When I was 15, on my second date with my boyfriend, someone jumped out and scared the both of us in his car. (We had just seen the first Halloween movie - it was early in 1979). He screamed; I peed my pants - literally. He didn't say anything, he just drove me home. I am now 60 and we just celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary.
I don't think people realize how much this can hurt others, especially in childhood. My grandmother always hated how I dressed, not feminine enough, not put together enough, just never enough. I still have resentment towards her for it even though she died years ago. Paired with being made fun of by classmates for having frizzy hair, not dressing in the right clothes, and basically just being poor, left me with a lot of anxiety about the way I dress and look in general. I don't care as much now, but the effects of that behavior as a child still lingers in the corners of my mind everyday.
@@PeculiarGirlKelly You’re perfect the way you are, you were never supposed to be like those boring people that surrender their being to somebody’s made-up version of majority behavior, aka “normal!” Wishing you all the best, that you at least have a nice way to cope (I’ve heard journals and memos are nice to get those feelings out) and that you have room to recover maybe a little more! ❤️
The fact it's still an ongoing issue for wearing all black is insane. I'm also 32 and my parents still make comments about my lack of interest in soft feminine colors, now it's just white noise in the background because I simply don't care anymore. Kids should be encouraged to embrace their true selves. Confidence is a total game changer.
I wear colors in a professional setting, but mostly dark and black outside of those days (so, the weekend and holidays). It's great that people cannot figure me out at all. I actually like the mysterious vibe I give off. It's even better when people find out what music genre I listen to (and you're darn right I sing along) mostly. I always laugh and ask them what they thought I'd listen to. I usually get a form of "I don't know, but rock would have been near the bottom of that list" and then I giggle like a school girl while singing Korn. All the haters will hate, but I'm comfortable with who I am. One of my good friends told me once "those who don't mind, matter. Those who do mind, don't matter."
My wife wore a black ball gown to our handfasting wedding. She was so beautiful. The first time she saw it, she smiled so hard she gave herself a cramp in her cheek.
My work clothes are black jeans, black shoes, black shirt, green apron. And the wildest collection of earrings! I just got a set of bat earrings. The one time I wore a dress to work when I was not working, my coworkers could only stare in surprise. I rarely wear feminine things, so I guess they were surprised that I do have a female body, still.
I had only seen his reels before and didn’t realize how big of a space he was running in, so I just assumed he had a big backyard - not that he was waving giant flags around in a Public Park 🤣😂
You should watch more videos. He's mentioned a few times that it is a public park. I'd also join the flag squad but I'm out West. Several days drive and a way too expensive airplane ticket for my income away from you and your beautiful girlfriend.
The story about making the boyfriend cry by calling him smart is basically how my husband and I got engaged. We were cuddling in bed after finishing some "activities" and talking about just random things and being lovey. At one point in the conversation, my husband said, "I just don't understand why you would like me." I'm autistic so I did not realize this was a rhetorical question, so I just started listing off everything I love about him, even the things that pretend to hate (he is a pun master and one must groan if they're not telling the joke). Then he started crying, and I panicked, thinking I had done something bad. He then asked me to marry him because "No one had ever told me why they like me." Our 10th anniversary is in December, and he still looks at me the same way he did that night.
@princessbuttercup5928 Oh, it gets better. When we were planning the wedding, at one point I got frustrated and threw the thing we were looking at across the room and said, "Sometimes I wish we could just go to the courthouse!" (We were both frustrated at the book, so he encouraged the toss). Cue the following: Him, looking confused: wait... you didn't want the big wedding? Me: I thought you wanted the big wedding. Him: I thought you wanted the big wedding So we went to the courthouse and spent the wedding money on the honeymoon.
@KOKO-uu7yd Yeah, I think a big part of it was that we both had abusive childhoods and were nerdy college age folks with very few friends at the time, so we didn't really have a lot of family we wanted to be there. We had a small ceremony that lasted 58 seconds exactly. It was hilarious.
I felt this strongly too. As a kid, I wet the bed a lot. Sleepovers were a nightmare. I was a young adult before I found out it was an allergy to caffeine.
I have an overactive bladder plus childhood trauma that caused bladder issues (ex step father would physically and mentally abuse me from 2-5 years old anytime I had an accident) and up till 3rd grade I had accidents at school (to this day I still have leaks not full blown accidents but I've gotten pretty good at hiding it). Up till I had my youngest at 34 years old I had regular accidents at night. I've met some understanding people but far too many can be people you think you can trust who year you down as soon as they find out or who just bully you from the get go. It's so hard to have any confidence dealing with something like that and it can be lonely trying to keep others from knowing about it. I'm so happy my daughters never have to deal with it, they both have full control of their bladders and my oldest has been to so many sleep overs never once having to be scared about her body betraying her
“Honey that guy with the giant green flag is back.” “Is he running around with it?” “He sure is.” “Well good for him. It’s nice to see young folk getting exercise.”
Someone said once when you're with the right person you can't do anything wrong, and when you're with the wrong person you can't do anything right. Shy bladder guy you don't need to worry if you're with Ms Right. Also that no dress green flag nope leap was amazing.
@Myatheroses I was just thinking this. Ya' know what tho? It's their bad. You're amazing and they might just be envious. Live your best life. Hurt people really do hurt people. I realized mine are repeating what they learned but that stops with me. Heal. Love yourself. *Remember you're meant to be here* 😘💎✌🏾❤️
The thing about the ADHD and doing badly in school... is that the school follows a linear routine, does everything the same for everyone. But that's NOT helpful to a curious mind that likes to pursue what appeals to it at different times, which being able to do so feeds that mind even better. You have to work WITH their flow, not try to confine and box them into conforming to someone else's standard. It's the ADHD students that are potentially THE BRIGHTEST IN THE SCHOOL, from my personal experience.
We're some of THE most eager to learn people out there, and the rigid structure we're put in stifles that! I could go on for HOURS about topics like niche partitioning and allopatry because the mechanics of evolutionary biology are just absolutely fascinating to me. I always excelled in bio class and english language class, never needed any help - but when I struggled in math or geography, there was suddenly no such thing as a little leniency.
ADHD person here. It’s so frustrating knowing that I am smart, knowing that I USED to perform top of my class, and now I just can’t anymore. Started failing in 9th grade and dropped out in 10th. I’ve been homeschooled since, and it is the BIGGEST blessing. I understand now how much school just sucks for anyone that’s different.
The hiperfocus on random very specific things can be sooo helpful in learning. But it's discouraged in schools, you can't take your time to learn, you can't do what you need to learn better, it's so controlling... not good for anyone. I've always liked learning, school tried to kill this joy so many times... Now I'm homeschooled and I miss my classes during the summer (in my country homeschooled children still have to belong to a school, I go to a homeschooling school and it provides us teachers, psychologists, optional classes, meetings and stuff like that. An amazing, understanding community. Never once have I felt discriminated here. Only the outsiders keep saying how stupid we are, while students from our school get around the same effects on outside exams. Even better in some cases. Like foreign to us English language. We're like 10% ahead. But you know, homeschooling stupid and for lazy people. While we're more succesful)
I think it's actually a little worse than that. As someone who always got top grades in school, you can get to do more self-directed learning in special tracked programs. I remember being in school and realizing I got to learn about what I wanted and read more interesting books, but it was the kids who struggled who needed that kind of individualized learning more. Those of us in the top programs and classes could have done pretty well on our own with the basics, and it was students who struggled who needed the best teachers and the more individualized attention we got. Instead, we were treated as the reward for the best teachers. Which I guess makes sense in our world, because we garnered them approval and visibility, and even state jobs are treated as a competitive hierarchy. No one saw when teachers turned regular c mostly d students to c mostly b students, even though that's a bigger accomplishment than helping an A+ student excel. You know one of the reasons they made college more expensive is because they wanted to cut down on the numbers of college grads expecting managerial positions and higher salaries, because they knew there weren't enough positions at that level? We really need to rethink what we value most as a society.
My son (who has ADHD) constantly has thoughts or stories he wants to share. His kindergarten teacher and the assistant teacher always made a point to stop what they were doing to listen, because they loved those stories. It meant so much to me and my son!!
@@tajemna99 good news! People and experiences like this exist! I have had many attempts to write an explanation in a concise manner but I could not I write too many words! So just live with the fact that they do exist and you can’t stop them from existing:)
I'm a female in my 30s, recently diagnosed with ADHD. (Your blind pigeon analogy was spot on, btw.) I'm looking back on how rough school was sometimes, when only boys could have ADD, and realizing where certain help could've made a real difference. Or at least not being made to feel crazy or wrong for not understanding things the way other kids did. That story was so sweet
I know, especially when you're quiet anyway, so the teachers never realised I needed help (that and I was bored out of my mind) and as an adult I realise how stressed out I was trying to keep up. I hated DT because they told you what to do for the next few lessons all at once and I couldn't never remember what to do.
I have a question: do you think it would be beneficial to test ALL children for ADHD at a certain age? To try and avoid letting kids with ADHD slip through the cracks and go undiagnosed? Or do you think that wouldn't help?
Being diagnosed as a kid doesn't help if the people in your life refuse to accommodate you. Believe me, I know. I'm a [cis] woman who was diagnosed at a young age but it didn't help. Everyone still held me personally accountable for my failings and gave no shits about how they treated me. It's bittersweet seeing ADHD kids get so much understanding and help now, meanwhile, I'm still meandering through life (at 40) because no one helped me and no one will help me. I'm boned. People may care when I'm 60-70 (because how cute, granny's trying to make something of herself before she kicks it,) but there's just zero empathy for people my age. We're all expected to have our shit together and _do the thing_ by now, no matter how much life has failed us.
@jupitersnoot4915 Well, in my country (we have free healthcare), they are still struggling with the backlog from the pandemic, so we're talking years just to have an assessment. In fact, neurodivergent adult services (especially for ADHD) are virtually non-existent, so a lot of people have to go private for just an assessment. There is a distinct lack of awareness about the condition, especially how it presents in women and girls who are statistically underdiagnosed, especially in childhood, where it's really beneficial to have support.
@@NoirRaven There are free resources online to sort through your symptoms and find ways to accommodate. Don’t forget about the communities of people who share your experience and may have some good advice!
College was so much better than high school. You take the classes you want when you want. I took a lot of classes on Coursera when they first launched and were free. Learned so much.
I did some weird nonconforming behaviors through high school, broke some teachers brains hilariously well when trying to learn just what I wanted. And long and short of it is; I had at least 2 classes where I attended every single day, did not disrupt class, and was a polite and perfect student... except for the fact I did no work at all for the entire semester. No classwork, no homework. If there was any kind of absolutely required test every student was obligated to take, I would take it. End result: In each class that I did nothing but listen and draw, I passed the finals with an A. I even passed some tests that the most studious kids could only get Bs for. I learned everything or more than most kids that did all the work... because I wasn't being pressured to learn in a way that I didn't need to. I just listened and absorbed everything that interested me, or was explained in a decent way.
Same. Only they tested me, decided I was gifted, then spent the next 7 years acting like the only reason I didn’t make the honor roll was because I didn’t try hard enough. It’s not easy onyour self-esteem when you’re told you’re smart and a failure by turns.
@BeeWhistler same. I. would usually Ace test, but dopped a letter or 2 for not doing homework. I had an algebra class where me an another guy would play cards during the lecture. She would give the class about 20 minutes to start the homework after the lecture and during that time, I would read the text book, teach the other guy what we were supposed to know and do a couple of the homework problems. Luckily, the teacher got over quickly and the didn't mind as long as we didn't disrupt the rest of the class. It's so nice to know there are others out there like me. High school was 25 years ago for me so there was no way to know there were other people out there like me.
Do people often tell you that you have a really comforting voice? Even when you're running around with those giant flags, something about your voice feels like a warm hug.
I agree. He has a calm, soothing voice. I love the things he says when he's running with the flags. But sometimes, I think he's maybe too much on the woman's side.
@kayceetaylor2151 Hey sister, I'm a 58 yo masculine man. I completely understand what you are saying, but he is kind soul and does his best to see everything from both points of view. I praise him for that. If he does overcorrect, I truly believe it is out of empathy. Please don't take this as any form of criticism. I don't mean it that way.
The bridesmaid attire: So happy that 15-year-old niece has someone in her family to advocate for her! She probably gets harassed by her immediate family on a daily basis, and they probably are going to keep on harassing her.
