Dr. Jacob | Anger/Rage/Aggression & More Commentary on 1.5 Year Follow-Up Session with BPD Client
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 21 июл 2024
- Dr. Karen Jacob responds to comments (mainly about anger) on her 1.5 year follow-up session with a person diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. Anger/Rage/Frustration is the main topic. You can find the session itself here: • Psychiatric Interview:...
You can find the first session with the same person here: • Psychiatric Interview:...
Topics include: tolerating anger, frustration in therapy, the unavoidability of anger, single-session goals vs. long-term treatment goals, misperception and mistrust in BPD, TFP (Transference-Focused Psychotherapy), BPD relationship patterns, treatment options, disavowing anger and aggression, splitting, anger and self-harm, making room for all emotions in therapy, and minimizing active conflict in relationships.
This video is part of a series of sessions with therapists who work with Borderline Personality Disorder. Playlist of all videos to date is here: • Playlist
Dr. Jacob is at the forefront of treatment for people with BPD, including those who experience co-occurring psychiatric conditions such as substance use, eating disorders, depression, or anxiety. Her short bio:
"Karen L. Jacob, PhD, is an expert treater of those with BPD, a Program Director for a Borderline Personality Disorder Treatment Program, and an Instructor of Psychology. She received her PhD in clinical psychology from Clark University and completed her post-doctoral training at Cambridge Health Alliance at Harvard Medical School. Her clinical training has been primarily in cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) for patients struggling with mood, anxiety, and personality disorders, as well as in mindfulness, mentalization, dialectical behavior, and biofeedback therapies.
Dr. Jacob has an extensive research training background, having studied topics including diabetes, adoption, attachment, panic disorder, and psychotherapy outcomes. She has authored numerous papers and presentations and was honored with the Hiatt Scholarship. Her current research interests include understanding the effectiveness of empirically-supported treatments in clinical contexts and in elucidating mechanisms of change in treatment. Dr. Jacob has a particular interest in understanding the relative impact of different components of treatment on outcome, as measured by both symptom and functional improvement."
-----------------------------
For more information about BORDERLINE, the feature-length documentary we made about BPD, please visit: borderlinethefilm.com
Our archive of videos on mental health is expanding - be sure to subscribe to our channel here: / borderlinernotes
Disclaimer: "Please be advised this video may contain sensitive information. All content found within this publication (VIDEO) is provided for informational purposes only. All cases may differ, and the information provided is a general guide. The content is not intended to be used as a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have specific questions about a medical condition, you should consult your doctor or other qualified medical professional for assistance or questions you have regarding a medical condition. Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes does not recommend any specific course of medical remedy, physicians, products,opinion, or other information.
Studio Comma The, LLC and BorderlinerNotes expressly disclaims responsibility and shall have no liability for any damages, loss, injury, or liability whatsoever suffering as a result of reliance on the information in this publication. If you or someone you know is considering self-harm or suicide, it’s okay to ask for help. 24 hour support is provided by www.hopeline-nc.org (877.235.4525), suicidepreventionlifeline.org (800.273.8255), kidshelpphone.ca (800.668.6868).”
Regarding experiencing anger, I don't know about Charlotte, but I'm scared to death of my own anger because it reminds me too much of my mom's fiery all encompassing burning rage. We didn't have healthy modeling in expressing anger. Anger = death and destruction
Yup I sure hear you.
The issue with anger, like any other emotion, just as much as joy (laughter), sadness, ... is what to do with it. Feeling anger is ok. What you do/act out while in anger is the problem. 😊
“Has it ever struck you that life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quick you hardly catch it going?”― Tennessee Williams
Spot the fuck ON. I've been reading his Dragon Country playbook... Fun timing to see this here.
*I feel like... Idk, a lot of us here can likely appreciate if not relate to a lot of what he writes 😂
Ekhart Tolle. I highly recommend his books and youtube channel.
He's wrong. Makes zero sense
Life is patterns too...and feelings, emotions, creativity .... it's not just all memory. Were it all just memory, USPTO #'s would not recently have topped ten million.
Kudos to Charlotte for being so vulnerable to strangers. I wish her only the best!
Charlotte is indeed very likeable - and so is Rebbie! Very high levels of awareness and consciousness, and deeply human. 🌟
Rebbie is much more evolved than Charlotte. She’s clearly put more effort into her recovery.
I appreciate this discussion especially regarding the notions of distrust and paranoia and how these affect perception and interpretation...this is a major issue in my life, the rub for me in dealing with this has always been around the vulnerability I feel when faced with acknowledging how these deep seated trust issues affect how I perceive the world, especially how I perceive others..I'm often faced with being told by someone (most often my partner) that what I think I am perceiving about their experience of me (whether facial expressions, tone of voice, etc) is not what they are experiencing..it's hard to know that I often cannot trust what I perceive, but I've lived long enough to see that this is a deep-seated pattern in my life and has often led to the destruction of important relationships
A very beautiful and true way of putting it
My niece struggles with BPD. She has not received therapy in years, and has been unmedicated for at least a year. She feels she is fine, I am “gaslighting” her. As she seems to have no self awareness , she has destroyed our relationship and there is nothing I can do about it. She’s 42 years old. My mental health has suffered since mom allowed her to move in, again. We all walk on eggshells. I have MS, am on immuno-compromising infusion therapy and ended up in the ER with severe shingles last time she was with us. My brother had to intervene and made her move out. So, this has effected both mine, and my brother’s, relationship with our mom. I’m at a loss.
@@Krise343 look out for yourself. I'm glad your brother stepped in.
It is even more painful when you are cognizant of the patterns yet can’t stop the compulsive behavior of transference. This video made me feel less alone and gave me the language to actually articulate what is happening in a relationship.
BINGO!
Well said.
This is quite an extraordinary series. Thank you very much for this effort.
Love your channel. Thank you for the new debrief 💕
Thank you Rebbie for your channel. I can't say enough good things about it, and how in just a few short minutes of watching your good work with Dr's Jacob and Choi-Kain has entirely changed my attitude about seeking assistance again. Had I had access to their techniques back in the 1980's or 1990's I think my life would be very different today - I think that will be about the hardest part for me to resolve - time lost - if I am able to find someone and work through these issues once and for all. I don't think it's too late though - I have a lot left inside of me to give, and I want to experience and share joy on a regular basis.
Charlotte. I’m 67 … struggling with BPD all my life …. Only got to know about it late in life. 14:44 However I have survived despite all the pain. Today I was distraught with memories of childhood pain/neglect. And I thought of you and have watched a few of your videos. YOU have helped me. Thank you. Bríd from Ireland
Thank you. -P
Dr. Jacob I could watch you for hours! Beautiful and brilliant.
I LOVE this channel. I have a psychiatrist (who diagnosed me with BD II) who isn't too keen on my diagnosis of BPD (and tourettic OCD). I was on a waitlist for one of the only therapists in my area that specializes in DBT/CBT and personality disorders like mine, and after months I was accepted. I've had 2 sessions and I'm already so happy that I have an accepting therapist I trust to open up to. I'm very self aware after years of self reflection, but BPD is a constant debilitating struggle.
im so so happy i found this channel.
I like very much Dr. Jacob. I've been thru 4yrs of therapy and with 4 different psychologist/psychiatrist. She reminds me of a therapist who was comforting in listening, understanding, staying calm, explaining things, re-programming my distorted cognitions.
