Before you have children: "You must have children! It's your moral obligation" After you have children: "That was your choice, and I will fight tooth-and-nail to make sure you and your child get no help"
Exactly this. It always kills me when they talk about how less people are choosing to have children. Like, that's because the more you people have your way, the more difficult (nigh impossible) and terrifying it becomes!
55,000 children just kicked off Medicaid in Montana thanks to the Republican governor. They care about the children soooo much after they’re born 🤦🏼♀️
Not only is she trashing women who desperately want children, or adopt, by saying you can’t understand life without carrying a baby, but she trashes Dolly Parton. That’s against the law
Adoption is cheaper in the US than the price of birthing a child with insurance. It’s insane. I don’t know why any woman would go through it on purpose. We need our bodily rights back so people CAN choose
i have health issues such as migraines, seizures, low blood pressure, and numerous allergies that i do not want to pass on to a child. it would be more selfish for me in the case if i were to have a child because i would pass on all of these issues to them and give them a miserable life that they didn’t ask for
@JDMimeTHEFIRST I get what you mean, but adoption is a lot more expensive. I left the hospital $10k in debt, with insurance and it wasn’t even a super complicated birth, no c section. Maybe most people have more hospital debt? I’m not sure of the average. Either way it’s ridiculous, no one should be leaving the hospital in significant debt, but that’s besides the point… anywho, isn’t adoption tens of thousands of dollars unless you’re fostering to adopt?
what i don’t understand is YOU CAN RAISE THE NEXT GENERATION WITHOUT BEING A MOTHER. teachers, aunts/cousins, neighbors, babysitters/nannies, counselors, school bus drivers, cafeteria workers, and SO MUCH MORE can have a positive influence on the next generation. you can also be a foster parent!! some of the most influential people in my life have not been my parents.
There are some people (more than a half are men in my experience) still believe that adopted children are not your kids because they don't share your blood.
Apparently it's only "morally" correct if you can't physically conceive and birth a child because otherwise you're shirking you're biological duties by not continuing the species or something. As if all parents are moral and upstanding and all child-free people are living narcissistic lives without a care for anyone else in the world. IDK how anyone can swallow this tripe but I assume a lot of them are deeply insecure, sheltered, ignorant and need this sort of validation to feel better about their lives.
She can't imagine people exsist out side of her social economic bubble. Her life is ideal to procreate and not worry about anything else. She is wrapped in naivete.
I can only assume that you mean post contraception because until recently it has not been a choice. Women had sexual relations & bingo nature took over.
@@jenniferferris44 Agree. Don't wanna put bad juju out there for her kids...but you can definitely tell she absolutely will not stand for her children having independent thought of their own, being accepting of LGBT+ people (much less be one), have opinions that don't align with christianity, be less than a gifted student at school, ect;. She may love being a mom while her babies aren't capable of independent critical thought, but lord help them if they are anything other than the perfect child we all know she'll be trying to whip them into.
AGREED! I’m 7mo postpartum and this is not something that should be compromised. If you do not want kids and know that do not compromise. Being a mom is fantastic, but ONLY because this was my choice and no one else’s.
I completely agree. Bringing all these kids into the world to siphon off all the last of the world's resources...knowing that these kids will struggle because of the sad state of the environment...all because you want to have your little mini-me running around? Yeah, kinda selfish. And, yeah, I have a kid. Lol! The thing is, I don't think being selfish to a certain extent is necessarily a bad thing. It's a completely normal thing.
A part of me wants kids but I'm not going to have them because I know I'm not 100% and it would be so unfair to those kids to have a mom who isn't all in from the beginning
As an adult child of a woman who clearly didn't get the child that she wanted, please don't have kids if you can't handle them being their own individuals instead of clones of you.
Oh hey me too. My mother started to resent me as soon as I started showing signs that I was autistic, so when I was around 3. By the time I was 14 the fact that she didn’t like me was so clear it wasn’t funny. She loves and actually likes my NT cis het brothers though, so that’s fun.
@aviendha1154 smh I'm sorry that you can relate. I have adhd, and my brother has Down Syndrome; since his disability can't be hidden our mom was forced to acknowledge it. With me, she refused to acknowledge it and insisted I was simply lazy and careless. No trauma there at all. 🙄
This is bananas on so many levels. Abby's obsession with "mom bodies" and "sacrificing her hot body" is fascinating. That's clearly a sore point for her, dang she would really benefit from some therapy.
it sounds like she's really trying to hype herself up for something she doesn't actually want to do but does it anyway because it's "the right thing" for her religion and thinks if she portrays herself as a hero or martyr that it will make her want to do it more
Don't worry she won't make that video. Because she grew up in purity culture and purity culture is all about internalized misogyny for young girls. So she would never blame men. It's always women. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. And if men go astray then it's the woman's fault. This mindset is literally why people will say stupid things like well. It takes two hands to clap when a woman gets raped. It's because it's always the woman's fault. With these people. Always. Purity culture is some of the most toxic garbage to come out of religion. And that's an extensive list. So for something to be to the top that tells you how toxic it is.
Pick me's do not speak against men. In fact there isn't a lot of people that hold men accountable for much. Unless they rob kill or go against white male privileges.
Fr. They want a woman to give up their life, finances, health, hobbies, jobs etc etc to all be moms but somehow asking a few hundred for child support is too much for the dads
Me, a single 30-year-old heathen: Man, I can't wait until I get off work so I can lead my life of hedonistic sin by... going home, booping some cat snoots, practicing piano, sewing, and listening to spooky podcasts. Yes. Watch yourselves, ladies, lest you delve into a similarly deviant lifestyle.
Her perception of women who choose not to have kids as hedonists who just party and travel speaks volumes about how privileged she is. She has no awareness of those who work 40+ hours a week just to make ends meet.
Yeah I don't want kids but I'm not some traveling party girl I'm a dorky 29 year old still living at home and working towards her bachelor's degree because her autism made College difficult. I've never done any drugs, I've only had alcohol a handful of times and have never been drunk. I'm Arroace so I'm entirely uninterested in sex or romantic relationships. The difference between me and classical Abby of course is that I'm not a miserable b*tch and I don't judge women who do partake in those things.
She's fully trying to say "women have no value if they aren't mothers" without actually saying it. It's so wild that conservative women spew misogyny and actively try to make sure that they themselves have no rights 😂
It's wilder when they start a mini movement within their conservative movement to battle being treated as inferior, but it's not feminism because feminism is evil and they just want equality.
@@kreskin0079The only good way apparently is to work an at-home job like RUclips and pretend that it means you're a stay at home parent (like Abby and the Girl defined women do)
Her saying motherhood isn't a choice is scary. There are men out there actively trying to baby trap women into an abusive relationship. It's very rapey. Just acting as if fertile people are broodmares. Disgusting.
Yeah, the subtext is absolutely a lot rapey. Especially for women in controlling relationships. Guess they won't be getting any support from Abs when they complain their husband won't take no as an answer from their wife. Creepy as heck.
(Re)productive capacity is the foundation of the oppression and exploitation of women, other animals (especially females), and the natural environment, IMO. Even the language illustrates how ecology, animal rights, and women's rights intersect. Mother Earth is Source, not resources. Women are source, not a resource. It's not a "waste" or "selfish" not to consume and exploit EVERY uterus, animal, and square inch of fertile land there is. Each human, is like a field of wildflowers. We all have inherent value, far beyond what others can "get from" or "use us for". 🌱 🌸 🕊 ♀️ ✊🏼
BIG facts!!! I was engaged to a narcissist that purposely wanted to get me pregnant because he knew my mom would pressure me into marrying him. Suffice to say I left his ass
It's not very rapey, it is rape. It is sexual assault. When you consent to sex with the knowledge that you both aren't trying for a child and using contraceptives, but one partner lies or deceives you (such as manipulating birth control or poking holes in condoms), that is sexual assault because you did not consent to it.
I'm gonna start walking around saying: "you won't know real love until you get a horse. Horses give you a real kind of love you horseless people will never understand"
Horse lover and cat lady here... Yes, you will never know real love until you have woken up at 2:30am to check on your loved one (an animal) who depends on you and shows you unconditional love. Children will never provide unconditional love in the same way. I know first hand.
As a foster parent, I can tell you right now that there are people out there who should never have children. There are so many hurt, abused, and traumatized children who have parents who chose parenthood because they thought they were "supposed to" and never considered whether they SHOULD.
Sshh you don't want the pro-life activist to hear you. Although they don't care about those kids but they definitely care about the unborn barely developed baby in your uterus.
exactly, good people like you need to come out about these stories more, foster is more than often where unwanted kids end up, and its important we mention this more in our Pro-Choice movement.
I agree I have worked in child care before and let me tell you some of the people that were called parents shouldn't have been called parents. It was really heart breaking to watch because those kids deserved better and we weren't allowed to call CPS on them because it wasn't going to do anything.
Not every single woman cares to party it up or run amuk. Never been into that. So no your making a blanket statement that doesn't prove to be true for everyone. It's just what you've been told to believe.
And post partum anything. And like health complications of pregnancy. And cost of everything. If my teeth rot because of pregnancy, who is going to pay for my dentist?
She's obviously very angry and bitter about post baby bodies. You can tell by her seething hated of women she deems to have perfect bodies not damaged by stretch marks, saggy skin, saggy breasts, destroyed bladders, damaged spines, hips, ruined teeth etc. All the typical stuff that happens to women who are pregnant and give birth. She is so bitter and angry about what she deems women who are "hot".
Also our ABYSMAL maternal mortality rates, *particularly for Black women* and in general for POC. And also definitely no birth control or abortions allowed, so if you end up with a complicated or life-threatening pregnancy, guess you’re SOL!! Survival of the fittest (read: Whitest) 🙄🙄
It's attitudes like hers that contribute to women being forced to give birth until they just drown them all in the tub one day. No, it's not right. It also doesn't occur in a vacuum.
@@AshleyKiMiller it's interesting how other mammals also have the capacity to kill their offspring under stress. Obviously anyone who is not prepared nor wants to be pregnant or give birth should; it's dangerous for them and their offspring.
Saying "whos body was used for what it was supposed to be used for" IS CRAZY TO ME. Your body is not to be "used" whether its by kids or other people unless that's your choice (referring to kids). Your body is "used" to support your life. Full stop.
RIGHT. Like my body is "used" for keeping me alive, taking me places I want to go, to talk to people I love. What a ridiculous idea that childbirth is the only thing a body is good for. 🤮
A person's body is their God given rights. What makes me mad is how society likes to capitalize on women's youth. It pisses me off. Man kind is getting so greedy that everything is getting taxed and capitalized on. My Uterus should not be something to be capitalized on so some Rich Greedy Narcissist can make a profit.
@@aliciastoaks1955it has always been this way, the actual difference now is that you have a chouce and a lot of wome are choosing to be child free, ao these peopke are getting desperate because what if there isnt enough white babies? And what about the economy if there isn't enough babies? Even though there are billions of people in the world.
My hedonistic life of rescuing stray cats, drinking tea, and making homemade food to placate my autoimmune disease. We child-free folks are absolutely wild. 😂
The having to live a very much restricted life due to autoimmune disease is something that a lot of folks do not get. I have MS and it is so moody. At times completely random despite how I do my best to avoid the things that influence it. I also have a ton of allergies including certain chemicals and fragrances. Being low income if I want to avoid those things I have to make them myself. I do have kids and am recovering from living in deep East Texas. Having children was expected. It is very very difficult to balance health conditions, mental health and raising kids. Without help I would not be able to do it. My husband and I had to develop a very extensive support network and we are still scraping by. Good on you for rescuing the stray cats. I hope you are doing well. I have seen more hedonistic parents than child free adults. If you are homebound and have kids toxic people like to drop their kids off to play and then come to pick them up... sometimes. It was so heartbreaking, we did what we could. We relocated and got out of toxic circles. Also the working poor have a really difficult time being the parent they want to be. Even when my husband and I had two incomes it was extremely difficult. Also we come from dysfunctional families so we are continuing to go through so so much therapy. Having children should always be a very well thought out choice. Bringing a human being into this world is a serious choice. It is not for everyone.
Yep - same hedonistic life style here - making tasty vegan food, taking care of my rescue cat and making art. I have zero desire or the means to support another human.
Her resentment is strong. Nobody who is happy with their choice to have kids sits there and tells other people that they are selfish when they don`t have kids.
Yeah she got hit with the reality stick like Mrs Midwest. At least Mrs Midwest seems to have backed off her intense rhetoric since having 2 kids back to back and realizing it's not all sunshine and roses.
Oh yeah, her whole point is that, as subhuman breeding stock, women are obligated to give birth -- preferably over and over -- regardless of how they actually feel about it or actually want in life. Once that's done, they have a further obligation to keep those kids alive and make sure they're exposed to whatever conservative religion the parents belong to. But raising happy kids who are actually well-adjusted? Meh.
Of course because it is another case of those kind of religious people who want others to do as they do. Like the analogy 'I am on a diet so you should be too'. They abide by the moto "misery loves company" and don't care if their selfishness affect others like the children of the people who listen to her and have kids for the sake of it.
When my favorite childhood teacher died, her obituary said she had no children. Bullshit. She had hundreds of us, maybe thousands. She showed us love and understanding, and taught us how to be good people, not just math and reading. Children can give a person's life meaning, but not everyone.
Same. I already lived in Germany when my 1st & 2nd grade teacher, Ms. Loechen, died but my family went to her funeral and got me a bookmark the family has made for everyone who wanted to remember her. It’s usually in whatever book I’m currently reading. She had a huge impact in my life
i had the opposite occurance. My bio father died at some point (he was basically never there for me) and the priest that held the funeral talked through his life and mentioned me, when i was born etc.. It felt really weird, cause i know he did nothing. He didnt even pay child support, because he had no money. I dont want to trash my father, because he clearly had mental health issues that should have been adressed and his parent also should have handled things way differently, but that i was treated as an important note in his life, while i saw him like a few times is wild.
Abbey, blink once if you are jealous of your child free hot friends! Blink twice if you hate being a mother. Blink three times if you feel completely cheated that being a mother didn’t complete you.
@@anainesgonzalez8868 DON'T. She does't deserve pity or sympathy. She wants to bring us back in the Dark Ages. Women like that are undeserving of sympathy
Abby is barking up the wrong tree if she thinks that I'm child free because I don't want to lose my "hot and fit" body. I've never had one of those. What I have had is a whole lot of trauma from child abuse, a whole list of chronic illnesses, and devastating amounts of poverty. Sheesh.
Exactly! Hey, Abby what if I don't want kids because I'm POOR?! I think not being able to provide for a child is on the top of the list of questions about "Should I be a Parent?"
Understood. Most people don’t have the luxury of prioritizing “hot and fit,” though if that is what one wants, then that is ok too. I think we all agree here that having a child or not is a personal choice-whatever the reason.
Same here. She's saying "You're just going to have to give up being hot!" As if this is a universal consideration. And I'm like, "Abby, I've never been conventionally attractive in my life. I'm only now coming to terms with my meatsuit and not hating it." The problems with me having kids are my health issues and poverty. I can barely manage my own life, and I am not willing to bring a helpless being into that, even though I would do my best if I had to raise one.
Abbey pretending that we are all hotter than her while being childless is peak comedy. She like can’t conceptualize a valid reason to forgo children other than the body damage? Like she doesn’t even acknowledge that not all of us are even skinny! I’m naturally curvy and her implications that I’m hotter without children is nuts. I mean I might be a whale after kids but I’d never make my choice over this.
