I'm still trying to figure out where my children with Autism will go when I pass on. It's making me so worried knowing I can't trust anyone. People have no idea how hard it is when you have disabled children. It goes beyond raising them. You have to prepare for the future as well and make sure they are in good hands.
im working on building a Austim commity in califonna if you want my moms information let me know its in working progress I have Austim im living alone at the moment till my commity is built
You can create a special needs living trust for your children. I have autism and in high school I wrote a paper on how to create a special needs living trust
There is a new apartment building in Phoenix called “First Place”. It has 1-4 bedroom apartments, a reading room, a sensory room, games room, clinic, support office, cooking classroom, zen garden etc. It honestly looks similar to a luxury retirement condominium, but for neurodiverse individuals. It’s a bit on the pricey side though, but an option.
We agree so much on the special needs attorney! We did a meeting between him and our financial planner. We did things differently. Our son is more severely disabled than Abby. We got him into a great school when he was a teenager. It was a residental school that followed mostly a school year calendar, so he was home on weekends and vacations. The school specifically addressed his combination of disabilities. When he aged out of special education, our state was able to get him into a great group home with a day program. We are still his guardians and see him often. We obtained guardianship and signed him up for SSI benefits when he reached adulthood. When my husband retired, our son switched to SSDI benefits based on my husband's social security benefits. Son also went on Medicare, with Medicaid as a secondary insurance. Please note that he got the SSDI benefits as our disabled adult child, even though he wasn't living with us. When we die, our healthy son has agreed to take on his guardianship, in the sense of monitoring his needs but not doing his direct care. Half of our estate is in a special needs trust for our disabled son, while half goes to his brother. His brother will be managing his special needs trust, along with a representative from the special needs law firm.
I became my sister’s guardian when my parents passed. My sister has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I had to go to court for this. I lived in Fla at the time, my sister lives in NY. My sister was an adult already, the attorney general in NYS thought I was trying to take her civil liberties. The judge thankfully saw it my way, I was there to protect her. You are awesome for bringing this to the forefront. It is important. I am able to make her decisions for/with her. I was able to keep her off a drug trial that someone signed her up for. Obviously, they did not have my permission, they got her to agree. That’s just 1 reason it’s important.
I’m the trustee for my Autistic brother once my mother is gone. He is not conserved but he lives in his own apartment with staff through a supported living agency. He’s happy. As a child of a military father, he receives an additional monthly benefit from the VA, as well as his SDI and HUD Section rent. It’s still not enough, but it’s enough for him. Hugs!
That's probably because the agency who's putting them in the house takes such a large portion of his money.. I used to work for one and they take about 80%.. unfortunately
@@diannamcgeary807 Thankfully, this is not the case for us. His agency is funded through the California Regional Center system as a vendor. The issue is that the State keeps reducing his IHSS payments to the point of needing food stamps. I’m glad hat he doesn’t understand that. We just make sure he has enough food and clothes that fit. That’s the only thing he can’t afford on his own.
@@diannamcgeary807 That is only the case if they are allowed to be his rep payee. That's why it's important to set up a trust or at least have a third party act his trustee if a family member is not available.
I feel bad now for telling my mom no when she asked if I would take care of my 7 yr old brother when she’s gone 😢 I have my own kids and have so much responsibilities with my children
My parents made the mistake of waiting until after my brother was 18 to get guardianship of him. They didn't know that they needed to get guardianship. They had to go in front of a judge to guardianship and it took a long time.
Abbie being asked to be a bridesmaid just touched my heart so much. This is a special honor for a special young lady. Becca, you’re the greatest and congratulations on your engagement and your upcoming marriage. Yes, I cried too!
My autistic son is 9 now and I’m telling you these videos help soooooo much! I’m 28 years old and my son is the first in both sides of our families with this diagnosis and I’ve felt alone in this journey so this really helps and I can’t wait to watch other videos you guys put up. Thank you very much to both of you. 💙❤️
Thank you for sharing this. Having worked with a young woman who’s family member and care taker died unexpectedly, it was devastating. Not just emotionally, as she was unable to fully understand why her Mother was no longer with her but also nothing was in place for her. Luckily close friends stepped in and there was a safe and loving place for her to grow. But plan plan plan, life takes twist and turns that are unpredictable, but this is one event that can be planned. Even though it’s super hard to think about.
Congratulations Becca! Being in a wedding is one of them thing that special needs parents don’t ever think will happen for there child, you’re an amazing friend! I can’t wait to see all you beautiful lady’s on Becca’s wedding day!
Not all group homes are bad. I work for a company where we have multiple individuals we care for. Some are the their own home with family who can't care for them. I also have a home I work at that has 3 individuals who need care. They live in a house with their own rooms. They are very happy and well cared for
I'm not saying group homes are bad I also work in one I have 6 women with physical and mental disabilities I take care of I'm just saying how lucky Abbie is to be able to stay in her own home with family and people she is close with not all people are that lucky
It’s such a terrifying thing to think about. I think it’s every special needs parent’s biggest fear. Not being there to protect and take care of your child when you’re gone. Right now I’m dealing with the turning 5 process, and getting my daughter into the best kindergarten/school for her needs. After that, I need to sit down with her father and discuss setting up life insurance policies. I also have two adult brothers with autism. One way more independent than the other. I think the plan is for me and our other neurotypical brother to share custody of the one that cannot live alone. Just the other day my brother and I were discussing how we need to have a conversation with my mother and get that secondary guardianship set in place for my brother. It’s just a giant mountain of worry and stress for me at this point. I hope ones day I’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that everything is set up. I wish I could just live an extra few decades so that I can take care of my daughter for her entire life and never have to have her be without us, but I know that’s obviously not possible. lol.
Becca asking summer and Abby to be part of her wedding that was the sweetest thing ever I had tears in my eyes I’ve already said this before but congratulations Becca it’s crazy you’re getting married it’s just crazy I think all of your RUclips family knows that you just want the best for Abby and that’s it so whatever decision you make for your family is going to fit best for you guys my parents are going through this right now trying to help decide what’s best for me when when they pass as well or if anything else were to happen to where they couldn’t take care of me and it needed to be someone else
Wow! When you put in "you'll be fine" towards the end, I needed that. I had just hung the phone up with my grown daughter who lives in another state than me. I miss her so much. Then the saying at the end, after the "beep". I needed that too. I'm going through a hard time and needed to hear that thank you.
