seeming impulsive in their context and noting the urge to respond to the relayed problems in such a manner despite those being of a non-urgent nature.
When I was six years old my stepmother left me in a doorway with a note saying not wanted
Why is CPTSD misdiagnosed as BPD so much? It's like you were metaphorically pushed down the stairs as a kid and broke bones and trust, developed "SOMETHING" - more often than not, diagnosed as BPD and then being "punished" by the stigma of the label BPD in adulthood. In essence - being punished for being pushed down the stairs in the first place?
Once removed from any toxic environment, what is diagnosed as BPD accompanied with all the maladaptive coping skills ends because you've learned healthy coping mechanisms following treatment, the diagnosis of BPD remains. It's like you're being metaphorically judged and diagnosed by a medical practitioner, by merely observing a segment in your daily resulting in the BPD diagnosis. This label and the associated stigma that comes along with a cluster B personality disorder essentially punishes you because your primary care giver neglected and abused you.
exactly. the trauma was mentioned off hand, but it doesn't seem to be addressed enough in the video or in the treatment. her therapist even doubted? she had real trauma which is really harmful.
Insurance companies expect a diagnosis within 5 sessions?! That seems crazy. All the care, therapy, medication, follow up, etc., is going to be based on that diagnosis, possibly for the rest of someone’s life. I would think the most important thing is to get a diagnosis right so everything can follow from there. How can you get to know someone that quickly? Especially when dealing with complex psychological issues. Of course, to them, the most important thing is the bottom line.
Listening to this was kind of exhausting.
I don’t know how clinicians can put up with the Drama.
It’s so much hard work.
Therapists are angles
Is it necessary for the clinician to be male?
If it was a female wouldn’t there be less testing?
Or is that necessary to lessen the feelings of being unloved and the unworthiness in the client?
I don’t know if someone can get completely over the fear of abandonment.
Thank you!💕
I'm not sure she would have been consciously manipulating the therapist, I feel like it's a coping mechanism to be seen, heard and soothed. To a non disordered thinking person bpd behavior might appear manipulating but you have to remember the bpd coping mechanism is childlike and not developed like the average person.
In my city we have behavioral health teams that will come to the home in a "crisis." The persons with BPD know how to create a crisis. It seems that therapy takes too much work and goes too slowly for some of them. They will also get Police on scene, call Police on others and join into the intervention of another person's situation.
I have a question/statement that I was wondering if you were ever asked this. Does BPD hinge on societal/Ethic/moral constructs? Meaning, does BPD and how BPD manifests and gets experienced in an individual, hinge on the individual's own understanding on Social Constructs, Ethical Constructs and Moral Constructs while it also co-insides with a person's age? More over, does BPD have an existential component that has been discussed? I am Diagnosed with BPD and I am finding with the help of DBT, that I am hitting a rather weird wall in understanding BPD and how to validate my own experience, and I keep finding myself in Philosophical tropes of which I am trying to understand my own experience, able to validate and accept it, with the ever-so changing of our human existence. Its seems, at least for me, and maybe its about of the self-identity portion of the disorder, but has there been any connection with BPD and a person's understanding of Social/Ethic/Moral constructs in modern human society and what philosophical teachings can help a person with BPD more so ground themselves and are able to validate their experience on a much needed deeper level.
Hard to remember the self hatred and emptiness at 180mph
Yes, on moms pple, they recreate the past abuse with new people to abuse, manipulate and I never understood why until after 2010's into present day. I miss moms family but I cant go around them again.
I had a counselor in college who violated boundaries with me. I often wonder if he eventually got fired. He was the campus psychologist and I doubt I'm the only one he did it to. I'm talking touching. I was 17 and stupid.
My first girlfriend was when I was about 19 years old. I saw her less than ten times. When she dumped me I feel to pieces and couldn't stop feeling bad about it for well over a year.
I kinda resolved not to put myself in a position where I could get hurt like that again.
I’m truly sorry
thank
@@Cultural_Supremacist yes, exactly the word I was looking for
My life partner has BPD (formally diagnosed). With therapy and meds he did well. Long story short a horrible thing happened to him having him treated in a hospital for a month for a physical injury. While there he was never given his BPD meds. Let’s just say that I couldn’t see him every day because of this. How is this possible? Why did they not give him his meds? Anyway he’s improving again with meds and we will get to the bottom of that.
I wonder if the clinician delayed because he didn't believe her fully. Great video as always:).
Can you talk about borderline personality disorder without fear of abandoment as a symptom? It seems that is the biggest component. However, you do not need that symptom to be diagnosed. I am asking because I was diagnosed with BPD but I do not have a fear of abandoment. I know I don't need to have that symptom, but Its so unheard of. I feel like I don't really relate to anyone else with BPD because I lack that symptom.
