How to Identify a Narcissist from Conversation
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- Опубликовано: 7 июн 2024
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Feeling like you're dealing with an uncontrollable narcissist in your life and don't know what to do? In this video, you'll learn how to quickly identify a narcissist from the conversation they have with you. My expert insights and advice will help you take back control and put your needs first. Watch now to learn valuable tips on how to tackle conversation with a narcissist!
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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• How to Identify a Narc... 
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Do you want to know more ways to spot a narcissist and what to do? Join me in my free webinar where I offer tips and tricks. Reserve your seat here. icanslay.com
I'll see you all there!
Thanks for the invite. I’m to busy dealing with my dastardly narcissistic landlord that’s trying to evict me. Good luck to everyone though. Learn lots!♥️
@@toniafisher228 So sorry you are going through all of this. I read your whole comment and when I got to the very end where you say "you probably don't care to answer nor help but needed to vent anyway." and then I don't see where anyone has replied back to you so I had to reply. My situation is different from yours but being dealt bad hands comes in many different forms. I sure hope you run into someone good, caring, and intelligent enough to help you either fight these narcs or at least help you to find a path around their attacks.
Your videos are a help to me and others . I just want say however just in a loving way even though this knowledge helps in the emotional sense the new age vibration doesn't actually help in the spiritual sense please let Jesus in your life if you haven't Rebekah say Jesus is lord please he heals
@@Gowardh Amen! Jesus Is Lord!
In 7 years, I never heard I am sorry and never saw a tear shed. Total lack of empathy for anyone.
The dead eyes also…
Or tears only when they’re throwing a temper tantrum to inspire pity from others. The dead eyes are so creepy.
They can cry over themselves.
@@jbs3144 yup like my first stepmother 😕
Being nice to early
They always try to one up you, and turn all conversations back to themselves.
Hell that’s everyone I know 😅
Yep
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
@@deborahrichardson3731 Aloha, yup, yup, yup. I learned very late in life about Narcissism, but very grateful that I FINALLY got it✌️.
Then they ask how you spun it😮wth
8 ways to identify a narcissist from conversation
1-interrupts a lot.
2-they don't stop talking about themselves.
3-they don't stop to ask about you.
4-if they ask about you, they don't stop to listen to the answer.
5-constant criticism of others.
6-gaslighting
7-lack of interest in others
8-inability to accept any type of criticism
DONT FORGET -JEALOUS TO THE CORE OF YOUR CLOSENESS TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS/WORK COLLEAGUES TILL THEY TEAR ALL THAT APART TOO WUTH THEIR POISONOUS BACKSTABBING AND SMEAR CAMPAIGNS OF YOUR GOOD NAME AND NATURE
PS ALSO -VERY VERY SECRETIVE -CAN LEAD A DOUBLE LIFE WITH SOMEONE ELSE EVEN AT YOUR JOB WHILE STILL GIVING YOU A MAGNETIC SINCERE PERSONA
Someone that interrupts a lot could have adhd.
The criticism is so key. They must always point out others as “bad”, from coworkers who don’t know how to manage their own store to randoms at Wal Mart who just get under their skin for existing. They are the authority for who should be / do what when and how. The only authority… in everyone else’s lives. 😂 To put themselves in the 1 up position.
@@Lambchoppe53 yes that’s me
Narcs Ive dealt with never apologize, they never admit they are wrong and they always gaslight and find fault with the other people and its never, ever, ever theirs!
My mother
My old church
My ex used to say “I’ve never been wrong. Once I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong”. It always brought a laugh but I could see that he BELIEVED it!!!!!!!
Quite so, but the traits in the video is about identifying someone from conversation, the traits you have pointed out come later on.
#2: they often deploy this conversational trick: they will ask you a question about yourself, but use it as a vector to talk about themselves. It goes like this: “Lucas, tell me about your trip to Ireland.” “Well we flew in to Dublin and” “OH I WAS THERE A FEW YEARS AGO! I STAYED AT BLAHBLAHBLAH AND DID ______” - and that goes on for eight minutes, and Lucas has not had a chance to say another word in that time.
Yeah, the feigned interest to secure a slot in your time while they do their talkaholism 😅 ugh.
Yes this is typical! They're not interested in you and will always find a way to top anything you do manage to say.
lol! That's how my co worker is. I'm like that also but I at least don't go on for 8 min that's insane haha.
Psychologically, this condition must have a name? Does anyone know what it's called?
We come across it all the time!
1. On work courses where the person running the course will insist on beginning with - "Now before I begin, let me tell you something about myself and my qualifications."
2. The teacher/parent consultation where the teacher compares your child to hers.
3. The tour guide. She introduces herself and all that goes with her. Then - "And now it would be nice to know something about each of you! Your name and where you're from.. " By turn !!!She'll then relate her own story to a time she was in your hometown or knew someone who went there once.
This happened to us recently on a one-hour tour where we only got to actually tour the place for 30 minutes. I gave her a terrible but honest review on Trip Adviser.
Many ego-centric people out there!
Yes!
