The level of anger that you will receive for saying No will ALWAYS be less than the level of anger you feel when they don't pay you back. It's better to say no immediately and let them get angry, then to lend them money and let the relationship deteriorate.
I fully agree with this. As a 24 year-old, I had my first year making nearly 200K in profit. Didn't know how to refuse - I allowed friends and family to always ask. Within a year I was back to 0. Never again. Not for a girl, not for family.
Everything you said and more can be put on one sentence: No one should help you , if you are not helping yourself If you don’t help yourself , why should I do ?
@@paddymurphy-oconnor8255 why should they share is for a bad cause ? They should only share their money if it is for a good cause .. If I help some looser in my family I’m investing in their current lifestyle Which will do no good for them other than making them more comfortable which is not actually good for them and ruin them But if I help some stranger for a good cause or help someone who is trying to save himself but cannot Then I’m investing for a good cause So to sum it up I only help those who are doing everything they can to get the cookie jar , but can’t succeed for any reason And they just need a hand .. Just like the op said
WOW! This is by far the BEST lesson on loaning out money. I can tell you’ve learned a lot through bad experiences. GREAT POINTS. You said some thing I didn’t even think about.
Now I understand why a certain individual hates me. Thank you. I think that because of it you can NEVER ask me for money again because you know you won't be able to pay it back on time.
one of my friend traveled to other country spending 3000 grants for his trip to some of european country.than he asked me for money because he got short of money to pay all his bills.he asked me for 1000$.i lent him only 500$.than he disappeared for a few months and called me back later asking me for more money.i denied this time. you should never give big amount of money under all circumstances to your friends of far relatives or coworkers or roommates.most of them are taking advantage of you.
I’ve been through this , with friends and 1 family member. Whenever I asked for the money they borrow, they play victim.But , since I learn not to take BS from people anymore. I just dont care. And I don’t have problem removing leeches out of my life.
My dad always told me he'd only lend me money if I managed to save up half first... that way he knew I really wanted something and was prepared to work for it, rather than just expecting it on a plate and not appreciating it.
Some people even your friends and family will only like you for your money. The whole point of saying no to them is to motivate them and help them understand that life is going to be full of disappointment and hardships and that money will not resolve their problems.
Some of my friends, family and relatives are like this. You help them already but they are still wanting more. They made you the bad one if you don’t give them money.
I had brother ask me money too money times even when I was broke. He uses emotions and bs to give money. He was able person that can work and go to nice college. I stop giving him money and cut him off. He never call to say hi or hang out like siblings but instead ask me money. He did this all family members and yet it’s helping him. He can work and manage his money problems.
I rarely lend people money, however the last time that I did I gave a former close friend £20 (which at that point in my life was quite a substantial amount) and they ended up buying drugs with it. Long story short, I completely agree with everything that was said during this video!
Right! Didn't come for free. That was my time. HOURS of hard work at a miserable soul crushing job. So now disrespected TWICE. Once, just to earn it and secondly being avoided by borrower. Know what is even MORE offensive than not being paid back? The same person who 'borrowed" the money conveniently forgetting that they owe you money and then having the GUFF to ask you to pay for utilities after staying with them for 3 days AND saying they would help you move and then disappearing, not answering their phone or texts on the day they said they would help. AND this person admits that at one point on their life, they made in one year, what it would take me 2.5 years to make.
You aldo very right about money as energy. For the past 4-5 years I've helped out various friends and family with loans and gifts of money. I STOPPED in February. Here's why. One of my sister's failed the test. She flat out refuses to do things to get her financial house in order, plays a video game half the day, will NOT save her money etc. etc. After Christmas she went into full crisis mode and I ended up $spending$ hours of time straightening out her 💩 I took her off my credit cards, stopped fronting her tax refund as I could see she was not and did not intend to organize and discipline her financial life-i was just being used to keep her game going. Dealing with their energy also started to cause me to make mistakes-like missing a points redemption deadline and stupidly relying on them to pay a property tax out of state(they didn't and I got fined) The point you made that eventually it really becomes a tremendous energy drain. So I told family and friends, no more money this year. I'm exploring my creativity and saving MY MONEY. MY TIME. And probably MY LIFE!!!
I will feed you, give you water to drink , clothes, and shelter(for a short period of time),Help them get money on their own. Other than what I have listed nothing more. Owe no man but to love him.
You know what I realise, I'd rather help a stranger than someone I know. I've helped someone I know SO MUCH that I am barely able to feed myself now. The surprising thing is that person treats me like shit now because I'm unable to help them like I used to. By the way, that person doesn't contact me unless it's to cuss me out.
Definitely agree here, you gotta be tough to be kind. If they really need it and don't have it, it's an opportunity for them to grow and become more self sufficient that you would be depriving them of if you helped them out - and you're right, no one wants to feel in debt. Ironically you should only give it if it's not needed, and I'd say only ever a small amount so it is more about the gesture.
Excellent advice I have had to make sacrifices in my life and went without alot so I know what it is like to hit rock bottom. I've been there a couple of times. Now I got wiser and are now in a better position. I still give to those less fortunate and can't say no. Then I wonder why I go without and put my needs on the back burner. You are right people need to make better choices and their choices should not affect us. We struggled so why should they live of us and live the hight life. Thanks for the awesome video God Bless You!
This is the best video I found on the topic on RUclips and it's exactly what I wanted to hear. Especially with Covid, this has become a major issue for me and this is the validation I needed.
Ashamed to say thats how I lost my financial stability when my ex-gf whom decided to quit her job because of frequent overtimes became jobless for years.When she was out of cash and asked for money I borrowed her , she needs a computer but wants an Apple computer I bought it for her thinking at least she could use it to get a job or some online business.Slowly and stupidly my saving accounts and wallet got thinner and there goes my dream of setting up my business.
