Hey Coach, I was about to contact my ex and say merry Christmas and my buddy punched me in the face. So now I’m icing down my eye and I turned my phone off. I won’t be wishing her merry Christmas happy holidays everybody! He said he couldn’t take listening to my crap anymore.
Don't do it, guys! ❤ Enough enabling. Time to keep focused on your inner work! Healing dysfunctional patterns that no longer serve. The avoidant needs to do the hard inner work too
Great timing I was really breaking down especially since I had an incredible Christmas with my avoidant ex last year, but I’ve gone 30 days in no contact and icant break even for Christmas.
He reached out and I just reply Thanks. Merry Christmas just as cold he sent me. Nothing more nothing less. I realised to the avoidant it is just a formality not an intent to deepen or re engage the relationship. Yep it’s time to move on
Got through her birthday and Christmas this month. How people can discard others they have planned a future and named children together with honestly disgusts me. The trauma has been unreal. It’s been almost five months now since I broke no contact and just over six months since the discard. What a horrible year this has been. The lack of closure leaves it looming over you constantly to the point of just wanting to chisel it out of your head. I will never, ever, treat someone the way she treated me.
@oscargustaverejlander. it's true, It's just the lack of closure. I should have known how they ghosted their friends. When I challenged them, their reply was if it was me I'd get the hint. Plus, after a certain time it's so long why would you still reach out. It's sad how they think.
Exactly, I want to remove all traces of her because every memory is tainted. I left my wife for her and she left her husband for me. She said all things Coach said then discarded me. 3 months no contact, I just want the pain to stop..the lack of closure just leaves you emotionally hanging. How anybody could do that to somebody they supposedly loved so much...
My man! Impeccable timing! I was just about to send that message when I got your notification 😅 Thanks for all the wise and encouraging words over the past while 🙏 Merry Christmas!
In short, don't reach out unless they do first. 🤷🏿♂️ Glad I learned that from my dating coach when I was in college. Prioritize your hobbies and interests whilst exercising other options. You'll always find someone better; it's worked for me every time.
Lmao I was literally thinking about doing this and this video popped up in my feed. I'm never talking to that woman freely ever again. Not once has she ever cared
If you text expecting they will respond in a certain way, you are going to be heartbroken. It's been 8 months. You should move on. Every thing in the videos we listen, we understand. But you have to hit point with your own understanding. For me it was this thought, that, does my lif3 revolve around one person only? Is my life all about him? Is there nothing else to it? Why I am so obsessed over someone who does not want me and something i can't control. Now, I don't want him in my life, and don't want him to text either. We need lots of self reflection, so we can know our self worth and set boundaries. And do your own life
Thank you for this clip. It helped, I was about to do it ... Merry Christmas to you and your family and to all people who are dealing with a heartbreak.; Its not easy and it truly hurts but know you've survived worst and you will surpass this too. And we gotta be trustful it will get better. We gonna be ok.
Relationship? I didn’t even get that far. He asked me out and couldn’t even call it a date. He called it “our little catch up.” He then spent hours coming on heavy, telling me how much he cared about me, asked me if I wanted a relationship then led me on for months and out of nowhere started sending friendzone texts before the full radio silence discard. I texted a few times asking to talk and was ignored. It was abnormal. There were no signs I was going to get screwed over. WTF! I knew this guy for over a year and I left a long term dead end relationship to be with him. Although I don’t regret getting out, it has taken me all of 2024 to realise I meant nothing to him and I got played. If you don’t want me, just say so!!! And if you don’t want me, stay away from me!!
I’ve been through the same experience and i had to break his ego , saying that if i knew earlier he’d never been in my life longer than a week. I don’t want a relationship with a ghost either so boy ✌🏻 bye and ghosted him back! He kept watching my stories so i masked everything , he lost that privilege.. you wanted to play. Game over 😊
@ Yep, I always noticed from the start his words and actions were contradictory. I feel so used. I was genuinely invested in him and all I was to him was free entertainment and someone to dangle until he was bored. Why not just go on a dating app if you just want ANYTHING with tits. It’s a huge lesson I never thought I’d have to learn in my late 30s. 😭
@ i feel you .. unfortunately once you give back your power it turns them off since they’re emotionally unstable and immature! I hold them accountable for it whether he replies or not (he didn’t) then i disappear. He has to feel that idgf about it. He will reach out one day, especially if you didn’t hookup! Few months later it hit him and sent his apologies, asking what’s up without changed behavior so it was time to cut it off for good. If he reaches out again it has to be for solid reasons and serious commitment.
Thank you for this 💖 This holiday season has been hard 😞 but you are right, now is a good time to focus on the present and making happy moments with family and friends who love and appreciate me. I am grateful for them 🙏
Thanks for this message, definitely enjoying time with my own family and learning again after 8yrs in a relationship where my partner ghosted me after starting an argument out of the blue with me over the phone , I’m starting to learn my self worth again 🙏🏻💕
This was truly helpful and insightful. A great reminder of not being led by one's emotions so much that we send the wrong message and allow others to hurt us even more. Thanks for reminding us of ways we can reestablish balance with others and within ourselves.
I feel like responding to them if they initiate is indeed breaking no contact. Why respond to them on their terms? Why talk/text when they want? Seems like you are just going along with them controlling the situation. My birthday is December 24th. I have been divorced from my avoidant ex-husband since May after he discarded me two years ago. He texted me happy birthday and “hopes I have a great day”. I didn’t respond and won’t. Nothing good will come of it. Not interested in being his shoulder to lean on or anything else for him. Not after all that he has done to me. I am not interested at all.
Thanks I am going through a tough time regarding the same situation. Though not from romantic partner but yes an avoidant friend. I needed this. Thanks a bunch
As time goes by you realise the energy you put in for them was a waste - focus on yourself and what makes you feel whole and complete. With that you find it so much easier to brush them off and leave them further in the dust.