So glad you guys made this. My grandparents didn't do a lot of this. Now I'm caretaker of my 62 yr old aunt. And ive had to do a lot of things you spoke of for her. One thing people may not know is that a trust does not take care of itself throughout the years. Thank you for informing people in this.
You guys are truly amazing. This was such a helpful and informative video! Thank you for taking the time out of your busy days to discuss topics like this and for giving the most simple, practical, and clear steps/tips possible to help others. This is complicated stuff and what I love about this video is that you tackle it head on with honesty and integrity. Thank you!
No one can deny if Summer and Becca love Abbie....this is true friendship, a sisterhood. Congratulations again to Becca and blessings going forward for both Becca and Summer
I cried when I read the box and realized what it was. So awesome that Becca is including Abbie to be in her wedding. Summer and Becca and truly her besties; I love that they include her and treat her just like a typical teen. What a special lifelong bond the 3 of them have
Morbid topics need discussion often, you'd be surprised how many family members have no idea of their relatives end of life plan, so then when it happens, makes it extremely difficult to grieve whilst your trying to navigate through the endless possibilities, if it's set in stone, in writing and everyone knows your wishes, it makes that transition period after death so much easier. I have worked in palliative care for years and am constantly blown away that family members never talked to anyone about their after death wishes.
you must have seen some pretty sad things. it's a very important topic. alot of people feel as though talking about death, wills and wishes somehow "jinxes" you, even though there is no such thing as jinxing oneself. people assume that if they don't have a will, the next of kin will take over. here in quebec that does NOT happen. it's the government that takes over a will-less person's estate.
@@jaytotheell here in Australia your will I'd basically useless as ANY family member can contest and most win. You need to be very strategic at times and make sure ALL your family know your wishes so it's a smoother transition for all involved. Talking about death is normal, there are only two certainties in your life that makes you exactly the same as the next person and one of those is death, we all eventually will die, ignoring that because you feel it's not a topic you need to discuss because it's morbid or deemed unnecessary is just foolish. And leaves your loved ones often in a financial battle when they should just be worrying about grieving.
@@jaytotheell and yes I've seen my fair share of horrible. From abuse of power over people's own loved ones, to family members literally only turning up on their relatives death bed to "claim" what they believe is theirs, often at times my clients only just stopped breathing, the human race can be cruel at times, BUT I seen the positive, I was there with them in their darkest hours and offered whatever comfort I could xoxo
I have two children with low functioning Autism and I have no idea who they should live with when my partner and I pass on. I don't trust anyone and I'm lost. I had a cousin who was disabled and he was murdered in a facility he was living at.
this really puts things into perspective for me. I havent set up anything for my ASD daughter in case of emergency and thats something i NEED to do. Ive been told to set up a trust for my daughter but i never considered life insurance. This video really helps me out because its something our future needs in the long run. Thank you
I teach students with moderate to severe (level 2/3) autism ages 20-21 years old. One of the main things we discuss and work on multiple times per year is 21+ plus programming and transition from school to anew program. There is a lot of paperwork and a lot of research that goes into what is going to happen when students age out of school. We start discussing it when the students are middle school age as things like guardianship and other paperwork require attorneys and other things that cost money so we suggest if possible to start saving early but there are places that provide these services for a lesser fee but they do have longer waits so it is also important to find these services when students are young. We help parents through each step of the way until 21 years old and we try our best to make sure they are as secure and comfortable before leaving the school. Post 21 is very different and we want parents to be well informed as they are leaving the security net of teachers, case managers, and other support people they have had the last 2 decades.
I teach young adults (18-22) with varying types and degrees of disability, primarily autism and intellectual disability employment skills and basic "adulting". I cannot like and thumbs up your comment enough. We also start having these conversations with parents as early as possible, but I still get students who have zero plans/supports/paperwork in place when they get to me. Often times, by the time they get to me, it is too late to get them certain services due to their age or have them added to wait lists. There is (here in the US, Texas specifically) a HUGE gap in services for individuals over 21 if they have not already started those services prior. To clarify, there are outside/independent agencies that provide a lot of important services that are being provided by schools (until 22yrs), that can continue past age 21/22 IF the individual is signed up prior to those ages. But, if you try to sign them up AT age 21/22, they will not/cannot provide those services. Start earlier than you think is necessary. Register/apply for more services/waivers/etc than you think you will need. Ask EVERY question about what options there are when educational staff say "do you have any other questions?" at the end of every IEP meeting.
@@taylormathis2085 I unfortunately had a student who was 21 and the parent had still not applied for guardianship and had not even started the paperwork needed to apply for assistance after the student graduated. We did everything we could on the school side and made sure all the evaluations were up to date and filled out any paperwork they would need for the applications but as one member of education team said when we met with out the mother “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”. We even set up monthly team meetings so we could talk with mom, find out progress, answer questions, and give supports but she wasn’t attending most of them so we stopped and followed up with emails. Those cases are so difficult as we have prepping these students so that they can be successful in programs and jobs and most likely this student will just be hanging around the house for who knows how long before mom gets all paperwork in order and even after that it will take quite some time to get the student into programs as the waiting lists for spots are long and hard to get if you are not putting in a lot of effort. However, on the other end I have some parents who are way ahead of the game and have everything lined up and ready to go for when they graduate and they required very little assistance from the school team.
I actually worked in a court handling special needs guardianships. I’m glad y’all are doing all of this so early. I’ve had multiple cases where ppl waited late or didn’t have plans in place. It’s terrible and always hurt the individual. It’s one of the reasons I left the court for law practice to be proactive in the field.
Excellent advice for future support for Abbie. So many people don’t think about these issues until it’s too late. Appreciate you sharing your wisdom and advice!