Could you possibly talk about a case study like this or describe what BPD would look like without fear of abandoment?
I can't really relate to that either. I'm usually more comfortable on my own. In fact I kind of have the opposite fear, of people getting too close. I hate feeling controlled or smothered. At least by myself I can breathe!
This is horrific to listen to. My worst fear is that my therapist thinks I’m being manipulative, and acting out in my life because it has something to do with therapy 😞
THANKS FOR THE VIDEO BROTHER 😍❤😍❤😍❤
Sometimes i wonder what value there is in wanting to exist when all there is to feel is extreme suffering for thos with Bpd
8:30-9:30 Dr Grande, transference is real, but could the clinician have any narcissistic traits? Ok 10:15 you explained it. Thank you "unlovable", "empty", and "shameful" are feelings characteristic of BPD. Yes BPd sufferers can refer to their "FP" as a drug.
The problem I have is that my belief is that you can't just go to any body for help. there seem to be more therapists out there that don't understand anything. It almost seems like the good one are maybe 1 in a hundred and that's being extremely generous. It's a lot of work to find someone good and because of the nature of all these psychological problems most people will tend to give up after seeing just 2 or 3 of them. So where do you go? Also there are a lot of pointing out peoples problems but no real solutions to them. People tend to give up even if they really want the help. They become disillusioned, there really is no help.
I can see how the new bad relationship was related to the therapist bc it was like getting a “fix” that the therapist was not giving her
im defo thrill seeking atm. diagnosed w bpd a couple yes ago. currently having a new sexual partner every two-three days. but i dont mind atm, ill stop when im sick of it
Some people have legitimate complaints about previous therapists. One counselor I saw would not let me talk about me being sexually abused and one of my goals was to not date black guys (I am white). Another counselor told me I should get my tubes tied when I was only 27.
Can a person be borderline and asexual at the same time?
*sigh* this describes me to a T :( Beyond CBT Lamotrigin to help stabilize mood and Flouxetine for depression helped immensely, later on Ritalin and Lyrica was added and i function very well these days, tho not well enough for any kind of full time job. You know when people say "i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy"? yeah i would...
Amber? Really? 🤣🤣🤣
mommyput 😜
I know lol
Exactly what I was going to write! Lol
I bet thats why he picked it
What is meant exactly of feeling of emptiness. This is a confusing concept to me. How is it described be the clinician? How is it described by the patient? How do behaviours stemming from emptiness manefest themselves?
@@maton100 Im the internal subtype and for me its been intense but I rarely get to where I try and get it filled by someone else, I just used all the time for years & years, but treatment after a year is helping immensely!!! So glad for DBT!
@@maton100 please forgive my ignorance when I ask for clarification as I am painfully lost on this concept.
Currently, you have described someone who is empty as someone who seeks repeated external stimuli, to achive their perceived want's or goals. Is someone who is "empty" unable to generate internal stimuli?
Perhaps you could describe a person who is the antithesis of someone who feels chronic emptiness?
What is meant by identity diffusion? Personally, i was educated to view personality as diffused from the loci of an individual and negotiated/affected with/by their familial bonds, social setting, cultural milieu and is shaped physical/ biological environment as a cofactor (or catalyst).
Likewise, what differentiates generalized consumerism, colloquial notions of romance, or status seeking behaviours from, as you stated and I paraphrase, 'the "need" to feel completed by external stimuli'?
I hope i have articulated my questions adequately, thank you for you first response.
Democritus how does the BPD need for filling up the emptiness with external stimuli compare and differ with the NPD need for narcissistic supply?
Finding twice monthly BPD groups is ideal but hard to find. Seems like the online world of groups on FB is disorganized how might we find a reputable group
This is me
Amber sounds exactly like my mother's case, she was abused at a young age and had a long hard road in short term exciting relationships. She's 49 now and still the same, she will justify all her actions through her past Which she has the right too. But when it comes to take action on finding a solution for her issues it's all toxic self destructive attachment's. It all comes down to choice in my opinion ultimately if she wanted to, she will change her toxic addictions through disapline of her impulses, I digress, great case study good sir.
It seems that because relational understanding was Amber's goal, prior therapists and the current therapist's approaches did not meet it. More failed attempts of having the goal met contributed to Amber's building distrust and eroded Amber's interest in therapy.
I think therapy is useless without the patient taking medication. Most of my symptoms are gone with medication.
