Insomnia insight
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- Опубликовано: 29 сен 2024
- Some of the most common questions on this channel are related to sleeping pills. Why is it that they work sometimes and not others? What do they do when they actually work? How come they stop working? In this episode we will see that the act of delegating the work of sleeping is what allows sleep to happen, with or without you taking a tablet!
Do you have trouble sleeping? Can’t sleep? Have questions about insomnia or sleep?
Please submit here and I will try to respond soon in an Open class episode.
www.thesleepco...
Would you like to work with a me and/or learn more? Awesome! Here are some great options:
- The Self Coaching Master Program www.thesleepcoachschool.com
- BedTyme, a sleep coaching app for iOS and Android.
- My book Set it & Forget it (great place to start!) or This is Natto (if you want a deep dive into the mind) on Amazon.
The self coaching program is perfect if you like learning through video and want to join a group on your journey towards sleeping well.
BedTyme is ideal if you like to learn via text and have a sleep coach in your pocket.
Not sure where to start? Check out these playlists!
This is natto - the perfect place to start learning!
• This is Natto - Start ...
Success stories - if you need hope and inspiration, this is for you.
• Success stories
Insomnia insight - a list of every single episode.
• Playlist
Talking insomnia - guests with trouble sleeping or experts share their stories / tips.
• Talking insomnia
Hypnic jerks, hypnic awareness and other common issues.
• Hypnic jerks and more.
Fatal insomnia - for those concerned about ffi and sfi.
• Familial and sporadic ...
The self coaching model
• The model
Best!
This content does not constitute medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, and should never replace any advice given to you by your physician or other qualified healthcare providers.
Hi Daniel. Yesterday I went to bed and I couldn't sleep. So I just started watching a podcast that I really like. Befriending wakefulness and actually enjoying it. But at one point I just randomly watch the clock. It is 2am and I have to get up at 6. Those old thoughts come to mind " certainly I have to try to at least get some sleep now"... but I am not sleepy at all and a couple seconds ago I was having fun whereas now I am anxious... in those days should I just keep enjoying being awake. Come what may.. just accept I am not going to sleep. Keep watching the podcast until I leave to work.... like totally letting go... the idea that I at least didn't even try to sleep is a bit scary still... but in reality I know in days like those I probably won't.
I'm interested in Daniels response as well. Bc some nights it feels like it could possibly be an all nighter. :(
Commenting because this is something I go through - enjoying befriending wakefulness, but then concious and anxious about the time.
I think the first step is to go timeless as much as possible. If youre not looking at the clock and dont know what time it is, you wont know you only have 4 hours left. I know its hard with screens, I personally put a tiny piece of tape over the time on my phone.
But obviously sometimes we see or know the time. I believe here the answer is acceptance and kind of like, exposure therapy. Think about how here, in this moment, youre okay. And yes, you might be up all night. But this can’t hurt you, and each time it happens, along with your education, you’ll become more comfortable with it, and when that happens, youll stop having those nights. I know its tricky, I struggle with it too, but i personally think until you accept that sleepless nights happen, you can still enjoy that sleepless night, and no longer have fear of them happening, they will always hang over you...which is what i am dealing with now myself :)
@@mattm6673 hi matt. Thank you for the insight. In the last few months I became better at accepting wakufulness and trwating it like it is not a threat. And just like that night I enjoy myself. I think that might be the last step of the letting go process... I have seen a video of Guy Meadows i think it was... He says that when yoy go to sleep and you can't you should try to feel content... so I reckon closing your eyes and try to chill is still ok as a way to befriending wakefulness... Because as much as I no longer see wakefulness as a threat I still just feel like closing my eyes and at least rest... truth is I love being in bed.. but is this a sleep effort I wonder?
Hi Ricardo! Thanks for sharing and this is a great topic as what happened there is very common.
I’ll first say that Matt’s reply was amazing, I have little to add to this! The thought habits (and actual habits) that develop during a time of fear take time to fade, there are still traces of them long after you’ve started sleeping better.
And your instinct I think is very sound, so enjoy that wakefulness even when the thought becomes “but I should do something so I could sleep shouldn’t I?”.
Then comes the effort question, couldn’t even something like befriending wakefulness become a sleep effort?
It can! Anything can! But just this awareness you have alone sort of neutralizes the effort. It’s when we are doing things to try to make sleep happen without really understanding it that we start getting caught in that spider web. When you see it, you have freedom.
If you recognize a thought like “I befriended wakefulness but it didn’t work!” then you can meet this with “aha, there was some effort there!” and just like that the effort has been neutralized!