The main thing I watch out for is the sob story, their almost shakespearean tale of tragic woe that is their life they seem almost proud of. It sounds rehearsed and like a performance because it is.
Yep..sad stories about events that happened decades ago.
For sure! Don’t
Forget that they will tell you this same epic story to you on nearly a weekly basis. Also, if he says he’s a genius then run!
As someone with ADHD, the interrupting and the getting distracted when someone else is talking can be viewed as narcissistic and/or self-centered, when it’s totally not.
i was just about to comment this
It’s far more than just this. Lots of people interrupt others. That alone, doesn’t make you a Narcissist.
Or you might interrupt when you are excited
Keep a notebook, jot down ideas while you're waiting for your turn.
Ah, YES, thank you for pointing this out!
Vulnerable narcissists will ask you about yourself. But they are on a research/fact finding mission. They are sizing you up to see if the other person fits a profile to provide narcissistic supply.
Spot on! I lived through this nightmare and still am. Had kids with him and his out there telling all that I am the narcisist.. I remember in the beginning of it all, he asked a lot of questions about me from the get go. I stupidly thought it's cause his interested... Yes!!! 100%accurate for a vulnerable /Covert narc
Looking for ammunition.
Oh okay good that's not me. lol! I get so worried. I don't want anyone else's drama I have too much of my own lol
The narcissist in my life never stops talking; drones on and on. Everything is a problem to rage about. I can't get a word in edgewise, I HAVE to interrupt, which makes him insane that I'd want to clarify a detail. Then I'm accused of "interrupting all the time". When I'm talking he listens intently, to come back later with, "You said, you said" 🙄but it's a twisted interpretation, not what I said at all. I have to be so so careful about choosing my words. 😳
Ever just see how long you can keep them talking about themselves for fun? Feed their ego like a bloated tick full of blood? Very entertaining. They can go on for hours. Sit and listen to them ramble. They only break when they have run out of inflating themselves. They can narcobuster (filibuster) forever!!
@@lorenconey5635 6 hours. At that point I couldn't stand it anymore and interrupted. The worst is driving him somewhere, an hour away. I can't get any peace. He'll rage and rant very loudly the whole time. I can't focus, miss my exit, worry I'll get into an accident, and have to interrupt to remind him I'm trying to drive, then he gets pissed about the interruption and how disrespectful I am, and the raging continues. I'm an anxious mess.
@@SoundsBogus there will come a time you have to break away or you will break. They do not respect boundaries as for them, they are to be broken. There's tons of online counselors out there. Get a good one you can talk to. A drowning person will drown those who try to rescue them. Save yourself first.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
@@RebeccaZungEsq Thanks! It's a constant struggle. He's elderly, not going gracefully.
I think sometimes narcissists can appear to be interested in you to start with as they are gathering information that they might want to use against you at a later date. So it’s important to look for consistencies in things. A person might be distracted when with you if they have something drastic going on in their life, but if they are consistently like that , then it’s a pointer.
This is what made me believe they're actually genuinely cared about my damn life. I mean, I shared everything I experienced and what did they do? They shared it to their besties and they seem to be very proud of it. And when I shared it to our mutual friends... they seemed convinced that our friendship is repairable. I didn't share every detail they did because I'm sensing if they're flying monkeys or if they are already falling into the trap the narcissist did.
One thing with a narcissist is they dont know how to read a room everyone would be talking bad about him & yet he will say: they like me, they really like me!
Hi Rebecca I dated a woman recently, I noticed a few times I had to put her on ice for poor behaviour, this sent her insane. HOWEVER upon reconciling she had a saying "But they(men) always come back" I found this sinister, she basically wanted to see how far she could push men, instead of being a well rounded human.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Great pattern recognition!!
This resonates with me. Married to one for 30 years. Nuts in the head. I've learned how to handle him to keep my sanity. It can be done, but you loose alot of yourself along the way.
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Some times I ask myself if it's even worth staying because I'm afraid of destroying myself financially at this age by diverting.
Do you ever wonder if you are carrying the whole relationship? That's a lot of weight on you!
I have ADHD CPTSD Severe Sleep Deprivation and severe Social Anxiety. I interrupt, focus on myself, etc etc.
By this definition I could be seen as a narcissist. I know I’m not. So anyone watching this with ADHD, please do not think you are a narcissist just from this list.
I certainly have allot of these traits. I am not proud of how entiteled l get. I am growing to learn how to treat others with respect and dignity. Bounderious are vital. Both inner and outer. I will change l will. Amen
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I have read a lot about this condition. You accept your faults ,narcs don't have any faults since they are perfect.
Thank you for even attempting to better yourself,as someone who doesn't see people do that often just by your recognition of your own faults i find value in you.
At least you recognize and accept the need for change. You are on your way! Good for you!
