Being friends with an ex is like going to the perfect job interview and not landing the job. However the hiring person will still call you and tell you the amazing things about the job and the qualities another person who got the job has. And they'll end the call with "Thanks for listening. We'll call you again when it's convenient for us or if we get an update."
And that's why you go back to school by learning something new about yourself, then land a better job with better benefits so you get that call again it doesn't phase you as much
I think the key component to this working is that both people actually accept that the former relationship is over and to not have any expectations for the future. Mutual forgiveness and valuing the other persons happinesses is also critical. It certainly isn’t for everyone.
@@curious_gage No. What you are doing is basically trauma bonding and rationalizing. No one truly cares about someone who ditches them. That means that you are somehow repulsive in their mind and they don't want anything to do with you. View them for what they are and process it that way so that you can move on.
@@yishihara55527 I’m not one to stay friends with an ex personally, but some people can. But that is true in many cases and no contact after a breakup is always a good thing. But you don’t need to remain bitter and resentful just because they want a different life than you. Sometimes both people still genuinely want the best for each other despite breaking up and realize their ex is still good person. It’s not healthy to hang on to resentment or pride. However, if they mistreated you, cheated, or disrespected you, then you should cut them off completely.
PUPPY love we had when we were like young can safely turn into friends however deep love/ or deeply attached relationship we had could hardly turn into friends..
isn't it annoying when sometimes all that's left are all happy memories, and we tend to forget all the things that went wrong and how much they hurt us.
I wouldn't get involved questioning whether or not you were "in love" with someone. Love is just a feeling anyway, and it can disappear as fast as it appears. Emotional feelings are built on sand. True friendship is far more constant than love because it is based on an admiration and affection for another person's character, and this usually doesn't change.
@@kholirobert6598 if it was me that girl hurt i would have no problem cutting off her my pride and ego are too big for that i wonder if there something wrong with me, mhh maybe, but i don't fall for girls that easy and i don't rlly understand you tbh
My ex and I had a horrible relationship. After I broke up with him I didn’t ever want to date ever again. Four years later we started to talk again out of nowhere, and then we discussed the past. We recognized our mistakes and forgave each other. That was like two years ago and currently we are really good friends. I don’t know how, but surprisingly our friendship works. We even play online together and hangout. Time and distance were undoubtedly the most important factors for this to happen.
I had a similar experience with my ex. We both agreed right after we broke up that even though we loved each other we were not meant to be together and immediately took distance. It was for the best. After some time we started talking again and briefly discussed what caused our separation. We’re good friends now. He’s a very good person and I will always wish him the best.
@@agbordaniels Look, I can only talk about my side. I do like and appreciate our friendship a lot, and people’s expressions when we tell them that we are exes still makes me laugh. However, I’ll rather die in the most slowly and painfully way before dating him again. Sounds quite extreme, but I’m not joking nor using figure of speech, that’s literally how bad it was. As friends, at least I don’t initiate hugs nor anything of the sort because it is partially thanks to him that I don’t like to be touched at all (He doesn’t know, I never told him). So no, I definitely don’t feel any type of love nor urge for him. Although that might be because honestly I never loved him. Besides, he has a girlfriend. They have been dating for like six years, and have a lot of problems, but I know for a fact that I’m not part of it. I do keep certain distance to avoid that.
@@tillie3545 I feel bad for you but also like I think I probably wouldn't want to date someone like you but also this makes me really scared to date in general How could he have known if you never told him?
One good test you can ask yourself before deciding whether or not to be friends with your ex, is this: "Would I be jealous if I found out they were dating someone else?" If the answer to that question is anywhere close to a "yes", then you are not ready to be friends with them.
@@roseheart270 Because deep within they still harbour feelings for you, and a part of them still hold hope for getting back together. The grief after a break up is similar to mourning a loved one; there's denial and hope that, somehow, the person who left us will come back. It may take them some time to adapt to the idea that you no longer form part of their lives.
I always was in the boat of "of course you can still be friends with your ex" but all of my past relationships I either did the dumping or it was a mutual agreement. Now with my most recent ex being the one who broke up with me, and during a time where our relationship was actually going well, it felt like an insult when she suggested that she still wanted to be friends... Something about the idea that the person wants to meticulously curate and cut out things from your interactions with them is off-putting. I had to ask her exactly what "just friends" means in her eyes because it sounded like she wanted to continue doing everything we were doing, in which case why are we even "breaking up", you know? Ultimately she just didn't want the emotional responsibilities that come with being in a relationship, and while I don't resent her for that and respect her honesty, I do feel like that's kind of shitty and lazy and I feel like I wasted several months. We now just watch each others' Snap stories and share memes on facebook. Thanks for reading all this, random youtube comment section stranger.
well i'm feeling guilty now. i dumped my ex for another guy in october i think and i told him i wanted us to be friends just because i didn't want any enemy or something... i was such a bitch and he blocked in every social media and then changed schools.
TenZa I'm actually in a very similar situation. My girl basically came out and said that she is physically available but not emotionally available. Still wants to do everything we were doing before but with out the emotional baggage. This seems like a waste of time to me as well cause I don't see someone just for the hell of it, I'm looking for a life partner, someone to love and care about. So if it has no future, why bother?
I think my wife save me for later because she's separation with me but she don't demand or talking about divorce , and she wanna be my best friend, but she talk with me by WhatsApp for 5min just once or twice time in week , we are like that for 40 days .
It's not something I do as well, but I've got plenty of friends who dated each other but then broke up and continue to contact each other but as friends. It can work out but it's all in what the two people are cool with. If one person wants to continue to talk but as friends while the other has the mindset of "You continue to date me or we will have nothing with each other" then that's when the two are better off separating for good.
Adam Foster I literally just dumped a girl for this very reason. We dated for about 3 months and she said they ended on good terms. She took a call from him in my kitchen. I don’t trust those who can’t cut contact with their exs. 9/10 times it so they have a backup whether or not they’re consciously aware of it
@@bkroberts89 Exactly. I'm sorry you had to dump her over that but I think you made the right call. It is usually in my experience so they have a backup, but even if it isn't, you shouldn't have to deal with that anxiety. Find someone who will commit fully and will respect your boundaries.
Depends on the relationship and the person. Not every breakup is this torture filled painful thing, it can also be something agreed upon and mutually accepted.
My Boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago and we weren't in touch since, even though we are at the same school. (He's trying to avoid me, I guess.) I actually thought about trying to get him back as a friend, but this video proved for myself, that it might be better if I don't. So, feel you aswell.
I tried to be friend with my ex, but never have I felt that burdened in my life. I was the "victim" and he was the one who broke up with me. Finally after I found out that he's dating someone else, I deleted all of his pictures from my phone and also deleted his number and I felt a sudden relieve
Did your ex know you wanted to try to be friends with him? I know how that feels cuz I'm trying a little bit to be honest I'm not going to try too hard I will not rush myself. I'm friends with his mom though I started being friends with his mom again. I wasn't expecting her to be happy to hear from me. That was a first-time and shocking. just cuz I talked to his mom doesn't mean I'm going to date my ex again. Cuz I'm with somebody else. Since I have a current relationship. I'm assuming she knows I'm taken cuz I do post pictures of me and my boyfriend. I know may get text from my ex sooner or later probably. I could try give a friendship a shot very slowly though.
I watched this video after a breakup and decided to remain friends with an ex regardless. She got into a new relationship quickly after the breakup and on one occassion told me she loves being fought over. I realized I was there just to validate her from time to time. I stopped giving her attention and she got angry saying I don't care about her. That's when I blocked her. If anyone is in that situation watching this video I would urge you to do the difficult thing and not stay friends with your ex.
You appear to be young. Good for you for understanding you were giving free attention. You were being treated like a fan, or a commoner, because you were treating her as a rock star, or as royalty.
same story, ex tried to remain "friends" after 3 months of our breakup. I said ok at first thinking we can work it out again but found out that she was in a relationship right after leaving me for a dude that I told her not to mingle with when we was together. turns out they were in a bitter sweet relationship and i was just there to give her timely attention and validation, i told myself i cant do this shit and decided to cut off all contacts, now im focusing on myself and other good things in life. remember love is just a part of life and not the whole of it so live life to the fullest alone or with someone you love, theres always someone for everyone and something to do for everyone :)
i'd say get with that person she's with maybe even be his friend and warn him about her because no man deserves pain from such a selfish manipulative woman. this is where the term "bros before hoes" comes in.
My man the thing about " lets stay friends" is just something you say out of courtesy. I was on the same boat as you were but it really is a shitty thing to hear after you get cheated.
Betrayed and dumped 3 years ago. We cut contact for 3 months and then met again (planned beforehand) to talk things out and see where we stand. We are quite good friends now, but now that I think of it, we didn't go down ti being friends. We rebuilt a friendship after being together for such a long time.
@@Zwerggoldhamster once a cheater, always a cheater. You didn't solve anything, you just restarted your clock and it's ticking once again. Better face the harsh reality than to live inside a dream
@@SoleNero21 I am not really dependend on her anymore, still nice (even helpful) to have her around. Not saying it always has to be the case, with my more recent ex I am not sure we can ever get to this point at all.
As the child of two parents who fell in love at university and later undramatically fell out of love and stayed the best of friends I think its obvious exes can still be friends
They had children in common, so they couldn't ignore each other and forget they didn't exist. It's a totally different scenario if there are no children involved. It's far too painful for the dumped to remain friends if they still desperately love the dumper, they need space and time.
god all these peolpe commenting under you are so annoying. im so glad your parents are still good friends, cuz mine hate each other. it sucks. they do not pretend to like each other, at least not when the other isnt around, which is basically always. i dont think even the nicest of people could fake a friendship for their child, so no, i dont really believe the assholes here saying youre the reason they get along entirely. it’s probably partially true, but believe me, its not the whole reason
Its even worse knowing that I am guilty of being the creature :( We did get back together and I want to spend my life with her, but the thought that I put her through that pain really makes my heart ache.
My partner and I broke up after 11 years. We're friends. The transition was difficult at first. However every so often we will contact one another to say hi or share an article or a funny picture. The point is we know we are there for one another if anything should happen because we genuinely care for eachother and want to be in eachothers life. Romantic relationships are conplicated and staying friends after a breakup definitely is, but a friendship is possible.
ye and then you acknowledge those feelings, you understand them and you see that its probably because they are a great person so there is no reason to be there for them, as a friend
@@lostsoul23-sr4dumaybe maybe not, we dont know but I'd say dont be suprised if they're still friends rn, its possible for that outcome to happen ragardless of what these love "experts" tell you in the comments
my current partner (of 4 years) won't even react to a funny post or memes i shared until i show my disappointment or sadness. it feels like i have to be angry first and ends up as the bad guy just for trying to build a connection.
This video could have been way darker. It is not just because people want to be nice. Some want to keep control and still know everything about the ex because it makes them feel powerful. Also they enjoy stirring up feelings so the other has a hard time finding new love. There is a whole range of dark emotions missing here.
According to studies, some people with the so-called “dark triad” personality traits - like narcissism and psychopathy - keep their exes around for strategic, self serving reasons. You can look it up. Worrying stuff :-/
Cornelia Weiß Yep. Girl I dated for 3 years suddenly left me for someone else and still tried to be my friend. It was nothing but a cruel attempt to control me. She even told me that she was "terrified" that I would find someone else while she was out fucking some new guy. People are horrid, man. Don't ever let an ex try to control you like that.
Cornelia Weiß thats a bit pessimistic. There are all though rare, cases of mutual separation where there are no hard feelings, My bestfriend was once a lover, and we spent sometime apart before hanging out again but once we started having fun and going out it was lovely to have them as a friend, a much better role then as lovers. Just because it doesn't always work out one should not accept this to be the only way things can go, humans after all for all our self analysis and understanding of pathology do not in fact know all possibilities. I feel one sells one's self short if you close off any chance of someone entering your life again because they dated you. As for "unconscious manipulation" I feel that is an example of fooling one's self. Manipulation is not simple and doing it passively suggests a deeper issue that is outside of whatever relationship past or present. Furthermore Nothing Ventured nothing gained, taking a chance at something that is a risk is not always a bad thing. Leaving your comfort zone is how you make progress in life, if you only ever do what is comfortable to you is a pretty way of saying that you're stagnating but that's just my perspective and i don't have all the answers but I don't believe we should ever close our hearts off to people who have a genuine care for you
This video makes the assumption that every breakup is the same: with one side forever wanting the other back and the other offering a friendship consolation. This is not always the case, some people can be more mature, confident with themselves and happy for whatever the future brings for both parties without giving in to jealousy. In this way, a healthy friendship is possible.
Even if you end things respectfully id guarantee whatever friendship you have isn't really that much more then an acquaintance. I've never seen anyone I know where that worked effectively
I burst into tears in the final scene when the little one was set free. Even though I was the executioner, I truly loved my ex-boyfriend more than any man I ever did. I miss him from time to time, even though I know he’s not the right person for me, and we don’t want the same thing in life. Humans are complicated - I am still attached in some ways.
I was cleaning my book shelves and I found a pic of my ex from 2 years ago,that I have forgotten about.It's crazy to think this "stranger"used to be the most important person in my life.Now she is just another face in the crowd
Yup, know the feeling. At the time I was obsessed with my ex. I literally thought it was impossible to move on. Now I'm with my new girl, I feel almost nothing for my ex. Strange huh?
@@swadey2.017 It's really hard not to get attached and somewhat obsessesed over someone you love isn't?The sad part is that the one who loves less has the power.Glad for u tho!
Reminds me of one of the most cutting lyrics in a song by Dire Straits.... "You promised me everything. You promised me thick and thin, yeah. Now you just say 'Oh Romeo, yeah, ya know i used to have a scene with him' ".
I would say - you are happy not to meet that person (yet?). There is a good saying I like: you have to fall in love for real once, otherwise you’ll keep thinking that love is wonderful.
There's something that bothers me about the opposing arguments to questions like this. People will say *Oh I'm friends with my ex* or *human relationships are more complex than that and many factors are involved*. What about when you were truly in love with your ex? As human beings, we make and break so many human interactions and relationships, there's no way that all of them would be significant to us. But anyone whom we considered once upon a time to be our everything, loving someone else is painful. I think people would find it difficult to just be friends with someone they considered to be the love of their life. Casual dating or dating with no foresight for the future can easily produce friendships from the tattered remains of a failed relationship, but can any of us actually replicate that from meaningful break ups? If you're in love with someone, and things didn't work out, why would you want to be just friends when you fought so hard for more? Can you handle the fact that you didn't pan out with the person you love but they'll eventually find someone who's more compatible or better? Can you handle knowing that your ex love will be intimate emotionally and physically with others while you are still there? You failed, you both failed, you couldn't or just wouldn't keep the relationship alive, and their presence would always be a reminder of what could've been that never will be.
Stacey L You’re a sad little sock puppet. Either you didn’t love your exes meaningfully, or you’re deceiving yourself. Whatever helps you sleep I guess. In the meantime, it would be great if you could desist in spewing your bullshit. The world doesn’t need more of that.
At least it's devoid of the hypocrisy which is virtually unavoidable in a post-relationship friendship (due to the fact that the procreative impulse is so damn strong that it dares lie shamelessly to your face so it could be appeased).
