I feel like a lot of these feelings are coming from pumping/breastfeeding. It’s EXHAUSTING. Once I switched to formula, I felt so relieved. My baby cried less, slept longer, and was just happier in general. And so was I! There’s so much pressure to keep breastfeeding and pumping but it really takes a toll on your body including your mental health.
I cannot speak to this personally but I was wondering if this switch would help!! Even just relieving of the pumping pressure and duties. To be able to mix up a bottle right then and there might give her another hour of time.
Amen! I felt like sooo much weight came off of me when I switched to formula. I actually enjoyed spending time with my baby, rather than looking at them and feeling stress/guilt over not being able to give them enough of my milk!
What stands out to me is how you, in the midst of tears and sadness, will still speak to your babies in a positive and loving tone. You’re a butterfly, but right now you’re feeling the squeeze of the cocoon as you transform. What a painful process it can be, what a heavy load you are carrying. I hope you know it’s ok to feel like you’ve lost it, just remember that it won’t be like this forever. ❤️
Colleen, as a mom who struggled, and I mean STRUGGLED, thru postpartum depression and anxiety after each of my three births I want to thank you for not hiding your experiences. Mine got worse after each birth so by the the time I had my third and final baby it was something I couldn’t get under control on my own at home and I had to go in the hospital and leave my kids and new baby. I felt like such a failure. But I now see that I did what was best for my kids and I. The best advice I ever got was to remember that this doesn’t last forever. Your sunshine is just on the other side of tomorrow. Hold on my dear, hold on.
@@anaisbananas5360 Oh my dear I really hope and pray that you don’t have the same experience this time around. I was one of the unlucky ones I guess. You’ll be in my prayers. I wish you an easy birth, healthy babies, a quick recovery, and no postpartum. 💗
Erik is an angel! You’re so blessed to have such a supportive partner during this journey! Also, I struggled with the upkeep of breast milk via pumping. Switching to formula only was life changing. At the time I didn’t want to hear that. I breastfed my other kids, so why couldn’t I do the same with my last baby?? I stressed, lost sleep, which both depleted my milk supply. I kind of grieved over the idea of not giving my own milk to my baby. But once I realized that fed is best, I switched. Slowly added formula to my own milk, more and more until it phased out the breast milk. He did fine. We slept better. No more pumps to clean, etc…. Eliminate the things you can safely do for your sanity sake. It’s worth it to go exclusively formula fed. I promise.
I agree. I did the same with my twins and there’s ways to organize the bottles and formula to make it faster to make the milk in the middle of the night as well. I also fed my twins half an hour apart from each other. It made it a lot easier to be able to handle both of them on my own and to have alone time with each of them to help them sleep. We are here for you. Every twin mom just needs a good support team. We also have a helpline here where I live where you can call midwives up and ask them any questions. I used to call that number all the time even if it was for the dumbest questions lol. I think you might have something like that in America to..maybe ask the hospitals or your doctor? Xx
I had to do the same with my son, adding formula as she has already is a great start. Increasing formal/ breastmilk over time to water transition is how i got my kiddo to switch, as my supplied dried. He hated when i tried formula and would gag as she describe. this comment needs more likes so she can see it.
I don't have twins but went through this with my firstborn. I too exclusively pumped for 3 months before making the decision to switch to formula. It was the best decision for us. If you go this route, something that made life much easier for us was buying a formula pitcher. You could make a big batch of formula (what you know they'll drink in a day) and keep it in the fridge. Then you can just grab, pour, and heat instead of mixing bottles all day. Just a tip from one mom to another.
The Lactation Cookies were Heaven sent ( *_FOR ME_* ) I loved them, I went back to work after 3 months and couldn’t pump or feed as frequently so my supply DROPPPED. I went from being able to feed her & then immediately pump & freeze a couple bags of milk to just barelyyyy making enough for a feeding at the time of the feed & forget about pumping after & then I got the cookies and it helped up my supply. Really hope it works for you!! The oatmeal ones were my faves.
@@shannonmccarthy3461, I hope she sees all the great suggestions! She needs to stop putting so much pressure on herself! Breastfeeding is a choice, not a law!
i’m so glad you put in the hard stuff. you have always been a trail blazer for women on the internet regarding pregnancy and motherhood. never stop-i have learned so much from you
Colleen, I had a lot of struggle with my first baby. She was born during the pandemic and I had no family support really. I think something has got to give here for you. I let things get bad until I reached a major tipping point. It wasn't good for me or my daughter, and in the end I had to make some serious changes to survive. I think it might be time for you to stop pumping and that is OKAY. I know how profoundly you want to breastfeed your babies, but it's destroying you. You don't get anywhere near enough sleep, or time to eat. And the more exhausted you get the more difficult it will be to take care of your babies. If you stopped pumping, you would at least get a little bit more sleep... Don't underestimate what a difference that might make for you.
My mom used to tell me “ in order for you to take care of your kids you have to take care of you” it’s true she can’t be the best mom ever if she isn’t taking care of herself
Either stop or get a willow pump so you can pump while feeding the babies and get multiple set of parts so you don't need to clean them until the next day. The Willow pump doesn't leak when used with a bag so you can do anything while pumping, it's what saved my journey.
Yes, I agree with this comment. I had my second son on the 4th of January and sleep is so important. Even two hours makes a huge difference in my mental and physical state. It helps aid in healing and restoring the body.
Breastfeeding my twins was so hard. My mental health suffered the entire first year because I was so stubborn and continued to pump (I also couldn’t make enough, but if I had one baby I would be way overproducing) when it was clearly destroying my mental well being. Twins are an entirely different ballgame and surviving was my goal the whole first year. You are doing great but also give yourself a break and understand that you have to let go of some of the balls you are trying to juggle 💙 I wish I took my own advice my first year because it hurt my marriage and now I am trying to put in the work now to overcome the struggles I had the first year.
I assure you Whoever created the saying “don’t cry over spilled milk” Was never someone who pumped and had a short supply. I feel you on this! Your doing great momma!
Even though I don’t have kids this is still such a representation of what depression is. Thank you for that. Sorry you have to feel that way. Just know that if you got through that day, you can do it again. Sending love 🤍
I was 10 weeks pregnant and had a miscarriage still recovering from the operation of cleaning the womb. Been watching you since Flynn. So happy you have your rainbow twins.
Currently watching this in the ER as I wait for results from my sonogram after coming in with symptoms of MC. I love how strong and selfless us women are 💪🏼 💕
@@evvy11 send you so much love & strength 🙏🏻. Hope you’re ok now ❤️❤️.. I have PMDD which is a rare hormone disorder before your period & it looks something like crying , feeling so blue & not being able to control it . Us Woman are so strong 😩💪🏼. Again much love 💕
Hey Colleen!! My boss has twins and had quite a few moments similar to yours. Something to try and focus on for you though is how amazing it’ll be once they get just a little bit older! Her twins are so developmentally advanced just because they are able to talk to each other and have a playmate 24/7. They’re only 2, but I’m always shocked by how chatty and awesome and SMART they are (and this is coming from a teacher who works with kids all day). Flynn is such an awesome and fun little dude too, and in just a short amount of time, those two are gonna be at that stage! ❤️ Their own fun little personalities and laughs and likes and dislikes :) YOU GOT THIS!!! Newborn stage is so so hard but you can do this. Another thing to remind yourself of is that it is A-ok to supplement and eventually fully switch to formula!! Your kiddos just want a happy and healthy mama more than anything. Praying for you to get through it! 🙏🏻
I just had a huge fight with my mom and I came into my room to watch this video. After I watched the last part I ran into the office and gave her a hug. She had me really young and I knew that but I never understood all that she gave up for me and my younger brother. Kids can get mad at their parents and say a bunch of things but they will never truly understand how many opportunities that our parents missed out on because of us.
You sweet woman! You are a AMAZING mother! As someone who had PPD it was horrible. I felt a lone and felt like I was drowning. Keep your head up and never feel bad for crying or asking for help. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us.
You blew my mind when you said ‘have you mourned the loss before being a mama. It’s an unspoken thing that many women feel but never share. I applaud you for your honesty and please know that your truth is enlightening and impactful. You’ve got this !! I pray you see this in the midst of harsh comments and misunderstandings x
❤❤❤ i have felt this so much , I still feel this going into my 2nd little guys 1st year and MAN . It .will. break you. I don't know how many times I rocked him trying to get him back to sleep , sobbing , just wanting a break. Just wanting to feel better and ok. It seems like it's never going to end . And I think what you said about "you just get through it" that's it. That's what you do. Because it's all you can do , and it seems like such an un impactful set of words "you get through it" but damn it is a struggggggle. Getting through it can be so hard . I'm so glad you shared this because I have been in the deepest pits of it and felt so alone, and now even looking back on the worst of it this made me feel so much better. I feel seen, and I see you mama. Sending you so much love and prayers . ❤️
Colleen I'm sending you a big mama hug! I also had ppd and you are literally saying things I felt too. Something my OB/GYN said that really helped me was, "you can love your baby and still be hating everything at the same time." I remember days thinking, "Is taking care of my baby the only thing I'm going to do today?" and wishing I could accomplish anything else. We will never know how we did it, but we will do it. Keep checking off days. You will sleep again.
