S1E3: How to Handle a Bully in the Workplace
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2025
- What do you do when HR is the bully. This person was forced to quit because of how bad HR was including lying, bullying and just in general being completely awful.
What is worse is that the company treated the whole thing like a joke when there were very real consequences for what was going on. It really is terrible management.
What is especially telling about this episode is that Steph was an experienced member of the team. She was on the Senior Management Team and was in line for promotion to Managing Director. And yet she struggled and so it is important to recognise that.
#hr #quitting
Having someone like that in hr is so much more dangerous though. They are literally in a position to know more about other employees than anyone. Biggest mistake anyone can make is trusting hr fully. They are there to protect the company from you, not the other way around.
Very well said!
Absolutely. However, when I complained about HR to HR, I got an HR manager instead. That manager worked with me instead against me.
Too true, my line manager is Hr and it is so difficult- like where do I even lay complaints, about things she has said and done that are unfair, and bullying.
@@@nightshadepurplebroom3516there will be a policy for this, but I'd raise it with the CEO.
It should be but it's not. Outside help is the only effective protection. I have always found HR is the right hand of the execs and brand.
Pathological Liars are the WORST thing to have to deal with at work. Hope she finds a better company to work for!
Agreed!
I can handle a lot but lying, just no.
@@Ben-Askins I have been seeing your shorts for a while and have now subscribed I was wondering if I can share my story with you in the hopes that you can pass it onto others? I had toxic management in every role I held up until 2 years ago, and the difference a supportive manager makes is just indescribable, and over the last 2 years I have progressed about 10 years. If there is somewhere I can share this with you can you let me know please, if not thank you for sharing this and highlighting the issues we face, it has made me feel seen and validated and has helped me heal from the absolute trauma.
Pathological liars are a walk in the park, when compared to a boss who is a psychopath. I only survived as long as I did because he needed me. But he would torment like a cat with a mouse.
@@davinasquirrel7672the 2 usually go hand in hand.
Believe me things like this can happen to anyone in any position. I’m a ex military officer who’s spent his entire working life leading and managing people, and only last year I was subjected to a extended campaign of backstabbing and two faced harassment at a position where I was highly respected by most and high up in the company. These three juniors basically attempted to destroy my reputation and almost succeeded! I ended up walking away from a position I loved, took a year off to recover, and am now doing something completely different.
I worked for a boss that was a bully. She'd pick one of her staff and make unreasonable demands, scream at the employee in public, and, basically set rules for that employee that made it impossible to get the job done. I watched this happen to several colleagues, and watch them leave. And then it was my turn. I was a single mom with two kids, so I couldn't just leave. By the time I found a new job, I was a total mess. Although my boss was well known in the organization to be "difficult," HR did absolutely nothing.
I had one boss like that once. I left. I decided it just wasn't worth it. It makes me angry that people like this exist. I retrained after that, and I have a much better job in a different field now. I am glad in a way because I am much happier (and wealthier) where I am now. But at that time, I cried hard.
Thankfully I've never had anything quite that extreme, but I had one supervisor who was always an asshole to me, constantly telling me I was too slow, did everything wrong etc. So eventually I realised no matter how hard I tried I would be criticized anyway, and I didn't care anymore. Very occasionally I would get a different supervisor who was great and then I'd actually put in effort. Months after I left that job I found out I wasn't the only one, she did this same shit to everyone, but singled us out individually, classic bully tactic.
@@alliedatheistalliance6776 I yell back, they don't like that. Lol
The company got rid of one bad apple, but at the same time lost a valuable employee. Bosses also have a duty to ensure that bullying does not occur in the workplace. The fact that the boss was not surprised is also a sign boss ignored the situation where he shouldn't have. Maybe they'll also learn something from this.
Couldn't agree more, very nicely put!
@@Ben-AskinsHas anyone told you that you give out golden retriever vibes?😄
I have worked in a place where the boss was the bully and liar before and when I called HR about him as soon as I came of the phone he came to me and that’s when I learnt HR was protecting him so I just said who can I trust no one I left that job in the next week
@@asap5594 Good for you fot leaving the toxic environment. It's funny how we always teach kids how not to bully and how to report bullying, but at the same time we act like we're in a kinderkarten in the workplace. It's no wonder Gen Z resists, because we've taught them that.
I’ve seen the trend of management regarding humans the same way as they do machines: so long as they are moving, ignore any problems until they are broken. All reactive, no proactive.
Bullies are often ignored, because they are either mistakenly seen as effective leaders, or inconsequential or quirky problems.
