Therapists don’t tell you what to do because you are the expert in your own life. A therapist helps you process through your emotions and issues and empowers you to fix yourself.
My therapist is a Consultant and Chartered Psychologist, Chartered Scientist and Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society who I've seen for the last 4 years. I don't feel like it's done anything really. So, either I'm a fool or I expect too much.
usually counselling/therapy wont fix the issues.Its upto the client to do that.What it does is give u an insight to ur own issues and the client makes changes in their lives.Counsellors cant advice their clients
Your Patient was expressing in the first minute exactly how I feel about Mental health services were I live in England. I've just withdrawn from it all today, literally an hour ago, fucking cant stand them.
This parallels so much of my experience in therapy. I have seen several different therapists, and yes I gave it plenty of time (usually a year or so with each) and I fully sympathize with her, how she feels she's not doing anything, and doesn't know what to do. I have never achieved much of anything with therapy. What i find aggravating is that this ends right where it began. She is upset because she doesn't think therapy is doing anything, she doesn't know what to do to make it work, and after all that talk they end up NEVER addressing that issue! Just what did they achieve here?
The 'achievement' is a first acknowledgment that there is a middle way of relating between what the client currently experiences ( 'full throttle' aggression, and 'passive' docility) .
The reason many patients (not saying this is true for you) don't feel helped by therapy, is exactly because they have not learned to voice frustration, and work through conflicts and disagreements. They bottle it up first, and break off the relationship second. Because they always feel like they need to accommodate other people, until they can't take it anymore, nothing really ever happens in terms of change unless they get to work on this conflict resolution and voicing their experience in therapy. They can next transfer this to outside of the treatment. So in a way, nothing can be done for these people until they start expressing that therapy is not working. That is basically the point of their therapy.
I found a therapist for some communication issues with wife . He was very straight forward with me Reibirctgree sessions and I was back on track. I can get this from the local bartender
I see her problem. She believes the therapist will fix her but that's not the therapist's job. His job is to guide her and to give her the tools to help herself. This is why a lot of clients give up or feel let down because they are focused on something that just can't happen. If the therapist "fixed" her she would not know how to do it herself. She would become dependent just like giving advice gives a person dependency instead of telling them how to do it. Why doesn't he just tell her this? I'd be honest and tell her exactly what I said. I'd assure her that therapy is different than advice or talking to a friend. I feel like this dude is going in circles. Bro just give her assurance and prove it. I'm confused over his talking method.
Yeah, you shouldn't just sit staring at her like that. I think she has a point. The least you could do is ask her if she'd like to dance. Clients respond well to this kind of commitment.
if this was my therapist I would never go again. She was not heard. No alternative was offered and he is talking about feelings that she is not responding to so they have two different conversations and the result is the girl is frustrated and unhappy. She has the right to be because really what is the point of therapy like this anyway? I have never believed in therapy and here is a good example it simply does not work. It does not work for her at least... Another point is that no matter which therapist she goes to there she is...
In a nut shell it sounds like she is looking for a ready made box she can fit in and everything will suddenly fall into place. Babygirl love yourself first
girl: I need something to grab onto. therapist: I'm getting the sense you need something to grab onto. gril: I feel like I have only 2 choices therapist: it sounds like you feel you have only 2 choices. next he will help her with her 'depersonalized' speech... EYE ROLL..
Mmhm...Could be the therapy is to metaphysical for her ( he certainly sounds abstract to me) and she needs somthing more concrete first to adress some pressing issues. Like CBT for example. Good to explore first though.
@@alegriart Unstuck from what?! They never mentioned the issue. You can't apply a generalized solution to all problems. Heck, he didn't even mention a generalized solution. He was hoping the patient would find her own solution. On this continuum...spoon feed to hands off....he was 100% mirror.
It's quite sad how people see therapy and therapist. Therapist, counsellor, case manager working to help people to get their own answers. Therapy it's a process you have the opportunity to know yourself. The difference between your friend (if you have any) and the therapist it is: your friends will give you bits of advice or the answer or solution without understanding your feelings just because they don't know how to read it, they will judge your doubts and will assume your thoughts or words. Sometimes the advice doesn't match with your thoughts. What to do? The therapist helps you out to find your own answers, can improve yourself and be able to self-heal. What do you prefer?
