What Kind of Car is Your Wife? | 2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 213
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- Опубликовано: 14 июн 2024
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Welcome back to another episode of 2 Bears, 1 Cave. This week, Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer discuss the subtle art of beard dyeing, grooming near the groin, midlife crisis energy and much more! Plus, Bert shares some sober realizations he's had recently while being "California sober", and reveals to Tom how he's felt being a little bit lighter. The Bears also debate what type of car their wives are, the greatness of Michael Jordan, gorgeous football players, and discuss why being present is so satisfying.
tomsegura.com/tour
www.bertbertbert.com/tour
store.ymhstudios.com/
RUclips Chapters
00:00:00 - Intro
00:01:45 - Beard Dye
00:03:56 - Down There Care
00:06:33 - Midlife Crisis Energy/Sober Realizations
00:13:12 - Clean Drinks
00:17:41 - Quantify Happiness
00:22:00 - Bummer City
00:25:53 - The Gift Of Being Lighter
00:36:25 - A New Challenge/Group Motivation
00:42:29 - Gorgeous Athletes
00:50:32 - Greatness/Finding Flaws Sexy
00:57:01 - What Kind Of Car Is She?
00:58:55 - What Type Dish Is Your Wife?
01:03:48 - Life Goes On Buddy
01:05:56 - Being Present 
Приколы
Never realized how much I would miss Nadav's laugh in the background until I watched this. Y'all need to put together a Nadav laugh track.
and give him residuals every time it’s played
I'm glad he's gone
it definitely changes the shows
Then they’d have to pay him 😂 and with what money lmao
I don’t miss it at all. His obnoxious laugh was forced sometimes too. You could tell the “belly laughs” were getting less genuine
Only Bert could spend 10 minutes talking himself out of being an alcoholic and then follow it up immediately with describing his LITERAL love of vodka
Yep he is a hundred percent a alcoholic that's all he talks about when he Sally's he has not drank it's a lie I am sure he drinks every day his love for alcohol is so visible does he go five minutes without talking about some kind of substance
Same shit every episode
Romanticizing the drug
@@yourdadsotherfamily3530 Isn't just a little little weird that Brent is now associating / romanticizing women & booze in the 3rd person to justify his alcoholic fantasies.
@@migzydriftthe whole channel is this way.
Bert’s the alcoholic with zero self awareness, Christina is always upset about something, Tom is the serial killer poor hater.
I wish Tom could get a complete story out
you have to wait for a guest bear
He doesn’t tell stories unless he’s making a surgeons salary
Came here to say this exactly! Figured someone else must have mentioned it already 😂 seriously though it would be great to hear one complete thought from Tom without Bert interrupting with something completely unrelated and about him. He sounds like he traded alcohol for cocaine, legit cannot shut up
But when would Brett have time to mention that he's not drinking and is in awesome shape?
Exactly, I caught myself yelling shut up Bert when Tom was about to say how much Marshawn lynch incline pressed
Bert is Peter Griffin: Florida Edition, and Leanne is Lois. It's almost uncanny.
This is actually a pretty good observation.
Peter Griffin is funny tho
Funny seeing Tom act like he’s never choked anyone out before. Tell that to the families missing their moms and daughters.
I believe that this video will be used in the future court appearance when affected families finally demand accountability
😂😂 you people are in the WRONG VIDEO.
Why does it feel like G had you post this 😂😂😂
do you think theres a secret Garth/Tom team up going on? imagine the list. triple digits easy.
Wasn’t one guy he choked out on the subway who survived but got paralyzed from the waist down
Bart seems fine, totally in control of his alcoholism
All of the faces Tom makes while Bert talks is what makes this show so amazing.
The abs are showing up 🤨
Bro why did I go to the comments at the exact time I see that and I find this I've found my people lmao
Every ep Berts delusion keeps growing
Its INSANE
Most likely started taking more test, added ozempic, and thats the weight loss you see but i guarantee he is still drinking
"abs are showing" is borderline scary delusional
Lol bert out here anthropomorphizing every drink for a second straight podcast 😂
Whats that word 😅
You know I don't know what that word means so I'm going to take it as a sign of disrespect!!
