Talk About What You Want, Not Feelings, in Romantic Relationships

In our society, there is a lot of emphasis placed on feelings, especially romantic feelings (or their absence) when it comes to dating and romantic relationships. In this video I talk about how all the focus on feelings distracts us from focusing on something that matters more: what each of you actually wants, and whether it is compatible.
I give a number of examples of ways in which the presence or absence of romantic feelings does not necessarily correspond to what a person wants. Some people enjoy having a crush or infatuation from a distance, and don't even want to interact with the object of their crush. Others may be friends with a person, and have romantic feelings for them but not want to act on them for a number of different reasons. On the other end of the spectrum, there are people who might desire a romantic relationship with someone even in the absence of romantic feelings. This is something true for people on the aromantic spectrum; some such people (including myself) can want to be in a romantic relationship and be happy in such relationships, for reasons other than romantic feelings.
I also talk about the importance of "staying out of other people's heads", and how it is more empowering to focus on outward things like what you want out of a relationship. I talk about how asking other people what they are feeling can sometimes come across as invasive, and I caution people about placing the focus on other people's feelings.

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I agree with this for the most part. I think talking about feelings can be valuable too, but if you ask someone how they feel before you've told them how you feel, you're putting them in an awkward position - you're requiring them to be vulnerable when you haven't demonstrated the same level of vulnerability. I like to tell people how I feel, a little bit at a time, and see how they respond. I think in general, it's more important to be on the same page about what both people want out of the relationship, than how both people feel. Recently I heard someone say, there is usually an imbalance in feelings, especially at first, and it doesn't have to be a problem unless you make it a problem.