When I was 15 after my Mother was killed, my Father came to me one night and said we are moving 3,000 miles away in the morning. Just pack a change of clothes as the moving company will be bringing all of our possessions immediately. Found out a week later, there was no moving van coming. I lost everything I ever owned in my life. I know that's where my "Clutter" comes from.
My God!!!!..what an unspeakably EVIL thing to do to a young person (any person really!)...so sorry that happened to you...that level of 'Betrayal Trauma' is very hard to overcome...especially when it was from someone so close to you..someone you trusted. My heart goes out to you. Perhaps you could give some of the extra things you have to people who have gone through what you went through...I'm sure they would really treasure it.
I don't understand.... How did you lose everything if the movers never came? You moved with your dad..... but the moving truck coming later was a lie ?
Taking a photo of your your space so you can "step back" and study your area can really can be an eye opener. I first noticed this when taking a photo of my child and it really hit me how cluttered and messy the area was in the background.
yes! I was taking a photo of one of my dogs, but didn't want to show it to anyone because of the clutter in the background that I never noticed as being that bad before!
What was not mentioned for why some like to hoard resulting in clutter is the survival effect. Like a squirrel storing acorns for winter. An immigrant having to leave their country with only a suitcase and the clothes on their back. For these people, clutter is the antidote and signifies permanentcy and a buffer against starvation. They can always sell these items to buy food. Even offspring of immigrants may inherit this trait through epigenetics.
Absolutely. I know that I have a tendency to hoard because I was homeless 3 times when I was younger. Before that, my parents moved around a lot. I hate that feeling of being in a new place and not being sure how long you'll be there. You have to accumulate "stuff" to remember where you live.
Yes, and the urge not to waste the smallest thing. I think with me it also gives me my space rather than takes it. I developed a feeling that someone else will put their stuff there if I don't use it first. For a long time I was denied space by a former marriage partner, so that has to have affected my concept of personal space.
My parents were this way, NOT throwing anything away. They both grew up during the 1930's and were very poor. My Mom use to tell a story that she could remember when her family (parents & 7 kids) couldn't afford to buy a 2 cent package of yeast to make bread.
I'm tackling clutter right now, losing stuff which holds memories is hard especially when my memory is fading, I use my stuff to recall my life experiences, hence the reluctance to let it all go. My partner has really helped by suggesting I take a photograph of all these items before giving them away to charity.
Yeah I’m right there with you. But to me a “Picture” doesn’t really satisfy or suffice having the childhood doll or toy or whatever it is. That’s where I am still.
My friend hoards tourist leaflets and receipts: he is a tour guide and those leaflets were useful information before the explosion of the Internet - but I have a hard time convincing him that he can access all the information, updated, online! What's worse is that those leaflets are free, whereas he would have to pay substantial money for secure storage online: he has lost so many photographs and the memories of the places he has visited due to hard drive failure so I understand why he wants to hold onto the physical copy. I've lost all the photographs of my childhood and my children and my whole music collection! I can never get those memories back and I can never afford to replace the music, some of which are also not available anymore!
I think there are two reasons why I have a cluttered environment. The first is the trauma of an abusive childhood- it literally is a protective barrier. The second is a parent removing items without my permission, thus I didn’t learn a decision making process. A child is quite capable at a certain age to decided to keep or donate a toy. By taking away a much loved toy I think it’s literally giving the child grief. Thus an aversion to getting rid of stuff. That’s my theory anyway.
I agree that clutter can be protection, if it’s good stuff, like my sewing machines, it can feel like a form of wealth, and I also agree that what we might collect as adults can be a way to self soothe the child within. Although we weren’t poor as a family, with Cadillacs and planes, boats, etc, I alway s felt poor, so that has impacted what I like to own. Owning stuff to me is also a form of power. We don’t need to make anyone else happy if we are ok w/ the stuff & on our own.
My dad used to “clean my room” by backing his pickup truck up to my window, kicking out the screen & throwing away everything that was mine except for my bed, dresser, & a few clothes. I never learned to declutter or organize. It was just all gone in a matter of minutes.
I have lost *everything I own* more than once in my life! The first time was two boxes and a suitcase of my favorite clothes. I stayed at a friend's house while moving and someone mistook them for something going to charity and when I woke up, they were gone. A decade later, I was married and had some nice antiques, old books, (etc) and a Victorian house to keep it all in. My husband decided we had to sell everything and start over somewhere else. I tried to stop the house sale and never signed the papers. He or the agent signed my name and sold the house. 30 years later in a rented house, I still mourn my losses, I still cry over my house. I now have "organized clutter." I keep clothes, books, keepsakes, etc. in stacks of clear plastic boxes that seal with gaskets and clamps. It has taken 8 years living in this place for me to finally decide to go through the boxes and separate things that I will never use from what i will. I am amazed how much I'm getting rid of! Nothing will bring back my house, but I have some keepsakes. Photographs and memories. So, "progress not perfection" is my new motto as I whittle this down to a manageable amount.
I've felt pretty bad grief from losing seemingly insignificant things in comparison. If that had happened to me I think my body would turn inside out! You have a great and commendable degree of fortitude.
I empathize with you and am sorry for what you went through. I was homeless and lost everything on several occasions. I’m in a good place now. However, I shop and acquire too much, and almost nightly, I dream that I’ve lost everything again. Therapy is helping.
@@homebody61 It sounds like you've lost much more than I did! And you're in a safe place now. I think we tend to buy more things because our minds are telling us to be prepared. It gets better with time (in some ways), or it did for me. I still have dreams too though about getting my house back, even though that's not possible.
I feel for you I also find it very hard to let go. The key is to concentrate on your life and goals as they are now, and decide how your belongings can facilitate these, instead of archiving (I have to remind myself I am not running a museum) or saving a potential that won't be followed on.
I only have trouble decluttering my wardrobe and I know exactly why. For the first, long, part of my life I had little to wear, only one pair each of pants and shoes, three short-sleeved tops, one nightgown, and no outer wear, robe or slippers, etc. I was always cold, I didn’t get enough food, either and was emaciated, and I always felt very inferior because I lived poor in a very wealthy area. When I graduated from university, my ex also made a great fuss if I bought anything to wear for my career, even though I was the sole earner. It’s hard to get over that kind of real scarcity, but I’m trying. My grandmother had it from being a teen and young adult during the Great Depression, too, but she hoarded everything.
If your clothes make you happy and that's your only clutter issue Have at it KEEP THEM🍃 YOU DESERVE THEM 🍃 You can shut your closet door (I hope) I give you permission to not feel guilty because You do deserve nice things My best friend who always looked nice (me I wear the same few things over and over) when she passed away She was a widow when I helped clean the house out she had clothes in almost every closet in the house Her home was clean and nest I never knew she had so many clothes She gave me a lot back then probably hoping I would wear them😊 They made her happy I'm glad for her she did not sacrifice in that area of her life She was in the Air Force 10 years and went to catholic school in a uniform Soooo she adored her clothes Glad she enjoyed them Don't worry be happy God bless
I hope you have some great outfits that you enjoy. Sometimes I like to say, “Happiness is having enough” …which can mean sufficient or reaching a tipping point of being overwhelmed. The clothes you give away may really help someone in a situation such as you experienced , that’s a good thought I think.
GOOD FOR HER.💪 LET'S CELEBRATE HOARDERS😇WHEN THE WORLD HAS DEPLETED ALL COMMODITIES EVERYONE WILL WISH THEY KNEW A HOARDER👍 HARD TIMES ARE UPON US ONCE AGAIN 😣REGARDS FROM 🇬🇧
@@melaniebrignellUs Yanks tend to refer to that as “Prepping” or “Prepers” and there’s wisdom in that, good point. But “Hoarding” we usually use with a more of a negative or unhealthy connotation. Do these words have different connotations in Great Britain too?
It's so interesting reading everyone's reasons for clutter, there is often some kind of trauma involved. I recently realised that I used to love buying clothes because they were a kind of armour against being bullied. Where I grew up if you looked good and dressed well people would begrudgingly respect you, so it was a protection mechanism. I also used shopping as an avoidance mechanism for things I needed to be doing and a way to comfort myself when I felt depressed. I eventually distanced myself from these sorts of people but I found myself with a house full of clutter, too many clothes, very few connections in my life and problems that I needed to face. I would still find myself wandering around shops feeling depressed and lost. It makes shopping for things I actually need difficult, as I have to ask myself if I'm just using shopping as an avoidance strategy or whether I do need the item I'm looking for.
@@louisetaylor6952 Ah thanks Louise that's a nice comment to read. I've been watching Friends again on Netflix recently and could definitely do with a good group of friends like that to help eachother level up because it's hard doing it alone. I'm glad the Internet exists at least for people to talk and share tips and ideas.
After I make that decision, I do not even recall what I have gotten rid of. So, I guess that means I only get rid of what I do not treasure. I feel liberated and proud of myself.
I’m pretty sure my house is cluttered because I prioritize other things I can come home and pick up or I can come home and grab my guitar, do something with my dog etc
As much as having an uncluttered appearing home is good for mental health, it makes us vulnerable and dependent on the system. If there's a real emergency, the stores will run out of food in 1-2 days. My family has hoarded for generations, I think it's trauma from the great depression passed down generationally. If you keep it organized, you're not a hoarder, you're a maximalist!
A lot in the Uk would be deemed as hoarders in the USA. However due to rationing etc a lot of folks taught their kids to have a full pantry and be Preppers. The allotments and growing your own food is very popular here. Small holdings are increasing, as are thrift/charity shops to reuse and up cycle furniture. The cost of living crisis has taught a lot of folks about the importance of prepping.
We looked at a house once we were considering buying. It was owned by a family who built it during WW2. There were 3 oil tanks in the basement. Shelves built along the basement walls were filled with bottles and containers of food and water. During the war, you had ration books with stamps you could use to buy food, if you had the money. Families could only get a very limited amounts of meat, sugar, flour, etc. I still have my grandparents’ and fathers ration books.
And when was the last time you witnessed stores running out of food? Gardening is great and it makes sense to have a few emergency supplies, but fear-based prepping and hoarding is a mental health issue, as miadanielle makes clear.
It totally agree. My parents were teenagers in the depressing. We always had extra food in the basement. I in today's economy, we n need to have extra food put away.
My dad died when I was 16 and he was also a hoarder. I was brought back to our apartment to gather some things as my uncles were there ripping everything apart and dumping all that they could. I was asked if I wanted to keep certain things but I was still in such a state of shock that I left a lot of things that I wished I had kept later on. I developed a hoarding problem myself after that. It took a lot of time and some medication for things to improve, but I still have some lingering hoarding tendencies and a lot of trouble with organization.
That was a cruel thing your uncle's did. People often act very irrationally when they are stressed. I hope you can let go of that pain and move toward who you are created to be. ❤
When I had extremely poor eyesight, ie, functionally blind without glasses, yet had to navigate in the dark to go to the bathroom, I had items all along the path. When there were no walls to guide me, I put waist high chests, etc, so there was no more than 24" gaps in the spaces. After many years, I finally reached 65 years & got Medicare, so my eye doctor did cataract surgery on both eyes. Now I put away much of that furniture & no longer stumble along...
I love a clear, uncluttered space and have really awakened to that as I have spent the last month clearing out my Moms' little apartment and couldn't imagine how much STUFF she crammed into that tiny space! I have always had a problem letting things go and I know it comes from a real lack most of my life and/or an inability to replace that item with something else. I also have such an emotional attachment to things as we had so little when I was growing up. I am older now, a widow and living in a tiny space, hanging on to bins of belongings in the hopes of one day having more space to display them.......I know, let them go! I don't want to leave my kids with the job I just had clearing my Moms apartment 😞
I moved recently and downsized a lot. I find it helpful to take a photo of things with sentimental value. A similar approach is to keep a portion, for example keep a button not the whole coat. Seeing the object in a photo permits me to objectify it and let it go much easier. When sorting I use dark black contractor bags..out of sight, out of mind…let it go. It’s ok to have some cherished objects or something to remember a loved one and featuring those things in your living space gives your personal space a depth of soul. I hope you find some treasures to enjoy and honor that are packed away. And I wish you well in creating more space and order, it’s a real challenge and it’s worth the effort!
I lost my mom 1yr ago on mother's day! Have alot of her things fur coats I can't get ride of. I have my husband's moms things a bit over whelping I need to decide soon what to do w items
Just before cov we moved to a tiny apartment compared to our old one and we are 4 humans and 2 cats. My parents are in scarcity mode to let go of items and they radher live into this condition than taking action 😤 and they even collect more. I tried many times myself to tidy up declutter and even myself I felt fed up and I give up. Though this baggage overwhelm makes my energy low and sick 😢😢 and I don't know what to do.
@@starseedstarseed311 Nice name Star Seed… Sounds very frustrating. It might be helpful to continue studying the psychology of hoarding sometimes understanding a phenomenon allows one to be more objective about it. This isn’t about fixing the problem, but just learning to observe the situation. Sometimes hoarders really do have undiagnosed or untreated mental illnesses, understanding their behavior as part of their physical condition and/or aging process may help you cope. You too may be grieving for loss of something, someone, sometime …I don’t know…but we can all benefit from self care…easy to say I know. Anyway, hopefully the cats are content 🐈🐈😸. Hang in there! Thanks for reaching out and I wish you well!
Figuring out which charity will take which thing can become overwhelming. I find the major charities in my city are quite picky. Also, I get trapped in that “I could sell it for” fallacy. Just because it’s listed on eBay or Etsy doesn’t mean it will actually get that price.
I create boundaries around something. If it's something I couldn't collect more than $20 for, I do not list it to sell. I have sold well used pieces of furniture in the past-- which has then allowed me to use those funds to contribute to the new piece of furniture I am upgrading it to. If it's somewhere in between, I donate (often times cities might even come to you, or even a FREE FB group.) f it's badly damaged and someone can't possibly use it, I toss it.
I agree with ohsweetmystery. Sometimes I can put stuff on the curb and people will take it; if they don't, it goes away with the trash collector. Only 20% of stuff donated to charity ever gets sold, so they have to pay to have taken away just like we do. I cut out the middleman. Nobody wants my 30 year old shoes from Payless.
There’s a difference between having a system for your items and not having a system, which can cause anxiety and feeling overwhelmed. I’ve found most people who identify as creative have organized chaos, which is still a system nonetheless
True. But if stop caring, what other people think of you is accompanied by not caring about how you take care of yourself, life is going to get very messy. You can be creative without being a hoarder of clutter.… At whatever level. Loss aversion Grabs hold of some people more than others, and when it gets out of hand, it’s pretty nasty.
Almost every creative person I know who doesn't have a decluttering process has it cramping their ability to be creative. They can't find what they need when they need it. They often pay to replace supplies they own but can't find and don't have space to work. Also so many unfinished projects that just promote shame.
I live with my parents. They're in the verge of hoarder. I have clutter, my sister has clutter in her own house. I realise this and little by little I'm getting rid of my own stuff. Some easier than others but still I vision a life in a minimalism style. 😍 Sometimes I loose myself cleaning my parents stuff just for them to substitute for another thing. That's an excuse for me not to deal with my own stuff, I know that now so I do my best to live here without being "contaminated" by the sorroundings and keep my goal alive. And I'm doing it and I know I can! 🙏💪 Thank you for your amazing video, it gave me confidence to keep me going. Hugs from Portugal. 💞
Wow! I had to stop the video a lot to process this, here in the middle of my cluttered living room. And I am gonna watch this again and again untill it sticks. This is a pearl.