Colleen, I exclusively pumped for 6 months and I lost myself completely. I was an emotional, tired, hostile monster. It is the hardest thing ever let alone doing it for twins. I was obsessed with my breast milk and seeing how much I could produce. I almost went broke buying all the supplements and trying everything I could to produce more and more. Eventually I hated who I had become, and I couldn’t stand myself. I got a kit to make a ring from my breast milk and I returned the pump to my pharmacy. My fiancé bought us a baby brezza. It was life changing. I felt like an entire new person, I got more sleep, my baby was more satisfied, the baby brezza was mindless, I felt like a human again and was finally able to enjoy my baby. Please consider doing this. You’ve given them all you’ve got, but you’re depleted. In that last clip I felt like I was watching myself. It’s heartbreaking to give up pumping but maybe a token of your journey will help you move forward. You’re truly the best, once you get past this you will feel better I promise. 💕 all my love.
I was just watching your authentic, vulnerable self that you so courageously shared with us at the end and whilst I don’t have advice… I had this thought of when Terri read you before the twins were born and she spoke about you helping momma’s and that being a big part of your career moving forward - It’s in these moments that you are being given the biggest gift of insight and empathy of which you can share when this has passed for you! Nobody wants a guru, positive, mantra and mindset driven, coach wannabe who’s never gone through it - because the reality is - that it’s not possible when you’re in the suffering - but it can be what comes after, with genuine support! we all need darkness to see the light 💗 We all love you right now in this moment - together x
I just want to say thank you for being so generous in sharing your candid and vulnerable side with everyone here. You see so many "raw and real" motherhood videos that are not really as candid. It hurts me to see you cry but at the same time it made me feel less alone. Because girl I would CRY with my little one. When I told my friends that I dealt with crying at 5 am, I was referring to was me and not my baby. You're right, anything is better than the NICU but what you're feeling is so very valid. It's still so hard to be at home with the little ones, to have these sweet beings be so dependent on you when you can barely take care of yourself. My daughter had a brain tumor and had it removed at 9 months. She suffered two strokes after her surgery and is still trying to rehabilitate. It was the most traumatic experience of my life. Even though id never want to be back at the hospital, it sometimes feels like the safest place for me and my family to be. I wish I could help you and be there for you but please keep sharing your stories and know you're not alone. Sending you lots of love.
Really appreciate seeing this. I’m due in 5 weeks with my first. Your pregnancy journey has been there with me and all of my “is this normal?!” questions. As someone who struggles with their mental health, I’m worried about PP. seeing this honest portrayal helps me see that you can still struggle and be a fabulous committed mom. Keep going. You’re doing great mama.
I needed this video. It helped me realize I never grieved the loss of me, or let myself grieve for how hard it was taking care of my infant. It was SO HARD. But I made it through, day by day. Cheers to us for simply still being alive and present to tell these raw stories of motherhood. Some days, that’s enough to be thankful for. Thank you, Colleen, for sharing your struggles. You are not alone!
Colleen, thank you so much for sharing that footage of PPD. I am currently struggling with you even 1 year after the birth of my baby. It made me feel better to know that I am not alone.
Tortilla Talk Question: If you’re okay with it, are you willing to share how the stressful bits of life with twins is affecting Flynn, if at all? Does he see you or Eric stressed or crying and does he ask about it? I’ve always admired how positive and encouraging but also honest you are with Flynn and was just wondering if you’ve had to deal with him noticing a change in your energies. P.S. It’s difficult to imagine but you are currently and will continue to get through this! 🤍
I also had bad postpartum depression, felt the same loads of guilt, blaming myself why I can’t be happy even though my baby is my everything, wanting to have time alone but the same time don’t want to be away from my baby, its nothing to be ashamed of. I know you can you do it, stay strong ❤️
it might not feel like it sometimes, but you're doing an amazing job. you're doing something really hard. be kind to yourself. sending love to you guys!!!
Watching Colleen be so open in how she felt made me call my own mom crying hysterically telling her how thankful I am for her and all of her sacrifices. I never could have grasped the intensity and roller coaster of emotions you experience after having kids, and am so amazed at her and all the other mothers out there. This probably wasnt easy to post, let alone experience, so thank you for being able to share this and show me a world I was so oblivious to.
I’m grateful you let us cry with you instead of pretending everything is butterflies and rainbows because even as someone who is still a teenager and doesn’t have kids it makes me feel better knowing that you are able to “share” these moment with us
Your kids have the best gift ever: two parents who would do anything for them and parents who give them unconditional love!! ❤️ I’m not a mom but I have been a nanny, and it is okay to ask for help. You’re doing amazing and I know it can be so hard
As someone who could only breastfeed for 6 weeks due to lack of supply to the point the doctor even put me on tablets to boost my supply, that didn’t work for me, formula was the best thing for us and helped a lot with the stress. Massive kudos to you for breast feeding twins for so long! The amount of stuff you and those kiddos have had to deal with so early on is unimaginable. One baby had me feeling most of the things you’re describing so doing it with twins and a toddler, You guys are all amazing and you should be so proud! Sending so much love from Tasmania, Australia 💕💕
I cried with you today Colleen. I’m so sorry. Being a mother is so hard and so selfless and so incredibly impossible at times… and we don’t have a choice but to keep going. I hope those around you are checking in on how you are REALLY doing because I know depression thoughts are incredibly scary. Sending you love. ❤️
You and I have some similarities in that I had a NICU baby, a baby with colic, had PD, and 2 of my 4 babies I pumped for and eventually gave up. I had support too but when you’re feeling the postpartum depression, we don’t see it in the moment. All we see is how we’re failing, how hard it is, and if we can go on or not. My kids are older now and though I HATED those days, they’ve made me SO strong and capable to get through anything. I didn’t realize it then but now I do-it is SO important to take time for yourself. I know it’s hard but let your mom and Erik take them and get a long nap. Get out of the house and go to target, get coffee, do something for YOU. It will give you some mental clarity as well as the mental strength to get back in there and fight through this. You’ve got this mama! Hour by hour, day by day. ❤️
From a fellow mama, I think switching to formula would take a huge weight off of your shoulders. I know what it’s like to have to give up breastfeeding/pumping but I promise you your babies will be perfectly fine and you can’t fill from an empty cup. 💕
Thank you for sharing this! This is so raw and real. I often feel like that when my episodic depression hits. Crying all day, laughing in between crying, just feelin overwhelmed. I feel you. ❤️
I was a single mom of twins at 19 and it was the hardest thing I have ever ever done. But they are now about to be 15 and we got through it and it is all going to be ok 💜
Thank you for your honesty, depression is not an easy thing to deal with and I really appreciate the courage you have to show yourself this vulnerable to us, and believe me Colleen there is someone out there who will look at this and help them get through the bad times they are in.
it amazes me even through mid tears and depression, you still speak to your children with so much kindness and positive energy. Not many can do that and I applaud you so much. It would be so incredibly hard doing what you’re doing I’m not a mother yet, but I know it would be so so difficult. You’re doing amazing. You’re human, you’re allowed to feel all these things. You’re allowed to feel and express and be sad. It’s okay. You’re still an amazing mum even if you want or need a break. You’re truly amazing Colleen and so is Eric! You guys are super parents! And all super parents need a break some times! You’ve got this mama! You’re surviving, I believe in you so much. Thank you so much for showing us your vulnerable night❤️❤️❤️
The end of the video felt like it was coming from my own brain. Having a very hard time postpartum with my second baby. I have two under 2 and struggling very hard. It was nice to cry along with you ❤️
❤🙏🏼 Being raw and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is the first steps to healing. You are doing The Greatest with what yiu have and sweet woman that's all we can do as Mothers . I have never had twins but I have had four precious children and the fears and the worries that come with being a Mother are real and each of us will deal with them differently. Continue to be Honest and ask for help when you need it as this is vital for growth . When I was totally exhausted I questioned everything I did as a Mother but keeping my mind busy as well as being active and hydrated also helped me deal with my Depression and thoughts of being a failure. ❤🙏🏼😊 Sending all my Love and Positive Energy. Xoxoxo
It’s so heartbreaking to see Colleen so sad and struggling so much. I don’t think she will see this but, Colleen, you are so strong and you are such an amazing mother to your lovely kids. This won’t last forever. You will get through it ❤️
single mom here... had such a hard time the first year with depression and guilt that i did not enjoy every minute to the max. it gets better, your doing a great job, hang in there!
I have been experiencing a lot of emotions too recently. I am 6 months postpartum with my son 💙 Everything will get better mama. I lost my supply at 3.5 months. I completely understand how you feel a whole bunch of us do. Hang in there your doing an amazing job. We love you!!!! Please give yourself an hour or two and go treat yourself it will make you feel good especially going back home to those beautiful babies!!!
