I had a male friend for 5 years. And when he got a girlfriend his girlfriend was highly jealous of me. And out of respect for his relationship he severed all contact with me. I understand and I was a little hurt but I wanted him to be happy more than anything. He is now happily married and he has a child with his wife. I'm completely out of the picture and that's okay. He did right by his relationship.
Unfortunately, there are many friends with benefits that continue even when there is boyfriend/girlfriend in the present. It’s about respect and priorities.
Without any exceptions all guys that have always called me their “friend”, had at one point made a pass at me, or alluded that they are interested in more even though I was never interested. So now it is a huge red flag when the guy has female friends, because I’ve been on the other side of that. Even if that girl has absolutely no interest in him, he still does 🤷♀️
If you tell him that it bothers you that he flirts with his female friend and he doesn't care that it hurts you run!!! She will always come first. He doesn't care about you.
I got betrayed over his female friend whom he denied he has feelings for her. At all cost I wanted to find out the truth is he's lying or not. And I found out I was right. He protected her more than me and called me insecure where for 10 years I have been happy all along without relying on any man. He called me mental and names and degraded me to the core and fiber of my being. If theres nothing going on then why would a man be acting defensive and angry. And being shady in his dealings? Hmm
@@winner.777 Exactly; I feel like a man takes the defense route for these so called friendships bcuz there’s more to em then what he’s saying. A guy that’s interested in me and me him, has at least 4/5 female friends. That I’ve actually met since we started talking. Which I’m not at all comfortable with. I’m not built like that. I can’t see no man that I’m dealing with have all those female friends either. I’m cutting my losses now before it gets any deeper than it already is. When we get those gut feelings they usually end up being correct. He can keep em all as far as I’m concerned.
soo in my instance my boyfriend has a female best friend who he basically confides everything in. in the beginning it didn't matter to me because now me and her are both friends but she isn't afraid of lowkey letting me know she knows more about him. its not that im insecure its just that i felt that as a girlfriend i should be the one you trust the most and confide in but i guess it just really bugs me knowing another female has his attention like that. i guess i wanted to be his best friend but he indirectly lets me know that she is.
You should be woman enough to him to confide things with you..not her. If they were intimate in the past she is a dragon that will slither into his mind and needs to be cut out. If they weren't intimate he needs to set boundaries with her
As as mature adult in the dating world you should automatically have your standards/boundaries set. Within the first few date the topic of opposite sex close friends should be discussed if those friends are of importance to you and you are clicking with said date. You should be weeding out the people who will only take away from your happy life instead of adding to it. Opposite sex friends are not everyone's cup of tea. And I understand that truly platonic opposite sex friends are kind of rare but they are definitely out there. I've been the "close friend" and had to deal with the suspicious girlfriend. I usually just follow his lead. I NEVER rock the boat though. I myself want to be able to add or at the very least maintain a family member and loved one's happy life.
Hi Kevin, I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend has a female friend whom he met (and slept with) 5 months before meeting me. They stayed friends but with very few boundaries. After a year, my boyfriend and I have decided to move in together but I told him that there have to be boundaries. He agreed and talked to his female friend about it. She went crazy and insulted me repeatedly, sent me awful texts and made me feel like a monster. I finally stopped being a push over and told my boyfriend that this is an either/or situation, that I love him but I can't stay after all the things she did and said. He said that he is done with her too. I feel so bad for the situation and don't know what to do.
This is an easy one. The only culprit here is her ego. When I met my wife, my 2 best gfs stopped randomly calling me and when we did speak they always addressed her first. It was out of respect for our relationship and their desire as a friend to want me to be happy. They put our friendship first. The girl youre talking about feels your man chose you over her, her ego was bruised and she lashed out at you because she blamed you instead of him. It was his choice, however she feels it should be directed at him and he should have dealt with it in a way that respects you and your relationship.
I just find out my husband has a female friend that he has been talking to for the last month. They talk and text to each other on a daily basis. He says they are just friends but I don’t believe him because he already cheated on me one time. He thinks I’m crazy and he says he is not cheating on me. I don’t know what to do. I told him I don’t like him talking to this woman every day. Why does he feel the need to talk to her every single day? He says he loves me and that I should not worry about it. I can’t just ignore the situation. It’s not easy.
Hey, I don’t mean to bring up things that might hurt u but I’m jst curious, how are things? I hope u broke up with him and found yourself a better man who treats you rite
I am not bothered by the fact my boyfriend has female friends... I just don’t like the rare few who purposely cause drama and are rude and disrespectful toward me. Those female friends are toxic. His other female friends do not act like that.
In my situation , I️ have a bf that has female friends that were his friends before I️ came in the picture , and I’m totally cool with that. But how am I️ supposed to feel when we’ve been in a 4 year long relationship and there’s constantly NEW female friends coming in the picture .
Worried. And you obviously know that, because you asked the question. If his profession requires him to constantly be working with new women and he's a friendly guy then he might make new acquaintances but not friends, not talking outside of work and stuff like that.
Kevin L Porter ok thats mt issue....my husband and i had seperated..he met with coworker,ego stated how she feels about him... Husband and i have reconcile back together now i tell husband dnt stop speaking,but stop the communication over the phone...he only says she just a coworker...to remind u we agree to cut off all ties we created while sepreated....i ended up talking with his coworker,and she stated to me that they had affairs...when i bring to his attention he denied,and tild me she just his coworker... I say if she is lying on u,thsn thar she be more of a reason to cutt her off......hr refuse...so hey i must move forward..he value that friendship more so his marriage it seems
You decided to cut off all ties created while separated, I assume you mean romantic ties because you kinda have to interact with co-workers but only on a professional level. But that's not the real issue. If she's falsely accusing him of something as damning as a sexual affair, not only should he be deny and defend but he should absolutely want to cut her out of his life. Anytime someone lies on you, you don't keep kicking with them. The fact that he's maintaining anytime of relationship outside of work is a clear indication of what he's truly committed to.
Same exact thing happening with me. Old friend came back in contact with him and everything was good until this happen. He says i have nothing to worry about, but some of the action has me nervous, like everyday since then they always calling each other everyday especially when im away but they were times i wad off from eork no calls or msg but the next day as i leave for work he is calling her. Times we are in bed, out at functions and she is calling him. And he told me to my face he is doing nothing about it. I dont have no problem with his friendhips but i cant shake the feeling at this one. She knows he has a girlfriend who is pregnant by the way and still calling him constantly. This is only 2 weeks and i am stressed out and probably cauding stress on my baby, i had to pack up and come back to my family home to relax. He already deleted msgs and calls so i wouldnt see, somtimes early 8 am in the morning he is calling her already. He says im overreacting and i have to trust him because i have nothing to be worried about even though she knows there is fighting and strive she still calls and he too...like none of them respects boundaries.
my boyfriend has many female friends and it does bother me sometimes but i don’t say anything because i don’t want to seem toxic so i just act like i don’t care and let him have whatever friends he wants, just putting my trust in him that he doesn’t have any feelings like that for any of them
I tried that route and 3.5 years in I found out I'm a door mat and his female "friends" feel comfortable texting him at all hours if the night inviting him to come out while saying they know he isn't happy with me. Seriously FUCK that
I don't wanna ask my husband to drop his female friends but shit I wish he would. I do feel uncomfortable with the closeness he has with some of them, I don't know them, the one I have met was stand offish with me and it just doesn't sit well with me. I don't really know what to do. He's known most of them for years but has only known me for 3. I wonder how he'd feel if the tables were turned and I had a bunch of heterosexual guy friends I was so close with :(
@@KevinLPorter I don't think he'd give me an honest answer about it though, I think he'd be like I wouldn't care...but if I actually did have male friends, I think it'd bother him.
@@teallaidh what causes your discomfort. I mean its obviously either a mistrust of him, a jealousy of sharing something your not supposed to have to share or a combination of both. But has anything happened to cause you to mistrust him or be jealous of them.
@@KevinLPorter well my mistrust is that he slept with one of his female friends right before we got married while I was out of the country, I didn't find out until several months after we were married, it was touch and go whether I was going to stay or not but obviously I decided to forgive him. There's a number of reasons why I trust he'd never do such a thing again, but different things still prey on my mind and I can't shake my feelings of discomfort about his female friendships. Of course he's no longer has anything to do with that particular friend but I never used to worry about any of them until I found out about his infidelity.
@@teallaidh minimal or zero contact with female friends should have been a condition of your forgiveness. The fact that it stills bothers you, which is understandable is grounds to implement that condition now. You tried to forgive him and trust again but him continuing the same behavior has made that impossible for you. That should matter most. Your marriage should come first, regardless og how long he's had them as friends and his female friends should understand that. When I got married I had a couple fo female friends that were true friends, good people, and they chose on their own to step away from our friendship because they respected the boundaries of my marriage and marriage in general.
I came across this video from a another video who talks about...if ur man loves u he will not entertain another women. The situation is that...at 1st i was never the insecure type...then i seen him and his female friend flirting a few times and he gets excited when she shows up he would run outside and they both would fool around. And he would tell me in excitement that thats the type of girls he used to hang out with. That female friend of his have a man and son at home who i never met bc she would come around here by herself to flirt and dance with my man. They talk on the phone and stuff and then one time she called at 9pm on his phone he was sleeping. She told me she just wanted to invite me and him to celebrate her bday at the club and a bbq in the backyard. Talking to him didnt work out. Then I called her and told her off. She snitched and my man blamed me that i created this big mess and that he lost a good friend. Theyre still friend on fb and they still messages each other though.
I dont your man and his particular situation with this women and they may be the exception to what I'm about to say but I doubt it. 1. Flirting implies sexual desire. Noone has ever flirted with someone they havent considered sexually. Ever.2. Her having a man and kid is irrelevant, people cheat. 3. Friends respect their friends and therefore respect their friends relationships. Relationship boundaries are obvious to everyone and respecting them is always an option and a choice. 4. They both know that what they're doing is inappropriate, they're pretending not to. If they weren't sure you clarified it for them and they sided against you. WTF are you doing still with him. If you need concrete evidence, then give him permission to have sex with her and see if he accepts it.