Good luck finding and paying for TFP therapy.
I experienced Charlotte (in your follow up interview) as experiencing so much shame when Dr. Jacob was reflecting her observations of Charlotte. I felt compassion and empathy for her and I felt like Dr. Jacob was more cognitive in her response instead of mirroring seeing her shame and sitting with her in it with kindness and reinforcement of her innate worth. I have difficulty with anger from a painful history of being shamed and for never been truly seen and heard (which is a huge reason I get angry haha). It could be my projection but her physical demeanor and everything leads me to believe that she was having shame floods and having a compassionate response would have helped her move through it. This helped me a ton in my work with a therapist and I learned to begin to do that for myself. It was painful to watch as the session progressed. I felt like Charlotte was hanging out there alone in shame and expected to cognitively respond to Dr. Jacob. Just my 2 cents.
I so agree
Same
Maybe Dr. Jacob viewed the patient as ready to not be rescued. Is it not a valid treatment goal to assist a patient toward the insight that the only person who can rescue you yourself from bouts of shame is you yourself?
@@kevinhornbuckle Ah, that's another perspective. I didn't see that in her, but I'm not a therapist.
@Nina Lauderdale Good discussion and insights here.
Thank-you Rebbie and Dr Jacobs. These sessions snd updates are so interesting and empowering.
I really appreciate Dr Jacobs. I think she is very gentle and also realistic. I do not think there is any need to be offended by what she says. I love what she says in the last 60 seconds of this video.
Beautifully articulated.
The thing is that Charlotte doesn't realize that by trying to not be angry at all, she's building up the rage she so much fears. Because having an agreement of exclusivity with your partner and being cheated is a completely valid reason to be angry. And in the attempt to avoid the rage, she tells herself that she's got no reason to be mad. But that doesn't solve it because she does have a reason, and after being dissmisive of herself, she's got even more reasons to be mad. This time, mad at herself for not taking her feelings and concerns seriously.
She's put herself in a journey of suffering injustices, sometimes done by the hand of others, sometimes by her own hand, and when it explodes, she still tells herself, but I don't want to be angry, how can you not be? You've got all the reasons to be, but she has to acknowledge that addressing 1 reason a time is way easier than dealing with all of them at once, and although in this world we're not exempt of being wronged, we can carry a lighter load of anger by being more gentle to ourselves, by trying to not wrong ourselves.
Yeah you just described me to a T.
What I found interesting tho, when Dr Jacob brought up Charlotte's perceptions around anger/rage...
Charlotte equivocates anger to rage, just straight up... but as was pointed out, she experiences a range of "negative" emotions going in steps before actually leading up to it- like at times she seems annoyed, or there was the moment where Dr Jacob questioned the reality of Charlotte's ex's cheating-
Charlotte was clearly upset by this, but didn't fly off the handle
- her response was actually super measured and entirely appropriate, saying "that kind of hurt my feelings, because I KNOW this happened for xyz reasons."
I do hear you tho, I absolutely see why she tries hard as possible to avoid a rage. & at times I felt like maybe the doc was... Harping on her about this.. or about the apologizing.
On one hand, part of me thinks "well, Charlotte knows herself best & has gone thru YEARS of therapy already... Surely this has been something she's already talked over countless times" - altho that's hard to say for sure.
But on the other, Dr Jacobs focus on her anger/rage makes sense & we all get why from her stated reasons.
Idk... I'd so love it if we could see a session like this, with a therapist of her or Dr Lois' caliber, who has a more established rapport with the patient (would also rule if that patient was Charlotte lol).
I love this for what it is, so so much.
It's been like a lifeline for me as someone who can't afford help.
It'd just be compelling and interesting to see something like that sided with the sessions like these, where we have our perceptions and ideas given from these clips of her experience/treatment, challenged.
I really wish her all the best, tho. I could relate a lot with her and the core traumas she brought up.
A. - you said above: "The thing is that Charlotte doesn't realize that by trying to not be angry at all, she's building up the rage she so much fears..." I did that for over 20 years, and the results were not that good. I am glad I am finally finding my way through this - just starting to - the hard part I yet can fully realize - the hard part - is the lost time I think. I just hope the full realization will not be a lot more painful than the rest.
she can continue a lifetime of perceiving to be "shat on", rather than feel what a normal person feels, especially if she wants a relationship and not to brutalize her own kids or any other kids around her@@nina_online
That is beautifully said. Because there’s no shame to anger, it’s human.
ooomg, the topic of anger and frustration is causing me to dissociate so hard. :( I recently started to realise I have a LOT of displaced anger in my life, and a lot of those emotions to come to terms with. I recently picked up a hobby I pursued in my youth and realised a big part of what made me stop was the implements triggering my impulse control over self-harm. It's been helpful to realise this and learn to sit with them. It's really encouraging to hear the clinician speaking a broader goal of not just putting up with distressing emotions, but shaping them to work for and with us.
Great series and updates with the Charlotte.
You know what would make Charlotte's life easier and better? Talking, putting her feelings into words. Because she tries so hard to ignore the things that are bothering her, they start bottleling up inside her until she cannot keep them under the surface anymore and emerge in the form of rage. For example, she thought she was being cheated and tried to be okay with that, she had evidence to support her belief but never really confronted her partner, she just tried to be okay with something that she just couldn't be okay with, probably things would have gone a different way if only she had stated out what she thought and how she felt, if she would have told him, hey, I found this, this is my interpretation of it, how do you see it? And if she just wasn't convinced by his explanations tell him the same. Being honest with herself by acknowledging that she is not comfortable in being in an open relationship nor any of the kind, and having the courage to get out of it for her own wellbeing, in spite of how much she loves that guy. It's damn hard, because it is, but it is way less damaging than physically hurting herself, ending up in a clinic and feeling confused and misunderstood.
I agree. You have deduced it exactly. She doesn't face her emotions, just like finding the clues of possibly cheating and refusing to confront the issue, she just pacifies it as fine. Until it became rage. Or self destructive. She needs an outlet for all her emotions before they become so intense..
@@krumplethemal8831 You're not wrong, but emotional dysregulation is the core issue of BPD, much as the inability to experience joy is the hallmark of depression. Saying to her "if only you could do more to regulate your intense emotions" is akin to saying "if only you could try to cheer up" to someone with depression. Strategies for dealing with intense emotional dysregulation is central to treating BPD.
@@richardgrier8968 thank you for pointing this fact out to me. I have a follow up question related to this. Since BPD have this emotional deregulation issue, is there anything I can specifically do for them while they are in that intense situation? Sort of like being the deregulator for them in that moment? Or is that silly wishful thinking on my part?
@@krumplethemal8831 Thank you for your kind reply (not always what happens here in the YT comments). Are you close to someone for whom this is a problem? It sounds like it, but I don't want to presume. The single most important thing is validation. Studies have shown that with validation, emotional intensity diminishes. The key is to validate what is valid, to not validate what is invalid, and to not invalidate what is valid (which is an aspect of gaslighting). The validation has to be unconditional, so not saying "Yes, I can see how that would make you upset, given who you are/what you're going through/given your challenges" or some other variation, which can be triggering or seem placating or condescending and thus invalidating. You should validate what would make anyone upset (though, of course, not to the same degree). You should not invalidate their experience by saying things like "It's no big deal" or "Why are you getting so upset?" or "this shouldn't bother you" or "this is normal/unimportant". Other claims, say the other person attributes malicious intent that isn't there, should not be validated. If you are dealing with a loved one who has BPD, check out the NEA BPD channel on YT. Their videos have been extremely helpful to me. Good luck.