It completely depends on the people, the situation and the relationship. It's silly to try and apply answers to everyone. Ex's can definitely be friends if they both move on from the romantic elements in healthy ways.
it's easier said than done. I think taking that advice from the video can lead most of people to a better decision than ruining good memories by trying to be something they were never supposed to be. seen a lot of stories that didn't end well. it's extremely hard to be 'just friends' with someone you loved. you can trust your instincts on deciding if you want to let go or believe you can keep a friendship
Yeah they can be friends. I'm not friends with mine necessarily but I started talking to his mother I'm friends with his mom because she did started to follow me first on my Instagram I followed back I said hi had a short conversation she said hi back with a happy emoji. She was happy to hear from me. And no I did not bring my past old relationship up because 1 I am with somebody and 2 I am way over the old relationship. I add her on Facebook after that she accepted me back. And the break up was a long time ago anyways.
@@kristenfuller9168bringing your personal relationships, or making examples out of your own personal experiences is where this discussions become pointless. In the real world, we left eachother. We parted ways. It didn't work out. Why are we speaking? Take your path i take mine we move on.
I don't think you can be friends with your ex until you're both in a new relationship. Only then do your associations of intimacy and connection move to another person. Once there, to test whether you can be friends with your ex, you both must answer these questions: Do you only desire to see them one-on-one? Would your new partner or their new partner being there make it ... odd? If so, the level of intimacy you desire goes beyond friendship. You want to share something with them that your new intimate partner would be excluded from. To me, that is an emotional betrayal of your new partner, and it implies you harbour private intimate feelings.
@FalloutBreakbeat, "You want to share something with them that your new intimate partner would be excluded from. To me, that is an emotional betrayal of your new partner, and it implies you harbour private intimate feelings." -- this is so true.
Yeah... just No. I can care about someone without needing to interact with them or see them. I don't need to be friends... and if both of us have already moved on to another relationship, really what's the point? I was once married to someone who stayed friends with all of his ex'es. There was one in particular that he hung out with on a regular basis. He even had an ex girlfriend photo album that he brought out whenever my brother came to visit. I found it disrespectful.
@@PerrySkyePhoenix Whoa, I don't think I could take it if my boyfriend hung out with his exes and had an album of them.. That's very disrespectful and inconsiderate. I'm glad to hear you're not married anymore
I've been friends with my ex for years now. And he's getting married this December. Trust me when I say this, as his friend I'm genuinely happy that he's happy and found someone to love. And I'm pretty sure he is also cheering me on as I am cheering for him. So I guess it depends on each person and their situation
Yes - I am in the same boat. We’ve both been in our own relationships for years now and still enjoy each other’s company! It can be done, but I can’t imagine with everyone, really depends on the two people.
My fiancé and I broke up in a good way 2 months ago, because we both realized the destructive nature of our relationship. We parted ways and try to focus on our own personal goals. We are still friends and nice to each other, but we both dont want a relation ship anymore. Really depends on how you break up. Guess I was just lucky xD
even if you wish to be friend with your ex , the development of emotions isn't equal for both sides , one would fine love soon enough and that can be disturbing for the other one
Anna Toor I think that what he meant was that one of them is going the get over the other one faster. you can still be friends with your ex, but it will be awkward as hell when she (or he) start telling you about another person, you could get jealous even if you are not in a relationship anymore, and that is because people get over relationships in a very different rate. (sorry for my bad English btw, I'm not a native speaker)
I'm still friends with my first boyfriend. We dated when we were 17 - 18 and loved eachother very much. Then school was finished and we both went abroad to different countries and separated since we were both hungry for life and adventure, each respecting the other ones journey. Life happened and we life in different countries and have different partners. We see eachother from time to time and still have love and respect for each other. I love him, and always will but don't feel the romantic element of it anymore. I'm happy we separated on good terms and always stayed respectful towards each other :)
That's good hear how you doing with your friend hope your doing okay I hope your friendship is going well? Sorry late comments two years later. I am friends with my ex-boyfriend's mom not necessary friends with my ex. I had a little short conversation with his mom saying hi how you been she answered back with a ☺️ saying hi back. She likes me still and still cares about me. And nope me and her didn't bring up my old relationship since I am with somebody else now in a whole new relationship. Well it's not new cuz I've been with him for two years now. Meaning the breakup with my old relationship was a long time ago anyways. Yeah I feel good and okay it doesn't bother me being friends with the mom that still cares about me.
@SweetCupcake I hate it too. They are no friends. If you forgive, they keep com ing back. I have expierienced it. Many times. Greetings Jens from Denmark.
Anyone can fall out of love, mostly young love. It's really not that bad at all but it do hurts for the victim of such phenomenon. They say it's better to tell the truth than drown in lies
ideal should be not even friendliness but just cordiality. just be cool if you stumble across her, but don't try to hangout or be close, do activities and all that stuff.
Hmm...a reason why I would never be friends with an ex. Well, my ex's remind me of a time in my life where I was a person I don't want to be. They remind me of how I never stood up for myself, how I agreed to do things I didn't really want to do out of fear that they'd lose interest in me, they remind me of being extremely emotional (crying all the time, etc), how I never walked away, not look back and know my worth. That's basically the lense I see them through. The only way I'd consider being friends with an ex is if we were really close friends before.
I feel the same yet we still have to see each other since we have a child together. We're not friends but we can communicate pretty well now. Something we had to learn was to communicate, we learn that in our own. This is how we learn now, we're forced to see each other or to speak sometimes. That's our karma and I don't mind 😊 I'm glad we can walk through the same door again
Something not mentioned in this video. Is if YOU are the new person who comes along. I dated a girl who (I didn't know at first) had a history of breaking up and getting back with her ex. They'd done this several times over years! She assured me that they were done for good and she needed to move on. Apparently she dumped him and they'd been broken up for a few months when I turned up. Things went well between us. I grew attached to her. We had similar interests, she was independent enough not to need constant texting. I actually imagined it turning into a proper relationship in time. And 3 months later, when she went on holiday without me (as it had been booked before we met) I was not concerned. Upon her return, she casually mentioned that she had been contacted by him whilst she was away. But it was nothing and I didn't need to worry. Apparently he hadn't been well. But within hours, she was having a phone conversation with him, stood in her hallway whilst I was sat on her sofa! I always suspected he was upset that she had moved on, and he was clearly playing on her past feelings for him. She mentioned him a few more times in conversations (including saying she was possibly going to meet him 1 day) And whilst I didn't react to it. It was beginning to bug me. But her actions over those few days hinted that she was going to dump me and go back to him. And so it came to pass. I got a text one evening (not even a phonecall!) saying that we were too different and yadda yadda yadda. She ignored my 1 and only phonecall attempt. I gave her 2 days grace then deleted her from every social media we shared. I think I saw her in passing 18months or so after that, but she didn't see me and I didn't try to initiate anything. Why bother? What would be the point? If her ex had stayed out of the picture or she hadn't responded to his messages who knows what might have been. But I've made it a hard and fast rule now in my dating life. If a lady tells me she is still in contact with her ex. I bail out as soon as possible. I am not in contact with a single woman I've slept with after we decided not to see each other again. How else can you move on if you keep picking at the wound hoping it will heal...
I broke up with my ex three years ago. Sadly, it was rather messy. I loved her very deeply and it took me a long time to truly grow indifferent to her. You know what would've made it take longer? Being her friend. I haven't spoken to her since shortly after we broke up. My only regret was not having a final good-bye and thanking her for the relationship we once had. Moral of the story; not being friends and cutting contact was the best thing I could have possibly done.
@@ArantzaMarcial-v1g We weren't good for each other. It was as much my fault as it was hers. In hindsight, we were just very different people. I don't regret breaking up with her at all. I also have dated girls in college who have been IMMENSELY more attractive than her, so I also learned I could do a lot better than her.
@@brucewayne1943 "I also have dated girls in college who have been IMMENSELY more attractive than her, so I also learned I could do a lot better than her." dickhead.
Ooh, it was indeed a good timing to release the video, I broke up in april, but youtube just recommended this video just now, maybe because I have difficulties to decide what to do with ex?
It's been a year and I dont ever see going back or ever talking again an option. The memories start to become replaced with other ones and I realize who to never form a relationship with.
Trying to be friends with my ex just gave me extreme anxiety and bad energy. I didn’t want to be with him in the least but I felt a huge relief when I finally stopped talking to him!
I feel like this doesn't leave room for the idea of returning to friends after some time to grow themselves away from each other. Ive managed to be friends with one of my exes but we didn't talk for 2 years after the relationship ended. We found each other again through a mutual friend and it doesn't feel like I'm with an ex, but a friend.
Same. I was even genuinely happy for my ex when he got married. We weren't friends for a few years but eventually became casual fb friends and it's crazy to me to think we were ever dating, he just feels like a chill friend!
Honestly I agree...it takes time to heal regardless of who was dumped. Although not true for everyone, time apart will heal and help both forgive the wrongdoings and hurt that led to the breakup. I feel like little to no contact after the breakup is the best way to do things.
The other issue briefly touched on in the video, but largely ignored in the commits is the problems this creates for future relationships. For my money anyone keeping an Ex around as a friend is a big Red Flag. Not sure how emotionally invested you want to get with someone who is spending time with a former lover.
Louder for the people in the back. Did my best to be mature about this issue with an ex but it was disconcerting at best to constantly encounter their exes, former lovers.
I wanted to be friends with my ex(I ended the relationship) but she still had feelings, I said it was hopeless. We were friends for a bit but in the end she said she needed “no contact” and she would need to stop having feelings otherwise we couldn’t be friends(which makes perfect sense). But if she came back, I’d be friends with her(only friends), idk why this would make me a big red flag but I kinda I understand where you are coming from(for example, if I looked at it from the perspective of a guy who fears she isn’t over me, then it would be difficult for him to be in a relationship with her).
@@EclipseOfGod You got it! you don't have to agree to understand. I appreciate that but, If your girl wants to hang out with a guy she used to bang; you have a problem! Think carefully about invested you are in that relationship, thats all I'm saying.
@@monkeyboyalcoholic I think sometimes it comes down to trust and openness/honesty as well as being highly perceptive(for the one making the judgment “is person B trying to bang their ex?”). It’s hard to have trust with someone you don’t know, hence you see them as a huge red flag and it’s understandable, but at the same time, I know I have no interest in having sex or anything romantic with my ex, so I assume other people like that exist. And while keeping an ex as friend can be seen as a red flag, the same could be said about having only “bad breakups”(I’m generalizing only for the example) or wouldn’t you agree? And it just happens to be the case that “good breakups” sometimes save the friendship, it doesn’t have to be super close friendship.
@@Angelo-sc9of I think he meant when they mutually agree that they're just not romantically compatible. Still cool with eachother, but just not... romantically. I feel if THAT is why you break up with eachother then that's pretty healthy and mature.
@@Angelo-sc9of true I guess what I meant to say is if it's mutual and you both agree then you'll move on because you're set on doing so, but for people who are stuck in a "friends with an ex" type relationship... rip to them they really gotta get goin ASAP
And when there is no big dramatic or emotional reason you broke up. I was friends with a few exes until they were in stable positions in their lives, and it seemed helpful. I’m ill and don’t get out to make friends often, so losing their presence in my life would have sucked, and they generally relied on me as a kind of... sounding board for their decisions, someone to go to for support and advice. From the beginning I was always straight that I wanted to find my partner, and if it turned out that we realized over time that we weren’t right for each other, that’s no one’s fault. We tried, we learned, no hard feelings. Stringing each other along or cheating out of dissatisfaction would have made it really hard or impossible to stay friends (not that I’d have wanted to after that), but when it was a realization that things didn’t work, it felt silly to box each other out. It sucked hard enough to be thrown back into the dating pool, square one all over again, having lost years of time in an unsuccessful relationship. But to have NOTHING but memories, when you’re actually friends already and get along well? That would suck, make it more isolating. We’d usually take a few weeks, even a few months, to sort of mourn the relationship. It helped it not be as awkward. But we’d usually fall into a new routine and it was generally painless. As long as we didn’t get into oversharing territory, lol. I kept in touch with one ex for a decade, actually. I think it helped him to know that even though we didn’t click romantically, he did have someone who understood him and would be there if he needed help. We all need people like that. This obviously isn’t something that works with dramatic or painful breakups, but I’ve never really had one of those, so that’s not really in my experience. 🤷🏻♀️
I remember my first heartbreak, he told me he no longer had any romantic feelings for me but still wanted to be friends. Hearing that hurt me more than it would've if he just told me he was no longer in love. It hurt me more knowing he still wanted to enjoy the presence of me meanwhile having to not accommodate me in any way. I saw it as incredibly selfish.
I remember mine too, it was somewhat similar to yours. She said she no longer viewed me aa a boyfriend, just a friend. Fuck that hurt, I wanted to be friends (as I wanted to still talk to her) but now I see that wouldn't make me any good.
@@caiovasconcellos4381 OMG My ex told me the exact same thing! 3 years together and she just didnt see me as a boyfriend anymore but still wanted to be friends.
Don’t ever settle for less than what you desire emotionally, physically, and mentally. Don’t reward someone friendship if they dumped you and broke your heart. Keep your dignity, and give them the gift of missing you. ❤️
lord reyna also they slowely eventually end up hating one enouther it rarely to never works ones gonna try be decent and other is going mistake it for flirting and never ends well
TechNOGeek Reviews I agree with u and I'm not saying don't try but with time something will happen where life just won't allow it whether that be what u said or u have someone new in ur life who disagrees with it. It's a complicated thing to be friends with someone who's an ex. That's why most of the time people go their separate ways.
Arguably this is also true of any relationship in your life, be it with friends, family or romantic partnership. It's something you simply have to accept.
exes cant be friends right after a breakup, but after an amount of time apart, they certainly can be friends. how do u know? when u neither one of u wants to get back together with the other
I dont understand how I could go from letting someone sit on my face to not talking to them at all. Of course You can be friends with an ex. Relationships to me are not long interviews to see if we want to try and stay together until one of us dies. They are about making meaningful connections with cool humans and sharing memories I'll look back on when I'm old. One day life will be all about sitting in an armchair and remembering all the girls who once sat on my face. I want to remember those ladies fondly.
or, hear me out, friendship to some of us is NOT possible to achieve with someone whom I sat already on their face. I don't understand how you can consider someone as 'friend' after that.
The animation, the voice over, the entire concept behind this video… really well done. I’m in a committed relationship but videos like this still randomly sneak into my algorithm and remind me of the possibility in this world that one day I may return to being single and to remind myself of who I would become in such a situation. Very grateful to be alive and to take control of my life in every small step that I can manage.
Yes. Also on how exactly the exes feel about each other at the point of the breakup and what caused the breakup. If one is still deeply in love while the other feels nothing, a friendship will be tricky. But can work after enough passed for both to make their peace with their feelings, let go. The easiest scenario for a friendship is when both like each other, but just happen to not be compatible enough in their lifestyles to function in a relationship. Any kind of daily routines that cause them to barely ever see each other. Or completely different love needs/language. As long as they both view the situation similarly and both feel that a breakup is the best option, they can very easily remain friends. Nobody gets hurt by the breakup and all options are open to discussion with no stiff strings attached. This happened to me and several people I know. Most stayed best friends with their ex (including myself).
thugangel662 Yeah I agree, this is why you have to think seriously before entering in a relationship with your friend, because if something ever goes wrong with relationship then you are done. And usually it does go wrong.