Amen to that. I hope I can start to unclutter my bedroom. Especially the rest of the house is okay. I live with my daughter who really doesn't seem to have this problem as much as I do. I also have a VERY great faith and you know what they say: Cleanliness is next to Godliness or the other way around. So it's easy to have a guilt trip with that because I love to pray and I'm online helping other people come closer to the Lord so I just have a hard time understanding why I just can't get rid of stuff. I'm sure there's some deep psychological, something or other considering the life I had and I just don't realize it and it's part of the problem. But I don't want excuses. I just want to have the place Nice because when I see some place that's nice, I think that's really wonderful... and it's sort of miraculous how they KEEP it that way because I just can't seem to do it. And what's even worse is that I don't even care much. It doesn't bother me at all. Really. It's just the bedroom. That's the mess. The rest of the house is pretty neat. But being that I'm elderly and very tired and weak I just don't get to things like I want to. But I don't want to have excuses. I just want to take one day to time and parcel it out. And I think from reading these comments and knowing I'm not alone and also the video is very good. I think it'll give me a little more motivation. All right. God bless and love everybody and hang in there.
Perhaps you are approaching it with the wrong angle! Decluttering isn't about simply tossing things away... it's about curating an intentional space that is both functional and something you love. So if you're using an item in your day to day, it shouldn't hit the declutter pile (unless of course it needs replacing, but thats another story!)
Mia, you have outdone yourself with this lecture! I enjoyed the challenge of this intellectual material. Clutter control is complex and knowing the cognitive distortions and how our mindset can "set" us up for success is extremely important. Having completed an 8-month outdoor building and repair project (through the unusually long rainy season in San Diego) I saw firsthand how mental attitude affects the outcome. Our contractor was a beacon of hope and perseverance when there were days when it looked hopeless. His attitude rubbed off on everyone around him including my husband and I. We kept seeing the vision, the end result, practicing this day after day. and doing what we could each day to move a little closer to the vision. The project finally got done and it exceeded our expectations. This can also happen if we visualize and stay focused on the end result of how wonderful it feels to have the clutter-free home of our dreams. Thank you for your inspiration always there when we need it!!
@@MiaDanielle Your work is gold. The speed of your delivery sent me into anxiety as I just couldnt keep up. This is my problem and I'm a solution focused person, so I wonder is there a transcript so I can read alongside as you speak? Thanks Selma
A tip I was given, which has proved invaluable, is to retain one item out of many, which encapsulates the significance of a collection of stuff, and to discard the rest. That way, the memories are preserved, and the emotional discomfort of the loss easily overcome.
@@StephieGsrEvolution If you have anxiety about discarding objects, forcing yourself to throw out just one thing, and deliberately enduring the emotional discomfort, tells the subconscious that it can be done. If you repeat the process, it gets increasingly easier.
@@rosemaryallen2128 it's far more complicated for people like me. It's a whole several question step process just to figure out that I can let something go. Even just to discard something is a several step process too, because I do my best to donate or recycle things in the best way. One item is fine, but when you have many and not much room, this gets to be super challenging. I've gotten better over time with letting go, but I still want what I let go to go to some perfect next place. It sux.
Hoarding can also be a symptom of trauma. Having become homeless a few times and lost everything or not having access to things I need, has created a sense of FOMO, to hoard household items I don't need. I also have difficulty throwing away DIY tools even though I don't expect ever having to do serious renovation in my rented place like I did when I owned my own home. A few years ago I got into yarn craft that made that helped to prevent depression but it also FOMO even worse - all those yarn companies that discontinue a particular label every few weeks, but also because I've known the whole time I am going to move into a country where I have never seen yarn sold anywhere! I did know a lady who did knitting, a very unusual thing: I was told she buys her yarn from a neighbouring country! I have no chance to do that so I started hoarding yarn as well.
GOOD FOR YOU .👍THERE IS GOING TO BE A WORLD SHORTAGE OF ALL COMMODITIES.I COLLECT WOOD I DO HAVE A STOVE .I AM FED UP OF PEOPLE SAYING " WHAT DO YOU WANT ALL THAT WOOD FOR" I CYNICALLY REPLY " I'M BUILDING AN ARK"THAT SHUTS THEM UP🌈 EVERYONE SHOULD BE PLEASED THEY KNOW A HOARDER WHEN THE PRICE'S GO UP & UP.WE ALL HAVE DEPRESSION & THIS GOES HAND IN HAND & SLOWLY CREEPS UP ON YOU LATER IN LIFE 😱 HAPPY YARNING👍
Also some keep clutter to fill the hole in their heart. My mom was abandoned at age 3 by her mother, and it has always been a source of unhappiness. She loves having lots of cute things about and doesn’t throw anything away.
Loss, yes, something that I realised was I wasnt keeping people out because I was ashamed of my house, I was keeping my mess to keep people out. No risk of more loss.
Yeah but what about when certain counselors tell that u have collected too many sentimental items over ur lifetime?! That’s The Hard one! And they expect you to throw part of ur childhood away. I didn’t like that part because u CANT get those back!
I’ve found that it’s less about the items itself and moreso about dealing with the underlying emotion as to WHY so many items are considered sentimental. The other part is are these sentimental items getting in the way of you living in a healthy and safe environment? Therapy is a choice, but if what you consider sentimental is creating a hazardous environment and outside entities are needing to step in, then yes, you will need to get rid of items and come to terms that your things are not your childhood. Your childhood is a period of time that you’ve already experienced and cannot be taken away from you as an adult.
I've often wondered if watching films like Brave Little Toaster and Toy Story as a young child had a significant impact on this kind of behavior and thought. I consider myself a very creative person with a strong empathetic side and when younger I recall feelings of guilt throwing away even a small torn scrap of paper that had been around for a while thinking "it would feel bad that I didn't want it". I don't struggle with these feelings as much today but still feel obliged to save spiders and the like despite not even wanting to touch them haha, and I still have most of my childhood toys despite long forgetting their names. I'm confident that if I'm lucky enough to have children of my own some day I'll not disregard the significance of these kind of stimuli.
Haha I save the spiders too. I have a huge problem throwing out things bc I understand the situation our society has created w our consumerism and disposable attitude. I have STRONG feelings about this. We need to stop producing and reuse, trade barter, etc. We've passed the point of garbage our earth can handle long ago. But this isn't helping me, I've been telling myself I need to just do it this once and be very careful what comes in after. The stuff I'd be throwing out won't make a difference when society is still operating the same anyways..I'm trying to convince myself this.
@@crazyratlady3438 This used to bother me a lot too but I'm not sure if it was just a rationalization of my desire to hold on to things. Either way, it's definitely still a big issue, if biodegradables were more commonplace it's be a good thing, and designing stuff that won't degrade to last and not be as disposable. Integrating planned obsolescence in to product design has always bothered me.
According to the law of oneness, everything is made of the same divine energy, people, places and things and that's probably why you feel attachments since you are an empath.
@@rebeccarpwebb4132 thank you! I am an empath too so I've always felt bad letting things go. I realize things can and should change and become different or given away depending on it's use for yourself or someone else. I usually thank my items for serving me and I try to donate instead of throw away. I don't want to be wasteful, and I respect things. I'm glad you like the statement😄
I really relate to this video. I have a lot of sentimental clutter that is very hard for me to let go of. Most stuff is fairly easy for me to donate to charity or discard but the sentimental stuff is not. I get physically ill when I even think about letting it go. 😩
love all this. although I feel like I'm pretty good at donating/letting things go when they don't have any more use to me, occasionally it will be difficult to part with a tshirt I used to love but is now just taking up space. I really like what Marie Kondo said about "thanking" the clothing for its usefulness in the past before getting rid of it, haha.
@@carollynt Most religions have their own symbology, Christian have crosses and crucifixes, Jews menorahs and their particular star - but most don't venerate or worship those objects. I have a queer habit of thanking my sewing needles before I have to throw them away because they have been a great tool that enabled a fantastic amount of work and made the end product impeccable but the idea that expressing gratitude to a tool for its good works and venerating it, to be the same - is sheer nonsense. But if you want to be judgmental and weird about it, were in America, go ahead - you do you boo! Meanwhile a few of us taking a second to express gratitude to an object that's been useful to us before setting it aside, might be useful psychologically to being able to let it go.
Absolutely. This is why it took me 9 years to file for divorce from a woman who treated me horribly. I wanted out at year 1 but I kept it going year after year.
@@Debthouse Thanks! I absolutely am. I’ve found a great lady I’ve been with 7 years and she is awesome. Never want to see my ex again and thankful since we didn’t have kids I don’t have to. She loves manny states away.
Over the past six months (since returning from a journey to the tropics of SE Asia) I have sold, given away and discarded everything I own(ed). Everything. All I have left now fits into two suitcases. I did spend several minutes early this morning searching around my empty house for an item I use almost everyday and after looking in every room suddenly realized I had donated it to the thrift store two days ago! Ha ha ha! Well, I don’t need to look for THAT anymore! Yup. Free of all that stuff (2,000+ CDs of rare music, hundreds of books, all my dishes, a closet filled with clothes I seldom wear… (I now own four shirts). All gone. Free at last. Free at last! Think I’ll go for a walk.
Yes, it was very easy to listen to and access. Too much filler detracts from the message. I think I'll watch another and, if it's as useful and concise, I'll subscribe. (I'm trying to declutter my social media, as well, so I don't subscribe indiscriminately.)
It try to have intentional clutter. Every decoration and embellishment to my space is placed with a purpose/theme. Yes, I let me apt get cluttered when I have a busy week, but I throw out what I need to. The worst thing is going through old mail and filing important papers. And I hate getting rid of clothes because I like the thought of having options even if I wear the same stuff all the time. 😂
I quite like my clutter, it makes the place look interesting and lived in, much like an old curiosity shop. When I go to a really tidy house I feel uncomfortable to the point that I don’t even want to sit down in case I crumple the fabrics. I went to a customer’s house once, the kitchen was so uncluttered that everything was put away into drawers, clean white surfaces, it looked like a morgue with the sterile marble kitchen island, but without the body on the slab. I did have a bit of a tidy up the other week though and moved the chainsaw from the kitchen floor, that was underneath the bike and next to the big pot I use for winemaking, into the log basket. The oily rag that was underneath it is now wrapped around an oilstone I picked up from a skip along with some old hand tools that I couldn’t bare to see land filled and the old stock pot is in the attic. I even scrubbed the kitchen floor! I tend to save plastic cream pots to grow seeds in so have stacks of these dotted around the place. I’ve got driftwood, beach pebbles, rocks, sticks and logs all over the place, sometimes they go in the fire, or I eventually get around to making stuff out of them. I keep old glass jars for pickling and jam making, bottles for wine making. I am of course single😂. I think my favourite bit of untidiness is one of the pictures on the wall is slightly askew, I’ve left it like that as I know it winds my mate up when he comes around for a beer. A lot of my clutter also comes from family as a result of their decluttering ironically, and stuff left behind by various homeless friends who I put up for a few months or years at a time before they got themselves somewhere a bit more permanent. I’ve always been untidy, even my time in the Navy couldn’t break the habit, no matter how hard they tried, to the point that I’m sure that this is also my reaction and aversion to authority figures who seem to be fixated with tidiness and telling me what to do.
Agreed! While I don't have that level of stuff, I can see the aversion to authority and the comfort it provides. And who wants to be afraid to sit down and crumple the fabric? Lol!! You do you!
Wow! Respect for your choice to embrace, love and feel comfortable living in your clutter. I am your polar opposite. I love my sparkling white, practically empty kitchen counter tops. To each his own. I can see your point of view where clutter makes a home interesting and lived in. It does. I have several friends who have a lot of stuff in their homes. It makes me feel claustrophobic, and I wonder how do they keep the house clean? Pretty certain they feel uncomfortable in my uncluttered, sterile home. Again, to each his own. I certainly value my friendships enough to let them live their lives as they see fit. Blessings. Have a happy day.
It sounds like you have seen my kitchen which this time of year functions as a garden shed. But there is also just a lot of stuff that could be thinned down, or inventoried. When I counted up my canning lids, I realized I didn't need any more for at least a few years. It does help to organize... at least into piles or boxes.
Yes! I find it refreshing to watch these types of videos. I find it difficult to eliminate certain things as I typically am very mindful about what I take in. It makes it more difficult to determine need. I think this is a brilliant discussion. I find that I value things I own more than things I don't also.
The brutal Partition of our country was so traumatic for my parents that they carried the scars all their lives. My father used everything till it gave out and my mother hoarded everything. Even after they had risen from the devastation and done well in later years, these habits continued. To some extent we, their children, have imbibed some of these traits and often don't like to discard things unless we have to.
Women in fam. Hoard. Not unclean just so much stuff. After TV show came out I began to purge things twice yr. When Dad died I went to Florida she had 9 new cans of ladies shave cream and did not shave. Items stuffed under beds.
Weirdly enough, I learned to make my house minimalist and decluttered after learning ultralight backpacking skills. It just spilled over into the rest of my life.
About 20 years ago, while living in NYC, I went to a counselor. I told her about my overspending, hoarding, etc. I described the sinkful of dishes that were there in a disgusting, smelly mess for months... Until I threw them in the garbage only to later buy a new set to do the same... (No rinse, just repeat...)Then I moved onto paper plates, plastic forks... Not a big fix, problem remained). The counselor's advice to me... *_"Get yourself Fiesta brand ceramic dishes, so it will be a pleasure to wash them..."_* Since that asinine advice, I have owned over 25 dish sets (wasteful and expensive) and I realize that she never understood the root of my problem. Over the decades since, I have figured out all that was wrong and caused me to sabotage my living space so much, living on squalor.
I'm a (UK based) counsellor. If a counsellor is giving you solution based advice, or is telling you what to do to "solve" your problems, they might not be the right person for you to see. What might seem like the answer to *them* might absolutely not be the answer for *you*, with your unique frame of reference. Most people who come to me are looking for a counsellor who can walk alongside the client and facilitate their journey towards finding their own solutions in the present, while acknowledging the context of their past. In my personal view, the way I'm trained and regulated by my professional body, solution focused advice has no place in a counselling relationship. I hope you won't allow this poor experience to colour your view of all therapists. ❤
@@TheAmazingHuman-Man2 Does anyone with a problem letting go of things need to buy more stuff? Does a really expensive bottle of whiskey help an alcoholic drink less???
My mother threw out my comic book collection and gave away both my skateboard and bike without asking. Every roommate I've ever had has wrecked cutting boards, pots and pans, vinyl records, etc. Keep your lousy stinking hands off my stuff or expect blind rage in return.
I think I developed an excess accumulation issue after nearly 10 years of living in poverty. Several of those years were so tight that I lacked enough food. I have consciously decided to stop buying so much, but boy that urge to squirrel away food when I find it on sale is strong at times. At least I purged all the oit of date food I wasn't going to eat anyway.
thank you, very insightful thoughts i have to go through now! But one thing is obvious for me: the lonelier I get, the more stuff i buy and collect. I love to have complete Collections and go crazy on some topics/hobbies.
