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Foster Visitation - I Made a BIG Mistake
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- Опубликовано: 21 авг 2019
- ***Please be kind in the comments. Respect the family or your comment will be removed. Thank you!
Miss A also wants to add that I had on nice shoes, nice earrings and a sleek purse and I stood there being awkward with a "big smile".
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This was an honest mistake. I did the exact same thing when I volunteered at a food bank after work one day. I walked in dressed up with nice jewelry and felt very stupid about it. I took my jewelry off, lipstick off and threw my hair up. You’re doing a great job as a foster mom and you’re aware of other’s feelings and perceptions which is awesome.
This. So relatable. Thank you for understanding!!
Well said, Lindsay👍👌😉🌞
I had a similar experience when I took my guitar and a few extra guitars to play with some homeless men in a house where our church helps homeless men re-build their lives. I immediately realized I had way too much jewelry on, my clothes were too nice, my hair was curled, full makeup, ect. I felt like I wasn't relatable to them, and my intention was to take time just for them and us all play guitar together, learning from one another. I was able to overcome the situation by the grace of God and our mutual love of music (it helped that I know some old school songs, which they also knew). So glad you brought this to light, it definitely was an honest mistake and it's clear your intentions are pure. LOVE watching your channel and you continue to inspire me!
Lindsay's Life Cafe so sorry that you are judged so harshly.
It happens! I know the feeling. Thank you for what you do. ✨ I volunteer with my city’s needle exchange as often as I can, and we go to as many homeless communities as possible because they’re so heavily impacted in our area. When my hair was gelled just right and I had my leather jacket and Docs on, there were exactly zero people who wanted to sit and chat with me. I fixed that very quickly, and I consider myself extremely lucky other guys and also some lovely young women now want to hear my sobriety story or find me a safe person to tell when they’re having a really hard day. I would wear absolutely anything to be able to sit on the sidewalk with lukewarm coffee and get to hear what’s important to them and what we need to keep improving on.
I deeply appreciate that you were able to put yourself in her parents' position and understand how they may have viewed you and how they may have felt. I also appreciate that you are able to admit that you didn't act in accordance to your beliefs. That takes a lot of strength and maturity on your part. A lot of people lack those traits.
Thank you for understanding ❤️
You have high emotional intelligence!
Oooo...
Kayla Lombardo I agree! You really are made for this 😊❤️
When my mom didn’t make it to visitation, I wanted to party. My mom had so many problems. Fortunately she is better now, but what a childhood with visitation. In my case, my foster parents stayed for every visitation at my request. I NEVER wanted to be left alone for a visitation.
Stormchasingirl 1 sorry if this is too personal, why did you never want to be left alone? just curious
@@brookes.8290 it could be because her parent/s were impulsive due to drug or mental illness, she obviously feltnunsafe for whatever reason, and she was in foster care. So it's probably a trauma related issue (neglect/abuse)
Asking any more information is extremely invasive and could cause panic attacking flashbacks for trauma/abuse sufferers
I know you didn't mean any harm, I and I hope this didnt come off as mean, we I'm just trying to educate on how that question (and others like it) are invasive and a lot of the times makes the person uncomfortable
@@brookes.8290 It's probably best not to ask when it's heavily implied it's due to a negative reason/implied they feel unsafe.
Princess Pikakidd that makes complete sense!! and of course you’re not doing harm, thank you for informing me :)
Eunoia yea that makes sense :( my bad for asking such a direct statement
Warms my heart that people like this are real
If you had shown up with Gucci on in a rolls Royce, I’d understand that they may have felt intimidated. But you came from work, a professional place where you dress in a professional way. Don’t overthink too much! You are very thoughtful and caring, and I love that you gave that little gift and note. It can be nice to hear that someone’s on your side❤️
I love how empathetic you are to Miss A's parents. I'm sure Miss A can feel the love and respect you have for not only her, but her family.
Love how supportive and sensitive you are to the birth family. So often you hear foster parents (even on RUclips) say how horrible It is that a visitation was missed etc. Cheers to you guys. Its supposed to be all about the child.
I think that all experiences are valid. Not every family during the reunification process fight to be in the lives of their children. Some do and I'm happy for those families. And some can't do to unfortunate circumstances. And others really don't care. And I've seen as a therapist when people who are sick especially when it comes to addiction will use their children as false motivations to safe face.
I grew up in a poor family and I totally understand why her family might have felt threatened by the foster mom "looking rich". But I just want to say that I think your level of sensitivity and empathy is incredible and it makes me so happy to see.
In my experience the biological parents will usually find things about you that makes them feel badly about themselves, because you have their children and they don't. You did nothing wrong, but I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.
True, just being sensitive and trying to limit any hard feelings between us and the parents. Update, they have expressed they are so grateful for us.
@@BeTheVillageCommunityVillage that is so nice to hear! Many blessings, you are awesome!
I think you are doing a great job cultivating long lasting relationships with Miss A! 9 and 10 years later I still have contact with my foster daughters and it is so nice to see them growing into beautiful young ladies (we only took 4 and under). But I really made an effort to connect with birth families and honestly it was the best for the kids too. We are still a big ole family. I get to go to watch one girl cheer and we have a set of twins that come have slumber parties with my biological daughters.
It is definitely nice that she’s old enough and mature enough to understand what is going on. That doesn’t make it any easier on her, but probably easier on you. One of our girls always had nightmares for days after visits. She’d wake up screaming and crying until she threw up 😢 It was so hard to have to watch.
It is so hard on the younger ones to deal with the differences when it comes to being in foster care and dealing with visitations etc. We had a child who had similar reactions because it was so hard to reconcile his feelings of being loved by different parents and wanting all of us to be a part of his life.