This is not playing chess ..You need to be the person you are .That means be comfortable with yourself and if they do not respond thats them ,but letting them dictate to you your actions keeps you from being genuine ...The whole purpose in life is to be authentically yourself. If you are ruled by love , that is never a mistake . If they do not respond. or withdraw further that is their problem and really, do you want to be with a person who see every act of kindness on your part as an front to. them ?? A good relationship is two way partnership in which each respects and admires each other and that includes the good ,the bad , and the ugly .. If they,, your avoidant ex,, is unwilling to see you for your essential loving heart then its sad that they are miissing out on what constitutes a healthy relationship ....
I see what you mean but I think you misinterpreted his message. This video is aimed at people who think something good will happen if they touch a hot stove. He is telling them that's very unlikely, and recommending that they don't touch the hot stove. At no point did he suggest that avoiding touching the stove would cause a good thing to happen. Just that it would avoid a bad one. He carefully avoids the subject of getting this sort of ex back, because it's impossible and that's very painful for his audience to hear. His message is one of profound kindness.
Thank you so much!! Your advice is top notch, simple and filled with compassion. I finally get it!..and now that I do, I will move on and pour that love into myself. Im only day 2 no contact but my mindset is shifting and I am finally detaching from this relationship.
@@SamsungMy-zo3cg aw 💙🫶🏼 well I wish the best for everyone around me 😭 I went through the worst heartbreak like three years ago, but I’m literally better than ever now… And that’s after thinking I would never get over that person ! but I’m so happy I’m in a better place now , healing takes time but it’s so worth it
Same…took me 9 months to get over her, over the love of my life…the one I would have literally given my life for. She slow faded, summoned the demons they fear themselves subconsciously, flaw finding all the small things, if I adj. one thing she moved to another aspect that she adored but suddenly hated. She destroyed my life. Everything collapsed once it ended with her. I felt the lowest I’ve ever been. Caught a real depression due to her and other things that all occurred between February 13th until October 2024. it’s the worst year of my entire life. I don’t want her back but I’m not over her fully. Even though I met this really cute Russian girl, she adores me but not the sick red flag love bombing wa. But normal, just spent 3 days with her and it is of course sadly not that intensive or such desire on first eye contact. But guess normal and healthy, I know that a. One Zion isn’t supposed to be immediately but be created over time. Still I can’t feel for this new girl what I felt immediately for my ex. I will however never take her back. But this new gurl already has feelings for me. I don’t have feelings for her. Not sure if I’ll ever get some besides kind of a certain physical attraction and like I have for women I’m vibing with in general, that I want to protect them at all cost. But I’m not sure I could be with her…for ever…or love her like she deserves…don’t want to break her heart but we will be separated now 2 weeks so hope her passion for me will decline with distance a bit. She’s the coolest girl i ever knew.
It’s her birthday on the 24th so I’ll just say it here… happy birthday Lindsay, I miss you, heal and I’m here. I’m ready for our life together!! N🙏🏽M🙏🏽STE
I know, right? Sometimes you gotta get it out. But dude, why you want to chase? She has a life, already. Not with you. And she is cool with it. Let it go. Be good to yourself.
You do deserve better. I said you want to chase, not that you are. Maintain strength. As long as you hope, oh I’m waiting for her to come back into my life, you are not energetically free. We have to move through, move on. I’ve been trying to let go but I’m tormented, night and day. I have to *make* myself NC, it feels bad. But I know it’s the only way for me to have dignity. I treated him so good, and I know deep down I deserve better than what he gave me. Trying hard to heal myself.
What i was going to say. "Hey , I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you're doing well and find some joy and peace this holiday season. Take care of yourself." Now that's out, i feel better.
If they dont want to be with you during the holidays they are gone.Take the hint and move on with your life.They dont love you,dont respect you and dont want you.Its a harsh reality but its one many on here need to wake up to.
Apparently... I'm my DA ex 'Closest and most amazing friend I could ever ask for' according to the 'Merry Xmas' text she sent me yesterday as she gets on the plane to fly off to see the guy she monkey branched me for (who she says is 'probably a narc). You can't make this up! Thanks Chris. Merry Xmas and thanks for all you amazing help.
@@citizenoz hey man, I feel you some of the shit my ex DA told me I was laughing my butt off. You couldn’t make up some of the crap she was saying I know we’re not supposed to judge these people, but man they are nuts.
@@MadMaxMan2008 Thanks brother. So much of what Chris talks about in his videos is EXACTLY what my ex clueless self obsessed DA has put me through. As the saying goes 'You have to go through it to grow through it'. Stay strong brother 🖖
Coach Ryan, I just sent the Avoidant Man whom I love, a 'Merry Christmas' and I'm so glad I did, because I forgive him and I'm not looking to be with him again, because I understand that he needs to get help to understand his avoidant issues, and maybe I'm not the one for him anyway. So, I believe, if you can forgive what they did to you it's ok to say Merry Christmas, and then move on. If they take it as a sign to get back together, that is on them.
😂😂 you forgive him for being an avoidant with you? How does that work? “Coach Ryan, I just sent the Avoidant Man, whom I love a Merry Christmas” AKA I waited until Christmas to use that as an excuse to break no contact!
I did too...and he was very thankful. Turns out he's dealing with serious medical issues. I still love him in an unconditonal way. I told him I wasn't expecting a reply...but he did....I know it'd never work out due to distance etc. it's OK...
@Originalman360 no, I never said I waited until Christmas Day to send him that text. My life does not revolve around him anymore, I've been working on my own issues and so I'm more at peace with myself. And yeah, forgiveness does wonders as long as you don't go back to the same thing over and over, been there done that.
Damn, don't feel bad I nearly sent my ex the same thing. I just got dumped 3 days ago. I was itching to call or text her. Have you received a reply yet?
