Things you never hear in school assembly | Mock the Week - BBC
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- Опубликовано: 4 окт 2018
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Watch the BBC first on iPlayer 👉 bbc.in/iPlayer-Home The performers suggest things you would not hear in a school assembly.
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Mock the Week | Series 17 Episode 11 | BBC
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It's also entertaining because of the fact that they all somehow look like they could be teachers..
Ygrainne_Bugz I swear, I’ve had teachers that look like each of them.
I would love to have a teacher that looks like Milton Jones.
Quite a few comedians have been teachers
@@Pining_for_the_fjords an art teacher
Conway79 Milton Jones used to go to my school actually!
‘I got my results back. It wasn’t chlamydia. Miss Lyons is back in the saddle’
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My teacher is called Miss Lyons
Well then you know what she’s doing don’t you
Miss Lyons from blood brothers
This woman was actually sacked from her job after being very racist and rude about bts. So I can't really think she's funny anymore.
Aimee Lau what happened?
“Think about people less fortunate than you.. I always find it cheers me up hehehe” his laugh at the end 😂😂
3:00 - That's literally my sixth form physics teacher
Sir Rahmed really
I have a physics teacher whom has worked in my school for over 40 years
That was my textiles teacher on my last year XD
@@TheBlueboyRuhan Noice ppl using whom incorrectly
The worst type of grammarnazi is a bad one
*Figuratively
''Can all students stop pretending to slip on a wet floor? we already have a bad enough rating as it is''
Michael David 😐
😂
"parents who pretended to go to church to get you into this school" lol my parents had to do that 😂😂
Same lol
@@ericaatherton7036 haha what country u guys from 🤔
@@taylorb7501 it's probably the uk...we have loads of christian/catholic schools here
And u need to attend church/ be apart of a church to get into them
@@zak3172 oh I'm from the UK and didn't even know aha thanks
That would be an ecumenical matter!
The parents pretending to be religious to get into the school is so real.
Holly G true
I don’t get it? Isn’t that racial discrimination? I know multiple Muslims in a catholic school.
@@user-tz7zr4fr4j not true?? my cousin goes to a islamic-based school and i know for a fact there are multiple non-Muslim students
Adam Shepherd nope I looked it up legally you are not allowed to discriminate against people’s race or religion, like any other school (at least in England anyway).
What my parents did haha
That vacuum joke sucked!
Ellie o oh god... 😂
Man, that pun just BLEW me away. I hope I have SPACE to write it down. 🙃👎
@@Paragon13 I'm so sorry, dude, but your joke SUCKED too!!! (totally kidding, made me laugh)
You suck ellie o
😂😂😂
Ofsted man... he come... he say... school not good!
At 0:37 -Ed Gamble laughing his ass off is hilarious.
Is that what he said...
@@garethbain9125 The Office for Standards in Education, Children's Services and Skills, abbreviated as 'OFSTED'.
I loved that "no pressure" joke much more than the audience did
1:52 And the caretaker has asked to say take care 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Best one there
^ agreed
The caretaker bit is amazing, just, simple and yet effective
Hugh’s last joke sums me up on my last day of school (wasn’t a teacher though)
I think the last joke probably sums up a lot of teachers lives and sadly will become more apparent with the "entitled generations" to come.
Except that you didn't waste your life?
@@jamie7880 a lot of school felt like a waste *cough cough* 3 years of mandatory art *cough cough*
The reaction to the ‘school no good’ joke was priceless!!! 😂
Milton Jones is a treasure.
I lost it at the caveman impression
He's hit or miss for me tbh
This is a pamphlet on the dangers of STDs please read it and pass it on
Hughs delivery is impeccable, even if it's not funny, with his timing and face you can't help but laugh
Here's something I DID hear once when we were lining up for school assembly:
"Boys I do believe it's jumper down and trousers up, not jumper up and trousers down!"
It’s so weird watching other people half walking up to the mic and then going back because someone else got there first
You think good manners are weird?
Milton’s care taker joke is just perfection.
At my school during a charity comedy assembly, there was:
"Now, in Lost Property, Dr Adams' hairline has been located."
did he go to advance hair studio?
0:04 Mr Ferguson is a teacher in my school.......
2:51 Mrs Smith is also a teacher in my school................
Francesca / smith is a common name
Mrs Smith is my teacher too
drinking?
smoking?
fighting?
these are all 3 reasons for me to be very tired today.
The bald guy kept wanting to go but didn’t get a chance 😕
He did
“The bald guy”
@WakinTheDeadFan wtf, tom is literally the one of the funniest ppl ever - why should it matter what he looks like... he's good at what he does and that's all that matters.
@WakinTheDeadFan the one in the blue tie? Idk he isn't that ugly looks normal
@WakinTheDeadFan I'm going to hell for laughing so hard 😂😂😂😂😂 I don't agree but lmfao
2:03 That one came out of nowhere. Killed me.
Tom Allen has really grown on me recently. He just takes some getting used to....
Milton's first one got me laughing so freaking hard!
OFSTED, or the Office for Standards in Education, Children's Services and Skills, are responsible for inspections of schools. They give schools a grade, either Unsatisfactory, Satisfactory, Good or Outstanding. He is pretending to be a caveman, which stereotypically talk primitively.
It was the look on Ed’s face as well!
I remember when a teacher moved on to another school, he was into a form of piano playing that sounded like he was hitting the keys at random. Unfortunately he was allowed to perform at his final assembly.
The kids and most of the staff were rolling in the aisles in pain from laughing whilst the headmaster was staring into space looking like he was enjoying every minute of it, which was funnier than the sounds coming from that tortured piano.
