I totally understand the context of your comment, but if you think about it, there’s a lot of things you’re not allowed to do with your own body! So if you’re not allowed to do some things because you have to wait until you reach an age or other things you’re not allowed to do because it’s illegal…. I mean, do we really own our own body?
@@Dr_Larken that's about preventing harm tho, personally i don't believe in criminalizing drug possession, but it's illegal to sell alcohol to minors because it's harmful, and it's illegal to drive without a seatbelt because it could hurt you and others, i don't think that conflicts with bodily autonomy in any way.
As a straight man, I never understood why other men wanted completely submissive wives. At most I could accept this as role play kink in the bedroom. I want an equal partner who complements me, not a slave.
@@dinosaur___7209I do not know since I do not have that kink. That being said, my experience talking to people who are into BDSM tell me that this is not necessarily the case.
This is not a straight or gay thing. It's about power. A submissive spouse relinquishes power to the other. There is always one person in any relationship who holds a greater position of power, depending on individual situation. The one advocated here is one of total submission, relinquishing power on all fronts. This was the default from times when women were a commodity. It's still the default in theocracies across the globe.
@@dinosaur___7209 Imagine being a sub … with no safe word. Anyway. It's not the same as a sub/dom kink situation. That's play acting with lots of safety rules. This is more master/space dynamic.
News flash if your partner ain't gonna listen to "a single word" and is gonna wait for something as nebulous as the "holy Spirit" before he becomes responsible... They ain't your partner
@@Curlzyness That would just mean that she's condoning a lifestyle that she isn't following (as she's working and making money from home) and that leaves other women vulnerable in a way she isn't. Despicable.
@jessicacharlton7347 to be fair to her, I don't think she ever told anyone not to work. I may not agree christian teachings and values. But i've seen her content before and she seems to lead a normal modern life (+ a lot of Jesus)
I wish there wasn't so much Christian marriage advice out there that basically boils down to "shape yourself into a perfect tool for your husband to extract sex, validation and housework from." I cannot imagine living like that.
I’ve always been so confused by the evangelical “logic” regarding child rearing. If men are such great leaders, wise teachers, and fierce protectors, then it makes the most sense for fathers to be the primary caregivers who maintain the home. Right?
Had a relationship that ended when I realized my bf not only expected me to be the breadwinner because of my job, but also expected me to be a traditional wife and mother, take care of him and any kids we had, never mind that I worked 12 hour shifts. I could not get out of that relationship fast enough.
When I was 19 I lived with a 27 year old. We were going to get married, and we ended up living back in my parents' flat. I wanted to be nice and made him food one day, done 5 minutes before he came from work. He comes home, throws a fit and says that next time he comes home, I'd better watch the time, and when I know he's due to arrive, listen to the elevator coming up and only then start heating his food. Oh and he was convinced that once the school year started, I would not be allowed to go to Uni cause he didn't want me to. Aaand he actually tried to get me pregnant without me knowing, despite me not wanting kids, "because we won't argue anymore." Finally I kindly invited him to choose if he wants to GTFO via door or 8th floor window, left him packing at home with my parents, went out and when I came back he was not my problem anymore. This is one of the several bullets I've dodged, and though not quite the last one, the whole thing raised my relationship standards by a lot. He ended up getting someone else pregnant, and I've been told he was being abusive towards her. 11 years later, I thank all my lucky stars this was not my fate. I'm pretty sure trad wife life would have had me in jail a looong time ago. 😬😅 Quarrelsome wives is a good name for an all female band tho, will keep it in mind.
Working 2 full-time jobs, including one without payment? No thanks. Did they not get the memo that "traditional" wives and mothers don't have other jobs outside of the home?
"Keep no record of wrongs" is gross and dangerous. How many abusive christian husbands use this verse to guilt their partners into forgiving them time and time again?
It is obviously within reason. But listening to an atheist try and comment on a religious marriage is kinda pointless. They are going to take everything literally and make up every case senario. If you have a good partner none of these things should ever even be an issue to begin with.
@@EmilyInALoop I agree that if both partners are decent, reasonable and empathetic then the 1st corinthians 13 love description is mostly pretty good. But that is a huge if. There are ways that people who don't mean well can exploit or abuse it to hurt and control a partner
@@spatulaoblangata people often tell us who they are. Don’t ignore it and definitely don’t marry them. Find a good partner. Most people settle just to have someone then have to deal with nonsense as things get worse. Some things should be natural in a relationship. If it has to be forced it isn’t meant to be…move on.
its probably bad that i know this (my mom told me, and i mean she probably shouldn't have) but i know my mom felt the same way when my brother and i were still super young and she was a stay at home mom. and what do you know, my parents have since divorced lmao
I was something around 25 when I heard for the first time that some christian couples love their partner more than their kids, and they encouraged others to do the same. It had never even crossed my mind that any parent would put ANYTHING over their own child. I would be really unhappy if my partner didn't put our kids first.
@@mandi3891You would be surprised at how common this is. I grew up in a socially conservative family that always put the parents wants over the needs of their children. Unfortunately it feeds into the narrative that women need to be complete emotional and physical servants to the husbands while the children are meant to follow the mothers lead. It turns into a family dynamic where all the emotional labor is put into coddling the fathers and husbands as much as possible. It’s seriously gross.
I am not sure if that is really that insane. You have had a certain dynamic in your household for a good while (in most cases). I fully understand that a disruption in that can trigger emotions. It might not be completely rational and you should be able to recognize that, but the emotions itself is not that insane to me.
Having s8xual trauma from childhood/ early adult years, it has always completely depleted me of confidence when people say s8x is EXPECTED in relationships. I’m not Ace, I have a drive - but being told that I have a responsibility of that scares the hell out of me, and it’s not helpful.
It isn't helpful for anyone. For the longest time I had issues with it because I had vaginisme. And I wanted the intimacy badly for me and my partner, but it hurt too much. The pressure is a mood killer. And then I went into a phase scared I couldn't have childern. Luckily my gyn then reminded me there are other options for that too. It helped me so much to realise we would only have sex for our own enjoyment and there are many ways in which this can be fun. And when the pressure fell away, things got much better!
I am ace and as soon as they knew the truth about me all the sweet romance things i love about them is gone. Is like they do all romance just to get sex. I am asexual but i love romance. 😢 it's hard
As a man who very much felt like the “nag”, if you’re wanting to nag less, you have to ask yourself why are you having to make the same request over and over again? Why is your spouse devaluing your wants so regularly that your requests are falling on deaf ears? Why are they letting you become background noise, for something that legitimately bothers you?
I was not expecting these replies. I am glad you found the best situation for you. If your needs and feelings are constantly being ignored no matter how much you try to communicate then the relationship is not healthy. I hope you are happier OP
The misoginy of the wives having to accept and love their husband unconditionally, but the minute he comes home and you don't have a full face of make up on he will hate you and cheat on you... That's thinking very poorly of men in general. I'd be miserable if people, including my wife, all acted like i'm a childish tiking timebomb
That was what I thought too. Like, isn't she being a bit of a mysandrist? Thinking her spouse only connects through sex, can not be held accountable for his actions, and can not hear complaints... yikes.
@@lesliejordan9620 well I wouldn't go that far, like mysandry (if it exists at all, because so far there has been no system anywhere in the world that treated men the way sexism worldwide treats women) would be constantly berrating him and treating him like lesser than. Whereas she keeps repeating he his basically the king in his home and deserves the world on a shiny silber platter simply for existing. It's much more nuanced than that, and the problem here lies in the fact that fundies basically don't do nuance.
@@charliethesquishywitch340 nvm my "mysandry" comment, you are right. My point is that men are depicted in such a bad light unintentionally by fundies, but they are by no means oppressed 😂
@@lesliejordan9620 oh yes, absolutely. I just can't fathom growing up being taught that everyone is just waiting in fear that you turn violent. Famously children end up doing what you tell them to do, repeat endlessly to baby boys that they'll end up as cheating screaming unsatisfied impatient men and guess what will happen u.u
The truth is, many men (definitely not all men) do treat women like this. They pressure them to have kids and then cheat on them when their body changes from having kids. Many men are also ageist because of societal expectations of women and won’t even date women over 40 despite that being an incredibly generous age (have all your stuff together, know what you want etc). And many men are so obsessed with having biological kids, that’s the only reason they get married. They see women as cows and won’t even consider a woman who doesn’t want or isn’t sure about kids. So, there are many misogynist men.
49:01 You know her husband would never make the same amount of effort for her. Or at least in this culture, he would never be expected to. You have two toddlers, you’re working, pregnant and stressed and you feel like you have to pick up a messy playroom AND put makeup on for your husband? When your energy is already near zero, any extra nonessential obligations sounds like it would just brew resentment for the husband. It can’t be sustainable. It’s okay for your kids to be a bit snotty and the playroom a mess, he should be making sure YOU feel appreciated for taking on the responsibility of taking care of two little humans all by yourself.
Yeah and the way she seemed to imoly all those things can be done in a couple minutes, just quickly wipe their faces, clean up their mess, have a nice dinner prepared, wear sexy lingerie and be dolled up like... Gurl, that would take me half a day 😂
I remember having two children under five (one of whom is autistic and has learning disabilities, and slept for about two hours per night), a job teaching modern languages in a secondary school, a house and a supportive husband, and day dreaming about dying, just so that I could sleep. En passant, I do not recommend having dogs or children and WHITE SOFAS. Honestly, a beginner's mistake. I bet she has pale carpets, too.
That was my family. My parents were EXTREME Christian’s. Very cultish. Out of 7 sibling’s, 6 were homeschooled too. We knew every book of the Bible in order before we knew our times tables. Disney movies were thrown out because they were satanic. Dad was heavily involved in the church, mom was submissive, the whole dance. Didn’t stop dad after 20 years of marriage to have an affair with someone from work - have a baby with her and move in with her, leaving my mom and never speaking to his kids again. Like ??? Milena can pray in her lingerie all she wants… it’s not a realistic way to live when she could be just like my mom in 20 years. All that work for nothing. No husband and all her kids are estranged from her and in therapy 🎉
She makes being a wife sound like torture on earth like here are all your chores ladies! And it’s like.. why? I don’t want to, what am I getting out of this?
The whole point is that you are not supposed to think about getting anythinv out of it. You are supposed to give give give and communucate about your needs less. You are supposed to notice and praise him for every little thinv he does but if he doesnt notice you take it to Jesus not him .If he complains about his needs not being met then you should meet thwm even if it makes you uncormfy but you should never make it uncormfy for him .If he is overwhelmed and overworked stepup for him and let him rest .If you are overwhwlmed and overworked pray .If you want your needs met pray first .If he wants his to be met he doesnt need to pray . Etc etc .
@@sakuraesther6309 I get it but why wouldn’t you just choose to be single forever instead? It seems fairly obvious that would be a lot less uncomfortable
I think for some it is nice to help people. Im feeling good when I do stimme auf for others, in my own accord though, of course. And this is reinforced on those women. "Giving is the gift" It is toxic still, but it's, like everything, but totally out of thin air. But somehow they expect somebody with a vagina to be this selfless and to their Service
Wow, ten-million copies....I'm in the wrong business. My mom believed this stuff and it led to insane amounts of abuse. When she finally agreed to divorce, after yet another physical attack (he literally broke one of her vertebrae but refused to take her for medical treatment because he was afraid of prosecution), I had to talk her through the reasons she wasn't doing something wrong day-after-day... I'm watching along and it's reminding me of the past.
Trust and beleive thag milena will say that her advise doesnt work about abusive situations but youll never catch her standing peoud and high with women in abusive situations
@@sakuraesther6309 You're sadly all too right, but I do think it's changing, an in part, due to channels like this and more information being available due to the internet. My mom's era was much different and she always felt guilty when she had thoughts that seemed to go against the church or "what God said," and that's how it was. But we do learn....both of her granddaughters from me were raised differently (even though I was a Christian for the first one's childhood and for half the second). One is in law school and one is getting a masters in a science based program, so two advanced degrees and two strong confident woman who don't take sh*T from people very easily, much different world, it is from 20, 30, 50+ years ago...
That's really heartbreaking. Your mom didn't bring about ANY of that treatment. The man she was with had demons that he didn't come to God with. Any person who is walking with the Lord from his or her heart possesses the Holy Spirit & thus the fruit of the Holy Spirit. With that being said, every single person on earth is prone to sin, hence we must repent & do better. Your mom could not fix that man she was with no matter what she did, only God could fix him.
@@daisylavenderlove Sounds like a "No True Scotsman" claim to me. You're essentially saying if a Christian beats a spouse or rapes a child, it's "proof" they're not a Christian. Yeah, okay......well, it's a convenient definition, I'll give you that, but not very logical.
@@lynmcgrow9246 they aren't this kind of statement leads to men being driven into suicide over feeling like they are not man enough, not good enough, dont fit in, etc. this kind of statement leads to men not being punished properly for crimes. men are not a lower or higher form of life. men and women need love and care and responsibility for their actions
I love how "meet him at the door in sexy lingerie" is said immediately after "make sure the kids are clean". Like WHO BE WEARING LINGERIE AROUND KIDS????? And if you meet him at the door, what if the neighbors see? Will they then covet her? Like where is the awareness of the OTHER PEOPLE who exist?
Some evangelicals have a weird lack of boundaries around sexuality within marriage, because it's considered so holy and perfect and sacred that they're like, "who WOULDN'T want to have this flaunted in front of them?" My partner grew up evangelical, and when they went to their 18-yo friend's bachelor party, all the 50 and 60 yo church moms they grew up with were giving the teen-bride-to-be sex dice and maid outfits and edible underwear and talking about what their husbands like in bed 😐
To be fair.. The book gives two cautions (unless I have the wrong book) 1. Know your kids are as you pick your outfits and be sensitive to it. 2. Be sure that it is indeed your husband. She gives the example of one woman who opened the door in minimal sexy clothing only to surprise the mail man😂😂
I was raised evangelical and only left about 3.5 years ago and am currently in a queer relationship but the programming still goes so deep. Listening to their talking points, I had to keep reminding myself thay this doesn't apply to me which is crazy to me- not having the house clean and not always being sweet and delicate for my partner is a huge source of internal conflict and guilt for me even though no one around me is saying things like this anymore and my church was "progressive" in terms of spousal relationships (it wasn't progressive lmao)
Oh, I totally get that! I actually got into a pretty negative headspace researching and working on this video. Just so much of it is triggering. I didn’t grow up as a fundie or anything, but I still was around a lot of ppl who believed in this type of traditional gender/marriage roles.