I don’t know about this left-brain, right-brain theory. They talk to each other. ❤ Clutterman here. 😀 What you call cognitive errors might actually just be failures of logic - reaching the wrong conclusions. Also, bad habits or procrastination play a role in cluttering. A difficult childhood can be a antecedent. Growing up in a large family, I didn’t get a lot of things I wanted and I had to fight to hang on. Edit: Much of my excess stuff is paper (including books & magazines). Other stuff is things it brings me pain to look at - defective devices, useless electronics gear.
@@auberjean6873ugh! My momster did this along with everything in closet, curtains, mattress. And given 1 hr to make it right and there was always severe consequences. I'll spare everyone. Moving 26 times in 41yrs didn't help either. I have many things still in boxes from several moves ago. 😓 So basically, I know that (with other things) really screwed me up. I have an all or nothing mentality and will rebel against anything authoritarian now, which is good in some ways, but even being on time is a challenge now. Basically, my heart goes out to you. 💜
@@StephieGsrEvolution Thank you so much! There's nothing like empathy. We seem to have so much in common.Are you a perfectionist too? Yes, being on time for anything is an obstacle. My step-father would say that I'd be late for my own death, as if that were a bad thing! Mine goes out to you too.
@@deborahlozano7134 💚 Thanks! That felt like a hug, and I needed that from revisiting just a small corner of the past. Hoping your childhood was better.
Growing up I had share my bedroom with my sister. We are both creative people. She hordes almost everything, while I can’t stand the clutter. I took pride in how organized my section of our room was, while she could care less. I’m sure we influenced each other’s behavior as we were growing up. To this very day, my home is organized and my artwork is detailed and simple. My sisters home is neatly cluttered (she has boxes of stuff she doesn’t know what’s inside them and packed shelves displaying some of her possessions). Her artwork is detailed yet free flowing. I will and have sold my artwork, while my sister won’t. If she finds a person worthy of having her artwork, she will give it to that person, but she will never sell it. I find it very interesting how our early childhood has influenced our adult lives concerning our creativity. Because not all creative people prefer to be messy (or free flowing). Maybe you could do a video about that.
This is a really interesting perspective, I've been trying to commercialize my creative projects for a while but the idea of selling them really rubs me wrong. I've given them to special people but selling them to strangers just seems wrong. I've recently tried designating the design of a project to the creative part of myself, keeping the master copy and then making replicas to sell, hopefully this means I can make a living from my passions. I don't know why but it still feels challenging, I've never felt this way selling my time to an employer but that eats away at me in other ways.
You say that your early childhood has influenced your adult lives concerning your creativity, but perhaps it was your inherent personality differences that influenced your creative and organizational differences from the start.
The best method of getting rid of clutter is the Marie Kondo. If it doesn't make you feel happy, toss it. Think first in case there's a real probability you'll need it - some tool, for example. The hardest things for me are gifts from people. Still, if it doesn't make you feel good, toss.
I did Marie Kondo and threw away somethings that truly I wish I had not. That has soured me on doing it again. Throwing away stuff is hard for me. I admit it, but I know I have to start somewhere. I have a small closet that hasn't been opened in years. It's crammed full of stuff I thought was important, but of course, how important can it be it I haven't used it in years?
I love living in my motor home. The trick to living in a small space is having a garage or storage shed next to the RV. Right now I live in a three bedroom house. It is too big to get organized all at once. So, I have clutter.
I recently closed a storage rental as the prices went up and up. And I realized after a while that for most of my stuff it would have been less expensive to throw it out and buy it if I needed it again, rather than rent a unit to save it. 😊Great video
Absolutely!!! And thanks for relating your experience. After both my parents died, I rented a storage unit to store a lot of their things. It took me quite a number of years to realize that I was spending way too much money on that unit. I have to say that I gave myself a break, because it can be very difficult to get rid of your parents' things in the first few years after their deaths and that's just a reality. But after five or six years, I realized that I wasn't looking at any of the things in the unit, I didn't even remember what was in the unit, and I was paying WAY too much money for it! So, I did some major clearing out and took the stuff I couldn't bear to part with and put it in my garage, which I now, after about ten years, am beginning to purge of stuff I don't remember having yet again. One great piece of advice I got from a friend was to take a photo of anything I didn't really need and would never use, but wanted to remember, like my mother's favorite sweatshirt that she embroidered herself ... we all can take and save photos so easily now. Often the physical object is not really necessary to hold onto. I've been trying to work one hour a day on decluttering my garage now and though it's going slowly, I am doing it.
@ninaannem.greeley2025 Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to everything you experienced. I think taking pictures is an excellent idea I can use too.
Taking a pic really works, or even just looking around thru your camera lense. I just told my hubby the other day, for some reason the mess looks more messy when I look thru the camera lense. He postulated it was bc you're only seeing that isolated area and not the room as a whole. As for believing you can or not, what if you were raised in a home w your mother and sister who are 100% organized, always have been but you're the exact opposite and always have been for as long as you can remember..it's hard to believe you're not a messy person and bad at organizing in such a situation. I do feel an abundance of happiness when I get an area cleaned up, just looking at the area is such a relief (my OCD makes me highly prefer clean and organized)..but it seems my mind/behaviors have always tended to be the opposite of what's best for me. I probably need a therapist to help undo things that were encoded as a child. I have no problem letting things go but I have a serious issue w letting usable things go to a landfill, I'm a staunch environmentalist and the thought of just throwing away normal everyday trash eats at me bc my mind understands the bigger picture and the enormous problem we're facing w how our society operates. Also, I need help. It's become overwhelming to the point when I look around to attempt to start something my mind goes numb/blank and I don't even know how to start. I have family who's said they will help..but they've been saying that for years. It also doesn't help that whenever I need something I can ALWAYS find or MacGyver something that works, lol. It only enforces in my mind that all this stuff is usable.
My left brain is way out of control. Lol. It makes me pretty good at certain analytical tasks but it also can be a real hindrance. This is a wealth of info. Well, trauma and past abuse does actually “morph” the brain physically. Esp as a child. There is stuff so deep and unconscious in there and it takes awhile to chip down to the core of it. And to literally “re wire” the brain itself. But mostly if you are abused in certain ways, you very much become a kind of expert in rationalizing (excusing, justifying etc) the irrational behavior of those abusing you. You also get dull and used to it (as with the RDF stuff). I have also found SO many similarities with my relationships with things and my relationships with people. I don’t always like to refer to the past abuse these days but it seems to be a rather pertinent point even now with all the various facets of practical life. And truly some kinds of abusive situations destroy confidence and efficacy in a person…even many years later and it bleeds into every area of life. It’s extra to have to overcome, but I’m just glad it doesn’t have to be a forever, full on life sentence.
Interesting video. If you’ve been on a sailing vessel out in blue water you know it is both highly organized and also very cluttered. Or feels that way.
I've spent 20 years as a business consultant; very often, I run into people who, because they're not highly educated, they're rural, and many of them because they have undiagnosed issues such as dyslexia, think of themselves as being stupid. Telling them "nah, I don't think you're stupid" and pointing out that they know a lot of things I don't (such as, how is _their_ factory organized) is usually part of Day One at a new place, and one of the most important steps in getting those people to be more efficient. Turns out, people are a lot better at doing anything when their self-esteem is in a healthy range. "Self-efficacy"? OK, I'm always happy to learn a new word.
I am a prepper. I stock food, prepare food. I rotate so it never goes bad. Some things are stored so they can last for many years. Never think that the " government " will help you. As for the rest of my house it is neat and not over cluttered
This is an exceptional exploration of why we end up with clutter and what we can do to understand how best to deal with the problem. As a 1970s kid growing up with a (PTSD) hoarding mum, this was a revelation! Thank you 🙏
Every time I get rid of something or allow someone else talk me into getting rid of something I ALWAYS end up needing that item and have to buy a new one which at a much higher cost!
I work about 65hrs a week and the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning. I love taking a car load to Goodwill and selling things...just need more time
You are very easy to listen to and I like how you explain this stuff. However, whenever I am struggling financially I always want to sell the stuff; when I'm doing well, I am very happy to donate the same items as I feel like someone else will be able to use or enjoy it.
Oops, I meant to write... I am generally enthusiastic about letting go of clutter. However, whenever I am struggling financially I always want to sell the stuff; when I'm doing well, I am very happy to donate the same items as long as I feel like someone else will be able to use or enjoy it.
Oh no I see the clutter, I am just overwhelmed by it and or where to start and by the fact that it's gonna take long to get done. It is driving me nuts.
This is excellent! Your explanations are so concise and helpful. I would love to see you expand deeper into this topic. It’s so valuable. Thank you for sharing 🫶🏽🌟
The weight bench and weights along with the bicycle and tools and computer and DVD movie shelf (eight hundred movies) is all considered clutter because I'm supposed to "go to the gymnasium" or "go to the theater" with funds I don't have . "Organized clutter" is how my rental apartment is described , and , I'm dismissed as mentally incompetent , until someone needs my tools to fix something they don't want to pay a regular repair bill for . My books and magazines are "junk" , unless i give them to someone else so they can sell them but not buy them from me . What fun for me , because I paid full subscription price and still read and return for reference to the books and repair manuals , but , it's all clutter , apparently until someone else makes money off of my stuff . It's good that Mia can clutter up her walls with bizarre self serving objects yet dismiss us by insulting our possessions . Have a nice day .
What about neurodivergence? Autistic family members obsess over their stuff, refuse to get rid of any of it, but freak out if you move anything - and no matter how messy it is they ALWAYS notice if you move something.
Excellent video, Mia! Leaving a reply for the algorithm. One thing that isn't discussed enough imo is the link between clutter and obesity / unhealthy eating. Perhaps you can cover this topic sometime in the future, I think there are several studies out there.
It’s hard to declutter when you have so many authorities to answer to that the only thing you want to do at the end of the workday and work week is go outside into the trees. It’s a better stress release than sitting in your cramped apartment that you hate getting rid of stuff because life is forcing you through your worst nightmare and every single day you pray not to wake up.
You have too many bosses and a very stressful work environment. Very difficult situation. Please, please pray to God to help you and not that you don't wake up. Life can get difficult but God can always help you. He loves you and wants to help you!!
So glad you know the trees are a peaceful place and a great place to rest. Wishes of peace in this season as you figure out what works for you. Sending 💕 love
@@susanpetropoulos1039 If only doing one thing at a time, until completion was possible. When I break it down to small steps and focus on one at a time, I get stuck and the finished product never materializes. Especially at work, where there’s other humans with competing interests and deadlines. Gah. Back to fiscal year change.
@erindabney2758 It sounds like you've been through a lot. Stress and sadness really drained me at one time. I couldn't afford therapy so I read some great self-help books, and most importantly, started walking. When I got up to 3 miles a day, I added weight lifting every other day and cardio the off days, listening to music that matched my stressed out mood and then stretching to slower music. The exercise and music took most of my stress, and the books helped me change my attitude. Sometimes, for the present moment, that's all we *can* change. Best of luck to you!🍀
One think to point is that for hoarders giving up things in fact generades more anxiety while for a non hoarder beeing in a cluttered space genaredes anxiety and then a wish to organize. (-source: Buried in treasures)
This is such a fantastic resource for information! Thank you! I’ve also learned a lot from the book Buried In Treasures, written by 3 mental health professionals who specialize in hoarding disorder.
I have been decluttering for years ! ..slowly getting better ..I worry about prices going up ,not being able to get pure cotton , being stuck in nylon or cloths made of plastic .feeling my home may look as if it has no soul ..the list goes on ( I say this with comic verse ) but secretly deep down some of this I feel is true ..but proud of how its going ..and give a lot to charity which always makes me feel better .
Excellent video thank you so much for posting this. The empathy you have in speaking about what the mind is doing came through so clearly. That can be a hard thing to find in videos about clutter and how to start managing it
Loved it Mia! You are inspiring. I am a very uncluttered person & I enjoy saying this prayer a few times a week, 'God, show me the muda.' Muda is part of the Japanese way of eliminating things or processes which are excess, as you may know, part of work planning for manufacturing, & is now quite popular in all kinds of projects. Anyway, I often think I have no more muda, but I usually find something. In the last couple of weeks it has been improving my electric power plugs & cords, & getting rid of jarring black & white patterned cushions & replacing them with soothing, peaceful pink cushions...Thank you, Julia
Thanks for sharing Julia! I appreciate your kind words 🤗 What a beautiful little prayer to repeat to yourself as you keep your mindset in check and unlock new discoveries about what still has space in your home, and what is ready to be passed along and decluttered.
How interesting. I am going through this again now. I have had to move from a three bedroom two story house with large 2 bay garage to an apartment. It has been a multi-stage process. I walked away from many, very expensive items that would have been helpful, but a real accounting of the benefit vs cost hasnt been done. I have definitely had the "oh crud, I need that thing i got rid of a few weeks ago" in real life, not just as a concept. However, in this most recent round, it is definitely attachment. Grandmas old chest, my son's artifacts from growing up, tools. However, in some ways, this almost feels like victim blaming. Labelling things as dysfunctions that are quite common and were considered normal before being labelled.
All the mentioned psychological concepts are things that affect many, many people. So I feel in that sense they are completely „normal“. I think this video is more of an invitation to look deeper what could be reasons why the viewer is holding on to things. When we understand, we can make better choices in our lives 😊 ONLY if the keeping of things affects you (or your immediate surroundings) negatively then you should consider taking action, in my humble opinion 😅 So I feel there isn’t any judgement in this video or the mentioned psychological „labels“. What do you think?
@LittleKikuyu Apparently, I lost a paragraph in there. My phone was acting up. I am receiving comments by many sources, including family, that I have "too much clutter." That's what I was referring to as victim blaming, not anything in the video. Funny enough, a lot of the clutter are the same things that those family members foisted on me when my parents passed.
Please don't be offended by the following: I too found "reasons" for my unhappiness. Oh, they were real reasons alright. But then I consulted an insightful man who said things that have stayed with me and have truly helped me cope with overwhelming emotions. No one else is responsible for our happiness - it's our responsibility; Suggested sentence for when feeling used or insulted, "You have NO RIGHT to talk to me like that! And, my own, "You can only hurt/ upset me if I ALLOW you to!" There were many other words of wisdom, but these have stayed with me and may help you too. As for the clutter ...... got a wonderful lady who helped me with my bedroom. We all need a calm sanctuary so i refuse to feel guilty about the cost. May peace of mind is far more inportant! And, now I'm saving to ask her to come back to do the next room (and make sure my sanctuary is still a place of peace). Remember to dance to the kitchen when you get up. It's an excellent way to start your day!❤
This is some great content! I'm trying to improve myself, and my problem is that these videos about clutter sort of scratch that itch, but I'm not actually doing anything about it in real life. I need to figure out a solution to this issue.
Information PLUS inspired action will lead you to the outcome you're looking for 🤗 Have you sat down and reflected on why you're feeling resistance to working on this? often times, I find that people have limiting beliefs (which I cover in my video Decluttering Breakthrough- Stop Limiting Beliefs About Clutter ⛔️) or a block of some sort. The good news is that you CAN work through them!
@angie if you are an actual hoarder most advice on how to declutter is not going to cut it, that's for "normal" people to keep on top of things. One of the best resources for hoarding advice is the work of Elaine Birchall, please look it up. It takes into account the deep executive dysfunction experienced by people who hoard and her methods are fairly straightforward and relatively painless (still need some self-discipline).
