I live in the U.K. and the horror stories from childbirth these days. My mother didn’t experience the same things! Now private hospitals are becoming a necessity rather than our NHS which was once as good as private. It’s a shame. Honestly confirms this statement.
Life just keeps becoming more and more expensive every month.I could tell you about a supermarket chain in Australia where if you did an identical shop over 12 months you'd see a 40 to 50% increase in cost and its swept under the corporate table through advertising its shameful
In Europe Jewish culture is associated with frugality. It is an American version of opulent, affluent Jews. Not sustainable. Honest people to be sustainable must be frugal, reasonable, modest.
"We need goals that do not revolve around money" ...so true! Let our goals be to study more Torah and love God more and do no harm to any person. When you have God, you have happiness.
This is an excellent podcast. He is speaking the truth and revealing real current issues in frum society. Some of us feel so alone living within our means and not spending what we don't have... Definitely recommend a round 2 on this. And one more thing- ashrei yoladeto-- his parents raised him with proper values.
Thank you so much for this meaningful discourse. I'm so proud of you Rabbi. Your message is so very important to all of us in these days. I believe your message is directly from Hashem. Bless you.
I live well below poverty level with my wife and two kids and we live a very good life in a small house that we built in rural VA. And yes we chop our firewood, and grow our vegetables, but for us it's avodat kodesh. And consumerism is idolatry. But I wonder, Why are we so alone in this lifestyle?
@@charleschaimkohl Unfortunately many children are receiving bad influences in may ways from their frum friends. Not to mention how much healthier country living is for everyone.
Finally! I am listening to this while prepari g for Shabbat which includes prepring a meal for our soldiers which a soldier's father will e delivering to the base. This is what it's eenike for early 3 mo ths and will probably not charge for many more. I once lived in the community you describe. Am far happier and more fulfilled now where what you own is of no interest to anyo e. What you do and how you do it is how you earn your place in society.
The problem is that parents feel that they have to indulge their kids with everything. Some of them are doing it to compensate for the time that they are not able to give to their children because they are overworked and overstretched in many different directions. I read about this a lot, parents are afraid to say no because they don't want their kids to feel different, by having less expensive gadgets or clothing etc. Second issue: the magazines are full of consumerism that's how they are able to survive. It lures people towards luxuries that they are unable to afford. Everything is taken out of proportion. I must have this whether I can afford it or not. I can go on and on. We are being shortchanged by things that we can not afford but absolutely must have. Thank you Rabbi for your wisdom. Hopefully it will resonate somehow.
I agree with you about magazines luring people, but I'd also look at it differently. If I start a business, no matter what kind, my job is to lure every buyer I can to purchase my product. Your job as a consumer is to buy as little as necessary.
Happy is the man who makes The Lord his choice A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver or gold Proverbs 22:1 Living with less is truly more. I concur with the Rabbi and, appreciate his thoughts on living a principled life.
My father said, "I don't care what they do down the street, this is what we do in our house." This went along with, "I could work more hours and make more money, but for what?"
A friend of mine once went to lakewood and treated a friend to a restaurant of their choice... boy did he regret footing the bill of a $600 dinner for 4.
I think this needs context. I'm a hard working mother and my husband is a rebbi and we live within our means and save for kids simchos down the line. Comes birthday time we go out for dinner and once we are out we made a conscious decision not to look at prices because we just want to enjoy once or twice a year. I personally see nothing wrong with such an expense
@@RiviHipHop I guess it depends what people expect from a night out. We also go out maybe twice a year and then it will be just a main course and soft drink. No starter. No glass of wine or alcohol. Maybe a desert to share if a really special occasion. We try to leave a decent tip. I know that is not very profitable for the owner.
And I went and spent $73. It depends who you are and where you go. His only regret should be his lack of control - which is usually the source of the problem.
Absolutely correct. I made Aliya 12 years ago. The consumerism in that period grew exponentially. I was schooled to see the compromise of values and materialism cripple Am Yisrael in that short period. This kind of bloated capitalism is a tremendous fracture in the psyche of our people.
Fun fact. In the past four days. I was asked for charity towards 3 weddings, in which the Mechitanim live way above my lifestyle standards. Collectively (along with other small donations), i donated more than I earn a week. I can afford it due to living below my means. Its a shame that some people don't know better. 'Keeping up with the Joneses'
You worked for a week to help pay for someone elses wedding. Bless you but don't encourage this greed and madness. People should not get married if they can't afford.to. It won't kill them to wait until they have the money,
I would urge listeners to look into Aliyah. The biggest game changer is the expectations and standard here are more modest so you’re happy with less. There is so much less pressure to keep up with neighbors. (Tuition and healthcare are also virtually free)
I agree that many have these issues. But I would like to recognize people who live below or within their means, stretch to give zedaka more than they can, and don't go to Florida. I live in a neighborhood where many are like us, any I'm proud to say I'm still in a starter thing with 4 kids and will ride it out until we cab responsibly go onto a bigger thing
Just one point on leased cars. Growing up with no money, my father always bought older cars. Usually, cars that were 8 years old and had around 100k miles. I distinctly remember how every year the cars were in the shop getting repaired for thousands upon thousands of dollars. It made no sense to put a new transmission into an old car but there was no money to buy a new car. As soon as I got a job I leased a brand new car. Some people are too poor to afford the unpredictable repairs of an old car.
That is true and no one is recommending poor financial decisions- These days at there is no reason to buy out a lease a Toyota Sienna or Camry will run dependably to well over 200K miles. My uncle drives an Avalon that has 450K miles. I speak from first-hand experience and I have saved thousands upon thousands of dollars. there really not much of a difference between a 1-3 year old car and a 4-8 year old car even perhaps 10-12 years
Ok…. So buy a GOOD used car. A Toyota or Honda that is well maintained can last 200+ thousand miles. It will be WAY cheaper than leasing. It’s not even close. And the mentality is much healthier
@@Mindfullytrapped then you get an older Toyota or a Honda van. I drive only Japanese cars. My current car is a Honda accord, I have no children it’s just for me running my errands and getting to and from point a to point B it is well maintained and it is 24 years old, you cannot be a homeowner and drive a brand, new car, and support children. I know a lot of people think that they can do it, but try doing it on your own, without your mommy and daddy‘s help I know parents who subsidize their children’s mortgages, and here in Southern California it’s more like they subsidize their rentals, or gift them cars. This enables their kids to live way beyond their means, so you are not doing them any favors. Put them through school, so they don’t have a lot of student debt when they get out, but then you need to take care of yourself. Just because my children are grown, I remember what it was like, and I had twins. And postponed having kids until cars were paid for and our mortgage was manageable and I still haven’t saved enough for my retirement! And I do not live a lavish lifestyle. And I know lots of people just like me.
