Confident mindset: I'll be kind to myself if it goes well - and it probably will Self esteem mindset: I'll be kind to myself if I live up to my principles and values. Self love: I'll be kind to myself no matter what Thanks Charlie! I didnt know the difference until now :)
Self love literally changed my life. You have everything you need in your own heart. Tap into that unconditional flow of love in your heart and it won't hold you back but only encourage tou
You remind me of this man who used to come to my school as a life coach. He taught us confidence and other awesome things that kids (and sometimes adults) need help with that just isn’t taught in school. This man was probably the best part of my week. Every Wednesday when he walked in, I would smile. I just want to say that u are awesome man. I love your channel, and you consistently produce quality content. Thanks!
I love the authenticity of vulnerability. This is the only type of videos that I've seen such impeccable honesty about ones self. The great positive area of You tube. 😀
From a psychology point of view, what you experienced was most likely self-actualisation. You've would have certainly read it from your book since they talked about unconditional love. It's interesting because usually unconditional positive regard (or uncondition love) is mostly implemented by parents so their children wouldn't develop conditions of worth as an adult (e.g. I have to become a doctor or I won't be loved by my parents). In your case, you managed to achieve self-actualisation by giving yourself unconditional love and it made me realise that we can actually impose conditions of worth on ourselves and that it is ourselves that stand in the way of our own flourishing...!
You are talking about Maslow's self-actualization, but the whole point of Maslow's approach (as with most other humanistic theories of personality) is that you reach personal growth on your own.
Hey Charlie, instead of self-love, isn't self-acceptance a better term? You can actually quite dislike your own ways, not "love yourself", but accept things. This means that everything you do is now detached from your identity. "Self-love" is still very identity ("hitting yourself over the head") driven. Just a thought. Awesome video btw! Will definitely check out the course! Excited!
no because, self acceptance leaves you stuck where you are, self love leads you to not only forgiveness of yourself but a prompting to change yourself for the better.
Please make more videos like this. I notice I suffer great anxiety as of late regarding to productivity, crippling me to function normally in daily life, socially and professionally. I don't know how to handle this, so I will try the audiobooks you recommend. I am looking out to your series, keep it up! Thanks for guiding me in the right direction.
I had a year long phase of my life where I felt guilty for self love. Avoiding it ruined my life and I turned to drugs. Just yesterday I realized how essential self love is. Thank you for spreading the word
It's so great and courageous when u yourself become honest. It gives us great courage as well to know that even ppl like u sometimes have hesitation and doubts. Thank you!!
Great Topic, I hope to talk about these kinds of topics one day on YT. I think it's important to not come from a scarcity mind set either, if you have plenty of friends and good people around you, you will already have more confidence. Can always count on quality content from you.
Maybe hated in the beginning but towards the end of season 1 he was a hero. A lot of the characters are like that. Take bob for example. He seemed like a big dope in the beginning but ended up being a hero too. I didn’t like the doctor running the lab either at first but he ended up not being so bad too.
I say you really can't beat yourself up over your misstakes. You need to try your best to fix them. You can't do anymore than your best. Then try to learn from them and improve. You need to realise that everyone makes mistakes and nothing gets better when you beat yourself up over something. You need to focus on improving for the future. I really agree with you here. This mindset actually played a huge role in getting me out of my depression.
first ever RUclips comment and I'm 29, and an avid RUclips patron, love this video man, I feel like you put into words something Iv'e been trying to crack for years, so from the bottom of my heart thank you, and keep doing what you're doing! much respect!
Wonderful...This is exactly the place to be: sticking to your values and ideals. Content before form. To be confident only for the exterior appearance is not only extremly superficial but also uneffective. Add a positive mindset and a lot of love and you're set for life. Thanks a lot for the video!
I would react the same way around Sam Harris! Also, from watching your videos i've done two things in the last week.. 1. I told a girl I liked her and asked her out. 2. I asked out another girl on campus. I failed in both, but I wasn't down on myself at all for trying! Keep it up Charlie!
Michael Fitzpatrick good on you! So much of "confidence" is just being comfortable with uncomfortable situations. You get there by putting yourself in those situations over and over until it's not a big deal anymore
I came to this channel knowing I needed some change in my life, and when I spotted the playlist of self love and addiction I was immediately drawn to it. I chose this video for no reason that I'm aware of and this video had me present all the way through. There were two intense moments of understanding where I burst into tears of joy by forgiving myself for things I've been hiding from myself for years. Thank you so very much for this video. You've just made a meaningful impact in my life.
This actually makes so much sense! If your self esteem depends on you living the "truest to yourself" that you can, it will always wax and wane because life is so dynamic and unpredictable and you are just so human, so you will inevitably find yourself in situations where you derail from your tracks and act out of sync with yourself. In such cases, your self esteem will plummet, because you would feel you weren't authentic and honest and thus deserve to be treated badly by yourself But if you focus on loving yourself no matter what, no matter what life throws at you, even in times where you have to live "inauthentically " for whatever reason, you will still see yourself in a positive light. So basically: Self love builds your self esteem which automatically makes you more confident
Your work, your presentation, the way you tie everything together- it's so relatable! You have the most effective approach to every single subject you cover. All killer no filler.
