Atheist Dating Standards versus Christian Dating Standards (Nate and Sutton reaction)
HTML-код
- Опубликовано: 24 май 2023
- #atheist #deconstruction
Check out my Patreon here: / theantibot
Email: theantibotyt@gmail.com business inquiries only
------------------------------------------FOLLOW------------------------------------------
Twitter: / theantibot
Instagram: / taylorleigh_1993
My first boyfriend was very polite. He walked me to my door, opened it for me and kissed me goodbye, he called my stepfather "sir", pulled out chairs for me, all of it. He abused me in every way possible at that age (13/14) he hit me, he threatened me with a knife, he was super controlling and obsessive (calling me 8 times a DAY. I started lying about being grounded so I could relax at home or hang out with other friends), he even raped me! Just because a man does the classy polite things, doesn't mean he's a good person
I’m really sorry this happened to you
Are you doing better now?
@@ellis1469 I am, I'm 28 years old and been in a relationship with a MUCH better person for 10+ years
@@myheartismadeofstars I’m Happy to hear that!
Interesting. The most toxic relationship ships were with the love bombers. In the begining he would be waiting for me to pull up. Later when I asked for help carrying…. I can’t do any weight hating . He told me
He is not a donkey. Full on guilt tripping and all
When he said that they both need to be “equally yoked”, it just made me think of two equally really buff people 😂
God: You were supposed to be with this Brienne chick I sent you, wtf. Have you seen her? She is YOKED. ...We'll talk about this later.
Same! Talking about his “gym buddy.” Wink wink
This I approve
😂😂😂
💪💪
If my boyfriend says THOSE shorts are too short, I'M breaking up with you. That's a red flag.
Oh, yeah! That was such a controlling red flag. Even knowing it was a skit, I wanted to holler - “Run! He doesn’t own you!”
Yup!
"That's fine. I know guys who like it when I wear my _other_ shorts that are even smaller. Bu-Bye."
1,000%
Yeah, no kidding. If my wife told me that my shorts were too short...
🩳🤔🤣
27:49 "Any guy can open the door for you. That doesn't mean that they're a good person, or they have a good character. That just means that they... are southern."
As a person who's lived in the south my whole life, this got me straight CHORTLING bc it's so true 😭
Funny. My husband from the NORTH, he always open the dorr for me. By the NORTH, i mean Denmark and it's 50/50 you're going to find people polite as that. That goes for all genders. 😊
@@charisma-hornum-fries😢
I don't think that's necessarily only a southern thing. I grew up in a rural area of the west and that was very normal there and considered basic politeness. People in very blue areas act like I'm a weirdo for it.
It’s just such a toxic mindset to me to need to forgive someone for not being a virgin. My partner and I have never felt the need to forgive each other for that. We both know we have a past. We care about the present and our future together though.
Extremely!
Only God forgives those sins. I'm a Christian and would not date a man who felt he had to forgive me for having sex in my past. I have kids n everything lol
Where I live it doesn't matter what someone's religion is no one cares about virginity, it's not even a factor culturally. They'd be considered extra creeps 😬
@@micheller3251 yeah, it is a cultural thing fs. N I'm not saying America has it right, spiritually speaking we are lulled to sleep by our music n media and sin is very normalized. These ppl are trying to live by standards not held here and cherry picking which ones to go by. It's very creepy..again I know this country is pretty depraved n am not saying I think it's right the way culture shapers have led ppl this way. But these ppl don't uphold the whole of the law I'm sure
@@Jlove85 I doubt they abstain from wearing mixed cloths
The whole “not a virgin” = “mistakes in the past that require forgiveness” is a VERY common Christian ideological stance.
Has nothing to do with Christianity. Im atheist and the same way. Don’t want a hoe
@@Kova-ow2en Sounds like a subjective personal hangup. What inherently about not being a virgin makes you a hoe>
@@Kova-ow2en So having sex in a committed relationship makes you a hoe? Got it. I'm guessing that b/c of your judgmental & sanctimonious attitude, that you are very single.
@@Kova-ow2enthis belief is only a thing though bc of Christian purity culture though. You can be an atheist and still be affected by Christian views.... Most of today's cultures (particularly western ones) have been influenced by Christianity. That's how culture works
@@cloudyyybear if the west has been influenced by “Christianity”
despite it worshipping hedonism and debautchery then colour me surprised. I wouldn’t consider “purity culture” to be of christ Cuck origin though.
Its been around way longer then even Zoroastrianism most likely
I’m basically a virgin at 28. I feel like it makes it difficult because people are either fetishizing it or are like “ew what’s wrong with you”
Are you a woman or a man? If you are a woman men may find that as a good thing, if you are a man no one has to know, it is not their business and women usually don't know unless you are very autistic and obviously virgin, which is unlikely.
Sorry but it's hot to be a virgin.
Same here lol.
Haven’t found a person I would feel safe doing it with though.
Also just not very interested in things I find scary…. But that’s a whole other issue. Currently working on it through therapy.😅
Honestly, don't worry about it. 28 is old for being a virigin but it's not that old. And you don't have to disclose your sexual experience, especially if it's a lack of it (cuz you don't have to worry as much about spreading an STD or STI) to anyone. Even your potential partner doesn't need to know. They aren't entitled to that info. It's not immoral to keep that to yourself, imo at least. And virginity is kind of a myth. Lots of cultures had no word for virginity historically and it wasn't anything that mattered. Our society puts such a big deal on it for stupid reasons and it's just a made up concept. Your first time is your first time but it won't change who you are or a status in any meaningful way.
I’ve never asked a person I was interested in if they were a virgin. Does it matter?
I am an atheist and my wife is an active Christian. 35 years of marriage and counting. A nonnegotiable is a being loving and compassionate person with empathy for others.
That is lovely. Glad to hear that some people can have opposing beliefs and be in relationships
I hear you. While I don’t think it’s imperative for every relationship to have the same religious beliefs, it’s important that both people either have the same beliefs or have the same ability to be present in a relationship with differing beliefs.