Definitely a lot more worse now that her ""ideals"" are being supported by extended family my guess. Disgusting. Some people doesn't deserve to be abused like this.
yeah - at some point it's probably going to come down to supporting the niece or the parents in a more permanent way, and I know which side of that I would want to be on - the niece's. So I wouldn't burn that bridge for the wedding.
Ya, I feel so bad for the girl, I go through the same stuff with my mother but different at the same time because I'm trans and she can't accept it. I wanna give the girl a hug. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Especially from family.
The 3rd story reminds me of my husband. I hyped him up and he went to college, the first generation in his family to do so! He's way smarter than he gives himself credit and I'm so damn proud of him. We've been together for over a decade now and i can still see the little twinge of scepticism whenever i tell him, but he knows how much i believe in him.
That dress story is everything. I’m a big tomboy myself (and also like dark colors). My sister is a huge girly girls who loves pink, but no one in my immediate fam have any problem with my preferences. When she got married, she wanted all bridesmaids in these elegant long light pink dresses, but told me that I could do whatever felt comfortable for me. I ended up in a nice dark red blouse with black dress pants, but bought some silk material in the same light pink as a “belt” for her and to somewhat match the others. I showed my sister and future bil and they both loved it. His sister (whom my sister invited to be another b-maid) started tugging at my belt, shouting that if I couldn’t dress like a girl, I didn’t deserve to wear the color. My sis was about to say something but bil beat her to it and said that my sis was very kind to want her as a b-maid, but she didn’t have to be one if she was going to be disrespectful and immature over something so little. She still says backhanded comments to me, but my sister and bil are also ready to back me up.
I have this idea that some day when I’m driving through Arkansas I’ll look out the side window and see a guy running around a park with a giant green flag and it’ll make my whole day. Great content, Dustin. 😊
The first story reminds me about my green flag incident with my now husband. We’d only been dating for a month or two, but had known each other for about a decade and had just started living together that week. We were watching Netflix on his laptop (Portlandia, to be specific) and he paused the show to go get snacks, but accidentally exited the full screen mode. And I saw multiple bookmarked articles about my weirdly specific health issues and how to support people with chronic pain, and stuff like that. Still genuinely the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.
2 quick messages for viewers and the creator! Friendly reminder for those who take medication and often forget to take them (like me): go take your medication if you haven't yet! 😊❤💊 Also, a friendly reminder, be sure not to overwork yourself! Don't let the pressure of always posting videos get to you. I get that a lot of content creators can become overwhelmed with the idea of "I gotta post a new video, I gotta post a new video!" and it can prevent them from focusing enough on themselves. Take proper breaks from time to time. Take a walk outside and get some fresh air. Be kind to yourself, and take care of your body and mind. And always remember that you are loved! Hope u have a great day/night 😊👍
Late diagnosed (60s) ADHD here. I've always found things that interest me, then done deep dives, sometimes for weeks. And that was when you had to go to the library!
For my mom's second wedding, I wasn't forced to wear a dress. I'm a trans guy and while I've had to be back in the closet with my appearance because I moved back to a red state, it was the best thing ever. I had suspenders and wore pants and a button up shirt and dress shoes and even though I think I look silly in the pictures it still meant a lot to me that I didn't have to wear that would hurt me to wear.
By the way, my sister wore a dress and she looked absolutely beautiful. And so did my mother's wedding dress and my step dad's suit 😊 It was a really nice wedding and she picked the most caring, respectful man to be her husband.
I'm so sorry you're having to hide your true self for safety, but I'm glad that you have a cool family who get it and support you. Also, suspenders are so cool if you can rock them (I can never make them work for me 😢) keep swinging big with those style choices as/when you can Stay safe and try to be kind to yourself, solidarity from an ally from (terf island) UK x 💙🤍🩷
It was a sign of true respect for you and your comfort as a human being, and I'm glad you got to enjoy that happiness, if even for a while. (Relatable about looking silly trying to dress how you see yourself. I look nothing like how my soul feels half the time. lol #GenderfluidProblems)
Fellow ADHDer here & i concur. My formative years were also plagued with comments about how i was lazy & selfish. Nope, that's just Overwhelm™️!! Soo glad that i have a better support network now, but those comments are still in my head & make themselves known regularly.... Edit to add: green flag videos are my favourite! Life is crap most of the time, so i really need this type of positivity! ❤
Oh that wedding story summoned my primal rage. Growing up, I was a weird girl and because of that I got bullied and cast out. It didn’t help that there were quite a few obvious things about me that made me stand out- I was a tomboy, I had weird interests that none of my male or female peers shared, I was a nerd, I was a vocal atheist in a Mormon community, I was way taller than anyone else, and what was eventually diagnosed as ADHD manifested as periods of hyper focus and obsession with things I liked. I was so uncomfortable in my skin throughout my childhood and to this day I often feel lonely, weird, and physically uncomfortable. It didn’t help that I only had brothers and they’d make fun of me for doing anything remotely girly. I’ve definitely gotten more confident in my appearance and personality and I usually feel good wearing whatever I want but for about 10 years, the closest I got to comfortable was only possible wearing yoga pants, jeans, hoodies, and t shirts. Abhorred anything girly and the thought of wearing pink or skirts or dresses sent me into a panic. Mostly my parents were ok with this… unless we were going somewhere “nice.” This included holiday get-togethers, family photos, and going to watch a ballet. (I loved ballet, but that’s not because my hate of feminine things was not strong, it’s a testament to how much I love ballet that despite disliking girly stuff, I trained every day for 15 years to become a professional ballerina). On such occasions, I, an extremely shy and conflict-averse child, would have the same hissing and screaming fight with my mom as she wrestled me into a dress. Why a pair of slacks were on acceptable to her, I’ll never know. All I know is that when we got tickets to the ballet, I should have felt excited and instead I wanted to pull my own hair out from anxiety (which i actually did on numerous occasions. You’d think my mom would have just let me wear pants instead of hurt myself). And when my mom eventually managed to stuff me into a skirt and we’d go out, I felt so monstrously ugly, exposed, and uncomfortable. Anyway, I basically HAD to get over this in 7th grade because i went to a prep school that required girls to wear a uniform skirt. I tried wearing my older brother’s uniform and that did not fly. Arizona public schools, would not recommend. I kind of think I just disassociated for that year of my life. Point is, the person on Reddit had it right. Forcing people to wear skirts because they’re girls is stupid and so unnecessary at the cost of their mental health. Let little girls wear pants, and if wearing skirts makes them cry, don’t force them! It is so stupid to make a child cry over something as trivial as clothes.
Third story reminded me of my eldest: this morning he woke me up with a fact he learned last night, about trees/saplings that grow in areas prone to wildfires: they have evolved thicker bark in order to protect themselves in case of fire. My boy amazes me every day with the things he pushes himself to learn!
Im bouta hit you with another tree fact: mangrove trees have evolved to have mechanisms deal with high salinity water, one of which is *sweating* salt from the underside of their leaves! Can't remember if it was black mangrove or red that does this, but you can quite literally lick the salt from one of those two
Ask him if he knows about the fact that many such trees actually NEED wildfires as part of their growth strategy! The old felled trees will form a fine substrate for the seed pods which only germinate AFTER being caught in a fire!
My boyfriend recently dug himself out of a near deadly depression by embracing music. He's always played guitar but this time he really poured his soul into it. Going to Open Mics, Jam Nights, practicing day in and day out. His transformation from a guitar player to artistic musician just amazed me. I told him so and told him how proud I was about his hard work. I am his biggest fan. He was truly touched got a bit misty and we hugged.
4:35 XD my guy is gonna be sitting in the school bus with a prepped lunch box before he snaps out of it and go: "wait... the hell is happening, I'm 23!!!"
My fiance is a dad and its really rare to see. Im like a mom so we both take care of each other😂 Growing up without a dad i never realised how much a dad is actually needed.. He gives me food and cuddles when tired. I give him cuddles and help him out when he has a stain on his clothes (he comes to me like a little child "can you get this stain out?" With puppy eyes).
i was an overwieght kid and my grandma went to vietnam on a holiday and came back with an outfit for me. It was a tank top and a mini skirt. i tried it on and it was like three sizes too small and my grandmother was so upset that i couldnt wear the outfit she got me, that probably cost her $2.00. my mum edited the skirt so it would fit me and i had to wear it out to a dinner, which was at a pub that had lots of drunk old men in attendance. i did not want to wear this outfit. I was extremely self conscious of being overweight and this outfit was not flattering. I felt humiliated and sexualised wearing that outfit. Afterwards i think my (often clueless mother) picked up on how bad it was for me and agreed to throw the outfit out afterwards. Point is, dont ever force a child to wear something that makes them uncomfortable. My grandmother and parents probably dont even remember that dinner or outfit but i will and for the wrong reasons. Just an example of how selfish my grandmother was/is in wanting me to wear an outfit she got me regardless of how i felt. (and she hasnt gotten any better as a person 10 years later)
Oh, honey, I feel you! My grandmother was very similar--if someone did something she didn't agree with, they were wrong, and she let them know it! 🌋 May you one day be able to heal from that pain. 🙏❤️🩹
My mom always let me wear what i liked but shed always pressure me to wear crop tops, mini skirts and such because i had the figure for it. Ie i was a skinny as f kid and could wear that stuff without anyone making me feel fat. Everytime i wore anything that showed my stomach or lots of leg men my dads age stared at me and made me feel so sexualized that any time i wore skirts i wore leggings underneath and still do for the most part today. I am much heavier now and would never wear that stuff. In reality i never wore much revealing stuff because i hated how men would look or whisle or cat call. I remember even at age like 10 or 12 guys would hit on me and make me feel so uncomfortable. Now that im heavier i have the complex that i look fat in most of my stuff and i no longer have the right figure for certain clothes. Mom may not have meant anything bad by her comments but they definately shaped me. I almost never wear dresses or skirts or even do my makeup. Luckily i have an amazing fiance who wouldnt care if i wore a potato sack around town lol
the ADHD one really hit home. I was a D and C student up until College. Everyone would tell me I wasn't smart, would never listen to me or my opinions due to my grades. Even my own parents. I asked for help, never got it. Just told to study (which never worked). Once I went to college and found friends who were able to make learning fun, and positive, I almost instantly became a B+ to an A student. We even made it fun to try and get 100%s on quizzes and tests and never ridiculed or made someone feel ashamed by having he lowest grade in the study group but made it a fun competition. We asked each other questions, used each of our strengths to boost the other's weaknesses. Apparently that's all I needed.
7:29 “ok so i grew up with people in my family (pause)” the millisecond pause was enough for me to be like “dont most people?” LMAO it’s just a silly thing, nothing malicious 🙈😂
I'm ADHD, and C-PTSD. School was hard, if people were around me I can't focus. No one would work with me about the problem , until college. My teachers put on the material on a cd, and I would take test in their office, with a teacher present. They were awesome
goddddd the adhd distractability + the cptsd hypervigilance make it *impossible* to do any kind of reading/writing/study in an enviornment where other people can come and go. every movement out of the corner of my eye triggers the “locate the exits, headcount the people in the room, are any of them looking at me? do they see me looking at them? are they going to approach me? i don’t have time for this, i need to *work*” cycle all over again
@@library.collective I managed to find a balance, most of the time. I play games on my phone all the time, and always on my computer. It helps keeping me focused, and able to sit still for a little while.
8:35 this section hits pretty close to home. My experiences are pretty similar to the boyfriend's - bad in school but deep diving into any subject that mildly interests me. It's hard to recognize that want to learn as being smart when all your life you were bad with what you were told makes you smart.
I can't say enough about the power of simple, genuine, unexpected compliments. We have WAY more anxiety than we realize. I told a first year teacher she was doing a good job (she was) and she started crying because she was so anxious she was going to mess up. A friend of many years was explaining to me her involvement in her child's PTA and I mentioned what an involved and good mom she was. She absolutely lost it. She agreed with me and was trying her best, but no one had every explicitly TOLD her so she always doubted herself. Adults need praise and positive affirmations just like kids do!
The mom in the second one is my mom, even to this day despite me being 33 next month. I'm petite, 5' 3" and 90lbs soaking wet and the one that stood out the most to me was "do you maybe want to brush you hair and put a little make up on so it doesn't look like I'm taking my 14 year old son shopping?" I will NEVER forget those words coming from my own mother. It's gut wrenching and heartbreaking.
My mother told me she was embarrassed to be seen with me cause i was so skinny as a kid. It’s just my body type. I’m still thin at 63 and that hurtful comment still hurts me. I’m sorry she says that.