Emma, Amen sister!!! What about Gypsy Rose`s mother, she shouldn't have been a mother either!!! Not saying what Gypsy Rose did was okay her mother medically abusing her wasn`t right either.
@@turquoise_skyAnd that is extremely important and necessary work for society to continue functioning! I’m sure there are lots of parents who are extremely grateful that you decided to dedicate your time to helping their kids. Honestly I kind of feel sad for these people who believe their only important contribution to humanity is making new humans.
But also, do you HAVE TO have that Meaning? This or that thing people do may be top of the important to ones and valueless for others. That Meaning thing is not something essential.
She tries to protect herself from appearing like she's being a dick to infertile people, but then goes on to say 'you have no concept of love if you don't physically carry your own child'. Um please explain how that doesn't splash back on to folks who WANT to be parents, but can't???
I am a mom of 5. For almost 30 years I’ve been mom. A full time stay at home mom. My youngest is graduating high school this year and my oldest is expecting his first child any second now. I was so fulfilled being mom. Unfortunately besides wife that’s all I ever was. Now at almost 50 facing an empty nest, I am lost. I have no idea who I am now, where I fit into the world. I had a mom who had no business being a mom. I haven’t spoken to her in 6 years and likely won’t ever speak to her again. She didn’t want children and got pregnant with me. She should had gotten an abortion. It was legal when she got pregnant with me. She deserved to live the life she wanted. Instead she listened to people like Abby and completely ruined me. I have been clawing my way to healing in therapy for 6 years now. Being a mom is great but not everyone should have children. Not being a mom because you don’t want to be is great. Any choice you make for your own life is is completely valid.
There are so many stories like yours and I feel the same. I only have one and would like more but everyone's journey is different. Instead of having more. I'm choosing to be there for my one and pour into her what I didn't get. I also chose myself. As in I choosing to healing from the trauma and confusion I went through in my past. I'm choosing to figure out who I am and how I want to help someone before I go. Time is money and space to grow into who we will be. You can't do that being a slave to someone else's agenda or needs all the time.
I’m a mom of 3. I’ve had the blessing of having amazing copayments, one being my own husband. Having loving supportive coparent/active fathers has allowed me to maintain my identity outside f marriage and motherhood. So now, with my oldest starting her young adult life and my husband working with our youngest, I don’t feel so lost or helpless. However, as a mother, you’re importance doesn’t end with the empty nest. Not only do you have time to figure out who you are again, you are at a stage in your children’s life where you get to be the support and give well needed advice to your children on a different level. You get to spoil grandchildren and set boundaries that you could set before. Your purpose is you and your happiness. Your role has changed in your children’s lives but they’ll never stop needing you. It’s just in a different way now. One would argue, a better way. You deserve to love your life for you. You’ve more than earned your freedom.
5! Wow! If you are actually not fed up with this and loved all this and it's your thing, I mean you have serious skills, maybe you could be a babysitter in the neighbourhood? That would still give you enough time for other hobbies, you could earn some money. Or you could check if your library has a reading program or so? I just know I would have gone crazy with 5 kids and being a home mom, but some ladies out there are made for this. So I wouldn't say that's all that you are, but also it is not wrong if it's your actual calling, then it's not "I'm just a mom" but an "I'm made for this, I'm amazing at this, I got skills!" which every professional could say about their profession. It's a thing to be proud of. I'm sure you will find whatever is best for you and I wish you good luck on your journey🍀
Abby is unironically arguing for a handmaid’s tale society, especially when it comes to motherhood being basically mandatory, and I just connected those dots and it’s actually insane.
Thank God I had to have a hysterectomy due to illness. I don't want to think about what my life would be like if I was reduced to nothing but breeding stock.☹️
For real. I'd like to travel, but I'm not o sseswed with it. I'm more of a Hobbit or cave troll in my house. I live being home, and I'm very geeky as well with my srt and books.
I'm playing solitaire for god's sake. And I *like* it. I'm either going to sleep all day Sunday or go to work and do taxes, like the wild hedonist I am!
Right! Meanwhile, Abby is bitching on RUclips trying to convince herself that her shitty ideology is actually NOT making her miserable and frustrated. You're sitting in the lab on a weekend mapping metabolic pathways or whatever to help develop better medication delivery mechanisms. I actually don't know what kind of science you do. What kind of science DO you do? I'm curious now...
Right, I’m either in the gym, at home, or at work. When I’m at home I like the silence and all I do is read, watch videos and sleep. I live a relaxing life, being a hedonistic person is great.
Yes, there is no greater feeling than knowing your parents only had you because they felt morally obligated to do so and because it fit with the political agenda they monetize on social media 😆
My "mother" adopted me from her sister. I didn't need to hear her say that I was supposed to be aborted in order to know she never really wanted me. I've felt it since I was 4.
@@lyndsaybrown8471Same omg. She had me because she thought it was the 'natural continutation of her life' and what else could she do for the rest of her life except have children as her ownership and for legacy and passing down the family name. Basically bullshit reasons that reflected on her parenting.
So I’m getting the vibe that Abbey isn’t a fan of motherhood, doesn’t like her post baby body, feels stifled and isolated and ignored. So she’s taking it out on the internet.
To be fair, she probably is isolated and ignored. And she shouldn’t be. If she is truly caring for her child she should be valued by her partner and community which it sound like she isn’t
@@anainesgonzalez8868 Still doesn't entitle her to take it out and stoke the fires of the sexist who want to bring us back into the Dark Ages. If she's too much of a fucking coward to confront her husband or the men in her life or even the social structures that make her feel isolated or ignored, then she shouldn't take it out on other women even if passive aggressively. In doing such a cowardly act, she renders herself as utterly unworthy of sympathy or compassion or respect This goes for anyone else who engages in this behavior
and also complain when the government wants to implement ways to provide those families with basic needs because "their tax money is going to waste and they dont pay taxes to help lazy poor people".
She is so privileged. Everyday is tough when you are a single mother with little resources. The fact that she doesn’t even talk about the financial toll says a lot. She doesn’t have to even think about money, it’s there. I became a single mother after my divorce and I encourage women to take their time and make sure being a mother is for them. A lot of single mothers never thought they would be. I love my kids more than anything so I wouldn’t change it. But sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I never had children. It’s a lot of responsibility, and not just labor but emotional labor. Thanks for telling women they have a choice. ❤
You should absolutely message her and tell her to send you money/support you. Is really easy to talk out of your butt and give out "moral" advice when you have no skin in the game and your well being is not in the front line. Abby is morally responsible for the advice she puts online, and if she thinks women should not have a choice to pregnancy she should have to put her resources where he mouth is at. If ANY woman out there gets pregnant after listening to this lady, she can be held responsible for implanting ideas that otherwise would not have been there. I am not saying you had your baby because of Abby (not in the slightest! that would be so disrespectful) but that she lives in an alternate reality where her biggest struggle is how to dress her baby and whatever to go to the indoor games or the park. She is NOBODY to tell women what to do and cant feel empathy for anyone outside of her situation. I have no kids, but if I did I would tell her that I got pregnant from her advice and now want financial support until my kid is 18. I also want to just sit at home with my kid, since she decides what I do with my body, she also has to pay for it. Ideals cost money.
Do you know who else comes from a culture believes motherhood is mandatory? Ruby Franke (6 passengers): you know, the woman who’s children just escaped her basement starving and bound?
They escaped from her BFF's basement, which is even weirder somehow. If ever there was an argument for "women shouldn't be forced to have kids", it's Ruby Franke. Ugh.
Abby's doesn't. That's not Judism. We follow science, and some Jewish people carry a gene for the disease Tay Sachs. Which is a truly awful disease and cruel to put another human thru. If both parents have that gene, there's a chance that their child will spend their short life in agony.
I think a lot of people in her situation despise being a woman, because they think they have to do all these very restrictive things, so the only thing which actually gives them any value in fundamentalist men views is being able to have a bunch of children and take care of them by themselves, because the men certainly don't help.
@@bluester7177I’m a religious Jew, and vehemently disagree with everything Abby said here. I know MANY religious Jewish women who are happy and do not feel “restricted”. Let’s not paint modern Orthodox Judaism with broad strokes
Imagine being her kids, and finding out your mom thought you were boring and burdensome…does she not enjoy her kids? Does she not find being a parent and watching a whole human being grow and develop fascinating and fun? Because if so she shouldn’t have become one…
I get the same vibe from Morgan (Paul and Morgan) AND girl defined. I think they are taught that life will be this magic fairy tale of fun and games and then they are not just ill prepared for reality when it arrives, they are crippled by their own smashed expectations.
As a woman with tokophobia (tokophobia is the fear of pregnancy, childbirth, etc.), I wonder why pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood are glorified so much. It has always caused me discomfort. So hearing someone talk about how a woman has no value other than being a mother makes me want to vomit.
It's horrifying, isn't it? The more I learn about the biology of it, the worse it seems. If we weren't conditioned to accept it, it would be just as bad as parasites that live inside your body, if not worse.
Yes, this is me. I get physically ill if I think too much on pregnancy. Even seeing others in that state makes me uncomfortable. Babies as well freak me out. Once kids are able to walk around and talk a little, I'm fine but the stages before that point give me the creeps.
I love babies but I would much rather prefer for us humans to be able to bring out eggs rather than this whole ordeal with so many possible complications.
This is disgusting. Does Abby not realize that there are people who choose to not have kids for reasons that have nothing to do with wanting to maintain looks or their lifestyle? What about people who can’t afford to have kids? What about people who don’t want to bring another life into a world that is careening toward nonexistence? What about people who grew up in abusive households are worried about perpetuating the cycle of abuse?
There’s also people who have disorders like insomnia, depression, anxiety etc and just don’t want to put a kid through having a parent who could possibly not be mentally stable at all times.
It blows my mind that those seem like the only reasons she can imagine for people to not want kids. Obviously she hasn’t met a lot of child free by choice people or she’d have more interesting things to say.
@@lostandfond2163or pass on these conditions, I have severe Adhd and can barely function and my family has a history of heart conditions, I don't want to bring a child into the world to be disadvantaged, the world isn't a nice place for people who are neurodivergent.
I dont want to have kids beacuse I dont feel any desire to have them. Its nothing to it, i just dont feel like it. Some people has a desire to have kids, some of us dont have that desire.
It's an unbelievably ignorant take, it's exactly the sort of take only a rich, white, cis, hetero woman would come up with because she doesn't worry about her health or her money.
And that is the actual take-away from this. She is trying to validate her life choices by criticizing the very things she secretly wishes she had done!
Oh but she wasn't talking about you! She was just saying that women who don't birth or raise children could never know what love is, but that doesn't include you, she says 🤪
i fuck with the star trek sticker bedazzled wheelchair so hard, i’m so gonna do that when the canadian healthcare system stops being stupid and decides im “sick” enough to need one and let my insurance cover it.
@@S3lkie-Gutzwhen you get your kickass chair, you should put some LEDs on the wheels and then a little thin sheet of blurring spoke plastic panel (to hide the LED strips) So when youre rolling on, the wheels look like those hyperwarp light streaks. That would be totally cool.
I'm just sitting here thinking of my childfree sister and her hedonistic lifestyle of monthly book club and making homemade dog food for her fur babies. Wild.
It's so funny that shes like making up these people to get mad at, most childless women I know are just like, hanging out, making art, playing games, she's like making this idea of like a "slutty improper woman" because she cant imagine women just wanting to have their own autonomy and not be baby factories. It's quite sad.
The most selfish people I've ever met in my life were parents who chose to have children in order to keep up appearances and to fulfill the roles they believed society thought they should fill when in reality they were terrible parents who truly did not care about their children
Where my fellow hedonists at??? 😂😂 Conservatives confuse me. For a party so "concerned" about kids, they sure are hell bent on making absolutely sure that all those kids have miserable lives or don't make it past their teenage years.
Present 🙋🏼♀️ These types of people don’t think children/teens can be genuinely miserable or depressed. They’ll right it off as disrespect and/or being ungrateful and move on. Also, your cat is beautiful 🖤
It's because they don't actually care about kids, they want to create a surplus of impoverished children who, in order to survive, have no choice but to a) join the military, or b) turn to crime and inflate the slave-labor workforce in our for-profit prisons.
As a teacher, I see the struggle of kids whose parents were not ready or able to be parents/good parents. Her kind of ideology creates more damage and more hurt children.
Lmao so many people are not capable of being good parents. Is she advocating for children to be put in dangerous or unhealthy situations simply so they can exist?
These are the kinds of people that think anyone who struggles with anything just needs to "have more faith" and "trust gawd" and if they don't that's on them. There is no scenario in their minds where people just can't or shouldn't because "you can do anything with gawd blah blah". People who don't believe or subscribe to their religion (so therefore don't want faith or "trust in gawd") also can't exist to them.
@@m3ntybI think that's a result of a very sheltered childhood, these people have never been hungry, homeless or abused and haven't lived in poorer areas. All they know are white picket fences and families that live in big houses
I actually think the people not having kids would make the best parents. The fact that most people have kids as a negotiation to get married or for the narcissistic reason of having someone who looks like you proves that being a parent does not make you a good person. Also, kids are the least vaccinated for COVID. That’s on parents.
@@JDMimeTHEFIRSTThat’s a very stupid way of logic. People acknowledging that they shouldn’t have children are good. Pretending they’re the people who should be having children is dumb and ignoring their agency.
"i love being able to stay home all day every day with my son" Abby... if my spouse and I could afford for one of us to be a stay at home parent, we might actually have kids. But currently... that is not the case and so we are making the CHOICE to not do that right now. But Abby is probably happy about that, because in our case, we would both be mothers, as a lesbian couple. Lol
She is also being dishonest when she portrays herself this way. She works, she sells courses, and she is a full-time influencer. Even if she has a production team behind her , she does work. Any youtuber or podcaster with regular output will tell you how many hours a week it takes to do this.
@@galacsinhajto EXACTLY. A housewife and stay at home mother HAS ZERO MONEY. That's the point of being this. You rely FULLY and COMPLETELY on your spouse. She is neither a housewife nor a stay at home mother. She is completely independent. This is very harmful to those of us who actually want to be housewives and/or SAHMs. We want to never work. We want to always rely on our partners. But if our partner leaves or dies, we're left to fend for ourselves, and if we have kids? That is absolute Hell for us. I hate kids, but even if I wanted them there would be no way I'd be able to support them. I can't even function as a human while working now, how am I supposed to care for myself AND children in the future if I never marry or have a partner I can rely fully on? She thinks being a housewife means making thousands a month online and paying for maids and nannies to do everything in the house for her. It's super disgusting
If my spouse and I (cis hetero couple) had a kid could afford that, HE would be the one staying home, not me. Wonder if the man rather than the woman staying home would be better or worse than not having a kid at all to little miss preachy and miserable 😂
Tell me you hate being a mother without telling me you hate being a mother. Seriously, the only people I've seen go this hard on us childfree people are either women who hate being moms or fathers who don't have to lift a finger to do anything with the kids but have fun with them.
Right?! I’ve only had two things come naturally to me in life: parenting and public speaking. I’ve always known that if anyone was meant to be a parent, it was me. I’ve also felt ZERO compulsion to ever tell childless people to have kids. Why do I care? I’m doing it, and I don’t care if you do. If you don’t want kids, I’d rather you not have them, because they will grow up KNOWING that. It seems like the moms who want others to all have kids are the ones who felt relegated to motherhood and envy the women who aren’t living that lifestyle. I also didn’t become a mom until 31, so I feel like many of these moms who felt like they had no choice but to start having kids in their 20s are bitter about not having the freedom of a childless adulthood. When I became a mom at 31, I was bored with having fun in the ways I had before and was ready for a new phase. Preaching that everyone should have kids just SCREAMS of jealousy and resentment.