This video has come into my life at such a good time. My 'Ex' sent me a birthday card in March, after we hadn't had any contact for over a year, and I chose to respond to the card with texts and a phone call. After ups and downs, we met up, twice: time together, talking, coffees, lunch. Everything seemed very polite and friendly. They wanted casual contact but I began to realise I wanted more than this. I still had strong feelings for this person and wanted to become close once more. I also realised that like the movie, 'Ghost Town', I believe the reason this Ex was still in my life/heart was that I still had 'unfinished business' and hadn't let them go. We had never broken up as such. Thank you for this video and the very real messages. I now know what I need to do for my long-term peace of mind.
I'd say there are exceptions to this. For example 2 people who were always meant to be platonic friends but ended up dating & the relationship didn't work as they weren't ever meant to be that for eachother. In this case, I think it would be sad for them to lose a genuine friendship just because they got a bit confused as to what they were meant to be to eachother. The other exception could be if you were dating but realised mutually that it wasn't working romantically but you really like the person & enjoy their company. I agree that rescuing for the sake of it may not always be in both parties best interests however.
Yes. This happens. Had a girlfriend for two years, after we broke up we kept in touch because both of us wanted to, the atachment as a lover slowly disappeared and now we have been very good friends for three years already. We even helped eachother get a partner ahah
I'm torn right now on what's going on with me right now. The girl i was with came along at a time that neither of us was fit for a relationship due to the problems we still needed to work out individually. The love was always true and this woman had become the best friend I ever had in my mind first over the fact that she was my girlfriend. The friendship was always first because in my mind I knew the time wasn't right but I wanted the relationship to succeed over fear of losing her altogether. I still need to take time to properly learn how to live on my own and truly understand what and who I want to become as a person. We didn't treat eachother the way we should have in a proper relationship but I can safely say that we treated one another the best we could and even possibly the best either of us will ever receive but the time simply isn't right. We are both too young for the commitment that needs to be made for us to form the relationship that I feel is right for us. I want to remain friends but my goals have changed for personal growth. Admittedly it is going to be extremely difficult to not think about her in a loving manner but my love was always in a friendship first point of view so once I can get the bodily attraction out of my head I think a friendship is easily attainable but I also believe come time that we are ready for true commited relationships the spark may have the opportunity to rekindle. I know that the most likely possibility is that I will better myself and she will simply not be ready when I am to try again, or that we will never be ready and the attraction that once was will become that of truly simply friendship. I accept the possibility of both outcomes but I think the only way I will truly become the person I want to be is by pretending the relationship never happened until it is time to start anew or to banish it from my mind completely if it is necessary to maintain a true friendship.
Borderline personality disordered person can (not all!) do this with a whole string of exes. Never let go and come back to them every now and then for some validation. Absolute poison.
@@lordbunbury this is exactly what os happening to me right, i am in a relationship with someone who i hold dear very much, bit she is bipolar and we are always breaking up and coming back, i don't know what to do anymore
Or the person still cares about them and appreciates the friendship it all just came down to do they really wanna spend the rest of their life with that person and the answer just happens to be no
There's a quite peculiar scenario (in which I'm in): When you two were close friends for a long time, start dating and then split up. I never remained actual friend of any of my exes, but, in that particular case, things got a lot more complicated, because I miss the old friendship a lot.
@@pudu666 I've written my comment 11 months ago. I can give you an update, if you want (I'll just assume you do). For some months, things remained weird, but, with time, I felt much more comfortable rebuilding our friendship. And as the months went passing, we began being really good friends again, which has been really great for me. The feelings that made us want to date are no longer here (which I think is a crucial part) and I feel grateful for having such a great friend.
@@VJ-bn9bt going through this right now. Me and my ex were actual platonic best friends before we dated. Long story short we didnt work out and she wanted to go back to being best friends again but it was too hard for me with feelings involved now. This has been difficult because I lost 2 relationships. My best friend and the romantic one. I can say with conifdence im not over her so I need to get to the point of not wanting to date her to go back to being best friends. We are at 4 months no contact right now. I dont feel pressure to reconnect cause I know its for the best. Just wanted to vent. We had a fight near the end and decided its best to go no contact to reconnect in the future with an open heart
same here. we were friends before dating (we met on a dating app tho). we broke up and decided that this is not the right moment to keep going as a couple (he has some internal issues that I hope that he could notice and heal them). I sent a letter to him, wishing the best and blocked him on all social media. Few days later, I woke up in tears, and I realized that I missed him so much. But as a friend. I explained why I blocked him, and why I decided to unblock. He said that he feels the same affection for me, and he does not want to lose me as a friend too. But sometimes I feel sad because we are not going to talk as much as we talked before. I miss that.
Completely agree. Breaking up is, in essence, a funural, where you metaphorically bury a loved one, mourne and move on, while keeping fond, even loving memories of the ex.
"The relationship in its best and most enduring light will always live on where it can safely do so. Memory." Damm thought about my ex after that and almost cried. Fuck me
They should not be friends, but they can be mature and respect each other. When you want to stay friends with your ex, there is always one person that can’t handle to be friends
I think it depends on the couple and how they broke up. I can totally see being friends as a bad thing for many but there definitely has to be those out there who continue having close bonds without it setting them up for heart break.
It really depends on how the relationship began and ended I recently ended my relationship with my girlfriend. We simply went different ways. And we had other goals. It wasn't a bad breakup, it was a respectful one and we understood each other. We were very close friends for 6 months before we got together. And I feel like we are back to that relationship now.
Exactly, if it is a mutual breakup and they both know that the relationship doesn't work anymore then it's easier to become friends again. They might need some time to move on before they can get back in touch though. But when the breakup is one-sided and one party still harbours romantic feelings then it's not a good idea to keep them around as friends because they won't have the chance to move on.
This is what happened to me too. We agreed to keep a distance for a while. And eventually reconnected. But that caused our current partners to question our friendship, so we agreed to not speak again.
Exactly, and not every breakup is due to any negligence it’s could just be bad timing, outside issues maybe each person still loves and care for each other but life won’t let them commit their time and effort, now if he or she was toxic and rude and warranted a breakup I would remove them but if it was a healthy breakup with a healthy relationship then I can completely understand being friends
@@thegreatid3595 Being friends and being friendly are two different things. I can assure you being friends is 100% about control. I refused friendship and every ex came back wanting to be with me. It's either love or it never was. If it's love, then you need to get together or separate permanently before you hurt their potentially new partner. If it's nothing, then the only reason that person is in your life is for an ego flex. Regardless, both are unnecessary if you are wanting another romantic partner in your life. To put it bluntly. If I'm associated with my ex in ANY way, chances are I'm 200% fucking or she wants to fuck. I'm serious lol Don't accept a partner who is friends with their ex's. Leave them alone.
Experiences can be different to every person. Some don't take breakups very well, others do. Legitimately being friends with your ex, with no hidden intentions of getting back together, is a sign you moved on and you can handle things in a mature way.
I think you can be cordial and also understand it's a chapter in your book of life. Turn the page and go to the next chapter. That's also a mature way to handle your ex relationship.
I think it depends on the circumstances surrounding the breakup. Some breakup in a very unfair way, never really communicating to fix issues. Some simply monkey branched and left the person despite there being no problems.
I believe that friendship between exes depends a lot on how the relationship ended. My best friend is my ex, we were married for 5 years until we realized we weren't meant to be a couple anymore. We always were very open and honest with each other, and that ended up being the key to end the relationship before we let things get sour with petty disputes and unnecessary fights over little things. Yes, it was a little messy in the beginning, but we BOTH wanted to keep the friendship the we valued so much so we respected each other's boundaries e gave each other time to process their feelings. It's been 6 years since we broke up, I'm now married and he is also in a relationship. We are best friends to this day and we consider each other family. We love each other deeply, just not in a romantic way. But there are exes that I'm not friends with, and I don't want to be. Each relationship is different and friendship after breakup is not always a good (or desired) option
It depends on the situation. My ex and I were friends for more than 10 years before our relationship. It lasted 9 years, it ended because we simply weren’t right for each other, we simply drifted apart. Ending it was painful, and it took time to work through, but there was never any conflict or ill-will between us. We still love each other, but are not “in love”, and truly want each other to be happy.
I can understand how you still want to hold on to a friendship in a situation like that, but for me who is currently on the other side, being the new lover of the one rejected by his 'ex' that he still stays very close friends with is kinda hard. They are still saved in with hearts in their phones or even nicknames, they can get screenshots from your partner about our chats telling them how good their new relationship is working and how deeply they are in love and it kinda feels like your partner must prove to their ex lover "see, I could move on from you" but at the same time not share what your partner and their ex are texting about because they want to keep their privacy. Kinda giving them privileges that you don't get from them. Its especially hard if they really want you to meet them. And if you do meet it's hard to see how they still cuddle, lean on each others shoulders, hug each other in front of you. With any other friend it wouldn't really hurt but if it's your partners ex, it gives of the feeling that your partner still craves the touch of their once lover. Even in front of you. It's hard bc you never want to give off a controlling demeanor, you don't want to tell them who their friends should be. So you keep quiet, you explain to them how it feels but you can't expect them to care enough to end their friendship. It just seems a little unfair, having to accept that your lover can be happy with their ex lover but you could never even think of sharing a certain level of intimacy with someone who is not your partner.
@@latishalingo4399 thid sounds like the story of my last ex. He couldn't accept that i'm still in contact with my ex of 11 years. There is no romance, i moved on, he moved on but the latest ex just kept thinking that something would spark up again. Very sad that it turned out that way.
Kevin Brayon my friend keeps talking to all her ex bfs but I can't do that. I don't like their personalities any longer; or weren't they good in the first place either? Also with people with whom I've broken up myself. It always reminds you of "what could have been". It pulls you back to a past which was much nicer (especially the great phase of the relationship) and shows you that it won't ever be the same again with that person. Or what can happen, they come back and ask for a "friendship with benefits" ... erm/um ... no ... we used to be closer 😒
I never thought staying friends with an ex was ever a good idea. They can never really "lose" you if you are still in their orbit. Become a memory, however, and you'll always be the one that got away
I didn’t go away. He lost me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him as a friend. I can either mope and miss him or do something about it. Either way, he can do whatever he likes, after the way he’d hurt me nothing will really hurt anymore. It’s all part of life. I knew he didn’t love me when we were together, but why can’t we just be friends? Why do we have to never see each other again? He did lose me, I will never be able to love like that again.
@Ryuuji Takasu you just got your answer. She made the choice of not being friends and your friendship happens year later enough time to wash away of emotional dependenes(if there is any). So you had complete emotional separation. Also mature people don't have much problem with emotional separation while condition discuss hear is for people who became dependent.
So what? I didn’t go into the restaurant looking for beef but when I saw the steaks I couldn’t resist. Life isn’t always as black and white as only sticking with your first option or choice. Things evolve.
@@jetwhite but like the video mentioned, once you go from established relationship to "friendship" it's like a demotion. But still you bring up an interesting analogy.
Jasmine Joseph Honestly I wouldn’t say a friendship is a demotion from a relationship. They’re two completely different things, and two things I value deeply for very different reasons. I can’t imagine life without my friends, but a partner? At this point, I could take it or leave it!
This video is so accurate. I’m the one who ended the relationship and after seeing this video i felt like such a terrible person. I called my ex and just apologized and cried on the phone. It relieved me a little bit that she told me that’s she’s going to be okay. It might sound really weird but the animation where the balloon monster got her face beaten up from being dragged. That’s where it got me the most.
Interesting to hear the view from the dumper. I was dumped a year ago after two lovely years with my girlfriend and this video reduced me to tears...the part at the end when the balloon is let go. just killed me. I think its because a year down the line i'm still heartbroken. I guess its not easy for either party...guilt for the dumper and devastation and heartbreak for the dumpee...there are no winners. I still have my ex on social media, whatsapp etc and still reach out there occasionally...I know I probably shouldn't but its so hard to let go.
@@andybrown4124 let go. You'll breathe again. Not letting go is just you procrastinating letting go. Eventually you'll be forced to let go and you'll feel free again. So why not do it now from your own will? Wish you healing brother
It’s possible if the ex is not toxic. It depends on what caused the break up. If the relationship ended on good terms, there will be no problem. And you might even find that platonic friendship is much more satisfying, than the constraints of a romantic relationship.
Tell her to step. I was in the same situation a long time ago and told her I have enough friends and that wasn't what I was looking for. That's like asking her to give you something to eat a bowl of soup with and the chick hands you chopsticks. No thanks.
My partner of 4 years and the mother of our 2 children just ended our relationship today...tried to say we will always be friends to which I abruptly rejected that notion. I told her that it would degrade the good memories of our relationship and would honestly give me blind hope. She didn't respond well to it but I told her we certainly can still be civil but no we won't ever hangout.
@@siadb.3555 It's hard to trust those who broke you. Funny thing is, the individuals that dump someone. They tend to repeat the same behaviors and expect the same results. So if you're asked to be friends, chances are someone has said yes. I never have and never will, not out of resentment. It's out of respect, I respect someone I love. I love them so much, I want them to be happy without me.
I think this is the first time I disagree with a message from the School of Life. It's been almost 3 years I've been friends with my ex. We spent 2 great years together until he broke up with me. I suffered a lot. I mean, a lot. It was my first break-up. He suffered too, of course, but each person deals with suffering their own way. We always - always - cherished the company of one another. He just noticed first that we were great together, but not as lovers. I had to take my time to understand it - and, yes, while I was trying to understand it, the best was to stay away from him a while. But then we began talking and seeing each other again as friends. I say I would never ever give up on this friendship. He is one of my best friends. I've shared secrets with him, I've shared my bed with him and I planned to build a future with him. It's all memory now, yes, and it's safely guarded in the memory box. But it doens't mean we can't be friends. There is no suffering anymore. I am in a new relationship now and I am so very happy. When I look at my ex, I see a man whom a deeply love, a person whom I care about and I wish all the good in the world. There isn't a toxic realtionship, just a will to be around a person whom I deeply admire.
From today, be single if your ex is single, I bet you will at least make out. Not friendly at all. The video talked about civil distance as a better alternative. If you and your ex are single at the same time (from now on) only then can you test whether you can be friends without any romantic intentions for each other. Based on how you romanticize your situation, you will fail the test. People tend to create a fairy tale in their head. My wild guess, you still consider ending up with your ex if your current relationship ends. You need that security. You will manufacture a fairytale of "from lovers to exes to friends and ultimately to lovers" which is movie like and seems inadvertent but motivated. It is a great story to tell to your grandchildren though. You are doing disservice to your current relationship. But I understand your need for a backup plan for romance. Be mindful when youre single while ex is single too. Then be reminded of the video and of my comment.
The reason why ex-partners can't be friends is because of their ego and pride. One is overly attached to the other or still more invested. I was guilty of this as well, but I still managed to remain friends. Though, being friends in my case is just people on good terms; we don't hang out or talk, but if weren't ever in the same vicinity, we'd go out for a coffee and catch up. We both want each other to be happy. Yes, it hurts to be dumped. Yes, it hurts to feel like you're not the one when you want to be. When I was dumped, I was hurt too, but after no-contact for many months, I began to realize that she was also looking for the right person for her, and she had to make the difficult choice of dumping me. I asked myself, "why am I so worked up about not being the right one? She wasn't even happy being with me anyway. Don't I want her to be happy?" I realized how selfish I was to want her all to myself, then finally understood unconditional love. You can still be friends when the love you have for the other person is not an attached one.