Seriously gettin so much Value from your videos Charlie! This is honestly one of the best practical sources of content I've ever come across, so thank you for what you do!
Okay this video spoke to me. I started telling myself things I love about myself today and I already felt differ at work. I was less judgy towards customers . I noticed that if you love yourself or things in your life, you won’t be hurt when others don’t approve. Because if you love something you also value it and take care of it.
Realized the same extension of how you feel about yourself. Great vid again man. I think an important principle is that you love yourself because you know you can learn from every experience in some way that will get you closer to what you want to achieve.
4:19 That part is SO GAME CHANGING, you can try a new approach for a while but can ALWAYS go back to the old method if it don't work. A lot of times we resist trying something new because we act like it's forever, very narrow minded.
Look at these topicsPerfectionismPeople pleasingSelf judgment Caring too much of what others thinkNeed for aproval and validationand what a healthy self esteem looks like .Your videos are awesome bravo !!
hey Charlie i just wanted to say thank you!! you really change my life ever since i started watching your channel... i really want to buy your full program but at the moment i cant afford it. watching your videos is always inspiring thank you Ben and Charlie.
While stumbling through alot of other self help videos this one rings such a bell with me. Thanks Charlie keep up with the videos its helping people more than you know!
Thanks, man, I needed to hear what you've said; I was feeling unhappy and felt low-confidence this last two days, even though I was doing things I love and enjoying them, but, as well, I was doing another things I love, and felt emptiness inside, since I was doing them for validation. Thanks for putting me on the way again, actually showing me the way, I still need to take a few steps forward, but now I feel more focused thanks to you.
Great video! He's describing a self-worth issue, which most of us suffer or suffered from. When we behave in ways that align with our values, self-esteem and confidence go up. But he's right, there needs to be a foundation of self-worth or self-love when you're not fulfilling your values otherwise self-esteem and confidence will come and go and won't be stable.
Well said! I put no stock in this nebulous concept called "self-esteem." They give awards for that in kindergarten just for showing up. It's self-worth that gets my attention. Self-value.
Your videos are life-changing eve ey single video comes at the exact perfect time ,I have recently been beating myself up A lot on nkot living up to my values and seeing my self esteem plummet ,but this might turn things around and I'm looking forward to trying
Charlie this might be the first time that I disagree with something you said ever but I feel what you are challenging is not self esteem but our need to be perfect and loved by everyone. The funny thing is the only reason you want to be perfect and have everyone to love you is because you don't feel worthwhile in other words you lack self-esteem. Nathaniel branden himself said in his book that you just recommended that problems arise as a result of lack of self esteem or as a result of a defence mechanism against low self esteem. I feel that the problem here is not self esteem but the fact that it is Misunderstood by majority of people in the world. Nathaniel branden is kind of like the most respected expert when it comes to self esteem. So if he says self acceptance is a part of self esteem it is a part of self-esteem. You made some very good points in the video, the only problem is they come from a narrower definition of self-esteem. It is kind of contributing to enhance the misconception even more. :( Anyway in the very unlikely case that you read this and actually agree with me, don't be too hard on your self. The self acceptance part of self-esteem means that you accept your self for who you are. You are a human being and like every other human being you are highly likely to make some mistakes on the way. So take it easy. ;) :P
You are so right. When charlie doesn't do some action to live to his something principles, he feek like shit, like he failed, like he's worthless. He have to prove something to himself. He is seeking validation from himself. That is not self esteem. I think the only mistake he made is confuse the definition of self esteem. Otherwise, the video is great as always. Love you charlie.
I don't really disagree with anything you said in this comment, however I would point out that growth is a process. When having just started the process of self-love and self acceptance it can be difficult to see all of the possible implications. I felt like this video demonstrated progress not mastery. So, the only thing I really disagree with in this comment is the, as I perceive it, negative tone. By that I mean may be try to offer suggestions rather than pointing out problems. - with love Drew
I believe we are staying the same things in different ways based on our own understanding, ie growth is indeed a process. It's not so much pointing out problems as it is providing clarity... the comment was necessary as there is an inherent contradiction in the contents of the video. As previously stated, the reason for this is a limited understanding of self esteem and by pointing it out it contributes to growth and progress.
Oh my gosh, what a beautiful way of living your life! Not only will I have to adopt this attitude for myself, but will definitely have to spread the word to friends and family. Thank you so much for the insight and continual devotion to living a better life, living full out!