HR is a magnet for people like that. Always be on the lookout for them, always document every interaction and as soon as you can prove a lie, report it.
I'm in a union workplace. Always ask for a union rep. I'm not sure if it's similar in other countries, but in america we have Weingarten rights which are liken unto miranda rights but for work.
@@Yeremyahu Yessir! I'm a union man myself.
always take in someone neutral, i always aim for someone that i know is straight down the line but not too close to me. I want them say it exactly how it is and be trusted/close to the upper part of the company that will be reviewing it or making a decision, theyll probably trust that person more than me, the other party or HR
@@JW-qf2fx screw neutral. I'm taking my union rep
@@Yeremyahu not many have union reps outside of the US...
Thank you for posting this and thank you to Steph, I ecperianced bullying in my first proffesional job. The amount of pathological lying and bullying I experienced was horrible.
I am sorry to hear that, really hope you are doing ok!
@@Ben-Askins thank you, it did get me for some time, they used my dyslexia against me. I would agree document document document. I wrote down everything date time, what was said and the context.
My sister experienced bullying in a former job. She was repeatedly picked on by one member of staff. Then on one occasion an incident happened that was not her fault in anyway and the bully took pleasure in blaming my sister. My Mum who has a law degree basically stood up for my sister by taking the evidence of all the bullying to the owner. But in the long term we all agreed that my sister was better off out of that situation z
@@travelwell6049 I hope your sister is ok?
I think psychopaths are more likely to be promoted to managerial positions because they are regarded as being able to make the harsh decisions without any empathy for someone's situation, ie firing someone who got pregnant so they don't have top pay maternity leave. But I wonder if in the long run these psycho/ sociopaths actually cost the company more in terms of losing good employees, or having bad relationships with customers or other companies.
I am a student in business management and it absolutely baffles me, how can a company hire such managers and how prevalent it is... It's not like if you treat employees well, they'll likely go to the hell and back for you in return. It's not like those issues are invisible to higher management. How does that keep happening......
Another great episode, she handled this situation really well and should be proud to have done the right thing.
Couldn't agree more
Similar experience where my direct line manager would constantly lie. Eventually went above them to both H.R. and the M.D. of the Country. The response was essentially "we know what they do" but then did nothing about it. Why? I assume because the department continued to deliver on time so such things were tolerated. Left the company and am now in a much better but more important, honest and competent, company.
Beware of narcissists in the workplace!
my first ever job was a kitchen hand at a quite pretentious restaurant connected to a successful winery.
there were plenty of red flags that everyone assured me i could ignore with the sheer informality of starting work there and it only got worse.
kitchens are tough, i get that. but this was actuslly dangerous.
firstly, they never gave me proper training. they simply pointed out where the cooler room and nothing more. i was then expected to immediately be perfect at everything. every other kitchen hand there was given one responsibility and i was given the 3 person job of washing up the never ending flow of washing dishes, putting things away, making pizzas on the other side of the building, cleaning the entire kitchen every 5 minutes, and more. and if i was at any point not doing any one of these things, the head chef would yell at me. so all the time. and it was personal insults too.
anyway, there was another chef who would intentionally do things incorrectly and make a mess, break things, and would also dump entire tubs of oil and knives into the sink. i got blamed for 4 separate instances of the sink being clogged.
i was also paid the bare minimum.
i would come home every day with burns and cuts so bad i needed bandages all the way up my arms and my arms are permanently scarred.
i also worked 10 hour shifts without any breaks.
one day i had a panic attack and was bleeding everywhere. the head chef came over and told me to off myself. and then when i said nothing, she went back inside and told the rest of the crew i had said horrible things to her.
i came back inside and at the end of my shift she showed me photos of mold on a plate that the health inspector found the previous week. she blamed me. i told her i hadnt worked in weeks because i had been sick. she then said "just because you werent there doesnt mean we want mold on our plates. get your act together" what????
then the restaurant manager showed up and told me i need to be a team player. after his rant, i asked if they had any bandages on site as my apron was covered in my blood and i really didnt want my car to be covered in it again. he then yelled at me as i walked to my car, walking with me. he told me i need to toughen up and stop complaining (i never complained to anyone once. i kept that to myself the whole time)
then he punched my car door.
i was never rostered a shift again.
I'm a chef and the very first thing I learned in my training was: "Dammit, hold your knife with the blade facing downwards when you walk across the room....Clean up your shit yourself at your work station..... And never, really never, throw knives or sharp machine parts into the sink "(my teacher's words, well and loudly shouted... my ears are still ringing from it today)... the risk of injury is simply too high, because you Don't you see it when the sink is full because of the foam....or other things that someone could possibly put on it.