I hope this made sense and I’m really glad to read you’ve been doing so well Ricardo, well done educating the brain!!
I can understand this. I have sleeping pills available I don’t use them regularly but just the comfort of knowing they’re there brings me some kind of .. peace? Recently someone removed/stole them and I was so anxious I needed a new supply just to place on my dresser 🙆🏾♀️
Hi Rashauna! Welcome to the channel and thanks for sharing this. You know I’ve heard this a few times, just the knowledge that they’re there, not taking them, is what helps! Which illustrates to us that it’s our thoughts that truly matter!
I’m glad you’re not struggling with sleep simply by having them in the dresser 😁
Be well and stay in touch!
I love this video and your approach to sleeplessness. (I have been reading Guy Meadow's 'Sleep book and following his program too.)
So, until recently I was taking a quarter of a 7.5mg Zopiclone, but inly when i was desperate, a tiny dose of course, and it was 'helping ' me to sleep. I believe it's such a minute amount, it was actually working as a placebo. My doctor agreed, and we joked that she couldn't prescribe a placebo as then i would know, of course!
So so glad you’re here and what we teach makes sense. It’s really the same message as Guy Meadows’. Oh and also, glad you have a nice relationship with your doctor and they laugh with you 🙂!
Wow! I was JUST re-reading the section in This is NATTO where you write about delegation thru taking a sleep pill, and thought how can I help people use this "magic" of delegation in an empowering way? Love the nuggets you present here!
I've noticed that delegation can be really challenging for many people in, say, a work environment because it represents a release of control and requires an openness to someone else doing the work in their own way. Opening yourself up to whatever the night brings is kind of similar, and being truly okay with whatever comes will dissolve the power that the fear of the unknown has held over you.
Coach Anna! Thanks so much for the encouragement and super glad you found this practical.
And you know, I think exactly what you said here makes such a great analogy. We are often hesitant about letting others do work for us, but the only way to really grow professionally and to see that one does not need to micro manage (or manage at all) is to let someone else do the work.
Okidoki talk soon and keeping fingers crossed for a great start to your coaching career!
👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 Thank you Daniel, really helpful. I am recovering from drug addiction and don’t want to use meds for sleeep. And love this episode, you are touching on very interesting and necessary content with sleep disorders and anxieties. Please continue. Scarlett
Soo happy to read this Scarlett 😁 Thanks a ton for the support and you know, I’m sure what you learned when it comes to recovering from drug addiction, stepping away from self-criticism and being kind to oneself in particular, will help a lot when it comes to insomnia! Be well and stay in touch!
Hey Daniel, I am wondering how to deal with next day emotions such as depression or anxiety... When doing sleep restriction ?
Completely agree Ashley, sleep restriction makes sense and the drive will be strong so you sleep, but it creates havoc in your mental health, at least thats also my experience.
Hi Ashley, sorry for the late reply!
So to answer here we have to go into some depth!
I personally think sleep restriction is a bit flawed, the idea behind it that is.
The sleep window is really there simply as a nudge towards less attachment. It is a way to sort of make yourself try less and let go of attempts at controlling sleep.
There is often confusion about the main purpose. In traditional CBT there’s a lot of emphasis on making yourself stay awake for a long time so you feel sleepy. It is true that sleep drive is important, but anything you do to make yourself sleep becomes an effort! This includes making yourself stay up late!
Remember, insomnia is not a problem of not being sleepy, it is a problem of trying too much to sleep.
So the way to think of the sleep window is that it is simply a nudge in the direction of trying less.
When you give yourself less time for sleep, and you no longer know the time at night, these again are important psychological steps towards trying less, being willing to have less control.
What exact time you get up or what exact time you go to bed doesn’t really matter! What does matter is not focusing too much on the time.
It’s also important to set it and forget it. Decide upon sometime and then don’t question it. This will free your mind to think about more pleasant things!
In fact what also helps a lot is not knowing the time at night. Deciding what time to get up in the morning and then making a decision to stop checking the time at a certain time in the evening.
Not knowing the time is a very powerful way of letting go of control!
Finally, I think it’s important to be generous and to go a gentle path of no pressure.
Is very tempting to say that you will have a very narrow sleep window so that you feel really sleepy and then you reach your goal faster. But that’s a way of pressure!
Think about when people try to lose weight. The reason most people don’t do well is because they choose an extreme diet that they can’t stick to for more than a few weeks.
It’s the same with sleep windows. Many people choose a really tight window and then they become frustrated and pressured because it’s not something they can do forever.