You may have selfish traits or narcissistic tendencies, we all do, but you do not have narcissistic personality disorder. You could’ve never recognized the need to change certain behaviors if you did. Congratulations to you for seeing the need to improve and doing something about it. You and every one in your life is going to be happier. Best of luck to you!🙏🏻🥰
My boyfriend of 4 years would never ask how I was doing, never ask how my day was. Even after I asked him how he was and how his day was. He'd give me a detailed answer and then never even ask how my day was lol. He would also go into great detail about something that happened at work, tell me the whole story and how he fixed everything... it usually involved him being so awesome and the best of course lol. But when I would tell him stories of my work day his eyes would wander off and he showed absolutely no interest in what I had to say. Yet he expected my complete attention and interest when it involved him. There are so many behaviors he displayed that match all the topics in this video. I still struggle with feeling loss over our relationship because we did have so many good times together. But overall, he didn't value me as a true partner. I constantly felt like I was just a fixture. He liked having me around and how I made him feel. But I didn't deeply matter to him. If I was struggling with something, it was just "my problem". To any of you out there in a relationship like this- you deserve far better.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
Red flag was there at the start!
I think it’s important to define and distinguish between narcissistic personality disorder and just narcissistic traits or tendencies.
why? Either way get away from them.
Absolutely, and a lot of these traits standing alone or even beside each other don't make a narcissist, there can be many different reasons, not even a disorder just someone having a bad trait or a bad day, one need put everything in context and so on and so forth, it could be low self-esteem, it could be nerves at a party, who knows... she's not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. I've noticed the trend and it definitely is a trend, where everyone is tagging anyone as narcissist.
@@josereyes1148You can't tag someone from a few bad choices, nobody is perfect. My goodness.
@@sleepingwithcats5121 you made the assumption that it's based on a few choices. What if someone is a jerk and shows 12 of the 30 possible traits of a narcissist? Maybe you can't say for sure that they are a narc but you can tell you need to get away from them. My friend is a jerk 75% of the time. Can I say for sure he is a narcissist? Maybe not. Still, the obv choice is to get away from him.
Very good point. Actually everybody has those traits in a certain degree.
I used to work for the court system. We had a judge that loved to tell us about his life and how successful he was. I figured out if I started talking to him about my kids and life he would cut the conversation and walk away. I used that to my advantage.
Good for you!
Tolerating a narcissistic parent as an adult can be very psychologically damaging. The worst part is that it is like you get trained to be around someone like that, then unconsciously find other people who will do the same thing. Make an effort to be around normal people who are capable of being considerate, and man is it refreshing to be around someone who knows how to have a normal, reciprocal ,conversation, not be talked over, and disrespected by someone who thinks human interaction is a game you have to win by running your mouth the most..
"What do you want me to do about it?" A favorite phrase they use when they don't want to address an issue
Yep! My Narc always says “I don’t know what to tell you”. Drives me insane, always putting putting the problem back to me to figure out alone instead of working together for a resolution.
What they are saying is what would a healthy soul like u do or want. They know they are missing Empathy they know they Are Bent.
I use that phrase to the narc, during the "closest to grey-rock I can get" moments. He'd rage to me daily about any issue, I'd offer compassion and a bunch of solutions, he'd crap on each idea and make me the idiot. Id just tell him to do whatever the hell he wants to do and he'd call me careless, heartless...etc... I didn't stick around to hear the rest of the verbal battering I got trapped in. The next day I find out there was never an issue to begin with.
My mother in law definitely ticked all the boxes. Always felt like we had to be careful or check her mood before planning anything. Felt like walking on thin ice.
You sink a little when you see they are calling...you have to work up to communicating with them. Masters at stealing the oxygen out of the room.
My father as well
Sorry 🙋
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
I've been on the phone with this person for a while. She didn't make any of those sounds that ensure they are listening, but she had done that before, so I wasn't suspicious. Suddenly I hear her arguing with a staff member about not putting enough chicken in her kebab. She managed to order a kebab, wait for it and start eating it before it was obvious all the time I was talking to empty space. Happened more than once.
Yes! Conversation hijacking is a huge sign🚩
💯👍🏾
that is the truth for sure
I was called a narcissist because of this, but in reality, I have ADHD and have a tendancy to blurt things out while others are speaking if it relates to me, instead of listening quietly. it is very hard to manage. but its not narcissism.
@@loneranger7573 guess your just gonna have to get on top of that. Lol
@@loneranger7573 How do you cope with it?
In my experience, narcissists have always been very very interested in me, asking lots of questions and listening carefully - that's how they find our weak points. So I actually dislike intensely when people ask me personal questions. And out of courtesy I don't like to ask them - and I'm not really interested in those details anyway, as long as they are well. I'm talking about acquaintances here, of course. When the friendship deepens, then it's time to open up. One thing I've noticed, they ''love'' you intensely from the first moment they meet you, irrespective of gender.
I can relate. Just be aware that narcissists harbor ENVY. While the narcissist ADMIRES & is DRAWN to you, the narcissist is simultaneously ENVIOUS & COVETOUS of your attributes, because your awesomeness reminds the narcissist of their own INSIGNIFICANCE. The result is: that very same narcissist also will want to take you down in order to boost the narcissist's own FRAGILE INSECURE ego. As you're already aware: The less you SAY/DO, the better off you are in NOT providing any ammunition for that narcissist to later turn it around & use it against you.
