Self-Compassion: Learn How to Face Your Flaws With Love and Courage
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- Опубликовано: 13 ноя 2019
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Self-compassion is an essential skill if you're human because we all mess up, make mistakes, and do dumb things. By learning self-compassion you can develop greater love and more courage and confidence to face a problem again and do better next time.
In this video I teach three essential steps of self-compassion: acknowledging your pain, acknowledging your humanness, and being kind to yourself.
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Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC, and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
About Me:
I’m Emma McAdam. I’m a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have worked in various settings of change and growth since 2004. My experience includes juvenile corrections, adventure therapy programs, wilderness therapy programs, an eating disorder treatment center, a residential treatment center, and I currently work in an outpatient therapy clinic.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.
And deeper than all of that, the Gospel of Jesus Christ orients my personal worldview and sense of security, peace, hope, and love www.churchofjesuschrist.org/c...
If you are in crisis, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or your local emergency services.
Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC
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You have the calmest voice ever
Like.... EVER!! Very soothing :)
YEP
Great for a therapist.
When we are there for ourselves, this compassion for ourselves also awakens compassion for others.
did you beat to this
It's also worth mentioning that self compassion feels really awkward at first. Your brain will likely fight it. It takes practice to actually believe yourself. Therapy/therapy videos and journaling are really helpful in my experience, it made the practicing a little smoother. I still struggle with self compassion but at least I went from being harsh 90% of the time to 75% of the time and even that makes a heck of a difference. You actually have a little room to breathe.
How do you journal for self compassion? I would like to try it.
No I don't
When we are there for ourselves, this compassion for ourselves also awakens compassion for others.
Wym?!
My trauma therapist has repeatedly told me I have such compassion for others but nothing for myself
Well, that certainly started me crying. I don't think i've ever shown myself compassion in my 57 years of living. Thank you!
A big hug to you. It's ok. You are a wonderful human.
❤️❤️❤️ hugs
Mee too
@@sammylab7655 me too
I do to, I am in compassion focussed therapy but I struggle so hard to dare to give me compassion and I feel so underserving but this video helped me understand that it isn't nessesary that I must feel "love" which I am uncertain if I have ever really felt. It feels easier to be encouraging and nonjudgemental than finding a way to love me because it such a far reach from a long life of selfhatered, but as I hear this, and Emma models it, I realize how much I long for such gentleness and care. Like nurturing the soul when it suffers.
I am a therapist, and someone who struggles with anxiety. I stumbled upon your videos looking for resources during this hard time, and feel so thankful for finding you! I appreciate not only your vulnerability, but your down to earth tone and way you explain the brain. Thank you.
100% second that. "Down to earth tone and way you explain the brain". Emma is a gem!!
When we are there for ourselves, this compassion for ourselves also awakens compassion for others.
Many years ago a study was done on college students to study “Resilience”…. Surprisingly (or not), the students who had greater self-compassion bounced back quicker than the students with high self-esteem. Makes us want to rethink what builds a stronger person…
Can you share this study with me?
Yes! Our self talk is worse than what another person would say....
When I had a panic attack, I actually rubbed my arm and told myself - “i understand - you’re healing too.”
I think it helped me. Every time I felt shame about the attack, I immediately said sorry and pat myself and said “you’re healing, like I am healing.”
It made me feel better and helped me cope with it.
Yup, sometimes I go into the second person to have our really hot home to me in the first person. But I can't bypass the 2nd person stuff to just come to the first person part. If i shortcut it I only have a cognitive understanding of my situation. If I go thro it then I feel a real empathy for myself. Weird. But it works for me x
@@lucidity_worldsounds like another blanket over mental illness.
That’s all coping is.
It doesn’t change anything.
I've always heard the term "self love" and never really understood how to go about doing that. It's so hard to step outside of yourself and look at yourself objectively when you are so distraught and consumed with negative thoughts and emotions.