What is missing here is the value of time. You speak of worth as a dollar amount. Dollars fluctuate in their exchange value. Time is only spent once. That time represents your life. As you value yourself, you value your time. If you have sunk a lot of time into something, that thing begins to attain equivalency value with yourself. We are humans, not accountants. We count value on a different basis. Clutter can also represent the recall feature of memory. Things are cues for people with a lower ability of voluntary recall. I'm not defending hoarders, but this is much more nuanced than most think.
Hey thanks, this came up in my recommended and I subbed because it was informative and interesting, as the brain is. I’m dealing with my own hoarding/clutter issues at the moment, as a childhood SA and physical and emotional abuse and we didn’t have much, and both my parents hoarded different things in their houses stuff was put away, like my Dad’s shed where he worked for himself as a mechanical engineer there was no bench space anywhere, yet he could usually find what he was looking for, his younger Sister was a hoarder too, paperwork and stuff, his older 3 siblings were fine, my Mum she always had loads of paperwork stacked up in her office and myself and my Sister struggle with that too, I used to buy clothes and stuff all the time, my Sister too, but I don’t do that as much anymore, but I have just been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism at 55yrs old, and I have C-PTSD anyway from my childhood stuff, my sister didn’t get assaulted mine were strangers, and also I think I challenged my Mum a lot and would push the boundaries and she responded with the physical and emotional abuse, as she suffered that from her Mum, and the Nuns at school. So she did the best she could with skills she had and the lack of counselling and support back then, and then she was only 21 when her Mum died, and being the eldest she helped look after her 7yr old Sister, which ironically is what killed her as she would wash my Grandfather’s clothes and he was a plumber in navel shipbuilding, so the asbestos that insulated the hot pipes she inhaled when shaking out his overalls. I already worked on my anger about her treatment of me, and I was able to forgive her and recognise that she like me underneath her adult skin was still the little kid who copped it from her Mum and even though I still suffer symptoms of that stuff, I have a lot of compassion and empathy for her it took until 13yrs after her early death for me to get there, but I did Nurse her at her home when I was 30/31 so she could die in her own bed, and I know that she was grateful for that, because even though I’m a guy, it’s not something my Sister can do who is older than me, but it comes naturally to me, and my Dad looked after his best friend until he died and he moved in with my grandfather after my Nana died to look after my grandfather, so I definitely take after my dad as he was a real softy. Anyway thanks for the very interesting video I have saved it to help motivate me to sort my living environment out. I lost the love of my life 2yrs ago so it has certainly contributed to the chaos of my living environment, although I always wash my dishes as soon as I use them, as my Mum had a restaurant and taught us to clean as we go cooking and I was taught to do my own washing and cleaning so I have no problem with the idea of doing it as it’s something I’ve always been able to do, it’s just a psychological barrier at this point not a skill level or a sexist notion or anything, because I always did half the housework and more if my girlfriend was really busy or unwell, I am always up for doing the dishes if she cooked and if I cooked most of the dishes were already done while I cooked, besides I enjoy doing things that would lighten my love’s life if I was home before her or had a day off while she was working, I would have a meal ready, and washing done, and cleaning depending on what needed doing. Sorry a bit of a thesis.
Thank you for this, I have ADHD too and I was able to follow your stream of consciousness very closely here. I have a profound fear of hoarding. My worst fear is becoming a hoarder. I am current very distressed as I am faced with the realities and pressure of being responsible for so many more items than I used to be now that I am the head of a household. My wife’s dad was a semi hoarder kept somewhat in line by his wife, which made for an on the verge of hoarder situation. His mother was a hoarder, she was left by her husband with many children to care and they grew up very poor. He is not good with money and his wife is a real bean counter but he often overrules her but I have seen that improve over time. My wife is not as bad but I have certainly had to work through a lot with her. An organized home can only come about through an organized mind and an organized mind is, I’m starting to form the idea, a mind which is inclined to think holistically. I think your and mine reduced reticular activition system is like an over clock of sorts that when harnessed can be a real strength. I don’t need to take a picture of my house to see the clutter, I notice everything. I always have a birdseye view of a lot of things. I have learned to employ that and it is becoming very lucrative. My wife is in many ways the opposite. I am trying to teach her my way of thinking, but honestly I wish I could instead translate and tap into the wealth of intellect she has but is unable to deploy effectively as a home maker. She wants to be a home maker first and foremost, but she is not very good at it. She is learning and I have succeeded in teaching her a lot but she is so focused on granular detail she always missed the tree she runs in to all the time if you know what I mean. Please offer prayers for us and that wisdom may be a fruit that flowers for our family.
I have a lot of stored trauma around cleaning. My mom was a hoarder and my dad would take stuff out and burn it while she was at work. This, naturally, resulted in terrible fights. Now, my brain shuts down when I try to address my clutter. The clutter also provides a protective nest to keep me safe. I can easily hide.
Thank you for cloarifyibng. Also, I went to the other room and forgot what I was about to do. You reminded me! I was going to put the old "redundancy" printer at the door in order to remember to give it to a recycling station - we've got lots of those in Denmark...
The brain is so amazing. When I first developed black floaters in one eye, they drove me nuts. Within a month or so, my brain learned to cancel them out, I no longer see them at all, unless I get very exhausted, like from missing a night’s sleep.
I’m not a hoarder nor is my house cluttered. It’s very well organized. Others might think differently because I’m not even close to a minimalist, but I don’t care. You just might address the difference here.
It is great to know how our brain works. As you were telling these things my mind went like oh yeah I do that indeed and I do think like that on those moments. I’m a number one when it comes to rationalizing 😂. Thanks very much for this information.
Before my marriage my house was tidy and my collecting of books, records and videos growing but in small steps. Over the following 10 years the house became cluttered and untidy and I started to collect a wider range of "stuff" many were expensive. With the break down of the marriage and living in my own home I not only had the clutter from my home but that of my parents to deal with. Much of this was fairly easy to mark out for decluttering and to sell leaving the harder to decide upon for later hopefully with more space to catalogue for sale. In two moves I did find items I needed for my current home that I had dumped, given away or sold earlier ~ not valuable items but I did waste too much time trying to find what was no longer there. I initially started by asking an auction house how much for the entire house content. He said 600GBP and if they sold anything I would get some money back. The yard sale got 300GBP and sales on eBay over 2000GBP but still left hundreds of boxes. I did sell off most of the furniture and high ticket items and not all of that went well and still nags me. Once sold, like gifts, you have no control over what they do with an item. I sold off some of my father's stuff hoping it found a new home where it would have good use but instead it was snapped up by a dealer, split up and sold in parts for double he paid and the main item went to the person who had dropped out of bidding on my auction listing. So instead if my father getting the return for his care of the item the eventual buy got a lesser product for a lot more cost. The other aspect of the sales was the growing difficulty of working out the additional costs. Postage and packaging and the listing and auction fees all rose. If not very careful a sale would result in having to find more to pay to send than obtained. There were caps on postal charges allowed which was okay for a single item but not for a set (books, records etc) or for heavy cheaper items. I had a unique collection of material from a microcomputer company I worked for had so much material it was four car loads and some 40 heavy boxes that I donated to a museum. But when I returned to the pile of boxes it looked as if nothing had changed. The material donated has yet to be catalogue or utilised and in days they had no clue where it had gone. They mentioned needing staff to do various things that I had already done for them. I took several boxes to a charity store. Seeing so may boxes in the shop I was asked to take them through the to the back. There I found that the content of the first box had been assigned to the skip. No knowing what some of the things were and making incorrect assumptions just put them out for landfill. Instead of telling me they have no use for items that their staff don't understand so I could take it elsewhere they dump them. The skip costs the charity a lot of money and is as large a overhead as renting the shop. Even freecycle is not an answer. Having advertised a number of items for free I then added a price tag and offered elsewhere and they were snapped up. The desire to declutter and part with lots of stuff is dampened by the increased issues of advertising it now. The higher fees on auction sites (live auctions have 25% seller fees and a 25% buyer fee), needing a good description and photographs of everything and the time needed to organise all of that and create the listing page. Unlike a seller/dealer these are all unique one off items.
Something I have started doing and it takes work is recognizing that the stress of keeping it because I might need it is far higher than if I get rid of it and don’t have to stress about figuring out where to keep and have to deal with it’s presence while cleaning and organizing
I like this video a lot! Lots of interesting things to think about and you present them in a way that's very friendly and non-judgemental. I was kind of expecting to be triggered by this or be angry by some of the things you said but I wasn't. I was pleasantly surprised by that. To me, clutter is a bit of a chicken-or-egg sort of thing. You know, which came first the chicken or the egg? Well, which came first the clutter or the mindset? Don't be so quick to choose one and dismiss the other. To me, dealing with a VERY cluttered house has been quite challenging and where I used to not understand how someone could become a hoarder, now I totally see how it could happen. The thing is, to me now, clutter and even in the extreme hoarding, is simply an outward manifestation of mental issues. BUT which came first the clutter or the mental issues? It's hard to know for sure. I hesitate to say mental illness because sometimes I don't believe it's that, it's simply an issue that's been left unaddressed for too long and now has festered, become "infected" and simply needs to be addressed. I sometimes think of it like a boil or zit....it happens. A hair follicle gets infected and at first it's only bothersome but easily tolerated but if left untreated, it festers and gets worse until it we simply HAVE to deal with it. Same thing with clutter I found when I changed my diet to a low carb, ketogenic diet, that after a few weeks, I was no longer able to tolerate the clutter in my kitchen. In fact, it really bugged me BUT it was so bad I had to start the cleaning slowly and sooth myself during the cleaning process. One part of me was VERY judgemental but another part of me was very soothing and calming in the midst of all that judgement. AND I could only work on small bits of it....maybe 10 mins at a time at first, then take a long break of a few hours maybe a day or two then try again. After awhile the judgment went away completely and I was able to work A LOT longer on cleaning until I was finally able to say I dug myself out of almost ALL the clutter in my kitchen. Now I'm applying that same, simple technique elsewhere in the house where either I need to clean or declutter and it's really working well. The more I eat "on plan" to the ketogenic or even carnivore diet, a/k/a LOW to NO carbs, the easier it is to not only declutter but also to stay clutter free.
Same it has everything to do with what we put in our body, whether it's food or thoughts. When I eat right or take the right vitamins that control blood sugar, I am on a quest to organize.
@@AnneSpired - Yep - I'm a big fan of low carb, high fat diets. But my point was actually don't be too quick to dismiss the act of decluttering or cleaning also. They can be enormously powerful on our emotions as well and even when diet isn't on point, simply doing some work can make it easier to eat on plan. It's the old saying "Move a muscle, change a mood".
I struggle with too many clothes. In the past, I have given away clothes that were out of style, but I really loved these items. I kept them for 15-20 years and finally gave up and got rid of them. Within a year or so, the style changed back and now I regret giving those items away. I bought new things, but the quality is just not the same. Now I can’t seem to get rid of anything. It doesn’t help that I’m 45 and still fit into clothes I wore in middle/high school.
I have to disagree with your theory that we don't see the clutter after a while. When my home begins to get cluttered, usually my office, it affects my mood. A chaotic environment makes my brain feel chaotic. It's really unpleasant. But once I get the space cleaned up, I can't wait to use it, and do to my absent-mindedness, I mess up the space in no time, then back to chaos.
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When I was 15 after my Mother was killed, my Father came to me one night and said we are moving 3,000 miles away in the morning. Just pack a change of clothes as the moving company will be bringing all of our possessions immediately. Found out a week later, there was no moving van coming. I lost everything I ever owned in my life. I know that's where my "Clutter" comes from.
My God!!!!..what an unspeakably EVIL thing to do to a young person (any person really!)...so sorry that happened to you...that level of 'Betrayal Trauma' is very hard to overcome...especially when it was from someone so close to you..someone you trusted.
My heart goes out to you.
Perhaps you could give some of the extra things you have to people who have gone through what you went through...I'm sure they would really treasure it.
I don't understand....
How did you lose everything if the movers never came?
You moved with your dad..... but the moving truck coming later was a lie ?
Did he give an excuse for doing such a horrible thing?
@@jo-annahicks3324 This is Exactly what I do.
@@apacur The truck never came. I brought 2 shirts with me.
Taking a photo of your your space so you can "step back" and study your area can really can be an eye opener. I first noticed this when taking a photo of my child and it really hit me how cluttered and messy the area was in the background.
I actually do this. It's amazing what you "see", that you didn't see before.
@robertas.1739
That's a great idea, and you know how many words a picture is worth! Thanks.
Many people take candid shots and post on social media without first scrutinizing it... it tells me A LOT about their lives!!
Love this idea... then i can take an objective look. Plus plan which can go.
yes! I was taking a photo of one of my dogs, but didn't want to show it to anyone because of the clutter in the background that I never noticed as being that bad before!
What was not mentioned for why some like to hoard resulting in clutter is the survival effect. Like a squirrel storing acorns for winter. An immigrant having to leave their country with only a suitcase and the clothes on their back. For these people, clutter is the antidote and signifies permanentcy and a buffer against starvation. They can always sell these items to buy food. Even offspring of immigrants may inherit this trait through epigenetics.
Absolutely. I know that I have a tendency to hoard because I was homeless 3 times when I was younger. Before that, my parents moved around a lot. I hate that feeling of being in a new place and not being sure how long you'll be there. You have to accumulate "stuff" to remember where you live.
Very true.
@robertjohnson4401
That makes so much sense to me.
Thank you.
Yes, and the urge not to waste the smallest thing. I think with me it also gives me my space rather than takes it. I developed a feeling that someone else will put their stuff there if I don't use it first. For a long time I was denied space by a former marriage partner, so that has to have affected my concept of personal space.
My parents were this way, NOT throwing anything away. They both grew up during the 1930's and were very poor. My Mom use to tell a story that she could remember when her family (parents & 7 kids) couldn't afford to buy a 2 cent package of yeast to make bread.
I notice my clutter when a visitor is coming over.
I'm tackling clutter right now, losing stuff which holds memories is hard especially when my memory is fading, I use my stuff to recall my life experiences, hence the reluctance to let it all go. My partner has really helped by suggesting I take a photograph of all these items before giving them away to charity.
Yeah I’m right there with you. But to me a “Picture” doesn’t really satisfy or suffice having the childhood doll or toy or whatever it is. That’s where I am still.
Truthfully though I hardly ever look at that old stuff. I just wish Id never bought so much useless stuff.
I think that’s a great idea.
I bet you would e surprised just by taking a photo, your recall of the mementos will be stronger.
All the best.
My friend hoards tourist leaflets and receipts: he is a tour guide and those leaflets were useful information before the explosion of the Internet - but I have a hard time convincing him that he can access all the information, updated, online! What's worse is that those leaflets are free, whereas he would have to pay substantial money for secure storage online: he has lost so many photographs and the memories of the places he has visited due to hard drive failure so I understand why he wants to hold onto the physical copy. I've lost all the photographs of my childhood and my children and my whole music collection! I can never get those memories back and I can never afford to replace the music, some of which are also not available anymore!