How do you overcome this. I have so much fear over my “salvation”. I still get so anxious when I behave in a certain way contrary to Christian practices even tho I don’t align with much of it anymore. Like I’ve never had a boyfriend before but I’m afraid of dating a non Christian and then I for some reason cling to a Christian belief subconsciously and it leads to discord because as someone who quite recently left the church this is still all new to me. Idk maybe I’m in my head too much about it.
@@alexandria3177 It's really difficult, so don't be too hard on yourself. What helped me was creating community outside of church/Christianity, moving away from my home town, researching the history of the Bible and Christianity and realizing it for the myth that it is, reconnecting with my body and my emotions (Christianity intentionally separates you from your body. "the heart is deceitful" etc) and therapy. And time. Everything gets easier the longer you're away from the Christian messaging in my experience. I recommend the RUclips channels Religion for Breakfast, Paulogia, and of course Antibot and Genetically modified skeptic haha. They helped me a lot with fears of hell/leaving Christianity. Best of luck to you, I hope you find the freedom and joy in life that you deserve!!!
Omg! My mom actually made my sister and i read this book when we turned 15 years old. She told us it would help us prepare ourselves for our future husbands. Long story short, my sister is freshly divorced. I am happily married but my husband and i deconstructed together shortly after getting married. We both agreed we didn't want our kids raised with this kind of ideology. What's funny is, i had my husband read this book so he could understand why i avoided certain conversations and such,and he literally was dumbfounded at everything in it. He said he didn't want that kind of stepford wife and he wanted me to be just as happy and free to express myself as he was. It's mind-blowing to me that my mom actually thought my sister and i needed this book for instructions on a proper marriage and life. Luckily the man i married actually loved me for me, and not because he just wanted a "good christian wife", and I'm so glad our kids don't have to deconstruct from it either.
"Don't talk to your spouse about your concerns, instead talk to your invisible friend about it and just have faith that will resolve the issue!" So much wrong with everything this poor woman says, anyway, thank you for addressing it all in a constructive way
I foresee depression and disappointment in her future. There is NO way that you can be happy in that kind of marriage, no matter how much you believe that you shouldn't talk to your spouse about how you feel.
I do believe the praying did help, but not in the way they like to believe. The husbands in her example must have noticed their wives going into the prayer closet more often than usual. So they must have been trying to guess what they did wrong. It is just all very passive-aggressive.
Also "your marriage should deepen every year and you should be more intentional". How are you supposed to deepen a connection when you don't talk about very deep issues? This woman is very young and has not been married a super long time. Not every year of your marriage is sunshine and rainbows. There are years where you are so exhausted that you barely have capacity for eachother. Sometimes you have to be a little "selfish" to not make a snowball of contempt. A good spouse will want to communicate that and respect the other's opinions and vice versa.
As a married atheist I feel compelled to make my own list 😅 1. Be polite, say please and thank you. 2. Engage in the other person’s interest even if it’s brief. 3. Keep praise detailed rather than vague. 4. Don’t put the other person down in public. Discuss it in private. 5. Have one day per week to discuss if something is bothering you. We call it briefings. 6. Focus on behavior rather than attacking the person. You can do something stupid without being a stupid person. I find that the format “I felt (add specifics) in this situation and I would feel better if it is handled like (xyz) next time” works really well to communicate needs without over analyzing the specifics of the situation. 7. Don’t ignore or stonewall your partner, talk about what you feel and what you need such as space, cool down period etc.
@@Fuzzyslippers_xoxo I’m happy that you find it helpful. My husband finds conflicts stressful, a lot of things are in place to help him discuss difficult things without unnecessary stress. Let me know if you want me to clarify any of the points 🙂
My mom recently gave me a copy of “lord, let me love” by Marjorie Holmes that had been passed down from my great grandmother. It’s terrifying and fascinating. It’s really wild how depersonalized she is, like she’s taken her own internal monologue and labeled it as the voice of god, and she’s never alone even in the privacy of her own head. There’s so much stuff that retroactively reads as terrifying, knowing how those attitudes have played out. I always felt like evangelical men are always saying that their wives are neurotic and crazy, and it’s like, well they would be, wouldn’t they? You’ve repressed their sexuality, made them dependent on you, and forced them to take on all of the basic life sustaining tasks for her entire family.
Correction at 44:32. The Pearls don't just advocate for Child abuse. They advocate for straight up child torture and yes there is a difference. They openly admit the goal of their methods is to break their child's will and personality. That is the definition of child torture. Their own words at a conference were "A little psychological terror often works better than pain". Seems like a small difference but the distinction does matter
I am a survivor of DV and SA perpetrated by my ex husband whom I was married to for almost 20 years. I blamed myself thinking if I just tried harder and prayed harder I wouldn't make him so upset or angry because I would FINALLY be a good wife This whole "submit" attitude is utter bullshit
Now that I think of it, bending over backwards to try to please someone from whom one gets no reciprocation is kind of what my experience of trying to have "a relationship with Jesus Christ" was like. Makes sense that my folks' "Christian marriage" seemed just as one-sided.
No reciprocation with Jesus Christ? He died for every single person on Earth. There is truly nothing you could do to have a reciprocal relationship with Jesus as he has made the ultimate sacrifice for you.
@@daisylavenderlove Male supremacist fantasy. All power - no responsibility. Due to a hypothetical grandiose gesture (conveniently ignoring that it was their fault it "needed" to happen in the first place!) you should be grateful and must submit to and worship Him (memememememe). A human getting a tiny little cut to save someone from a wreck, who once said something maybe a bit rude to them, would be a greater sacrifice.
The idea that these people looked at the idea of withholding sex and thought, "Well he might cheat then, that's the problem," is wild. It IS wrong to use sex as a weapon, just as it's wrong to use anything as a weapon in a loving relationship. You shouldn't feel the need to manipulate your spouse, and if do you should be asking yourself why you can't just talk to them about what you want or need. To be fair, I'm also not a relationship counselor, but I've been with my husband for going on 14 years now. We don't play games, we talk to each other because we are each the other's favorite person to talk to.
the idea that nit wanting to have sex is automatically weaponizing it is a huge problem. that's why women are constantly guilted into it, which is rape in essence.
Idk I feel like that is mostly how men are wired though. I think mainly women need adoration & emotional connection to be happy in a relationship, & men need peace & sex. If you have needs for emotional connection that your man never fulfills, despite countless talks about you needing that from your partner, & you meet another man who wants to give you what you need, idk, I've seen lots of people crumble under that situation... so with men (mostly,) it's the same thing with sex.
Do you want an argumentative, negative, cussing, haggard, selfish, never-does-anything-for-you wife? I think there can be extremes, but the gist is that men like to lead, they connect best through sex, & they like to be thought of & treated lovingly. I think many men grow up not understanding how to express their feelings nor how to healthfully discuss deeper issues in life. Most men need patience & kindness around such issues- some women operate that way too but not as often as men.
Everyone I know has been all of those things at one point in their lives. It's when it's taken to the extreme, as you said, that people complain about and then portray as 'most' women. Men can be victims of negative societal upbringings, but that is NEVER their partners responsibility. Patience and kindness? Yes. But catering to an adult who can go and get therapy like the grown up they are? Yeah, hard bloody pass. And the ONLY women I know who want their man to lead are those who are brought up in 'woman are submissive' homes. Everyone else? Dominate. And their partners enjoy it. @@daisylavenderlove
It breaks my heart to hear her saying that she doesnt think that theres any point talking to her husband or communicating him when hes failing her/their marriage.
@@kmasse81It's not 'the majority of the time', either. It's 'the greater part'. She's not very literate, is she? And it's not 'longeray'. Even if it were the correct French term for 'underwear' - it's not - the pronunciation should be more like 'lanjree'. (I'm sorry, it's one of my bêtes noires.) And her hair could do with a good brush. So check mate, Christian trad wife!
No, because I immediately thought 'If you want me to respect and take your words as factual, at least use proper fucking English' and that derailed my whole train of thought away from what she was saying😅😂@@kmasse81
"Are we just going to misquote [Bible] verses and then ignore other verses when they don't line up with what our little helpful tips are here?" She is a conservative Christian, after all.
You know I love your videos, but I had to shut this one off because I was so triggered. This is the crap I was raised with and I still have trauma over it to this day. I literally stayed with a husband that I could not stand the sight of for 20 years because of this nonsense. Thank PAPA I came to my senses and didn't waste my entire life being miserable. Why would a god who "loves us" so much want us to miserable? I will never understand that.
To this woman I would love to look in her eyes, "Sweet, stupid, summer child.... I've been married, happily I may add , longer than you have been alive. I think I'll pass on your infantile marriage "advice." What happens if you get a chronic illness? What if you're children have learning or mental health issues? What if one of your çhildren comes out as trans? What If those things happen you're not going to have enough energy or time for you doing All the stuff in your list. We have gone through that and much more with money, family, neighbors, jobs,friend problems and yet here we are. I'm not in it to impress or worship my husband. We are a team.
I totally, absolutely agree. I have been through at least one of these scenarios, plus three serious - and I mean life-threatening - illnesses on my part. She's an absolute beginner. (Hark, do I hear David Bowie singing along?)
That makes sense & I feel like that's where the strength of the husband comes in. Just because she wants to make her husband happy doesn't mean she's stupid. She wants to show her husband appreciation & bring him beauty & peace. There's nothing wrong with that. There will be hard times that require different approaches to said hard times, but ultimately, serving your husband is fair. Especially when he's providing a roof, food, & whatever else. That's the traditional dynamic, not the modern dynamic, but from my observation, such a traditional dynamic is what many people desire. Life does have twists & turns that are dealt with as they arise, but that is where the true test of commitment is shown.
I'm watching the video during lunch (in Brazil). My environment is very religious and I'm not, so your channel is a space in which I feel safe. Thanks!
Omg the "put yourself in his shoes" at the end of the day is soul crushing. Of course no mention of asking the husband for the same! It could be argued he's probably less in need of an oasis than the wife/partner who has been home with kids all day. The parent at home also needs that "slice of heaven." But no....the little wife is responsible for creating the peace, not sharing in it. Ugh its so gross and dismissive of domestic labor
I am 44 but was raised in a Christian home . I married at 19 and was inundated with this advice. I lived by it I prayed constantly. My communicating was considered nagging. I lived with a man that couldn’t keep a job, stayed out all night long and slept all day . I was so angry but was trained to hold it in , it comes out no matter how hard you try . I watched my mom do this and it was just normal, men were just like this . I never witnessed anything other than sexual interaction between them unless it was abuse . Christians tend to put all the blame and responsibility on the women. However he’s supposed to be the leader she does it all and he gets the victory. I was also trained to not have any negative thoughts . These books eventually lead the same road to ongoing long lasting abusive homes and divorce . This isn’t improving any marriage, it’s akin to duct tape over your mouth because your in pain . Your still in pain it’s just you can’t scream.
I am truly sorry for your experience. A lot of Christians tend to conveniently forget that women should submit to God-fearing, kind and decent men. Not alcoholics dead-beats and temperamental fools. This notion that women should marry any man who claims to be a Christian without vetting the person and their behavior is dangerous. I am glad you were able to get out before any physical harm happened
@@gladyskihara4736i agree with you. It is sad to me that many people question God because of the sins of men. The Bible even tells us to never put our faith in man, only in God. We are still called to be loving, especially to our spouses- they are not perfect & neither are we, but in no way is a Christian called to suffer abuse, whether mental, physical, or emotional. That is not what God calls us to do & there is a big difference between the longsuffering we are called to practice for normal disagreements & life situations & abuse. Abuse is not condoned anywhere in the Bible & separation is called for in such instances. With that being said, NO relationship is all sunshine & roses, NO marriage is perfect, because no person is perfect, but we do the work we are called to do & hopefully we find someone who operates the same way, but if they don't, prayer & love are actually helpful.
To this day it still trips me out to see videos about Milena and Jordan on youtube channels I follow, cuz I went to high school with them and we were in the same youth group growing up. While we were never really close or anything, I do remember them both being generally kind but very indoctrinated. They were kind of the poster children for the toxic purity culture our church imposed upon us. They were high school sweethearts and very much wanted the "god centered life". While I never had a problem with them personally there was only one incident I felt was an uncomfortable moment for me in my interactions with Jordan. To provide context, we lived in a very white, predominantlg wealthy area of Michigan, and our church was a megachurch that you could see from the freeway. While Jordan was always generally kind to everyone, his family was, and continues to be staunchly republican and very conservative and therefore, many of his views reflect that. One day on our annual missions trip to North Carolina, he came back from his work site (we were working on different sites) and his team was in charge of making the meal for the night and i guess on his work site, he was helping a black family rebuild their roof and when he saw me after he said "India we should get married one day so we can have beautiful little mixed babies" and as one of the only black girls on the trip it definitely made me feel uncomfortable. Fast forward to 2016 and he was very vocal about his support of donald trump and we got into multiple facebook arguments about politics and we eventually unfriended each other due to our differences. All that being said, its so surreal to see their content knowing we all grew up in the same church and community and now, having gonw through my own deconstruction, its just wild to think that back then, I wanted nothing more than to live the life Milena has now and now I wouldn't want anything to do with it.
Wow, that’s crazy! I’m sorry you experienced that uncomfortable exchange with him! I didn’t know they were high school sweet hearts. In some ways I can relate to them - Drew and I married at 21 and we were both concerned with leading a god-centered life at the time. They don’t seem like bad people - mostly they just come off as uneducated.