Her language makes it pretty clear that she seems to miss the person she was before she had kids, not only in her potential career as a performer, but also her pre-baby body, and I feel bad that she doesn't feel that she's allowed to feel that or express it.
I am child-free by semi-choice and this rhetoric is still so offensive to me. Cancer in my late 20s resulted in an inability to have kids. But you know what I’ve fucking done? TREATED CHILDREN WITH MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS. But I guess to Abby, that’s not me helping future generations. She can take several seats.
Yeah, I'm honestly terrified of pregnancy, but the choice is a bit out of my hands as well, one of my ovaries kind of died and I had to have a lot of tissue removed from ye olde raging endometriosis. Children don't really get along with me, for whatever reason I've never been the kind who has kids embrace them. But that's okay, I really get along famously with old folks! I'm in nursing school, I love many of my patients or I care for them in a professional manner, but I'm doing *nothing* for society because I can't/won't become a mother? Youch.
Yeah, having kids to fulfill your "moral" checklist is selfish. One should have kids because they want those children not because they think they are obligated to check off some superiority list.
Abby has no idea what it's like to be disabled, or in pain all day, the fear of passing these things on to children. She doesn't have to worry about putting extra burden on her husband or parents because she can't do as much physically as everyone else. She doesn't have to go to work all day and feel that unease about leaving your kid with a stranger. She doesn't ever have to worry about if she'll be able to put food on the table or pay for anything her kids might need to be healthy, happy, successful. She doesn't have trauma from an awful childhood that presses on her and makes her worry constantly about if she's raising her kid right or if she's perpetuating negative things learned from her own childhood. I don't know every one of these things either, but I'm not going around telling people what to do with their own bodies or telling them to change their lives forever just because I say so. It is a huge choice to make and it should always be a choice.
This. I'm a muscular dystrophy carrier. I'm chosing to not have children after witnessing what my uncle went through. People like Abby truly don't understand beyond their scope of reality.
It’s always “yes you should have children*see disclaimer*” ***unless you’re poor, a single mother, black or brown, queer or a part of a non abrahamic religion*
That’s because having kids isn’t about motherhood or the love of raising a child for them. It’s about creating soldiers for the Lord. It’s purely a numbers game and a duty. It’s pretty awful. 😩
Thank you for pointing this out. I had people who asked me when I was going to get married and have children only to find out that I plan on marrying a woman one day & then together with her deciding if we want children or not to which the person change their tune to I shouldn't have children because I'll make them gay, trans, or covert them to my Pagan ways which jokes on them: if I had a child or children I would love them regardless of who they are or what religion (if any) they followed
One of the most amazing people I grew up around was my mum's best friend (a gay, child-free man). Even though he never "raised" children, he was by far the safest, most stable man in my life, and was an incredible father figure.
Wanted to clarify that this is not a position in Judaism at all. Abby is pandering to fundamentalist Christians because there is a much bigger audience there.
exactly. in Judaism, women are full beings and not just wombs. Jewish law is quite clear: while the fetus in the womb is to be protected as a potential human being, it has no personhood
while the first mitzvah is procreation, it's not something FORCED on anyone, and your life is not less valuable in Judaism based on how many (if any) children you produce.
It may not have occurred to her. Her vibe/take is ultra privileged. I don't think most people who insist on forcing existence really care if that existence is riddled with abuse, neglect, illness, poverty, etc. As a hot, selfish heathen, I know I can make the world a better place without being THIS miserable. ❤
No one is ever "financially ready" to have children. No matter what your income is or your lifestyle, you make it work! By not having children, you are hurting the economy, our country, and the world as a whole! Life will only be harder and get tougher if this young generation doesn't get a grip of reality and start having kids! The employeement crisis will only grow, that will only be the beginning. Your selfish to not want children.😢
Ditto. I had Adenomyosis, which rendered me Infertile, anemic and in chronic pain. I just had a hysterectomy two weeks ago to keep me from BLEEDING TO DEATH. I have no regrets for having surgery.
It's people like Abby and those that will claim "You don't know what love is until you have a kid." that grind my gears. Okay Karen and the affection I feel for my spouse is called what now?
Childless people make people burdened with children jealous of their freedom. Those burdened with children consider it selfish that someone allows themselves not to suffer as they suffer and flaunt their enjoyment of their own comfortable life. Also, child-burdened people delude themselves into thinking that they are raising a future generation that childless people will benefit from, receiving a pension from their taxes.
I feel like generation before me was suffering through parenthood with and idea that its a natural progression of things and its how it will always be. Seeing people now not wanting kids seems selfish to them maybe because they didn't have any choice then. It's sad really ☠
I do not see it as selfish at all but I do see the choice of raising people like something you do not just for yourself (by definition you do it for someone else, right?). I want to have kids as a personal choice (it is important to mention I do not have yet so this may change) because I think I could be good at it, because I simply like kids (I am a student in pedagogy) but ALSO because it is something I think can be good for my society, for my country, for my community. I think in general if you do things just because other people want you to it leads to resentment as we can clearly see in Abbey
I've chosen to be child free because I simply can't reliably manage my emotions and I will NOT put a child through that. Plus, I'm barely supporting myself financially.
Every time someone goes on about how choosing not to have children makes a person selfish/ immature/ hedonistic/ etc, then goes on to say those people should be having kids... like... you just listed good reasons for them to NOT have children! If I'm such a selfish hedonist, why on Earth would you want to put me in charge of a child's well being?
Because! Having children makes you BETTER. Weren't you listening? Kidding aside though, I agree. When anti-choice people are bashing people who get abortions as selfish, murderous harlots, immediately I'm like...do you really want those people raising the next generation then? And against their will, at that? Make it make sense.
Plain and simple: if EVERYONE is forced to do the same thing, it prevents other people from living lives that would make Abby jealous and gives her lots of other people to feel superior to. “If I can just FORCE everyone to be MORE miserable than I am, I’ll feel like less of an awful human being!” No, Abby, you’ll just feel WORSE bc if you had power, THAT is what you would choose to do with it, and that is profoundly sad.
Because a conservative/fundamentalist mindset is all self flagellation. And they think everyone should force themselves to be unhappy like they are having kids. And the whole irony is that they can't imagine that there are people who genuinely love and enjoy raising children because their whole worldview has precluded that from the jump. so they don't even know if they enjoy being a parent or not.
The majority of parents I've met who pressure others to have children generally act miserable whenever they're around their children and spouses. It's like they did what society expected of them then felt so bitter about it that the idea of others having a choice makes them petty. Genuinely have never met a parent with a healthy relationship with the children try to peer pressure others to have kids. It's the parents that martyr themselves and act like they made a noble sacrifice (then turn around and belittle their children) that always try to take away agency.
I'm going to have to disagree, there are enough people like me who are never sure about anything and are riddled with doubts, if we only did things that get without a shadow of a doubt an enthusiastic yes out of us - we would never do anything meaningful or challenging at all.
@@morgianasartre6709 While I totally understand where you're coming from (because I'm like that) children are absolutely not something you want to risk being wrong about. If I take a chance and change careers, sure I could be screwed over for a while, but I can change my careers again and no one will have suffered except for me. If I take a chance and try out motherhood and learn that it really wasn't for me, I will have just created a person to either be raised in an unhealthy environment (because their mother isn't prepared for everything motherhood entails) or will be thrown into a broken foster system. I will have made a mistake that caused someone to suffer. I understand this means there are people who want children but won't have them because they're not sure, but it's better to regret not having kids then to regret having them.
@@toastyfoxs I might be indecisive and full of doubts but if I do decide something then I am prepared to take full responsibility and make the best of it, so I know no kid of mine would suffer, at worst I would be the one to not be super content with life but again, that's a potential consequence I take into account.
@@morgianasartre6709 i kinda feel like if someone's saying "i am definitely willing to take full responsibility and do my best to ensure a good life for this child. i will do adequate research and planning and get a full support system behind me in case i falter" instead of "ughhh idk so i guess i'll do it just coz" that's pretty damn close to an informed and "enthusiastic" yes. tbh seems everyone in the thread is in agreement but tripped up by subjective word connotations
@@Lilboozibert Thank you for wishing suffering on me and my future children, that's wonderful of you. Assuming that my decisions are uninformed is another great one, fyi, people who are the most informed about things often have the toughest time with it because they are actually aware of all the possible outcomes, and I do think that considering my medical degree I would be pretty well informed. You can go spit your poison someplace else.
She's also ignoring the elephant in the room: ALL THE KIDS IN THE FOSTER SYSTEM WHO LOST THEIR PARENTS If she's so in love with motherhood; adopt all those kids, chica.
A lot of the kids in the foster system aren't white. That's why she's not adopting them. They're not white, a lot of them have neurodivergencies, and that means work and being involved in their life in addition to unlearning her racism. And people who talk a big game about how we should all have kids, no excuses always have an excuse when presented with a child in need who isn't a blue eyed blonde with perfect manners.
As a child free woman who likes kids, I am an untapped well of energy for those few hours around my friends’ kids: I can be there, keep them entertained, handle their meltdowns and be perfectly happy holding sticky lil hands for hours. I do this knowing that I’ll get to go home and sleep for as long as I want😈😂😂the world needs child free individuals because we have the ability to be an extra pair of hands to help when needed (if that’s what they want to do).
Do these people not care that children will be abused, beaten, or neglected by parents who just don’t have the capability to raise children? There are sociopaths and narcissists in this world.
People like her live in a fantasy world. They think that becoming a parent makes you a better person. Therefore, child abuse is impossible. And they simply don't believe that narcs and psychopaths exist.
they know. they don't care. these same pro lifers like abby will still encourage laws that make life hard for poor children. conservatives secretly hate kids and see them as a punishment for pre marital sex.
I think this is why conservative values go hand in hand with capitalism. This pro natalistic mindset contributes to making more labor for the system. Given how comfortable she is, she doesn't care about the fact that poor families likely don't have the energy or resources to be good parents due to financial strains and food insecurities. She just want to upkeep a system that benefits her and doesn't care about others.
As an adult who grew up in an open adoption (raised by my adoptive parents but still had my biological mother present in my life), I can’t imagine ever calling my mom ‘less worthy’ because she didn’t carry me in her body. My bio mom herself would be appalled by that notion- so harmful.
My bio mom has severe and chronic health issues (both mentally and physically) that were made irreversibly worse after giving birth to me- she still managed to find the best and safest place for me, tho :) I love her dearly for that.
@@easternflower6476 that’s good I’m glad she could still be in your life :) it’s nice to hear about stories where kids get to stay in touch with their bio parents when they are not abusive it gives me hope lol hope that some of us still have empathy and are willing to do what’s right even in really hard situations like hers :)
This woman is absolutely nutso. Not having kids is "selfish"??? 😂 Who, pray tell, are we letting down with our "selfishness"? The kids that DON'T EXIST????? 🤣
Abby is just gross. Having children or not having children does not define a person or their worth, period. Why do people insist that being a mother is the best, most important job in the world - and therefore everyone who can have children should? What other life choice/vocation/path like that do we DEMAND of other people?
Only in female dominated areas are we supposed to sacrifice ourselves for no compensation. Women are constantly expected to be martyrs and then we wonder why so many women come down with mental and physical illnesses due to burnout.
Or just that all men should be fathers. At least all of the content I typically come across is women should be mothers while men should get married (perhaps fatherhood is implied).
Parents love to talk about how parenthood taught them the true meaning of love and sacrifice. But observe the world: most of the adults in the world are parents. Do you experience the world as a loving and sacrificial place? Certainly, I observe a lot of beauty in the world. But I do not believe that parenthood teaches love and sacrifice very effectively.
also: CHILDREN KNOW WHEN THEIR CAREGIVERS DON’T WANT THEM!! & THAT KNOWLEDGE IN OF ITSELF CAN BE TRAUMATIZING!! children are a lot more intuitive & observant than most adults give them credit for. they have an innate desire to connect with those raising them, so they can notice how you’re feeling even if you don’t outright say it. although for someone that doesn’t see children as people, it’s only natural that they wouldn’t consider this. 😒
She speaks a lot about how people shouldn't just live for themselves yet her political views are completely the opposite. There is so much irony in her statements.
I Think her political views are incongruous because it's a grift and she just following Ben so that they can make money, these people are jewish but they are pushing fundamentalist christian things and supporting people who are incredibly antisemitic and would like for them to be gone.
As someone on both the aromantic spectrum and asexual spectrum, I’m often told I don’t know what love is. I love a lot of things though, I love my parents, my extended family, my dogs, my friends! Do these people argue they don’t love their families or their friends? That sounds horribly lonely.
I’m Aroace too, and in an emotionally intimate platonic relationship with my partner. I love animals and sharing my love for animals through my efforts with them, I love my small found family group, I love my partner. It doesn’t mean we don’t have important people in our lives and don’t give love to people in other ways outside of the “traditional” way. And we certainly don’t need to get married or have children to prove our unconditional love, just as anyone else. Love is love, You’re valid 💜💚
@@atlas4732I find it weird even that society consider romantic love that important and the default, most of us love more people in a platonic way than romantic.
@@bluester7177 EXACTLY! Since age 4, I can remember I’ve had people place stereotypes on me showing a “romantic” love language towards people I was close to, and telling me how they think I was stereotypically feeling, it was confusing. I’ve never had a crush, nor have I ever felt actually romantically attracted towards anyone. I believe this generalization affects everyone in some way, especially when it’s a heteronormative perspective.
This is what I always think about people who say shit like that. I am against marriage (I always saw it as a trap dor women, I know now it doesn’t have to be) and whenever I would say that to someone they would respond “then you do not believe in love?” and I was always so confused, like do they not love ANYONE in their life? Anyone in their family? Not a single person who they are not married or are parents to?
I'm a woman with another woman... I don't want IVF... neither does she. We're heathens according to Abby 😂 time to cry while watching some lame 90s romcom. But there's women who are straight and choose celibacy. Not even celibacy...just prefer single life. It's normal. Even my sister who has a boyfriend, they don't have kids. She's 36. He's 51. They're fine.
This take is insane. I have an 18 month old and he is the sweetest, most loving, happiest boy ever and I love him so much it makes me want to scream but omg it’s so hard. I cannot imagine how much harder it would be if he wasn’t a wanted child in a home with financially and (mostly) emotionally stable parents, surrounded by family and friends who love him. We have so much support and it’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We should not be forcing this on anyone.
As someone who’s child free by choice but has also nannied for many years, children of ages 14 months to 14 years, I truly take from her video that she is miserable but “this is what the Bible says” so she wants everyone else to be miserable. She seems to have intense hatred for child free people.
It's so obvious that she is just jealous, like you don't even have to read between the lines with how much she talks about loosing your hot body and reassuring herself that she's happy. It's actually really sad.
yeah but she doesn't even have the "this is what the Bible says" excuse; she's JEWISH. she's just living this life because she was unlucky enough to be born into the same family as conservative talking head Ben "Shappy WAP" Shapiro
@@saraleigh5336she’s ashkenazi-most ashkenazim are descended from 4 eastern european ‘founding mothers’ who had kids w jewish men. [my dad does a lot of genealogical work, often for other jewish folk, and thats what he told me. It’s something to do w genes common to ashkenazim also being common to other jewish groups-sephardim, mizrahim-and eastern european groups, cant remember which ones tho.] so yea she is white. idk if by ‘mediterranean’ you’re trying to reference stereotypical features or if you’re referencing mizrahim (from middle eastern jewish communities) and/or sephardim (iberian, greek, italian jewish communities)?