If someone decides not to do a diet but rather change their lifestyle to something they can do forever, then there’s no pressure! Then they lose weight easily.
If you choose a sleep window that’s for example 7 hours, that’s pretty close to what most people do anyway so you can do that indefinitely. That’s the way!
Now how about the depression and anxiety?
When you’re frustrated and anxious, perhaps even angry, sad and exhausted, it’s very important to think about why you feel that way.
Frustration comes from a place of feeling unable to achieve something. Despite your best attempts, you just can’t make it happen. Trying and “failing” can even make you feel hopeless and it is very draining.
Now consider this; what is it that you weren’t able to do? You were not able to make sleep happen and/or you couldn’t control your thoughts/emotions. You had a sleepless night, or you barely slept, or you woke and never fell back asleep. You still feel anxious no matter how much you try to change this.
In other words, you weren’t able to do something that no human being in the universe can do - make sleep happen or control their thoughts!
In yet other words, you’re being hard on yourself, and feeling drained, for not being able to do the impossible!
When you know where your frustration and fatigue comes from, it becomes much easier to deploy self-kindness.
And that’s exactly what you need. A whole bunch too by the way!
When you see that the problem isn’t that you couldn’t make sleep happen or control your thoughts/emotions (which again is impossible!) but that you’re expecting that from yourself, and that you’re hard on yourself when sleep doesn’t happen - you see that you need to be gentler and kinder to yourself.
Think about how you would talk to a friend in your spot, using warm and supportive words, giving them a hug maybe, be that person to yourself.
And you know when you’re kinder to yourself, and no longer expect yourself to do the impossible, when that pressure is off, good things come your way! You naturally try less and less to control sleep, control how you think or control how you feel, and then peace of mind starts coming to you!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 this is so helpful! I am struggling alot with the sleep restriction.. It has perpetuated my insomnia even more. Also my anxiety has become worse than ever after starting.
I think this is due to added pressure of a short sleep window and putting too much effort into obeying the rules. Also critisizing myself when I fail sticking to them 😐
Caitlin, thanks so much for sharing this and I’ve heard exactly what you said so many times!! Yes, a gentler way I think is much much more helpful 😊
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks for your reply! I think that way is better for me. So what would you suggest? Staying up until I feel sleepy enough for sleep. Then going to bed instead of forcing myself to stay up until my sleep window begins? I have been finding my head keeps dropping and I'm sooo tired but I force myself to stay up until my sleep window begins but then I feel like I've pushed too hard and I get my second wind
Also then setting a reasonable out of bed time... My out of bed time is quite early and it's been stressing me out and then putting more pressure on me to sleep.
So maybe setting one a little bit later and If I wake earlier and feel like I'm awake.. To just get out of bed and start the day?
Hey Daniel, Is it possible for someone to have sleep issues due to maybe a deficiency in melatonin or gaba or so that causes it? Or is it always hyperarousal due to effort/anxiety?
Hi! Sleep disruption can come from many places, but only fear of not sleeping can create the ongoing struggle we call insomnia
Daniel, I believe I understand the insights very well. But, I do not have the skills and abilities to practise acceptance, delegation. Can you make videos based on skills to overcome the anxious nights along with the insights?
Hi Bibita! Understanding is the foundation 👍 And the tricky thing is that looking for or believing that there is a skill that can make the anxiety less IS the reason we experience so much anxiety.
This said, anything you do to become more comfortable with discomfort, more ok with experiencing anxiety- this really helps! It can truly free us from being bothered by anxiety.
I’ll expand on this is in a video!
Hi Daniel, I have commented previously and I have made a lot of progress since I think. I no longer he was Swiss awakenings and I sleep 7-8 hours some nights. I do not have a fixed sleep window. But sometimes I take around an hour or more to fall asleep and sometimes it is less. I can clear make it this just because of mind getting anxious. I just tell it to not care and move on and then I do fall asleep (without remembering how it happened). I don’t really get as anxious as before now (I also get a lot more sleep than before). With time will this last remaining issue also fade (I actually view these few nights when I take a long time to fall asleep as speed bumps).
Hi!
I’m so glad to read this 😊!! And yes, as we become less reacting, we let things be, then things become more and more peaceful!
Hi Daniel, does this apply to any medications, like anti anxiety medication?
