*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice *Join my Membership and access my private online community: bit.ly/CCF-Membership *Visit my website at crappychildhoodfairy.com *Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2 *Have a question for me to answer on RUclips? Write me here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Just because an abuser changes, does not mean we are obligated to remain in a relationship with them. We don't owe it to them for having changed. They needed to change in order to be a good partner to anyone, not just for you.
They are married, there is a COMMITMENT to that, only a women's point of view. After 28yrs, my ex wanted to get divorced because she wasnt happy and wanted to be single. Wish I knew that 29 years ago. Women are manipulative for happiness, when happiness comes from within!!!! Big house, great father, provided time, money and dedication.
When we stay entangled with an ex, even unconsciously, we may find ourselves repeating old patterns, comparing new connections to past ones, or staying closed off from fully investing in someone new
Thank you for properly explaining what gratitude feels like. It is not forced and it really does feel like a natural spring coming from your body. It’s a wonderful state.
She walked on eggshells for 20 years, and she is still walking on eggshells and she doesn't want to do it for him anymore. He changed and she wants to change too.
The best definition I've heard for 'co-dependent' has 2 parts to it: 1. It's not the same as dependent. 2. It's when one depends on the other's bad habit so that one may maintain their own bad habit. Hence, co-dependent on their habit so you can continue your own. Sometimes both have the same (or some of the same) bad habits, but not always. The silent agreement: "You can't complain about my bad habit as long as you have yours."
I bought your 📕 book and have been doing the writing and practice and I noticed the first time I how much I needed it, that I cried. I also noticed so many other things about myself like always rushing and how this when I haven’t done the practice, it takes longer than I’d like to regulate. I see how one day I’ll be even better. I do sometimes want to just be there already but I think it’s part of not knowing how to be patient with myself or others.
... All I can say is that if you're a good person, and it sounds like you are, the guilt never truly goes away. Or if it does, it takes a VERY long time and a LOT of practices to get there. Please don't give up on yourself.
Anna, I love your heart and wisdom! Thank you for sharing and helping those of us who want to change and grow! This is life changing if we want to heal. Forgiveness and lovingkindness is a good place to start. As you said, all of us have issues to deal with. ❤
👉Friends, learn from my decades of limerance!😮If you think they're ever going to evolve, or you'll get the answers you need or deserve, gratitude, or closure YOU WON'T. EVER. They will keep contact if/when it suits THEM. Only YOU closing that door will bring those things. THANKS CCF! 👍🙏🕊️
I think he’s probably self-motivated in wanting her to stay in an unhappy marriage. Do you think maybe he wants to secure a live-in ‘nurse’ as they’re getting older in age? Some men start to get scared their wife will leave them after retirement and they won’t have someone to take care of their daily needs. Nothing is keeping her there now, but guilt.
Anna, I think you’re right - the husband is focussing on ‘the other man’ because he doesn’t want his wife to leave him. His desperation to hold onto her is outweighing the betrayal he should feel by her choosing to have an affair. If he really loved her, he wouldn’t want her to live unhappily ever after. He knows she is not happy.
What she means by codependent is she is trying to express that she feels responsible for his feelings and emotions. Almost as if there is a sense of duty or obligation to fulfill. Her letter is very relatable to me, I’ve felt “guilt” about ending or leaving a longterm relationship with my ex after he cheated. Although I left for good reason, I still felt guilt for breaking up the home or abandoning him. Her letter is very relatable, I think a lot of women (especially mothers) struggle with this because we feel obligated to keep families together annd to put others needs before ours, even when we are not emotionally fulfilled or happy in relationships. That is what she meant by codependency.
If you'd like to interact with Anna, you can take the Daily Practice course (it is free) and once you have completed it you will be invited to free Daily Practice Zoom calls with Anna (and other CCF coaches) where participants can ask questions and learn more about the Daily Practice method. You can also attend Anna’s webinars to ask questions about the webinar topics (see the CCF website for more details). • Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice • Website: crappychildhoodfairy.com/ Nika@TeamFairy
What if it isn’t abuse but something else? What if someone has a mental illness they are not ready to address or they want to address but not by biomedical interventions but their own ideas which isn’t helping?
I am sure they have a dysfunctional relationship. Alcoholic partner and raising children. It's a mess up system. Alcoholic family is fucked up on another scale. This women should get separated and husband should work on his addiction and get sober.