I am definitely the type to beat myself up. But that tip of "how would you talk to a friend" has flipped a switch for me, for sure. Thank you for sharing. I hope I can remember to be kinder to myself.
I started doing stuff like this, and it helps calm me down. I even stand in front of the mirror and say positive things to myself outloud. Seems silly, but it works for me.
One of the hardest to remember self care practices that basically fights against a lot of the things I was taught in childhood
How true. I was raised with boat loads of criticism. Self forgiveness is elusive, but I'm trying!
"self-compassion gives you the courage to try again next time" is what I needed to hear today. thank you. I could not only be more compassionate toward myself but toward others.
I really appreciate your authenticity. Thank you for sharing this important wisdom in such a clear and compassionate way. 🙏🙏🙏
I have denied myself compassion for 70 years despite being a victim of severe, early and prolonged abuse and having a serious genetic syndrome causing great pain and difficulties. Thankyou for suggesting this is even possible.
I am sorry this happened to you. You are very brave, a blessed soul in your healing and I imagine are very wise.
Thank you for sharing this part of you my friend. May you find healing. You have a good heart, be kind to it. For what it's worth I'm gonna say a gentle prayer for you tonight and everytime I remember you.
@@Raminakai Thankyou for bothering to comment. I am wise enough to show tremendous compassion and loving kindness to others but not quite wise enough to see I deserved it myself till now. Having to rethink all my behaviours at a late age. But I believe in neuroplasticity , ie you CAN teach an old dog new tricks. Namaste friend 🙏
@@ABB14-11 you have moved me to tears by your message. The idea that a total stranger would bother to do that for me has me sobbing like a child. Actually like the child who did not see that sort of care. Better late than never. I am grateful to you.
It's great to see a woman that confident enough to share her vulnerable feelings. After two relationships with women that don't share emotionally things will happen more slowly next time. Thankyou for sharing.
I don't know if I've said this before, but everyone that knows you should be really lucky. You have a very pleasant, approachable and gentle manner. Reminds me of a very loving teacher in my school over 30 years ago. Everyone loved her, especially the mischievous kids, the "failures" that repeated years and sat on the back benches. She spoke the same way and gave special attention to weaker students. She also kept family secrets of kids and helped out those she could. She was a godmother to many.
Well, I guess I'm old, since I'm going on nostalgia trips out here in the comments section.
The Daves I Know
She sounds like a great person
My family broke apart and anybody i tried to confide in went and told others all my personals.
What a great role model to see.
Great advice! Self-compassion gives us power to be courageous. It is true, never thought about it that way. Thank you.
You all know why we here
Hi
….
You all know why we are* here.
Stop talking like you’re black.
I got redirected here for the same reason as you. Some others may not understand.Are you still hanging on?
Yup
U keep ur videos precise and talk to the point ,instead of giving long lectures. That's what i like about u. And i just love ambiance of ur home.🙂
Incredibly important channel. Thank-you for everything you do.
I cried when I told myself “you’re doing the best you can” self compassion is something I’ve struggled with my whole life
I’m happy that they’re still good people in this world
Thank you Emma, I have been struggling for a long time now. I am taking care of someone who is very demanding. There are many emotions in play here and I am exhausted. I also enjoy your smooth, calming voice as it is soothing. Keep up your videos as they are liked by many of us. God bless you.
It helps me to remind myself that we've lived with suffering for our species' entire past, so I'm ready to accept whatever mistake I made and try again. If we adopt a compassionate empirical mindset together, we can all move forward towards solving more problems and making people's lives better.
You are a Godsend!!! Thank you. I'm dealing with so much in my brain, that my heart literally starts shaking faster, and then this spinning vortex of dizziness, nausea and ears popping wants to consume me. I just lost my third therapist, and I can't afford "real" therapy, so I watch your channel instead, and A LOT!!! Your tone is so soothing and perfect, and your videos so helpful and heartening. I am so grateful to you for all this. AND that 30-day plan is exactly what I needed to find. I look forward to all your uploads, advice and suggestions. Thank you so much! Stay safe and healthy!
your kids are lucky to have you as a mother. I wish I had a mother like you. I wouldn't have all of the lost child issues i have from growing up with an alcoholic father and a paranoid borderline mother. I need to practice some compassion for myself right now for having made a very bad mistake.