Then you're in the minority. Unless someone has other diagnoses ( like depression, bipolar disorder, panic attacks etc) borderlines are rarely helped by psychiatric meds. Personally I cannot manage without my 40 mg of Fluoxetine (Prozac) everyday, but that's because I also have depression and some traces of OCD. But in general BPD is not managed with meds, unlike bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.
Sir. Could you do a video on males dealing with circumcision? I had one done in late teens, was kind of ok with it but lost sensitivity hence got erectile dysfunction and sex just isn't as exciting anymore... there are men who killed themselves. I won't lie that after studying more about it I felt an excruciating pain of regret and misery... had a thought of killing myself going through my head...
@M Z I had a case of phimosis that could be fixed alternatively and I don't remember but I think I had a mildly short frenulum. I was young, rushed my decision, thought I'll be fine since I was really sensitive but read more about it last week and I'm in a fucking despair... I broke down yesterday thinking WHY!? Why I didn't do more research on that... I have a options, do foreskin restoration by stretching or wait for Foregen technology to hit the market in couple years up to maybe even a decade... there's 3rd option too = end my life the day I cannot bear the pain... I wish I could reset my life or go back in time...
Stay strong its though to have those thoughts.
90%+ of Americans are circumcised and are fine. You’re grieving what you lost. Porn and masturbation are almost undoubtedly part of the problem if you’re from a western culture. Porn emphasizes “edging” and finding the “best”/hottest possible videos/images. That only further emphasizes and optimizes for purely physical sensations. Contrast this with real sex with another human, which places more emphasis on connection and less on objectification and pure mechanics.
Mate I'm lucky I didn't get the chop. Thanks mum dad. I really appreciate it. It's a sick practice
Is this. created from abandonment and no boundaries in in first 5 years .
I don't doubt this person had 9/9 BPD traits but where are the histrionic traits?! This is exactly the dynamic histrionics have in therapy. Typical borderline therapy looks different. I've read multiple times that it is important for borderline treatement to understand the subtype behavior and possible comorbid manifestations because it takes a COMPLETELY different approach to treat a self-destructive borderline to treating a petulant (histrionic) one. This case study is a great example. DBT is considered the best therapy for borderlines, yet in this case it wouldn't be very useful in my opinion. This person probably needs to be treated like a histrionic and "boring and stale" is EXACTLY what histrionics need, since those breakthrough moments are a histrionic's supply. It's like feeding a narcissist admiration during therapy, it even makes things worse.
Could someone with this condition be sort of looking forward to the corona virus chaos in society with visions of mad max ect as long as it does not happen to them because they feel they have prepared like peppers do ?
😂😂😂 the proverbial fire 🔥
doesn't really seem like her trauma was addressed much or linked to her actions. she could've been seeking out her abusers in her relationships, very common with victims. victims will also experience emotional dysregulation, feelings of emptiness, self destructive behavior. i am disappointed that trauma was just addressed briefly, but pretty much ignored otherwise.
They are Chaos junkies. They can't be helped in my opinion, and I have experience. So sad...
is borderline an addiction to drama?
@@Cultural_Supremacist was wandering what they need more drama or validation
No its definitely not. For me, the best way to understand bpd is: morbid fear of abandonement. The feat causes the person to do whatever they think will keep the person in their lives. This will include all kinds of behaviour like manipulation etc.
That's particularly associated with histrionic personality disorder but, sure, plenty of borderlines have that trait.
It's not drama is misdirected anger like a child throwing a fit because they don't get their way but in an adult body. Growing up without learning emotional regulation.
Just heard VAKNIN speak on this. He says STAY AWAY from thrill seekers. Not safe.
Vaknin is a self-acknowledged narcissist, and that is his ONLY claim to knowing anything about personality disorders. He's a fraud.
He ( The Clinician)...seems suspect....of a sadist
Lol sounds like the therapist was a little high on the nsrcissism scale himself. 🤣😂
Care to elaborate?
I hoped you don't focus on romantic relationships ... I search for other forms of excitement seeking and when it's about a guy. But still interesting.
Seems very likely to me she dated that guy to try and make the therapist jealous. Pretty obvious when BPDs do this, which is why he picked up on it, even if it does not seem the most logical explanation from your POV.
Im to chicken shit to look for work because so many (all) of my jobs ended so poorly. BPD is like being infested with bedbugs. Its infront of you and behind you and all around. Good luck making a living. Amf
borderline
borderline
look into my eyes and you'll be mine
*More Like;* Oh my darlin', oh my darlin', oh my darlin' Borderline... You may be gone, but (sadly) You're not forgotten,
Fare thee well, my Borderline.
Cuz you keep on pushing my love over the borderline. :)
@@chrissearcher3563 I was just thinking about that song. 😅
🤣🤣🤣 @Christine S
Lol.