@@diamcole got it, so white-passing folks get dismissed on the basis of race, not the content of what they say. That gives strength to progressive talking points. Is this true for all minority members? I just want to be clear where Jews stand in your eyes. So, racial bias is ok as long as you disagree with the politics?
Im raising my cousin. Im only 27 and childfree, but my teenage cousin has been scapegoated by her narcissistic mother. She is now at my house after many violent attacks, learning how to accept love and support for the first time in her life 😢 Childfree people definitely help raise the next generation!
That atheist morality thing was always funny to me. I don't need some book or a church to command me not to kill and steal and do whatever with neighbour's donkey. I choose to be a decent human being. If Abby's kind needs to be threatened by hell to not do that, I see a problem there.
Fr my grandma once told me that “you couldn’t do things just for the sake of being good” if your not religious and she insisted on how it must be for a selfish reason, which when you think about it is so incredibly ironic because that means she thinks the only reason why someone would do something good would be for their own benefit and wouldn’t just do good things to be giodb
My response to those arguments has always been: if you need the threat of eternal punishment not to do hurtful things, you're not a good person, you're a bad person on a leash. There's a world of difference between "I didn't do [x thing] bc I thought I'd get caught and punished" and "I didn't do [x thing] bc I understand it would hurt another person and I don't want to intentionally cause pain or suffering to fellow beings" It's fear/obedience vs empathy/compassion Editing to add that obviously this is a snappy response to a complicated topic. I think empathy (or at least compassion) is a thing that can be cultivated and is far easier when we are in physically/emotionally/mentally safe environments. Fear often dampens our empathy because fear evolved to help us survive, but the problem is that cultures that cultivate shame/fear end up severely hindering the growth of empathy & compassion.
And this is one of the reasons why i left church! I do good things because i simply want to, not out of fear of the devil or hell or a revenging god. And perhaps i get sometimes good things back...
I'm 50 years old. My mother had no business being a mother, married a man when I was 7 who couldn't stand children, and spent her ENTIRE life telling me how grateful I should be because she could have chosen not having me. I make the best I can out of the life I got, but still. NO. EVERYONE SHOULD NOT BE A MOTHER. If you doubt or you question, or if someone in your life is just pressuring you - just walk away from it. You have this huge probability of making broken people.
I love that Abby wants people who would rather be hot than have kids to become parents. Sounds like those people would make great parents. Everyone knows the best parents didn't want their kids.
Abby distinguishing between people who don’t have kids but want them, and people who are child-free by choice is basically saying “it’s only okay to be child-free if you hate yourself for it” I remember when I (afab) was 15 and told a boy I didn’t think I wanted kids, he said that I wouldn’t be “fulfilling my biological imperative” 🤮💀
Yes everyone who isn't the exact thing the dominant class wants you to be needs to hate themselves for it. My theory is the demons living inside them like to feed on suffering and those of us living happily are selfishly starving them of sustenance 😂
The fact that she looks so uncomfortable when she claims that she is happy and joyful would be funnier if she didn’t have a kid who has to exist around her and have her for a mother.
I hate that she says if you're not a mother you're not living for others. I take care of the people that are already here. I help my parents. I work in a school where I take care of children with special needs. I volunteer in the community. There are a lot of people in this world that need help, you don't need to make new ones to do that.
As a young girl, I always thought I had to have kids because its just what we have to do. Finding out I don't have to have kids brought me so much relief! Its so important to normalize not pushing the idea of kids onto young people
I'm 62 years old and never had kids. I wanted an intimate relationship and a family. However, in 1982, 2 weeks before my 21st birthday, I was raped by another soldier (I was in the Army). It was a major trauma, but I didn't tell anyone for 35 years. Meanwhile I sufferedwith untreated PTSD, and I was unable to trust or connect with anyone. So the decades went by and I kept thinking things would get better. Then I found myself at menopause, at an age where dating and even making friends is difficult. I haven't spent the years traveling and partying. Indeed, because the PTSD has rendered me disabled (according to the VA), I've been quite poor. I do have a beloved dog, though.
It’s honestly more selfless to know that you’re not able to be a good parent and therefore choose not to have kids, then just having children because you want to or feel obligated to
I couldn’t have kids. I am so damn tired of the “You just don’t know what real love and sacrifice is!” Even women who dealt with infertility and later get pregnant become smug and say the same thing to women who are still struggling. The phrase “starting a family” implies you’re not a family until you have a kid.
Same. We tried for many years to get pregnant but it wasn't in the cards. I just became so exhausted by it that we stopped and are now embracing a child free life. Honestly, fuck anyone who says that I don't know what real love is because the pain I went through felt a lot like love.
Also, that's just bullshit, you don't need to go through pregnancy to have a bond of being a parent with a child, these people degrade not only the people who struggle to have kids as well as fathers, the hormonal connection caused by the baby can happen to anyone of any sex or gender because it depends on being a caregiver, spending time with the baby, helping it survive and thrive, there are studies about it, these people just can't fathom that people can love someone who does not have the same genetics as them unconditionally.
My fiancé and I became a family the moment we moved in together, and our family was completed when we adopted our cat. We are indeed quite the adorable little unit and a child would definitely not improve our life, it would only make all of us miserable.
Right?! Honestly I think it’s more compelling that I’m a good person because I want o be a good person. I intentionally put that effort. It’s genuinely from me, not out of fear of a potential punishment in the afterlife or based on religious morality.
I totallly agree, humans derive morals from society, not from ancient book. Bible says it is ok to give your daughters to be mobr8ped to save a couple of strangers. 2 daughters or 2 unknown men with correct set of genitalia, whom should loving father protect? Also christians don't seem to differenciate between morals, ethics and old Hebrew law. Updated to correct typos
I always tell people if your faith is keeping you from being a heartless murdering rapist, by all means, please keep believing your God. I struggled with "morality" when I was 12 and still was able to work out how morality works in less then a week.
As a Christian I can promise, religious beliefs doesn't make someone a better person. Religion doesn't even attract people with a more generous personality. Religious people are just people the same as everyone else.
It really is weird she doesn’t realize she’s communicating the depth of her unhappiness. I grew up in a fundamentalist religion and Abbey is very much the ex-acquaintances who try to diminish my professional accomplishments and lace every congratulations with “but can’t wait til you get married and have kids so we can really celebrate” bc it makes them feel like crap to think they spent the past 5-10 years changing diapers instead of living it up. Mothers who love being mothers know it’s a different kind of joy and simply don’t compare or think of these life choices as hierarchical. Some of my bestest and most supportive of friends are family oriented! I also do my best to hype women up no matter what they choose if it makes them happy and that’s easy bc Im happy with mine. Id never go “ewww it’s so much better to have n amount of graduate degrees and x amount of projects than dedicating your life to your family and being trapped in a financial bind with a man”. I feel VERY strongly that isn’t what I want but at least I have the awareness that my preference are not moral absolutes.
Here i am, childfree by choice, watching my nephew for a few days while his mom is giving birth and recovering. I would not be able to do this if i had my own kids to take care of, or take a few days off if i had to support my “own family”. I want to be the kind of aunt who can do this for my nieces and nephews and help my family. It takes a village to raise a child and the village can’t be all the same types of people.
Exactly plus I feel like Abby wasn't actually thinking about the children she would force people to have, a lot of people are choosing not to have children because of the economy, climate change etc or simply just putting it off until we are ready financially, mentally, etc to actually bring another life into the world or choosing foster care or adoptions. All in all just thinking more about the choice of having a child or not and trying to end the cycle of trauma. Life quality is important to talk about.
Before you have children: "You must have children! It's your moral obligation"
After you have children: "That was your choice, and I will fight tooth-and-nail to make sure you and your child get no help"
Yup
The republican way!
Exactly this. It always kills me when they talk about how less people are choosing to have children. Like, that's because the more you people have your way, the more difficult (nigh impossible) and terrifying it becomes!
Very insightful 👏
55,000 children just kicked off Medicaid in Montana thanks to the Republican governor. They care about the children soooo much after they’re born 🤦🏼♀️
Not only is she trashing women who desperately want children, or adopt, by saying you can’t understand life without carrying a baby, but she trashes Dolly Parton. That’s against the law
Adoption is cheaper in the US than the price of birthing a child with insurance. It’s insane. I don’t know why any woman would go through it on purpose. We need our bodily rights back so people CAN choose
i have health issues such as migraines, seizures, low blood pressure, and numerous allergies that i do not want to pass on to a child. it would be more selfish for me in the case if i were to have a child because i would pass on all of these issues to them and give them a miserable life that they didn’t ask for
@JDMimeTHEFIRST I get what you mean, but adoption is a lot more expensive. I left the hospital $10k in debt, with insurance and it wasn’t even a super complicated birth, no c section. Maybe most people have more hospital debt? I’m not sure of the average. Either way it’s ridiculous, no one should be leaving the hospital in significant debt, but that’s besides the point… anywho, isn’t adoption tens of thousands of dollars unless you’re fostering to adopt?
And the comment of the year award goes tooooooooo..... 🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Wtf, Dolly Parton cares so much about kids and their education. She's done charities for years to help them
what i don’t understand is YOU CAN RAISE THE NEXT GENERATION WITHOUT BEING A MOTHER. teachers, aunts/cousins, neighbors, babysitters/nannies, counselors, school bus drivers, cafeteria workers, and SO MUCH MORE can have a positive influence on the next generation. you can also be a foster parent!! some of the most influential people in my life have not been my parents.
this!!!
There are some people (more than a half are men in my experience) still believe that adopted children are not your kids because they don't share your blood.
Dam straight!!
Yeah like I never want to be a parent. Ever. But I want to help care for kids! You can contribute to the future without reproducing.
Apparently it's only "morally" correct if you can't physically conceive and birth a child because otherwise you're shirking you're biological duties by not continuing the species or something. As if all parents are moral and upstanding and all child-free people are living narcissistic lives without a care for anyone else in the world. IDK how anyone can swallow this tripe but I assume a lot of them are deeply insecure, sheltered, ignorant and need this sort of validation to feel better about their lives.
If everyone was supposed to be a parent there would be no such thing as child abuse.
She can't imagine people exsist out side of her social economic bubble. Her life is ideal to procreate and not worry about anything else.
She is wrapped in naivete.
0 chance she isn't emotionally abusive with her children, she's got that narcissist vibe
I can only assume that you mean post contraception because until recently it has not been a choice. Women had sexual relations & bingo nature took over.
@@jenniferferris44 Agree. Don't wanna put bad juju out there for her kids...but you can definitely tell she absolutely will not stand for her children having independent thought of their own, being accepting of LGBT+ people (much less be one), have opinions that don't align with christianity, be less than a gifted student at school, ect;. She may love being a mom while her babies aren't capable of independent critical thought, but lord help them if they are anything other than the perfect child we all know she'll be trying to whip them into.
@@kiraeckard7625 I hope her child is rescued from her because she gets any scars, emotional or physical
As a mom, if you aren’t 10000% sure you wanna have kids don’t have them. Having kids is a wayyyyy more selfish thing to do vs not having them imo
AGREED! I’m 7mo postpartum and this is not something that should be compromised. If you do not want kids and know that do not compromise. Being a mom is fantastic, but ONLY because this was my choice and no one else’s.
Of course, now women don’t have that choice in much of the country.
well treating kids like parents' property is certainly selfish. And that is what most conservatives promote
I completely agree. Bringing all these kids into the world to siphon off all the last of the world's resources...knowing that these kids will struggle because of the sad state of the environment...all because you want to have your little mini-me running around? Yeah, kinda selfish. And, yeah, I have a kid. Lol! The thing is, I don't think being selfish to a certain extent is necessarily a bad thing. It's a completely normal thing.
A part of me wants kids but I'm not going to have them because I know I'm not 100% and it would be so unfair to those kids to have a mom who isn't all in from the beginning
It’s always about “women should be mothers” but never about “men should be fathers” even if dads complain about child support
And it's funny because the only way for women to be mothers is if men are to be fathers 😂
@@B1234-xi4dl and then they blame single mothers for all of the worlds problems
@B1234-xi4dl and the ones who are hands on are simps, my boyfriend is our provider but he's also very involved which is so amazing for me and our son
Right?! There's no winning with these people!
@@B1234-xi4dlBecause women are the only ones that are vilified.....despite what men try to say.
Fascistly Abby, where motherhood isn't a choice.
Abby is Jewish be careful here.
Also, I'm a mother, atheist, and feminist - I guess Abby thinks I don't exist?
@@afgyhujkj4765Oh, we definitely exist. 😊
fascistly abby is so funny
If motherhood isn't a choice, it's a crime.
As an adult child of a woman who clearly didn't get the child that she wanted, please don't have kids if you can't handle them being their own individuals instead of clones of you.
Yep. My mother expected something totally different. Most people can’t handle having neurodivergent kids.
@@ibanezgirl4623 yesssss
Can concur.@@ibanezgirl4623
Oh hey me too. My mother started to resent me as soon as I started showing signs that I was autistic, so when I was around 3. By the time I was 14 the fact that she didn’t like me was so clear it wasn’t funny. She loves and actually likes my NT cis het brothers though, so that’s fun.
@aviendha1154 smh I'm sorry that you can relate. I have adhd, and my brother has Down Syndrome; since his disability can't be hidden our mom was forced to acknowledge it. With me, she refused to acknowledge it and insisted I was simply lazy and careless. No trauma there at all. 🙄
This is bananas on so many levels. Abby's obsession with "mom bodies" and "sacrificing her hot body" is fascinating. That's clearly a sore point for her, dang she would really benefit from some therapy.
I can imagine her accepting the therapy she needs.
That part
It's like she's trying to make herself feel better about normal body changes.
it sounds like she's really trying to hype herself up for something she doesn't actually want to do but does it anyway because it's "the right thing" for her religion and thinks if she portrays herself as a hero or martyr that it will make her want to do it more
She still has a really beautiful body so I’m not sure what she’s referring to. You can still be pregnant and have a hot body.
I must have missed the bit where Abby says men, who choose not to become a father, are equally worthless 😂
women are for babies and men are for consuming meat loaf. what an unfortunate world view.
Don't worry she won't make that video. Because she grew up in purity culture and purity culture is all about internalized misogyny for young girls. So she would never blame men. It's always women. Women are the gatekeepers of sex. And if men go astray then it's the woman's fault. This mindset is literally why people will say stupid things like well. It takes two hands to clap when a woman gets raped. It's because it's always the woman's fault. With these people. Always. Purity culture is some of the most toxic garbage to come out of religion. And that's an extensive list. So for something to be to the top that tells you how toxic it is.
They will NEVER say that, will they?
Pick me's do not speak against men. In fact there isn't a lot of people that hold men accountable for much. Unless they rob kill or go against white male privileges.
Fr. They want a woman to give up their life, finances, health, hobbies, jobs etc etc to all be moms but somehow asking a few hundred for child support is too much for the dads
Me, a single 30-year-old heathen: Man, I can't wait until I get off work so I can lead my life of hedonistic sin by... going home, booping some cat snoots, practicing piano, sewing, and listening to spooky podcasts.
Yes. Watch yourselves, ladies, lest you delve into a similarly deviant lifestyle.
