Amy being angry at Cindy is completely valid, but her unwillingness to see OP as a victim because of what SHE endured with Cindy needs to be addressed, especially becauee this will happen again
@@Mernomright? she clearly understood she was in the wrong and had a breakdown because of it, they both had traumatic experiences with cindy but it just took amy more time to understand that OP was a victim too, it’s so weird how some people think that this isn’t a relationship worth working on.
So it’s his fault for not disclosing he was in a relationship with her bully before he even met her, but it’s not her fault for not telling him about her cousin? Makes sense to me
Well he did disclose his previous relationship, he just used a different name and didn't have any pictures on hand. He could get some, but his wife didn't seem interested.
No, it wasn't his fault and Amy later acknowledged that. I think that the bullyiung was traumatic enough that the sight of Cindy/Cynthia sent her right over the edge of flashback falls and she was not really *sane* at that point. I'm glad that they're going to therapy to deal with what is obviously PTSD in her and dangerously low self-esteeem on his part that makes him the passive victim in his emotional relationships.
I've seen enough of these reddit stories to see that the idea that the people most paranoid about being cheated on are cheaters themselves, as I've seen someone else put it, because they know how easy it is to be unfaithful and keep your partner in the dark.
When she stopped talking to him after he explained, yet she kept blaming him, he should have sent divorce papers and a letter telling her that she may be not violent like her cousin, but she's just the same because she refused to believe the truth when he told her more than once. Also, she has no right to be upset about his past relationships unless she was 100% open with hers and with pictures. Op needs to run fast from this family.
Honestly, I get it. Seeing Cyntia unleashed years of bottled-up trauma for both Amy and OP, leading them to relive and react to all that repressed emotion the exact same way they did years before: Amy freaked out outwardly and sought out her parents for protection, and OP freaked out inwardly with paralysis and pleading. Neither were in their right minds, and the parents going into hyper-protective mode didn't help. That said the sister was removed enough from the situation to see all this and bring a temporary clarity. Now with individual and couple's therapy, OP and Amy can learn the skills needed not to let fear overhwelm them, and even the skills to become each other's best allies. Honestly, they survived Cindy, they can survive anything.
Op is strong? Dude seems like the definition of a npc. Sounds like he just stands there quiet while everyone around him loses their sh*t, instead of talking to them. Horror movie main character syndrome.
@@notlisztening9821 I didn't mean his character, what I meant was, that they remained strong as a couple. At that time he was kinda pathetic in my opinion, when he did nothing other than shutting up.
It kinda feels like he might actually be fishing for the drama, after a fashion. I mean seriously, both girls exhibit the same behavioural issues, which is vastly disproportional anger relative to contextual cues, and his responses to both is to stand around like a piece of furniture and wonder about the nature of the universe. So maybe on some level he's actually choosing girls with particular issues because of some mental problem he has. If some girl, even some girl you knew, just started ranting at you irrationally, would you just stand like a mute and do nothing? I'd tell them they need to dial their hulk rage way down, and start making sense, or they can try talking to the back of my head as it moves rapidly away from them, till they get a grip and start actually having a measured conversation with me. OP said that the current wife was the sweetest person when he first met her, but I'm not buying it. It's very odd that there's been no indicators in the intervening time that he's been with her, about this stored up anger. Also, I find it odd that he talked about his ex by name, but his wife, despite having a pretty distinct experience with someone of the same name, or a very similar name, never bothered to check if it was the same person she once knew and hated? I've had this before in talking with someone, though not in a volatile circumstance. I mention to a relatively 'new' to my social group, girl, an experience I had recently with some asshat guy, and though I couldn't remember his actual name in the conversation, I described a bit of his behaviour and by coincidence, this girl had also meet and dealt with the guy about a year or so before, so just the familiarity of the context was enough for her to zero in on. Likewise, I would think if your BF / Hubs started telling you about a Cindy that he had a lot of trouble with, and you knew a Cynthia, that you had some issues with, you might tweak enough to ask a bit more, just to see if it's the same person, given the similarity in behaviour and name. As far as I know, Cindy is an alternate for Cynthia, much like Dick is for Richard.
