What Gabor Maté teaches us about Narcissism and Trauma
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- Опубликовано: 3 июл 2024
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Reflecting on the works of Gabor Maté in this insightful video.
I will be elaborating on the work of Dr. Gabor in this video and how we can use it to better understand Narcissism
🔺️Note: This is a reflection, not a collaboration🔺️
🎥 Source: Trauma is not what happens to you, it's what happens inside you: • Gabor Mate - Trauma Is...
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0:00 Understanding Trauma
2:11 Trauma as a Present Experience
4:42 The Impact of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
8:53 Abuse and Unmet Needs
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Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.
Thankyou
Couldn’t imagine there would ever be any kind of collaboration tween Rich and Gabor Mate.
This is a Great Video … Thank You 🙏
To often today the obvious needs to be explained lol.
No explanation required
@@trevorlageson5122 apparently, this one needed no explanation. Mate is about authenticity and honest intentions.
Children are so complicated. Raising them can bring so much trauma whether we intend to or not. Agreed that narcissistic people are also victims of abuse but they should not be enabled or be excused for the torment they cause others. If we keep living by ‘hurt people hurt people’ then the abuse cycle will never end. As long as they are not psychotic, they should always be held accountable for their actions regardless of what caused it
100% agree
I think that not holding them accountable is the main problem.
I think a lot of people present themselves has having empathy for bullies and abusers, to present themselves as ‘good people’
- but what they are usually doing is abandoning some victim and neglecting to do anything at all about holding the abusive person to account.
@@annastone5624 yes unfortunately this world is full of enablers
Anyone genuinely sorry would want to stop hurting people.
@@chaimomma9198 they are never sorry. And the fact that they choose whom to abuse, while keeping their flying monkeys pleased, makes it more insidious
I’ve just listened to his recent book ‘the myth of normal’. One of the most thought provoking statements I find myself still pondering is - ‘why are humans the only species that actively encourage parents to leave their young and let them cry it out”, this tells a baby that no matter how hard or long they cry, nobody is coming to meet their needs. Powerful stuff. Thanks for sharing your insight on trauma - it makes a lot of sense 👌🏼
Easy for him to say as a man. Do u think he got up in the middle of the night feeding or holding the baby? Young mothers are sleepless, overstressed and overworked.
I've been listening to gabor mate for about 7 years and I've learnt so much about myself.. he is amazing
My mom told my siblings and I that we were her favorite, we knew she said it to all of us, but we are all her favorites..each relationship is unique. My mom is an excellent mother even though she grew up without parents. She said God placed in her her to be the parent she had longed for all her life…it could have went the opposite way…she would crochet little magnets bunnies, ice cream cones, butterflies and stick them to the inside of my metal lunch box with love letters or poems. Sometimes she would add extras for my friends…she was always doing something to show her love..her actions always matched her words. So many females friends I know have issues in their relationship with their moms and I feel so blessed and thankful..my dad is extremely difficult..almost impossible..can’t have it all, I guess.
Love his thinking on early child development. Babies need to be held , loved and bonded to mothers . Not left to cry , not left alone
That is where the whole thing starts off isn't it.?
I couldn't agree more, though it is a difficult concept to grasp. My brother was the golden child and I was the black sheep. We ended up equally dysfunctional, it was just expressed in different ways. We now enjoy a good relationship with one another after many years, much angst, and the splitting parents long gone. Gabor Mate is an incredible gift to humanity. Thank you, Richard!
I think the golden child still has it better they almost always have it easier materialistically and financially and they get lots of praise from family and you will notice lots of times they get it at school and work for me as a scapegoat it was the opposite I was female and if I wasn't broke i would've paid people to tell me what I need to hear if I had to because I wasn't getting it naturally. Long story short positive feedback helps people's confidence and negative feedback can destroy confidence
I live quite close to Vancouver, where Gabor Mate has done ground breaking work with people on the east side. His impact has been profound on understanding the role trauma has on society, and helping others understand that the severely traumatized folks living on the streets need help. With this work he has done, we can all look at ourselves a bit deeper and realize we are all human beings deserving of quality trauma therapy. Sometimes thats the only difference between those " out there" on the streets battling addiction, and the ones who have been fortunate to actually receive the help. Its so much needed for humans, to have better access to psychological care ❤ I appreciate both your work, and Gabor Mate's work. I did a few sessions of compassionate inquiry and it brought me to how I'm living in my body now with the trauma. I learned so much in that hour about myself than I had in many other types of therapy.
