Hello you beauties. Get a free list of my 100 favourite books - chriswillx.com/books/ Here’s the timestamps: 00:00 The Idea of Digital Modesty 06:14 How Phones Have Created a Surveillance Society 11:59 The Danger of Political Opinion on Social Media 18:31 Why the Left Wouldn’t Date OnlyFans Subscribers 21:17 The Message Behind the Barbie Movie 24:30 Is Our Culture Anti-Family? 29:33 The Crisis of Masculinity & Femininity 40:28 Why The Trad Wife Movement Won’t Work 47:39 How Divorce is a PsyOp 52:33 Mary’s Thoughts on Surrogacy 59:13 The Problem With Matt Walsh & the Right 1:11:57 The Ambivalent Role of Right-Wing Women 1:19:13 Where to Find Mary
If you want to get more perspective on the parenting data and "stranger danger" topic, you should interview Lenore Skenazy and Emily Oster from the U.S.
Social Media is overvaluing being interesting and people completely forget the interpersonal value of showing interest. Opinions are really just a personality prosthetic that can only extend your actual personality with one single sentence and sophisticated mating calls.
Love this. I have traveled a lot over the last 2 months, was only home for 2 weeks out of 8, and I was feeling bad about not taking any pictures or posting on social media at all. This quote makes me feel better about it. 🙂
@@Untilitisnot I slightly rephrase: _Being a Loner is the kryptonite of invisibility._ A Loner is typically introvert, maybe on the Aspie spectrum, and perhaps shy as well. In today's world, a Loner mentality is a real superpower. When all others flock together for superficial transient appearances, The Loner can detach, be alone _without_ loneliness, be inwardly strong, and achieve enormous knowledge, competence and achievement - or just peace and relaxation. The Loner can live on intermittent Zoom meetings, while others go stir crazy, and long for the _Return To Office._ The important thing, is that the Loner has the choice, to join-in, or not. The alpha-males, egotists, narcissists and extroverts do not have the choice. If they withdraw, they feel psychologically damaged, and may actually be damaged. I say let the _alpha-males, egotists, narcissists and extroverts_ return to The Office. They can fight and entertain each other with tales of self-importance. Just let the introverts and Loners work from home, and get s*it done. The Loner is not necessarily a monk or a nun The Loner will engage when there is obvious social enjoyment and emotional relationships, but, more importantly, has the power to withdraw, without penalty. Some online places characterize the Loner as the _Gamma Male._ (yes, Loners are related to Aspie-Spectrum, which is related to maleness). I prefer the moniker _Steppenwolf._ First, it alludes to the remarkable must-read novel by Hermann Hesse, but it also harks back to the primordial Indo-European legend/practice of the outcast young males (mirroring the wolfpack) forced to live or die together, by adversity, challenge, creativity and discovery: _"We few, we_ happy _few, we band of brothers."_
@TuffLuv1984 It's surprising how many times I've seen people post on RUclips that they don't use social media. I guess it's a little bit different than other media platforms since most people are just reacting to content and not creating their own content, but it's still social.
I'm an older millennial and grew up with privacy and even thinking giving your credit card over the internet with amazon wasn't safe. I take photos on my phone but don't post them on social media. Even when Facebook came out I found it intrusive to post your family photos online for anybody to see. How times have changed, for the worst I believe.
People have overshared on the internet since sharing on the internet was a thing. I remember in the mid 90s AOL chat rooms titled things that would literally get somebody arrested today. I remember young people sharing private pictures on Tumblr. I remember when people posted pictures of marijuana bongs on Facebook.
Honestly she just needs to make her account private and only let people she knows follow her. Friends, Family, Acquaintances It’s not rocket science. For me personally that is how I use my instagram. I only follow people I’ve met in my life. And the same for my followers. I like seeing how people from different times of my life are doing. You don’t have to post constantly, but 2 to 4 times a year of some event or achievement is discreet enough. And if you are afraid of haters…. 🤷♂️ It doesn’t matter what you do in life, there is always going to be someone that hates you.
Being mid-30's, I only have Facebook and use it for close family and friends. Making a private account is definitely the way to go, especially as your profile increases. I feel bad that Mary has reached the point where she avoids taking pictures in the first place.
Yeah, I'm a millennial but still grew up with only a wood stove for heat til I was in middle school. Didn't have internet until I was in high school. Original iPod came out my freshman year of college and I didn't have a smartphone til I was engaged. The things just honestly weren't as widely available then and considered more of a luxury item. Probably as such, social media has always made me so uncomfortable. It's so fuckin weird. And it feels real good to not feel the desire to scroll.
I really appreciate Mary Harrington. She clearly values her roles as a mother and a spouse, but refuses to back down on freedom for women - as if women are individuals with their own thoughts and desires (who'd have thought?). I have a wife and two daughters and I really appreciate her work championing a reasonable, normal path for people who just want to have a good normal life. Keep up the great work Mary, and thanks for having her on Chris.
Her background gives her a more politically literate and coherent point of view. She's a former leftist that has a Philosophical Materialist lense that she uses to navigate the world.
I agree! My personal archive is pretty dope (imo) and i find it priceless. But anytime ive shared any of my pics online, it has always made me feel "cheap" ... as if it almost takes our value away from how unique and special our lives truly are.
It’s insane, walking down the street as a man and feeling like everyone is a little wary of you, vs walking down the street as a man with a dog and suddenly everyone is your friend
As a woman is nice to hear Mary, someone who embraces being a woman, a mother but also has intelligent opinions about feminism and what’s going culturally, I’m personally tired of the extreme debates of left and right, I don’t consider myself in any political party, this conversation makes me embrace more the idea of talking about each topic specifically in a detailed way
She is very pedantic and snooty patootie. Talks too much and too fast. Can't listen to her hard edged voice no matter how much sense she makes. All of this could have been said in half the time. All she does is give me one massive headache.
As a conservative woman, I found her critiques thoughtful & useful. Allie Beth Stuckey is another gifted woman who speaks on all these subjects and gives very detailed input.
She espouses one view, but as she went on, one could clearly ascertain she says one thing, yet would vote for the very people she thinks has the wrong social views due to her association with everything "right" as being "far right". No thanks.
I got rid of social media in 2016 and never looked back. If you're sharing your private life on social media and not making money, it's a waste of your time and effort. And people are putting a lot of effort and time into it, even if they've convinced themselves they aren't. I never understood the draw of social media, so it was easy for me to turn away from it. Some people can't step away, unfortunately.
I’m rereading the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and I am noticing all the times of the day different cues are hitting me. And now I’m working on changing my routines
"If you're sharing your private life on social media and not making money, it's a waste of your time and effort." Key part here. Yup, and it's even worse really, as you might actually achieve what you intended to and presented yourself in the best light possible, meaning that people will envy you over the fake life you created online that doesn't exist in reality.
Got rid of mine in 2020 just after having my first baby. Haven’t looked back. My friends fam know not to post anything of my kids. It took a bit of reminding people - but mostly people have been receptive to my no posting rule and, will even talk about whether they would like to implement it with their own children. Most don’t in the end, but it’s good we’re starting to have the conversation about the privacy and dignity of our young ones. My mental health is much better since being off it. It’s a pain in the ass when there are events etc. on that I don’t see. But all my close friends remember to just flick me a text :)
@@mackprime6975 So, using your logic on this subject... If I posted my bank card details online and then people used them, that would not be 'obvious' to me, that would/could happen? That is so worrying if you disagree, ha!
It seems the real problem is how much humans worry about what everyone else thinks. In my experience, the more you create your own narratives, the more you establish and lean on your own values, and the more you listen to your own intuition instead of looking outward for acceptance, worth, and focus, even when living and working in the world you don’t get pushed and pulled around by the ever-changing, ever-demanding populace opinion and nonsense.
Yep. I’ve almost completely cut out social media except for RUclips and LinkedIn. The prior because I think there’s some actual value here and the latter because of business networking. Probably need to cut out RUclips too, it takes too much time up.
Yes, good point. Psychologists call it the internal locus of control, as opposed to the external locus of control. Hard work to reach this point but worth it. People are constantly looking from outside themselves-from TV, social media, even in relationships-for validation. Best to do the work within.
I mean, you're absolutely right. BUT, worrying about other opinions is hardwired into human nature. What we need are broad teachings about how to train minds to fortify against this. Social does the opposite....
Okay whatever "thalisasmusings". You're using a handle. And for a very good reason. You know full well that people are uninged online and will seek out any leverage on you they can find over the smallest disagreements.
I remember going to Rome on a high school trip 25 years ago. I had a disposable camera and I had to take photos of everything. After the second camera I had no money anymore, so I just had to look at things with real attention. Very chill experience.
@r.walker7986 it amuses me that people don't realize. Like if you take some photos, and genuinely enjoy taking those photos, it doesn't mean you've shared every single beautiful thing you've seen and that you didn't take time to smell the roses in between. This is just more narcissistic, "I know how to live better than you."