My brother did this, he abused me for 64 years, in his later years, he started with the questions. One day within one hour, I counted 34 questions. I didn’t know exactly why, except that he was possibly trying to figure me out better so he could better use me. They are horrid ugly people.
My brother did this, he abused me for 64 years, in his later years, he started with the questions. One day within one hour, I counted 34 questions. I didn’t know exactly why, except that he was possibly trying to figure me out better so he could better use me. They are horrid ugly people.
My brother did this, he abused me for 64 years, in his later years, he started with the questions. One day within one hour, I counted 34 questions. I didn’t know exactly why, except that he was possibly trying to figure me out better so he could better use me. They are horrid ugly people.
My brother did this, he abused me for 64 years, in his later years, he started with the questions. One day within one hour, I counted 34 questions. I didn’t know exactly why, except that he was possibly trying to figure me out better so he could better use me. They are horrid ugly people.
If they do listen to you, it's only so they can shoot your thoughts down
So right on!
Yep, or if they can somehow use whatever you’re saying against you later on
@@sweetielady7710 they're so predictable once you notice the pattern, aren't they?
@@tqmnini they really are! My husband has a narcissistic relative and he got into an argument with her (again 🙄) the other day and was starting to tell me about it, and I said, “let me guess, did she then say this, then follow it up with this, and then say this?” (Can’t remember exactly what I said but it was along the lines of stuff that involved blame-shifting, gaslighting, guilt-tripping, etc.) He froze and said, “wait, did I already tell you about this?” I said no, narcissists are just that predictable. Lol. Almost all of them seem to follow a similar pattern of behavior. Once you learn it, it’s so easy to spot and predict.
@@sweetielady7710 your husband probably thinks you're psychic now.
My husband and I now laugh at my mother's manipulation tactics, although I won't deny that those tactics worked on me for a very long time.
I’ve experienced all of these. A tell tale sign is to go completely silent when they interrupt you mid sentence and launch into a completely different topic, focusing on themselves of course, and making it clear that what you had to say was of no interest. Let them speak and just wait to see if they ever even remember that you were speaking at all or the subject you were in the middle of when they interrupted. It is rare if they do. When that happens, I don’t bother to try to pick up where I left off. I just pick up and leave the conversation.
Yep! Perfect response... don't it myself lol
0:29 @globally recognized narcissist negotiation expert and attorney? Helluva introduction
As a nurse majority of people I would say 80% people are very self centered and you only find a handful of people that genuinely care about anyone else. Even their helper.
Our narc rarely talked about himself. He mostly kept asking open-ended questions to us, trying to get us to divulge sensitive information that he could use to split us apart.
I called out the old narc where I live for her gaslighting and conversation hijacking, which is another sure sign, and turning every conversation into an argument with triangulation. I can spot them a mile away ! Her narcissistic injury was such that she rudely turns her back on me and acts like I don’t exist..all in a group setting. 👏🏻 perfect.
Im in my 11 year of a relationship with a full-fledged Narc. Its not at all fun, very positive energy, personal happiness killing person... Just the fact i know just what i am dealing with makes it easier to deal with. All thanks to you Rebecca!!
Successful interaction with a narcissist requires only two words:
“Bye bye”
💞
Stay strong! ❤
Join me in my free webinar - icanslay.com
@@bobinthewest8559 True! AVOID narcissists like the plague!
Autistic/ADHD will check off several of these without being narcissistic
Yes, all the time.They ask a ? Then you give the answer. Then they pay little attention and behave indifferently. That's how I know.Thank you for sharing your situation. You always make me feel better.
You got this! 💪
Yes they behave indifferently or more often use what you just said to put you down, make you feel stupid.
When they are trying to “love bomb” you in the beginning, they will ask you questions about yourself, in an exaggerated and fawning manner, to make you feel like you’re the most interesting person in the world. Once they’ve got you hooked however it will start to decline and then they start ignoring you, which makes you feel desperate for their attention and approval again. Sick game. They want to manipulate you and keep you enslaved to their machinations.
🕊 🙏🕊
For me, and this is my experience, from perhaps the type of Narcissistic relationships I had as friends they actually told on themselves at the beginning of the relationships. One of them said she was sick, she is that's why she needed a therapist - and the other was crying down the phone at me as she was telling me she pushes people away. Of course, I was always like you're not sick, and trying to calm a hysterical woman down over a phonecall but they tell on themselves like that and if there's a truer time to believe them that's the time because they've just given you an insight to their character. We, as genuinely nice kind people get taken in to want to help them, yet, our biggest lesson is others can only fix themselves just like we can only change ourselves
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/
This is my first video of her and im getting the interpretation that she just used anecdotal examples of her own behavior to identify narcissism
Also when they ask you questions and you begin to answer, they will take the initial part of the answer as the answer and then "one up" you instantly either with their accomplishments or the accomplishments of others that they know.
You can never have anything "unique" about yourself because they already do, have done or know someone who does what you are interested in.
Yes, this!
I used to think I made up that term "one up," but after researching the internet and coming across videos like this using the same term, I've realized it's actually a thing!!!