I don't mind him having female friends. My problem is why does he like to them about us. He never tells them he loves me like he tells me he does. Is it because he doesn't want them to stop talking to them.???
I commend you for your tolerance of his female friendships, that's very mature of you. I really want you to think about the mentality behind your last sentence. "Is it because he doesn't want to stop talking to them?" If you reverse engineer that thought- 1.if they know he's in love with you, they'll stop talking to him-which forces the question ,Why, if they're only friends? they should be happy for him. 2. Whatever they scenario, him telling them would lead to some type of progression, either his friendship with them ending and/or his relationship with you progressing. He's stunting that growth. 3. If he hasn't told them, he's lying to them. Or he hasn't told them because he's lying to you. Either way he's lying to maintain friendships/relationships with other women. Why are you tolerating this?
I don't want him to drop her I just don't like it when he goes around her too much and there's a feeling when he is around her Th a I get that I camt even explain. They're relationship are more like sister brother but sometimes a I felmel away knowing that he goes to get house. Believe me I have nothing against her and I have grown to live her like a sister too idk how to explain it. Maybe you've met on a situation like this but I think I need help in figuring this one out. I've tried by myself but it's not working
Sounds like the confusion is with your feelings towards the situation and not so much towards her. You may not have an issue with her as a person but the situation makes you uneasy. For it to work you have to be comfortable with her AND with your man having a female friend. If you're only ok with one or the other, you will never fell at ease.
My ex had a female best friend, an older woman who he met online and grew a friendship with. They’ve never met, she lives in a different country. He told me they had fooled around on cam before, but that there wasn’t anything there. He talked with her daily and even on cam, sometimes at 3 am because she’s in a different time zone. I had to be okay with this...I had to trust them. But I think deep down I didn’t trust it. And no, it was NOT okay with him, for me to have male friends. Because she and his other girlfriends had been around since before we met, that made it okay. But for me to strike up a strictly platonic friendship with a guy while in the relationship, he said this wasn’t okay. And would always tell me that every guy just wants one thing. I found it confusing as heck and very controlling and unfair. Am I wrong to feel this way?
What about making NEW friends on Facebook and then adding them on Instagram likening each other’s posts....Oh, and they happen to be figure/body building Gals. His reason is they share Body building/Fitness in common.....my interpretation: keeping options open and connections (not friendships) that can lead to more given the opportunity. This isn’t sitting right with me. My boyfriend is also counter arguing that he doesn’t mind if I have male friends. My interpretation: this gives him further allowance to continue making “new friends” since he’s ok with me doing so. 2nd interpretation: he doesn’t care enough that it would bother him. We’re also long distance.
I feel like your interpretations are slight variations if not spot on. Long distance relationships are always hard and I think in most cases should be avoided, too many cons, not enough pros and tend to end once the couple starts spending time together.
@@KevinLPorter so true Kevin, the environment of LD is not conducive to building trust and forming a healthy bond. There can be love but so much more is needed to keep a relationship afloat. This whole social media thing unless there is complete transparency with ones accounts can be a slippery slope. Anyone can private message anyone now once they are “friends” and not enough is discussed about the seemingly harmless connecting that takes up heart space and can very easily lead one into emotional infidelity. This is really fresh for me right now and hard to process on a heart level. On a cerebral level I’m all too aware especially at my age the harsh reality of things. Thanks for the reply 🙏💕
Soooo me and my ex started back slowly dating again after 5 years of not seeing each other. I knew him since middle school and we dated a short time in high school and kept seeing each other years later after hs. He told me he has a female friend and he calls her son his god son. Come to find out this mane told me him and her had sex before . I was already having a intuition that something wasn’t right like he kept moving back our date when I believe he was with her the whole day. So one day I prayed for discernment and it all came to the light. How you claiming this girl son as your god son and you had sex with her and thought I was gonna be cool with that …. Mane bye ✌🏾 I believe that’s his damn son but he say it’s not. ATP Idgaf if it is or ain’t. Then he didn’t want to cut her off cus that’s his “god son” momma 😒 I told him my boundaries and he wasn’t rocking with it so I deleted his number
He Has a female Bestie i really don't like it he's always talking about her All the time😢but The other side he loves A lot & out relation has since 5 years i don't wanna lose him but I can't tolerate this anymore this think makes Me hurt and cry for him that why he is doing this All with me even I love him so much &Take care of him more 😭 plzz help Me😢
The fact that it bothers you should be adequate reason for him to end that relationship, assuming youve told him how you feel. If you havent been crystal clear about your feelings then you need to tell him and give him the opportunity to correct it.
well my boyfriend has girl Bestie .That I didn't knw about. She was in the picture become me,however he post her and never post me and he doesn't even calls me .I found her because he posted her if its wasn't for that I wouldn't knw. He gives his more attention more than how he gives me he is always online and take long to answer my message. And notice there a change in his attitude and my intuition have been telling me that something is not right. I don't even feel like I'm In a relationship .
my boyfriend is bestfriends with his ex. and they tell each other that they love each other and he called her cute. i talked to him about it but he doesn’t listen to me. and he’s also talking with his ex about how much he misses her and crap. but at the same time he shows me all of this love and affection and it makes me rly happy. idk what to do.
This is toxic af. There is obviously a physical and even sexual attraction between your bf and his ex, they used to sleep together. Best case scenario is he is putting his desires (to keep her as a friend) before your needs (the need for a person to feel respected and secure with their significant other). Which is very selfish. Worse case scenario is obviously that they are still intimate. He should assume this bothers you and you said you've actually told him it does. This is not going to get better it is going to get worse. I would guess, based on past experiences and the little info you've given me that sadly, you are a pawn in THEIR relationship. A tool he is using to affect her. Run and in the future make better choices. It should never have gotten to this point. You should've left when you talked to him about it and it didn't immediately change.
my gf express she does not like me having female chatmates. but she TRUST me. she lets me visit them. and NEVER ask for my password and wouldn't take it if i gave it to her. she has a male best friend of 5 years. i said im cool with it. TRUST is key we love and adore eachother alot.
There is a girl that is close friend with my boyfriend for years before I even met him. I was alright with that girl at first but she stars to get on my nerve after few things happens. - At that time, me and my boyfriend were planing our first trip together, and she ask if she can join because she and get boyfriend was planning the trip to the same place as well. - Soon she broke up with her boyfriend. At That night she broke up with her boyfriend she went to my boyfriends house and crying her eyes out stay until late night, - Another night she went to my boyfriend’s and having late night beers with him. And other small things happened as well, for example I know they text each other very often, they share their life, and I also noticed that my boyfriend will talk to her when he feel stressed. All of this makes me feel very uncomfortable of this girl’s present in our relationship. On the one hand, I feel she doesn’t respect me as his girlfriend, she doesn’t care the boundaries she should keep. On the other hand, I just seanced from all those things that my boyfriend and her share many things on a emotional level (I don’t know if that expression make sense to you guys), they are very close to each other, that make me feel jealous and sooo insecure. I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this and how to stop myself from being emotional about this. I really needs some help.
I'm all for respect and boundaries, but I'm also down for fairness. Many people who become emotionally unstable or accusatory in these situations are potentially being hypocritical or at least insensitive in their own lives. Meeting halfway is just that. If one person is expected to make the choice to cut off or cut back their behaviour, the other is too. Thank you 🙌🏾
I often struggle is the one in the friend position, when I communicate with them and they ghost me or disappear. I feel like I'm being seen in a way that's not true to what's really going on. So it can mess with a friend's mental health as well. Sometimes you just wish they would communicate with you if they have any problems so you can do whatever they would like in terms of communication.
Boyfriend has an ex who is a female best friend. They would talk/text, hang out, celebrate birthdays together in which I was never invited. I asked to meet his female friend and he said okay but never introduced us when I insisted, he said she didn’t want to meet me because it was uncomfortable. The final straw for me was when he went on a cruise with her and her family last year so I dumped him. He begged me back for months, I gave him another chance after 4 months. She recently had a birthday gathering and he went to the celebration without including me and told me after the fact so I put him out of my house. It was been years and I have never met this ex....I am thinking of cutting my losses and dumping him for good this time...what do you think?
He's still sleeping with her. No reason for him to not introduce you and include you in everything they do. If She doesn't want to meet you he should cut her off, not comply with her demands. Move on, way tf on.
I have a male best friend. We have been friends since we were about 14 years old. Right away my friend asked his gf, who is now his wife, to meet me so that we can get to know each other. My friend is now happily married, and his wife and I are such good friends. I literally have him in the female version through his wife. I love them very much. I hope one days my future bf can see that my friendship with him is just a plutonic friendship
What if you know for a fact that he cheated multiple times on his ex who trusted him (she never found out). Now he says he loves you and to trust him, but he keeps hanging out with his close female friend?
Husband had lunch with a passed female coworker. Didnt tell me. Brought his adult daughter. She mentioned she feels uncomfortable and dismissed her feelings. When she told me that they continued to text afterwards. Then tells me no big deal. I am hurt and I explained. He blows me off.. he said well she was my partner on a first responder job for years.. but I'm your partner as a wife... but ignores it. When I asked the lady he had with. She laughed and thought it was funny. No apologies.. so wouldnt this lead u to believe something is up
There are obvious red flags here. 1. Your feelings should take precedence over a friendship he hasn't nurtured in a long time. 2. Whats her situation, single, married, newly single, etc. That matters pertaining to her intentions. 3. She should have enough respect for his marriage to not engage into any inappropriate behavior. 4. Husbands should never dismiss his wife's concerns especially in order to continue with some inappropriate behavior. But it comes down to the same question every time for him, is this "friendship" worth the animosity it might cause in your marriage? The answer to that simple question is going to come out as a minimization of your feelings, "why should it cause any animosity, it's no big deal," but no one gets to decide what big deal is to you.