@@Koraxusthats what you would call it but if their friendship still works, then thats good. The saying "you two were never in love then" comes off as ignorant hostility thinking everyone works the same way about everything when it does not.
@@OctavianAfton I did not say that, did you reply to the right comment? I'm saying that if a person was in a relationship with you, but you now barely interact, but the few spontaneous times you come across each other are on ok terms without keeping much contact, then that's just being on cordial yet somewhat indifferent terms. not what I'd call a "friendship" definitely
@@Koraxus ah, well that makes more sense. I initially gathered that your comment implied it was not a friendship. But now that you described it that way, yeah I can see the doubt. Still, some people(including myself), are still friends with their exs; involving talking, gaming and hanging out like we used to before the love. But again, its important to note the context and how it came to be that way. Like yeah, mutual understanding and accepting that it isnt working and to be friends instead takes both sides to accept, and it does happen.
Can exes be friends? Yes, only to the person who finished relationship. They know this relationship is not what they want in long run so being friends instead will help them get over the relationship and not feel the pain loosing someone close. At the same time the dumped person will always have big hopes of getting back together and will be emotionally involved, dumped person will feel tortured when the one who ended it will be using ex partner for selfish reasons and once they find someone attractive and build new relationship with them, they will simply end even the friendship or just distance themselves as far as it's possible but keeping the ex as a backup person in case if the new relationship didn't work, just to repeat everything once they find someone attractive again
It can happen once both people are no longer attached to the idea of a future together. It isn't always a good idea to pursue friendship with an ex even if it is possible, but sometimes it is very beneficial. Good people aren't always easy to come by, so value the ones you have in your life whether you're marrying them or not.
My ex broke up with me and went marrying someone else this year. Yet she still wants to be friends and keep in touch with me. I had no choice but to cut ties because is not fair for her husband.
@@arturfilipe2971 i dont know.. but when a person who is already taken/ married.. i wont touch them. i dont want to get into trouble. Theres nothing more valuable than a peace of mind. so i gotta remove her out of my life and do my own thing. At the same time i feel bad and following my gut that she was is still keeping in touch with her previous exes when i was with her
@@damianooi8261 yeah i get you man, plus i think you're doing the best decision, if she wanted to not loose you totally and still be friends she must have talked things out with you before marrying...
I really appreciate this video. For me, whenever my ex is at sight, hope reignites. Civil distance is definitely the answer, and accept that the feelings can just stay as a memory. 🙂
This does not apply when two people are mature enough to admit it's not working, & after a time, can hangout again & be friends who can really listen to each other &, having seen their intimate side, can even offer advice about their current relationships :)
Yep, this. My ex and I dated for 8 years; he was my first boyfriend, in fact! But a lot changed during that time, WE changed. So, even though it was incredibly painful, we decided to break up. But I do not stop appreciating a person and what they mean to me, simply because we're not romantically involved anymore. Of course it took time to adjust, and there was pain, but we've been friends for years now, and I wouldn't want it any other way. As long as my partner didn't hurt me, I find that the benefits of having them in my life far outweigh the pain and awkwardness in the beginning. Being their friend is not demoting them to some second level position; being their friend is an honor.
I've tried this thing so I'm saying this after an experience, if you're scared to let go of that person. 1. Understand and accept that the person is now gone from your life for a reason. 2. Keep yourself busy with friends and work 3. If they insist tell them you will meet them after sometime. Believe me when i say after some time from breakup the spark does go off. You will not feel the same when you're with your ex so it's not worth to overthink . It's not worth to stuck yourself on someone who does not want you. 🤝✨ (Good luck for moving on because you deserve to be happy)
My ex and I started off as friends, now we’re back to being friends again. It just felt more right being friends. We’re both in really good relationships now and we’re still close friends.
Bald DeGea I think our whole relationship was based on a fleeting mutual attraction like when you see your friend and think “Oh hey they look nice today”
@@katicasey4610 I don't let girls I'm attracted to call me a "friend". I try to make it obvious I want to have sex with them. I hate guys who do the whole friends thing to try guilt a girl into getting into their knickers.
Lol maybe you never really liked each other it’s so awkward being friends with someone you liked or something it’s so weird for me it hold me back puts me in a terrible mental state
It's a good thing for me not watching this while at office or a day out with friends... Burst into tears while watching this. Been there. Done that. I was the little creature on a leash. Sometimes, "being friends" is just a manipulative term you tell yourself.
CJ Camelia Jonathan - Agreed! Just as bad...maybe worse (won't judge your pain...), is when they tell you that you are ruining everything and hurting yourself, by saying "no thank you..." to staying buddies. The pressure from your former partner is on... They may try to convince that you made up 4 years of history. That you were just best friends anyway, but you have to stay friends, even when they say that "just because we're not forever...the friendship is, and you lose if you walk". Most bizarre experience, ever. Very manipulative.
This is an overly simplified view of relationships. Having a romantic partner is not only having someone to have sex with, it's about mutual respect and companionship. Yes, breaking up is hard, especially after long years of shared journey, however you can't simply cut off someone who played such an important role in your life. If you truly cared about that person and managed to end the ROMANTIC relationship on good terms, you will continue to be caring even after breaking up with them. It may be slightly difficult to adjust to the newly formed dynamics at first, but with time you will learn to overcome it and continue to cherish other things you have in common.
The video talks about the issue in general. Generally it is true that it is not healthy to stay friend with Ex but that doesn't mean to become enemies. What you are talking about is exceptional. Yea, there are always exceptions.
You might be right, if you never saw each other genitals. If it was just a long courtship with one person being merely tolerant of your adulation. Even that takes a lot of effort to see the objection of your affection with somebody. The Video was excellently presented and calling it over simplication is not being eloquent or articulate.
@@eduardochavacano what I mean by that is the way they boiled a relationship down to whether you had sex with the other person or not and pass judgement about the relationship in general solely based on that. That is almost never the case, not in a long term relationship anyway. All couples tend to have less sex with time, this is no big secret whatsoever. However they compensate that with other things such as companionship and mutual trust and respect. There are qualities you can acquire in a relationship that are more meaningful than merely being physically intimate with someone. These are the things you can't just take away after a breakup. It's still all there. Perhaps you won't be as intimate with that person and share every detail of your life from thereon, but you should at least be able to remain good friends. Your friendship with someone shouldn't get affected by a breakup. It's not always an easy task, sure, but there will always be a way for them to still be a part of your life - one way or another.
Definitely true if one party is still in love with the other. It is like feeding an addiction. Feels good to see them, but then you get withdrawals until the next time. No contact is needed for a while.
Because being cut out from someones life and having the bridge between you burned in an instant hurts a lot worse in the short term. its just easier to stay friends at first most of the time.. at least until you are ready to let go of eachother.
Because I want to date my best friend. I dont jump into relationship with strangers, and when I date its because they have the same qualities I want from a great friend. The only diffrence in dateing is the sex, and if the relationship is going well, living togther. If I am friends with an ex who dumped me it because it wasnt a toxic relationship and I love them. However to make it easier on myself i will make the decision that we will not get back togther even if they want to. This dosent happen often (though I also dont date alot) but it means I treat them like any other friend. If they want more I let them know that we dont have that kind of relationship amymore. Then if we stay friends or not is up to them. If on the other hand I broke up with them its for a reason. Somethings arent a problem when your juat friends but are huge problems when your in a relationship like not knowing how to save money, or wanting to live in another State, being a slob, or really lazy. Not a problem as a friend but not the kind of person I want to live with. The problem you seem to be haveing is wanting to get back togther with them and if thats it then youll have a really hard time being friend's
For me the process of becoming friends with an ex is long and sometimes it never happens. It doesn't work if you try to remain friends after a breakup. You have to forget about that person, heal up however you can and, when the times come, if you find again that ex you and her of him will see each other as other people, more mature and wiser an maybe that's what you need, meeting them again, meeting a new side ofthem you both never knew it existed. It sometimes doesn't happen, but sometimes it does. Relationships go far beyond the sexual, you can still care for people and love them even though you don't have romantic or sexual implications. It's called "cariño" in Spanish. Relationships aren't one way or another, aren't just black and white.
The opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference...that takes time to acquire.
Well said.
Profound observation!
- Jordan Peterson
@@habboUdviseren No. Lumineers
Hate is a mutated form of love
Being friends with an ex is like going to the perfect job interview and not landing the job. However the hiring person will still call you and tell you the amazing things about the job and the qualities another person who got the job has. And they'll end the call with "Thanks for listening. We'll call you again when it's convenient for us or if we get an update."
Damn, never thought of it that way. Great analogy!
And that's why you go back to school by learning something new about yourself, then land a better job with better benefits so you get that call again it doesn't phase you as much
Hit the nail on the head with this one lmao
@Tankkizzle Well this is kinda messed up but just when their venting take their partner's side and you'll see how fast that comparison ends
You stole that from the same internet we on smh
Can we just appreciate the depth of the animation?
It was pretty well done I must admit :).
backing that
true that.
1:56 - 2:00 ...Savage!
+rusk17 ikr
I think the key component to this working is that both people actually accept that the former relationship is over and to not have any expectations for the future. Mutual forgiveness and valuing the other persons happinesses is also critical. It certainly isn’t for everyone.
Don't be a beta.
@@yishihara55527 don’t be so butt hurt that you feel a need to be “alpha” and pretend you dont care. That’s toxic, bro.
@@curious_gage No. What you are doing is basically trauma bonding and rationalizing. No one truly cares about someone who ditches them. That means that you are somehow repulsive in their mind and they don't want anything to do with you. View them for what they are and process it that way so that you can move on.
@@yishihara55527 I’m not one to stay friends with an ex personally, but some people can. But that is true in many cases and no contact after a breakup is always a good thing. But you don’t need to remain bitter and resentful just because they want a different life than you. Sometimes both people still genuinely want the best for each other despite breaking up and realize their ex is still good person. It’s not healthy to hang on to resentment or pride. However, if they mistreated you, cheated, or disrespected you, then you should cut them off completely.
@@curious_gage Well many breakups are caused by cheating, mistreatment, disrespect, etc.
“Once my lover, now my friend. What a cruel thing to pretend. What a cunning way to condescend. Once my lover and now my friend.” - Fiona Apple
It rhymes, but I don't agree with it. True friendship is more constant than love anyway.
I was just thinking about this line!
Omg didn't expect Fiona to be spotted here. Nice one
PUPPY love we had when we were like young can safely turn into friends however deep love/ or deeply attached relationship we had could hardly turn into friends..
Love that song. Her voice!
I thought I missed my Ex till I realized it was only the memories I missed with her when we were perfect
damn
Poignant. Spot on. Truth hurts.
isn't it annoying when sometimes all that's left are all happy memories, and we tend to forget all the things that went wrong and how much they hurt us.
@@cat_atouille Exactly.. I atart by thinking about good memories and then I remember the bad ones and recall why we broke up. Sucks.
Bang on you fantasise of what could have been
It’s deluded you didn’t want to be there learn to live on your own
"If two past lovers can remain friends, either they were never in love, or they still are."
You say this because you don't know what you're talking about.
@@MissElisabelle agreed
I wouldn't get involved questioning whether or not you were "in love" with someone. Love is just a feeling anyway, and it can disappear as fast as it appears. Emotional feelings are built on sand. True friendship is far more constant than love because it is based on an admiration and affection for another person's character, and this usually doesn't change.
@@kholirobert6598 your weird or at least less simple minded
@@kholirobert6598 if it was me that girl hurt i would have no problem cutting off her my pride and ego are too big for that i wonder if there something wrong with me, mhh maybe, but i don't fall for girls that easy and i don't rlly understand you tbh
My ex and I had a horrible relationship. After I broke up with him I didn’t ever want to date ever again. Four years later we started to talk again out of nowhere, and then we discussed the past. We recognized our mistakes and forgave each other. That was like two years ago and currently we are really good friends. I don’t know how, but surprisingly our friendship works. We even play online together and hangout. Time and distance were undoubtedly the most important factors for this to happen.
I had a similar experience with my ex. We both agreed right after we broke up that even though we loved each other we were not meant to be together and immediately took distance. It was for the best. After some time we started talking again and briefly discussed what caused our separation. We’re good friends now. He’s a very good person and I will always wish him the best.
N you both still don’t feel love or the urgency to get back together since you both aren’t dating?
@@agbordaniels Look, I can only talk about my side. I do like and appreciate our friendship a lot, and people’s expressions when we tell them that we are exes still makes me laugh. However, I’ll rather die in the most slowly and painfully way before dating him again. Sounds quite extreme, but I’m not joking nor using figure of speech, that’s literally how bad it was. As friends, at least I don’t initiate hugs nor anything of the sort because it is partially thanks to him that I don’t like to be touched at all (He doesn’t know, I never told him). So no, I definitely don’t feel any type of love nor urge for him. Although that might be because honestly I never loved him.
Besides, he has a girlfriend. They have been dating for like six years, and have a lot of problems, but I know for a fact that I’m not part of it. I do keep certain distance to avoid that.
'4 years' is the key piece of info
@@tillie3545 I feel bad for you but also like I think I probably wouldn't want to date someone like you but also this makes me really scared to date in general
How could he have known if you never told him?
One good test you can ask yourself before deciding whether or not to be friends with your ex, is this:
"Would I be jealous if I found out they were dating someone else?"
If the answer to that question is anywhere close to a "yes", then you are not ready to be friends with them.
Achilles94627 what if i’m not sure
@@jcardosa02 I think it's not worth the risk
smoothie càrdôza then you shouldn’t be friends with them. When you know you know.
AND "would they be jealous if I DID"?
@@roseheart270 Because deep within they still harbour feelings for you, and a part of them still hold hope for getting back together. The grief after a break up is similar to mourning a loved one; there's denial and hope that, somehow, the person who left us will come back. It may take them some time to adapt to the idea that you no longer form part of their lives.
I always was in the boat of "of course you can still be friends with your ex" but all of my past relationships I either did the dumping or it was a mutual agreement. Now with my most recent ex being the one who broke up with me, and during a time where our relationship was actually going well, it felt like an insult when she suggested that she still wanted to be friends... Something about the idea that the person wants to meticulously curate and cut out things from your interactions with them is off-putting. I had to ask her exactly what "just friends" means in her eyes because it sounded like she wanted to continue doing everything we were doing, in which case why are we even "breaking up", you know? Ultimately she just didn't want the emotional responsibilities that come with being in a relationship, and while I don't resent her for that and respect her honesty, I do feel like that's kind of shitty and lazy and I feel like I wasted several months. We now just watch each others' Snap stories and share memes on facebook. Thanks for reading all this, random youtube comment section stranger.
TenZa thank you for sharing
She isn't worth your time if she doesn't think you're worth hers. Stay strong bro
Thanks guys. Didn't expect anyone to care or even read all that, I just needed to put my experience out there
well i'm feeling guilty now. i dumped my ex for another guy in october i think and i told him i wanted us to be friends just because i didn't want any enemy or something... i was such a bitch and he blocked in every social media and then changed schools.