@@richardgrier8968 thank you for your reply. I will check out the channel for more. But if you have another moment and don't mind answering one more question in this regard.
To answer your previous question. Yes, I am currently dating a woman who has been diagnosed with BPD but I also believe she has more going on than just this.
What if, what they are upset about is not true? You said not to validate that. So what would you suggest the course of action to be taken on false accusations meanwhile she is wrapped up in an intense emotional response to what she believes to be true.
I typically get annoyed by her false accusations and immediately want to jump to my own defense but this does not work at all and seems to actually make the whole situation even worse. I don't think I should validate her false belief but I don't know how to react to both help her and de-escalate the moment.
I really like Dr Jacob. I suspect she won't let any patient manipulate her and has razor-sharp observational skills.
I am in my sixties and not having seen a therapist since my thirties, I have to say that the biggest progress I have ever made was sitting with my emotions. I remember sitting with rage for probably two hours. It was so intense that at times I thought my body will not be able to tolerate it. I was feeling rage for no apparent reason at the time and it affected me so much that I had no other choice but to sit with it. Afterwards, my anger never came back intense at all. I also now notice any straight away and allow myself to feel it. I would not recommend it for people to try on their own, but seeking out a therapist who can help you through this is something I think many will find helpful.
I had a similar experience with sadness. At some stage I was so sad for the world I just walk around crying most of the time. After sitting with it and fully experiencing it in waves until it subsided, it never really came back. It's almost as if one stores one's lifelong anger, sadness, etc. and if you don't allow it to come out fully, it will always affect you. I stumbled upon sitting with emotions by accident and it has been one of the most healing things I have ever done.
I think Dr Jacob is an excellent therapist.
Thank you. -P
and yes, people with personality adaptations are constantly projecting theit bad object situations onto and into others (Kernberg). These early traumas by non-responsive/unempathetic/ abusive caregivers were so painful and unbearanle that all the distressing emotions caused by these traumatic experiences which they cannot even remeber, let alone verbalise - rage, terror, shame, guitl, helplessness - had to be split off. but because they are not aware of it, because these are still in the uncosncious, they just feel 'bad' about themselves and that 'badness' needs to be evacuated into others. That's why it is crucial to bring these slipt off parts into consciousness and process them. Then the projecting will stop.
@Nina Lauderdale Thanks Nina. I read it. Yes, Kernberg really believes in drives. He doesn't really believe that aggression is purely a reaction to frustration caused by lack of love, care, empathy... etc, but that in borderline people by default this aggressive drive is stronger. And of course that can be true that these people are more sensitive to frustration. But that might not be temperamental. It can very well be because they have already been traumatised in the womb - right brain has a growth spurt between the last trimester of pregnancy until the end of year 2- because the mother was extremely stressed or depressed... etc... so their brain develops differently. Bruce D. Perry, Allan N. Shore are the experts on this. And there's also an Italian neuripsychiatrist, I think her name is Francesca... can't remember... who has done research on how an infant is affected if the mother cannot connect with them in the womb because the bond between mother and child begins before birth. But the point is, I don't find it very empathetic the way these TFP people talk about borderline clients. They talk about them as if the sole reasons they have become borderline are because they are hypersensitive and can't integrate their aggressive drives. These people have had very early developmental trauma, and that's enraging. And yes, if you are traumatised early by unempathetic, unpredictable, unresponsive caregivers, it is extremely difficult to integrate those experiences and the emotions that are stirred by them.
@Nina Lauderdale good to communicate with people who think similarly. Thanks Nina :)
Éva Kincsei: It took me 62 years to fully accept - for myself - what you just said.
Bravo Doc! I clearly see your points on awareness of anger on all levels. Very Good update especially on anger issues “it’s a tough nut to manage.” Been there too! ❤️
I thought DBT had a module on mindfulness of emotions. Completed during skills class. I haven't done DBT, so I'm just guessing.
I've found being able to sit with even a smidgen of anger to take a long time to master. But in real life, I needed fast solutions because I ended up in rage far too frequently.
I dont know what people do with BPD, or did anyone here bust it for good? I live it for 40 years about now, and Im in different modallity for healing. And I belive that toxic shame is one of the most difficult to heal because we have so many anger coming on us. And not loving the self, because knowing that you hate youreself is one of the most paintfull thing. The BPD comes very early, it is not only one event it is the whole life. And at point in life when we were very young, our parents were God. So it is disconnection from the whole Universe, and self. This is why it is so hard. Energetically watched it is lost of trusting God even. So I want to ask did anyone here healed it and how. Thanks
Well said… I wondered the same thing. 🤗🤗🤗
This is really helpful. Thank you.
Yes I second that - THANK You for this YT channel.
I used to say I was passive / silent / avoidant of conflict because I was frightened I’d lose control. I later said to myself it was cowardice. Later when rage started coming out I realised my first assessment was to some degree correct, I was frightened to let the anger out. I smashed laptops, and creamed in people faces. The mistake I made was to not to notice where I has expressed anger moderately, and not allow myself to express it more. I don’t think I expressed anger to the appropriate person until I was much older. I highly recommend speaking with someone who can hear and respect you, allow your feeling, affirm and notice your strengths, and as trust builds gently point out alternative perspective or be able to cross check your perspectives with someone else.
especially if the anger affects family, glad you realized it.
I feel like I get frustrated really easily but angry not so much. But when I do get angry, it builds up and I simply shut down or cry, when I can retrieve I turn to cutting to pull myself out of it.
I feel compelled to say a few more things - can’t help myself LOL. The things that are DIFFERENT in Dr Jacobs and Dr Choi-Kain’s technique, from a patients (a guys) perspective, different that is - compared to every other therapist I have tried AND failed with - at least 9 that I can remember, is VERY gentle kindness, VERY gentle and considerate and quiet probing, and attentiveness combined with giving a client a LOT of space to unwind or unpack. I have never experienced simultaneously all three dispositions from any therapist I had from 1979 to Y2K. In just a few minutes it was extremely easy to see that she entirely disarmed her client Charlotte and put her in a comfortable, safe place so she could be moderately relaxed, able and willing to spill or unpack. Maybe that was not Charlottes perspective, but that is what I perceived from the interaction. So I see this and I ask - why cant ALL therapists be like that?
The therapist in the vid - she knew right where to probe and she did it so very gently yet assertively at the same time - WHILE allowing the client to spill, and without throwing her off her story and while letting her uncoil her spring. It was nearly hypnotic. I think I have watched all of the Choi-Khan and Jacob videos at least three times each and I keep getting more out of them every
time I watch one.
I am thinking that what she practices should NOT be called "Transference Focused Psychotherapy". It should just be called "Psychotherapy". ALL therapy should be that way in my opinion - at least during the very first few sessions until a course has been set and a T relationship established. Heck a person could even be helped with just a few sessions like that!