Yes this is a role play (privacy rules broken otherwise), but as a private therapist myself, I am right with that client. I took up being a therapist because I had attended quite a few, following a marriage break up and had the same reaction as her - what a waste of time, playing "nicey games" when I wanted to hear the truth about my poor coping skills (I'm in therapy... there's a clue that they need sorting out! Don't tell me I'm great for turning up) so I could understand and deal with it. Finally felt that I could do a better job myself. I did the training for years, learned how it can be done ineffectively - and I now do it differently to that. I felt like throttling him early in that interview. She not paying to hear about how he is having issues with the session (you have to help me to help you...???). Of course she would be angry (good acting btw). I open every first session by asking about any prior counselling experiences so this stuff can be addressed in session one. It shows the client that you are brave enough to go there, before the client has classed you as yet another woosy game-player. "What do you wish they (prior therapists) had done?" is a good way to find out what the angry client really wants.
Honestly it's feels to me that the therapist just using method and he should begin to describe her in detail the thing she needs, she says all the time "what's the point", he should in detail help hair get a point for life, for development her personality , presuit goals , giving her confidence of her self, explaining why it cant be a concrete road and a proccess, he wanted her to spill it all,i understand, but she needed little of details.....
I have a happy disposition but if I ever had to spend an hour doing therapy, I think I will come out depressed. I don't know why people think therapy is helpful. Unless you're a loner and have no one to speak to, then therapy may help. But beyond the social interaction, I don't see any benefit at all. Everything about it is depressing; the environment, the therapist, the questions, the negativity... everything.
This was really challenging for me - this client could have been me 5 years ago. I know that feeling, it's agony. Took me right back to my own stuff. I'm doing my entry-level counselling skills training now and I'd find it so hard not to project onto her and tell her it gets better with time and good support.
@@rleclaire87 Ooh. So I was having limited counselling on the NHS (in the UK), before a friend suggested I might be dissociating and I went to see someone who I could see long-term who understood more about what I was going through. I think the big issue was that the people I was going to see weren't understanding what it was that I was trying to tell them, but being able to see a specialist who had more of a frame of reference for what was going on for me and work with her for long enough for me to trust that she wasn't just going to 'abandon' me... eventually then I started to internalise her 'holding' of me and I started learning how to do it for myself. Because I couldn't 'contain' my emotions before, but I've learnt how to be there for myself from having it modelled for me. But during that time, at the end of sessions, I'd still feel abandoned and worried I couldn't cope. It just took a long time and a lot of patience to learn that I can cope. I do believe that receiving unconditional positive regard consistently and for a long time has been transformative for me. Sorry that's rambly. Does it make any sense?
@@MelodicDinosaur I had a similar experience to you. I went to the NHS with issues of compulsive behavior. I had 6 sessions but by the end of it didn't feel that it was helpful as the therapist didn't really know how to help with my specific issue. I then on the recomendation of a friend saw a specialist therapist on compulsion privately and imeadiatly felt they understood my issue and could guide me to a solution.
Thanks for this roll play session, he is so good at promoting self reflection, the therapy is in process and she is not seeing it, but after this session she probably will reflect and gain self awareness. that’s the sim.
There is a risk that when he says his opening sentence, "I'm having a couple of reactions to what you are saying to me here..." that the client comes back with, "This is not about you! You always make it about you!" Then when he says the next thing, "What can I do specifically to make it better for you...", a confrontational client often replies, "Why should I tell you, you should know..." and if he were to respond, "It looks like you feel frustrated that you should have to tell me" she will say, "Duh! Don't insult my intelligence"
Confrontation refers to the woman expressing her disappointment and going against the therapy/therapist. It has to do with the therapeutic alliance being challenged and the rupture-repair process.
I am sure this behavior is manifested outside the therapeutic relationship that is probably causing her problems that she is there for. Focus on what is happening in the here and now not on the detail of the words.
Rather than START WITH abstractions, or intellectualize everything, perhaps if the therapist could help the client identify a few areas of ongoing life experience she would like to work on, or do better at, or that leave her feeling alienated or off-balance. Then they could discuss emotions as they come up in the context of real-life experiences.
Psychotherapy is huge waste of time and money. Only objection to this sketch is that when you tell therapyst this stuff you need to look them straight to their eyes, so they know that you're sure of what you're saying and that you're serious.