Starting 3:43 it looked like Abbie said “thank you” a few times, could totally me wrong, but I thought it was so sweet if she did! It was really sweet of Becca to ask her. I love relationship between the three girls. ❤️
I've had a living will, a postmortem will which includes custody of my autistic son and a disability savings plan ever since my son was diagnosed at 18 months old...catching on early is how you manage future plans easily.
Excellent blog! This will help SO many families where they have no idea where to begin for their special needs children’s’ care as parents age and can no longer care for their children
What an amazing testimony of how amazing the relationship you a have developed for abbie with Becca... i cried special need muma tears You all inspire the world to do better!
I am a special educator for elementary students and one of the things I try to gently tell my families is to START EARLY! I have a sister-in-law with special needs and it was shocking how long it took to get services in place for her. Thank you for sharing this and creating an encouraging resource I can share with my kiddos’ families!
Summer crying...Asa crying...Priscilla crying...I was holding it together, choking back that lump in my throat until Becca said "I couldn't do it without ya!" I skipped crying and went straight to bawling!😭😭😭 Ugh thanks BECCA!😂 LOL That hit SO deep! Because you know it's truly out of nothing but pure love! She doesn't care if Abbie doesn't smile in every wedding photo, if she wants to sit when she's supposed to stand, if she stims during the ceremony. She truly just wants Abbie there! Ugh I hope, pray, and wish, EVERY DAY that my 13yr old son will find "his Summer and Becca" one day. 🙏🤞 Congrats Becca! You truly are a incredibly beautiful person inside and out!💓 (Summer too!😉😂💓)
Abbie is one lucky girl to have a wonderful friends like Summer and Becca . You guys always put a smile on my face . Keep up the great work spreading awareness to Autism.
Congrats Becca! So awesome for all involved. :) Having a trust/plan is so important for everyone even if you do not have an extra special circumstance. It helps your family know exactly what you want to happen & eases the burden on them to make decisions at a time when they probably are already stressed/upset. Also, depending on your area, can mean you don't have to go through probate court & spend time/money on that.
I shed some tears when Abbie opened her box from Becca!! I love that so much..Becca will be a beautiful bride..i cant wait to see Abbie and Summer all dolled up!! This vlog was also very informative..love yall!!
You guys are simply the greatest parents EVER!!! You also are a great team!! Both your children are SO blessed to have you as their parents!!! AMAZING!! 🥲
Man this subject always makes me cry because I am TERRIFIED of dying too early and leaving my son with nothing and no one. He will always have his sister, but I don’t want her to have to be fully responsible for caring for him. Probably the hardest thing to think about when planning for the future.
My parents went through this same process for my brother. Thankfully they are still here. They created a consortium with other families with similar goals. My brother has lived with a roommate and caretakers for 30 years now. It’s been ideal for us. He gets to have more social interactions that way. Every family has to find what’s good for them, as you said. I learned that just because you can’t find what you want doesn’t mean you can’t create it. My parents taught me that as they raise us in the 70’s before laws were in place for protection of people with disabilities. Your team sounds amazing and helpful!!!
I am totally crying. Becca you are so awesome to include Abbie in your big day. Wow. This makes me feel so happy. And BTW I have finally caught up. I have watched every upload on RUclips. I started out on Facebook. But moved to RUclips so I could find them in order and see the progression. Abbie is my hero. Your family has changed my life and made me understand my kids better. Thanks so much for all uou do. Love truly needs no words!
Bekka that is so amazing! Summer and Abbie will be so wonderful as your bridesmaids! Asa and Priscilla, you did a great job discussing a deeply difficult, personal but practical information.
Ooooh I see what you are talking about! 👍🏻 Unfortunately, if you watch closely, she's not signing "thank you". She is eating a piece of candy that came in the bridesmaid box. If you watch closely, you will see Abbie take it from the box, open it, and put it in her mouth. And Becca and Summer both say "Right for the candy!" As she does it...... 🍬 (However, I like the idea of her signing "thank you" better! So let's stick with that being what it is! 😊😍❤👍🏻)
BECCA THAT'S AMAZING FOR YOU TO DO THAT!❤️ My son was asked to be in a family wedding and then was told we weren't going to be a part of it. Abbie is lucky to have a friend like you.
Thank you for this! I worked with families who were surprised when their child turned 18, and had to get their child re diagnosed. It caused lapse of services and much needed respite and even medical needs until after they were re certified and got guardianship.
I have chronic illness & had 2 transplants so I learned to do a living will in my teens. I’m going on 29 but I cannot think of something happening to my mom and she’s my healthcare poa but as a family there’s been steps in place that if something happen to my parents with me single, my older sister that’s able to make decisions business wise and healthcare can help care for me and have the financial means. I think it’s important for anyone even without disabilities to know, find someone worth trusting & plan. It’s a part of life no one wants to entertain especially not those in our situations but necessary. Also Abbie becoming a bridesmaid is amazing.
20 years ago, my stepdad’s parents passed away, leaving no plan for their disabled daughter. A local group swooped in and demanded that all of their assets go to my aunt and convinced her that with their help she could live on her own. This was a disaster. Thank you for a life plan for both of your children
I have had the bridesmaids experience with my special needs daughter and I just reacted the same as I did when she was asked. I cried like a baby, it truly touches your heart in ways that no one else understands. Becca, that was so beautiful and truly touching. Can't wait to see all the girls on wedding day. Asa, I know exactly how you were feeling. Just remember your tissue on Wedding Day. 👰
This was so helpful! I’m at this stage with my 25 year old autistic son and I didn’t know where to start. I have a 22 yr old daughter with the same degree in psychology as Isaiah and same age as him who also works with special needs children as her career. I automatically think she’ll care for my son when my husband and I leave this world. She told me, what happens if she lives somewhere else in the country or if something tragic happens to her? I got thinking that she needs to live her life too and not fair that I put that burden on her. And you perfectly explained the word burden! Thank you! There’s definitely more than Plan B to think about, that’s for sure!