It’s so nice to see a foster doesn’t claim
Ownership of the child and actually wants reunification.
Children are unjustly removed all the time, no one is immune and this experience and love can plant good fruit all around.
Absolutely! This echoes my comments, and there is a track record in certain states like GA, KN and TX right now of some highly corrupt cases.
Wow, I didn't know that! I thought, with so many cases where little to no action is taken even if there's serious evidence of abuse (or neglect), that it had to be really bad to a kid to be removed. Gosh, that makes the system that much more frustrating!
I thought all foster parents were suppose to be supportive of the reunification process? Isn't this something they are taught?
Don't stress too much. I bet ur respectful and kind nature came across. ✌️
🤞🏼
I don’t think you’re at fault for wearing your work clothes... and the outfit wasn’t flashy or anything. I would think the mom would be happy to have their child in a comfortable or even rich home rather than the other option which is people doing it for the money , that live off foster kid money.
Just to clarify, I’m going off what miss A stated and my assumptions. The family did not say or do anything!
100% agree!
Being "rich" doesn't matter. It doesn't mean that you're taking care of the kid right. So dressing up would only succeed in making the bio family feel less than they already do. But I agree that what she wore wasn't "too" dressed up. I was worried she was gonna pull out a whole ballgown with the way she was setting it up. Lol. XD
@@BeTheVillageCommunity My family has been fostering for 4yrs and have had some visits with the Childs family and have also tried to be mindful of how we present ourselves! The last thing we want to do is make the time for the family harder then it already is and we never wanted to make ourselves look better or have more then the family! I love what your family does considering fostering is very close to my heart!
As a former foster youth, this foster mom is SPOT on. Parents do care if their kids are in wealthy homes. My mom was homeless during reunification. She had foster parents that looked down on her and made it hard to be a parent because she did not have anything to give but herself. THESE THINGS MATTER. A parent seeing how good a child has it outside their home may make them feel defeated, especially the good ones that wish they were able to give their children that life. Many even give their kids up for this reason and that alone should not be a reason to give your kids up. As for foster parents living off of their foster kid money, I don't know why you would think "looking rich" would lead them to believe they are not. I had a foster mom who looked middle class and did just this. She had a nice home and always dressed nice. She used foster kid money to renovate her home and look good. I asked her to pay for my school photos and she told me to use my allowance because living there wasn't free and she needed the money. How someone looks says nothing about how good or bad a foster placement is but there are perceived notions about people who look nice and provide nice things. Every good foster parent should keep this in mind and not attempt to diminish it's importance.
You have to know that you can not beat yourself up as there may be misinterpolations. I know you have mentioned Miss A has brought her siblings things (stuff animals) as you had so many. Yes, you bought them really cheap and it one way it allows you to have extra. From what it sounds like she comes form little money and even the 0.70 stuff animal looks like a lot. Even a nice pair of jeans and a white shirt could look "expensive" to some. Please remember it is a 14-year-old who due to difficult situations there is money (daily allowance and so on that comes to you) just for her that she may have never had before as it may be a case where there was no extra money for whatever reason. It is a hard situation and none of us really know how long Miss A has dealt with at least some of the "things" as we know the system is not always fast......Don't beat yourself up you are meet the needs at this moment. Remember she came in garbage bags - money was not there for duffel bags.....remember the caseworker who dropped her off stated you do not have to get her nice things.....problem is nice is not a defined term as a hot meal, clean clothing, shoes without holes, a treat in the lunchbox, or a stuff animal. You are trying to make sure she fits in and is cared for nothing more.....
Ah, the "rich" comment! That was something I would comment on constantly as a child and even a young adult. Having stability, ability to afford very minimal/ basic necessities, or even having an extra 50¢ to afford a piece of candy was so insanely foreign to me that I just assumed so many people were rich. I could never comprehend why others didn't find themselves as lucky, having more money, or even as grateful as I saw them for being able to eat when needed.
I was incredibly lucky to have a friend's family who loved me and helped me through so much in life. You and John always remind me of them because the love you have for each other and others shines so bright without you having to say anything. Their family really helped show me that there are healthy, happy families. They helped show me that basic needs and eating a decent meal more than once or twice (at others houses) were not a privilege, it is truly a necessity. They showed me that I should actually be a child, not taking care of family or enduring so much abuse on a daily basis (or ever in life). That I did deserve clothing and the very basic things people need to survive. Their family was and still is an incredibly pivotal part of my life. I truly believe Miss A will think of your family and the different things she got to experience with you guys for the rest of her life in a very similar way. These aren't moments that are forgotten or brushed off later on. It's not even about the things you could afford to show her - it's the happiness, love and supportive moments. I think of my friend and her entire family on a daily basis.
I've spoken to quite alot of people who were under the impression that these "drops in the bucket" were tiny moment that get lost or only appreciated for a small amount of time. As if all the bad things happening would forever shadow over the happy moments. I think everyone agrees that you should always show and teach children these things whenever you can, despite the immediate or possible long term circumstances. However, quite alot of people truly forget that these moments others perceive as small will completely shape our outlook and memories for life.