@@chaoswitch1974 That's how you feel when you see another person enjoying their life, in a way that you are not. In reality they don't care what you in particular think or if you ever see it... Lets stop projecting in 2024... Other people are not winning just to make you a loser.
I too took film camera pictures of Rome on a high school trip. They’re all gone now and I don’t give a shit, I can see what Rome looks like any time I want.
I kind of understand the urge, I just don't understand why do people proceed to do it. To me it's similar to the dumbest thoughts I ever had, where something occurs to me, but then I quickly proceed to dismiss the thought as I can easily see what the drawbacks are. Well, apparently most people don't see what the drawbacks are. Makes me wanna start a life extension supplement business if you know what I mean.
@@deniseproxima2601No. You sell your service and not yourself. I do freelance computer work (no WWW) and I don't use social media at all, and I am doing fine. Nobody needs to see what I had for breakfast this morning or what I did last weekend.
I'm a guy and for a long time I was super cautious around kids because I felt like I wasn't allowed to like kids. Now, idc. One of the things I learned (especially from single mother friends) parents like it when their kids get along with other people and other people are able to enjoy their kids. Asking them questions is almost always going to be fun/funny. Obviously time and place, right? But I've never met a parent make me feel weird or bad about greeting their little humans :)
Same here there’s tons of kids at my workplace and I used to feel really awkward and nervous around them because I thought parents would be super skeptical about me. Or even saying a kid is cute to my wife. I learned to just say eff it and call the kid cute and interact with the kids. I have good intentions and like kids so I don’t have anything to be ashamed or afraid of
People revealing every detail of their lives to the public started in the late 80s with Oprah, Phil Donahue, and Geraldo. People used to keep their business to themselves.
On the topic of Dad bonding with baby. My husband went through this really hard when our son was born. No one told him it would take a while to form that bond. We both would agree wholeheartedly with what Chris said. Give it 6-9 months. They have such a fantastic relationship now. ❤
I love that Mary Harrington is getting ever closer to full concordance with the orthodox Catholic position on so many things - eg surrogacy, division of labour, complementarity of the sexes, view of marriage as covenental not contractual etc - using her own intellect and especially, her experience as a wife and mother. She's an absolute gift to women - and a gift to women is a gift to men and children.
After taking a photo of my 6 year old daughter the other day she asked me if I was going to put it on Instagram. I said 'no, why would I put it on Instagram?' (I haven't posted anything for over a year and a half so it's not a regular occurrence) Her reply was 'so you can get famous'. We had a chat about why that's not something I would want and the negatives that come as a byproduct of having a lot of followers. Can't say I'm looking forward to the time when she's old enough for her own phone and social media. 🙈
I know lots of kids 4-12 and since they were infants they have been taught never to put anything online. They can't even "like" videos. In my house the only internet they're allowed is on the television in the living room. Their parents are millenials and learnt the hard way the dangers of social media.
@@grannyannie2948 yeah I took RUclips off our TV, there was happy kids app or something which I thought would be ok as it was 'age appropriate family viewing', but that seemed to be full of pushy parents making vlogs with their obnoxious kids about unboxing countless presents, so that went too! 😂 My two do both have a tablet each and have an app on those where they can watch a few RUclips videos but only from a preselected handful of creators, and those have time limits too.
Step up mama bear. You and yours are the ones to teach your child the right values. Not the state, not social media, not television, not their friends.
Until like 2 years ago peope were encouraged and taught by social media gurus to "be authentic" and share everything about themselves online to "connect" and be relatable to with their audience. I've seen people and micro influencers take this advice way to far and exspose way to much about themselves. The saddest cases are when I saw new content creators spill their guts to their small audience with their really dark personal stories to only receive crickets and indifference in return.
Yeah that is sad. But not for the reason you think. People are so afraid of authenticity and it's so rare that most don't even know how to respond to it.
@@chaoswitch1974 It's naive to think that's why their indifferent. Saying poeple are are scared of authenticity sounds like a liberal talking point. I think it has more to do with the fact that they don't know you and the Internet isn't really a good place for moral support.
About the Anti-family section --- I know for me, I get annoyed with some parents who act like they are the FIRST EVER "Mom" and FIRST EVER "Dad" and "Look at me... I'm a Mom"... like, get over yourself -- do you think you got here through osmosis? That's what irritates me. And also those parents who do not parent ... so you got kids misbehaving all over the durn place and the parents think it's cute... it's not cute. I appreciate parents who teach their children manners -- some parents act like manners are a foreign thing.
I'd say the quote should be "pregnancy *should* create a mother." There are so many shit birth mothers out there and so many terrific non-birth mothers. The idea that pregnancy yields a good mother and happy/loved kid is shamefully vacuous.
The dog vs. baby discussion reminded me of a conversation I had 7-8 years ago with the wife of a work colleage who had moved from the UK to the US. She said the thing she most appreciated about the US was that is was very pro-child while the UK was the opposite. I asked her what she meant, and she said in social gatherings, kids were ignored or pushed aside so adults could interact amongst themselves. In the US, by contrast, she said people more often centered activities around the kids while the adults chatted on the sidelines. No idea if the UK description was accurate, but how she described things in the US certainly was.
I'm Australian and in under another video I have been discussing this with people in the UK. I have spent months in the UK and the children, especially the teens were very badly behaved compared to my country. But I also saw they were not socialised in the same way children are here. We literally saw shops with signs saying, Dogs welcome children Are Not. We photographed the signs because we didn't think people would believe us. It's not so much that every thing is child focused with adults interacting on the sidelines, though there is that, but also that activities that are adult here are designed to attract entire families. For example pub's ussually have a family dining room with an adventure playground or an indoor play room. So even going to a pub for a meal and a couple of drinks is fun for the kids as well as the adults. On New Year's Eve our town had a street party. For the little ones there was face painting and merry go rounds. For the teens there was trail bike riding. For the adults there was boutique beers and live bands. In recognition that young children could not stay awake until midnight the fire works display is scheduled for 8.30 pm.
I lived in the UK for about a year as a kid and I distinctly remember that hugging and kissing between child and parents always felt very out of place in public (whereas in my home in Eastern Europe, it is very natural), almost on the outer border of acceptability. People wouldn't stare, but it probably did make them at least a little bit uncomfortable and the locals never ever did it. There was definitely this hint of "Is this a predatory person?" on everyone's face when they saw it.
That's just bizarre and creepy, @@balazsfoldes4700. Kids need affection and love. They need to feel secure and safe with their parents. Not hugging your own kids is freakish.
I hate how some people view me as suspect because I don't share my private life, lol. Especially women. I've watched women become noticeably anxious when I tell them I don't have social media. Some of them have flat out asked me what am I trying to hide.
I get the same vibes, I'm social media free for 5 years now I definitely feel like an outsider,but I don't have fomo and I know I'm better off not scrolling endlessly
i dont understand how people function in todays world. maybe im the weak one, i dont have any social media. i only watch youtube and using my phone for shopping and contacting some people close to me and it’s tiresome already for me
Love the conversation. This is actually a pragmatic pathway for a balanced healthy real and online aspect of our life for especially for someone who at least tries to be conscious of his/her reality. MODESTY in general is hard to understand let alone practice it in this increasing global western culture, but i would say it is worth a try to have some level of it. We got to stop to projecting our perception because it is foolish as it is universally subjective and tied to a moment in space-time to say the least and we all know it but still fight against it. Just Stop, let the universe perceive us/you the way it wants to, not the way we/you want to. Control is somewhat a delusion and denial of complexity of the fabric of this reality. Thanks Chris for all this. Looking forward ...
I’m an older millennial and I completely agree there’s too much overhearing online and it started making me question the legitimacy of a lot of it. For example on RUclips I enjoy watching animal videos, documentaries nature stuff. But lately it’s been feeding me a lot of these oh look, this person saved this dog are oh look at how abused this animal was before this person took it in and I as somebody who has taken an animals off the street I never recorded that. In the moment I’m too concerned thinking about the animal and the moment and the thought of recording myself to show other people. It never crosses my mind so I have to ask. Are these people setting up horrible fake instances to record themselves to to make money or are they actually helping. Now they may actually be helping. I may be completely wrong, but something about it something about advertising yourself helping instead of just doing it, rubs me the wrong way.
I would film this profound statement right now with my phone, but i can’t because I’m watching it on my phone, so I’m just gonna snap chat it and post it on insta fane to remember to keep it real.
I'm thankful that I'm older and grew up with cameras, because I think of my phone as a camera, not a social media posting tool. So I still take photos for the memory, not to post it. That's a vastly different mindset.
I have been thinking a lot about the constant selfie genre and then the historical fact of, say, my grandparents (from the 20s) who would take photos while trekking and camping and playing along the shores of the Great Lakes or Coney Island or at home or special occasions, and then my parents who took photos of us kids from the 50s and beyond. I'm grateful to have those old photos. And I remind myself when I'm out with friends that a few photos of a good time or event will be nice to have and I'll look back on them and will be glad for them. But I struggle with the age of constant selfies dumps to social media for every little thing in our lives. I'm like, Please, get out of my face.