“Parents who pretended to go to church to get their kids in the school”
Pretty much everyone in my area XD
1:30 By far one of my favourite lines of the video
Thats not the first time Hugh has said something about a sacrifice to Imhotep...
Lol the funny thing is that two of our teachers actually did a whole performance to ‘too big for your boots’ at the end of term. They’re honestly the best teachers ever
0:58 - I groaned so hard at this one.
i love how you can see milton’s ofsted joke brewing as he’s waiting to go up if you look at the way he’s stood 🤣
''For those of you that was involved in last weeks food fight id like to say this. Well done the food is rubbish anyway''
although the bread rolls technically pass for rocks so anyone using them is cheating
I have one.
"There will be no more rampaging, stomping or running, especially at the end of the day. You must allow the other teachers to get out as well especially on Fridays,"
The parent and church gag by milton was spot on.
The OFSTED one was by far the best one there! hahaha
And the caretaker has asked me to say:
*take care*
The last one made me crack up the most.😂👏
*Ofsted man*
*He come*
*He say school... not good!*
Ed’s face killed me lmao
'As today is the school outing, I'd like all the lesbian and gay children to come to the front." *my squad walk forward*
Tyler Griffin Cool 🏳️🌈
Tyler Griffin autobots roll out
🏳️🌈
Same tbh 🏳️🌈
Same
“Let’s hope there’s no more teachers on it.”
It took over a year but Jesus Christ, I *only just* understood it.
Would you mind explaining it to me?
@@kylestubbs8867 sex offender register
@@kylestubbs8867 The Sex Offenders Register.
2:50 in. Sounds like a great challenge for a musician or composer to take up. See if anyone could arrange singing Onward Christian Soldiers to the tune of Big For Your Boots.
Milton's OFSTED joke kills me every damn time
0:36 that is terrifying...
That last one was pure perfection.
Milton cracks me up. Everytime he says something I just start laughing
This randomly appeared in my recommended 1 day before The first day of my next school year. Glorious
1:52 My favourite one!🤣🤣🤣
That last one is pretty accurate.
Milton is a gem!
3:05 Every teacher I ever had
I’ve called this assembly, to tell you this assembly has been cancelled
I loved this so much
Vacuum joke was gold
The first joke was amazing.
'It's a 5 .. not a 3 ' ..
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
The last one you could totally hear it in a school assembly 😂
I know for a fact half the stuff was thinking back in high school
Course it had to be Jerome
Are you an Asian boy with a hoodie or an Asian girl with a hijab? I honestly can't tell.
TheMightyKenwyneJones Lmaooooooooo I'm a girl in a hijab ffs 😂😂
If you laughed as much as I did at the care taker thing I love you😍🤪
Okay this was brilliant
I would have loved any one of these to be my teacher! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣they are cracked!
Hugh and Milton keep this alive
Damn what a finisher hahaha
0:37 that face tho... 😂😂😂
0:37
0:03 that is the name of my least favourite teacher in my school 😂😂
The caveman one killed me
Milton and Hugh are MTW GODS.
1:05.
That's the sort of thing you would actually hear in a science class.
So, accurate I suppose?
Milton is a legend 👏👏👏👏👏
“Miss Cliance is back in the saddle”
Me: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
*Lyons
Her name is Zoe Lyons.
lyons back in the saddle bahahahahahaaahaha
Today's big outing- love that
I binge watch these before exams
And the care taker said take care😂😂😂
“Can we leave now?”😀
I’m becoming a teacher. “Things you’d never hear in a school assembly”? We’ll see about that.
Horrible things to hear at a school assembly
Right girls today's guest speaker
Prince Andrew lol 😂
I’m dead. My PE teacher was Miss Lyons 😂
Seriously?
This video is ace!
Omfg my old primary school head teacher was called Mr Ferguson Wtaf 😂😂
That stormzy joke was gold
*_“And, by the way, Assessment Week is next week. We didn’t want to give you the last minute surprise.”_*
Or
*_“And, by the way, school is closed next week due to snow and ice.”_*
MR FERGUSON?! THATS MY MATH TEACHER BAHAHHAHA
I can remember someone in assembly saying loudly "G A Y spells James", of which I am incredibly used to, and the teacher talking turned to the person and said "Well, you're going to fail your English Language exam. J A M E S spells James, not G A Y. You have a hour detention, of which you will spell the word James and Gay each, around 100 times". I was laughing so hard
Great video.☺️
*comes to the front immediately*
Several things you could always rely on Hugh to mention:
1: The band was Showaddywaddy.
2: Chlamydia
3: Imhotep
And they never got old.
1:45 oof that joke
i can imagine hugh's character in outnumbered saying this lol
I shouldn't have laughed as hard as I did.
A.G.
"Why is that in your backpack?!"
1:00 most nerdy pun ever
ps. there are different types of pressure, removing air eliminates air pressure, but things like light and virtual particals still exert pressure of different kinds. plus, you can't guarantee that all air is removed, only most of it, not even taking into account of outgassing.
pps. outgassing is what happens when I have spicy curry
NNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRDDDDDD!!
r/iamverysmart
1:52 actually this is the most nerdy pun ever. Only geniuses get it 😎😎🤔🤔
Lmao you call a pun nerdy then you go on and talk more nerdy shit about it lol
Lmao nice facts
2:02 🤣
Imagine there was another series of Ghosts with these guys as the cast
We had off sted today 😂
You're lucky they didn't inspect your English lesson.
Once one of the pe teachers went off about people slagging each other up in an assembly
0:03 That's the name of my old teacher.