And, if his attempt to one up me proves "less than," he'll come back with a humble, well, I don't know much about that. I've called him out in it. "Then why did you act as though you do?" He goes silent. Then I get silence. 🫤🙄
Gosh, listening to Rebecca for the first minute had me thinking that she was a narcissist.
Exactly
She is, how she perceives herself and how wonderful she is, best seller blah blah.
There is such a thing as "healthy narcissism"
The absolute worst is the narcissist who claims others are narcissists when he or she is actually the narcissist. It comes down to "It takes one to know one."
🙏 I'm just learning what a narcissist is ! I'm 50 .
🙏. Seems there is a lot of them in this world ! It seems like most of my sister's are narcissists , explains a lot.🙏
@@LenaKrupinski-vg5wi I have a sister who is one as well. They are hard to negotiate.
I can totally relate. I never cheated yet he constantly says I’m a cheater and that’s the reason he cheats. He accuses me of being void of emotion and the only reason I cry all the time is because I want attention. No I cry cause I lost my mom 2 yrs ago to breast cancer and all you’ve done is yell at and hit me. And call me names, he tells people I prostitute to pay my bills, I have a good job. I have ptsd and I am not the person I was. But by GODS grace I will be
@@JadaGates You need to lose this man in a big way.
@@gwynnielsen5081 once I started standing up for myself it was no longer fun, so he moved on to a young girl…. I blocked him and poured all my love into GOD and my babies!!!! Pray for that girl she has no idea what’s in her future
“……see things that aren’t there…” Bingo! 💯
💯👍🏾
Yes Rebecca ,yes indeed !!!! Thank you Rebecca for you being here with all your videos and thank you everyone here with all y'all's comments here and I hoped you Rebecca & everyone here to have a beautiful wonderful blessed 🙏 evening / night 🙏
Thank you, Rebecca. Oh, yes, I grew up with elders on one side of the family that constantly interrupted people. Critical of things that did not match up with their plans. I chose to learn more about the study of the mind so I could deal with them. There were many moves to new places involved. The more boundaries we made, the fresher the air became.
I appreciate your putting this information about there and think it's a wonderful public service. My story is like so many others it's pointless to reiterate it. I am grateful that you, and people like you validate what a narc is. I would like to add: the enablers, and people who play dumb, or are paid-off by the narc, and let the narc get away with horrible things are toxic and bad news. My greatest fear is becoming a narc and constantly self-evaluating.
💗😊💕Thanks for this talk. I’m becoming aware of the narcissist, I have a few of them. I’m educating myself by listening to videos on this topic.
8 Tell-tail signs that you are talking with somebody who is a narcissist
1. They interrupt a lot.
2. They don’t stop talking about themselves.
3. They don’t stop to ask about you.
4. If they ask about you, they don’t stop to listen foto the answer.
5. Constant criticism of others.
6. Gaslighting.
7. Lack of interest in others.
8. Inability to accept any form of criticism.
💕😊💗
Also, many of the narcissistic traits vis-a-vis conversation, are the telltale traits of what's also appropriately called the: "CONVERSATIONAL NARCISSIST", as well "CEREBRAL NARCISSIST"! Additional telltale ConvoNarc, CerebNarc traits include: talking FASTER (so you characteristically "can't get a word in edgewise", speak LOUDER (so they dominate attention, aka "Lombard Effect"), tower over you (so they further dominate your space), provision of the narcissist's entire self-absorbed history & background before that narc gets to the point being discussed, & tend to not be as concerned about their hygiene/attire.
Add "grooming" to the list, the charm offensive love bomb cuteness, puppydog eyes etc.
@@7hilladelphia Nice list! [& the less that narcissist has to offer, e.g. hobosexual, the more attentive, romantic, seductive, ultra-helpful they are: to sweep you off your feet, make you feel like a "million bucks", move in quickly into your home, enjoy your restaurant outings, your vacations, & any other freebie(s) you're willing to give that hungry like a wolf in sheep's clothing narcissist.]
[Sadly, I've had the unfortunate luck of observing a loved one being "played" by one of these stealthy snakey types: who "get by on charm".]
I think I may be a narcissist, I have done the things mentioned and feel really bad. In the past I had people who told me I was interrupting and not allowing others to speak, I was very embarrassed and made a point to watch out for that behavior in the future. I am guilty of many social mistakes. I was also taught, when growing up, not to ask personal questions. I am trying to be more aware of my negative behavior and improve.
You’re not a narcissist. A narc wouldn’t consider themselves to be one.
You're not a narcissist. You are sensitive enough to learn by any mistakes you might have made. Narcissists don't ever change because they don't see themselves as anything less than perfect.
Relax
U may be codependent
I feel that covert narcissists are more tricky to figure out. Thank you for the video though, very helpful.
Luke Carey:
Omg, yes. They really hide big time. They are the worst of them all in my eyes. They are very sneaky and never reciprocating.
Totally agree. Very devious.