What you've been doing is Great. What i'm getting is your going deeper into the subconsciousness where we have quick temporary emotions we tend to overlook; That's exactly what will help us understand what we haven't been realizing in our lives. We can then implement a strategy for when you catch that same feeling you get throughout your day with no anxiety by conquering it without any fear of disapproval because the outcome is nothing to fear about due to self-love. Love what you've been doing. Never lose that authenticity
Couple of days that I managed to truly love myself, were soo different and weird in a good way, because it turned out that when I'm loving myself, I'm also kinda loving everyone else, I just have so much pure love to give, because self-doubt and worries made room for it. I wish I had this every day..
Can you change the title adding: Self-love is the answer.I feel it will attract more of an audience because more people need to see this video. Great stuff. This is what I struggled with, actually; having self-esteem as the prime motivator for your daily tasks/goals, can be detrimental to achieving the goal in the first place. You fail to live up to your standards/values long enough (just takes one; like dominoes) you start enjoy the pain because it numbs you... and excuses you from doing the work and thus, you successfully avoid the fear of failing/succeeding. You become stuck. And simply not doing it for this long makes you not deserve it for even longer. Self-love excuses all of that, and says 'you're just love, and that's all you ever can be, so be it" Allow it to come through. And if it doesn't, it still will because that's what love is... acceptance.
Thank you so much! I just discovered your channel a few months ago but it has helped me so much already, I have always had issues with myself failing and not living up to the expectations set for me, I think that after seeing this and a few of your other videos I kind of have an I sea of what I should do and not try and fail at the unrealistic expectations that other expect and to try and accomplish my own values and expectations that I have for myself. Thank you so much, again.
I'm glad that you have come to the point where you are embracing the concepts of self-love. I have found that it is one of the greatest tools towards building a happy life that a person can possibly have. It is one of the main things that it's taken me from a position of severe suicidal depression to a person who is pursuing what they really want in life. Such as I work full-time and go to grad student full time, plus I find time for martial arts friends and dating . The concept of self-love is one of those that the more you give to it the more you get out of it. I mainly wrote this comment because I wanted to address the first part of your video where you were talking about whether or not to approach a new individual. You said a few times that you were trying to be authentic by forcing yourself to talk to people. If you're having to force yourself to do it is it really authentic? With the concept of self-love you would not of been putting yourself in that position the first place. Which is to say that you would get not have judged yourself or ridiculed yourself for not having done it, but maybe instead have praised yourself for having done it. We are complex and multifaceted beings with complex internal conflicts and struggles. That means that sometimes we are just not ready make a step of talking to new people. Change is a slow process and you have to accept who you are and have an accurate self image. It is a basic concept of cognitive behavior analysis (one of the most widely used therapeutic techniques) that people respond better to positive reinforcement than you do with positive punishment. Another way to say it is you get more bees with honey than with vinegar, this concept applies to us on an internal level as well. - Keep up the great work here and in your personal life Drew
That is a great point. If you cannot win someone being yourself, it is better to give up. It is not a match. I hope the right people are reading this 😊.
thanks. I was thinking about self esteem recently and wondered how to get more. I'm glad I'm subbed so I was this vid, self love is so much more empowering.
I had high self esteem but low confidence... After watching some of your vids i was like... I'm doing it wrong... I Need to work on my skills... Now i'm confident and more open to experience new stuff everyday
NAILED IT! "...pervasive, validation-seeking behaviors." I see this in so many people at all different social levels to varying degrees of subtlety, and it always makes their arguments or positions look weak instantly.
I think self esteem is the roof and self love is the pillar that holds it up. Someone said something that stuck with me, and this totally coincides with what you said about pain being the motivator: "Misery is the first teacher - don't ever let it be your last."
I love hearing you talk. You make so many great points and are spot on with so many of the subject matters you talk about. I wish I could sit in a room with you and just have a conversation! Lol 🙌
Thank you so much for the book recommendations.. I'm half way through love yourself like your life depends on it and I've already seen immense changes. Thank you for always having quality content and keep doing what you do!!
I'm in a really weird situation where I don't particularly like myself but I am still able to be confident. I value authenticity over self worth and I have a decent time with engineering a room to be the centre of attention. I think the key isn't what you have; it's what you don't have. I don't have any shame. The confidence you lose by being scared or over thinking is completely mitigated by shameless spontaneity.
I believe that if you have no fear of failure and if you know you're doing your best and you accept the outcome and you promised yourself you will do better in the future and put actions to those words and have unconditional love for yourself and other people you can achieve whatever you want to.
Hi Charlie, I've been watching your video for a very long time and I always found your content tremendously engaging and informative, but this topic really hit close to home. I've been enjoying quite a bit of success at work, my colleagues and supervisors all appreciate what I do and have very high expectations of me. My confidence is at an high but I realized I'd often gave myself the task of living up to other people's perception of my success, as such, I held myself to a very high level of standard in everything I did, and when I came up short every now and again, I felt like crap. What you said about having a foundation of self love no matter what was an Eureka moment that really made me see things from a new perspective. Thank you! Best, Daniel
Very interesting clarification about confidence (techniques), self-esteem (values), and self-love (acceptance). Thank you again and again, and congrats!
