After a ten year relationship I moved back home with my mother, went through a period of apathy, enrolled in art school, went on nature walks, joined a gym, went to the library to read up on depression, researched a bit in CPTSD, Narcissism, and codependency. I was gone for three years. I was faced with the fact that I had never healed from the wounds of my childhood and abandonment issues. I relapsed and went back to that relationship and it was 10x worse than before all with a new baby! Never go back to what you left!
As a fellow therapist, I have “hard conversations” like this every single day! If only I had a dime for every person who gets separated and within three months is in a new relationship already; I’d be RETIRED!! I always tell folks fresh off a relationship or marriage to wait at least ONE YEAR before starting to date again and 95% of them DON’T LISTEN! It’s actually sad. They can’t stand the pain of heartache.😢 And they then choose the wrong person against and do it all over again!🤦🏽♀️
Therapist here and yup..also it's kinda common sense. People are really...careless when it comes to romantic relationships. It's wild. My cousin is fresh outta an almost 20 yr ship n already playing house. I told him she is crazy too so watch out. Bc nobody in their right mind is tryna make someone's newly estranged husband their new man. I just be sitting looking at him like 😑☹️😫
@@cjohnson_ It's actually one of the reasons dating and relationships are SO HARD right now! Too many people are NOT taking the time to truly self reflect and HEAL! They jump in and out of "situationships", causing more hurt and pain. Their inability to really look at what happened and leaning from it is crucial to not repeating those patterns.😢😢
Churrrrrch!!! This is the first time in my life im not dealing with my pain by jumping into another manship. I made a pact with myself to stay to myself, no dating, no sex, for 1 year minimum. I was in an 8 year relationship that ended in betrayal of the worst kind. I have to take responsiblity for some of it because the signs were there from the beginning and i loved the idea of love more than i loved, and valued myself. I am ashamed that i allowed myself to be taken advantage of for so long just so i could have a "boyfriend." I need to work on myself so that i can learn to love myself the way God loves me so that I can attract the kind of love and commitment that God intended for me. I had to surrender all control cause let's face it....I did not know what the hell I was doing. Heading to therapy now. Freak this dysfunctional BS. Ive lived with it all my life and im juat sick of my damn self. CHURRRCH
Accountability is very adult of you. I wish I didn’t feel frustrated with the realization that if people would just be better others would not have to heal from the pain of betrayal and disillusionment. In a perfect world…
Dont be so hard on yourself -We've all been there -just wanting the (treasure) - (LOVE)❤ but when it's so easy to adore someone else so much -why as humans some of us never think or know how to give ourselves that same adulation and even if we can recognise how to admire some of our own qualities and give ourselves pat on the back for all the good we do or just admire some or better yet -all our good qualities and start to change our mindset instead of all the negative inner thoughts and think 'hey you know what -your pretty ok in fact- quite the dish or best of all - quite a prize. Yay to you -we are all so unique abd awesome but never think to cherish our own heart. cheers
Thank you for sharing and for your transparency. Like you, I got sick of myself and who I was becoming while in the relationship. Now post breakup and I’m giving myself time to heal for real.
This is a very powerful teaching. Trauma bonds are actually formed when someone Love bombs their partner then pulls away and comes back in and breadcrumbs. That is the true definition of trauma bonding.
I just came out of a 8 year relationship and let me tell you, I go where I need to go and go back home to my kids. My focus is inward it’s a lot but I’m willing to isolate and do the work. I came into the new year alone this year and I’m okay with that.
🙌🏽People do everything they can to avoid suffering.🙌🏽 I tell them “Get in there and feel that thang!” 😂 But seriously if you can do it you will be so much better on the other side of it. Churrrch!!!!