I'm tearing up again. I'm so excited for all the "I Do Crew" and Cilla, too. I hope my boys find women some day as wonderful as Becca and Summer (my oldest is 25 wink wink, but probably still too immature for Summer although his younger cousins used to say he was the 6th member of one direction and would call him George; his name is Joel). xoxo to all y'all
My mom cared for my grandpa's autistic sister because my mom didn't want her in a home. She was the best, she helped my mom out alot with us and she would hold me for hours ( I was told this because I was a baby when it all happened )
I'm amazed with how long i've been watching the vlog. Yall have made amazing and smart life choices to help prepare for Abbie and Isaiah. Your business ventures have expanded. When you moved Isaiah off to school, yall were already talking about a rental property. That is definitely a smart idea. Creativity is definitely on your side.
I first have to say that I loved watching you do Abb's hair! That was so sweet...you have to be the best Dad ever!!! Anyways, my little brother has Autism. I have brought this very topic up to my parents and about all I can gather is that I will take care of my brother. They are terrified of this so no one wants to discuss it. I say, ABSOLUTELY NO ASSISTED LIVING. There are almost 11 years between us. He is now 31 & my poor Mother will be 68 in 5 days. Idk how she does it! He is severe, non-verbal & needs 24/7 care. We really didn't know where to start but I appreciate you guys doing a video like this. Although, I have watched almost every single one, this one has been such a big eye opener. I'm sure it wasn't easy to talk about again, especially in front of thousands of people. So I thank you for sharing an important, and personal piece of your life.
Amazing I’m crying happy tears how lovely of becca but I love the way your so open and informative. Not something anyone wants to think about but you have an it amazes me 💕💕
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS Becca! What two wonderful bridesmaids you have! Additionally, this was a very interesting video to listen to. I don't believe that this video is just about what happens when you two die, it's about Abbie's future as you all (the whole family) grow old together. There is a term known as "glass children." Children who have siblings with special needs are often called "glass children." This focuses on how the parents invest all their time and energy to the child that has special needs that they unintentionally "look through" the easier child. From being a fan of your family and channel, you did an AMAZING job with Isaiah; making sure he becomes the best individual he could be! I loved watching his Brothering Autism video, and he displays his conditional love for his sister. From the videos I've seen, he never appears to be excluded or "forgotten." He is continuing to grow up into a truly kind and respectful individual.
Thank you for bringing up this very important topic. I am autistic and I would be considered to have low to moderate functioning. I do not have any children to worry about their future. But I worry about the stress and money and difficulties I would cause on others around me. My future is now fiscally secure but I fortunate and my parents were able to arrange all of that and the funding that I get. But the future is not just about money there are also worries about such things as an aide to help me out with the difficult things in life. To name a few, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking and laundry these are all things I get a lot of help from my parents. I greatly appreciate this help from my parents but I worry greatly about them as they approach their 70’s. Its not fair to them and I cannot keep taking energy and time from either to help me with the “stuff of life”. I have to look at hiring that out and getting outside support. Sooooo difficult and stressful! Asa and Priscilla; Thank you for sharing your prospective. Its nice to see a caregivers point of view on this too. It helps to me appreciate my parents even more.
My 24 year old only son got stabbed in the middle of his brain two times at Boston Pizza in Oct2020. A total random act of violence. I am now his care give for life. I make all major decision in life for my son. On the outside he looks normal but he will forever need me. I wonder who will love him as much as I do
Thank you addressing this. This is important stuff that ALL parents with disabled children - not just autism and IDD - need to be up to speed on. I know that this is highly generalized but some states' autism waivers also include disability even before the individual turns 18. It doesn't impact guardianship but it does impact legal dependency.
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I'm still trying to figure out where my children with Autism will go when I pass on. It's making me so worried knowing I can't trust anyone. People have no idea how hard it is when you have disabled children. It goes beyond raising them. You have to prepare for the future as well and make sure they are in good hands.
Im RIGHT THERE with you.
So true is the biggest source of sadness and worries
im working on building a Austim commity in califonna if you want my moms information let me know its in working progress I have Austim im living alone at the moment till my commity is built
You can create a special needs living trust for your children. I have autism and in high school I wrote a paper on how to create a special needs living trust
There is a new apartment building in Phoenix called “First Place”. It has 1-4 bedroom apartments, a reading room, a sensory room, games room, clinic, support office, cooking classroom, zen garden etc. It honestly looks similar to a luxury retirement condominium, but for neurodiverse individuals. It’s a bit on the pricey side though, but an option.
So sweet when Becca said "I would never do it without you" that's a real connection right there xoxo
That made me cry
I loved that part!!
Made me cry also 😭🤧
Becca is such a gentle soul. She and Summer really love Abbie...... so excited for Abbie to be in Becca’s wedding.
We agree so much on the special needs attorney! We did a meeting between him and our financial planner.
We did things differently. Our son is more severely disabled than Abby. We got him into a great school when he was a teenager. It was a residental school that followed mostly a school year calendar, so he was home on weekends and vacations. The school specifically addressed his combination of disabilities.
When he aged out of special education, our state was able to get him into a great group home with a day program. We are still his guardians and see him often.
We obtained guardianship and signed him up for SSI benefits when he reached adulthood. When my husband retired, our son switched to SSDI benefits based on my husband's social security benefits. Son also went on Medicare, with Medicaid as a secondary insurance.
Please note that he got the SSDI benefits as our disabled adult child, even though he wasn't living with us.
When we die, our healthy son has agreed to take on his guardianship, in the sense of monitoring his needs but not doing his direct care.
Half of our estate is in a special needs trust for our disabled son, while half goes to his brother. His brother will be managing his special needs trust, along with a representative from the special needs law firm.
I became my sister’s guardian when my parents passed. My sister has a schizophrenia diagnosis. I had to go to court for this. I lived in Fla at the time, my sister lives in NY. My sister was an adult already, the attorney general in NYS thought I was trying to take her civil liberties. The judge thankfully saw it my way, I was there to protect her. You are awesome for bringing this to the forefront. It is important. I am able to make her decisions for/with her. I was able to keep her off a drug trial that someone signed her up for. Obviously, they did not have my permission, they got her to agree. That’s just 1 reason it’s important.