Self love is good but the key is awareness. Many people lack self awareness. You can have all the self esteem and self love in the world but if you are not aware all those paradigms fall apart.
Thank you so much, I never thought about it this way, and literally the past few days I was beating myself up for not reaching the maximum of my own standards. This was exactly something I needed to hear today. Thank you Charlie.
Self love and self acceptance is part of self esteem. Self esteem is the belief that oneself is worthy of happiness and how to handle difficulties in life.
This is true. I need to learn this. People should not be important enough to make me their marionette. It is okay to live in a way other do not approve at all.
I believe this is the first time I have ever heard anyone expose the façade of self-esteem, and come close to what really makes a soul: humility and dignity. If I may say, please slow down. Your words are precise (thank you for eliminating 'um' and 'yea'), but your deliverance is on speed, therefore making your words less memorable.
Love this video! provides a great new perspective on confidence and self- esteem. Right on cue too... I've been working through the EXACT same things over the last few days.
This is very interesting. I definitely need this. It also makes me wonder if some people reject good values because they value their self esteem more than good values, and not being able to perfectly live up to their values crushes their self-esteem.
Unconditional self love also means to just let go and be cool when you don’t do the thing you ‘’should’’ do. So, I wanted to talk to that person and I couldn’t. It is ok, just forgive yourself and move on. Everyday we have multiple chances of getting better and forgive ourselves when we don’t do what we think we were suppose to do. We should have less ‘’I should’’ in our lives
One of the best videos. Im confident in who and what i am but im poor at letting knew people know that. :). Its hard to find stuff that connects to me and this one does
Why do you think about conversation like about a war? Why should it "go well" or not? Think about it as a dance. The point of dancing is feeling good, you can actually do wrong moves but the most important is the energy you feel and transmit. My mindset for conversations is "be natural". Just put yourself there and see what happens, without planning what to say. I've been reading books about charisma and self-improvement for like four years, I was trying different techniques and after all, this simple mindset changed my life dramatically. People are more attracted to me, see me as an open-minded person and I don't actually have to think about what to say. It's like diving into the water: seems scary at the beginning but once you do it, you swim ;)
I have to complement you on the accessibility of your advice. Sometimes I have trouble relating to very social people, but you bring it down to the ground-floor.
![GEEK TIMË [OFFICIAL AUDIO]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/ry-6RvkH880/mqdefault.jpg)
Confident mindset: I'll be kind to myself if it goes well - and it probably will
Self esteem mindset: I'll be kind to myself if I live up to my principles and values.
Self love: I'll be kind to myself no matter what
Thanks Charlie! I didnt know the difference until now :)
Hey I’m really curious on how your journey has been with self love since it’s been a year
I self-love myself everyday--sometimes twice a day.
Inklan Utterfield lol
I won’t lie, I am a mellow narcissist
we call that masturbation...
honest and authentic, yall pick it up fast hehe
10 day nofap
"Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on It" by Kamal Ravikant is so wonderful. His writing makes me feel so loved and understood. Fantastic!
Self love literally changed my life. You have everything you need in your own heart. Tap into that unconditional flow of love in your heart and it won't hold you back but only encourage tou
josski32 yaaaas
You remind me of this man who used to come to my school as a life coach. He taught us confidence and other awesome things that kids (and sometimes adults) need help with that just isn’t taught in school. This man was probably the best part of my week. Every Wednesday when he walked in, I would smile. I just want to say that u are awesome man. I love your channel, and you consistently produce quality content. Thanks!
I love the authenticity of vulnerability. This is the only type of videos that I've seen such impeccable honesty about ones self. The great positive area of You tube. 😀
From a psychology point of view, what you experienced was most likely self-actualisation. You've would have certainly read it from your book since they talked about unconditional love. It's interesting because usually unconditional positive regard (or uncondition love) is mostly implemented by parents so their children wouldn't develop conditions of worth as an adult (e.g. I have to become a doctor or I won't be loved by my parents). In your case, you managed to achieve self-actualisation by giving yourself unconditional love and it made me realise that we can actually impose conditions of worth on ourselves and that it is ourselves that stand in the way of our own flourishing...!
You are talking about Maslow's self-actualization, but the whole point of Maslow's approach (as with most other humanistic theories of personality) is that you reach personal growth on your own.
Hey Charlie, instead of self-love, isn't self-acceptance a better term? You can actually quite dislike your own ways, not "love yourself", but accept things. This means that everything you do is now detached from your identity. "Self-love" is still very identity ("hitting yourself over the head") driven. Just a thought. Awesome video btw! Will definitely check out the course! Excited!
no because, self acceptance leaves you stuck where you are, self love leads you to not only forgiveness of yourself but a prompting to change yourself for the better.
i agree
self-forgiveness
Such good content. Consistently!!
~ Glad you're digging the content!
Even when it’s 4 years old, it’s still absolutely needed in daily life. Thank you so much for making this.