I had a close friend/coworker who makes more than I do and asked me for $40. As soon as I said I didn’t have cash on me she ditched me. Good riddance shit bag! No loss to me.
I started lending siblings money out of love and faith and all I ever received back was disrespect (by the lies they made up to suck me financially dry) getting yelled at (for not wanting to give them more money) and being abandoned by not wanting to return the money .
12:36 where the video get real! My mom is in her 50's and doesn't have retirement savings (we have family abroad, go figure). I'm trying to break that cycle. I've been showing and encouraging her to save by talking about the actions I'm taking to improve my own financial standing. I've told her about long-term care insurance, it's her responsibility to herself. She has time to sort herself out as best as she can. I'm doing what I can for myself too! In Latino culture, people hussle to feed their kids and expect those kids grow-up to become their ticket to retirement. What they should be doing instead is figuring out how to sort their finances while they are young and before having more children than they can afford. It puts unbelievable pressure on teens and young adults to know their parents are depending on them before they've even lived or had children of their own. 13:46 Holy crap, John, I can't believe you are doing what you want with your hard earned cash I feel entitled to by virtue of being related!?! LOL
That's the same in Asian culture too. Kids are considered a ticket to retirement by parents. That's why comedians always make Asian jokes about Asian parents wanting kids to score A+++ in school and work in careers as doctors or lawyers.
+piby 180 and no doubt you are a poor culture. No offense. But your life belongs to you. No one else can lay claim to it. A gift not freely give is no gift at all.
My old man sacrificed his life to educate me and bring me upto this level. He gave me everything he had. Taking care of my needs gives him his life's purpose and ultimately made him work harder. Taking care of my family made me work harder now. Its just one more responsibility in addition to paying bills. I know you are not completely free. But you are not completely free from paying bills either. This is something you have to do no matter what. Put this one additional thing in your have to list. For relatives and friends, I completely agree with you John. I know everyone doesn't have the same relationship with their parents as I have. In that case, give them what they need, not what they want. But please don't throw them away in their old age. So, John, let's agree to disagree on this point ;)
I agree, however there is a fine line. If a friend keeps asking you for money and it becomes a pattern because of their irresponsibility then it’s time to say no. If they ask as a once off out of pure desperation then yes, help them.
it always depends on situation... which friend... or family member.... reason for the request.... and so on.... be smart on spending or lending money.... 99% of people asking don't deserve it.
I gave a guy money. Kept asking for more although I said I had no more. Blocked him. I'm not Santa. There's no money tree in my yard. I have a negative fortune. If bills grow on my back, you'll be the first to know. Come back then. m.ruclips.net/video/GlCMYUg3sOM/видео.html
Eating ramen and canned food all the time isn't good. It'd be good to buy fruits and vegetables as well. I had a bowl of mangoes, apple, and starfruit one evening and my tummy was more than full. I still thank God for that meal. It didn't cost much and I had a healthy meal.
I've lent (give) money to a brother with the only purpose of getting rid of him. And I've even tell them that, "don't ever talk to me again unless to pay me". It's quite and effective technique.
You chose to get married at a young age & have a bunch of kids. I hate it when these low life people think you owe them money just because you have it & they don't.
"Bitch you wasnt with me shootin in the gym" FACTS. Amazing video. I dont give money to people for all these reasons and if they choose not to talk to me after that then thats a very easy way to get rid of dead weight in my life
All the people that I have helped came back and hurt me badly. The last one I was sending her money and she started accusing me of looking down on her. Wtf,
Woe woe woe woe, where did that stupid ignorant saying come from; "You have money you should share with your family!" Sorry, but that boat don't float! They made bad financial choices in life, while I made solid and stable financial choices. I am not about to give my money away to a person just because they use the phrase, "I'm your family" what a laugh. Not to say I won't or haven't helped family, because I have. But I do it on my terms not theirs. I do not loan and I do not borrow, because I choose to be independent. In order to hit the lottery you must buy a ticket.
jacqueline manzano thank you for your Insight. And this video is on point and so true. I am constantly helping my mother out but she doesn't seem to appreciate it and most of the time I feel I'm doing it out of guilt. Then when I try to give her ways to make a little extra income just to see if she'll follow through she never does any of it but continues to complain about not having money. It makes me sad but I don't think it's helping me and frankly I can't really afford it.
The only person Ill pay stuff for without oweing money back are my parents and siblings. Other people, even cousins that Im close with, don’t get a handout
my mother is the worst, she gives all her family members money because of her culture (nigeria) and leaves herself with barely anything i don't know why she does that to herself they never give her anything in return and they constantly beg her for money. she has put herself in a impossible situation. i just had a argument with my partner about money, money is always a problem between us, he says when we win the lottery we have to help his brother and i want to help my mum but is that really a good investment like you said because my mum would just give it all away and do nothing with it and would his brother get himself out of a dead end situation that he is is and spend it well? it's all something to think about.
I feel you. It's up to you what you do, but I really hope you don't help them out, because in reality, you're not helping them you're only enabling them. And in the end, you'll be left with no money. They'll either be no better off than they were before, or living high on the hog on a count of you. Which will really piss you off. You'll be much happier and much better off if you don't give your money to them.
This our african culture is too bad. Parents see children as their retirement plan. Its one of the reasons why there is a great desire to produce children in africa. Its believed that when one gets old, his/her kids will be sending money to them to survive. Even family members. As the first son, its a great burden on me taking care of the rest of the family. I have put myself in such a difficult situation, and its difficult for me to stop at this time. I am even sponsoring 2 of my siblings in the university, and the third one is about to get admission. The burden is weighing me down, not to progress financially as supposed.