I love this. There have been multiple things I'll share personally with one person and I've been surprised the number of times the response has been, "you should share this online." Why? Isn't the point of a conversation between two people meaningful because of the trust and relationships developed with each different friend or person in our life?
This is getting more and more imporatnt as technology is intrated further and further into our lives. It's quite sad to see this rush for attention at the risk of privacy/dignity.
The nature of direction the line of questioning took halfway through was brilliant. It was exactly what I was wondering. And you kept at it, in line with my own curiosities. Thanks for continuing to lean in!
Have kids. If you are worried about how you will do raising them, you are already ahead of the curve. Nothing else I do actually really matter besides my kids. I can make the world a better place by putting better humans into the world.
I love people who are effortlessly able to zoom out and contextualize. This is, in and of itself, in the current culture wars an affront to both sides. Which says alot about the utter futility of waging these wars. Entrenchment will not provide the outcomes you seek.
58:41 - life is definitely harder when your mom is incapable of loving you right from the start. My children know that I love them. They are much happier children than I was.
We, in the past, did not have access to our reflection. It was a custom, for instance, for my grandmothers to be given a hand mirror at age 16. Before that, they (more or less) didn't have much of a clue. I think about that sometimes. In comparison to today's 'image conscious' culture. 5 baby snaps maybe 3 snaps from grade school --- 3 photos from teen years to 70. (Even, when I was growing up, all the mirrors were placed 'adult height'... so... until I was taller than 5' 3" inches, what did I know? Upon reflection?) I think about that sometimes.
There is an Australian book, My Brilliant Career. It is a coming of age story about a teenage girl set in the 1890s, published 1900. The over emotional girl is sent to her grandmothers. And the first thing the grandmother did was cover every mirror in the house for many weeks. Without telling the grand daughter she ordered her a new dress. When the dress arrived the grandmother threw a part. When the teen girl was in her new dress and ready for the party she was finally allowed to see herself again. My adult height is five foot so I still couldn't use a mirror in your childhood home, lol.
@@grannyannie2948 that sounds like a marvelous story - I love that it was written in 1900. *** (lol)*** oh, you probably would have gotten a glimpse of your forehead in my families home.
@@grannyannie2948 oooo I found the book in audio book🗣📖 format here on YT - I am going to richly enjoy this study. TY. In reference to time... I was somewhat taken aback that this movie 🎥 has enjoyed its 40th anniversary. That took me a second to process. 40 years since 1979 How time flys. You know, with the world as odd as it (now) is, I am somewhat richly gratified I have lived during the era of simplicity that I did. __________ This is somewhat off topic, yet... if you enjoy 'a twist' you might appreciate this: The face 'we see' in the mirror, is not the face that the world sees. Our face are Asymmetrical, and a mirror reflection flips that. Thats why most folks are (in a way) dissatisfied with their photographs, because they are 'unfamiliar' with 'that face'. __________ Anyway, thank you for turning me on to this literature. I see that this book also might be about a writer, I look forward to driving into the audio book. Take Care, I very much appreciate having had this exchange. ❤
I have found that walking around in rural Australia with my toddler is like walking around with a local celebrity. So many people stop to wave or say hello, and men are so much kinder to us by default than women. Maybe it's just where I live, but I have never experienced anything but kindness toward my toddler, even mid tantrum.
I'm also Australian and neither as a mother or grandmother have I experienced what Mary describes either. I've been in a conversation about this with people in the UK from another video. And also the differences in behaviour of British and Australian kids. I spent a few months in the UK about ten years ago and we honestly saw signs on shops saying, Dogs welcome, children Are Not. We photographed them because we didn't think anyone in Australia would believe us.
@@Big_Tough_Guy I think it depends where you are. So long as there are lots of people about like in a crowded supermarket it shouldn't upset the mother.
Totally agree……I just don’t see the need to expose your private life. It’s called private for a reason. The only reason can be turbo charged narcissism and the need to show off one’s “amazing” life. No chance for introspection. No chance for depth of feeling.
A lot of this can be avoided for the "normal person" by only sharing with people you know and curating your followers....if you're using social media for business and public relations thats a whole different world.
My Fb is private for friends and family but I use insta for business only. It’s not rocket science really. I dunno why people feel the need to share EVERYTHING about their lives with absolute strnagers
*All of the topics are interesting and educational and I love their takes /her insight.* *I thought about buying her book and that Podcast made me consider it again.* *''Divorce is really good for the GDP, turning them into two separate households'' is a very powerful sentence* 1:06:25 _Very well spoken._
Single mother households have the worst outcomes. Look at crime and other stats. It would be better for a child to be raised by even a single father household, but preferably a heterosexual or homosexual couple is best.
I'm not at that part yet, but does she address infertility? Because a couple that really wants kids but for whatever reason the mother cannot gestate, I feel like they should be able to have children if we have the technology.
@darcycolbourne2565 Well that's exactly the problem. In modern society we feel like the desires of adults supercede the rights of children. It's illegal to separate a puppy from its mother in the first month, but with humans we suddenly don't see the issue as long as the would-be-parents "really want" to possess a baby. A couple's desire to have a child, however strong, does not justify prescribing attachment issues to a child by separating from its birth mother, plus all the potential psychological effects on the birth mother. I would recommend watching Olivia Maurel's interview on the Relatable podcast/RUclips channel. She was purchased through surrogacy by a regular couple who just really wanted a baby, and she talks about how the whole surrogacy process is a lot more dark than people realize
@@friedawells6860 Two issues, one minor and one more significant: there is no law banning separation of pups from mothers that I'm aware of. Good breeding practice keeps them with the litter until they're fully weaned and independent. Second, and bigger...define a mother. If the child is genetically not related to the surrogate, then it's an extremely vague and under-researched connection to make that the long-term effects of growing up with otherwise biological parents are harmful. And I guess a third point...babies have been adopted out since the beginning of time. Plenty of adopted people will tell you that their adoptive parents are their real parents and that they're extremely grateful that they grew up as they did. Plenty of biological children will tell you they wish the state had removed them from their parents due to abuse. Humanity is complex, and there's ample evidence that a human being can grow up psychologically well after being separated from a birth mother.
I stopped posting on my fb account after covid and I can't even tell you why because I was never really a person who regularly and religiously posted photos, etc in the first place. I don't bother with any of the other platforms either, one for me is certainly enough. In many ways I see social media as more restrictive than liberating I think I am sufficiently aware how social media works and the negative impact outweighs the positive for me. I believe that the internet is a great tool for many reasons but everyone should bear in mind it also brings potential danger/negativity into your life which anyone in their right mind would want to avoid like the plague. Freedom is being yourself, living your life and not having the need to tell all and sundry about it.
Surrogacy section: plenty of eight month pregnant women share that man's fear and guilt about thinking they don't love their baby yet. Plenty of them give birth and go home with their new baby not feeling a bond. It takes time to develop because it's the care of the baby that makes a parent/baby, baby/parent bond-- not the physiology of pregnancy. The expectation that women should automatically feel a bond by the act of gestation and that not having that bond will undermine their baby's ability to be an "integrated person" does more harm than good.
Men don’t want to look at kids for fear of being seen as a predator . Women don’t look because it can turn on a maternal clock and they don’t want to emotionally go there . I been there myself .
8:33 People didn't relentlessly take photos of just themselves until that was made easy by cell-phone cameras, which pretty much coincided with the ascent of social media. Selfies provided the motivation to use social media, and social media provided the motivation to take selfies.
I have no idea who this guest is but I can already tell she has an extreme personality 10 mins in. And it’s not because she doesn’t post stuff on sm. Generally it’s solid advice.
I agree with Mary on so many points. Because her ideas on parenting and male/ female roles are so important , I wish she could slow down and stop interrupting you .
It took her almost 20 years to figure this out when social media was born? Anyone with common sense realised this decades ago. Especially posting lives of children, so obviously why you shouldn't.
It really boils down to a few points: How seriouslly the person takes the social media???? How well grounded is the person in their own self esteem?????/ And if the person does, or does not give a shit????? As well as to how seriously the person, views themselves in the context of social media?????
It’s all perspective & Self Intellect. Oneself may care more about what the masses say than another person would. This causes the idea of shutting out the world to be normalized, when we are supposed to be in harmony & confidence within one another…but that’s just not the life we live is it.
Hearing this woman say living a traditional life is cringe was cringe. Then gives an example of a man leaving his woman alone with a child. That's a nontraditional male. You need both sides to be on the same page for any life to work traditional or modern
I agree. She didn't give a balanced perspective on that at all and only chose to show the potentially negative side of that way of life. Like you said, that man was non-traditional and mostly likely by the sounds of it, an abuser. Any relationship requires risk, especially when you're giving someone permission to hold your heart and mind your head, regardless of it being a Trad relationship or not. They are simply the old school version of a relationship of a man having his role as protector and provider and a woman having her role as a homemaker and nurturer, exactly like her time and her parents time. Does that mean reverting back to not having financial autonomy?? NO. That's where I'd draw the line.