@@oakstrong1 gosh, that's so sad 😔
I think there are two reasons why I have a cluttered environment. The first is the trauma of an abusive childhood- it literally is a protective barrier. The second is a parent removing items without my permission, thus I didn’t learn a decision making process. A child is quite capable at a certain age to decided to keep or donate a toy. By taking away a much loved toy I think it’s literally giving the child grief. Thus an aversion to getting rid of stuff. That’s my theory anyway.
I agree that clutter can be protection, if it’s good stuff, like my sewing machines, it can feel like a form of wealth, and I also agree that what we might collect as adults can be a way to self soothe the child within. Although we weren’t poor as a family, with Cadillacs and planes, boats, etc, I alway s felt poor, so that has impacted what I like to own. Owning stuff to me is also a form of power. We don’t need to make anyone else happy if we are ok w/ the stuff & on our own.
My dad used to “clean my room” by backing his pickup truck up to my window, kicking out the screen & throwing away everything that was mine except for my bed, dresser, & a few clothes. I never learned to declutter or organize. It was just all gone in a matter of minutes.
Sounds exactly like my predicament also when I was a child 👧 27 years ago. Turning 40 years old this year
@@jenniferjones9109that is just cruel and callously wrong
So sorry to hear this 😮
So I needed to tidy my desk, decided to procrastinate for 15 minutes by watching this video, and now I have a degree in psychology... ;)
Glad to hear even the informed have hurdles:)
I have lost *everything I own* more than once in my life! The first time was two boxes and a suitcase of my favorite clothes. I stayed at a friend's house while moving and someone mistook them for something going to charity and when I woke up, they were gone. A decade later, I was married and had some nice antiques, old books, (etc) and a Victorian house to keep it all in. My husband decided we had to sell everything and start over somewhere else. I tried to stop the house sale and never signed the papers. He or the agent signed my name and sold the house. 30 years later in a rented house, I still mourn my losses, I still cry over my house. I now have "organized clutter." I keep clothes, books, keepsakes, etc. in stacks of clear plastic boxes that seal with gaskets and clamps. It has taken 8 years living in this place for me to finally decide to go through the boxes and separate things that I will never use from what i will. I am amazed how much I'm getting rid of! Nothing will bring back my house, but I have some keepsakes. Photographs and memories. So, "progress not perfection" is my new motto as I whittle this down to a manageable amount.
I've felt pretty bad grief from losing seemingly insignificant things in comparison. If that had happened to me I think my body would turn inside out! You have a great and commendable degree of fortitude.
I empathize with you and am sorry for what you went through. I was homeless and lost everything on several occasions. I’m in a good place now. However, I shop and acquire too much, and almost nightly, I dream that I’ve lost everything again. Therapy is helping.
Ellen, I'm so sorry for what has happened. I wish you well with the progress you're making and I wish comfort for your soul.
@@estherann7407 Thank you very much! My daughter is helping, and I have to believe things will keep getting better!
@@homebody61 It sounds like you've lost much more than I did! And you're in a safe place now. I think we tend to buy more things because our minds are telling us to be prepared. It gets better with time (in some ways), or it did for me. I still have dreams too though about getting my house back, even though that's not possible.
The getting rid of things represents giving up a dream, hope or intention in my case.
Perhaps one that didn't truly light you up anyway?
I feel for you I also find it very hard to let go. The key is to concentrate on your life and goals as they are now, and decide how your belongings can facilitate these, instead of archiving (I have to remind myself I am not running a museum) or saving a potential that won't be followed on.
By letting one go, you truly free up mind-power towards other dreams.
"Aspirational" clutter(term used by the Declutter Hub)
I only have trouble decluttering my wardrobe and I know exactly why. For the first, long, part of my life I had little to wear, only one pair each of pants and shoes, three short-sleeved tops, one nightgown, and no outer wear, robe or slippers, etc. I was always cold, I didn’t get enough food, either and was emaciated, and I always felt very inferior because I lived poor in a very wealthy area. When I graduated from university, my ex also made a great fuss if I bought anything to wear for my career, even though I was the sole earner. It’s hard to get over that kind of real scarcity, but I’m trying. My grandmother had it from being a teen and young adult during the Great Depression, too, but she hoarded everything.
If your clothes make you happy and that's your only clutter issue
Have at it
KEEP THEM🍃
YOU DESERVE THEM 🍃
You can shut your closet door
(I hope)
I give you permission to not feel guilty because
You do deserve nice things
My best friend who always looked nice (me I wear the same few things over and over) when she passed away
She was a widow
when I helped clean the house out she had clothes in almost every closet in the house Her home was clean and nest I never knew she had so many clothes
She gave me a lot back then probably hoping I would wear them😊
They made her happy I'm glad
for her she did not sacrifice in that area of her life
She was in the Air Force 10 years and
went to catholic school in a uniform
Soooo
she adored her clothes Glad she enjoyed them
Don't worry be happy
God bless
I hope you have some great outfits that you enjoy.
Sometimes I like to say, “Happiness is having enough” …which can mean sufficient or reaching a tipping point of being overwhelmed.
The clothes you give away may really help someone in a situation such as you experienced , that’s a good thought I think.
GOOD FOR HER.💪 LET'S CELEBRATE HOARDERS😇WHEN THE WORLD HAS DEPLETED ALL COMMODITIES EVERYONE WILL WISH THEY KNEW A HOARDER👍 HARD TIMES ARE UPON US ONCE AGAIN 😣REGARDS FROM 🇬🇧
@@melaniebrignellUs Yanks tend to refer to that as “Prepping” or “Prepers” and there’s wisdom in that, good point. But “Hoarding” we usually use with a more of a negative or unhealthy connotation.
Do these words have different connotations in Great Britain too?
💛Consider yourself hugged. You're worth it.
It's so interesting reading everyone's reasons for clutter, there is often some kind of trauma involved. I recently realised that I used to love buying clothes because they were a kind of armour against being bullied. Where I grew up if you looked good and dressed well people would begrudgingly respect you, so it was a protection mechanism. I also used shopping as an avoidance mechanism for things I needed to be doing and a way to comfort myself when I felt depressed. I eventually distanced myself from these sorts of people but I found myself with a house full of clutter, too many clothes, very few connections in my life and problems that I needed to face. I would still find myself wandering around shops feeling depressed and lost. It makes shopping for things I actually need difficult, as I have to ask myself if I'm just using shopping as an avoidance strategy or whether I do need the item I'm looking for.
I wish you were my neighbor, we could help each other and have fun doing it...probably lots of others would join in, too...
@@louisetaylor6952 Ah thanks Louise that's a nice comment to read. I've been watching Friends again on Netflix recently and could definitely do with a good group of friends like that to help eachother level up because it's hard doing it alone. I'm glad the Internet exists at least for people to talk and share tips and ideas.
After I make that decision, I do not even recall what I have gotten rid of. So, I guess that means I only get rid of what I do not treasure. I feel liberated and proud of myself.
I’m pretty sure my house is cluttered because I prioritize other things
I can come home and pick up or I can come home and grab my guitar, do something with my dog etc
As much as having an uncluttered appearing home is good for mental health, it makes us vulnerable and dependent on the system. If there's a real emergency, the stores will run out of food in 1-2 days. My family has hoarded for generations, I think it's trauma from the great depression passed down generationally. If you keep it organized, you're not a hoarder, you're a maximalist!
A lot in the Uk would be deemed as hoarders in the USA. However due to rationing etc a lot of folks taught their kids to have a full pantry and be Preppers. The allotments and growing your own food is very popular here. Small holdings are increasing, as are thrift/charity shops to reuse and up cycle furniture. The cost of living crisis has taught a lot of folks about the importance of prepping.
We looked at a house once we were considering buying. It was owned by a family who built it during WW2. There were 3 oil tanks in the basement. Shelves built along the basement walls were filled with bottles and containers of food and water.
During the war, you had ration books with stamps you could use to buy food, if you had the money. Families could only get a very limited amounts of meat, sugar, flour, etc. I still have my grandparents’ and fathers ration books.
And when was the last time you witnessed stores running out of food? Gardening is great and it makes sense to have a few emergency supplies, but fear-based prepping and hoarding is a mental health issue, as miadanielle makes clear.
@@russgaulin3721I guess you didn't have to deal with supply chain issues and food shortages during Covid?
It totally agree. My parents were teenagers in the depressing. We always had extra food in the basement. I in today's economy, we n need to have extra food put away.
My dad died when I was 16 and he was also a hoarder. I was brought back to our apartment to gather some things as my uncles were there ripping everything apart and dumping all that they could. I was asked if I wanted to keep certain things but I was still in such a state of shock that I left a lot of things that I wished I had kept later on. I developed a hoarding problem myself after that. It took a lot of time and some medication for things to improve, but I still have some lingering hoarding tendencies and a lot of trouble with organization.
That was a cruel thing your uncle's did. People often act very irrationally when they are stressed. I hope you can let go of that pain and move toward who you are created to be. ❤
When I had extremely poor eyesight, ie, functionally blind without glasses, yet had to navigate in the dark to go to the bathroom, I had items all along the path. When there were no walls to guide me, I put waist high chests, etc, so there was no more than 24" gaps in the spaces. After many years, I finally reached 65 years & got Medicare, so my eye doctor did cataract surgery on both eyes. Now I put away much of that furniture & no longer stumble along...
I love a clear, uncluttered space and have really awakened to that as I have spent the last month clearing out my Moms' little apartment and couldn't imagine how much STUFF she crammed into that tiny space! I have always had a problem letting things go and I know it comes from a real lack most of my life and/or an inability to replace that item with something else. I also have such an emotional attachment to things as we had so little when I was growing up. I am older now, a widow and living in a tiny space, hanging on to bins of belongings in the hopes of one day having more space to display them.......I know, let them go! I don't want to leave my kids with the job I just had clearing my Moms apartment 😞
I moved recently and downsized a lot. I find it helpful to take a photo of things with sentimental value. A similar approach is to keep a portion, for example keep a button not the whole coat. Seeing the object in a photo permits me to objectify it and let it go much easier. When sorting I use dark black contractor bags..out of sight, out of mind…let it go.
It’s ok to have some cherished objects or something to remember a loved one and featuring those things in your living space gives your personal space a depth of soul.
I hope you find some treasures to enjoy and honor that are packed away.
And I wish you well in creating more space and order, it’s a real challenge and it’s worth the effort!
@@cipherklosenuf9242nice thoughtful comment
I lost my mom 1yr ago on mother's day! Have alot of her things fur coats I can't get ride of. I have my husband's moms things a bit over whelping I need to decide soon what to do w items
Just before cov we moved to a tiny apartment compared to our old one and we are 4 humans and 2 cats. My parents are in scarcity mode to let go of items and they radher live into this condition than taking action 😤 and they even collect more. I tried many times myself to tidy up declutter and even myself I felt fed up and I give up. Though this baggage overwhelm makes my energy low and sick 😢😢 and I don't know what to do.
@@starseedstarseed311 Nice name Star Seed… Sounds very frustrating.
It might be helpful to continue studying the psychology of hoarding sometimes understanding a phenomenon allows one to be more objective about it.
This isn’t about fixing the problem, but just learning to observe the situation.
Sometimes hoarders really do have undiagnosed or untreated mental illnesses, understanding their behavior as part of their physical condition and/or aging process may help you cope.
You too may be grieving for loss of something, someone, sometime …I don’t know…but we can all benefit from self care…easy to say I know.
Anyway, hopefully the cats are content 🐈🐈😸.
Hang in there! Thanks for reaching out and I wish you well!
Figuring out which charity will take which thing can become overwhelming. I find the major charities in my city are quite picky. Also, I get trapped in that “I could sell it for” fallacy. Just because it’s listed on eBay or Etsy doesn’t mean it will actually get that price.
Throw it all in the trash. Why make extra work for yourself if you are already having difficulty?
I create boundaries around something. If it's something I couldn't collect more than $20 for, I do not list it to sell. I have sold well used pieces of furniture in the past-- which has then allowed me to use those funds to contribute to the new piece of furniture I am upgrading it to. If it's somewhere in between, I donate (often times cities might even come to you, or even a FREE FB group.) f it's badly damaged and someone can't possibly use it, I toss it.
So true. In my town charity shops are very picky. It also seems that no wants used furniture in good condition. You can't give stuff away!
One thing I like to do is set out “goodie boxes” in my building/ neighborhood. People seem to appreciate them.
I agree with ohsweetmystery. Sometimes I can put stuff on the curb and people will take it; if they don't, it goes away with the trash collector. Only 20% of stuff donated to charity ever gets sold, so they have to pay to have taken away just like we do. I cut out the middleman. Nobody wants my 30 year old shoes from Payless.
"Creative minds are rarely tidy." Life is easier when you stop caring what other people think of you.
There’s a difference between having a system for your items and not having a system, which can cause anxiety and feeling overwhelmed.
I’ve found most people who identify as creative have organized chaos, which is still a system nonetheless
True. But if stop caring, what other people think of you is accompanied by not caring about how you take care of yourself, life is going to get very messy. You can be creative without being a hoarder of clutter.… At whatever level. Loss aversion Grabs hold of some people more than others, and when it gets out of hand, it’s pretty nasty.
Almost every creative person I know who doesn't have a decluttering process has it cramping their ability to be creative. They can't find what they need when they need it. They often pay to replace supplies they own but can't find and don't have space to work. Also so many unfinished projects that just promote shame.
I live with my parents. They're in the verge of hoarder. I have clutter, my sister has clutter in her own house. I realise this and little by little I'm getting rid of my own stuff. Some easier than others but still I vision a life in a minimalism style. 😍
Sometimes I loose myself cleaning my parents stuff just for them to substitute for another thing. That's an excuse for me not to deal with my own stuff, I know that now so I do my best to live here without being "contaminated" by the sorroundings and keep my goal alive. And I'm doing it and I know I can! 🙏💪
Thank you for your amazing video, it gave me confidence to keep me going. Hugs from Portugal. 💞
Good for you. I am in similar environment. Longing for a simple lifestyle. Getting rid of my own clutter 😊.
@@patdenman3887 We've got this, sis. 😉💪💖
That's amazing!!! Things can certainly be "passed down" but you also have the power within you to be different, one step at a time ❤️
Wow! I had to stop the video a lot to process this, here in the middle of my cluttered living room. And I am gonna watch this again and again untill it sticks.
This is a pearl.
Amen to that. I hope I can start to unclutter my bedroom. Especially the rest of the house is okay. I live with my daughter who really doesn't seem to have this problem as much as I do.
I also have a VERY great faith and you know what they say: Cleanliness is next to Godliness or the other way around.
So it's easy to have a guilt trip with that because I love to pray and I'm online helping other people come closer to the Lord so I just have a hard time understanding why I just can't get rid of stuff. I'm sure there's some deep psychological, something or other considering the life I had and I just don't realize it and it's part of the problem. But I don't want excuses. I just want to have the place Nice because when I see some place that's nice, I think that's really wonderful... and it's sort of miraculous how they KEEP it that way because I just can't seem to do it. And what's even worse is that I don't even care much. It doesn't bother me at all. Really. It's just the bedroom. That's the mess. The rest of the house is pretty neat. But being that I'm elderly and very tired and weak I just don't get to things like I want to. But I don't want to have excuses. I just want to take one day to time and parcel it out.
And I think from reading these comments and knowing I'm not alone and also the video is very good. I think it'll give me a little more motivation. All right. God bless and love everybody and hang in there.