Going back to the "rich" comment - I have a very distinct memory of talking with the family of my boyfriend when I was a teen. I remember getting so upset because they couldn't see just how "rich" they were. They always corrected me that they weren't actually rich at all. They seemed to think using the example that my then boyfriend couldn't even afford to go to his volleyball championship tournament around the United States would make me understand that they weren't rich. I remember breaking down, saying I couldn't believe they were unable to see all that they had in life. Why couldn't they see that they had food whenever they were hungry, that they had a nice house, they had heat and air conditioning, they had computers/cellphones, multiple cars (my boyfriend even had one), they could go out to dinner, go to movies, plays sports, do extra curricular activities, go to events, they could get clothes that were new and in good condition, they could easily get medication, they could have family dinners, they didn't struggle if they needed an extra $5 or even $2, their life wasn't destroyed by very small things or expenses in life, etc. Most of all that they were safe, weren't in pain, didn't have to deal with daily abuse, that they never were scared to be home or what would happen to them the next day, or even the next 4 hours. At that point I was already crying, pretty angry that they couldn't see these things, raising my voice and absolutely frustrated that they just were not going to get it at all. I still remember looking up and feeling absolutely horrible when I noticed his parents just watching me, crying, looking at me with pity and truthfully fear for my well-being. They had known about my situation. They knew I even moved to another state because of my situation and was living with other people because of CPS. They knew things were bad, but I don't think they ever expected to find out even the most minimal needs in life were not met at all. Looking at them in that moment is exactly when I realized just how insanely messed up my life was. I finally realized that my life was not at all the status quo. I had known it wasn't normal or healthy, but I truly realized then that most people never needed to worry about such things in life. That moment really sticks to me even now.
I realize now, many years later that my "your rich" comments really had nothing to do with how financially well off others were. It was really just moments of realizing my life isn't like others. It was a cry for help and intense fear that I would never have what everyone else has.
I think it is amazing how self aware you and your family are. It's wonderful that you are able to see that these small things may make others feel uncomfortable/self conscious. That's not to say it's fair to you or others - because the truth is no one should have to worry or be in the position that someone else wearing nice clothing mean they are better to us. I really think Miss A's family and others at the visiting center really appreciates what you are trying to do.
Unfortunately, there are some people who go to the visiting centers to intimidate or make families feel less then. I specifically remember hearing a social worker and foster family saying to a child how their family couldn't even try to dress nicer for her. That this child should want and feel thankful for being in their care because they have nice clothing and better things in their home. This wasn't a situation where they were pointing out that right now this child needs help from another family until theirs could build themselves up a little more. It was purposefully to make it aware that they were better then the bio families there. I watched her mother try to hold back tears and fake smile. They then had the audacity to be shocked when her family weren't able to attend her visits for the next few weeks.
There are some really terrible people out there who do all of this for the wrong reasons. Then there are families like yours who make us grateful and have hope for others. So thank you for all that you do and always trying to be aware and sensitive to the situation.
(So sorry for all my comments today. I have watched all of your videos at least twice now for several months. I am not always able to comment because I am physically disabled which makes it difficult to type at times. Plus RUclips hates accessibility settings. However, today I was showing a friend your videos and we went on a binge watch so she could catch up with your entire story, but especially your time with Miss A. I really felt like sharing some things after we watched them because I appreciate your story and all that you are doing so much 💜)
Thanks for sharing your story in such a way. As for your difficulty to type at times, maybe you could look to Voice to Text app/software(?) that people use when they are visually-impared or blind (and maybe also with physical disablity). It could be a real help to you, I hope.
If anyone has another suggestion...
@@ellesinky8667 for example: when my phone reads out the comment I just posted to you it says it's not formatted (no spaces or a break between paragraphs) even though when I made the actual comment I spent a good amount of time formatting it so it wouldn't seem so congested. I also had to delete my first comment to you because once it tried to post and I had my phone read it back it some how jumbled up my sentences. So the cursor had some how jumped it's place and started writing in the middle of the sentence.
Hopefully that makes a little sense. My brain fog is pretty bad right now so I'm terrible at explaining this haha.
Hope you are having a lovely day/night!
Relatable
The last foster home I was placed in prior to being reunified with my mother, was amazing. My foster mother was kind, high emotional intelligence, she was very patient and had an amazing way with words that not only made you feel good but she also just oozed maternal kindness and unconditional love. It was a very different reality once I was reunified with my mother. I feel so incredibly blessed that I had that foster home. They modeled positive behaviors that I carried with me and made me a great mother. I knew when my mother was doing the things she shouldn’t that other families weren’t like that. They taught me I could choose my reactions and behaviors. Blessings to you for modeling empathy, emotional intelligence and kindness. Many don’t treat the bio parents with that same courtesy and respect. I would think they might feel judged and less than in your eyes because of their mistakes. They probably worry you will replace them in their daughters heart. Truthfully, we all need more love and family. You are apart of their village. :) The world would be much nicer and happier place if we judged less and showed more respect. Thank you for sharing.
❤️❤️❤️
I came from foster care and I just want to say I loved it when my foster mom came to visits all dressed up. And made sure I looked my best. It showed my mom thet I was “WELL” taken care of. I was with my foster mom for a year before I called my “mom” till this day at 27 I still call her my mom. Because at that time she was my mom. Be proud of that. What your doing is amazing!
This is really for some commenters: some people are poor enough that they don’t have “work clothes.” That they wear the same 3 outfits from Goodwill with holes that have been passed down from other people. some people don’t own jewellery.
It’s not the poor olympics but it’s important to understand that some people don’t even have a computer to watch RUclips on.
Exactly! I worked as a float at a bank so I would work in 25 different branches all over the three nearest counties. I was super mindful of what I wore to certain branches not only to the very poor parts of the city but also to the upper middle class ones too. We were required to dress up but I found if I wore too much jewelry/fancy clothes to the urban branches, people would literally avoid me and wait in line for the regular teller because they didn’t trust that I would treat them right. I grew up with nothing. When I turned 18, my bank account had $5 in it because my dad never put a dime in. When I got the job at the bank, I had 1 $5 skirt from forever 21 and 2 $5 t shirts from Walmart that was work acceptable. I had to find clearance clothes/goodwill clothes to build it up more until I started making money. There are definitely different levels of being well off and if there are too many perceived levels between you and another person, there becomes a lot of jealousy/resentment/embarrassment about their own situation. People may think they are poor but there is almost always someone in a worse situation.