TenZa I'm actually in a very similar situation. My girl basically came out and said that she is physically available but not emotionally available. Still wants to do everything we were doing before but with out the emotional baggage. This seems like a waste of time to me as well cause I don't see someone just for the hell of it, I'm looking for a life partner, someone to love and care about. So if it has no future, why bother?
dont let anyone save you for later.
READ THAT AGAIN
@@MP-ut6eb lol, just wanted to say this 😄
I think my wife save me for later because she's separation with me but she don't demand or talking about divorce , and she wanna be my best friend, but she talk with me by WhatsApp for 5min just once or twice time in week , we are like that for 40 days .
This is true. But could do fine without the womanist phrase rEeD dAt AGaiN
Almost had tears in my eyes at the end when he said, the only place safe is memory….life sucks sometimes but mostly is good
Remaining friends is the most painful thing you can do, trust me. Do not attempt. There will forever be one person benefitting, and one hurting.
It's not something I do as well, but I've got plenty of friends who dated each other but then broke up and continue to contact each other but as friends. It can work out but it's all in what the two people are cool with. If one person wants to continue to talk but as friends while the other has the mindset of "You continue to date me or we will have nothing with each other" then that's when the two are better off separating for good.
Adam Foster I literally just dumped a girl for this very reason. We dated for about 3 months and she said they ended on good terms. She took a call from him in my kitchen. I don’t trust those who can’t cut contact with their exs. 9/10 times it so they have a backup whether or not they’re consciously aware of it
@@bkroberts89 Exactly. I'm sorry you had to dump her over that but I think you made the right call. It is usually in my experience so they have a backup, but even if it isn't, you shouldn't have to deal with that anxiety. Find someone who will commit fully and will respect your boundaries.
Depends on the relationship and the person. Not every breakup is this torture filled painful thing, it can also be something agreed upon and mutually accepted.
I don't agree
To everyone watching this, I feel you.. we're in this together!
My Boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago and we weren't in touch since, even though we are at the same school.
(He's trying to avoid me, I guess.)
I actually thought about trying to get him back as a friend, but this video proved for myself, that it might be better if I don't.
So, feel you aswell.
DemFeels brother.
Mari , why bother getting a boyfriend?
Mari let it go and learn from it.life can be so long that after you learn more about relationship,he could still be there.
TuSn
.
This just broke my heart and healed it at the same time
Same 😔
That made zero sense
@@utkarshsingh545 Really ma frand
My heart hurts and i dont like it
Wow i felt that, i feel absolutely shattered. But somehow i feel like i have learned something positive deep down.
I tried to be friend with my ex, but never have I felt that burdened in my life. I was the "victim" and he was the one who broke up with me. Finally after I found out that he's dating someone else, I deleted all of his pictures from my phone and also deleted his number and I felt a sudden relieve
Did your ex know you wanted to try to be friends with him? I know how that feels cuz I'm trying a little bit to be honest I'm not going to try too hard I will not rush myself. I'm friends with his mom though I started being friends with his mom again. I wasn't expecting her to be happy to hear from me. That was a first-time and shocking. just cuz I talked to his mom doesn't mean I'm going to date my ex again. Cuz I'm with somebody else. Since I have a current relationship. I'm assuming she knows I'm taken cuz I do post pictures of me and my boyfriend. I know may get text from my ex sooner or later probably. I could try give a friendship a shot very slowly though.
I watched this video after a breakup and decided to remain friends with an ex regardless. She got into a new relationship quickly after the breakup and on one occassion told me she loves being fought over. I realized I was there just to validate her from time to time.
I stopped giving her attention and she got angry saying I don't care about her. That's when I blocked her.
If anyone is in that situation watching this video I would urge you to do the difficult thing and not stay friends with your ex.
you are right
You appear to be young. Good for you for understanding you were giving free attention. You were being treated like a fan, or a commoner, because you were treating her as a rock star, or as royalty.
Perfect move
same story, ex tried to remain "friends" after 3 months of our breakup. I said ok at first thinking we can work it out again but found out that she was in a relationship right after leaving me for a dude that I told her not to mingle with when we was together. turns out they were in a bitter sweet relationship and i was just there to give her timely attention and validation, i told myself i cant do this shit and decided to cut off all contacts, now im focusing on myself and other good things in life.
remember love is just a part of life and not the whole of it so live life to the fullest alone or with someone you love, theres always someone for everyone and something to do for everyone :)
i'd say get with that person she's with maybe even be his friend and warn him about her because no man deserves pain from such a selfish manipulative woman. this is where the term "bros before hoes" comes in.
Felt so bad watching this.. but I guess it was necessary :( ..
@Charles-Valentin Alkan getting better x)
same bro..hope you getting better. it WILL get easier :)
Pedrooo ❤️
me too
Same:(. My gut hurts. But I suppose its supposed to
Betrayed and dumped 4 years ago.
"I hope we will always be friends"?
No contact was the only option.
No contact.
My man the thing about " lets stay friends" is just something you say out of courtesy. I was on the same boat as you were but it really is a shitty thing to hear after you get cheated.
Betrayed and dumped 3 years ago.
We cut contact for 3 months and then met again (planned beforehand) to talk things out and see where we stand. We are quite good friends now, but now that I think of it, we didn't go down ti being friends. We rebuilt a friendship after being together for such a long time.
@@Zwerggoldhamster once a cheater, always a cheater. You didn't solve anything, you just restarted your clock and it's ticking once again. Better face the harsh reality than to live inside a dream
No contact ✔
@@SoleNero21 I am not really dependend on her anymore, still nice (even helpful) to have her around. Not saying it always has to be the case, with my more recent ex I am not sure we can ever get to this point at all.
As the child of two parents who fell in love at university and later undramatically fell out of love and stayed the best of friends I think its obvious exes can still be friends
They had children in common, so they couldn't ignore each other and forget they didn't exist. It's a totally different scenario if there are no children involved. It's far too painful for the dumped to remain friends if they still desperately love the dumper, they need space and time.
No. Simply the feelings were never that deep.
They just have a child (you) and deal with that with maturity
Don't be surprised if you're the reason or one of the biggest reasons they're still "friends" now
god all these peolpe commenting under you are so annoying. im so glad your parents are still good friends, cuz mine hate each other. it sucks. they do not pretend to like each other, at least not when the other isnt around, which is basically always. i dont think even the nicest of people could fake a friendship for their child, so no, i dont really believe the assholes here saying youre the reason they get along entirely. it’s probably partially true, but believe me, its not the whole reason
"You can never be just friends with someone you loved"
Alex Spriggs never settle for less than you deserve. You are worthy of love
You can. If it's big love...unconditional love.
Yes you can. As time passes, you will not care anymore and being friend with you ex is just some another normal friendship.
@@vladopris1172 then u never truly love ur ex if it comes to that part bruh
So Ni is this means that you will get back to yours when they ask for it ?
It really is hard being a sad ballon
I know I felt so sorry for the ballon
Luckily you're human and have the option of changing how you react to future circumstances.
I felt sorry for both the balloon and the scary-friendly beast =P
Its even worse knowing that I am guilty of being the creature :( We did get back together and I want to spend my life with her, but the thought that I put her through that pain really makes my heart ache.
The sad balloon hits home.
Dear lord am I sad right now.
Good moments will come back.
GLT Music right?!? im so fucking sad x 10000. . . .
I am too. Still hope you're going to have an awesometacular day in the Milky Way - even if it's tainted by sadness.
Same
wtf am i supposed to do
i cant
Ruth Lusijah it hurts to know the truth; I know, I cried when I watched the video.
My partner and I broke up after 11 years. We're friends. The transition was difficult at first. However every so often we will contact one another to say hi or share an article or a funny picture. The point is we know we are there for one another if anything should happen because we genuinely care for eachother and want to be in eachothers life. Romantic relationships are conplicated and staying friends after a breakup definitely is, but a friendship is possible.
Did you guys end up getting back together? 11 years is hard to move past, there's always going to be feelings there?
ye and then you acknowledge those feelings, you understand them and you see that its probably because they are a great person so there is no reason to be there for them, as a friend
@@lostsoul23-sr4dumaybe maybe not, we dont know but I'd say dont be suprised if they're still friends rn, its possible for that outcome to happen ragardless of what these love "experts" tell you in the comments
my current partner (of 4 years) won't even react to a funny post or memes i shared until i show my disappointment or sadness.
it feels like i have to be angry first and ends up as the bad guy just for trying to build a connection.
@@cnj96 have you talked to her about it? Sounds pretty unhealthy all around
This video teaches us that it hurts more holding on than letting go
Hold on mr Glock! :D
This video could have been way darker. It is not just because people want to be nice. Some want to keep control and still know everything about the ex because it makes them feel powerful. Also they enjoy stirring up feelings so the other has a hard time finding new love. There is a whole range of dark emotions missing here.
Cornelia Weiß This is so unfortunately true :/
According to studies, some people with the so-called “dark triad” personality traits - like narcissism and psychopathy - keep their exes around for strategic, self serving reasons. You can look it up. Worrying stuff :-/
I've done this before and didn't know until it was too late. Unconscious manipulation is a terrible thing that the SoL should touch upon.
Cornelia Weiß
Yep. Girl I dated for 3 years suddenly left me for someone else and still tried to be my friend. It was nothing but a cruel attempt to control me. She even told me that she was "terrified" that I would find someone else while she was out fucking some new guy.
People are horrid, man. Don't ever let an ex try to control you like that.
Cornelia Weiß thats a bit pessimistic. There are all though rare, cases of mutual separation where there are no hard feelings, My bestfriend was once a lover, and we spent sometime apart before hanging out again but once we started having fun and going out it was lovely to have them as a friend, a much better role then as lovers. Just because it doesn't always work out one should not accept this to be the only way things can go, humans after all for all our self analysis and understanding of pathology do not in fact know all possibilities. I feel one sells one's self short if you close off any chance of someone entering your life again because they dated you. As for "unconscious manipulation" I feel that is an example of fooling one's self. Manipulation is not simple and doing it passively suggests a deeper issue that is outside of whatever relationship past or present. Furthermore Nothing Ventured nothing gained, taking a chance at something that is a risk is not always a bad thing. Leaving your comfort zone is how you make progress in life, if you only ever do what is comfortable to you is a pretty way of saying that you're stagnating but that's just my perspective and i don't have all the answers but I don't believe we should ever close our hearts off to people who have a genuine care for you
This video makes the assumption that every breakup is the same: with one side forever wanting the other back and the other offering a friendship consolation. This is not always the case, some people can be more mature, confident with themselves and happy for whatever the future brings for both parties without giving in to jealousy. In this way, a healthy friendship is possible.
I agree with you
Not all endings are bad.
if ending are good its even worst be friends" its respectfully you guys...
Even if you end things respectfully id guarantee whatever friendship you have isn't really that much more then an acquaintance.
I've never seen anyone I know where that worked effectively
Being mature sometimes requires you to let go.
I burst into tears in the final scene when the little one was set free. Even though I was the executioner, I truly loved my ex-boyfriend more than any man I ever did. I miss him from time to time, even though I know he’s not the right person for me, and we don’t want the same thing in life. Humans are complicated - I am still attached in some ways.
I was cleaning my book shelves and I found a pic of my ex from 2 years ago,that I have forgotten about.It's crazy to think this "stranger"used to be the most important person in my life.Now she is just another face in the crowd
Yup, know the feeling. At the time I was obsessed with my ex. I literally thought it was impossible to move on. Now I'm with my new girl, I feel almost nothing for my ex. Strange huh?
@@swadey2.017 It's really hard not to get attached and somewhat obsessesed over someone you love isn't?The sad part is that the one who loves less has the power.Glad for u tho!
That's the craziest part
Reminds me of one of the most cutting lyrics in a song by Dire Straits.... "You promised me everything. You promised me thick and thin, yeah. Now you just say 'Oh Romeo, yeah, ya know i used to have a scene with him' ".
I would say - you are happy not to meet that person (yet?).
There is a good saying I like: you have to fall in love for real once, otherwise you’ll keep thinking that love is wonderful.
There's something that bothers me about the opposing arguments to questions like this. People will say *Oh I'm friends with my ex* or *human relationships are more complex than that and many factors are involved*. What about when you were truly in love with your ex? As human beings, we make and break so many human interactions and relationships, there's no way that all of them would be significant to us. But anyone whom we considered once upon a time to be our everything, loving someone else is painful.
I think people would find it difficult to just be friends with someone they considered to be the love of their life. Casual dating or dating with no foresight for the future can easily produce friendships from the tattered remains of a failed relationship, but can any of us actually replicate that from meaningful break ups?
If you're in love with someone, and things didn't work out, why would you want to be just friends when you fought so hard for more? Can you handle the fact that you didn't pan out with the person you love but they'll eventually find someone who's more compatible or better? Can you handle knowing that your ex love will be intimate emotionally and physically with others while you are still there? You failed, you both failed, you couldn't or just wouldn't keep the relationship alive, and their presence would always be a reminder of what could've been that never will be.
Grey Scott Oh, God. This made me cry. So hard but true.
what if you both weren't in love, and decided to break it off?
Stacey L
You’re a sad little sock puppet. Either you didn’t love your exes meaningfully, or you’re deceiving yourself. Whatever helps you sleep I guess. In the meantime, it would be great if you could desist in spewing your bullshit. The world doesn’t need more of that.
SkyNet hahahaha righto
I legit cried bye
It's awkward to be friends with an ex lover -an unwitting torturer. Civil distance is a likely alternative, but still equally hurtful.
At least it's devoid of the hypocrisy which is virtually unavoidable in a post-relationship friendship (due to the fact that the procreative impulse is so damn strong that it dares lie shamelessly to your face so it could be appeased).
It completely depends on the people, the situation and the relationship. It's silly to try and apply answers to everyone. Ex's can definitely be friends if they both move on from the romantic elements in healthy ways.
it's easier said than done. I think taking that advice from the video can lead most of people to a better decision than ruining good memories by trying to be something they were never supposed to be.
seen a lot of stories that didn't end well. it's extremely hard to be 'just friends' with someone you loved. you can trust your instincts on deciding if you want to let go or believe you can keep a friendship
Yeah they can be friends. I'm not friends with mine necessarily but I started talking to his mother I'm friends with his mom because she did started to follow me first on my Instagram I followed back I said hi had a short conversation she said hi back with a happy emoji. She was happy to hear from me. And no I did not bring my past old relationship up because 1 I am with somebody and 2 I am way over the old relationship. I add her on Facebook after that she accepted me back. And the break up was a long time ago anyways.
@@kristenfuller9168bringing your personal relationships, or making examples out of your own personal experiences is where this discussions become pointless. In the real world, we left eachother. We parted ways. It didn't work out. Why are we speaking? Take your path i take mine we move on.
I don't think you can be friends with your ex until you're both in a new relationship. Only then do your associations of intimacy and connection move to another person. Once there, to test whether you can be friends with your ex, you both must answer these questions:
Do you only desire to see them one-on-one?
Would your new partner or their new partner being there make it ... odd?
If so, the level of intimacy you desire goes beyond friendship. You want to share something with them that your new intimate partner would be excluded from. To me, that is an emotional betrayal of your new partner, and it implies you harbour private intimate feelings.
@FalloutBreakbeat, "You want to share something with them that your new intimate partner would be excluded from. To me, that is an emotional betrayal of your new partner, and it implies you harbour private intimate feelings." -- this is so true.