Please make more videos like this. I notice I suffer great anxiety as of late regarding to productivity, crippling me to function normally in daily life, socially and professionally. I don't know how to handle this, so I will try the audiobooks you recommend. I am looking out to your series, keep it up!
Thanks for guiding me in the right direction.
I had a year long phase of my life where I felt guilty for self love. Avoiding it ruined my life and I turned to drugs. Just yesterday I realized how essential self love is. Thank you for spreading the word
JESUS loves you. JESUS is your king. GOD made you wonderful and beautiful in his image. JESUS CHRIST died for your sins..
It's so great and courageous when u yourself become honest. It gives us great courage as well to know that even ppl like u sometimes have hesitation and doubts. Thank you!!
Great Topic, I hope to talk about these kinds of topics one day on YT. I think it's important to not come from a scarcity mind set either, if you have plenty of friends and good people around you, you will already have more confidence.
Can always count on quality content from you.
Nonny whats your problem? That was a valid comment
Shawn McFly lalalala lala la ohohoh
Mitch Parker i agree, an asset based mindset will 9/10 times take you further
Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. Awesome video as always! Keep it up!
Knowledge Headquarters so true
~ Thanks man!
Do a charisma breakdown on Steve Harrington, from stranger things. He went from a hated character in season 1 to a fan favorite in season 2
Jose Aguilar totally! I was thinking exactly the same when watching the last episode of season 2
nobody hated steve... he was a real hero in S1 too
Maybe hated in the beginning but towards the end of season 1 he was a hero. A lot of the characters are like that. Take bob for example. He seemed like a big dope in the beginning but ended up being a hero too. I didn’t like the doctor running the lab either at first but he ended up not being so bad too.
Jaime Lannister?
You just gotta use Farrah Spray for your hair dude. It totally worked for Dustin at the end.
I say you really can't beat yourself up over your misstakes. You need to try your best to fix them. You can't do anymore than your best. Then try to learn from them and improve. You need to realise that everyone makes mistakes and nothing gets better when you beat yourself up over something. You need to focus on improving for the future. I really agree with you here. This mindset actually played a huge role in getting me out of my depression.
You'll never be lonely if you're your own best friend
Sounds lonely and selfish
first ever RUclips comment and I'm 29, and an avid RUclips patron, love this video man, I feel like you put into words something Iv'e been trying to crack for years, so from the bottom of my heart thank you, and keep doing what you're doing! much respect!
Charlie, can we get your book list? Your recommendations are scattered all over your videos.
Wonderful...This is exactly the place to be: sticking to your values and ideals. Content before form. To be confident only for the exterior appearance is not only extremly superficial but also uneffective. Add a positive mindset and a lot of love and you're set for life.
Thanks a lot for the video!
I would react the same way around Sam Harris!
Also, from watching your videos i've done two things in the last week..
1. I told a girl I liked her and asked her out.
2. I asked out another girl on campus.
I failed in both, but I wasn't down on myself at all for trying!
Keep it up Charlie!
Michael Fitzpatrick good on you! So much of "confidence" is just being comfortable with uncomfortable situations. You get there by putting yourself in those situations over and over until it's not a big deal anymore
Cheers fam
please don't just date anyone who says yes
i have many girls asking me out and i am nervous to say no
Me too
I came to this channel knowing I needed some change in my life, and when I spotted the playlist of self love and addiction I was immediately drawn to it. I chose this video for no reason that I'm aware of and this video had me present all the way through. There were two intense moments of understanding where I burst into tears of joy by forgiving myself for things I've been hiding from myself for years.
Thank you so very much for this video. You've just made a meaningful impact in my life.
Wow. It’s incredible how someone this young is so wise
This actually makes so much sense!
If your self esteem depends on you living the "truest to yourself" that you can, it will always wax and wane because life is so dynamic and unpredictable and you are just so human, so you will inevitably find yourself in situations where you derail from your tracks and act out of sync with yourself. In such cases, your self esteem will plummet, because you would feel you weren't authentic and honest and thus deserve to be treated badly by yourself
But if you focus on loving yourself no matter what, no matter what life throws at you, even in times where you have to live "inauthentically " for whatever reason, you will still see yourself in a positive light.
So basically: Self love builds your self esteem which automatically makes you more confident
One of the best channels on RUclips. How do you have "only" 1.2M subscribers???
Your work, your presentation, the way you tie everything together- it's so relatable!
You have the most effective approach to every single subject you cover. All killer no filler.
~ Thanks! Glad you're digging it. :-)
One of the toughest things any person can do is admit they have a weakness. Congrats; now you can understand it and become even stronger.
Seriously gettin so much Value from your videos Charlie! This is honestly one of the best practical sources of content I've ever come across, so thank you for what you do!
Thanks for being public about your transformation. Keep up the honesty.
Okay this video spoke to me. I started telling myself things I love about myself today and I already felt differ at work. I was less judgy towards customers . I noticed that if you love yourself or things in your life, you won’t be hurt when others don’t approve. Because if you love something you also value it and take care of it.