Please keep in mind thats how women were raised before. She might have been told this as well, if she is not this and that - she won't be happy, boys won't like her etc. While it is a stupid thing to say, she just might not know better. You can notice that the story says mother and grandmother, so this shit is passed down
Ok that girl who handled the pants soiling on a first date is an angel. And about the niece ....oof I feel that poor girl. Growing up I was always told to wear dresses I felt like an idiot in and when I had short hair I remember my sister saying "you know what would make you look more like a girl? Jewelry." Sadly I'm still the family butt of jokes but I distance myself quite a bit
7:05. Honestly. I've struggled with looking "feminine" because I love having short and long hair. And my father would constantly say how I look like a boy. Or how I looked better before. Or even "you're asking for it" if you know what he means I'm sorry. If you don't. Good for you. And I just love seeing decent people. My mom and step dad supported me in my short hair and I'm fully comfortable now. I can imagine how good it felt for her to have someone supporting her
I was a flower girl in two weddings long before I came out as trans, and at the time I didn't have any issues because I enjoyed the pageantry of it, but it makes me so happy to hear that bride stand up for her niece and I hope they always remember that even if their parents make them wear a dress, because she will always be a safe person for them in the journey ahead.
My husband can relate with the last story. No one realized he had dyslexia until he was in college. So, he struggled so much through school with everyone, including himself, thinking he was slow. He's actually one of the most intelligent people I know. He struggles with reading, so written tests are horrible for him, but he can hear something once and remember it forever.
9:35 as a guy with adhd, I went through gifted kid burnout at 15. I often joke about how stupid I am because it’s the only way to make the jokes from others not hurt as much. I think I’d also cry if someone said that to me. People have told me I’m smart before but not ever in a way of why I’m smart. So I never believed them, you know that thing where people can ignore insults and only take compliments personally? Well I have the opposite and I can’t control it well at all. I’d prob have a full breakdown if someone detailed why anything I do was smart or useful. I cry if someone says they value my effort though so
The first one hit different. I have OCD so bad I literally quit my job a few months ago and I've been agoraphobic from it in the past and really just feel like shit sometimes -- like I can't control my own mind. I've never dated because I've always figured that until I'm "cured" I'll be a burden on someone in a relationship. Anyways, my current OCD theme is a phobia of 'what if I pee my pants' it causes me to use the bathroom constantly even when I don't have to go and it's so embarrassing but it's less embarrassing than I imagine actually peeing yourself would be so I do it. Hearing that sweet story helped me a little bit. Next time I'm feeling the compulsion and spiraling down worse case scenarios, I'll think back to it and I'll think back to your commentary / green flag :)
I promise there's someone out there who will appreciate you for the person you are and not see your OCD as a burden, so you don't have to wait to be "fixed" before you start a relationship. My grandfather has OCD severe enough that it affects my grandmother and not just him, and the two of them have been married over sixty years now. I have bipolar disorder and anxiety and while therapy and medication helps me live a relatively "normal" life, there are still things that I struggle with because of it. I have post-concussion syndrome that's made it more difficult to think clearly for the last few years and had to go on medical leave for disability at my job a few months ago. Despite all of that, my boyfriend and I have been together for nine years now and I know that he doesn't see my mental or physical health problems as a burden or a defect, and he always asks how he can help me when I'm struggling. The good ones can sometimes be hard to find, but I'm sure that you'll be able to find one when you feel ready.
The right one will always be there for you when it feels you're at your worst. The wrong one will always run at the first sign of trouble. The keys to solid long lasting relationships are: communication, compassion, empathy and trust.
If I am remembering correctly from elder care, constantly peeing puts you at a higher risk of other issues, like bladder infection, since you aren't getting enough "in the pipes" at one time to really flush things out. If it is that big of a concern, I would recommend investing in some incontinence pads/disposable underwear, etc. Many people use them with no one the wiser, if you need that safety measure to be comfortable going out.
I’m celebrating 10 years marriage with someone with a similar condition. They’re not cured but they work hard on their treatment plan and we just get along great. Also they’re in charge of all laundry (and I do the dishes) so any accidents can be washed in private.
@UselessBard I’m married while also being disabled due to mental illness. Every day I have imposter syndrome and it’s hard for me to believe too, that I deserve to be loved while not “cured”. But I am loved and I’m learning to believe I am enough. The strength it takes to get through something chronic is immeasurable. Remember you are strong enough. Remember that it is much harder to love yourself than it is to find someone who loves you because we always see the worst in ourselves. The fight may never be over but you are worth it. You are light. You are lovable. You are a fighting spirit and you can never forget that.
Speaking of giving men compliments, I have a man I work with who's pretty quiet and shy. One day, our boss pressured him into participating in a fundraising event. He showed up with a fuchsia shirt because if it got ruined, he wouldn't care, but he looked awesome in the color! We went on first break, and I told him, quite loudly (as is my manner of speaking), that he really looks amazing in pinks and he should wear the shirt again. He immediately perked up and accepted the compliment quietly. He went into the dunk tank wearing a Grey shirt, and ever since, he's typically wearing some shade of pink or rose, and he's constantly getting compliments from everyone because he really looks great in the color. I mentioned it to my son, who I taught one kind sentence costs nothing if it's genuine, and he said that men almost never get compliments. That makes me sad.
Regarding the wedding one with the nibbling who was uncomfortable in "girl" clothes... Two of my (grown) kids are trans. One is a girl (yes, mtf) and one is non-binary. If you care about someone, their feelings are more important than what they wear. Clothes are clothes. 🙏💚
Eyyy I'm so happy to see someone else knows about the word nibbling! I'm also going to share pibbling for the neutral variant for aunt/uncle in case if you or others haven't already heard of it before. Furthermore, the way I learned to tell nibbling and pibbling apart is because nibbling starts with an N just like the binary niece and nephew. Pibbling starts with a P, which doesn't match with aunt or uncle, buuut it still matches parent, and all pibblings are technically additional parental figures, so that's how I remembered the difference for my dyslexic brain lol
"It's never a bad time to stand up for a child... It's important for your niece to see you stand up for her. You're the green flag." I love this story and your reflections on it so much. ❤ Thank you for this beautiful channel.
There's a Loki fic that makes the point "It can't be easy to choose between supporting your husband and supporting your child... but one of them is a grown man who can fight his own battles, and the other is a child, who needs support and protection, so in reality the choice is very clear." There aren't a lot of situations where it makes sense to side with the adult over the child, still less over a matter of personal taste and self-expression.
Honestly we should stop making a big deal of peeing/pooping our pants after we grow up. It happens to literally everyone at least once. One of my favorite RUclipsrs says that people are divided in two groups: people who already pooped/peed their pants and people who didn't pooped/peed their pants YET. We should just act with kindness and humour (when applicable) in these situations
I was diagnosed with ADD now called ADHD way back in the 80s. To add to that Im a woman and a girl getting diagnosed early on ( age 7)was unheard of so I understand his struggle. I got by with good grades and was quiet so people were genuinely confused when I explained my disability. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see ADHD representation and openness that was non existent 40 years ago. Thank you Dustin!!
As a fellow ADHD haver, I feel sorry for the last guy. I had supportive parents who fought and actually got me into the gifted program. Turns out, Im pretty smart when I am stimulated. One of my worst memories from grade school is that the teacher made fun of me for being in the gifted program, but sucking at memorizing times tables. Screw that lady. Also, you seem like a cool dude. I wish we could hang out sometime. I think you live in AR, so that probably won't happen.
I’ve never grown out of being a tomboy. My husband loves that about me. When we got married, we both wore jeans, Harley t-shirts, and slippers. 😂 My mother always wanted a little girl that she could dress up like a living doll… yeah, I’ve never been that at any point. And in the 80s, no one batted an eye if a mother smacked her kids around. But my grandparents definitely stuck up for me. It’s definitely important to have someone in your corner.
As someone with adhd, the last story damn near made me cry too. I've been on a reparenting journey the last few years and I've learned to call myself smart and not put myself down. I hope the OP's bf learns to deal with his self esteem issues
Oh, good for you to root for yourself! You know those TED talks that people put on RUclips? I only wish they had like TikTok-length ones for people to show off their knowledge from things they just learned. I bet you would have something to contribute
The mother in the second story- 'force your friends to dress a certain way because I hate my daughter's sense of style' Screw you, lady, and shine on supportive bride
in the story for the niece, I felt it in my spine when the mom and grandma started making the comments about dressing nicer and how nice it would be to see her like that because my mother has made those comments and continues to make those comments for the last 25 years...
I love going into comment sections and seeing so much love being spread around. This is one of very few channels that I've seen with this luxury. Spread the love everyone, and take care of yourselves damnit, you deserve love no matter who or what you are
6:17 this definitely gives the feeling of "I'm trans but am just not out yet and am afraid that my parents will hate me if i tell them" poor sweetheart. Dont worry, i and a lot of other people have been through it before, whether youre trans or just a bit of a tomboy, you should be free to dress however you want.
Dude, I'm 38 & still a goth metalhead. Never stop dressing however makes YOU happy. Any kind of "well, I'd never wear something like that" comment should be answered with some version of "well you're not the one wearing them, i am, so that works out." it's a great recipe, add pettiness & sarcasm to taste 😂
Mr/Mx/Ms Morgan, I'm sorry King Morgan, may I suggest you give me a little grace whilst I say this... I have indeed indeed started a sentence to goths with; "I'd never wear your fit..." Bear with me "Because I'm not part of the subculture and it'd feel disrespectful. But please allow me to tell you how awesome you look and how jealous I am." Oh yeahhh I'm that chick. I was rocking a home made John Lennon head badge in school when I was 8 and refused the headteacher when he told me I had to take it off because it was weird that I an 8yo girl IN LIVERPOOL, liked the beatles. Idiot. Mind you he was also the headteacher who had earlier in the year called my mum to the school because I kneed a lad in the balls. The fact that the lad had me pinned against a wall with his hand up my skirt wasn't an issue apparently. Me defending myself, the way I had been taught to by my mum was. Because obviously the boy didn't mean it, and I had to be overreacting. My mum lost her mind at the head especialy when he said that even if the boy had meant it my offense was worse because i inflicted harm and used violence. He was genuinely lucky my mum didn't throw hands in that moment and if it hadn't been in a primary school she would have. But the Head taught both me and Lee, a lesson that day. I learned that decisions about my body werent always going to be my own. And Lee learned that he could get away with it.
Story #2 Wedding attire.....you're not marrying his parents, you're marrying him. Screw the parents, let the girl wear what she wants. She's gonna out live his parents, so definitely worth it be on her side, not theirs🥰
Dustin, it's not just 'mom' energy, let's de-gender that - because I know some male humans with this vibe; these folks are 'Caregivers'. They care, they give of themselves, and they are priceless. They need to be appreciated and loved, as well as given back to. I am so hopeful for the two in that reddit story.
And nurturing instinct does not come naturally to 100% of parents! Some new mothers do not bond with their child like is expected. I intend to live a childfree life (looking after my disabled self is arduous enough some days) but I still have nurturing instinct towards my BFF! Don't mean I'm momming her, I'm just looking out for my bestie! We're both disabled in different ways and met at a disability-friendly workplace. Her vision isn't very good so when we hang out and shop for stuff with which to cook dinner together (it's a part of our roughly monthly movie evenings), she'll often have me reading out ingredient breakdowns and the like because straining her eyes to read tiny print can give her migraines.
Definitely need to de-gender caregiving/nurturing behaviour. We also need to de-parentify it, and de-infantilize receiving care. Normalising giving support to other adults/receiving support as an adult(and especially as men) during hard times could significantly reduce the severity & frequency of mental health issues in society.
I'm a guy with "mom friend" energy and I love this post both for the de-gendering comment and for the reminder that sometimes... sometimes us mom friends need taken care of too...
When it comes to protecting children, you can't do enough. My kids have ADHD along with other difficulties. I NEVER let anyone tell my kids there was something 'wrong' with them. Their lives are so much harder. We focused on how to get around the problems to keep moving forward. They have come so far and are now 30 and 32. My daughter said I was a wall in her life no one could get around to hurt her. I can't tell how grateful I am she felt so safe. I also wonder what it's like because I never had that.