I have PPD and PPA. I knew I had it and just kept it bottled up and finally went to the doctor when my done turned 1 because I couldn’t handle it. Being so emotional all day and just feeling down about everything, hoping that I was being a good mom or giving him enough attention. It’s so sad to say but Prozac helped me sooo much! You got this momma! Keep your head up high! ♥️
Colleen, I just want to start by saying that you are an AMAZING mom. During your pregnancy you watched videos of your pregnancy with Flynn while touring and were saying stuff like "How did I do that?" That was a hard time for you too, but you made it through. In a few years you will be able to say "Wow, I made it through pumping and post partum too." You are a warrior. You will get through this and we are all here by your side.
I hope it gets better for you, sending prayers. ❤ ppd and ppa is not talked about enough, thank you for sharing your story/progress so other moms dont feel alone! Many women experience the same feelings/emotion but dont feel like they can talk about it. Just know that what you are feeling is symptoms not who you are.
You’re doing great Colleen! This way you’re feeling is how all Moms feel with their newborns. Take it one day at a time & if you have to give the babies formula it’s ok!!! Don’t be so hard on yourself momma you’re doing just fine!!
Honestly, I had the same problem with my milk supply with my twins. The day just evolved around producing milk, stressing about the milk, pumping,.. The more I stressed, the less I produced. It became a toxic vicious circle and one impossible to function in, especially with a toddler wanting attention also. I felt like crap all the time. So after pumping 2,5 months exclusively I started to phase out the pumping and stopped completely after 3 months. Honestly, no regrets. They are healthy and happy, and so am I. It was the best decision not only for me, but my family.
Feeling exhausted and stressed at night, lots of tears and feelings like „I don‘t have enough milk, it‘s not enough what I‘m doing...“ all I can say about that is: I felt it especially during the first couple of weeks with my newborn and sometimes I am still struggeling, but IT‘S OKAY to feel like that. I always rember myself of that. I am always there and doing the best for my little one❤️ sometimes it‘s hard but it is all worth it❤️ Greetings from Austria🤗
No one gets it unless they lived through it. I’m not a twin mom but my kids are 5 years apart. I thought it would be easy. But they need me in so many different ways. My oldest it going through a lot in 1st grade already. but I feel like I’m there for him. My youngest is 18months. Constant tantrums. He bites he hits he throws everything. He also has never slept through the night. He has to nurse still. I’m exhausted. I want to cry daily. Even with supportive husbands we still feel all the weight on our shoulders. Hugs to you and know you are not alone!
i love you, colleen. this is temporary, soon they'll be laughing and talking and won't need every ounce of you every second of the day. the fact that you're struggling doesn't make you any less impressive to me. i don't have any children and i know what depression is. i admire you for all the things you accomplish despite that. you're an amazing mom.
I know this probably wont help because unlike your beautiful self and all the other amazing mammas in this comment section i am not a mum to an actual human baby but i became a mum to a fur baby and that might not seem like much but i went through all these emotions too because i had never been a puppy mum and to have to change your whole routine to feed, toilet train, play, teach, teething. it all got too much and i believed i couldnt do it and there were nights of no sleep and LOADs of crying and yes i also felt like i lost who i was and am still stuggling to find myself and get back into doing things i like. You are strong and a powerful mom. Keep your head up cause you are doing your absolute best.
I had it too. Stopping breast feeding help a lot. I heard there’s a chemical that can be released from breast feeding. It’s usually supposed to make you feel good but for some it can cause depression.
Oh mama! I feel this so deep in my core. My twins are 2 now but I’m still struggling with the ppd/ppa and the needs to do everything right. I don’t have advise other than hang in there and know the moms understanding you are rooting for you! Like many have said take time for you and make sure you get sleep I know easier said than do but soo important. Especially for your milk supply, don’t beat yourself up if you have to supplement more it’s really ok and they are still so perfectly healthy. Love you!
COLLEEN! I see you- I have been there. I can find myself there from time to time still. But you're not alone. You are doing it. And you will get through those moments of spilled milk (the pain is real), no sleep (the worst), and all the tears (it's best to cry and not hold it in). But you are doing great!!! Sending all the mama love
Tortilla Talk Question: I saw in the background of your video today a training potty. How's Flynn's potty training journey going, especially with juggling the twins at the same time?
I’m so sorry you are struggling Colleen. you are truly so strong and incredible. my heart aches for you. I really appreciate and admire you sharing your lows. it really normalizes struggling with postpartum depression or even depression in general. it helps others know they aren’t alone in how they feel. that is really valuable. you have gotten through every hard day this far, including the NICU days. I’m sorry these days are so hard, but you can get through them like you have all the other hard days. your best is good enough, even if your best is taking a moment to cry in your office with a piece of toast
Thank you for being real and raw with us Colleen. You’re so strong and this will make you even stronger. I admire you for being so open and honest with us always❤️
i swear every time you cry i start crying and just need a hug! i am not pregnant nut just have episodes where i know i am going to start crying because i just feel like crap and then i will get shaky and start sobbing! i know how it feels when you have those episodes! i wish you would give yourself some slack and ask for a hug every once and a while!
So I am not in baby stage any more with my kiddos but I am going through a tough season as a mom - I have never related more to emotions on a vlog - I could feel it in my heart and I wish I could jump through the screen and hug you - I think we are very similar people - just know you are doing a great job even on the days your mind is everywhere else!
I think it’s amazing how Colleen shares everything online, people are so judgemental and cruel and it’s brave to show this really real and tough stuff to help people who are suffering with the same feel less alone. Lovely. Sending love to all struggling with post natal depression.
Colleen you've been through a LOT both physically AND mentally... give yourself some slack. You are doing your best and that's all you can do. I'm not a parent but I imagine going from 1 to 3 is incredibly difficult - but look, you're doing it! 💜 You are smashing it... even if it doesn't feel like it. Your children have a roof over their head, they're loved, they have everything they need. What an amazing mama you are. xxx
God. I remember this stage so vividly. Being a twin mom of newborns who is exclusively pumping with a fluctuating supply is a stress I can’t explain. The exhaustion and depression can be debilitating but you have to keep going. You’re amazing. Please know that you’re not alone in this.
I'm pregnant and I'm still not alone I'm with Colleen bc she's awesome and sweet and cute and pretty and gorgeous and talented and smart and adorable and beautiful and precious
Even as a non mom, I’m so glad she posted the footage at the end….it is extremely valuable content and I applaud Colleen and Erics dedication and strength 🧡
"Every time I said to myself: I can’t take this anymore-I was wrong. The truth was that I could and did take it all-and I kept surviving." - Glennon Doyle. A favorite quote of mine
Glennon Doyle is great. I just startrd listening to her podcast after reading her book Untamed. That is a GREAT quote and I really hope Colleen sees this.
I think its incredible she's documenting the not-so-glamorous sides of being a parent and helping other moms battling post-partum to understand that it's okay to have moments of weakness. ❤
Colleen, no one just “does it.” We all sit there and cry and wonder how we can do another hour or another day or gosh, an entire week. It is so so hard. This is so validating for me and I hope these comments are validating for you. It is SO hard without help. I feel for you so much. You aren’t alone in this. I have cried with you every single time you express the difficulty of motherhood and postpartum, etc. You just keep going and going and going and that’s how we all manage to get through it. There are better days ahead 🤍
This is so true. I think the people who find pregnancy and their baby's infancy "easy" are a rarity. Most of us had to pass off our kids because we knew we needed even a few minutes to ourselves while they cried. Most of us were exhausted. Most of us worried we were messing up. Most of us felt moments (or more than moments) of depression. I cannot tell you the relief I feel when I look back at pictures or baby videos of me with my kids and I'm actually happy! Because it certainly didn't feel like that! Especially when they were newborns. This is really, really hard. If you are able, it might help to focus more on all the things you're doing right (of which there are MANY) and not the things that you feel are not going well. We all see you doing SO MUCH "right".
it IS hard, no one is going to think anything bad when you say that. I found it so hard with 1, now with 2 the transition was less hard but its still hard and I cant imagine with twins omg... This will pass
“I don’t know how people do this” you say while you’re doing it. Colleen I want you to know that we’re all here for you and we look up to you. You’re doing it and I promise that in a year you’re going to look back and this and say “oh my god I’m a super hero” because that’s exactly what you are🥰
i love how real she is with the pregnancy stuff. not everyone is open about things that happen and only post the good and happy parts of it all which gives some people false expectations for pregnancy but seeing colleen be so real is so validating
@@dr.wolfstar1765 No, not everyone has this same experience. But some people DO. And knowing they aren't alone and that there are other people out there who feel similar is a priceless gift. Your friends are fortunate, but not everyone has their experience either. This wasn't the place to make someone who's already struggling feel even worse.
I'm not a mother, but seeing the ending of a glimpse into post partum depression, my heart hurt. I can understand and empathize with depression, even though it's not post partum. Something I've wanted to say for awhile now is what you're feeling is incredibly understandable and valid. It's damn hard, and I can only imagine how wearing it can be from not just the NICU times but every day the different struggles that are happening, plus preparing for Wes' surgery. Having these feelings doesn't make you a bad mom. Honestly quite the contrary! I think recognizing and understanding that you have these feelings makes you incredibly human, and only a better mom. You're in therapy working through these things, you're taking care of yourself and your babies to the best of your ability. If that doesn't make someone an amazing mama I don't know what does. Being in touch with your emotions and crying as often as you need to is an amazing and healthy thing. I understand the duality of having the guilt of these, but I hope if you see this comment that it helps you feel a bit more normalized with having this. Sending so much love!