Thank you for enlightening the young women and men. I also was in a 14 year marriage. I still continue working on myself, through God and my therapist. ❤
Wowwwwwwwwww I needed to hear this. Because I defined fell in “love” with a rebound situationship within 2 months off separation of a 10 year relationship 😫 I was so dysfunctional last summer 2024. Only lord knows. I’ve been done with my partner for 8 months now, finally processing grief. I had to get over the rebound as well, 3 months no contact. The holidays definitely triggered me, but I am glad I was able to get through it alone. Setting up boundaries for the future because we have a 7 year old together. 3 months no sex, pushing for no sex all 2025 😅 just me myself and God CHURRCH
Absolutely! I decided to spend (12yrs) my time of healing (childhood trauma) and loving on me. All of 20+ years of marriage- infidelity … so thankful I chose ME! Beautifully stated-👌🏽💯
Mouth hanging wide open...went through this after my divorce 5 years ago...just wanted the pain to go away. After 9 months, I woke up, got a clue and ended the situationship. I quickly realized the only way to get over the pain was to go through it. I strengthen my relationship with God, saw my phenomenal therapist on a regular basis, looked at wonderful, truthful videos such as Dr. Zeb's and did the work in solitude. 4 years later, still rocking by myself but I can honestly say I'm happy. There is a person of interest...a great guy actually but only time will tell. I can honestly say if I didn't do the work, he would not be a part of my reality because my broken consciousness would not receive him. Dr. Zeb, you sir are a gem!!🤩
Churrch! I'm going through this process now myself. I can tell you taking that time to go through grief is so important. It sucks in the moment but its worth getting it all out and processing it, journaling, yelling, talking to your self and working with a therapist to get all of it out. I made a missions to get myself to the feeling of acceptance before the end of 2024 and I'm there and its because of that work. A lot more to go but its worth it in the end
I was single for over a year but am finding myself in a relationship where I’m all about limerance and my feelings dictating every move I’m not making. So likely a trauma bond but maybe also still old stuff that I overlooked? Man. Your work is heaven sent. Churrrch.
I’m there! I went through the breakup. Left a man I loved bcuz he was incapable of honest and open dialogue. We were just starting the relationship Oct. 2019. Got through the pandemic together & I can be at least grateful for that much. Saw him twice since 2022 but have never started consistently dating anyone else since. I know I still think of him, I’m not willing to lie or even explain those thoughts to someone new. I’m okay right here for now. Still grieving but not oblivious enough to go back to him.🙂↕️
This is a GOOD word. Based on your descriptions and examples, I am DOING the WORK!!!! All praises to The Most High forever and ever .....no matter WHAT!!! Thank you so much for this 🙏🏾💜👑🕊️😌
I left a relationship of 6 years with a man who treated me in a similar way. Verbal abuse, put downs, gaslighting and manipulation. I have been single for a year and half. The thought of getting into a relationship now is not possible. My self esteem and self confidence was broken down too much. I have a lot of work to do to become strong enough to never allow another person to cross my boundaries and make me feel the way he did. I would’ve preferred he cheat on me. I think I could recover from that, cos the mental abuse is so much worse.
Oh im not doing wrong I literally go to work Cry Go to therapy every Wednesday Have Prayer journal And stay inside And mind my business I can’t control what my soon to be ex husband does I have to work on me and control what I do I actually do wanna heal the correct way and not search for a rebound to help with my wound It’s literally a painful process I’m doing this all by self and trying to hold it together for my children but I know this pain not gone last forever. I think of as a death but they still alive.. that how I process it
Her marriage sounds like marriage except I'm getting out after 5 years. Left before and came back because he made a dramatic change only for him to return his maladaptive behaviors one year later. I feel like a fool but I've been working hard on myself mentally and emotionally (therapy, mindfulness, CPTSD healing, self parenting and lots of reading) . I am doing the work and there is no way I'm dating until at least one year post divorce. It's painful and hard but no way am I catching myself in the same dang marriage I was in before!
Amen, I'm about to go through a divorce, the marriage only made it 5 years. I'm going to get back to doing all the things that used to make me happy before I was married and stay single for a year or more. He was on dating sites while we were married threw temper tantrums ect. I missed alot of red flags. I need to rebuild my entire life. I couldn't even fathom jumping into another relationship right now.