I hate how casually so many women blow off men's mental health issues. If you truly practice feminism, you should want EVERYONE to get help, not just some. The patriarchy hurts men too and we, as intersectional feminists, should support abolishing the abuse for everyone, not just us. "Boys don't cry, man up, don't be a pússy" turns happy little boys into sad frustrated men. In a truly feminist world, women would obviously want men to be saved from the patriarchy too... because we're all equal in that society. I'm under no impression that we can have a perfect world, but I'm just saying, isn't the heart of feminism fighting for equality? My feminism is intersectional. I support the process of different communities coming together to work out big problems and finding solutions that further equality.
the last story hit hard as someone who had to drop out of high school, is now doing community college part time, and goes on youtube rabbit holes whenever something interests me, ive never had phenomenal grades but my partners insist im a smart person
The other day I told this guy I've been seeing that he was hot. We were cuddling and watching Archer, so his first response was, "oh sorry" and he tried to give me more space. He then paused, looked at me and asked if I meant temperature wise. I just smiled up at him and said no. He took another moment, hled me a little bit tighter, and told me no one had ever said that to him. We need to protect our bois ❤
When I had my wedding i immediately told my sibling ( who’s nonbinary ) they can wear a suit. They were my person of honour for my wedding and I wanted them to be just as happy and comfortable as I was for the day.
I wanted my baby sister to be my maid of honor. She's never been one for dresses and wore a suit to our mom's wedding. I told her she was welcome to do the same at my wedding and I'd be proud to stand up next to her regardless. She opted for the dress, which she chose. She looked amazing. My favorite photo of her of all time was taken that day, the two of us in our wedding clothes and her with a football.
@@tinkeramma that’s a good memory and thats great you gave them choice! My favourite photo of my sibling is actually of them in the background and they’re jumping beaming from ear to ear lol Best photo 🎉
I did that for one of my bridal party members, who is also NB. They found a gorgeous suit in burgundy (our wedding color) that had a cape and it looked super cool! I just wanted everyone to be themselves and have a good time.
I’ve been a metalhead since I was 13 and a tomboy too, skater, played the drums, into paintball etc and caught so much crap from family for wearing black, combat boots and band tshirts and never being feminine. Being told snidely that everything you’re passionate about is “just a phase” and “you’ll grow out of this nonsense!” was really hurtful. I would’ve loved to have an adult in my life validate and accept me like the aunt did for her niece at the wedding. Now she knows she has an ally and that could make a huge difference in her mental health as she grows up. Love that for her!
I am autistic and was in special ed and everything and you are SO right about the ADHD thing. All the kids who were ADHD were given desks in the corner or in front of the teacher's desk away from everyone else like they had the plague, and were treated like they were just bad kids. BREATHING offended these teachers if you had ADHD. I related hard as an autistic kid, yet I had accomodations. I got away with all kinds of stuff as long as i made a good grade, which was easy because i was 2e. I always felt so bad for the ADHD kids. Autism was hard but ADHD must have been even harder!
Listening to these stories and thinking "How else are you supposed to handle this situation?" made me realize that I might not be as bad of a person as I sometimes think I am. Kindness is free, it costs nothing to have empathy.
I had the same issue with the dress vs pants for my bridesmaids. One of my nieces wanted the girly frilly dress, the other wanted pants with studs. They both got to wear what they wanted, and I absolutely loved how much they shined in it! the pictures show two happy girls, both a big smile. The clothes are worth less than those smiles
Me and my father never had a great relationship, but one thing he did that ment the world to me was he told everyone "you take him as he is, or he won't come." As a young punk in the 90s, i needed that. Anytime i went to a family gathering with blue hair and metal spikes, he would quickly shut down any bullshit. Its a lesson i took to heart and passed in to my kids. I don't ask them to change for anyone. You'll take my kids as they are, or we won't come. I say that to say this, i could no more imagine forcing my daughter to wear a dress than i would my son, kids should always be made to feel confortable in their environments or they can never grow to be good adults.
Dustin, you’re awesome. Across all your videos you’re unflinchingly honest, empathetic, compassionate and insightful-not forgetting funny, smart, articulate and wise. I love the red and green flag combo, both celebrating and calling out. I think you’re a pretty special human being, and I’m absolutely here to cheerlead you. You rock.
The weding niece story! A buttload of Bridezillas around the world could really learn a lesson on how to be a kind human being. OP sounds like an incredibly loving person.❤
8:04 Those parents are awful. They have no clue what seemingly tiny comment from a school mate about her figure could have made her hate feminine clothes. And if she just don't wanna dress feminine, that's enough of a reason! So shame on them for stressing her like that. And again shame shame shame on that mother for trying to manipulate the wedding. IT'S THE BRIDES DECISION!!! MIL got zero say in this! And to the groom: You need a more stable spine my friend. If you had put your foot down, your bride wouldn't be in this emotional swamp and feeling conflicted about the day of her life.
First story: I love this! I love that she was compassionate from the start and then learned more about the condition; even how to treat it. She's a gem! Even if she isn't a mom get, she was definitely destined to be one! As well as work in healthcare
First story: they both sound like such sweet people. I hope they stay together because he sounds so kind and gentle from the way he wrote the story and her reaction was so genuinely beautiful. I have no idea who these people are but I’m so happy they found each other 😂❤
Mom with ADD, mother of ADHD children. School is not designed for Nero divergent people. Neuro Typical people can have a difficult time themselves, how in the world are the rest of us supposed to do well?
I love the green flag videos. They always show up right when I need them. Tough days, times I'm worried about the world, anxiety times, etc. It is a nice break in the clouds.
I’m autistic. I can remember my mother sitting at the dining room table, trying to teach me something that I just couldn’t get my brain to wrap around, and finally insisting, “you cannot be that stupid.” It destroyed me. My own mother. Fast forward 30 years. I’m talking to someone about something and he stared at me. Confused, I asked him what was up. He said, “You’re so incredibly intelligent, it’s blowing my mind.” I cried. To struggle with my grades, be told I’m stupid… such a genuine statement dissolved me into tears.
My own folks are the same....Their slowly but surely realizing that I was misdiagnosed of ADD, when it was really ADHD. So, now I just need them to get over the fact that I learn differently than they do, and stop belittling me😂
I'm 29, intersex and non-binary. I dress how I dress. I came out as non-binary at 14 and found out at 20 that I'm intersex and not genetically female. My mom when I was 16 burned all my masc and/or black clothing. It crushed me and caused an identity crisis that led to a suicide attempt. Clothing doesn't seem that deep, but it really is for some kids.
I needed this today. I've been feeling... really despondent lately and I don't have anyone to talk to so I like coming here and hearing stories about compassionate and caring people. I like knowing those people still exist no matter what I'm going through.
Dustin, so many videos on my feed are negativity, exposing bad things, etc. This video made me cry. Thank you for using your platform to spread these lovely stories. We need more of this!
Ohmygosh! My husband’s teachers told him he was dumb and treated him like he was dumb. He has ADHD and dyslexia. The man is brilliant, sweet and such a good dad. His mind for engines and machines is beyond my understanding for sure. I try to tell him he’s so smart whenever he it’s appropriate because he still struggles with feeling stupid.
I hope the 23 year old realizes that his date's acceptance of the situation is also an indicator that he's starting to spend time with grown-ups. She sounds awesome, but if the relationship with her doesn't work out for whatever reason, that's ok, as far as the paruresis is concerned. There are many people in the world who won't judge him.
It's so encouraging to me to see these kinds of videos, and to know that the younger generations are far more empathetic and compassionate than the previous ones. I'm 52, and I won't go into my relationship with my mother here, only to say that the people showcased in this vid are amazing, and they will make amazing parents. Keep it up, you wee sprouts...you got this. :)
1:10 same; I've found that as long as I can get a stall and I can sit on a toilet and give it a minute of relaxation I can usually pee (provided the bathroom isn't completely crowded with a lot of noise) but using a urinal while there's another person in the bathroom just.. forget it.. even if my bladder feels like it's about to explode
Story 1: God I'm in tears. Please say that the two of them are still together, getting married and living a long and happy life together. Story 2: Such parents can cause serious mental damage to a child. I was always criticized for the way I dressed and for the clothes they gave me that were too big and didn't suit my skin or hair colour, since I was 9. So now that I'm almost 40 years old, I struggle to this day with depression and ST. Story 3: Wish I had someone like that in my life. He is very lucky. I hope all these green flag couples stay together.
I’m a straight woman who is quite “butchy”. I’ve always been tomboyish and have never felt comfortable in makeup or feminine clothes. I always felt like something was wrong with me, for not liking to look a certain way ( there is nothing wrong with that by the way, it’s just not me at all) Now that I’m over 40, I’ve decided not to care, and just wear whatever I want, usually jeans and band shirts and hoodies. My family and friends just accept it. (Or they have just given up trying to make me more feminine) Either way, it’s a relief not having to explain or excuse myself anymore. And I don’t feel guilty. ❤
It's 12.42am where I live, I was about to go to sleep. But this video is so worth it, thanks for doing these, reminds me there's still hope for humanity 💚 Also like for petition to get the green flag emoji!
My dad actually was goth for a long while, when us kids were exploring our out of norms tastes he sat us down with something that stuck with me positively. “I want you to keep in mind your style choices will have an impact on how people look at you. I have no problems as long as you’re modest, you just need to know strangers might look at you differently. I want to make sure YOU’RE ok with how they look at you.” It shouldn’t matter how people look at you but it does, some people are sensitive to that and it’s ok.
I also want to state I love alt fashion but I have sensory issues so dressing how I want verses how I’m comfortable is hard to align. I actually compliment anybody I have an interaction with, tattoos, hair, piercings, makeup, clothes, anything that catches my eye. Every single person has had something that just makes me go “wow” and by whatever you believe in I WILL say something about it. Again something small and usually mid or at the end of the interaction, I’m not starting up conversations with strangers in the grocery store or anything.
When I was 15, on my second date with my boyfriend, someone jumped out and scared the both of us in his car. (We had just seen the first Halloween movie - it was early in 1979). He screamed; I peed my pants - literally. He didn't say anything, he just drove me home. I am now 60 and we just celebrated our 42nd wedding anniversary.
Awww
I don't think people realize how much this can hurt others, especially in childhood. My grandmother always hated how I dressed, not feminine enough, not put together enough, just never enough. I still have resentment towards her for it even though she died years ago. Paired with being made fun of by classmates for having frizzy hair, not dressing in the right clothes, and basically just being poor, left me with a lot of anxiety about the way I dress and look in general.
I don't care as much now, but the effects of that behavior as a child still lingers in the corners of my mind everyday.
@@PeculiarGirlKelly You’re perfect the way you are, you were never supposed to be like those boring people that surrender their being to somebody’s made-up version of majority behavior, aka “normal!”
Wishing you all the best, that you at least have a nice way to cope (I’ve heard journals and memos are nice to get those feelings out) and that you have room to recover maybe a little more! ❤️
I'd say he's a keeper but I think you figured that one out a while ago :D
❤❤❤
The fact it's still an ongoing issue for wearing all black is insane. I'm also 32 and my parents still make comments about my lack of interest in soft feminine colors, now it's just white noise in the background because I simply don't care anymore. Kids should be encouraged to embrace their true selves. Confidence is a total game changer.
I wear colors in a professional setting, but mostly dark and black outside of those days (so, the weekend and holidays). It's great that people cannot figure me out at all. I actually like the mysterious vibe I give off.
It's even better when people find out what music genre I listen to (and you're darn right I sing along) mostly. I always laugh and ask them what they thought I'd listen to. I usually get a form of "I don't know, but rock would have been near the bottom of that list" and then I giggle like a school girl while singing Korn.
All the haters will hate, but I'm comfortable with who I am. One of my good friends told me once "those who don't mind, matter. Those who do mind, don't matter."
My wife wore a black ball gown to our handfasting wedding. She was so beautiful. The first time she saw it, she smiled so hard she gave herself a cramp in her cheek.
My work clothes are black jeans, black shoes, black shirt, green apron. And the wildest collection of earrings! I just got a set of bat earrings.
The one time I wore a dress to work when I was not working, my coworkers could only stare in surprise. I rarely wear feminine things, so I guess they were surprised that I do have a female body, still.
Ill stop wearing black when they make a darker colour 😇😏
I concur wholeheartedly. Everybody should learn to let their freak flag fly at an early age ❤
I had only seen his reels before and didn’t realize how big of a space he was running in, so I just assumed he had a big backyard - not that he was waving giant flags around in a Public Park 🤣😂
I genuinely wish I had a big backyard, because my social anxiety will never recover from this LOL
@DustinPoynterVideos nah you just need some friends to do it along with you, if I lived anywhere near you I would volunteer ❤
Same! We can be your flag followers!
You should watch more videos. He's mentioned a few times that it is a public park. I'd also join the flag squad but I'm out West. Several days drive and a way too expensive airplane ticket for my income away from you and your beautiful girlfriend.
@@Ann71987 **gasp** Camp Green Flag Scouts! :D
The story about making the boyfriend cry by calling him smart is basically how my husband and I got engaged.