Also used to be a fellow church attendee and “knew” Jordan as well. We might have only had a few interactions in passing (so I hesitate saying that I knew him) but the Ciciotti’s were all the poster children of that church, for sure, so they were hard to miss. I’m sorry for your experiences, and wanted you to know I had similar ones (not necessarily with the ciciottis directly, but with those directly linked to them. One of which being on a subsequent North Carolina trip.) You’re not alone there. It’s messed up. It also seems as though the micro aggressions are indoctrinated as well… I’ve seen that being spewed on Facebook by family members. It’s deeply saddening to me because I thought that church was “different.” And as it is reflected in its poster children, it certainly is not.
As a man, I hate when trad people act like I’m some mindless meat monster. I am perfectly capable of being rational, thoughtful, and mature. I’m not gonna cry if my wife refuses to kiss me or whatever
Exactly. Why should men be the leaders and decisionmakers If they are sexobsessed animals? Even to the point of women and girls having to take one the man's responsibility by having their shoulders and knees covered as If not to tempt him? Ridiculous. Who would submit to a person like that?
So according to Maribel Morgan, it’s not only a wife’s responsibility to be sexually available to her husband, it’s also her responsibility to enjoy the sex as much as he does. If she doesn’t enjoy it, she is somehow failing him. Is it then the husband’s responsibility to enjoy the food his wife makes for him? (Obviously, in this framework, she’s the one making the food.) The whole concept is absurd and clearly exposes how this ideology attributes all the privileges to the husband and all the responsibilities to the wife.
Milena's first verse ending with "because of your lack of self-control" is a hoooooooorrendous translation of that verse. It has nothing to do with "lack of self-control" and everything to do with losing that healthy connection and commitment to one another over time.
I've been working my way out of a horrifyingly conservative background for a long while, and your phrasing - that the reason this service-based womanhood is dangerous is because it makes the relationship about what she does, not who she is as a person - clarified SO MUCH for me. Thank you.
It's advice like this that has led to their being so many man children out there. And it's just as much of a disservice to them as it is to the wives and mothers who support them. A lot of these guys are going to end up end up getting a divorce and they're not going to have any idea what led up to it because they've been told this whole time that this is the way things are supposed to be. And then when it does happen they're not going to know how to take care of even their basic needs. Don't get me wrong, there are some men in this situation that still opt to carry their own weight and have still learned to care for themselves and care for their partner. But I honestly think those cases are despite advice like this and not because of it.
I think the *idea* is that if you act as if and pray hard enough, then he’ll be moved to take care of you and care for your needs to an equal degree But weirdly, I rarely if ever see these kinds of videos going the other way, even though that’s the intention. Maybe that’s just my feed, but it is concerning as far as what I’ve actually seen
I definitely agree that's the intent. But I feel like it's fundamentally wishful thinking. At the very least I don't think those sorts of interactions, when they do occur, are the result of advice like this. Equitable relationships are something that need to be actively worked on. Add expectations need to be clear. It's borderline delusional that by being really nice you'll get your partner to do things you want them to when you haven't even told them what it is you want.
I hate it when my wife nags me about trivia. Every damn day, it's "Who won the 1924 World Series" this and "What famous Roman dictator shares has name with a popular salad" that. I mean Jesus christ Helen, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
Also, is it me, or does this lady seem particularly frantic in her apologetics? Like, "I hate my failing marriage so I'm desperate to biblically validate what a lazy dick my husband is" frantic. 😂
Ha, my wife was like this, so I sent the ol’ ball-and-chain off to host a pub quiz! She hasn’t been back since. Legend has it, she’s still asking trivia questions to this very day…
@@christelle9122 As an Aussie, I’m thinking you’re almost out of time before summer! But perhaps you are elsewhere 😅😅 Either way, all the best with your dress and I hope it doesn’t need a zip (sewing in zips is the worst, for me anyway) ✨✨
@@Jenna_Miles Thank you 🥰 I live in Switzerland and it's about to be Winter here. But I enjoy sewing for my future self. I'll be very happy to find it in my closet in a couple of months. Enjoy your Summer!
I'm so glad that people are FINALLY talking about Milena! She's had some super toxic teachings for years and has flown under the radar for far too long!
This stuff makes me physically ill. When I was a young girl, I remember feeling so subhuman for being "naggy" or being "quarrelsome" or being "bossy". My father used to have temper tantrums at us. He'd come home mad from work and explode at us even as young children. If we fought back or argued or stood up for ourselves, we'd be punished. After, when Mom finally decided to say something, my sister and I were told that we needed to learn to be more obedient and we were told allllll the things my dad did for us and why we should feel guilty about fighting with him. It's insane to me as an adult how we as young girls were supposed to be so emotionally stable while my 40 year old father didn't need to be because he was a man. To tell women, over and over and over again, that we are supposed to just never challenge men on their bad behavior is so sick and wrong and it's the #1 reason we have so many women hating incels. Because men are taught that no matter how old they are, it's a woman's job to just accept and tolerate anything they do. And "nag" is so gendered. Only women can do it. Nobody says a man complaining or negging or whining for sex "nagging". The idea that there's a special word for when women express dissatisfaction versus men should give people pause. Furthermore, there IS pubmed journals about men having a higher sex drive than women, so at least that part was accurate.
Great points. But just to add some nuance, sex drive studies have often used self-report & women have been socialized for decades to not talk about or explore their own sexual desires. And society caters to hetero men's sex drives/desires. That needs to be taken into consideration when looking at such studies. Fisher (can't remember her first name) did a study monitoring actual physiological responses to sexy images & women who verbally denied arousal or reported limited arousal were actually having very strong physical responses (& actually seemed easier to sexually arouse than the male subjects).
@@lesliebohn627 I think considering evolution and the hyper fixation of sex on men for centuries and the fact that low T can make men lose their sex drive and high T can make women have a higher sex drive, I don't think it's socialization. It's mostly genetics. I do think women would engage in more sex if they weren't socialized to think it's evil, but I do think men, in general, have higher sex drives due to hormonal differences.
I don’t know about this nagging thing. My wife bothers me to death about household chores. And I’ve had this conversation with her 100 times. Like wtf does she think happened in my life before we were married? Does she think I lived out of a laundry basket and let the trash overflow? I didn’t, and I still won’t. She’ll bother me to take out the trash from the time it’s 3/4 full. She bugs me to do laundry every day no matter how much is in the hamper. And I think the reason it pisses me off is that if I ever look at the trash can and think “that’s full, it should go out” or if I look at the laundry and say “woah that’s ready to be done” or literally anything else that needs to be done around the house I just do it immediately. My first thought is never to ask my wife to do it. Like I’m standing here looking at a full trash can, why would I ask my wife to take it out? But you bet your ass she gets on me about the trash can well before it needs to go out. And the mind blowing part is when she gets sick or something and can’t be on patrol for a few days, afterward she’s always like “thank you for taking care of things while I was sick, it really means a lot” Like, I would always do these things without prompting and before they become a problem but i never get a chance to because you start in on me about it way before it needs to be done.
@@tylerbrown4483 If your male boss was constantly up your ass about stuff, you wouldn't call it nagging. Because a woman is doing it, she's a nag to you. You'd call a man anal or an ass- but you'll only call a woman a nag. Because you inherently think if a woman tells you what to do, there's no reason for it. Lol.
@@lesliebohn627studying physiological reactions might be a flawed way of studying sexual drive though, specially for women. I’ve read that women experience dissonance between the experience of sexual desire and physiological arousal more often. It seems out bodies are more likely to get aroused by any sex related stimuli, whether or not we experience subjective desire. Really crazy stuff.
As a believer, watching videos like this enrich my perspective. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Even if I don’t agree with everything, you are brilliant and worth listening to.
This Christian wife is using manipulation rather that communication. Women are accused of being manipulators as a general rule and this just adds into that.
This seems to be a feature with such patriarchal relationships. Since the husband is set up as a dictator over the household, the wife can't honestly communicate her concerns to him since that might be seen as a challenge to his authority. So they need to manipulate him to get their way.
My question in all of this is, if the husband is supposed to be the head of the household why is it the wife that has to initiate all these “good habits” to make a “happy home”? Shouldn’t it be the man who does all this to lead his wife in a happy and peaceful home 🤔
Thank you! To me, one of the most glaring flaws in evangelical “logic” is their stance on child rearing. If men are such great leaders, wise teachers, and fierce protectors, then it makes the most sense for _fathers_ to be the primary caregivers who maintain and preside over the home. Right?
I feel sad for women who watch this stuff because they want affection from their husband. If your having this type of problem in your relationship you should be able to communicate with each other
I enjoy this format of video. It's helpful to hear someone who's more fully deconstructed speak to the underlying structure that this advice is built upon. It also continues to make me happy whenever you bring up asexuality. It's something I didn't learn about until later and felt odd growing up in the church realizing I didn't like the sound of or want this most sacred and godly relationship. Getting to come into myself and be in a queer platonic relationship with a fellow aromantic asexual has demonstrated to me that it is possible to have an honest, balanced, emotionally intimate, sexless, and godless relationship where it actually feels comfortable and good! I look forward to the next video
This relationship dynamic is my parents, and I feel so bad for my mom. I guess religion keeps her there. And watching them over the years has brought me here. Thanks for your content, you help me stay sane.
I subscribed long ago for the anti-MLM content, but I've been absolutely loving the religion commentary videos as well. Especially as an ex-evangelical Christian myself. Thanks for the thoughtful and entertaining videos! Also, I love your curly bangs! I've been wanting bangs again (used to have them, would style them straight every day), and your recent videos have inspired me to get those bangs and embrace the curl! ❤
Yay! I’m glad you like my new content! Thank you and go for it! My only issue I’ve had was when they start growing out to a weird length and won’t curl properly, but otherwise I love them!
Honestly my biggest question from her video is “if you’re constantly thinking of negative things, complaining, nagging and not wanting to show love to your partner, why is this really happening?” Obviously there’s tons of nuance like life circumstances causing the negative feelings however I’ve heard this stuff a ton growing up and the wives that “struggle” with these things, from my observation aren’t in healthy marriages and have legitimate reasons to be upset but they’re told they just need to “respect” their husband and pray about it 🤦🏼♀️
25:13 Who else got mad and sad when she took Samson's new bone away? It wasn't even that loud and he looked so confused. At least give him a replacement item!😂
I skipped to that part and yeah, she lost all credibility! Girl, you need to pray about treating your doggo better! Honestly, I started the video, saw the dog and got super excited. But he was blocked by the picture in picture and I was forced to listen to her. I feel bad for the dog.
As someone who has two chihuahua mixes, I was pissed!! Let Samson have his bone in another room or wait until he goes into another room to play with his bone to film the next segment. She does RUclips for a living, you’d think she’d have a few techniques for when a dog is making noise 🙄
As a christian I totally agree with your videos, I know that most Christians who make this type of videos may not have bad intentions but it can cause really bad situations for people and toxic relationships
Telling women to be happy about being a cooking, cleaning sex sleeve is insane. Not only that, but this is for men too. She’s telling men to expect and demand that their wife be like this or she’s the problem. He’s absolved from literally any consequences of his bad behavior because he can do whatever tf he wants at the end of the day.
It seems like a good wife has to be this Barbie doll, which is allways kind, chill and beautiful without caring about her own feelings and her mental health. Main focus on her husband, his feelings, his desires, never reflecting how she feels inside. The husband on the other hand doesnt need to care about her feelings, it seems like he can be a spoiled, over protectes child his whole live never caring about the woman next to him. A wife is not the mother of her husband. They are grown up.
Another aspect that's so harmful in the 'men want physical affection, women want emotional affection' is.. as a teenage girl who was very focused on physical affection, I felt like a freak and an outsider every single time people repeated this idea, or assumed that us girls weren't 'struggling' with certain types of 'sins' because the boys are the only ones interested in such things.
Absolutely eye-opening. I used to watch Milena when she was just getting into her Christian Girl series and I actually really liked listening to her. It's sad to see where this movement takes women as they get older. A lot of my current season of life has been deconstructing these kinds of narratives. It's insanely difficult. Thanks for taking the time to put together such a careful comparison that makes a lot of sense! Great video.
I just imagined having kids and the woman wears lingerie for when the husband comes home. "Daddy's going to be here soon, mommy put on the scratchy clothes!" 😂
I pictured the look on his boss's face when hubby brings him home for dinner unexpectedly and she greets him at the door wearing nothing but a thong. 👀 😃🥳
"That's all he asks of you!" A clean house, perfectly behaved children, and a well kept appearance. Is that all? I can see why abuse and neglect are so rampant in these communities. No mom as time for that without turning kids into miniature robots
Back in the 70s my MIL gave me a similar book. I can't remember the title but it should have been "How To Manipulate Your Husband By Acting Like a Submissive Little Girl" . One of the "lessons" was how to act childlike, sit on his lap and pout real cutely to get him not to be mad at you . 😖
I grew up in toxic purity culture and "Christiaan marriage advice" like this (which go hand in hand). The effects are long lasting and I'm still healing so I love this breakdown. But I had a funny thought about the "greet him at the door" bits - my partner works overnight and I laughed at how unhinged it would be to like malicious compliance her advice - greeting him at the door with a full dinner in the oven at 6am with an apron on and a maniacal smile on my face XD
The bit about ~'not nagging but instead going to your prayer closet' smacks of heavy handed passive aggression. It seems to me that such behavior is not only toxicly manipulative but also sure to breed resentment in one or both parties.