@@deeh5309 lol. I have something with that hat too not sure exactly what it is but it's something. That has must have some special significance for him so I try to not do exactly what we are doing. Lol
Oh, I have felt ALL the feels nearly 2 yrs out of my 20 year marriage. I did the rebound, but without committing or immersing. I still experienced limerence even though there was no doubt in my mind that he was not for me. Eventually I went no contact. That said, women like this client have a lot to lose by waiting so long to date, including the loss of reproductive capacity. I do think it is possible to heal with someone else if that person is secure and willing to understand and be patient with the process. Women, especially, should not be shamed into grieving alone if they meet a healthy partner. It is overwhelmingly men who are jumping from one thing to the next or having multiple women / backup plans- not healing AND hurting others, triggering trauma and trust issues.
So are you saying that your advice is to control your emotions with your mind? As in instead of crying over your losses, think of the mistakes you’ve made and consciously make it better? I’m in ate similar situation with my husband. I can’t change him. But I also don’t want to be around his negative family. He chooses his family.
Shalom. This message is only for the ppl talking about being divorced and talking about God: if the reason you separated is for something more than what God's Son said, you were decieved and most likely in an adulterers state ( not my words but the Lord's). 2. You always need to hear two sides of the story and as women are geared towards outward expression more, I'm sure the manipulative parts of her husband were not what she claimed them to be. The point of marriage, biblically, is a woman's assimilation to the man and his vision/ work for Yah. Doesn't mean she doesn't have work to do but her duty is wife. . 3. The bible warns us that if anyone preaches another gospel, disregard them. There error is idolatry. Any issue with this is pure feelings because the Word corroborates you just read. My step mother, 77yr old and married fir 33 years said this, Most issues with modern women and marriages is thier selfishness.
Why are some women so quick to get back into a relationship after leaving one. Wounds need time to heal,an open woukd will turn into a scab and then the scab turns into skin. Its healed but the there is a scar.
Goodness there's so much that I want to type but I'm going to walk away from this video....Goodness I didn't think that I needed to hear this but 🫣I did❤️🔥...
After a ten year relationship I moved back home with my mother, went through a period of apathy, enrolled in art school, went on nature walks, joined a gym, went to the library to read up on depression, researched a bit in CPTSD, Narcissism, and codependency. I was gone for three years. I was faced with the fact that I had never healed from the wounds of my childhood and abandonment issues. I relapsed and went back to that relationship and it was 10x worse than before all with a new baby! Never go back to what you left!
As a fellow therapist, I have “hard conversations” like this every single day! If only I had a dime for every person who gets separated and within three months is in a new relationship already; I’d be RETIRED!! I always tell folks fresh off a relationship or marriage to wait at least ONE YEAR before starting to date again and 95% of them DON’T LISTEN! It’s actually sad. They can’t stand the pain of heartache.😢 And they then choose the wrong person against and do it all over again!🤦🏽♀️
Therapist here and yup..also it's kinda common sense. People are really...careless when it comes to romantic relationships. It's wild. My cousin is fresh outta an almost 20 yr ship n already playing house. I told him she is crazy too so watch out. Bc nobody in their right mind is tryna make someone's newly estranged husband their new man. I just be sitting looking at him like 😑☹️😫
A year? probably 2-3yrs the most
@@cjohnson_ It's actually one of the reasons dating and relationships are SO HARD right now! Too many people are NOT taking the time to truly self reflect and HEAL! They jump in and out of "situationships", causing more hurt and pain. Their inability to really look at what happened and leaning from it is crucial to not repeating those patterns.😢😢
That’s because they have already been cheating. They just play the victim games and blackmail the husband
Churrrrrch!!! This is the first time in my life im not dealing with my pain by jumping into another manship. I made a pact with myself to stay to myself, no dating, no sex, for 1 year minimum. I was in an 8 year relationship that ended in betrayal of the worst kind. I have to take responsiblity for some of it because the signs were there from the beginning and i loved the idea of love more than i loved, and valued myself. I am ashamed that i allowed myself to be taken advantage of for so long just so i could have a "boyfriend." I need to work on myself so that i can learn to love myself the way God loves me so that I can attract the kind of love and commitment that God intended for me. I had to surrender all control cause let's face it....I did not know what the hell I was doing. Heading to therapy now. Freak this dysfunctional BS. Ive lived with it all my life and im juat sick of my damn self. CHURRRCH
Accountability is very adult of you.