I’m the trustee for my Autistic brother once my mother is gone. He is not conserved but he lives in his own apartment with staff through a supported living agency. He’s happy. As a child of a military father, he receives an additional monthly benefit from the VA, as well as his SDI and HUD Section rent. It’s still not enough, but it’s enough for him. Hugs!
That's probably because the agency who's putting them in the house takes such a large portion of his money.. I used to work for one and they take about 80%.. unfortunately
@@diannamcgeary807 Thankfully, this is not the case for us. His agency is funded through the California Regional Center system as a vendor. The issue is that the State keeps reducing his IHSS payments to the point of needing food stamps. I’m glad hat he doesn’t understand that. We just make sure he has enough food and clothes that fit. That’s the only thing he can’t afford on his own.
@@diannamcgeary807 That is only the case if they are allowed to be his rep payee. That's why it's important to set up a trust or at least have a third party act his trustee if a family member is not available.
@@kwaktak all of my client have different repayees and it's the same on all
I feel bad now for telling my mom no when she asked if I would take care of my 7 yr old brother when she’s gone 😢 I have my own kids and have so much responsibilities with my children
I’m not crying...you’re crying!! So SWEET of Becca!
big brother?
My parents made the mistake of waiting until after my brother was 18 to get guardianship of him. They didn't know that they needed to get guardianship. They had to go in front of a judge to guardianship and it took a long time.
Abbie being asked to be a bridesmaid just touched my heart so much. This is a special honor for a special young lady. Becca, you’re the greatest and congratulations on your engagement and your upcoming marriage. Yes, I cried too!
My autistic son is 9 now and I’m telling you these videos help soooooo much! I’m 28 years old and my son is the first in both sides of our families with this diagnosis and I’ve felt alone in this journey so this really helps and I can’t wait to watch other videos you guys put up. Thank you very much to both of you. 💙❤️
Thank you for sharing this. Having worked with a young woman who’s family member and care taker died unexpectedly, it was devastating. Not just emotionally, as she was unable to fully understand why her Mother was no longer with her but also nothing was in place for her. Luckily close friends stepped in and there was a safe and loving place for her to grow. But plan plan plan, life takes twist and turns that are unpredictable, but this is one event that can be planned. Even though it’s super hard to think about.
Congratulations Becca! Being in a wedding is one of them thing that special needs parents don’t ever think will happen for there child, you’re an amazing friend! I can’t wait to see all you beautiful lady’s on Becca’s wedding day!
Abbie is one lucky girl because sadly most people in Abbie's place would end up in a group home setting once their parents have passed
Not all group homes are bad. I work for a company where we have multiple individuals we care for. Some are the their own home with family who can't care for them. I also have a home I work at that has 3 individuals who need care. They live in a house with their own rooms. They are very happy and well cared for
I'm not saying group homes are bad I also work in one I have 6 women with physical and mental disabilities I take care of I'm just saying how lucky Abbie is to be able to stay in her own home with family and people she is close with not all people are that lucky
It’s such a terrifying thing to think about. I think it’s every special needs parent’s biggest fear. Not being there to protect and take care of your child when you’re gone. Right now I’m dealing with the turning 5 process, and getting my daughter into the best kindergarten/school for her needs. After that, I need to sit down with her father and discuss setting up life insurance policies. I also have two adult brothers with autism. One way more independent than the other. I think the plan is for me and our other neurotypical brother to share custody of the one that cannot live alone. Just the other day my brother and I were discussing how we need to have a conversation with my mother and get that secondary guardianship set in place for my brother. It’s just a giant mountain of worry and stress for me at this point. I hope ones day I’ll be able to breathe a sigh of relief knowing that everything is set up. I wish I could just live an extra few decades so that I can take care of my daughter for her entire life and never have to have her be without us, but I know that’s obviously not possible. lol.
I hear you.
Becca asking summer and Abby to be part of her wedding that was the sweetest thing ever I had tears in my eyes I’ve already said this before but congratulations Becca it’s crazy you’re getting married it’s just crazy I think all of your RUclips family knows that you just want the best for Abby and that’s it so whatever decision you make for your family is going to fit best for you guys my parents are going through this right now trying to help decide what’s best for me when when they pass as well or if anything else were to happen to where they couldn’t take care of me and it needed to be someone else
Wow! When you put in "you'll be fine" towards the end, I needed that. I had just hung the phone up with my grown daughter who lives in another state than me. I miss her so much. Then the saying at the end, after the "beep". I needed that too. I'm going through a hard time and needed to hear that thank you.
Summer , Becca and Abby have the sweetest friendship ❤️❤️❤️ they are truly sisters
Aww, that's going to be so cute Abbie in Becca’s wedding!! That's so sweet and nice of Becca!!
Dang it I’m crying like a baby Ab is gonna be a beautiful bridesmaid
So glad you guys made this. My grandparents didn't do a lot of this. Now I'm caretaker of my 62 yr old aunt. And ive had to do a lot of things you spoke of for her. One thing people may not know is that a trust does not take care of itself throughout the years. Thank you for informing people in this.
You guys are truly amazing. This was such a helpful and informative video! Thank you for taking the time out of your busy days to discuss topics like this and for giving the most simple, practical, and clear steps/tips possible to help others. This is complicated stuff and what I love about this video is that you tackle it head on with honesty and integrity. Thank you!
Wow, this entire video had me tearing up. The bridesmaid proposal, knowing that Summer will be involved in Abbie's life forever. So sweet.
Becca got me crying right off the bat! The world needs more people like becca (and summer too)
No one can deny if Summer and Becca love Abbie....this is true friendship, a sisterhood. Congratulations again to Becca and blessings going forward for both Becca and Summer
When Becca asked Abby and Summer to be bridesmaids that made me so happy. Congratulations Becca!
Thanks for this video. My daughter is 9 and has a brain injury. She will need support.... You guys are amazing.
I can't wait to see Abbie in a bridesmaids dress. She's going to be a beautiful bridesmaid
Of course! Yes she is beautiful.