Where did these idiots learn their damn job?
I always thought this was basic knowledge in the kitchen.
@@andreamuller9009 oh they knew it. they told me every time i ended up getting hurt and laughed about it.
there was one instance that i stood back and made eye contact with a chef dumping cheese and knives into the sink and he smiled at me. i told the head chef and she simply said (after also being mere feet away from this happening) that i was clearly making stuff up and to never run my mouth about someone else who's "worth more"
Gaslighting in the workplace. Ive experienced it too, and I feel like some of it has to do with jealousy
Loving these videos brining up toxic work actions/people/environments and calling them out 🙌🏻 ❤️ The more we are all aware of these toxic traits the easier it makes it for all of us to not stand them together ❤️
You guysss! really needed this video. Ive been bullied out of 3 jobs and left due to anxiety of it.
great video, so many of these ring true. in a good place now but been through some crazy situation in my career. good advice and good to show other people that they are not alone when dealing with this situation.
This is incredibly disturbing because this sound EXACTLY what my old workplace was like, one girl was telling me my boss wanted to fire me and that my manager was saying things about me. Eventually I went up to my boss and asked him directly, which made all the lies unfold right before my eyes! She would make up lies about colleagues saying things about eachother.... I'm so glad I left my old place!
Here's a subtle tip that I learned the hard way: If you ever go to a job interview and once you're behind closed doors, the interviewer immediately starts trash-talking their other employees, RUN, don't walk, away from that job! Especially if the person doing the interviewing is one of the owners of the company! That is a BIG red flag to tell you that this is a toxic, maybe even hostile, work environment and NONE OF US deserve that mess! If they will trash-talk their other employees like that behind their backs and undermine their other employees in more ways than one, they will do the EXACT SAME THING to you! YOU ARE BETTER THAN THAT AND YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT!!! Know your worth and keep on looking and don't settle for anything less! You WILL find a workplace who knows your worth and values you properly, even if you have to start your own business!
YOU 👏🏻 ARE 👏🏼 WORTH 👏🏽 IT 👏🏾 TO 👏🏿 TAKE 👏🏾 CARE 👏🏽 OF 👏🏼 YOURSELF 👏🏻 !!!
This has been your Public Service Announcement! 📣
Making a paper trail is the hardest concept I've had to get across to family members. Their response is "They (HR) won't DO anything, so why bother?" I tell them it doesn't matter if HR takes appropriate action or not. The paper trail is for YOU. For your attorney and to prove that HR did or did not do their ob correctly.
You writing down, dating and signing what happened is documenting the occurrence. You provide HR with a photocopy of your complaint (even if it is the main manager or even the head of HR that you are complaining about) and even if they do nothing, you still have a record of what happened, of your complaint. This gives YOUR attorney something to work with and lays the inaction squarely at the feet of HR.
If you can get incriminating emails or texts, even better.
The paper trail is critical and it is to protect you.
Had a similar experience at a Co I was in about 15 years ago, I d had a previous review which was great, everyone was happy with my performance, etc..then I’d had a minor disagreement with my manager (short story is the manager wanted me to do something slapdash to try to win an account with a big brand, that would make the Co look unprofessional, I called the manager out on it, and did it as professionally as I could in the limited time they’d given me)
My next review was terrible all across the board, HR (good friends with the manager) basically delivered a total character assassination, I was supposed to sign the review, I refused, I was fuming! Said manager had previous, she’d only got the manager role by backstabbing the previous manager who’d just been promoted, making up lies about him while he was on holiday, he was demoted back to his previous position on return!)
I obviously started looking for a new job, and left soon after.
People who lie needlessly and regularly are living in a fantasy world.
Had similar. Doing a role for 5 years with no disciplinary, was hardly ever off sick, internal users always said I was helpful. Went for the interview for the perm role as it was a temp for 5 years. The interview went well, answered all the questions correctly, the customer service question was a real world incident that happened that I resolved. My ex-manager was in the interview and said did really well. Then their HR came along as said I didn't get it, they went external instead. To a person who had no history there etc. It was clearly rigged. Had a chat with HR after who made shit up, but I kept a recording of that meeting. I should of taken it further but had no support or funds to take it further. About a year later I did a SAR regarding this situation and the people who I knew would of been involved, they fobbed me off. First incorrectly telling me I had to visit the site to prove who I was, but I pointed out SAR allows you to do it electronically. Eventually they made bullshit up saying they "lost the e-mails requested". All a scam.