@@WKRP187hilarious
Anthropomorphism - the attribution of human characteristics or behavior to a god, animal, or object.
@@MartiniGTGP Have a buddy that cannot see any woman without her reminding him of a lion, moose, beaver etc. He's done it since we were in middle school.. After 30+ years of it , It's infuriating and hilarious at the same time 😆
Bert: "Why don't you get Bert drunk?"
Tom: "I have to do things."
Lol😂😂😂😂😂😂
The cyclical nature of Bert improving then immediately self sabotaging never gets old
Bert spends half of his time on any given podcast trying to convince everyone he’s not addicted and the other half speaking with passion and eloquence about alcohol.
Did you have a drink 😂
Period 😤
bert is a damn poet for liquor
the Ernest Hemmingway of our time!
He really is lmfao
Bert’s def not an addict! He just never wants the party to end! What a revelation.
I mean that exactly what an addiction is.
@@RolandSpecialSauce Exactly!
@@RolandSpecialSaucewhoosh
@@mistyspider13 it didn't go over my head. I'm just agreeing with you, you ding dong.
The joy that these two men bring me has no limits. Bert is like a bad ass 12-year-old with millions of dollars and Tom is like his cool dad that he just stole his weed.
I'm down to 229 from 275, an episode of Bert talking about losing all that weight and the differences you start to notice after dropping so much, was perfect timing lol.
Nice. You added like an inch and a half
Hell yeah bro love to hear it. I went from 245 to 183 and listening to Bert’s weight loss was awesome 🔥
I’m down to 168 from 275-280 (7 months) lol
His comment does hit hard. So does Tom’s given I have stairs in my house 😂
@@dreiscool17 months 107 lbs? Any tips?
@@Dp_is_Op don’t use a scale. You understand if you’ve been eating well or not. If u must, weigh yourself the 1st of every month- to see how you’re trending.
I did keto/carnivore and intermittent fasting.
Pretty much only ate one meal a day at 6:30 PM
High fat high protein - if you’re consistent it will burn off.
Why is it called 2 bears when there's basically only one talker. Bert, when you ask Tom a question, please allow him to answer for at least ten seconds before cutting him off and turning it around to drinking again!
Bert looks great after not drinking as much but he still talks about it 24/7.
Enny saying 'I think you already do it" and "I think thats pretty much already how this show goes" talking about and calling out Bert for always talking over Tom was absolutely priceless. I literally LOL. Ole Berty Boy was so damn BUTT HURT but he knows and so does everyone else that it's 100% The TRUTH!!!!!
It’s nice seeing the boys together again.
Congratulations to both of you on your weight loss , i am also on a weight loss journey since July i have lost 95lbs , found out i was type 2 diabetic and had some blood pressure issues , working on both of those , finally getting a handle on things , I watch or listen to yall every week
fuck yeah brother thats awesome
Good luck!!! You got this!
Hi mommy, you got this jeans 👖
Nice job! Now you’re only a poor.
@@eyaffe1lmao thanks brother
Enny dropping truth bombs and Bart's pissy reaction was perfection!😁🤣
i loved it. someone had to say something
@@taylorvigil7560 FACTS!!!😀
"One of the only celebrities that is outspoken about his support of Hamas... Bert Kreischer" 🤣🤣🤣
9:50, doesn't Bert say he drinks wine on treadmills by himself?
He says wine doesn’t count cause Jesus liked it
Also years ago on hot ones he went on a rant about hating accepting random shots and drinks at shows, and would rather drink alone in his hotel room lol
Bert stops drinking for a few days and preaches like he's been on a spiritual journey. That livers still cooked
Dude I have fatty liver and been sober like one full year and no way my liver is ever gonna be good enough to support half the drinks i used to drink or a quarter of what Bert consumes
@jginc1392 Berts is just kidding himself... quite sad really
They're getting good at the outfit changes in between recordings.
Wow there's no getting one by you.. Those 2 guys live a 1000+ miles apart, have other podcasts, and tour the world non-stop doing comedy shows. You really think they have time to meet every week FOR A FREE PODCAST?? use some common sense man
@@WKRP187they advertise. This isn't a charity here
@@WKRP187 A FREE PODCAST? Use some common sense your yourself, they are getting 100$ of thousands of dollars a year for this shit.