I fully agree. I absolutely DO NOT loan money. I am NOT entitled to your money, and you are not entitled to mine. And while the bootstrap mentality doesn’t work in many ways, I don’t think that enabling is ever helpful. What I will do is give friends, family and clients my acorns link, help them get started on an investment platform that I use, where there will be an equal return for me. I think that’s more than fair.
I think having family and friends hitting you up for money is actually a huge problem that no one likes to talk about. In your case John you can say no, but there are lots of successful people who have family, especially dominating parents, meddle in their lives and they are not strong enough to stand up to it. People who have lots of problems in their life are of course more willing to talk about family problems because they are the cause of the problems. For me personally Im willing to admit I had problems and made huge mistakes, but now my family identifies me as a 'loser' and scoff at my plans to better myself. So I have to pretty much shut out my family and go it on my own. I can only earn peoples respect by actions, there is no way I can change peoples mind about me any other way.
Every friend who I’ve lent money to disappointed me. Even the kindest, most honourable characters. Charitable people, tree hugging vegan, you name it. Ruthless with money! 🙄💔
I send money abroad every month for my mother. This is something not an option for me but a must. I agree of not lending money to friends though. I guess its okay to give a little but not all of your savings.
The last time I bought credit (minutes) for my phone was in May of this year. I got minutes from a friend for my phone. I don't even use my phone to make calls that much. I hate that I have a coworker who seems to NEVER have minutes on her phone. She's always asking me for a call.
Hi John! Totally agree on the fact that giving money is not a good idea, even to your family (except your wife and kids ofc.). I'd change the word "family" with a more suitable word "relatives", since you've got to give money to your family - your wife, kids etc. Anyways, I'd say that lending money to a reliable person (a good friend) is okay, if you are sure that s/he will give it back someday. Also, I think making presents to people once in a while (especially to your family members) is a good way to go without directly giving them money.
I’ve been giving a substantially small amount of money to a Christian family who cant find a job in their current location due to their nationality. I think I’m gonna stop. They could probably look for jobs online and I don’t even fucking know them, just strangers i met when I was a Christian. Now, every single month, they ask me if I can help them because they’re in need. Well guess what, I have struggled too, for the past year I’ve been jobless, depending on money that came every 2-3months to pay my bills. Every single day for the past year, I have struggled with the soul crushing job market, rejection after rejection, being ghosted time and time again. I’ve learnt the value of money now. No more. Thank you dude, for clarifying this to me, I was feeling a bit guilty thinking i’d be stopping despite finally having my own source, but i think it’s time i stopped enabling them
You are exactly right. If you are from a culture where it is expected of you to give and give and give and give to thise who arent willing to put in the work you put in then when you break from overwork and cant provide anything for the takers then they will become angry with you tirn on you. Better to learn to say know before they push you to thst point !! Thank you sir for helping me to stick to my convictions.
What a good message and what a level headed approach and advice. I follow the same: and got to say you are a great fellow to help out others in need. I wish I’d do that more often ..your values are good and strong and ones that I would like to propagate as well. Much love and regards from India
i dont watch tv no more. tv is dead, agreed? btw blood is thicker than water means friends > family, because its short for blood of the brotherhood is thicker than the water of the womb. i think the saying was from ww1 or ww2 soldiers would become better bonded than family, because they both shed blood
oil is thicker than blood so cars > friends, if you've ever had an oil change. And btw, there is more exchange from family to baby than the "water of the womb"? egg and sperm is thicker than blood...
@@218Flow it's a metaphor not a statement of fact. Meaning that the bonds you choose and those you are like are going to be closer then someone you hardly know or like but happens to be related to an aunt you never heard of. Personally I found the quote comforting in the context of emotionally abusive family's.
I learn a lots of this videos.Everything you said is so true.Every single word in your video.Yes indeed it's so true.I agree.If you dont work you dont eat I learn a lot.I know my friend brother just like you mention.Its worse than ever.Totally insane keep asking money.Yes I agree all you said your video helps me a lot too.Thank you so much it helps me so much.
I agree with almost all of this, i agreed that we make difficult choices and sometimes we live a difficult like just to live and look fine. and some other friends spend their money to the fullest and live very conveniently without thinking of tomorrow and spend lavishly then later come seeking help from the person who spends wisely, we gotta be wise though
Question: Should I charge a family member for my tutoring services? It's another family member who asked on behalf of another. I think the individual thinks I'll do it for free. Honestly, time is money. I remember the sleepless nights and challenges I had while studying for that degree. I think if the individual is serious about the child's education a payment will be made.
why a bank, with billions of dollars in their pocket won't lend someone 5000$, but me, a non-millionaire would take that risk .. that's why I have one simple rule, I don't lend money
"loaning $$$$!" Hum, once you open that door you are in for a bitter surprise, because you will eventually be hated and called names. People will always take your kindness for weakness and use you like an ATM. I have one policy, "I do not loan and I do not borrow!" If someone is hungry I will buy the food for them as a gift not a loan, and I make it known to them that its a one gift, (ie; no second bite of the apple)!
Here is my philosophy. Tell them where the horse is, but it's up to them to lead it and to get it to drink. As in if they need help, give them solid advice. Don't do the work for them. If they want it bad enough they will make it happen (like you did)
i couldnt help but notice this handsome guy give the advice for what i searched for and i couldnt hear one thing ....... i was just way to distracted by that smile! What a guy! Sigh!
My longtime friend asked me for money and I told him no and he kept begging as if he had to be desperate enough for my situation to change. I can’t give to you money and leave myself lacking.
My parents don't have a whole lot of money saved for retirement. I own a business and Ive been giving them a small percentage of my earnings for several years. I want them to be able to have a decent retirement.