@@SanelKeys therapy and cigarettes and not comparable cigarettes are an unhealthy addiction and they dont cure anxiety that way or else they wouldnt need them they just kinda deal with it
Guys, I think you don't understand what therapist does! She is asks for being a dependent person, a person who therapist (or anyone else) must say what to do. Do you or does anyone want to be a dependent person? A dependent person is an infantile one (I don't want to offend anyone, I hope you understand). He tries to show her what she asks for in a manner that not infantilizing her. A therapy is not about being fixed. It's about getting ways to fix yourself accompanied by a person who did the same work with himself (a psychotherapist, a consultant, a priest etc)
JG Alegria Yes, she wants, because it is the way she knows to relate with others. The therapist shows her another way, a mature way to relate. Waiting for advice is a dependent way.
I would hesitate in using the words "infantile" or "fix", mainly due to them being labels that have a danger of having the client retreat further into themselves.
Mmh, no, not a single one of you should make such stupid, unitelligent comments. Therapy is about seeking help amd getting it. It is not a magic button. But, therapy sucks, for it is ineffective.
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"Observe, don't absorb."
Therapists don’t tell you what to do because you are the expert in your own life. A therapist helps you process through your emotions and issues and empowers you to fix yourself.
WHILE taking your money
"HELPING"
Thanks very much for this video! Very clear, also, I find the descriptions of the dynamics and interventions very helpful.
You've just described just about every therapist I've ever been to! 😡
most therapists are useless. you have to pay decent money to work with a good one.
@@greenboarder89 get what you pay for mate!!
The featured therapist is a "rogerian" therapist. There's like 25 other kinds. U been to one kind
Same lol
@@andrewamick7933 no he's not. He's a relational psychoanalyst.
My therapist is a Consultant and Chartered Psychologist, Chartered Scientist and Associate Fellow of the British Psychological Society who I've seen for the last 4 years.
I don't feel like it's done anything really. So, either I'm a fool or I expect too much.
usually counselling/therapy wont fix the issues.Its upto the client to do that.What it does is give u an insight to ur own issues and the client makes changes in their lives.Counsellors cant advice their clients
Your Patient was expressing in the first minute exactly how I feel about Mental health services were I live in England. I've just withdrawn from it all today, literally an hour ago, fucking cant stand them.
@ Marc : read, write...is better help than talking.
For counselling and therapy to happen you need to work your way through the clients emotions, feelings before any change or insight can happen.
This parallels so much of my experience in therapy. I have seen several different therapists, and yes I gave it plenty of time (usually a year or so with each) and I fully sympathize with her, how she feels she's not doing anything, and doesn't know what to do. I have never achieved much of anything with therapy.
What i find aggravating is that this ends right where it began. She is upset because she doesn't think therapy is doing anything, she doesn't know what to do to make it work, and after all that talk they end up NEVER addressing that issue! Just what did they achieve here?
The 'achievement' is a first acknowledgment that there is a middle way of relating between what the client currently experiences ( 'full throttle' aggression, and 'passive' docility) .
The reason many patients (not saying this is true for you) don't feel helped by therapy, is exactly because they have not learned to voice frustration, and work through conflicts and disagreements. They bottle it up first, and break off the relationship second. Because they always feel like they need to accommodate other people, until they can't take it anymore, nothing really ever happens in terms of change unless they get to work on this conflict resolution and voicing their experience in therapy. They can next transfer this to outside of the treatment. So in a way, nothing can be done for these people until they start expressing that therapy is not working. That is basically the point of their therapy.
I found a therapist for some communication issues with wife . He was very straight forward with me Reibirctgree sessions and I was back on track. I can get this from the local bartender
Its an accurate depiction of what therapy is. You pay for a service you don't receive
I see her problem.
She believes the therapist will fix her but that's not the therapist's job.
His job is to guide her and to give her the tools to help herself.
This is why a lot of clients give up or feel let down because they are focused on something that just can't happen.
If the therapist "fixed" her she would not know how to do it herself.
She would become dependent just like giving advice gives a person dependency instead of telling them how to do it.
Why doesn't he just tell her this?
I'd be honest and tell her exactly what I said. I'd assure her that therapy is different than advice or talking to a friend.
I feel like this dude is going in circles.
Bro just give her assurance and prove it.
I'm confused over his talking method.