Amy sounds just as insecure as Cindy. Her anger at OP is absolutely unreasonable - she accuses OP of being stupid and self-involved, but she's the one who is only thinking of herself. What, was OP supposed to just assume his new GF would want to know EVERY detail about his previous relationships, pull her aside, and start discussing EVERY person he's ever dated? I understand she had a horrible history with Cindy, but she's clearly not considering the fact that OP literally had no way of knowing they were related nor did he have any reason to suspect as much. It feels just slightly less stupid than those women who get mad at their boyfriends/husbands because they had a dream where said boyfriends/husbands cheated on them.
The wife is just, WTF? She never talks about her cousin and their terrible past, and then dumps all of her emotions on her husband and blames him for nothing. Nobody was giving him an explanation and just cutting him out like "You know what you did." Guy is confused because he has no clue. The only person who actually gives him the information is his SIL. He told her about Cindy, but she didn't show interest. Going off saying he should have told her, when he already had, was baffling. If he knew Cindy's actual name, Wife might have asked for a picture.
2nd gf needs to gtfo too. she knows how his ex accused him and punished him without with no basis...starts yelling at him making accusations without even telling him about what or listening to him.
Exactly! Wife knew how traumatized he was when his ex just walked out on him and ignored him, and her solution was to do the exact same thing for literally no justifiable reason
MY Ex was like cindy, NGl if a current partner reacted the way amy did in a similiar situation I'd just send papers. I spent one relationship being suspected and not believed ill be fucking damned if i spend one minute of another relationship being treated similarly. You can tell it runs in the family. Honestly he shouldnt feel guilty about not reaching out nor should he believe her. She made no attempts to rectify the situation until he showed up in person.
Although I can somehow understand the reaction of OP‘s wife, it’s way out of hand at not his fault at all. The thing that I ask myself is: didn’t OP tell his wife the name of Cindy because otherwise, she could have made the connection because of the similarity of the names. But even if that’s not the case, OP is not at fault here. But good that they got it figured out.
Neither of them knew they had dealt with the same woman, and both of them bottled up the trauma. This is exactly why the tools learned in therapy are so important, as it teaches you not to be blinded with emotions as they were
I'm wondering why his wife even attacked him. Cindy was long gone when they decided to get together. She acts like he somehow cheated on her by dating her cousin before he even knew her. Sorry, but she had someone to be mad at and it wasn't her husband. Feeling she would have gotten upset if he ever showed her a photo. Also just the whole "You should have told me everything about your previous relationships" is a bit much. He told her about Cindy, but she wasn't interested.
@@Olimar92 I mentionned this (more detailed) in another comment, but it sounds like OP and his wife were living out trauma responses. Having repressed the hurt Cindy gave them, seeing her again left their minds snapping back to their D-day, overwriting reality to play out the scenario. In other words, for that brief moment, his wife mentally did not see OP standing there, but rather saw her ex and lashed out at that cheater (only realizing the truth after she calmed down). And likewise, OP mentally didn't see his wife standing there, but his ab.usive ex and responded in kind. The good thing is that therapy works wonder in learning to let go of these traumas, and couples therapy can give them the tools and trust needed to rely on each other. In other words, their chosen path forward can lead to a bond so unshakable that it becomes nearly impenetrable.
So basically, he's the ass for not "discussing his past more" but yet she did the exact same thing of not discussing her past? He's at fault despite mentioning his ex and her not caring, only to suddenly flip shit when she shows up trying to scam him of his money? Yep, real good wife material there. No, let's not talk it out and figure out what's going on, let's not explain to the guy who's clearly confused, let's just yell at him and then bail for a week. God I hope he got a preenup because this is easily one of the quickest ways to ruin a relationship. Shockingly, actual thinking would've helped here, but I guess when it comes to a (relatively minor) bump all that goes out the window so she can "get some space." Classic.
Its one thing to be angry and need time to cool down, what Amy did was on a whole different level. The problem wasn't Cindy, it was Amy. If Amy acts this way again, OP should leave her and cut contact with the family who are enabling this behavior with their hyper protection.
@@randomboys1000it does make you a doormat if you go after her even after she berated you for something that wasnt your fault and still blamed you after you explained everyting "yOu sHoUlD hAvE tOlD mE aBoUt yOuR pAsT rElAtIoNsHiPs" lmfao😂😂
I'm not sure if I would have forgave Amy. she knew what happened to OP and how traumatizing it was to be abandoned. and yet she did the exact same thing. not only that but WTF are the parents angry at him?