If they haven't retired yet stop giving them money every month and save it yourself for them. People bad with finances incease their spending as their income incrrases
I gave some money to a man I love just because I love him! I fancy him so much x he was quite insulted though because he said "I've got my own money, Rose." It upset me that he didnt want my gift although I can understand where he's coming from. It made him feel like he would OWE me something in return. If he was in financial hardship I would give him bloody everything I have.
I love my friends and family and give them money because it makes them happy x money means nothing to me but it means everything to them and so my gift helps them and that means a lot to me. By the way, good job on RUclips and well done and cute American man xxxxx love from NZ xx
This girl and I met on facebook we were cool once and now its a different story aint good either. This a hard lesson that I learned. She asked for money for a new phone I gave that to her. She asked for money for groceries I gave that her. She hit me up for rent money I TOLD HER NO. I asked her u have a job she said no. So she asked me for money for groceries for the 2nd time I said no and she asked me Y. I told her go in person ask for a job. She got the job and starts April 15th til then she wanted me to give her grocery money I said no we argued about from Sunday night to yesterday morning. I can give u advice but I cant keep givin u money and she was rude talkin bad bout people who can help her.
I’ve never once asked money from my friends in 30 years of being friends with them, yet I have one friend that always asks for money. It’s annoying as hell and I’m not a rich guy either I got my own problems.
I was looking at this video because a friend just asked me for money which I dont want to give, during my 20s I used to work in the gulf where I earned lots of money but I gave it all to my father who in gave it to people on interest but ended up losing all my money including his and I as well gave many people money thinking i am helping and no one gave it back, now occasionly I get people asking for money but I rather lose their friendship or relationship than giving away money which I worked my but off for and made sarifices to save...............
Man!! i totally agree with you. One of my relative's spouse passed away because of cancer, leaving behind 3 girl childs. Marrying a girl child in India is expensive and there was no source of income for them. They asked us for help, we provided them our hard owned money so that happiness can come again in their life. They had promised they would return the money once their financial condition is good or by saving every penny. Its been so many years but we couldnt get back a single penny when we had our hard financial times. The reason being their habits of unnecessary expenses and whatever you can say. it depends on what kinds of friends or relatives you have. But I would totally agree with John as per my bad experience.
I've been giving a friend of mine money as a gift for 4 months now but Im seriously thinking to stop sending them money and walk away just end the friendship because they're using me
Just found this video. Very timely for me. It works both ways in terms of being hated by the debtor. Back in 2011-12 I went through hard times. It got really bad. No one would help. Eviction defense did save my apartment though with a short term loan.(Which I repaid) But what really hurt were the three people I had helped in the past-two of whom got their legal money because of my help and who then felt I was beneath consideration because I asked to borrow 20$ for food. I had to get welfare payments anf food stamps for two months. Shortly after, in 2012 I inherited, retired early and went travelling. But I learned to save and invest and save some more. I also decided I would NEVER be humiliated again for lack of money-not friends, family, government agencies etc. To this day I have a cold hatred for the three who refused to help me back then. Two of them have disappeared and another one I see occasionally in the neighborhood but I made it clear that our association is over. And like they say, living well is the best revenge. What really affirmed my new mindset and all the work I put into financial education was the pandemic. It felt wonderful to not need an unemployment check, a stimulus check, a food bank, a rent bailout. In other words the hard work and sacrifice paid off with strength, stability and solvency in this storm that decimated many others.😊
That really sucks. Had to learn this the hard way. I tried helping a friend when she needed help. I went over to help her even borrowed money and it's been a really long time and now she got offended when I asked her if she could start paying me back.
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The level of anger that you will receive for saying No will ALWAYS be less than the level of anger you feel when they don't pay you back. It's better to say no immediately and let them get angry, then to lend them money and let the relationship deteriorate.
I learnt that the hard way.
Just said no to my uncle, really hurt to say no and I know he was upset but I know that even if he pays me back itll become an endless cycle.
The you shouldn't take what you know you can't repay.
If the relationship deteriorates when you have to keep asking, then they care more about money than you.
@@mr.boostang2064
Exactly you give them an inch & they take a mile
I fully agree with this. As a 24 year-old, I had my first year making nearly 200K in profit. Didn't know how to refuse - I allowed friends and family to always ask. Within a year I was back to 0. Never again. Not for a girl, not for family.
God bless you bro I pray u receive a financial blessing soon but may I ask how you were able to grind up 200k ?
I made more enemies actually because of money 🤦
I think you surrounded yourself with either greedy people or parasites. Let them go. 😆
Same lol
They should put this in the subjects in high school in every country
Alot of people think money always changes you... but alot of times it could change people around you and how they look at you.
Never, Ever, Ever loan anybody money. Including family and friends. You'll never get it back.
Everything you said and more can be put on one sentence:
No one should help you , if you are not helping yourself
If you don’t help yourself , why should I do ?
@@paddymurphy-oconnor8255 why should they share is for a bad cause ?
They should only share their money if it is for a good cause ..
If I help some looser in my family
I’m investing in their current lifestyle
Which will do no good for them other than making them more comfortable which is not actually good for them and ruin them
But if I help some stranger for a good cause or help someone who is trying to save himself but cannot
Then I’m investing for a good cause
So to sum it up I only help those who are doing everything they can to get the cookie jar , but can’t succeed for any reason
And they just need a hand ..
Just like the op said
Am listening to this at 4.48am while working on my side hustle! No rest until it's done!
I feel like the sound quality is the test John wants me to pass in order to get his hard-earned wisdom
Definitely lol
LOL, this is true. Not enough people with great mics are talking about this issue.
WOW! This is by far the BEST lesson on loaning out money. I can tell you’ve learned a lot through bad experiences. GREAT POINTS. You said some thing I didn’t even think about.