Lol I thought the opposite, that he skims over the women ones too though. I think they both likely have a bit of myopia in this regard, being male and female respectively.
This talk is entitled 'why you shouldn't share your private life online' and then after 15 minutes it turns into a conversation about feminism. I feel slightly cheated waiting for the proper topic to resume. And I am a woman, women issues re my issues... Also, Mary's tone and speed of speaking is making me anxious. Why the pressure to pack so many words into one out-breath?!
Also, simply set your settings to private and why have a public profile? People 'want' the attention it seems to me! Only add close friends & family... Why add work colleges' etc?
Yeh my read on the Barbie movie from minute one was it was critiquing feminism. It criticized redpill too but ultimately parodied them both. The ending was deliberately pointless/aimless which I realize after some time paints a good picture of the modern situation exactly. It's whatever and individuals have to figure out and negotiate this themselves and who knows, shrug shrug shrug.
I don’t usually post selfies, but I’ll take a photo with people. I do take selfies every couple of years, as I age/ change to update my profile pic. That’s more of me accepting my age. I feel your profile pic should be rather recent.
Enjoy this lady, but she must not listen to Matt Walsh. He is hard on men who don’t have character and who aren’t family oriented and respectful If she is to characterize someone then she has to listen to them No one is about character of both sides than the daily wire guys
Yes! You can take photos for love of photos and capturing a moment and creative expression, it doesn't have to be "mental space used for a future audience" or whatever she said.
Yes , however in the wide two-shot the lumens at top of frame needs to be brought down a little bit and perhaps a little color matching between cameras in DaVinci. Just kidding. It’s just fine..
Nobody appreciates privacy until you have it taken from you. When you first start out getting hate mail is hard but eventually you grow to just not give a shit. If you care about what others think of you in a position like this you will never be happy.
8 месяцев назад+1
The part about talking to children is so sad, but something I definitely relate to.
Only share what you are secure in sharing. I also just started my YT and a podcast and I vaguely share some things to protect their privacy, no specific details about my family but for me and the content I share it’s important for me to be honest, open and authentic. I am okay with people saying whatever they want about me so I’ll share my own past and history to my hearts content
Yes. I agree with you and this is specifically why I waited a year before starting this. Some of the info I will be sharing is very personal about myself but I don't want to violate other people's privacy...including those who haven't acted so well. It's definitely a tightrope to walk for sure. All the best to you with your podcast and channel!@@matthewcallaway5223
Before social media, before internet access, those selfies would be the equivalent of us all walking around in public showing a picture book of ourselves, unsolicited.
I would think that she's old enough to remember when people did indeed acknowledge, compliment, talk to other people's children in public spaces. That all came to an end, in the USA anyway, with the whole rash of therapy-triggered false memory incidents that led to child abuse hysteria and false charges brought against thousands of innocent child-care workers. That's when people became afraid to be kind to strangers' children, when elementary school teachers started being ordered not to hug their students, even when hurt or crying.
It is true. There are always some people who post hateful comments for no reason. They often don't have a point either. It's easy to say something nasty over the internet because you don't have to face someone face to face.
I mean if someone finds you a not suitable partner because of your opinions, isn’t that better to know sooner rather than later? Saves you wasting time. As far as shit-posting, that says more about character imo. And if folks use an anonymous account for that as it was implied they do, potential dates wouldn’t know anyway. Imo the polarization problem and intolerance to people deviating even a little from correct thinking is the problem. I agree with some of what she’s saying about not sharing intimate personal information. And she’s not wrong you take a risk posting political opinions. But the idea not posting them somehow improves your dating prospects? Like the massive polarization isn’t going to be a problem when you finally get into your opinions with the person? I’m dubious.
Right. It's like she thinks you should hide what you really think and what you really want in order to trick a person into having feelings for you lol. No thanks.
52:42 - because as a mother who carried her child, you know how deeply you get attached to your baby growing inside you. How you worry if you haven’t felt them move. How you talk to them so they can hear your voice. How every time you eat, you’re thinking about the baby, not just yourself. How you have to buy special pillows to sleep with bc otherwise you can’t sleep. For months of your life, you live your life with the baby always on your mind. Because you have to. The baby is there with you always, constantly.
At the same token, a lot of social media are coming out with options such as you can disable comments entirely. I think there are small actions such as that we can do to mitigate our cyber safety. For example I recently stopped stating my location even after I’ve been there in a photo. Why? There’s no need to advertise I’m away from my home or the places I frequent. As a painter and sketch artist I really value interacting with new people and engaging my content. I’m not going to sacrifice it for the spiteful percentage of people.
You should prioritise safety and privacy in the internet. Social media are ot bad, the way we use them makes them horrifying. Use everything visely and in moderation, that's the key to success.
Peace of advice: Turn off all automatic logins for all apps that aren’t essential. The extra friction for logging into social media is helping you to think twice before scrolling and posting!
On Matt Walshism: you may have a valid point to make, but in using that example you didn't make it. Matt is just as staunchly against men using porn as he would be on women making it.
Hello you beauties. Get a free list of my 100 favourite books - chriswillx.com/books/ Here’s the timestamps:
00:00 The Idea of Digital Modesty
06:14 How Phones Have Created a Surveillance Society
11:59 The Danger of Political Opinion on Social Media
18:31 Why the Left Wouldn’t Date OnlyFans Subscribers
21:17 The Message Behind the Barbie Movie
24:30 Is Our Culture Anti-Family?
29:33 The Crisis of Masculinity & Femininity
40:28 Why The Trad Wife Movement Won’t Work
47:39 How Divorce is a PsyOp
52:33 Mary’s Thoughts on Surrogacy
59:13 The Problem With Matt Walsh & the Right
1:11:57 The Ambivalent Role of Right-Wing Women
1:19:13 Where to Find Mary
If you want to get more perspective on the parenting data and "stranger danger" topic, you should interview Lenore Skenazy and Emily Oster from the U.S.
I need to hear this because it's not upbuilding
Social Media is overvaluing being interesting and people completely forget the interpersonal value of showing interest. Opinions are really just a personality prosthetic that can only extend your actual personality with one single sentence and sophisticated mating calls.
Anyone know who she’s referring to @4:29?
@@Roberto-ie6hk I was thinking about Josh Harris in the documentary "We Live In Public" but that might be to old of a reference.
“Travel and tell no one, live a true love story and tell no one, live happily and tell no one, people ruin beautiful things.”
― Kahlil Gibran
This is treasure.
Thank you for giving me this quote!
That's the best thing I read today!
Love this. I have traveled a lot over the last 2 months, was only home for 2 weeks out of 8, and I was feeling bad about not taking any pictures or posting on social media at all. This quote makes me feel better about it. 🙂
@@WeartheGoodSocks,
"... I have traveled a lot over the last 2 months …"
So much for "Travel and tell no one." ;-)
“I don’t know why people are so keen to put the details of their private life in public; they forget that invisibility is a superpower.”
- Banksy
💯
@@Untilitisnot I slightly rephrase: _Being a Loner is the kryptonite of invisibility._
A Loner is typically introvert, maybe on the Aspie spectrum, and perhaps shy as well.
In today's world, a Loner mentality is a real superpower.
When all others flock together for superficial transient appearances,
The Loner can detach, be alone _without_ loneliness, be inwardly strong,
and achieve enormous knowledge, competence and achievement - or just peace and relaxation.
The Loner can live on intermittent Zoom meetings,
while others go stir crazy, and long for the _Return To Office._
The important thing, is that the Loner has the choice, to join-in, or not.
The alpha-males, egotists, narcissists and extroverts do not have the choice.
If they withdraw, they feel psychologically damaged, and may actually be damaged.
I say let the _alpha-males, egotists, narcissists and extroverts_ return to The Office.
They can fight and entertain each other with tales of self-importance.
Just let the introverts and Loners work from home, and get s*it done.
The Loner is not necessarily a monk or a nun
The Loner will engage when there is obvious social enjoyment and emotional relationships,
but, more importantly, has the power to withdraw, without penalty.
Some online places characterize the Loner as the _Gamma Male._
(yes, Loners are related to Aspie-Spectrum, which is related to maleness).
I prefer the moniker _Steppenwolf._
First, it alludes to the remarkable must-read novel by Hermann Hesse,
but it also harks back to the primordial Indo-European legend/practice
of the outcast young males (mirroring the wolfpack)
forced to live or die together, by adversity, challenge, creativity and discovery:
_"We few, we_ happy _few, we band of brothers."_
Attention and affirmation, what most people don’t receive enough of in their childhoods :(
Yes, look at what Sauron's ring of power did for Gollum!