Yeah, you shouldn't just sit staring at her like that. I think she has a point. The least you could do is ask her if she'd like to dance. Clients respond well to this kind of commitment.
if this was my therapist I would never go again. She was not heard. No alternative was offered and he is talking about feelings that she is not responding to so they have two different conversations and the result is the girl is frustrated and unhappy. She has the right to be because really what is the point of therapy like this anyway? I have never believed in therapy and here is a good example it simply does not work. It does not work for her at least... Another point is that no matter which therapist she goes to there she is...
They should rename this video to ..... how to save next weeks pay cheque
I agree with her
Then you’re not done with therapy...
@@IAmFrankieA I left the program. Therapy service isn't for me.
In a nut shell it sounds like she is looking for a ready made box she can fit in and everything will suddenly fall into place. Babygirl love yourself first
girl: I need something to grab onto.
therapist: I'm getting the sense you need something to grab onto.
gril: I feel like I have only 2 choices
therapist: it sounds like you feel you have only 2 choices.
next he will help her with her 'depersonalized' speech... EYE ROLL..
Mmhm...Could be the therapy is to metaphysical for her ( he certainly sounds abstract to me) and she needs somthing more concrete first to adress some pressing issues. Like CBT for example. Good to explore first though.
@@alegriart Unstuck from what?! They never mentioned the issue. You can't apply a generalized solution to all problems. Heck, he didn't even mention a generalized solution. He was hoping the patient would find her own solution. On this continuum...spoon feed to hands off....he was 100% mirror.
It's quite sad how people see therapy and therapist. Therapist, counsellor, case manager working to help people to get their own answers. Therapy it's a process you have the opportunity to know yourself. The difference between your friend (if you have any) and the therapist it is: your friends will give you bits of advice or the answer or solution without understanding your feelings just because they don't know how to read it, they will judge your doubts and will assume your thoughts or words. Sometimes the advice doesn't match with your thoughts. What to do?
The therapist helps you out to find your own answers, can improve yourself and be able to self-heal.
What do you prefer?
Yes this is a role play (privacy rules broken otherwise), but as a private therapist myself, I am right with that client. I took up being a therapist because I had attended quite a few, following a marriage break up and had the same reaction as her - what a waste of time, playing "nicey games" when I wanted to hear the truth about my poor coping skills (I'm in therapy... there's a clue that they need sorting out! Don't tell me I'm great for turning up) so I could understand and deal with it. Finally felt that I could do a better job myself. I did the training for years, learned how it can be done ineffectively - and I now do it differently to that. I felt like throttling him early in that interview. She not paying to hear about how he is having issues with the session (you have to help me to help you...???). Of course she would be angry (good acting btw). I open every first session by asking about any prior counselling experiences so this stuff can be addressed in session one. It shows the client that you are brave enough to go there, before the client has classed you as yet another woosy game-player. "What do you wish they (prior therapists) had done?" is a good way to find out what the angry client really wants.
Are you already disillusioned a year on?
She want to go from point A to point B…what she really need is coaching not counselling…
This is probably a roleplay, right?
of course it is
Honestly it's feels to me that the therapist just using method and he should begin to describe her in detail the thing she needs, she says all the time "what's the point", he should in detail help hair get a point for life, for development her personality , presuit goals , giving her confidence of her self, explaining why it cant be a concrete road and a proccess, he wanted her to spill it all,i understand, but she needed little of details.....
well there are a lot of highly ineffective therapists. A LOT
Is this supposed to be an example of a good therapist or a bad therapist?
RIP sir
Seems like a ton of room for more skillful validation here.
I have a happy disposition but if I ever had to spend an hour doing therapy, I think I will come out depressed. I don't know why people think therapy is helpful. Unless you're a loner and have no one to speak to, then therapy may help. But beyond the social interaction, I don't see any benefit at all. Everything about it is depressing; the environment, the therapist, the questions, the negativity... everything.
U have to say your feelings. Its very helpful.
I am quite a loner and it was usually good to talk to someone, but I never solved anything with it.
most talking therapy is a waste of time to be fair - other therapies like EDMR, art therapy etc is found to be more effective.
This was really challenging for me - this client could have been me 5 years ago. I know that feeling, it's agony. Took me right back to my own stuff. I'm doing my entry-level counselling skills training now and I'd find it so hard not to project onto her and tell her it gets better with time and good support.
I'd be curious (and possibly it would be helpful for others too) how this changed for you. You didn't feel helped. Then what?