Sounds like drama repeating itself: family is only siding with their child. 🤦🏾 It’s like d*mn, you ain’t gone let the man explain what happened? ESH at this point. Amy seems like she full of sh*t 🙄 OP sounds like a pathetic doormat. How tf does it take you 3 to 5 business days to respond to the bs? F*ck that… If my wife accuses me of something, leaves, no communication, and her parents are blaming me too? You gone see some divorce papers and nothing else. Plus, OP says Amy is “understanding”, yet she didn’t understand the situation, nor did she bother telling him about her past growing up. Some of this drama could have been properly handled, explained, and avoided. Cindy was just irking me at the beginning, she didn’t even bother calling his sister to ask if she was there nor ask if she left her lipstick. She just needs to go to counseling.
Amy has every right to be mad with Cindy. However her blaming op doesn’t make any sense and didn’t do anything wrong. He had no idea about Amy and Cindy’s history.
Op is a professional doormat and victim. His Gf bullied him and manipulated the F out of him. Now his wife is doing the exact same thing to him. He is better off without both of them honestly. The fact that his wife was leaving him after SHE reacted emotionally and he BEGGED her to stay proves he has no self worth and has no spine nor boundaries. Then his speech "I feel like this" or "I feel like that". Bro feelings are feelings, they are not FACTS. Grow up and stay strong or you'll always be under the thump of manipulative people...
I would leave my wife if I were him. She seems like the type of person who can't take the blame for what they've done, and that's not someone you'd want to be with
Nah not really he handled everything good just was confused as hell. He was a man not exploding or arguing back. Your never going to win a argument with an emotional women
Your gf is bat shit crazy and left you, but you keep looking for her? Wtf, you must really love pain. And you stood there while she berated you wife. This story is jokes.
The wife is even worse. just yells at him, leaves, without even telling him why. then makes bs accusation it's his fault he never told her about his ex? does he know everything about all of her exes? did SHE tell HIM about her past with cindy and show him pictures? no? she accuses him aof all and more what she herself is guilty of. at least the terrible ex told him she accused him of cheating, listened and dismissed, what is already horrible and abusive, but the wife did all that without even telling him why. insanity runs in that family. i hope op is happy now far far far away from that -insane asyleum- family
tbf it sounds like he was abused, and abuse victims sometimes do develop this weird stockholm syndrome-ish dependance on their abusers, so i guess i can kinda see where OP is coming from. doesn't make it any less fucked up obviously
@@thecursed01 yeah, i also thought that toxicity runs in the family, but unlike the ex his wife at least made an effort to apologize and go to therapy so i wouldn't exactly call her "even worse" at least this one doesn't drag a kid around to extort money from people lol
I don't think Cindy's parents are great people, but given Cindy's record, I really don't think they're in the wrong for refusing to take her on. She would probably have sucked every cent out of them that she could, stolen their chance to ever retire, and never paid them back in any way at all, and ditched them to work for the rest of their days. I think he's being unreasonably hard on them.
People who get bullyed if they discovered that a close person to them had or have i relationship with her bully the person who destroyed her life it will really hard to accept it they need time to process things . It's really hard for them .
Irrational people not communicating. If you're married to someone and instead of talking to you, they start blaming and gaslighting you should probably end things. You can try therapy but when they do this. They obviously don't value you as a person or respect you. Honestly, I wouldn't even entertain this crap. The moment communication broke down I would wash my hands and move on. I would then go after Cindy. This is why it pays to have cameras. You have no idea you have a kid then she shows up and tries to manipulate you. Nah, kid is in a precarious position and one that can damage him. So, if he was your kid. You owe it to him to get him away from that kind of situation. You should have called CPS as she is mental. Mandatory paternity tests at birth should be something that happens. It's 2024, don't waste your time with irrational people. It will mentally drain you.
u said cindys whole family knows but u were forbidden to talk to them. that means amy knows and has known since she is family. so she had no right getting mad about a past relationship she knew her cousin was cheating in
Cindy was probably shocked and scared to see OPs wife because she knew she couldn't take advantage of OP alone. Let's be real, OP didn't have a back bone in their relationship and completely got taken advantage of. Now that he has someone new to help him the ex knew she was screwed
It's interesting to see how she acknowledges that the whole "I'm going back to my parents" situation was her fault and how she was completely unreasonable, yet she STILL didn't try to correct and instead be like "Oh woe is me, now I've also lost my husband"
She was probably heariung Cindy remind her that, when they were both teenagers, she'd told her that she was too much of a screw-up to deserve/hold on to a man. Scars like that run deep and they play with your decision-making when emotions are involved.