It's Christmas Day... Trying not to get down. I'm 54...and have live-in 45 yr old g/f of 4 years and we both have kids from prior. We've lived together for 2.5 years and I have brought up marriage several times. She's shut it down the last few times. We've struggled like every couple, but over the last several months I felt like it's been as good as ever. However, after this morning I just can't seem to see how we recover. We got up and got the presents out for our kids that would be visiting at 1pm and then having a big dinner tonight with all of us together. Around noon it went south...fast. She yelled at me, cussed me out, told me it was over and stomped out the door. Haven't seen her all day...all because I forgot to mention that my 22 year old was spending Christmas with us after dinner. She has always screamed at me and cussed me out because she claims I don't 'communicate' well with her. That's pure garbage. I can't remember every single thing to run by her! I'm human and some times I forget things. It's not like I forgot to tell her I sold the house, and we were moving to Alaska! I forget one thing and I'm screamed at, cussed out, etc... The reality is she has issues with my kids and them visiting triggers her. She carries a tremendous amount of baggage because her ex cheated on her, walked all over her and treated her like garbage for 15 yrs and she seems to take it all out on me for the littlest thing.
Whoa, I have to disagree with you here. She may have whatever issues she had but you are using that to gaslight her very real and legitimate feelings about one “little thing” that you are already very aware is a “trigger” but you forcibly imposed on her anyways. “Surprise! Here’s something I knew you didn’t want but now you have zero choice because I said so!” You can’t see how that’s upsetting for someone who was walked on for 15 yrs? Many women or any roommate even male would have been very upset and angry with you. Just because she screamed and cussed (which is wrong) doesn’t make you right. You forgot a MAJOR thing, not a “little” thing. You treated her feelings as minor and I’m pretty sure from your attitude it’s not the first time. In your head you used language to dismiss her because she didn’t feel the way you think she “should” to surprise news that someone is to be spending a night in her home. Do you then weaponize her past to make her feel guilty for having feelings about how you ignored her wants and needs in her home? You should rethink.
@cecilang9721 I honestly thought I'd informed her weeks ago. I really believe I told her weeks ago about this. She was adamant that I did not. I shouldn't have said that it was a little thing. I know that my daughter coming home triggers her. I have bent over backwards trying to accommodate her for years. My own daughter has not been home to visit me in a year, and yesterday was the first day. She dislikes my daughter and that has been a problem for a long time. No parent should have to choose between his children and partner. However, I have been made to do just that for years. Nonetheless, I knew this was a trigger for her and I honestly believe I told her this over a month ago. She swears I did not. My daughter came home just to open presents and spend one evening with us. That's it. I'm not saying it's a little thing because clearly it is not to her. This morning she sent me a long text message saying that she will be out in 4 to 6 weeks and asked that we live in separate parts of the house. I just can't understand it. I've done everything for her and her son who live here with me while she has done nothing for my daughter who can't even come home to visit her dad without it, causing massive backlash.
Made this mistake, I texted them on Christmas Eve, realized it was a mistake. Also thank you for this one, you literally said what she said to me and it’s been honestly a hard month for me but your words help a lot!
Didn’t send it. Still miss her. I really thought I’d be in the pictures she posted this year. She might have someone else for all I know. Who cares. All I can do is pick up the pieces and move on.
You deserve respect like anyone else. Moving on is hard (I'm struggling, too), but I rather be without than with someone who doesn't respect my feelings.
I got Christmas messages from those I dearly love and care for - family and friends. That’s what matters to me more than getting a stupid message from DA. The DA never bothered to send any message whatsoever on Christmas Day who apparently misses me as they told me the last time they messaged a while ago. Not heard a peep. 😂
My DA ex always would use NY as a reason to reach out - and I, the FA, would accept it. Once, we worked things out. The next time, he was less open to talking about issues, so I ended it.
im letting her reach out first, now im not sure if i should file for divorce as to make her fear losing me for good? after 6 months separated and after no contact she kept breaking with major breadcrumbs
File for divorce so you can get your life back and move on. You deserve better. Wishing you much love and success and happiness with the right partner!
I filed for divorce. Just need to serve her. 7 months separated. She already has a boyfriend which is her coworker. We have 2 kids together. Time to move on. I’m sure she doesn’t think I’d ever leave but no I have to.
Yeah, I don't understand after 4 yrs how the hell can they still act as a victim. When in fact they dump us without a real reason, they have no empathy, no comunication skills, they really can't do anything else, but causing pain? Over and over again?
I managed to control my anxiety and avoided messaging him for Xmas... Today I woke up and saw HIS message of Merry Xmas... I'm amazed as I knew for sure he would never contact me, so I don't know what to do...
You mantain no contact. I know that the fact that some strangers text this mean nothing to your loneliness BUT I am alone for 11 years and always breaking up with toxic people. My cholesterol levels got bad. My health matters more. I went NC this December after 8 months together. didn't give a F about the holidays.
If you want text back with same energy merry Christmas don’t force it either way and don’t open up to far but don’t be closed off if you still want him make him work for it ❤
I asked my therapist what to do about this, and he said thay the 3-4 week mark is a good time to send a low pressure message to my FA ex. Otherwise Fearful avoidants have a tendancy to go through their avoidance cycle on their own too many times on their own and take your silence as disinterest. Dont put pressure in the message, just be cordial and focus on connection, not resolution.
Fudge nc 4 mths with a narc fearful avoidant...proud of myself, then he video called a coworker and that naive coworjer called me to his desk, said someone wanted 2 talk 2 him...innocently i put the headset on and there is was...seeing me on video asking me why I was ignorning him😮😮😮😮😮
if they say merry Christmas to you (and they don't celebrate Christmas, acknowledges that they "know we are not talking" and says they "hope you're doing amazing and taking care of yourself") would you initiate wishing them a happy new year or still just leave it no contact? would mean so much if you get back to me thank you !