The very last therapist I had - over 20 years ago - which was a social worker AFTER I had a horrible experience with a previous social worker - I was seeing him for somewhere between 12-18 months somewhere in that range I’d have to check my notes, that more than one year period for me was a record - staying that long in therapy with the same person. That last year was ALL or mostly all about the same subject, over and over again, and the man was completely incapable of drawing me out for any length of time. He never even asked me once to reflect for an entire session or even a 20 minute period on my childhood. Dr Jacob did it in a matter of a half hour in the first session! I am not saying it was all the therapist’s fault - It’s largely mine I tend to be obsessive about my baggage and sometimes I get on one track and its hard for me to switch - but the man did not even try to draw me out - not that I can remember. It was as if he was trying to put out a fire and defend the previous therapist, without even knowing where to throw the water. MAYBE I could just not see it and MAYBE he tried - and MAYBE I was just not in a place that I could do that … at that time. It just seems to me though that when a person is in crisis - job one - let the patient uncoil without barking advice or throwing people off their story after a few minutes.
I think this is what many (not all) guys really want and need in a therapist. I was wrong 30 years ago when I told my (now) ex that when I am ready, I think I need a male therapist for some mentoring in therapy, instead of a woman - because of some issues in my youth. She came back after a session - said she discussed it with her therapist and that they both agreed. Hopefully I do not sound sexist when I say this, but in my opinion - Women make better therapists then men. They are natural healers. I am not saying that there are men that are not as capable of being natural healers - I am saying though that SOME guys need to be open to seeing a woman for therapy. Because from what I can see in the video and compare that to the experiences I have had - if it’s a good match - from my perspective a well-trained woman can be so very disarming and gentle with clients. Especially with men who have experienced trauma at an early age, from men. And that’s a big thing.
I truly believe guys want to spill and open up they really do. We don’t like torturing ourselves by keeping bottled up - and 99.X% of us are good, kind, gentle and we LOVE our significant others - more then I think many women can know or understand - how much love we carry in our hearts for them - but often do not show it the way some women want us to show it. Many of us just feel so STUPID crying in front of other men. And when I mean cry - I mean cry a river sometimes - or at least let the tears stream while opening up. I don’t think most guys can do that in front of another guy. It’s a lot easier to do it in front of a trained woman. I felt so stupid when that second to last horrible and hotheaded therapist I had back over 20 years ago invited me to cry about the damage his associate did to my relationship with my ex. Needless to say I did not cry - I left feeling both stupid and hurt - that he had the gall to ask me that - I think therapists call it a “therapeutic rupture”. That’s when I really started to go down hill.
I think for SOME people - maybe people like me - it takes a VERY special person with the correct disposition and a naturally inclined healer to help clients. I would like to think that all folks entering the profession can be trained to have that disposition. And I think that is the disappointment - the idea that therapists like the one in the vid are few and far between. We see near perfection in a session and expect every therapist to be same. Maybe it’s just a matter of training and requiring all therapy to be evidence or research based - I don’t know.
I just wish it was not so hard to get paired up with the best match for ones situation. Maybe a supercomputer can be programmed some day to do that task - put in a database data on the nuances of personalities of therapists, and somehow match those up with those nuances of a potential client. Like computer dating only instead of a love interest a search for a therapist LOL.
Anyway I just wanted to say that - and I hope this post helps both guys considering therapy, and female therapists - many therapists who specialize in women’s issues, I hope they can also be open to see this from a guys perspective. People just need to spill and not feel like idiots in doing so and it's really hard to do sometimes. And it is RELLY REALLY hard to find someone so a paitent/client can feel safe and un inhibited to do it in front of. Really, really hard.
Dr. Jacob is way bangin’!
There's not enough help with BPD, all I get from doctors is more meds and CBT waiting lists.... Blah blah blah. Because I'm not screaming and shouting nobody takes me serious, can't hold down jobs always out of work, never know who I am, anger, depression and anxiety overtake my life.
SAME HERE‼️😡🥺
yup me too, after decades of suffering and searching, my journey lead me to the direct path: Dzogchen Meditation. which is remarkably similar to Dialectic behaviour therapy
Ty for this video.
What therapy do TFP practitioners have for themselves to make them effective?
Dr. Jacob makes a crucial point: A pwBPD's appeal, because many people with this disorder are hard not to like, is both an asset and a liability in terms of fostering insight.
Wth is a pwbpd?
@@yogidevendrabiriyani1777 people with BPD
This was brilliant, thank you.
thank you for sharing
"Anger is a sign you have healthy boundaries and are willing to defend them."
It's also an evolution-based mechanism to protect the organism
@@yogidevendrabiriyani1777 Everything in biogiology evolved, by definition.
@@KevinKindSongs shut the hell up.
Can’t Charlotte afford long term treatment with one of these docs?
I have a question: has there been investigation on how BPD and full-contact combat sports influence each other? Is there a healing aspect of being able to hit a person in the mouth in a controlled environment as e.g. in Boxing? Or is it just to blow off steam but it doesn't resolve the underlying issue?
My guess is, that the stigma of shame on physical violence would slowly fade away as one sees that it is appreciated. At the same time when it is connected with discipline and awareness of the consequences (as in Boxing) the person learns to control her/himself.
so: less shame, more control, physical expression of anger which restores flow in the body and nervous system again connected with self-discipline and humbleness.
Thank you 😊
OMG I know exactly what she is talking about with self fulfilling prophecies. I feel like I’m looking at myself with a mirror when I listen to these vids. And I’m just really getting this at age 62 all at once with the BPD stuff?...I don't think people SPLIT off anger - they either cast it out while white hot or bury it so is smoluders and burns the self. It just smoluders and does damage. I don't think people can just split it off and like its never there.
Dr Jacob was testing her!!! I KNEW IT!!! Woodeehooo shit Im super intuitive about this shit hehe
Charlotte scares me. The way I feel when she talks is like my mother, who has BPD. There is a background tension that almost always exists. It’s hard for me to explain but at any given moment the person with BPD can just turn on you. It’s terrifying, so much so that I’m afraid to get physically near my mother.
The piece about - tolerating moments of lower levels of anger - that was so amazing and insightful!
I don’t think that people with BPD are afraid of the anger and that’s why it builds up. I feel like it’s more of a perfection and behavioral issue. 1st of all would you have gotten upset if someone had told you that your boyfriend didn’t cheat if you? Your just making it up in your head that he did? I don’t think you would have been outwardly annoyed or upset. People with BPD can’t help being upset about it. They are annoyed that anyone would even think that way or ask them that question. They expect the people around them to be as smart as them. They are angry at the stupid, offensive people and situations around them. They are constantly angry. Second of all, this constant anger does not build up out of fear. They always have the anger and they need a way to numb their frustrations and uncomfortable feelings about life not being perfect.
For me - I don't see anger that way, I think sometimes I mostly unknowingly use it as a tool to cope. The anger can be used as a tool to try to deflect the pain - often anger is much easier to experience than pain - even and especially if the anger is directed inward as a means of self punishmint which I believe is a form of psychological cutting or silent and self mutilation. That's what it's like for me anyway. I don't know if that's BPD or not which is why I hope to have an expert opinion at some point. Just can't find one willing and experienced to work with someone like me. I think the problem is that most therapists just don't know how to deal with people with BPD.