Glad the two of them could stand strong and get help because Cindy left them with some DEEP scars. I do agree with OP it is very fucked up that Cindy expected her parents to help but they literally made her the way she is, entitled and selfish. So yeah of course she’s gonna hold the boy over thier heads for not helping her, honestly she should. Some cosmic karma for their years of inaction and enabling their daughter.
and I don't think it's selfish to choose a safe retirement over an unintelligent little girl who has a little package. but don't expect to play gp's. and dysfnction has to start somewhere
This guy, OP, is a frontrunner for the weakest doormat in the world award. No self-respect, no backbone. He just stands there and takes it whenever someone unjustly goes off on him, be it Cindy, Amy or her parents, completely incapable of getting as much as a word out to defend himself, just stands there and takes it which makes him look guilty. Don't get me wrong, he's obviously a good guy; reliable, kind and caring, but oh boy he needs to work on himself and his self-esteem and self-worth. Glad he's going to individual therapy because he needs it.
It was obvious to me that she (Cindy) was cheating on you. Was she not, she wouldn't be so crazy about everything in your relationship. But I don't blame you for not seeing it. Love can make a person absolutely blind to cheating or red flags that you're really not to blame. But what I hate about this story is that she made everyone around her suffer. EVERYONE. You, Amy, the kid, she's really won the prize of the shittiest person of the year. Does she suffer as well? Yes. Do I care? Basolutely not, she deserved it for her own behaviour. It's just the consquences of her own actions. . But that poor kid will have a bad life and I hope he moves out the day he turns 18 and turns his life around for the better. And for the two of you: I'm sure it was a bad experience and you surely need to work on things, but I'm sure your relationship will come out of it stronger than it's ever been. Either way, I'm sorry (for you and everyone except Cynthia).
12:57 man the cousins are clearly from the same tree aren't they with how they treat others. Edit: well I'm glad they're working on that, but OP also needs to get some individual therapy as well, because well, he needs some courage and the wizard left town.
May I just say I have heard too many stories where a partner doesn't want to hear ANYTHING involving their partner's ex? Like it just becomes a comparison and it becomes them judging themselves against the Ex(es). You say anything good about the ex, and it is why aren't you with them? Then you end up having to talk about pretty much a demonized version of them that makes you just wonder why you ever was with that person or see past memories in a terrible light. It just seems to always be toxic in some shape or form.
This guy is pathetic. Abused. Pines for abuser. Abuser shows up 7 years later and immediately berates him, he stands there like a dolt. Then gets screamed at by new wife who "is sooo wonderful" (lol okay), and he's on reddit trying to explain to strangers why it really wasn't his fault he didn't tell his new wife that he dated her childhood bully. No shit buddy, why would you ever think you would need to explain that? If you act like a doormat, you will be treated like a doormat.
DNA THIS 7 YEAR OLD AND WHEN IT COMES IN ! I THINK SHES HAD A FLING OR SOMEONE ELSE IN THE 7 YEARS AND HE OR SHE DUMPED EX GF LIKE A HOT PENNY AND I DON’T BLAME THEM ?. OH IF YOU EX SAYS THAT THERE NO NEED FOR A DNA TEST GO ONE ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU CAN PROTECT YOU AND YOUR NET GF/WIFE AND THE EX WELL SHES A RIGHT B ?.
I hope Amy's parents apolgised to OP to, I understand shs is their daughter and it's a parental reaction, especislly with the shit Cindy caused the whole family but blaming OP without knowing anything was a dick move.
Someone needs to be the adult and step in to save the child from a narcissistic psycho. He's the most innocent and important thing right now and doesn't deserve to live a life of hell with that woman. Truly ya'll need to do something to help the child cause he did not ask for any of this shit.
Bro, you gotta drop both of them. That is too much drama, too much bullshit, and the fact that she won't even listen to your side of things is a massive red flag of what future squabbles will be like.
I feel for Amy, i think she had a lot of unresolved trauma and sadly OP got caught in the crossfire. You could tell that the resentment targeted at OP wasn’t really about him. I hope they can both heal and grow from this.