This can be specific to their situation. Have they hooked up before? Is she friends with you as well? Is he defensive of his friendship with her, Does he try to hide their interactions from you?
I'm dealing with this now every time I turn around he is calling someone his friend and play dumb when questioned about it then on top of that we are newly married I been thinking about a divorce for awhile I don't want a marriage like this in only 27 I have my whole life ahead of me
Sounds like you fell for the okie doke. Also, him playing dumb (like what he's doing is no big deal) means he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, he feels entitled to these interactions and "friendships. Which means if he agrees to end them, he's just going to continue behind your back. You're too young to waste your time.
My boyfriend have girlfriend but I honestly feel like these are girls he used to talk to and it bothers me because am supposed to still respect them in my head no the hell I shouldn't but again I feel like I have to respect them because we all know they was there before us and that's what kills me the most
What if the boyfriend has been dating his girlfriend for 5 months long distance, he becomes friends with his high school guy friend's little sister. They start to hang out every weekend at least 4 times between Friday evening and Sunday evening. They usually gym one on one twice a week and decide one day (without telling his girlfriend) to go on a 2 hour road trip out of town, spend the entire day at the gym, spa, sauna and pool together, the boyfriend takes photos of his female friend at the pool with her lifting her cleavage to look sexy, she posts on instagram with the hashtag "partner in crime", "driving away", "weekend mood", "sunday funday". The girlfriend finds out and says she is uncomfortable with this as it is crossing the friendship line and more of a "romantic escape" and he says he does not see her sexually, it is platonic and he is just enjoying having a new friend he can talk to about topics other than gaming and cars. He says he will see her less but that is it, there is no transparency about when he will hang out with her. He will say "I'm going to the gym" but not say "meeting up with ___female friend___ tonight". The boyfriend said that he will not cheat, he, her brother and the female friend have all had a talk that "you two are NOT going to be more than just friends. It's NOT going to happen" - is this not odd? It feels as though the brother saw something between the two of them so felt the need to address it? The brother knew the boyfriend is in a committed relationship so why would he need to address this otherwise?? Should the girlfriend dump him and move on because he is not respecting boundaries?
He is OBVIOUSLY cheating, or working very diligently towards it. The need for concrete evidence is just a manifestation of denial. No one is naive enough to believe anything the boyfriend is saying in reference to this situation. To give his lame explanations of the complete disregard for COMMON BOUNDARIES shows a complete inconsideration for the girlfriends feelings.
Yes you should. Even if he wasn’t cheating. That’s a huge no no. He obviously doesn’t think you should be the only woman in his life. And the fact that he didn’t stop or back off a bit when you told him you felt uncomfortable is so rude and he obviously doesn’t care about his girlfriend’s feelings.
My bf calls them cute and crap like that... and always talks about them, none of his other friends, jst them...see I’m fine with him having other friends that are girls, BUT he has accidentally called me there names, and like I said HE CALLS THEM CUTE like tf??? U do realize I’m ur gf rite? But whatever, I have male friends, but the thing is, is that I’ll steal my male friends keys as a joke, then my bf will say “don’t fuck him” and then he says other shit like that. I need help. Plz.
Hi I know I’m really late on this post but I really hope to get an answer to this it’s stressing me out lol so my bf has a girl bsf that he knew way before me and when we’re together she calls him to vent about her relationship problems and once in the middle of us about to shower together I ended up showering alone bc she called him to vent she also sent him a TikTok about her walking in his house like it’s hers and I don’t even know how much they text or anything then one time late at night were long distance at the moment bc we meet in college but Kate at night she wanted him to come over so she could vent and they could smoke he told her he wasn’t smoking with her and then asked me do I feel comfortable with him going and I said yes even tho I burst into tears bc the thought of him being with another female alone that I never met in person bc we’re long distance hurt and he’s the first I’ve ever done anything with so I’m very scared to lose him so when he found out I was crying he completely canceled the plans for tomorrow bc he thought about how I felt and bc it was late anyways and so I was still having anxiety for the next time he asked and I’ve been just crying and mentally drained bc I feel like it’s such disrespect to know that we have a very solid relationship to ask him to come over and smoke so you can vent so I ended up telling him I’m not comfortable with him being alone with her or smoking with her and he said he will not go over there but he did ask was it okay for them to hangout in public and ik I may sound insecure but I don’t know this girl so I don’t know how they are together so I just really don’t want them hanging out together at all and I know that’s selfish but it’s just this generation it’s so easy to lie and cover things up
Understand this, the friend of his is being vey selfish. If she cared about his happiness she would voluntarily step back. Instead she is purposely encouraging him to participate in behavior that is usually harmful to a relationship. Of course there are exceptions but what usually happens...usually happens. So she's being selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings and his well being. Its blatant disrespectful disguised as a progressive mentality. Point this out to him, disregard the "guys and girls can be plutonic friends" excuse even though it is possible...its not likely. Put it on him to do whats right. Either he will do it and you guys will be fine or he won't. If he doesnt, you'll either learn to live with it or leave him.
so i recently became friends on social media with my old classmate (guy) n we exchanged number he texted me too i too wann chat like talking bout how uk life's going on now but he has a gf n i don't have feelings for him so should I not text him or? like i don't wann be a bad person so is it wrong if I text him?
The fact that he has a gf and is exchanging numbers with another female is already wrong. People will pretend to have innocent intentions but most, especially men are either in denial or flat out lying. its just inappropriate. And when people try to justify it you have to wonder why. Why is it important to them to disprove this theory? Usually because accepting it would be them admitting that they are up to no good. Dont be texting some chics boyfriend.
Hi Kevin, hope this comment finds you well I need your help. So I feel like I'm in the midst of what you're talking about, my boyfriend of approximately a year has a best female friend who currently lives in the state, while me and my boyfriend live in Japan. Because of this if they want to meet they often go to 'private vacation' I called it private because it'll only include the two of them, it happend three times already they went to Bali twice and Tokyo once. Now I have to come clean that I actually have trust issues because of my family background and past relationship, but I really want to trust him. The thing is the female best friend always paid for the plane tickets and hotels so I think that's also one of the main reason why he always complied to go, but also they actually had history a one sided one coming from the female best friend side. I really don't want to blow this off because of my baseless jealousy but as I talked about it more to my close peers they always said that it's a no no, and I shouldn't be okay with this. Now I feel even worse because I'm constantly anxious in case of he keeps pushing and pushing my boundaries, my head always tells me that I'm doing a great job but my feeling after being heartbroken by the father figure that I should've had and ex-boyfriend who cheated on me countless times commands me to end this. I'm looking forward for your reply, thank you in advance.
This situation is extremely inappropriate. Probably the worst case I've encountered. The list of reasons that I KNOW he's being unfaithful is a long one. A few of the reasons is, the friend was into him in the past, those feelings may go away but if they're still interacting then something is still there. The fact that they go on private retreats is the biggest red flag of all. If she really wanted to see him, she could come there. Period. It would be cheaper and wouldn't require privacy from you, the girlfriend. When you're in a committed relationship you must make sacrifices and compromises for the person you care about. You are sacrificing your security by allowing him to continue to see this girl, he should be willing to compromise by requiring she come to Japan. But regardless of that, he's put your sense of security so low on his list of priorities that you should have enough self-respect to leave him. Remember, cheaters will always try to minimize what they're doing by telling the victim they're being dramatic or blowing things out of proportion. Taking vacations with an ex is a huge no-no. And I called her an ex because I'd bet there is more to their past relationship than he's revealed. He may even be lying to her about his relationship with you or even the reason he is in japan. Also, I would verify that he's not paying for these trips and just lying about it.
This honestly broke my heart. He isn’t the one for you and you and many others can learn a lot from your experience and What Mr. Porter said, seriously. Keep your head up and know that him and his actions have nothing to change your worth love ❤️💯
This was spot one, my boyfriend states it’s ok that his BFF should remain a wedge between the two of us because nothing is going on but how much should be tolerated when he runs to her calls,FaceTime,text and other social media. She will call 6 times or more in a row, then more through out the day and evening. I’m trying to help with his goals and what matters in a healthy relationship.
Its simple, you should tolerate whatever makes you comfortable and no more than that. If the amount of attention he gives her is suspect, AND YOU'VE LET HIM KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, then its on him to show you, WITH HIS ACTIONS, not his words, what is more important to him. You may not like what is revealed, you may already know.
I disagree completely. This is so controlling to ask your boyfriend to not have half of his friends because they are female and you are insecure. Ridiculous
First of all I appreciate your opinion, not everyone will agree with this. But, to ask your BF to prioritize his GF's feelings over superficial and/or inappropriate relationships isn't controlling, its called a healthy relationship. You may be in a very unique situation where your BF has female friends and its never been an issue (as far you know) but I suspect you've never actually been in this situation. Now you get to lie and say you've been in this situation plenty of times and its never been an issue. Ridiculous.
It's so important to be around the opposite sex as friends to understand different perspectives. And for society to move forward. What you are suggesting is SEGREGATION OF SEXES. It's wrong. My boyfriend is free to be friends with women he has slept with and I am to free to have friends whom I used to date. I am not held hostage to insecurities, trama, or immature deficiencies. We talk though everything if there are concerns and move forward. What you are preaching comes from a hurt place, a place aiming to protect yourself, but it's NOT HEALTHY and only cements your trama. It does even have to be your trama it could be watching your parents or media that gets you all hyper paranoid for this situation. You can not and should not ever seek to control another person. If I don't like one of my boyfriend's friends the I don't hang out with them, but I would never tell them not to be friends with that person based on "gender", only if this person is abusive then that is a problem.