I read an interesting thing that the two lead male actors in 'Father Knows Best' called out the show for promoting the ideology that women should game their husbands by using feigned helplessness and 'feminine wiles' to get their way. That was kind of cool
I showed this to my husband and he said “I couldn’t imagine viewing you or your body as my possession.. you’re not a damn object. you’re my wife” … good to know I’m safe lol
I'm a caregiver for the elderly and it's a common theme I see where the super religious become miserable later in life. The women who grow up strictly catholic have an intense fear that carries on into later life and a docile, submissive personality. Giving all faith to God and acting on their best behavior, they become destraught when they lose everything. One woman said to me "why did this happen to me, I've been such a good girl/such a good wife" etc... I heard that and realized I could never live for a man or live by anyone else's standards but my own. Some husbands just walk out on their wives without warning. I've tried to become comfortable being alone because in the end that's our destiny. (Sorry to be morbid) ❤
God does not call us to live in fear. We are to always trust in Him. Being a Christian does not mean a life of perfection & no troubles & anyone who believes life will be gravy needs to read the Bible & ask God for mercy & clarity. Look at what happened to the apostles- many died brutally for believing in Jesus, but they had happiness inside because this world is fleeting & temporary. We can never control it, we can only trust in God through every single situation.
Did she say "Speak life over him"? As someone who has never heard that phrase, I'm picturing waking up in the middle of the night to see my wife standing on my side of the bed with her arms stretched out over my body, hands open, palms down, doing this ritualistic "wax on, wax off" motion whispering "Living la Vida loca" or something. I'm fairly sure that's what that probably means.
My husband and I have sex at *most* once or twice a week (rare) and at least will go without for around a month or longer, yet we are intimate *daily*. So much so that people who come across us in person think we're either newlyweds (been together almost 7 years) or have sex frequently. All this to say that not only is intimacy NOT exclusive to sex, but sex is also NOT an indicator of intimacy. My husband and I define (and share) intimacy as a feeling of closeness/togetherness, this can be done in SO MANY BEAUTIFUL ways that are simply not related to sexual intercourse - and to limit one's view on intimacy to that of strictly (or even *primarily*) sexual intercourse, is to cheat one's relationship of legitimately beautiful experiences.
Listening to you/viewing your videos is such a good entertainment! You seem like a naturally wise person. This is definitely one of my favorite channels on RUclips, I'm very glad that I found it. Thank you! Have a nice day!❤
I am a Christian myself, Catholic to be precise. But I really can't comprehend how you can take the Bible at face value. It speaks in pictures to convey certain principles to the people of that time. Also you can't forget, that the events were first passed on for centuries and only then written down. As a child, we all played a game of Chinese whispers and know what happens when a story is retold by a few people, let alone hundreds and thousands. So reading bible verses to tell other people how they should live and condemning someone if they don't live like that is incomprehensible to me. Nevertheless, the values conveyed in the bible are incredibly important and should be passed on, such as: not killing, stealing, envying someone, also turning the other cheek, being a good neighbour,... Edit: another thing that I forgot to mention is that like you said, everyone interprets the verses of the Bible differently, which means that nothing is certain. .Plus there's just a lot of Christian practice that's not even mentioned in the Bible, so calling it the very 'fabric' of Christianity is questionable. The practice of going to a physical church on sunday isn't even mentioned in the Bible, that's just a practice that developed based on ideas about Sunday being the sabbath and the importance of having an ecclesiastical community. People for centuries have been adapting Christianity to go with the times, despite what many people want to believe. The Christians of the 1600s for example are not the Christians of today (they'd lose their shit if they discovered we no longer had a God-fearing King). The Christians of the 1950s are also not the same ones of today. In the first 1000 years of Christianity, as I seem to remember, there were no depictions of Christ on the cross in art. Instead of Jesus the martyr, it was Jesus the good Shepard, and all you saw was Jesus being around sheep in early Christian art. It wasn't until war and pilgrimages that followers started depicting and focusing on Jesus's sacrifice.
She's talking about making your husband fall more in love with you by changing yourself, but does he actually truly love you if he doesn't accept you as you really are?
Christian thought #1: humans are NOT animals, we are made in the image of god. Christian thought #2: men are animals that cannot control their sexual urges, so wives must be submissive to their husbands urges. Christianity loves it's internal contradictions. I don't think I've ever found a Christian concept, that didn't contradict some other aspect of their beliefs. Modern Christianity is probably the most hypocritical of any if the major religions. Two of Jesus's primary rules for his followers were "A camel will pass more easily through the eye of a needle, than a wealthy man will enter Heaven" and "keep God's Laws separate from Man's Laws" Jesus was a strict non-materialist (he was a hard-core anti-Capitalist); and Jesus wanted his followers to not be corrupted by the twisting of words that is required for Politics (Man's Law) Jesus was very specific, don't be a materialst(Capitalist) and don't be Political. Yet, we can seen the numbers of "Christians" who will completely ignore whatever they want, no matter who says it. If Jesus came back today, he would probably side with the Secular Humanists and Socialists.
@@KAMZA. the very most basic concept of Islam, is total surrender of self, to Allah. The koran is actually worse than the bible for society, but as far as being consistent, it's actually better. The message is horrific, but it's consistently horrific. I'm not sure if the bible or the koran contains more internal contradictions, it would take too much effort to do an objective job, and the answer would be meaningless anyway because both belief systems are ultimately Nonsensical Gibberish.
I am a Christian socialist and I often find myself agreeing with the so called secular world because the Christian world that are leaders are trying to create are so against what Jesus taught. It's mind boggling.
@@michellethiesen7972 a truly Objective reading of the actions/choices/values that Jesus was involved with, are what True Socialism was supposed to be. Marx was well aware of Christian influences and also saw the hypocrisy in Capitalist-Christians of his era.
Want to find a lot of language that's very similar to those dominant/submissive concepts of sex? Go find some BDSM literature, and compare the language. She might as well be reading from a "guide to being a $ex slave" It's really weird how the "purity" she is seeking, is expressed in the same way as hard-core dom/sub sex relationships. Especially the absurd focus on "fulfilling" all of their partners desires, so they won't cheat. Maybe, she's part of the wrong religion.
Honestly this was my first thought. The language reminded me so much of my and my partner, and it just felt like she was trying to add God to her kinky sex life...
@@michellethiesen7972 Islam is supposed to be a complete submission to Allah, Muslim Apologists use very sexually charged language when discussing their deep faith to Allah. How many Jesus followers have had an orgasm while screaming for Jesus/God? Lol
I always get this feeling when listening to stuff like this from religious/conservative people, especially tradwife content, and just think "another one, mistaking their fetish for a universal moral code"
The language might be the same, but the consent and rules are most definitely not. As one BDSM lady wrote: all of the power actually belongs to the sub as they set the terms, boundaries, and what is permitted. This stuff sounds more like 50 Shades of Bad. It removes all of the parts of BDSM that keep it safe and consensual, then gives all the authority/power to the DOM.
Thanks, Taylor! As someone who spent over 15 years in a marriage where I was constantly given horrible advice from church ladies, I appreciate you tackling this. Once again, I hear Christians projecting their own flaws onto others. Don't get pissy every time your husband wants to go out, remember to show your love and gratitude to your spouse... Why does she assume we are not already doing these things??? (spoiler alert, because she is not!) It blows me away how many young wives think they know everything about a perfect marriage. What I do know about marriage, is that there is no guaranteed way to fix every marriage. Many marriages are unfixable. Others need a lot of heavy lifting. No problematic relationship is going to turn around because you put on some makeup and lingerie. This will improve a healthy relationship that is a little stale.
This is the kind of stuff I was taught growing up in the evangelical church. I am deconstructing, and the things you are saying are so helpful to me. Thank you
I think she makes a really nice point about doing kind/generous things for your partner. The problem, for me, is that she clearly doesn't expect the partner to ever consider doing anything like this. I think its GREAT if you get up in the morning with your partner and make their coffee! HOWEVER, it's less great if you do this for them but they never show any different behavior. If you're going to go above and beyond, they should do that at some point for you. Relationships are a two-way street.
There was an article that we got in school from a magazine in the 50s, I think. It was an article about being a good wife, I think, and it said to make yourself look nice, have the kids look put together, be a little happier when your husband gets home! I laughed at it then (20 -ish years ago), but it's hard to hear it now. How is this still a thing?! It also totally negates the hard work a SAHM does. Maybe SHE had a bad day. Maybe SHE needs support.
I love how the girl had said “love is patient, love is kind” blah blah blah and then said “love keeps no record of wrong”…*trying not to spit out my drink🫢🤣* …….which is very ironic considering that their god is supposedly keeping track of all the people who “do and don’t” believe in him, in order to KEEP A RECORD of who deserves Heaven and who deserves Hell, based on whether they spent their lives on their knees .
I am conservative Christian but I watch you because I think you should get all sides to every story. I agree with some of the things you say. I don’t go to church because my church made me leave after my divorce but I hurt because of it. I agree with the Bible but it is difficult in this day and age to apply the Bible’s teachings
@@devilsadvocate7059 I was one of the original founders of my church, I helped with everything. Vacation Bible school, ran the kitchen, helped with baptisms(adults only). Sunday school, everything. My kids were born into the church. We were there 3-4 days a week after I worked a full time job as a nurse. When I wanted a divorce they asked me to leave as divorce for any reason is a sin. It was awful. It’s been 15 yrs and my kids and I still can’t walk into a church. It is heart breaking
1:00:13 No but really, what are you supposed to do if he’s going out to strip clubs and having cocaine nights with the boys? She’s giving all of this advice that only applies in best case scenarios, but even when she acknowledges that worse scenarios may exist she just says “use discretion” but WTF does that MEAN in this world? Snorting cocaine off a strippers ass may be an extreme example, but what if he’s coming in at one AM every Friday night, drunk and loud and waking up the kids, which isn’t all that uncommon even for Christian men. Is it suddenly OK to nag? Or are we still sticking just with prayer? Do you not “allow” him to go out anymore? How does that work? Is this where you work in withholding sex? Like, we know the wife is supposed to submit of her own volition and divorce is off the table. But then she says this case is different. BUT HOW??
Go to ground.news/antibot. Subscribe through my link for less than $1 a month or get 40% off unlimited access to the Vantage plan before Nov 30.
Hello! Have you linked fundie Fridays videos on the pearls yet? I’m having a hard time finding them :(
lol I was also looking for that link too!
@@noblethenewt ruclips.net/video/wt0QOKbEj7A/видео.htmlsi=Xv8Ue2kZXUS4zzzt Hier, this should be the video i guess
the idea that your body is not your own is so disgusting, it leads to so much harm i hate it.
Exactly
I totally understand the context of your comment, but if you think about it, there’s a lot of things you’re not allowed to do with your own body!
So if you’re not allowed to do some things because you have to wait until you reach an age or other things you’re not allowed to do because it’s illegal…. I mean, do we really own our own body?
@@Dr_Larken that's about preventing harm tho, personally i don't believe in criminalizing drug possession, but it's illegal to sell alcohol to minors because it's harmful, and it's illegal to drive without a seatbelt because it could hurt you and others, i don't think that conflicts with bodily autonomy in any way.
Agreed.
Right!
As a straight man, I never understood why other men wanted completely submissive wives. At most I could accept this as role play kink in the bedroom. I want an equal partner who complements me, not a slave.
@@dinosaur___7209I do not know since I do not have that kink. That being said, my experience talking to people who are into BDSM tell me that this is not necessarily the case.
This is not a straight or gay thing. It's about power. A submissive spouse relinquishes power to the other. There is always one person in any relationship who holds a greater position of power, depending on individual situation. The one advocated here is one of total submission, relinquishing power on all fronts. This was the default from times when women were a commodity. It's still the default in theocracies across the globe.
@@dinosaur___7209 Imagine being a sub … with no safe word. Anyway. It's not the same as a sub/dom kink situation. That's play acting with lots of safety rules. This is more master/space dynamic.
@@dinosaur___7209 I read it. I responded. You don't like what I said. Got it. Moving on.
News flash if your partner ain't gonna listen to "a single word" and is gonna wait for something as nebulous as the "holy Spirit" before he becomes responsible... They ain't your partner
If she has married young and stays at home unemployed, a woman may feel a stronger need to keep the marriage secure.
yep, but out of fear and helplessness... what a great way to live a life
I mean she's doing social media
but she is a content creator and has online stores. wouldn't know abouu her finances but she looks like she has her own money. good for her
@@Curlzyness That would just mean that she's condoning a lifestyle that she isn't following (as she's working and making money from home) and that leaves other women vulnerable in a way she isn't. Despicable.
@jessicacharlton7347 to be fair to her, I don't think she ever told anyone not to work.
I may not agree christian teachings and values. But i've seen her content before and she seems to lead a normal modern life (+ a lot of Jesus)
I wish there wasn't so much Christian marriage advice out there that basically boils down to "shape yourself into a perfect tool for your husband to extract sex, validation and housework from." I cannot imagine living like that.
I’ve always been so confused by the evangelical “logic” regarding child rearing. If men are such great leaders, wise teachers, and fierce protectors, then it makes the most sense for fathers to be the primary caregivers who maintain the home. Right?
@@alexwyatt2911
Yeah, but that would be work, and they don‘t want that.
@@blacky_NinjaNot only that, it's multi-tasking. That's not going to happen.
It was hypocritic religious people who murdered Jesus teached that,not God.
@@goldendiamonsorry, what are you talking about?
Had a relationship that ended when I realized my bf not only expected me to be the breadwinner because of my job, but also expected me to be a traditional wife and mother, take care of him and any kids we had, never mind that I worked 12 hour shifts. I could not get out of that relationship fast enough.
He was what is traditionally called a 'no good bum'.
Yep, my ex was like that too. Wanted me to be the main money maker, but also a domestic goddess that did all the cooking and cleaning. No thanks 😅
When I was 19 I lived with a 27 year old.
We were going to get married, and we ended up living back in my parents' flat.
I wanted to be nice and made him food one day, done 5 minutes before he came from work.
He comes home, throws a fit and says that next time he comes home, I'd better watch the time, and when I know he's due to arrive, listen to the elevator coming up and only then start heating his food.
Oh and he was convinced that once the school year started, I would not be allowed to go to Uni cause he didn't want me to.