I agree 100 percent with the rabbi but the reality is at a synagogue, the congregants who have the most money are considered the highest status. They make the decisions, have closer contact with the rabbi, etc.
Great podcast. Having a segment of some Jewish periodical highlighting a family working on a budget and sticking to the "5 year old stroller" would be a great idea. It could be modeled after Dave Ramsey's debt free screams that callers (and visitors to his studio) do all the time. As an aside, it was funny having a Twillory ad, then you saying, "our culture... is surrounded by enticing ads..."
This is fair criticism. Thanks for sharing this. I’m probably the one gaining the most from the episodes; I’ve gotten one-on-one advice from our generation’s wisest, and I still have ways to go and learn. - Eli
OMG! … he is so right when he talks about the DESTRUCTION of the nuclear family where mom and dad are tougher and and together they parent! Children need this as much as PARENTS NEED this! OMG!
I grew up in the 5towns in the 80s and 90s when people clearly were upper class, but it was considered lower class to flaunt it. I still live in the 5towns and one of my favorite moments of merging the two eras happened last year when i was driving carpool (in my THIRTEEN year old minivan 💪) I asked 2 north woodmere 6th grade boys what they want to be when they grow up. When they answered, I asked them why they chose that. They each answered so that I can make a lot of money…so I could own a million cars… then I told them about a beautiful graffiti that I once saw that said: "Some people are so poor that all they have is money." I asked them what they think it means, and when I said what's more valuable than money?", there was utter silence until one of them said "time!" And I said great! I asked another kid "What do YOU think is more valuable than money?" And he thought about it and then squeaked "Me?". I loved their answers!!! Time and Me!!
My husband works very hard and I am disabled. Our Gross household income does not exceed $84,000 a year. I had to give up my car. We struggle to pay rent and buy kosher food. We live in Toms River, one town over from Lakewood, New Jersey. My daughter is grown and out of the house. We do not go on vacation. We have never been to Israel. We have to assist my brother who lives in Assisted living in Brooklyn because he has many mental and physical health issues and i can no longer physically take care of him. My goal is that someday we no longer struggle to pay rent, buy kosher food and pay our utilities. I am 61 years old and never thought i would be struggling to pay for basic necessities at this age. Sadly i am not happy with my portion. Right now i am facing medical bills even though we do pay for health insurance. We struggle and it is very difficult.
This does sound hard. But surely you and your brother and your hard working husband deserve some support from your govt. Do look into this. There may be help. Wishing you and your family all the best.
If your brother has legal status as a disabled person, all of his needs should be met. You are disabled yourself and should not have to carry this burden. Please seek help in the state!
I have never been so disgusted. $150,000 a year? Just who are they talking about? Any yid, who works in a service role (food industry workers, anyone in education, and anyone in a public service role) is lucky to be earning a third of that. You are dismissing the people who enable you to live your Yiddisha life….. What are they supposed to do? I have worked at both white-collar as well as blue collar jobs, and have never come close to $150,000 a year. Let's not even look too closely at the basic life costs that you are so undervaluing… Health insurance for 10,000 a year? In what world? To be too proud to be able to admit you bought a used car, is too shameful, when did we normalize such haughtiness? I am only 20 min into this conversation, and realize you don’t understand what is really going on. The cost of being frum is far outstripping people's abilities. The cost of Kosher meat is so high, I have not had any in years. I don’t fault the butchers or the meat packing houses, Meat is expensive, and add to that the cost of shechita and a hechsher, and your costs are expensive… But we can not be in such denial… I volunteer at a food pantry and the number of people I see who come in is getting larger and larger.. Thank g-d we can service these people, but at some point, the frum community is going to have to rethink how things work, and what our value systems are….. I am sorry for venting, but there are large numbers of your fellow Jews who are suffering, all while being responsible. TO minimize (and or ignore) this is just wrong.
Our income is 150k and proudly drive an obviously used car. And barely make ends meet while living quite frugally... I can't imagine how people survive on less. Most people around us earn way more and still struggle, due to their pride getting in the way of living frugally
So agree - it is SO over the top, especially in the NY area, and the "humble bragging" (as if everything is standard and no big deal, ever) is so gross. Honestly, it IS embarrassing, as a Jew. When I was a kid, the "big macher" was the guy who went to Israel every year with JNF and actively helped raise funds tirelessly, or gave tzedakah. Everyone lived in the same normal houses, before every house was rebuilt to go to the edge of the property - a Medici-style McMansion on a postage stamp. You had no idea who had money, people didn't deliberately advertise. And honestly, even these higher quoted salaries - it's exorbitant to live in this area, and salaries don't go far! It's a bad financial decision to buy new cars, or lease them...to buy homes that put you in danger if you were to lose a job...and for goodness sake, it is MORTIFYING that GROWN ADULTS in their 40s and 50s are turning to PARENTS!!??!! for funds for their houses and simchas! OMG - how embarrassing that at that age you are still needing mommy and daddy to give you their retirement savings for your "lifestyle" so you can keep up with the Schwartzes.
@@beans4853 I make considerable less and get along well. I can retire tomorrow and my assets will replace my income by a good margin. I live out of NYC, and I bought my apt 20 years ago for $95K. Today it's worth $200K. I walk 1.5 mi to my chabad shul on shabbos. Not worth the slightest to live with all the b.s. in Monsey, Lakewood, Brooklyn. I have family members with at least $1 million increase in value of their homes but they're all slaves to the system. They can cash out and move near me and bank the rest but will never happen. They know no better. Most everyone has a choice.
I recall him saying up to 150-200?And that’s reality. There are people who earn that amount (I’m also in that type of family) but the clear point he was making it, they’re not making 1mill. So there is something to still take from it regardless if you get paid much less. As someone in a family earning 200k….it still sticks. We cannot afford to buy a home. And maybe like he said, a small home is what’s needed. Not our “dream home” and “leased dream car”.
I don't think he was ignoring people making less. His point was that even if someone was making 150k, which sounds like a lot, they will still possibly struggle if they have 6 kids, tuitions, buying a house in today's market, etc etc. Kal vchomer to those making less. He wasn't excluding people making less.