I deleted all social media about 7 months ago and the benefit it has had on my mental health has been incredible.
...should I tell him? 😄
@@ozturkberkayy LMAOOO
Agree
@TuffLuv1984 It's surprising how many times I've seen people post on RUclips that they don't use social media. I guess it's a little bit different than other media platforms since most people are just reacting to content and not creating their own content, but it's still social.
@@TuffLuv1984 no its not, its a video sharing site with social elements, but not full blown social media in the same way fb/ig/twitter are.
I'm an older millennial and grew up with privacy and even thinking giving your credit card over the internet with amazon wasn't safe. I take photos on my phone but don't post them on social media. Even when Facebook came out I found it intrusive to post your family photos online for anybody to see. How times have changed, for the worst I believe.
People have overshared on the internet since sharing on the internet was a thing. I remember in the mid 90s AOL chat rooms titled things that would literally get somebody arrested today. I remember young people sharing private pictures on Tumblr. I remember when people posted pictures of marijuana bongs on Facebook.
Honestly she just needs to make her account private and only let people she knows follow her. Friends, Family, Acquaintances
It’s not rocket science. For me personally that is how I use my instagram. I only follow people I’ve met in my life. And the same for my followers. I like seeing how people from different times of my life are doing. You don’t have to post constantly, but 2 to 4 times a year of some event or achievement is discreet enough. And if you are afraid of haters…. 🤷♂️
It doesn’t matter what you do in life, there is always going to be someone that hates you.
Being mid-30's, I only have Facebook and use it for close family and friends. Making a private account is definitely the way to go, especially as your profile increases. I feel bad that Mary has reached the point where she avoids taking pictures in the first place.
What makes you think what goes on line can't be changed due to A.I. ! It's just beginning my friend! Stay safe.😁🇨🇦
Yeah, I'm a millennial but still grew up with only a wood stove for heat til I was in middle school. Didn't have internet until I was in high school. Original iPod came out my freshman year of college and I didn't have a smartphone til I was engaged. The things just honestly weren't as widely available then and considered more of a luxury item. Probably as such, social media has always made me so uncomfortable. It's so fuckin weird. And it feels real good to not feel the desire to scroll.
I really appreciate Mary Harrington. She clearly values her roles as a mother and a spouse, but refuses to back down on freedom for women - as if women are individuals with their own thoughts and desires (who'd have thought?). I have a wife and two daughters and I really appreciate her work championing a reasonable, normal path for people who just want to have a good normal life. Keep up the great work Mary, and thanks for having her on Chris.
Her background gives her a more politically literate and coherent point of view. She's a former leftist that has a Philosophical Materialist lense that she uses to navigate the world.
The problem is not the taking of pictures. The problem is addiction to social media.
I agree! My personal archive is pretty dope (imo) and i find it priceless. But anytime ive shared any of my pics online, it has always made me feel "cheap" ... as if it almost takes our value away from how unique and special our lives truly are.
It’s insane, walking down the street as a man and feeling like everyone is a little wary of you, vs walking down the street as a man with a dog and suddenly everyone is your friend
Depends on the type of dog, but yeah, almost everyone loves dogs.
I can concur with Chris...it's because dogs are better than people.
As a woman is nice to hear Mary, someone who embraces being a woman, a mother but also has intelligent opinions about feminism and what’s going culturally, I’m personally tired of the extreme debates of left and right, I don’t consider myself in any political party, this conversation makes me embrace more the idea of talking about each topic specifically in a detailed way
She is very pedantic and snooty patootie. Talks too much and too fast. Can't listen to her hard edged voice no matter how much sense she makes. All of this could have been said in half the time. All she does is give me one massive headache.
The left and right are mostly just a modern phenomena, at their core they often serve to galvanise eachother.
As a conservative woman, I found her critiques thoughtful & useful. Allie Beth Stuckey is another gifted woman who speaks on all these subjects and gives very detailed input.
She espouses one view, but as she went on, one could clearly ascertain she says one thing, yet would vote for the very people she thinks has the wrong social views due to her association with everything "right" as being "far right". No thanks.
@@BlackMan614Agreed. I prefer Abigail Favale's perspective
I got rid of social media in 2016 and never looked back. If you're sharing your private life on social media and not making money, it's a waste of your time and effort. And people are putting a lot of effort and time into it, even if they've convinced themselves they aren't. I never understood the draw of social media, so it was easy for me to turn away from it. Some people can't step away, unfortunately.
I’m rereading the Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg and I am noticing all the times of the day different cues are hitting me. And now I’m working on changing my routines
"If you're sharing your private life on social media and not making money, it's a waste of your time and effort."
Key part here. Yup, and it's even worse really, as you might actually achieve what you intended to and presented yourself in the best light possible, meaning that people will envy you over the fake life you created online that doesn't exist in reality.
Yep. I keep reminding myself of this.
@@Untilitisnot they are likely just using google search and logging in briefly to bring in their 2 cents.
Got rid of mine in 2020 just after having my first baby. Haven’t looked back. My friends fam know not to post anything of my kids. It took a bit of reminding people - but mostly people have been receptive to my no posting rule and, will even talk about whether they would like to implement it with their own children. Most don’t in the end, but it’s good we’re starting to have the conversation about the privacy and dignity of our young ones.
My mental health is much better since being off it.
It’s a pain in the ass when there are events etc. on that I don’t see. But all my close friends remember to just flick me a text :)
It blows my mind this stuff even needs to be said. Our society has become handicap.
It seems astoundingly obvious!
Fully agree with you!
What is obvious to you may not be obvious to others. And what is obvious to others may not be obvious to you.
how to become well-respected : state the obvious in a public setting
@@mackprime6975 So, using your logic on this subject... If I posted my bank card details online and then people used them, that would not be 'obvious' to me, that would/could happen? That is so worrying if you disagree, ha!
It seems the real problem is how much humans worry about what everyone else thinks. In my experience, the more you create your own narratives, the more you establish and lean on your own values, and the more you listen to your own intuition instead of looking outward for acceptance, worth, and focus, even when living and working in the world you don’t get pushed and pulled around by the ever-changing, ever-demanding populace opinion and nonsense.
I agree. It’s important to have a strong sense of self and put bullying in its place. There’s also tools to mitigate it on a lot of the apps.
Yep. I’ve almost completely cut out social media except for RUclips and LinkedIn. The prior because I think there’s some actual value here and the latter because of business networking. Probably need to cut out RUclips too, it takes too much time up.
Yes, good point. Psychologists call it the internal locus of control, as opposed to the external locus of control. Hard work to reach this point but worth it. People are constantly looking from outside themselves-from TV, social media, even in relationships-for validation. Best to do the work within.
I mean, you're absolutely right. BUT, worrying about other opinions is hardwired into human nature. What we need are broad teachings about how to train minds to fortify against this. Social does the opposite....
Okay whatever "thalisasmusings". You're using a handle. And for a very good reason. You know full well that people are uninged online and will seek out any leverage on you they can find over the smallest disagreements.
I remember going to Rome on a high school trip 25 years ago.
I had a disposable camera and I had to take photos of everything.
After the second camera I had no money anymore, so I just had to look at things with real attention.
Very chill experience.
you can do both..
@r.walker7986 it amuses me that people don't realize. Like if you take some photos, and genuinely enjoy taking those photos, it doesn't mean you've shared every single beautiful thing you've seen and that you didn't take time to smell the roses in between. This is just more narcissistic, "I know how to live better than you."
@@chaoswitch1974 That's how you feel when you see another person enjoying their life, in a way that you are not. In reality they don't care what you in particular think or if you ever see it... Lets stop projecting in 2024... Other people are not winning just to make you a loser.
I too took film camera pictures of Rome on a high school trip. They’re all gone now and I don’t give a shit, I can see what Rome looks like any time I want.
"Everyone has the temptation to share their life on the internet" No! I always asked myself why so many people are so crazy to do that.
I kind of understand the urge, I just don't understand why do people proceed to do it. To me it's similar to the dumbest thoughts I ever had, where something occurs to me, but then I quickly proceed to dismiss the thought as I can easily see what the drawbacks are. Well, apparently most people don't see what the drawbacks are. Makes me wanna start a life extension supplement business if you know what I mean.
Because it's a economy. Worldwide - job and gig working - you must sell your self for every agency.
@@deniseproxima2601No. You sell your service and not yourself. I do freelance computer work (no WWW) and I don't use social media at all, and I am doing fine. Nobody needs to see what I had for breakfast this morning or what I did last weekend.
I'm a guy and for a long time I was super cautious around kids because I felt like I wasn't allowed to like kids. Now, idc. One of the things I learned (especially from single mother friends) parents like it when their kids get along with other people and other people are able to enjoy their kids. Asking them questions is almost always going to be fun/funny. Obviously time and place, right? But I've never met a parent make me feel weird or bad about greeting their little humans :)
Same here there’s tons of kids at my workplace and I used to feel really awkward and nervous around them because I thought parents would be super skeptical about me. Or even saying a kid is cute to my wife. I learned to just say eff it and call the kid cute and interact with the kids. I have good intentions and like kids so I don’t have anything to be ashamed or afraid of
I’ve listened to this for 5 minutes, and my mind is already getting blown about how this isn’t just complete common sense to everyone.