Aaand he actually tried to get me pregnant without me knowing, despite me not wanting kids, "because we won't argue anymore."
Finally I kindly invited him to choose if he wants to GTFO via door or 8th floor window, left him packing at home with my parents, went out and when I came back he was not my problem anymore.
This is one of the several bullets I've dodged, and though not quite the last one, the whole thing raised my relationship standards by a lot.
He ended up getting someone else pregnant, and I've been told he was being abusive towards her.
11 years later, I thank all my lucky stars this was not my fate.
I'm pretty sure trad wife life would have had me in jail a looong time ago. 😬😅
Quarrelsome wives is a good name for an all female band tho, will keep it in mind.
Working 2 full-time jobs, including one without payment? No thanks. Did they not get the memo that "traditional" wives and mothers don't have other jobs outside of the home?
i believe in the industry we call that a "scrub" 🧐
"Keep no record of wrongs" is gross and dangerous. How many abusive christian husbands use this verse to guilt their partners into forgiving them time and time again?
My parents used this against me when I was being bullied at school. It eventually escalated to sexual harassment.
This one definitely gets trotted out when Christian men are discovered fucking around.
It is obviously within reason. But listening to an atheist try and comment on a religious marriage is kinda pointless. They are going to take everything literally and make up every case senario. If you have a good partner none of these things should ever even be an issue to begin with.
@@EmilyInALoop I agree that if both partners are decent, reasonable and empathetic then the 1st corinthians 13 love description is mostly pretty good. But that is a huge if. There are ways that people who don't mean well can exploit or abuse it to hurt and control a partner
@@spatulaoblangata people often tell us who they are. Don’t ignore it and definitely don’t marry them. Find a good partner. Most people settle just to have someone then have to deal with nonsense as things get worse. Some things should be natural in a relationship. If it has to be forced it isn’t meant to be…move on.
If she's worshiping her husband, won't that make him a false idol?
I always wondered that too. Verses in the Bible are kinda contradicting each other and it’s making me confused lol
Gottem
Yup 💀
Bam! 💥 there it is…spiritual idolitary.
Yes
Bruh the fact she was getting jealous of her kids getting the first “greeting” of their dad is absolutely chaotic and insane
its probably bad that i know this (my mom told me, and i mean she probably shouldn't have) but i know my mom felt the same way when my brother and i were still super young and she was a stay at home mom. and what do you know, my parents have since divorced lmao
It's a bit sad honestly. I can only hope that there if we decide to have children, my partner loves them atleast as much or more than he loves me.
I was something around 25 when I heard for the first time that some christian couples love their partner more than their kids, and they encouraged others to do the same. It had never even crossed my mind that any parent would put ANYTHING over their own child. I would be really unhappy if my partner didn't put our kids first.
@@mandi3891You would be surprised at how common this is. I grew up in a socially conservative family that always put the parents wants over the needs of their children. Unfortunately it feeds into the narrative that women need to be complete emotional and physical servants to the husbands while the children are meant to follow the mothers lead. It turns into a family dynamic where all the emotional labor is put into coddling the fathers and husbands as much as possible. It’s seriously gross.
I am not sure if that is really that insane. You have had a certain dynamic in your household for a good while (in most cases). I fully understand that a disruption in that can trigger emotions. It might not be completely rational and you should be able to recognize that, but the emotions itself is not that insane to me.
Having s8xual trauma from childhood/ early adult years, it has always completely depleted me of confidence when people say s8x is EXPECTED in relationships. I’m not Ace, I have a drive - but being told that I have a responsibility of that scares the hell out of me, and it’s not helpful.
It puts my mind and body into fight/ flight
Hearing that makes me not want to have sex at all… or being told I was made to create children… like ewww
@@Angie753 Yeah, it's a denial of autonomy / personhood.
It isn't helpful for anyone. For the longest time I had issues with it because I had vaginisme. And I wanted the intimacy badly for me and my partner, but it hurt too much. The pressure is a mood killer. And then I went into a phase scared I couldn't have childern. Luckily my gyn then reminded me there are other options for that too. It helped me so much to realise we would only have sex for our own enjoyment and there are many ways in which this can be fun. And when the pressure fell away, things got much better!
I am ace and as soon as they knew the truth about me all the sweet romance things i love about them is gone. Is like they do all romance just to get sex. I am asexual but i love romance. 😢 it's hard
As a man who very much felt like the “nag”, if you’re wanting to nag less, you have to ask yourself why are you having to make the same request over and over again? Why is your spouse devaluing your wants so regularly that your requests are falling on deaf ears? Why are they letting you become background noise, for something that legitimately bothers you?
Nagging is the outsourcing of passive aggression onto the person expressing unmet needs/expectations.
@BCTMB you know what I actually did was leave the marriage
I was not expecting these replies. I am glad you found the best situation for you. If your needs and feelings are constantly being ignored no matter how much you try to communicate then the relationship is not healthy. I hope you are happier OP
@BCTMByou forget to add “and leave the partner who doesn’t care about your needs” 👍
Is it legitimate to expect someone to cater to you?
It’s interesting to me how the narrative isn’t also “men, don’t deprive your wife of emotional intimacy or it’s sin” 🤭
Right, and also, "stop NAGGING your wife about sex🙄 tame your tongue and go in your praying closet🥰"
Ecclesiastical had that wives submit which I detested. A friend pointed out there was a husband bit- men love your wives. Homeopathy weak tea.
For real 👀🤭
I love this! They don’t care about the verse to treat your wife like Jesus treated the church. He gave himself up for it.
That's now how religion and PATRIARCHY work
45:39 This excerpt sounds like “make sure everything is perfect so the mood doesn’t shift and your husband goes off on an angry tantrum.”
The misoginy of the wives having to accept and love their husband unconditionally, but the minute he comes home and you don't have a full face of make up on he will hate you and cheat on you... That's thinking very poorly of men in general. I'd be miserable if people, including my wife, all acted like i'm a childish tiking timebomb
That was what I thought too. Like, isn't she being a bit of a mysandrist? Thinking her spouse only connects through sex, can not be held accountable for his actions, and can not hear complaints... yikes.
@@lesliejordan9620 well I wouldn't go that far, like mysandry (if it exists at all, because so far there has been no system anywhere in the world that treated men the way sexism worldwide treats women) would be constantly berrating him and treating him like lesser than. Whereas she keeps repeating he his basically the king in his home and deserves the world on a shiny silber platter simply for existing. It's much more nuanced than that, and the problem here lies in the fact that fundies basically don't do nuance.
@@charliethesquishywitch340 nvm my "mysandry" comment, you are right. My point is that men are depicted in such a bad light unintentionally by fundies, but they are by no means oppressed 😂
@@lesliejordan9620 oh yes, absolutely. I just can't fathom growing up being taught that everyone is just waiting in fear that you turn violent. Famously children end up doing what you tell them to do, repeat endlessly to baby boys that they'll end up as cheating screaming unsatisfied impatient men and guess what will happen u.u
The truth is, many men (definitely not all men) do treat women like this. They pressure them to have kids and then cheat on them when their body changes from having kids. Many men are also ageist because of societal expectations of women and won’t even date women over 40 despite that being an incredibly generous age (have all your stuff together, know what you want etc). And many men are so obsessed with having biological kids, that’s the only reason they get married. They see women as cows and won’t even consider a woman who doesn’t want or isn’t sure about kids. So, there are many misogynist men.
49:01 You know her husband would never make the same amount of effort for her. Or at least in this culture, he would never be expected to. You have two toddlers, you’re working, pregnant and stressed and you feel like you have to pick up a messy playroom AND put makeup on for your husband? When your energy is already near zero, any extra nonessential obligations sounds like it would just brew resentment for the husband. It can’t be sustainable. It’s okay for your kids to be a bit snotty and the playroom a mess, he should be making sure YOU feel appreciated for taking on the responsibility of taking care of two little humans all by yourself.
@@maggiesmiles7795In fact he should make it as comfortable as possible for you considering how taxing a pregnancy is.
Yeah and the way she seemed to imoly all those things can be done in a couple minutes, just quickly wipe their faces, clean up their mess, have a nice dinner prepared, wear sexy lingerie and be dolled up like... Gurl, that would take me half a day 😂
I remember having two children under five (one of whom is autistic and has learning disabilities, and slept for about two hours per night), a job teaching modern languages in a secondary school, a house and a supportive husband, and day dreaming about dying, just so that I could sleep.
En passant, I do not recommend having dogs or children and WHITE SOFAS. Honestly, a beginner's mistake. I bet she has pale carpets, too.
That was my family. My parents were EXTREME Christian’s. Very cultish. Out of 7 sibling’s, 6 were homeschooled too. We knew every book of the Bible in order before we knew our times tables. Disney movies were thrown out because they were satanic. Dad was heavily involved in the church, mom was submissive, the whole dance. Didn’t stop dad after 20 years of marriage to have an affair with someone from work - have a baby with her and move in with her, leaving my mom and never speaking to his kids again. Like ??? Milena can pray in her lingerie all she wants… it’s not a realistic way to live when she could be just like my mom in 20 years. All that work for nothing. No husband and all her kids are estranged from her and in therapy 🎉
Always interesting to see when someone flips from "We have authority over each other" to "You must serve your husband" 🤔
Ha! Outstanding point bc the two beliefs are contradictory. Mind blown 🤯
She makes being a wife sound like torture on earth like here are all your chores ladies! And it’s like.. why? I don’t want to, what am I getting out of this?
The whole point is that you are not supposed to think about getting anythinv out of it. You are supposed to give give give and communucate about your needs less. You are supposed to notice and praise him for every little thinv he does but if he doesnt notice you take it to Jesus not him .If he complains about his needs not being met then you should meet thwm even if it makes you uncormfy but you should never make it uncormfy for him .If he is overwhelmed and overworked stepup for him and let him rest .If you are overwhwlmed and overworked pray .If you want your needs met pray first .If he wants his to be met he doesnt need to pray . Etc etc .
@@sakuraesther6309 I get it but why wouldn’t you just choose to be single forever instead? It seems fairly obvious that would be a lot less uncomfortable
@@sakuraesther6309this is marriage means in general?? It's so much better for women to decentering man from their lifes
I think for some it is nice to help people. Im feeling good when I do stimme auf for others, in my own accord though, of course.
And this is reinforced on those women.
"Giving is the gift"
It is toxic still, but it's, like everything, but totally out of thin air.
But somehow they expect somebody with a vagina to be this selfless and to their Service
So want to check in in 20 years....
Passive aggressively pray in a closet instead of using assertive communication, that will make my husband drool. got it.
Wow, ten-million copies....I'm in the wrong business.
My mom believed this stuff and it led to insane amounts of abuse. When she finally agreed to divorce, after yet another physical attack (he literally broke one of her vertebrae but refused to take her for medical treatment because he was afraid of prosecution), I had to talk her through the reasons she wasn't doing something wrong day-after-day...
I'm watching along and it's reminding me of the past.
I'm so sorry you went through that, but I'm glad your mom is away from that now.
Trust and beleive thag milena will say that her advise doesnt work about abusive situations but youll never catch her standing peoud and high with women in abusive situations
@@sakuraesther6309 You're sadly all too right, but I do think it's changing, an in part, due to channels like this and more information being available due to the internet.
My mom's era was much different and she always felt guilty when she had thoughts that seemed to go against the church or "what God said," and that's how it was.
But we do learn....both of her granddaughters from me were raised differently (even though I was a Christian for the first one's childhood and for half the second).
One is in law school and one is getting a masters in a science based program, so two advanced degrees and two strong confident woman who don't take sh*T from people very easily, much different world, it is from 20, 30, 50+ years ago...
That's really heartbreaking. Your mom didn't bring about ANY of that treatment. The man she was with had demons that he didn't come to God with. Any person who is walking with the Lord from his or her heart possesses the Holy Spirit & thus the fruit of the Holy Spirit. With that being said, every single person on earth is prone to sin, hence we must repent & do better. Your mom could not fix that man she was with no matter what she did, only God could fix him.
@@daisylavenderlove Sounds like a "No True Scotsman" claim to me.
You're essentially saying if a Christian beats a spouse or rapes a child, it's "proof" they're not a Christian.
Yeah, okay......well, it's a convenient definition, I'll give you that, but not very logical.
why are we treating men/husbands like children
Because they are
@@lynmcgrow9246 they aren't
this kind of statement leads to men being driven into suicide over feeling like they are not man enough, not good enough, dont fit in, etc. this kind of statement leads to men not being punished properly for crimes.
men are not a lower or higher form of life. men and women need love and care and responsibility for their actions
It’s actually about placating them so women can get their needs met and be treated well.
I love how "meet him at the door in sexy lingerie" is said immediately after "make sure the kids are clean". Like WHO BE WEARING LINGERIE AROUND KIDS????? And if you meet him at the door, what if the neighbors see? Will they then covet her? Like where is the awareness of the OTHER PEOPLE who exist?
Some evangelicals have a weird lack of boundaries around sexuality within marriage, because it's considered so holy and perfect and sacred that they're like, "who WOULDN'T want to have this flaunted in front of them?" My partner grew up evangelical, and when they went to their 18-yo friend's bachelor party, all the 50 and 60 yo church moms they grew up with were giving the teen-bride-to-be sex dice and maid outfits and edible underwear and talking about what their husbands like in bed 😐
I've never put these two things together, but you're RIGHT.
To be fair.. The book gives two cautions (unless I have the wrong book) 1. Know your kids are as you pick your outfits and be sensitive to it. 2. Be sure that it is indeed your husband. She gives the example of one woman who opened the door in minimal sexy clothing only to surprise the mail man😂😂
She legit never said that tho... door as in the bedroom door not in front of the kids.
Yeah I thought the same thing 😂.