@@krisrocker437 well said
Yeah... just No. I can care about someone without needing to interact with them or see them. I don't need to be friends... and if both of us have already moved on to another relationship, really what's the point? I was once married to someone who stayed friends with all of his ex'es. There was one in particular that he hung out with on a regular basis. He even had an ex girlfriend photo album that he brought out whenever my brother came to visit. I found it disrespectful.
@@PerrySkyePhoenix Whoa, I don't think I could take it if my boyfriend hung out with his exes and had an album of them.. That's very disrespectful and inconsiderate. I'm glad to hear you're not married anymore
I've been friends with my ex for years now. And he's getting married this December. Trust me when I say this, as his friend I'm genuinely happy that he's happy and found someone to love. And I'm pretty sure he is also cheering me on as I am cheering for him. So I guess it depends on each person and their situation
Who dump who?
Yes - I am in the same boat. We’ve both been in our own relationships for years now and still enjoy each other’s company! It can be done, but I can’t imagine with everyone, really depends on the two people.
My fiancé and I broke up in a good way 2 months ago, because we both realized the destructive nature of our relationship. We parted ways and try to focus on our own personal goals. We are still friends and nice to each other, but we both dont want a relation ship anymore. Really depends on how you break up. Guess I was just lucky xD
I feel like this can only be true if you broke up on good terms.
Thank you for sharing that. All relationships are different.
even if you wish to be friend with your ex , the development of emotions isn't equal for both sides , one would fine love soon enough and that can be disturbing for the other one
Khalil Elakhal the truth have been spoken
Khalil Elakhal I've been there, it was saddening for me. but they broke up a while ago. and i was tempted by her absence
Anna Toor I think that what he meant was that one of them is going the get over the other one faster. you can still be friends with your ex, but it will be awkward as hell when she (or he) start telling you about another person, you could get jealous even if you are not in a relationship anymore, and that is because people get over relationships in a very different rate. (sorry for my bad English btw, I'm not a native speaker)
Exactly what I'm going through and it's painful
@Afro Man Cut ALL ties with your ex IMMEDIATELY. It's the ONLY WAY. Seriously, don't be friends with your ex. It will not work.
I'm still friends with my first boyfriend. We dated when we were 17 - 18 and loved eachother very much. Then school was finished and we both went abroad to different countries and separated since we were both hungry for life and adventure, each respecting the other ones journey. Life happened and we life in different countries and have different partners. We see eachother from time to time and still have love and respect for each other. I love him, and always will but don't feel the romantic element of it anymore. I'm happy we separated on good terms and always stayed respectful towards each other :)
That's good hear how you doing with your friend hope your doing okay I hope your friendship is going well? Sorry late comments two years later. I am friends with my ex-boyfriend's mom not necessary friends with my ex. I had a little short conversation with his mom saying hi how you been she answered back with a ☺️ saying hi back. She likes me still and still cares about me. And nope me and her didn't bring up my old relationship since I am with somebody else now in a whole new relationship. Well it's not new cuz I've been with him for two years now. Meaning the breakup with my old relationship was a long time ago anyways. Yeah I feel good and okay it doesn't bother me being friends with the mom that still cares about me.
But yup his mom respects me and she nice to me.
Lol
I hate it when people hurt you and say “we can still be friends” 😂
Yup, They are very selfish!
Sometimes people have a genuine change of heart, but it's always up to you to decide if it's so or if they're just gaslighting
I don't recycle past relationship. Period..
@SweetCupcake I hate it too. They are no friends. If you forgive, they keep com
ing back. I have expierienced it.
Many times. Greetings Jens from Denmark.
Anyone can fall out of love, mostly young love. It's really not that bad at all but it do hurts for the victim of such phenomenon. They say it's better to tell the truth than drown in lies
There's a difference between being "friends" and being "friendly".
Yeah, been there, done that, and it led her to want to meet up. Friendly for me didn't work.
ideal should be not even friendliness but just cordiality. just be cool if you stumble across her, but don't try to hangout or be close, do activities and all that stuff.
Hmm...a reason why I would never be friends with an ex. Well, my ex's remind me of a time in my life where I was a person I don't want to be. They remind me of how I never stood up for myself, how I agreed to do things I didn't really want to do out of fear that they'd lose interest in me, they remind me of being extremely emotional (crying all the time, etc), how I never walked away, not look back and know my worth. That's basically the lense I see them through.
The only way I'd consider being friends with an ex is if we were really close friends before.
This all was my experience with my ex and why I could never be friends with him EVER again.
yeah I feel pathetic just remembering how i was with him and I don't want to think of that version of me never again
true
Very well said
I feel the same yet we still have to see each other since we have a child together. We're not friends but we can communicate pretty well now. Something we had to learn was to communicate, we learn that in our own. This is how we learn now, we're forced to see each other or to speak sometimes. That's our karma and I don't mind 😊 I'm glad we can walk through the same door again
Something not mentioned in this video. Is if YOU are the new person who comes along.
I dated a girl who (I didn't know at first) had a history of breaking up and getting back with her ex. They'd done this several times over years! She assured me that they were done for good and she needed to move on. Apparently she dumped him and they'd been broken up for a few months when I turned up.
Things went well between us. I grew attached to her. We had similar interests, she was independent enough not to need constant texting. I actually imagined it turning into a proper relationship in time. And 3 months later, when she went on holiday without me (as it had been booked before we met) I was not concerned.
Upon her return, she casually mentioned that she had been contacted by him whilst she was away. But it was nothing and I didn't need to worry. Apparently he hadn't been well. But within hours, she was having a phone conversation with him, stood in her hallway whilst I was sat on her sofa! I always suspected he was upset that she had moved on, and he was clearly playing on her past feelings for him.
She mentioned him a few more times in conversations (including saying she was possibly going to meet him 1 day) And whilst I didn't react to it. It was beginning to bug me. But her actions over those few days hinted that she was going to dump me and go back to him.
And so it came to pass. I got a text one evening (not even a phonecall!) saying that we were too different and yadda yadda yadda. She ignored my 1 and only phonecall attempt. I gave her 2 days grace then deleted her from every social media we shared. I think I saw her in passing 18months or so after that, but she didn't see me and I didn't try to initiate anything. Why bother? What would be the point?
If her ex had stayed out of the picture or she hadn't responded to his messages who knows what might have been. But I've made it a hard and fast rule now in my dating life. If a lady tells me she is still in contact with her ex. I bail out as soon as possible. I am not in contact with a single woman I've slept with after we decided not to see each other again. How else can you move on if you keep picking at the wound hoping it will heal...
I broke up with my ex three years ago. Sadly, it was rather messy. I loved her very deeply and it took me a long time to truly grow indifferent to her. You know what would've made it take longer? Being her friend. I haven't spoken to her since shortly after we broke up. My only regret was not having a final good-bye and thanking her for the relationship we once had. Moral of the story; not being friends and cutting contact was the best thing I could have possibly done.
Bruce Wayne why did you break up with her?
@@ArantzaMarcial-v1g We weren't good for each other. It was as much my fault as it was hers. In hindsight, we were just very different people. I don't regret breaking up with her at all. I also have dated girls in college who have been IMMENSELY more attractive than her, so I also learned I could do a lot better than her.
@Daniel Rook THANK YOU
@@brucewayne1943 "I also have dated girls in college who have been IMMENSELY more attractive than her, so I also learned I could do a lot better than her." dickhead.
@@scoob1670 hey guys, I found the incel
Nice fucking timing, school of life. Nice fucking timing.
i know tell me about it
Me too after 18 years, I think what this video says is true though it's still not easy for both sides just have to keep busy and time will heal.
on me..
Juan de Brigard I
Ooh, it was indeed a good timing to release the video, I broke up in april, but youtube just recommended this video just now, maybe because I have difficulties to decide what to do with ex?
I always watch this when I miss my ex
It's been a year and I dont ever see going back or ever talking again an option. The memories start to become replaced with other ones and I realize who to never form a relationship with.
Just keep swimming 🎶
Trying to be friends with my ex just gave me extreme anxiety and bad energy. I didn’t want to be with him in the least but I felt a huge relief when I finally stopped talking to him!
When she cut herself loose in the end I started crying.
Who said it's a she? 😉
Statistically speaking the one cutting itself loose is more likely to be a he.
same. bruh.
@@生き甲斐-z5h women do nearly all of the dumping/initiation of divorce etc.
Same...
I tried the "friends with your ex" thing. It gave me a lot of heartache, and him owing me $120.
FireFlower sad to hear. Thx for the warning
@Kind Citizen Right. Most girls, not all, tend to have some lingering feelings about keeping the guy around to give it another shot.
Why 120$ is my biggest question 😂
@@TheCostimen same XD
Well, I can't afford 120$ as loan to someone so that's that then. Goodbye ex. 😜
I feel like this doesn't leave room for the idea of returning to friends after some time to grow themselves away from each other. Ive managed to be friends with one of my exes but we didn't talk for 2 years after the relationship ended. We found each other again through a mutual friend and it doesn't feel like I'm with an ex, but a friend.
I feel like this is the way to do it.
Same. I was even genuinely happy for my ex when he got married. We weren't friends for a few years but eventually became casual fb friends and it's crazy to me to think we were ever dating, he just feels like a chill friend!
same for me
Honestly I agree...it takes time to heal regardless of who was dumped. Although not true for everyone, time apart will heal and help both forgive the wrongdoings and hurt that led to the breakup. I feel like little to no contact after the breakup is the best way to do things.
Agree on this
The other issue briefly touched on in the video, but largely ignored in the commits is the problems this creates for future relationships. For my money anyone keeping an Ex around as a friend is a big Red Flag. Not sure how emotionally invested you want to get with someone who is spending time with a former lover.
Louder for the people in the back.
Did my best to be mature about this issue with an ex but it was disconcerting at best to constantly encounter their exes, former lovers.
This!
I wanted to be friends with my ex(I ended the relationship) but she still had feelings, I said it was hopeless. We were friends for a bit but in the end she said she needed “no contact” and she would need to stop having feelings otherwise we couldn’t be friends(which makes perfect sense). But if she came back, I’d be friends with her(only friends), idk why this would make me a big red flag but I kinda I understand where you are coming from(for example, if I looked at it from the perspective of a guy who fears she isn’t over me, then it would be difficult for him to be in a relationship with her).
@@EclipseOfGod You got it! you don't have to agree to understand. I appreciate that but, If your girl wants to hang out with a guy she used to bang; you have a problem! Think carefully about invested you are in that relationship, thats all I'm saying.
@@monkeyboyalcoholic I think sometimes it comes down to trust and openness/honesty as well as being highly perceptive(for the one making the judgment “is person B trying to bang their ex?”). It’s hard to have trust with someone you don’t know, hence you see them as a huge red flag and it’s understandable, but at the same time, I know I have no interest in having sex or anything romantic with my ex, so I assume other people like that exist.
And while keeping an ex as friend can be seen as a red flag, the same could be said about having only “bad breakups”(I’m generalizing only for the example) or wouldn’t you agree? And it just happens to be the case that “good breakups” sometimes save the friendship, it doesn’t have to be super close friendship.
This only works when both parties mutually broke up. Both dumped each other.
nooo thats worst , do you dont understand what friends means
@@Angelo-sc9of I think he meant when they mutually agree that they're just not romantically compatible. Still cool with eachother, but just not... romantically. I feel if THAT is why you break up with eachother then that's pretty healthy and mature.
@@seanene4823 naa its not mature feel friendship with someone you love one day, thats not mature you have to move on.
@@Angelo-sc9of true I guess what I meant to say is if it's mutual and you both agree then you'll move on because you're set on doing so, but for people who are stuck in a "friends with an ex" type relationship... rip to them they really gotta get goin ASAP
And when there is no big dramatic or emotional reason you broke up. I was friends with a few exes until they were in stable positions in their lives, and it seemed helpful. I’m ill and don’t get out to make friends often, so losing their presence in my life would have sucked, and they generally relied on me as a kind of... sounding board for their decisions, someone to go to for support and advice.
From the beginning I was always straight that I wanted to find my partner, and if it turned out that we realized over time that we weren’t right for each other, that’s no one’s fault. We tried, we learned, no hard feelings. Stringing each other along or cheating out of dissatisfaction would have made it really hard or impossible to stay friends (not that I’d have wanted to after that), but when it was a realization that things didn’t work, it felt silly to box each other out.
It sucked hard enough to be thrown back into the dating pool, square one all over again, having lost years of time in an unsuccessful relationship. But to have NOTHING but memories, when you’re actually friends already and get along well? That would suck, make it more isolating.
We’d usually take a few weeks, even a few months, to sort of mourn the relationship. It helped it not be as awkward. But we’d usually fall into a new routine and it was generally painless. As long as we didn’t get into oversharing territory, lol. I kept in touch with one ex for a decade, actually. I think it helped him to know that even though we didn’t click romantically, he did have someone who understood him and would be there if he needed help. We all need people like that.
This obviously isn’t something that works with dramatic or painful breakups, but I’ve never really had one of those, so that’s not really in my experience. 🤷🏻♀️
I remember my first heartbreak, he told me he no longer had any romantic feelings for me but still wanted to be friends. Hearing that hurt me more than it would've if he just told me he was no longer in love.
It hurt me more knowing he still wanted to enjoy the presence of me meanwhile having to not accommodate me in any way. I saw it as incredibly selfish.
I remember mine too, it was somewhat similar to yours. She said she no longer viewed me aa a boyfriend, just a friend. Fuck that hurt, I wanted to be friends (as I wanted to still talk to her) but now I see that wouldn't make me any good.
i feel u. those kind of shameful jerks rly exist and u rly didnt deserve that :( i hope ur happier now tho❤
@@riverel I am much happier now. It hurts when people leave your life but its always a blessing in disguise. thank you for asking tho ❤
@@caiovasconcellos4381 OMG My ex told me the exact same thing! 3 years together and she just didnt see me as a boyfriend anymore but still wanted to be friends.
@@tiagobarbosa509 Yoooo that sucks man, I hoje you're doing good. Was not a good feeling for me.
My head just repeats this when ever they try to touch me. I Dont want to be touched by hands that arent mine to hold.
that second sentence hits hard. it hit harder than i expected
You put that better than I ever could.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Oh....wow....I felt that....
Why am I crying
Don’t ever settle for less than what you desire emotionally, physically, and mentally. Don’t reward someone friendship if they dumped you and broke your heart. Keep your dignity, and give them the gift of missing you. ❤️
I so agree
God, thank you so much. I love you. I needed this.
Perfectly said, nothing at the expense of self-respect! I so needed this 😍
Amen brother
Exes cannot be friends, there's always one person has more feelings invested than the other.
lord reyna also they slowely eventually end up hating one enouther it rarely to never works ones gonna try be decent and other is going mistake it for flirting and never ends well
TechNOGeek Reviews I agree with u and I'm not saying don't try but with time something will happen where life just won't allow it whether that be what u said or u have someone new in ur life who disagrees with it. It's a complicated thing to be friends with someone who's an ex. That's why most of the time people go their separate ways.
Arguably this is also true of any relationship in your life, be it with friends, family or romantic partnership. It's something you simply have to accept.
lord reyna thats a tough but necessary truth to face. Good point brother.
exes cant be friends right after a breakup, but after an amount of time apart, they certainly can be friends. how do u know? when u neither one of u wants to get back together with the other
An ex saying we can be friends is like a vet telling you your dog is dead, but you can still keep it.