Me too 😂 but as a teacher I see how kids are growing up into a workd where sharing everything is normalised
Common sense never was common, but now it isn't a thing at all. 🤣😥
"Liberal feminism has a mother-shaped blind spot." Oof. Good observation.
Feminism isn't liberal, its progressive, ie authoritarian, its basically communism in a dress
It has a lot more blindspots than Mothers.
No wonder, it and all the other ideologies it's attached itself to are practically anti-natalist.
People revealing every detail of their lives to the public started in the late 80s with Oprah, Phil Donahue, and Geraldo. People used to keep their business to themselves.
There is some truth to that. It was the celebration of it with audiences in tow that really spawned all this social media stuff too.
On the topic of Dad bonding with baby. My husband went through this really hard when our son was born. No one told him it would take a while to form that bond. We both would agree wholeheartedly with what Chris said. Give it 6-9 months. They have such a fantastic relationship now. ❤
I love that Mary Harrington is getting ever closer to full concordance with the orthodox Catholic position on so many things - eg surrogacy, division of labour, complementarity of the sexes, view of marriage as covenental not contractual etc - using her own intellect and especially, her experience as a wife and mother. She's an absolute gift to women - and a gift to women is a gift to men and children.
After taking a photo of my 6 year old daughter the other day she asked me if I was going to put it on Instagram.
I said 'no, why would I put it on Instagram?' (I haven't posted anything for over a year and a half so it's not a regular occurrence)
Her reply was 'so you can get famous'. We had a chat about why that's not something I would want and the negatives that come as a byproduct of having a lot of followers.
Can't say I'm looking forward to the time when she's old enough for her own phone and social media. 🙈
I know lots of kids 4-12 and since they were infants they have been taught never to put anything online. They can't even "like" videos. In my house the only internet they're allowed is on the television in the living room. Their parents are millenials and learnt the hard way the dangers of social media.
@@grannyannie2948 yeah I took RUclips off our TV, there was happy kids app or something which I thought would be ok as it was 'age appropriate family viewing', but that seemed to be full of pushy parents making vlogs with their obnoxious kids about unboxing countless presents, so that went too! 😂 My two do both have a tablet each and have an app on those where they can watch a few RUclips videos but only from a preselected handful of creators, and those have time limits too.
Step up mama bear. You and yours are the ones to teach your child the right values. Not the state, not social media, not television, not their friends.
Simple
Dont
Give
Them
Phones
Mary is easily the best commentor on social and cultural issues. it's not even close
Until like 2 years ago peope were encouraged and taught by social media gurus to "be authentic" and share everything about themselves online to "connect" and be relatable to with their audience. I've seen people and micro influencers take this advice way to far and exspose way to much about themselves. The saddest cases are when I saw new content creators spill their guts to their small audience with their really dark personal stories to only receive crickets and indifference in return.
Yeah that is sad. But not for the reason you think. People are so afraid of authenticity and it's so rare that most don't even know how to respond to it.
@@chaoswitch1974 It's naive to think that's why their indifferent. Saying poeple are are scared of authenticity sounds like a liberal talking point. I think it has more to do with the fact that they don't know you and the Internet isn't really a good place for moral support.
About the Anti-family section --- I know for me, I get annoyed with some parents who act like they are the FIRST EVER "Mom" and FIRST EVER "Dad" and "Look at me... I'm a Mom"... like, get over yourself -- do you think you got here through osmosis? That's what irritates me. And also those parents who do not parent ... so you got kids misbehaving all over the durn place and the parents think it's cute... it's not cute. I appreciate parents who teach their children manners -- some parents act like manners are a foreign thing.
I feel the same way about dog owners.
Mary Harrington on Modern Wisdom. Absolutely brilliant combo. I just wish this didn't drop on the night I have to focus on finishing my coursework!
I was 41 when I had my first child, and she was the first baby I ever held.
"Pregnancy doesn't just create a baby it creates a mother"
What a freakin quote! A+ stuff here!
I would say it create both
Only the first one.
Only the first successful one.
That’s actually not true at all if that was true woman wouldn’t throw there children away. Giving birth and being a mother are different.
I'd say the quote should be "pregnancy *should* create a mother." There are so many shit birth mothers out there and so many terrific non-birth mothers. The idea that pregnancy yields a good mother and happy/loved kid is shamefully vacuous.
If someone is posting on their social media about the date, while on a date, you should end the date immediately.
Great stuff. Mary Harrington is becoming one of my go to people in trying to understand the world today. Brilliant mind, decent and ethical also too.
Her dating and relationship takes are dog sh*t but economics and it's relationship to society are good
The dog vs. baby discussion reminded me of a conversation I had 7-8 years ago with the wife of a work colleage who had moved from the UK to the US. She said the thing she most appreciated about the US was that is was very pro-child while the UK was the opposite. I asked her what she meant, and she said in social gatherings, kids were ignored or pushed aside so adults could interact amongst themselves. In the US, by contrast, she said people more often centered activities around the kids while the adults chatted on the sidelines. No idea if the UK description was accurate, but how she described things in the US certainly was.
I'm Australian and in under another video I have been discussing this with people in the UK. I have spent months in the UK and the children, especially the teens were very badly behaved compared to my country.
But I also saw they were not socialised in the same way children are here. We literally saw shops with signs saying, Dogs welcome children Are Not. We photographed the signs because we didn't think people would believe us.
It's not so much that every thing is child focused with adults interacting on the sidelines, though there is that, but also that activities that are adult here are designed to attract entire families.
For example pub's ussually have a family dining room with an adventure playground or an indoor play room. So even going to a pub for a meal and a couple of drinks is fun for the kids as well as the adults.
On New Year's Eve our town had a street party. For the little ones there was face painting and merry go rounds. For the teens there was trail bike riding. For the adults there was boutique beers and live bands. In recognition that young children could not stay awake until midnight the fire works display is scheduled for 8.30 pm.
That actually sounds a lot better than the US, @@grannyannie2948.
I lived in the UK for about a year as a kid and I distinctly remember that hugging and kissing between child and parents always felt very out of place in public (whereas in my home in Eastern Europe, it is very natural), almost on the outer border of acceptability. People wouldn't stare, but it probably did make them at least a little bit uncomfortable and the locals never ever did it.
There was definitely this hint of "Is this a predatory person?" on everyone's face when they saw it.
From the UK. Live in the US (9 years). Travel back all the time. This is, on aggregate, very accurate
That's just bizarre and creepy, @@balazsfoldes4700. Kids need affection and love. They need to feel secure and safe with their parents. Not hugging your own kids is freakish.
I hate how some people view me as suspect because I don't share my private life, lol. Especially women. I've watched women become noticeably anxious when I tell them I don't have social media. Some of them have flat out asked me what am I trying to hide.
I get the same vibes, I'm social media free for 5 years now I definitely feel like an outsider,but I don't have fomo and I know I'm better off not scrolling endlessly
I personally don't need Mary Harrington to explain to me what should be common sense, but I guess its a sign of the times.
"My tongue is my enemy". The Old Testament warns.
i dont understand how people function in todays world. maybe im the weak one, i dont have any social media. i only watch youtube and using my phone for shopping and contacting some people close to me and it’s tiresome already for me
This made me so happy when this popped up! I’m in the middle of reading Mary’s book Feminism Against Progress, love her!!
Love the conversation. This is actually a pragmatic pathway for a balanced healthy real and online aspect of our life for especially for someone who at least tries to be conscious of his/her reality. MODESTY in general is hard to understand let alone practice it in this increasing global western culture, but i would say it is worth a try to have some level of it. We got to stop to projecting our perception because it is foolish as it is universally subjective and tied to a moment in space-time to say the least and we all know it but still fight against it. Just Stop, let the universe perceive us/you the way it wants to, not the way we/you want to. Control is somewhat a delusion and denial of complexity of the fabric of this reality. Thanks Chris for all this. Looking forward ...
I’m an older millennial and I completely agree there’s too much overhearing online and it started making me question the legitimacy of a lot of it. For example on RUclips I enjoy watching animal videos, documentaries nature stuff. But lately it’s been feeding me a lot of these oh look, this person saved this dog are oh look at how abused this animal was before this person took it in and I as somebody who has taken an animals off the street I never recorded that. In the moment I’m too concerned thinking about the animal and the moment and the thought of recording myself to show other people. It never crosses my mind so I have to ask. Are these people setting up horrible fake instances to record themselves to to make money or are they actually helping. Now they may actually be helping. I may be completely wrong, but something about it something about advertising yourself helping instead of just doing it, rubs me the wrong way.
I've wondered the same thing, and that for a lot of situations I wouldn't personally think of pulling up my phone...