That's a good question, I wish I knew the answer. I'd say maybe reach back out but if they don't initiate any more content then I think they're still breadcrumbing.
Do not reply they do this to see of your still hooked on them.. once you reply back he will see your still there for them.. Don't fall for it. They also test you..
My DA ex has reached out after a week of total silence told me shes detached😅😅 focusing on herself apologize for not contacting me(isnt like i did)and wish Merry Christmas 4weeks of no contact im back in control
Yes its all from childhood. The programming happens in that period. An adult who experiences a traumatic event deals with that event with the mechanism developed by their attachment style, which is determined by childhood experience.
Probably not. This can really come from peer rejection, but not enough research has been done into this. I learned to be independent after rejection from peers.
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
I stayed silent. Wished him Merry Christmas for the last nine years. This year, I'm putting my feelings first because he never cared enough about my feelings when I was present in his life. The holidays didn't soften my heart because his actions against me always hurt.
What? Wait a minute, please😅if he is an ex, why would I text her at all? An ex is an EX! He is in the past. I am in a present and build a future in MY world, in MY universe 🎉 and want to be together with people who appreciate me and join my life or have the same interests and qualities as me ❤😊
Hey Coach, I was about to contact my ex and say merry Christmas and my buddy punched me in the face. So now I’m icing down my eye and I turned my phone off. I won’t be wishing her merry Christmas happy holidays everybody! He said he couldn’t take listening to my crap anymore.
Don't just eat abusive treatment, from _ANYBODY!_
Christmas is my birthday, not messaging. Gonna gift myself the dignity and respect that I deserve
🎉Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday🥰
Happy Bday❤️❤️❤️
And Merry Christmas 🎉🎉🎉
I love this
Happy birthday and Marry Christmas ! THE BEST YET TO COME 🤗
Don't do it, guys! ❤
Enough enabling. Time to keep focused on your inner work! Healing dysfunctional patterns that no longer serve. The avoidant needs to do the hard inner work too
Great timing I was really breaking down especially since I had an incredible Christmas with my avoidant ex last year, but I’ve gone 30 days in no contact and icant break even for Christmas.
"You deserve someone that gives you their full energy" This is so important people. Not 1/16th of their time and effort!
He reached out and I just reply Thanks. Merry Christmas just as cold he sent me. Nothing more nothing less. I realised to the avoidant it is just a formality not an intent to deepen or re engage the relationship. Yep it’s time to move on
Yes yes yes. They don't mean what they say. It's all a facade.
Right we feel you
Why reply anyways, if it's just cold and holds no meaning for you?! 🤔
I think you'll feel SO much better when you just block him from all avenues. I know I do. I'm FREE!
Got through her birthday and Christmas this month. How people can discard others they have planned a future and named children together with honestly disgusts me. The trauma has been unreal. It’s been almost five months now since I broke no contact and just over six months since the discard. What a horrible year this has been. The lack of closure leaves it looming over you constantly to the point of just wanting to chisel it out of your head. I will never, ever, treat someone the way she treated me.
@oscargustaverejlander. it's true, It's just the lack of closure. I should have known how they ghosted their friends. When I challenged them, their reply was if it was me I'd get the hint. Plus, after a certain time it's so long why would you still reach out. It's sad how they think.
Exactly, I want to remove all traces of her because every memory is tainted. I left my wife for her and she left her husband for me. She said all things Coach said then discarded me. 3 months no contact, I just want the pain to stop..the lack of closure just leaves you emotionally hanging. How anybody could do that to somebody they supposedly loved so much...
My man! Impeccable timing! I was just about to send that message when I got your notification 😅 Thanks for all the wise and encouraging words over the past while 🙏 Merry Christmas!
In short, don't reach out unless they do first. 🤷🏿♂️ Glad I learned that from my dating coach when I was in college. Prioritize your hobbies and interests whilst exercising other options. You'll always find someone better; it's worked for me every time.
saved me with this one...right on time.
Lmao I was literally thinking about doing this and this video popped up in my feed. I'm never talking to that woman freely ever again. Not once has she ever cared
we have to stop being nice to the person that dumped us and treated us poorly with bad communication
Ugh!! Thankyou!! I was gonna text mine Merry Christmas , after 8 mo no contact!! Thankyou for reminding me 🫶🏻
Don’t do it! I broke after nearly 10 months thinking I’d hear from him. Nope I just humiliated myself. These avoidant guys are losers!
If you text expecting they will respond in a certain way, you are going to be heartbroken. It's been 8 months. You should move on.
Every thing in the videos we listen, we understand. But you have to hit point with your own understanding. For me it was this thought, that, does my lif3 revolve around one person only? Is my life all about him? Is there nothing else to it? Why I am so obsessed over someone who does not want me and something i can't control. Now, I don't want him in my life, and don't want him to text either. We need lots of self reflection, so we can know our self worth and set boundaries. And do your own life
Thank you for this clip. It helped, I was about to do it ...
Merry Christmas to you and your family and to all people who are dealing with a heartbreak.; Its not easy and it truly hurts but know you've survived worst and you will surpass this too. And we gotta be trustful it will get better. We gonna be ok.
I will say Merry Christmas to YOU instead!
@oliviaduarte7056 That's a lovely message. I was about to do it, too. He must be crazy to avoid you.
Relationship? I didn’t even get that far. He asked me out and couldn’t even call it a date. He called it “our little catch up.” He then spent hours coming on heavy, telling me how much he cared about me, asked me if I wanted a relationship then led me on for months and out of nowhere started sending friendzone texts before the full radio silence discard. I texted a few times asking to talk and was ignored. It was abnormal. There were no signs I was going to get screwed over. WTF! I knew this guy for over a year and I left a long term dead end relationship to be with him. Although I don’t regret getting out, it has taken me all of 2024 to realise I meant nothing to him and I got played. If you don’t want me, just say so!!! And if you don’t want me, stay away from me!!