My Christianity is a huge part of my life. I don’t feel comfortable being with someone who doesn’t identify with any of this belief system. I’ve tried dating people outside of this and I was always trying to change them. I don’t want to be that kind of person. However, plenty of people don’t need to be with someone of their same belief system to feel close in the relationship and that’s ok.
@@hannahberlinpetry450I’m an antitheist who wouldn’t know how to date or marry a theist. I’ve been best friends, writing partners, and bandmates with theists, but it bugs me so much to imagine romantic relationships with them. If kids ever enter the picture, I just can’t let my partner tell them that gods are real. A lot of atheists would tell me I should just let my hypothetical kids think for themselves, but the obvious problem with that is when you just let people of any age think for themselves they’ll often get it wrong and cause harm.
Their teeth are not only frighteningly white, they have SO MANY of them. Like, more teeth than normal? Somehow? All I see is a wall of blinding teeth. Also, Nate is scary ever since their video of how he abuses their children.
Wait … I haven’t seen this video about him abusing their children. Can you reply with a link?
They are absolutely disgusting people. I hope CPS gets those kids out! Dirty animals.
@@theantibot Sure, I'm working at the moment but I'll go hunt it down later this evening.
@The Antibot I don't think this is what they're referencing, but a clip from around 7:25 in this video gives me big concern around how Nate might treat their kids. It's about what they would do if a child of theirs came out as LGBT+. Basically, he would, "be in a fight," with them, including holding up a fist.
Their kids are like toddlers, right?
ruclips.net/video/2EJ-g2PIoq4/видео.html
@@theantibot ruclips.net/video/nE3AAGQ0gVY/видео.html Not their video, can't find that, but this one is Mickey Atkins reacting to the video. Not sure if they deleted it, but in summary Nate describes how he "disciplines" their kids by "whooping" them and then afterwards he locks them in the car alone, and now the kids are so afraid of this punishment that all he has to say is "do you want to go to the car?" and they comply.
I'm ashamed to admit that when I was young, dumb, and full of the Holy Spirit (...what did you think I was going to say?) I admonished my brother to break off dating a non-Christian girl. We were both teens. I was like 17 and he was 15. I quoted the unequally yoked passage to him. Told him I was worried about his salvation. Told him I didn't think the relationship would be stable. The whole 9 yards.
Understandably the conversation did not go well. I dropped it pretty quick when I saw how much it offended him. But not without being a typical arrogant teenager and telling him that I didn't think it would last. I was very negative and hurtful back then.
Him and I have talked about it of course. That was nearly 20 years ago. I am glad he had the grace and patience to forgive me and to move past my hurtful words. I'm doubly glad that they are still married and living an incredibly happy and fulfilling life together.
I'm not making excuses for the horrible words I spoke to him that day, but I will say that I talked with my father (who was and still is a deeply conservative christian) and he actually encouraged me to talk to my brother about that. Our church likewise spoke frequently about not dating outside of the church and about not dating worldly unbelievers. All of the people I admired and listed to as role models and father figures held that belief and literally encouraged me to speak to my brother about it. God I feel sick just thinking about how deeply deluded, toxic, and hurtful I was.
Young, dumb and full of the Holy Spirit 😂 that made me laugh because of how accurate that is. I feel the same way about my younger self and can totally relate to the shame you feel about your actions in the past as a Christian… thank god (😂) we’ve grown and now know better than that
Any Christian knows that revelation always need some independent confirmation. The idea of relationships is to meet each other and in most cases it is a loss of time anyway among teens, so don't worry.
I don't get why you think not dating outside religion is a bad thing? I mean, less arguments, less differences, etc. Many atheists would date believers but not racists, conservatives, etc. so they also have standards on other aspects.
Hey man, don't feel bad, you were an immature teenager who was only going off what he was told was important by people he trusted. It's not like you were a 30-something year old man who said that to his wife when she told him she no longer believed in god. :)
PS, my now ex husband said that we were unequally yoked and god didn't want that for his marriage when I told him I was atheist. It destroyed my foundation and that was the beginning of the end of our marriage. After the divorce he said he regretted saying it, but I'm actually happy he did. Snapped me to the reality that he only cared about me as far as my faith.
I totally relate to this. When I was a Christian child, I was absolutely horrible to people. When I was 9 or 10, I told my friend she needed to throw away her barbie dolls because they're sinful and she cried.
😂...🤦♂️...🤣
"like pulling out chairs at restaurants - you don't do that for me, but..." I LOLed SO LOUD 😭 Damn girl, calm down. Ouch
Homeboy needs to take a hint lol.
That one was a little weird for me lol.
Its so funny that they recorded that. Re-watched it during culling. Watching it AGAIN during editing. Then decided to leave it in the final cut
I’m a Christian, and my two longest and happiest romantic relationships have been with non-Christians. To be honest, they treated me better.
My husband of 9 years is agnostic (leaning more towards atheist). We’ll talk about philosophy and religion, and neither of us come away feeling judged. When we first met, I told him I was looking for someone with a similar moral compass, not someone who shared my religion.
That does sound nice. If people have similar values and ethics to start with, then the existence of gods is purely an academic issue. I’m sure it’s a much easier conversation to have when no one’s perceived goodness or salvation is on the line.
I love that point of view “sharing the same moral compass but not religion”
I feel like I’ve met so many people, have great friends that are all over the board with religious views but all wonderful people.
"someone who has boundaries" as explained by Nate just sounded like someone respecting HIS boundaries. If he had actually described what it would be like to date someone with boundaries and how he would respect them, it wouldn't have had that self-absorbed tinge to it.
I'll look at _your_ messages whenever I want, to make sure you're not doing something behind my back. Why would you be hiding something from me? But _you_ wanting to read the messages on _my_ cell phone, that's a boundary issue that YOU have.
@@christasimon9716 for a second i thought you were literally saying that to Batya and it seemed so ominous lol XD
@@MantasticHams Now if there was even the slightest chance that I actually had access to Batya's cell phone, yeah that would be creepy.