We were cuddling in bed after finishing some "activities" and talking about just random things and being lovey. At one point in the conversation, my husband said, "I just don't understand why you would like me."
I'm autistic so I did not realize this was a rhetorical question, so I just started listing off everything I love about him, even the things that pretend to hate (he is a pun master and one must groan if they're not telling the joke).
Then he started crying, and I panicked, thinking I had done something bad. He then asked me to marry him because "No one had ever told me why they like me."
Our 10th anniversary is in December, and he still looks at me the same way he did that night.
Ohhh this almost made ME cry 😅 so sweet, I’m glad you two found each other!
@princessbuttercup5928 Oh, it gets better. When we were planning the wedding, at one point I got frustrated and threw the thing we were looking at across the room and said, "Sometimes I wish we could just go to the courthouse!" (We were both frustrated at the book, so he encouraged the toss). Cue the following:
Him, looking confused: wait... you didn't want the big wedding?
Me: I thought you wanted the big wedding.
Him: I thought you wanted the big wedding
So we went to the courthouse and spent the wedding money on the honeymoon.
@@OnePaperPlanePERFECT! I will ALWAYS wish my groom had been willing to do this, but he felt he "should" have a wedding for his family 😅
@KOKO-uu7yd Yeah, I think a big part of it was that we both had abusive childhoods and were nerdy college age folks with very few friends at the time, so we didn't really have a lot of family we wanted to be there. We had a small ceremony that lasted 58 seconds exactly. It was hilarious.
I’m not romantic myself, but this reminds me of several couples I’m very close with ❤ this is so heartwarming
I actually cried with the paruresis story. There’s hope left for all of us
I felt this strongly too. As a kid, I wet the bed a lot. Sleepovers were a nightmare. I was a young adult before I found out it was an allergy to caffeine.
Yeah, I cried too.
I have an overactive bladder plus childhood trauma that caused bladder issues (ex step father would physically and mentally abuse me from 2-5 years old anytime I had an accident) and up till 3rd grade I had accidents at school (to this day I still have leaks not full blown accidents but I've gotten pretty good at hiding it). Up till I had my youngest at 34 years old I had regular accidents at night. I've met some understanding people but far too many can be people you think you can trust who year you down as soon as they find out or who just bully you from the get go. It's so hard to have any confidence dealing with something like that and it can be lonely trying to keep others from knowing about it. I'm so happy my daughters never have to deal with it, they both have full control of their bladders and my oldest has been to so many sleep overs never once having to be scared about her body betraying her
Yep. I have tears in my eyes as I type.
Gives me hope.
Same brother, same.
“Honey that guy with the giant green flag is back.”
“Is he running around with it?”
“He sure is.”
“Well good for him. It’s nice to see young folk getting exercise.”
😂😂😂 ❤
Someone said once when you're with the right person you can't do anything wrong, and when you're with the wrong person you can't do anything right.
Shy bladder guy you don't need to worry if you're with Ms Right.
Also that no dress green flag nope leap was amazing.
Oh Holey Cows that saying resonated.
You're so right!!
I'm going to remember that saying.
When your parents are the ones who acted like the wrong person that’s hard
@Myatheroses I was just thinking this. Ya' know what tho? It's their bad. You're amazing and they might just be envious. Live your best life. Hurt people really do hurt people. I realized mine are repeating what they learned but that stops with me. Heal. Love yourself. *Remember you're meant to be here* 😘💎✌🏾❤️
The thing about the ADHD and doing badly in school... is that the school follows a linear routine, does everything the same for everyone. But that's NOT helpful to a curious mind that likes to pursue what appeals to it at different times, which being able to do so feeds that mind even better. You have to work WITH their flow, not try to confine and box them into conforming to someone else's standard. It's the ADHD students that are potentially THE BRIGHTEST IN THE SCHOOL, from my personal experience.
We're some of THE most eager to learn people out there, and the rigid structure we're put in stifles that! I could go on for HOURS about topics like niche partitioning and allopatry because the mechanics of evolutionary biology are just absolutely fascinating to me. I always excelled in bio class and english language class, never needed any help - but when I struggled in math or geography, there was suddenly no such thing as a little leniency.
ADHD person here. It’s so frustrating knowing that I am smart, knowing that I USED to perform top of my class, and now I just can’t anymore. Started failing in 9th grade and dropped out in 10th. I’ve been homeschooled since, and it is the BIGGEST blessing. I understand now how much school just sucks for anyone that’s different.
The hiperfocus on random very specific things can be sooo helpful in learning. But it's discouraged in schools, you can't take your time to learn, you can't do what you need to learn better, it's so controlling... not good for anyone. I've always liked learning, school tried to kill this joy so many times... Now I'm homeschooled and I miss my classes during the summer (in my country homeschooled children still have to belong to a school, I go to a homeschooling school and it provides us teachers, psychologists, optional classes, meetings and stuff like that. An amazing, understanding community. Never once have I felt discriminated here. Only the outsiders keep saying how stupid we are, while students from our school get around the same effects on outside exams. Even better in some cases. Like foreign to us English language. We're like 10% ahead. But you know, homeschooling stupid and for lazy people. While we're more succesful)
I think it's actually a little worse than that. As someone who always got top grades in school, you can get to do more self-directed learning in special tracked programs. I remember being in school and realizing I got to learn about what I wanted and read more interesting books, but it was the kids who struggled who needed that kind of individualized learning more. Those of us in the top programs and classes could have done pretty well on our own with the basics, and it was students who struggled who needed the best teachers and the more individualized attention we got. Instead, we were treated as the reward for the best teachers. Which I guess makes sense in our world, because we garnered them approval and visibility, and even state jobs are treated as a competitive hierarchy. No one saw when teachers turned regular c mostly d students to c mostly b students, even though that's a bigger accomplishment than helping an A+ student excel.
You know one of the reasons they made college more expensive is because they wanted to cut down on the numbers of college grads expecting managerial positions and higher salaries, because they knew there weren't enough positions at that level? We really need to rethink what we value most as a society.
My son (who has ADHD) constantly has thoughts or stories he wants to share. His kindergarten teacher and the assistant teacher always made a point to stop what they were doing to listen, because they loved those stories. It meant so much to me and my son!!
2:11 SHES SO SWEET
and also imaginary
@@tajemna99 good news! People and experiences like this exist!
I have had many attempts to write an explanation in a concise manner but I could not I write too many words! So just live with the fact that they do exist and you can’t stop them from existing:)
@@plushehchan8643 ... the more that things change, the more they stay the same 😉
I'm a female in my 30s, recently diagnosed with ADHD. (Your blind pigeon analogy was spot on, btw.)
I'm looking back on how rough school was sometimes, when only boys could have ADD, and realizing where certain help could've made a real difference.
Or at least not being made to feel crazy or wrong for not understanding things the way other kids did.
That story was so sweet
I know, especially when you're quiet anyway, so the teachers never realised I needed help (that and I was bored out of my mind) and as an adult I realise how stressed out I was trying to keep up. I hated DT because they told you what to do for the next few lessons all at once and I couldn't never remember what to do.
I have a question: do you think it would be beneficial to test ALL children for ADHD at a certain age? To try and avoid letting kids with ADHD slip through the cracks and go undiagnosed? Or do you think that wouldn't help?
Being diagnosed as a kid doesn't help if the people in your life refuse to accommodate you. Believe me, I know. I'm a [cis] woman who was diagnosed at a young age but it didn't help. Everyone still held me personally accountable for my failings and gave no shits about how they treated me. It's bittersweet seeing ADHD kids get so much understanding and help now, meanwhile, I'm still meandering through life (at 40) because no one helped me and no one will help me. I'm boned. People may care when I'm 60-70 (because how cute, granny's trying to make something of herself before she kicks it,) but there's just zero empathy for people my age. We're all expected to have our shit together and _do the thing_ by now, no matter how much life has failed us.
@jupitersnoot4915 Well, in my country (we have free healthcare), they are still struggling with the backlog from the pandemic, so we're talking years just to have an assessment. In fact, neurodivergent adult services (especially for ADHD) are virtually non-existent, so a lot of people have to go private for just an assessment. There is a distinct lack of awareness about the condition, especially how it presents in women and girls who are statistically underdiagnosed, especially in childhood, where it's really beneficial to have support.
@@NoirRaven There are free resources online to sort through your symptoms and find ways to accommodate. Don’t forget about the communities of people who share your experience and may have some good advice!
Third story: AuDHD person here. School absolutely sucks and it’s better when you get to learn what you want when you want.
Fellow AuDHD person here! Absolutely Agree!
College was so much better than high school. You take the classes you want when you want. I took a lot of classes on Coursera when they first launched and were free. Learned so much.
I did some weird nonconforming behaviors through high school, broke some teachers brains hilariously well when trying to learn just what I wanted. And long and short of it is; I had at least 2 classes where I attended every single day, did not disrupt class, and was a polite and perfect student... except for the fact I did no work at all for the entire semester. No classwork, no homework. If there was any kind of absolutely required test every student was obligated to take, I would take it.
End result: In each class that I did nothing but listen and draw, I passed the finals with an A. I even passed some tests that the most studious kids could only get Bs for. I learned everything or more than most kids that did all the work... because I wasn't being pressured to learn in a way that I didn't need to. I just listened and absorbed everything that interested me, or was explained in a decent way.
Same. Only they tested me, decided I was gifted, then spent the next 7 years acting like the only reason I didn’t make the honor roll was because I didn’t try hard enough. It’s not easy onyour self-esteem when you’re told you’re smart and a failure by turns.
@BeeWhistler same. I. would usually Ace test, but dopped a letter or 2 for not doing homework. I had an algebra class where me an another guy would play cards during the lecture. She would give the class about 20 minutes to start the homework after the lecture and during that time, I would read the text book, teach the other guy what we were supposed to know and do a couple of the homework problems. Luckily, the teacher got over quickly and the didn't mind as long as we didn't disrupt the rest of the class.
It's so nice to know there are others out there like me. High school was 25 years ago for me so there was no way to know there were other people out there like me.
Do people often tell you that you have a really comforting voice? Even when you're running around with those giant flags, something about your voice feels like a warm hug.
He is so silly running with the flag 😂. I love it!
I agree. He has a calm, soothing voice. I love the things he says when he's running with the flags. But sometimes, I think he's maybe too much on the woman's side.
@kayceetaylor2151 Hey sister, I'm a 58 yo masculine man. I completely understand what you are saying, but he is kind soul and does his best to see everything from both points of view. I praise him for that. If he does overcorrect, I truly believe it is out of empathy. Please don't take this as any form of criticism. I don't mean it that way.
The bridesmaid attire: So happy that 15-year-old niece has someone in her family to advocate for her!
She probably gets harassed by her immediate family on a daily basis, and they probably are going to keep on harassing her.
It's also not like they can't pick out a flowy pantsuit that splits the difference.
Comfy, but looks like a dress from certain angles.
And what a way to become one of her favourite family members right off the bat!
Definitely a lot more worse now that her ""ideals"" are being supported by extended family my guess. Disgusting. Some people doesn't deserve to be abused like this.
yeah - at some point it's probably going to come down to supporting the niece or the parents in a more permanent way, and I know which side of that I would want to be on - the niece's. So I wouldn't burn that bridge for the wedding.
Ya, I feel so bad for the girl, I go through the same stuff with my mother but different at the same time because I'm trans and she can't accept it. I wanna give the girl a hug. No one deserves that kind of treatment. Especially from family.
The 3rd story reminds me of my husband. I hyped him up and he went to college, the first generation in his family to do so! He's way smarter than he gives himself credit and I'm so damn proud of him. We've been together for over a decade now and i can still see the little twinge of scepticism whenever i tell him, but he knows how much i believe in him.
That's so sweet! I'm happy for you and your husband!
BRO IM CRYING RN 😭IT FEELS SOOO GOOD THAT THERES STILL PEOPLE THAT CARE! 🥹
I have not yet watched it 😀👍
#notfirst #wholesome #doesntknowhowtohashtag 😀
GOOD PEOPLE AREN'T DEAD!
@@DustinPoynterVideos Well some are... BUT THERE ARE STILL SOME ALIVE LEFT!!!
That dress story is everything. I’m a big tomboy myself (and also like dark colors). My sister is a huge girly girls who loves pink, but no one in my immediate fam have any problem with my preferences.