I wish I didn’t feel frustrated with the realization that if people would just be better others would not have to heal from the pain of betrayal and disillusionment. In a perfect world…
Dont be so hard on yourself -We've all been there -just wanting the (treasure) - (LOVE)❤ but when it's so easy to adore someone else so much -why as humans some of us never think or know how to give ourselves that same adulation and even if we can recognise how to admire some of our own qualities and give ourselves pat on the back for all the good we do or just admire some or better yet -all our good qualities and start to change our mindset instead of all the negative inner thoughts and think 'hey you know what -your pretty ok in fact- quite the dish or best of all - quite a prize. Yay to you -we are all so unique abd awesome but never think to cherish our own heart. cheers
Thank you for sharing and for your transparency. Like you, I got sick of myself and who I was becoming while in the relationship. Now post breakup and I’m giving myself time to heal for real.
Cheers to that!❤
This is a very powerful teaching. Trauma bonds are actually formed when someone Love bombs their partner then pulls away and comes back in and breadcrumbs. That is the true definition of trauma bonding.
I just came out of a 8 year relationship and let me tell you, I go where I need to go and go back home to my kids. My focus is inward it’s a lot but I’m willing to isolate and do the work. I came into the new year alone this year and I’m okay with that.
🙌🏽People do everything they can to avoid suffering.🙌🏽
I tell them “Get in there and feel that thang!” 😂
But seriously if you can do it you will be so much better on the other side of it.
Churrrch!!!!
She needs time to be with herself and be ok with it.
Thank you for enlightening the young women and men. I also was in a 14 year marriage. I still continue working on myself, through God and my therapist. ❤
Wowwwwwwwwww I needed to hear this. Because I defined fell in “love” with a rebound situationship within 2 months off separation of a 10 year relationship 😫 I was so dysfunctional last summer 2024. Only lord knows. I’ve been done with my partner for 8 months now, finally processing grief. I had to get over the rebound as well, 3 months no contact. The holidays definitely triggered me, but I am glad I was able to get through it alone. Setting up boundaries for the future because we have a 7 year old together. 3 months no sex, pushing for no sex all 2025 😅 just me myself and God CHURRCH
People do this after a spouse dies too….especially men who IMO are used to being taken care of…but either partner my gosh go through the grief!
Absolutely! I decided to spend (12yrs) my time of healing (childhood trauma) and loving on me. All of 20+ years of marriage- infidelity … so thankful I chose ME!
Beautifully stated-👌🏽💯
We all think that the other person is the “problem” and as long as our new mate doesn’t show up like our last mate - it seems like a win, win.
CHURRCH People don't discuss limerance enough
Mouth hanging wide open...went through this after my divorce 5 years ago...just wanted the pain to go away. After 9 months, I woke up, got a clue and ended the situationship. I quickly realized the only way to get over the pain was to go through it. I strengthen my relationship with God, saw my phenomenal therapist on a regular basis, looked at wonderful, truthful videos such as Dr. Zeb's and did the work in solitude. 4 years later, still rocking by myself but I can honestly say I'm happy. There is a person of interest...a great guy actually but only time will tell. I can honestly say if I didn't do the work, he would not be a part of my reality because my broken consciousness would not receive him. Dr. Zeb, you sir are a gem!!🤩
You gave a whole dictionary....forget the word!!! Good job Sir!!