Or even worse, not just someone that respects his boundaries but essentially has the same EXACT boundaries. I thought I was crazy thinking he was confused on how boundaries work. You may not have the same boundaries but you respect the others boundaries as best you can…that being said boundaries are for YOU to determine what you will and won’t accept and how you’ll respond, not weaponizing them to change other people’s behavior. That would just be a rule, not a boundary?!
He didn't just talk about his boundaries from what I saw. It was pretty equal. Not saying he isn't selfish about it though
i also grew up being told that you shouldn't date (and especially marry) a non-christian. i went through a "rebellious" stage and decided that not everything i was told was true and set out finding my own truth. in my mid 20s i met a non-christian man who was kind, smart, thoughtful and I decided that was more important than him being a christian. we've been married for 10 years now and im still a christian, he still says hes not religious enough to call himself an athiest and neither of us tries to convert the other. there you go, another anecdote of being "unequally yolked" working
As a single Christian myself, I find your story really interesting. When I was a teen, the idea of dating a non Christian never occurred to me. But as the years passed, I began to realise just how constrained Christian women's choices are when it comes to dating. In churches, single men of marriageable age are simply not there. Many women are ending up alone. I can't help but feel extremely exasperated, sad, and depressed because I sometimes feel like women are paying a price for being Christian. And I wonder if they would actually have more success in dating and marriage if they cast their net beyond the confines of their church or dating apps. I had given up and had resigned myself to staying single when I met a guy a short distance from my house, who turned out to be Muslim. He's not particularly devout about his faith (he began to rebel after his father died). I care about him a lot, I truly do, but sadly I don't really see any hope of a future with him due to issues that aren't related to his faith.
@@Damsel_in_This_Dress I totally agree with you that options are limited in Christian circles. would it be a possibility to respect your differences with this guy and focus on your similarities? I have Muslim friends, and we've had some really interesting conversations about our respective faiths
@@sherrijennings9309 He's not particularly devout about his faith, so our religious differences haven't played a big part. It's other things separate from our faiths that are causing issues 😕
@@Damsel_in_This_Dress Yes! More women attend church than men.
I've never understood the millenial white/beige/gray minimalist aesthetic. I spent a lot of time in the hospital so the last thing I want is for my home to look sterile and like I'm in the ward again. I like cozy maximalism, it's so nice not feeling trapped.
I can't stand it. It is so boring and lacks individuality. What is with the grey bed sheets and couches? They throw out their old furniture and buy ugly grey couches instead and then get rid of them when they are bored with them. I am aiming to have as many things to be purple as possible.
I think a lot of it comes from growing up in houses with just too much stuff. Everyone's house when I was growing up was a mix of dark brown and orange with acid green and just a tonne of junk. So when I first moved out I just wanted a home with as little clutter and colour (maybe like splashes of harmonious soft colours). That's changed as I've gotten a bit older though. Our boring grey couch now has a fluffy blanket and crochet pillows and a colourful floral foot rest 😅😅
@@sabaducia I think that's a big part of it too. That and well, a lot of us in the millennial/Z generation don't have as much spare money to spend on furnishings.
People are more worried about the resale value of their houses rather than genuinely enjoying them.
My favourite atheist couples ever 🥰😍🫶
Truly couple goals 🙌
Their non-negotiable about boundaries had another weird side to me. He starts of giving examples of someone is pushing boundaries, and I don't think anyone wants that. But then he switches it back, to he wants someone who has boundaries "and will be there to stop you". Like, is he the one who's pushing against boundaries? 😬
That is what I thought he was saying/implied. I hope I am wrong about that :(
He wants to set boundaries that the other person will be responsible for upholding
I understood the exact same thing. English is not my first language so I could be wrong
@@annakevlin8634 I don't think you're wrong. Apparently, men have no impulse control in his mind.
I think that you may well be right. I went for a much more charitable interpretation, probably projecting my own ideas, of "I want somebody who will not let me roll them over, who will stand up to me, who will say no instead of going along when they do not want to".
My biggest non negotiable is not lying TO ME - I have aspergers, I can't lie, if I try I have really bad physical symptoms, I also have hard time telling when someone is lying and when I find out they did they loose all of my trust immediately. Lying makes me feel very vulnerable...
You should probably look up why the term "Aspergers" was removed from the DSM, not a good look to continue using it considering the history, which I say as an Autistic person myself who was once under that diagnostic criteria. I do agree with what you mean by not being able to lie. If I accidentally lie I have to correct my inaccuracies immediately or I start to get physical symptoms and mental symptoms. The thing I have to remember is that most other people I talk to can lie without feeling symptomatic.
@@nightshade7240 people should use whatever terminology outdated or not they are comfortable with. I have Aspergers or ASD too and to help people understand me better I use Asperger's, because most people don't know everything about the latest version of DSM and monitoring and policing for "not a good look" is not practical or effective. This person describing themselves as a person with Asperger's doesn't absolutely nothing on the broader picture nor does it contribute to any harm still prevelent from the past by institutions and people who are not a part of the autism spectrum.
It's the same exact thing as people who have ASPD describing themselves as sociopaths or psychopaths, even tho those terms had a pad past, it helps people with ASPD to communicate with neurotypical majority and push for their interests and communication. I would argue this nonsensical policing of each other leads us to nowhere and distracts from reality of our socioeconomic position
@@nightshade7240 I'm not from the USA, and I was diagnosed as an adult, long after the DSM has removed this term, and shortly after ICD followed, but still this was my diagnosis. It's a normal term used in my country, used as one of the subtypes of autism spectrum. This spectrum is so wide, that it makes the term "autism spectrum" useless in a conversation, it brings almost no information to your listener. On the other hand, the term "asperger" points to a very narrow, in comparison, part of a spectrum and convey much more information.
I don't have asbergers but I'm the same way. Lying is so unnecessary and disrespectful.