I think that it would be completely natural to feel some jealousy if someone else was taking care of your child... BUT I also think, any parent that really cares about their child would feel so good knowing that they can at least trust the person taking care of their child and that person genuinely cares about their kid. I think what you’re doing is great and I don’t think ms. A’s mom is as worried about you as you might think. I think she probably feels good knowing she doesn’t have to worry something bad might happen to her child being in your care.
True, just being sensitive and trying to limit any hard feelings between us and the parents. Update, they have expressed they are so grateful for us.
You handle situations so well and are such great foster parents!! ❤️
I am almost sixteen and I have been in foster care for most of my life. I've watched your videos to see foster care from the parents perspective. I really appreciate how much you help your foster kids and make them feel at home.
❤️
I think it's very sweet that you care about the impression you make on Ms. A's parents and want to be sensitive to their perception of you. I love how, in everything you do, you put Ms. A's wellbeing first. You always keep at the forefront that reunification of Ms. A with her family is the goal, but you will be there if she needs you. This is true love. ❤
Thank you for understanding ❤️
Our past foster kids used to visit us since they were kinship and they used to say we were rich because our fridge was somewhat stocked and we could go to the grocery store and shop. We are by no means wealth but my husband works his butt off to support our family of six(we fostered before our own kids where born). They made comments about us having the same car and house because they are used to their dad just having a car long enough till it got repoed...or a house until they get evicted. Sadly when the court let them go back to their dad it was not a good situation...they were allowed to use drugs at a young age, get backyard tattoos when every they want, and boyfriends/girlfriends moved in. Our niece got pregnant at 14 but miscarried most likely due to drug use. They are now mostly adults. After almost adopting them it was hard to watch how their lives ended up.
Nichole Bird they’ll show up for that love when they are ready...fostering love is just like having a child you let go in the world; just a shorten timeframe.
Bobbi Rogers they don’t want anything to do with us other then asking for money or other favors. And honestly since our kids are still young and the fact they use drugs there is no way would let them around them.
@MargauMonteyRibera You read a short paragraph and made a decision on the type of person someone is just so you could treat them like shit. Who are you to judge anyone with an attitude like that? You judge someone for being morally superior? That must be a nice view from that high horse you're sitting on.
@MargauMonteyRibera How? They wanted to adopt then which implies a hell of a lot of love and empathy. They aren't bad people for not wanting people using drugs around small children.
I didn't think that at all. Even if they were her own children, watching them from a distance and not being able to do anything, watching them do things like drugs and dangerous tattoos and getting pregnant really young. :(
I work with middle schoolers and I totally get when you say how older kids can act mature for their age and can process things better in conversations. I had a student recently this year who was super insightful and able to process things, and because we worked with her on how to express that she is blossoming into a very empathetic person. This was a student who if you don’t know her situation she could have appeared as ‘rude’ the previous year but it’s totally not that - especially since we have worked with her in class the last two years and she has also worked on it too. Keep encouraging Miss A to express what she’s feeling, but also model and guide her on how she processes it, and what she thinks can be done to help. This will help her feel safe and know that she’s not ‘weird’ for ‘acting older than her age’ while at the same time letting her know that she’s safe to then act like a kid. Teenagers are super fun, inquisitive, and amazing when given a chance, and I’m glad to see Miss A blossoming under your guardianship 💖
Growing up in harder environments can force you to grow up way faster. Just keeping there for her. hugs ❤.
You seem to be very similar to me, although I'm all sorts of awkward, lol. I just want to thank you for making these videos. I've considered fostering my whole life. This really puts a real life perspective on what goes on that I've never seen before. Thank you for bringing light to every subject you talk about. You're making a difference in this girl's life, and to every single person who watches this video. ❤
I can’t ❤️ this more!!!
Becoming a foster parent was on my mind for a long time before we started. I am so glad we started when we did and love being a foster parent. We always thought we had to be in the perfect spot to start. Instead we opted to just start and I an so thankful we did. We have met so many great kids and been able to help families reunify to a better situation. It is so worth it!
It seems like you have a really open relationship with Miss A. It was an honest mistake and you seem super self-aware. I’m a CASA and really look forward to watching more videos from you!
This seems like a little mistake, the fact it felt so big to you shows your kind heart 💜
You know. I don't plan on having kids or anything but I'm so invested in your story because of how amazing and dedicated you are to these kids lives and well being. You guys are so down to earth and shaing your story really is eye opening.
Thank you for watching ❤️❤️❤️
Don't drag the sponge on your face. Dampen the sponge and pounce!
Is that how it works?! I need to watch makeup videos....
@Amanda Imhoff thank you too I've learnt more now!
@@BeTheVillageCommunity If you do, consider watching RawBeautyKristi! I think she's hilarious & she's never in any RUclips drama.
Yes it’s called stippling. also your fingers are really good to use under eyes just dab it with your middle fingers
Nikki Mae You shouldn’t use fingers to apply makeup, it can transfer bacteria and leave it sitting under your makeup all day.
I think you are extremely empathetic and just all around awesome. You understand that there is a big difference between poor and "comfortable". Most people don't get that. I wish everyone was like you. :) A lot of poor people come from backgrounds where people don't work at all OR they don't have professional jobs. I grew up with a mom that never worked and a dad who didn't have a professional job. And seeing how other people live with even just a little more money can be a shock.