I am so glad you called put the letter writer on HER role in the marriage dysfunction. It sounded like she was blaming her husband for everything , whereas her own conduct (lack of communication etc) may well have CONTRIBUTED to triggering her husband's drinking ( which of course HE is responsible for managing). If she resorted to an affair, it is highly likely she was not communicating clearly and respectfully around her needs and feelings and was not helping create an emotionally safe environment and was escaping into some sort of fantasy, using someone else to help her feel better. It is a fundamentaly dishonest act and made her emotionally unavailable to both her her lover and her husband. It works both ways and blaming one person is neither fair nor reasonable. I bet she is an avoidant, and I hope her husband dumps HER
I'm certain she endured immense pain, leading her to cope in destructive ways. Similarly, he struggled with alcoholism, his own secret mistress. It's unfair to judge her without acknowledging his flaws too. You can't fathom the depth of her suffering, the weight of his emotional abuse. They say invisible wounds cut deeper than visible scars. I won't condemn her without recognizing the hell she endured.
She clearly say he emotionally abused her which is common in alcoholic marriage. Addicts often abuse their partners sometimes physically sometimes emotionally. I don't justify her cheating, I am 100 % sure she has her own traumas and issues . And her own part in this. But I don't blame her for her husband's drinking problem or his addiction. He is responsible for that 100 % . You cannot blame other people for your addiction it never works.
@angelacoleman6580 a person can "talk their head off" and still not be communicating effectively or respectfully". You can talk all you want but if you do not communicate in a way that the other person can hear and understand, you are wasting your breath and both person's time.
She is in relationship with an alcoholic, she is not happy with him, she acknowledges his traumas and that he is suffering, so she goes and falls in love with someone else, and now she is looking for ways to feel better about herself. I see a selfish cheater. She could get divorced first and not traumatise someone who is already suffering. People drink because they don’t have support and fail at coping. I feel sorry for her husband. He has a lot to overcome.
She sounds like my mom. I’d told her a hundred times-cheating and staying is not saving a marriage. An amicable civil divorce will likely save two people.
Who r u? Of coarse it isn't ok. The Bible says it's not ok. And there is no higher authority than the Bible since it is literally God's words to us. But, for u a mere human to make a statement like that shows that u dont have ability to see yourself as a sinful fallen human being. U forget that Jesus came to seek and to save the lost and to heal the sick and sinful human in the depths of our human sinful depravity...
I don't justify her cheating either. However, who is going to be the judge of one sin over another?? Looks like they r both sinners to me and they should ask God to guide them both. She "should" repent of her part in the situation, and also, I'm sure it only added emotional confusion and more entwinements to complicate things even more..... maybe the best thing for her is to take a deliberate break from any relationship while she focuses on herself and decides wat she really wants to do. This seems to be the only way to be true to conscience and to also not be walking in sin until the outcome can be resolved.
@@hop3ful1 I am a Hindu so I don't care what is written in your stupid Bible. Original sin is a garbage concept any way. The universe runs through Karmic law . If you have done wrong you will face the consequences for it. If you have not done anything wrong then there is no need to fear anything. Not even God. We don't believe in any Sky God who hates human , and always jealous and angry. Divine is everywhere, and there is no such thing as Original sin. It's Your own Karma which decides your fate. Nothing to do with God.
![Eminem - Fuel (feat. JID) [Official Lyric Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/t5H_CewqpKA/mqdefault.jpg)
*Take my free Daily Practice course: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
*Join my Membership and access my private online community: bit.ly/CCF-Membership
*Visit my website at crappychildhoodfairy.com
*Order my new book RE-REGULATED here: bit.ly/3XiLsj2
*Have a question for me to answer on RUclips? Write me here: bit.ly/CCF_Letters
Just because an abuser changes, does not mean we are obligated to remain in a relationship with them. We don't owe it to them for having changed. They needed to change in order to be a good partner to anyone, not just for you.
💯 Sometimes it's too late- the abuser may have changed but so has the abused
They are married, there is a COMMITMENT to that, only a women's point of view. After 28yrs, my ex wanted to get divorced because she wasnt happy and wanted to be single. Wish I knew that 29 years ago. Women are manipulative for happiness, when happiness comes from within!!!!
Big house, great father, provided time, money and dedication.
When we stay entangled with an ex, even unconsciously, we may find ourselves repeating old patterns, comparing new connections to past ones, or staying closed off from fully investing in someone new
Thank you for properly explaining what gratitude feels like. It is not forced and it really does feel like a natural spring coming from your body. It’s a wonderful state.