Wow this guy is a pushover. He has a type and the type is crazy! The cousins are very similar and it’s sad. I would feel bad for him but I don’t because he’s allowing this to happen to himself 🙄
Rule 1 of relationships: if she starts making demands and telling you who you can and can’t talk to, including both her and your families, then maybe don’t date her…
OP got tangled into the worst family not gonna lie. Of all the women he somehow found himself in this mess with 2 cousins who hate each other. He only got lucky to marry the good one. Amy’s got a right to be pissed sure but ONLY at Cindy not at OP. Happy they worked it out tho hopefully this is the only major issue they have to face
Amy being angry at Cindy is completely valid, but her unwillingness to see OP as a victim because of what SHE endured with Cindy needs to be addressed, especially becauee this will happen again
And they are adressing it.
Exactly, what a simp. He's tolerating so much bad behavior from his partners, even his damn wife.
@@Derzull2468 And there's the victim blaming! can't have a male victim bingo card without it.
Tbh he needs to grow a pair. His passiveness, indecisiveness and inaction is a he problem.
@@Mernomright? she clearly understood she was in the wrong and had a breakdown because of it, they both had traumatic experiences with cindy but it just took amy more time to understand that OP was a victim too, it’s so weird how some people think that this isn’t a relationship worth working on.
So it’s his fault for not disclosing he was in a relationship with her bully before he even met her, but it’s not her fault for not telling him about her cousin? Makes sense to me
Well he did disclose his previous relationship, he just used a different name and didn't have any pictures on hand. He could get some, but his wife didn't seem interested.
NPC man couldnt even defend himself, imagine explain somethinf
No, it wasn't his fault and Amy later acknowledged that. I think that the bullyiung was traumatic enough that the sight of Cindy/Cynthia sent her right over the edge of flashback falls and she was not really *sane* at that point. I'm glad that they're going to therapy to deal with what is obviously PTSD in her and dangerously low self-esteeem on his part that makes him the passive victim in his emotional relationships.
Its sarcasm @@benrussell-gough1201
Female logic.
Ngl, Cindy is the worst but Amy is irrational af. Op had been open and everything whereas she had omitt her past. Is he supposed to read minds? Smh.
Indeed. Definitely get away from both of them
Yeah, this is one of those "Can you morons actually talk to each other?" stories.
@@murdock94 he needs to leave Amy.
Amy was pretty obviously traumarised, imo.
@@Mernom that's a her problem. She mistreated op. Her past, exp the parts she didn't share, don't authorize her to such behavior.
Shocking. The one so worried about being cheated on was a cheater. I, for one, did not see that coming. Not at all. Nope. No sir.
That can be also counted as projection
I've seen enough of these reddit stories to see that the idea that the people most paranoid about being cheated on are cheaters themselves, as I've seen someone else put it, because they know how easy it is to be unfaithful and keep your partner in the dark.
@@plsguidemethroughtheabyssmona To the point she needs AMC Theaters or Regal Cinemas tattooed on her.
I'm shocked! SHOCKED! well not that shocked.
@@BlueAversionI was just about to make this exact comment
this whole situation is wild, the wife is awful to him and then the parents also take her side without even talking, if i was this guy i'd run
When she stopped talking to him after he explained, yet she kept blaming him, he should have sent divorce papers and a letter telling her that she may be not violent like her cousin, but she's just the same because she refused to believe the truth when he told her more than once. Also, she has no right to be upset about his past relationships unless she was 100% open with hers and with pictures.
Op needs to run fast from this family.
@@jedimasters1462Would’ve been funny
Honestly, I get it. Seeing Cyntia unleashed years of bottled-up trauma for both Amy and OP, leading them to relive and react to all that repressed emotion the exact same way they did years before: Amy freaked out outwardly and sought out her parents for protection, and OP freaked out inwardly with paralysis and pleading. Neither were in their right minds, and the parents going into hyper-protective mode didn't help.
That said the sister was removed enough from the situation to see all this and bring a temporary clarity. Now with individual and couple's therapy, OP and Amy can learn the skills needed not to let fear overhwelm them, and even the skills to become each other's best allies. Honestly, they survived Cindy, they can survive anything.