Colleen, remember when you said "I can't do it" during your pregnancy, YOU DID IT. And now, when you say "I can't do it", just know you WILL DO IT. You got this, love 💕 I'm so proud of you.
When you're exhausted to the max and your body is a hormone cocktail the emotional impact of any little mishap is magnified tenfold. Thank you for sharing this. We see you, mama. You're not alone and you're still doing a great job.
Two things that could help: 1. When it's the middle of the night, keep the lights off, keep the environment quiet and calm. When it's 1 am and the lights are bright and you're talking at your normal volume, babies think it's awake time. Get their days and nights on a rhythm so they know when it's time to be awake and sleeping. 2. I'm a mom of four, I've breastfed them all. I totally understand how and why breastfeeding is important to you. But you owe it to yourself and them to transition to formula. Take pumping off your plate because as wonderful as breastmilk is, it sounds like it's causing so much more stress and sleeplessness than you can handle. Formula is fine, the babies will be fine. They will never know the difference.
Yes! Mom of 2 here, Colleen it’s A-Ok to get these babies on formula. It’s more important for mama to be fed and rested than stressing yourself out over pumping. If you get more rest your mental health will improve. It is hard to deal when you have no sleep. ❤️💙
Fed is best. Period. Doesn’t matter if it’s pumped milk or formula. Fed is best. My best friend only breastfed her daughter for 8 weeks and was so upset when she was starting to transition to formula but her mental health improved greatly when she started formula feeding. Take care of yourself first to take the best possible care of these sweet babies. Love you Colleen. You’re super mama!
Completely agreed with you. Also a mum of 4 including twins and I breastfed all of them. But other than pumping to increase my supply with my first and second when it came to my twins it was tandem or nothing because the only advantage was the feeding them at the same time. Pumping in addition to feeding is just a huge huge commitment and you really are running yourself so ragged. Formula is totally fine and healthy for you and your babies and yes making bottles takes time but not anymore considering you’re already doing all of that on top of spending 1/3 of your day pumping that you could be spending resting.
Tortilla Talk Question: Have you ever thought about creating a children’s song album with Erik? The two of you come up with such awesome little songs for Flynn and the babies and I feel like that would be such a good project for the two of you!
Who ever said "don't cry over spilled milk" has NEVER been a breastfeeding mama, I feel you, I hear you, I was you, you are in my thoughts Colleen, I love you
I am CONVINCED that the term “don’t cry over spilled milk” must have come from being a momma- cause THAT is milk that you definitely cry over spilling 😅😭😭😭 I’ve cried over spilled pumped milk soooo many times. You’re doing great mama! Thank you for sharing such honest content ♥️ I can so relate!! You’re incredible!
@@catlovernat yah that makes more sense haha I just take more comfort in relating it to pumping breastmilk I guess 😂 since I’ve personally never milked a cow daily, but I have felt like a cow myself pumping everyday lol
Tortilla talk: I'm curious, have you talked to your sister in law how she does it? She has so many children, is a stay at home mom and how does she do with her mental health? Does she or has ever had postpartum depression?
@@mileis7042 Yeah there’s no shade there. It’s obvious Jessica and Christopher have a lot of kids and she’s simply asking her if she’s been there with postpartum depression and how she’s dealt with it.
@@mileis7042 no shade at all here. the question is simply whether Colleen has turned to her sister-in-law (who is very experienced when it comes to new babies) for further advice.
This resonates with me on many levels. I had a traumatic birth experience and suffered major depression and anxiety after the birth of my daughter. I pumped exclusively around the clock for months because she wouldn’t latch. I had major guilt, sleep deprivation, and I couldn’t enjoy those small moments. After much deliberation, I decided to give up pumping exclusively, and this was the best decision I could’ve made. I was able to sleep more and have more time away from the pump and all the pump parts and bottles. My moments with her got better and my depression went away. Still hard, but it was a major major relief and weight off my shoulders to give up pumping. My daughter is almost 3 now. Healthy as can be, and I think back to that time and really wish I wouldn’t have beat myself up so much. That I wouldn’t have put so much pressure on myself during that time. None of it really matters in the long term, bigger picture. It’s so hard to think this way in the moment, but try and really sit down and ask yourself what might make YOU feel better. And everything else will fall into place. Don’t beat yourself up, mama. You are doing the best for those babies❤️
So good to hear you and your daughter are doing great!☺️ In all honesty, before Colleen’s vlogs I wasn’t even aware pumping was such a big thing. I remember by mother telling me she didn’t make enough milk for my sister so quickly switched to formula and she didn’t even feel like trying with me. Thought it was super normal for mothers to give their babies formula, especially since it can save the mother so much time and trouble🙈
This describes my situation almost EXACTLY. Sending your past self a little love, and Colleen, sending you all the love and strength. PPD is SO hard. Exclusively Pumping is SO hard. Being a Mama to new littles while having a toddler is SO hard. You are doing amazing and even though you don't have it all together, you are the best Mama to your littles and we can all see that. Hang in there. You're a rockstar.
@@RenskeMk There's nothing abnormal about bottle babies, hun! Colleen is putting in A LOT of needed stress on HERSELF, IMO... Breast or bottle feeding is a personal choice, and if what you chose puts a lot of stress on you, then why do it? No law says you HAVE to breastfeed... If she is that stressed about it, it could be that those babies could also feel and be stressed. Clearly, she doesn't enjoy the job, which makes it less enjoyable for her and the twins...Again, IMO...
Oh my sweet girl. It’s been 23 years and 4 months since I had my daughter, and this video brings me right back to those exhausted, upsude down, chaotic days where i didn’t think i’d make it another moment. I had post partum then but didn’t know it, i just suffered in silence. I want you to know that you will get through this too. You are stronger, braver, more resiliant than you know or feel that you are. This IS the hardest job you will ever have. I am/was a twin. And my Mom raised us by herself (back in the 60’s) and she survived as well. No, it isn’t easy, but you’ve got this. Take one moment at a time. Of course no one tells us how hard it can be, i don’t know why but we/they don’t. You have an amazing support system. Keep speaking your truth outloud, we will listen.
💕YOU ARE THE BEST FREAKING MOM GODDESS!!!! Those beautiful tiny humans have the most incredible parents. SENDING MOUNTIANS AND MOUNTIANS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!!!!!💕
I feel like a lot of these feelings are coming from pumping/breastfeeding. It’s EXHAUSTING. Once I switched to formula, I felt so relieved. My baby cried less, slept longer, and was just happier in general. And so was I! There’s so much pressure to keep breastfeeding and pumping but it really takes a toll on your body including your mental health.
The switch to formula was life changing for me. No more crying babies from being hungry, no more anxiety for me, more sleep for everyone!
I cannot speak to this personally but I was wondering if this switch would help!! Even just relieving of the pumping pressure and duties. To be able to mix up a bottle right then and there might give her another hour of time.
Amen! I felt like sooo much weight came off of me when I switched to formula. I actually enjoyed spending time with my baby, rather than looking at them and feeling stress/guilt over not being able to give them enough of my milk!
Absolutely!!
@@ott3rr 100%%%%
What stands out to me is how you, in the midst of tears and sadness, will still speak to your babies in a positive and loving tone. You’re a butterfly, but right now you’re feeling the squeeze of the cocoon as you transform. What a painful process it can be, what a heavy load you are carrying. I hope you know it’s ok to feel like you’ve lost it, just remember that it won’t be like this forever. ❤️
You said it all so beautifully. I totally agree.
What a beautiful and supportive comment. I feel the love and it wasn't even directed at me. Yay
this is a great way to put it :)
I really hope she sees this comment, this is beautiful
The way you articulated this is amazing!
Colleen, as a mom who struggled, and I mean STRUGGLED, thru postpartum depression and anxiety after each of my three births I want to thank you for not hiding your experiences. Mine got worse after each birth so by the the time I had my third and final baby it was something I couldn’t get under control on my own at home and I had to go in the hospital and leave my kids and new baby. I felt like such a failure. But I now see that I did what was best for my kids and I. The best advice I ever got was to remember that this doesn’t last forever. Your sunshine is just on the other side of tomorrow. Hold on my dear, hold on.
Sending u nothing but love and kindness you're very strong and an amazing mother 🖤
@@anaisbananas5360 Oh my dear I really hope and pray that you don’t have the same experience this time around. I was one of the unlucky ones I guess. You’ll be in my prayers. I wish you an easy birth, healthy babies, a quick recovery, and no postpartum. 💗
Erik is an angel! You’re so blessed to have such a supportive partner during this journey!
Also, I struggled with the upkeep of breast milk via pumping. Switching to formula only was life changing. At the time I didn’t want to hear that. I breastfed my other kids, so why couldn’t I do the same with my last baby?? I stressed, lost sleep, which both depleted my milk supply. I kind of grieved over the idea of not giving my own milk to my baby. But once I realized that fed is best, I switched. Slowly added formula to my own milk, more and more until it phased out the breast milk. He did fine. We slept better. No more pumps to clean, etc….