They don't say it with words that they don't want you, unfortunatly.
Behaviour is a language too, stay strong ❤.
I’ve been through the same experience and i had to break his ego , saying that if i knew earlier he’d never been in my life longer than a week. I don’t want a relationship with a ghost either so boy ✌🏻 bye and ghosted him back! He kept watching my stories so i masked everything , he lost that privilege.. you wanted to play. Game over 😊
@ Yep, I always noticed from the start his words and actions were contradictory. I feel so used. I was genuinely invested in him and all I was to him was free entertainment and someone to dangle until he was bored. Why not just go on a dating app if you just want ANYTHING with tits. It’s a huge lesson I never thought I’d have to learn in my late 30s. 😭
@@saradf Yep, had I known what I now know in hindsight I wouldn’t given him one scrap of my time or energy. I got played.
@ i feel you .. unfortunately once you give back your power it turns them off since they’re emotionally unstable and immature! I hold them accountable for it whether he replies or not (he didn’t) then i disappear. He has to feel that idgf about it. He will reach out one day, especially if you didn’t hookup!
Few months later it hit him and sent his apologies, asking what’s up without changed behavior so it was time to cut it off for good.
If he reaches out again it has to be for solid reasons and serious commitment.
Thank you for this 💖 This holiday season has been hard 😞 but you are right, now is a good time to focus on the present and making happy moments with family and friends who love and appreciate me. I am grateful for them 🙏
Don’t do it guys!!! We’ve got this!!! Merry Xmas
Love this, actually felt uplifted by this comment xx
Thank you for talking me off the ledge, coach Ryan!
If you love yourself dont respond to them when they are back. Turn your back on them, move forward and never look back. Heal and start fresh 😊
3 months without this person! This video helped remind me to keep it that way ty❤️
Well done. Keep going.
God I came so close to texting lol. Thanks for the reassurance. Yes we need to have and grow our self-love
Lol. Gald you never.
I sent it to him every year, despite no reaction. He said it s pressure. Now he told me that he does not want to loose me.
OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I WAS THINKING ABOUT IT EARLIER! DIDN'T DO IT!
Me too, literally composed the message 3 or 4 times. Who would hurt such a beautiful woman like you, is he mad?
Good for you! Stay strong! :)
Thank you. You just stopped me from sending a holiday text.
Thanks for this message, definitely enjoying time with my own family and learning again after 8yrs in a relationship where my partner ghosted me after starting an argument out of the blue with me over the phone , I’m starting to learn my self worth again 🙏🏻💕
Ive been listening to this message on various channels and usually end up shutting them down but for some reason, I heard this one. Thank you
Wish I had seen this
Yesterday
Thank You
Thank You
Merry Christmas we got this
This was truly helpful and insightful. A great reminder of not being led by one's emotions so much that we send the wrong message and allow others to hurt us even more. Thanks for reminding us of ways we can reestablish balance with others and within ourselves.
Well said. ✨
I feel like responding to them if they initiate is indeed breaking no contact. Why respond to them on their terms? Why talk/text when they want? Seems like you are just going along with them controlling the situation. My birthday is December 24th. I have been divorced from my avoidant ex-husband since May after he discarded me two years ago. He texted me happy birthday and “hopes I have a great day”. I didn’t respond and won’t. Nothing good will come of it. Not interested in being his shoulder to lean on or anything else for him. Not after all that he has done to me. I am not interested at all.
I had to replay this to boost my resolve. Thank you. A great pep talk.
It helped me a lot, too. The holidays are always tough.
always great to hear this again…
Thanks I am going through a tough time regarding the same situation. Though not from romantic partner but yes an avoidant friend. I needed this. Thanks a bunch
Needed this cuz I was about to mess up - thank you!
Journal your thoughts, don’t break contact. It gets it out of your head and gives you relief without breaking no contact.
Right on time! Thank you! And Merry Christmas to you and your beloved ones ❤
I needed to hear this, thanks!
As time goes by you realise the energy you put in for them was a waste - focus on yourself and what makes you feel whole and complete. With that you find it so much easier to brush them off and leave them further in the dust.
This is not playing chess ..You need to be the person you are .That means be comfortable with yourself and if they do not respond thats them ,but letting them dictate to you your actions keeps you from being genuine ...The whole purpose in life is to be authentically yourself. If you are ruled by love , that is never a mistake . If they do not respond. or withdraw further that is their problem and really, do you want to be with a person who see every act of kindness on your part as an front to. them ?? A good relationship is two way partnership in which each respects and admires each other and that includes the good ,the bad , and the ugly .. If they,, your avoidant ex,, is unwilling to see you for your essential loving heart then its sad that they are miissing out on what constitutes a healthy relationship ....
I see what you mean but I think you misinterpreted his message. This video is aimed at people who think something good will happen if they touch a hot stove. He is telling them that's very unlikely, and recommending that they don't touch the hot stove. At no point did he suggest that avoiding touching the stove would cause a good thing to happen. Just that it would avoid a bad one. He carefully avoids the subject of getting this sort of ex back, because it's impossible and that's very painful for his audience to hear. His message is one of profound kindness.
I NEEDED THIS!!! TYSM. YOU HELP ME TREMENDOUSLY ❤
I needed this so badddd 😂
ThNks for this. You are my personal therapist. ;)
Damn, I called and they didn't answer me, but it really taught me that i shouldn't have
At least you tried. That's what counts. If that person does not respect you, it's not worth it.
Thank you so much!! Your advice is top notch, simple and filled with compassion. I finally get it!..and now that I do, I will move on and pour that love into myself. Im only day 2 no contact but my mindset is shifting and I am finally detaching from this relationship.