When she got married, she wanted all bridesmaids in these elegant long light pink dresses, but told me that I could do whatever felt comfortable for me. I ended up in a nice dark red blouse with black dress pants, but bought some silk material in the same light pink as a “belt” for her and to somewhat match the others. I showed my sister and future bil and they both loved it. His sister (whom my sister invited to be another b-maid) started tugging at my belt, shouting that if I couldn’t dress like a girl, I didn’t deserve to wear the color. My sis was about to say something but bil beat her to it and said that my sis was very kind to want her as a b-maid, but she didn’t have to be one if she was going to be disrespectful and immature over something so little. She still says backhanded comments to me, but my sister and bil are also ready to back me up.
Congratulations on your sister marrying a Literal Actual King
W sister and BIL
I have this idea that some day when I’m driving through Arkansas I’ll look out the side window and see a guy running around a park with a giant green flag and it’ll make my whole day. Great content, Dustin. 😊
😂
Yes! I would love to run into him in the park, too. I'll be cheering him on. It's awesome, thoughtful content AND a workout.
The first story reminds me about my green flag incident with my now husband. We’d only been dating for a month or two, but had known each other for about a decade and had just started living together that week. We were watching Netflix on his laptop (Portlandia, to be specific) and he paused the show to go get snacks, but accidentally exited the full screen mode. And I saw multiple bookmarked articles about my weirdly specific health issues and how to support people with chronic pain, and stuff like that. Still genuinely the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.
Awwwwww ❤❤🎉🎉🎉
2 quick messages for viewers and the creator!
Friendly reminder for those who take medication and often forget to take them (like me): go take your medication if you haven't yet! 😊❤💊
Also, a friendly reminder, be sure not to overwork yourself! Don't let the pressure of always posting videos get to you. I get that a lot of content creators can become overwhelmed with the idea of "I gotta post a new video, I gotta post a new video!" and it can prevent them from focusing enough on themselves. Take proper breaks from time to time. Take a walk outside and get some fresh air. Be kind to yourself, and take care of your body and mind. And always remember that you are loved! Hope u have a great day/night 😊👍
❤❤❤
Thank you, dear person!
No joke as a content creator I truly need to hear stuff like this. I have a very difficult time slowing down. Appreciate you posting this. 👏👏
@@DustinPoynterVideos Glad I could help! 😊
❤❤❤
Late diagnosed (60s) ADHD here. I've always found things that interest me, then done deep dives, sometimes for weeks. And that was when you had to go to the library!
For my mom's second wedding, I wasn't forced to wear a dress. I'm a trans guy and while I've had to be back in the closet with my appearance because I moved back to a red state, it was the best thing ever. I had suspenders and wore pants and a button up shirt and dress shoes and even though I think I look silly in the pictures it still meant a lot to me that I didn't have to wear that would hurt me to wear.
By the way, my sister wore a dress and she looked absolutely beautiful. And so did my mother's wedding dress and my step dad's suit 😊 It was a really nice wedding and she picked the most caring, respectful man to be her husband.
I love this so much.
I'm so sorry you're having to hide your true self for safety, but I'm glad that you have a cool family who get it and support you. Also, suspenders are so cool if you can rock them (I can never make them work for me 😢) keep swinging big with those style choices as/when you can
Stay safe and try to be kind to yourself, solidarity from an ally from (terf island) UK x 💙🤍🩷
@@helenl3193 Thank you!
It was a sign of true respect for you and your comfort as a human being, and I'm glad you got to enjoy that happiness, if even for a while. (Relatable about looking silly trying to dress how you see yourself. I look nothing like how my soul feels half the time. lol #GenderfluidProblems)
Fellow ADHDer here & i concur. My formative years were also plagued with comments about how i was lazy & selfish. Nope, that's just Overwhelm™️!! Soo glad that i have a better support network now, but those comments are still in my head & make themselves known regularly....
Edit to add: green flag videos are my favourite! Life is crap most of the time, so i really need this type of positivity! ❤
I just love the wholesome ones. I send them to my friend. She even knows my eyes leak while I listen.
LOVE IT! We all need a good cry sometimes
Oh that wedding story summoned my primal rage. Growing up, I was a weird girl and because of that I got bullied and cast out. It didn’t help that there were quite a few obvious things about me that made me stand out- I was a tomboy, I had weird interests that none of my male or female peers shared, I was a nerd, I was a vocal atheist in a Mormon community, I was way taller than anyone else, and what was eventually diagnosed as ADHD manifested as periods of hyper focus and obsession with things I liked. I was so uncomfortable in my skin throughout my childhood and to this day I often feel lonely, weird, and physically uncomfortable. It didn’t help that I only had brothers and they’d make fun of me for doing anything remotely girly. I’ve definitely gotten more confident in my appearance and personality and I usually feel good wearing whatever I want but for about 10 years, the closest I got to comfortable was only possible wearing yoga pants, jeans, hoodies, and t shirts. Abhorred anything girly and the thought of wearing pink or skirts or dresses sent me into a panic. Mostly my parents were ok with this… unless we were going somewhere “nice.” This included holiday get-togethers, family photos, and going to watch a ballet. (I loved ballet, but that’s not because my hate of feminine things was not strong, it’s a testament to how much I love ballet that despite disliking girly stuff, I trained every day for 15 years to become a professional ballerina). On such occasions, I, an extremely shy and conflict-averse child, would have the same hissing and screaming fight with my mom as she wrestled me into a dress. Why a pair of slacks were on acceptable to her, I’ll never know. All I know is that when we got tickets to the ballet, I should have felt excited and instead I wanted to pull my own hair out from anxiety (which i actually did on numerous occasions. You’d think my mom would have just let me wear pants instead of hurt myself). And when my mom eventually managed to stuff me into a skirt and we’d go out, I felt so monstrously ugly, exposed, and uncomfortable. Anyway, I basically HAD to get over this in 7th grade because i went to a prep school that required girls to wear a uniform skirt. I tried wearing my older brother’s uniform and that did not fly. Arizona public schools, would not recommend. I kind of think I just disassociated for that year of my life.
Point is, the person on Reddit had it right. Forcing people to wear skirts because they’re girls is stupid and so unnecessary at the cost of their mental health. Let little girls wear pants, and if wearing skirts makes them cry, don’t force them! It is so stupid to make a child cry over something as trivial as clothes.
Third story reminded me of my eldest: this morning he woke me up with a fact he learned last night, about trees/saplings that grow in areas prone to wildfires: they have evolved thicker bark in order to protect themselves in case of fire. My boy amazes me every day with the things he pushes himself to learn!
Im bouta hit you with another tree fact: mangrove trees have evolved to have mechanisms deal with high salinity water, one of which is *sweating* salt from the underside of their leaves! Can't remember if it was black mangrove or red that does this, but you can quite literally lick the salt from one of those two
Some plant seeds actually need fire in order to germinate! These species are pyrophiles.
Ask him if he knows about the fact that many such trees actually NEED wildfires as part of their growth strategy! The old felled trees will form a fine substrate for the seed pods which only germinate AFTER being caught in a fire!
My boyfriend recently dug himself out of a near deadly depression by embracing music. He's always played guitar but this time he really poured his soul into it. Going to Open Mics, Jam Nights, practicing day in and day out. His transformation from a guitar player to artistic musician just amazed me. I told him so and told him how proud I was about his hard work. I am his biggest fan. He was truly touched got a bit misty and we hugged.
“Loitering at the leaker” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
4:35 XD my guy is gonna be sitting in the school bus with a prepped lunch box before he snaps out of it and go: "wait... the hell is happening, I'm 23!!!"
My partner is a mom…she puts fruit in my work lunches and gives me snacks when she gives her son snacks. I adore her 😍😍
My fiance is a dad and its really rare to see. Im like a mom so we both take care of each other😂
Growing up without a dad i never realised how much a dad is actually needed..
He gives me food and cuddles when tired. I give him cuddles and help him out when he has a stain on his clothes (he comes to me like a little child "can you get this stain out?" With puppy eyes).
i was an overwieght kid and my grandma went to vietnam on a holiday and came back with an outfit for me. It was a tank top and a mini skirt. i tried it on and it was like three sizes too small and my grandmother was so upset that i couldnt wear the outfit she got me, that probably cost her $2.00. my mum edited the skirt so it would fit me and i had to wear it out to a dinner, which was at a pub that had lots of drunk old men in attendance. i did not want to wear this outfit. I was extremely self conscious of being overweight and this outfit was not flattering. I felt humiliated and sexualised wearing that outfit. Afterwards i think my (often clueless mother) picked up on how bad it was for me and agreed to throw the outfit out afterwards. Point is, dont ever force a child to wear something that makes them uncomfortable. My grandmother and parents probably dont even remember that dinner or outfit but i will and for the wrong reasons. Just an example of how selfish my grandmother was/is in wanting me to wear an outfit she got me regardless of how i felt. (and she hasnt gotten any better as a person 10 years later)
Oh, honey, I feel you! My grandmother was very similar--if someone did something she didn't agree with, they were wrong, and she let them know it! 🌋 May you one day be able to heal from that pain. 🙏❤️🩹
My mom always let me wear what i liked but shed always pressure me to wear crop tops, mini skirts and such because i had the figure for it. Ie i was a skinny as f kid and could wear that stuff without anyone making me feel fat. Everytime i wore anything that showed my stomach or lots of leg men my dads age stared at me and made me feel so sexualized that any time i wore skirts i wore leggings underneath and still do for the most part today. I am much heavier now and would never wear that stuff. In reality i never wore much revealing stuff because i hated how men would look or whisle or cat call. I remember even at age like 10 or 12 guys would hit on me and make me feel so uncomfortable. Now that im heavier i have the complex that i look fat in most of my stuff and i no longer have the right figure for certain clothes.
Mom may not have meant anything bad by her comments but they definately shaped me. I almost never wear dresses or skirts or even do my makeup. Luckily i have an amazing fiance who wouldnt care if i wore a potato sack around town lol
the ADHD one really hit home. I was a D and C student up until College. Everyone would tell me I wasn't smart, would never listen to me or my opinions due to my grades. Even my own parents. I asked for help, never got it. Just told to study (which never worked). Once I went to college and found friends who were able to make learning fun, and positive, I almost instantly became a B+ to an A student. We even made it fun to try and get 100%s on quizzes and tests and never ridiculed or made someone feel ashamed by having he lowest grade in the study group but made it a fun competition. We asked each other questions, used each of our strengths to boost the other's weaknesses. Apparently that's all I needed.
7:29 “ok so i grew up with people in my family (pause)” the millisecond pause was enough for me to be like “dont most people?” LMAO it’s just a silly thing, nothing malicious 🙈😂
😂😂😂😂
Same:p
4:07 Maybe it’s early to propose after the 2nd date, but he should propose. Yesterday!
She* should propose
I'm ADHD, and C-PTSD. School was hard, if people were around me I can't focus. No one would work with me about the problem , until college. My teachers put on the material on a cd, and I would take test in their office, with a teacher present. They were awesome
goddddd the adhd distractability + the cptsd hypervigilance make it *impossible* to do any kind of reading/writing/study in an enviornment where other people can come and go. every movement out of the corner of my eye triggers the “locate the exits, headcount the people in the room, are any of them looking at me? do they see me looking at them? are they going to approach me? i don’t have time for this, i need to *work*” cycle all over again
@@library.collective I managed to find a balance, most of the time. I play games on my phone all the time, and always on my computer. It helps keeping me focused, and able to sit still for a little while.
8:35 this section hits pretty close to home. My experiences are pretty similar to the boyfriend's - bad in school but deep diving into any subject that mildly interests me. It's hard to recognize that want to learn as being smart when all your life you were bad with what you were told makes you smart.
I can't say enough about the power of simple, genuine, unexpected compliments. We have WAY more anxiety than we realize. I told a first year teacher she was doing a good job (she was) and she started crying because she was so anxious she was going to mess up. A friend of many years was explaining to me her involvement in her child's PTA and I mentioned what an involved and good mom she was. She absolutely lost it. She agreed with me and was trying her best, but no one had every explicitly TOLD her so she always doubted herself. Adults need praise and positive affirmations just like kids do!
The mom in the second one is my mom, even to this day despite me being 33 next month. I'm petite, 5' 3" and 90lbs soaking wet and the one that stood out the most to me was "do you maybe want to brush you hair and put a little make up on so it doesn't look like I'm taking my 14 year old son shopping?"
I will NEVER forget those words coming from my own mother. It's gut wrenching and heartbreaking.
My mother told me she was embarrassed to be seen with me cause i was so skinny as a kid. It’s just my body type. I’m still thin at 63 and that hurtful comment still hurts me. I’m sorry she says that.