❤
I've been through the exact same situation. I felt motherhood as a burden. I felt guilty most of the time, nevertheless I couldn't stop those "violent" behaviour towards my child. Recently I've found that I had never truly listen, love and accept my self. I had to begin to be kinder to my self and only then compassion also began to flow towards the rest of my family. It's the best gift ever. Thanks Emma. You're a beautiful soul.
When you are compassionate to your self, you can be compassionate to others.
I expect you may hear this a lot, but wow you're a legend!! thank you so much ....this its really helpful
Thank you! Your video is very sweet and authentic. The path to healing has led me to self compassion. I am grateful to have your videos as a source of learning.
When we are there for ourselves, this compassion for ourselves also awakens compassion for others.
I have watched this videos a few times. Thank you for posting it. We need more like this one ❤️❤️
I now watched this video for the second time, and for the second time started crying when you said that thing, about giving yourself a hug. I want and need to relearn that, I was there, 14 years ago, and thought I had overcome all my struggles, but the Pandemic and so many stressful and demanding things led me back to bad coping strategies, and I lost faith in myself and was just not nice to me anymore. You are such a treasure with your kind and patient way to bring these things to people who search help. Thanks a lot. ❤
Love your videos! They help me so much. 🙂
Thanks :)
Therapy in a Nutshell I’ve been using CBT for a while now and it has improved my life dramatically. I still have work to do but videos like yours keeps me going when times are difficult. Keep up the great work!
The first part about trying to comprehend self compassion and it seeming idiotic is exactly how I felt when I started this journey a few months ago. Now I don’t know how I lived without it! Such a beneficial thing we all need to practise.
Thank you so so much for this. I never say "I love you" to myself. It struck me hard to realize, that is the thing I currently lack the most. Loving, appreciating and understanding myself.
Thank you for showing us your humanness. It’s so helpful.
I see myself returning to this video so often...definitely a sign. Thanks so much for this!
"So in the end, it's hypocritical for us to love Earth without loving ourselves."
- shinichi Izumi
Thank you for your great service! I have come across your channel by chance and really love how you present valuable information in an interesting, concise, clear manner. I am a psychologist and found it so confirming to hear another professional explain and share similar concepts and techniques as I try to do for my clients. I am now sharing your channel with my clients and supervisees as a most helpful resource! Keep up the beautiful work!💜🙏
You're the best therapist. Thank you for your content. ❤️
You're a lifesaver. 🙏🏻
Thank you so much. 🙏🏻
Yes! This is so important!
I dont hate myself i hate life. Even when you acheive something in life. Joy is fleeting and all your left with after you acheive ur goals is unsatisfaction the only reason why im alive is ny dogs. Dogs are amazing
You are a natural loving person. I like that you are in your garden.
I'm trying to develop self-compassion as a way to help in my recovery from anorexia. Not sure if it's exactly the same, but I'm trying to treat my body as if it were my child - I would NEVER deny my daughter food or insist that she does a punishing exercise routine before she's allowed to eat, so why do I do that to my body/ myself? I feel sad for what I've put my body through over all these years - it's time I treated it with kindness and compassion which means giving it the nutrition it needs and letting it rest when it wants to.
That's beautiful. You took the right decision. All the best, Love💞
I hope you also find someone you can genuinely trust, so you don’t have to carry this burden all by yourself. Not that you couldn’t do it on your own but rather that it warms your soul more when someone accompanies you on your way. Whoever that may be... I wish you luck on your journey!
DimljenaRiba thank you 🙏
Same here! 😥
I love your stuff. Thank you 🙏
I just love your voice also and I love how you explain things! I'm a recent subscriber and I have to listen to your videos everyday because they encourage me! God bless you!