My bg and his bbf keep saying I miss you publicly in facebook.And my bf says its natural to them saying it.He knows her more befire me.Its just weired for me to feel.If they says I miss you to each other publicly Maybe more in chats..He even said he will not give a fuck.he knows her before me.he will nor going to change
Well that's a behavior that he should correct on his own. I'm sure she knows that's inappropriate and doesn't really care how it makes you feel. And unless he's a complete moron, he knows its inappropriate too. But in case he's an idiot, Have you told him how you feel? If you have and he continues then he doesn't think your feelings are valid. If you're ok with your man thinking you don't matter then stick around, otherwise its probably a sign of things to come so you should spare yourself some heart ache and move on.
thank you for the replay..Im going through this situation right now.Its not the frst time i been seeing them sayimg I miss you to each other publicly.And when i confront him he said he knows her before me.and shes a best friend.And i feel hurt this kind of affection when im the girl friend seeing my my bf exchanging i miss you to the woman i dont know
@@crisevale8162 Boundaries girl boundaries. Decide where your live in is every situation. That is the only control you have, otherwise you're left feeling helpless in a hopeless situation, which is probably how you feel now. You've confronted him, told him how you feel and he didn't offer to end the relationship or even modify it to consider your feelings. There's pain in witnessing this and pain in leaving it. Since you are going to feel pain anyway, it might as well be for something that benefits you. Leave him.
Hi Kevin , I'm glad i stumbled upon this video . I've been having a hard time understanding my boyfriend having female bestfriends . We've been together 2 years and i still struggle but im here to understand . He has 2 bestfriends he had before meeting me . It was okay in the beginning because most of the attention was given to me and i wasn't really aware of their friendship. Until a year with him . They are also important to him but then things would throw me off . Him hanging out with them more . Him massaging them with heart emojis. All these gave me the creeps but i would also have platonic relationships with males and talk to them that way without it meaning nothing but brotherly sisterly love. He will always put them and i first ... i can't control that . I never pressured him to leave them , if they make him happy why would i want that ? How much dedication does a bf have to put ? I don't want to seem like the needy gf either . We both have to give each other space but it's hard knowing that when he isn't with me he's with them .
Hi Kevin I am currently engaged to my partner, we have been together since April 2017 , we are supposed to marry next year February, I have not caught him cheating but have seen flirtation messages from female friends I have seen a message with a close friend from before my time stating that he couldn’t wait to sleep with her etc etc. I asked him if this messages were true and he claims they just used to slack talk and that was it. I have asked him not to do that whilst we are in a relationship and he said he would never, but some how I do not trust his word as she Says things like ur not my friend anymore and that you don’t come and see me no more etc etc , I then seen that he was on a video call for a hour with a ex girlfriend last night, he first messaged her saying that he had something for her and sent her some old pictures of herself half dressed and then proceeded to video call her, I don’t no the conversation. I just no I do not feel good about this at all, I dnt no what to do. He goes out his way to contact his female friends or ex girlfriends on Facebook and I get really annoyed and upset Please help
Sounds like he's dancing on the fence. He obviously is engaging in inappropriate behavior and its either because he doesn't think he'll get caught or he doesn't care if he does. Don't get married. Period. Anyone who gets married hoping things will get better is foolish , deep in denial or both. You get married when things are going well and it makes sense to take the next step. I'm not suggesting you leave him. I'm suggesting you have an honest conversation. Don't give him ultimatums, but express your boundaries. I suspect his behavior won't change and he'll become more suspect. I've seen a lot of women lower their standards to meet their partners behavior instead of demanding their partner change their behavior to meet the woman's standards. It never ends well.
My bf and I have been together for 7 years. He recently made a friend about 2 years ago through his church youth group. I was the insecure gf and found out that he asked to take her out clubbing, something he didn’t want to do with me. I asked him to either 1) make the friendship boundary clear with her or 2) cease communication. But he said that his friendships don’t need to know his relationship status. Am I being insecure or is he gaslighting me?
Thats 100% BS. 1. friendships started with the opposite sex during a relationship is extremely inappropriate, anyone that tells you otherwise is trying to justify some inappropriate desires. There are exceptions. i.e.-2 people that have worked together for a decade or more are bound to become friends or enemies. But them spending time together outside of work is still inappropriate. 2. Any man that wants to go clubbing with a female and not his gf IS TRYING TO CHEAT-PERIOD. 3. Him even appearing to want to hide his relationship status from someone of the opposite sex is a blatant attempt at some form of manipulation. Whatever form that is, by definition is inappropriate.
@@captainfrosty31 after 8 years together I finally left him a year ago and I’m better for it! Final straw was catching him cheating with a coworker he kept talking bad about to me 🤷🏻♀️
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death. Also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards. So sex isn't really a thing about romance. I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is. Also, you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a partner or spouse. People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships. Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot. And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends. Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone. Also, you're going to have a much deeper spoken understanding and connection with your best friend than you are with a romantic partner or spouse. So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
If a woman expects a man to cut off ties with his female friends, then the guy's girlfriend is being insecure which is a red flag that needs to be acknowledged.
True in some situations. Especially if the friendship existed long before the girlfriend. But not true if there was a physical relationship in the past.
That's a blanketed statement. If a man's "friend" comes before his mate, it's a problem. I'm sure a man wouldn't want to stand by while his gf maintained close relationships with her male "friends."
i agree men can say what they want but if the shoe is on the other foot you expect her to cut ties with her close guy freinds how is that fair. you can be friends with girls but they cant have guy friends.
Khalid Elmekki ide never tell my man to cut ties with his female friends, I jst wish he didn’t call them cute, and talk about them all the time, and when they talk to me, THEY WONT EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYES, or even at my face, it like tf??? And honestly, I kinda whant to know, do they know that A. Him and I are together And B. Does he talk about me with his friends? Does he accidentally call his friends my name? I mean ide hope not, and I hate it when he calls me there names, but I don’t think he slaps his female friends butts...ide hope not... Yk I shouldn’t even worry... if he’s cheating on me I’ll kill him, al g with the rest of my friends, they’d kill him too, also he doesn’t drop the fact that one of my male friends likes me and is trying to “steal” me from him. Like child. Drop it. It’s not that, like rlly, I ain’t telling u that all ur girl friends probably want to date u. I see how they act with him. But whatever. So yeah. Jst ignore me. I jst needed to rant. Maby I’m over thinking shit.
Why would you want to be with a man that has any feelings at all towards another woman? No woman could make trouble in your relationship without him being a willing participant. Why not just leave him and find a man that only wants you? Otherwise you are participating in your own suffering, almost contributing to it.
He has sexual fantasies about all of his female friends. And several have caused issues between us. There is a current one right now trying to break us up. She is manipulating him and he don't see it. I don't know how to deal with it.
You are putting entirely too much effort into a man that does not want the same thing you want. Obviously. You can't force a square peg into a round hole, and even if you do manage to get it in there somehow, its never gonna quite fll the space. You are trying to force something that IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. Is this the life you want, would you encourage any one you knew to pursue this type of relationship. Of course not. Just let common sense prevail. A man can't be manipulated by "the other woman" unless there are open lines of communication. He's not choosing you...not by his words, words are irrelevant, but by his actions.
I suspect you love THE IDEA YOU HAVE OF HIM, not the man he actually is. If you wrote down a description, a REALISTIC, ACCURATE description of who he is, could you love the man that you had described? Probably not. Therefore its not him you love, its the idea you have of him.
I had a male friend for 5 years. And when he got a girlfriend his girlfriend was highly jealous of me. And out of respect for his relationship he severed all contact with me. I understand and I was a little hurt but I wanted him to be happy more than anything. He is now happily married and he has a child with his wife. I'm completely out of the picture and that's okay. He did right by his relationship.
You should teach a class on "How not to be selfish and really show you care". So many won't get this. Because they think of themselves first.
@@KevinLPorter thank you Kevin. 🙏❤
Karma
Well know you know how it feels
@@jeffreymetz2612 yup! Karma is real
Unfortunately, there are many friends with benefits that continue even when there is boyfriend/girlfriend in the present. It’s about respect and priorities.
Without any exceptions all guys that have always called me their “friend”, had at one point made a pass at me, or alluded that they are interested in more even though I was never interested. So now it is a huge red flag when the guy has female friends, because I’ve been on the other side of that. Even if that girl has absolutely no interest in him, he still does 🤷♀️
If you tell him that it bothers you that he flirts with his female friend and he doesn't care that it hurts you run!!! She will always come first. He doesn't care about you.
No way could i tolerate my partner having a female friend . Trust ? Betrayal is my issue if he chats to his friend about my relationship ....no
I got betrayed over his female friend whom he denied he has feelings for her. At all cost I wanted to find out the truth is he's lying or not. And I found out I was right. He protected her more than me and called me insecure where for 10 years I have been happy all along without relying on any man. He called me mental and names and degraded me to the core and fiber of my being. If theres nothing going on then why would a man be acting defensive and angry. And being shady in his dealings? Hmm
@@winner.777 Exactly; I feel like a man takes the defense route for these so called friendships bcuz there’s more to em then what he’s saying. A guy that’s interested in me and me him, has at least 4/5 female friends. That I’ve actually met since we started talking. Which I’m not at all comfortable with. I’m not built like that. I can’t see no man that I’m dealing with have all those female friends either. I’m cutting my losses now before it gets any deeper than it already is. When we get those gut feelings they usually end up being correct. He can keep em all as far as I’m concerned.
soo in my instance my boyfriend has a female best friend who he basically confides everything in. in the beginning it didn't matter to me because now me and her are both friends but she isn't afraid of lowkey letting me know she knows more about him. its not that im insecure its just that i felt that as a girlfriend i should be the one you trust the most and confide in but i guess it just really bugs me knowing another female has his attention like that. i guess i wanted to be his best friend but he indirectly lets me know that she is.
Butter Cup they are going to bang and mess around with each other. It's gonna happen
You should be woman enough to him to confide things with you..not her. If they were intimate in the past she is a dragon that will slither into his mind and needs to be cut out. If they weren't intimate he needs to set boundaries with her
She's fukked him b4...Especially if she's beautiful....sorry to break it to u.... but they'll never tell you.......
Butter Cup same here... not sure what to do...
He hanging her period!
That fact fact that dudes have female friends is beyond me..smh..😔..