I cried when I read the box and realized what it was. So awesome that Becca is including Abbie to be in her wedding. Summer and Becca and truly her besties; I love that they include her and treat her just like a typical teen. What a special lifelong bond the 3 of them have
Morbid topics need discussion often, you'd be surprised how many family members have no idea of their relatives end of life plan, so then when it happens, makes it extremely difficult to grieve whilst your trying to navigate through the endless possibilities, if it's set in stone, in writing and everyone knows your wishes, it makes that transition period after death so much easier. I have worked in palliative care for years and am constantly blown away that family members never talked to anyone about their after death wishes.
you must have seen some pretty sad things. it's a very important topic. alot of people feel as though talking about death, wills and wishes somehow "jinxes" you, even though there is no such thing as jinxing oneself. people assume that if they don't have a will, the next of kin will take over. here in quebec that does NOT happen. it's the government that takes over a will-less person's estate.
@@jaytotheell here in Australia your will I'd basically useless as ANY family member can contest and most win. You need to be very strategic at times and make sure ALL your family know your wishes so it's a smoother transition for all involved. Talking about death is normal, there are only two certainties in your life that makes you exactly the same as the next person and one of those is death, we all eventually will die, ignoring that because you feel it's not a topic you need to discuss because it's morbid or deemed unnecessary is just foolish. And leaves your loved ones often in a financial battle when they should just be worrying about grieving.
@@jaytotheell and yes I've seen my fair share of horrible. From abuse of power over people's own loved ones, to family members literally only turning up on their relatives death bed to "claim" what they believe is theirs, often at times my clients only just stopped breathing, the human race can be cruel at times, BUT I seen the positive, I was there with them in their darkest hours and offered whatever comfort I could xoxo
I have two children with low functioning Autism and I have no idea who they should live with when my partner and I pass on. I don't trust anyone and I'm lost. I had a cousin who was disabled and he was murdered in a facility he was living at.
this really puts things into perspective for me. I havent set up anything for my ASD daughter in case of emergency and thats something i NEED to do. Ive been told to set up a trust for my daughter but i never considered life insurance. This video really helps me out because its something our future needs in the long run. Thank you
I teach students with moderate to severe (level 2/3) autism ages 20-21 years old. One of the main things we discuss and work on multiple times per year is 21+ plus programming and transition from school to anew program. There is a lot of paperwork and a lot of research that goes into what is going to happen when students age out of school. We start discussing it when the students are middle school age as things like guardianship and other paperwork require attorneys and other things that cost money so we suggest if possible to start saving early but there are places that provide these services for a lesser fee but they do have longer waits so it is also important to find these services when students are young. We help parents through each step of the way until 21 years old and we try our best to make sure they are as secure and comfortable before leaving the school. Post 21 is very different and we want parents to be well informed as they are leaving the security net of teachers, case managers, and other support people they have had the last 2 decades.
I teach young adults (18-22) with varying types and degrees of disability, primarily autism and intellectual disability employment skills and basic "adulting". I cannot like and thumbs up your comment enough. We also start having these conversations with parents as early as possible, but I still get students who have zero plans/supports/paperwork in place when they get to me. Often times, by the time they get to me, it is too late to get them certain services due to their age or have them added to wait lists. There is (here in the US, Texas specifically) a HUGE gap in services for individuals over 21 if they have not already started those services prior. To clarify, there are outside/independent agencies that provide a lot of important services that are being provided by schools (until 22yrs), that can continue past age 21/22 IF the individual is signed up prior to those ages. But, if you try to sign them up AT age 21/22, they will not/cannot provide those services. Start earlier than you think is necessary. Register/apply for more services/waivers/etc than you think you will need. Ask EVERY question about what options there are when educational staff say "do you have any other questions?" at the end of every IEP meeting.
@@taylormathis2085 I unfortunately had a student who was 21 and the parent had still not applied for guardianship and had not even started the paperwork needed to apply for assistance after the student graduated. We did everything we could on the school side and made sure all the evaluations were up to date and filled out any paperwork they would need for the applications but as one member of education team said when we met with out the mother “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink”. We even set up monthly team meetings so we could talk with mom, find out progress, answer questions, and give supports but she wasn’t attending most of them so we stopped and followed up with emails. Those cases are so difficult as we have prepping these students so that they can be successful in programs and jobs and most likely this student will just be hanging around the house for who knows how long before mom gets all paperwork in order and even after that it will take quite some time to get the student into programs as the waiting lists for spots are long and hard to get if you are not putting in a lot of effort. However, on the other end I have some parents who are way ahead of the game and have everything lined up and ready to go for when they graduate and they required very little assistance from the school team.
I actually worked in a court handling special needs guardianships. I’m glad y’all are doing all of this so early. I’ve had multiple cases where ppl waited late or didn’t have plans in place. It’s terrible and always hurt the individual. It’s one of the reasons I left the court for law practice to be proactive in the field.
My parents put together a special needs trust for me too I’m a special-needs person to I have my own apartment and I take bus every day.
Wow awesome.
♥️♥️
Excellent advice for future support for Abbie. So many people don’t think about these issues until it’s too late. Appreciate you sharing your wisdom and advice!
Starting 3:43 it looked like Abbie said “thank you” a few times, could totally me wrong, but I thought it was so sweet if she did! It was really sweet of Becca to ask her. I love relationship between the three girls. ❤️
U were completely correct
I've had a living will, a postmortem will which includes custody of my autistic son and a disability savings plan ever since my son was diagnosed at 18 months old...catching on early is how you manage future plans easily.
You both are truly the best parents! ❤️
Excellent blog! This will help SO many families where they have no idea where to begin for their special needs children’s’ care as parents age and can no longer care for their children
What an amazing testimony of how amazing the relationship you a have developed for abbie with Becca... i cried special need muma tears You all inspire the world to do better!
I am a special educator for elementary students and one of the things I try to gently tell my families is to START EARLY! I have a sister-in-law with special needs and it was shocking how long it took to get services in place for her.
Thank you for sharing this and creating an encouraging resource I can share with my kiddos’ families!