Unfortunately this issue has been around for at least 30 year's. Not that the Rabbi shouldn't talk about it. 150-200k isn't enough for your average Frum family today. For most people in the US, salaries haven't kept up with inflation.
I really enjoyed this podcast. A lot of it is chinuch. The story about the teenagers who can't stay home during winter break..ugh. that attitude needs to change. We need more humility.
All we hear are desires for material things here. how about tickets for the opera and the ballet or go to a museum. Does the community do these things or want them. There’s personal growth in these.
1.2 mil for housing standard is way too high. As you said 90k a year on mortgage alone. That is absurd. Why not to go for something cheaper, a 3bd condo at 4/500k?
Where?? We live in LA and you can’t even get a house for 1.2 million. If you are lucky it’s 1.7 at the lower end. On top of that we have zero subsidies for schooling, unlike NY, so even from preschool is minimum 1200 per kid per month. My husband’s job, and mine are based on being in CA so we have no option to leave. H we get by fine but buying a house is not an option…. I find it sad and hard fbag so many in our community are super wealthy and frankly not modest with their money at all. What happened to tzniut?
Isn’t this Rabbi the Rabbi of the Coventry community? I just got an invite to a fundraiser in Coventry hosted by Coventry residents that by the looks of it will be over the top. I have also attended several kiddushim in Coventry where young people must have spent thousands of dollars just so that they can have meat boards and expensive scotch. I understand that he can’t control who in his community leases a car but he can choose to not attend certain events that are over the top and to publicly condemn fundraisers that cater toward that type of person.
Publicly condemning doesn't work, even with children, in fact it creates a great deal of negativity. Which is why he is the Rabbi and not.. someone else.
Sounds like someone worthy of being a Rabbi would know how to do it without causing negativity. If they are just giving up I would question if they are fit to be the Rabbi of such a community.
Locked out of buying? Are you kidding me in Southern California that has been going on for the last 20 years. Why do you think people are moving out or spending $8000 a month to rent a house near a temple.
The cycle of life in the modern world. People work so hard to get to a standard of living that they will enjoy it but then they don't have time to enjoy that standard of living cause they are so busy working.....
That's so unfortunate that you left your heritage, there are many different Jewish communities in NY and plenty of outside Jewish communities that I'm sure you would find yourself, it's really unfortunate to give up your Judaism, I hope one day you'll come back to your Jewish nation
I've been an outsider since I became observant over 30 years ago. I don't care for I have my few friends, I am friendly towards everyone and I love the Torah that HaSh-m bestowed upon me. Everything in life's challenges is how we each decide to deal with it. It's said that our soul chose the life we live here, that gets me through the worse things that have happened to me. I'm sending you love and wishing the best for you (& your beautiful soul...a Jewish soul).
🧡Thank you for sharing your experience! Isn't it too bad that so many are made to feel unwelcome and unappreciated? This is such a strong reminder to focus on what matters, and not the superficialities.
31:50 “Wealth is to be content”, said Lao-Tsu. Glad that Mishna says the same aphorism. The twentieth century America has created a more-and-more things. 34:44
Car safety is important I disagree with the title. It's eye catching yet they're are many other things people spend on which are useless and causing even more spending The idea of the video is of course spot on I will watch the video later. Looks promising
Thanks for the Cleveland shout-out, Rabbi. Cleveland is definitely the next Lakewood. I encourage motivated and hardworking entrepreneurs to move here. Great community and very affordable.
We are all the same when it comes to family and security worldwide. We all have Bums we all have family issues job issues,life issues NO ONE IS ACTUALLY DIFFERENT UNTIL DAM RELIGION AND COUNTRY COMES INTO IT.And it shouldn't.Were all the SAME.Religion is irrelevant in terms of Human Goals for their Families and security.❤ What else ? Much Love
Wondering how this fits in with tuition? A family with 5-6 kids is paying minimum $35k, as the kids get older, closer to $80k. Of course both parents have to work.
I think everyone needs to be an adult and be responsible for their expenses. Who ever cared about the Jones'? How did Lakewood kosher town founded on Kollel become this pressure cooker for living up to standards. What kind of stupidity? Living within your means is much less painful than the debt! Did "warming the bench" lead to groupthink? Tragic that it has come to this. It's simple, say no to yourself, to your kids, to overspending. We aren't all toddlers tantruming in a store for a toy. Live without. Builds character.
I think it's a great investment to buy new cars from companies that make cars that runs well for at least 10 years, like Honda and Toyota, without paying for a lease and for constant repairs.
Almost everyone I know would like to send their children to a Jewish School so they can become fluent in Hebrew and learn all about Judaism BUT the exorbitant prices make being Jewish and going to Jewish School exclusive to those very well off.... unfortunately.
Teach the children at home. They don't need to attend expensive schools if their parents educate them. We were poor when I was a kid- no fancy schools, no fancy cars, no big houses, no posh clothes. I was happy to have a square meal once a day and some (mostly handsewn) clothes on my back- but both my parents took every evening the time to sit down with me and educate me. My mother borrowed all the books from a local library and taught me languages and all about the culture, my late father was drilling into me logical thinking. This was way before the times of the internet. These days, anybody can access enormous amounts of quality information online.
What is ironic about this episode is the advertisement in the middle for the donors fund. It is precisely these types of enterprises that look to monetize the jewish community that raise the cost of living for us all. I went over to the donors fund as was recommended, because no fees sound like a good deal but obviously they must be making money somehow. It seems from their website that they charge the charities a 2.9% fee on many types of donations. So what is really happening here is that now that the Donors fund has been promoted by all the jewish influencers, everyone will want to use the platform, now the charities will be forced to accept it and instead of taking 100% of the donation they have to fork over 2.9% to the donors fund who then passes that on to the influencers. This is exactly the type of unnecessary expense that raises costs for everyone and the community does not need, but is being pushed on people. To be honest I am not just picking on the presenter here, the same goes for all the advertisements on the first 50 pages of every jewish magazine.
That 2.9% fee is the same as what any website has to pay for credit card processing. Charities aren’t losing any more than what they’re losing with any credit card.