Ngl op is a simp, so he doesn't really deserve respect unless he stands up for himself
@@f687sNFM therapy will help with that.
This guy's got that internet explorer reaction time. How do you remain shocked and confused throughout 2 convos back to back?
That’s what I was thinking, this guy’s brain must run on dialup or something
That’s what im saying is he ok? Cause how you just quiet getting yelled at
Man unplugged his router before the conversation
I don't get how tf he doesn't even say anything or even get an answer to why they're mad
Sounds a bit like me actually. Got some mental things, did end up getting yelled at and was often too stunned to react in any other way but stare
Nothing to say about Cindy, I feel bad for her child, but I'm glad that OP and Amy remained strong.
Strong is too strong. She semi-believed it.
@@Vinn_Treehave you heard of ptsd?
Op is strong? Dude seems like the definition of a npc. Sounds like he just stands there quiet while everyone around him loses their sh*t, instead of talking to them.
Horror movie main character syndrome.
@@notlisztening9821 I didn't mean his character, what I meant was, that they remained strong as a couple. At that time he was kinda pathetic in my opinion, when he did nothing other than shutting up.
@@notlisztening9821 A surprisingly substantial number of men seem to have no backbone in these stories it's rather distressing.
Just divorce. Get away from that whole family.
Damn OP has the worst women in his life
most prolly a fake story, but it is for guys like op that we get left with some good girls. thx OP
@@darkknight3037yeah this story is just bullshit rage bait. But you’re still right doe, situations like this definitely happen so thx OP
All women are like this.
that's because he allows them to be
It kinda feels like he might actually be fishing for the drama, after a fashion. I mean seriously, both girls exhibit the same behavioural issues, which is vastly disproportional anger relative to contextual cues, and his responses to both is to stand around like a piece of furniture and wonder about the nature of the universe. So maybe on some level he's actually choosing girls with particular issues because of some mental problem he has.
If some girl, even some girl you knew, just started ranting at you irrationally, would you just stand like a mute and do nothing? I'd tell them they need to dial their hulk rage way down, and start making sense, or they can try talking to the back of my head as it moves rapidly away from them, till they get a grip and start actually having a measured conversation with me.
OP said that the current wife was the sweetest person when he first met her, but I'm not buying it. It's very odd that there's been no indicators in the intervening time that he's been with her, about this stored up anger. Also, I find it odd that he talked about his ex by name, but his wife, despite having a pretty distinct experience with someone of the same name, or a very similar name, never bothered to check if it was the same person she once knew and hated?
I've had this before in talking with someone, though not in a volatile circumstance. I mention to a relatively 'new' to my social group, girl, an experience I had recently with some asshat guy, and though I couldn't remember his actual name in the conversation, I described a bit of his behaviour and by coincidence, this girl had also meet and dealt with the guy about a year or so before, so just the familiarity of the context was enough for her to zero in on. Likewise, I would think if your BF / Hubs started telling you about a Cindy that he had a lot of trouble with, and you knew a Cynthia, that you had some issues with, you might tweak enough to ask a bit more, just to see if it's the same person, given the similarity in behaviour and name. As far as I know, Cindy is an alternate for Cynthia, much like Dick is for Richard.
Amy sounds just as insecure as Cindy. Her anger at OP is absolutely unreasonable - she accuses OP of being stupid and self-involved, but she's the one who is only thinking of herself. What, was OP supposed to just assume his new GF would want to know EVERY detail about his previous relationships, pull her aside, and start discussing EVERY person he's ever dated? I understand she had a horrible history with Cindy, but she's clearly not considering the fact that OP literally had no way of knowing they were related nor did he have any reason to suspect as much. It feels just slightly less stupid than those women who get mad at their boyfriends/husbands because they had a dream where said boyfriends/husbands cheated on them.
The wife is just, WTF? She never talks about her cousin and their terrible past, and then dumps all of her emotions on her husband and blames him for nothing. Nobody was giving him an explanation and just cutting him out like "You know what you did." Guy is confused because he has no clue. The only person who actually gives him the information is his SIL.
He told her about Cindy, but she didn't show interest. Going off saying he should have told her, when he already had, was baffling. If he knew Cindy's actual name, Wife might have asked for a picture.
He probably has a humiliation fetish to be posting this doormattery
EXACTLY! All people defending amy sound just as horrible as her.....