We all know Piano is the most sinful instrument. You can't hide your hedenist nature (Just joking)
OH NO, NOT THE SPOOKY PODCASTS! AAAAAAH 😵💫😵💫😵💫(fainting under the table)
you just described me to a T as well 💀💀❣️ i love us deviants 😈😈
I am soooo with you with your life of deviance. Oh my god we are both going to hell in a handcart but its gonna be one helluva ride! 😂
😂😂😂😂
Her perception of women who choose not to have kids as hedonists who just party and travel speaks volumes about how privileged she is. She has no awareness of those who work 40+ hours a week just to make ends meet.
As a disabled straight-edged Asexual, I find it really funny that she'd call my child-free lifestyle hedonistic and full of debauchery. =P
Yeah I don't want kids but I'm not some traveling party girl I'm a dorky 29 year old still living at home and working towards her bachelor's degree because her autism made College difficult. I've never done any drugs, I've only had alcohol a handful of times and have never been drunk. I'm Arroace so I'm entirely uninterested in sex or romantic relationships.
The difference between me and classical Abby of course is that I'm not a miserable b*tch and I don't judge women who do partake in those things.
@@NoOneReallySpecialsame.
The height of my hedonism is putting extra cheese on my pasta.
She's fully trying to say "women have no value if they aren't mothers" without actually saying it. It's so wild that conservative women spew misogyny and actively try to make sure that they themselves have no rights 😂
What's even wilder is how looked down upon stay at home mothers AND working mothers are. Like, what?
Yeah. Like, when Girl Defined is more progressive because they acknowledged some women "may not be called by God" to be mothers.
@@lyndsaybrown8471you know it’s a problem when you’re making them look progressive, of all people. 🤷🏻♀️
It's wilder when they start a mini movement within their conservative movement to battle being treated as inferior, but it's not feminism because feminism is evil and they just want equality.
@@kreskin0079The only good way apparently is to work an at-home job like RUclips and pretend that it means you're a stay at home parent (like Abby and the Girl defined women do)
Her saying motherhood isn't a choice is scary. There are men out there actively trying to baby trap women into an abusive relationship. It's very rapey. Just acting as if fertile people are broodmares. Disgusting.
Yeah, the subtext is absolutely a lot rapey. Especially for women in controlling relationships. Guess they won't be getting any support from Abs when they complain their husband won't take no as an answer from their wife. Creepy as heck.
(Re)productive capacity is the foundation of the oppression and exploitation of women, other animals (especially females), and the natural environment, IMO.
Even the language illustrates how ecology, animal rights, and women's rights intersect.
Mother Earth is Source, not resources. Women are source, not a resource.
It's not a "waste" or "selfish" not to consume and exploit EVERY uterus, animal, and square inch of fertile land there is.
Each human, is like a field of wildflowers. We all have inherent value, far beyond what others can "get from" or "use us for".
🌱 🌸 🕊 ♀️ ✊🏼
It's one of the pillars of White Nationalism >:(
BIG facts!!! I was engaged to a narcissist that purposely wanted to get me pregnant because he knew my mom would pressure me into marrying him. Suffice to say I left his ass
It's not very rapey, it is rape. It is sexual assault. When you consent to sex with the knowledge that you both aren't trying for a child and using contraceptives, but one partner lies or deceives you (such as manipulating birth control or poking holes in condoms), that is sexual assault because you did not consent to it.
Live for myself? Travel? Party ot up? Dang, her imaginary version of my childfree life is WAY more fun than my real childfree life.
Yo for real. I wish I could afford travel 24/7 😢
I'm gonna start walking around saying: "you won't know real love until you get a horse. Horses give you a real kind of love you horseless people will never understand"
As a childfree person who is scared of horses, I laughed so much
Ken knows.
😂😂😂 this is a good one
Horse lover and cat lady here... Yes, you will never know real love until you have woken up at 2:30am to check on your loved one (an animal) who depends on you and shows you unconditional love. Children will never provide unconditional love in the same way. I know first hand.
Meh, but i kinda want something in couch-cuddle size, so can we agree on including cats in that statement? 😅
As a foster parent, I can tell you right now that there are people out there who should never have children. There are so many hurt, abused, and traumatized children who have parents who chose parenthood because they thought they were "supposed to" and never considered whether they SHOULD.
Sshh you don't want the pro-life activist to hear you. Although they don't care about those kids but they definitely care about the unborn barely developed baby in your uterus.
exactly, good people like you need to come out about these stories more, foster is more than often where unwanted kids end up, and its important we mention this more in our Pro-Choice movement.
And then those kids grow up to be criminals and/or traumatize and abuse others and continue to perpetuate the issue
@@thelastnashie8811The foster care to prison pipeline is certainly a thing.
I agree I have worked in child care before and let me tell you some of the people that were called parents shouldn't have been called parents. It was really heart breaking to watch because those kids deserved better and we weren't allowed to call CPS on them because it wasn't going to do anything.
A life of traditional motherhood OR a life of partying and debauchery. You know, the two life choices.
I often wonder what these kinds of people think about single infertile women.
Are we all whores in their eyes?
yes. there are only 2 choices in life- no children, yes children. There is not third choice lmao
If I could turn back time I would choose the latter - without hesitating... ✌️✌️😉😉☺️👍
Not every single woman cares to party it up or run amuk. Never been into that. So no your making a blanket statement that doesn't prove to be true for everyone. It's just what you've been told to believe.
@@phoenixtoash2396 I'm sorry, I think you missed that I was being sarcastic.
I love that Abby completely ignores child abuse and post-partum depression.
And post partum anything.
And like health complications of pregnancy.
And cost of everything.
If my teeth rot because of pregnancy, who is going to pay for my dentist?
She's obviously very angry and bitter about post baby bodies. You can tell by her seething hated of women she deems to have perfect bodies not damaged by stretch marks, saggy skin, saggy breasts, destroyed bladders, damaged spines, hips, ruined teeth etc. All the typical stuff that happens to women who are pregnant and give birth. She is so bitter and angry about what she deems women who are "hot".
Also our ABYSMAL maternal mortality rates, *particularly for Black women* and in general for POC.
And also definitely no birth control or abortions allowed, so if you end up with a complicated or life-threatening pregnancy, guess you’re SOL!! Survival of the fittest (read: Whitest) 🙄🙄
It's attitudes like hers that contribute to women being forced to give birth until they just drown them all in the tub one day.
No, it's not right. It also doesn't occur in a vacuum.
@@AshleyKiMiller it's interesting how other mammals also have the capacity to kill their offspring under stress. Obviously anyone who is not prepared nor wants to be pregnant or give birth should; it's dangerous for them and their offspring.
Saying "whos body was used for what it was supposed to be used for" IS CRAZY TO ME. Your body is not to be "used" whether its by kids or other people unless that's your choice (referring to kids). Your body is "used" to support your life. Full stop.
RIGHT. Like my body is "used" for keeping me alive, taking me places I want to go, to talk to people I love. What a ridiculous idea that childbirth is the only thing a body is good for. 🤮
Shes not even using her body as "intended" as she aint out hunter gathering lmao
A person's body is their God given rights. What makes me mad is how society likes to capitalize on women's youth. It pisses me off. Man kind is getting so greedy that everything is getting taxed and capitalized on. My Uterus should not be something to be capitalized on so some Rich Greedy Narcissist can make a profit.
@@aliciastoaks1955it has always been this way, the actual difference now is that you have a chouce and a lot of wome are choosing to be child free, ao these peopke are getting desperate because what if there isnt enough white babies? And what about the economy if there isn't enough babies? Even though there are billions of people in the world.
Right, my body wasn't "used" after I chose to give birth. I'm not a car that was driven of the lot.
My hedonistic life of rescuing stray cats, drinking tea, and making homemade food to placate my autoimmune disease. We child-free folks are absolutely wild. 😂
Omg I have almost the same kind of hedonistic life 🫶🏼 so far I have only rescued one cat but there are more to come!
As someone who loves cats but is allergic to both cats and anti-allergy meds: thank you for rescuing them. Tell your cats I love them!
The having to live a very much restricted life due to autoimmune disease is something that a lot of folks do not get. I have MS and it is so moody. At times completely random despite how I do my best to avoid the things that influence it. I also have a ton of allergies including certain chemicals and fragrances. Being low income if I want to avoid those things I have to make them myself.
I do have kids and am recovering from living in deep East Texas. Having children was expected. It is very very difficult to balance health conditions, mental health and raising kids. Without help I would not be able to do it. My husband and I had to develop a very extensive support network and we are still scraping by. Good on you for rescuing the stray cats. I hope you are doing well.
I have seen more hedonistic parents than child free adults. If you are homebound and have kids toxic people like to drop their kids off to play and then come to pick them up... sometimes. It was so heartbreaking, we did what we could. We relocated and got out of toxic circles. Also the working poor have a really difficult time being the parent they want to be. Even when my husband and I had two incomes it was extremely difficult. Also we come from dysfunctional families so we are continuing to go through so so much therapy.
Having children should always be a very well thought out choice. Bringing a human being into this world is a serious choice. It is not for everyone.
My wild midnight parties where I sit on silence and knit blankets for my two dogs. Such hedonism!
Yep - same hedonistic life style here - making tasty vegan food, taking care of my rescue cat and making art. I have zero desire or the means to support another human.
Her resentment is strong. Nobody who is happy with their choice to have kids sits there and tells other people that they are selfish when they don`t have kids.
My thoughts exactly
When its quite the opposite
Yeah she got hit with the reality stick like Mrs Midwest. At least Mrs Midwest seems to have backed off her intense rhetoric since having 2 kids back to back and realizing it's not all sunshine and roses.
@@exjehooberdubexpiobeezleeb6269dang 😭
Right bc I feel like well adjusted mothers acknowledge that while being a mother was a choice they made happily and also explaining the cons too
It's fascinating that Abby is just talking about being a mom, not necessarily being a good mom
YES.
Oh yeah, her whole point is that, as subhuman breeding stock, women are obligated to give birth -- preferably over and over -- regardless of how they actually feel about it or actually want in life. Once that's done, they have a further obligation to keep those kids alive and make sure they're exposed to whatever conservative religion the parents belong to. But raising happy kids who are actually well-adjusted? Meh.
Aha! Well spotted!
Of course because it is another case of those kind of religious people who want others to do as they do. Like the analogy 'I am on a diet so you should be too'. They abide by the moto "misery loves company" and don't care if their selfishness affect others like the children of the people who listen to her and have kids for the sake of it.
When my favorite childhood teacher died, her obituary said she had no children. Bullshit. She had hundreds of us, maybe thousands. She showed us love and understanding, and taught us how to be good people, not just math and reading. Children can give a person's life meaning, but not everyone.
Same. I already lived in Germany when my 1st & 2nd grade teacher, Ms. Loechen, died but my family went to her funeral and got me a bookmark the family has made for everyone who wanted to remember her. It’s usually in whatever book I’m currently reading. She had a huge impact in my life
I totally agree. I have learnt more about personhood from one teacher than my parents combined
love this comment 💜
i had the opposite occurance. My bio father died at some point (he was basically never there for me) and the priest that held the funeral talked through his life and mentioned me, when i was born etc.. It felt really weird, cause i know he did nothing. He didnt even pay child support, because he had no money. I dont want to trash my father, because he clearly had mental health issues that should have been adressed and his parent also should have handled things way differently, but that i was treated as an important note in his life, while i saw him like a few times is wild.
This is so sweet ❤❤
Abbey, blink once if you are jealous of your child free hot friends! Blink twice if you hate being a mother. Blink three times if you feel completely cheated that being a mother didn’t complete you.
AND men are not valuing her work. It makes me sad for her.
@@anainesgonzalez8868i wonder if by “men” she means her husband?
"Motherhood is important. That's why fucking everyone should do." - classically abby, 2023
@@anainesgonzalez8868 DON'T. She does't deserve pity or sympathy. She wants to bring us back in the Dark Ages. Women like that are undeserving of sympathy
@stevenandcarminabeedle9089 and his buddy's and her male family members
Abby is barking up the wrong tree if she thinks that I'm child free because I don't want to lose my "hot and fit" body. I've never had one of those. What I have had is a whole lot of trauma from child abuse, a whole list of chronic illnesses, and devastating amounts of poverty. Sheesh.
Exactly! Hey, Abby what if I don't want kids because I'm POOR?! I think not being able to provide for a child is on the top of the list of questions about "Should I be a Parent?"
Same ✋
Understood. Most people don’t have the luxury of prioritizing “hot and fit,” though if that is what one wants, then that is ok too. I think we all agree here that having a child or not is a personal choice-whatever the reason.
Same here. She's saying "You're just going to have to give up being hot!" As if this is a universal consideration. And I'm like, "Abby, I've never been conventionally attractive in my life. I'm only now coming to terms with my meatsuit and not hating it." The problems with me having kids are my health issues and poverty. I can barely manage my own life, and I am not willing to bring a helpless being into that, even though I would do my best if I had to raise one.
Abbey pretending that we are all hotter than her while being childless is peak comedy.
She like can’t conceptualize a valid reason to forgo children other than the body damage? Like she doesn’t even acknowledge that not all of us are even skinny! I’m naturally curvy and her implications that I’m hotter without children is nuts. I mean I might be a whale after kids but I’d never make my choice over this.
Now let's talk about Ruby Franke. 6 children and an abuser. Perfect example of why some women should NOT be mothers.
BLOOP 👀
THAT PART
Not only her but literally any family channel
Emma, Amen sister!!! What about Gypsy Rose`s mother, she shouldn't have been a mother either!!! Not saying what Gypsy Rose did was okay her mother medically abusing her wasn`t right either.
I always love saying "Ask Casey Anthony."
I feel like "only motherhood gives you meaning" is a take you can only have if you've never had, like, a good hobby.
Or a life.
Or a good job! As a pediatric RN I touch far more children’s lives than I would if I stayed home and had a few myself.
@@turquoise_skyAnd that is extremely important and necessary work for society to continue functioning! I’m sure there are lots of parents who are extremely grateful that you decided to dedicate your time to helping their kids. Honestly I kind of feel sad for these people who believe their only important contribution to humanity is making new humans.
But also, do you HAVE TO have that Meaning? This or that thing people do may be top of the important to ones and valueless for others. That Meaning thing is not something essential.
Someone get this woman some crochet hooks. 🤣
Yes women should be mothers. If they want to. They should also be doctors, CEOs, pilots, entrepreneurs, personal trainers, professors, etc.
Heck yea🤙❤
All women should have to be doctors/CEOs/pilots/entrepreneurs/personal trainers/professors/etc.
All at the same time.
YAT! LETS GO! I'm a pilot mechanic and diver. I should probably try being a doctor next. Jk. That's a bit overwhelming..
@@wanderingaesthetics7849challenge accepted
if they want to
She tries to protect herself from appearing like she's being a dick to infertile people, but then goes on to say 'you have no concept of love if you don't physically carry your own child'. Um please explain how that doesn't splash back on to folks who WANT to be parents, but can't???
Yeah as an infertile person, these types of people hide the fact they hate us, but they hide their thoughts quite badly. It's pretty obvious
Word!
It's also fun how that indirectly means that men have no concept of love because they can never carry a child.
How DARE she. Me being hedonistic has NOTHING to do with my lack of children.
Ahahahahahahahahaha same.
omg literally 💀💀💀
Amen!
As a disabled straight-edged Asexual, I find it really funny that she'd call my child-free lifestyle hedonistic and full of debauchery. =P
I am a mom of 5. For almost 30 years I’ve been mom. A full time stay at home mom. My youngest is graduating high school this year and my oldest is expecting his first child any second now. I was so fulfilled being mom. Unfortunately besides wife that’s all I ever was. Now at almost 50 facing an empty nest, I am lost. I have no idea who I am now, where I fit into the world.