@@mojigreen6461 I mean if you want to label yourself with the name of the literal Nazi eugenicist who experimented on Autistic children to determine if they could have value to the Reich and were called Asperger's children and if they were deemed not of value or too autistic, were put to death then go ahead (also where elements of ABA derive from.)
I'm not nonsensically policing anything. The name of the dx is literally the name of the Nazi who masterminded Aktion T4 and many of the techniques used by the Nazis in the Holocaust, but go off. The name of the dx was removed because it comes from literal Nazism and that's why I mentioned it because most people, even other Autistic people are unaware. Mostly, as an Autistic person, I don't want anything to do with literal fucking Nazi experimentation attached to our community.
If you do a video on the "Christian aesthetic (AKA shades of beige)" I am so here for it. I noticed it in-person too. It was so strange to start going to an evangelical church and I would go to small group at someone's house and everything was...beige. And pristine. On one hand, I admire it. I'm too much of a colorful rainbow mess for that sort of aesthetic. On the other hand...it is a bit strange.
I am here for the “shades of beige” video 😂
Ok w a little beige,..but the pristine part I can't do😂
@@susanatkinson3978 as an empty nester, I can't keep my house pristine without it consuming every moment of my time. How on earth are people with young children supposed to keep a house this white?
@@meghanworkman6449 I know!!!! Good question🤣🤣🤣
Probably a lot of rules
I do want to say that in the traditional, condescending sense, chivalry is dead. It is no longer the guy doing all of these nice acts for the women, but a two-way street of mutual respect and kindness. Besides, Chivalry implied male domination and could be seen as offensive or sexist by some ("Am I not capable"). Just, whoever is in front, open the door for your partner. And if it is a first date- split the check!
Exactly
Christian men: women need to cover up. Think of our brains! We can't control what we think!
Also Christian men: [flexes for no reason whatsoever and it's not to attract men.....]
Just like those Muslim ingrates
And those are some of the same men who claim that "these snowflakes dont know how to control their emotions"
The only one that truly resonates being on the same conclusion is children. Too many of my friends (who don’t want kids) have ended up married to men who kept their want of children a secret and basically tricked their wives into marriage. It has either ended up in divorce or with the wife a hair’s width from hurting herself when coerced into motherhood
I can't imagine the hurt. I would feel so distressed and lied to....
I'm excited to watch this! I'm an ex-christian and I have so much anxiety about dating that I think stems from the high pressure and purity culture I was raised in. Love your videos!
Maybe it's because you have no moral framework anymore..you're flying solo "Coffee"..suck it up.
Dating and relationships are much more complicated than we are aware of. It might help for you to approach it from a friendship first perspective. That way there is no pressure to become intimate immediately. Also, couples who start as friends (rather than potential mates) tend to outlast those that start from seeking a mate. (Mating is easy. Relationships are hard.)
So don't try date. Instead, make friends by joining groups that include both genders that are involved with activities that you are interested in. That way there is no pressure and no one cares about your "purity"(especially if they are not Christians). Also, search for lists of dating ideas and take yourself on a date.
Knowledge will help to reduce anxiety.
You might want to read a book or two about dating (like Dating for Dummies, which is not overly serious). It can provide things to think about like how to identify your personal standards (and how they differ from expectations), values, and boundaries. How to agree about how to disagree, and have constructive disagreements. What is a healthy relationship? How to identify "red flags" in a person.
Also, read books by Dr. John Gottman (Jewish), Dr. Gary Chapman (Christian), Brené Brown (vulnerability).
Google "best relationship books".
Some excellent web sites for articles about relationships are marriage.com, liveboldandbloom.com, bonobology.com, and many others.
Google "questions to get to know someone", "questions to ask on a date", "important questions in a relationship", etc.
Leaving Christianity is like leaving a cult. It takes time to discard and recover from the psychological conditioning and trauma you have experienced. Identifying it and replacing it with positive thoughts and experiences is the way to heal, but avoid toxic positivity. Explore who you are and discover who you want to become. Think. Explore. Learn. Grow.
@@grepora I agree with most of what you said, except that I don't think it's wrong to date first, so long as you're keenly aware of your boundaries and approach it like a friendship but with the potential for romantic feelings.
I would also argue that friendships can often be shallow and break off very easily, much like other relationships. It can be more complicated in some cases, too, as you might have a friend group, and a new relationship could ruin the dynamic, or sour it if things go wrong.
Really it's about one's attitude, not how you meet. Trying not to take rejection to heart, not obsessing over anything, making sure you are similar but also different in ways you can support one another. Not being insecure- at least not for the most part- when you do hope to get together.
The thing I dislike about the idea that "you attract what you put out there" is the victim-blaming side of the coin because someone who may have had a couple of abusive partners, as I don't think anyone actively tries to attract that kind of person, those types of people are usually good at manipulation and taking advantage of naive or vulnerable people. So that whole concept rubs me the wrong way. I think it's partially true, but it often gets used as fuel for a shame/guilt spiral of internal thoughts for victims of abuse.
Exactly
Being a raised Christian and observing my parents thru their values for each other, I thank them for showing me what I didn't want to have as values. I find myself more open to the process now versus sticking to a narrow path of must be's.
Why don’t you believe in Jesus anymore?
@@ellis1469 oh so many issues I wouldn't know where to begin
@@teh.manosman please start with the biggest flaw in your eyes
@@ellis1469 I would start with the inability for the bible to be verifiable outside of itself, as well as the division amongst sects
@@teh.manosman Evolution has its own problems and questions that can never be answered with 100 percent certainty and Yes the division in the Church is very concerning.
One of my bigger non negotiable things is not being a yell/scream type in arguments. I got yelled at a lot as a kid and saw my parents have screaming matches and was 1000% set on not having that for myself in relationships. We can disagree, we can have passionate discussions about problems, but no screaming, no name calling no viscousness.
She says she wants her guy to be funny but oh my god is he not. He doesn't make jokes, they just laugh for no reason? He just looks at her expectantly at random moments?