Now I understand why a certain individual hates me. Thank you. I think that because of it you can NEVER ask me for money again because you know you won't be able to pay it back on time.
one of my friend traveled to other country spending 3000 grants for his trip to some of european country.than he asked me for money because he got short of money to pay all his bills.he asked me for 1000$.i lent him only 500$.than he disappeared for a few months and called me back later asking me for more money.i denied this time. you should never give big amount of money under all circumstances to your friends of far relatives or coworkers or roommates.most of them are taking advantage of you.
I’ve been through this , with friends and 1 family member. Whenever I asked for the money they borrow, they play victim.But , since I learn not to take BS from people anymore. I just dont care. And I don’t have problem removing leeches out of my life.
Same here!!
My dad always told me he'd only lend me money if I managed to save up half first... that way he knew I really wanted something and was prepared to work for it, rather than just expecting it on a plate and not appreciating it.
This is my plan for my future kids some day when it comes to a car or college or whatever it may be.
You do not shy away from the tough questions...you are my spirit animal.
Miao! Grrrrr
Some people even your friends and family will only like you for your money. The whole point of saying no to them is to motivate them and help them understand that life is going to be full of disappointment and hardships and that money will not resolve their problems.
I dont have a problem saying no. It actually makes me feel good 👍
Some of my friends, family and relatives are like this. You help them already but they are still wanting more. They made you the bad one if you don’t give them money.
I had brother ask me money too money times even when I was broke. He uses emotions and bs to give money. He was able person that can work and go to nice college. I stop giving him money and cut him off. He never call to say hi or hang out like siblings but instead ask me money. He did this all family members and yet it’s helping him. He can work and manage his money problems.
I rarely lend people money, however the last time that I did I gave a former close friend £20 (which at that point in my life was quite a substantial amount) and they ended up buying drugs with it. Long story short, I completely agree with everything that was said during this video!
Right! Didn't come for free. That was my time. HOURS of hard work at a miserable soul crushing job. So now disrespected TWICE. Once, just to earn it and secondly being avoided by borrower. Know what is even MORE offensive than not being paid back? The same person who 'borrowed" the money conveniently forgetting that they owe you money and then having the GUFF to ask you to pay for utilities after staying with them for 3 days AND saying they would help you move and then disappearing, not answering their phone or texts on the day they said they would help. AND this person admits that at one point on their life, they made in one year, what it would take me 2.5 years to make.
Tiff Wright of
This is not a friend; we should be able to understand when someone is a real friend or not; we enable these people to take advantage of others.
You aldo very right about money as energy. For the past 4-5 years I've helped out various friends and family with loans and gifts of money. I STOPPED in February.
Here's why. One of my sister's failed the test. She flat out refuses to do things to get her financial house in order, plays a video game half the day, will NOT save her money etc. etc. After Christmas she went into full crisis mode and I ended up $spending$ hours of time straightening out her 💩
I took her off my credit cards, stopped fronting her tax refund as I could see she was not and did not intend to organize and discipline her financial life-i was just being used to keep her game going.
Dealing with their energy also started to cause me to make mistakes-like missing a points redemption deadline and stupidly relying on them to pay a property tax out of state(they didn't and I got fined)
The point you made that eventually it really becomes a tremendous energy drain.
So I told family and friends, no more money this year. I'm exploring my creativity and saving MY MONEY. MY TIME. And probably MY LIFE!!!
I will feed you, give you water to drink , clothes, and shelter(for a short period of time),Help them get money on their own. Other than what I have listed nothing more. Owe no man but to love him.
You know what I realise, I'd rather help a stranger than someone I know. I've helped someone I know SO MUCH that I am barely able to feed myself now. The surprising thing is that person treats me like shit now because I'm unable to help them like I used to. By the way, that person doesn't contact me unless it's to cuss me out.
Exactly, it's tough love. Sometimes negative things are needed for someone to change for the better.
Definitely agree here, you gotta be tough to be kind. If they really need it and don't have it, it's an opportunity for them to grow and become more self sufficient that you would be depriving them of if you helped them out - and you're right, no one wants to feel in debt. Ironically you should only give it if it's not needed, and I'd say only ever a small amount so it is more about the gesture.
Excellent advice I have had to make sacrifices in my life and went without alot so I know what it is like to hit rock bottom. I've been there a couple of times. Now I got wiser and are now in a better position. I still give to those less fortunate and can't say no. Then I wonder why I go without and put my needs on the back burner. You are right people need to make better choices and their choices should not affect us. We struggled so why should they live of us and live the hight life. Thanks for the awesome video God Bless You!
Well said!!
This is the best video I found on the topic on RUclips and it's exactly what I wanted to hear. Especially with Covid, this has become a major issue for me and this is the validation I needed.
Ashamed to say thats how I lost my financial stability when my ex-gf whom decided to quit her job because of frequent overtimes became jobless for years.When she was out of cash and asked for money I borrowed her , she needs a computer but wants an Apple computer I bought it for her thinking at least she could use it to get a job or some online business.Slowly and stupidly my saving accounts and wallet got thinner and there goes my dream of setting up my business.
Sorry but she’s a free loader . It can only get worse, for you.
It took a lot of money to learn this lesson . Quite expensive .
This what I'm guilty of giving money away I'm glad to hear this
please give me 39,353,9330 dollars, i promise my intentions will be to pay you back
Brother plzzz you help mp M muslim but puwar femly for bilom M no wark no joob I have no mony plzzz you give me my whatsapp no 9773565434
Never ! NEVER ! tell your friends or family how much MONEY you earn at your work job !!!!!
“Borrower nor a lender be” W. Shakespeare
I had a close friend/coworker who makes more than I do and asked me for $40. As soon as I said I didn’t have cash on me she ditched me. Good riddance shit bag! No loss to me.
Shit bag 😂
I started lending siblings money out of love and faith and all I ever received back was disrespect (by the lies they made up to suck me financially dry) getting yelled at (for not wanting to give them more money) and being abandoned by not wanting to return the money .