However, Amy did admit she was wrong and doesn't suspect him of cheating 24/7. So still nowhere near as bad.
@@AverageCommentor still left OP alone when it really mattered, just like cindy
Wow, this dude is really passive and just stands there during an emergency for a really long time.
Ikr.
2nd gf needs to gtfo too. she knows how his ex accused him and punished him without with no basis...starts yelling at him making accusations without even telling him about what or listening to him.
Exactly! Wife knew how traumatized he was when his ex just walked out on him and ignored him, and her solution was to do the exact same thing for literally no justifiable reason
MY Ex was like cindy, NGl if a current partner reacted the way amy did in a similiar situation I'd just send papers. I spent one relationship being suspected and not believed ill be fucking damned if i spend one minute of another relationship being treated similarly. You can tell it runs in the family. Honestly he shouldnt feel guilty about not reaching out nor should he believe her. She made no attempts to rectify the situation until he showed up in person.
Although I can somehow understand the reaction of OP‘s wife, it’s way out of hand at not his fault at all. The thing that I ask myself is: didn’t OP tell his wife the name of Cindy because otherwise, she could have made the connection because of the similarity of the names. But even if that’s not the case, OP is not at fault here.
But good that they got it figured out.
or ya know people can have the same name. i dont even wanna know how many people are named johnathen.
Not exactly, because Cindy is it's own name too. One might be able to make it a shortened form of Cynthia but it's not immediately thought of as such.
Neither of them knew they had dealt with the same woman, and both of them bottled up the trauma. This is exactly why the tools learned in therapy are so important, as it teaches you not to be blinded with emotions as they were
I'm wondering why his wife even attacked him. Cindy was long gone when they decided to get together. She acts like he somehow cheated on her by dating her cousin before he even knew her.
Sorry, but she had someone to be mad at and it wasn't her husband. Feeling she would have gotten upset if he ever showed her a photo. Also just the whole "You should have told me everything about your previous relationships" is a bit much. He told her about Cindy, but she wasn't interested.
@@Olimar92 I mentionned this (more detailed) in another comment, but it sounds like OP and his wife were living out trauma responses. Having repressed the hurt Cindy gave them, seeing her again left their minds snapping back to their D-day, overwriting reality to play out the scenario.
In other words, for that brief moment, his wife mentally did not see OP standing there, but rather saw her ex and lashed out at that cheater (only realizing the truth after she calmed down). And likewise, OP mentally didn't see his wife standing there, but his ab.usive ex and responded in kind.
The good thing is that therapy works wonder in learning to let go of these traumas, and couples therapy can give them the tools and trust needed to rely on each other. In other words, their chosen path forward can lead to a bond so unshakable that it becomes nearly impenetrable.
Op, I mean this in the nicest way possible; you need to start picking better people to be with
So basically, he's the ass for not "discussing his past more" but yet she did the exact same thing of not discussing her past? He's at fault despite mentioning his ex and her not caring, only to suddenly flip shit when she shows up trying to scam him of his money? Yep, real good wife material there. No, let's not talk it out and figure out what's going on, let's not explain to the guy who's clearly confused, let's just yell at him and then bail for a week.
God I hope he got a preenup because this is easily one of the quickest ways to ruin a relationship. Shockingly, actual thinking would've helped here, but I guess when it comes to a (relatively minor) bump all that goes out the window so she can "get some space." Classic.
Bro she'd have been angry if he mentioned his paat relationship as well coz she wouldn't like him talking about his ex, women....sigh
Its one thing to be angry and need time to cool down, what Amy did was on a whole different level. The problem wasn't Cindy, it was Amy. If Amy acts this way again, OP should leave her and cut contact with the family who are enabling this behavior with their hyper protection.
NTA but the guy is absolutely spineless. Absolute doormat.
That kids needs cps
Dude really should consider leaving that whole family behind. His wife sounds toxic too
Cindy is just a pure psychopath. But amy is honestly no better..
Dude this guy must be a nominee for unluckiest man on earth.
What are the odds of this happening 😂
Op did literally nothing wrong. Amy has a hell of a lot of apologizing to OP to do. This drama is 100% on her
The most doormat story I've ever heard. Just letting these women step all over him lmao
being faithful and supportive to your wife doesn't make you a doormat
@@randomboys1000it does make you a doormat if you go after her even after she berated you for something that wasnt your fault and still blamed you after you explained everyting "yOu sHoUlD hAvE tOlD mE aBoUt yOuR pAsT rElAtIoNsHiPs" lmfao😂😂
yeah when he talked about locking himself in a room because he was so afraid of her throwing a remote i almost cracked up.