Churrch! I'm going through this process now myself. I can tell you taking that time to go through grief is so important. It sucks in the moment but its worth getting it all out and processing it, journaling, yelling, talking to your self and working with a therapist to get all of it out. I made a missions to get myself to the feeling of acceptance before the end of 2024 and I'm there and its because of that work. A lot more to go but its worth it in the end
I was single for over a year but am finding myself in a relationship where I’m all about limerance and my feelings dictating every move I’m not making.
So likely a trauma bond but maybe also still old stuff that I overlooked? Man. Your work is heaven sent. Churrrch.
Growth and Development and a Note to self. Doc a great story teller😊✌️
I concur when I went thru my divorce I didn’t want to be bothered I had to regroup from single to single parent I say this with 💕
Thank everyone in the comments..Im Just beginning to navigate thru separation so this was God sent.Happy New Year everyone 💙
I’m there! I went through the breakup. Left a man I loved bcuz he was incapable of honest and open dialogue. We were just starting the relationship Oct. 2019. Got through the pandemic together & I can be at least grateful for that much. Saw him twice since 2022 but have never started consistently dating anyone else since. I know I still think of him, I’m not willing to lie or even explain those thoughts to someone new. I’m okay right here for now. Still grieving but not oblivious enough to go back to him.🙂↕️
I wish I could like this a MILLION times 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️
Churrrch. Healing 4.5 years - so validating.
This is a GOOD word. Based on your descriptions and examples, I am DOING the WORK!!!! All praises to The Most High forever and ever .....no matter WHAT!!! Thank you so much for this 🙏🏾💜👑🕊️😌
I left a relationship of 6 years with a man who treated me in a similar way. Verbal abuse, put downs, gaslighting and manipulation.
I have been single for a year and half. The thought of getting into a relationship now is not possible.
My self esteem and self confidence was broken down too much. I have a lot of work to do to become strong enough to never allow another person to cross my boundaries and make me feel the way he did.
I would’ve preferred he cheat on me. I think I could recover from that, cos the mental abuse is so much worse.
Churrch....great message 💜
Oh im not doing wrong
I literally go to work
Cry
Go to therapy every Wednesday
Have Prayer journal
And stay inside
And mind my business
I can’t control what my soon to be ex husband does I have to work on me and control what I do
I actually do wanna heal the correct way and not search for a rebound to help with my wound
It’s literally a painful process I’m doing this all by self and trying to hold it together for my children but I know this pain not gone last forever.
I think of as a death but they still alive.. that how I process it
Separated is still married! Take time to yourself 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
She’s 47 but sounds like a teenager! Geesh….
👌🏾 Great Advice Sir. 💯
Churrrch wow what an awesome knowledge filled story thank you 🙏🏼
Her marriage sounds like marriage except I'm getting out after 5 years. Left before and came back because he made a dramatic change only for him to return his maladaptive behaviors one year later. I feel like a fool but I've been working hard on myself mentally and emotionally (therapy, mindfulness, CPTSD healing, self parenting and lots of reading) . I am doing the work and there is no way I'm dating until at least one year post divorce. It's painful and hard but no way am I catching myself in the same dang marriage I was in before!
Churrrch! This made perfect sense!
Loving my singlehood & solitude.
Amen, I'm about to go through a divorce, the marriage only made it 5 years. I'm going to get back to doing all the things that used to make me happy before I was married and stay single for a year or more. He was on dating sites while we were married threw temper tantrums ect. I missed alot of red flags. I need to rebuild my entire life. I couldn't even fathom jumping into another relationship right now.
You’re right!
He is so on point! I love his message, very insightful! I am distracted by the hat however. I really wish he had chosen different attire.
@@deeh5309 lol. I have something with that hat too not sure exactly what it is but it's something. That has must have some special significance for him so I try to not do exactly what we are doing. Lol
Wow 😳 Dr Zeb, that was REALLY GOOD!!
This is so good!