Personality disorders - or let's rather call them - personality adaptations through develping a false self - are develoepd because of early realtional/attachment trauma happening some time between the last trimester of pregancy and the first 2 years of life, so when you are mostly non-verbal. Trauma meaning developmental trauma (drip drip every day abuse/invalidation/non-empathetic responses from caregivers/caregivers using as an extension of their own selves or as a bolster to their own self-esteem - not schock trauma, a one-ff event - so when your caregiver are not responding to your needs with empathy. Every child needs to be seen as a person in their own right and their real needs to be responded to sensitively. If that hasn't happened, you've been through developental trauma. Children develop personality adaptations as a response to inadequate caregivers/environments. And yes, being traumatized is enraging. Rage is infantile level anger. When small children are angry, they are angry with their whole being. They are raging! When you have early relational trauma with your caregivers, you are enraged and terrorized while you cannot even verbalise it or cognitively grasp it. It will be pusged into the unconscious especially when your parents tell you off for being angry and not letting you express negative emotions. No wonder people struggle with expressing anger. There are very few parents who allow/encourage their children to express and process anger in a healthy way. So end the end of the day, all good therapy is about helping people process emotions. All kinds of emotions, including the terriftying ones such as rage, terror, shame, guilt, hopelessness/helplessness (the five horsemen of the psychic apocalypse). If we don't process emotions, we get mentallt and physically sick. But the earlier the relational trauma is - which is the case with personality adaptaions ('disorders'), the more enraged, the more terrorized people are, and the more shame and guilt and helplessness they feel. So what people with personality disorder need is a corrective experience of someone tolerating all their emotions and containing them while helping them process them and eventually mourn the childhood/caregivers they have never had but should have had.
ruclips.net/video/N2NTADxDuhA/видео.html
ruclips.net/video/c0sKY86Qmzo/видео.html
@Nina Lauderdale yes, just replied to your other comment that these TFP people don't sound very empathetic when talking about BPD because they worship Fred's drive-theory and for some reason have a reluctance to incorporate attachment theory into their thinking. But all personality adaptations are caused by very early disruption in the attachment relationship with the primary caregiver and the lack of repairing those early ruptures.
I would definitely refer people to this insightful therapist.
Her need to self harm often was centered around making others aware she was gonna do it which then makes it a much bigger drama as if it is a strategy in dealing with others
I don't see it as a strategy in dealing with others - it is a way to try to mitigate ones pain while crying for help and showing the people one cares about most - how much pain they are in, so that they might understand, with hopes that understanding helps to mitigate the pain. I am not saying it is appropriate behavior but that its the mechanism for some I think.
yeah well when my dad did that and didnt care about me cuz he doesnt see the reality that I am the kid needing a parent, it isnt really at all what you say it is. Dont have a family then@@dbsabo2
14:06 Because Kernberg is a bit obsessed with aggression and anger, thats why :) But in reality, its because according to Kernberg the key issue is oral aggression. That the frustration of oral needs, leads to aggression.This is what Kernberg believes is the basis of all borderline conditions. That it has a cascade effect on the child's development.
This is a condensed description of "oral envy" by Kernberg from his book "Love relations". A book which he wrote because people thought he was obsessed with aggression :)
"In a review of the essential dynamics underlying these defensive maneuvers, of central importance in the unconscious conflicts is preoedipally determined envy that is, a specific form of rage and resentment against needed object that is experienced as frustrating and withholding. What is desired thus becomes a source of suffering as well. Developing in reaction to this suffering is a conscious or unconscious wish to destroy, to spoil, to appropriate by force what is being withheld specifically, what is most admired and wished for. The tragedy of the narcissistic personality is that angry appropriation and greedy extraction of what is denied and envied do not lead to satisfaction because the unconscious hatred of what is needed spoils what is incorporated; the subject always ends up feeling empty and frustrated."
This is from Kernberg's "Borderline Conditions and Pathological Narcissism"
"A frequent finding in patients with borderline personality organization is the history of extreme frustrations and intense aggression (secondary or primary) during the first few years of life. Excessive pregenital and particularly oral aggression tends to be projected and causes a paranoid distortion of the early parental images, especially of the mother. Through the projection of predominantly oral-sadistic but also anal-sadistic impulses, the mother is seen as potentially dangerous, and hatred of the mother extends to hatred of both parents who are later experienced as a "united group" by the child. A "contamination" of the father image by aggression primarily projected onto the mother and lack of differentiation between mother and father under the influence of lack of realistic differentiation of different objects under the influence of excessive splitting operations tend to produce, in both sexes, a combined and dangerous father-mother image, with the result that all sexual relationships are later conceived of as dangerous and aggressively infiltrated.
At the same time, in an effort to escape from oral rage and fears, premature development of genital strivings takes place; this effort often miscarries because of the intensity of pregenital aggression, which contaminates genital strivings as well, and numerous pathological developments take place which differ in both sexes."
@Nina Lauderdale TFP is developed by Kernberg. And its based in psychoanalysis, that's why the Freudian language. It is essentially a modified form of psychoanalysis.
Modern psychoanalysis is not solely based on Freud's work, like the concept of oral envy is Kleinian concept. Object relations theory is part of psychoanalysis, and was developed by psychoanalysts. Its all psychoanalysis, and Freud is still a big part of it.
Its the oral aggression that leads to the problem of not being able to fuse the bad & good mother, and results into the use of splitting in later life. These are Kleinian concepts.
The paranoid schizoid position (splitting of good & bad experiences , part object relations) & depressive position (ambivalence and the ability to experience people as whole objects).
@Nina Lauderdale You cant really understand object relations theory, if you dot no understand Freud. The ego psychology is still there; the ID, the ego and the superego. Klein never truly abandoned Freud. The conflict was mostly centered around the motivation, of drives and the pleasure principle by Freud or relating and seeking connection by object relationists (most notably Klein). Both of these aspects are still present in Kornberg's work, and it think for a good reason. As both systems are clearly present in people.
You could call these the axises of addiction and dependency. That are interconnected. Here is a creat podcast about this subject:
Talks On Psychoanalysis ep. 41: José Alberto Zusman: Between the Axes of Dependency and Addiction
What Kernberg has done, is fused a lot of these theories together to form a coherent system.
So what he is describing here, is the genealogy of the disorder. The origins.
And if you read the description, you can see that its exactly from the perspective of object relations theory:
What you said : "Internal object relations has to do with relating your internal representation of yourself and your internal representation of another, connected by an affect "
What Kernberg says : "rage and resentment against needed object that is experienced as frustrating and withholding. What is desired thus becomes a source of suffering as well. "
@Nina Lauderdale If you are interested in object relations theory in more depth, you can find a really good 6 part series on Klein on Carveth's channel : "Don Carveth Introduction to Kleinian Theory 1-6".
He is psychoanalyst and also teaches it. I think he has also posted most of his work in various streaming platforms as podcasts.
He also has one really good podcast on IPAs page, where he goes through the basis of splitting : Episode 79: Shame, Guilt, and Ruminations with Donald Carveth, Ph.D.
Its worth listening to.
The point of therapy is to be challenged in the way you either perceive or handle a situation. It’s when we feel uncomfortable that we grow. I think this therapist was doing a great job with her and wasn’t sidetracked by her likability ( masking ) and I’m not saying that to be cruel it’s what I think.
I am also afraid of anger and rage
Charlotte was "frustrated" and it came up because this P-therapist does not understand BPD.