If you give your money to fools they will be broke again tomorrow.
@@BulldogMindset Yep & will always want more.
12:36 where the video get real! My mom is in her 50's and doesn't have retirement savings (we have family abroad, go figure). I'm trying to break that cycle. I've been showing and encouraging her to save by talking about the actions I'm taking to improve my own financial standing. I've told her about long-term care insurance, it's her responsibility to herself. She has time to sort herself out as best as she can. I'm doing what I can for myself too!
In Latino culture, people hussle to feed their kids and expect those kids grow-up to become their ticket to retirement. What they should be doing instead is figuring out how to sort their finances while they are young and before having more children than they can afford. It puts unbelievable pressure on teens and young adults to know their parents are depending on them before they've even lived or had children of their own.
13:46 Holy crap, John, I can't believe you are doing what you want with your hard earned cash I feel entitled to by virtue of being related!?! LOL
That's the same in Asian culture too. Kids are considered a ticket to retirement by parents. That's why comedians always make Asian jokes about Asian parents wanting kids to score A+++ in school and work in careers as doctors or lawyers.
Each word is Gold if someone understands, Thanks for sharing!
It doesn't work like that in our culture. Parents live for kids and kids live for parents. Friends, you are right there.
+piby 180 and no doubt you are a poor culture. No offense. But your life belongs to you. No one else can lay claim to it. A gift not freely give is no gift at all.
Oh John, accept the multicultural BS or you are a racist bigot LOL
My old man sacrificed his life to educate me and bring me upto this level. He gave me everything he had. Taking care of my needs gives him his life's purpose and ultimately made him work harder. Taking care of my family made me work harder now. Its just one more responsibility in addition to paying bills.
I know you are not completely free. But you are not completely free from paying bills either. This is something you have to do no matter what. Put this one additional thing in your have to list. For relatives and friends, I completely agree with you John.
I know everyone doesn't have the same relationship with their parents as I have. In that case, give them what they need, not what they want. But please don't throw them away in their old age.
So, John, let's agree to disagree on this point ;)
I agree, however there is a fine line. If a friend keeps asking you for money and it becomes a pattern because of their irresponsibility then it’s time to say no. If they ask as a once off out of pure desperation then yes, help them.
it always depends on situation... which friend... or family member.... reason for the request.... and so on.... be smart on spending or lending money.... 99% of people asking don't deserve it.
You never loan money to anyone. Tell them that is what banks are for.
Wana lose a friend? borrow him some money.
*loan
I gave a guy money. Kept asking for more although I said I had no more. Blocked him. I'm not Santa. There's no money tree in my yard. I have a negative fortune. If bills grow on my back, you'll be the first to know. Come back then.
m.ruclips.net/video/GlCMYUg3sOM/видео.html
Money you give to friend is pure saving after all your expense. It will never come back. Family is ok in my point of view but not to friends.
Never ever let anyone borrow money they will never pay you back and then get upset with you
Eating ramen and canned food all the time isn't good. It'd be good to buy fruits and vegetables as well. I had a bowl of mangoes, apple, and starfruit one evening and my tummy was more than full. I still thank God for that meal. It didn't cost much and I had a healthy meal.
I love this because the begging is out of control
Thank you I need to hear this kind of perspective, I really need to get my st together and giving to others when I am not even stable money wise
I've lent (give) money to a brother with the only purpose of getting rid of him.
And I've even tell them that, "don't ever talk to me again unless to pay me".
It's quite and effective technique.
You chose to get married at a young age & have a bunch of kids. I hate it when these low life people think you owe them money just because you have it & they don't.
First video on this topic that was clear and made sense. A lot of people literally don’t understand the work it takes
Absolutely 100 % correct!
Ha thanks!
"Bitch you wasnt with me shootin in the gym" FACTS. Amazing video. I dont give money to people for all these reasons and if they choose not to talk to me after that then thats a very easy way to get rid of dead weight in my life
All the people that I have helped came back and hurt me badly.
The last one I was sending her money and she started accusing me of looking down on her.
Wtf,
Woe woe woe woe, where did that stupid ignorant saying come from; "You have money you should share with your family!" Sorry, but that boat don't float! They made bad financial choices in life, while I made solid and stable financial choices. I am not about to give my money away to a person just because they use the phrase, "I'm your family" what a laugh. Not to say I won't or haven't helped family, because I have. But I do it on my terms not theirs. I do not loan and I do not borrow, because I choose to be independent. In order to hit the lottery you must buy a ticket.
jacqueline manzano thank you for your Insight. And this video is on point and so true. I am constantly helping my mother out but she doesn't seem to appreciate it and most of the time I feel I'm doing it out of guilt. Then when I try to give her ways to make a little extra income just to see if she'll follow through she never does any of it but continues to complain about not having money. It makes me sad but I don't think it's helping me and frankly I can't really afford it.
100% agree John, great video.
You made me stop feeling guilty for saying no . god bless you . 😁
You should never feel guilty for saying no to scum bags.
Wow.....this dude just made me loss all my borrowers
The only person Ill pay stuff for without oweing money back are my parents and siblings. Other people, even cousins that Im close with, don’t get a handout
my mother is the worst, she gives all her family members money because of her culture (nigeria) and leaves herself with barely anything i don't know why she does that to herself they never give her anything in return and they constantly beg her for money.
she has put herself in a impossible situation.
i just had a argument with my partner about money, money is always a problem between us, he says when we win the lottery we have to help his brother and i want to help my mum but is that really a good investment like you said because my mum would just give it all away and do nothing with it and would his brother get himself out of a dead end situation that he is is and spend it well? it's all something to think about.