It's hard to throw stuff away because I have needed lots of stuff shortly after throwing it away.
Perhaps you are approaching it with the wrong angle! Decluttering isn't about simply tossing things away... it's about curating an intentional space that is both functional and something you love. So if you're using an item in your day to day, it shouldn't hit the declutter pile (unless of course it needs replacing, but thats another story!)
Mia, you have outdone yourself with this lecture! I enjoyed the challenge of this intellectual material. Clutter control is complex and knowing the cognitive distortions and how our mindset can "set" us up for success is extremely important. Having completed an 8-month outdoor building and repair project (through the unusually long rainy season in San Diego) I saw firsthand how mental attitude affects the outcome. Our contractor was a beacon of hope and perseverance when there were days when it looked hopeless. His attitude rubbed off on everyone around him including my husband and I. We kept seeing the vision, the end result, practicing this day after day. and doing what we could each day to move a little closer to the vision. The project finally got done and it exceeded our expectations. This can also happen if we visualize and stay focused on the end result of how wonderful it feels to have the clutter-free home of our dreams. Thank you for your inspiration always there when we need it!!
Thank you, Cher! I couldn't agree more 🥰
Thank you for sharing your life example story ! And may I ask, who your contractor was ? Thank you in advance.
Thank you for this rousing and encouraging *AND ILLUMINATING* response -- very helpful for us all!
What a beautiful thought! Thank you so much for sharing. I'm going to keep visualizing a beautiful, organized home.
@@MiaDanielle Your work is gold. The speed of your delivery sent me into anxiety as I just couldnt keep up.
This is my problem and I'm a solution focused person, so I wonder is there a transcript so I can read alongside as you speak? Thanks
Selma
A tip I was given, which has proved invaluable, is to retain one item out of many, which encapsulates the significance of a collection of stuff, and to discard the rest. That way, the memories are preserved, and the emotional discomfort of the loss easily overcome.
Wish this worked for me.
@@StephieGsrEvolution If you have anxiety about discarding objects, forcing yourself to throw out just one thing, and deliberately enduring the emotional discomfort, tells the subconscious that it can be done. If you repeat the process, it gets increasingly easier.
@@rosemaryallen2128 it's far more complicated for people like me. It's a whole several question step process just to figure out that I can let something go. Even just to discard something is a several step process too, because I do my best to donate or recycle things in the best way. One item is fine, but when you have many and not much room, this gets to be super challenging. I've gotten better over time with letting go, but I still want what I let go to go to some perfect next place. It sux.
Hoarding can also be a symptom of trauma. Having become homeless a few times and lost everything or not having access to things I need, has created a sense of FOMO, to hoard household items I don't need. I also have difficulty throwing away DIY tools even though I don't expect ever having to do serious renovation in my rented place like I did when I owned my own home.
A few years ago I got into yarn craft that made that helped to prevent depression but it also FOMO even worse - all those yarn companies that discontinue a particular label every few weeks, but also because I've known the whole time I am going to move into a country where I have never seen yarn sold anywhere! I did know a lady who did knitting, a very unusual thing: I was told she buys her yarn from a neighbouring country! I have no chance to do that so I started hoarding yarn as well.
True. Have you taken any steps to overcome this ?
GOOD FOR YOU .👍THERE IS GOING TO BE A WORLD SHORTAGE OF ALL COMMODITIES.I COLLECT WOOD I DO HAVE A STOVE .I AM FED UP OF PEOPLE SAYING " WHAT DO YOU WANT ALL THAT WOOD FOR" I CYNICALLY REPLY " I'M BUILDING AN ARK"THAT SHUTS THEM UP🌈 EVERYONE SHOULD BE PLEASED THEY KNOW A HOARDER WHEN THE PRICE'S GO UP & UP.WE ALL HAVE DEPRESSION & THIS GOES HAND IN HAND & SLOWLY CREEPS UP ON YOU LATER IN LIFE 😱 HAPPY YARNING👍
I was homeless for years, when I got a pad I did not become a hoarder. Rubbish goes into the bin. So much for psychology.
@@Foxglove963we all respond to trauma in different ways.
@Foxglove963 Well that’s great for you. Why the judgmental tone if you’re happy?
Also some keep clutter to fill the hole in their heart. My mom was abandoned at age 3 by her mother, and it has always been a source of unhappiness. She loves having lots of cute things about and doesn’t throw anything away.
I do the picture process to actually see what's clutter in a room. Amazing what I can tune out.
Loss, yes, something that I realised was I wasnt keeping people out because I was ashamed of my house, I was keeping my mess to keep people out. No risk of more loss.
Yeah but what about when certain counselors tell that u have collected too many sentimental items over ur lifetime?! That’s The Hard one! And they expect you to throw part of ur childhood away. I didn’t like that part because u CANT get those back!
Pick 10 percent, take photos and donate.
I’ve found that it’s less about the items itself and moreso about dealing with the underlying emotion as to WHY so many items are considered sentimental. The other part is are these sentimental items getting in the way of you living in a healthy and safe environment? Therapy is a choice, but if what you consider sentimental is creating a hazardous environment and outside entities are needing to step in, then yes, you will need to get rid of items and come to terms that your things are not your childhood. Your childhood is a period of time that you’ve already experienced and cannot be taken away from you as an adult.
I've often wondered if watching films like Brave Little Toaster and Toy Story as a young child had a significant impact on this kind of behavior and thought. I consider myself a very creative person with a strong empathetic side and when younger I recall feelings of guilt throwing away even a small torn scrap of paper that had been around for a while thinking "it would feel bad that I didn't want it". I don't struggle with these feelings as much today but still feel obliged to save spiders and the like despite not even wanting to touch them haha, and I still have most of my childhood toys despite long forgetting their names. I'm confident that if I'm lucky enough to have children of my own some day I'll not disregard the significance of these kind of stimuli.
Haha I save the spiders too. I have a huge problem throwing out things bc I understand the situation our society has created w our consumerism and disposable attitude. I have STRONG feelings about this. We need to stop producing and reuse, trade barter, etc. We've passed the point of garbage our earth can handle long ago. But this isn't helping me, I've been telling myself I need to just do it this once and be very careful what comes in after. The stuff I'd be throwing out won't make a difference when society is still operating the same anyways..I'm trying to convince myself this.
@@crazyratlady3438 This used to bother me a lot too but I'm not sure if it was just a rationalization of my desire to hold on to things. Either way, it's definitely still a big issue, if biodegradables were more commonplace it's be a good thing, and designing stuff that won't degrade to last and not be as disposable. Integrating planned obsolescence in to product design has always bothered me.
According to the law of oneness, everything is made of the same divine energy, people, places and things and that's probably why you feel attachments since you are an empath.
@@Trashio777i like ur response. Probably the most true statement
@@rebeccarpwebb4132 thank you! I am an empath too so I've always felt bad letting things go. I realize things can and should change and become different or given away depending on it's use for yourself or someone else. I usually thank my items for serving me and I try to donate instead of throw away. I don't want to be wasteful, and I respect things. I'm glad you like the statement😄
I really relate to this video. I have a lot of sentimental clutter that is very hard for me to let go of. Most stuff is fairly easy for me to donate to charity or discard but the sentimental stuff is not. I get physically ill when I even think about letting it go. 😩
I can so relate.
love all this. although I feel like I'm pretty good at donating/letting things go when they don't have any more use to me, occasionally it will be difficult to part with a tshirt I used to love but is now just taking up space. I really like what Marie Kondo said about "thanking" the clothing for its usefulness in the past before getting rid of it, haha.
Gratitude for your possessions is very key to building a space you love! I like it!
@@carollynt Most religions have their own symbology, Christian have crosses and crucifixes, Jews menorahs and their particular star - but most don't venerate or worship those objects.
I have a queer habit of thanking my sewing needles before I have to throw them away because they have been a great tool that enabled a fantastic amount of work and made the end product impeccable but the idea that expressing gratitude to a tool for its good works and venerating it, to be the same - is sheer nonsense. But if you want to be judgmental and weird about it, were in America, go ahead - you do you boo!
Meanwhile a few of us taking a second to express gratitude to an object that's been useful to us before setting it aside, might be useful psychologically to being able to let it go.
The Sunk Cost Fallacy seems to be applicable to (and quite common) in regards to relationships - both romantic and platonic.
Totally!! 🙈 Also jobs or studies that we’ve started and cannot seem to let go…
Absolutely. This is why it took me 9 years to file for divorce from a woman who treated me horribly. I wanted out at year 1 but I kept it going year after year.
@@mylesgray3470 I hope you are in a much happier and healthier place now!
@@Debthouse Thanks! I absolutely am. I’ve found a great lady I’ve been with 7 years and she is awesome. Never want to see my ex again and thankful since we didn’t have kids I don’t have to. She loves manny states away.
This video is the most actually effective one I’ve found. This gets to the deep roots of why we hang on to things.
I just set fire to my flat, problem solved
Over the past six months (since returning from a journey to the tropics of SE Asia) I have sold, given away and discarded everything I own(ed). Everything. All I have left now fits into two suitcases. I did spend several minutes early this morning searching around my empty house for an item I use almost everyday and after looking in every room suddenly realized I had donated it to the thrift store two days ago! Ha ha ha! Well, I don’t need to look for THAT anymore! Yup. Free of all that stuff (2,000+ CDs of rare music, hundreds of books, all my dishes, a closet filled with clothes I seldom wear… (I now own four shirts). All gone. Free at last. Free at last! Think I’ll go for a walk.
😂
I alpreciate how you just put all these facts out there without filler non sense. ❤
Yes, it was very easy to listen to and access. Too much filler detracts from the message.
I think I'll watch another and, if it's as useful and concise, I'll subscribe. (I'm trying to declutter my social media, as well, so I don't subscribe indiscriminately.)
It try to have intentional clutter. Every decoration and embellishment to my space is placed with a purpose/theme. Yes, I let me apt get cluttered when I have a busy week, but I throw out what I need to. The worst thing is going through old mail and filing important papers. And I hate getting rid of clothes because I like the thought of having options even if I wear the same stuff all the time. 😂
I quite like my clutter, it makes the place look interesting and lived in, much like an old curiosity shop. When I go to a really tidy house I feel uncomfortable to the point that I don’t even want to sit down in case I crumple the fabrics. I went to a customer’s house once, the kitchen was so uncluttered that everything was put away into drawers, clean white surfaces, it looked like a morgue with the sterile marble kitchen island, but without the body on the slab.
I did have a bit of a tidy up the other week though and moved the chainsaw from the kitchen floor, that was underneath the bike and next to the big pot I use for winemaking, into the log basket. The oily rag that was underneath it is now wrapped around an oilstone I picked up from a skip along with some old hand tools that I couldn’t bare to see land filled and the old stock pot is in the attic. I even scrubbed the kitchen floor! I tend to save plastic cream pots to grow seeds in so have stacks of these dotted around the place. I’ve got driftwood, beach pebbles, rocks, sticks and logs all over the place, sometimes they go in the fire, or I eventually get around to making stuff out of them. I keep old glass jars for pickling and jam making, bottles for wine making. I am of course single😂. I think my favourite bit of untidiness is one of the pictures on the wall is slightly askew, I’ve left it like that as I know it winds my mate up when he comes around for a beer. A lot of my clutter also comes from family as a result of their decluttering ironically, and stuff left behind by various homeless friends who I put up for a few months or years at a time before they got themselves somewhere a bit more permanent.
I’ve always been untidy, even my time in the Navy couldn’t break the habit, no matter how hard they tried, to the point that I’m sure that this is also my reaction and aversion to authority figures who seem to be fixated with tidiness and telling me what to do.
Agreed! While I don't have that level of stuff, I can see the aversion to authority and the comfort it provides. And who wants to be afraid to sit down and crumple the fabric? Lol!! You do you!
Wow! Respect for your choice to embrace, love and feel comfortable living in your clutter. I am your polar opposite. I love my sparkling white, practically empty kitchen counter tops. To each his own. I can see your point of view where clutter makes a home interesting and lived in. It does. I have several friends who have a lot of stuff in their homes. It makes me feel claustrophobic, and I wonder how do they keep the house clean? Pretty certain they feel uncomfortable in my uncluttered, sterile home. Again, to each his own. I certainly value my friendships enough to let them live their lives as they see fit. Blessings. Have a happy day.
Perfect. Same here
Careful with oily rags though. They can catch fire as they decay.
It sounds like you have seen my kitchen which this time of year functions as a garden shed. But there is also just a lot of stuff that could be thinned down, or inventoried. When I counted up my canning lids, I realized I didn't need any more for at least a few years. It does help to organize... at least into piles or boxes.
Psychology + organizational skills!! Just what I need! Thank you 💕✨
You're so welcome! 🤗
Yes! I find it refreshing to watch these types of videos.
I find it difficult to eliminate certain things as I typically am very mindful about what I take in. It makes it more difficult to determine need.
I think this is a brilliant discussion.
I find that I value things I own more than things I don't also.
The brutal Partition of our country was so traumatic for my parents that they carried the scars all their lives. My father used everything till it gave out and my mother hoarded everything. Even after they had risen from the devastation and done well in later years, these habits continued. To some extent we, their children, have imbibed some of these traits and often don't like to discard things unless we have to.
Women in fam. Hoard. Not unclean just so much stuff. After TV show came out I began to purge things twice yr.
When Dad died I went to Florida she had 9 new cans of ladies shave cream and did not shave. Items stuffed under beds.
Weirdly enough, I learned to make my house minimalist and decluttered after learning ultralight backpacking skills. It just spilled over into the rest of my life.
congratulations. 🎉💪
About 20 years ago, while living in NYC, I went to a counselor. I told her about my overspending, hoarding, etc. I described the sinkful of dishes that were there in a disgusting, smelly mess for months... Until I threw them in the garbage only to later buy a new set to do the same... (No rinse, just repeat...)Then I moved onto paper plates, plastic forks... Not a big fix, problem remained). The counselor's advice to me... *_"Get yourself Fiesta brand ceramic dishes, so it will be a pleasure to wash them..."_*
Since that asinine advice, I have owned over 25 dish sets (wasteful and expensive) and I realize that she never understood the root of my problem. Over the decades since, I have figured out all that was wrong and caused me to sabotage my living space so much, living on squalor.
I'm a (UK based) counsellor. If a counsellor is giving you solution based advice, or is telling you what to do to "solve" your problems, they might not be the right person for you to see. What might seem like the answer to *them* might absolutely not be the answer for *you*, with your unique frame of reference.
Most people who come to me are looking for a counsellor who can walk alongside the client and facilitate their journey towards finding their own solutions in the present, while acknowledging the context of their past. In my personal view, the way I'm trained and regulated by my professional body, solution focused advice has no place in a counselling relationship.
I hope you won't allow this poor experience to colour your view of all therapists. ❤
But did you try Fiesta brand ceramic dishes? They meet your everyday needs and enhance any occasion all for the low price of $49.99 for a 3 piece set.
@@TheMinimalistTherapist
❤You're so positive and caring! I love that!❤
@@TheAmazingHuman-Man2
Does anyone with a problem letting go of things need to buy more stuff? Does a really expensive bottle of whiskey help an alcoholic drink less???