Yes and the most dangerous
Agree. They are the ones who WILL ask you questions so they can gossip about you and start a smear campaign if they need it
Married to one for 25 years and wouldn't have known it, until I read a book on verbal abuse and realized he was doing all the covert passive-aggressive stuff. Another guy I met, however, was doing all the aggressive-aggressive stuff, and they were BOTH verbal abusers. I wouldn't have discovered my ex was a covert verbal abuser without the other guy being an aggressive-aggressive and I had to figure him out.
just what I needed to hear...thank-you Rebecca!
When he’s screaming in your face, telling you it’s your fault he didn’t pay his child support, and that he’s dad of the year (even though he only sees his kid once a week for 10 years) but it’s all YOUR fault they screwed up, then you can be pretty certain they are one. Nothing is ever their fault.
True! The narcissist's modus operandi of: Blame-Shifting/Projecting/DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim-Offender status).
Thanks for the video! The first point though can easily be due to symptoms related to ADHD when a person can interrupt and blurt out stuff … even people in ASD autism spectrum disorder. Both pretty common here in Silicon valley (as are narcissists)
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Yes. Espescially criticism of others and gaslighting. Also, unfailingly interrupting specifically to one-up, whether an accomplishment, a funny story, or something sad... It gets to be comical.
I really needed this video I am so negative and angry all the time and for no reason. I want to take someones course in narcissism and possibly get counseling. I am so excited for this journey. It got so bad that I ended up in the hospital only to get gas lit even more by the psychiatrist, overheard nurses talking about the patients, and had to be around a mentally ill person who hit on woman it was truly awful. I know if I watch these videos and focus on a hobby of mind I will be okay. Thanks for this video I've been doing so many recovery videos today and I'm sitting here sick from all the stress.
The first 5 points really defines my child’s mother. Constantly interrupting a conversation about her self. I told her that the three most important persons in your life must be Me, Myself and I. She never took such statetment well. This was many years ago and even if I didn’t think of narcissist behavour, I often mentioned to her being so self centered. Today I can see her in the light of a covert narcissist.
Yeah, right on. My mother ticks all the boxes. She's 92 and sometimes she asks how I am, but I think it's because she's worried I won't be able to look after her. They are LOST, but they think they're God's gift to Humanity. It's hard to be humble when you're so Great.
Wish I learned this almost 11 yrs ago when I met tj the ex A COVERT NARCISSIST. Ty for information now!
NAMAslay!
Yes! I loved the part where you say you don’t want low vibrational people in your life! I’ve been accused of being snobbish by not wanting any people with negative energy in my life pulling me down. Why would anyone want to share in their self inflicted misery is beyond me.
Except when a narcissist is gathering information to use against you. Then they will ask questions about you.
Or when you are going through a tough time they want to know because it makes themselves feel good about themselves
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My daughter is living with a FULL BLOWN Narcissist. She cannot seem to ditch this jerk. My fear is that he is a cocaine junkie, and is dragging hwr down with him. I hate living with this, and watching the slow demise. Heart breaking for a senior.😢
Just on 2 and 3 so far. Narcissist will often ask about "you" at the start of a relationship. In fact they will ask a LOT of questions about you (can be spotted as a red flag if it's just that bit more than you'd expect) mining for information so they learn two things 1. your emotional and psychological weaknesses - so they can exploit them later on and 2. the type of partner/friend etc that you're looking for so they can construct a personality that reflects that eg pretend to be that - this allows them "in," and to gain deep levels of trust to create the trauma bond around.
Yes, its grooming....
I finally threw my husband out Thanksgiving night 2019 (TRUE)! At that point 19 yrs. living together then married, (WHAT A DUMMY I WAS), still not divorced as of this date, but I finally have the money to file, thank god! I knew something was off after not even 4 yrs., but I couldn't quite put my finger on what was definitely a personality flaw, I knew what narcissistic meant in the simple context of certain behaviors at any given time and would call him out using that TERM OF ENDEARMENT on too many occasions to count. It wasn't until I started to see many YT videos that pertained to narcissistic personality disorder! I'm a PSYCHIC EMPATH and was interested in that genre and similar topics that had become a daily ritual until I clicked on that 1st video on the many different types of narcissistic personality disorders, and when I did it was like a lightbulb went off in my head! Finally, it all made perfect sense! Every one of these crazy making conversation tell tale signs is absolutely right on the proverbial HIT THE NAIL RIGHT ON THE HEAD! Hope everyone is paying attention! Awesome video!
"Enough about me, what do you think about me." movie line
I knew she was smart. I like that in a woman. I knew she had life experience, as I did.
I knew she was a narcissist when she thought she knew more than I did about things I know a lot about, from MY life, from MY experience and from my education.
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These are great examples for each one of the points!
Thank you! ❤
Thank you Rebecca. I have seen them all😊 multiple times. Thank you for your great help and assistance.
Thank you! ❤
You fully described my narc. She checks all seven boxes.
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I've once dated a narcissist and this video is so on point, because he never asked me anything about myself, since he was a covert narcissist, I kept telling myself that he was probably just too shy, I'll never make that mistake again😂 he was never too shy to flirt or ask for nudes (which I didn't ever send him, thankfully).