I am a senior and I feel for this woman, I am in a contract position and the current company I work for is a joke. The whole SMT is incapable of basic function, even my manager quit, so I am just biding my days. The company will not last I can see the downfall, and it's all due to mismanagement, and there is nothing that I can do, but just watch it burn.
Just found this channel and love it 😂
Internal roles should be advertised with the hiring manager so you apply for it through them. HR should be a secondary concern initially.
Secondly the colleagues who didn't call out this toxic colleague earlier take some of the blame here as it allowed poor practice and culture to fester in the organisation.
Thank you for sharing.
This is the way our company does it. An internal EOI goes out to all employees with the EOI to go to the hiring manager.
We've had a HR person claim "I never saw or touched those e-mails". We could see from the logs that person had seen the emails and deleted them without even reading them. Nothing was done regarding that person. Had another incident with the same HR person years later and again I could see from the logs they were lying. But again, nothing was ever done.
Hospitality and Catering ..certainly has its fair share !..
Bullies not just Male , 2 Female Surprisers, caused so much mischief and mayhem, unfortunately they got away with it , they caused stress amongst workers , by their lies and attitudes!.,it was horrendous!.
The GM also Female , just made everyone , feel like crap.
The way she spoke to us ,
My Restaurant Manageress walked , taking the the Male Supervisor with her , she asked me to go with another colleague, unfortunately it was to far away for me to travel..
But I lasted another week, gave my notice in , I informed the GM .. she turned round and said ..oh that’s alright your only a casual worker !…been there 3 years , often called in on days off etc…glad to be out of that hotel , horrendous place to work ..
I was working between 40/45 hours..
I want to thank you for your videos! I got an email asking me to zoom interview for a job three hours after the email arrived I said I was studying for the rest of the day but would be available all day tomorrow! She returns email back 3 hrs later, at 3 pm asking could I zoom in at 5pm! I immediately returned with I have been offered another job, so thanks but no thanks! Too many red flags!
This lady is a small time hero. She is right, she has protected everyone else in the company. Because if this was happening to her, a senior position, imagine how much it is happening to everyone more junior than her on down!
I interned for a startup about 20 years ago for a whopping 23k salary and no paid overtime. And was told after completing 2 years, I'd be in the 40k range as they advertised, so I worked very hard towards that. One afternoon I often worked late and an indirect manager messaged me stating her shoulder was killing her and I offered a shoulder rub. A few minutes later came into my office. Being in my early 20s and geeky I was not exactly in familiar territory and she was my senior by about 15 years, I thought a bit of flirting could be fun and maybe later romance might happen... Like in an anime. BOY was I wrong!
Prior to this, we had no super personal conversations during lunches or what not, at best a nod or smile, but this time it was different, we got to talking and it was fun, educational and personal. The back rub it seems was also excellent and lead from one thing, to another. I kept myself strictly pg13 because I was especially shy, while she was to 3rd base if you're a baseball fan.. Immediately afterwards, said she felt a bit bad and I said, "We're adults, what happened, happened, but if it's not what you want then we can leave it at just the once."
At the time, I was a little disappointed it went no further. I found out later I would be glad.
Fast forward a bit later, I was appointed directly to her programming team. This was on a new system and completely different language so I fumbled a good bit. My third year review arrived soon after this and I received an absolutely scathing performance review and there was no hope of a raise above new-hire pay, let alone the recruiters promises of 40+. I had three years of hard work wiped out by not being able to catch on quickly enough I thought.
I then politely requested a 1:1 meeting, she hadn't said a word to me or warned me I was going to be thrashed in a review for a couple weeks worth of struggling. Especially when she was happy to help out other interns when they had questions or made mistakes. She said, "I can not show any favoritism, people might find out... about...that." I said, "Well, I appreciate the honesty, but that's between us and I never expect favoritism, but fairness isn't too much to ask." She frowned and stomped off.
As I completed my annual review with the lead (her boss) I was all but fired for the poor performance rating. I said, "Well, I was hoping for some mentorship, but (she) is very busy assisting others, so I feel I fell through the cracks, but could we not include my prior managers feedback? The lead goes, "Well, be better than that guy." and he pointed to a friend who was absolutely amazing with programming and was on the project for years.. not just a couple weeks like me. I later found out he received a glowing review, so I knew I was stuffed. I politely requested a new team or moved back to my old one, but was declined and I could see my career going precisely nowhere.