Oh my gosh, this video is SOOOO timely. I got two words for you: BLESS YOU!!!!!!! 💙💙💙
Thanks so much Ryan and you spoke to my heart ❤ Merry Christmas
It hurts so much. I miss her. I love her. I dont understand.
Stay strong things will get better 👑 ❤
@BabyFaceRose i appreciate you
@@BabyFaceRose That's a nice thing to say. Who would ever dump you?
@@SamsungMy-zo3cg aw 💙🫶🏼 well I wish the best for everyone around me 😭 I went through the worst heartbreak like three years ago, but I’m literally better than ever now… And that’s after thinking I would never get over that person ! but I’m so happy I’m in a better place now , healing takes time but it’s so worth it
I got guilted to do it for his bday, he did it for mine...I just said thanks. Didn't do Christmas or will not do New Years...
It’s so hard not to call her
If she's a narcissist.
...it's a black hole..
..a void in the universe
Yeah I hear you, was so tempted to send a message today after 2 months NC. But held off as know it's isn't worth the hassle.😢
Don't send txt to your avoidant ex if you don't want to be ignored. Wasting time and emotions.
Wow, so it's not a good idea then because I'm itching.
@@SamsungMy-zo3cg It's possible that he will not replay , or text you one word few days later . Let them reach out first .
@ik6577 it's actually a she. But ok, thank you. I appreciate you.
@@SamsungMy-zo3cg You'r welcome , stay strong. MARRY CHRISTMAS 🎅🎄🎁
Thank you!
Once you master detachment, you’ll never go back. Until he breaks no contact and then you’ll think about replying or not! Never lose your power!
I no longer wan't her to reach out.
Quite frankly i probably woulnd't even answer her anymore
Same…took me 9 months to get over her, over the love of my life…the one I would have literally given my life for. She slow faded, summoned the demons they fear themselves subconsciously, flaw finding all the small things, if I adj. one thing she moved to another aspect that she adored but suddenly hated. She destroyed my life. Everything collapsed once it ended with her. I felt the lowest I’ve ever been. Caught a real depression due to her and other things that all occurred between February 13th until October 2024. it’s the worst year of my entire life.
I don’t want her back but I’m not over her fully. Even though I met this really cute Russian girl, she adores me but not the sick red flag love bombing wa. But normal, just spent 3 days with her and it is of course sadly not that intensive or such desire on first eye contact. But guess normal and healthy, I know that a. One Zion isn’t supposed to be immediately but be created over time. Still I can’t feel for this new girl what I felt immediately for my ex.
I will however never take her back. But this new gurl already has feelings for me. I don’t have feelings for her. Not sure if I’ll ever get some besides kind of a certain physical attraction and like I have for women I’m vibing with in general, that I want to protect them at all cost. But I’m not sure I could be with her…for ever…or love her like she deserves…don’t want to break her heart but we will be separated now 2 weeks so hope her passion for me will decline with distance a bit. She’s the coolest girl i ever knew.
@smaimer4974 you know after dealing with an avodent I'm afraid to date again because you just don't know what you're getting.
You are 100% correct. Thank you. ❤
BLESS UP you got me locked in for this holiday 😭
Thank you for these reminders, Coach Ryan!
Don't worry he is the last person I would ever say anything to I despise him.
Excellent 🎉🎉
Thank you so much for this video, so appreciated
Struggling so hard rn 😞
Sending love to you. Stay strong friend! 🩷
It’s her birthday on the 24th so I’ll just say it here… happy birthday Lindsay, I miss you, heal and I’m here. I’m ready for our life together!! N🙏🏽M🙏🏽STE
I know, right? Sometimes you gotta get it out. But dude, why you want to chase? She has a life, already. Not with you. And she is cool with it. Let it go. Be good to yourself.
@@TheJavierTrejo we salute you.
@ oh I’m not chasing. NC for 3 months now. It’s all good. I miss her but I didn’t do this, she did. I deserve better
You do deserve better. I said you want to chase, not that you are. Maintain strength. As long as you hope, oh I’m waiting for her to come back into my life, you are not energetically free. We have to move through, move on. I’ve been trying to let go but I’m tormented, night and day. I have to *make* myself NC, it feels bad. But I know it’s the only way for me to have dignity. I treated him so good, and I know deep down I deserve better than what he gave me. Trying hard to heal myself.
@@cecilang9721 we got this
What i was going to say.
"Hey , I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you're doing well and find some joy and peace this holiday season. Take care of yourself."
Now that's out, i feel better.
It's important that you feel better! :) Very nice text, too.
@user-mk1zs5xd6g thankyou
Send yourself flowers.
If they dont want to be with you during the holidays they are gone.Take the hint and move on with your life.They dont love you,dont respect you and dont want you.Its a harsh reality but its one many on here need to wake up to.
You are so right ..but it causes me real pain 😢 thank you 💗
@ritapeters1330 I hope you feel better soon.
@@windyacresway thank you 😊
Thank you for this video mate
You were on point with this just got the text lol I handled it
Apparently... I'm my DA ex 'Closest and most amazing friend I could ever ask for' according to the 'Merry Xmas' text she sent me yesterday as she gets on the plane to fly off to see the guy she monkey branched me for (who she says is 'probably a narc). You can't make this up! Thanks Chris. Merry Xmas and thanks for all you amazing help.
@@citizenoz hey man, I feel you some of the shit my ex DA told me I was laughing my butt off. You couldn’t make up some of the crap she was saying I know we’re not supposed to judge these people, but man they are nuts.
@@MadMaxMan2008 Thanks brother. So much of what Chris talks about in his videos is EXACTLY what my ex clueless self obsessed DA has put me through. As the saying goes 'You have to go through it to grow through it'. Stay strong brother 🖖
This is sooooo hard!!