Hey thanks for letting go of tom and bert's dick to type but we're allowed to complain about that shit@@WKRP187
@@WKRP187It's not free when they're constantly asking for your money, through ads, ticket sales, ppv shows, merch, etc...
I love how Bert was describing "quantifying his emotions" and he was describing alcohol dependency 😂
God, Tom looking at the booth for reactions on some of Bert's explanations is so much like Jim from the Office it's not even funny. Love the dynamic duo
It's wild how much I miss Nadav on 2B and YMH, it's just like all these are missing a piece now. I need that laugh back.
Why did he leave?
@@mattcoker9763 It sounded like he just wanted to try and create content and try things on his own. Maybe he felt stuck in a rut or something akin to that.
Nadav's channel is actually really entertaining
He'll be back
You understand you literally just said "Toms podcasts aren't funny without a laugh track."
Bert’s way of describing vodka is insane 😭
Not gonna lie I wanted a cold Titos after that talk
He calls the drink she lol❤
I surely hope Christina is taking combat pistol training at this point so she can defend herself from the men in her house!
I mean, Tom already pushed her down the stairs, so it makes sense 😂
Ok Garth
The amount of fun nadav added to this is seriously present now. All of ymh network doesnt feel right anymore
Do they even show the boys in the control room anymore?
Did he make it more fun or was it just a trick to make you laugh with him?
You gunna cry?? Only poor people care as well
think about it this way, if you were a producer, paid as a producer, would you want to be used as talent?
He left at the right time, 2B stopped being funny around episode 50 and ymh doesn’t have it anymore.
Bert talking about vodka at 14:00 was such a treat. He masterfully weaves a story together and conveys the emotions he has in his relationship with alcohol. A true alcoholic
This episode is brought to you by Bert’s full blown alcoholism
Sponsored by "Bart Krishna's NEW Extra Strength Narcissism". Tastes just like Tito's!!👍
ummm, he's a party guy, therefore NOT alcoholic , idiot
With fans like you people who needs enemies
@@princevegeta-sonwith enablers like you, who needs friends?
@@user-ow8mq4jo8cMy god, that was beautiful.
Bart is 100% a 1970s Dodge Van. One of the ones with shag carpet and a mini bar in the back and instead of some ocean animal or dragon painted on the side, its just him shirtless on a bear skin rug.
Wasn't Bert and Tom's first weight loss challenge during the first Sober October they did? Bert just admitted to drinking through the whole challenge. Which isn't surprising. I always figured he was lying about not drinking.
No....the first weight loss challenge took place December of 2016 with the final weigh ins at the very beginning of January. The first Sober October was 2017.
It’s actually crazy how much healthier Bert looks. Hope he keeps it up.
I actually preferred it the other way…it meant even though we saw a lot more of him, we saw him way less frequently.
The tits are gone
I hope he keeps losing weight till the scales tip and he starts battling anorexia
Yeah his red face looks great
I hope so too, but it probably won't happen.
tom uncovering that brent never takes stairs is nearly as peak hilarity as the great koolaid revelation was... but nothing will ever top that.
I know right! I don't know who laughed more at that craziness, Tom, Bart, or me; I was legit hunched over crying laughing!😂
I love that they kept Nedav’s laugh in the intro
Nadav should get residuals for it.
@@MichaelLaFrance1 nadav is probably the one that made it
I recently lost my dad as a 40yr old and this episode really got me - love ya!
The way Bert talks about his wife makes me appreciate my husband even more. Goddamn Bert doesn't know when to shut up. 😬
Right??
Bert dries out for a month & relapses for the next 11 months, pretending he’s in control of his Alcohol Abuse Disorder.
You’re fooling no one. RIP BERT 💀
That being said you're not wrong.. I feel like 60% of the comments in every video he's in is people talking about his drinking tho. Like he seems fine
@toohamm6809 you are not a very smart person, educate yourself
I’m a weed guy now
I love weed
Check out this weed. Smell it.