Maybe they look at women as people and not something that only benefits them sexually or romantically 🙄
@@Princetonlove34 😂😂😂
@@Princetonlove34 that’s a good one! 😂
No respect
As as mature adult in the dating world you should automatically have your standards/boundaries set. Within the first few date the topic of opposite sex close friends should be discussed if those friends are of importance to you and you are clicking with said date.
You should be weeding out the people who will only take away from your happy life instead of adding to it.
Opposite sex friends are not everyone's cup of tea. And I understand that truly platonic opposite sex friends are kind of rare but they are definitely out there.
I've been the "close friend" and had to deal with the suspicious girlfriend. I usually just follow his lead. I NEVER rock the boat though. I myself want to be able to add or at the very least maintain a family member and loved one's happy life.
Hi Kevin,
I am in a similar situation. My boyfriend has a female friend whom he met (and slept with) 5 months before meeting me. They stayed friends but with very few boundaries. After a year, my boyfriend and I have decided to move in together but I told him that there have to be boundaries. He agreed and talked to his female friend about it. She went crazy and insulted me repeatedly, sent me awful texts and made me feel like a monster. I finally stopped being a push over and told my boyfriend that this is an either/or situation, that I love him but I can't stay after all the things she did and said. He said that he is done with her too. I feel so bad for the situation and don't know what to do.
This is an easy one. The only culprit here is her ego. When I met my wife, my 2 best gfs stopped randomly calling me and when we did speak they always addressed her first. It was out of respect for our relationship and their desire as a friend to want me to be happy. They put our friendship first. The girl youre talking about feels your man chose you over her, her ego was bruised and she lashed out at you because she blamed you instead of him. It was his choice, however she feels it should be directed at him and he should have dealt with it in a way that respects you and your relationship.
I just find out my husband has a female friend that he has been talking to for the last month. They talk and text to each other on a daily basis. He says they are just friends but I don’t believe him because he already cheated on me one time. He thinks I’m crazy and he says he is not cheating on me. I don’t know what to do. I told him I don’t like him talking to this woman every day. Why does he feel the need to talk to her every single day? He says he loves me and that I should not worry about it. I can’t just ignore the situation. It’s not easy.
Get male friends and hang out for yourself, your time, he will see whats going on
Hey, I don’t mean to bring up things that might hurt u but I’m jst curious, how are things? I hope u broke up with him and found yourself a better man who treats you rite
@@yup2011 If he's interested in his female friend he be happy she gets male friends. Gives him more time to check his new pray out.
Thats a guys Line of bullshit! When they say dont worry , worry! And him calling you crazy is bullshit! Hé trying to get you off of a bad scent.
Brenda P dame here and that’s why I am letting him go. 21 years of marriage.
I am not bothered by the fact my boyfriend has female friends... I just don’t like the rare few who purposely cause drama and are rude and disrespectful toward me. Those female friends are toxic. His other female friends do not act like that.
Happen to me yesterday and it was out of nowhere
I am the wife of 21 years but divorcing. Can’t do the she is just a friend anymore.
My goodness. Mam plz control, and through that shit out of ur man's life.
Wow I wouldn’t have married him at some point he’s wanting to take her to bed
Me too after 27yrs
In my situation , I️ have a bf that has female friends that were his friends before I️ came in the picture , and I’m totally cool with that. But how am I️ supposed to feel when we’ve been in a 4 year long relationship and there’s constantly NEW female friends coming in the picture .
Worried. And you obviously know that, because you asked the question. If his profession requires him to constantly be working with new women and he's a friendly guy then he might make new acquaintances but not friends, not talking outside of work and stuff like that.
Kevin L Porter ok thats mt issue....my husband and i had seperated..he met with coworker,ego stated how she feels about him...
Husband and i have reconcile back together now i tell husband dnt stop speaking,but stop the communication over the phone...he only says she just a coworker...to remind u we agree to cut off all ties we created while sepreated....i ended up talking with his coworker,and she stated to me that they had affairs...when i bring to his attention he denied,and tild me she just his coworker...
I say if she is lying on u,thsn thar she be more of a reason to cutt her off......hr refuse...so hey i must move forward..he value that friendship more so his marriage it seems
You decided to cut off all ties created while separated, I assume you mean romantic ties because you kinda have to interact with co-workers but only on a professional level. But that's not the real issue. If she's falsely accusing him of something as damning as a sexual affair, not only should he be deny and defend but he should absolutely want to cut her out of his life. Anytime someone lies on you, you don't keep kicking with them. The fact that he's maintaining anytime of relationship outside of work is a clear indication of what he's truly committed to.
Same exact thing happening with me. Old friend came back in contact with him and everything was good until this happen. He says i have nothing to worry about, but some of the action has me nervous, like everyday since then they always calling each other everyday especially when im away but they were times i wad off from eork no calls or msg but the next day as i leave for work he is calling her. Times we are in bed, out at functions and she is calling him. And he told me to my face he is doing nothing about it. I dont have no problem with his friendhips but i cant shake the feeling at this one. She knows he has a girlfriend who is pregnant by the way and still calling him constantly. This is only 2 weeks and i am stressed out and probably cauding stress on my baby, i had to pack up and come back to my family home to relax. He already deleted msgs and calls so i wouldnt see, somtimes early 8 am in the morning he is calling her already. He says im overreacting and i have to trust him because i have nothing to be worried about even though she knows there is fighting and strive she still calls and he too...like none of them respects boundaries.
@@MJBABYPHAT I know this is old. But it sounds exactly like what I'm going through with my husband ugh
my boyfriend has many female friends and it does bother me sometimes but i don’t say anything because i don’t want to seem toxic so i just act like i don’t care and let him have whatever friends he wants, just putting my trust in him that he doesn’t have any feelings like that for any of them
Fuck that
@@Shaunteetalkstv Yeah FUCK THAT .
Unless you want to leave in fear
I tried that route and 3.5 years in I found out I'm a door mat and his female "friends" feel comfortable texting him at all hours if the night inviting him to come out while saying they know he isn't happy with me. Seriously FUCK that
I don't wanna ask my husband to drop his female friends but shit I wish he would. I do feel uncomfortable with the closeness he has with some of them, I don't know them, the one I have met was stand offish with me and it just doesn't sit well with me. I don't really know what to do. He's known most of them for years but has only known me for 3. I wonder how he'd feel if the tables were turned and I had a bunch of heterosexual guy friends I was so close with :(
Ask him that.
@@KevinLPorter I don't think he'd give me an honest answer about it though, I think he'd be like I wouldn't care...but if I actually did have male friends, I think it'd bother him.
@@teallaidh what causes your discomfort. I mean its obviously either a mistrust of him, a jealousy of sharing something your not supposed to have to share or a combination of both. But has anything happened to cause you to mistrust him or be jealous of them.
@@KevinLPorter well my mistrust is that he slept with one of his female friends right before we got married while I was out of the country, I didn't find out until several months after we were married, it was touch and go whether I was going to stay or not but obviously I decided to forgive him. There's a number of reasons why I trust he'd never do such a thing again, but different things still prey on my mind and I can't shake my feelings of discomfort about his female friendships. Of course he's no longer has anything to do with that particular friend but I never used to worry about any of them until I found out about his infidelity.
@@teallaidh minimal or zero contact with female friends should have been a condition of your forgiveness. The fact that it stills bothers you, which is understandable is grounds to implement that condition now. You tried to forgive him and trust again but him continuing the same behavior has made that impossible for you. That should matter most. Your marriage should come first, regardless og how long he's had them as friends and his female friends should understand that. When I got married I had a couple fo female friends that were true friends, good people, and they chose on their own to step away from our friendship because they respected the boundaries of my marriage and marriage in general.
I came across this video from a another video who talks about...if ur man loves u he will not entertain another women. The situation is that...at 1st i was never the insecure type...then i seen him and his female friend flirting a few times and he gets excited when she shows up he would run outside and they both would fool around. And he would tell me in excitement that thats the type of girls he used to hang out with. That female friend of his have a man and son at home who i never met bc she would come around here by herself to flirt and dance with my man. They talk on the phone and stuff and then one time she called at 9pm on his phone he was sleeping. She told me she just wanted to invite me and him to celebrate her bday at the club and a bbq in the backyard. Talking to him didnt work out. Then I called her and told her off. She snitched and my man blamed me that i created this big mess and that he lost a good friend. Theyre still friend on fb and they still messages each other though.
I dont your man and his particular situation with this women and they may be the exception to what I'm about to say but I doubt it. 1. Flirting implies sexual desire. Noone has ever flirted with someone they havent considered sexually. Ever.2. Her having a man and kid is irrelevant, people cheat. 3. Friends respect their friends and therefore respect their friends relationships. Relationship boundaries are obvious to everyone and respecting them is always an option and a choice. 4. They both know that what they're doing is inappropriate, they're pretending not to. If they weren't sure you clarified it for them and they sided against you. WTF are you doing still with him. If you need concrete evidence, then give him permission to have sex with her and see if he accepts it.
@@KevinLPorter Thank u this helps alot🙏🙏🙏
Yes I’ve been bullied by my boyfriends face book girl friends. He refuses to block them
I don't mind him having female friends. My problem is why does he like to them about us. He never tells them he loves me like he tells me he does. Is it because he doesn't want them to stop talking to them.???
I commend you for your tolerance of his female friendships, that's very mature of you.
I really want you to think about the mentality behind your last sentence. "Is it because he doesn't want to stop talking to them?" If you reverse engineer that thought-
1.if they know he's in love with you, they'll stop talking to him-which forces the question ,Why, if they're only friends? they should be happy for him.
2. Whatever they scenario, him telling them would lead to some type of progression, either his friendship with them ending and/or his relationship with you progressing. He's stunting that growth.
3. If he hasn't told them, he's lying to them. Or he hasn't told them because he's lying to you. Either way he's lying to maintain friendships/relationships with other women.
Why are you tolerating this?
Yes!!! Absolutely
Does he want get Hanging out a male friends!