I never thought that my sister, golden child, was experiencing trauma. My parents are horrible narcissistic. I’m the black sheep. I’m not at all narcissistic. Ive used humor to save myself. I moved far away to save myself. My sister is a horrible narcissist like our mother. Thank you for this insight. I can understand my sister, who I haven’t talked to in 28years, better. 😊
So proud of you Debbie. I wished my brother was like you. He ended up on the opposite side. I was the golden child, but the compliant and perfectionist child who looked after the other four children to escape the beatings and abuse. I did have plenty of daiy verbal abuse to be reminded that I would amount to nothing like my mother who gave me away and the family who gave me away and that I am nothing and good for nothing. If I didnt appreciate where the government had placed me, that I would end up on the stree and sleep under a bridge and become a good for nothing prostitute. These words I would hear at the age of 5 and 6 years of age. I ended up in two narcissistically abusive marriage and umpteen abusive frienships, employers, etc. Same old story.
My brother unfortuntely didnt get the best - he was the black black sheep. He ended up in the same foster home as I was in. Came off the streets, highly malnutrioned with a huge tummy, didnt know about wearing shoes or eating a meal at the dinner table, or sleeping in a bedroom on a bed. For wetting or soiling his bed, he would be summoned out at 5a.m in the morning in winter to wash his blankets. He was only 5. Whilst doing so, beating until the blood ran from his legs.
His whole ife has been ruined by our childhood and so has mine, even though on the surface to the world the first 35 years of my life appeared super high achiever successful. Now at 51 I am in pain and anguish and I am fighting to deal with this and I am not giving up because from hereon I have to fix myself and then passon the help to whomever I can. Like me, our country is full of children like my brother and I who were thrown into a socia system that didnt care. I have made it my life's mission. I salute you for your courage and your bravery and your love! ♥
Hi Debbie another black sheep here too, bet ur glad u are though id hate to be like them
I can tell you that a narcissistic parent can let the children be the golden child for a while and then suddenly turn them into black sheep. I guess it increases the effect when turning the children on each other? Sadistic narcissists should not be allowed access to children.
Take care and be strong. Live the life that You want.
Another black sheep, and everything you have done, I have also done. I live in Malta now, 2000 miles away from where I was raised in the UK.
Everyone has narcissism to some degree. To say you have no narcissism at all is highly narcissistic.
I was the older sibling and the black sheep/caregiver and my younger brother was the golden child. It took me until I was almost 30 to realize how much seeing what was happening to me traumatized him. There used to be a lot of resentment between us until I joined the military. Once we had time away from each other and started maturing we gave been able to work a lot of things out and are actually closer now.
Happy he does not seem to have become a narcissist. Had he been, he would never have grown up and matured
As a mental health nurse, I often speak to people highly triggered by ..past trauma I have found the most helpful is 1: listening to the person, refocusing, grounding in the here and now if the person is disassociating, validating, yes medication is helpful but not overly.
It's fascinating stuff - I'm reminded of a very extreme example, of serial killer Robert Maudsley. The psychologist who treated him in prison once talked about the treatment he'd given Maudsley, who had been seriously abused as a child. He said for Maudsley, the abuse didn't happen thirty years ago, it was happening in his mind *NOW*. He said a major part of the therapy was to literally get Maudsley to look into a mirror, and realise that he was no longer the vulnerable child that he was in his head. He was now a strong adult and his parents could no longer hurt him.
I love you Richard.
Not in a creepy, unrealistic way.
I love you for what you do and what you're offering to people who need it. I love the way you present facts. Although the way you tell it like it is but still have a humorous twist now and again when it's needed. You're one of those people who has found their place in life... At least in my eyes. And you do it very well. Thank YOU for YOUR time and attention.