Interesting. Charlotte is very attractive and charming. As she ages, will people confront her more often?
dr. Jacob? ou yeah!! never enought of content with her.
It seems to me that a big part of a borderline getting ahold of anger is not “awfulizing” every situation. That is, not allowing their misperceptions to unravel to the point of abandonment.
Is it really lower levels of anger though, or is it that she feels unsafe to use her anger abusively in a therapy session with a therapist? Might she see the therapist as higher status because of the therapist patient relationship, and therefore abusing the therapist would lower her status with the therapist even more? Whereas with a very familiar significant other she sees at her equal or perhaps even as lower status than herself, she feels safe and perfectly comfortable letting her anger soar to rage and abuse? I really think this has to be taken into consideration, and, if true, would suggest she really does have control of her anger.
I think Charlotte would really benefit in looking at it from the perspective that anger is a cover emotion. It is a siren that goes off when we are in low vibrational emotions like grief, shame.. which make us a vibrational match to dangerous vibrational situations. The siren goes off to move to higher ground.
Anger is like starting the motor on a floating boat and moving!! It is to trigger self preservation.. (fear of abandonment being at core of this) .. anger moves you up the emotional vibrational scale. Like a primal fight or flight moment of prey once the sensation of a predators attraction floods them. Expansion and contraction. The innate reaction to move towards life is the forgotten reflection that was always there, it is this existence that the broken hearted can hold onto as they chase the the shadows away.
Anger screams abort! What is one thinking in the the string of thought right up to BOOM! Angry! What was one Thinking right before the snap of emotion. EFT, emotional freedom technique would be awesome coz you can do it any and all times, therapy sessions would be Ace!
I want you to teach me I want to be your student finally said something I understood but didn't know how to put snap because I'm an angry man it's because I'm a sad and scared man people just think I'm an angry man
But, what about the deeply dark borderline that just lives to destroy and have chaos?
16:00 Maybe that is why it is called anger management and not anger elimination.
"If that is what happened" is still not a question. "There might be less valenced ways" is a total cop out. If the intent of saying it is to find out more about what led her to believe/experience it that way, then ask a question. Don't just make a statement indicating disbelief. If it were me there is no way that I'd allow that moment to be "celebrated" for any reason without acknowledgement of how sloppy of a way it is to request more information and a commitment to try and do better in the future. I let it go while watching the interview, but this attempt at justifying it is garbage.
i also had a similar reaction. if she wanted charlotte to question herself, asking a question like "what was/did u have definitive evidence for his infidelity" would have been more clear i think.
I mean, I find your language very harsh and out of proportion to the situation. So what? I don’t agree with how everyone says or does stuff, there’s a shocker. And neither do you. But there is SO MUCH insight, experience, support shared by this channel, and this therapist, that it seems like a waste of all the great stuff to focus on one comment. I don’t get it. Is it people fighting charlottes battles for her? She doesn’t need that. Is it some kind of over-identification where people feel personally attacked by that comment? I’m curious. Is it transference??
@@dmurphy449 The thing about youtube (or the internet - or even the world - in general) is that when people comment, that comment may address as much content as they want - the comment can focus on a single timestamp, on a few seconds, on the whole video, or on the whole channel. My comment's not about reviewing the video or the channel, or even the therapist; it's addressing a particular bit of content. It doesn't mean that anything else about the video series or the channel is wasted. In fact, I'm curious why you would assume that one negative comment about one particular thing is "a waste" of everything else.
@@jspider6185 I’ve seen so much harsh criticism of this therapist , in the comments, like that’s what people are focusing on, not acknowledging or focusing on how amazing it is to even have the channel and therapists giving their time freely
I guess I don't understand how "therapy" can be SO sure what is good or right for each client. Charlotte already said what she thinks is a possibility that she isn't meant to be in a relationship.... that she feels better when she is not in one and worrying so much if the other person is OK. Why doesn't the therapist believe her?
Why do you believe that the therapist does not believe her? I never saw that in the vid...I saw the opposite.
To avoid becoming intimate with a troubled person, understand the cues of anger. A person who wears their self worth on their sleeve is a person who will make you pay when things don’t go her way. BPDs are especially good at being tricked by their own thinking. Their anger is justified by the effect that the action or inaction of another has on them. They seduce themselves and thereby end up impenetrable by self reflection. So this is the essence of BPD being an aggressive type disorder.
So being BPD is mostly out of some kind of psychological spite directed towards others solely for ones own (admitted or not) gain? I don't buy that. I believe that people with BPD are far harder on themselves internally, than they are with those they are close to. I think they feel often tortured or as torturing themselves.
@@dbsabo2 Learning and practicing compassion toward oneself does reliably enable one to be kind toward others.
I am an old woman. Nobody needs to be so absorbed with anger. You got to lower your expectations in Life. And remember people have to tolerate you & your behavior. Its a two way street. Get a full time job, adopt a dog or cat in a shelter, go for long walks in nature, stay far away from alcohol. And forgive your parents' real or perceived flaws. It's part of growing up. Accepting & loving family & friends. A sure path to accepting & loving yourself.
Well said,Sandra
I totally agree with you
There is too much regurgitation of Charlotte’s problems
Dear Lady, Your comment just hit me Soo hard with the simple truth and way's to cope with my issues..
It’s not that easy, when a person has experienced trauma, abuse growing up. You are ordering her to be healthy, i.e., wave a magic wand, rather than understanding that she needs to work it through, and also learn coping skills. Diversion can provide relief, but doesn’t fix things per se. And, forgiveness is meaningless unless the person being forgiven will actually change, rather than seeing it as permission to keep on with the bad acting. Yes, moving forward is the goal, but pretending past hurt never happened will not work.
@@patriciafry8634 EXACTLY. Coping skills. It is easy for folks who have not had a very distressed past - to just tell those that have, to just walk on the sunny side of the street - without considering needed coping skills which would enable one to do that. I Can't believe I am saying these things about therapy the past two weeks - Dr Jacob and this channel have COMPLETELY changed my mind.
I respect Dr. Jacob but as someone who needed a lot of help with disproportionate rage, I still feel like she made a mistake in challenging Charlotte’s perception of the infidelity, and is not quite getting the nature of Charlotte’s relationship to her rage, and the language she couches it in.
Of course we like Charlotte. Bpd should not come with (you might not like me) label 🏷
#NOMOREFEAR....Thank you. I'm spewing the anger directly at 61. It's liberating when I'm being degraded and ignored. I refuse to protect anyone else first anymore. Medications ruined my life. No more. 💥💥💥. It's a pendulum and it's intense and seems impossible to control in the moment....maybe that will change...I'm done with formal therapy and guilt and shame. Fuk it with always being the fall guy .. scapegoat. We are isolated anyway pretty much...narcs love us so yeah!. Bizaare situation to be in. The world doesn't have a clue. Frustration isn't the word most of the time as it builds up ...generally being misunderstood always. Cognitive stack maybe. MBTI. Boom!! It's never one thing...one person's fault. The emotional++ abusers don't go to therapy. This particular diagnosis is way out of order.... + always questioning our judgement over time is more abuse or degradation actually. We KNOW the vibration of abuse. There's no question there. Anger is just our scary looking friend.
…take these silver bars ,he said, I’m giving you command!
-command of what?There’s no-one here, there’s only you and me.