HUYI1
I lived in an African culture as well so i totally get what ur saying
Mothers do it in other cultures too! 😀
I feel you. It's up to you what you do, but I really hope you don't help them out, because in reality, you're not helping them you're only enabling them. And in the end, you'll be left with no money. They'll either be no better off than they were before, or living high on the hog on a count of you. Which will really piss you off. You'll be much happier and much better off if you don't give your money to them.
This our african culture is too bad. Parents see children as their retirement plan. Its one of the reasons why there is a great desire to produce children in africa. Its believed that when one gets old, his/her kids will be sending money to them to survive. Even family members. As the first son, its a great burden on me taking care of the rest of the family. I have put myself in such a difficult situation, and its difficult for me to stop at this time. I am even sponsoring 2 of my siblings in the university, and the third one is about to get admission. The burden is weighing me down, not to progress financially as supposed.
Tanx great advice,I feel tired of being the money tree
A friend asked me for money I cut him off immediately
You made the perfect decision!
If Adam and Eve had done that, we’d all be living in heaven today.
I fully agree. I absolutely DO NOT loan money. I am NOT entitled to your money, and you are not entitled to mine. And while the bootstrap mentality doesn’t work in many ways, I don’t think that enabling is ever helpful. What I will do is give friends, family and clients my acorns link, help them get started on an investment platform that I use, where there will be an equal return for me. I think that’s more than fair.
I think having family and friends hitting you up for money is actually a huge problem that no one likes to talk about. In your case John you can say no, but there are lots of successful people who have family, especially dominating parents, meddle in their lives and they are not strong enough to stand up to it. People who have lots of problems in their life are of course more willing to talk about family problems because they are the cause of the problems.
For me personally Im willing to admit I had problems and made huge mistakes, but now my family identifies me as a 'loser' and scoff at my plans to better myself. So I have to pretty much shut out my family and go it on my own. I can only earn peoples respect by actions, there is no way I can change peoples mind about me any other way.
Every friend who I’ve lent money to disappointed me. Even the kindest, most honourable characters. Charitable people, tree hugging vegan, you name it. Ruthless with money! 🙄💔
I send money abroad every month for my mother. This is something not an option for me but a must. I agree of not lending money to friends though. I guess its okay to give a little but not all of your savings.
The last time I bought credit (minutes) for my phone was in May of this year. I got minutes from a friend for my phone. I don't even use my phone to make calls that much. I hate that I have a coworker who seems to NEVER have minutes on her phone. She's always asking me for a call.
ShiaGirl18 Buy minutes for your phone? I didn’t know you could still do that.
Hi John! Totally agree on the fact that giving money is not a good idea, even to your family (except your wife and kids ofc.). I'd change the word "family" with a more suitable word "relatives", since you've got to give money to your family - your wife, kids etc. Anyways, I'd say that lending money to a reliable person (a good friend) is okay, if you are sure that s/he will give it back someday. Also, I think making presents to people once in a while (especially to your family members) is a good way to go without directly giving them money.
As much as I agree, not everybody automatically has this mindset. But I suppose no body is their teacher but themselves
When they say let me borrow money, what it really means is give me money, and maybe I will pay you back if I feel like it, which is unlikely
I’ve been giving a substantially small amount of money to a Christian family who cant find a job in their current location due to their nationality. I think I’m gonna stop.
They could probably look for jobs online and I don’t even fucking know them, just strangers i met when I was a Christian.
Now, every single month, they ask me if I can help them because they’re in need.
Well guess what, I have struggled too, for the past year I’ve been jobless, depending on money that came every 2-3months to pay my bills.
Every single day for the past year, I have struggled with the soul crushing job market, rejection after rejection, being ghosted time and time again.
I’ve learnt the value of money now. No more.
Thank you dude, for clarifying this to me, I was feeling a bit guilty thinking i’d be stopping despite finally having my own source, but i think it’s time i stopped enabling them
thank you so much i have learn a lot from you i will never give money to anyone even again god bless you big love you saved my life
You are exactly right. If you are from a culture where it is expected of you to give and give and give and give to thise who arent willing to put in the work you put in then when you break from overwork and cant provide anything for the takers then they will become angry with you tirn on you. Better to learn to say know before they push you to thst point !! Thank you sir for helping me to stick to my convictions.
Bro, finally someone who gets it!
I agree. Thanks for telling those points to me.
What a good message and what a level headed approach and advice. I follow the same: and got to say you are a great fellow to help out others in need. I wish I’d do that more often ..your values are good and strong and ones that I would like to propagate as well. Much love and regards from India
Thank you so much for the video I've learned the hard way £5000 never got it back.
zeeshan khan if my brother never bought me anything or gave me any money should I give him money?
i dont watch tv no more. tv is dead, agreed?
btw blood is thicker than water means friends > family, because its short for blood of the brotherhood is thicker than the water of the womb. i think the saying was from ww1 or ww2 soldiers would become better bonded than family, because they both shed blood
oil is thicker than blood so cars > friends, if you've ever had an oil change. And btw, there is more exchange from family to baby than the "water of the womb"? egg and sperm is thicker than blood...
@@218Flow it's a metaphor not a statement of fact. Meaning that the bonds you choose and those you are like are going to be closer then someone you hardly know or like but happens to be related to an aunt you never heard of. Personally I found the quote comforting in the context of emotionally abusive family's.
I learn a lots of this videos.Everything you said is so true.Every single word in your video.Yes indeed it's so true.I agree.If you dont work you dont eat I learn a lot.I know my friend brother just like you mention.Its worse than ever.Totally insane keep asking money.Yes I agree all you said your video helps me a lot too.Thank you so much it helps me so much.
I agree with almost all of this, i agreed that we make difficult choices and sometimes we live a difficult like just to live and look fine.
and some other friends spend their money to the fullest and live very conveniently without thinking of tomorrow and spend lavishly then later come seeking help from the person who spends wisely, we gotta be wise though
Question: Should I charge a family member for my tutoring services? It's another family member who asked on behalf of another. I think the individual thinks I'll do it for free.