Summer crying...Asa crying...Priscilla crying...I was holding it together, choking back that lump in my throat until Becca said "I couldn't do it without ya!" I skipped crying and went straight to bawling!😭😭😭 Ugh thanks BECCA!😂 LOL That hit SO deep! Because you know it's truly out of nothing but pure love! She doesn't care if Abbie doesn't smile in every wedding photo, if she wants to sit when she's supposed to stand, if she stims during the ceremony. She truly just wants Abbie there! Ugh I hope, pray, and wish, EVERY DAY that my 13yr old son will find "his Summer and Becca" one day. 🙏🤞 Congrats Becca! You truly are a incredibly beautiful person inside and out!💓 (Summer too!😉😂💓)
Abbie is one lucky girl to have a wonderful friends like Summer and Becca . You guys always put a smile on my face . Keep up the great work spreading awareness to Autism.
Congrats Becca! So awesome for all involved. :)
Having a trust/plan is so important for everyone even if you do not have an extra special circumstance. It helps your family know exactly what you want to happen & eases the burden on them to make decisions at a time when they probably are already stressed/upset. Also, depending on your area, can mean you don't have to go through probate court & spend time/money on that.
Congratulations Becca👰🏼♀️🪅🪅🎊🎊🎉🎉
May this new chapter of your life brings lots of joy, happiness and success.🤗🤗
I shed some tears when Abbie opened her box from Becca!! I love that so much..Becca will be a beautiful bride..i cant wait to see Abbie and Summer all dolled up!! This vlog was also very informative..love yall!!
You guys are simply the greatest parents EVER!!! You also are a great team!! Both your children are SO blessed to have you as their parents!!! AMAZING!! 🥲
Man this subject always makes me cry because I am TERRIFIED of dying too early and leaving my son with nothing and no one. He will always have his sister, but I don’t want her to have to be fully responsible for caring for him. Probably the hardest thing to think about when planning for the future.
I live in constant agony thinking of this.
My parents went through this same process for my brother. Thankfully they are still here. They created a consortium with other families with similar goals. My brother has lived with a roommate and caretakers for 30 years now. It’s been ideal for us. He gets to have more social interactions that way. Every family has to find what’s good for them, as you said. I learned that just because you can’t find what you want doesn’t mean you can’t create it. My parents taught me that as they raise us in the 70’s before laws were in place for protection of people with disabilities. Your team sounds amazing and helpful!!!
Thanks for this video. It’s a subject we have been concerned about for some time.
I am totally crying. Becca you are so awesome to include Abbie in your big day. Wow. This makes me feel so happy.
And BTW I have finally caught up. I have watched every upload on RUclips. I started out on Facebook. But moved to RUclips so I could find them in order and see the progression. Abbie is my hero. Your family has changed my life and made me understand my kids better. Thanks so much for all uou do.
Love truly needs no words!
Bekka that is so amazing! Summer and Abbie will be so wonderful as your bridesmaids! Asa and Priscilla, you did a great job discussing a deeply difficult, personal but practical information.
Aww that is great! I cried with you Asa! Thst is so sweet for them to include Abbie in their wedding!
Such wonderful news 😍
So sweet of Becca 😁
Can’t wait for the wedding 👰
Congratulations Becca ❤️
Becca didn’t see it, but Abbie kept signing “thank you” when she opened the box. Maybe she doesn’t understand what it was about, but she was happy. 😊
Aaaaaw! I'm not seeing it! 😭😭😭
What is the time stamp for that?
@@cat_tizzoni @ 3:43
I saw that.
Ooooh I see what you are talking about! 👍🏻 Unfortunately, if you watch closely, she's not signing "thank you". She is eating a piece of candy that came in the bridesmaid box.
If you watch closely, you will see Abbie take it from the box, open it, and put it in her mouth.
And Becca and Summer both say "Right for the candy!" As she does it...... 🍬
(However, I like the idea of her signing "thank you" better! So let's stick with that being what it is! 😊😍❤👍🏻)
@@cat_tizzoni she signed without candy in her hand
BECCA THAT'S AMAZING FOR YOU TO DO THAT!❤️ My son was asked to be in a family wedding and then was told we weren't going to be a part of it. Abbie is lucky to have a friend like you.
OMGosh, I cried when Abbie * Summer opened Becca”s gift! So sweet!
Awe Becca that is just the most wonderful gift of true friendship to Abbie & Summer...A beautiful bride & two beautiful bridesmaids....💕💕💕
Thank you for this! I worked with families who were surprised when their child turned 18, and had to get their child re diagnosed. It caused lapse of services and much needed respite and even medical needs until after they were re certified and got guardianship.
I have chronic illness & had 2 transplants so I learned to do a living will in my teens. I’m going on 29 but I cannot think of something happening to my mom and she’s my healthcare poa but as a family there’s been steps in place that if something happen to my parents with me single, my older sister that’s able to make decisions business wise and healthcare can help care for me and have the financial means. I think it’s important for anyone even without disabilities to know, find someone worth trusting & plan. It’s a part of life no one wants to entertain especially not those in our situations but necessary. Also Abbie becoming a bridesmaid is amazing.
20 years ago, my stepdad’s parents passed away, leaving no plan for their disabled daughter. A local group swooped in and demanded that all of their assets go to my aunt and convinced her that with their help she could live on her own. This was a disaster. Thank you for a life plan for both of your children
Literally has me in tears. How SWEET and caring is that. That’s a REAL girlfriend.
I can really appreciate how you described burden as an extra loadand not something negative. Great info.
Summer makes me cry. Congratulations Becca and Andrew!
You guys are so awesome and helpful.I love how you help others.
So excited Abbie will be part of the "I do crew". So thoughtful of Becca.
Thank you so much for this special video full of information!!! Very wise!!!!
I have had the bridesmaids experience with my special needs daughter and I just reacted the same as I did when she was asked. I cried like a baby, it truly touches your heart in ways that no one else understands. Becca, that was so beautiful and truly touching. Can't wait to see all the girls on wedding day. Asa, I know exactly how you were feeling. Just remember your tissue on Wedding Day. 👰
That is awesome that Summer is on board her connection with Abbie is heart warming...❤️❤️
Thank you for this. Congrats becca.