I had the opportunity to do a workshop with Gabor 2 years ago. It unraveled many things for me. I began to understand my coping mechanisms and my unique response to many traumatic experiences I endured throughout my life. It allowed me the ability to see myself in a whole new light. The work I've done and continue to do has enabled a profound awareness about myself in relation to my former partner who displayed narcissistic behavior. That relationship unlocked within me deep-rooted memories of childhood trauma that I was able to face because of the work with Gabor and your course. Looking forward to your reflection on his work and how it is relatable to your work.
Decades ago I was taken back by a friend to an event that happened to me in childhood. I remembered things in that experience that I had forgotten and absolutely knew they were real - words said, smells etc.
It seemed to help me and I felt much more detached from the experience. Back then it was believed that reliving the experience would help to heal. I'm not interested in doing that now, so maybe the belief contributes greatly to the outcome.
I now find myself remembering things and releasing tears in a gentle way that doesn't feel traumatic at all.
I had prayer for healing about a month or two ago. This is what is happening now.
I keep trusting that God is my healer and this is the result.
When I think about how to heal myself it feels so overwhelming.
I feel more detached from judging the family or whoever but more able to feel the hurt or sadness or whatever.
I agree with you. God is within us and in everything. I would never dis’ anybody’s religion or belief, however, since my spiritual awakening (omg) I now get it. We are all connected with everything and heaven and hell is here on earth.
This repressed memories always go to surface of your emotional body when it is triggered by daily experience. Healing is staying with that emotion and validate it without judgement of it was true or not.
NPD is definitely learned. It can be a coping mechanism or a learned personality trait as a mirror to idealization. Unfortunately it can come comorbid with other PD and mental illnesses. It's not easy for people that have multiple layers of trauma throughout life from opposite sex parents and partners that have abused them in more than one way. It's upsetting, frustrating, maddening, and sad when you encounter one of these individuals. It creates a feeling of ambivalence on a plane I never thought existed. It's Hell to witness and be a recipient of their behavior.
Yes & yes Mr T! I know a young adult girl who has NPD. I've never seen her offer ANY empathy whatsoever, nor show any emotion (like most people do), nor be genuinely vulnerable. She consistently relates in a superficial, kind of "canned" way. Her behavior is very selfish & she (& her mate) work hard to always be "front & center." She acts entitled, is sarcastic, & blatantly disrespectful. She never has, or does own being in the wrong & carefully manipulates situations & people - which sadly, the key people in her life have always rewarded & enabled terribly. Her focus is on all things material, societal "status," flaunting on social media, & she claims to be a "Christian," but her lifestyle & values reflect only "the world," & not how Christ instructed us to live & to grow into BEING. To be around this girl is one of the most EMPTY & eerie experiences I've ever had. I continue to pray for this girl & for ALL people who are matted down in Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's very sad to see how they operate. I would guess that in their core, they must be/feel so miserable.
Brilliant!!
I've recently drifted away from the narcissist communities for the last couple of months. I'd been binging it for the last 4 years and now that I have been out of my relationship since January, I've gravitated towards people like Gabor Mate, Russell Brand and Jordan Peterson to work on my own borderlinedom.
I really appreciate that you've posted this video, specifically, because I have spent much of my life and so much money seeking a way to retrieve childhood memories in order to heal. I've done all the plant medicine, including ayahuasca, iboga and ibogaine and still; nothing. Now I feel much better to stop chasing this memory retrieval! Thank you so much, Richard. This will save me so much time and money moving forward.
I'm not a therapist but I've been in therapy for a few years now, so what I'm saying is based on my experience. I think you're right that it doesn't matter what actually happened, however there's a missing link between what happened in the past and the present reaction, and that is how one felt in the past and what belief one formed back then based on that feeling. Because often it's an old belief that "decides" how one acts in the present. Anyway this is what's worked for me so far, when I can say "I remember that as a child I felt [fill in] and as a result I believed or I decided to do [fill in]." Remembering a particular situation is not necessary and often times the memory is not very clear. But remembering and naming the feeling is crucial. And your exercices about learning to name emotions have been a huge help for me, thank you.