I was raised evangelical and only left about 3.5 years ago and am currently in a queer relationship but the programming still goes so deep. Listening to their talking points, I had to keep reminding myself thay this doesn't apply to me which is crazy to me- not having the house clean and not always being sweet and delicate for my partner is a huge source of internal conflict and guilt for me even though no one around me is saying things like this anymore and my church was "progressive" in terms of spousal relationships (it wasn't progressive lmao)
I wish you all the best with the deprogramming,
It’s a long journey (especially when you’ve been raised in the church) but a very worthwhile one ❤
Oh, I totally get that! I actually got into a pretty negative headspace researching and working on this video. Just so much of it is triggering. I didn’t grow up as a fundie or anything, but I still was around a lot of ppl who believed in this type of traditional gender/marriage roles.
This is so relatable
How do you overcome this. I have so much fear over my “salvation”. I still get so anxious when I behave in a certain way contrary to Christian practices even tho I don’t align with much of it anymore. Like I’ve never had a boyfriend before but I’m afraid of dating a non Christian and then I for some reason cling to a Christian belief subconsciously and it leads to discord because as someone who quite recently left the church this is still all new to me. Idk maybe I’m in my head too much about it.
@@alexandria3177 It's really difficult, so don't be too hard on yourself. What helped me was creating community outside of church/Christianity, moving away from my home town, researching the history of the Bible and Christianity and realizing it for the myth that it is, reconnecting with my body and my emotions (Christianity intentionally separates you from your body. "the heart is deceitful" etc) and therapy. And time. Everything gets easier the longer you're away from the Christian messaging in my experience. I recommend the RUclips channels Religion for Breakfast, Paulogia, and of course Antibot and Genetically modified skeptic haha. They helped me a lot with fears of hell/leaving Christianity. Best of luck to you, I hope you find the freedom and joy in life that you deserve!!!
Omg! My mom actually made my sister and i read this book when we turned 15 years old. She told us it would help us prepare ourselves for our future husbands. Long story short, my sister is freshly divorced. I am happily married but my husband and i deconstructed together shortly after getting married. We both agreed we didn't want our kids raised with this kind of ideology. What's funny is, i had my husband read this book so he could understand why i avoided certain conversations and such,and he literally was dumbfounded at everything in it. He said he didn't want that kind of stepford wife and he wanted me to be just as happy and free to express myself as he was. It's mind-blowing to me that my mom actually thought my sister and i needed this book for instructions on a proper marriage and life. Luckily the man i married actually loved me for me, and not because he just wanted a "good christian wife", and I'm so glad our kids don't have to deconstruct from it either.
"Don't talk to your spouse about your concerns, instead talk to your invisible friend about it and just have faith that will resolve the issue!"
So much wrong with everything this poor woman says, anyway, thank you for addressing it all in a constructive way
I foresee depression and disappointment in her future. There is NO way that you can be happy in that kind of marriage, no matter how much you believe that you shouldn't talk to your spouse about how you feel.
I do believe the praying did help, but not in the way they like to believe. The husbands in her example must have noticed their wives going into the prayer closet more often than usual. So they must have been trying to guess what they did wrong. It is just all very passive-aggressive.
Also "your marriage should deepen every year and you should be more intentional". How are you supposed to deepen a connection when you don't talk about very deep issues? This woman is very young and has not been married a super long time. Not every year of your marriage is sunshine and rainbows. There are years where you are so exhausted that you barely have capacity for eachother. Sometimes you have to be a little "selfish" to not make a snowball of contempt. A good spouse will want to communicate that and respect the other's opinions and vice versa.
As a married atheist I feel compelled to make my own list 😅
1. Be polite, say please and thank you.
2. Engage in the other person’s interest even if it’s brief.
3. Keep praise detailed rather than vague.
4. Don’t put the other person down in public. Discuss it in private.
5. Have one day per week to discuss if something is bothering you. We call it briefings.
6. Focus on behavior rather than attacking the person. You can do something stupid without being a stupid person. I find that the format “I felt (add specifics) in this situation and I would feel better if it is handled like (xyz) next time” works really well to communicate needs without over analyzing the specifics of the situation.
7. Don’t ignore or stonewall your partner, talk about what you feel and what you need such as space, cool down period etc.
I'm a Christian & i love this list 😊
As a Christian I agree with everything on this list
I am writing this down… thank you!!
@@Fuzzyslippers_xoxo I’m happy that you find it helpful. My husband finds conflicts stressful, a lot of things are in place to help him discuss difficult things without unnecessary stress. Let me know if you want me to clarify any of the points 🙂
I want to write this down too, I hope it can help me with talking to my husband too 💝💝🥹
your videos keep my mind busy during work and help me work through my own religious trauma. Thank you!
I’m glad I could help!
My mom recently gave me a copy of “lord, let me love” by Marjorie Holmes that had been passed down from my great grandmother. It’s terrifying and fascinating. It’s really wild how depersonalized she is, like she’s taken her own internal monologue and labeled it as the voice of god, and she’s never alone even in the privacy of her own head. There’s so much stuff that retroactively reads as terrifying, knowing how those attitudes have played out. I always felt like evangelical men are always saying that their wives are neurotic and crazy, and it’s like, well they would be, wouldn’t they? You’ve repressed their sexuality, made them dependent on you, and forced them to take on all of the basic life sustaining tasks for her entire family.
Often I think about how much religion terrifies me. It’s the most effective tool to create mass harm
Correction at 44:32. The Pearls don't just advocate for Child abuse. They advocate for straight up child torture and yes there is a difference. They openly admit the goal of their methods is to break their child's will and personality. That is the definition of child torture. Their own words at a conference were "A little psychological terror often works better than pain". Seems like a small difference but the distinction does matter
That's terrifying.
@@spaghetto9836 it's surprisingly more common than you think
Society still accepts child torture of autistic kids. ABA should be illegal because it is this.
They are sadists, with children as their victims. Deplorable. Criminal.
Wtf? Lock them up.
I am a survivor of DV and SA perpetrated by my ex husband whom I was married to for almost 20 years. I blamed myself thinking if I just tried harder and prayed harder I wouldn't make him so upset or angry because I would FINALLY be a good wife This whole "submit" attitude is utter bullshit
I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope you are in a much better place now.
Now that I think of it, bending over backwards to try to please someone from whom one gets no reciprocation is kind of what my experience of trying to have "a relationship with Jesus Christ" was like.
Makes sense that my folks' "Christian marriage" seemed just as one-sided.
Bingo
No reciprocation with Jesus Christ? He died for every single person on Earth. There is truly nothing you could do to have a reciprocal relationship with Jesus as he has made the ultimate sacrifice for you.
@@daisylavenderlove Male supremacist fantasy. All power - no responsibility. Due to a hypothetical grandiose gesture (conveniently ignoring that it was their fault it "needed" to happen in the first place!) you should be grateful and must submit to and worship Him (memememememe). A human getting a tiny little cut to save someone from a wreck, who once said something maybe a bit rude to them, would be a greater sacrifice.
The idea that these people looked at the idea of withholding sex and thought, "Well he might cheat then, that's the problem," is wild.
It IS wrong to use sex as a weapon, just as it's wrong to use anything as a weapon in a loving relationship. You shouldn't feel the need to manipulate your spouse, and if do you should be asking yourself why you can't just talk to them about what you want or need.
To be fair, I'm also not a relationship counselor, but I've been with my husband for going on 14 years now. We don't play games, we talk to each other because we are each the other's favorite person to talk to.
the idea that nit wanting to have sex is automatically weaponizing it is a huge problem. that's why women are constantly guilted into it, which is rape in essence.
Idk I feel like that is mostly how men are wired though. I think mainly women need adoration & emotional connection to be happy in a relationship, & men need peace & sex. If you have needs for emotional connection that your man never fulfills, despite countless talks about you needing that from your partner, & you meet another man who wants to give you what you need, idk, I've seen lots of people crumble under that situation... so with men (mostly,) it's the same thing with sex.
Every time I hear "serve your husband" a bit of bile rises in my throat. I don't want a servant I want a partner.
Do you want an argumentative, negative, cussing, haggard, selfish, never-does-anything-for-you wife? I think there can be extremes, but the gist is that men like to lead, they connect best through sex, & they like to be thought of & treated lovingly. I think many men grow up not understanding how to express their feelings nor how to healthfully discuss deeper issues in life. Most men need patience & kindness around such issues- some women operate that way too but not as often as men.
Everyone I know has been all of those things at one point in their lives. It's when it's taken to the extreme, as you said, that people complain about and then portray as 'most' women. Men can be victims of negative societal upbringings, but that is NEVER their partners responsibility. Patience and kindness? Yes. But catering to an adult who can go and get therapy like the grown up they are? Yeah, hard bloody pass. And the ONLY women I know who want their man to lead are those who are brought up in 'woman are submissive' homes. Everyone else? Dominate. And their partners enjoy it. @@daisylavenderlove
It breaks my heart to hear her saying that she doesnt think that theres any point talking to her husband or communicating him when hes failing her/their marriage.
She didn’t get through her first sentence and I was already fuming at how she bent that book spine around
I was annoyed she said, "boringer".
@@kmasse81It's not 'the majority of the time', either. It's 'the greater part'. She's not very literate, is she? And it's not 'longeray'. Even if it were the correct French term for 'underwear' - it's not - the pronunciation should be more like 'lanjree'. (I'm sorry, it's one of my bêtes noires.) And her hair could do with a good brush. So check mate, Christian trad wife!
😂😂
No, because I immediately thought 'If you want me to respect and take your words as factual, at least use proper fucking English' and that derailed my whole train of thought away from what she was saying😅😂@@kmasse81
Don't worry! It had the makings of a 360 book!
"Are we just going to misquote [Bible] verses and then ignore other verses when they don't line up with what our little helpful tips are here?" She is a conservative Christian, after all.
You know I love your videos, but I had to shut this one off because I was so triggered. This is the crap I was raised with and I still have trauma over it to this day. I literally stayed with a husband that I could not stand the sight of for 20 years because of this nonsense. Thank PAPA I came to my senses and didn't waste my entire life being miserable. Why would a god who "loves us" so much want us to miserable? I will never understand that.
To this woman I would love to look in her eyes, "Sweet, stupid, summer child.... I've been married, happily I may add , longer than you have been alive. I think I'll pass on your infantile marriage "advice." What happens if you get a chronic illness? What if you're children have learning or mental health issues? What if one of your çhildren comes out as trans? What If those things happen you're not going to have enough energy or time for you doing All the stuff in your list. We have gone through that and much more with money, family, neighbors, jobs,friend problems and yet here we are. I'm not in it to impress or worship my husband. We are a team.
You sound boringer
I totally, absolutely agree. I have been through at least one of these scenarios, plus three serious - and I mean life-threatening -
illnesses on my part. She's an absolute beginner. (Hark, do I hear David Bowie singing along?)
That makes sense & I feel like that's where the strength of the husband comes in. Just because she wants to make her husband happy doesn't mean she's stupid. She wants to show her husband appreciation & bring him beauty & peace. There's nothing wrong with that. There will be hard times that require different approaches to said hard times, but ultimately, serving your husband is fair. Especially when he's providing a roof, food, & whatever else. That's the traditional dynamic, not the modern dynamic, but from my observation, such a traditional dynamic is what many people desire. Life does have twists & turns that are dealt with as they arise, but that is where the true test of commitment is shown.
They are also a team. Her husband helps a lot!😊
You sound quite bitter, sure doesn’t scream I’m happy as you claim
I'm watching the video during lunch (in Brazil). My environment is very religious and I'm not, so your channel is a space in which I feel safe. Thanks!
Felizmente minha família se distanciou do extremismo religioso
Mais eu cresci na mesma
Omg the "put yourself in his shoes" at the end of the day is soul crushing. Of course no mention of asking the husband for the same! It could be argued he's probably less in need of an oasis than the wife/partner who has been home with kids all day. The parent at home also needs that "slice of heaven." But no....the little wife is responsible for creating the peace, not sharing in it. Ugh its so gross and dismissive of domestic labor
I am 44 but was raised in a Christian home . I married at 19 and was inundated with this advice. I lived by it I prayed constantly. My communicating was considered nagging. I lived with a man that couldn’t keep a job, stayed out all night long and slept all day . I was so angry but was trained to hold it in , it comes out no matter how hard you try . I watched my mom do this and it was just normal, men were just like this . I never witnessed anything other than sexual interaction between them unless it was abuse . Christians tend to put all the blame and responsibility on the women. However he’s supposed to be the leader she does it all and he gets the victory. I was also trained to not have any negative thoughts . These books eventually lead the same road to ongoing long lasting abusive homes and divorce . This isn’t improving any marriage, it’s akin to duct tape over your mouth because your in pain . Your still in pain it’s just you can’t scream.
Girl-same!
Thankfully got out
I am truly sorry for your experience.
A lot of Christians tend to conveniently forget that women should submit to God-fearing, kind and decent men. Not alcoholics dead-beats and temperamental fools.
This notion that women should marry any man who claims to be a Christian without vetting the person and their behavior is dangerous.
I am glad you were able to get out before any physical harm happened
@@gladyskihara4736i agree with you. It is sad to me that many people question God because of the sins of men. The Bible even tells us to never put our faith in man, only in God. We are still called to be loving, especially to our spouses- they are not perfect & neither are we, but in no way is a Christian called to suffer abuse, whether mental, physical, or emotional. That is not what God calls us to do & there is a big difference between the longsuffering we are called to practice for normal disagreements & life situations & abuse. Abuse is not condoned anywhere in the Bible & separation is called for in such instances. With that being said, NO relationship is all sunshine & roses, NO marriage is perfect, because no person is perfect, but we do the work we are called to do & hopefully we find someone who operates the same way, but if they don't, prayer & love are actually helpful.
That must've been tough. I hope you're in a better place now.