Hi, no medical advice but yes, generally speaking I definitely think this applies way beyond sleep meds
I feel happy I found your channel and I know you can help me with this insomnia, I'm sorry my Inglis is too bad I hope you can understand me, I'm so worried about my situation because feel pain in my body for ever night I can't sleep I have a family that is worried too for me and I don't know how to get my normal life again. My phone number if you can contact me thank you Daniel
I’m so glad you found the channel as well! And I understand very well. I know it’s really hard, and I’m sure your family feels helpless... but you know once you understand and it’s not so confusing, things get better. Feel free to visit the website if you want to work with me. But you can just leave comments as well and I’ll do my best to help!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you yes just definitely want to work on it whit your help
I’m always here!
How can you ease withdrawal symptoms from sleeping pills. I've been on Zopiclone (7.5 mg) a night for 9 years and I've weaned myself to half a pill. Recently, it stopped working and I don't want to increase my dose. How bad will the withdrawal symptoms be?
Hi Melissa. You know this can be tough, but what can helps is to know that so much of the withdrawal experience comes from the emotional distress. The pondering and thinking and the what if’s.
So what can help is understanding how sleep medications work and then being really kind to oneself.
Medications really work by delegation.
The fundamental truth with sleep is that the more we try the less we sleep. When we take a sleeping pill and think “good, I don’t have to do anything about my sleep, it’s taken care of” then we are no longer trying to sleep. We delegated the task!
It’s true that they are sedating, but sedation alone doesn’t make you sleep. Sometimes people take a bunch of sleep meds in desperation and sleep no more. Because if we still try to sleep, it doesn’t happen.
Knowing that sleep always comes from yourself can help take away some anxiety.
Now something else that helps is to know where the suffering daytime comes from.
When you are struggling with sleep you often feel bruised and battered.
Your eyes may be sore and itchy. You may have pain in your body. You may feel nauseous and drained. You may feel physically ill. You’re anxious and maybe scared.
This is of course very unpleasant (!) so it’s important to see where this comes from in order to suffer less.
Here’s the thing, the above experiences are what we call battle scars. The painful eyes and headaches and nausea are evidence of something important, that there was a battle.
But not that there was an adversary!
In fact, there is not threat or enemy. Insomnia comes from trying to defeat or escape (fight or flight) the perceived threat of wakefulness!
The battle scars prove that there was a battle, they come from the battle, but there’s no opponent.
The key insight here is that when the battle ends, the scars will disappear.
When you no longer try to sleep or figure out why you’re not sleeping, when you abandon the battle, these experiences will cease to occur.
Now, how do you do that? How do you abandon the battle?
Education is the first step. By learning you’ll naturally see less and less reasons to struggle. You’re already doing this so just keep it up 👍👍
But what’s even more important is self-kindness.
Many who have trouble sleeping are very hard on themselves. And this is a problem because you can easily get stuck!
If you’re hard on yourself and you think that you shouldn’t feel this way, you kind of even blame yourself for being this tired or hurting this much, you think it is odd, you think that there’s something wrong with yourself.
And if you think there’s something wrong with yourself or what you’re doing, you can again easily get stuck and it seems like things are hopeless.
So when you’re hurting, think of how you would talk to a friend who feels this way.
You would be encouraging and warm and perhaps give them a hug and say something nice. Always try to talk to yourself that way when you are suffering!
When you’re not being hard on yourself for what you’re experiencing, when you are kind to yourself, you easily see that you’re not the problem.
You’ve just had trouble sleeping that’s all. And when you see that you’re not the problem you feel hopeful and as you abandon the battle, those battle scars will go away!
Hope this helps!!
Okay, thanks. I'm going to try one night on and one night off to ween even more. Do you find most of the withdrawal is psychological?
It's so true about the mind. There have been times I've come home and had a nap because I was tired. I didn't even take a pill and fell asleep.
Anytime!
Here are my thoughts on withdrawals and rebound insomnia:
When you’re not taking medication then you are of course aware of that. And when you are aware of this, then you often wonder if you’re going to sleep or not. You wonder if you should maybe take half of it. You wonder if maybe you’re not gonna sleep at all for a long period of time.
It is really this worrying and this preoccupation that makes you have trouble sleeping when you stop taking a certain medication!
Sure, the absence of a chemical in the system can cause some excitement in the nervous system that it formerly was sedating, but that isn’t the main resoun for rebound insomnia - the main reason rebound insomnia happens is the worry and preoccupation that comes from knowing that you’re not taking the medication!
Being aware of this can really help. And when you haven’t taken the medication for a while, and sleep comes back (which it always does!) you see that it was your body producing sleep all along!
Hope this helps!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Thanks. I was able to sleep without it last night. I do have some anxiety but that's because of my thought process but I'm getting better.