Honestly, time is money. I remember the sleepless nights and challenges I had while studying for that degree. I think if the individual is serious about the child's education a payment will be made.
What if your spouse is the one always asking for money and never paying you back?
Learning from my mistakes... unfortunately.
why a bank, with billions of dollars in their pocket won't lend someone 5000$, but me, a non-millionaire would take that risk .. that's why I have one simple rule, I don't lend money
Thais was life changing. You stated it eloquently.
"loaning $$$$!" Hum, once you open that door you are in for a bitter surprise, because you will eventually be hated and called names. People will always take your kindness for weakness and use you like an ATM. I have one policy, "I do not loan and I do not borrow!" If someone is hungry I will buy the food for them as a gift not a loan, and I make it known to them that its a one gift, (ie; no second bite of the apple)!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 @ a 2nd bite of the 🍎
so close to loosing a friend over money he owed me for years
I unfortunately discovered this the hard way I am so stupid of making this stupid mistake
Don’t feel bad. I had to learn the hard way too. Many people do.
All my family and friends are like this even one won’t do that criteria nada so far it works
Thank you, Sir. It helped me a lot. Love from Bangladesh..
Here is my philosophy. Tell them where the horse is, but it's up to them to lead it and to get it to drink. As in if they need help, give them solid advice. Don't do the work for them. If they want it bad enough they will make it happen (like you did)
i couldnt help but notice this handsome guy give the advice for what i searched for and i couldnt hear one thing ....... i was just way to distracted by that smile! What a guy! Sigh!
This video resonated with me. I appreciate the knowledge
My longtime friend asked me for money and I told him no and he kept begging as if he had to be desperate enough for my situation to change. I can’t give to you money and leave myself lacking.
My parents don't have a whole lot of money saved for retirement. I own a business and Ive been giving them a small percentage of my earnings for several years. I want them to be able to have a decent retirement.
If they haven't retired yet stop giving them money every month and save it yourself for them. People bad with finances incease their spending as their income incrrases
I like this because after that long list, they will say never mind!! Haha
I gave some money to a man I love just because I love him! I fancy him so much x he was quite insulted though because he said "I've got my own money, Rose." It upset me that he didnt want my gift although I can understand where he's coming from. It made him feel like he would OWE me something in return. If he was in financial hardship I would give him bloody everything I have.
I love my friends and family and give them money because it makes them happy x money means nothing to me but it means everything to them and so my gift helps them and that means a lot to me. By the way, good job on RUclips and well done and cute American man xxxxx love from NZ xx
This girl and I met on facebook we were cool once and now its a different story aint good either. This a hard lesson that I learned. She asked for money for a new phone I gave that to her. She asked for money for groceries I gave that her. She hit me up for rent money I TOLD HER NO. I asked her u have a job she said no. So she asked me for money for groceries for the 2nd time I said no and she asked me Y. I told her go in person ask for a job. She got the job and starts April 15th til then she wanted me to give her grocery money I said no we argued about from Sunday night to yesterday morning. I can give u advice but I cant keep givin u money and she was rude talkin bad bout people who can help her.
I’ve never once asked money from my friends in 30 years of being friends with them, yet I have one friend that always asks for money. It’s annoying as hell and I’m not a rich guy either I got my own problems.
I was looking at this video because a friend just asked me for money which I dont want to give, during my 20s I used to work in the gulf where I earned lots of money but I gave it all to my father who in gave it to people on interest but ended up losing all my money including his and I as well gave many people money thinking i am helping and no one gave it back, now occasionly I get people asking for money but I rather lose their friendship or relationship than giving away money which I worked my but off for and made sarifices to save...............
Man!! i totally agree with you. One of my relative's spouse passed away because of cancer, leaving behind 3 girl childs. Marrying a girl child in India is expensive and there was no source of income for them. They asked us for help, we provided them our hard owned money so that happiness can come again in their life. They had promised they would return the money once their financial condition is good or by saving every penny. Its been so many years but we couldnt get back a single penny when we had our hard financial times. The reason being their habits of unnecessary expenses and whatever you can say.
it depends on what kinds of friends or relatives you have. But I would totally agree with John as per my bad experience.
Expensive? Bru Indian men outnumber women in India. Men pay families with a lot of females.
I've been giving a friend of mine money as a gift for 4 months now but Im seriously thinking to stop sending them money and walk away just end the friendship because they're using me
Just found this video. Very timely for me.
It works both ways in terms of being hated by the debtor. Back in 2011-12 I went through hard times. It got really bad. No one would help. Eviction defense did save my apartment though with a short term loan.(Which I repaid) But what really hurt were the three people I had helped in the past-two of whom got their legal money because of my help and who then felt I was beneath consideration because I asked to borrow 20$ for food. I had to get welfare payments anf food stamps for two months.
Shortly after, in 2012 I inherited, retired early and went travelling. But I learned to save and invest and save some more. I also decided I would NEVER be humiliated again for lack of money-not friends, family, government agencies etc.
To this day I have a cold hatred for the three who refused to help me back then. Two of them have disappeared and another one I see occasionally in the neighborhood but I made it clear that our association is over.
And like they say, living well is the best revenge.
What really affirmed my new mindset and all the work I put into financial education was the pandemic. It felt wonderful to not need an unemployment check, a stimulus check, a food bank, a rent bailout. In other words the hard work and sacrifice paid off with strength, stability and solvency in this storm that decimated many others.😊
That really sucks. Had to learn this the hard way. I tried helping a friend when she needed help. I went over to help her even borrowed money and it's been a really long time and now she got offended when I asked her if she could start paying me back.