It depends what she finds funny as well. Maybe she wouldn’t like someone with a dry or sarcastic sense of humour but would like someone who says or does things many people would consider corny.
I doubt she would like someone with a fairly childish or physical sense of humour either. I don’t think anything related to bodily functions would go down well.
I liked how she automatically assumed a non virgin messed up in their past, completely ignoring that someone could've been raped and thus isn't a virgin. Yikes, conservative theists are scary.
To be fair, a rape victim might consider themselves a virgin because it wasn‘t their choice. It wasn‘t their first time having sex, it was someone forcing themselves on them.
But I see your point, it‘s certainly possible that someone might feel like they lost their virginity to an assaulter.
And even to someone who feels like they still are a virgin, this culture must be incredibly toxic as you never know if other people will be supportive or judgemental.
the assumption there is that rape is the victim's fault.
This wasn't "kind of" a side eye, she was subtle like a childs tantrum 😂
It's because he absolutely WAS dating another woman when they started dating and didn't tell her. She asked him about it and was very hurt when he said he was because she thought they were exclusive. They've talked about it before. I've watched too many fundie reaction videos 😅
@@christinafedderke3751Thanks for spilling the tea. I was searching the comments to find out what that was all about.
Personally "forgiving" someone for not being a virgin is one of the most pathetic things to do. Having sex is put on a weird pedestal and honestly its just a way to explore your body and know what you want in a relationshop and such.
Also im pretty certain that sexually repressing yourself to make yourself feel like youre above others is not good mentally??? We ger so many abusive people from that mindset. If you want to be a virgin do it no one cares.
I personally think that if you insist on your partner being a virgin, you might miss out on someone whose truly compatible with your and end up with a "virgin" that may not be right for you. That should just be the icing on the cake. What you may done in the past doesn't change the person that you are. That is more important. Virginity should be seen as a bonus, not a non negotiable.
I agree. A lot of my Christian friends don’t understand the concept of sexual compatibility, and it makes me sad that a person who is ace (which isn’t talked about at all in Christian circles) might get together with someone with a high sex drive, and they have an unsatisfactory sexual relationship because neither of them had the vocabulary or experience to talk about that before marriage. And too, they don’t believe in divorce or polyamory, so there’s no way to get that need taken care of.
I don‘t know if being a virgin is the problem here. I think the bigger problem is not talking about sex, not openly admitting to (if at all) masturbating, and waiting to have sex with your partner till marriage.
Drew’s videos helped me so much when I was deconverting last summer. It’s great to see you making videos too! Loving it.
I love that you guys brought up introspection as a non-negotiable in a relationship. That's something I didn't even know I needed until I got with my current boyfriend.
I'm very introspective (sometimes to a fault) and I totally relate to having been the person in the relationship trying to understand what the source of our emotions and actions were in a relationship. Its fucking exhausting, especially when the other person doesn't want to dig any deeper and act as if their actions are out of their control.
As such, getting with my current bf was a complete game changer. Its such a relief to be with someone who doesn't see things as black or white and understands the depth of their emotions and questions why they did something.
Not to mention it's so fun psycho analyzing people c:
I think what really bothered me about her whole spiel about if the other person "messed up" and wasn't a virgin anymore was that she said she was "prepared to forgive them." That was just a major red flag for me because, like, they didn't cheat. They were presumably in a relationship with someone else at the time and did what most ppl do in relationships. There's nothing to forgive. And from a purity culture Christian perspective, there's still nothing to forgive - that's between them, the other person, and God.
Now if they refuse to respect your boundaries and keep pushing to have sex when you don't want to (or engage in sexual activities), that's a red flag as well. If they don't respect your boundaries, they're not going to respect you.
My husband is an atheist and I consider myself religious. It works, you just have to be respectful of each other’s beliefs and open minded. Just don’t be an asshole or have a savior complex towards your partner
Same!
Well if you're a Christian just know your husband is going to hell according to your bible. The father of your children will burn in your mythical hell and deep down you know it.
@Abby Carlson your husband is going to hell! Lol
Definitely where I and my husband are at.
@@leonardopatrizioYour christian love really look like hate
“They see dating as a precursor to marriage.”
That’s a narrative I grew up with… before I was allowed to date as a teen, my mom used to tell me “Who you date is who you marry.”. The idea that dating can just be fun without needing to lead to marriage is very much an american christian mindset.
Yup date to marry only, remove anyone who wantef sex not even kissing allowed
I think you mean “can’t be fun without” lol. But yeah that whole idea is conservative christianity in nature
Do you find something wrong with dating to marry?
I don’t really understand dating for fun tbh. I’ve done it once, and it was eh, but it’s only because I treated it more like an intense friendship then a relationship. I don’t see what’s so fun about looking into the eyes of someone you find special and thinking “ah this is just a temporary toy I’m renting out for a little while and then I’ll send em back out into the world to date” it’s very… depressing. I think that when you date, you should be dating with the intention of aiming towards marriage and if they prove not to be a marriageable person, then that sucks. It’s kinda why I’d say dating is a bad move as a general rule of thumb.
@douglaswilliams3388 It's not really like that. It's moreso like how people date as children with no real understanding of what a relationship is or should be like, and inevitably separate when they move house, or school, or grow as different people. You know that you'll probably change while dating them, and that most relationships end, but you don't necessarily want that, at least not in that current moment while you're still similar and in love, or what you think is love.
Edit because I don't think people understand my word salad, lol. What I mean is, it's enjoying the moment. You don't have to think about the future when you're dating, especially not when you're young. If you wanna have kids or get married, that's something to think about when you've been together a while, not in the 'just dating' stage.
As a cis/ace male who comes from a mainline Christian background, these people are toxic. I gave up finding a partner a long time ago, but I would much rather die alone than be with anyone like them!
Don't give on love I beg you
@@biodiversityfanatic2454 They might be aroace and not be able to love, you shouldn't assume.