I'm not a therapist either but, like Camelia, have been in therapy since 2015. An event I held inside me and the feelings about it since I was about 11 or 12 was actually completely healed in one of my sessions. 1 hour. I had held this experience for almost 40 years. My therapist actually asked me to explain the event and how I felt, then we explored the possible intentions of the other person and why they did what they did. Looking at the whole scenario through an adult lens and putting myself in the other persons shoes next was powerful. The meaning I had made with a young brain and mind was valid at the time, but at age 47, it was no longer valid. The other person has passed away now. Events and memories don't bother me, it's what's left, the fight, flight, freeze response is what I need to work with now. Recovery is possible.
Dear Richie! Thank you, been with you for years. Appreciate your honesty, and for not being dogmatic and rigid. I know you are for real from seeing you grow and evolve through your life experiences. Can’t say enough good about you. Thank you for not losing your resolve to help despite the media pressures. ❣️ You have helped me immeasurably.
Found this really helpful. I've felt 3 years on that I've never been the same since my narcissistic diagnosed sociopath ex. I feel empty and procrastinate and hide and isolate myself away since all my abuse like I've given up on life itself as I don't think I'm good enough. It makes sense that trauma is inside as I feel like 3 years on i should be better..
I learned about Gabor from you several years ago and I’ve followed him closely, like you, since then. What you both teach has been life changing for me. Gabor helped me understand my brother’s alcoholism and early death and my own addictions and trauma. You taught me about and helped me heal CPTSD as well as codependency. Thank you both for your work and generosity. 🙏
You mean it depends on the way you perceive it !
I can see a link between the new perspective " randomness, and chance as major factors which leads to developing a psychological disorder" ,and the confabulation of the past which is a crucial part of whether one would develop a disorder or not.
I enjoyed this. Thank you. Gabor Maté has helped me see Motherhood & my own childhood trauma from a new perspective. It's not easy listening to what Gabor shares (at times) because it holds me accountable. Not easy to sit with the weight of my past. I am a generational cycle breaker & I'm grateful to do the work. It hasn't been easy. Richard & Gabor make it as smooth sailing as possible through the knowledge & wisdom they share. So grateful. Thank you.
There are other videos in which Gabor echoes what you are conveying here.
In my opinion, based on knowledge obtained via trauma therapy/determination to see within. Reliving trauma is essentially futile. Do we want to have the black concrete marker? Yes, of course we do. The truth of the matter is that we need to acknowledge internal family systems. The likelihood of a traumatic instance being formed within our brain is actually slim. The amazing plasticity of our brains protected us long ago. This defense however has thwarted our growth and ability to live fully within the constraints of our mind as this will inexplicably persist, unknowingly, to keep us safe.
I'm obviously not a therapist, I just know the pivotal moments of embracing external stimuli I acknowledged as my own.
It's just so much better assigning it a name and allowing permission
for an over worked defender to relax and get some sleep.
Dr. Mate is saying that it’s our interpretation of the trauma that we can change and heal. If we change the way we view the past, we can escape the pain associated with it. One child develops NPD over a second child from the same environment because the NDP child interprets the environment differently and carries their coping strategies into adulthood.
His ACE lectures in Scotland a few years ago were so interesting. The individual child triggers the parent. Personalities are huge in relationships in my opinion.
Hey Richard! I have been following you since 2018, and cannot thank you enough for the healing I have experienced by doing some of your excellent courses. I agree that it is not helpful to try to unearth traumatic memories, but would also like to add that memories of overwhelming trauma can sometimes emerge in the context of a safe environment or relationship. I am grateful that this happened for me as it has helped me to know my story and to make important decisions about who is safe and who is not.
Same as me…..I had some experiences that released the rest of the unhealed trauma. I wasn’t in therapy or looking to figure it out.
I have clear distinct memories that have never changed since my 20’s and I’m 43 now.
My body recognises it and goes into overdrive.
This is very recent and not experienced before.