Eliminate the things you can safely do for your sanity sake. It’s worth it to go exclusively formula fed. I promise.
I agree. I did the same with my twins and there’s ways to organize the bottles and formula to make it faster to make the milk in the middle of the night as well.
I also fed my twins half an hour apart from each other. It made it a lot easier to be able to handle both of them on my own and to have alone time with each of them to help them sleep.
We are here for you. Every twin mom just needs a good support team. We also have a helpline here where I live where you can call midwives up and ask them any questions. I used to call that number all the time even if it was for the dumbest questions lol. I think you might have something like that in America to..maybe ask the hospitals or your doctor?
Xx
This comment should have more likes! Such good advice.
I had to do the same with my son, adding formula as she has already is a great start. Increasing formal/ breastmilk over time to water transition is how i got my kiddo to switch, as my supplied dried. He hated when i tried formula and would gag as she describe. this comment needs more likes so she can see it.
I don't have twins but went through this with my firstborn. I too exclusively pumped for 3 months before making the decision to switch to formula. It was the best decision for us. If you go this route, something that made life much easier for us was buying a formula pitcher. You could make a big batch of formula (what you know they'll drink in a day) and keep it in the fridge. Then you can just grab, pour, and heat instead of mixing bottles all day. Just a tip from one mom to another.
The Lactation Cookies were Heaven sent ( *_FOR ME_* ) I loved them, I went back to work after 3 months and couldn’t pump or feed as frequently so my supply DROPPPED. I went from being able to feed her & then immediately pump & freeze a couple bags of milk to just barelyyyy making enough for a feeding at the time of the feed & forget about pumping after & then I got the cookies and it helped up my supply. Really hope it works for you!! The oatmeal ones were my faves.
I hope she sees this comment!!! That's amazing that they worked for you!
@@shannonmccarthy3461, I hope she sees all the great suggestions! She needs to stop putting so much pressure on herself! Breastfeeding is a choice, not a law!
Twin parent; I remember crying a lot & repeating over & over to myself: this too shall pass. And it did. They are 11 now & worth every tear. ❤️❤️
i’m so glad you put in the hard stuff. you have always been a trail blazer for women on the internet regarding pregnancy and motherhood. never stop-i have learned so much from you
👏👏👏 yes!
Yes!!!
Colleen, I had a lot of struggle with my first baby. She was born during the pandemic and I had no family support really.
I think something has got to give here for you. I let things get bad until I reached a major tipping point. It wasn't good for me or my daughter, and in the end I had to make some serious changes to survive.
I think it might be time for you to stop pumping and that is OKAY. I know how profoundly you want to breastfeed your babies, but it's destroying you. You don't get anywhere near enough sleep, or time to eat. And the more exhausted you get the more difficult it will be to take care of your babies. If you stopped pumping, you would at least get a little bit more sleep... Don't underestimate what a difference that might make for you.
My mom used to tell me “ in order for you to take care of your kids you have to take care of you” it’s true she can’t be the best mom ever if she isn’t taking care of herself
Agreed
Either stop or get a willow pump so you can pump while feeding the babies and get multiple set of parts so you don't need to clean them until the next day. The Willow pump doesn't leak when used with a bag so you can do anything while pumping, it's what saved my journey.
Yes, I agree with this comment. I had my second son on the 4th of January and sleep is so important. Even two hours makes a huge difference in my mental and physical state. It helps aid in healing and restoring the body.
Breastfeeding my twins was so hard. My mental health suffered the entire first year because I was so stubborn and continued to pump (I also couldn’t make enough, but if I had one baby I would be way overproducing) when it was clearly destroying my mental well being. Twins are an entirely different ballgame and surviving was my goal the whole first year. You are doing great but also give yourself a break and understand that you have to let go of some of the balls you are trying to juggle 💙 I wish I took my own advice my first year because it hurt my marriage and now I am trying to put in the work now to overcome the struggles I had the first year.
I assure you
Whoever created the saying “don’t cry over spilled milk”
Was never someone who pumped and had a short supply.
I feel you on this!
Your doing great momma!
Every breastfeeding momma can relate!
Even though I don’t have kids this is still such a representation of what depression is. Thank you for that. Sorry you have to feel that way. Just know that if you got through that day, you can do it again. Sending love 🤍
I was 10 weeks pregnant and had a miscarriage still recovering from the operation of cleaning the womb. Been watching you since Flynn. So happy you have your rainbow twins.
Currently watching this in the ER as I wait for results from my sonogram after coming in with symptoms of MC. I love how strong and selfless us women are 💪🏼 💕
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Keep looking up cause that’s where it all is 💕
@@evvy11 send you so much love & strength 🙏🏻. Hope you’re ok now ❤️❤️.. I have PMDD which is a rare hormone disorder before your period & it looks something like crying , feeling so blue & not being able to control it . Us Woman are so strong 😩💪🏼. Again much love 💕
Girl, I am sitting here with my fussy baby with braded hair eating in the middle of the night watching you. I feel you so much!
Hey Colleen!! My boss has twins and had quite a few moments similar to yours. Something to try and focus on for you though is how amazing it’ll be once they get just a little bit older! Her twins are so developmentally advanced just because they are able to talk to each other and have a playmate 24/7. They’re only 2, but I’m always shocked by how chatty and awesome and SMART they are (and this is coming from a teacher who works with kids all day). Flynn is such an awesome and fun little dude too, and in just a short amount of time, those two are gonna be at that stage! ❤️ Their own fun little personalities and laughs and likes and dislikes :) YOU GOT THIS!!! Newborn stage is so so hard but you can do this. Another thing to remind yourself of is that it is A-ok to supplement and eventually fully switch to formula!! Your kiddos just want a happy and healthy mama more than anything. Praying for you to get through it! 🙏🏻
I just had a huge fight with my mom and I came into my room to watch this video. After I watched the last part I ran into the office and gave her a hug. She had me really young and I knew that but I never understood all that she gave up for me and my younger brother. Kids can get mad at their parents and say a bunch of things but they will never truly understand how many opportunities that our parents missed out on because of us.
❤️❤️
You sweet woman! You are a AMAZING mother! As someone who had PPD it was horrible. I felt a lone and felt like I was drowning. Keep your head up and never feel bad for crying or asking for help. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us.
You blew my mind when you said ‘have you mourned the loss before being a mama. It’s an unspoken thing that many women feel but never share. I applaud you for your honesty and please know that your truth is enlightening and impactful. You’ve got this !! I pray you see this in the midst of harsh comments and misunderstandings x
❤❤❤ i have felt this so much , I still feel this going into my 2nd little guys 1st year and MAN . It .will. break you. I don't know how many times I rocked him trying to get him back to sleep , sobbing , just wanting a break. Just wanting to feel better and ok. It seems like it's never going to end . And I think what you said about "you just get through it" that's it. That's what you do. Because it's all you can do , and it seems like such an un impactful set of words "you get through it" but damn it is a struggggggle. Getting through it can be so hard . I'm so glad you shared this because I have been in the deepest pits of it and felt so alone, and now even looking back on the worst of it this made me feel so much better. I feel seen, and I see you mama. Sending you so much love and prayers . ❤️
Colleen I'm sending you a big mama hug! I also had ppd and you are literally saying things I felt too. Something my OB/GYN said that really helped me was, "you can love your baby and still be hating everything at the same time." I remember days thinking, "Is taking care of my baby the only thing I'm going to do today?" and wishing I could accomplish anything else. We will never know how we did it, but we will do it. Keep checking off days. You will sleep again.
THANK YOU FOR SHOWING THIS - the moments where you absolutely dread to hear them wake up over and over again. Nothing makes you more depressed..
Colleen, I exclusively pumped for 6 months and I lost myself completely. I was an emotional, tired, hostile monster. It is the hardest thing ever let alone doing it for twins. I was obsessed with my breast milk and seeing how much I could produce. I almost went broke buying all the supplements and trying everything I could to produce more and more. Eventually I hated who I had become, and I couldn’t stand myself. I got a kit to make a ring from my breast milk and I returned the pump to my pharmacy. My fiancé bought us a baby brezza. It was life changing. I felt like an entire new person, I got more sleep, my baby was more satisfied, the baby brezza was mindless, I felt like a human again and was finally able to enjoy my baby.
Please consider doing this. You’ve given them all you’ve got, but you’re depleted. In that last clip I felt like I was watching myself. It’s heartbreaking to give up pumping but maybe a token of your journey will help you move forward. You’re truly the best, once you get past this you will feel better I promise. 💕 all my love.
I was just watching your authentic, vulnerable self that you so courageously shared with us at the end and whilst I don’t have advice… I had this thought of when Terri read you before the twins were born and she spoke about you helping momma’s and that being a big part of your career moving forward - It’s in these moments that you are being given the biggest gift of insight and empathy of which you can share when this has passed for you! Nobody wants a guru, positive, mantra and mindset driven, coach wannabe who’s never gone through it - because the reality is - that it’s not possible when you’re in the suffering - but it can be what comes after, with genuine support! we all need darkness to see the light 💗
We all love you right now in this moment - together x
Colleen is so open about her emotions, life can be terrible but we have to keep on going, even if that means screaming and crying.