Omg a ace man! Nice to see other aces! 🖤🤍💜
Toxic is subjective
I love that you guys aren't mean. There's a way to add analysis and critique to the bizarre cultures in american Christianity without calling them all idiots or thinking you're better than others. Atheist online spaces can be pretty terrible about that.
Huh, my number one criteria for a partner is not to be yoked like oxen to them....I am not going to be planting any fields with a partner. Unequally yoked....what an idiotic concept.
The Christians do seem oddly fond of b0ndage metaphors, even if their actual lives are as sanitized and vanilla as the influencer couple in question
As a Christian (culturally) With a non believing husband I saw how people who saw that in Christian circles as a detriment. At the same time I saw Christian family groups who had to practice what I call "split forces." It's when half the kids are at one place while the other are in a different spot (usually because the sanctuary setting wasn't the best for their children's behavior). It was essential for our family to do that from time to time. We were better able to do it than others as a result. That "image" of unequal yoking is what ultimately turned me off of where I went to church. It was my marriage or my church and I chose my marriage. I saw it as a positive.
I also always had a problem with the idea of redemption of my husband. That's not what marriage is for!!!
I did want to have kids and that one stayed the same regardless of who I was dating. If they didn't want kids (post commitment) I was like, "nope!"
I definitely was certain that I didn't want a virgin... Or at least stay away from sex pre-marriage. I had certain urges and expectations regarding sex that I knew wasn't vanilla and this wouldn't work if we didn't test that compatibility first.
@@christinacody8653 My partner once said he was looking for a woman who was young, attractive, virginal and Catholic. I replied what if the woman you love with all your heart is older, definitely not a virgin- has two kids and is pagan to her core? We've been together for 15 years now....
@@christinacody8653 there's certainly alot of truth behind the reasoning of seeking out a partner who is equally yoked.
I never understood wanting a guy to hold doors open for you. I mean, yeah, on our first date, my (now) spouse opened the car door for me, and I joked that while that was cute, I do know how to open a door. And then when we got to the restaurant, I held the door open for him. Ever since then, whoever gets to a door first holds it open for the other.
Cute!
I agree with everything you said, especially the last part! As I’m single it applies to anyone close to me at all
I missed you two! Feel better!
Thank you!
Ok, I am so glad you guys picked up on the cloths and style and decorations in the house. I have several Christian friends and this style is their ideal for success. Also, they want what they believe is the correct style to have. Moreover, anyone who does not share their same style is poor or stupid.
It's a shame that people take frivolities so far.
My first thought was that this style is adjacent to a minimalist, clean aesthetics. I wonder if the proponents tend to be in the same age range.
@@Otherwise88 Hi. To look on the funny side of this I guess we could say as Christians their heads seem to be stuck in the clouds............
Y'know, all that white paint🖌️.........
Anyhew,.........
Ok, I will 🛑 now. 😬
@@Otherwise88 it looks extremely superficial. It could be designed for an interior design magazine or even ikea. There's zero personality or feelings of a home.
@@charisma-hornum-fries I can see your point there. And I'll admit that its very strange to see a house look like that when they have several young children. It does give it an unnatural feeling.
I noticed that these people seem to think that being married gives them authority.
One of my non-negotiable that was a huge no-no to talk about as a Christian girl, was that I need to be attracted to my partner! Even outside of Christian circles, there can be this weird thread that caring how your partner looks (or feels or smells) especially as a woman, is somehow wrong and literally any other consideration trumps it. To be clear, I’m not saying my partner needs to look like a model in the least, but in a physical relationship there needs to be physical attraction. Especially in Christian circles that use “courting”, saying “no I do not want to marry this man because I don’t desire physical intimacy with him” is just anathema and I honestly find that disturbing.
I didn’t love how Nate and Sutton spoke about boundaries. It very much seem like theyre looking someone to keep them in control.
If had been "respecting my boundaries and autonomy" it would have been better. It just landed a bit off, yknow?
I had the same feeling. His non negotiable is that the other person has boundaries as if we did not all have them. We have them, what is difficult is to know them and respect them.
I think he meant that he wants the other person to know their boundaries and respect them because he knows his. But it really sounded like he needs that because he pushed against the other
@@anainesgonzalez8868 It really does seem like he means that he wants her to enforce his boundaries for him. He says he needs someone who "will be there to stop you," and yeah we all have our weaknesses and its good if you and your partner and help each other out with those. But it still does come off as him saying that he can't control himself so she has to do it for him. And given her expressions throughout that point it does come off as she had to do a lot of managing of his behaviors.
Holy cringe opening. I don’t like Nate n Sutton’s aesthetic.
Agree! It’s a little bland for my personal taste.
Haha it gives me family vlog vibes
TAYLOR I am BEGGING YOU could you PLEASE give us a makeup tutorial because it is literally flawless.
I love the one you mentioned about having strong interests and hobbies! I feel like that kind of goes with not looking for someone to 'complete' you. I have found that its such a strength of my relationship that we can enjoy our own hobbies without each other and be our own people. Also, it gives us things to talk about. STILL trying to convince my fiance that free will doesnt exist hahaha its fun
@@tylerlee27 maybe so!
@@tylerlee27 oh my gosh Tyler.. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out how you knew that I’m engaged. I didn’t post anything on social media about my engagement and I was thinking you stalked me somehow 🤣🤣 I just realized that I mentioned my fiancé in the original post hahaha I am dumb
But things are great! Thank you for asking 😊 we just got engaged, we started dating 12 years ago when we were like 13 lol
They are more worried about offending their imaginary friend than showing respect for their partner
They are stupid
Number one indicator of character for me is how they treat service workers. Do they tip well? Are they kind to service ppl when there's mistakes made? Do they go out of their way to be jerks?
The moment I decided to break up with my ex was when he was mean to the waitstaff at a restaurant. And it's a standard that's generally served me pretty well.
35:41 Hearing Drew gush about you for like 30 seconds straight was so cute☺
My husband and I have different ideologies - he identifies loosely as a Lutheran and I am atheist. However our core values are the same, the things we want from life are the same. We have very different interests and hobbies, but we both truly care about and take an interest in each others things which is why we work.