@@TheAmazingHuman-Man2 I have not bought them yet, and will only buy them if I know that you will get a commission from the sale. 😀
My mother threw out my comic book collection and gave away both my skateboard and bike without asking. Every roommate I've ever had has wrecked cutting boards, pots and pans, vinyl records, etc. Keep your lousy stinking hands off my stuff or expect blind rage in return.
I feel your pain.
I think I developed an excess accumulation issue after nearly 10 years of living in poverty. Several of those years were so tight that I lacked enough food. I have consciously decided to stop buying so much, but boy that urge to squirrel away food when I find it on sale is strong at times. At least I purged all the oit of date food I wasn't going to eat anyway.
thank you, very insightful thoughts i have to go through now! But one thing is obvious for me: the lonelier I get, the more stuff i buy and collect. I love to have complete Collections and go crazy on some topics/hobbies.
Interesting awareness you were able to draw on while watching this video!
For many things in life: It is better to have it and not need it rather than need it and not have it.
This was incredibly insightful! I have not explored much in terms of psychology and clutter and look forward to exploring more on the subject matter!
I don’t know about this left-brain, right-brain theory. They talk to each other.
❤ Clutterman here. 😀 What you call cognitive errors might actually just be failures of logic - reaching the wrong conclusions. Also, bad habits or procrastination play a role in cluttering.
A difficult childhood can be a antecedent. Growing up in a large family, I didn’t get a lot of things I wanted and I had to fight to hang on.
Edit: Much of my excess stuff is paper (including books & magazines). Other stuff is things it brings me pain to look at - defective devices, useless electronics gear.
Try moving 23 times with a minimalist mom and a military dad who dumps all drawers onto the floor ans proclaims they are not up to standards.
@@auberjean6873 Oh, that is terrible.
@@auberjean6873ugh! My momster did this along with everything in closet, curtains, mattress. And given 1 hr to make it right and there was always severe consequences. I'll spare everyone. Moving 26 times in 41yrs didn't help either. I have many things still in boxes from several moves ago. 😓
So basically, I know that (with other things) really screwed me up. I have an all or nothing mentality and will rebel against anything authoritarian now, which is good in some ways, but even being on time is a challenge now.
Basically, my heart goes out to you. 💜
@@StephieGsrEvolution
Thank you so much! There's nothing like empathy. We seem to have so much in common.Are you a perfectionist too? Yes, being on time for anything is an obstacle. My step-father would say that I'd be late for my own death, as if that were a bad thing! Mine goes out to you too.
@@deborahlozano7134 💚
Thanks! That felt like a hug, and I needed that from revisiting just a small corner of the past. Hoping your childhood was better.
This really helped me understand why I'm struggling to tackle my clutter.
Growing up I had share my bedroom with my sister. We are both creative people. She hordes almost everything, while I can’t stand the clutter. I took pride in how organized my section of our room was, while she could care less. I’m sure we influenced each other’s behavior as we were growing up. To this very day, my home is organized and my artwork is detailed and simple. My sisters home is neatly cluttered (she has boxes of stuff she doesn’t know what’s inside them and packed shelves displaying some of her possessions). Her artwork is detailed yet free flowing. I will and have sold my artwork, while my sister won’t. If she finds a person worthy of having her artwork, she will give it to that person, but she will never sell it. I find it very interesting how our early childhood has influenced our adult lives concerning our creativity. Because not all creative people prefer to be messy (or free flowing). Maybe you could do a video about that.
This is a really interesting perspective, I've been trying to commercialize my creative projects for a while but the idea of selling them really rubs me wrong. I've given them to special people but selling them to strangers just seems wrong. I've recently tried designating the design of a project to the creative part of myself, keeping the master copy and then making replicas to sell, hopefully this means I can make a living from my passions. I don't know why but it still feels challenging, I've never felt this way selling my time to an employer but that eats away at me in other ways.
You say that your early childhood has influenced your adult lives concerning your creativity, but perhaps it was your inherent personality differences that influenced your creative and organizational differences from the start.
@@doloresreynolds8145 That’s very possible.
@@doloresreynolds8145 I tend to agree that it's probably a majority nature but I assume nurture can play a big role too depending on the circumstance.
Thanks for sharing Molly, this is very interesting!
The best method of getting rid of clutter is the Marie Kondo. If it doesn't make you feel happy, toss it. Think first in case there's a real probability you'll need it - some tool, for example. The hardest things for me are gifts from people. Still, if it doesn't make you feel good, toss.
I did Marie Kondo and threw away somethings that truly I wish I had not. That has soured me on doing it again. Throwing away stuff is hard for me. I admit it, but I know I have to start somewhere. I have a small closet that hasn't been opened in years. It's crammed full of stuff I thought was important, but of course, how important can it be it I haven't used it in years?
I love living in my motor home. The trick to living in a small space is having a garage or storage shed next to the RV.
Right now I live in a three bedroom house. It is too big to get organized all at once. So, I have clutter.
Outstanding. I really struggle with clutter and this video was illuminating. Thank you.
I recently closed a storage rental as the prices went up and up. And I realized after a while that for most of my stuff it would have been less expensive to throw it out and buy it if I needed it again, rather than rent a unit to save it.
😊Great video
Yeah, the phenomenon of storage facilities shows our attachment to "stuff". Spending thousands to keep "stuff" we don't use.
Absolutely!!! And thanks for relating your experience. After both my parents died, I rented a storage unit to store a lot of their things. It took me quite a number of years to realize that I was spending way too much money on that unit. I have to say that I gave myself a break, because it can be very difficult to get rid of your parents' things in the first few years after their deaths and that's just a reality. But after five or six years, I realized that I wasn't looking at any of the things in the unit, I didn't even remember what was in the unit, and I was paying WAY too much money for it! So, I did some major clearing out and took the stuff I couldn't bear to part with and put it in my garage, which I now, after about ten years, am beginning to purge of stuff I don't remember having yet again. One great piece of advice I got from a friend was to take a photo of anything I didn't really need and would never use, but wanted to remember, like my mother's favorite sweatshirt that she embroidered herself ... we all can take and save photos so easily now. Often the physical object is not really necessary to hold onto. I've been trying to work one hour a day on decluttering my garage now and though it's going slowly, I am doing it.
@ninaannem.greeley2025
Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate to everything you experienced. I think taking pictures is an excellent idea I can use too.
My valued possessions are always worth more than other people's stuff.
when people come to visit i give them those glasses you put on horses so they can only look straight ahead
Taking a pic really works, or even just looking around thru your camera lense. I just told my hubby the other day, for some reason the mess looks more messy when I look thru the camera lense. He postulated it was bc you're only seeing that isolated area and not the room as a whole. As for believing you can or not, what if you were raised in a home w your mother and sister who are 100% organized, always have been but you're the exact opposite and always have been for as long as you can remember..it's hard to believe you're not a messy person and bad at organizing in such a situation. I do feel an abundance of happiness when I get an area cleaned up, just looking at the area is such a relief (my OCD makes me highly prefer clean and organized)..but it seems my mind/behaviors have always tended to be the opposite of what's best for me. I probably need a therapist to help undo things that were encoded as a child. I have no problem letting things go but I have a serious issue w letting usable things go to a landfill, I'm a staunch environmentalist and the thought of just throwing away normal everyday trash eats at me bc my mind understands the bigger picture and the enormous problem we're facing w how our society operates. Also, I need help. It's become overwhelming to the point when I look around to attempt to start something my mind goes numb/blank and I don't even know how to start. I have family who's said they will help..but they've been saying that for years. It also doesn't help that whenever I need something I can ALWAYS find or MacGyver something that works, lol. It only enforces in my mind that all this stuff is usable.
I’m wondering if you went through trauma and that has led to what you’re experiencing….
@@homebody61 maybe..I've been thru a lot of trauma, my childhood was not ideal.
@@crazyratlady3438 Sorry to hear that. Sending caring thoughts.
@@homebody61 😊❤️ty
Hear you loud and clear
My left brain is way out of control. Lol. It makes me pretty good at certain analytical tasks but it also can be a real hindrance. This is a wealth of info. Well, trauma and past abuse does actually “morph” the brain physically. Esp as a child. There is stuff so deep and unconscious in there and it takes awhile to chip down to the core of it. And to literally “re wire” the brain itself. But mostly if you are abused in certain ways, you very much become a kind of expert in rationalizing (excusing, justifying etc) the irrational behavior of those abusing you. You also get dull and used to it (as with the RDF stuff). I have also found SO many similarities with my relationships with things and my relationships with people. I don’t always like to refer to the past abuse these days but it seems to be a rather pertinent point even now with all the various facets of practical life. And truly some kinds of abusive situations destroy confidence and efficacy in a person…even many years later and it bleeds into every area of life. It’s extra to have to overcome, but I’m just glad it doesn’t have to be a forever, full on life sentence.
These are some good introspections!
💯 🎯
Interesting video. If you’ve been on a sailing vessel out in blue water you know it is both highly organized and also very cluttered. Or feels that way.
“Cap’n do we REALLY need Two Anchors?”
I've spent 20 years as a business consultant; very often, I run into people who, because they're not highly educated, they're rural, and many of them because they have undiagnosed issues such as dyslexia, think of themselves as being stupid.
Telling them "nah, I don't think you're stupid" and pointing out that they know a lot of things I don't (such as, how is _their_ factory organized) is usually part of Day One at a new place, and one of the most important steps in getting those people to be more efficient. Turns out, people are a lot better at doing anything when their self-esteem is in a healthy range. "Self-efficacy"? OK, I'm always happy to learn a new word.
I am a prepper. I stock food, prepare food. I rotate so it never goes bad. Some things are stored so they can last for many years. Never think that the " government " will help you.
As for the rest of my house it is neat and not over cluttered
This is an exceptional exploration of why we end up with clutter and what we can do to understand how best to deal with the problem. As a 1970s kid growing up with a (PTSD) hoarding mum, this was a revelation! Thank you 🙏
Is this woman actually talking this fast..?
Every time I get rid of something or allow someone else talk me into getting rid of something I ALWAYS end up needing that item and have to buy a new one which at a much higher cost!
Absolutely Fabulous video!
Direct, Concise and full of helpful examples.
Glad it was helpful!🥰
I work about 65hrs a week and the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning. I love taking a car load to Goodwill and selling things...just need more time
You are very easy to listen to and I like how you explain this stuff.
However, whenever I am struggling financially I always want to sell the stuff; when I'm doing well, I am very happy to donate the same items as I feel like someone else will be able to use or enjoy it.
Oops, I meant to write...
I am generally enthusiastic about letting go of clutter.
However, whenever I am struggling financially I always want to sell the stuff; when I'm doing well, I am very happy to donate the same items as long as I feel like someone else will be able to use or enjoy it.
Oh no I see the clutter, I am just overwhelmed by it and or where to start and by the fact that it's gonna take long to get done. It is driving me nuts.
This is excellent! Your explanations are so concise and helpful. I would love to see you expand deeper into this topic. It’s so valuable. Thank you for sharing 🫶🏽🌟
The weight bench and weights along with the bicycle and tools and computer and DVD movie shelf (eight hundred movies) is all considered clutter because I'm supposed to "go to the gymnasium" or "go to the theater" with funds I don't have . "Organized clutter" is how my rental apartment is described , and , I'm dismissed as mentally incompetent , until someone needs my tools to fix something they don't want to pay a regular repair bill for . My books and magazines are "junk" , unless i give them to someone else so they can sell them but not buy them from me . What fun for me , because I paid full subscription price and still read and return for reference to the books and repair manuals , but , it's all clutter , apparently until someone else makes money off of my stuff . It's good that Mia can clutter up her walls with bizarre self serving objects yet dismiss us by insulting our possessions . Have a nice day .
What about neurodivergence? Autistic family members obsess over their stuff, refuse to get rid of any of it, but freak out if you move anything - and no matter how messy it is they ALWAYS notice if you move something.
It kind of could make me wonder about my brain as well
Excellent video, Mia!
Leaving a reply for the algorithm.
One thing that isn't discussed enough imo is the link between clutter and obesity / unhealthy eating. Perhaps you can cover this topic sometime in the future, I think there are several studies out there.
Great suggestion! Thank you for sharing!
Yep...😮
It’s hard to declutter when you have so many authorities to answer to that the only thing you want to do at the end of the workday and work week is go outside into the trees. It’s a better stress release than sitting in your cramped apartment that you hate getting rid of stuff because life is forcing you through your worst nightmare and every single day you pray not to wake up.
You have too many bosses and a very stressful work environment. Very difficult situation. Please, please pray to God to help you and not that you don't wake up. Life can get difficult but God can always help you. He loves you and wants to help you!!
Erin, focus only on one tiny step at a time, not the ten thousand. God love you! You have the strength of an unseen army behind you.
So glad you know the trees are a peaceful place and a great place to rest. Wishes of peace in this season as you figure out what works for you. Sending 💕 love
@@susanpetropoulos1039 If only doing one thing at a time, until completion was possible. When I break it down to small steps and focus on one at a time, I get stuck and the finished product never materializes. Especially at work, where there’s other humans with competing interests and deadlines.
Gah. Back to fiscal year change.
@erindabney2758
It sounds like you've been through a lot.
Stress and sadness really drained me at one time. I couldn't afford therapy so I read some great self-help books, and most importantly, started walking. When I got up to 3 miles a day, I added weight lifting every other day and cardio the off days, listening to music that matched my stressed out mood and then stretching to slower music. The exercise and music took most of my stress, and the books helped me change my attitude. Sometimes, for the present moment, that's all we *can* change.
Best of luck to you!🍀
One think to point is that for hoarders giving up things in fact generades more anxiety while for a non hoarder beeing in a cluttered space genaredes anxiety and then a wish to organize. (-source: Buried in treasures)
This is such a fantastic resource for information! Thank you!
I’ve also learned a lot from the book Buried In Treasures, written by 3 mental health professionals who specialize in hoarding disorder.
Thanks for sharing this resource Dawn!
I have been decluttering for years ! ..slowly getting better ..I worry about prices going up ,not being able to get pure cotton , being stuck in nylon or cloths made of plastic .feeling my home may look as if it has no soul ..the list goes on ( I say this with comic verse ) but secretly deep down some of this I feel is true ..but proud of how its going ..and give a lot to charity which always makes me feel better .
Thanks for sharing!! It's always a process... change doesn't happen over night. It's taking the steps toward change that are important. 🥰
Excellent video thank you so much for posting this. The empathy you have in speaking about what the mind is doing came through so clearly. That can be a hard thing to find in videos about clutter and how to start managing it
You are so welcome, glad that you enjoyed the video 🤗
Thank you for your insight. I've come across the majority of the cognitive distortions & biases youve presented, but never in the context of clutter.
Loved it Mia! You are inspiring. I am a very uncluttered person & I enjoy saying this prayer a few times a week, 'God, show me the muda.' Muda is part of the Japanese way of eliminating things or processes which are excess, as you may know, part of work planning for manufacturing, & is now quite popular in all kinds of projects. Anyway, I often think I have no more muda, but I usually find something. In the last couple of weeks it has been improving my electric power plugs & cords, & getting rid of jarring black & white patterned cushions & replacing them with soothing, peaceful pink cushions...Thank you, Julia
Thanks for sharing Julia! I appreciate your kind words 🤗
What a beautiful little prayer to repeat to yourself as you keep your mindset in check and unlock new discoveries about what still has space in your home, and what is ready to be passed along and decluttered.