I just want to say thank you for being so generous in sharing your candid and vulnerable side with everyone here. You see so many "raw and real" motherhood videos that are not really as candid. It hurts me to see you cry but at the same time it made me feel less alone. Because girl I would CRY with my little one. When I told my friends that I dealt with crying at 5 am, I was referring to was me and not my baby. You're right, anything is better than the NICU but what you're feeling is so very valid. It's still so hard to be at home with the little ones, to have these sweet beings be so dependent on you when you can barely take care of yourself. My daughter had a brain tumor and had it removed at 9 months. She suffered two strokes after her surgery and is still trying to rehabilitate. It was the most traumatic experience of my life. Even though id never want to be back at the hospital, it sometimes feels like the safest place for me and my family to be. I wish I could help you and be there for you but please keep sharing your stories and know you're not alone. Sending you lots of love.
Really appreciate seeing this. I’m due in 5 weeks with my first. Your pregnancy journey has been there with me and all of my “is this normal?!” questions. As someone who struggles with their mental health, I’m worried about PP. seeing this honest portrayal helps me see that you can still struggle and be a fabulous committed mom. Keep going. You’re doing great mama.
You sharing you’re postpartum depression experience has made me feel so much better. This is completely real and raw and helps me feel validated.
This is what real motherhood looks like thank you for educating the world
I needed this video. It helped me realize I never grieved the loss of me, or let myself grieve for how hard it was taking care of my infant. It was SO HARD. But I made it through, day by day. Cheers to us for simply still being alive and present to tell these raw stories of motherhood. Some days, that’s enough to be thankful for. Thank you, Colleen, for sharing your struggles. You are not alone!
Colleen, thank you so much for sharing that footage of PPD. I am currently struggling with you even 1 year after the birth of my baby. It made me feel better to know that I am not alone.
Tortilla Talk Question: If you’re okay with it, are you willing to share how the stressful bits of life with twins is affecting Flynn, if at all? Does he see you or Eric stressed or crying and does he ask about it? I’ve always admired how positive and encouraging but also honest you are with Flynn and was just wondering if you’ve had to deal with him noticing a change in your energies.
P.S. It’s difficult to imagine but you are currently and will continue to get through this! 🤍
I also had bad postpartum depression, felt the same loads of guilt, blaming myself why I can’t be happy even though my baby is my everything, wanting to have time alone but the same time don’t want to be away from my baby, its nothing to be ashamed of. I know you can you do it, stay strong ❤️
I absolutely love when Kory voices over Colleen's mistakes. It slays me hahaha
it might not feel like it sometimes, but you're doing an amazing job. you're doing something really hard. be kind to yourself. sending love to you guys!!!
Watching Colleen be so open in how she felt made me call my own mom crying hysterically telling her how thankful I am for her and all of her sacrifices. I never could have grasped the intensity and roller coaster of emotions you experience after having kids, and am so amazed at her and all the other mothers out there. This probably wasnt easy to post, let alone experience, so thank you for being able to share this and show me a world I was so oblivious to.
I’m grateful you let us cry with you instead of pretending everything is butterflies and rainbows because even as someone who is still a teenager and doesn’t have kids it makes me feel better knowing that you are able to “share” these moment with us
Your kids have the best gift ever: two parents who would do anything for them and parents who give them unconditional love!! ❤️ I’m not a mom but I have been a nanny, and it is okay to ask for help. You’re doing amazing and I know it can be so hard
As someone who could only breastfeed for 6 weeks due to lack of supply to the point the doctor even put me on tablets to boost my supply, that didn’t work for me, formula was the best thing for us and helped a lot with the stress. Massive kudos to you for breast feeding twins for so long! The amount of stuff you and those kiddos have had to deal with so early on is unimaginable. One baby had me feeling most of the things you’re describing so doing it with twins and a toddler, You guys are all amazing and you should be so proud!
Sending so much love from Tasmania, Australia 💕💕
I cried with you today Colleen. I’m so sorry. Being a mother is so hard and so selfless and so incredibly impossible at times… and we don’t have a choice but to keep going. I hope those around you are checking in on how you are REALLY doing because I know depression thoughts are incredibly scary. Sending you love. ❤️
Flyn is so beautiful the way he interact with his mama and the way he talks I melted everytime
You and I have some similarities in that I had a NICU baby, a baby with colic, had PD, and 2 of my 4 babies I pumped for and eventually gave up. I had support too but when you’re feeling the postpartum depression, we don’t see it in the moment. All we see is how we’re failing, how hard it is, and if we can go on or not. My kids are older now and though I HATED those days, they’ve made me SO strong and capable to get through anything. I didn’t realize it then but now I do-it is SO important to take time for yourself. I know it’s hard but let your mom and Erik take them and get a long nap. Get out of the house and go to target, get coffee, do something for YOU. It will give you some mental clarity as well as the mental strength to get back in there and fight through this. You’ve got this mama! Hour by hour, day by day. ❤️
From a fellow mama, I think switching to formula would take a huge weight off of your shoulders. I know what it’s like to have to give up breastfeeding/pumping but I promise you your babies will be perfectly fine and you can’t fill from an empty cup. 💕
Yes to this !
It’s ok to let out and cry sometimes Colleen! You are doing so well! We are all here for you and I hope you know that! Sending lots of love ❤️
Thank you for sharing this! This is so raw and real. I often feel like that when my episodic depression hits. Crying all day, laughing in between crying, just feelin overwhelmed. I feel you. ❤️
I was a single mom of twins at 19 and it was the hardest thing I have ever ever done. But they are now about to be 15 and we got through it and it is all going to be ok 💜
Thank you for your honesty, depression is not an easy thing to deal with and I really appreciate the courage you have to show yourself this vulnerable to us, and believe me Colleen there is someone out there who will look at this and help them get through the bad times they are in.
it amazes me even through mid tears and depression, you still speak to your children with so much kindness and positive energy. Not many can do that and I applaud you so much. It would be so incredibly hard doing what you’re doing I’m not a mother yet, but I know it would be so so difficult. You’re doing amazing. You’re human, you’re allowed to feel all these things. You’re allowed to feel and express and be sad. It’s okay. You’re still an amazing mum even if you want or need a break. You’re truly amazing Colleen and so is Eric! You guys are super parents! And all super parents need a break some times! You’ve got this mama! You’re surviving, I believe in you so much. Thank you so much for showing us your vulnerable night❤️❤️❤️
The end of the video felt like it was coming from my own brain. Having a very hard time postpartum with my second baby. I have two under 2 and struggling very hard. It was nice to cry along with you ❤️
❤🙏🏼 Being raw and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable is the first steps to healing.
You are doing The Greatest with what yiu have and sweet woman that's all we can do as Mothers .
I have never had twins but I have had four precious children and the fears and the worries that come with being a Mother are real and each of us will deal with them differently.
Continue to be Honest and ask for help when you need it as this is vital for growth .
When I was totally exhausted I questioned everything I did as a Mother but keeping my mind busy as well as being active and hydrated also helped me deal with my Depression and thoughts of being a failure. ❤🙏🏼😊
Sending all my Love and Positive Energy. Xoxoxo
It’s so heartbreaking to see Colleen so sad and struggling so much. I don’t think she will see this but, Colleen, you are so strong and you are such an amazing mother to your lovely kids. This won’t last forever. You will get through it ❤️
single mom here... had such a hard time the first year with depression and guilt that i did not enjoy every minute to the max. it gets better, your doing a great job, hang in there!
Even though you can’t see it right now, we all see how amazing and strong you are. You will get though this because you are an awesome mom.
I wish I could give you the biggest hug. You’re doing such a great job, and you’re a wonderful mama. Hang in there ♥️
I have been experiencing a lot of emotions too recently. I am 6 months postpartum with my son 💙 Everything will get better mama. I lost my supply at 3.5 months. I completely understand how you feel a whole bunch of us do. Hang in there your doing an amazing job. We love you!!!! Please give yourself an hour or two and go treat yourself it will make you feel good especially going back home to those beautiful babies!!!
How is it that your just the most precious human? You opening packages was just the sweetest thing.
I have PPD and PPA. I knew I had it and just kept it bottled up and finally went to the doctor when my done turned 1 because I couldn’t handle it. Being so emotional all day and just feeling down about everything, hoping that I was being a good mom or giving him enough attention. It’s so sad to say but Prozac helped me sooo much! You got this momma! Keep your head up high! ♥️
Colleen, I just want to start by saying that you are an AMAZING mom. During your pregnancy you watched videos of your pregnancy with Flynn while touring and were saying stuff like "How did I do that?" That was a hard time for you too, but you made it through. In a few years you will be able to say "Wow, I made it through pumping and post partum too." You are a warrior. You will get through this and we are all here by your side.
I hope it gets better for you, sending prayers. ❤ ppd and ppa is not talked about enough, thank you for sharing your story/progress so other moms dont feel alone! Many women experience the same feelings/emotion but dont feel like they can talk about it.