If you look at their Form 990 they have over a million dollars of expense, that money is coming from somewhere, it does no one any good to cover the truth. If we as a community want to put spending and personal finance front and center then maybe influencers should share how much money they are making from their various appearances, just like they share everything else. That million dollars would do a lot more good in the hands of the next commenter. Her story is tragic but no one seems to be listening, we are all giving a lot of charity but it is clearly not enough or its going to the wrong places. @@LivingLchaim
And don't get me started on videography for schools and yeshivas. Image how much better off the community would be if no more institutions spent money on glitzy videos that serve no purpose and instead distributed it to families with two working parents who still can't keep up with tuition expenses.@@LivingLchaim
@@SaimKonar-tz9mr Gosh if only they were in every state...in my town at least I get a little bit back for school bus, but definitely a tiny fraction of school cost!
@@Lego-vp3sz Again, this is related to the cost/benefit analysis he was talking about moving out of town. It could be worth it for some, but it's not so simple.
Leasing a car is a waste of money and a scam, just like a mortgage with high interest. Is better to buy a used car from a few years ago and save for a bigger downpayment.
its because we are very close to moshiach, and the gemara says he cannot come until we are flat broke ( sanhedrin 97a) We lost our connection to the spirit of torah all we care about is status money and power hashem is breaking this now.
Stopped listening about halfway through. To say that our Jewish ancestors with no Torah learning were fully observing the 613 is nonfactual. No one can even begin to perform many mitzvos unless they have a background of learning. And there's no such thing as observing the 613 mitzvos "perfectly." A portion of those relate to the times of the Beis HaMikdash, so there is no one alive today or even yesterday who could observe the 613 mitzvos.
The issue is the post-war Orthodox community built itself an unsustainably-expensive lifestyle. In the 1950s etc Orthodox neighborhoods like Boro Park were the cheap places in the city. BUt today an Orthodox neighborhood is almost always in the most expensive areas. Day schools/yeshiva tuition is an albatross around people's necks. Add in tzedaka obligations and people are under enormous pressure to produce income. No wonder people are so stressed. And the rabbis will resist any movement to relieve this, telling people the'yre the real problem here. It can't continue as it has been. There needs to be a deinstitutionalizing of Torah.
While finances are a frum issue everywhere, it sure seems like the tri-state area, and Lakewood in particular are totally unsustainable. Not terribly impressed with this presentation. What nobody has mentioned is EDUCATION. Frum students from Lakewood aren't getting the necessary education to get jobs that can support their lifestyle. What's worse is they see a community of people who have jobs that provide no value to they're own community or society. Many people aren't workers, they are profiteers - there's a difference. If you resell on Amazon, scalp tickets, or provide loan-shark loans at 35% - you're not skilled at anything per se, and any small disruption in the economy can ruin you.
It's not so cut and dried. When you factor in the money and time required to attend law school, medical school, etc. you don’t always come out ahead. Unless you have some great scholarships or parents that are paying for it, people go several hundred thousand dollars into debt to pursue these careers.
@@sinatra222if going to law school, don't just become a law clerk (very low salary) or if med school (primary care)... have a solid vision for how to best leverage such investments in time/$$$. Poor leverage of such educations can lead to poor mental health, specially when raising a family
Favorite line: Yesterday’s luxuries are today’s necessities “ How true!!
I live in the U.K. and the horror stories from childbirth these days. My mother didn’t experience the same things! Now private hospitals are becoming a necessity rather than our NHS which was once as good as private. It’s a shame. Honestly confirms this statement.
Just like refrigerators, air conditioning, (basic) cars, washer/dryer, dishwasher, microwaves once were.
Life just keeps becoming more and more expensive every month.I could tell you about a supermarket chain in Australia where if you did an identical shop over 12 months you'd see a 40 to 50% increase in cost and its swept under the corporate table through advertising its shameful
In Europe Jewish culture is associated with frugality. It is an American version of opulent, affluent Jews. Not sustainable.
Honest people to be sustainable must be frugal, reasonable, modest.
"We need goals that do not revolve around money" ...so true!
Let our goals be to study more Torah and love God more and do no harm to any person. When you have God, you have happiness.
Killer podcast over here! Truly, remarkable, doesn’t miss a beat. Highly recommend everyone watch this.
This is an excellent podcast. He is speaking the truth and revealing real current issues in frum society. Some of us feel so alone living within our means and not spending what we don't have... Definitely recommend a round 2 on this. And one more thing- ashrei yoladeto-- his parents raised him with proper values.
Thank you so much for this meaningful discourse. I'm so proud of you Rabbi. Your message is so very important to all of us in these days. I believe your message is directly from Hashem. Bless you.
I live well below poverty level with my wife and two kids and we live a very good life in a small house that we built in rural VA. And yes we chop our firewood, and grow our vegetables, but for us it's avodat kodesh. And consumerism is idolatry. But I wonder, Why are we so alone in this lifestyle?
I dream about this lifestyle but its important to us that our kids have friends to spend time with
@@charleschaimkohl Unfortunately many children are receiving bad influences in may ways from their frum friends. Not to mention how much healthier country living is for everyone.
You can't be a Jew in the forest
@@MonteLogic You might be a better torah observant Jew in the forest than one living in New York or LA.
@@MonteLogiclol what
Finally! I am listening to this while prepari g for Shabbat which includes prepring a meal for our soldiers which a soldier's father will e delivering to the base. This is what it's eenike for early 3 mo ths and will probably not charge for many more.
I once lived in the community you describe. Am far happier and more fulfilled now where what you own is of no interest to anyo e. What you do and how you do it is how you earn your place in society.
Absolutely beautiful discussion. Thank you so much for sharing these loving thoughts and your wisdom and time. Really appreciated.
The problem is that parents feel that they have to indulge their kids with everything. Some of them are doing it to compensate for the time that they are not able to give to their children because they are overworked and overstretched in many different directions. I read about this a lot, parents are afraid to say no because they don't want their kids to feel different, by having less expensive gadgets or clothing etc. Second issue: the magazines are full of consumerism that's how they are able to survive. It lures people towards luxuries that they are unable to afford. Everything is taken out of proportion. I must have this whether I can afford it or not. I can go on and on. We are being shortchanged by things that we can not afford but absolutely must have. Thank you Rabbi for your wisdom. Hopefully it will resonate somehow.
I agree with you about magazines luring people, but I'd also look at it differently.
If I start a business, no matter what kind, my job is to lure every buyer I can to purchase my product.
Your job as a consumer is to buy as little as necessary.
This is far far from being spiritual. Being religious amounts to not much then does it?