Thank you, Mia, your words are so inspirational
Joyce meyer sometimes talks about how your donations also bless others
These concepts are directly applicable to someone's mental life as well. So fascinating
How interesting. I am going through this again now. I have had to move from a three bedroom two story house with large 2 bay garage to an apartment. It has been a multi-stage process. I walked away from many, very expensive items that would have been helpful, but a real accounting of the benefit vs cost hasnt been done.
I have definitely had the "oh crud, I need that thing i got rid of a few weeks ago" in real life, not just as a concept.
However, in this most recent round, it is definitely attachment. Grandmas old chest, my son's artifacts from growing up, tools.
However, in some ways, this almost feels like victim blaming. Labelling things as dysfunctions that are quite common and were considered normal before being labelled.
All the mentioned psychological concepts are things that affect many, many people. So I feel in that sense they are completely „normal“. I think this video is more of an invitation to look deeper what could be reasons why the viewer is holding on to things. When we understand, we can make better choices in our lives 😊 ONLY if the keeping of things affects you (or your immediate surroundings) negatively then you should consider taking action, in my humble opinion 😅 So I feel there isn’t any judgement in this video or the mentioned psychological „labels“. What do you think?
@LittleKikuyu Apparently, I lost a paragraph in there. My phone was acting up. I am receiving comments by many sources, including family, that I have "too much clutter." That's what I was referring to as victim blaming, not anything in the video. Funny enough, a lot of the clutter are the same things that those family members foisted on me when my parents passed.
Please don't be offended by the following:
I too found "reasons" for my unhappiness. Oh, they were real reasons alright. But then I consulted an insightful man who said things that have stayed with me and have truly helped me cope with overwhelming emotions.
No one else is responsible for our happiness - it's our responsibility;
Suggested sentence for when feeling used or insulted, "You have NO RIGHT to talk to me like that!
And, my own, "You can only hurt/ upset me if I ALLOW you to!"
There were many other words of wisdom, but these have stayed with me and may help you too.
As for the clutter ...... got a wonderful lady who helped me with my bedroom. We all need a calm sanctuary so i refuse to feel guilty about the cost. May peace of mind is far more inportant!
And, now I'm saving to ask her to come back to do the next room (and make sure my sanctuary is still a place of peace).
Remember to dance to the kitchen when you get up. It's an excellent way to start your day!❤
This is some great content! I'm trying to improve myself, and my problem is that these videos about clutter sort of scratch that itch, but I'm not actually doing anything about it in real life. I need to figure out a solution to this issue.
Information PLUS inspired action will lead you to the outcome you're looking for 🤗 Have you sat down and reflected on why you're feeling resistance to working on this? often times, I find that people have limiting beliefs (which I cover in my video Decluttering Breakthrough- Stop Limiting Beliefs About Clutter ⛔️) or a block of some sort.
The good news is that you CAN work through them!
@@MiaDanielle Thank you! I will watch that video right now.
I like to listen to longer videos (1hour plus) while working. It's got to be talk, not video. Keeps me on task and motivated
@angie if you are an actual hoarder most advice on how to declutter is not going to cut it, that's for "normal" people to keep on top of things. One of the best resources for hoarding advice is the work of Elaine Birchall, please look it up. It takes into account the deep executive dysfunction experienced by people who hoard and her methods are fairly straightforward and relatively painless (still need some self-discipline).
@@evied4613💯 thx for that source!
What is missing here is the value of time. You speak of worth as a dollar amount. Dollars fluctuate in their exchange value. Time is only spent once. That time represents your life. As you value yourself, you value your time. If you have sunk a lot of time into something, that thing begins to attain equivalency value with yourself.
We are humans, not accountants. We count value on a different basis.
Clutter can also represent the recall feature of memory. Things are cues for people with a lower ability of voluntary recall.
I'm not defending hoarders, but this is much more nuanced than most think.
Hey thanks, this came up in my recommended and I subbed because it was informative and interesting, as the brain is. I’m dealing with my own hoarding/clutter issues at the moment, as a childhood SA and physical and emotional abuse and we didn’t have much, and both my parents hoarded different things in their houses stuff was put away, like my Dad’s shed where he worked for himself as a mechanical engineer there was no bench space anywhere, yet he could usually find what he was looking for, his younger Sister was a hoarder too, paperwork and stuff, his older 3 siblings were fine, my Mum she always had loads of paperwork stacked up in her office and myself and my Sister struggle with that too, I used to buy clothes and stuff all the time, my Sister too, but I don’t do that as much anymore, but I have just been diagnosed with ADHD and Autism at 55yrs old, and I have C-PTSD anyway from my childhood stuff, my sister didn’t get assaulted mine were strangers, and also I think I challenged my Mum a lot and would push the boundaries and she responded with the physical and emotional abuse, as she suffered that from her Mum, and the Nuns at school. So she did the best she could with skills she had and the lack of counselling and support back then, and then she was only 21 when her Mum died, and being the eldest she helped look after her 7yr old Sister, which ironically is what killed her as she would wash my Grandfather’s clothes and he was a plumber in navel shipbuilding, so the asbestos that insulated the hot pipes she inhaled when shaking out his overalls. I already worked on my anger about her treatment of me, and I was able to forgive her and recognise that she like me underneath her adult skin was still the little kid who copped it from her Mum and even though I still suffer symptoms of that stuff, I have a lot of compassion and empathy for her it took until 13yrs after her early death for me to get there, but I did Nurse her at her home when I was 30/31 so she could die in her own bed, and I know that she was grateful for that, because even though I’m a guy, it’s not something my Sister can do who is older than me, but it comes naturally to me, and my Dad looked after his best friend until he died and he moved in with my grandfather after my Nana died to look after my grandfather, so I definitely take after my dad as he was a real softy. Anyway thanks for the very interesting video I have saved it to help motivate me to sort my living environment out. I lost the love of my life 2yrs ago so it has certainly contributed to the chaos of my living environment, although I always wash my dishes as soon as I use them, as my Mum had a restaurant and taught us to clean as we go cooking and I was taught to do my own washing and cleaning so I have no problem with the idea of doing it as it’s something I’ve always been able to do, it’s just a psychological barrier at this point not a skill level or a sexist notion or anything, because I always did half the housework and more if my girlfriend was really busy or unwell, I am always up for doing the dishes if she cooked and if I cooked most of the dishes were already done while I cooked, besides I enjoy doing things that would lighten my love’s life if I was home before her or had a day off while she was working, I would have a meal ready, and washing done, and cleaning depending on what needed doing. Sorry a bit of a thesis.
Thank You for this insightful and revealing letter.
Thank You ❣️
Thank you for this, I have ADHD too and I was able to follow your stream of consciousness very closely here. I have a profound fear of hoarding. My worst fear is becoming a hoarder. I am current very distressed as I am faced with the realities and pressure of being responsible for so many more items than I used to be now that I am the head of a household. My wife’s dad was a semi hoarder kept somewhat in line by his wife, which made for an on the verge of hoarder situation. His mother was a hoarder, she was left by her husband with many children to care and they grew up very poor. He is not good with money and his wife is a real bean counter but he often overrules her but I have seen that improve over time. My wife is not as bad but I have certainly had to work through a lot with her. An organized home can only come about through an organized mind and an organized mind is, I’m starting to form the idea, a mind which is inclined to think holistically. I think your and mine reduced reticular activition system is like an over clock of sorts that when harnessed can be a real strength. I don’t need to take a picture of my house to see the clutter, I notice everything. I always have a birdseye view of a lot of things. I have learned to employ that and it is becoming very lucrative. My wife is in many ways the opposite. I am trying to teach her my way of thinking, but honestly I wish I could instead translate and tap into the wealth of intellect she has but is unable to deploy effectively as a home maker. She wants to be a home maker first and foremost, but she is not very good at it. She is learning and I have succeeded in teaching her a lot but she is so focused on granular detail she always missed the tree she runs in to all the time if you know what I mean. Please offer prayers for us and that wisdom may be a fruit that flowers for our family.
I have a lot of stored trauma around cleaning. My mom was a hoarder and my dad would take stuff out and burn it while she was at work. This, naturally, resulted in terrible fights. Now, my brain shuts down when I try to address my clutter.
The clutter also provides a protective nest to keep me safe. I can easily hide.
Thank you for cloarifyibng. Also, I went to the other room and forgot what I was about to do. You reminded me! I was going to put the old "redundancy" printer at the door in order to remember to give it to a recycling station - we've got lots of those in Denmark...
The brain is so amazing. When I first developed black floaters in one eye, they drove me nuts. Within a month or so, my brain learned to cancel them out, I no longer see them at all, unless I get very exhausted, like from missing a night’s sleep.
The brain is so interesting like that - continuously adapting, learning AND revealing new things to us 🧠
I’m not a hoarder nor is my house cluttered. It’s very well organized.
Others might think differently because I’m not even close to a minimalist, but I don’t care. You just might address the difference here.
Love this, enjoying our beautiful things is of value too
Decluttering + minimalism don't have to go hand in hand :)
OH MY GOSH - THANK YOU! FINALLY - someone can explain this in a SANE and HELPFUL way! Thank you so very much!
Glad it was helpful!
It is great to know how our brain works. As you were telling these things my mind went like oh yeah I do that indeed and I do think like that on those moments. I’m a number one when it comes to rationalizing 😂. Thanks very much for this information.
skip to 4 minutes to save time..... clear, concise and to the point
Before my marriage my house was tidy and my collecting of books, records and videos growing but in small steps. Over the following 10 years the house became cluttered and untidy and I started to collect a wider range of "stuff" many were expensive. With the break down of the marriage and living in my own home I not only had the clutter from my home but that of my parents to deal with. Much of this was fairly easy to mark out for decluttering and to sell leaving the harder to decide upon for later hopefully with more space to catalogue for sale. In two moves I did find items I needed for my current home that I had dumped, given away or sold earlier ~ not valuable items but I did waste too much time trying to find what was no longer there.
I initially started by asking an auction house how much for the entire house content. He said 600GBP and if they sold anything I would get some money back. The yard sale got 300GBP and sales on eBay over 2000GBP but still left hundreds of boxes.
I did sell off most of the furniture and high ticket items and not all of that went well and still nags me. Once sold, like gifts, you have no control over what they do with an item.
I sold off some of my father's stuff hoping it found a new home where it would have good use but instead it was snapped up by a dealer, split up and sold in parts for double he paid and the main item went to the person who had dropped out of bidding on my auction listing. So instead if my father getting the return for his care of the item the eventual buy got a lesser product for a lot more cost.
The other aspect of the sales was the growing difficulty of working out the additional costs. Postage and packaging and the listing and auction fees all rose. If not very careful a sale would result in having to find more to pay to send than obtained. There were caps on postal charges allowed which was okay for a single item but not for a set (books, records etc) or for heavy cheaper items.
I had a unique collection of material from a microcomputer company I worked for had so much material it was four car loads and some 40 heavy boxes that I donated to a museum. But when I returned to the pile of boxes it looked as if nothing had changed. The material donated has yet to be catalogue or utilised and in days they had no clue where it had gone. They mentioned needing staff to do various things that I had already done for them.
I took several boxes to a charity store. Seeing so may boxes in the shop I was asked to take them through the to the back. There I found that the content of the first box had been assigned to the skip. No knowing what some of the things were and making incorrect assumptions just put them out for landfill. Instead of telling me they have no use for items that their staff don't understand so I could take it elsewhere they dump them. The skip costs the charity a lot of money and is as large a overhead as renting the shop.
Even freecycle is not an answer. Having advertised a number of items for free I then added a price tag and offered elsewhere and they were snapped up.
The desire to declutter and part with lots of stuff is dampened by the increased issues of advertising it now. The higher fees on auction sites (live auctions have 25% seller fees and a 25% buyer fee), needing a good description and photographs of everything and the time needed to organise all of that and create the listing page. Unlike a seller/dealer these are all unique one off items.
I can totally relate to this.
Something I have started doing and it takes work is recognizing that the stress of keeping it because I might need it is far higher than if I get rid of it and don’t have to stress about figuring out where to keep and have to deal with it’s presence while cleaning and organizing
Every person who is unemployed and worries about money while looking for work would have some clutter because of stress.
The comments of other hoarders and cluttered people were very insightful and helpful. Thanks folks 👍
I like this video a lot! Lots of interesting things to think about and you present them in a way that's very friendly and non-judgemental. I was kind of expecting to be triggered by this or be angry by some of the things you said but I wasn't. I was pleasantly surprised by that.
To me, clutter is a bit of a chicken-or-egg sort of thing. You know, which came first the chicken or the egg? Well, which came first the clutter or the mindset? Don't be so quick to choose one and dismiss the other. To me, dealing with a VERY cluttered house has been quite challenging and where I used to not understand how someone could become a hoarder, now I totally see how it could happen.
The thing is, to me now, clutter and even in the extreme hoarding, is simply an outward manifestation of mental issues. BUT which came first the clutter or the mental issues? It's hard to know for sure.
I hesitate to say mental illness because sometimes I don't believe it's that, it's simply an issue that's been left unaddressed for too long and now has festered, become "infected" and simply needs to be addressed. I sometimes think of it like a boil or zit....it happens. A hair follicle gets infected and at first it's only bothersome but easily tolerated but if left untreated, it festers and gets worse until it we simply HAVE to deal with it. Same thing with clutter
I found when I changed my diet to a low carb, ketogenic diet, that after a few weeks, I was no longer able to tolerate the clutter in my kitchen. In fact, it really bugged me BUT it was so bad I had to start the cleaning slowly and sooth myself during the cleaning process.
One part of me was VERY judgemental but another part of me was very soothing and calming in the midst of all that judgement. AND I could only work on small bits of it....maybe 10 mins at a time at first, then take a long break of a few hours maybe a day or two then try again. After awhile the judgment went away completely and I was able to work A LOT longer on cleaning until I was finally able to say I dug myself out of almost ALL the clutter in my kitchen.
Now I'm applying that same, simple technique elsewhere in the house where either I need to clean or declutter and it's really working well. The more I eat "on plan" to the ketogenic or even carnivore diet, a/k/a LOW to NO carbs, the easier it is to not only declutter but also to stay clutter free.
Same it has everything to do with what we put in our body, whether it's food or thoughts. When I eat right or take the right vitamins that control blood sugar, I am on a quest to organize.
@@AnneSpired - Yep - I'm a big fan of low carb, high fat diets. But my point was actually don't be too quick to dismiss the act of decluttering or cleaning also. They can be enormously powerful on our emotions as well and even when diet isn't on point, simply doing some work can make it easier to eat on plan. It's the old saying "Move a muscle, change a mood".
I struggle with too many clothes. In the past, I have given away clothes that were out of style, but I really loved these items. I kept them for 15-20 years and finally gave up and got rid of them. Within a year or so, the style changed back and now I regret giving those items away. I bought new things, but the quality is just not the same. Now I can’t seem to get rid of anything. It doesn’t help that I’m 45 and still fit into clothes I wore in middle/high school.
I have to disagree with your theory that we don't see the clutter after a while. When my home begins to get cluttered, usually my office, it affects my mood. A chaotic environment makes my brain feel chaotic. It's really unpleasant. But once I get the space cleaned up, I can't wait to use it, and do to my absent-mindedness, I mess up the space in no time, then back to chaos.
Many of us do not see clutter build up.