Just know that what you are feeling is symptoms not who you are.
You’re doing great Colleen! This way you’re feeling is how all Moms feel with their newborns. Take it one day at a time & if you have to give the babies formula it’s ok!!! Don’t be so hard on yourself momma you’re doing just fine!!
Honestly, I had the same problem with my milk supply with my twins. The day just evolved around producing milk, stressing about the milk, pumping,.. The more I stressed, the less I produced. It became a toxic vicious circle and one impossible to function in, especially with a toddler wanting attention also. I felt like crap all the time. So after pumping 2,5 months exclusively I started to phase out the pumping and stopped completely after 3 months. Honestly, no regrets. They are healthy and happy, and so am I. It was the best decision not only for me, but my family.
Feeling exhausted and stressed at night, lots of tears and feelings like „I don‘t have enough milk, it‘s not enough what I‘m doing...“ all I can say about that is: I felt it especially during the first couple of weeks with my newborn and sometimes I am still struggeling, but IT‘S OKAY to feel like that. I always rember myself of that.
I am always there and doing the best for my little one❤️ sometimes it‘s hard but it is all worth it❤️
Greetings from Austria🤗
No one gets it unless they lived through it. I’m not a twin mom but my kids are 5 years apart. I thought it would be easy. But they need me in so many different ways. My oldest it going through a lot in 1st grade already. but I feel like I’m there for him. My youngest is 18months. Constant tantrums. He bites he hits he throws everything. He also has never slept through the night. He has to nurse still. I’m exhausted. I want to cry daily. Even with supportive husbands we still feel all the weight on our shoulders. Hugs to you and know you are not alone!
Thank you for sharing. I'm one month postpartum with just one baby and I can't imagine how hard it is with two.
i love you, colleen. this is temporary, soon they'll be laughing and talking and won't need every ounce of you every second of the day. the fact that you're struggling doesn't make you any less impressive to me. i don't have any children and i know what depression is. i admire you for all the things you accomplish despite that. you're an amazing mom.
I know this probably wont help because unlike your beautiful self and all the other amazing mammas in this comment section i am not a mum to an actual human baby but i became a mum to a fur baby and that might not seem like much but i went through all these emotions too because i had never been a puppy mum and to have to change your whole routine to feed, toilet train, play, teach, teething. it all got too much and i believed i couldnt do it and there were nights of no sleep and LOADs of crying and yes i also felt like i lost who i was and am still stuggling to find myself and get back into doing things i like.
You are strong and a powerful mom. Keep your head up cause you are doing your absolute best.
i got diagnosed recently with dermatillomania and have a long experience with depression and anxiety, so i hope you're well
Thank you so much for this video. I'm dealing with post-partum depression myself and it's so helpful to hear your experience.
I had it too. Stopping breast feeding help a lot. I heard there’s a chemical that can be released from breast feeding. It’s usually supposed to make you feel good but for some it can cause depression.
Oh mama! I feel this so deep in my core. My twins are 2 now but I’m still struggling with the ppd/ppa and the needs to do everything right. I don’t have advise other than hang in there and know the moms understanding you are rooting for you! Like many have said take time for you and make sure you get sleep I know easier said than do but soo important. Especially for your milk supply, don’t beat yourself up if you have to supplement more it’s really ok and they are still so perfectly healthy. Love you!
COLLEEN! I see you- I have been there. I can find myself there from time to time still. But you're not alone. You are doing it. And you will get through those moments of spilled milk (the pain is real), no sleep (the worst), and all the tears (it's best to cry and not hold it in). But you are doing great!!! Sending all the mama love
OMG COLLEEN IM OBSESSED WITH THE COLOR PURPLE TOO!! IT ANNOYS MY FRIENDS SO MUCH!!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜😁😁
you are soooo strong and you got this just keep pushing through
Tortilla Talk Question: I saw in the background of your video today a training potty. How's Flynn's potty training journey going, especially with juggling the twins at the same time?
It looks like nothing is happening with the potty training 😬
I love how Flynn hears 'hey beautiful' from the card and goes for me? 😀
I’m so sorry you are struggling Colleen. you are truly so strong and incredible. my heart aches for you. I really appreciate and admire you sharing your lows. it really normalizes struggling with postpartum depression or even depression in general. it helps others know they aren’t alone in how they feel. that is really valuable. you have gotten through every hard day this far, including the NICU days. I’m sorry these days are so hard, but you can get through them like you have all the other hard days. your best is good enough, even if your best is taking a moment to cry in your office with a piece of toast
You should get the otterbox pop socket cases! They're built into the case and they're awesome!
Thank you for being real and raw with us Colleen. You’re so strong and this will make you even stronger. I admire you for being so open and honest with us always❤️
Coconut water (for many of my friends) helped with milk production and it’s also hydrated!! They swore by it.
i swear every time you cry i start crying and just need a hug! i am not pregnant nut just have episodes where i know i am going to start crying because i just feel like crap and then i will get shaky and start sobbing! i know how it feels when you have those episodes! i wish you would give yourself some slack and ask for a hug every once and a while!
So I am not in baby stage any more with my kiddos but I am going through a tough season as a mom - I have never related more to emotions on a vlog - I could feel it in my heart and I wish I could jump through the screen and hug you - I think we are very similar people - just know you are doing a great job even on the days your mind is everywhere else!
I think it’s amazing how Colleen shares everything online, people are so judgemental and cruel and it’s brave to show this really real and tough stuff to help people who are suffering with the same feel less alone. Lovely. Sending love to all struggling with post natal depression.
i loved watching you open amazon packages and just talking ab gus and daisy and each thing u got and why. been watching since 2014 and i will forever
Colleen you've been through a LOT both physically AND mentally... give yourself some slack. You are doing your best and that's all you can do.
I'm not a parent but I imagine going from 1 to 3 is incredibly difficult - but look, you're doing it! 💜 You are smashing it... even if it doesn't feel like it. Your children have a roof over their head, they're loved, they have everything they need. What an amazing mama you are. xxx
Omg Cherry watching Colleen! This has made my day 💜
Love u cherry!! 💗 Watching Colleen's videos on RUclips actually lead me to you!!
God. I remember this stage so vividly. Being a twin mom of newborns who is exclusively pumping with a fluctuating supply is a stress I can’t explain. The exhaustion and depression can be debilitating but you have to keep going. You’re amazing. Please know that you’re not alone in this.
You moms (especially to multiples) are superheroes!!
I'm pregnant and I'm still not alone I'm with Colleen bc she's awesome and sweet and cute and pretty and gorgeous and talented and smart and adorable and beautiful and precious
Even as a non mom, I’m so glad she posted the footage at the end….it is extremely valuable content and I applaud Colleen and Erics dedication and strength 🧡
"Every time I said to myself: I can’t take this anymore-I was wrong. The truth was that I could and did take it all-and I kept surviving." - Glennon Doyle. A favorite quote of mine
This speaks to my life right now. Thanks for sharing this quote
Wow this is the best quote. And I so needed it. Thanks for sharing it.
I looooooove Glennon Doyle!!! I've been listening to her podcast 💕
Glennon Doyle is great. I just startrd listening to her podcast after reading her book Untamed. That is a GREAT quote and I really hope Colleen sees this.
This quote is beautiful. Thanks for sharing ❤️
I think its incredible she's documenting the not-so-glamorous sides of being a parent and helping other moms battling post-partum to understand that it's okay to have moments of weakness. ❤
Colleen, no one just “does it.” We all sit there and cry and wonder how we can do another hour or another day or gosh, an entire week. It is so so hard. This is so validating for me and I hope these comments are validating for you. It is SO hard without help. I feel for you so much. You aren’t alone in this. I have cried with you every single time you express the difficulty of motherhood and postpartum, etc. You just keep going and going and going and that’s how we all manage to get through it. There are better days ahead 🤍
This is so true. I think the people who find pregnancy and their baby's infancy "easy" are a rarity. Most of us had to pass off our kids because we knew we needed even a few minutes to ourselves while they cried. Most of us were exhausted. Most of us worried we were messing up. Most of us felt moments (or more than moments) of depression. I cannot tell you the relief I feel when I look back at pictures or baby videos of me with my kids and I'm actually happy! Because it certainly didn't feel like that! Especially when they were newborns. This is really, really hard. If you are able, it might help to focus more on all the things you're doing right (of which there are MANY) and not the things that you feel are not going well. We all see you doing SO MUCH "right".
it IS hard, no one is going to think anything bad when you say that. I found it so hard with 1, now with 2 the transition was less hard but its still hard and I cant imagine with twins omg... This will pass
“I don’t know how people do this” you say while you’re doing it. Colleen I want you to know that we’re all here for you and we look up to you. You’re doing it and I promise that in a year you’re going to look back and this and say “oh my god I’m a super hero” because that’s exactly what you are🥰
You all are amazing, Jesus loves you 🥰
Yes!! Exactly!
this gave me goosebumps. she really is a super hero.
i love how real she is with the pregnancy stuff. not everyone is open about things that happen and only post the good and happy parts of it all which gives some people false expectations for pregnancy but seeing colleen be so real is so validating
i LOVE her pregnancy/postpartum videos. they’re so different from everyone else’s & she doesn’t sugarcoat it.