You are doing a great job, miss A knows you work hard and that you love her. As a mom knowing that my child has all their needs met and she's loved is all that matters
I’ve been a foster parent for years. Don’t fret! If you want to dress up, then do it. You will never appease every birth parent. I’ve seen it ALL and though I am nice and respectful. You guys are sweet, but as time goes on, you will learn more and more. I’ve had my life threatened and now, when I meet new birth parents, I approach cautiously and make it clear to them what they can expect from me, and what they will not see from me. But I’ve had many, many kids. Most important....don’t change who you are to impress a birth family. ❤️
True, just being sensitive and trying to limit any hard feelings between us and the parents. Update, they have expressed they are so grateful for us.
Your heart is permanently in the right place.. Literally just found your channel and am binge watching lol I wish and hope nothing but amazing things for Miss A!!!!! 💕
I LOVE the way you are advocating for her! 💜
Miss “A” is as blessed to be with you as you are to have her at this time. Regardless of how long she stays with you, this time will live with her for the rest of her life. I think that is the blessing of fostership.
Many kids have to grow up way too fast, even many who aren't in foster care. I was one and I think it gave me a better perspective on life in general. I think you are extremely kind that you are trying so hard to be sensitive to everyone's feelings. I think it's kind of funny about the "rich" title, though. I know several people at poverty level who dress a whole lot nicer than me! 😁
So I’ve really never heard anyone speak of fostering in this way and I just want to say that I think you guys are amazing! That is such a beautiful and selfless way of approaching it, you are a blessing to these families.
I have made the same mistake. I am a teacher for children with special needs. Sometimes it is due to the family situation and the child is in foster care. When I have a meeting I am nervous about, I always wear high heels. But one day I found myself in the same situation that you did. The difference between my clothes to the parents clothes was to big, and I saw (or feared)that the parents felt bad about it. After that I changed, and I now dress at about the same level as the parents I am about to meet. We both made a mistake, and we both learned from it. Wishing you all the best.
That’s such a blessing that you became aware of that and decided to move upon your intuition. So sorry about that but kids are wild lol Intentions are everything, so that’s the most important part!❤❤
As a former foster child, you being an advocate for your foster placement puts you miles ahead of most of the places that are out there. I've seen the harsher side of foster care, but I've also seen the beautiful side too. Your level of awareness and empathy for everyone one involved is a major blessing for you and your family. Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do. I wish all foster parents had the positive impact you have.
Awe, I think that you are doing great, lots of love from a former foster child💖💖
Ms A sounds like a wonderful Young lady, her parents should totally be proud for raising such a mature teenager. ❤️
As someone who has never had to deal with anything related to the fostering system, it's sad you feel like you cannot wear *item's* that might be identified as nice, but the small things count in that regards
It is extremely thoughtful of you to dress accordingly and making sure you don’t “outdo” Miss A’s family. Also do they know about your channel? I think if they watched some of your videos, they would really get a feel of what you guys are like. I think you make it very obvious that you aren’t trying to replace her parents. You guys always make it known that you are not her parents and she’s only your foster daughter, but you also treat her tremendously well. You treat her like any foster parent should, but sadly they aren’t all like you guys :( but I think if they don’t know about your channel, you should definitely tell them so that they can see what you guys do and what you’re up to and stuff like that. I think they would be extremely appreciative of you guys :) if I were ever to be placed in foster care or have a child placed in foster care, I would definitely want them to be like you guys.
Yeah and they can see that Miss A is doing well even though shes away from them and it would probably calm the mom's nerves or worried. Any mom is worried about their children in some way when they are away. Obviously we dont know the situation but I bet they would like to see your videos just to see that miss A is doing well and is living as close of a life to 14 yrs old as she can have given whatever she has gone through. I would definitely consider telling them about your channel.
It is awesome that you two are being mindful of everything regarding Miss "A" situation and just keep doing that and the best you can and let the rest happen naturally :).
We need more foster parents like you and your family in this world. I grew up in states care and went in and out of foster care my whole life. Only a few I can say really cared and others I don't have much to say positive things about. Thank you for taking the time to care for the children that are placed in your care. Thank you for trying to help others become better to their foster children as well. God bless❤
The world needs more foster parents like you guy's! ..I could competently understand this honest mistake and you're doing what you can to make up for it that's all you can do
Your outfits aren’t even loud ! I feel bad 😢
This honestly left me a bit teary-eyed, the respect you have for the family is outstanding. My cousins were placed in the foster program (later adopted out by a family member) and I wish they had people like you while they went through the drama of their life, you’re a blessing to Miss A and her family. You’re someone I aspire to be later in life, I would love to become a foster parent (I hope that things in my life with fall in place to let that happen) and provide a child/children with new opportunities and a safe environment to become stable while figuring out what’s best for them. You’re inspirational and while you probably won’t see this, thank you for caring. It means the world to her and her family, flashy jewelry or not! Thank you for being kind in this world, we need more people like you.
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I have never foster parented myself but have a friend who has fostered for years, and I want to commend you for your sensitivity to the child's parent's...it could be really easy to dismiss the other parents as negligent, or unworthy, especially if you know a little bit of why their children were taken away, but you have an excellent perspective, and a kind heart! God bless!
To Miss A's family:
I hope that you are able to see that everything John and Whitney do comes from a good place. I hope that you know that they could never replace you. I hope that you know that they don't want to and aren't trying to. I'm sorry visits are hard sometimes but I'm grateful you got to see your precious girl and spend some time with her. My heart hurts at the thought of the pain you must feel each time you have to say goodbye to her.