@@rleclaire87 Ooh. So I was having limited counselling on the NHS (in the UK), before a friend suggested I might be dissociating and I went to see someone who I could see long-term who understood more about what I was going through. I think the big issue was that the people I was going to see weren't understanding what it was that I was trying to tell them, but being able to see a specialist who had more of a frame of reference for what was going on for me and work with her for long enough for me to trust that she wasn't just going to 'abandon' me... eventually then I started to internalise her 'holding' of me and I started learning how to do it for myself. Because I couldn't 'contain' my emotions before, but I've learnt how to be there for myself from having it modelled for me. But during that time, at the end of sessions, I'd still feel abandoned and worried I couldn't cope. It just took a long time and a lot of patience to learn that I can cope. I do believe that receiving unconditional positive regard consistently and for a long time has been transformative for me.
Sorry that's rambly. Does it make any sense?
@@MelodicDinosaur I had a similar experience to you. I went to the NHS with issues of compulsive behavior. I had 6 sessions but by the end of it didn't feel that it was helpful as the therapist didn't really know how to help with my specific issue. I then on the recomendation of a friend saw a specialist therapist on compulsion privately and imeadiatly felt they understood my issue and could guide me to a solution.
Her manner is aggressive because she is distressed.
very poor, what a waste of time
Thanks for this roll play session, he is so good at promoting self reflection, the therapy is in process and she is not seeing it, but after this session she probably will reflect and gain self awareness. that’s the sim.
There is a risk that when he says his opening sentence, "I'm having a couple of reactions to what you are saying to me here..." that the client comes back with, "This is not about you! You always make it about you!"
Then when he says the next thing, "What can I do specifically to make it better for you...", a confrontational client often replies, "Why should I tell you, you should know..." and if he were to respond, "It looks like you feel frustrated that you should have to tell me" she will say, "Duh! Don't insult my intelligence"
Not sure about his guarding cross legged BLang.
Is she an actress?
Therapy is pathetic.
Where is confrontation being used in this video?
Confrontation refers to the woman expressing her disappointment and going against the therapy/therapist. It has to do with the therapeutic alliance being challenged and the rupture-repair process.
He has a lot of umms and ahhs
Shes venting
Yeah that's not how this is gonna go 😂😑🤦
I am sure this behavior is manifested outside the therapeutic relationship that is probably causing her problems that she is there for. Focus on what is happening in the here and now not on the detail of the words.
Rather than START WITH abstractions, or intellectualize everything, perhaps if the therapist could help the client identify a few areas of ongoing life experience she would like to work on, or do better at, or that leave her feeling alienated or off-balance. Then they could discuss emotions as they come up in the context of real-life experiences.
Best shit to survive is shut da fuck up all the times believe me.
Confrontation is invites client to face themselves realistically . so as to examine their behavior that r blocking thir growth.....
That's me lol
Psychotherapy is huge waste of time and money. Only objection to this sketch is that when you tell therapyst this stuff you need to look them straight to their eyes, so they know that you're sure of what you're saying and that you're serious.
it helps some people
@@azanasta some people cure anxiety smoking cigarettes, but I'd not prescribe it.
@@SanelKeys therapy and cigarettes and not comparable cigarettes are an unhealthy addiction and they dont cure anxiety that way or else they wouldnt need them they just kinda deal with it
Terrible
Guys, I think you don't understand what therapist does! She is asks for being a dependent person, a person who therapist (or anyone else) must say what to do. Do you or does anyone want to be a dependent person? A dependent person is an infantile one (I don't want to offend anyone, I hope you understand). He tries to show her what she asks for in a manner that not infantilizing her.
A therapy is not about being fixed. It's about getting ways to fix yourself accompanied by a person who did the same work with himself (a psychotherapist, a consultant, a priest etc)
JG Alegria Yes, she wants, because it is the way she knows to relate with others. The therapist shows her another way, a mature way to relate. Waiting for advice is a dependent way.
is it really that bad to not want to take responsibility?
I would hesitate in using the words "infantile" or "fix", mainly due to them being labels that have a danger of having the client retreat further into themselves.
@@nnovatakaren5515 Yes it is.
Mmh, no, not a single one of you should make such stupid, unitelligent comments. Therapy is about seeking help amd getting it. It is not a magic button. But, therapy sucks, for it is ineffective.