I found this video super informative. Thanks for making it!
This was so helpful! I’m at this stage with my 25 year old autistic son and I didn’t know where to start. I have a 22 yr old daughter with the same degree in psychology as Isaiah and same age as him who also works with special needs children as her career. I automatically think she’ll care for my son when my husband and I leave this world. She told me, what happens if she lives somewhere else in the country or if something tragic happens to her? I got thinking that she needs to live her life too and not fair that I put that burden on her. And you perfectly explained the word burden! Thank you! There’s definitely more than Plan B to think about, that’s for sure!
I'm tearing up again. I'm so excited for all the "I Do Crew" and Cilla, too. I hope my boys find women some day as wonderful as Becca and Summer (my oldest is 25 wink wink, but probably still too immature for Summer although his younger cousins used to say he was the 6th member of one direction and would call him George; his name is Joel).
xoxo to all y'all
Because asking Abbie made me ball😭😭 So Blessed!!!
Congratulations Becca! I hope we get to meet your husband ❤️
Great video guys!! So much information to share with those who need it!
Abbie is the kind of person you love so easily , you will be a beautiful bridesmaid 💓💓💓
You are some great parents and advocates for your children 🥰. Thank you for sharing all the things you help all types of people 😱🥰
My mom cared for my grandpa's autistic sister because my mom didn't want her in a home. She was the best, she helped my mom out alot with us and she would hold me for hours ( I was told this because I was a baby when it all happened )
Definitely got tears in my eyes when Becca asked.
You guys give some good information to those who need it.
I'm amazed with how long i've been watching the vlog. Yall have made amazing and smart life choices to help prepare for Abbie and Isaiah.
Your business ventures have expanded. When you moved Isaiah off to school, yall were already talking about a rental property. That is definitely a smart idea.
Creativity is definitely on your side.
I first have to say that I loved watching you do Abb's hair! That was so sweet...you have to be the best Dad ever!!!
Anyways, my little brother has Autism. I have brought this very topic up to my parents and about all I can gather is that I will take care of my brother. They are terrified of this so no one wants to discuss it. I say, ABSOLUTELY NO ASSISTED LIVING. There are almost 11 years between us. He is now 31 & my poor Mother will be 68 in 5 days. Idk how she does it! He is severe, non-verbal & needs 24/7 care. We really didn't know where to start but I appreciate you guys doing a video like this. Although, I have watched almost every single one, this one has been such a big eye opener. I'm sure it wasn't easy to talk about again, especially in front of thousands of people. So I thank you for sharing an important, and personal piece of your life.
Amazing I’m crying happy tears how lovely of becca but I love the way your so open and informative. Not something anyone wants to think about but you have an it amazes me 💕💕
❤️🌹Congratulations on your
wedding Becca!!
You will be a gorgeous bride and have lovely bridesmaids 🌹❤️
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS Becca! What two wonderful bridesmaids you have!
Additionally, this was a very interesting video to listen to. I don't believe that this video is just about what happens when you two die, it's about Abbie's future as you all (the whole family) grow old together. There is a term known as "glass children." Children who have siblings with special needs are often called "glass children." This focuses on how the parents invest all their time and energy to the child that has special needs that they unintentionally "look through" the easier child. From being a fan of your family and channel, you did an AMAZING job with Isaiah; making sure he becomes the best individual he could be! I loved watching his Brothering Autism video, and he displays his conditional love for his sister. From the videos I've seen, he never appears to be excluded or "forgotten." He is continuing to grow up into a truly kind and respectful individual.
Thanks for sharing the actual amount that you decided to raise ($8m) instead of just dancing around it.
This is extremely helpful! Thanks a lot for this video.
Congratulations Becca!! Abbie and Summer will make beautiful bridesmaids ! Love the Maass Squad!
You are great parents. She’s going to be fine.
Abbie is truly one of the girls.❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for bringing up this very important topic. I am autistic and I would be considered to have low to moderate functioning.
I do not have any children to worry about their future. But I worry about the stress and money and difficulties I would cause on others around me. My future is now fiscally secure but I fortunate and my parents were able to arrange all of that and the funding that I get.
But the future is not just about money there are also worries about such things as an aide to help me out with the difficult things in life. To name a few, grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking and laundry these are all things I get a lot of help from my parents.
I greatly appreciate this help from my parents but I worry greatly about them as they approach their 70’s.
Its not fair to them and I cannot keep taking energy and time from either to help me with the “stuff of life”. I have to look at hiring that out and getting outside support. Sooooo difficult and stressful!
Asa and Priscilla; Thank you for sharing your prospective. Its nice to see a caregivers point of view on this too. It helps to me appreciate my parents even more.
My 24 year old only son got stabbed in the middle of his brain two times at Boston Pizza in Oct2020. A total random act of violence. I am now his care give for life. I make all major decision in life for my son. On the outside he looks normal but he will forever need me. I wonder who will love him as much as I do
ASA your better than me at doing hair / hairstyles love how you do Abbies hair looks beautiful
Not to mention she just sits there content while dad does his thing
Was thinking same😅😁
I have so much respect for you all 👊
Congrats Becca! Congrats Ab and Summer for being asked to be bridesmaids. Super exciting! Can’t wait to see the dresses!
Aww Becca you made me cry big time! You and Summer are such awesome friends to Abbie🥰❤️❤️💕
Thank you addressing this. This is important stuff that ALL parents with disabled children - not just autism and IDD - need to be up to speed on. I know that this is highly generalized but some states' autism waivers also include disability even before the individual turns 18. It doesn't impact guardianship but it does impact legal dependency.
Abbie is growing up so fast love her
You guys are amazing!! And Abby is absolutely the most cutest Young lady in the world.. thank you so much for Sharing.. ❤️
I’m late to the party, but totally tearing up that Becca asked Abbie to be in her wedding ❤️❤️❤️🥰 that is so sweet and shows how much she loves Abbie!