So so hard. Merry Christmas
Yes, it's hard, but it's even worse when you are being mistreated. Stay strong, you're not alone! Merry Christmas!
thank you. merry Christmas Ryan
He sent it to me 🙄🤚🏼
Coach Ryan, I just sent the Avoidant Man whom I love, a 'Merry Christmas' and I'm so glad I did, because I forgive him and I'm not looking to be with him again, because I understand that he needs to get help to understand his avoidant issues, and maybe I'm not the one for him anyway.
So, I believe, if you can forgive what they did to you it's ok to say Merry Christmas, and then move on. If they take it as a sign to get back together, that is on them.
😂😂 you forgive him for being an avoidant with you? How does that work?
“Coach Ryan, I just sent the Avoidant Man, whom I love a Merry Christmas” AKA I waited until Christmas to use that as an excuse to break no contact!
I did too...and he was very thankful. Turns out he's dealing with serious medical issues. I still love him in an unconditonal way. I told him I wasn't expecting a reply...but he did....I know it'd never work out due to distance etc. it's OK...
@Originalman360 no, I never said I waited until Christmas Day to send him that text. My life does not revolve around him anymore, I've been working on my own issues and so I'm more at peace with myself. And yeah, forgiveness does wonders as long as you don't go back to the same thing over and over, been there done that.
Damn I sure wish I would have seen this before yesterday
Same over here! Face palm*
haha!! I was just talking to someone about this... so funny 😂
Oh no! Should have seen this 10 hours ago 😬
It's ok, just be strong, you are just saying Merry Christmas, right?
Damn, don't feel bad I nearly sent my ex the same thing. I just got dumped 3 days ago. I was itching to call or text her. Have you received a reply yet?
@ yes he just said merry Christmas back. But it’s the first message he’s replied to in 32 days
@asahdo that's gotta be worth something right. If I was him I would never avoid you. Where in the world are you from?
Merry Christmas 🎄🎄🎄🎁🎁🎁
It's Christmas Day...
Trying not to get down.
I'm 54...and have live-in 45 yr old g/f of 4 years and we both have kids from prior. We've lived together for 2.5 years and I have brought up marriage several times. She's shut it down the last few times.
We've struggled like every couple, but over the last several months I felt like it's been as good as ever. However, after this morning I just can't seem to see how we recover. We got up and got the presents out for our kids that would be visiting at 1pm and then having a big dinner tonight with all of us together. Around noon it went south...fast. She yelled at me, cussed me out, told me it was over and stomped out the door. Haven't seen her all day...all because I forgot to mention that my 22 year old was spending Christmas with us after dinner. She has always screamed at me and cussed me out because she claims I don't 'communicate' well with her. That's pure garbage. I can't remember every single thing to run by her! I'm human and some times I forget things. It's not like I forgot to tell her I sold the house, and we were moving to Alaska! I forget one thing and I'm screamed at, cussed out, etc... The reality is she has issues with my kids and them visiting triggers her. She carries a tremendous amount of baggage because her ex cheated on her, walked all over her and treated her like garbage for 15 yrs and she seems to take it all out on me for the littlest thing.
Whoa, I have to disagree with you here. She may have whatever issues she had but you are using that to gaslight her very real and legitimate feelings about one “little thing” that you are already very aware is a “trigger” but you forcibly imposed on her anyways. “Surprise! Here’s something I knew you didn’t want but now you have zero choice because I said so!” You can’t see how that’s upsetting for someone who was walked on for 15 yrs? Many women or any roommate even male would have been very upset and angry with you. Just because she screamed and cussed (which is wrong) doesn’t make you right. You forgot a MAJOR thing, not a “little” thing. You treated her feelings as minor and I’m pretty sure from your attitude it’s not the first time. In your head you used language to dismiss her because she didn’t feel the way you think she “should” to surprise news that someone is to be spending a night in her home. Do you then weaponize her past to make her feel guilty for having feelings about how you ignored her wants and needs in her home? You should rethink.
@cecilang9721 I honestly thought I'd informed her weeks ago. I really believe I told her weeks ago about this. She was adamant that I did not. I shouldn't have said that it was a little thing. I know that my daughter coming home triggers her. I have bent over backwards trying to accommodate her for years. My own daughter has not been home to visit me in a year, and yesterday was the first day. She dislikes my daughter and that has been a problem for a long time. No parent should have to choose between his children and partner. However, I have been made to do just that for years. Nonetheless, I knew this was a trigger for her and I honestly believe I told her this over a month ago. She swears I did not. My daughter came home just to open presents and spend one evening with us. That's it. I'm not saying it's a little thing because clearly it is not to her. This morning she sent me a long text message saying that she will be out in 4 to 6 weeks and asked that we live in separate parts of the house. I just can't understand it. I've done everything for her and her son who live here with me while she has done nothing for my daughter who can't even come home to visit her dad without it, causing massive backlash.
Fiancé 4 years later 🚩
@Misshighness444 Not by my choice. We've discussed marriage several times and each time she shuts it down.
Made this mistake, I texted them on Christmas Eve, realized it was a mistake. Also thank you for this one, you literally said what she said to me and it’s been honestly a hard month for me but your words help a lot!
Didn’t send it. Still miss her. I really thought I’d be in the pictures she posted this year. She might have someone else for all I know. Who cares. All I can do is pick up the pieces and move on.
You deserve respect like anyone else. Moving on is hard (I'm struggling, too), but I rather be without than with someone who doesn't respect my feelings.
Move forward !!! 🎉🎉🎉
I got Christmas messages from those I dearly love and care for - family and friends. That’s what matters to me more than getting a stupid message from DA. The DA never bothered to send any message whatsoever on Christmas Day who apparently misses me as they told me the last time they messaged a while ago. Not heard a peep. 😂
My DA ex always would use NY as a reason to reach out - and I, the FA, would accept it. Once, we worked things out. The next time, he was less open to talking about issues, so I ended it.