Same i wish she would write a book on her experience
Or… your friends all had kids and knew that you were not the one to share the honest truth with.
@@dr.wolfstar1765 No, not everyone has this same experience. But some people DO. And knowing they aren't alone and that there are other people out there who feel similar is a priceless gift. Your friends are fortunate, but not everyone has their experience either. This wasn't the place to make someone who's already struggling feel even worse.
@@dr.wolfstar1765 you’re so negative, get lost
I'm not a mother, but seeing the ending of a glimpse into post partum depression, my heart hurt. I can understand and empathize with depression, even though it's not post partum. Something I've wanted to say for awhile now is what you're feeling is incredibly understandable and valid. It's damn hard, and I can only imagine how wearing it can be from not just the NICU times but every day the different struggles that are happening, plus preparing for Wes' surgery. Having these feelings doesn't make you a bad mom. Honestly quite the contrary! I think recognizing and understanding that you have these feelings makes you incredibly human, and only a better mom. You're in therapy working through these things, you're taking care of yourself and your babies to the best of your ability. If that doesn't make someone an amazing mama I don't know what does. Being in touch with your emotions and crying as often as you need to is an amazing and healthy thing. I understand the duality of having the guilt of these, but I hope if you see this comment that it helps you feel a bit more normalized with having this. Sending so much love!
Hope Colleen sees this! I 1000% agree! ❤️
I really hope she sees this too, this is said wonderfully
This is such an underrated comment! Hope colleen sees this :)
Colleen, remember when you said "I can't do it" during your pregnancy, YOU DID IT. And now, when you say "I can't do it", just know you WILL DO IT. You got this, love 💕 I'm so proud of you.
Jaymie Belka Right? Is there anything she can’t do?😍😍😍
@Ixaaa_____🍊 STOP🙄🙄🙄
When you're exhausted to the max and your body is a hormone cocktail the emotional impact of any little mishap is magnified tenfold. Thank you for sharing this. We see you, mama. You're not alone and you're still doing a great job.
Two things that could help:
1. When it's the middle of the night, keep the lights off, keep the environment quiet and calm. When it's 1 am and the lights are bright and you're talking at your normal volume, babies think it's awake time. Get their days and nights on a rhythm so they know when it's time to be awake and sleeping.
2. I'm a mom of four, I've breastfed them all. I totally understand how and why breastfeeding is important to you. But you owe it to yourself and them to transition to formula. Take pumping off your plate because as wonderful as breastmilk is, it sounds like it's causing so much more stress and sleeplessness than you can handle. Formula is fine, the babies will be fine. They will never know the difference.
Yes! Mom of 2 here, Colleen it’s A-Ok to get these babies on formula. It’s more important for mama to be fed and rested than stressing yourself out over pumping. If you get more rest your mental health will improve. It is hard to deal when you have no sleep. ❤️💙
Yess yess yesss! Completely agree with both of your points but especially the first! Commenting so she sees this!
Fed is best. Period. Doesn’t matter if it’s pumped milk or formula. Fed is best. My best friend only breastfed her daughter for 8 weeks and was so upset when she was starting to transition to formula but her mental health improved greatly when she started formula feeding. Take care of yourself first to take the best possible care of these sweet babies. Love you Colleen. You’re super mama!
Completely agreed with you. Also a mum of 4 including twins and I breastfed all of them. But other than pumping to increase my supply with my first and second when it came to my twins it was tandem or nothing because the only advantage was the feeding them at the same time. Pumping in addition to feeding is just a huge huge commitment and you really are running yourself so ragged. Formula is totally fine and healthy for you and your babies and yes making bottles takes time but not anymore considering you’re already doing all of that on top of spending 1/3 of your day pumping that you could be spending resting.
Yes!! Deciding not to pump was the hardest decision/time of my life, but I am glad I made that choice every day.
Tortilla Talk Question: Have you ever thought about creating a children’s song album with Erik? The two of you come up with such awesome little songs for Flynn and the babies and I feel like that would be such a good project for the two of you!
I hope she sees this comment because I would absolutely love if they did this too!
Like twenty trucks!
Wait this is SUCH A GOOD IDEA! I hope she does it 🙏🏽❤️
YESSSSSSS
Yes!!!! That or children’s books made of the stories them and Flynn make up!!
Who ever said "don't cry over spilled milk" has NEVER been a breastfeeding mama, I feel you, I hear you, I was you, you are in my thoughts Colleen, I love you
I am CONVINCED that the term “don’t cry over spilled milk” must have come from being a momma- cause THAT is milk that you definitely cry over spilling 😅😭😭😭 I’ve cried over spilled pumped milk soooo many times.
You’re doing great mama! Thank you for sharing such honest content ♥️ I can so relate!! You’re incredible!
That or back in the days when you hand milled a cow, and she gets ornery and kicks the bucket, and you don't get milk that day
It was more likely from milking cows, and the cows would often kick the bucket over. Its a lot of manual labor to get that milk by hand!
@@catlovernat yah that makes more sense haha I just take more comfort in relating it to pumping breastmilk I guess 😂 since I’ve personally never milked a cow daily, but I have felt like a cow myself pumping everyday lol
Flynn's laugh is an instant mood booster. He's adorable.
Tortilla talk: I'm curious, have you talked to your sister in law how she does it? She has so many children, is a stay at home mom and how does she do with her mental health? Does she or has ever had postpartum depression?
Ohhhh shadeeee
@@mileis7042 not shade at all, they're recommending she asks her since she's been through this so she colleen can get more advice
@@mileis7042 Yeah there’s no shade there. It’s obvious Jessica and Christopher have a lot of kids and she’s simply asking her if she’s been there with postpartum depression and how she’s dealt with it.
@@mileis7042 no shade at all here. the question is simply whether Colleen has turned to her sister-in-law (who is very experienced when it comes to new babies) for further advice.
This resonates with me on many levels. I had a traumatic birth experience and suffered major depression and anxiety after the birth of my daughter. I pumped exclusively around the clock for months because she wouldn’t latch. I had major guilt, sleep deprivation, and I couldn’t enjoy those small moments. After much deliberation, I decided to give up pumping exclusively, and this was the best decision I could’ve made. I was able to sleep more and have more time away from the pump and all the pump parts and bottles. My moments with her got better and my depression went away. Still hard, but it was a major major relief and weight off my shoulders to give up pumping. My daughter is almost 3 now. Healthy as can be, and I think back to that time and really wish I wouldn’t have beat myself up so much. That I wouldn’t have put so much pressure on myself during that time. None of it really matters in the long term, bigger picture. It’s so hard to think this way in the moment, but try and really sit down and ask yourself what might make YOU feel better. And everything else will fall into place. Don’t beat yourself up, mama. You are doing the best for those babies❤️
So good to hear you and your daughter are doing great!☺️ In all honesty, before Colleen’s vlogs I wasn’t even aware pumping was such a big thing. I remember by mother telling me she didn’t make enough milk for my sister so quickly switched to formula and she didn’t even feel like trying with me. Thought it was super normal for mothers to give their babies formula, especially since it can save the mother so much time and trouble🙈
This describes my situation almost EXACTLY. Sending your past self a little love, and Colleen, sending you all the love and strength. PPD is SO hard. Exclusively Pumping is SO hard. Being a Mama to new littles while having a toddler is SO hard. You are doing amazing and even though you don't have it all together, you are the best Mama to your littles and we can all see that. Hang in there. You're a rockstar.
@@RenskeMk There's nothing abnormal about bottle babies, hun! Colleen is putting in A LOT of needed stress on HERSELF, IMO...
Breast or bottle feeding is a personal choice, and if what you chose puts a lot of stress on you, then why do it? No law says you HAVE to breastfeed...
If she is that stressed about it, it could be that those babies could also feel and be stressed.
Clearly, she doesn't enjoy the job, which makes it less enjoyable for her and the twins...Again, IMO...
This is such a beautiful and lovely comment to share with Colleen ❤️ bumping
Oh my sweet girl. It’s been 23 years and 4 months since I had my daughter, and this video brings me right back to those exhausted, upsude down, chaotic days where i didn’t think i’d make it another moment. I had post partum then but didn’t know it, i just suffered in silence. I want you to know that you will get through this too. You are stronger, braver, more resiliant than you know or feel that you are. This IS the hardest job you will ever have. I am/was a twin. And my Mom raised us by herself (back in the 60’s) and she survived as well. No, it isn’t easy, but you’ve got this. Take one moment at a time. Of course no one tells us how hard it can be, i don’t know why but we/they don’t. You have an amazing support system. Keep speaking your truth outloud, we will listen.
What a beautiful comment
💕YOU ARE THE BEST FREAKING MOM GODDESS!!!! Those beautiful tiny humans have the most incredible parents. SENDING MOUNTIANS AND MOUNTIANS OF LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!!!!!💕
OMG I didn’t know you watch Colleens content!💜 I hope she sees this comment Brandi, I love you and your videos!!💞💝