Realized the same extension of how you feel about yourself. Great vid again man.
I think an important principle is that you love yourself because you know you can learn from every experience in some way that will get you closer to what you want to achieve.
4:19 That part is SO GAME CHANGING, you can try a new approach for a while but can ALWAYS go back to the old method if it don't work.
A lot of times we resist trying something new because we act like it's forever, very narrow minded.
Look at these topicsPerfectionismPeople pleasingSelf judgment Caring too much of what others thinkNeed for aproval and validationand what a healthy self esteem looks like .Your videos are awesome bravo !!
I love myself
hey Charlie i just wanted to say thank you!! you really change my life ever since i started watching your channel... i really want to buy your full program but at the moment i cant afford it. watching your videos is always inspiring thank you Ben and Charlie.
~ Glad to hear the channel is making a positive impact!
While stumbling through alot of other self help videos this one rings such a bell with me. Thanks Charlie keep up with the videos its helping people more than you know!
Videos like this... IS the reason I'm ADDICTED to RUclips.
I definitely need a list of all your favorite books.
~ Feel free to check them out here:
www.charismaoncommand.com/best-personal-development-books/
Charisma on Command
Thank you.
Thanks, man, I needed to hear what you've said; I was feeling unhappy and felt low-confidence this last two days, even though I was doing things I love and enjoying them, but, as well, I was doing another things I love, and felt emptiness inside, since I was doing them for validation. Thanks for putting me on the way again, actually showing me the way, I still need to take a few steps forward, but now I feel more focused thanks to you.
Great video! He's describing a self-worth issue, which most of us suffer or suffered from. When we behave in ways that align with our values, self-esteem and confidence go up. But he's right, there needs to be a foundation of self-worth or self-love when you're not fulfilling your values otherwise self-esteem and confidence will come and go and won't be stable.
Well said! I put no stock in this nebulous concept called "self-esteem." They give awards for that in kindergarten just for showing up. It's self-worth that gets my attention. Self-value.
Mental health is so underrated.
charlie,
This was such a good video...looking forward to your emotional mastery course. You touch on all the subtleties that EVERYONE else misses...
Your videos are life-changing eve ey single video comes at the exact perfect time ,I have recently been beating myself up A lot on nkot living up to my values and seeing my self esteem plummet ,but this might turn things around and I'm looking forward to trying
Charlie this might be the first time that I disagree with something you said ever but I feel what you are challenging is not self esteem but our need to be perfect and loved by everyone. The funny thing is the only reason you want to be perfect and have everyone to love you is because you don't feel worthwhile in other words you lack self-esteem. Nathaniel branden himself said in his book that you just recommended that problems arise as a result of lack of self esteem or as a result of a defence mechanism against low self esteem.
I feel that the problem here is not self esteem but the fact that it is Misunderstood by majority of people in the world. Nathaniel branden is kind of like the most respected expert when it comes to self esteem. So if he says self acceptance is a part of self esteem it is a part of self-esteem. You made some very good points in the video, the only problem is they come from a narrower definition of self-esteem. It is kind of contributing to enhance the misconception even more. :(
Anyway in the very unlikely case that you read this and actually agree with me, don't be too hard on your self. The self acceptance part of self-esteem means that you accept your self for who you are. You are a human being and like every other human being you are highly likely to make some mistakes on the way. So take it easy. ;) :P
Rishini De Silva you just said exactly what I was thinking. I was going to quote Nathaniel Branden myself, as I’ve been really into his books lately.
You are so right. When charlie doesn't do some action to live to his something principles, he feek like shit, like he failed, like he's worthless. He have to prove something to himself. He is seeking validation from himself. That is not self esteem. I think the only mistake he made is confuse the definition of self esteem. Otherwise, the video is great as always. Love you charlie.
I don't really disagree with anything you said in this comment, however I would point out that growth is a process. When having just started the process of self-love and self acceptance it can be difficult to see all of the possible implications. I felt like this video demonstrated progress not mastery. So, the only thing I really disagree with in this comment is the, as I perceive it, negative tone. By that I mean may be try to offer suggestions rather than pointing out problems.
- with love
Drew
I agree
I believe we are staying the same things in different ways based on our own understanding, ie growth is indeed a process. It's not so much pointing out problems as it is providing clarity... the comment was necessary as there is an inherent contradiction in the contents of the video. As previously stated, the reason for this is a limited understanding of self esteem and by pointing it out it contributes to growth and progress.
Oh my gosh, what a beautiful way of living your life! Not only will I have to adopt this attitude for myself, but will definitely have to spread the word to friends and family. Thank you so much for the insight and continual devotion to living a better life, living full out!
~ Awesome Nancy!
Ya know you helped me from people at my school hating me, to liking me, asking me out for prom, join a table at lunch and ect. THANK YOU!