That is funny and kind of harsh but in some ways also true.
😂😂😥
Looks like a job for a taxidermist
@@tinidor08 thats funny
Yep that what it feels like. Time for a burial.
I dont understand how I could go from letting someone sit on my face to not talking to them at all. Of course You can be friends with an ex. Relationships to me are not long interviews to see if we want to try and stay together until one of us dies. They are about making meaningful connections with cool humans and sharing memories I'll look back on when I'm old. One day life will be all about sitting in an armchair and remembering all the girls who once sat on my face. I want to remember those ladies fondly.
There is a deep connection when letting a person sit on your face, I feel you bro
@@stefanob.5251 lmao i giggled
or, hear me out, friendship to some of us is NOT possible to achieve with someone whom I sat already on their face. I don't understand how you can consider someone as 'friend' after that.
The opening sentence was wild
You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar.
The animation, the voice over, the entire concept behind this video… really well done. I’m in a committed relationship but videos like this still randomly sneak into my algorithm and remind me of the possibility in this world that one day I may return to being single and to remind myself of who I would become in such a situation. Very grateful to be alive and to take control of my life in every small step that I can manage.
I'll never speak ill or sling mud at my exes, but an ex is an ex for a reason.
Answer: depends on the people and the relationship
No
YES
MAYBE
Yes. Also on how exactly the exes feel about each other at the point of the breakup and what caused the breakup. If one is still deeply in love while the other feels nothing, a friendship will be tricky. But can work after enough passed for both to make their peace with their feelings, let go.
The easiest scenario for a friendship is when both like each other, but just happen to not be compatible enough in their lifestyles to function in a relationship. Any kind of daily routines that cause them to barely ever see each other. Or completely different love needs/language.
As long as they both view the situation similarly and both feel that a breakup is the best option, they can very easily remain friends. Nobody gets hurt by the breakup and all options are open to discussion with no stiff strings attached. This happened to me and several people I know. Most stayed best friends with their ex (including myself).
TRUTH 🚶♂️
Sucks though if before you were lovers, you were friends, and you just wanna go back to being friends...
thugangel662 Yeah I agree, this is why you have to think seriously before entering in a relationship with your friend, because if something ever goes wrong with relationship then you are done. And usually it does go wrong.
You don't have to be done with them...
I think that is the only case when you might be able to become friends again.
So don't date your friends.
That was us. And everything we had was amazingly... Now is like hard to believe how your heaven could turn into he'll so quickly😞💔
This video has come into my life at such a good time. My 'Ex' sent me a birthday card in March, after we hadn't had any contact for over a year, and I chose to respond to the card with texts and a phone call. After ups and downs, we met up, twice: time together, talking, coffees, lunch. Everything seemed very polite and friendly. They wanted casual contact but I began to realise I wanted more than this. I still had strong feelings for this person and wanted to become close once more. I also realised that like the movie, 'Ghost Town', I believe the reason this Ex was still in my life/heart was that I still had 'unfinished business' and hadn't let them go. We had never broken up as such. Thank you for this video and the very real messages. I now know what I need to do for my long-term peace of mind.
I'd say there are exceptions to this. For example 2 people who were always meant to be platonic friends but ended up dating & the relationship didn't work as they weren't ever meant to be that for eachother. In this case, I think it would be sad for them to lose a genuine friendship just because they got a bit confused as to what they were meant to be to eachother. The other exception could be if you were dating but realised mutually that it wasn't working romantically but you really like the person & enjoy their company. I agree that rescuing for the sake of it may not always be in both parties best interests however.
Yes. This happens. Had a girlfriend for two years, after we broke up we kept in touch because both of us wanted to, the atachment as a lover slowly disappeared and now we have been very good friends for three years already. We even helped eachother get a partner ahah
I'm torn right now on what's going on with me right now. The girl i was with came along at a time that neither of us was fit for a relationship due to the problems we still needed to work out individually. The love was always true and this woman had become the best friend I ever had in my mind first over the fact that she was my girlfriend. The friendship was always first because in my mind I knew the time wasn't right but I wanted the relationship to succeed over fear of losing her altogether. I still need to take time to properly learn how to live on my own and truly understand what and who I want to become as a person. We didn't treat eachother the way we should have in a proper relationship but I can safely say that we treated one another the best we could and even possibly the best either of us will ever receive but the time simply isn't right. We are both too young for the commitment that needs to be made for us to form the relationship that I feel is right for us. I want to remain friends but my goals have changed for personal growth. Admittedly it is going to be extremely difficult to not think about her in a loving manner but my love was always in a friendship first point of view so once I can get the bodily attraction out of my head I think a friendship is easily attainable but I also believe come time that we are ready for true commited relationships the spark may have the opportunity to rekindle. I know that the most likely possibility is that I will better myself and she will simply not be ready when I am to try again, or that we will never be ready and the attraction that once was will become that of truly simply friendship. I accept the possibility of both outcomes but I think the only way I will truly become the person I want to be is by pretending the relationship never happened until it is time to start anew or to banish it from my mind completely if it is necessary to maintain a true friendship.
Just a memory..honestly the best brutally honest advice I needed to hear
The narcissist loves to stay friends in order to have someone to go back to...repeatedly
Yassss
Borderline personality disordered person can (not all!) do this with a whole string of exes. Never let go and come back to them every now and then for some validation. Absolute poison.
@@lordbunbury this is exactly what os happening to me right, i am in a relationship with someone who i hold dear very much, bit she is bipolar and we are always breaking up and coming back, i don't know what to do anymore
And although they may say that their intentions are pure, those same words can hurt more than any blade or bullet
Or the person still cares about them and appreciates the friendship it all just came down to do they really wanna spend the rest of their life with that person and the answer just happens to be no
There's a quite peculiar scenario (in which I'm in): When you two were close friends for a long time, start dating and then split up. I never remained actual friend of any of my exes, but, in that particular case, things got a lot more complicated, because I miss the old friendship a lot.
i'm going through exactly the same...it's really really hard
@@pudu666 I've written my comment 11 months ago. I can give you an update, if you want (I'll just assume you do). For some months, things remained weird, but, with time, I felt much more comfortable rebuilding our friendship. And as the months went passing, we began being really good friends again, which has been really great for me. The feelings that made us want to date are no longer here (which I think is a crucial part) and I feel grateful for having such a great friend.
@@VJ-bn9bt going through this right now. Me and my ex were actual platonic best friends before we dated. Long story short we didnt work out and she wanted to go back to being best friends again but it was too hard for me with feelings involved now. This has been difficult because I lost 2 relationships. My best friend and the romantic one. I can say with conifdence im not over her so I need to get to the point of not wanting to date her to go back to being best friends.
We are at 4 months no contact right now. I dont feel pressure to reconnect cause I know its for the best. Just wanted to vent. We had a fight near the end and decided its best to go no contact to reconnect in the future with an open heart
same here. we were friends before dating (we met on a dating app tho). we broke up and decided that this is not the right moment to keep going as a couple (he has some internal issues that I hope that he could notice and heal them). I sent a letter to him, wishing the best and blocked him on all social media. Few days later, I woke up in tears, and I realized that I missed him so much. But as a friend. I explained why I blocked him, and why I decided to unblock. He said that he feels the same affection for me, and he does not want to lose me as a friend too. But sometimes I feel sad because we are not going to talk as much as we talked before. I miss that.
Completely agree. Breaking up is, in essence, a funural, where you metaphorically bury a loved one, mourne and move on, while keeping fond, even loving memories of the ex.
"The relationship in its best and most enduring light will always live on where it can safely do so. Memory."
Damm thought about my ex after that and almost cried. Fuck me
Kai Miles heavy!
They should not be friends, but they can be mature and respect each other. When you want to stay friends with your ex, there is always one person that can’t handle to be friends
I agree. Generally one person is wanting more whether they admit it or not... at the very least a fwb.
I think it depends on the couple and how they broke up. I can totally see being friends as a bad thing for many but there definitely has to be those out there who continue having close bonds without it setting them up for heart break.
It really depends on how the relationship began and ended
I recently ended my relationship with my girlfriend.
We simply went different ways. And we had other goals.
It wasn't a bad breakup, it was a respectful one and we understood each other.
We were very close friends for 6 months before we got together. And I feel like we are back to that relationship now.
I agree, i'm also aginst the idea that exes can't ever be friends. Theres always exceptions.
Ah...
Exactly, if it is a mutual breakup and they both know that the relationship doesn't work anymore then it's easier to become friends again. They might need some time to move on before they can get back in touch though.
But when the breakup is one-sided and one party still harbours romantic feelings then it's not a good idea to keep them around as friends because they won't have the chance to move on.
This is what happened to me too. We agreed to keep a distance for a while. And eventually reconnected. But that caused our current partners to question our friendship, so we agreed to not speak again.
People change. Relationships evolve. Intentions change. People mature. All friendships are not the same.
Exactly, and not every breakup is due to any negligence it’s could just be bad timing, outside issues maybe each person still loves and care for each other but life won’t let them commit their time and effort, now if he or she was toxic and rude and warranted a breakup I would remove them but if it was a healthy breakup with a healthy relationship then I can completely understand being friends
Finally! Someone said it!
@@thegreatid3595 I know right! You spoke the right words there. I love my 2 exes as one of my best friends!
People dont change. Only reveal who they really are
@@thegreatid3595
Being friends and being friendly are two different things.
I can assure you being friends is 100% about control. I refused friendship and every ex came back wanting to be with me. It's either love or it never was. If it's love, then you need to get together or separate permanently before you hurt their potentially new partner. If it's nothing, then the only reason that person is in your life is for an ego flex. Regardless, both are unnecessary if you are wanting another romantic partner in your life.
To put it bluntly. If I'm associated with my ex in ANY way, chances are I'm 200% fucking or she wants to fuck. I'm serious lol Don't accept a partner who is friends with their ex's. Leave them alone.
Experiences can be different to every person. Some don't take breakups very well, others do. Legitimately being friends with your ex, with no hidden intentions of getting back together, is a sign you moved on and you can handle things in a mature way.
I think you can be cordial and also understand it's a chapter in your book of life. Turn the page and go to the next chapter. That's also a mature way to handle your ex relationship.
@@coollibra3644 I think you're both right
I think it depends on the circumstances surrounding the breakup. Some breakup in a very unfair way, never really communicating to fix issues. Some simply monkey branched and left the person despite there being no problems.
I believe that friendship between exes depends a lot on how the relationship ended. My best friend is my ex, we were married for 5 years until we realized we weren't meant to be a couple anymore. We always were very open and honest with each other, and that ended up being the key to end the relationship before we let things get sour with petty disputes and unnecessary fights over little things. Yes, it was a little messy in the beginning, but we BOTH wanted to keep the friendship the we valued so much so we respected each other's boundaries e gave each other time to process their feelings.
It's been 6 years since we broke up, I'm now married and he is also in a relationship. We are best friends to this day and we consider each other family. We love each other deeply, just not in a romantic way.
But there are exes that I'm not friends with, and I don't want to be. Each relationship is different and friendship after breakup is not always a good (or desired) option
It depends on the situation.
My ex and I were friends for more than 10 years before our relationship.
It lasted 9 years, it ended because we simply weren’t right for each other, we simply drifted apart.
Ending it was painful, and it took time to work through, but there was never any conflict or ill-will between us.
We still love each other, but are not “in love”, and truly want each other to be happy.
I can understand how you still want to hold on to a friendship in a situation like that, but for me who is currently on the other side, being the new lover of the one rejected by his 'ex' that he still stays very close friends with is kinda hard. They are still saved in with hearts in their phones or even nicknames, they can get screenshots from your partner about our chats telling them how good their new relationship is working and how deeply they are in love and it kinda feels like your partner must prove to their ex lover "see, I could move on from you" but at the same time not share what your partner and their ex are texting about because they want to keep their privacy. Kinda giving them privileges that you don't get from them. Its especially hard if they really want you to meet them. And if you do meet it's hard to see how they still cuddle, lean on each others shoulders, hug each other in front of you. With any other friend it wouldn't really hurt but if it's your partners ex, it gives of the feeling that your partner still craves the touch of their once lover. Even in front of you. It's hard bc you never want to give off a controlling demeanor, you don't want to tell them who their friends should be. So you keep quiet, you explain to them how it feels but you can't expect them to care enough to end their friendship. It just seems a little unfair, having to accept that your lover can be happy with their ex lover but you could never even think of sharing a certain level of intimacy with someone who is not your partner.
Maybe u r not the one getting hurt . Maybe ur ex is . Ask them . Show this video to ur ex .
@@latishalingo4399 thid sounds like the story of my last ex. He couldn't accept that i'm still in contact with my ex of 11 years. There is no romance, i moved on, he moved on but the latest ex just kept thinking that something would spark up again. Very sad that it turned out that way.
My story! Wish someone could tell de Botton...
I am not friends with my exs. Never will be. It's just torture
Not always
I agree, I couldn't be friends with a real ex
Kevin Brayon my friend keeps talking to all her ex bfs but I can't do that. I don't like their personalities any longer; or weren't they good in the first place either? Also with people with whom I've broken up myself.
It always reminds you of "what could have been". It pulls you back to a past which was much nicer (especially the great phase of the relationship) and shows you that it won't ever be the same again with that person.
Or what can happen, they come back and ask for a "friendship with benefits" ... erm/um ... no ... we used to be closer 😒
So many broken souls in the comment section 💔I feel y’all
I never thought staying friends with an ex was ever a good idea. They can never really "lose" you if you are still in their orbit. Become a memory, however, and you'll always be the one that got away
I didn’t go away. He lost me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still care about him as a friend. I can either mope and miss him or do something about it. Either way, he can do whatever he likes, after the way he’d hurt me nothing will really hurt anymore. It’s all part of life. I knew he didn’t love me when we were together, but why can’t we just be friends? Why do we have to never see each other again? He did lose me, I will never be able to love like that again.
This seems like it was written by someone who was dumped and then strung along by a narcissist.
No, this is a BS video. You can remain friends
@@iGhostr yes, they can but should they??
@@sak9115 Someone healthy and mature....who was probably dumped and then strung along by a narcissist.
@Ryuuji Takasu you just got your answer. She made the choice of not being friends and your friendship happens year later enough time to wash away of emotional dependenes(if there is any). So you had complete emotional separation. Also mature people don't have much problem with emotional separation while condition discuss hear is for people who became dependent.
@Ryuuji Takasu Ikr? It all depends on how you broke up. I'm still friend with one of my exes but not friend with the other.
You didn't seek friendship from this person from the beginning.
Mele Nico what if you did?
So what? I didn’t go into the restaurant looking for beef but when I saw the steaks I couldn’t resist. Life isn’t always as black and white as only sticking with your first option or choice. Things evolve.
@@jetwhite but like the video mentioned, once you go from established relationship to "friendship" it's like a demotion. But still you bring up an interesting analogy.
Jasmine Joseph Honestly I wouldn’t say a friendship is a demotion from a relationship. They’re two completely different things, and two things I value deeply for very different reasons. I can’t imagine life without my friends, but a partner? At this point, I could take it or leave it!
Mele Nico not necessarily true. Mine and I started out close friends.