We are having the same problems, this is very timely. Thank you!
Happy is the man who makes The Lord his choice
A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver or gold Proverbs 22:1
Living with less is truly more.
I concur with the Rabbi and, appreciate his thoughts on living a principled life.
Amazing comments at 26 minutes onward . Thank you rabbi.
My father said, "I don't care what they do down the street, this is what we do in our house." This went along with, "I could work more hours and make more money, but for what?"
A friend of mine once went to lakewood and treated a friend to a restaurant of their choice... boy did he regret footing the bill of a $600 dinner for 4.
I think this needs context. I'm a hard working mother and my husband is a rebbi and we live within our means and save for kids simchos down the line. Comes birthday time we go out for dinner and once we are out we made a conscious decision not to look at prices because we just want to enjoy once or twice a year. I personally see nothing wrong with such an expense
@@RiviHipHop I guess it depends what people expect from a night out. We also go out maybe twice a year and then it will be just a main course and soft drink. No starter. No glass of wine or alcohol. Maybe a desert to share if a really special occasion. We try to leave a decent tip. I know that is not very profitable for the owner.
@@JJ-kf4kc I don't think she said they spent $600.
And I went and spent $73. It depends who you are and where you go. His only regret should be his lack of control - which is usually the source of the problem.
Absolutely correct. I made Aliya 12 years ago. The consumerism in that period grew exponentially. I was schooled to see the compromise of values and materialism cripple Am Yisrael in that short period. This kind of bloated capitalism is a tremendous fracture in the psyche of our people.
That's keynesianism, not capitalism. Real capitalism is about production; it's not about spending.
Fun fact. In the past four days. I was asked for charity towards 3 weddings, in which the Mechitanim live way above my lifestyle standards.
Collectively (along with other small donations), i donated more than I earn a week.
I can afford it due to living below my means. Its a shame that some people don't know better.
'Keeping up with the Joneses'
You are enabling them. Just say "no"!
Wow. Very impressive.
You worked for a week to help pay for someone elses wedding. Bless you but don't encourage this greed and madness. People should not get married if they can't afford.to. It won't kill them to wait until they have the money,
I'm so worried what to do for in 5-10 years when it comes to paying for my kid's wedding.
Fantastic. Thank you for having this discussion.
Let's make frugal living a new trend in our communities! Can't wait for part two :)
Not just Jewish community but all communities.!
But as Jews, we shouldn't take on other nations' values. That's the problem.
This is a Jewish channel lol. I’m not Jewish but I can take lessons and learn from these rather than say “all communities”. Come on.
@@user-pd7il3xz5j Oh, I think Scots are very canny with their money.
I would urge listeners to look into Aliyah. The biggest game changer is the expectations and standard here are more modest so you’re happy with less. There is so much less pressure to keep up with neighbors. (Tuition and healthcare are also virtually free)
Hey Lazer. I am 21 and making Aliyah next year.
I completely agree. I am listening with a shocked face of these prices and the expectations, while living in my frum yishuv.
I agree that many have these issues. But I would like to recognize people who live below or within their means, stretch to give zedaka more than they can, and don't go to Florida. I live in a neighborhood where many are like us, any I'm proud to say I'm still in a starter thing with 4 kids and will ride it out until we cab responsibly go onto a bigger thing
I can't even explain why but I really enjoyed this episode and hope for a 2nd part...
Just one point on leased cars. Growing up with no money, my father always bought older cars. Usually, cars that were 8 years old and had around 100k miles. I distinctly remember how every year the cars were in the shop getting repaired for thousands upon thousands of dollars. It made no sense to put a new transmission into an old car but there was no money to buy a new car. As soon as I got a job I leased a brand new car. Some people are too poor to afford the unpredictable repairs of an old car.
That is true and no one is recommending poor financial decisions- These days at there is no reason to buy out a lease a Toyota Sienna or Camry will run dependably to well over 200K miles. My uncle drives an Avalon that has 450K miles. I speak from first-hand experience and I have saved thousands upon thousands of dollars. there really not much of a difference between a 1-3 year old car and a 4-8 year old car even perhaps 10-12 years
Cars were made better then and lasted longer , today it’s cheaper to lease two cars than to buy and old rusty car and keep repairing it
Ok…. So buy a GOOD used car. A Toyota or Honda that is well maintained can last 200+ thousand miles. It will be WAY cheaper than leasing. It’s not even close. And the mentality is much healthier
What about when you have 4 children? You can’t afford paying for a small car…
@@Mindfullytrapped then you get an older Toyota or a Honda van. I drive only Japanese cars. My current car is a Honda accord, I have no children it’s just for me running my errands and getting to and from point a to point B it is well maintained and it is 24 years old, you cannot be a homeowner and drive a brand, new car, and support children. I know a lot of people think that they can do it, but try doing it on your own, without your mommy and daddy‘s help I know parents who subsidize their children’s mortgages, and here in Southern California it’s more like they subsidize their rentals, or gift them cars. This enables their kids to live way beyond their means, so you are not doing them any favors. Put them through school, so they don’t have a lot of student debt when they get out, but then you need to take care of yourself.
Just because my children are grown, I remember what it was like, and I had twins. And postponed having kids until cars were paid for and our mortgage was manageable and I still haven’t saved enough for my retirement! And I do not live a lavish lifestyle. And I know lots of people just like me.
41:37 we need to find true happiness with what we already have. Whatever amount of money and things that may be.
As an organizer, I wholeheartedly agree.
What an amazing video, Yet again. Thank you so much for sharing this valuable chizuk and inspiration.
Thank you so much for your podcast. I have learned so much!!! Thank you
Im so glad I listened to this. So helpful to know.
I agree 100 percent with the rabbi but the reality is at a synagogue, the congregants who have the most money are considered the highest status. They make the decisions, have closer contact with the rabbi, etc.
Hashem makes the decisions... find time to have closer contact with Hashem... Hashem disburses the parnassah
this is important. thank you.
Great podcast. Having a segment of some Jewish periodical highlighting a family working on a budget and sticking to the "5 year old stroller" would be a great idea. It could be modeled after Dave Ramsey's debt free screams that callers (and visitors to his studio) do all the time. As an aside, it was funny having a Twillory ad, then you saying, "our culture... is surrounded by enticing ads..."