Thank you for sharing that you discuss finances with your children and Miss A. So many parents make finances a secret. So many adults do not understand how money works and end up paying high interest rates or accepting pay days loans. Also major props to supporting reunification. So many people think foster care is about adoption. It should be about providing a safe and stable home for children to flourish in while the adults in their life work on some things. It really sounds like you are working hard to provide balance to Miss A.
Would it be possible to talk to the parents about what you talk to Miss A? About how you’re not replacing her parents? Or would that be stepping out of line?
We have since had some side convos, quick ones. I think we are all good ❤️
@@BeTheVillageCommunity 🙂
Thanks for this. I, too, have had a similar experience and one that was the exact opposite. Birth mom thought I was hoarding the per diem and not meeting her child's needs. This was so far from the truth but mom couldn't be convinced otherwise. I'm trying to get up the courage to start my own channel to share my experiences as a foster parent because although the ups outweigh the downs, the downs can be doozies.
I never thought of these things with foster care. It’s a gift to the family that needs the help, that you are so sensitive to the kids and the parents too. I loved how you said that you are on the parents’ side too.
Straight away your empathy is exactly why you make a great foster parent ☺️ Trust me they're not all great or thoughtful xx
Love this. Really really shows your compassion and empathy. Stuff like this does matter and the fact you care enough to make those accomodations shows you’re commitment to the greater good for everyone involved. ❤
My parents fostered two girls when I was younger, I’m an only child so this was probably the best experience for me. Now that I’m 22, I can’t wait to adopt or foster with my husband. My two sisters made an impact on MY life. Still think about them everyday and it’s been about 12 years since I’ve seen them. Seeing other people do this makes me so happyyy
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you’re so beyond amazing. honestly you and your family keep my faith in humanity thank you for what you do and who you are
My husband and I looked into fostering but the visitations we had to say no. And the county worker said if we could not say yes to the visitation schedule. Because we get a lot of NJ/NY inner city kids here in PA. We would have to drive them out to their families 2hrs away because many were poor and did not drive. We had to accept that sometimes you would drive all that way and families would not show up. County was honest and was like sometimes the families will try and guilt you out of money if they see you come from money. They said about not dressing flashy, not taking nice cars or cell phones/jewelry ect. Unfortunately we could not commit to those terms and 80% out of all the families that day could not. It was the visitation set forth by the courts and living on a railroad schedule did not allow us to help. So now we try and adopt senior dogs or long term shelter dogs to give them a good life.
Our foster girls are from a town 50 miles away. There was a DHW worker that drove out to us, picked them up and drove them to visitation and then brought them back so their schedule didn’t really affect ours. I transport them back and forth now (which is ok with me because that worker had NO IDEA on how to correctly install a car seat) because visitation day changed and she can no longer do it.
Interesting most people regardless of income can have nice "business" clothes. I worked in a clothing store that on average paid around $10 an hour and our store members still had nice professional clothes.
As I a sit here writing this comment I have $10 to my name until payday. Which is really a joke because I just put groceries on a credit card. We're in no way a rich household with 3 Littles and one on the way. But you bet your bottom dollar I make sure our kids have a church outfit with shoes. If that means I have to go to a church or shelter clothing give away I do it. Everything my kids own came from a thrift store and we don't buy anything without budgeting for it. I worked with foster parents for 7 years and the assumption that every single one of them is poor is just incorrect. Anyone of any income bracket can be a child abuser, drug addictions and mental health issures don't care much if your a nurse or a janitor. I had a family whose children ended up in foster care because the mom ran away with her boyfriend to Spain and the dad was currently out of state for work.
@Eme Kennede As a minimum wage worker who is the breadwinner for my mom and I, i can never buy new. But, i have nice outfits. Like i have pair of nice slacks, button down shirt, nice pair of business looking shoes, etc etc. Each piece being less than $3. There is free nice clothing from churches, discount clothes at thrift stores, clothing exchanges with friends, etc etc.
Having nice clothes doesnt equal having money. Being poor doesn't mean you have to "look poor"
Yep! Sometimes thrift stores have half off days, I brought nice business pants for $2!
@@inalaska1208 I do the same. It does not mean I am buying new!!! There are some nice thrift stores in my area. One is called goodwill. The other is called uptown cheapskates and has a sister store called kid2kid for smaller children and babies. I go to goodwill first, and when they dotn havevwhat the kids need I take them to uptown cheapskates. I use tax refund money and any gift money I get from other people. I do food delivery and drive for rideshare which is totally a PITA because it really isnt worth it with the wear and tear on the car and after gas I barely make anything. But I csnt work a "real" job because my younger son has special needs and as much as I'd love for others to be able to handle him, only I can so far. Even when my husband comes home from work, my son gryd out of control and it's so chaotic. I am thr one who can handle him and he cant learn in a public school setting. I'm "stuck" having to homeschool him. Thank God that despite me not "wanting" to do this I love my child enough to do it happily AND happen to be skilled at teaching young children. I used to be a nanny, and have lots of childcare experience outside my own kids who are older than him. Thank God my older kids are teenagers and can take care of themselves but I still wish I had the time to spend withthem. He was born when my daughter was 6 and my whole life was revolved around him since the day he was born because of his high needs. So I pretty much lost all these years with my own (older) kids who live in the same house. But I'd rather be home and him grow and learn rather than him NOT learn in a setting he cant learn in. I'm so glad homeschool is still legal, for now. Some kids need it just to thrive ,grow,and LEARN at their best. I got off track here just going on how much we struggle and the sacrifices I had to make. But I make sure when I go out in public my kids and myself look our best. We dont walk around in clothes with holes wtc.. shoes falling a part. Sometimes my older kids will and I will have to remind them to tell me when their stuff is wearing out. Because they know how bad off financially we are, they know we cant go buy new stuff or even used the second they tell us its worn out. But I do tell them hey you let me know and I will get it soon as I can. I might look rich to others, but I'm as poor as a lot of those who are living the same way. I think the difference is we dotn smoke or buy crap foods ,dont get sick be ause we choose healthiest food we can buy. So my husband never needs to take off for work. The kids never miss school be ause they've sick. If we ate crap,we'd be getting sick and then have doctor Bills we could afford and that would be even worse.