I dissociated a lot growing up and in freeze/fawn response. A person needs to talk this out and bear witness to resolve. I understand the physical symptoms I’ve gone through lately as the body is not updated and there is a disconnect.
@@andreadonegan4780 I think it is quite common for women to experience this in their 40's. My unresolved traumas began to be released through somatic work. I read a book called "Surviving Survival; the Art and Science of Resilience". After that I started swimming and knitting. There is a lot more to my healing journey, but I strongly believe that rhythmic movement is an essential component. I experienced structural dissociation (not at the same level as someone with DID, but still quite significant). My 'conference' between parts to support a process of integration happened while swimming laps in the pool.
Richard, your voice combined with your expertise is unforgettable. I like your approach.
I think accessing repressed memories from the past, can help you make sense of it, process it healthy and put it away for good. Shoving things down and trying to forget about them isn't good. That comes back out in other ways in the form of addictions, violence, self harm etc.
An older wiser version of you can help u re experience the memory, and give it a label, understand the label, accept what was and WHYYY the things happen can help a person get clarity and PROPER reasons other than "I guess I was just a bad person" walking around with that as a reason, is why I think properly revisiting them can be a good HEALING thing.
What’s the best way to access the “repressed memories” in your opinion?
@@RICHARDGRANNON you mentioned hypnosis, which triggered this thought. One thing about that, is you dont know what kind of person you'd get. Are they a reputable hypnotist or are they a hole in the wall place.
Another way I'd say is to just sit and go over what happened. You're educated now when you weren't before. One would say a therapist could help walk you through it and give what's known as "insight" into what happened and the why. It seems that's what ALOT of folks want is the "why" behind it all.
One obstacle a person has to over come is the emotional attachment they may have to their own reason for what happened and why.
@@RICHARDGRANNON Journaling has helped me tremendously. I journal and ponder on what I just wrote. I personally needed to go back into the past so I could understand why I am the way I am in the present moment.
He is phenomenal. He has helped so many people. God Bless him always.
My momma was briefly trained by Gabor and it has been a great upbringing of knowledge
It feels like every new video is a leap forward. Thank you for all of your hard work!
I have been saying this my entire adult life. I havent heard this from anyone else before and i have always been met with contempt regarding this ideology. Thank you for this!
'Being too nice can be harmful' Dr Gabor Mate. I wish I knew this before, it made me realize I don't need validation from anyone. 7:34 I agree that it is the child's response, if one child develops NPD, the child develops a false self. As Prof. Sam Vaknin says, 'The narcissist enters a shared fantasy with a maternal figure (his/her intimate partner) only in order to separate from her/him (which he/she failed to accomplish with their biological mother)'.
I appreciate Gabor his reasoning is so transparent realistic compassion coming from experience... Cheers Richie 👍🏼
I absolutely AGREE. Thank you. So many people need to understand this.
I agree .. memory isn’t part of the healing .. the healing is in the present. You are not what happened to you .. it’s who you have become
Both of these men have been super helpful. So excited to see both of them in one video.
I look forward to hearing your perspectives on Dr Mate's work and recovery from abuse.
This is a lucid, concise description of the types of injuries and the path they take.
Thank You so much. I am a big fan of Gabor Mate too. What he said about addiction really blowed my mind. It was so enlightening .. Hope many people wake up to the understanding that we only need the Now to heal.
Abuse by omission has paramount effects indeed. I'd say, Richard, you're making a great point in that trauma is stored in our body in the present and no reliving it over and over again is helping at all. I've spent years of my life doing the latter instead of focusing on how to change the negative outcome in practical terms in the present and that has only kept me stuck and prevented me from moving forward and developing my potential.
I agree that re living trauma is traumatizing. I have listened to a short youtube where Gabor actually addresses narcissism. In general, Gabor focuses a lot on how the highly sensitive child reacts to dysfunctional parenting, as Richard illustrated with his example of the Golden Child (my brother, for example) and scapegoat (me, for example). My brother is very narcissist; (NPD imo); I became a people pleaser (or was). I have a lot of empathy; became a nurse(and am not Borderline like Sam Vaknin accuses of empathetic people.). It was hard for me to accept that a narcissist could be a highly sensitive person. Gabor even said probably more sensitive than the non narcissist. But we can see it their shame and inability to accept any criticism, blame, etc., I suppose. Gabor was more sympathetic toward the narcissist than I am. I haven't gotten there yet,, if ever. As Richard suggests, Dr. Gabor Mate is really worth listening to on the subjects of trauma and addiction.