I don't want him to drop her I just don't like it when he goes around her too much and there's a feeling when he is around her Th a I get that I camt even explain. They're relationship are more like sister brother but sometimes a I felmel away knowing that he goes to get house. Believe me I have nothing against her and I have grown to live her like a sister too idk how to explain it. Maybe you've met on a situation like this but I think I need help in figuring this one out. I've tried by myself but it's not working
Sounds like the confusion is with your feelings towards the situation and not so much towards her. You may not have an issue with her as a person but the situation makes you uneasy. For it to work you have to be comfortable with her AND with your man having a female friend. If you're only ok with one or the other, you will never fell at ease.
She’s always giving food to him and I really don’t like that
What's wrong in food?
My ex had a female best friend, an older woman who he met online and grew a friendship with. They’ve never met, she lives in a different country. He told me they had fooled around on cam before, but that there wasn’t anything there.
He talked with her daily and even on cam, sometimes at 3 am because she’s in a different time zone.
I had to be okay with this...I had to trust them. But I think deep down I didn’t trust it.
And no, it was NOT okay with him, for me to have male friends.
Because she and his other girlfriends had been around since before we met, that made it okay. But for me to strike up a strictly platonic friendship with a guy while in the relationship, he said this wasn’t okay. And would always tell me that every guy just wants one thing.
I found it confusing as heck and very controlling and unfair. Am I wrong to feel this way?
Youre not wrong and he is a hypocrite.
What about making NEW friends on Facebook and then adding them on Instagram likening each other’s posts....Oh, and they happen to be figure/body building Gals. His reason is they share Body building/Fitness in common.....my interpretation: keeping options open and connections (not friendships) that can lead to more given the opportunity. This isn’t sitting right with me. My boyfriend is also counter arguing that he doesn’t mind if I have male friends. My interpretation: this gives him further allowance to continue making “new friends” since he’s ok with me doing so. 2nd interpretation: he doesn’t care enough that it would bother him. We’re also long distance.
I feel like your interpretations are slight variations if not spot on. Long distance relationships are always hard and I think in most cases should be avoided, too many cons, not enough pros and tend to end once the couple starts spending time together.
@@KevinLPorter so true Kevin, the environment of LD is not conducive to building trust and forming a healthy bond. There can be love but so much more is needed to keep a relationship afloat. This whole social media thing unless there is complete transparency with ones accounts can be a slippery slope. Anyone can private message anyone now once they are “friends” and not enough is discussed about the seemingly harmless connecting that takes up heart space and can very easily lead one into emotional infidelity. This is really fresh for me right now and hard to process on a heart level. On a cerebral level I’m all too aware especially at my age the harsh reality of things. Thanks for the reply 🙏💕
M you bf likes her. I see it. I ain't blind. My friends see it they ain't blind. my bf called his bestie beautiful
Soooo me and my ex started back slowly dating again after 5 years of not seeing each other. I knew him since middle school and we dated a short time in high school and kept seeing each other years later after hs. He told me he has a female friend and he calls her son his god son. Come to find out this mane told me him and her had sex before . I was already having a intuition that something wasn’t right like he kept moving back our date when I believe he was with her the whole day. So one day I prayed for discernment and it all came to the light. How you claiming this girl son as your god son and you had sex with her and thought I was gonna be cool with that …. Mane bye ✌🏾 I believe that’s his damn son but he say it’s not. ATP Idgaf if it is or ain’t. Then he didn’t want to cut her off cus that’s his “god son” momma 😒 I told him my boundaries and he wasn’t rocking with it so I deleted his number
He Has a female Bestie i really don't like it he's always talking about her All the time😢but The other side he loves A lot & out relation has since 5 years i don't wanna lose him but I can't tolerate this anymore this think makes Me hurt and cry for him that why he is doing this All with me even I love him so much &Take care of him more 😭 plzz help Me😢
The fact that it bothers you should be adequate reason for him to end that relationship, assuming youve told him how you feel. If you havent been crystal clear about your feelings then you need to tell him and give him the opportunity to correct it.
well my boyfriend has girl Bestie .That I didn't knw about. She was in the picture become me,however he post her and never post me and he doesn't even calls me .I found her because he posted her if its wasn't for that I wouldn't knw. He gives his more attention more than how he gives me he is always online and take long to answer my message.
And notice there a change in his attitude and my intuition have been telling me that something is not right. I don't even feel like I'm In a relationship .
novia bailey you should leave him or communicate how you feel. Depending on his reaction, trust your gut.
yeah.......they be fukking...sorry
my boyfriend is bestfriends with his ex. and they tell each other that they love each other and he called her cute. i talked to him about it but he doesn’t listen to me. and he’s also talking with his ex about how much he misses her and crap. but at the same time he shows me all of this love and affection and it makes me rly happy. idk what to do.
This is toxic af. There is obviously a physical and even sexual attraction between your bf and his ex, they used to sleep together. Best case scenario is he is putting his desires (to keep her as a friend) before your needs (the need for a person to feel respected and secure with their significant other). Which is very selfish. Worse case scenario is obviously that they are still intimate. He should assume this bothers you and you said you've actually told him it does. This is not going to get better it is going to get worse. I would guess, based on past experiences and the little info you've given me that sadly, you are a pawn in THEIR relationship. A tool he is using to affect her. Run and in the future make better choices. It should never have gotten to this point. You should've left when you talked to him about it and it didn't immediately change.
Oh hell no......
Girl.. that's a red flag next to a bill board telling you to get the f#*k out...
Moe Zee HAHAHAHA! we ended it awhile ago thankfully and we both not like each other so it’s all good
Girl you were his rebound obviously... if the ex is still in the picture, run..
@@lalaa555 oh honey trust me i did ☺️
Life changes that’s life
GROW UP
my gf express she does not like me having female chatmates. but she TRUST me. she lets me visit them. and NEVER ask for my password and wouldn't take it if i gave it to her. she has a male best friend of 5 years. i said im cool with it. TRUST is key we love and adore eachother alot.
There is a girl that is close friend with my boyfriend for years before I even met him. I was alright with that girl at first but she stars to get on my nerve after few things happens.
- At that time, me and my boyfriend were planing our first trip together, and she ask if she can join because she and get boyfriend was planning the trip to the same place as well.
- Soon she broke up with her boyfriend. At That night she broke up with her boyfriend she went to my boyfriends house and crying her eyes out stay until late night,
- Another night she went to my boyfriend’s and having late night beers with him.
And other small things happened as well, for example I know they text each other very often, they share their life, and I also noticed that my boyfriend will talk to her when he feel stressed. All of this makes me feel very uncomfortable of this girl’s present in our relationship.
On the one hand, I feel she doesn’t respect me as his girlfriend, she doesn’t care the boundaries she should keep. On the other hand, I just seanced from all those things that my boyfriend and her share many things on a emotional level (I don’t know if that expression make sense to you guys), they are very close to each other, that make me feel jealous and sooo insecure. I don’t know how to talk to my boyfriend about this and how to stop myself from being emotional about this. I really needs some help.
I'm all for respect and boundaries, but I'm also down for fairness. Many people who become emotionally unstable or accusatory in these situations are potentially being hypocritical or at least insensitive in their own lives. Meeting halfway is just that. If one person is expected to make the choice to cut off or cut back their behaviour, the other is too. Thank you 🙌🏾
I often struggle is the one in the friend position, when I communicate with them and they ghost me or disappear. I feel like I'm being seen in a way that's not true to what's really going on. So it can mess with a friend's mental health as well. Sometimes you just wish they would communicate with you if they have any problems so you can do whatever they would like in terms of communication.
Boyfriend has an ex who is a female best friend. They would talk/text, hang out, celebrate birthdays together in which I was never invited. I asked to meet his female friend and he said okay but never introduced us when I insisted, he said she didn’t want to meet me because it was uncomfortable. The final straw for me was when he went on a cruise with her and her family last year so I dumped him. He begged me back for months, I gave him another chance after 4 months. She recently had a birthday gathering and he went to the celebration without including me and told me after the fact so I put him out of my house. It was been years and I have never met this ex....I am thinking of cutting my losses and dumping him for good this time...what do you think?
He's still sleeping with her. No reason for him to not introduce you and include you in everything they do. If She doesn't want to meet you he should cut her off, not comply with her demands. Move on, way tf on.
Kevin L Porter Thank you
CUT IT OFF!!!!! HECK NO! LEAVE HIM!
He don't deserve you
I have a male best friend. We have been friends since we were about 14 years old. Right away my friend asked his gf, who is now his wife, to meet me so that we can get to know each other. My friend is now happily married, and his wife and I are such good friends. I literally have him in the female version through his wife. I love them very much. I hope one days my future bf can see that my friendship with him is just a plutonic friendship
This comment gives me so much hope
My crushed liked his female best friend
Platonic not plutonic!
The word doesn't come from the planet nor from the cartoon dog, it comes from the Greek philosopher! 😂😘
What if you know for a fact that he cheated multiple times on his ex who trusted him (she never found out). Now he says he loves you and to trust him, but he keeps hanging out with his close female friend?
Husband had lunch with a passed female coworker. Didnt tell me. Brought his adult daughter. She mentioned she feels uncomfortable and dismissed her feelings. When she told me that they continued to text afterwards. Then tells me no big deal. I am hurt and I explained. He blows me off.. he said well she was my partner on a first responder job for years.. but I'm your partner as a wife... but ignores it. When I asked the lady he had with. She laughed and thought it was funny. No apologies.. so wouldnt this lead u to believe something is up
There are obvious red flags here. 1. Your feelings should take precedence over a friendship he hasn't nurtured in a long time. 2. Whats her situation, single, married, newly single, etc. That matters pertaining to her intentions. 3. She should have enough respect for his marriage to not engage into any inappropriate behavior. 4. Husbands should never dismiss his wife's concerns especially in order to continue with some inappropriate behavior. But it comes down to the same question every time for him, is this "friendship" worth the animosity it might cause in your marriage? The answer to that simple question is going to come out as a minimization of your feelings, "why should it cause any animosity, it's no big deal," but no one gets to decide what big deal is to you.
what are some signs that a female friend is more than a friend?