Thank you for continuing to keep your content so respectful. Its a joy to watch you guys❤😊
i'm pagan and my partner is atheist; it works just fine. we respect each others position, have similar values and no one is trying to convert the other
That’s the same situation as mine, absolutely fine.
OMG, I forgot how toxic they really are! Nate is so controlling and obnoxious, Sutton is way too compliant...
Yeah it's pretty gross and fakey. They are hard to watch. I hate to fwd through their parts a lot.
I wonder: Did Nate position himself in the center of the frame - putting Sutton a bit to the side - intentionally, by accident, or by your editing?
From what I have sern from him, it was completely intentional...
Thank you so much for your video. You both are in the summer of your lives, I hope that you are enjoying it.
When I heard GM say a no negotiable for a relationship, is someone with high levels of introspection, I almost had an heart attack from the aha moment of recognition, omg I'm totally the same, I need the same in my life!
Thank you, I have learned something important about myself!
I love watching these videos from you where you react to a christian couple video as a couple! It makes me feel so validated as a 20 yr old ex Christian 🥹
i loved when you guys talked about being organized and spontaneous its so sweet how you compliment each other :) I was thinking my non negotiables kind of evolve with every new relationship
My husband and I dated for about a year (09-10) and broke up. Later, we got back together and we needed that life experience apart to grow as individuals. We sat down and spent hours discussing what went wrong before, things that we need to work on, etc. When we got back together, I was a Christian and the whole unequally yoked thing was something I had in mind but the fact that my druidic husband was willing to attend church with me made all the difference. He never judged me for my beliefs and we had philosophical and spiritual discussions and eventually when I left the church, he was so supportive and allowed me the freedom to find myself.
I've been atheist since I was a late teen. I married my wonderful wife, who happens to be Christian, 25 years ago.
The conversation around 25:30 reminded me of the Leaving Eden podcast episode 131 where they have a mental health professional mention the developmental stages of morality. The podcast hypotheses that the way Christians raise children halts the development of internal moral compasses. As discussed here the “do it because of God, not because of any other societal or relational affects your actions have.” Makes even more sense for why studying philosophy was a large part of what kickstarted my deconstruction!
Omg, that might also be why I deconstructed at some point after leaving teaching and starting (then leaving) a masters in counseling program... Though the seeds of doubt for me were sown all throughout my college days, as I started seeing a lot more cracks in the foundation of religion (especially when it came to beliefs and practices about LGBTQ and women's roles in the church - I was not about to let some conservative Christian men tell me what I could/couldn't do or whose love is/isn't valid).
ty for the audio warning, I am extremely sensitive to sound and was also wearing headphones which i don't normally do
Your hair looks exactly like an updo from the sims 4 cottage living expansion pack I love it 🙏🏼
My favorite part, was listening to you two at the end. I really relate.
The 'introspection' value from Drew was excellent. 👍
5:33 I was a believer and my spouse was an atheist. I am so glad that she didn't give up on me. I am so much better for her love and dropping my belief.
💗💘💕
Finished watching the whole video now. All in all, a great video by the most compatible (and the most empathic) couple on RUclips. 👌
At nine minutes and 28 seconds really really resonated with me. I married my abuser at the. Persuasion of a bishop because he said if we got married, we would no longer be living out of wedlock and blessings would be poured out among us. Well that wasn’t the case and it got really really bad for 17 years before I finally left. Thanks for this video.
This is cliche but one of my non negotiable (that took a divorce for me to realize) is communication. More specifically, how to properly argue or discuss tough subject in an intelligent emotional way. My now partner and I hardly ever argue but if there is a disagreement about something important we both understand how to navigate these conversations to not hurt anyone's feelings but have a game plan and agreement on the next steps to take.
hooray, another great video!
Lmaooo. I’m stealing “Holy Chip and Joanna Gaines” anytime I see a house like that 😂
It's more like "I won't steal a cookie because Santa will know" 😜
You guys are precious I love this
Any non-negotables around veganism? Not a plant based diet but being vegan for ethical reasons that align with a lot of the other points you've already made. I know you're both vegan but I'm not sure if either of you have ever made a video talking about what led you to that philosophy.
I rewatch these videos on occasion, and one thing i love seeing is the way you two look at each other while the other is speaking.
You have active, involved, and respectful listening down to a T.
For all the Christian influencers running relationship courses, I'd love to see one run by you two.
all I have to say is I derived absolutely nothing from the christian couple's "non negotiables", other than "same/different for me", while I sat thinking a lot about what you two guys mentioned as non negotiables. Super interesting points really!!
I LOVE your necklace in this video; where is it from?!?! Also you guys seem like such lovely people! I love to share the process of discussion with my partner on things we maybe don’t 100% agree on, and I savour those times when we get to know each other better
I would be interested in you covering more Nate and Sutton vids
The idea of being “equally yoked” kept me from having so many good relationships as a teenager and almost ruined some friendships that I- thankfully- still have. It is such a toxic idea. I would definitely say that it’s important for people to be able to share their thought processes with others, and less so that they always arrive at the same conclusion. If you agree great, but if you can respect each other’s disagreements- even better. Great video!
Love the idea about sharing the process. Didn’t think of it that way before. Learning and growing doing anything meaningful takes a process . Why not growing and learning in relationships . If we want to me more of a person that it takes a process. If we see our relationships not as one set thing . See it a more fluid thing will bend and move it’s less fragile to breaking.
Glad you're feeling almost back to normal; hope Drew feels all better very soon! Also...barely 15 seconds into N&S's content and I'm fuming...where does he get off policing what she's wearing?! It's okay if you aren't comfortable dating someone who dresses a certain way, but if you're already in a relationship - to my way of thinking - you've tacitly agreed to accept the person as they are. Also also...KEEP YOUR KIDS' FACES OFF THE INTERNET!!
Also she had to wear the shorts to film the video.
