Does trauma cause clutter?
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
- Trauma can cause us to collect things to protect ourselves in a number of ways. Let's explore why, and what you can do.
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Hey! I'm Robyn and I'm alllll about simplifying life, embracing your potential and creating an incredible life.
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My hoarding started right after my divorce. It wasn’t until I decided to move to another state that I ‘woke up’ and realized how bad it had gotten. My daughter helped me with decluttering before the move - got rid of about 75% of the stuff - and helped me unpack - getting rid of another 10% at that point. The act of decluttering for the move seems to have broken the cycle. I still need to regularly declutter, but it’s under control now.
I'm so terribly sorry you were bullied, Robyn. I was bullied growing up, too, and am still dealing with many of the issues at 48. I found out one of my worst bullies died last spring, and have some complicated feelings; I was one of those kids who was told to "just ignore it", and this was a case where it was severe peer abuse which needed attention and was not addressed. Again, thank you for sharing your experience.
Slowly going through old pictures is something I saved for last. I am scanning but selectively. I am throwing out duplicates and less than ideal photos. I definitely needed some time to go through my photos of my youth since this was a difficult time for me. I feel content with my progress.
Thank you for this!
My childhood was incredibly average. Not too many ACEs, both parents, though divorced, were loving. I was introduced to trauma as an adult, and it seems everyone wants to address childhood trauma. It's rare to find support for new, or adult, trauma.
While my heart goes out to those with a history of childhood trauma, my experience is different. I can remember when things made sense, and my life was in order. The rapid fire of loss and abuse has been like the cow on the train tracks, and now I find myself completely off the rails!
I am so sorry you are experiencing such pain at this time. I hope you are able to reach out to a trusted person in your life. In the meantime, please give yourself all the love and care you can muster. Know that other people have also had these difficult emotions and you are not alone. I am sure many others reading your comment are feeling compassion and caring for you. ❤️
Boy! As someone who was bullied and still get bullied to this day, I could really could relate. I’m so sorry you were bullied. You didn’t deserve it, no one does. Thanks Robyn for sharing this, it really brave of you, seriously ❤
Thank you so much! I hope you are having a wonderful weekend and autumn. It’s been a month since your comment, but I wanted to reach out and thank you for it. Good luck with your current difficult situation. I hope it est better very soon.
that was just wonderful! thank you for taking the time to make this comprehensive video, it has certainly caused me to pause and reflect and what is really going on ❤
This was so relevant for me. Thanks, Robyn.
I'm so happy this is helpful
Thank you for explaining the difference between collecting and hoarding- I never knew this! Such a great, informative video.
In my research hoarding is something like OCD where it is sort of diagnosable. I’ve learned that hoarded see value in and are attached to and want to keep everything for whatever phycological reason. They do NOT a see or think there is a problem with it. Hence it’s very traumatizing and hard and sad for them to let go or have people help them get rid of stuff. Even if it is rotten food. Where clutter, even super bad clutter affecting daily living is often symptom of unhealed trauma. Trauma is anything that over loads your nervous system to the point it’s not working properly, especially affecting the frontal lobe for many of us which is where order comes in. We become cluttered as a symptom of our nervous system and brain not functioning how it did prior to the trauma. I’ve also learned that for some people it might be one significant event that overload their nervous system where it could be diagnosed as trauma, but for other people, it might be multiple events and then eventually some thing that doesn’t even seem super traumatic or significant is the one thing that puts you over the edge of what your nervous system can handle and you still are experiencing the symptoms of trauma which is often clutter that gets worse cuz we are not functioning good. For me one example is every time I needed a washcloth for me or my kid or the dishes there were never any in the drawers cuz I was atrugfling with major symptoms of ptsd like no sleep and anxiety and depression. Couldn’t function to keep up with laundry. Every time I needed a washcloth I would go dig around in the dryer or in a basket of clean clothes that was somewhere in my house or in this living room chair where clean laundry would end up and I would grab just one clause and someone once asked me why wouldn’t you grab a few and stop them in the drawer and it just never crossed my mind because my brain and I just wasn’t functioning properly and so eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and I would buy a new pack of wash cloths for the kitchen and a new pack of baby washcloths, and a new pack of washcloths for the bathroom and I could shove them in a drawer, and then the cycle would repeat itself and pretty soon if all my laundry was clean, the washcloths would not all fit in the drawer, and the same thing happened with socks or different things like that around the house I’ve learned that with bad clutter we can admit and we KNOW that it’s a problem. We can’t seem to overcome it and we want and know we need to and need help. Where hoarders don’t see a problem and often don’t want help. My over abundance of stuff leads me to hating how it makes me feel in my home and the lack of peace it causes my family. For many hoarders the stuff makes them feel safe and good and that’s how I understand the difference between hoarding and clutter. It’s just really challenging to overcome the clutter when your nervous system is still messed up from the trauma. And that’s where I am stuck I’ve had people come to help me and we make progress and will have a room so clean that my daughter dances in it because she’s so excited but then months later it’s exactly how it was before because I’m still not sleeping good my frontal lobe is still not functioning properly. My brain is not functioning properly. My decision-making is not functioning properly because my nervous system is messed up. That’s different than hoarding which is similar to OCD and is a maybe more phycological from my understanding and lots of research. Like if you watch hoarders they are crying and really feel wronged and hurt when people try to help them clean up. It’s traumatic to have their things taken out. And even though I struggle with deciding things and I’m sentimental I’m hopeful and know how good it will be and can be to let things go. A Wright lifted. Hope that helps.
Lovely video .We need to think about why we are not letting and change of mindset to move forward ❤❤
Thank you
Yes! The first part of the decluttering journey should be to discover why you've accumulated a problematic amount of items.
I was also bullied at school by guys, it was never the girls from 3rd grade to 9th grade, after that they seemed to leave me alone. I still haven't forgotten I was told every week I was fat and ugly and I still struggle with that today. I realized home was my safe space and I collected model horses (Breyer, Peter Stone). I had 150 of these horses at one point but that's not many compared to some people in that hobby. I have gotten under 50 now and keep selling as I realize the ones that I buy don't mean as much as the ones my friend has painted for me. My hobbies was how I got away from hating school everyday. I collected rocks, I collected anything horses, I collected sea shells or anything having to do with the beach, lighthouses, anything to do with the show Knight Rider (80s version), there were other movies or TV shows that I would collect things but then that fell by the wayside after a while. So apparently collecting certain items was my way of coping, I am slowly letting things go now after 25+ years.
Hello from 2024! I hope this year is starting well for you so far 🙏🏼🎉❤️
@@MinimalistHome Thank you for the reply! Going ok, not the best but hoping to get better, its still early yet. I hope 2024 is going well for you.
Thank you Robyn for this beautiful video on the emotional reasons behind clutter and hoarding. I appreciate in your videos how you analyze the possible underlying motivations for our collecting and keeping possessions beyond there usefulness. I am so glad I happened to see Cass from Clutterbug's podcast with you and made the decision to click on the subscribe button. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!!!
Wonderful!
Something inside me said, whoa, that sounds familiar - when you talked about being prepared for food insecurity issues or other insecurities. I went through a very bad earthquake in 1994, I thought I was going to literally die. Since then I've made it a point to be as prepared as I can be for a natural disaster. I mean, I know that's a good thing, but the anxiety I feel is not so good.
No the anxiety doesn’t feel good. Being prepared is helpful though
Were you in Northridge? I was there for the as a child, and it was terrifying for sure.
Thank you, so, so, SO much for this video. So helpful.
I’m so happy to help!
dude. the old guy hugging his teddy bear crying. i am only laughing because what you said there and that image is just too real, but its also so ridiculous. but i can absolutely relate. some weird deep psyche stuff mannn, being a human in this reality is a trip for sure
Yes! Glad you liked it! 💪🏼
My family was poor while I was growing up and I rarely got anything I needed like sanitary products, items I wanted, things I wanted to participate in like volleyball or even clothes that properly fit. As soon as I started working at 16, I could buy almost anything but the lines between wants and needs were severely blurred which begat money management and clutter issues.
Thanks for sharing and it’s wonderful that you’re able to see these patterns. Keep looking into those issues and you’ll untangle them and keep moving forward!
New sub & 1st time commenter.