Thanks for this I needed it
Why should i send my partner anything?eweee … he does not deserve my text 😎
im letting her reach out first, now im not sure if i should file for divorce as to make her fear losing me for good? after 6 months separated and after no contact she kept breaking with major breadcrumbs
File for divorce so you can get your life back and move on. You deserve better. Wishing you much love and success and happiness with the right partner!
I filed for divorce. Just need to serve her. 7 months separated. She already has a boyfriend which is her coworker. We have 2 kids together. Time to move on. I’m sure she doesn’t think I’d ever leave but no I have to.
💔 no idle threats honey! Don’t file for divorce unless you’re really prepared to go through with it.
@@Stimmy_2_raw723 thats another level of audacity, having a boyfriend but assured you would never leave. Leave for your peace of mind.
Give then the gift that they desire.... space
It will drive them crazy..lol
They enjoy being chased and the attention from being a 'victim'
Yeah, I don't understand after 4 yrs how the hell can they still act as a victim. When in fact they dump us without a real reason, they have no empathy, no comunication skills, they really can't do anything else, but causing pain? Over and over again?
I managed to control my anxiety and avoided messaging him for Xmas...
Today I woke up and saw HIS message of Merry Xmas...
I'm amazed as I knew for sure he would never contact me, so I don't know what to do...
It’s done out of validation. Once they get that message from you they will disappear again.
You mantain no contact. I know that the fact that some strangers text this mean nothing to your loneliness BUT I am alone for 11 years and always breaking up with toxic people. My cholesterol levels got bad. My health matters more. I went NC this December after 8 months together. didn't give a F about the holidays.
If you want text back with same energy merry Christmas don’t force it either way and don’t open up to far but don’t be closed off if you still want him make him work for it ❤
Oops.
I asked my therapist what to do about this, and he said thay the 3-4 week mark is a good time to send a low pressure message to my FA ex.
Otherwise Fearful avoidants have a tendancy to go through their avoidance cycle on their own too many times on their own and take your silence as disinterest.
Dont put pressure in the message, just be cordial and focus on connection, not resolution.
Fudge nc 4 mths with a narc fearful avoidant...proud of myself, then he video called a coworker and that naive coworjer called me to his desk, said someone wanted 2 talk 2 him...innocently i put the headset on and there is was...seeing me on video asking me why I was ignorning him😮😮😮😮😮
Thank you Coach!
Thank you ..Merry Christmas 🎄
I have no problems staying in no contact. But too many people in my life keep updating me on what she is doing. It’s frustrating as hell.
if they say merry Christmas to you (and they don't celebrate Christmas, acknowledges that they "know we are not talking" and says they "hope you're doing amazing and taking care of yourself") would you initiate wishing them a happy new year or still just leave it no contact? would mean so much if you get back to me thank you !
That's a good question, I wish I knew the answer. I'd say maybe reach back out but if they don't initiate any more content then I think they're still breadcrumbing.
don’t reply.
Do not reply they do this to see of your still hooked on them.. once you reply back he will see your still there for them.. Don't fall for it. They also test you..
My DA ex has reached out after a week of total silence told me shes detached😅😅 focusing on herself apologize for not contacting me(isnt like i did)and wish Merry Christmas
4weeks of no contact im back in control
Ur control ends the moment u respond
@HANZELVANDERLAAY no really you can respond without giving them the validation they need
No contact means you're not reaching out
Does it ALL stem from childhood? Can walls be put up after a disastrous relationship or a traumatic marriage?
Yes its all from childhood. The programming happens in that period. An adult who experiences a traumatic event deals with that event with the mechanism developed by their attachment style, which is determined by childhood experience.
Probably not. This can really come from peer rejection, but not enough research has been done into this. I learned to be independent after rejection from peers.
5:20 for those wondering if you should answer their christmas text (optional).
Amazing video A month ago, my partnership of five years came to an end. The choice to break up with the person I love is something that really gets to me. Even though it's all for nothing, I've done everything I can to get him back, and I couldn't imagine my existence without him. I've tried everything to stop thinking about him, but I still can't help but miss him and think about him often. I don't know why I am saying this here.
Saying goodbye to someone you love is difficult; I know this from my 12-year relationship ending. But I was unable to simply let him go, so I made every effort to get him back. I eventually sought aid from a spiritual counselor, who was able to help me regain his affection.
It's interesting! How can I contact a spiritual counselor most efficiently, and how did you find one?
Father Obah Eze is a wonderful spiritual counselor who has the ability to bring back your ex.
He can assist you; he is Father Obah Eze, and he possesses immense powers.
I just sought him up online thanks to your helpful information. remarkable
I just checked Father Obah Eze online, and he's really genuine. Thank you again ❤
Thanks ❤
What if he ghosted you and never really ended the relationship even with you seeing him at work every week? I think if he texts me I’ll stay silent…
Do you want him back, if so dont ignore him.
Correct. I personally wouldn't reply unless he is sending gift.
@@JanT-f8t that I know he won’t
I stayed silent. Wished him Merry Christmas for the last nine years. This year, I'm putting my feelings first because he never cared enough about my feelings when I was present in his life. The holidays didn't soften my heart because his actions against me always hurt.
Him ghosting you IS ending the relationship 😂😂
Also hurts even if you don't send the message of Merry Christmas, but I think it hurts less than send it. I won't send any message.😢
Me neither staying in no contract.. but thinking of him all day already
@ritapeters1330 me too 🥺
I appreciate these videos! Only two cents: this message could have been made in 2-3 mins. ✌️
What? Wait a minute, please😅if he is an ex, why would I text her at all? An ex is an EX! He is in the past. I am in a present and build a future in MY world, in MY universe 🎉 and want to be together with people who appreciate me and join my life or have the same interests and qualities as me ❤😊
Exactly ladybird 😎
Merry Christmas Sir❤❤❤❤