To this day it still trips me out to see videos about Milena and Jordan on youtube channels I follow, cuz I went to high school with them and we were in the same youth group growing up. While we were never really close or anything, I do remember them both being generally kind but very indoctrinated. They were kind of the poster children for the toxic purity culture our church imposed upon us. They were high school sweethearts and very much wanted the "god centered life". While I never had a problem with them personally there was only one incident I felt was an uncomfortable moment for me in my interactions with Jordan. To provide context, we lived in a very white, predominantlg wealthy area of Michigan, and our church was a megachurch that you could see from the freeway. While Jordan was always generally kind to everyone, his family was, and continues to be staunchly republican and very conservative and therefore, many of his views reflect that. One day on our annual missions trip to North Carolina, he came back from his work site (we were working on different sites) and his team was in charge of making the meal for the night and i guess on his work site, he was helping a black family rebuild their roof and when he saw me after he said "India we should get married one day so we can have beautiful little mixed babies" and as one of the only black girls on the trip it definitely made me feel uncomfortable. Fast forward to 2016 and he was very vocal about his support of donald trump and we got into multiple facebook arguments about politics and we eventually unfriended each other due to our differences. All that being said, its so surreal to see their content knowing we all grew up in the same church and community and now, having gonw through my own deconstruction, its just wild to think that back then, I wanted nothing more than to live the life Milena has now and now I wouldn't want anything to do with it.
Wow, that’s crazy! I’m sorry you experienced that uncomfortable exchange with him! I didn’t know they were high school sweet hearts. In some ways I can relate to them - Drew and I married at 21 and we were both concerned with leading a god-centered life at the time. They don’t seem like bad people - mostly they just come off as uneducated.
Also used to be a fellow church attendee and “knew” Jordan as well. We might have only had a few interactions in passing (so I hesitate saying that I knew him) but the Ciciotti’s were all the poster children of that church, for sure, so they were hard to miss. I’m sorry for your experiences, and wanted you to know I had similar ones (not necessarily with the ciciottis directly, but with those directly linked to them. One of which being on a subsequent North Carolina trip.) You’re not alone there. It’s messed up. It also seems as though the micro aggressions are indoctrinated as well… I’ve seen that being spewed on Facebook by family members. It’s deeply saddening to me because I thought that church was “different.” And as it is reflected in its poster children, it certainly is not.
As a man, I hate when trad people act like I’m some mindless meat monster. I am perfectly capable of being rational, thoughtful, and mature. I’m not gonna cry if my wife refuses to kiss me or whatever
Exactly. Why should men be the leaders and decisionmakers If they are sexobsessed animals? Even to the point of women and girls having to take one the man's responsibility by having their shoulders and knees covered as If not to tempt him? Ridiculous. Who would submit to a person like that?
So according to Maribel Morgan, it’s not only a wife’s responsibility to be sexually available to her husband, it’s also her responsibility to enjoy the sex as much as he does. If she doesn’t enjoy it, she is somehow failing him. Is it then the husband’s responsibility to enjoy the food his wife makes for him? (Obviously, in this framework, she’s the one making the food.) The whole concept is absurd and clearly exposes how this ideology attributes all the privileges to the husband and all the responsibilities to the wife.
Milena's first verse ending with "because of your lack of self-control" is a hoooooooorrendous translation of that verse. It has nothing to do with "lack of self-control" and everything to do with losing that healthy connection and commitment to one another over time.
I've been working my way out of a horrifyingly conservative background for a long while, and your phrasing - that the reason this service-based womanhood is dangerous is because it makes the relationship about what she does, not who she is as a person - clarified SO MUCH for me. Thank you.
It's advice like this that has led to their being so many man children out there. And it's just as much of a disservice to them as it is to the wives and mothers who support them. A lot of these guys are going to end up end up getting a divorce and they're not going to have any idea what led up to it because they've been told this whole time that this is the way things are supposed to be. And then when it does happen they're not going to know how to take care of even their basic needs.
Don't get me wrong, there are some men in this situation that still opt to carry their own weight and have still learned to care for themselves and care for their partner. But I honestly think those cases are despite advice like this and not because of it.
I think the *idea* is that if you act as if and pray hard enough, then he’ll be moved to take care of you and care for your needs to an equal degree
But weirdly, I rarely if ever see these kinds of videos going the other way, even though that’s the intention. Maybe that’s just my feed, but it is concerning as far as what I’ve actually seen
I definitely agree that's the intent. But I feel like it's fundamentally wishful thinking. At the very least I don't think those sorts of interactions, when they do occur, are the result of advice like this. Equitable relationships are something that need to be actively worked on. Add expectations need to be clear. It's borderline delusional that by being really nice you'll get your partner to do things you want them to when you haven't even told them what it is you want.
I hate it when my wife nags me about trivia. Every damn day, it's "Who won the 1924 World Series" this and "What famous Roman dictator shares has name with a popular salad" that. I mean Jesus christ Helen, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME
Also, is it me, or does this lady seem particularly frantic in her apologetics? Like, "I hate my failing marriage so I'm desperate to biblically validate what a lazy dick my husband is" frantic. 😂
She wants you to know trivia.
Sorry, I couldn't resist.
@littlebitofhope1489 I know but she's a WOMAN and I'm told they're not supposed to *have* wants 🤷♂️
Ha, my wife was like this, so I sent the ol’ ball-and-chain off to host a pub quiz!
She hasn’t been back since.
Legend has it, she’s still asking trivia questions to this very day…
The answers. She wants answers. I for one would love a woman who keeps me on my toes intellectually
I'm sewing while listening to you. Thank you for giving your perspective on such videos. They make me quite uneasy.
Oh, how fun! Enjoy sewing!
Oooo! Whatcha making? ✂️✂️🧵🧵🪡🪡📍📍
@@Jenna_Miles I'm finishing a linen dress for next Summer! 🤗
@@christelle9122 As an Aussie, I’m thinking you’re almost out of time before summer! But perhaps you are elsewhere 😅😅
Either way, all the best with your dress and I hope it doesn’t need a zip (sewing in zips is the worst, for me anyway) ✨✨
@@Jenna_Miles Thank you 🥰 I live in Switzerland and it's about to be Winter here.
But I enjoy sewing for my future self. I'll be very happy to find it in my closet in a couple of months.
Enjoy your Summer!
I'm so glad that people are FINALLY talking about Milena! She's had some super toxic teachings for years and has flown under the radar for far too long!
This stuff makes me physically ill. When I was a young girl, I remember feeling so subhuman for being "naggy" or being "quarrelsome" or being "bossy".
My father used to have temper tantrums at us. He'd come home mad from work and explode at us even as young children. If we fought back or argued or stood up for ourselves, we'd be punished. After, when Mom finally decided to say something, my sister and I were told that we needed to learn to be more obedient and we were told allllll the things my dad did for us and why we should feel guilty about fighting with him.
It's insane to me as an adult how we as young girls were supposed to be so emotionally stable while my 40 year old father didn't need to be because he was a man.
To tell women, over and over and over again, that we are supposed to just never challenge men on their bad behavior is so sick and wrong and it's the #1 reason we have so many women hating incels. Because men are taught that no matter how old they are, it's a woman's job to just accept and tolerate anything they do.
And "nag" is so gendered. Only women can do it. Nobody says a man complaining or negging or whining for sex "nagging". The idea that there's a special word for when women express dissatisfaction versus men should give people pause.
Furthermore, there IS pubmed journals about men having a higher sex drive than women, so at least that part was accurate.
Great points. But just to add some nuance, sex drive studies have often used self-report & women have been socialized for decades to not talk about or explore their own sexual desires. And society caters to hetero men's sex drives/desires. That needs to be taken into consideration when looking at such studies. Fisher (can't remember her first name) did a study monitoring actual physiological responses to sexy images & women who verbally denied arousal or reported limited arousal were actually having very strong physical responses (& actually seemed easier to sexually arouse than the male subjects).
@@lesliebohn627 I think considering evolution and the hyper fixation of sex on men for centuries and the fact that low T can make men lose their sex drive and high T can make women have a higher sex drive, I don't think it's socialization. It's mostly genetics.
I do think women would engage in more sex if they weren't socialized to think it's evil, but I do think men, in general, have higher sex drives due to hormonal differences.
I don’t know about this nagging thing.
My wife bothers me to death about household chores. And I’ve had this conversation with her 100 times. Like wtf does she think happened in my life before we were married? Does she think I lived out of a laundry basket and let the trash overflow? I didn’t, and I still won’t.
She’ll bother me to take out the trash from the time it’s 3/4 full. She bugs me to do laundry every day no matter how much is in the hamper. And I think the reason it pisses me off is that if I ever look at the trash can and think “that’s full, it should go out” or if I look at the laundry and say “woah that’s ready to be done” or literally anything else that needs to be done around the house I just do it immediately. My first thought is never to ask my wife to do it. Like I’m standing here looking at a full trash can, why would I ask my wife to take it out? But you bet your ass she gets on me about the trash can well before it needs to go out.
And the mind blowing part is when she gets sick or something and can’t be on patrol for a few days, afterward she’s always like “thank you for taking care of things while I was sick, it really means a lot”
Like, I would always do these things without prompting and before they become a problem but i never get a chance to because you start in on me about it way before it needs to be done.
@@tylerbrown4483 If your male boss was constantly up your ass about stuff, you wouldn't call it nagging. Because a woman is doing it, she's a nag to you. You'd call a man anal or an ass- but you'll only call a woman a nag. Because you inherently think if a woman tells you what to do, there's no reason for it. Lol.
@@lesliebohn627studying physiological reactions might be a flawed way of studying sexual drive though, specially for women. I’ve read that women experience dissonance between the experience of sexual desire and physiological arousal more often. It seems out bodies are more likely to get aroused by any sex related stimuli, whether or not we experience subjective desire. Really crazy stuff.
As a believer, watching videos like this enrich my perspective. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Even if I don’t agree with everything, you are brilliant and worth listening to.
men should help with inside work and women should help with outside work since they both live there. I agree
This Christian wife is using manipulation rather that communication. Women are accused of being manipulators as a general rule and this just adds into that.
This seems to be a feature with such patriarchal relationships. Since the husband is set up as a dictator over the household, the wife can't honestly communicate her concerns to him since that might be seen as a challenge to his authority. So they need to manipulate him to get their way.
@@nataschavisser573 💯
My question in all of this is, if the husband is supposed to be the head of the household why is it the wife that has to initiate all these “good habits” to make a “happy home”? Shouldn’t it be the man who does all this to lead his wife in a happy and peaceful home 🤔
Thank you! To me, one of the most glaring flaws in evangelical “logic” is their stance on child rearing. If men are such great leaders, wise teachers, and fierce protectors, then it makes the most sense for _fathers_ to be the primary caregivers who maintain and preside over the home. Right?
@@alexwyatt2911fathers the primary caregivers 😂? No it doesn’t make any sense
@@wendymtzc Why not?
@25:02 Meanwhile, somewhere in Heaven ...
GOD: "Arrgh! I'm trying to play the Sims! Why does this woman keep nagging me about her damn husband?!"
God: don’t worship idols, people, inanimate objects, etc
The Total Woman: *worship your husband*
💀
I feel sad for women who watch this stuff because they want affection from their husband. If your having this type of problem in your relationship you should be able to communicate with each other
I enjoy this format of video. It's helpful to hear someone who's more fully deconstructed speak to the underlying structure that this advice is built upon. It also continues to make me happy whenever you bring up asexuality. It's something I didn't learn about until later and felt odd growing up in the church realizing I didn't like the sound of or want this most sacred and godly relationship. Getting to come into myself and be in a queer platonic relationship with a fellow aromantic asexual has demonstrated to me that it is possible to have an honest, balanced, emotionally intimate, sexless, and godless relationship where it actually feels comfortable and good! I look forward to the next video
This relationship dynamic is my parents, and I feel so bad for my mom. I guess religion keeps her there. And watching them over the years has brought me here. Thanks for your content, you help me stay sane.
I subscribed long ago for the anti-MLM content, but I've been absolutely loving the religion commentary videos as well. Especially as an ex-evangelical Christian myself. Thanks for the thoughtful and entertaining videos!
Also, I love your curly bangs! I've been wanting bangs again (used to have them, would style them straight every day), and your recent videos have inspired me to get those bangs and embrace the curl! ❤
Yay! I’m glad you like my new content! Thank you and go for it! My only issue I’ve had was when they start growing out to a weird length and won’t curl properly, but otherwise I love them!
Honestly my biggest question from her video is “if you’re constantly thinking of negative things, complaining, nagging and not wanting to show love to your partner, why is this really happening?” Obviously there’s tons of nuance like life circumstances causing the negative feelings however I’ve heard this stuff a ton growing up and the wives that “struggle” with these things, from my observation aren’t in healthy marriages and have legitimate reasons to be upset but they’re told they just need to “respect” their husband and pray about it 🤦🏼♀️
25:13 Who else got mad and sad when she took Samson's new bone away? It wasn't even that loud and he looked so confused. At least give him a replacement item!😂
I skipped to that part and yeah, she lost all credibility! Girl, you need to pray about treating your doggo better!
Honestly, I started the video, saw the dog and got super excited. But he was blocked by the picture in picture and I was forced to listen to her. I feel bad for the dog.
As someone who has two chihuahua mixes, I was pissed!! Let Samson have his bone in another room or wait until he goes into another room to play with his bone to film the next segment. She does RUclips for a living, you’d think she’d have a few techniques for when a dog is making noise 🙄
Pup was trying to drown her out. "Mom's being boring again."
As a christian I totally agree with your videos, I know that most Christians who make this type of videos may not have bad intentions but it can cause really bad situations for people and toxic relationships
Well all this sounds exhausting. Im happy I'm single.
Yes if this is the kind of relationship you get.
Telling women to be happy about being a cooking, cleaning sex sleeve is insane. Not only that, but this is for men too. She’s telling men to expect and demand that their wife be like this or she’s the problem. He’s absolved from literally any consequences of his bad behavior because he can do whatever tf he wants at the end of the day.
It seems like a good wife has to be this Barbie doll, which is allways kind, chill and beautiful without caring about her own feelings and her mental health. Main focus on her husband, his feelings, his desires, never reflecting how she feels inside.