I had a mom who had no business being a mom. I haven’t spoken to her in 6 years and likely won’t ever speak to her again. She didn’t want children and got pregnant with me. She should had gotten an abortion. It was legal when she got pregnant with me. She deserved to live the life she wanted. Instead she listened to people like Abby and completely ruined me. I have been clawing my way to healing in therapy for 6 years now.
Being a mom is great but not everyone should have children. Not being a mom because you don’t want to be is great. Any choice you make for your own life is is completely valid.
I hope you’re able to find a sense of purpose outside of being a mom! You deserve it after 30 years of hard work raising your kids ❤️
There are so many stories like yours and I feel the same. I only have one and would like more but everyone's journey is different. Instead of having more. I'm choosing to be there for my one and pour into her what I didn't get. I also chose myself. As in I choosing to healing from the trauma and confusion I went through in my past. I'm choosing to figure out who I am and how I want to help someone before I go. Time is money and space to grow into who we will be. You can't do that being a slave to someone else's agenda or needs all the time.
I’m a mom of 3. I’ve had the blessing of having amazing copayments, one being my own husband. Having loving supportive coparent/active fathers has allowed me to maintain my identity outside f marriage and motherhood. So now, with my oldest starting her young adult life and my husband working with our youngest, I don’t feel so lost or helpless.
However, as a mother, you’re importance doesn’t end with the empty nest. Not only do you have time to figure out who you are again, you are at a stage in your children’s life where you get to be the support and give well needed advice to your children on a different level. You get to spoil grandchildren and set boundaries that you could set before. Your purpose is you and your happiness. Your role has changed in your children’s lives but they’ll never stop needing you. It’s just in a different way now. One would argue, a better way. You deserve to love your life for you. You’ve more than earned your freedom.
Let’s go to Vegas. 😂
5! Wow! If you are actually not fed up with this and loved all this and it's your thing, I mean you have serious skills, maybe you could be a babysitter in the neighbourhood? That would still give you enough time for other hobbies, you could earn some money.
Or you could check if your library has a reading program or so?
I just know I would have gone crazy with 5 kids and being a home mom, but some ladies out there are made for this. So I wouldn't say that's all that you are, but also it is not wrong if it's your actual calling, then it's not "I'm just a mom" but an "I'm made for this, I'm amazing at this, I got skills!" which every professional could say about their profession. It's a thing to be proud of.
I'm sure you will find whatever is best for you and I wish you good luck on your journey🍀
Abby is unironically arguing for a handmaid’s tale society, especially when it comes to motherhood being basically mandatory, and I just connected those dots and it’s actually insane.
And it's fucking horrifying.
Thank God I had to have a hysterectomy due to illness. I don't want to think about what my life would be like if I was reduced to nothing but breeding stock.☹️
I don’t party or travel much. I’m a quiet, nerdy scientist. I’m in the lab today on a Saturday. Abby’s view of childfree women is so one-dimensional.
For real. I'd like to travel, but I'm not o sseswed with it. I'm more of a Hobbit or cave troll in my house. I live being home, and I'm very geeky as well with my srt and books.
I'm playing solitaire for god's sake. And I *like* it. I'm either going to sleep all day Sunday or go to work and do taxes, like the wild hedonist I am!
Right! Meanwhile, Abby is bitching on RUclips trying to convince herself that her shitty ideology is actually NOT making her miserable and frustrated. You're sitting in the lab on a weekend mapping metabolic pathways or whatever to help develop better medication delivery mechanisms. I actually don't know what kind of science you do. What kind of science DO you do? I'm curious now...
Kween
Right, I’m either in the gym, at home, or at work. When I’m at home I like the silence and all I do is read, watch videos and sleep. I live a relaxing life, being a hedonistic person is great.
Nothing sweeter than knowing your mother brought you into this life because she thought she had to 😅
Yes, there is no greater feeling than knowing your parents only had you because they felt morally obligated to do so and because it fit with the political agenda they monetize on social media 😆
My "mother" adopted me from her sister. I didn't need to hear her say that I was supposed to be aborted in order to know she never really wanted me. I've felt it since I was 4.
Can confirm, it's horrible.
Lmao!!!!
@@lyndsaybrown8471Same omg. She had me because she thought it was the 'natural continutation of her life' and what else could she do for the rest of her life except have children as her ownership and for legacy and passing down the family name. Basically bullshit reasons that reflected on her parenting.
Knowing shes ben shapiros sister i am neither shocked,surprised,flabbergasted or anything remotely close
So I’m getting the vibe that Abbey isn’t a fan of motherhood, doesn’t like her post baby body, feels stifled and isolated and ignored. So she’s taking it out on the internet.
To be fair, she probably is isolated and ignored. And she shouldn’t be. If she is truly caring for her child she should be valued by her partner and community which it sound like she isn’t
@@anainesgonzalez8868 Still doesn't entitle her to take it out and stoke the fires of the sexist who want to bring us back into the Dark Ages. If she's too much of a fucking coward to confront her husband or the men in her life or even the social structures that make her feel isolated or ignored, then she shouldn't take it out on other women even if passive aggressively. In doing such a cowardly act, she renders herself as utterly unworthy of sympathy or compassion or respect
This goes for anyone else who engages in this behavior
No. That is just how it is for women you give birth then your worthless and no one wants you duh!
And is envious of women who aren’t tied down by their parental obligations.
Particularly with the intensity at which she's talking about this
Those are the same kind of people to shame poorer families for having children they "can't afford".
💯 👏🏼 THIS! 👏🏼 💯
and also complain when the government wants to implement ways to provide those families with basic needs because "their tax money is going to waste and they dont pay taxes to help lazy poor people".
The eugenics jumped out
Depends cus I gen feel like people shouldn't have kids they can't take care of
She is so privileged. Everyday is tough when you are a single mother with little resources. The fact that she doesn’t even talk about the financial toll says a lot. She doesn’t have to even think about money, it’s there.
I became a single mother after my divorce and I encourage women to take their time and make sure being a mother is for them. A lot of single mothers never thought they would be. I love my kids more than anything so I wouldn’t change it. But sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I never had children. It’s a lot of responsibility, and not just labor but emotional labor. Thanks for telling women they have a choice. ❤
You should absolutely message her and tell her to send you money/support you. Is really easy to talk out of your butt and give out "moral" advice when you have no skin in the game and your well being is not in the front line. Abby is morally responsible for the advice she puts online, and if she thinks women should not have a choice to pregnancy she should have to put her resources where he mouth is at.
If ANY woman out there gets pregnant after listening to this lady, she can be held responsible for implanting ideas that otherwise would not have been there.
I am not saying you had your baby because of Abby (not in the slightest! that would be so disrespectful) but that she lives in an alternate reality where her biggest struggle is how to dress her baby and whatever to go to the indoor games or the park. She is NOBODY to tell women what to do and cant feel empathy for anyone outside of her situation. I have no kids, but if I did I would tell her that I got pregnant from her advice and now want financial support until my kid is 18. I also want to just sit at home with my kid, since she decides what I do with my body, she also has to pay for it. Ideals cost money.
Do you know who else comes from a culture believes motherhood is mandatory? Ruby Franke (6 passengers): you know, the woman who’s children just escaped her basement starving and bound?
A woman who thinks sleeping on a mattress or having breakfast are privileges that can be revoked
They escaped from her BFF's basement, which is even weirder somehow. If ever there was an argument for "women shouldn't be forced to have kids", it's Ruby Franke. Ugh.
Abby's doesn't. That's not Judism. We follow science, and some Jewish people carry a gene for the disease Tay Sachs. Which is a truly awful disease and cruel to put another human thru. If both parents have that gene, there's a chance that their child will spend their short life in agony.
This just gives me the feeling that Abby well and truly hates being a mother.
I think a lot of people in her situation despise being a woman, because they think they have to do all these very restrictive things, so the only thing which actually gives them any value in fundamentalist men views is being able to have a bunch of children and take care of them by themselves, because the men certainly don't help.
Imagine having children because you think that’s the only thing of value you can do, as a woman, to contribute to society…
@@bluester7177I’m a religious Jew, and vehemently disagree with everything Abby said here. I know MANY religious Jewish women who are happy and do not feel “restricted”. Let’s not paint modern Orthodox Judaism with broad strokes
Imagine being her kids, and finding out your mom thought you were boring and burdensome…does she not enjoy her kids? Does she not find being a parent and watching a whole human being grow and develop fascinating and fun? Because if so she shouldn’t have become one…
I get the same vibe from Morgan (Paul and Morgan) AND girl defined.
I think they are taught that life will be this magic fairy tale of fun and games and then they are not just ill prepared for reality when it arrives, they are crippled by their own smashed expectations.
As a woman with tokophobia (tokophobia is the fear of pregnancy, childbirth, etc.), I wonder why pregnancy, childbirth and motherhood are glorified so much. It has always caused me discomfort. So hearing someone talk about how a woman has no value other than being a mother makes me want to vomit.
It's horrifying, isn't it? The more I learn about the biology of it, the worse it seems. If we weren't conditioned to accept it, it would be just as bad as parasites that live inside your body, if not worse.
Yes, this is me. I get physically ill if I think too much on pregnancy. Even seeing others in that state makes me uncomfortable. Babies as well freak me out. Once kids are able to walk around and talk a little, I'm fine but the stages before that point give me the creeps.
I love babies but I would much rather prefer for us humans to be able to bring out eggs rather than this whole ordeal with so many possible complications.
I don't have tokophobia (you taught me that word) but I still think that pregnancy, chilburth and newborns are gross.
@grenade8572 this is also valid.
This is disgusting. Does Abby not realize that there are people who choose to not have kids for reasons that have nothing to do with wanting to maintain looks or their lifestyle? What about people who can’t afford to have kids? What about people who don’t want to bring another life into a world that is careening toward nonexistence? What about people who grew up in abusive households are worried about perpetuating the cycle of abuse?
There’s also people who have disorders like insomnia, depression, anxiety etc and just don’t want to put a kid through having a parent who could possibly not be mentally stable at all times.
It blows my mind that those seem like the only reasons she can imagine for people to not want kids. Obviously she hasn’t met a lot of child free by choice people or she’d have more interesting things to say.
@@lostandfond2163or pass on these conditions, I have severe Adhd and can barely function and my family has a history of heart conditions, I don't want to bring a child into the world to be disadvantaged, the world isn't a nice place for people who are neurodivergent.
I dont want to have kids beacuse I dont feel any desire to have them. Its nothing to it, i just dont feel like it. Some people has a desire to have kids, some of us dont have that desire.
It's an unbelievably ignorant take, it's exactly the sort of take only a rich, white, cis, hetero woman would come up with because she doesn't worry about her health or her money.
Abby sounds bitter AF. She sounds as if she is angry that she made the choices that she did.
And that is the actual take-away from this. She is trying to validate her life choices by criticizing the very things she secretly wishes she had done!
She looks like Ben Shapiro, of course she’s bitter.
Yep, and misery loves company so she doesn't want other women bee free either!
I wanted to be a parent, but I got chronically ill instead. Now I'm the eccentric aunt with star trek stickers on her wheelchair
Oh but she wasn't talking about you! She was just saying that women who don't birth or raise children could never know what love is, but that doesn't include you, she says 🤪
I bet you're the greatest aunt ever 🫶🏼
Your a cool auntie
i fuck with the star trek sticker bedazzled wheelchair so hard, i’m so gonna do that when the canadian healthcare system stops being stupid and decides im “sick” enough to need one and let my insurance cover it.
@@S3lkie-Gutzwhen you get your kickass chair, you should put some LEDs on the wheels and then a little thin sheet of blurring spoke plastic panel (to hide the LED strips)
So when youre rolling on, the wheels look like those hyperwarp light streaks.
That would be totally cool.
I'm just sitting here thinking of my childfree sister and her hedonistic lifestyle of monthly book club and making homemade dog food for her fur babies. Wild.
LOL it me 🤣🤣
🤣 I'm sitting in bed with my dog instead of getting pregnant and this made me laugh. I also spend a lot of time making her food!
It's so funny that shes like making up these people to get mad at, most childless women I know are just like, hanging out, making art, playing games, she's like making this idea of like a "slutty improper woman" because she cant imagine women just wanting to have their own autonomy and not be baby factories. It's quite sad.
My hedonistic life consists of working, caring for my dog, being an involved aunty and volunteer work 😅
Me and my hedonistic lifestyle of working as a teacher, taking care of my 4 cats, and watching RUclips in my bed for 10 hours a day
The most selfish people I've ever met in my life were parents who chose to have children in order to keep up appearances and to fulfill the roles they believed society thought they should fill when in reality they were terrible parents who truly did not care about their children
yup, thats a good chunk of people in this world unfortunately
Yeah, parents who have kids for the Christmas cards.
I often joke about how many people just want those Instagram photo props.
Funny how she says ''you can't describe what love feels like unless you have a child'' when her mindset presents everything but love.
Where my fellow hedonists at??? 😂😂
Conservatives confuse me. For a party so "concerned" about kids, they sure are hell bent on making absolutely sure that all those kids have miserable lives or don't make it past their teenage years.
Present 🙋🏼♀️
These types of people don’t think children/teens can be genuinely miserable or depressed. They’ll right it off as disrespect and/or being ungrateful and move on.
Also, your cat is beautiful 🖤
It's cause fundamentalists think the path to God is through suffering.
It's really quite disgusting what they subject their kids too.
It's because they don't actually care about kids, they want to create a surplus of impoverished children who, in order to survive, have no choice but to a) join the military, or b) turn to crime and inflate the slave-labor workforce in our for-profit prisons.
Only a few of them say it, but I really think it's about making sure there is a poor, uneducated, and easily exploitable workforce.
Literally. And I’m gay, ask Abby if I should still be a mother or if I’m too corrupt
As a teacher, I see the struggle of kids whose parents were not ready or able to be parents/good parents. Her kind of ideology creates more damage and more hurt children.
Abby: Motherhood CANNOT be a choice....because then maybe I wouldn't have chosen it....
Pretty much.
Her conception of what child-free adults are like is wild
Right? Like some of us just want to read books in peace. 😂
The condescension ALMOST covered the envy/resentment. I think she's running on privilege and internalized misogyny alone, at this point.
Honestly I wish I was travelling around the world living my hot girl life 😂 she’s viewing me much better than I am haha
@@missaok8092 lol same
Yeah like... wtf lady, I just want to cuddle up with my girlfriend and read in peace.
Lmao so many people are not capable of being good parents. Is she advocating for children to be put in dangerous or unhealthy situations simply so they can exist?
These are the kinds of people that think anyone who struggles with anything just needs to "have more faith" and "trust gawd" and if they don't that's on them. There is no scenario in their minds where people just can't or shouldn't because "you can do anything with gawd blah blah". People who don't believe or subscribe to their religion (so therefore don't want faith or "trust in gawd") also can't exist to them.
@@m3ntybI think that's a result of a very sheltered childhood, these people have never been hungry, homeless or abused and haven't lived in poorer areas. All they know are white picket fences and families that live in big houses
I'm a social worker who works with at-risk families. There are a lot of people who maybe should not have had children out there.
I actually think the people not having kids would make the best parents. The fact that most people have kids as a negotiation to get married or for the narcissistic reason of having someone who looks like you proves that being a parent does not make you a good person. Also, kids are the least vaccinated for COVID. That’s on parents.
@@JDMimeTHEFIRSTThat’s a very stupid way of logic.
People acknowledging that they shouldn’t have children are good. Pretending they’re the people who should be having children is dumb and ignoring their agency.