It’s the ones that work under cover, covertly that are the hardest to spot in my opinion. They will fool you. They are masters at disguising themselves as a victim in a situation to get you comfortable to open up to them only to take everything you told them in confidence to use against you or smear you with. Trust your instincts on people. Usually if you feel like something is off you’re right. Don’t stay and play
Hello, nice to meet you! How are you? I think your very smart, love your eyeglasses! Etc. To answer your question, I have experienced this quite a few times. You actually helped me a lot today by hearing this video! This was a great one that I came across! Like literally I was looking for things of this nature like how to tell a narcissist in conversation! I thought oh my god!! Perfect!! So I tuned in and everything you had mentioned he does! We have known each other for a year and a half. Now, like I said he does all of what you mentioned. It’s sad because I truly like him, and he’s nice, but here’s how I’m handling it! I am a very confident, strong, self care, self worth know my value lady, and the other day it hit me of him. I told myself… myself lol, that I am just going to be bland in my texts, conversations etc with him. My answers and statements will be plain, quick with no real care. I mean, I do care, but I think I should do this because I noticed he texted me more when I don’t give longer texts. It’s like he will ask me something like having fun because I just went back to work from my weeks vacation and he knew I went back yesterday, so he said having fun, my reply 45 minutes later was No 🙄 then he would text me a few more times and that’s how I would respond, short quick answers. So that’s what I have been starting to do. I’m hoping it works and he gets it but I don’t know. He’s also a war veteran. I’m not sure if that may have effect on him being like that but I don’t think it may. He’s just like this constantly talking about himself, his day and people! His ex, he just does this. Then when I start saying things about me he kind might listen a tiny bit, then he starts going on about how a person is driving and then he will start talking about himself again! I ask of his day, but he never asks if mine! Nothing, I’m like you really don’t know me but I know you and your history! So sad and messed up. I’m very strong and very mature. I also have a huge heart ❤️ and always care for others. I’m 48 and it’s just hard sometimes. Thank you so much for putting this video together, you are so cool! I think this was really what I was looking for! You’re my hero! I hope you have a great day and hope all is well lady!!
They are paranoid little monster toddlers. Judging fishes out new enablers
I interrupt a lot. Especially if they are a slow talker. It’s terrible. I hate listening to drown out story where they could have said it in 10 seconds. I think I have some ADD tho. I don’t interrupt if they talk quickly and get to the point but I hate having to hear someone go on and on and on. I’m trying to work on being more patient . I bern like that since I prob started talking. I’m always like omg get to the point already.
same
Me, also. Especially if the same person is taking too long repeatedly. (Not a one-off situation. )
However, it is just impatience and frustration on our parts. Character flaws- yes. But that alone doesn't classify us as narcissists.
Very helpful informative video.
You have hit the nail on the head here!
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2) A nacissist will want to know everything about you, they commit it to memory so they can weaponise thwwt information. They arent just interested in facts, they need to ascertain your level of vuonerabioity , your ability to stand up to people , your agreeablness level . Never tell people you dont know intimately thst you were abused or neglected in the past. Never present yourself as a victim in your stories to non- intimates.
YES and I will say they don't show interest until they see it as something to gossip about which has been true with narcs I deal with.
! And watch for how the person gossiped abouts (what ever it is they or doing or have done) is effecting the gossiper.
In fine detail.
Yes!!! I have experienced what you’re talking about!!!
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Oh yes!! I've unfortunately had a narcissistic mom (she passed over years ago) and my ex is a classic narcissistic personality. We still talk.. Not only bc we have a 22 year old daughter, but bc it seems no one else will!
Anyway he is classic.. Constantly interrupting conversations... I've never known anyone who is as blatant doing this as he is... It is hard having a conversation.. The asking a question about me, you start to answer and they either start talking to someone else, or check the phone. I always end up just stopping what I'm saying, and he doesn't even notice!
The gaslighting reigns supreme. Too many examples to even talk about.
So yes, I'm familiar with these points!
Please save yourself before you get too involved with someone with these traits. Listen to Rebecca!
Thank You I noticed some of the traits in myself that I need to stop like be quick to hear slower to speak and slower to anger again Thank You
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To be fair we ought to ask each other questions and learn to be a listener just because the more extroverted you are, and I am, I naturally talk, so growth for me is asking and listening it's just because I enjoy talking so much. I said this once to someone and she said, you're alright but some other people all they can do is talk about theirselves
People who are more introverted, but also curious and empathetic, actually enjoy listening to people such as yourself, as people like me would find you entertaining and interesting, and if you were in need of suggestions, or consolation, that's when people like me are helpful. As long as when people like me step out of our comfort zone and want to share things about ourselves and/or need a shoulder to cry on/listen to us, and people like you are there to offer emotional support, (and you are providing that for others) then I would say you are doing absolutely nothing wrong, and keep being you!
@@ShelleybutyoucancallmeShell ❤️
This is perfectly said. I'm trying to explain to someone & found this video. Great channel 👏
So how can you starting slaying?
THANK YOU FOR CONFIRMATION. ALL SO VERY TRUE. GOD BLESS . ❣️
Stay strong! ❤
YEASSS!!