This can be specific to their situation. Have they hooked up before? Is she friends with you as well? Is he defensive of his friendship with her, Does he try to hide their interactions from you?
what is both boy and girl have a girl/male childhood friend since they was 5 years old
I'm dealing with this now every time I turn around he is calling someone his friend and play dumb when questioned about it then on top of that we are newly married I been thinking about a divorce for awhile I don't want a marriage like this in only 27 I have my whole life ahead of me
Sounds like you fell for the okie doke. Also, him playing dumb (like what he's doing is no big deal) means he doesn't think he's doing anything wrong, he feels entitled to these interactions and "friendships. Which means if he agrees to end them, he's just going to continue behind your back. You're too young to waste your time.
Here's a couples perspective on the same topic ruclips.net/video/lDCwS_f5hyc/видео.html
My boyfriend have girlfriend but I honestly feel like these are girls he used to talk to and it bothers me because am supposed to still respect them in my head no the hell I shouldn't but again I feel like I have to respect them because we all know they was there before us and that's what kills me the most
What if the boyfriend has been dating his girlfriend for 5 months long distance, he becomes friends with his high school guy friend's little sister. They start to hang out every weekend at least 4 times between Friday evening and Sunday evening. They usually gym one on one twice a week and decide one day (without telling his girlfriend) to go on a 2 hour road trip out of town, spend the entire day at the gym, spa, sauna and pool together, the boyfriend takes photos of his female friend at the pool with her lifting her cleavage to look sexy, she posts on instagram with the hashtag "partner in crime", "driving away", "weekend mood", "sunday funday". The girlfriend finds out and says she is uncomfortable with this as it is crossing the friendship line and more of a "romantic escape" and he says he does not see her sexually, it is platonic and he is just enjoying having a new friend he can talk to about topics other than gaming and cars. He says he will see her less but that is it, there is no transparency about when he will hang out with her. He will say "I'm going to the gym" but not say "meeting up with ___female friend___ tonight".
The boyfriend said that he will not cheat, he, her brother and the female friend have all had a talk that "you two are NOT going to be more than just friends. It's NOT going to happen" - is this not odd? It feels as though the brother saw something between the two of them so felt the need to address it? The brother knew the boyfriend is in a committed relationship so why would he need to address this otherwise??
Should the girlfriend dump him and move on because he is not respecting boundaries?
He is OBVIOUSLY cheating, or working very diligently towards it. The need for concrete evidence is just a manifestation of denial. No one is naive enough to believe anything the boyfriend is saying in reference to this situation. To give his lame explanations of the complete disregard for COMMON BOUNDARIES shows a complete inconsideration for the girlfriends feelings.
Yes you should. Even if he wasn’t cheating. That’s a huge no no. He obviously doesn’t think you should be the only woman in his life. And the fact that he didn’t stop or back off a bit when you told him you felt uncomfortable is so rude and he obviously doesn’t care about his girlfriend’s feelings.
My bf calls them cute and crap like that... and always talks about them, none of his other friends, jst them...see I’m fine with him having other friends that are girls, BUT he has accidentally called me there names, and like I said HE CALLS THEM CUTE like tf??? U do realize I’m ur gf rite? But whatever, I have male friends, but the thing is, is that I’ll steal my male friends keys as a joke, then my bf will say “don’t fuck him” and then he says other shit like that. I need help. Plz.
Dude that’s not worth it r u guys still together?
I love this video so much 😭 ❤️
Hi I know I’m really late on this post but I really hope to get an answer to this it’s stressing me out lol so my bf has a girl bsf that he knew way before me and when we’re together she calls him to vent about her relationship problems and once in the middle of us about to shower together I ended up showering alone bc she called him to vent she also sent him a TikTok about her walking in his house like it’s hers and I don’t even know how much they text or anything then one time late at night were long distance at the moment bc we meet in college but Kate at night she wanted him to come over so she could vent and they could smoke he told her he wasn’t smoking with her and then asked me do I feel comfortable with him going and I said yes even tho I burst into tears bc the thought of him being with another female alone that I never met in person bc we’re long distance hurt and he’s the first I’ve ever done anything with so I’m very scared to lose him so when he found out I was crying he completely canceled the plans for tomorrow bc he thought about how I felt and bc it was late anyways and so I was still having anxiety for the next time he asked and I’ve been just crying and mentally drained bc I feel like it’s such disrespect to know that we have a very solid relationship to ask him to come over and smoke so you can vent so I ended up telling him I’m not comfortable with him being alone with her or smoking with her and he said he will not go over there but he did ask was it okay for them to hangout in public and ik I may sound insecure but I don’t know this girl so I don’t know how they are together so I just really don’t want them hanging out together at all and I know that’s selfish but it’s just this generation it’s so easy to lie and cover things up
Understand this, the friend of his is being vey selfish. If she cared about his happiness she would voluntarily step back. Instead she is purposely encouraging him to participate in behavior that is usually harmful to a relationship. Of course there are exceptions but what usually happens...usually happens. So she's being selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings and his well being. Its blatant disrespectful disguised as a progressive mentality. Point this out to him, disregard the "guys and girls can be plutonic friends" excuse even though it is possible...its not likely. Put it on him to do whats right. Either he will do it and you guys will be fine or he won't. If he doesnt, you'll either learn to live with it or leave him.
so i recently became friends on social media with my old classmate (guy) n we exchanged number he texted me too i too wann chat like talking bout how uk life's going on now but he has a gf n i don't have feelings for him so should I not text him or? like i don't wann be a bad person so is it wrong if I text him?
The fact that he has a gf and is exchanging numbers with another female is already wrong. People will pretend to have innocent intentions but most, especially men are either in denial or flat out lying. its just inappropriate. And when people try to justify it you have to wonder why. Why is it important to them to disprove this theory? Usually because accepting it would be them admitting that they are up to no good. Dont be texting some chics boyfriend.
Hi Kevin, hope this comment finds you well
I need your help. So I feel like I'm in the midst of what you're talking about, my boyfriend of approximately a year has a best female friend who currently lives in the state, while me and my boyfriend live in Japan. Because of this if they want to meet they often go to 'private vacation' I called it private because it'll only include the two of them, it happend three times already they went to Bali twice and Tokyo once. Now I have to come clean that I actually have trust issues because of my family background and past relationship, but I really want to trust him. The thing is the female best friend always paid for the plane tickets and hotels so I think that's also one of the main reason why he always complied to go, but also they actually had history a one sided one coming from the female best friend side. I really don't want to blow this off because of my baseless jealousy but as I talked about it more to my close peers they always said that it's a no no, and I shouldn't be okay with this. Now I feel even worse because I'm constantly anxious in case of he keeps pushing and pushing my boundaries, my head always tells me that I'm doing a great job but my feeling after being heartbroken by the father figure that I should've had and ex-boyfriend who cheated on me countless times commands me to end this.
I'm looking forward for your reply, thank you in advance.
This situation is extremely inappropriate. Probably the worst case I've encountered. The list of reasons that I KNOW he's being unfaithful is a long one. A few of the reasons is, the friend was into him in the past, those feelings may go away but if they're still interacting then something is still there. The fact that they go on private retreats is the biggest red flag of all. If she really wanted to see him, she could come there. Period. It would be cheaper and wouldn't require privacy from you, the girlfriend. When you're in a committed relationship you must make sacrifices and compromises for the person you care about. You are sacrificing your security by allowing him to continue to see this girl, he should be willing to compromise by requiring she come to Japan. But regardless of that, he's put your sense of security so low on his list of priorities that you should have enough self-respect to leave him. Remember, cheaters will always try to minimize what they're doing by telling the victim they're being dramatic or blowing things out of proportion. Taking vacations with an ex is a huge no-no. And I called her an ex because I'd bet there is more to their past relationship than he's revealed. He may even be lying to her about his relationship with you or even the reason he is in japan. Also, I would verify that he's not paying for these trips and just lying about it.
This honestly broke my heart. He isn’t the one for you and you and many others can learn a lot from your experience and What Mr. Porter said, seriously. Keep your head up and know that him and his actions have nothing to change your worth love ❤️💯
This was spot one, my boyfriend states it’s ok that his BFF should remain a wedge between the two of us because nothing is going on but how much should be tolerated when he runs to her calls,FaceTime,text and other social media. She will call 6 times or more in a row, then more through out the day and evening. I’m trying to help with his goals and what matters in a healthy relationship.
Its simple, you should tolerate whatever makes you comfortable and no more than that. If the amount of attention he gives her is suspect, AND YOU'VE LET HIM KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL, then its on him to show you, WITH HIS ACTIONS, not his words, what is more important to him. You may not like what is revealed, you may already know.
I disagree completely. This is so controlling to ask your boyfriend to not have half of his friends because they are female and you are insecure. Ridiculous
First of all I appreciate your opinion, not everyone will agree with this. But, to ask your BF to prioritize his GF's feelings over superficial and/or inappropriate relationships isn't controlling, its called a healthy relationship. You may be in a very unique situation where your BF has female friends and its never been an issue (as far you know) but I suspect you've never actually been in this situation. Now you get to lie and say you've been in this situation plenty of times and its never been an issue. Ridiculous.
You must be that female friend that doesn't respect boundaries
It's so important to be around the opposite sex as friends to understand different perspectives. And for society to move forward. What you are suggesting is SEGREGATION OF SEXES. It's wrong. My boyfriend is free to be friends with women he has slept with and I am to free to have friends whom I used to date. I am not held hostage to insecurities, trama, or immature deficiencies. We talk though everything if there are concerns and move forward. What you are preaching comes from a hurt place, a place aiming to protect yourself, but it's NOT HEALTHY and only cements your trama. It does even have to be your trama it could be watching your parents or media that gets you all hyper paranoid for this situation. You can not and should not ever seek to control another person. If I don't like one of my boyfriend's friends the I don't hang out with them, but I would never tell them not to be friends with that person based on "gender", only if this person is abusive then that is a problem.