Frugality, humility, modesty and honesty is better than lust, materialism, envy, richest
Twillory ad- "this isnt your grandfathers old coat, throw that thing away". LOL!!!! the hypocrisy is real
This is fair criticism. Thanks for sharing this. I’m probably the one gaining the most from the episodes; I’ve gotten one-on-one advice from our generation’s wisest, and I still have ways to go and learn. - Eli
no worries- thanks for the podcast. was very inspiring@@LivingLchaim
Thank you so much
OMG! … he is so right when he talks about the DESTRUCTION of the nuclear family where mom and dad are tougher and and together they parent!
Children need this as much as PARENTS NEED this!
OMG!
I grew up in the 5towns in the 80s and 90s when people clearly were upper class, but it was considered lower class to flaunt it.
I still live in the 5towns and one of my favorite moments of merging the two eras happened last year when i was driving carpool (in my THIRTEEN year old minivan 💪)
I asked 2 north woodmere 6th grade boys what they want to be when they grow up. When they answered, I asked them why they chose that. They each answered so that I can make a lot of money…so I could own a million cars… then I told them about a beautiful graffiti that I once saw that said:
"Some people are so poor that all they have is money."
I asked them what they think it means, and when I said what's more valuable than money?", there was utter silence until one of them said "time!" And I said great! I asked another kid "What do YOU think is more valuable than money?" And he thought about it and then squeaked "Me?". I loved their answers!!! Time and Me!!
Brilliant! Am sending this to Elon Musk.-)
Quite funny you advertising twillery during this episode! 😂
My husband works very hard and I am disabled. Our Gross household income does not exceed $84,000 a year. I had to give up my car. We struggle to pay rent and buy kosher food. We live in Toms River, one town over from Lakewood, New Jersey. My daughter is grown and out of the house. We do not go on vacation. We have never been to Israel. We have to assist my brother who lives in Assisted living in Brooklyn because he has many mental and physical health issues and i can no longer physically take care of him. My goal is that someday we no longer struggle to pay rent, buy kosher food and pay our utilities. I am 61 years old and never thought i would be struggling to pay for basic necessities at this age. Sadly i am not happy with my portion. Right now i am facing medical bills even though we do pay for health insurance. We struggle and it is very difficult.
This does sound hard. But surely you and your brother and your hard working husband deserve some support from your govt. Do look into this. There may be help. Wishing you and your family all the best.
If your brother has legal status as a disabled person, all of his needs should be met. You are disabled yourself and should not have to carry this burden. Please seek help in the state!
Wow the best podcast ever since the start thank please bring him for second round
The assumption that everyone needs two leased cars totalling over 20k annually is flawed, and frankly ridiculous.
Right? We're literally the only one in our shul who doesn't have a luxury car. Instead, we have a dented 2017 sienna 😂😂
@@beans4853I thought you were going to end that with, "instead, we have 16k/year in savings."
And silly.
Thank you for keeping it real!
I thank hashem ever day that I live in eretz yisrael where we can have an old car and nobody I knows cares
In Israel it's a luxury to have a car period.
25 year old Volvo,& living in eretz Israel, that's reality,NOT Lakewood!
I have never been so disgusted. $150,000 a year? Just who are they talking about? Any yid, who works in a service role (food industry workers, anyone in education, and anyone in a public service role) is lucky to be earning a third of that. You are dismissing the people who enable you to live your Yiddisha life….. What are they supposed to do? I have worked at both white-collar as well as blue collar jobs, and have never come close to $150,000 a year.
Let's not even look too closely at the basic life costs that you are so undervaluing… Health insurance for 10,000 a year? In what world?
To be too proud to be able to admit you bought a used car, is too shameful, when did we normalize such haughtiness? I am only 20 min into this conversation, and realize you don’t understand what is really going on. The cost of being frum is far outstripping people's abilities. The cost of Kosher meat is so high, I have not had any in years.
I don’t fault the butchers or the meat packing houses, Meat is expensive, and add to that the cost of shechita and a hechsher, and your costs are expensive… But we can not be in such denial… I volunteer at a food pantry and the number of people I see who come in is getting larger and larger.. Thank g-d we can service these people, but at some point, the frum community is going to have to rethink how things work, and what our value systems are…..
I am sorry for venting, but there are large numbers of your fellow Jews who are suffering, all while being responsible. TO minimize (and or ignore) this is just wrong.
Our income is 150k and proudly drive an obviously used car. And barely make ends meet while living quite frugally... I can't imagine how people survive on less. Most people around us earn way more and still struggle, due to their pride getting in the way of living frugally
So agree - it is SO over the top, especially in the NY area, and the "humble bragging" (as if everything is standard and no big deal, ever) is so gross. Honestly, it IS embarrassing, as a Jew. When I was a kid, the "big macher" was the guy who went to Israel every year with JNF and actively helped raise funds tirelessly, or gave tzedakah. Everyone lived in the same normal houses, before every house was rebuilt to go to the edge of the property - a Medici-style McMansion on a postage stamp. You had no idea who had money, people didn't deliberately advertise. And honestly, even these higher quoted salaries - it's exorbitant to live in this area, and salaries don't go far! It's a bad financial decision to buy new cars, or lease them...to buy homes that put you in danger if you were to lose a job...and for goodness sake, it is MORTIFYING that GROWN ADULTS in their 40s and 50s are turning to PARENTS!!??!! for funds for their houses and simchas! OMG - how embarrassing that at that age you are still needing mommy and daddy to give you their retirement savings for your "lifestyle" so you can keep up with the Schwartzes.
@@beans4853 I make considerable less and get along well. I can retire tomorrow and my assets will replace my income by a good margin. I live out of NYC, and I bought my apt 20 years ago for $95K. Today it's worth $200K. I walk 1.5 mi to my chabad shul on shabbos. Not worth the slightest to live with all the b.s. in Monsey, Lakewood, Brooklyn. I have family members with at least $1 million increase in value of their homes but they're all slaves to the system. They can cash out and move near me and bank the rest but will never happen. They know no better. Most everyone has a choice.
I recall him saying up to 150-200?And that’s reality. There are people who earn that amount (I’m also in that type of family) but the clear point he was making it, they’re not making 1mill. So there is something to still take from it regardless if you get paid much less. As someone in a family earning 200k….it still sticks. We cannot afford to buy a home. And maybe like he said, a small home is what’s needed. Not our “dream home” and “leased dream car”.