I grew up southern baptist and I lived in a relatively small town in the Bible Belt so it was more common than not meet people with similar conservative Christian beliefs about relationships. Through high school and into college I started questioning the beliefs I was raised on and now at 24 I still really struggle with these Christian ideologies that I know I don’t believe in but still find myself forcing myself to conform to.
A lot of the things around dating that I learned at church (we would have whole sermons dedicated to it for months at a time) have created this fear in me that I don’t know how to get past. I feel like it has severely held me back in all my relationships. Now I feel like I don’t have a place where I fit because I don’t consider myself a Christian anymore and I’m afraid to have a relationship with Christian’s because of the toxicity that’s perpetuated but it seems I lack the same relationship experience that my peers have. I’m glad that I’ve found my way into spaces where people are discussing the problems with these beliefs
Adding to the anecdotal evidence of happy, unevenly “yoked” (wtf?) marriages:
My husband was Catholic when we married more than two decades ago. I was and am an ex-Catholic atheist. We have four amazing, kind, thoughtful, loving children.
My husband is now still Christian but very loosely so. Our religious differences don’t matter at all because we have the same values otherwise. We encourage our children to think and decide for themselves. So far the older three all say they are atheists. 😊
Every dude that shows up in these Christian porn videos gives me the "killer" vibe. Like "he was so nice, we have no idea why he killed his family".
Sooo agree!!!😂😂😂 However, in this guy's case, I bet the reason he does it will include a double life related to repressed homosexuality. (Dude has really strong gay vibes.)
Thiiiiiis. Especially after learning how horribly abusive Nate is to their kids.
Listening to this couple, now that I've deconstructed and left religion behind, makes me realize how much Christians live in fear of ever having someone they care about challenge them on what they believe. The fact that they wouldn't even consider dating someone who wasn't a Christian (and almost certainly someone from their specific denomination) tells me that it doesn't matter what your actual normal values or morals are, it only matters why you believe that way.
You guys are such an amazing example of a healthy couple! It's so rare to see that on social media.
when they talked about being equally yoked, it brought up so my religious trauma for me! that mindset along with purity culture for 19 1/2 years of my life led to an anxiety disorder, depression, and many torn relationships.
35:50 - 36:26
Awwwww!!! He said, "It's even _more_ miraculous..." She said, "Out of the billions of people..." Then he said, "I am soo lucky..." These two! ❤❤❤
The only people I won't date are virgins and non-virgins. But I'll date anyone else.
I've never really taken with the idea of a couple being two parts of a "whole".
Seems that 2 "wholes" in balance and complementing each other is a better goal.
Yeah, I don't need another half, I am a complete person. 😂
I grew up Christian and when I was university, I met and dated a guy who was atheist for about 2 years and I never let him meet my parents because of this and eventually this tore our relationship apart. It’s one of my biggest regrets because all the “Christian” men I’ve had be interested in me are all just not good men lmao. I’m hoping that one day I’ll find a guy who was as good as that guy and I won’t care about their religious beliefs because I’ve deconstructed so much since then.
Find him and see where your lives are now, if he’s still that good person you knew. I was in a similar situation 30 years ago. I’m Baha’i and he was Christian. He was an amazing man, and we loved each other. He had an issue with me not being Christian. He ended up in a bad marriage for 18 years with a “Christian” woman. I couldn’t find anyone who was as special as him. We’re reconnected now after 30 years, both very happy together, and regretting not working it all out back then.
304
Just wanted to say I particularly enjoyed your conversation with Genetically Modified Skeptic after the Nate and Sutton video.
I know I’m late to the party, but as a former Catholic (been an atheist for ten years now, never going back), I find these American Christians like these folks to be so damn annoying. Who are they to be gatekeepers for a faith? The immense arrogance of them to think they are an authority for what Christians get to do, or how they should act, is nothing short of staggering. Not to mention using your children as props in a RUclips video. Jeez.
I used to be a sound technician for both a large venue, and a traveling singing group and I can tell you someone probably the amateur sound guy at their church told them that a Shure 58 omnidirectional mic was the best microphone for them to use so they didn’t have to individually mic up, and they aren’t using a sound filter with it either which is why they sound like they are in a room with a waterfall or the sink continuously running, in reality they are most likely picking up their HVAC unit omnidirectionals especially older ones are horrible for recording speech they are meant to be used to pick up room conditions, music concerts where you want the room backgrounds for ambient noises, it is an amateur recording mistake.
Sutton looks like Legolas from lords of the rings.
As for a Christian like myself, I don't uphold ridiculously high standards when it comes to dating. If we happen to have the same beliefs and the same goals, chances are things will go smoothly for us in the long run. Atheists have their own preferences and perspectives, and I also find it fascinating to know more about them in that particular context.
As a former Christian, I never had issues with dating atheists. Now that I am an atheist, I still would not mind dating anyone with any religion. I really do not see why Christians are so picky about that?
@jnb4729 It's the idea that dating a non-Christian will potentially lead to them leaving the faith. It makes sense, someone open to dating someone outside the religion probably isn't as attached to it anyways. Also, Christians usually believe everyone else is going to be tortured forever, so that can't be good forba relationship.
@@joshuaa7266 Why not? Can't you have your faith and love someone who might not. Just be respectful of them and have a loving relationship. If they want to go to church on Sundays, so be it, the other does not have to. The world is so complicated that it really is not that unnormal.
@@JNB0723 respectfully, I think that only works if the man wants to go to church and the woman doesn't. When I joined a congregation without my husband I was labeled a homewrecker and pushed out. The pastor continued to call me a single mother, even though he had met my husband a number of times. The men were told not to talk to me. They stopped asking me to play in the worship band. Maybe it was just that I happened to join a very misogynistic church. I hope that doesn't happen everywhere
It won't. Not every church is like that. Some don't care if your spouse doesn't attend.
"i do have really cool music taste" PLEASE drop a playlist!!!
I always thought it was equal "yolk", like an egg, like you needed to have the same volume of tasty yolk inside you (???? as a metaphor for equal beliefs) 😂😂😂