What you've been doing is Great. What i'm getting is your going deeper into the subconsciousness where we have quick temporary emotions we tend to overlook; That's exactly what will help us understand what we haven't been realizing in our lives. We can then implement a strategy for when you catch that same feeling you get throughout your day with no anxiety by conquering it without any fear of disapproval because the outcome is nothing to fear about due to self-love.
Love what you've been doing. Never lose that authenticity
I had just been analyzing my life and seeing whether or not my actions align with my values. It’s so cool that this video came out today.
Couple of days that I managed to truly love myself, were soo different and weird in a good way, because it turned out that when I'm loving myself, I'm also kinda loving everyone else, I just have so much pure love to give, because self-doubt and worries made room for it. I wish I had this every day..
Be a good person and your self esteem should follow
And it will be deserved.
@ Charisma on Command, I will always be a FAN of your channel!!! YOU'RE THE BEST!!!
~ Appreciate it Brett!
@ Charisma on Command, Please do a video about PAUL WALKER.
Can you change the title adding: Self-love is the answer.I feel it will attract more of an audience because more people need to see this video. Great stuff. This is what I struggled with, actually; having self-esteem as the prime motivator for your daily tasks/goals, can be detrimental to achieving the goal in the first place. You fail to live up to your standards/values long enough (just takes one; like dominoes) you start enjoy the pain because it numbs you... and excuses you from doing the work and thus, you successfully avoid the fear of failing/succeeding. You become stuck. And simply not doing it for this long makes you not deserve it for even longer. Self-love excuses all of that, and says 'you're just love, and that's all you ever can be, so be it" Allow it to come through. And if it doesn't, it still will because that's what love is... acceptance.
You have no idea how timely this video has come to me, thank you!
~ Our pleasure!
Thank you so much! I just discovered your channel a few months ago but it has helped me so much already, I have always had issues with myself failing and not living up to the expectations set for me, I think that after seeing this and a few of your other videos I kind of have an I sea of what I should do and not try and fail at the unrealistic expectations that other expect and to try and accomplish my own values and expectations that I have for myself. Thank you so much, again.
Oh, and thank you for your videos by the way, hope big success comes your way.
Sober almost two years.
This stuff helps.
That's the post, thank you.
👍
congrats man thats amazing
I'm glad that you have come to the point where you are embracing the concepts of self-love. I have found that it is one of the greatest tools towards building a happy life that a person can possibly have. It is one of the main things that it's taken me from a position of severe suicidal depression to a person who is pursuing what they really want in life. Such as I work full-time and go to grad student full time, plus I find time for martial arts friends and dating . The concept of self-love is one of those that the more you give to it the more you get out of it.
I mainly wrote this comment because I wanted to address the first part of your video where you were talking about whether or not to approach a new individual. You said a few times that you were trying to be authentic by forcing yourself to talk to people. If you're having to force yourself to do it is it really authentic? With the concept of self-love you would not of been putting yourself in that position the first place. Which is to say that you would get not have judged yourself or ridiculed yourself for not having done it, but maybe instead have praised yourself for having done it.
We are complex and multifaceted beings with complex internal conflicts and struggles. That means that sometimes we are just not ready make a step of talking to new people. Change is a slow process and you have to accept who you are and have an accurate self image. It is a basic concept of cognitive behavior analysis (one of the most widely used therapeutic techniques) that people respond better to positive reinforcement than you do with positive punishment. Another way to say it is you get more bees with honey than with vinegar, this concept applies to us on an internal level as well.
- Keep up the great work here and in your personal life
Drew
That is a great point. If you cannot win someone being yourself, it is better to give up. It is not a match. I hope the right people are reading this 😊.
thanks. I was thinking about self esteem recently and wondered how to get more. I'm glad I'm subbed so I was this vid, self love is so much more empowering.
I had high self esteem but low confidence... After watching some of your vids i was like... I'm doing it wrong... I Need to work on my skills... Now i'm confident and more open to experience new stuff everyday
NAILED IT!
"...pervasive, validation-seeking behaviors." I see this in so many people at all different social levels to varying degrees of subtlety, and it always makes their arguments or positions look weak instantly.
I think self esteem is the roof and self love is the pillar that holds it up. Someone said something that stuck with me, and this totally coincides with what you said about pain being the motivator: "Misery is the first teacher - don't ever let it be your last."
Wow. One of the best videos I've ever seen. Not even exaggerating. Very wise words
~ Thanks for the kind words!
Very genuine, authentic, big love!!
I love hearing you talk. You make so many great points and are spot on with so many of the subject matters you talk about. I wish I could sit in a room with you and just have a conversation! Lol 🙌
Thank you so much for the book recommendations.. I'm half way through love yourself like your life depends on it and I've already seen immense changes. Thank you for always having quality content and keep doing what you do!!
~ That's awesome Ben! We'll definitely keep going :-)
I've missed you, Charlie!
I'm in a really weird situation where I don't particularly like myself but I am still able to be confident.
I value authenticity over self worth and I have a decent time with engineering a room to be the centre of attention.