My husband bought a three piece suit for $12 at the thrift shop. It fits him really well. It's navy blue pinstripes (so not too out of style). We NEVER would be able to buy a new 3 piece suit from a suit shop, but you couldn't even tell we didn't.
At 5 yrs old I became a ward of the county. My mom passed away and family was not in a position to take on another child, so foster care was it. I'm 58 now...... but the story of the shoes got me. I was in the foster home about 1 mos, when they bought me a pair of shoes. I loved them, but wasnt allowed to wear them until the new school yr, 5 mos away. The new school yr rolled around and I got to wear the new shoes. I was so excited. However, as children do, I grew a lot from the time they were purchased. Yes, they were way too small. But, I was told, i would have to wear them until the end of the yr, because that's what i had, and they weren't going to buy me another pair. So, i stayed proud of my too small shoes and figured out how to wear them and care for them, to make them last. Foster care was not a good experience for me, for the next 12 yrs. I'm so glad things have changed for the most part.
On the flip side they could be offended that you dress down to be on their level. I’d just dress how you feel good and comfortable and not worry about it. Although I do appreciate that you do worry about it. I guess my point is people will get offended if they want to, regardless.
I dont think you made a mistake. I do respect that you are thinking about the bio parents feelings. Im sure its very hard for them to see their children in a better situation with another family but it happens. And thats okay. Miss A will definitely remember being in a good home and appreciate the things you are doing for her. Keep up the great work.
Every video I watch of yours my heart is just full of hope. For many things, but mostly that there are such kind genuine people out there. It’s nice to see things like this. Thank you for sharing.
This popped up in my feed, I guess RUclips thought I would enjoy it. God bless you for being apart of the solution. I am going to the one simple wish now to see how I can help.
You are such an incredibly thoughtful person, and as a friend of the court (I'm a court reporter)I really can't thank you and your husband enough for not only fostering, but starting this channel so others can see and be more knowledgeable and hopefully inspired. Many Blessings to your family and to Miss A's
Let me tell you, I have a friend that did foster care. Not a perfect woman by any stretch of the imagination. She is comfortable but was always strict with all her kids, foster and Bio. The foster kids I had befriended on a casual level and heard their gripes about her and their house. Eventually some went back to their homes, some aged out (and lost their bio parents to drugs). With all their gripes about how strict she was and how she wasn’t their favorite person... after aging out and having some time on their own... guess who they came back to, guess who’s table they come to as adults to be a family and eat with. Guess who was asked and indeed did legally adopt one foster child after she was an adult. My friend. My point, you make such a bigger impact than you can even dream of. They will cherish you for life, and may even ask to continue to be in your family. Years later. Some of those who she didn’t adopt, still call her in the middle of the night after a trauma and she does what she can to help them. Being perfect isn’t what they need or want, being a decent human is and you are ❤️
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That's great. How did she get to adopt someone who was an adult?
First let me say I love your channel! As a new foster parent myself I find so much encouragement in what you guys share of your lives. And I believe I get where you are coming from about not wanting the bio family to feel "less than" but it's not as if you were putting on airs or something. You came from work and were being your authentic self, at least the work part of yourself. I have to dress professionally for work and my husband is a full time grad student who has literally been mistaken for a homeless person. If people think we are rich because I am Queen of the thrift and bargain or think we are poor because of my husbands full beard and basketball shorts, so be it. My plate is too full to add a side order of other peoples opinions to it. You do your best for your children and foster children and if that is more than others can do feel blessed but DO NOT feel bad about that.
One of the hardest things about being a foster parent is learning how to communicate with the bio family. Taking those steps to make them feel more comfortable is amazing! It's probably still early but if you would like to communicate with the bio family more, I would suggest a journal to go back and forth, where you can swap at visitations to give updates, or you could also create a google voice account to text back and forth about Miss A, send pictures, etc. Keeping an open communication helped our little ones reunite with their bio family and we still get updates even after reunification. You're doing great!
Awww. That’s so sad 😞 (about little sis saying that’s your mom) she probably meant “foster mom”. That’s what you are correct? You’re so kind and thoughtful, ms A’s mom is probably grateful about that. I hope reunification comes soon for this family.
You're doing a great job and it's lovely to see how much thought, care and attention that you put into being a foster parent.
Wow this is so refreshing! From someone who recently found your channel and is pretty unfamiliar with fostering I just want to say thank you and let you know how incredible your channel is.
You are such an amazing human being with the best intentions I’m so happy you exist
The fact that you put so much thought into this shows your level of care - well done xxx
Thank you so much for sharing this story from your point of view. I myself had a sort of reversal situation. I had on jeans and a T-shirt flip-flops and sunglasses in my hair like a headband. My worker accused me of lying about and hiding my income. I had on sunglasses from the dollar tree and a 2.88$ shirt from Walmart and jeans from Walmart both of which were not new. My nails were press on (3$ a pack from family$) She lit into me big time. I was very taken aback to say the least also very confused. I had been told by my attorney to be sure to not look "downtrodden" as that could be used against me. This whole scenario can be terrifying to navigate for everyone involved.tfs
Thanks for being so considerate that shows great caring
You’re so wonderful + you handle these situations so well.