Gabor Matte was one of the most beautiful things I was blessed to hear to help me love myself in my darkest moments. His message “not why the addiction but why the pain?” It doesn’t matter what the behavior/addiction is. It’s about how we move past it. I paid 1k dollars for 2 sessions with a therapist that helped me let go of some memories that haunted me most of my life! No joke. I’ve had new traumas since then (yay) smh lol but I know it can be overcome again and for that I hold on ❤🙏🏼
I used to walk through the school ground in the exact spot where the construction trailer was where I was raped as a school girl.
I think it was helpful in my healing journey but I know I will never be " not abused"
I saw how young the children were and it blew my mind. I stopped blaming myself and it helped explain why I dropped out of school after grade 8.
I lost any boundaries and self esteem I may have had after I walked into that trailer
And how is your self esteem and boundaries now?
@@johntim3491 Oh, not great.
@@helenachase5627 so you perhaps are still seeking to free yourself from that experience?
Dear Helena, your new boundaries and self esteem can be rebuilt. I hope you have started, bit by bit. It is possible. Take care of you...
You have a very soothing voice and a delightful Northern English accent
I'm a massive fan of Gabor Mate . Thanks for this Richard .
Spot on from beginning to end Richard.
Peace be with you
Irene Lyon does some awesome work on how to process stored trauma and explains how memories are not required. Between her work and yours I’m starting to come out of the other side of the haze! Thank you
Appreciate you, Richard for addressing the "Golden Child" narcissist. You don't have to be abused physically and/or nutritionally to become a narcissist. It is the neglect of the parents and immediate family members that impose a particular child to a higher position then the other children. The oldest or the youngest child is usually promoted to this position. For myself the golden child narcissist is what really takes the cake for me. It is the golden child narcissist that is not discussed usually as in the other types of NPD. People seem to think of the covert, overt, vulnerable is the definition of a narcissist, but they have not been provided the knowledge about the characteristics of the GC narcissist.
I appreciate you sharing. You are very insightful. I am grateful for the Gabor Mate reference. Yes, we need to see our responses to our past, PTSD, even true of Narcs, so I think. Gabor is fascinating. Lucky you to have a beautiful mind and voice!
My favorite speaker Gabor Mate. Looking forward to your reflection of his ideas.
@RichardGrannon, it's like you were speaking and relating directly to the story about my brother and I. I'm in tears!😪 Yeah one of my rolling night's when I cannot sleep! So I'm catching up on your videos!
I'm fascinated by the assigned 'roles' you mention, but after 30 years examining and working this out in my own life I can attest to a trajectory where these roles are swapped out and toyed with ad-nauseam - the dissonance of which compounds the dissonance of being simultaneously idealized and devalued. !I have felt and observed in my own life and that of my siblings the merry go round of these roles on all of us....not to mention the hugely different responses on all our parts, to different - and often orchestrated perspectives of the world we seemed to share. Blows my mind - but makes so much damn sense. Enough sense in fact to grant me some relief - from the grief!! I completely agree with the body 'keeping the score' and am a big fan of somatic experiencing. Though my experience of that modality is that it only worked for me - once I could actually make some effing 'sense' of it all!
Problem for me is both CPTSD and Major Trauma - a Trauma so Major with such severe injuries that I never got my body "back" and have always had a bad knee, which was confirmed as highly arthritic by the age of 32, and a bad shoulder, along with scoliosis and the threat of my upper spine fusing (everything down my right hand side was smashed by two tons of metal driven by a drunk travelling at 40mph plus a head injury when I presume my head hit the kerb). I now have arthritis in both knees when I am at an age that is usually associated with the ONSET of arthritis and how I envy those people. I had to give up vigorous sport such as long distance running which had been my stress reducer. Having been raised in a toxic family which I was just getting away from, they infantilized me and after five years of mental and physical suffering and keeping on after the accident I had my first breakdown. The treatment I was given was not good (Haloperidol) and guaranteed further breakdown. I have been doing yoga up to four times a week for 10 years but my body still has arthritis. How do I get away from a permanent reminder of harm both physical and mental? If my body had completely recovered I would have forgotten about much of the trauma and would still have a release for stress.