Cohen ”The Captain”
CHARLOTTE, IT'S HARD NOT TO LIKE YOU!!
Comes down to this: People with B personality disorders need to feel respected. This is one of their highest priorities. Because they felt devalued as children. To my eyes that’s why Charlottes feeling a very serious “disjoint” in the relationship with Karen, because crucially she was being doubted over her perception that her boyfriend had cheated on her. I personally felt in this portion of their second interview that Karen, who’s very impressive, DID a make a small misstep. And thought it was curious when watching it. Regardless of whether Karen has more information, to make her think it’s likely that Charlottes account was mistaken. The belief that Charlotte has a WILFUL desire to believe she’s been cheated on, the repeated pattern. But it’s still a curious moment,
XO 1
Hate my rages
Mine too. I have taught myself to bury them and direct them inward and I have come to realize - for myself - that burying them is as bad as not burying them.
Karen was pointing out that she had some doubt if Charlottes ex was cheating scared me and triggered me. No misinterpretation on Charlottes part.
Don’t think it was about Karen wanting to elicit a firm decision. It was unprofessional and manipulative of her. When you have bpd not being believed is incredibly painful, especially when you doubt your awareness. Karen is backpedaling here.
Alot of people split off thier anger beacuse it will put them in law/ legal trouble
I completely disagree that anger is an emotion which is going to occur in you whether you want it to or not. People can learn how to regulate their anger to very low levels, if they are willing to put the work in. There is emotional freedom in electing to not be angry.
How can one begin to regulate anger to a low level?
@@bonniebunny25 Surrender demandingness. Learn and practice relaxation techniques. Develop insights into existential conflicts such a possible bonding trauma that can be the basis for deep and persistent anger. Work toward understanding that although other people caused you unnecessary pain as a child, now nobody but you can be responsible for how you feel and behave.
@@kevinhornbuckle Thank you, Kevin. Your advice confirms what I am currently becoming more aware, of of myself. Thanks again 🙏
@@bonniebunny25 You’re welcome. I’ll add that self-directed anger is the most destructive. It robs you of the compassion and encouragement that you really need; you who is the only one who can reliably provide it.
@@kevinhornbuckle Yes, very true. I was having this same thought this morning. A person can direct so much anger at his or her self and treat themselves with contempt and lack of self compassion that it becomes a normal state of being. I had some awareness of that today, and here you mention it as well. Thank you.
I love this crazy chick rebbie. We should hang out 😂😂😂
Some people don't want to address their problems.
This is true. Do you think this is why someone like Charlotte suffers?
I’m sure charlotte would say ok let’s talk about my shitty mother. After those sessions, how does that change her way of thinking? It doesn’t at all. She’ll be on this channel for a 3 year update no doubt. It’s a troubling reality of BPD.
I happen to believe that MOST people do want to address their problems. They just put it off too long - some never do it. Sorry if I am generalizing here - this is just my take on it ... this idea that people who don't go to therapy are "in denial" ... we know - we have all heard it - and it is often hurtful for us to hear it and I'll tell you why.
IMO this is because many often have an idea in their mind that they will eventually get to it when a time in ones life arises that is convenient to do so - take "therapy" for a year or more which is usually the course for it being effective for some. As a 62 year old guy - looking back with maybe a tiny bit of (I hope) wisdom - in reality - there is no convenient time to confront these kinds of major issues. It is like what Dr Jacob said and I agree with her - most of us know we need help - we also know what is involved in getting help - and that is, if we are even LUCKY enough to find a good therapeutic match which itself is very hard - if we have that match, the process can and often is VERY PAINFUL. EXTREMELY for some. I don't expect folks to understand what I mean - suffice it to say that I think this is the first time I have been able to admit - I experience emotional pain differently than most people.
I think folks like me know this - because many have had false starts at therapy and got a good look at what’s involved. And it can be hard and scary to confront any past hurt or harm or tragedies all wrapped up in our recent adult baggage, and for some of us it is just a mess and it's hard to even know where to start let alone experience pain self-inflicted by therapy - as a means to heal - and which I have recently realized its the only true long term solution - for me anyway. So It can get scary for some of us - and I have to admit I am scared now - since I have decided to again seek therapy and to experience that anger and pain. So we tend to be overly protective of ourselves. Until that overprotection is causing more problems then solving.
Were I to give advice to young people with a similar situation - just two simple words: "Don't wait." Please don't wait and don't do what I did - wait; just don't put it off. Because it will be HARDER for you 5, 10, 20 years from now. It will be HARDER because during that time you will be piling on more emotional baggage in your life to sort through and that takes time and pain. And if you can't do it now due to finances - for heaven’s sake at least get stabilized and on a med you like and be good to yourselves in the meantime. Most psych meds are cheap these days, except the new ones but that's another subject.
So that's kind of what I think BPD is like - for many.
and yet they still choose to have a billion partners or become scary terry in their basement and scare those thye manage to get down in their lairs oif they dont pass down the suffer in their families and because people cant handle people trying to help them correct their lenses society steps out of the way, come on we reach hand out may as well let yourself accept that maybe you dont see things clearly, maybe she wasnt cheated on. you cant even ENTERTAIN the idea. ouchie poor you@@joeyclutch1
Doctor Karen It’s great wouldn’t mind her to be my therapist :)
Don't agree with this. First of all, define anger. I define it as an emotion where one wants to lash out and hit someone, yell at someone, break something and that sort of thing. This is not a healthy emotion. I no longer experience anger. I know how to release when I get frustrated or annoyed, way before it escalates to anger. There are tools you can use to avoid this emotion. To tell Charlotte to allow anger in is like telling an alcoholic that they can drink in moderation. That's crazy. I think Charlotte understands that anger is harmful and should be avoided. She just needs some tools to deal with feelings which lead to anger, and in her case, rage. To tell someone that they should let anger happen is not clever and it is not intelligent. We are not talking about anxiety which does in fact get much worse when you try to suppress it and are afraid of experiencing it. Just like with anger, there are ways to deal with anxiety in which you are trying to avoid it. And when it happens, there are things you can do in an attempt to reduce its level.
You can easily treat and reverse BPD. It has to do with fixing GABA and serotonin neurotransmitter systems in the brain and increasing brain connectivity. Take ashwagandha (or any herb that acts on GABA) and some L-Tryptophan and B vitamins.
You obviously know more than any neuroscientist alive,youd be a billionaire if any of that wasnt horseshit.
Honestly, the whole section talking about how the therapist checked on the reality-testing skills of Charlotte in her previous interview just rubbed me the wrong way. It is true that survivors of trauma, including those who suffer from BPD, may be prone to mistrusting others and that this perspective can have a negative impact on their interpersonal relationships. But if a partner of a traumatised person chooses to respond to this mistrust directed at them by cheating, this is a choice that the cheating partner is making and not something that the partner with BPD is inducing to create their "self-fulfilling prophecy"
I get that the therapist wants to point out that people with BPD should work on their interpersonal skills to improve their relationships in a self-directed manner, but saying that a trauma survivor's mistrust can make others abandon and mistreat them just sounds like victim blaming and is in my opinion not ok - especially not coming from a mental health professional.