A man will keep changing relationships to avoid changing himself ✨
She walked on eggshells for 20 years, and she is still walking on eggshells and she doesn't want to do it for him anymore. He changed and she wants to change too.
The best definition I've heard for 'co-dependent' has 2 parts to it:
1. It's not the same as dependent.
2. It's when one depends on the other's bad habit so that one may maintain their own bad habit. Hence, co-dependent on their habit so you can continue your own.
Sometimes both have the same (or some of the same) bad habits, but not always.
The silent agreement: "You can't complain about my bad habit as long as you have yours."
I bought your 📕 book and have been doing the writing and practice and I noticed the first time I how much I needed it, that I cried. I also noticed so many other things about myself like always rushing and how this when I haven’t done the practice, it takes longer than I’d like to regulate. I see how one day I’ll be even better. I do sometimes want to just be there already but I think it’s part of not knowing how to be patient with myself or others.
Thank You wholeheartedly for Your enormous work, greetings from Ireland.
Listening from Ireland too😊
Hard truths, thoughtfully given. Thank you once again Fairy
Thank you for watching. Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
...
All I can say is that if you're a good person, and it sounds like you are, the guilt never truly goes away. Or if it does, it takes a VERY long time and a LOT of practices to get there. Please don't give up on yourself.
Anna, I love your heart and wisdom! Thank you for sharing and helping those of us who want to change and grow! This is life changing if we want to heal. Forgiveness and lovingkindness is a good place to start. As you said, all of us have issues to deal with. ❤
Thank you for your comment! Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
👉Friends, learn from my decades of limerance!😮If you think they're ever going to evolve, or you'll get the answers you need or deserve, gratitude, or closure YOU WON'T. EVER. They will keep contact if/when it suits THEM. Only YOU closing that door will bring those things. THANKS CCF! 👍🙏🕊️
and don't wait around for an apology that will never happen.
Well said!
Nika@TeamFairy
@@Thomassina1 AMEN!
I needed this right now. Thanks.
❤️
Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I think he’s probably self-motivated in wanting her to stay in an unhappy marriage. Do you think maybe he wants to secure a live-in ‘nurse’ as they’re getting older in age? Some men start to get scared their wife will leave them after retirement and they won’t have someone to take care of their daily needs. Nothing is keeping her there now, but guilt.
Anna, I think you’re right - the husband is focussing on ‘the other man’ because he doesn’t want his wife to leave him. His desperation to hold onto her is outweighing the betrayal he should feel by her choosing to have an affair. If he really loved her, he wouldn’t want her to live unhappily ever after. He knows she is not happy.
The overthinking of every, little, thing, seems a problem to me, as well!
All I can say is... TWO WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT!!
Never have and never will...although I understand the pain.
What she means by codependent is she is trying to express that she feels responsible for his feelings and emotions. Almost as if there is a sense of duty or obligation to fulfill. Her letter is very relatable to me, I’ve felt “guilt” about ending or leaving a longterm relationship with my ex after he cheated. Although I left for good reason, I still felt guilt for breaking up the home or abandoning him. Her letter is very relatable, I think a lot of women (especially mothers) struggle with this because we feel obligated to keep families together annd to put others needs before ours, even when we are not emotionally fulfilled or happy in relationships. That is what she meant by codependency.
Great content as usual 🙌
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Sure learned a lot. Thank you
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Also I’m super glad I found you. One day I hope I meet you just to hug you:).❤
Dear Anna,I really need to speak with you.I met you during the Hay house workshop.I am new to you and relate very well with what you teach.
If you'd like to interact with Anna, you can take the Daily Practice course (it is free) and once you have completed it you will be invited to free Daily Practice Zoom calls with Anna (and other CCF coaches) where participants can ask questions and learn more about the Daily Practice method. You can also attend Anna’s webinars to ask questions about the webinar topics (see the CCF website for more details).
• Daily Practice: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
• Website: crappychildhoodfairy.com/
Nika@TeamFairy
Or write a letter 👍🏼
Perfect timing ❤
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thanks for sharing
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna hello my friend how are you today?
0:02 with august
What if it isn’t abuse but something else? What if someone has a mental illness they are not ready to address or they want to address but not by biomedical interventions but their own ideas which isn’t helping?