I was also in the "wrong" as a child for bringing home outstanding school reports (because school was the only place I could do right).
Thank you, Richard.
Gabor Mate is BRILLIANT
Thanks Richard great stuff.. I've been listening to gabor mate since 2016 ..
I also love his work! He helped me make the realisations needed to break free from substance misuse and understand what I needed to do to cope with my trauma.
Riding off the back of professionals to mask his lack of credentials, in order to sell you courses that don’t really work.
👌 just what the trauma community needed.
There are a few good points I agree with, thank you for sharing🤗
Well put together reflection 👍
This is really well put, Richard, thanx for your respons on Gabor, which i also am following at the moment, and relating it on trauma, and how to deal with it. Excellent, and thx4sharing!
I'm a Big Fan Too!!! Love This Here!!! Ty Sir G
I really like that you respect Gabor Mate as I have always liked his work too.
YES 🙌🏼
This is highly helpful!!
I just broke off with a guy whom I love very much, because I couldnt handle being his objective for projecting some of the trauma he still carries.
It hurts to miss him, but it hurts even more being with him, because he unknowingly and unwillingly hurts me.
In my opinion he shares traits of the covert NPD
His mother carries the NPD but her sister doesnt seem to.
Its post traumatic response. Thats what it is. THANK YOU ❤
Very interesting, will definitely keep that in mind when a therapist wants me to go into the past. Thanks!
Hey Richard, I really appreciate you. I have become more greatful on many levels and accepting of my blind spots. I'm working on small changes to reinforce my own "way" ... Thanks for sharing
Recognising the unhelpful behavioural patterns is the key to growth and healing.
Thanks for your insight!
God bless you
2 nd BEST video ever Richard! Thx
Wonderful. counterintuitively empowering Good take on it . Great
This was really helpful and encouraging.
Oh wonderful, I can't miss that!! Thank you Richard!
Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.
Thankyou
@@RICHARDGRANNON Still very interesting! I enjoy all your videos, I learn so much from you and Sam Vaknin :)
Sounds like it results to the child's nervous system...how it's wired and the level of sensitivity to which one doesn't have control. Myself and MANY other individuals are the ONLY child within the family unit that didn't have the NPD response to trauma, and I believe it's due to our sensitive nervous systems primarily. I also believe that due to the current times humanity & Earth are currently facing that it's on purpose that you'll only find one "golden child" aka a child with sensitivities, and that is bc our Souls were placed in these specific family dynamics with the purpose of breaking/ changing/HEALING x, y, or z. I also believe that you're spot on about trauma being held in the body NOW. All there ever is and has been is the now moment after all, rt😊 TYSVM for sharing your great insights!! 🕊️💜
I love Gabor! I came from a narcissistic home.
I think it comes down to other things when you mention 2 people from the same home. Generally you develop co dependent characteristics. This can develop into narcissism.
If you store trauma in the body and don’t address it, it comes back to haunt you?
Trauma is disconnection from self.
I would take it that the person needs to grieve their experiences and learn to connect to themselves again.
The person who develops npd tend to be the golden child.
If you were indeed the golden child the experience is very different from the scapegoat. As the parents treat these kids differently.
Of course each child is being abused because the parents are dysfunctional.
Tends to be generational trauma passed down.
What happens when you are flooded with memories that were not brought about through therapy and walking through it all again?
Ya Gabor mate is so great. I love his book when the body says No. I look forward to reading his new book. Ty Richard.
Bruh , you spoke diamond
This exchage should be very enlightening. Looking forward to hearing you and Gabor Maté.
Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.