So telling the truth is victim blaming now? OK
Lukas Emmerich - I have a question for you - rather a comment - when you say above - "if a partner of a traumatised person chooses to respond to this mistrust directed at them by cheating..." did you also consider the possibility that an alleged "cheating partner" might also have BPD or BD or PTSD or whatever? And if so, would you be saying the same thing? Does that "choice" then make a difference in your assertion?
I ask this because it has been discussed in much professional literature, that traumatized people tend to attract others who have also been traumatized, and that unhealthy part of one attaches to the unhealthy part of another, and then this swirling relationship dynamic becomes something else, entirely un expected and making love or interpersonal relationships difficult. THen that relationship adds a new dimension of hurt and pain for both. So it's not that simple - Dr Jacob is correct - relationships especially love relationships are very complicated - as a 62 year old man I have yet to figure them out.
yeah especially in families with person with bpd it is INSANE as they just get more insane no matter how much reality or not you give them@@kieransoregaard-utt8
Rebbie please get some BPD gay guys up here, we are constantly being invalidated
YES agreed! And how about some sessions with Bipolar or Borderline or PTSD, MDD, GAD, straight guys too! I'd do it!
@@dbsabo2 be my guest
@@mauricasalino I'd do it! Really! There are a lot of guys suffering too, maybe if a 62 year old is brave enough ... it would encourage other men to reach out.
@@dbsabo2 oh absolutely, do it!
@@mauricasalino I did. On June 11/12. Via email, to both Rebbie and Dr Jacob directly. If they want a 62 year old guy to talk about his BPD and share it with the entire world, here I am. They know how to contact me.
I would love to share my story. I would love to share how BPD seriously damaged my life, education, career goals and relationships with friends and family, and I would also like to do it in the context of being mis-diagnosed over 25 years ago by several mental health professionals - the last two of which treated me in a hostile manner after which their firm dumped me, and how that made a bad situation worse. I gave up on Psychotheapy 25 years ago. I'm ready to start again - with TFP and this time with the right therapist. I'm sold on TFP. I'd rather have NO therapy than the WRONG therapy - which for me, made things worse.
I have found in the past week that specialists for this condition are about as rare as hens teeth, and my insurance company never even HEARD about TFP. So they assigned me a case manager to look into it to determine whether or not they will re imburse me for TFP if I pay out of pocket.
I honestly think Dr. Jacob just screwed up with the cheating comment. Whatever. What concerned me more was how she withheld the breakthrough to Charlotte. “I would have pointed it out if she had committed to longer term therapy.” We all want that next check but damn lol.
maybe she really wasnt cheated on
@@A-sh1eh Perhaps. It was the way she delivered the comment that seemed unprofessional. It was also assumptive.
well then bpd family members of mine will have little to no chance of ever get better if they perceive everything as a slight and "assumptive" and like my dad go all out violent, sooo yup as child I run away rather than repeat, let him stay with leg humper friends who liklely harm kids as well. Therapists seem to forget that relationships many times mean kids and then what we as a society throw kids into TRUE actual in real reality suffering based on these sick people's PERCEIVED suffer? Come on @@omarethiop6778
I find the way the interviewer was dressed and the way she was constantly moving distracting and disturbing.
Anger represents loss of control
Please don't add that beeping sharp sound at the beginning... there are many auditory sensitive people among the bpd and I happen to be one of them. The sound doesn't contribute in any way to the video but it pushes me away from your channel and the valuable information here. I hope you will take my words into consideration.
We must take responsibility for own life and cannot expect to be always supported and talked through every emotion
A life goal
A proper job
And
No alcohol
Everyone has pain and hard times
It’s part of life
"If you want to continue to cry over the cards that you have been dealt in life, that is your choice. In life you are either a passenger or a pilot; it’s your choice. You must participate in your own rescue. No one can do it for you."
Absolutely,Jason
Well said
Elizabeth Conroy - positive affirmations are just fine for many. Some people however need a lot more, just to get to the point where they can hear them, let alone accept them.
I'd agree if we weren't talking about a personality disorder.
@@dbsabo2 Absolutely
Positive affirmations don’t work for me neither did Therapy
Everyone,who has had lots of trauma,will have defects in personality,but in the end and yes perhaps for some ,more of a push,we have to get on with life
There are however some individuals who will continue to struggle and use drink and alcohol to help the pain.
I cant stand this "therapist" She starts off pointing her finger and waving it at the interviewer. Pointing a finger at a person while speaking is an authoritative gesture. People do this when imposing themselves: parents and teachers often use this. It's a way of talking down, usually interpreted as aggressive and angry. This woman has no awareness of her body and how to use it, demonstrated by how she grins ALL THE WAY THROUGH Charlotte's intake interview. She spends the first few minutes of that session pushing all her favorite buzzwords for BPD sufferers. Apologizing. Self-criticism, anger....while Charlotte collapses into a state of nowhere to go. She then does not believe and validate Charlotte when she speaks about her boyfriend's cheating. Charlotte has the courage to say "that hurt my feelings" and the therapist glides right past it, once again, not validating. She has a lack of perception and lack of genuine warmth. This woman is either trying to sell her book or get a podcast.
youre the reason courts dont want to wafffle with these basket cases so they hand kids down to the unhealthy parents further perpetuating bpd abuse to continue cycle of torment these bpd "humans" cant get out of because they see a little challenge as a mountain when the real challenge is not to repeat the same damn cycle of abuse. No wonder yall never get out of this, youre the fake and awful psychologist.
i really did not like charlotte...to me she came off as narcissistic and fake
how is it ethical to talk about a patient and to have a patient on youtube, whether or not they have approved it. yikes
It is ethical when paitents agree to it, and sign off on clearly worded informed consent forms and such for that permission. And there is nothing wrong with it - it is considered both education, and promotion of the trade, in a positive and accurate light. And it helps others make decisions about coming into therapy and vids like this are much needed - and I say this as being a huge critic of the trade for over 20 years in my own small way. JMHO.
Why is the interviewer always wearing a sports bra? It's unsettling.
I agree!
Judgemental. Judge lest ye be be JUDGED. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Your exchanges here are at the most infantile level. "These monsters that are.......deeply feared." The low level is your intelliigence. Charlotte has a plurality of soul. A beautiful thing. If you hurt her in any way i ask you be charged and prosecuted with the full extent of the law. Your chit chat here makes ZERO sense. Read Hippocrites? I have. You are arrogant, rude, and judgemental. The fact that you therapists have gotten no respect for your own intelligence or beauty so there she is.........CHARLOTTE to be put on trial for her honesty. I am a Civilian Tactics Officer for our local Police and several other Departments across south-western-Ontario. I work primarily with the human trafficking epidemic. But i've seen psych-ward horror stories and this is a warning to you. You just called her a "monster". It's your own inner anger because you are non-attractive physically. You seem much more angry than Charlotte. Watch who you call a "monster". When Charlotte watches this it will make her sad, it will ruin her day/week/life. You have no place in the medical industry. Charlotte ignore it all and contact me.
Const. George Ferreira
London City Police, Perth County, Brampton, Halton Hills, Kingsville. All in Ontario, Canada.
ferreirageorge41@gmail.com
I can get you proper legal council. They are bombarding, harassing, and in no way helping you. Imagine every detail and aspect of your own lives being scrutinized? She is alone and you are intentionally torturing her. I support you 100% Charlotte. Your bravery and courage are much appreciated! Have a great day!❤