I would film this profound statement right now with my phone, but i can’t because I’m watching it on my phone, so I’m just gonna snap chat it and post it on insta fane to remember to keep it real.
I could listen to Mary for hours.
I'm thankful that I'm older and grew up with cameras, because I think of my phone as a camera, not a social media posting tool. So I still take photos for the memory, not to post it. That's a vastly different mindset.
I have been thinking a lot about the constant selfie genre and then the historical fact of, say, my grandparents (from the 20s) who would take photos while trekking and camping and playing along the shores of the Great Lakes or Coney Island or at home or special occasions, and then my parents who took photos of us kids from the 50s and beyond. I'm grateful to have those old photos. And I remind myself when I'm out with friends that a few photos of a good time or event will be nice to have and I'll look back on them and will be glad for them. But I struggle with the age of constant selfies dumps to social media for every little thing in our lives. I'm like, Please, get out of my face.
I love this. There have been multiple things I'll share personally with one person and I've been surprised the number of times the response has been, "you should share this online." Why? Isn't the point of a conversation between two people meaningful because of the trust and relationships developed with each different friend or person in our life?
This is getting more and more imporatnt as technology is intrated further and further into our lives.
It's quite sad to see this rush for attention at the risk of privacy/dignity.
The nature of direction the line of questioning took halfway through was brilliant. It was exactly what I was wondering. And you kept at it, in line with my own curiosities. Thanks for continuing to lean in!
The irony of this conversation is not lost on us
Have kids. If you are worried about how you will do raising them, you are already ahead of the curve. Nothing else I do actually really matter besides my kids. I can make the world a better place by putting better humans into the world.
Love that good stuff and I totally agree!!
I agree completely and I'd add that grandkids are even better, I hope you get to experience that in the future too.
I love people who are effortlessly able to zoom out and contextualize. This is, in and of itself, in the current culture wars an affront to both sides. Which says alot about the utter futility of waging these wars. Entrenchment will not provide the outcomes you seek.
58:41 - life is definitely harder when your mom is incapable of loving you right from the start. My children know that I love them. They are much happier children than I was.
I’m deeply grateful I got through young adulthood before camera phones and immediate internet access and social media existed. Phew.
I don't think I would have posted anything myself. I've always hated having my picture taken, but I doubt that my mom would have respected my privacy.
I can Really relate to the "Phew" part of your comment. 😅
Mary Harrington is brilliant
We, in the past, did not have access to our reflection.
It was a custom, for instance, for my grandmothers to be given a hand mirror at age 16. Before that, they (more or less) didn't have much of a clue.
I think about that sometimes. In comparison to today's 'image conscious' culture.
5 baby snaps maybe 3 snaps from grade school --- 3 photos from teen years to 70.
(Even, when I was growing up, all the mirrors were placed 'adult height'... so... until I was taller than 5' 3" inches, what did I know? Upon reflection?)
I think about that sometimes.
There is an Australian book, My Brilliant Career. It is a coming of age story about a teenage girl set in the 1890s, published 1900. The over emotional girl is sent to her grandmothers. And the first thing the grandmother did was cover every mirror in the house for many weeks. Without telling the grand daughter she ordered her a new dress. When the dress arrived the grandmother threw a part. When the teen girl was in her new dress and ready for the party she was finally allowed to see herself again.
My adult height is five foot so I still couldn't use a mirror in your childhood home, lol.
@@grannyannie2948 that sounds like a marvelous story - I love that it was written in 1900.
*** (lol)*** oh, you probably would have gotten a glimpse of your forehead in my families home.
@@e.s.l.1083 It was written by Miles Franklin and is still easily accessible. And lol, I'm not so keen on mirrors now I'm older.
@@e.s.l.1083 PS There was a movie made in the 1980s. Hubby and I watched it recently.
@@grannyannie2948 oooo I found the book in audio book🗣📖 format here on YT - I am going to richly enjoy this study.
TY.
In reference to time...
I was somewhat taken aback that this movie 🎥 has enjoyed its 40th anniversary.
That took me a second to process. 40 years since 1979
How time flys.
You know, with the world as odd as it (now) is, I am somewhat richly gratified I have lived during the era of simplicity that I did.
__________
This is somewhat off topic, yet... if you enjoy 'a twist' you might appreciate this:
The face 'we see' in the mirror, is not the face that the world sees.
Our face are Asymmetrical, and a mirror reflection flips that.
Thats why most folks are (in a way) dissatisfied with their photographs, because they are 'unfamiliar' with 'that face'.
__________
Anyway, thank you for turning me on to this literature.
I see that this book also might be about a writer, I look forward to driving into the audio book.
Take Care, I very much appreciate having had this exchange.
❤
I have found that walking around in rural Australia with my toddler is like walking around with a local celebrity. So many people stop to wave or say hello, and men are so much kinder to us by default than women. Maybe it's just where I live, but I have never experienced anything but kindness toward my toddler, even mid tantrum.
I'm also Australian and neither as a mother or grandmother have I experienced what Mary describes either. I've been in a conversation about this with people in the UK from another video. And also the differences in behaviour of British and Australian kids. I spent a few months in the UK about ten years ago and we honestly saw signs on shops saying, Dogs welcome, children Are Not. We photographed them because we didn't think anyone in Australia would believe us.
I'm terrified personally, which is hilarious, because I love kids probably more than most people, let alone men. Most parents can sense that though
@@Big_Tough_Guy I think it depends where you are. So long as there are lots of people about like in a crowded supermarket it shouldn't upset the mother.
Totally agree……I just don’t see the need to expose your private life. It’s called private for a reason. The only reason can be turbo charged narcissism and the need to show off one’s “amazing” life.
No chance for introspection. No chance for depth of feeling.
A lot of this can be avoided for the "normal person" by only sharing with people you know and curating your followers....if you're using social media for business and public relations thats a whole different world.
My Fb is private for friends and family but I use insta for business only. It’s not rocket science really. I dunno why people feel the need to share EVERYTHING about their lives with absolute strnagers
*All of the topics are interesting and educational and I love their takes /her insight.*
*I thought about buying her book and that Podcast made me consider it again.*
*''Divorce is really good for the GDP, turning them into two separate households'' is a very powerful sentence*
1:06:25 _Very well spoken._
I love Mary's hardline stance against surrogacy. She is 100% right about the duty of care for a infant being pushed aside for the desires of adults.
Single mother households have the worst outcomes. Look at crime and other stats. It would be better for a child to be raised by even a single father household, but preferably a heterosexual or homosexual couple is best.
I'm not at that part yet, but does she address infertility? Because a couple that really wants kids but for whatever reason the mother cannot gestate, I feel like they should be able to have children if we have the technology.
@@j2174really? The worst outcomes? More than those born to addicts, sociopaths, violent criminals? You are based
@darcycolbourne2565 Well that's exactly the problem. In modern society we feel like the desires of adults supercede the rights of children. It's illegal to separate a puppy from its mother in the first month, but with humans we suddenly don't see the issue as long as the would-be-parents "really want" to possess a baby. A couple's desire to have a child, however strong, does not justify prescribing attachment issues to a child by separating from its birth mother, plus all the potential psychological effects on the birth mother.
I would recommend watching Olivia Maurel's interview on the Relatable podcast/RUclips channel. She was purchased through surrogacy by a regular couple who just really wanted a baby, and she talks about how the whole surrogacy process is a lot more dark than people realize
@@friedawells6860 Two issues, one minor and one more significant: there is no law banning separation of pups from mothers that I'm aware of. Good breeding practice keeps them with the litter until they're fully weaned and independent.
Second, and bigger...define a mother. If the child is genetically not related to the surrogate, then it's an extremely vague and under-researched connection to make that the long-term effects of growing up with otherwise biological parents are harmful.
And I guess a third point...babies have been adopted out since the beginning of time. Plenty of adopted people will tell you that their adoptive parents are their real parents and that they're extremely grateful that they grew up as they did. Plenty of biological children will tell you they wish the state had removed them from their parents due to abuse. Humanity is complex, and there's ample evidence that a human being can grow up psychologically
well after being separated from a birth mother.
I stopped posting on my fb account after covid and I can't even tell you why because I was never really a person who regularly and religiously posted photos, etc in the first place. I don't bother with any of the other platforms either, one for me is certainly enough. In many ways I see social media as more restrictive than liberating
I think I am sufficiently aware how social media works and the negative impact outweighs the positive for me. I believe that the internet is a great tool for many reasons but everyone should bear in mind it also brings potential danger/negativity into your life which anyone in their right mind would want to avoid like the plague. Freedom is being yourself, living your life and not having the need to tell all and sundry about it.
Surrogacy section: plenty of eight month pregnant women share that man's fear and guilt about thinking they don't love their baby yet. Plenty of them give birth and go home with their new baby not feeling a bond. It takes time to develop because it's the care of the baby that makes a parent/baby, baby/parent bond-- not the physiology of pregnancy. The expectation that women should automatically feel a bond by the act of gestation and that not having that bond will undermine their baby's ability to be an "integrated person" does more harm than good.