"i love being able to stay home all day every day with my son"
Abby... if my spouse and I could afford for one of us to be a stay at home parent, we might actually have kids. But currently... that is not the case and so we are making the CHOICE to not do that right now.
But Abby is probably happy about that, because in our case, we would both be mothers, as a lesbian couple. Lol
She is also being dishonest when she portrays herself this way. She works, she sells courses, and she is a full-time influencer. Even if she has a production team behind her , she does work. Any youtuber or podcaster with regular output will tell you how many hours a week it takes to do this.
@@galacsinhajto EXACTLY. A housewife and stay at home mother HAS ZERO MONEY. That's the point of being this. You rely FULLY and COMPLETELY on your spouse. She is neither a housewife nor a stay at home mother. She is completely independent. This is very harmful to those of us who actually want to be housewives and/or SAHMs. We want to never work. We want to always rely on our partners. But if our partner leaves or dies, we're left to fend for ourselves, and if we have kids? That is absolute Hell for us. I hate kids, but even if I wanted them there would be no way I'd be able to support them. I can't even function as a human while working now, how am I supposed to care for myself AND children in the future if I never marry or have a partner I can rely fully on? She thinks being a housewife means making thousands a month online and paying for maids and nannies to do everything in the house for her. It's super disgusting
Not everyone enjoys that life style.
@@nyxnightmare3542 Why would you have kids if you weren't gonna get married..?
If my spouse and I (cis hetero couple) had a kid could afford that, HE would be the one staying home, not me. Wonder if the man rather than the woman staying home would be better or worse than not having a kid at all to little miss preachy and miserable 😂
Tell me you hate being a mother without telling me you hate being a mother. Seriously, the only people I've seen go this hard on us childfree people are either women who hate being moms or fathers who don't have to lift a finger to do anything with the kids but have fun with them.
Right?! I’ve only had two things come naturally to me in life: parenting and public speaking. I’ve always known that if anyone was meant to be a parent, it was me.
I’ve also felt ZERO compulsion to ever tell childless people to have kids. Why do I care? I’m doing it, and I don’t care if you do. If you don’t want kids, I’d rather you not have them, because they will grow up KNOWING that.
It seems like the moms who want others to all have kids are the ones who felt relegated to motherhood and envy the women who aren’t living that lifestyle. I also didn’t become a mom until 31, so I feel like many of these moms who felt like they had no choice but to start having kids in their 20s are bitter about not having the freedom of a childless adulthood. When I became a mom at 31, I was bored with having fun in the ways I had before and was ready for a new phase. Preaching that everyone should have kids just SCREAMS of jealousy and resentment.
I love the implication that (cis) men can't feel love bc they can't birth their children
rarely based Abby
Right???
Lmfao. Somehow ultra conservatives always end up portraying men as heartless, selfish, immature little babies
Her language makes it pretty clear that she seems to miss the person she was before she had kids, not only in her potential career as a performer, but also her pre-baby body, and I feel bad that she doesn't feel that she's allowed to feel that or express it.
it’s the way people who hold this mindset that motherhood is obligatory seem so burdened by and unhappy being a mother for me
Exactly. These people also seem to forget they are raising whole ass humans forever and not just cute babies
I’ve noticed this as well. It’s sad, and it’s like if they’re trying to convince themselves more than the audience they’re hoping to connect to.
@@mbs949 nah, you just raise the first one and then continue having cute babies and now they take care of eachother
They want others to be as miserable as they are@@RiannaNicole
@@tatiana4050Duggar family who?
I am child-free by semi-choice and this rhetoric is still so offensive to me. Cancer in my late 20s resulted in an inability to have kids. But you know what I’ve fucking done? TREATED CHILDREN WITH MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS. But I guess to Abby, that’s not me helping future generations. She can take several seats.
Mad respect for you! I can imagine that journey wasn’t easy, but you turned it into something beautiful. Sending lots of love! ❤
@@KaraB1353 that’s very sweet, thank you so much 💖
Yeah, I'm honestly terrified of pregnancy, but the choice is a bit out of my hands as well, one of my ovaries kind of died and I had to have a lot of tissue removed from ye olde raging endometriosis. Children don't really get along with me, for whatever reason I've never been the kind who has kids embrace them. But that's okay, I really get along famously with old folks! I'm in nursing school, I love many of my patients or I care for them in a professional manner, but I'm doing *nothing* for society because I can't/won't become a mother? Youch.
Thank you for helping kids with mental health problems, you're a legend :)
I want- no, I *need* you to know that you are objectively a better person than Abby.
Newsflash: having kids to fulfill a moral obligation to live for others is still doing something FOR YOURSELF. LOL
No. It is not
Yeah, having kids to fulfill your "moral" checklist is selfish. One should have kids because they want those children not because they think they are obligated to check off some superiority list.
@@higurashikai09 totally agree.
@@phoenixtoash2396so the first statement is true as well
Abby has no idea what it's like to be disabled, or in pain all day, the fear of passing these things on to children. She doesn't have to worry about putting extra burden on her husband or parents because she can't do as much physically as everyone else.
She doesn't have to go to work all day and feel that unease about leaving your kid with a stranger. She doesn't ever have to worry about if she'll be able to put food on the table or pay for anything her kids might need to be healthy, happy, successful.
She doesn't have trauma from an awful childhood that presses on her and makes her worry constantly about if she's raising her kid right or if she's perpetuating negative things learned from her own childhood. I don't know every one of these things either, but I'm not going around telling people what to do with their own bodies or telling them to change their lives forever just because I say so. It is a huge choice to make and it should always be a choice.
Yup shes def speaking from a place of high privilege
This. I'm a muscular dystrophy carrier. I'm chosing to not have children after witnessing what my uncle went through. People like Abby truly don't understand beyond their scope of reality.
It’s always “yes you should have children*see disclaimer*”
***unless you’re poor, a single mother, black or brown, queer or a part of a non abrahamic religion*
Don't forget about having non-conservative ideologies that accept those other groups.😒
Not even just non-Abrahamic considering how these people tend to feel about Islam
That’s because having kids isn’t about motherhood or the love of raising a child for them. It’s about creating soldiers for the Lord. It’s purely a numbers game and a duty. It’s pretty awful. 😩
Thank you for pointing this out. I had people who asked me when I was going to get married and have children only to find out that I plan on marrying a woman one day & then together with her deciding if we want children or not to which the person change their tune to I shouldn't have children because I'll make them gay, trans, or covert them to my Pagan ways which jokes on them: if I had a child or children I would love them regardless of who they are or what religion (if any) they followed
@@Mikey-jv5fv and not to mention how everybody who agrees with Abby typically talks about Jewish people. "Leopards would never eat MY face."
One of the most amazing people I grew up around was my mum's best friend (a gay, child-free man). Even though he never "raised" children, he was by far the safest, most stable man in my life, and was an incredible father figure.
Wanted to clarify that this is not a position in Judaism at all. Abby is pandering to fundamentalist Christians because there is a much bigger audience there.
I knew it!
exactly. in Judaism, women are full beings and not just wombs. Jewish law is quite clear: while the fetus in the womb is to be protected as a potential human being, it has no personhood
How so? P'ru Ur'vu is literally the 1st Mitzvah in the Torah.
while the first mitzvah is procreation, it's not something FORCED on anyone, and your life is not less valuable in Judaism based on how many (if any) children you produce.
I agree with this statement fr ! Fundamentalist Christian’s eat this mentality all the way up
It’s amazing how she never mentions the cost of kids and how that’s a barrier for MANY people.
It may not have occurred to her. Her vibe/take is ultra privileged.
I don't think most people who insist on forcing existence really care if that existence is riddled with abuse, neglect, illness, poverty, etc.
As a hot, selfish heathen, I know I can make the world a better place without being THIS miserable. ❤
Sheʻd blame them for being impoverished in the first place 😩
No one is ever "financially ready" to have children. No matter what your income is or your lifestyle, you make it work! By not having children, you are hurting the economy, our country, and the world as a whole! Life will only be harder and get tougher if this young generation doesn't get a grip of reality and start having kids! The employeement crisis will only grow, that will only be the beginning. Your selfish to not want children.😢
@@chrystalteal4171Got to be honest, this just makes me not want to have kids even more
@chrystalteal4171 I know my financial standing I would have been in POVERTY living in the hood if I had kids so made the right choice for myself
Chronic illness is the reason I DECIDED not to have children, Abby.
Ditto. I had Adenomyosis, which rendered me Infertile, anemic and in chronic pain.
I just had a hysterectomy two weeks ago to keep me from BLEEDING TO DEATH.
I have no regrets for having surgery.
Same. ❤
even if you dont have a chronic illness you can choose to not have children
@@koii319absolutely! Any reason is valid.
Exactly. Even if I wanted children, I still wouldn't want to carry them in my uterus that destroys itself every month
It's people like Abby and those that will claim "You don't know what love is until you have a kid." that grind my gears. Okay Karen and the affection I feel for my spouse is called what now?
Tbh honest she may be feeling neglected and unappreciated by her spouse so she knows her son will love her no matter what. For now. 😬
She’s definitely projecting at this point.
I have a weird feeling that "genuine affection for one's spouse" is a somewhat foreign concept to the likes of Classically Abby.
I’ll never understand not having kids being seen as selfish.
Childless people make people burdened with children jealous of their freedom. Those burdened with children consider it selfish that someone allows themselves not to suffer as they suffer and flaunt their enjoyment of their own comfortable life.
Also, child-burdened people delude themselves into thinking that they are raising a future generation that childless people will benefit from, receiving a pension from their taxes.
I feel like generation before me was suffering through parenthood with and idea that its a natural progression of things and its how it will always be. Seeing people now not wanting kids seems selfish to them maybe because they didn't have any choice then. It's sad really ☠
I do not see it as selfish at all but I do see the choice of raising people like something you do not just for yourself (by definition you do it for someone else, right?).
I want to have kids as a personal choice (it is important to mention I do not have yet so this may change) because I think I could be good at it, because I simply like kids (I am a student in pedagogy) but ALSO because it is something I think can be good for my society, for my country, for my community.
I think in general if you do things just because other people want you to it leads to resentment as we can clearly see in Abbey
@@Angel-KittenEXACTLY... 🙏💯👍
I've chosen to be child free because I simply can't reliably manage my emotions and I will NOT put a child through that. Plus, I'm barely supporting myself financially.
Every time someone goes on about how choosing not to have children makes a person selfish/ immature/ hedonistic/ etc, then goes on to say those people should be having kids... like... you just listed good reasons for them to NOT have children! If I'm such a selfish hedonist, why on Earth would you want to put me in charge of a child's well being?
Because! Having children makes you BETTER. Weren't you listening?
Kidding aside though, I agree. When anti-choice people are bashing people who get abortions as selfish, murderous harlots, immediately I'm like...do you really want those people raising the next generation then? And against their will, at that? Make it make sense.
Because they don't care about the quality of life of children.
Plain and simple: if EVERYONE is forced to do the same thing, it prevents other people from living lives that would make Abby jealous and gives her lots of other people to feel superior to.
“If I can just FORCE everyone to be MORE miserable than I am, I’ll feel like less of an awful human being!”
No, Abby, you’ll just feel WORSE bc if you had power, THAT is what you would choose to do with it, and that is profoundly sad.
😂
Because a conservative/fundamentalist mindset is all self flagellation. And they think everyone should force themselves to be unhappy like they are having kids. And the whole irony is that they can't imagine that there are people who genuinely love and enjoy raising children because their whole worldview has precluded that from the jump. so they don't even know if they enjoy being a parent or not.
No good argument begins with the words, "If you think that being a mother is something that is a choice..." I'm literally APPALLED
The majority of parents I've met who pressure others to have children generally act miserable whenever they're around their children and spouses. It's like they did what society expected of them then felt so bitter about it that the idea of others having a choice makes them petty. Genuinely have never met a parent with a healthy relationship with the children try to peer pressure others to have kids. It's the parents that martyr themselves and act like they made a noble sacrifice (then turn around and belittle their children) that always try to take away agency.
In general if your answer to the question "Should I have children?" isn't an ENTHUSIASTIC 'yes!', then it should be 'no'.
I'm going to have to disagree, there are enough people like me who are never sure about anything and are riddled with doubts, if we only did things that get without a shadow of a doubt an enthusiastic yes out of us - we would never do anything meaningful or challenging at all.
@@morgianasartre6709 While I totally understand where you're coming from (because I'm like that) children are absolutely not something you want to risk being wrong about. If I take a chance and change careers, sure I could be screwed over for a while, but I can change my careers again and no one will have suffered except for me. If I take a chance and try out motherhood and learn that it really wasn't for me, I will have just created a person to either be raised in an unhealthy environment (because their mother isn't prepared for everything motherhood entails) or will be thrown into a broken foster system. I will have made a mistake that caused someone to suffer.
I understand this means there are people who want children but won't have them because they're not sure, but it's better to regret not having kids then to regret having them.
@@toastyfoxs I might be indecisive and full of doubts but if I do decide something then I am prepared to take full responsibility and make the best of it, so I know no kid of mine would suffer, at worst I would be the one to not be super content with life but again, that's a potential consequence I take into account.
@@morgianasartre6709 i kinda feel like if someone's saying "i am definitely willing to take full responsibility and do my best to ensure a good life for this child. i will do adequate research and planning and get a full support system behind me in case i falter" instead of "ughhh idk so i guess i'll do it just coz" that's pretty damn close to an informed and "enthusiastic" yes. tbh seems everyone in the thread is in agreement but tripped up by subjective word connotations
@@Lilboozibert Thank you for wishing suffering on me and my future children, that's wonderful of you. Assuming that my decisions are uninformed is another great one, fyi, people who are the most informed about things often have the toughest time with it because they are actually aware of all the possible outcomes, and I do think that considering my medical degree I would be pretty well informed. You can go spit your poison someplace else.
She's also ignoring the elephant in the room:
ALL THE KIDS IN THE FOSTER SYSTEM WHO LOST THEIR PARENTS
If she's so in love with motherhood; adopt all those kids, chica.
A lot of the kids in the foster system aren't white. That's why she's not adopting them. They're not white, a lot of them have neurodivergencies, and that means work and being involved in their life in addition to unlearning her racism. And people who talk a big game about how we should all have kids, no excuses always have an excuse when presented with a child in need who isn't a blue eyed blonde with perfect manners.
She doesn't want any of those. They're not biologically tied to her. I feel bad for her kids.
As a child free woman who likes kids, I am an untapped well of energy for those few hours around my friends’ kids: I can be there, keep them entertained, handle their meltdowns and be perfectly happy holding sticky lil hands for hours. I do this knowing that I’ll get to go home and sleep for as long as I want😈😂😂the world needs child free individuals because we have the ability to be an extra pair of hands to help when needed (if that’s what they want to do).
So very well said! ❤👏
Do these people not care that children will be abused, beaten, or neglected by parents who just don’t have the capability to raise children? There are sociopaths and narcissists in this world.
People like her live in a fantasy world. They think that becoming a parent makes you a better person. Therefore, child abuse is impossible. And they simply don't believe that narcs and psychopaths exist.
You are exactly right.
they know. they don't care. these same pro lifers like abby will still encourage laws that make life hard for poor children. conservatives secretly hate kids and see them as a punishment for pre marital sex.
I think this is why conservative values go hand in hand with capitalism. This pro natalistic mindset contributes to making more labor for the system. Given how comfortable she is, she doesn't care about the fact that poor families likely don't have the energy or resources to be good parents due to financial strains and food insecurities. She just want to upkeep a system that benefits her and doesn't care about others.