She doesn’t love him and has already cheated. I don’t see why she stays. Just get out and work on yourself.
I am sure they have a dysfunctional relationship. Alcoholic partner and raising children. It's a mess up system. Alcoholic family is fucked up on another scale. This women should get separated and husband should work on his addiction and get sober.
He's an idiot for taking her back. Affairs are unforgivable. If you are unhappy, leave.
Christine Albright
"BRILLIANT VIDIO"💖!...
"THANK YOU"💖!...
"+"!..."💖"!...
I am so glad you called put the letter writer on HER role in the marriage dysfunction. It sounded like she was blaming her husband for everything , whereas her own conduct (lack of communication etc) may well have CONTRIBUTED to triggering her husband's drinking ( which of course HE is responsible for managing). If she resorted to an affair, it is highly likely she was not communicating clearly and respectfully around her needs and feelings and was not helping create an emotionally safe environment and was escaping into some sort of fantasy, using someone else to help her feel better. It is a fundamentaly dishonest act and made her emotionally unavailable to both her her lover and her husband. It works both ways and blaming one person is neither fair nor reasonable. I bet she is an avoidant, and I hope her husband dumps HER
If a woman stayed that long in a marriage and was unhappy...I believe me she talked her head off.
I'm certain she endured immense pain, leading her to cope in destructive ways. Similarly, he struggled with alcoholism, his own secret mistress. It's unfair to judge her without acknowledging his flaws too.
You can't fathom the depth of her suffering, the weight of his emotional abuse. They say invisible wounds cut deeper than visible scars. I won't condemn her without recognizing the hell she endured.
She clearly say he emotionally abused her which is common in alcoholic marriage. Addicts often abuse their partners sometimes physically sometimes emotionally. I don't justify her cheating, I am 100 % sure she has her own traumas and issues . And her own part in this. But I don't blame her for her husband's drinking problem or his addiction. He is responsible for that 100 % . You cannot blame other people for your addiction it never works.
@angelacoleman6580 a person can "talk their head off" and still not be communicating effectively or respectfully". You can talk all you want but if you do not communicate in a way that the other person can hear and understand, you are wasting your breath and both person's time.
She is in relationship with an alcoholic, she is not happy with him, she acknowledges his traumas and that he is suffering, so she goes and falls in love with someone else, and now she is looking for ways to feel better about herself. I see a selfish cheater. She could get divorced first and not traumatise someone who is already suffering. People drink because they don’t have support and fail at coping. I feel sorry for her husband. He has a lot to overcome.
She apparently was codependent at one point because she stayed for umpteenth years and wanted him to change.
@@angelacoleman6580 she cheated someone who has childhood trauma.
She should have went to AlAnon. That would have been a good first move.
She sounds like my mom.
I’d told her a hundred times-cheating and staying is not saving a marriage.
An amicable civil divorce will likely save two people.
Although she didn't mention alanon, perhaps she did go as she knew she was codependent
@@rounduprodeo7893
Having an affair or betraying your spouse is never ok.
True but I can understand her pain in an alcoholic marriage. But I dont justify her cheating.
Who r u? Of coarse it isn't ok. The Bible says it's not ok. And there is no higher authority than the Bible since it is literally God's words to us. But, for u a mere human to make a statement like that shows that u dont have ability to see yourself as a sinful fallen human being. U forget that Jesus came to seek and to save the lost and to heal the sick and sinful human in the depths of our human sinful depravity...
I don't justify her cheating either. However, who is going to be the judge of one sin over another?? Looks like they r both sinners to me and they should ask God to guide them both. She "should" repent of her part in the situation, and also, I'm sure it only added emotional confusion and more entwinements to complicate things even more..... maybe the best thing for her is to take a deliberate break from any relationship while she focuses on herself and decides wat she really wants to do. This seems to be the only way to be true to conscience and to also not be walking in sin until the outcome can be resolved.
@@hop3ful1 I am a Hindu so I don't care what is written in your stupid Bible. Original sin is a garbage concept any way. The universe runs through Karmic law . If you have done wrong you will face the consequences for it. If you have not done anything wrong then there is no need to fear anything. Not even God. We don't believe in any Sky God who hates human , and always jealous and angry. Divine is everywhere, and there is no such thing as Original sin. It's Your own Karma which decides your fate. Nothing to do with God.
Yuuuuup
🙏🙏🙏🤙🏽🤙🏽❤️🦋🕊️