I don't think he was ignoring people making less. His point was that even if someone was making 150k, which sounds like a lot, they will still possibly struggle if they have 6 kids, tuitions, buying a house in today's market, etc etc. Kal vchomer to those making less. He wasn't excluding people making less.
Shout out Coventry boys 💰💰💰
Unfortunately this issue has been around for at least 30 year's. Not that the Rabbi shouldn't talk about it. 150-200k isn't enough for your average Frum family today. For most people in the US, salaries haven't kept up with inflation.
150-200k isn't enough for your average Frum family today' what is a Frum family?
That was actually good. Driving 2004 Corolla, I fix my own car.
Dude is advertising a $200 jacket on a show against excess spending 😂🤦
That is not bad. Jackets last for a long time.
I realized this as well.
And telling us to "throw out your grandfather's old coat".
Someone watching can afford to buy it. And he's gotta make ends meet too.
get a suit that lasts 10 years for $1000 than a $100 suit that lasts six months
How do you get money ? Thats the question. That's the most important thing. To make the customers life better
Work hard
@@ovojoe662 100%
make extra time for Hashem... this changed my life during a rough patch
I really enjoyed this podcast. A lot of it is chinuch. The story about the teenagers who can't stay home during winter break..ugh. that attitude needs to change. We need more humility.
What an amazing Episode!
Long live Israel✡✝
All we hear are desires for material things here. how about tickets for the opera and the ballet or go to a museum. Does the community do these things or want them. There’s personal growth in these.
Literally the words out of ur mouth following ur ad for luxury line of clothing "Enticing Ads" ...... The Irony!!!!
58:52 is so powerful.
The need for status comes from trauma. Trauma needs to be addressed. Plenty of it in our communities.
1.2 mil for housing standard is way too high. As you said 90k a year on mortgage alone.
That is absurd.
Why not to go for something cheaper, a 3bd condo at 4/500k?
Also who is leasing two cars? Irresponsible. What happened to buying a used Camry?
Where?? We live in LA and you can’t even get a house for 1.2 million. If you are lucky it’s 1.7 at the lower end. On top of that we have zero subsidies for schooling, unlike NY, so even from preschool is minimum 1200 per kid per month. My husband’s job, and mine are based on being in CA so we have no option to leave. H we get by fine but buying a house is not an option…. I find it sad and hard fbag so many in our community are super wealthy and frankly not modest with their money at all. What happened to tzniut?
Sound stable counsel!
Isn’t this Rabbi the Rabbi of the Coventry community? I just got an invite to a fundraiser in Coventry hosted by Coventry residents that by the looks of it will be over the top. I have also attended several kiddushim in Coventry where young people must have spent thousands of dollars just so that they can have meat boards and expensive scotch.
I understand that he can’t control who in his community leases a car but he can choose to not attend certain events that are over the top and to publicly condemn fundraisers that cater toward that type of person.
Publicly condemning doesn't work, even with children, in fact it creates a great deal of negativity. Which is why he is the Rabbi and not.. someone else.
Sounds like someone worthy of being a Rabbi would know how to do it without causing negativity. If they are just giving up I would question if they are fit to be the Rabbi of such a community.
Buy used Hondas or something similar. They last.
Locked out of buying? Are you kidding me in Southern California that has been going on for the last 20 years. Why do you think people are moving out or spending $8000 a month to rent a house near a temple.
He is right!
The cycle of life in the modern world. People work so hard to get to a standard of living that they will enjoy it but then they don't have time to enjoy that standard of living cause they are so busy working.....
LIVE BELOW YOUR MEANS
I love the ad halfway the podcast for that coat, you must buy.😂
Buying a great quality coat for the long term is a great investment.
But how about teaching us more about passive incomes besides the main income. Everything cost more today so we cant avoid many expenses
I left yiddishkeit and I’m sure I would never be able to keep up with the expenses. And good riddance to being judged I felt like an outsider.
💜
That's so unfortunate that you left your heritage, there are many different Jewish communities in NY and plenty of outside Jewish communities that I'm sure you would find yourself, it's really unfortunate to give up your Judaism, I hope one day you'll come back to your Jewish nation
Don’t judge Judaism by the people who practice it. People aren’t perfect but Gd is.
I've been an outsider since I became observant over 30 years ago. I don't care for I have my few friends, I am friendly towards everyone and I love the Torah that HaSh-m bestowed upon me. Everything in life's challenges is how we each decide to deal with it. It's said that our soul chose the life we live here, that gets me through the worse things that have happened to me. I'm sending you love and wishing the best for you (& your beautiful soul...a Jewish soul).
🧡Thank you for sharing your experience! Isn't it too bad that so many are made to feel unwelcome and unappreciated? This is such a strong reminder to focus on what matters, and not the superficialities.
31:50 “Wealth is to be content”, said Lao-Tsu. Glad that Mishna says the same aphorism. The twentieth century America has created a more-and-more things. 34:44
Car safety is important I disagree with the title. It's eye catching yet they're are many other things people spend on which are useless and causing even more spending
The idea of the video is of course spot on
I will watch the video later. Looks promising
Shalom
Thanks for the Cleveland shout-out, Rabbi.
Cleveland is definitely the next Lakewood.
I encourage motivated and hardworking entrepreneurs to move here. Great community and very affordable.
Cleveburg winters would be my demise.
My husband lost his job. I took on two jobs to pay my bills. I owed nothing to anyone.
We are all the same when it comes to family and security worldwide.
We all have Bums we all have family issues job issues,life issues NO ONE IS ACTUALLY DIFFERENT UNTIL DAM RELIGION AND COUNTRY COMES INTO IT.And it shouldn't.Were all the SAME.Religion is irrelevant in terms of Human Goals for their Families and security.❤
What else ? Much Love
Living in NYC making less than seven figures is definitionally living above your means.
I'd add that's what Lovon said , this part was said by a rabbi horowitz in a good drosha
We are happy using our 7 yearold stroller. All of our new sons baby clothing are from our first son.
but carseats do have expiration dates
And you are helping save the planet. You will be an inspiration to your children. You should have your own family podcast.
Wondering how this fits in with tuition? A family with 5-6 kids is paying minimum $35k, as the kids get older, closer to $80k. Of course both parents have to work.