So I while on lunch, I sat in my car I was pretty upset and sick to my stomach and couldn't shake the nauseated feeling the whole time, so I called in and said I'm going to go home as I dont feel well. My supervisor said, "okay" and that was it. I got some medicine and went home, rested and went back in the following morning and within minutes my access had been removed and told "go home, you're done." I got no severance, no nothing. just my last paycheck and that's it.
Fast forward to unemployment phone calls with a case handler person, where the company TRIED repeatedly to deny my unemployment!
Call 1 - UE Operator, "They said you quit." and I said, "That's not correct, I was told to go home..." So the reviewer said I'll ring back
Call 2 - UE Operator, "Now they're saying you walked off the job..." I said, "I went home sick at lunch and the next day told me to go home" So they said they'd call back
Call 3 - UE Operator, "Now they're saying you took too much sick time and that was the last warning... how many days off have you taken this year?" I reply, "The half day."
Then they go, "and in the last three years, any other sick days?"
I said, "Four in all... The four days was almost two years ago when I caught H1N1 flu and was in hospital. I have paperwork for that if you need it.
Then they said, "No need, thank you. Their story changes each time they are on the phone, so I'm awarding you immediate unemployment."
I never fault people for being human or making mistakes out of er.. passion, but that was pretty awful treatment afterwards, especially for a newbie! It nearly put me off working in an office or software ever again! Also, with no severance, no warnings, but claiming I was habitually out sick could have caused me absolute financial ruin!
I was told when going for another job after being made redundant by a another retail business that i didnt have enough retail experience for the role i went for even though i worked in that exact area for 16yrs
I complained about a toxic manager, higher manager said well she's (nationality) you just have to expect that from her. I said, well two customers already asked me if I want help filing legal abuse charges against her, so either you put her attitude on a leash, or I take them up on their offer and put her in court.
Contact ACAS and go for constructive dismissal. The HR person is indemnified by the company. Even if she's been sacked. Get it in writing if possible, and be part of a Union. You have 3 months minus one Day to file for UD if you resigned and served no notice. Get legal advice.
Wow keep making this kind of Videos 😮
Ben, Im really loving your content. Im a gen Z trying to find their way through the corp world. How would one get in touch with you? There a many issues going on at my workplace that are making it a very toxic environment and im not sure how to navigate it.
I would sue that company for knowing about what she does and still keeping her employed there and messing with your career.
i got an idiot at work who always makes snide comments and calls me names for just working overtime, comments like "i know how to manage my money", well i got a family to feed, medical bills to pay, other payments, he is single and and no major bills,
I question the call from the HR person to tell Steph they were a sure thing for the job. Anyone who knows how HR works, especially in the UK will know that the HR person might be on the panel but she doesn’t make any decisions regarding the hiring of the people interviewed, if anyone was going to send a message of “you’re a sure thing" it would be the department head or the lead person on that panel. The fact that Steph highlighted she already suspected this HR person as acting inappropriately but then goes on to believe every word she says makes me think there is more to this story. My wife is an HR Consultant and often is involved in investigations, I’ve heard so many “I’m innocent, they had it in for me" stories, this video is half the story, remember that.
The thing is here, whilst terrible, if she'd witnessed this happening to someone else, she'd have towed the company line and sided with the perpetrators, everyone always does.
This griefs me. I have so many times seen the effects of these pathological liars, who are idiots as well, work out in the office. Management knows but have all these bullsh** reasons for not firing these people, usually money or long-standing loyalty of these sh**** people. Especially if people claim that the working culture is of prime importance sending people like this off should be a no-brainer.
The 1st caller sounded like Sarah Lancashire.
And if the perpetrator had taken the psychometric tests they would have flagged them as being a sociopath! When you get rogue employees like this the person who has employed them needs to be looked at too.
From the little that has been said here, it may be worth Steph's while talking to an employment solicitor. From personal experience it would seem that she has a case for unlawful constructive dismissal. Assuming that you're in the UK
The bottom line is that all employers are taking advantage of you, and all employees are being taken advantage of. The minutiae of how that happens, which is the subject of the channel, is inconsequential.
What exactly in an “invaluable” lesson? Having said that, this employee has not been treated fairly.
record every thing is my tip.
Would it be reasonable to ask for a third person at meetings ?
It is perfectly reasonable to ask for a fellow employee or union representative or even second manager in meetings
In fact it's not just reasonable, you have a legal right to have one other person with you at any formal meeting. They can be a union representative and/or another employee, and nobody else.
Ben…how do I get in touch with you. I’ve got a good story.
Sounds like grounds for constructive dismissal
Leave and find another job. Do not waste your time on this nonsense.
Narcissist
classic mean girl attitude?
This should be criminal. That person should be jailed