Please keep in mind thats how women were raised before. She might have been told this as well, if she is not this and that - she won't be happy, boys won't like her etc. While it is a stupid thing to say, she just might not know better. You can notice that the story says mother and grandmother, so this shit is passed down
Your hair is awesome and the world appreciates your unique subversive style! Keep it up.
Ok that girl who handled the pants soiling on a first date is an angel. And about the niece ....oof I feel that poor girl. Growing up I was always told to wear dresses I felt like an idiot in and when I had short hair I remember my sister saying "you know what would make you look more like a girl? Jewelry." Sadly I'm still the family butt of jokes but I distance myself quite a bit
I feel this, having been told by a "friend" that I'd "be pretty if you wore makeup."
@@Sun-resa ugh what a jerk!!
7:05. Honestly. I've struggled with looking "feminine" because I love having short and long hair. And my father would constantly say how I look like a boy. Or how I looked better before. Or even "you're asking for it" if you know what he means I'm sorry. If you don't. Good for you. And I just love seeing decent people. My mom and step dad supported me in my short hair and I'm fully comfortable now. I can imagine how good it felt for her to have someone supporting her
I was a flower girl in two weddings long before I came out as trans, and at the time I didn't have any issues because I enjoyed the pageantry of it, but it makes me so happy to hear that bride stand up for her niece and I hope they always remember that even if their parents make them wear a dress, because she will always be a safe person for them in the journey ahead.
7:50 IT WASNT A PHASE MOM 😂😂
My husband can relate with the last story. No one realized he had dyslexia until he was in college. So, he struggled so much through school with everyone, including himself, thinking he was slow. He's actually one of the most intelligent people I know. He struggles with reading, so written tests are horrible for him, but he can hear something once and remember it forever.
5:04 i was half-listening and almost clicked away because you said goodnight hahaha
9:35 as a guy with adhd, I went through gifted kid burnout at 15. I often joke about how stupid I am because it’s the only way to make the jokes from others not hurt as much. I think I’d also cry if someone said that to me. People have told me I’m smart before but not ever in a way of why I’m smart. So I never believed them, you know that thing where people can ignore insults and only take compliments personally? Well I have the opposite and I can’t control it well at all. I’d prob have a full breakdown if someone detailed why anything I do was smart or useful. I cry if someone says they value my effort though so
I value your simple existence in this hard, dangerous, beautiful world. Bless you for being. ❤❤❤
@@randomvielleuse527 thank you that’s very heartwarming. I am not religious but as someone who used to be I appreciate the sentiment of a blessing
@@BlizzyBeezzAnd that is exactly how I meant it. 😊
@@randomvielleuse527 it’s very sweet thank you
The first one hit different. I have OCD so bad I literally quit my job a few months ago and I've been agoraphobic from it in the past and really just feel like shit sometimes -- like I can't control my own mind. I've never dated because I've always figured that until I'm "cured" I'll be a burden on someone in a relationship. Anyways, my current OCD theme is a phobia of 'what if I pee my pants' it causes me to use the bathroom constantly even when I don't have to go and it's so embarrassing but it's less embarrassing than I imagine actually peeing yourself would be so I do it. Hearing that sweet story helped me a little bit. Next time I'm feeling the compulsion and spiraling down worse case scenarios, I'll think back to it and I'll think back to your commentary / green flag :)
I promise there's someone out there who will appreciate you for the person you are and not see your OCD as a burden, so you don't have to wait to be "fixed" before you start a relationship. My grandfather has OCD severe enough that it affects my grandmother and not just him, and the two of them have been married over sixty years now. I have bipolar disorder and anxiety and while therapy and medication helps me live a relatively "normal" life, there are still things that I struggle with because of it. I have post-concussion syndrome that's made it more difficult to think clearly for the last few years and had to go on medical leave for disability at my job a few months ago. Despite all of that, my boyfriend and I have been together for nine years now and I know that he doesn't see my mental or physical health problems as a burden or a defect, and he always asks how he can help me when I'm struggling. The good ones can sometimes be hard to find, but I'm sure that you'll be able to find one when you feel ready.
The right one will always be there for you when it feels you're at your worst. The wrong one will always run at the first sign of trouble. The keys to solid long lasting relationships are: communication, compassion, empathy and trust.
If I am remembering correctly from elder care, constantly peeing puts you at a higher risk of other issues, like bladder infection, since you aren't getting enough "in the pipes" at one time to really flush things out. If it is that big of a concern, I would recommend investing in some incontinence pads/disposable underwear, etc. Many people use them with no one the wiser, if you need that safety measure to be comfortable going out.
I’m celebrating 10 years marriage with someone with a similar condition. They’re not cured but they work hard on their treatment plan and we just get along great. Also they’re in charge of all laundry (and I do the dishes) so any accidents can be washed in private.
@UselessBard I’m married while also being disabled due to mental illness. Every day I have imposter syndrome and it’s hard for me to believe too, that I deserve to be loved while not “cured”. But I am loved and I’m learning to believe I am enough. The strength it takes to get through something chronic is immeasurable. Remember you are strong enough. Remember that it is much harder to love yourself than it is to find someone who loves you because we always see the worst in ourselves. The fight may never be over but you are worth it. You are light. You are lovable. You are a fighting spirit and you can never forget that.
0:13 i dont know why but if you pause you look a little 0_o
so real of you
OMG HE DOES 😭
Lol!! This made my day!!🤣
🤨😂
🤣adds to his charm😂
Speaking of giving men compliments, I have a man I work with who's pretty quiet and shy. One day, our boss pressured him into participating in a fundraising event. He showed up with a fuchsia shirt because if it got ruined, he wouldn't care, but he looked awesome in the color! We went on first break, and I told him, quite loudly (as is my manner of speaking), that he really looks amazing in pinks and he should wear the shirt again. He immediately perked up and accepted the compliment quietly. He went into the dunk tank wearing a Grey shirt, and ever since, he's typically wearing some shade of pink or rose, and he's constantly getting compliments from everyone because he really looks great in the color. I mentioned it to my son, who I taught one kind sentence costs nothing if it's genuine, and he said that men almost never get compliments. That makes me sad.
Regarding the wedding one with the nibbling who was uncomfortable in "girl" clothes... Two of my (grown) kids are trans. One is a girl (yes, mtf) and one is non-binary. If you care about someone, their feelings are more important than what they wear. Clothes are clothes. 🙏💚
🤘😎 yep 100%
Nibbling is such a creative term🤩
@@ronnyjordan4652 I heard that word for the first time, a few years ago. I love how language evolves!
Eyyy I'm so happy to see someone else knows about the word nibbling! I'm also going to share pibbling for the neutral variant for aunt/uncle in case if you or others haven't already heard of it before.
Furthermore, the way I learned to tell nibbling and pibbling apart is because nibbling starts with an N just like the binary niece and nephew. Pibbling starts with a P, which doesn't match with aunt or uncle, buuut it still matches parent, and all pibblings are technically additional parental figures, so that's how I remembered the difference for my dyslexic brain lol
Biology is important, guess you failed them.
"It's never a bad time to stand up for a child... It's important for your niece to see you stand up for her. You're the green flag." I love this story and your reflections on it so much. ❤ Thank you for this beautiful channel.
There's a Loki fic that makes the point "It can't be easy to choose between supporting your husband and supporting your child... but one of them is a grown man who can fight his own battles, and the other is a child, who needs support and protection, so in reality the choice is very clear." There aren't a lot of situations where it makes sense to side with the adult over the child, still less over a matter of personal taste and self-expression.
Honestly we should stop making a big deal of peeing/pooping our pants after we grow up. It happens to literally everyone at least once. One of my favorite RUclipsrs says that people are divided in two groups: people who already pooped/peed their pants and people who didn't pooped/peed their pants YET. We should just act with kindness and humour (when applicable) in these situations
I was diagnosed with ADD now called ADHD way back in the 80s. To add to that Im a woman and a girl getting diagnosed early on ( age 7)was unheard of so I understand his struggle. I got by with good grades and was quiet so people were genuinely confused when I explained my disability. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see ADHD representation and openness that was non existent 40 years ago. Thank you Dustin!!
Love the wholesome ones!!! 😭 They restore my faith in humanity
As a fellow ADHD haver, I feel sorry for the last guy. I had supportive parents who fought and actually got me into the gifted program. Turns out, Im pretty smart when I am stimulated. One of my worst memories from grade school is that the teacher made fun of me for being in the gifted program, but sucking at memorizing times tables. Screw that lady.
Also, you seem like a cool dude. I wish we could hang out sometime. I think you live in AR, so that probably won't happen.
2:50 When you date a gentle parent lol
"You're giving that man premium unleaded gas" 😂❤
I’ve never grown out of being a tomboy. My husband loves that about me.
When we got married, we both wore jeans, Harley t-shirts, and slippers. 😂
My mother always wanted a little girl that she could dress up like a living doll… yeah, I’ve never been that at any point. And in the 80s, no one batted an eye if a mother smacked her kids around. But my grandparents definitely stuck up for me. It’s definitely important to have someone in your corner.
As someone with adhd, the last story damn near made me cry too. I've been on a reparenting journey the last few years and I've learned to call myself smart and not put myself down. I hope the OP's bf learns to deal with his self esteem issues
❤❤❤❤❤
Oh, good for you to root for yourself!
You know those TED talks that people put on RUclips? I only wish they had like TikTok-length ones for people to show off their knowledge from things they just learned. I bet you would have something to contribute
@@sallymoen7932 that is so sweet of you!! Thank you for saying that!!
The mother in the second story- 'force your friends to dress a certain way because I hate my daughter's sense of style'
Screw you, lady, and shine on supportive bride
in the story for the niece, I felt it in my spine when the mom and grandma started making the comments about dressing nicer and how nice it would be to see her like that because my mother has made those comments and continues to make those comments for the last 25 years...
I love going into comment sections and seeing so much love being spread around. This is one of very few channels that I've seen with this luxury. Spread the love everyone, and take care of yourselves damnit, you deserve love no matter who or what you are
I was needing some wholesomeness today cause my best friend's mam died so thanks mate 👍
I'm so sorry. Please accept a virtual hug from me if you'd like
So sorry to hear this my friend 😭
@@CheshirePhrogthanks ❤
@@DustinPoynterVideos💚💚💚
6:17 this definitely gives the feeling of "I'm trans but am just not out yet and am afraid that my parents will hate me if i tell them" poor sweetheart. Dont worry, i and a lot of other people have been through it before, whether youre trans or just a bit of a tomboy, you should be free to dress however you want.
Yeah even if this isn't a trans person this still hits really close to home as one, and if they are this probably means a lot to the kid
@@AceNotAnAttorney I just hope they had a good time at the wedding if they did get to go, maybe they updated the post :)
Not every not girly girl wants to be a boy.
Dude, I'm 38 & still a goth metalhead. Never stop dressing however makes YOU happy. Any kind of "well, I'd never wear something like that" comment should be answered with some version of "well you're not the one wearing them, i am, so that works out." it's a great recipe, add pettiness & sarcasm to taste 😂
Mr/Mx/Ms Morgan, I'm sorry King Morgan, may I suggest you give me a little grace whilst I say this...
I have indeed indeed started a sentence to goths with;
"I'd never wear your fit..."
Bear with me
"Because I'm not part of the subculture and it'd feel disrespectful. But please allow me to tell you how awesome you look and how jealous I am."
Oh yeahhh I'm that chick. I was rocking a home made John Lennon head badge in school when I was 8 and refused the headteacher when he told me I had to take it off because it was weird that I an 8yo girl IN LIVERPOOL, liked the beatles. Idiot. Mind you he was also the headteacher who had earlier in the year called my mum to the school because I kneed a lad in the balls.
The fact that the lad had me pinned against a wall with his hand up my skirt wasn't an issue apparently.
Me defending myself, the way I had been taught to by my mum was. Because obviously the boy didn't mean it, and I had to be overreacting.
My mum lost her mind at the head especialy when he said that even if the boy had meant it my offense was worse because i inflicted harm and used violence. He was genuinely lucky my mum didn't throw hands in that moment and if it hadn't been in a primary school she would have.
But the Head taught both me and Lee, a lesson that day. I learned that decisions about my body werent always going to be my own. And Lee learned that he could get away with it.
Story #2 Wedding attire.....you're not marrying his parents, you're marrying him. Screw the parents, let the girl wear what she wants. She's gonna out live his parents, so definitely worth it be on her side, not theirs🥰
Dustin, it's not just 'mom' energy, let's de-gender that - because I know some male humans with this vibe; these folks are 'Caregivers'. They care, they give of themselves, and they are priceless. They need to be appreciated and loved, as well as given back to. I am so hopeful for the two in that reddit story.