This is the best thing I have ever experienced.
We’d love a series on self-compassion!!!!
Thank you for this video which is very healing, Jesus bless you.
Enjoy listening. Educational experience.
I better myself. I gladly adopt the American way. It makes me understand where the quality of the American women emanates from.
I am grateful to you, Emma McAdams.
I am grateful for the English language, it has changed me.
I owe a debt of gratitude to all the American woman I listened to.when You listen to quality, you gain quality.
Thank you, you have helped me so much 💜
Thank you! 🙏
Your video pulled me out of spiral. I hope others can find it the same comfy place.
Great message, thank you ❣️
Thank you, learning to be able to sence self compassion energy
Beautifully presented. Thank you. 🤓🙏🏻♥️
Give yourself grace!
Wow! This video found me when I needed it. Thanks so much.
Thank you I will endeavor to be more self compassionate
made me want to do it more
I might be a little jealous of your green house and the open land around it ☺️❤️ great video. I’m watching it in Dec of 2021. Your videos’ have changed a lot!!!! You’re still just as wonderful. 🤗🌸
Thanks for this - I really appreciate it.
Be gentle with yourself when you’re not feeling well
Be gentle with yourself instead of Shame or judgement (when you make a mistake, when you feel intense emotions)
Thank you.
Really, thank you.
Dhanyawad 🙏
Love your videos. Thank you.
Bless you for trying, love
Thank you so much! 🍃❤️🍃
Thanks so much for this episode
Thank you!
Your videos are wonderful. I'm really glad I discovered your channel.
Thank you
Thank you very much.
Never knew you are a gardener! Makes a whole lot of sense though! The garden is my happy place ❤
Thank you x
Beautiful words, beautiful lady
Thank you.
Thank you so much❤
My toxic trait is that I have a kind heart. What I mean is I lose sleep and have anxiety whenever I check in on the people closest to me and who I love and cherish the most. They tell me they appreciate me and they are glad I exist.
Yet often times, they never bother to check on me unless I post on my socials that I want to die or take my own life. Not that I do it a lot of course but still. I often wonder if they’d notice it if I was no longer around, or if their lives would be the same or different if I never existed in the first place.
Thanks
I give up on myself completely I'm just not able to go through this life anymore too much stress
What's going on in your heart?
Excellent and succinct!
Wow, that’s nice. I was working in Elkhart Indiana. With Amish family. I loved working on their compound Waking up in morning with my carthartt jacket. I miss the outside. Today, I work in a office with artificial. Stuff. Yes , I might take a vacation Thanks. Great work. Downey California
Thank you 😊
Thank you. I don't know how to love myself. V useful video.
thanks
My doctor recommended this to me. Fingers crossed.
You are awesome missy
Love the videos!
Thank you and i really love me
Ty 💕
You are so lovely. Thank you for this.. 😁😄
I was gonna take my life but this video saved me
Have an amazing day just know everything will be okay just be patient ❤❤
I am facing this self criticism every day thats is causing me anxiety and depression...its really hard keep with your own expectations.
I would be thankful if u talk more in next videos about self-love...
This helped
Well, I can't even say that word here. And someone is getting paid by listening to the details with the patience I'll never have. That's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm reading "man's search for meaning" by Viktor E. Frankl. Somehow, my situation feels worse than a certain death.
Ma'am thank you for your support and kindness.I am 42 yrs old and have made lots of mistakes and I feel today I have lost the ability to be happy anymore.I feel there is no clemency for the mistakes I have done.I have bipolar disorder depression and a twisted thought process and have treated my family very badly , now I don't know how to move forward and don't like myself at all .I feel I am a narcissistic person and self obsessed.I feel terrible.Life seems like a burden.Is there any hope for me?
Yes ❤
A narcissistic person doesn’t feel bad about their behaviour so you know you’re not one.
I am just watching the video thinking how calming it would be to work in this enclosed greenhouse on the plants. LOL. Maybe one day I will have the same.