This video is so accurate. I’m the one who ended the relationship and after seeing this video i felt like such a terrible person. I called my ex and just apologized and cried on the phone. It relieved me a little bit that she told me that’s she’s going to be okay. It might sound really weird but the animation where the balloon monster got her face beaten up from being dragged. That’s where it got me the most.
Interesting to hear the view from the dumper. I was dumped a year ago after two lovely years with my girlfriend and this video reduced me to tears...the part at the end when the balloon is let go. just killed me. I think its because a year down the line i'm still heartbroken.
I guess its not easy for either party...guilt for the dumper and devastation and heartbreak for the dumpee...there are no winners. I still have my ex on social media, whatsapp etc and still reach out there occasionally...I know I probably shouldn't but its so hard to let go.
That is the very good of you. Glad to know you acknowledge your actions and reached out with humility. Some of us will never get that apology.
@@andybrown4124 let go. You'll breathe again.
Not letting go is just you procrastinating letting go. Eventually you'll be forced to let go and you'll feel free again. So why not do it now from your own will?
Wish you healing brother
you're not alone!... thank god you got out... the guilt is the kill, and no one to heal:/
The fact that you were able to feel those feelings show that you are a great person, and didnt hurt her on purpose. I wish you the best in life
It’s possible if the ex is not toxic. It depends on what caused the break up. If the relationship ended on good terms, there will be no problem. And you might even find that platonic friendship is much more satisfying, than the constraints of a romantic relationship.
Possible if they didn't massively break your heart.
My girlfriend just broke up with me and wants us to stay friends. What a great timing for this video.
stay strong buddy
Tell her to fuck off
Tell her to step. I was in the same situation a long time ago and told her I have enough friends and that wasn't what I was looking for. That's like asking her to give you something to eat a bowl of soup with and the chick hands you chopsticks. No thanks.
I'm gonna pay you $100 to fuck off.jpg
Jordan Long don't do it your only gonna end up hating eachother just move on
My partner of 4 years and the mother of our 2 children just ended our relationship today...tried to say we will always be friends to which I abruptly rejected that notion. I told her that it would degrade the good memories of our relationship and would honestly give me blind hope. She didn't respond well to it but I told her we certainly can still be civil but no we won't ever hangout.
That’s even harder when you have kids.. I have a son with my ex and that makes it almost impossible not to be friends with her
@@siadb.3555 It's hard to trust those who broke you. Funny thing is, the individuals that dump someone. They tend to repeat the same behaviors and expect the same results. So if you're asked to be friends, chances are someone has said yes. I never have and never will, not out of resentment. It's out of respect, I respect someone I love. I love them so much, I want them to be happy without me.
I think this is the first time I disagree with a message from the School of Life. It's been almost 3 years I've been friends with my ex. We spent 2 great years together until he broke up with me. I suffered a lot. I mean, a lot. It was my first break-up. He suffered too, of course, but each person deals with suffering their own way. We always - always - cherished the company of one another. He just noticed first that we were great together, but not as lovers. I had to take my time to understand it - and, yes, while I was trying to understand it, the best was to stay away from him a while. But then we began talking and seeing each other again as friends. I say I would never ever give up on this friendship. He is one of my best friends. I've shared secrets with him, I've shared my bed with him and I planned to build a future with him. It's all memory now, yes, and it's safely guarded in the memory box. But it doens't mean we can't be friends. There is no suffering anymore. I am in a new relationship now and I am so very happy. When I look at my ex, I see a man whom a deeply love, a person whom I care about and I wish all the good in the world. There isn't a toxic realtionship, just a will to be around a person whom I deeply admire.
Beautifully expressed, I can relate to this so much!
Nicely said :)
I was looking for this comment. Thank you. It is also the first time I honestly disagree with a video of theirs.
From today, be single if your ex is single, I bet you will at least make out. Not friendly at all.
The video talked about civil distance as a better alternative. If you and your ex are single at the same time (from now on) only then can you test whether you can be friends without any romantic intentions for each other. Based on how you romanticize your situation, you will fail the test. People tend to create a fairy tale in their head. My wild guess, you still consider ending up with your ex if your current relationship ends. You need that security. You will manufacture a fairytale of "from lovers to exes to friends and ultimately to lovers" which is movie like and seems inadvertent but motivated. It is a great story to tell to your grandchildren though.
You are doing disservice to your current relationship. But I understand your need for a backup plan for romance. Be mindful when youre single while ex is single too. Then be reminded of the video and of my comment.
I'm sure your new boyfriend doesn't mind at all hanging out with a guy who's boned the woman he loves a few hundred times...
I never stay friends with my exes. Once the relationship is over, its done.
The reason why ex-partners can't be friends is because of their ego and pride. One is overly attached to the other or still more invested. I was guilty of this as well, but I still managed to remain friends. Though, being friends in my case is just people on good terms; we don't hang out or talk, but if weren't ever in the same vicinity, we'd go out for a coffee and catch up. We both want each other to be happy.
Yes, it hurts to be dumped. Yes, it hurts to feel like you're not the one when you want to be. When I was dumped, I was hurt too, but after no-contact for many months, I began to realize that she was also looking for the right person for her, and she had to make the difficult choice of dumping me. I asked myself, "why am I so worked up about not being the right one? She wasn't even happy being with me anyway. Don't I want her to be happy?" I realized how selfish I was to want her all to myself, then finally understood unconditional love. You can still be friends when the love you have for the other person is not an attached one.
Well said!
I wouldn't call what you have a friendship tho.
That's just being on cordial yet somewhat indifferent terms.
@@Koraxusthats what you would call it but if their friendship still works, then thats good.
The saying "you two were never in love then" comes off as ignorant hostility thinking everyone works the same way about everything when it does not.
@@OctavianAfton I did not say that, did you reply to the right comment?
I'm saying that if a person was in a relationship with you, but you now barely interact, but the few spontaneous times you come across each other are on ok terms without keeping much contact, then that's just being on cordial yet somewhat indifferent terms.
not what I'd call a "friendship" definitely
@@Koraxus ah, well that makes more sense. I initially gathered that your comment implied it was not a friendship. But now that you described it that way, yeah I can see the doubt.
Still, some people(including myself), are still friends with their exs; involving talking, gaming and hanging out like we used to before the love. But again, its important to note the context and how it came to be that way. Like yeah, mutual understanding and accepting that it isnt working and to be friends instead takes both sides to accept, and it does happen.
Can exes be friends? Yes, only to the person who finished relationship. They know this relationship is not what they want in long run so being friends instead will help them get over the relationship and not feel the pain loosing someone close. At the same time the dumped person will always have big hopes of getting back together and will be emotionally involved, dumped person will feel tortured when the one who ended it will be using ex partner for selfish reasons and once they find someone attractive and build new relationship with them, they will simply end even the friendship or just distance themselves as far as it's possible but keeping the ex as a backup person in case if the new relationship didn't work, just to repeat everything once they find someone attractive again
klasyka polskiegoHH :( this could be true
Dang truth that's why not be the last person to text. Then sail into the distances. Play the mind game right
True
This is the most apt description of what the friendship with ex actually turns out.
It can happen once both people are no longer attached to the idea of a future together. It isn't always a good idea to pursue friendship with an ex even if it is possible, but sometimes it is very beneficial. Good people aren't always easy to come by, so value the ones you have in your life whether you're marrying them or not.
My ex broke up with me and went marrying someone else this year. Yet she still wants to be friends and keep in touch with me. I had no choice but to cut ties because is not fair for her husband.
It's not fair to YOU.
@NAB 88 number 1? Where? XD
Srsly what do people have in their minds
@@arturfilipe2971 i dont know.. but when a person who is already taken/ married.. i wont touch them. i dont want to get into trouble. Theres nothing more valuable than a peace of mind. so i gotta remove her out of my life and do my own thing. At the same time i feel bad and following my gut that she was is still keeping in touch with her previous exes when i was with her
@@damianooi8261 yeah i get you man, plus i think you're doing the best decision, if she wanted to not loose you totally and still be friends she must have talked things out with you before marrying...
I really appreciate this video. For me, whenever my ex is at sight, hope reignites. Civil distance is definitely the answer, and accept that the feelings can just stay as a memory. 🙂
yep if an ex asks to remain friends with you, it's just like going from being taken to being taken for granted real quick
Goddamn that was eloquent. Well said sire
Thats how it was in my last relationship. I'm never doing "cuddle buddies" again.
underrated comment
especially if it's the dumper asking...
Too me, a civil distance means, if I run into you, i say "Hey ___" and perhaps "How are you?" and that's it.This strategy works very well.
This does not apply when two people are mature enough to admit it's not working, & after a time, can hangout again & be friends who can really listen to each other &, having seen their intimate side, can even offer advice about their current relationships :)
Yep, this. My ex and I dated for 8 years; he was my first boyfriend, in fact! But a lot changed during that time, WE changed. So, even though it was incredibly painful, we decided to break up.
But I do not stop appreciating a person and what they mean to me, simply because we're not romantically involved anymore. Of course it took time to adjust, and there was pain, but we've been friends for years now, and I wouldn't want it any other way.
As long as my partner didn't hurt me, I find that the benefits of having them in my life far outweigh the pain and awkwardness in the beginning. Being their friend is not demoting them to some second level position; being their friend is an honor.
@@FourthStar i so agree with this! had similar experience.
It is not about maturity, it’s just you were never truly in love with this person.
I mean it's what the videos state no? obviously after a breakup a healthy distance will assure those two to hangout and reunite again as friends
PROTIP: doesn't work if he/her was the love of your life
I've tried this thing so I'm saying this after an experience, if you're scared to let go of that person.
1. Understand and accept that the person is now gone from your life for a reason.
2. Keep yourself busy with friends and work
3. If they insist tell them you will meet them after sometime. Believe me when i say after some time from breakup the spark does go off. You will not feel the same when you're with your ex so it's not worth to overthink . It's not worth to stuck yourself on someone who does not want you.
🤝✨ (Good luck for moving on because you deserve to be happy)
I know of a man who could help you restore back your relationship either your ex or soulmate
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
He was the one who helped me in restoring back my ex partner three days ago without delay
Whtsaap him"**
Honestly no, you can’t be just friends with someone you’re in love with. it just doesn’t work.
My ex and I started off as friends, now we’re back to being friends again. It just felt more right being friends. We’re both in really good relationships now and we’re still close friends.
Err how?
Bald DeGea I think our whole relationship was based on a fleeting mutual attraction like when you see your friend and think “Oh hey they look nice today”
@@katicasey4610 I don't let girls I'm attracted to call me a "friend". I try to make it obvious I want to have sex with them.
I hate guys who do the whole friends thing to try guilt a girl into getting into their knickers.
Bald DeGea Well feelings didn’t develop until 6 years into our friendship haha
Lol maybe you never really liked each other it’s so awkward being friends with someone you liked or something it’s so weird for me it hold me back puts me in a terrible mental state
It's a good thing for me not watching this while at office or a day out with friends...
Burst into tears while watching this. Been there. Done that. I was the little creature on a leash.
Sometimes, "being friends" is just a manipulative term you tell yourself.
CJ Camelia Jonathan you want ... sum fuk?
CJ Camelia Jonathan - Agreed!
Just as bad...maybe worse (won't judge your pain...), is when they tell you that you are ruining everything and hurting yourself, by saying "no thank you..." to staying buddies. The pressure from your former partner is on... They may try to convince that you made up 4 years of history. That you were just best friends anyway, but you have to stay friends, even when they say that "just because we're not forever...the friendship is, and you lose if you walk".
Most bizarre experience, ever. Very manipulative.
I started crying as well. Like what the fuck is this? Literally painted from my soul. :(
I feel you. Can’t seem to move on
This is an overly simplified view of relationships. Having a romantic partner is not only having someone to have sex with, it's about mutual respect and companionship. Yes, breaking up is hard, especially after long years of shared journey, however you can't simply cut off someone who played such an important role in your life. If you truly cared about that person and managed to end the ROMANTIC relationship on good terms, you will continue to be caring even after breaking up with them. It may be slightly difficult to adjust to the newly formed dynamics at first, but with time you will learn to overcome it and continue to cherish other things you have in common.
The video talks about the issue in general. Generally it is true that it is not healthy to stay friend with Ex but that doesn't mean to become enemies.
What you are talking about is exceptional. Yea, there are always exceptions.
"if you truly cared about that person...." sounds very manipulate 👍🏿
You might be right, if you never saw each other genitals. If it was just a long courtship with one person being merely tolerant of your adulation. Even that takes a lot of effort to see the objection of your affection with somebody. The Video was excellently presented and calling it over simplication is not being eloquent or articulate.
@@ripcordace7258 what's manipulative about caring for a person?
@@eduardochavacano what I mean by that is the way they boiled a relationship down to whether you had sex with the other person or not and pass judgement about the relationship in general solely based on that. That is almost never the case, not in a long term relationship anyway.
All couples tend to have less sex with time, this is no big secret whatsoever. However they compensate that with other things such as companionship and mutual trust and respect. There are qualities you can acquire in a relationship that are more meaningful than merely being physically intimate with someone. These are the things you can't just take away after a breakup. It's still all there. Perhaps you won't be as intimate with that person and share every detail of your life from thereon, but you should at least be able to remain good friends. Your friendship with someone shouldn't get affected by a breakup. It's not always an easy task, sure, but there will always be a way for them to still be a part of your life - one way or another.
Definitely true if one party is still in love with the other. It is like feeding an addiction. Feels good to see them, but then you get withdrawals until the next time. No contact is needed for a while.
Why would you like to be friends with your ex? To have endless hope to be with she /he again? It is worthless especially if they dumped you.
Because being cut out from someones life and having the bridge between you burned in an instant hurts a lot worse in the short term. its just easier to stay friends at first most of the time.. at least until you are ready to let go of eachother.
Because I want to date my best friend. I dont jump into relationship with strangers, and when I date its because they have the same qualities I want from a great friend. The only diffrence in dateing is the sex, and if the relationship is going well, living togther.
If I am friends with an ex who dumped me it because it wasnt a toxic relationship and I love them. However to make it easier on myself i will make the decision that we will not get back togther even if they want to. This dosent happen often (though I also dont date alot) but it means I treat them like any other friend. If they want more I let them know that we dont have that kind of relationship amymore. Then if we stay friends or not is up to them.
If on the other hand I broke up with them its for a reason. Somethings arent a problem when your juat friends but are huge problems when your in a relationship like not knowing how to save money, or wanting to live in another State, being a slob, or really lazy. Not a problem as a friend but not the kind of person I want to live with.
The problem you seem to be haveing is wanting to get back togther with them and if thats it then youll have a really hard time being friend's
THIS ANIMATION MADE ME CRY OK
Sofia Dorrell Same 😭😭😭
I was close...
Same, I'm the balloon.😢
For me the process of becoming friends with an ex is long and sometimes it never happens. It doesn't work if you try to remain friends after a breakup. You have to forget about that person, heal up however you can and, when the times come, if you find again that ex you and her of him will see each other as other people, more mature and wiser an maybe that's what you need, meeting them again, meeting a new side ofthem you both never knew it existed. It sometimes doesn't happen, but sometimes it does. Relationships go far beyond the sexual, you can still care for people and love them even though you don't have romantic or sexual implications. It's called "cariño" in Spanish. Relationships aren't one way or another, aren't just black and white.