Best fucking weed around
In regards to dying, in my experience sudden deaths, vs expected deaths are so much more traumatic to deal with in terms of arrangements
Feels like Tommy buns really wanted to choke out Bart 😂😂
Yeah he started slowly lifting Brent out of his seat 🤣
Oh, no doubt! Then he said, "It's getting better!"😂
A happiness journal is for addicts that are trying to justify their actions
Did anyone else immediately miss Nadav when Tom asked to put Bert in a chokehold?
Bert talking about LeeAnn and Tom just sighing 😂😂 like he knows Bert means well but it was coming out the wrong way. I love it.
foley is definitely the guy that broke the chair
My thoughts exactly. The Ozembies still has a way to go on that WaWa twin.
I'm thinking Foley or Stavros
Yoo Bert not “doing stairs “ is fucking hilarious wtf.
I can watch these 2 like all dam day. I love that their friendship seems untarnished by the dunk contest incident.
Wow youre pretty late 😂
7:21 Tom just flies solo has the best show ever. Bert wakes up every so often just to get knocked out again.
Nadav’s laugh provided so much, it is crazy not hearing it. Still a fan!
Bert saying he’s not an alcoholic but instead is a partier, yet he talks about vodka in the most romantic way one can.
So weird that these two are the new Brendan Shaubs of comedy. Everyone seems to hate them
@@humanbeing1168 the poors lol
Lol idk if getting tired of two popular comedians is the same as the hate people have for the bee sting
They’ve run their course. Even Rogan prefers Gillis & Normand. Schulzie too.
It’s not weird, it just kind of happens when a podcast gets big enough…a group of haters forms and hate watches lol
Bert is an old Buick. Takes up most of the road and you can always hear it from down the road
Great form Tommy! No hooks in and Berts face went red instantly 😂😂😂
Why is every episode of 2B1C always Bert trying to convince everyone that he isn’t an alcoholic?!?!?
You're new here aren't you? 😂
Bert is the +45 year old equivalent of the "Just one more game" guy that we all game with.
stop ignoring my discord messages
@@GackleBlax I have 0 idea who you are. LOL
@@anoc_gaming well that explains why you've been ignoring me
@@GackleBlax LOL
Cannot wait to see Ellis "The Menace" Segura in the UFC.
Bert call the realest guy you know, uncle Joey is always got your back and he’s been there and done it all. Plus your dad loves Joey
I need to see this show “frat dad” hahaha
THank you guys for this show. I laughed and it actually made me think a bit about my life, I'm 43 and going through the same issues
love bert and tom... their like brothers from another mother lol. im so glad i found these guys a few years back. i love finding new shows and comics on my own without someone turning me on to them.. I JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK U TO BERT AND TOM. im suffering from stage 4 colon cancer i have surgery in 2 weeks and it 50/50 weither ill survive. this past few months in horriable pain from it and these guys made this single father of 3 boys with my life coming to an end, made me LAUGH and SMILE more then i have in over a year. I just wanted to tell them thank you. sorry for the bad spelling everyone i just got back from chemo and my brain isnt their yet today.. NEVER CHANGE bert and tom not for anyone, you guys are simply amazing comics
Hey man… I know this likely doesn’t mean shit to you, in the grand scheme of things… but I hope you end up on the positive side of that 50/50, & you get to live many many more years.
Words can’t describe how much joy this podcast brings me on Mondays! Love you both and this whole crazy community! 😂
Way to take over the whole entire episode Gertrude
Tom talks, Bert interputs. Glad the team is back together
It’s funny how Bart says “WE’RE” getting hammered, as if everyone folds to peer pressure the way a child like him does 😂😂😂
Nadavvvvvvvv come back with that ridiculously loud laugh 😂😂
"The 'funnest' thing to Bert" = Being so unbelievably annoying, and pressuring to your "friends" who are trying to sleep, to drink, that they eventually drink just to shut your alcoholic ass up. Wow, how fun for everyone....
Glad Bert was able to stay on topic until almost 3 minutes in!
only took until 9 minutes before the deluded rationalizations about alcohol began - why is nobody talking to Bert about his non-sense? Nobody wants to listen to him talk for an hour after?
@@Tayzle412ha, because Bert doesn’t want to hear it.