Thankyou
Wow 🤩! I am so looking forward for this conversation🙏🏻❤️. Gabor is an amazing human being. So grateful to both of you🙏🏻🙏🏻🌏🌱🌈
Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.
Thankyou
Yes yes yes, I been waiting on you both to do a video thank you.
Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.
Thankyou
@@RICHARDGRANNON , happy days looking forward to the video. I have listened to alot of Gabor Mate, and yourself so will be so interesting. I from Belfast northern Ireland and can see alot of what he is saying regarding generational trauma. Iook forward to the video. Thank you.
And 100% agree that our body and mind our not separate. All is connected. look forward to your prospectus on his work .
Gabor Matea taught me so much.
Love Gabor Mate as well very much 🙏🌹
I really like Dr. Gabor's work.
Thanks Richard🙂
Love you Richard Grannon ❤ and gabor Mate, thank you for sharing 💓 😘 👍
Thanks Richard very nuanced
Thank you so much for a very informative and accessible explanation of the actual reality of what trauma is.
Hi Handsome! You are spot on about the golden child and the black sheep. My sister and I were both traumatized by the same covert narc mother. After my research into how to heal my codependency starting in 2015, I also started digging into my own mother's childhood. She was raised by her very very strict French grandmother while her own mother had to go to work as her Catholic husband cheated on her back in the 1940's and left her. This was her father's mother who raised her and her sister. Mom's sister and her were gorgeous growing up, but both became Narcissists I believe from their own childhood trauma. The common link was their grandmother who did not meet both of their emotional needs of love and nurturing. My Sister and I were not even allowed boundaries growing up. I also love Dr. Gabor Mate' because of his authenticity. He and you are so very relatable because both you and him are very authentic people. My golden child sister is still chasing the carrot of perfectionism even after our mother has now died. It was my sister's upbringing of being praised for being perfect that keeps her quest to continue to this day to still try to be perfect. Btw I love my sister dearly. She's the only one who gets what we both went through, as we went through it together. Thanks for being you! You are awesome!
The myth of normal is a great read!
Oh thanks! Finally someone who does not care about memorising sonething and least ”past lives”. I have never understood why I should try to memorise my ”past lives”. This life is enough.
YAY!!! oh my gosh oh my gosh!!! can't wait. adore you both in all your wisdom and wonderfulness.
Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.
Thankyou
@@RICHARDGRANNON , Yes..my eyes may have jumped before me to understand fully ;). Both your work and Gabor's work have been tremendous to myself and loved seeing this pop up...BOOM.. can't wait! Quoted you both in my own imagery to poetry trail through trauma book. Thank You for all you are!! ~Cheers!
Excellent!
Mate, this was excellent... You dropped a good few pennies in my mind. I've been on a journey to identify NPD and to assess whether I have it also. This was a great help.
SUBBED!
Great! Im awaiting in anticipation.
Hello! just to clarify this isn't an interview. This is a reflection / sharing thoughts on his work.
Thankyou
@@RICHARDGRANNON thx Richie. A conversation is a good idea though.
Helpful for healing. The one person I did date who was a war veteran with a TBI (part of which was a diagnosis of narcissism …) was obsessed with Gabor mate. This person was wounded and I actually blame myself for dating him (I was in a really dark spot on my healing journey…) anyway this person constantly projected his need to heal on me. And he was totally past the point of being able to heal himself which is sad and I pitied him for awhile until he started stalking me and showing signs of violence. Very confusing and totally obscured Gabor mate from my ability to even hear/look at him. But I can understand his value and I appreciate this video. I agree that memory/reliving trauma is not that useful because trauma is coping mechanisms of the now that are keeping us in that trauma place.
Sorry this share is a bit muddled and memory ridden but felt need to express.
I understood you perfectly
there is a tangible 'past' - parallel timelines are in no time and each of us is connected to whatever other timeline we've bought baggage in from. Hence the variations in reactions within one family
I couldn't agree less. I believe that knowing the source of the problem is essential to the treatment and cure. To me that's like doing only heart bypasses without addressing the origin of the blockage to, for example, help the person with diet to stay healthier and functioning in the future.
No way 🤗🤗🤗 can't wait