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So if a neighbour puts a new fence up without telling you it’s going to be done (thereby having to move stuff in your garden to do it) , then later says “I’ve paid mega money for this fence” ,when you say you don’t like the colour of the paint that’s on the batons on your side and could I change it to another colour? And they say no and refuse to discuss it further and yet you know it wouldn’t affect them at all (but would make you happier) a narcissist?
Excellent video! Thank you!
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Hello Rebbeca! It's my first video from you. I am from abroad (Brazil) - and it is really a DELIGHT listen you! Best of all!
My husbands narc ego so big he shot down an easy helpful idea I had on AIR PURIFIER VIA AIR LINES! I had this idea in 2012!!!!!! We could have avoided a ton of covid had my idea been implemented. Why I’m a nurse - my Narc ex travels a lot & would always come home sick from plane travel.
He is an Aerospace Engineer ! Works on jets. We could have made millions & been a power couple.
But it wasn’t his idea 💡. But I needed his input as an engineer to implement it to practical - but nope 👎 I’d spoke to airline pilots & attendants and they loved my idea. They get sick a lot too from being locked in planes all day for hours with germs passengers
Yes. They've asked me a question as I started to reply, they walked away. It's like a teenager putting their hand in your face saying "talk to the hand" & walking off.
You got this! 💪
Cool! Now you know how to get rid of them!
True! Narcissists are NOT good listeners (because all a narcissist cares about is themselves)...UNLESS the narcissist wants to use/WEAPONIZE anything you SAY/DO AGAINST you &/or towards the narcissist's own personal ADVANTAGE/GAIN/BENEFIT/ONE-UPMANSHIP.
●Iterrupting- Yep constantly
● Talk abt themselves-Yep always abt them
● Nope never ask abt me - litterally does not care - hates me - I can see it in those eyes full of hate & rage
● Not interested in how I am - absolutely not
● Constant Criticism/ JudgeMENTAL AF
● Gaslighting- Absolutely
● Lack of interest
● Rage / Cant disagree or have independent opinions/ or Else I'm " Attacking" them
Honestly, I've seen ALL of these things. I'm not exaggerating either. I wish I was. I've been in a narcissistic abusive relationship for almost 4 years. The craziest part of it all is that I didn't realize it until recently. There were some that you didn't mention such as making things up that never happened, lying yet dont want you to lie to them, lack of empathy, blame shifting no matter what it is/was, it's my fault, and no accountability. 😢
Oh yes!
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My aunt is definitely a narcissist. Rebecca, my aunt has done all 8. I remember that we went to a bakery together. There was a stack of French bread loaves. They are looked the same to me in thickness and length. She made a scene because she claimed that the loaf given to her was inches shorter and thinner. The clerk behind the counter was nice. He switched out the loaves to the one she pointed. She whispered to me, “That is how you get the biggest loaf”.
I don't think that's a good example. She's just trying to be clever. Grass is always greener in the other loaf. I don't know which number you're referring to.
I think one could try to be clever without giving a stranger a hard time when they're just trying to do their job and probably don't get paid enough to deal with that mess
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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@@RebeccaZungEsq Hi Rebecca. I appreciate you and your informative videos. I have learned and healed a great deal. May God bless you and you succeed exponentially in all your endeavors.
Thanks Nikki that is a great example. I had the experience with a narc who gave an employee a bad time because of old pastry. Even the pastry that got just out of the oven was old to her opinion...
The opposite of narcissists are people pleasers,, and codependents.. One needs the other to operate in a sick kind of way. I look forward to reading your books.
Awesome thanks
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💐Att’y Zung, Thank you for helping no doubt an ever expanding # of folks unfortunately stuck ( or as in my case.🙏🏼PREVIOUSLY stuck🗽)with narcissistic/ difficult people.
Check this out - icanslay.com/ Keep slaying!
"STUCK" -- unfortunately, that's a word victims often describe, when entangled &/or engaged with a narcissist who manipulates by keeping targets indefinitely tethered to the "emotional addiction"/"trauma bond"/"cognitive dissonance"/"abuse amnesia"/"euphoric recall" to the narcissist.
@@RebeccaZungEsq 💐Thank you.💐
When I was talking a lady was listen to what I was saying, but when I said the word narcissist, she turned her head and started talking to the person beside her.
This same person is bossy and controlling, making a person work like a slave driver and is trying to take over the business of the person she is helping.
Thanks for sharing.
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Spot on with these characteristics of a narcissist!
Been experiencing for years
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Oooph, number 8 soooo much! All of them, of course, but holy moly creating slights where they never existed...so true. Almost like it was just another way for him to be the victim yet again. 🤪
Love your videos! Thank you!!!
Stay strong! ❤
"YES!"
Stay strong! ❤
Excellent Rebecca love you
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Thankyou for sharing.
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When first interacting with a narchole, if theyre persuing a person, they want to know all about you (looking for your vulnerabilities to better manipulate you) and are pretty vague when it comes to anything you want to know about them. Or theyll outright lie to you. For example telling you alllll about their ex then later you start to realize they were really telling you about theirself...
Stay strong! ❤