Tim with that older brother energy asking if he can try choke Brent out 😂
hopefully we get a pod soon where tom talks for more than 30 seconds
Over 200 episodes it has not happened yet…
Keep up the good work Bert! I went from 443 pounds last December and now I am 368 ! It ain't easy especially without any friends to encourage me. I'm doing this all alone and I still got more to go. My goal is 270 and I'm gonna make it happen this year! Thank you for being inspiring!
keep going, sir !!! 💪💪💪💪💪💪💪
One bear one cave, lead by Bart is quite literally my worst nightmare. A great friendly podcast turned into delusional “we’re not alcoholics” show. Hey Bret if you’re making the excuse to drink, even by “bringing the party” you’re the alcoholic.
Bringing**
*worst
I’m genuinely curious why y’all keep watching, then comment negative shit every episode….?
@@marjabalconi718 they killed Jesus too.
@@marjabalconi718 I’m a fan of Tim SE-GU-RAH he’s done a lot for the Asian community
Finally my boys are back. I'll accept free air fare and tickets to your together tour as an apology. Lol
Bert's body dysmorphia never ceases to amaze me...
This is why I watch 2 bears. For these episodes
Bert is one of a kind, man 😂😂😂😂 .. love these two!!!
Dude it’s wild to be able to see Bart’s eyes, I guess I never realized how swollen he got 😂
I've missed this show. Glad you guys are back. The guests don't have the same dynamic.
On today’s episode of “ I’m not an alcoholic”, Bart attempts some pretty incredible verbal gymnastics to assure himself that he doesn’t have a drinking addiction. We’re turning into a one trick pony here guys. Can we get back to funny please?
I like how they listened to the comments and finally got back to doing the show the way it was intended.
half the comments were saying that they hated bert
Sadly these are banked and it'll probably go back to guest bears next week. Usually it's 1-2 weeks of Bert/Tom then 1-2 weeks of guests.
Yeah dude they totally listened to you guys 😂😂😂😂😂
Are you guys just confused by the concept of touring comedians or what???
@ParkourHarborside nobody is confused why there are guest bears. They literally say on the show the reasoning for guest bears as well. Do you think you came up with a good jab there?
Doesn't change the fact that we don't want guest bears champ.
Bert's stories of Leann never fail. oversharing always XD
I said Bronco for Christina! Lmao then Bert said Leanne was a Bronco. 😂
People: I wish they just went back to the two bears
Also People: It would be a good podcast if they just replaced Brent
Then it would just be Tom talks though 😂
Not if they replace him with someone else...
Great episode dudes, any chance Tom's Fall Dates will include Vancouver B.C.? Oh ya and the other guy too lol
Yes they will!
@@MHz619 Wicked cool!!
Bert talking to Bert and Tom watching.
---> *_HUBERMAN said the following drinks, in order, give the least hangovers:_*
•VODKA WITH ORANGEJUICE GIVES THE LEAST HANGOVER
•BEER
•GIN
•WHITE WINE
•WHISKEY
•RUM
•RED WINE
•BRANDY, WHICH IS GIVES THE WORST HANGOVER.
Thanks bert, now ill never hit play on anything either of yall do with Netflix :) thanks pal
Why not?
I understand why they have to bank episodes do to they’re schedules but Bert needs to stop interrupting and having the Bert, Bert and Bert issues. I wanted to heard about Tom’s midlife crisis lol.
One of the best things is listening to Bart wax poetic about alcohol and then call his wife a Civic thinking it's a compliment 😂
Yay Bert convincing himself he’s not an alcoholic for an hour again!!!🎉🎉🎉
Fly high Nadav’s laugh 🙏🏽🕊️
I'm so happy you guys are back together. Don't apart for so long next time.
Whoop has a team feature. They need to create a two bears one cave whoop team, everyone can see Bert’s data and share their own.
That's a good idea!
As a Seahawks fan, listening to Bert and Tom talk about Seattle is just awesome never thought I’d see the day
Me tooooo! Go hawks
Bert I weigh 235 and am 6 ft I know for a fact that you are taller than that which means that you most certainly weigh more than 235 there's no way that you weigh as much as me😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Brent’s next movie… unbearable 😂
I love every time Bert talks about food, you can actually hear his mouth watering
If Bart doesnt get some good Marshawn Lynch stories, he'll just make some up lol
Funny how horrible this show has become, REDBAR'S WATCHING