That's an insane & UN acceptable situation,blackmailed by tuition😢
I think everyone needs to be an adult and be responsible for their expenses. Who ever cared about the Jones'? How did Lakewood kosher town founded on Kollel become this pressure cooker for living up to standards. What kind of stupidity? Living within your means is much less painful than the debt! Did "warming the bench" lead to groupthink? Tragic that it has come to this. It's simple, say no to yourself, to your kids, to overspending. We aren't all toddlers tantruming in a store for a toy. Live without. Builds character.
And help the planet.
People do not need that lifestyle, they confuse need with want.
120k? Where can I get those jobs?
Buy used cars...dont buy brand new.
Thanks but used cars are hard to get and notoriously expensive now. Ask your mechanic.
I think it's a great investment to buy new cars from companies that make cars that runs well for at least 10 years, like Honda and Toyota, without paying for a lease and for constant repairs.
Stop comparing yourself and your house with others...that would be border line jealousy.
Thats literally what jeliousy is......
Eating out every day . Is complete bankruptcy
Almost everyone I know would like to send their children to a Jewish School so they can become fluent in Hebrew and learn all about Judaism BUT the exorbitant prices make being Jewish and going to Jewish School exclusive to those very well off.... unfortunately.
Teach the children at home. They don't need to attend expensive schools if their parents educate them. We were poor when I was a kid- no fancy schools, no fancy cars, no big houses, no posh clothes. I was happy to have a square meal once a day and some (mostly handsewn) clothes on my back- but both my parents took every evening the time to sit down with me and educate me. My mother borrowed all the books from a local library and taught me languages and all about the culture, my late father was drilling into me logical thinking. This was way before the times of the internet. These days, anybody can access enormous amounts of quality information online.
so many hebrew lessons printable available online...
What is ironic about this episode is the advertisement in the middle for the donors fund. It is precisely these types of enterprises that look to monetize the jewish community that raise the cost of living for us all. I went over to the donors fund as was recommended, because no fees sound like a good deal but obviously they must be making money somehow. It seems from their website that they charge the charities a 2.9% fee on many types of donations. So what is really happening here is that now that the Donors fund has been promoted by all the jewish influencers, everyone will want to use the platform, now the charities will be forced to accept it and instead of taking 100% of the donation they have to fork over 2.9% to the donors fund who then passes that on to the influencers. This is exactly the type of unnecessary expense that raises costs for everyone and the community does not need, but is being pushed on people. To be honest I am not just picking on the presenter here, the same goes for all the advertisements on the first 50 pages of every jewish magazine.
That 2.9% fee is the same as what any website has to pay for credit card processing. Charities aren’t losing any more than what they’re losing with any credit card.
If you look at their Form 990 they have over a million dollars of expense, that money is coming from somewhere, it does no one any good to cover the truth. If we as a community want to put spending and personal finance front and center then maybe influencers should share how much money they are making from their various appearances, just like they share everything else. That million dollars would do a lot more good in the hands of the next commenter. Her story is tragic but no one seems to be listening, we are all giving a lot of charity but it is clearly not enough or its going to the wrong places. @@LivingLchaim
And don't get me started on videography for schools and yeshivas. Image how much better off the community would be if no more institutions spent money on glitzy videos that serve no purpose and instead distributed it to families with two working parents who still can't keep up with tuition expenses.@@LivingLchaim
Love kosher money
Thank you for this information- can someone share what you mean by voucher’s mentioned around the 46 minute mark. Thank you
Yes what of Vouchers? Please explain🙏
What are Vouchers
School vouchers for private school tuition reimbursements like in Florida and Ohio
@@SaimKonar-tz9mr Gosh if only they were in every state...in my town at least I get a little bit back for school bus, but definitely a tiny fraction of school cost!
@@Lego-vp3sz Again, this is related to the cost/benefit analysis he was talking about moving out of town. It could be worth it for some, but it's not so simple.
Tri state area is unaffordable.
Bh I live in Vegas עיר הקודש
Because religion is not practiced anymore. Its just overly eating and spending without a goal.
❤️❤️❤️
🙏🙏🙏
מרבה נכסים מרבה דאגות!!!
100,000 a year there’s people that barely make 30,000 a year. What about those people brother
Leasing a car is a waste of money and a scam, just like a mortgage with high interest. Is better to buy a used car from a few years ago and save for a bigger downpayment.
❤❤❤
its because we are very close to moshiach, and the gemara says he cannot come until we are flat broke ( sanhedrin 97a) We lost our connection to the spirit of torah all we care about is status money and power hashem is breaking this now.
Except "Throw away your old coat" doesnt go well with this episode..
Stopped listening about halfway through. To say that our Jewish ancestors with no Torah learning were fully observing the 613 is nonfactual. No one can even begin to perform many mitzvos unless they have a background of learning. And there's no such thing as observing the 613 mitzvos "perfectly." A portion of those relate to the times of the Beis HaMikdash, so there is no one alive today or even yesterday who could observe the 613 mitzvos.
The lord is my shepherd, I shall notWANT!!!!!
The issue is the post-war Orthodox community built itself an unsustainably-expensive lifestyle. In the 1950s etc Orthodox neighborhoods like Boro Park were the cheap places in the city. BUt today an Orthodox neighborhood is almost always in the most expensive areas. Day schools/yeshiva tuition is an albatross around people's necks. Add in tzedaka obligations and people are under enormous pressure to produce income. No wonder people are so stressed. And the rabbis will resist any movement to relieve this, telling people the'yre the real problem here. It can't continue as it has been. There needs to be a deinstitutionalizing of Torah.
I only make 45k a year inflation is killing the working class
While finances are a frum issue everywhere, it sure seems like the tri-state area, and Lakewood in particular are totally unsustainable. Not terribly impressed with this presentation. What nobody has mentioned is EDUCATION. Frum students from Lakewood aren't getting the necessary education to get jobs that can support their lifestyle. What's worse is they see a community of people who have jobs that provide no value to they're own community or society. Many people aren't workers, they are profiteers - there's a difference. If you resell on Amazon, scalp tickets, or provide loan-shark loans at 35% - you're not skilled at anything per se, and any small disruption in the economy can ruin you.
It's not so cut and dried. When you factor in the money and time required to attend law school, medical school, etc. you don’t always come out ahead. Unless you have some great scholarships or parents that are paying for it, people go several hundred thousand dollars into debt to pursue these careers.
@@sinatra222if going to law school, don't just become a law clerk (very low salary) or if med school (primary care)... have a solid vision for how to best leverage such investments in time/$$$.
Poor leverage of such educations can lead to poor mental health, specially when raising a family