The husband on the other hand doesnt need to care about her feelings, it seems like he can be a spoiled, over protectes child his whole live never caring about the woman next to him.
A wife is not the mother of her husband.
They are grown up.
Almost like the Bible was written by misogynists, huh?
Another aspect that's so harmful in the 'men want physical affection, women want emotional affection' is.. as a teenage girl who was very focused on physical affection, I felt like a freak and an outsider every single time people repeated this idea, or assumed that us girls weren't 'struggling' with certain types of 'sins' because the boys are the only ones interested in such things.
OMG. Same!
Absolutely eye-opening. I used to watch Milena when she was just getting into her Christian Girl series and I actually really liked listening to her. It's sad to see where this movement takes women as they get older. A lot of my current season of life has been deconstructing these kinds of narratives. It's insanely difficult. Thanks for taking the time to put together such a careful comparison that makes a lot of sense! Great video.
"She prayed and her husband decided not to play those video games anymore." r/thathappened
I just imagined having kids and the woman wears lingerie for when the husband comes home.
"Daddy's going to be here soon, mommy put on the scratchy clothes!" 😂
I pictured the look on his boss's face when hubby brings him home for dinner unexpectedly and she greets him at the door wearing nothing but a thong. 👀 😃🥳
…I pictured both y’all’s comments in my head 😭 finna poor bleach in my eyes 😂😂😂
😂
I love your content, you stay very respectful and love your input/perspective.
"That's all he asks of you!"
A clean house, perfectly behaved children, and a well kept appearance. Is that all? I can see why abuse and neglect are so rampant in these communities. No mom as time for that without turning kids into miniature robots
Back in the 70s my MIL gave me a similar book. I can't remember the title but it should have been "How To Manipulate Your Husband By Acting Like a Submissive Little Girl" .
One of the "lessons" was how to act childlike, sit on his lap and pout real cutely to get him not to be mad at you . 😖
Fascinating Womanhood?
Well thats disgusting
I love how she's going on and on about how to be a good wife for you husband and isn't even wearing a wedding band.
I grew up in toxic purity culture and "Christiaan marriage advice" like this (which go hand in hand). The effects are long lasting and I'm still healing so I love this breakdown. But I had a funny thought about the "greet him at the door" bits - my partner works overnight and I laughed at how unhinged it would be to like malicious compliance her advice - greeting him at the door with a full dinner in the oven at 6am with an apron on and a maniacal smile on my face XD
The bit about ~'not nagging but instead going to your prayer closet' smacks of heavy handed passive aggression. It seems to me that such behavior is not only toxicly manipulative but also sure to breed resentment in one or both parties.
I read an interesting thing that the two lead male actors in 'Father Knows Best' called out the show for promoting the ideology that women should game their husbands by using feigned helplessness and 'feminine wiles' to get their way. That was kind of cool
I showed this to my husband and he said “I couldn’t imagine viewing you or your body as my possession.. you’re not a damn object. you’re my wife” … good to know I’m safe lol
I'm a caregiver for the elderly and it's a common theme I see where the super religious become miserable later in life. The women who grow up strictly catholic have an intense fear that carries on into later life and a docile, submissive personality. Giving all faith to God and acting on their best behavior, they become destraught when they lose everything. One woman said to me "why did this happen to me, I've been such a good girl/such a good wife" etc...
I heard that and realized I could never live for a man or live by anyone else's standards but my own. Some husbands just walk out on their wives without warning. I've tried to become comfortable being alone because in the end that's our destiny. (Sorry to be morbid) ❤
God does not call us to live in fear. We are to always trust in Him. Being a Christian does not mean a life of perfection & no troubles & anyone who believes life will be gravy needs to read the Bible & ask God for mercy & clarity. Look at what happened to the apostles- many died brutally for believing in Jesus, but they had happiness inside because this world is fleeting & temporary. We can never control it, we can only trust in God through every single situation.
Did she say "Speak life over him"? As someone who has never heard that phrase, I'm picturing waking up in the middle of the night to see my wife standing on my side of the bed with her arms stretched out over my body, hands open, palms down, doing this ritualistic "wax on, wax off" motion whispering "Living la Vida loca" or something. I'm fairly sure that's what that probably means.
That mental image is sending me 😂😂😂
It’s basically Christianese for positive affirmations lol
My husband and I have sex at *most* once or twice a week (rare) and at least will go without for around a month or longer, yet we are intimate *daily*.
So much so that people who come across us in person think we're either newlyweds (been together almost 7 years) or have sex frequently.
All this to say that not only is intimacy NOT exclusive to sex, but sex is also NOT an indicator of intimacy.
My husband and I define (and share) intimacy as a feeling of closeness/togetherness, this can be done in SO MANY BEAUTIFUL ways that are simply not related to sexual intercourse - and to limit one's view on intimacy to that of strictly (or even *primarily*) sexual intercourse, is to cheat one's relationship of legitimately beautiful experiences.
Listening to you/viewing your videos is such a good entertainment! You seem like a naturally wise person. This is definitely one of my favorite channels on RUclips, I'm very glad that I found it. Thank you! Have a nice day!❤
Thank you! That means a lot! Have a nice day as well! 💕
I am a Christian myself, Catholic to be precise. But I really can't comprehend how you can take the Bible at face value. It speaks in pictures to convey certain principles to the people of that time. Also you can't forget, that the events were first passed on for centuries and only then written down. As a child, we all played a game of Chinese whispers and know what happens when a story is retold by a few people, let alone hundreds and thousands. So reading bible verses to tell other people how they should live and condemning someone if they don't live like that is incomprehensible to me. Nevertheless, the values conveyed in the bible are incredibly important and should be passed on, such as: not killing, stealing, envying someone, also turning the other cheek, being a good neighbour,...
Edit: another thing that I forgot to mention is that like you said, everyone interprets the verses of the Bible differently, which means that nothing is certain. .Plus there's just a lot of Christian practice that's not even mentioned in the Bible, so calling it the very 'fabric' of Christianity is questionable. The practice of going to a physical church on sunday isn't even mentioned in the Bible, that's just a practice that developed based on ideas about Sunday being the sabbath and the importance of having an ecclesiastical community. People for centuries have been adapting Christianity to go with the times, despite what many people want to believe. The Christians of the 1600s for example are not the Christians of today (they'd lose their shit if they discovered we no longer had a God-fearing King). The Christians of the 1950s are also not the same ones of today. In the first 1000 years of Christianity, as I seem to remember, there were no depictions of Christ on the cross in art. Instead of Jesus the martyr, it was Jesus the good Shepard, and all you saw was Jesus being around sheep in early Christian art. It wasn't until war and pilgrimages that followers started depicting and focusing on Jesus's sacrifice.
She's talking about making your husband fall more in love with you by changing yourself, but does he actually truly love you if he doesn't accept you as you really are?
Christian thought #1: humans are NOT animals, we are made in the image of god.
Christian thought #2: men are animals that cannot control their sexual urges, so wives must be submissive to their husbands urges.
Christianity loves it's internal contradictions. I don't think I've ever found a Christian concept, that didn't contradict some other aspect of their beliefs.
Modern Christianity is probably the most hypocritical of any if the major religions. Two of Jesus's primary rules for his followers were "A camel will pass more easily through the eye of a needle, than a wealthy man will enter Heaven" and "keep God's Laws separate from Man's Laws"
Jesus was a strict non-materialist (he was a hard-core anti-Capitalist); and Jesus wanted his followers to not be corrupted by the twisting of words that is required for Politics (Man's Law)
Jesus was very specific, don't be a materialst(Capitalist) and don't be Political. Yet, we can seen the numbers of "Christians" who will completely ignore whatever they want, no matter who says it.
If Jesus came back today, he would probably side with the Secular Humanists and Socialists.
I totally agree with you. I would just like to add that you're gonna flip when you find out the bullshit that Islam preaches
@@KAMZA. the very most basic concept of Islam, is total surrender of self, to Allah. The koran is actually worse than the bible for society, but as far as being consistent, it's actually better. The message is horrific, but it's consistently horrific.
I'm not sure if the bible or the koran contains more internal contradictions, it would take too much effort to do an objective job, and the answer would be meaningless anyway because both belief systems are ultimately Nonsensical Gibberish.
I am a Christian socialist and I often find myself agreeing with the so called secular world because the Christian world that are leaders are trying to create are so against what Jesus taught. It's mind boggling.
@@michellethiesen7972 a truly Objective reading of the actions/choices/values that Jesus was involved with, are what True Socialism was supposed to be. Marx was well aware of Christian influences and also saw the hypocrisy in Capitalist-Christians of his era.
the term nagging makes me wanna explode fr
SAME and what's worse, "nagging" in her dictionary is just communication😭😭😭
Want to find a lot of language that's very similar to those dominant/submissive concepts of sex?
Go find some BDSM literature, and compare the language. She might as well be reading from a "guide to being a $ex slave"
It's really weird how the "purity" she is seeking, is expressed in the same way as hard-core dom/sub sex relationships. Especially the absurd focus on "fulfilling" all of their partners desires, so they won't cheat.
Maybe, she's part of the wrong religion.
Honestly this was my first thought. The language reminded me so much of my and my partner, and it just felt like she was trying to add God to her kinky sex life...
@@michellethiesen7972 Islam is supposed to be a complete submission to Allah, Muslim Apologists use very sexually charged language when discussing their deep faith to Allah.
How many Jesus followers have had an orgasm while screaming for Jesus/God? Lol
I always get this feeling when listening to stuff like this from religious/conservative people, especially tradwife content, and just think "another one, mistaking their fetish for a universal moral code"
I’m an atheist raised in an atheist family, but I’m familiar with a lot of this language from previous experience in a full time D/s relationship 😂
The language might be the same, but the consent and rules are most definitely not. As one BDSM lady wrote: all of the power actually belongs to the sub as they set the terms, boundaries, and what is permitted.
This stuff sounds more like 50 Shades of Bad. It removes all of the parts of BDSM that keep it safe and consensual, then gives all the authority/power to the DOM.
I wanna be like you and drew in my relationship. Y'all seem so comfy and funny
Me too!
My asexual spouse would be so miserable with this advice. 😂
I'm around so many fundies this week, and this video is helping me stay grounded. Thank you
Dont communicate with your own husband about your concerns, have the holy spirit do it! 🤗
It reminds me of that Vine with a guy who throws a quarter into a wishing well while he says, “I wish I had 25 cents.”
I'm slightly concerned that "clean up the kids" and "greet him in lingerie" are mentioned in the same breath...
Thanks, Taylor! As someone who spent over 15 years in a marriage where I was constantly given horrible advice from church ladies, I appreciate you tackling this. Once again, I hear Christians projecting their own flaws onto others. Don't get pissy every time your husband wants to go out, remember to show your love and gratitude to your spouse... Why does she assume we are not already doing these things??? (spoiler alert, because she is not!)
It blows me away how many young wives think they know everything about a perfect marriage. What I do know about marriage, is that there is no guaranteed way to fix every marriage. Many marriages are unfixable. Others need a lot of heavy lifting. No problematic relationship is going to turn around because you put on some makeup and lingerie. This will improve a healthy relationship that is a little stale.
Also I feel like a heard "Keep Sweet". And instantly brought back the feelings from the documentary.
This is the kind of stuff I was taught growing up in the evangelical church. I am deconstructing, and the things you are saying are so helpful to me. Thank you
The hymn Everytime she reads an excerpt from the book 😭🤣
I think she makes a really nice point about doing kind/generous things for your partner. The problem, for me, is that she clearly doesn't expect the partner to ever consider doing anything like this. I think its GREAT if you get up in the morning with your partner and make their coffee! HOWEVER, it's less great if you do this for them but they never show any different behavior. If you're going to go above and beyond, they should do that at some point for you. Relationships are a two-way street.
There was an article that we got in school from a magazine in the 50s, I think. It was an article about being a good wife, I think, and it said to make yourself look nice, have the kids look put together, be a little happier when your husband gets home! I laughed at it then (20 -ish years ago), but it's hard to hear it now. How is this still a thing?! It also totally negates the hard work a SAHM does. Maybe SHE had a bad day. Maybe SHE needs support.
I love how the girl had said “love is patient, love is kind” blah blah blah and then said “love keeps no record of wrong”…*trying not to spit out my drink🫢🤣* …….which is very ironic considering that their god is supposedly keeping track of all the people who “do and don’t” believe in him, in order to KEEP A RECORD of who deserves Heaven and who deserves Hell, based on whether they spent their lives on their knees .
I am conservative Christian but I watch you because I think you should get all sides to every story. I agree with some of the things you say. I don’t go to church because my church made me leave after my divorce but I hurt because of it. I agree with the Bible but it is difficult in this day and age to apply the Bible’s teachings
Made you leave because of divorce!???😨 Can you elaborate please?
@@devilsadvocate7059 I was one of the original founders of my church, I helped with everything. Vacation Bible school, ran the kitchen, helped with baptisms(adults only). Sunday school, everything. My kids were born into the church. We were there 3-4 days a week after I worked a full time job as a nurse. When I wanted a divorce they asked me to leave as divorce for any reason is a sin. It was awful. It’s been 15 yrs and my kids and I still can’t walk into a church. It is heart breaking
Seems like the bible might be quite dated then
1:00:13
No but really, what are you supposed to do if he’s going out to strip clubs and having cocaine nights with the boys?
She’s giving all of this advice that only applies in best case scenarios, but even when she acknowledges that worse scenarios may exist she just says “use discretion” but WTF does that MEAN in this world? Snorting cocaine off a strippers ass may be an extreme example, but what if he’s coming in at one AM every Friday night, drunk and loud and waking up the kids, which isn’t all that uncommon even for Christian men.
Is it suddenly OK to nag? Or are we still sticking just with prayer? Do you not “allow” him to go out anymore? How does that work? Is this where you work in withholding sex?
Like, we know the wife is supposed to submit of her own volition and divorce is off the table. But then she says this case is different. BUT HOW??