I think the key isn't what you have; it's what you don't have. I don't have any shame. The confidence you lose by being scared or over thinking is completely mitigated by shameless spontaneity.
12 minutes video of such good insights.
i needed this video wow opened my eyes!
~ Glad you're finding it insightful Teddy!
It's awesome.
I believe that if you have no fear of failure and if you know you're doing your best and you accept the outcome and you promised yourself you will do better in the future and put actions to those words and have unconditional love for yourself and other people you can achieve whatever you want to.
Hi Charlie, I've been watching your video for a very long time and I always found your content tremendously engaging and informative, but this topic really hit close to home. I've been enjoying quite a bit of success at work, my colleagues and supervisors all appreciate what I do and have very high expectations of me. My confidence is at an high but I realized I'd often gave myself the task of living up to other people's perception of my success, as such, I held myself to a very high level of standard in everything I did, and when I came up short every now and again, I felt like crap. What you said about having a foundation of self love no matter what was an Eureka moment that really made me see things from a new perspective. Thank you!
Best,
Daniel
~ Awesome! Glad it resonated with you Daniel. :-)
Very interesting clarification about confidence (techniques), self-esteem (values), and self-love (acceptance).
Thank you again and again, and congrats!
Charlie you hit the nail on the head everytime dude
Self love is good but the key is awareness. Many people lack self awareness. You can have all the self esteem and self love in the world but if you are not aware all those paradigms fall apart.
Thank you so much, I never thought about it this way, and literally the past few days I was beating myself up for not reaching the maximum of my own standards. This was exactly something I needed to hear today. Thank you Charlie.
~ Our pleasure! Happy to share :-)
Can you do a video about the importance of being honest with yourself?
You speak out of my soul! Thanks for this Video!! I will try this! I will definitely buy these books.. Thank you.
~ Awesome!
Beautifully said. Your videos always add value for anyone who watches them. ❤
~ Thanks Colleen! Glad you're finding them valuable. :-)
You are doing a great job of putting this important topic into words. I agree self love is far more powerful than self improvement.
Self love and self acceptance is part of self esteem. Self esteem is the belief that oneself is worthy of happiness and how to handle difficulties in life.
This is true. I need to learn this. People should not be important enough to make me their marionette. It is okay to live in a way other do not approve at all.
In my opinion when you hate on yourself it is harder to improve. It is easier to do stuff when you feel good doing it (or at least ok)
I believe this is the first time I have ever heard anyone expose the façade of self-esteem, and come close to what really makes a soul: humility and dignity.
If I may say, please slow down. Your words are precise (thank you for eliminating 'um' and 'yea'), but your deliverance is on speed, therefore making your words less memorable.
I like self-love because motivation to me is everything. You train yourself to be motivated by love rather than be motivated by fear.
Love this video! provides a great new perspective on confidence and self- esteem. Right on cue too... I've been working through the EXACT same things over the last few days.
~ Glad you're digging it Julian!
I really like videos like this, without celebrities and professional entertainers as examples
This video is really confusing, but I think it conveys a powerful message
This is very interesting. I definitely need this. It also makes me wonder if some people reject good values because they value their self esteem more than good values, and not being able to perfectly live up to their values crushes their self-esteem.
Justin Bosley interesting!
*Nice thumbnail!*
WhiteWalkerPepe lol he looks possessed
😂😂😂😂😂
scary thumbnail
@@AgarthaFan possessed by the romantic spirit.
Best video yet. THANK YOU🙏🏼
Loving myself feels like wearing socks in the shower
Hot damn that's one poetic and accurate simile. I want to award you a prize or something
Haha that's awesome.
Unconditional self love also means to just let go and be cool when you don’t do the thing you ‘’should’’ do. So, I wanted to talk to that person and I couldn’t. It is ok, just forgive yourself and move on. Everyday we have multiple chances of getting better and forgive ourselves when we don’t do what we think we were suppose to do. We should have less ‘’I should’’ in our lives
ive heard this self love thing from many different sources and its the most challenging for me but i think the most important as well
This was helpful for me. Thanks for uploading it.
One of the best videos. Im confident in who and what i am but im poor at letting knew people know that. :). Its hard to find stuff that connects to me and this one does
Great video, I truly loved it. I often forget about self-love and focus on how people perceive me.
~ Glad you're loving it!
Thank you. This video has greatly effected my life.
Why do you think about conversation like about a war? Why should it "go well" or not?
Think about it as a dance. The point of dancing is feeling good, you can actually do wrong moves but the most important is the energy you feel and transmit.
My mindset for conversations is "be natural". Just put yourself there and see what happens, without planning what to say. I've been reading books about charisma and self-improvement for like four years, I was trying different techniques and after all, this simple mindset changed my life dramatically. People are more attracted to me, see me as an open-minded person and I don't actually have to think about what to say. It's like diving into the water: seems scary at the beginning but once you do it, you swim ;)
I have to complement you on the accessibility of your advice. Sometimes I have trouble relating to very social people, but you bring it down to the ground-floor.