And nurturing instinct does not come naturally to 100% of parents! Some new mothers do not bond with their child like is expected.
I intend to live a childfree life (looking after my disabled self is arduous enough some days) but I still have nurturing instinct towards my BFF! Don't mean I'm momming her, I'm just looking out for my bestie! We're both disabled in different ways and met at a disability-friendly workplace. Her vision isn't very good so when we hang out and shop for stuff with which to cook dinner together (it's a part of our roughly monthly movie evenings), she'll often have me reading out ingredient breakdowns and the like because straining her eyes to read tiny print can give her migraines.
Good comment
Definitely need to de-gender caregiving/nurturing behaviour. We also need to de-parentify it, and de-infantilize receiving care. Normalising giving support to other adults/receiving support as an adult(and especially as men) during hard times could significantly reduce the severity & frequency of mental health issues in society.
I'm a guy with "mom friend" energy and I love this post both for the de-gendering comment and for the reminder that sometimes... sometimes us mom friends need taken care of too...
I call it “big parent energy” 💀
When it comes to protecting children, you can't do enough. My kids have ADHD along with other difficulties. I NEVER let anyone tell my kids there was something 'wrong' with them. Their lives are so much harder. We focused on how to get around the problems to keep moving forward. They have come so far and are now 30 and 32. My daughter said I was a wall in her life no one could get around to hurt her. I can't tell how grateful I am she felt so safe. I also wonder what it's like because I never had that.
I hate how casually so many women blow off men's mental health issues. If you truly practice feminism, you should want EVERYONE to get help, not just some. The patriarchy hurts men too and we, as intersectional feminists, should support abolishing the abuse for everyone, not just us. "Boys don't cry, man up, don't be a pússy" turns happy little boys into sad frustrated men. In a truly feminist world, women would obviously want men to be saved from the patriarchy too... because we're all equal in that society. I'm under no impression that we can have a perfect world, but I'm just saying, isn't the heart of feminism fighting for equality? My feminism is intersectional. I support the process of different communities coming together to work out big problems and finding solutions that further equality.
the last story hit hard as someone who had to drop out of high school, is now doing community college part time, and goes on youtube rabbit holes whenever something interests me, ive never had phenomenal grades but my partners insist im a smart person
The other day I told this guy I've been seeing that he was hot. We were cuddling and watching Archer, so his first response was, "oh sorry" and he tried to give me more space. He then paused, looked at me and asked if I meant temperature wise. I just smiled up at him and said no. He took another moment, hled me a little bit tighter, and told me no one had ever said that to him. We need to protect our bois ❤
When I had my wedding i immediately told my sibling ( who’s nonbinary ) they can wear a suit.
They were my person of honour for my wedding and I wanted them to be just as happy and comfortable as I was for the day.
I wanted my baby sister to be my maid of honor. She's never been one for dresses and wore a suit to our mom's wedding. I told her she was welcome to do the same at my wedding and I'd be proud to stand up next to her regardless.
She opted for the dress, which she chose. She looked amazing. My favorite photo of her of all time was taken that day, the two of us in our wedding clothes and her with a football.
@@tinkeramma that’s a good memory and thats great you gave them choice!
My favourite photo of my sibling is actually of them in the background and they’re jumping beaming from ear to ear lol
Best photo 🎉
Your sister should take biology classes.
@@minecraftfox4384 I can’t believe you’re being a red flag, and in public too 😔😔😔
I did that for one of my bridal party members, who is also NB. They found a gorgeous suit in burgundy (our wedding color) that had a cape and it looked super cool! I just wanted everyone to be themselves and have a good time.
I’ve been a metalhead since I was 13 and a tomboy too, skater, played the drums, into paintball etc and caught so much crap from family for wearing black, combat boots and band tshirts and never being feminine. Being told snidely that everything you’re passionate about is “just a phase” and “you’ll grow out of this nonsense!” was really hurtful. I would’ve loved to have an adult in my life validate and accept me like the aunt did for her niece at the wedding. Now she knows she has an ally and that could make a huge difference in her mental health as she grows up. Love that for her!
I am autistic and was in special ed and everything and you are SO right about the ADHD thing. All the kids who were ADHD were given desks in the corner or in front of the teacher's desk away from everyone else like they had the plague, and were treated like they were just bad kids. BREATHING offended these teachers if you had ADHD. I related hard as an autistic kid, yet I had accomodations. I got away with all kinds of stuff as long as i made a good grade, which was easy because i was 2e. I always felt so bad for the ADHD kids. Autism was hard but ADHD must have been even harder!
'Green flag gal!' And 'pantaloon puddles' killed me 😂
Listening to these stories and thinking "How else are you supposed to handle this situation?" made me realize that I might not be as bad of a person as I sometimes think I am. Kindness is free, it costs nothing to have empathy.
"She's a gentlewoman" my exact same thoughts, the jacket move sealed that thought in for me.
I had the same issue with the dress vs pants for my bridesmaids. One of my nieces wanted the girly frilly dress, the other wanted pants with studs. They both got to wear what they wanted, and I absolutely loved how much they shined in it! the pictures show two happy girls, both a big smile. The clothes are worth less than those smiles
Me and my father never had a great relationship, but one thing he did that ment the world to me was he told everyone "you take him as he is, or he won't come." As a young punk in the 90s, i needed that. Anytime i went to a family gathering with blue hair and metal spikes, he would quickly shut down any bullshit. Its a lesson i took to heart and passed in to my kids. I don't ask them to change for anyone. You'll take my kids as they are, or we won't come. I say that to say this, i could no more imagine forcing my daughter to wear a dress than i would my son, kids should always be made to feel confortable in their environments or they can never grow to be good adults.
Dustin, you’re awesome. Across all your videos you’re unflinchingly honest, empathetic, compassionate and insightful-not forgetting funny, smart, articulate and wise. I love the red and green flag combo, both celebrating and calling out. I think you’re a pretty special human being, and I’m absolutely here to cheerlead you. You rock.
3:46 "and how it can be treated" IT CAN BE TREATED?!
maybe,I had a confidence issue and after the pandemic I kind of had this, hut after a year or two im just like billy butcher 😂
The weding niece story! A buttload of Bridezillas around the world could really learn a lesson on how to be a kind human being. OP sounds like an incredibly loving person.❤
This is the wholesome content I need in my life! Thank you for all you do! 💚
8:04 Those parents are awful. They have no clue what seemingly tiny comment from a school mate about her figure could have made her hate feminine clothes. And if she just don't wanna dress feminine, that's enough of a reason! So shame on them for stressing her like that.
And again shame shame shame on that mother for trying to manipulate the wedding. IT'S THE BRIDES DECISION!!! MIL got zero say in this!
And to the groom: You need a more stable spine my friend. If you had put your foot down, your bride wouldn't be in this emotional swamp and feeling conflicted about the day of her life.
First story: I love this! I love that she was compassionate from the start and then learned more about the condition; even how to treat it. She's a gem! Even if she isn't a mom get, she was definitely destined to be one! As well as work in healthcare
First story: they both sound like such sweet people. I hope they stay together because he sounds so kind and gentle from the way he wrote the story and her reaction was so genuinely beautiful. I have no idea who these people are but I’m so happy they found each other 😂❤
7:35 your wedding, your rules. I wrote on mine that they can wear comfortable clothes
Mom with ADD, mother of ADHD children. School is not designed for Nero divergent people. Neuro Typical people can have a difficult time themselves, how in the world are the rest of us supposed to do well?
I love the green flag videos. They always show up right when I need them. Tough days, times I'm worried about the world, anxiety times, etc. It is a nice break in the clouds.
I’m autistic. I can remember my mother sitting at the dining room table, trying to teach me something that I just couldn’t get my brain to wrap around, and finally insisting, “you cannot be that stupid.” It destroyed me. My own mother.
Fast forward 30 years. I’m talking to someone about something and he stared at me. Confused, I asked him what was up. He said, “You’re so incredibly intelligent, it’s blowing my mind.” I cried. To struggle with my grades, be told I’m stupid… such a genuine statement dissolved me into tears.
My own folks are the same....Their slowly but surely realizing that I was misdiagnosed of ADD, when it was really ADHD. So, now I just need them to get over the fact that I learn differently than they do, and stop belittling me😂
I'm 29, intersex and non-binary. I dress how I dress. I came out as non-binary at 14 and found out at 20 that I'm intersex and not genetically female. My mom when I was 16 burned all my masc and/or black clothing. It crushed me and caused an identity crisis that led to a suicide attempt. Clothing doesn't seem that deep, but it really is for some kids.
I needed this today. I've been feeling... really despondent lately and I don't have anyone to talk to so I like coming here and hearing stories about compassionate and caring people. I like knowing those people still exist no matter what I'm going through.
That first story.... wow, my heart just overflowed.
Dustin, so many videos on my feed are negativity, exposing bad things, etc. This video made me cry. Thank you for using your platform to spread these lovely stories. We need more of this!
Ohmygosh! My husband’s teachers told him he was dumb and treated him like he was dumb. He has ADHD and dyslexia. The man is brilliant, sweet and such a good dad. His mind for engines and machines is beyond my understanding for sure. I try to tell him he’s so smart whenever he it’s appropriate because he still struggles with feeling stupid.
are you sure your husband isn't Leo Valdez from the Percy Jackson books?
@@st4r_truckk hmmm. Maybe!
I hope the 23 year old realizes that his date's acceptance of the situation is also an indicator that he's starting to spend time with grown-ups. She sounds awesome, but if the relationship with her doesn't work out for whatever reason, that's ok, as far as the paruresis is concerned. There are many people in the world who won't judge him.
' I am stupid' is one of the main lies ADHD tells you.
It's so encouraging to me to see these kinds of videos, and to know that the younger generations are far more empathetic and compassionate than the previous ones. I'm 52, and I won't go into my relationship with my mother here, only to say that the people showcased in this vid are amazing, and they will make amazing parents. Keep it up, you wee sprouts...you got this. :)
I love your channel. Please don't ever stop making these. It gives me hope that there's someone out there for me.
1:10 same; I've found that as long as I can get a stall and I can sit on a toilet and give it a minute of relaxation I can usually pee (provided the bathroom isn't completely crowded with a lot of noise) but using a urinal while there's another person in the bathroom just.. forget it.. even if my bladder feels like it's about to explode
Do multiplication problems in your head while you're standing there. I swear it works!
I’m so glad I use the women’s bathroom where private stalls are the norm. Yeesh.
Story 1: God I'm in tears. Please say that the two of them are still together, getting married and living a long and happy life together.
Story 2: Such parents can cause serious mental damage to a child.
I was always criticized for the way I dressed and for the clothes they gave me that were too big and didn't suit my skin or hair colour, since I was 9.
So now that I'm almost 40 years old, I struggle to this day with depression and ST.
Story 3: Wish I had someone like that in my life. He is very lucky. I hope all these green flag couples stay together.
I’m a straight woman who is quite “butchy”. I’ve always been tomboyish and have never felt comfortable in makeup or feminine clothes. I always felt like something was wrong with me, for not liking to look a certain way ( there is nothing wrong with that by the way, it’s just not me at all) Now that I’m over 40, I’ve decided not to care, and just wear whatever I want, usually jeans and band shirts and hoodies. My family and friends just accept it. (Or they have just given up trying to make me more feminine) Either way, it’s a relief not having to explain or excuse myself anymore. And I don’t feel guilty. ❤
It's 12.42am where I live, I was about to go to sleep. But this video is so worth it, thanks for doing these, reminds me there's still hope for humanity 💚
Also like for petition to get the green flag emoji!
please sleep
Have sweet green flag dreams!
My dad actually was goth for a long while, when us kids were exploring our out of norms tastes he sat us down with something that stuck with me positively. “I want you to keep in mind your style choices will have an impact on how people look at you. I have no problems as long as you’re modest, you just need to know strangers might look at you differently. I want to make sure YOU’RE ok with how they look at you.” It shouldn’t matter how people look at you but it does, some people are sensitive to that and it’s ok.
I also want to state I love alt fashion but I have sensory issues so dressing how I want verses how I’m comfortable is hard to align. I actually compliment anybody I have an interaction with, tattoos, hair, piercings, makeup, clothes, anything that catches my eye. Every single person has had something that just makes me go “wow” and by whatever you believe in I WILL say something about it. Again something small and usually mid or at the end of the interaction, I’m not starting up conversations with strangers in the grocery store or anything.