Deffinately good to remember! I've been careful to build a collection of nice clothes for work and this would never have crossed my mind, but totally makes sense.
This is super helpful--thank you for sharing your mistakes as much as your succeses.
You have the sweetest heart. God bless you, and provide everything that you need to help you keep being you!!!💞💞💞🙏🙏🙏
It’s so great that you talk about reunification. I think it’s a huge misconception that most foster kids don’t have a family or their family doesn’t want them. That’s usually not the case. These kids are often taken from the home due to a concern for the safety of the child. And those parents are usually working so hard to make things better so they can get their kids back. It’s one of the worst thing you could do to kid; take them from their family.
I just stumbled across your video and I decided to watch. I think you and your family are a great foster family. I was in and out of foster care my whole life and it is not easy to say the least. Thank you for what you are doing on behalf of all foster kids. This world needs more good foster homes like yours.
I am glad Miss A, has you and your husband as her foster parents, your kind, loving, caring and have empathy & sensitive to their feelings. I am sure Miss A is thankful for all you have done for her . God bless you and your family & Miss A and her family. 💕
WOW....I never really thought about a lot of the things you mentioned in this video. A friend of mine was a Foster Parent and I never really asked her about it much. (She ended up adopting two siblings with her DH.) She did ask me if I had ever considered being a foster parent for children who have medical issues.(My DH had seizures.) I did think about it but never acted on it.We had medical issues with my DH and we were raising 3 kids at the time.
I really think you are doing an amazing job. While the parents of the children you are fostering probably don't think about the things that you are going WAY out of your way to do, you should be really proud of yourself....you are a loving and caring person and a foster child and their family should really appreciate someone like you.
Thank you so much for your videos. I am a new foster parent myself and I appreciate you sharing your "BIG Mistake" with us. I will do my best to be down to earth when I first meet our foster kids parents and to show them as much respect as possible.
That’s a great way to do it! Just be yourself! I felt like I was overdressed because I typically don’t dress that nice and I picked the wrong day to do it.
You guys are so awesome. I also love your calm and relaxed demeanor, it’s so refreshing.
mistakes can be learned from and you handled it so well
Don't beat your self up for an honest mistake, you could explained to miss A bioligical parents, the reason you where dress up that day, and the you are down to earth person. You are so kind hearted, empathatic, sensative and respectfull of your foster child, the parents, and the siblings. The world really need more people like you as foster parents.
My visitations were every other weekend with my aunt and uncle (my guardians that put me in foster care). I actually stayed with them at their house, but I was always so ready to get out of there. It never seemed like anyone wanted to listen to me though, except for my foster mother.
You are such an amazing woman! The fact that you care so deeply for Miss A and her family is so inspiring!
I just think that you are so amazing, the genuine love and care you show and posses for these kids is amazing. I wish every foster parent was like this and think you are one of the saints of the world.
I never really even thought about dressing too nicely in this type of situation. A lot of the comments are a really interesting reality check.
What you’re doing with this channel is wonderful.
I just hope you guys realize how great you are, you are truly doing a good job. When I’m listening to you discuss this situation, you can hear how sincere you are about Miss A but also to her family, and that is huge! I can say that when I was in foster care, my mom would’ve gotten her feelings hurt but I know and have even heard her say how lucky we all were for my foster parents. I say that because I know Miss A and her family are in a very raw situation which makes a lot of things sensitive but I bet ya her mother is thankful her daughter is with a woman like you and a man like your husband during their situation! You are all in this together, definitely differently but still together! ❤️
Watching these videos & getting to see your true, loving intentions with these kids & this channel gives me the hope for this world that is so easy to lose with all of the tragic stuff going on. Thank you for bringing light into the world. More people need to be like you guys. More people need to open their minds & hearts. You are making an incredible & huge difference every day of your lives. Nothing more fulfilling & beautiful than that. Also I want you to know, I feel the love you have in your heart just from these videos, I’m sure that miss A & her parents feel your empathy & your heart. there’s no way they could miss it!! You are doing so amazing. Everyone is equal. Material items & looks aren’t what’s important. They’ll see that.
You seem like a nice person. THANK YOU for what you are doing to help others. You are a great role model.
This is the third vid of yours I've watched. I truly feel the world is a better place because you are in it. Thank you so much for opening your heart and your life with these kids that so deserve a safe and loving home. Lots of love to Miss A and her family from everything you say her parents are very loving this must be incredibly challenging for them.
You are so, so sweet. Thinking about things most people wouldn't, caring so deeply that you not only provide a positive, comfortable enviromemt for Miss A but for her family as well. You and your family have beautiful hearts. From that nightmares that can sadly come from the foster system, you are such a bright light. I would imagine Miss A's family is feeling alot of things during this process, but theres no other family better to be the ones helping them with something so precious. Miss A- you are surrounded by so much love on all sides and I hope you never forget how important you are. ❤
Hi from ky I just wanted to stop in and say your doing amazing being 27 coming from 6 years tossed in a few different homes it makes me smile and lifts my spirits on dark days to see how caring you are for the children and the child's family your very considerate of her family and you can tell your rooting for them to be a whole family again with there best interest at heart that is rare I have seen and been in some homes that did not have neither the child or family at heart they wasn't to interested in the family only getting the job done an paid unfortunately Anyways I just wanted to shower you with some kind words because you desearve it !