I'm crying now on the inside because this is so real and so true. Thank u so well needed and explained in detail. I been divorce since 2011
Wow. I could have used this video before my rebound and after my divorce. I wish I could like this video again.
❤❤❤ I needed to hear this!
Wow I needed to hear this I thank God this came across my feed ❤
*Awwwww hell nah, I'm not waiting thirty months* 😂😂😂😂
Churrrch….😮💨not one lie🙌🏾💜
This guy is smart!
Right on time! Thank you. CHURRRCH!
You are cooking Dr subscribed
The quickest way to get over a man is not to get under a new one !!!!
This is great!
Churrrrrrch!!!! I came across your page yesterday & the TIMING couldn't have been better!!! How do I book a session with you Dr. Zeb?
My my my my myyyy
Churrrch!!!
Oh, I have felt ALL the feels nearly 2 yrs out of my 20 year marriage. I did the rebound, but without committing or immersing. I still experienced limerence even though there was no doubt in my mind that he was not for me.
Eventually I went no contact.
That said, women like this client have a lot to lose by waiting so long to date, including the loss of reproductive capacity. I do think it is possible to heal with someone else if that person is secure and willing to understand and be patient with the process. Women, especially, should not be shamed into grieving alone if they meet a healthy partner. It is overwhelmingly men who are jumping from one thing to the next or having multiple women / backup plans- not healing AND hurting others, triggering trauma and trust issues.
And her new man probably listened to all of her business, something is off with him too.
LOL the rebound 😂
I agree 💜👍🏽
Church and subscribing!!
Oh my thank u
Churrrch!! Well said! New subscriber.
Churrch!!!!❤❤❤❤
CHURRRCH 🙌🏾
Churrrch! 😊
Question: do you do couples/marital counseling?
He does see his website 😊
@@whatsinaname-j7fThank you! ❤
Powerful
*I've never been single longer than 90 days* 🤷♀️
Churrch!!!!!
Sir!!!!
Churrrch!🧚🏾♀️
So are you saying that your advice is to control your emotions with your mind? As in instead of crying over your losses, think of the mistakes you’ve made and consciously make it better? I’m in ate similar situation with my husband. I can’t change him. But I also don’t want to be around his negative family. He chooses his family.
CHURRRCHHHHH!!!
ChuRRRch!
CHURRRCH!
Shalom. This message is only for the ppl talking about being divorced and talking about God: if the reason you separated is for something more than what God's Son said, you were decieved and most likely in an adulterers state ( not my words but the Lord's).
2. You always need to hear two sides of the story and as women are geared towards outward expression more, I'm sure the manipulative parts of her husband were not what she claimed them to be. The point of marriage, biblically, is a woman's assimilation to the man and his vision/ work for Yah. Doesn't mean she doesn't have work to do but her duty is wife. .
3. The bible warns us that if anyone preaches another gospel, disregard them. There error is idolatry.
Any issue with this is pure feelings because the Word corroborates you just read.
My step mother, 77yr old and married fir 33 years said this, Most issues with modern women and marriages is thier selfishness.
Is this advice only for women because men start dating immediately and I think that seems to work.
🗣LAWDAMERCY🥗🥗🥗🥗
Do you have consent to share these anonymous stories?
Why are some women so quick to get back into a relationship after leaving one. Wounds need time to heal,an open woukd will turn into a scab and then the scab turns into skin. Its healed but the there is a scar.
It’s not just women. Men do the same. People do this and he telling us why in the video
Churrrch.
CHURRRCH
Churrch
Church
Churrrch
RRR
Goodness there's so much that I want to type but I'm going to walk away from this video....Goodness I didn't think that I needed to hear this but 🫣I did❤️🔥...
CHURRRCH!!
Churrrch!
Churrrch!
Churrrch!!
CHURRRCH
Church
Churrch
Churrrch
Churrrch!!!!
Churrrch!!!
Church
Churrrch
Churrrch
Churrrch!!!
Churrrch
Churrrch
Churrrch