@@katelyn888 In what regard?
My bg and his bbf keep saying I miss you publicly in facebook.And my bf says its natural to them saying it.He knows her more befire me.Its just weired for me to feel.If they says I miss you to each other publicly Maybe more in chats..He even said he will not give a fuck.he knows her before me.he will nor going to change
Well that's a behavior that he should correct on his own. I'm sure she knows that's inappropriate and doesn't really care how it makes you feel. And unless he's a complete moron, he knows its inappropriate too.
But in case he's an idiot, Have you told him how you feel?
If you have and he continues then he doesn't think your feelings are valid. If you're ok with your man thinking you don't matter then stick around, otherwise its probably a sign of things to come so you should spare yourself some heart ache and move on.
thank you for the replay..Im going through this situation right now.Its not the frst time i been seeing them sayimg I miss you to each other publicly.And when i confront him he said he knows her before me.and shes a best friend.And i feel hurt this kind of affection when im the girl friend seeing my my bf exchanging i miss you to the woman i dont know
@@crisevale8162 Boundaries girl boundaries. Decide where your live in is every situation. That is the only control you have, otherwise you're left feeling helpless in a hopeless situation, which is probably how you feel now. You've confronted him, told him how you feel and he didn't offer to end the relationship or even modify it to consider your feelings. There's pain in witnessing this and pain in leaving it. Since you are going to feel pain anyway, it might as well be for something that benefits you. Leave him.
@@KevinLPorter thank you.god bless you...
Hi Kevin , I'm glad i stumbled upon this video . I've been having a hard time understanding my boyfriend having female bestfriends . We've been together 2 years and i still struggle but im here to understand . He has 2 bestfriends he had before meeting me . It was okay in the beginning because most of the attention was given to me and i wasn't really aware of their friendship. Until a year with him . They are also important to him but then things would throw me off . Him hanging out with them more . Him massaging them with heart emojis. All these gave me the creeps but i would also have platonic relationships with males and talk to them that way without it meaning nothing but brotherly sisterly love. He will always put them and i first ... i can't control that . I never pressured him to leave them , if they make him happy why would i want that ? How much dedication does a bf have to put ? I don't want to seem like the needy gf either . We both have to give each other space but it's hard knowing that when he isn't with me he's with them .
If its all platonic then there should be no issue with you becoming friends with them as well.
Hi Kevin
I am currently engaged to my partner, we have been together since April 2017 , we are supposed to marry next year February, I have not caught him cheating but have seen flirtation messages from female friends I have seen a message with a close friend from before my time stating that he couldn’t wait to sleep with her etc etc.
I asked him if this messages were true and he claims they just used to slack talk and that was it.
I have asked him not to do that whilst we are in a relationship and he said he would never, but some how I do not trust his word as she Says things like ur not my friend anymore and that you don’t come and see me no more etc etc , I then seen that he was on a video call for a hour with a ex girlfriend last night, he first messaged her saying that he had something for her and sent her some old pictures of herself half dressed and then proceeded to video call her, I don’t no the conversation.
I just no I do not feel good about this at all, I dnt no what to do. He goes out his way to contact his female friends or ex girlfriends on Facebook and I get really annoyed and upset
Please help
Sounds like he's dancing on the fence. He obviously is engaging in inappropriate behavior and its either because he doesn't think he'll get caught or he doesn't care if he does. Don't get married. Period. Anyone who gets married hoping things will get better is foolish , deep in denial or both. You get married when things are going well and it makes sense to take the next step. I'm not suggesting you leave him. I'm suggesting you have an honest conversation. Don't give him ultimatums, but express your boundaries. I suspect his behavior won't change and he'll become more suspect. I've seen a lot of women lower their standards to meet their partners behavior instead of demanding their partner change their behavior to meet the woman's standards. It never ends well.
My bf and I have been together for 7 years. He recently made a friend about 2 years ago through his church youth group. I was the insecure gf and found out that he asked to take her out clubbing, something he didn’t want to do with me. I asked him to either 1) make the friendship boundary clear with her or 2) cease communication. But he said that his friendships don’t need to know his relationship status. Am I being insecure or is he gaslighting me?
Thats 100% BS. 1. friendships started with the opposite sex during a relationship is extremely inappropriate, anyone that tells you otherwise is trying to justify some inappropriate desires. There are exceptions. i.e.-2 people that have worked together for a decade or more are bound to become friends or enemies. But them spending time together outside of work is still inappropriate. 2. Any man that wants to go clubbing with a female and not his gf IS TRYING TO CHEAT-PERIOD. 3. Him even appearing to want to hide his relationship status from someone of the opposite sex is a blatant attempt at some form of manipulation. Whatever form that is, by definition is inappropriate.
Kevin L Porter I totally agree, thank you for the reassurance
@@glowsrose_ how did things turn out?
@@captainfrosty31 after 8 years together I finally left him a year ago and I’m better for it! Final straw was catching him cheating with a coworker he kept talking bad about to me 🤷🏻♀️
@@glowsrose_ sorry to hear you went through that but happy to hear its over for you now and you have moved on. Good for you. 👏 👏
I don't think the romantic type of love is special. And I am started to think that the romantic type of love isn't real. I mean about more than half of romantic couples either break up with each other or divorce each other, while most platonic best friends remain friends until death.
Also, most people are pretty much comfortable enough to be naked around someone and have sex with someone that they have no romantic feelings towards. So sex isn't really a thing about romance.
I think that having a platonic best friend is a lot better than having a romantic partner or spouse is. Having someone who's like a sibling to you is a lot better than having a romantic partner is. Also, you would more likely be much closer to a person who's like a brother or sister to you than you would be with a partner or spouse.
People tend to fight with their partner or spouse a lot more than they do with a platonic best friend, and you never fight with your best friend the way you fight with your partner or spouse. Partners and spouses are just temporary. If you break up or divorce them, it's hard to go back to them. With your platonic best friend, you're going to make things work, because they are your best friend, they are your go to partner. It's always easier to make amends with them than it is with a romantic partner or spouse.
Also, there are a lot of toxic romantic relationships, while there isn't that many toxic platonic relationships. Like an example is that abuse happens a lot in romantic relationships, while abuse is rare in platonic relationships. So there is a lot of abusive romantic relationships, while there is isn't that many abusive platonic relationships.
Why do you think abusive romantic relationships have a term for them called "domestic violence", while abusive platonic relationships don't have a term for them? It's because abuse in platonic relationships are very rare, while abuse in romantic relationships happens a lot.
And also, a lot of people cheat on their romantic partners with someone else, while most people won't do stuff like that with their platonic best friends.
Also, I heard that most people can live a life without romance and can still be happy. But most of the time, if someone doesn't have any platonic friends in their life, it can effect them really bad mentally; much worse than living a life without a romantic partner. In today's world, less people are dating and getting married now, and they seem to be more happy being single rather than being in romantic relationship with someone.
Also, you're going to have a much deeper spoken understanding and connection with your best friend than you are with a romantic partner or spouse.
So those are other reasons why romantic love isn't real or special, while platonic love is.
It's perfectic
🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙
If a woman expects a man to cut off ties with his female friends, then the guy's girlfriend is being insecure which is a red flag that needs to be acknowledged.
True in some situations. Especially if the friendship existed long before the girlfriend. But not true if there was a physical relationship in the past.
That's a blanketed statement. If a man's "friend" comes before his mate, it's a problem. I'm sure a man wouldn't want to stand by while his gf maintained close relationships with her male "friends."
i agree men can say what they want but if the shoe is on the other foot you expect her to cut ties with her close guy freinds how is that fair. you can be friends with girls but they cant have guy friends.
What if she is giving him head
Khalid Elmekki ide never tell my man to cut ties with his female friends, I jst wish he didn’t call them cute, and talk about them all the time, and when they talk to me, THEY WONT EVEN LOOK ME IN THE EYES, or even at my face, it like tf??? And honestly, I kinda whant to know, do they know that
A. Him and I are together
And
B. Does he talk about me with his friends? Does he accidentally call his friends my name? I mean ide hope not, and I hate it when he calls me there names, but I don’t think he slaps his female friends butts...ide hope not...
Yk I shouldn’t even worry... if he’s cheating on me I’ll kill him, al g with the rest of my friends, they’d kill him too, also he doesn’t drop the fact that one of my male friends likes me and is trying to “steal” me from him. Like child. Drop it. It’s not that, like rlly, I ain’t telling u that all ur girl friends probably want to date u. I see how they act with him. But whatever. So yeah. Jst ignore me. I jst needed to rant. Maby I’m over thinking shit.
He has a " crush " on all his female friends I know that I found the proof a while ago. But I only worry about the trouble making ones.
Why would you want to be with a man that has any feelings at all towards another woman? No woman could make trouble in your relationship without him being a willing participant. Why not just leave him and find a man that only wants you? Otherwise you are participating in your own suffering, almost contributing to it.
@@KevinLPorter Well said!! 💯🔥
He has sexual fantasies about all of his female friends. And several have caused issues between us. There is a current one right now trying to break us up. She is manipulating him and he don't see it. I don't know how to deal with it.
You are putting entirely too much effort into a man that does not want the same thing you want. Obviously. You can't force a square peg into a round hole, and even if you do manage to get it in there somehow, its never gonna quite fll the space. You are trying to force something that IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE. Is this the life you want, would you encourage any one you knew to pursue this type of relationship. Of course not. Just let common sense prevail. A man can't be manipulated by "the other woman" unless there are open lines of communication. He's not choosing you...not by his words, words are irrelevant, but by his actions.
I hear what you are saying , however some things are easier said than done. Stupid as it may be I love him enough to destroy myself.
I suspect you love THE IDEA YOU HAVE OF HIM, not the man he actually is. If you wrote down a description, a REALISTIC, ACCURATE description of who he is, could you love the man that you had described? Probably not. Therefore its not him you love, its the idea you have of him.