Wow... this is the first hints I've had that tell me some of the reasons I have clutter issues.
I do want help. I have SO many many many of ALL of the trauma sources You named it is quite sad really.
Which of Your videos speak to examining & healing these myriad root causes or where xould You refer me to look at healing ALL the areas of insecurity & trauma You referred to in this video??
I have them all over & over. What is my place to start healing so I can move forward with decluttering??
Thank You for working hard for You & Your family & all of us & ours!!
Thank you so much Pink Lady ❤️
It may be helpful to see a counselor or therapist--someone who can help you process through all of your trauma and move forward.
@@sherrielouks419 I did see someone for my ADD for a couple yrs & I did end up feeling a lil better about myself worth but didn't help the ADD at all.
I thought the purpose of my note to the creator of this was she may be able to specifically point me to sources of help for the type of issues to which she was referring.
I certainly haven't exhausted her vids but IF I could break down some of these apparently emotional & traumatic strongholds that ate causing the attachment to all this stuff - I am a Great organizer of other ppl's junk!!
My ADD makes me The Best Organizer EVER!! I love meticulous sorting & can fit more in a smaller space than anyone!!
Ppl love when I help them move! No porcupine pack in my boxes or loads!!
I can't let go or stop procrastinating for fear of having to let go... I think at this point. ??
She did not seem to even read my query for help or direction 😥
Thank You for reading & hearing. I appreciate You. In my small town on my non-existent budget, there are not good options for mental health healing. That I have found.
That's why what she was saying gave me hope!! I have never heard about these things.
Bless You dear Sherrie for hearing my heart.
I want so badly to not be emotionally attached to stuff. It's just not happening. My dad died and a very large dumpster type size garbage bag with everything I wanted to keep got thrown away. And I swear if I want to have known when it was thrown away I wouldn't went to the junk yard to try find it. I think about my stuff every single day is gone. I think of myself stuff more than my dad. He wasn't so great. But I still just can't get over so many things are gone forever. I don't know what to do.
Which is why I am glad the concept of minimalism and Swedish death cleaning are picking up steam in our culture.
I still have memories of the horror of my parents having to clean out my paternal grandparents home (rural, Depression era mindsets).
My maternal grandmother was a shutterbug, and I remember how much Mom hated throwing away all of those photos, none anyone wanted.
Thank you for this video. ❤
Thank you.
Thank you so much for this video. It was concise
Thanks so much!
💯 clutter has trauma roots. Heal the trauma. Release all the stuff.
💪🏼🌟🙏🏼
❤ Thank You
You’re welcome ☺️
You have ADHD? What is your biggest struggle to keep you from focusing?
Some of the other RUclipsrs overuse the ADHD diagnosis for some reason. I have had it since I was 7. Could not figure out why I could not keep a job stay on task at work or complete anything really. I feel like when I see some of the alleged ADHDers are just using it to get an audience.
It's insulting to someone like me. How do you keep it together???? 😢😢 I'm struggling!
I hear You Sister! My life is ruin & can't stay on task to save my soul 🤪
I have gone to therapy for it & in ways it helped me see myself as with some value but didn't help my ADD isues at all!!
I am not able to control myself to the extent I need to do! Yes I stop myself from running naked in the street & having sex with everyone. 🤯
I do have some selfcontrol 🤓 but not where staying on task or directing myself to do what I want comes in.
How are we supposed to do that?!? If You have dound any resource for that I would like You to share please.
I watch a couple channels but like You say, they show ppl functioning in careers...
I am not able to do that even with an above average IQ.
Sending Love Your Way!! We are valuable!! Just not sure for what 🤔🤪🤕😂😎
I completely agree that ADHD is overused BIG time. Honestly the things that has helped me the most with it is removing excess everything: stuff (obviously), commitments, people, all sorts of things. it still feels like swimming against the current and nearly drowning sometimes.
@@PinkLady54 😘😘😘
but could someone's trauma also manifest as over-cleaning and over-organizing. i have a family member who is almost OCD in that sense and they no doubt have traumas like the rest of us might
Yes, this makes sense. It’s just the way that things can be out of balance and we don’t know why or see the connection until we dig into the “why” if it all.
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❤️