Men don’t want to look at kids for fear of being seen as a predator . Women don’t look because it can turn on a maternal clock and they don’t want to emotionally go there . I been there myself .
I think a good number of men and even women too are just disinterested. Especially in this day and age.
8:33
People didn't relentlessly take photos of just themselves until that was made easy by cell-phone cameras, which pretty much coincided with the ascent of social media.
Selfies provided the motivation to use social media, and social media provided the motivation to take selfies.
I have no idea who this guest is but I can already tell she has an extreme personality 10 mins in. And it’s not because she doesn’t post stuff on sm. Generally it’s solid advice.
I've been watching Mary for ages she's fantastic, well worth searching out.
I agree with Mary on so many points. Because her ideas on parenting and male/ female roles are so important , I wish she could slow down and stop interrupting you .
It took her almost 20 years to figure this out when social media was born? Anyone with common sense realised this decades ago.
Especially posting lives of children, so obviously why you shouldn't.
The more confident you are the less you feel the need to post on social media.
Here's a simple idea. Set your profile to private, only have people that you care about follow you and posts what makes you happy
Exactly. Seemed so puritanical
Excellent interview. Mary's one sharp knife, my goodness, I'm pretty smart, but I had to listen to her 2X in some sections to absorb it all.
She’s so correct about babies and crisis of humanity…
It really boils down to a few points:
How seriouslly the person takes the social media????
How well grounded is the person in their own self esteem?????/
And if the person does, or does not give a shit?????
As well as to how seriously the person, views themselves in the context of social media?????
Mary Harrington has some very interesting perspectives that I had not thought of. Great interview. Thanks!
Mary is spot on. Hers is a rare voice of reality and reason that really exposes the agendas embedded into most popular commentators' talking points.
It’s all perspective & Self Intellect. Oneself may care more about what the masses say than another person would. This causes the idea of shutting out the world to be normalized, when we are supposed to be in harmony & confidence within one another…but that’s just not the life we live is it.
Hearing this woman say living a traditional life is cringe was cringe. Then gives an example of a man leaving his woman alone with a child. That's a nontraditional male. You need both sides to be on the same page for any life to work traditional or modern
I agree. She didn't give a balanced perspective on that at all and only chose to show the potentially negative side of that way of life. Like you said, that man was non-traditional and mostly likely by the sounds of it, an abuser. Any relationship requires risk, especially when you're giving someone permission to hold your heart and mind your head, regardless of it being a Trad relationship or not. They are simply the old school version of a relationship of a man having his role as protector and provider and a woman having her role as a homemaker and nurturer, exactly like her time and her parents time. Does that mean reverting back to not having financial autonomy?? NO. That's where I'd draw the line.
She kinda just skims over the male issues when Chris raises them. Almost ignoring them and saying right let's get back to women.
Lol I thought the opposite, that he skims over the women ones too though. I think they both likely have a bit of myopia in this regard, being male and female respectively.
This talk is entitled 'why you shouldn't share your private life online' and then after 15 minutes it turns into a conversation about feminism. I feel slightly cheated waiting for the proper topic to resume. And I am a woman, women issues re my issues... Also, Mary's tone and speed of speaking is making me anxious. Why the pressure to pack so many words into one out-breath?!
Mary Harrington is wonderful. Thank you
Also, simply set your settings to private and why have a public profile? People 'want' the attention it seems to me! Only add close friends & family... Why add work colleges' etc?
Chris and Mary are always a great podcast matchup
Yeh my read on the Barbie movie from minute one was it was critiquing feminism. It criticized redpill too but ultimately parodied them both. The ending was deliberately pointless/aimless which I realize after some time paints a good picture of the modern situation exactly. It's whatever and individuals have to figure out and negotiate this themselves and who knows, shrug shrug shrug.
I don’t usually post selfies, but I’ll take a photo with people. I do take selfies every couple of years, as I age/ change to update my profile pic. That’s more of me accepting my age. I feel your profile pic should be rather recent.
Enjoy this lady, but she must not listen to Matt Walsh. He is hard on men who don’t have character and who aren’t family oriented and respectful
If she is to characterize someone then she has to listen to them
No one is about character of both sides than the daily wire guys
Yes! You can take photos for love of photos and capturing a moment and creative expression, it doesn't have to be "mental space used for a future audience" or whatever she said.
The set is absolutely gorgeous. The lighting is on point. This is so good.
Yes , however in the wide two-shot the lumens at top of frame needs to be brought down a little bit and perhaps a little color matching between cameras in DaVinci. Just kidding. It’s just fine..
Nobody appreciates privacy until you have it taken from you. When you first start out getting hate mail is hard but eventually you grow to just not give a shit. If you care about what others think of you in a position like this you will never be happy.
The part about talking to children is so sad, but something I definitely relate to.
I love Mary’s ideas.
Thanks for this conversation. I'm starting a RUclips channel in 2024 and I've thought a lot about sharing my private life online.
Only share what you are secure in sharing.
I also just started my YT and a podcast and I vaguely share some things to protect their privacy, no specific details about my family but for me and the content I share it’s important for me to be honest, open and authentic.
I am okay with people saying whatever they want about me so I’ll share my own past and history to my hearts content
Yes. I agree with you and this is specifically why I waited a year before starting this. Some of the info I will be sharing is very personal about myself but I don't want to violate other people's privacy...including those who haven't acted so well. It's definitely a tightrope to walk for sure. All the best to you with your podcast and channel!@@matthewcallaway5223
hehe, good luck,
try out waiting a few days before you post something.
With some distance you can think about it again.
😉
This is very good advice and so true. @@tw751
Here in canada. When im out with my daughter, who's 2, everyone reacts to her. Shes super outgoing and says hi to like 50% of them.
Before social media, before internet access, those selfies would be the equivalent of us all walking around in public showing a picture book of ourselves, unsolicited.
I like this woman. She's as real as it comes. Good podcast.
I would think that she's old enough to remember when people did indeed acknowledge, compliment, talk to other people's children in public spaces. That all came to an end, in the USA anyway, with the whole rash of therapy-triggered false memory incidents that led to child abuse hysteria and false charges brought against thousands of innocent child-care workers. That's when people became afraid to be kind to strangers' children, when elementary school teachers started being ordered not to hug their students, even when hurt or crying.
Oooooooh YES! I'm not so into the fitness guests you like Chris. But I love the thinkers you invite!
It is true. There are always some people who post hateful comments for no reason. They often don't have a point either. It's easy to say something nasty over the internet because you don't have to face someone face to face.
I love Mary!! ❤ Hers was the best nonfiction book I read last year. Thanks for this conversation ✨
I mean if someone finds you a not suitable partner because of your opinions, isn’t that better to know sooner rather than later? Saves you wasting time. As far as shit-posting, that says more about character imo. And if folks use an anonymous account for that as it was implied they do, potential dates wouldn’t know anyway.
Imo the polarization problem and intolerance to people deviating even a little from correct thinking is the problem. I agree with some of what she’s saying about not sharing intimate personal information. And she’s not wrong you take a risk posting political opinions. But the idea not posting them somehow improves your dating prospects? Like the massive polarization isn’t going to be a problem when you finally get into your opinions with the person? I’m dubious.
Right. It's like she thinks you should hide what you really think and what you really want in order to trick a person into having feelings for you lol. No thanks.
52:42 - because as a mother who carried her child, you know how deeply you get attached to your baby growing inside you. How you worry if you haven’t felt them move. How you talk to them so they can hear your voice. How every time you eat, you’re thinking about the baby, not just yourself. How you have to buy special pillows to sleep with bc otherwise you can’t sleep. For months of your life, you live your life with the baby always on your mind. Because you have to. The baby is there with you always, constantly.
Yes, exactly! And that process is a perfect preparation to care for them after birth.
At the same token, a lot of social media are coming out with options such as you can disable comments entirely. I think there are small actions such as that we can do to mitigate our cyber safety. For example I recently stopped stating my location even after I’ve been there in a photo. Why? There’s no need to advertise I’m away from my home or the places I frequent. As a painter and sketch artist I really value interacting with new people and engaging my content. I’m not going to sacrifice it for the spiteful percentage of people.
You are using your social media far better than most people then. To share your art online is a great idea.
You should prioritise safety and privacy in the internet. Social media are ot bad, the way we use them makes them horrifying. Use everything visely and in moderation, that's the key to success.
This woman seems brilliant
Peace of advice: Turn off all automatic logins for all apps that aren’t essential. The extra friction for logging into social media is helping you to think twice before scrolling and posting!
Three months ago, you were nodding in agreement with Jimmy Carr when he said nobody should be allowed to tweet anonymously.
On Matt Walshism: you may have a valid point to make, but in using that example you didn't make it. Matt is just as staunchly against men using porn as he would be on women making it.