It's a hard no, to be sure.
As an adult who grew up in an open adoption (raised by my adoptive parents but still had my biological mother present in my life), I can’t imagine ever calling my mom ‘less worthy’ because she didn’t carry me in her body. My bio mom herself would be appalled by that notion- so harmful.
If I may ask purely because I’m curious? Why couldn’t your bio mother raise you?
My bio mom has severe and chronic health issues (both mentally and physically) that were made irreversibly worse after giving birth to me- she still managed to find the best and safest place for me, tho :) I love her dearly for that.
@@easternflower6476 that’s good I’m glad she could still be in your life :) it’s nice to hear about stories where kids get to stay in touch with their bio parents when they are not abusive it gives me hope lol hope that some of us still have empathy and are willing to do what’s right even in really hard situations like hers :)
@@easternflower6476what a loving choice she made! Kudos to her
I’ve always clapped back with “I want to be a nun” and seeing their brains malfunction about how I am following their values but still not
This woman is absolutely nutso. Not having kids is "selfish"??? 😂 Who, pray tell, are we letting down with our "selfishness"? The kids that DON'T EXIST????? 🤣
You’re letting Abby down by taking away the one thing that she gave up her happiness for: Her status as the only socially acceptable kind of woman.
Abby is just gross. Having children or not having children does not define a person or their worth, period. Why do people insist that being a mother is the best, most important job in the world - and therefore everyone who can have children should? What other life choice/vocation/path like that do we DEMAND of other people?
Preach!
If it really is, they should put their money where their mouth is and pay women for child care.
Only in female dominated areas are we supposed to sacrifice ourselves for no compensation. Women are constantly expected to be martyrs and then we wonder why so many women come down with mental and physical illnesses due to burnout.
Or just that all men should be fathers. At least all of the content I typically come across is women should be mothers while men should get married (perhaps fatherhood is implied).
Parents love to talk about how parenthood taught them the true meaning of love and sacrifice. But observe the world: most of the adults in the world are parents.
Do you experience the world as a loving and sacrificial place?
Certainly, I observe a lot of beauty in the world. But I do not believe that parenthood teaches love and sacrifice very effectively.
also: CHILDREN KNOW WHEN THEIR CAREGIVERS DON’T WANT THEM!! & THAT KNOWLEDGE IN OF ITSELF CAN BE TRAUMATIZING!! children are a lot more intuitive & observant than most adults give them credit for. they have an innate desire to connect with those raising them, so they can notice how you’re feeling even if you don’t outright say it. although for someone that doesn’t see children as people, it’s only natural that they wouldn’t consider this. 😒
THIS PART.
You can hide how much you didn't want the kids you had, but you can't fool anyone.
She speaks a lot about how people shouldn't just live for themselves yet her political views are completely the opposite. There is so much irony in her statements.
Btw I don't see anything wrong with living just for yourself
@@vladimirazubcekova7727 i do given the context in which I'm discussing 🤷🏾♀️
Right? How are these fundamentalist liberitarian types able to grog.
@@thatblvckhippie1911 I see what you mean
I Think her political views are incongruous because it's a grift and she just following Ben so that they can make money, these people are jewish but they are pushing fundamentalist christian things and supporting people who are incredibly antisemitic and would like for them to be gone.
As someone on both the aromantic spectrum and asexual spectrum, I’m often told I don’t know what love is. I love a lot of things though, I love my parents, my extended family, my dogs, my friends! Do these people argue they don’t love their families or their friends? That sounds horribly lonely.
I’m Aroace too, and in an emotionally intimate platonic relationship with my partner. I love animals and sharing my love for animals through my efforts with them, I love my small found family group, I love my partner. It doesn’t mean we don’t have important people in our lives and don’t give love to people in other ways outside of the “traditional” way. And we certainly don’t need to get married or have children to prove our unconditional love, just as anyone else. Love is love, You’re valid 💜💚
@@atlas4732I find it weird even that society consider romantic love that important and the default, most of us love more people in a platonic way than romantic.
@@bluester7177 EXACTLY! Since age 4, I can remember I’ve had people place stereotypes on me showing a “romantic” love language towards people I was close to, and telling me how they think I was stereotypically feeling, it was confusing. I’ve never had a crush, nor have I ever felt actually romantically attracted towards anyone. I believe this generalization affects everyone in some way, especially when it’s a heteronormative perspective.
This is what I always think about people who say shit like that.
I am against marriage (I always saw it as a trap dor women, I know now it doesn’t have to be) and whenever I would say that to someone they would respond “then you do not believe in love?” and I was always so confused, like do they not love ANYONE in their life? Anyone in their family? Not a single person who they are not married or are parents to?
I'm a woman with another woman... I don't want IVF... neither does she. We're heathens according to Abby 😂 time to cry while watching some lame 90s romcom.
But there's women who are straight and choose celibacy. Not even celibacy...just prefer single life. It's normal. Even my sister who has a boyfriend, they don't have kids. She's 36. He's 51. They're fine.
This take is insane. I have an 18 month old and he is the sweetest, most loving, happiest boy ever and I love him so much it makes me want to scream but omg it’s so hard. I cannot imagine how much harder it would be if he wasn’t a wanted child in a home with financially and (mostly) emotionally stable parents, surrounded by family and friends who love him. We have so much support and it’s still the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We should not be forcing this on anyone.
As someone who’s child free by choice but has also nannied for many years, children of ages 14 months to 14 years, I truly take from her video that she is miserable but “this is what the Bible says” so she wants everyone else to be miserable. She seems to have intense hatred for child free people.
It's so obvious that she is just jealous, like you don't even have to read between the lines with how much she talks about loosing your hot body and reassuring herself that she's happy. It's actually really sad.
yeah but she doesn't even have the "this is what the Bible says" excuse; she's JEWISH. she's just living this life because she was unlucky enough to be born into the same family as conservative talking head Ben "Shappy WAP" Shapiro
Also, she's apparently really upset about the weight she gained throughout pregnancy lmfao
“These are just the shower thoughts of an over privileged, generational wealth, white woman” 35:18 the way I screamed, “PERIOD!!!” 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Always interesting who considers Jews white and when. Especially at this time when every Jewish institution has to have armed guards. But sure. White.
Just curious, Zoe, do Jews who are more legibly (to you, I suppose) Mediterranean, get more “credit”?
@@saraleigh5336she’s ashkenazi-most ashkenazim are descended from 4 eastern european ‘founding mothers’ who had kids w jewish men. [my dad does a lot of genealogical work, often for other jewish folk, and thats what he told me. It’s something to do w genes common to ashkenazim also being common to other jewish groups-sephardim, mizrahim-and eastern european groups, cant remember which ones tho.] so yea she is white. idk if by ‘mediterranean’ you’re trying to reference stereotypical features or if you’re referencing mizrahim (from middle eastern jewish communities) and/or sephardim (iberian, greek, italian jewish communities)?
@@saraleigh5336Not when they’re regurgitating patriarchal bullshit and trying to spin it as necessary in order to be respected in society.
@@diamcole got it, so white-passing folks get dismissed on the basis of race, not the content of what they say. That gives strength to progressive talking points. Is this true for all minority members? I just want to be clear where Jews stand in your eyes. So, racial bias is ok as long as you disagree with the politics?
Im raising my cousin. Im only 27 and childfree, but my teenage cousin has been scapegoated by her narcissistic mother. She is now at my house after many violent attacks, learning how to accept love and support for the first time in her life 😢 Childfree people definitely help raise the next generation!
You're amazing for doing that.
That atheist morality thing was always funny to me. I don't need some book or a church to command me not to kill and steal and do whatever with neighbour's donkey. I choose to be a decent human being. If Abby's kind needs to be threatened by hell to not do that, I see a problem there.
I really can`t get myself away from the neighour`s donkey, though. I have to pet it when I walk by.
Fr my grandma once told me that “you couldn’t do things just for the sake of being good” if your not religious and she insisted on how it must be for a selfish reason, which when you think about it is so incredibly ironic because that means she thinks the only reason why someone would do something good would be for their own benefit and wouldn’t just do good things to be giodb
My response to those arguments has always been: if you need the threat of eternal punishment not to do hurtful things, you're not a good person, you're a bad person on a leash.
There's a world of difference between "I didn't do [x thing] bc I thought I'd get caught and punished" and "I didn't do [x thing] bc I understand it would hurt another person and I don't want to intentionally cause pain or suffering to fellow beings"
It's fear/obedience vs empathy/compassion
Editing to add that obviously this is a snappy response to a complicated topic. I think empathy (or at least compassion) is a thing that can be cultivated and is far easier when we are in physically/emotionally/mentally safe environments. Fear often dampens our empathy because fear evolved to help us survive, but the problem is that cultures that cultivate shame/fear end up severely hindering the growth of empathy & compassion.
I’m not a fan of Abby’s or any fundamentalism of any kind, but you’re barking up the wrong tree. Jews don’t have hell and there’s no afterlife bribe.
And this is one of the reasons why i left church!
I do good things because i simply want to, not out of fear of the devil or hell or a revenging god.
And perhaps i get sometimes good things back...
I'm 50 years old. My mother had no business being a mother, married a man when I was 7 who couldn't stand children, and spent her ENTIRE life telling me how grateful I should be because she could have chosen not having me. I make the best I can out of the life I got, but still.
NO. EVERYONE SHOULD NOT BE A MOTHER.
If you doubt or you question, or if someone in your life is just pressuring you - just walk away from it. You have this huge probability of making broken people.
This comment right here☝🏼
I love that Abby wants people who would rather be hot than have kids to become parents. Sounds like those people would make great parents. Everyone knows the best parents didn't want their kids.
Abby distinguishing between people who don’t have kids but want them, and people who are child-free by choice is basically saying “it’s only okay to be child-free if you hate yourself for it”
I remember when I (afab) was 15 and told a boy I didn’t think I wanted kids, he said that I wouldn’t be “fulfilling my biological imperative” 🤮💀
Yes everyone who isn't the exact thing the dominant class wants you to be needs to hate themselves for it. My theory is the demons living inside them like to feed on suffering and those of us living happily are selfishly starving them of sustenance 😂
Why wasn’t he on the battlefields to fulfil his “biological imperative” 🤔
The fact that she looks so uncomfortable when she claims that she is happy and joyful would be funnier if she didn’t have a kid who has to exist around her and have her for a mother.
I feel for the kid
I hate that she says if you're not a mother you're not living for others. I take care of the people that are already here. I help my parents. I work in a school where I take care of children with special needs. I volunteer in the community. There are a lot of people in this world that need help, you don't need to make new ones to do that.
So what if the person lives for themselves? Nobody asked to be put into this world by their selfish parents.
@@ihcf That was not my argument.
That's such a kind, wonderful way to use your life time. Thank you for making a difference :)
@@renjiai it is mine
As a young girl, I always thought I had to have kids because its just what we have to do. Finding out I don't have to have kids brought me so much relief! Its so important to normalize not pushing the idea of kids onto young people
I'm 62 years old and never had kids. I wanted an intimate relationship and a family. However, in 1982, 2 weeks before my 21st birthday, I was raped by another soldier (I was in the Army). It was a major trauma, but I didn't tell anyone for 35 years. Meanwhile I sufferedwith untreated PTSD, and I was unable to trust or connect with anyone. So the decades went by and I kept thinking things would get better. Then I found myself at menopause, at an age where dating and even making friends is difficult. I haven't spent the years traveling and partying. Indeed, because the PTSD has rendered me disabled (according to the VA), I've been quite poor. I do have a beloved dog, though.
I really sorry about what happened to you. I am grateful for your beloved dog.
I'm giving you and your dog a virtual hug 🤗
the body keeps the score by bessel van der kolk is an excellent book that is good for trauma victims, i highly recommend it
I’m so sorry and it’s not fair what happened to you. You are incredibly brave and strong and I bet the best dog parent ever.
I'm so sorry what happened to you. Your life is still valuable, just hope you know that.
It’s honestly more selfless to know that you’re not able to be a good parent and therefore choose not to have kids, then just having children because you want to or feel obligated to
I couldn’t have kids. I am so damn tired of the “You just don’t know what real love and sacrifice is!” Even women who dealt with infertility and later get pregnant become smug and say the same thing to women who are still struggling. The phrase “starting a family” implies you’re not a family until you have a kid.
I'm sorry. This is bullshit.
Same. We tried for many years to get pregnant but it wasn't in the cards. I just became so exhausted by it that we stopped and are now embracing a child free life. Honestly, fuck anyone who says that I don't know what real love is because the pain I went through felt a lot like love.
Also, that's just bullshit, you don't need to go through pregnancy to have a bond of being a parent with a child, these people degrade not only the people who struggle to have kids as well as fathers, the hormonal connection caused by the baby can happen to anyone of any sex or gender because it depends on being a caregiver, spending time with the baby, helping it survive and thrive, there are studies about it, these people just can't fathom that people can love someone who does not have the same genetics as them unconditionally.
@@mmerrick03absolutely. ❤
My fiancé and I became a family the moment we moved in together, and our family was completed when we adopted our cat. We are indeed quite the adorable little unit and a child would definitely not improve our life, it would only make all of us miserable.
As an atheist, I have better morals and more empathy and compassion than ANY religious person I know.
Right?! Honestly I think it’s more compelling that I’m a good person because I want o be a good person. I intentionally put that effort. It’s genuinely from me, not out of fear of a potential punishment in the afterlife or based on religious morality.
Same
I totallly agree, humans derive morals from society, not from ancient book. Bible says it is ok to give your daughters to be mobr8ped to save a couple of strangers. 2 daughters or 2 unknown men with correct set of genitalia, whom should loving father protect?
Also christians don't seem to differenciate between morals, ethics and old Hebrew law.
Updated to correct typos
I always tell people if your faith is keeping you from being a heartless murdering rapist, by all means, please keep believing your God. I struggled with "morality" when I was 12 and still was able to work out how morality works in less then a week.
As a Christian I can promise, religious beliefs doesn't make someone a better person. Religion doesn't even attract people with a more generous personality.
Religious people are just people the same as everyone else.
It really is weird she doesn’t realize she’s communicating the depth of her unhappiness.
I grew up in a fundamentalist religion and Abbey is very much the ex-acquaintances who try to diminish my professional accomplishments and lace every congratulations with “but can’t wait til you get married and have kids so we can really celebrate” bc it makes them feel like crap to think they spent the past 5-10 years changing diapers instead of living it up. Mothers who love being mothers know it’s a different kind of joy and simply don’t compare or think of these life choices as hierarchical. Some of my bestest and most supportive of friends are family oriented! I also do my best to hype women up no matter what they choose if it makes them happy and that’s easy bc Im happy with mine. Id never go “ewww it’s so much better to have n amount of graduate degrees and x amount of projects than dedicating your life to your family and being trapped in a financial bind with a man”. I feel VERY strongly that isn’t what I want but at least I have the awareness that my preference are not moral absolutes.
Here i am, childfree by choice, watching my nephew for a few days while his mom is giving birth and recovering. I would not be able to do this if i had my own kids to take care of, or take a few days off if i had to support my “own family”. I want to be the kind of aunt who can do this for my nieces and nephews and help my family. It takes a village to raise a child and the village can’t be all the same types of people.
Exactly plus I feel like Abby wasn't actually thinking about the children she would force people to have, a lot of people are choosing not to have children because of the economy, climate change etc or simply just putting it off until we are ready financially, mentally, etc to actually bring another life into the world or choosing foster care or adoptions. All in all just thinking more about the choice of having a child or not and trying to end the cycle of trauma. Life quality is important to talk about.