I'm not sure if I would have forgave Amy. she knew what happened to OP and how traumatizing it was to be abandoned. and yet she did the exact same thing. not only that but WTF are the parents angry at him?
Sounds like drama repeating itself: family is only siding with their child. 🤦🏾
It’s like d*mn, you ain’t gone let the man explain what happened?
ESH at this point.
Amy seems like she full of sh*t 🙄
OP sounds like a pathetic doormat. How tf does it take you 3 to 5 business days to respond to the bs?
F*ck that… If my wife accuses me of something, leaves, no communication, and her parents are blaming me too?
You gone see some divorce papers and nothing else.
Plus, OP says Amy is “understanding”, yet she didn’t understand the situation, nor did she bother telling him about her past growing up. Some of this drama could have been properly handled, explained, and avoided.
Cindy was just irking me at the beginning, she didn’t even bother calling his sister to ask if she was there nor ask if she left her lipstick. She just needs to go to counseling.
Amy has every right to be mad with Cindy. However her blaming op doesn’t make any sense and didn’t do anything wrong. He had no idea about Amy and Cindy’s history.
This guy really knows how to pick em, doesn't he? 😂
Op is a professional doormat and victim. His Gf bullied him and manipulated the F out of him. Now his wife is doing the exact same thing to him. He is better off without both of them honestly. The fact that his wife was leaving him after SHE reacted emotionally and he BEGGED her to stay proves he has no self worth and has no spine nor boundaries. Then his speech "I feel like this" or "I feel like that". Bro feelings are feelings, they are not FACTS. Grow up and stay strong or you'll always be under the thump of manipulative people...
Right. F this guy
Dear diary, OP was a doormat again
The moment wife got mad and left it was an “Ah shit, here we go again” moment ngl
I would leave my wife if I were him. She seems like the type of person who can't take the blame for what they've done, and that's not someone you'd want to be with
That dude is a professional victim
No, he's just been victimised.
Well, he was a push over. Easily led. Right from the start.
what
how?
@@randomboys1000never spoke up or stood up for himself and stockholm syndrome
He's right. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
Amy and Cindy come from the same tree, and Amy proved that she didn't fall far from it, either.
I feel like honestly its not her parents job to take care of her grown ass and her kids. she made her bed and has to lie in it
Cindy targeted OP. He saw a weak man and decided he will cater her life.
This guy is weak as hell
He's a fucking doormat
far from it. he handled the sitaution perfectly
Nah not really he handled everything good just was confused as hell. He was a man not exploding or arguing back. Your never going to win a argument with an emotional women
Yall two above know what yall talking about, he was rational and handled things the best way possible without causing too much trouble for either side
@@randomboys1000no he let both women walk all over her and still got back with amy
Your gf is bat shit crazy and left you, but you keep looking for her? Wtf, you must really love pain. And you stood there while she berated you wife. This story is jokes.
The wife is even worse. just yells at him, leaves, without even telling him why. then makes bs accusation it's his fault he never told her about his ex? does he know everything about all of her exes? did SHE tell HIM about her past with cindy and show him pictures? no? she accuses him aof all and more what she herself is guilty of.
at least the terrible ex told him she accused him of cheating, listened and dismissed, what is already horrible and abusive, but the wife did all that without even telling him why.
insanity runs in that family. i hope op is happy now far far far away from that -insane asyleum- family
tbf it sounds like he was abused, and abuse victims sometimes do develop this weird stockholm syndrome-ish dependance on their abusers, so i guess i can kinda see where OP is coming from. doesn't make it any less fucked up obviously
@@thecursed01 yeah, i also thought that toxicity runs in the family, but unlike the ex his wife at least made an effort to apologize and go to therapy so i wouldn't exactly call her "even worse"
at least this one doesn't drag a kid around to extort money from people lol
@@thecursed01 either OP left like 98% of the stuff out of the story or the story is fake(duh)
@@thecursed01 either OP left like 98% of the stuff out of the story or the story is fake(duh)
I don't think Cindy's parents are great people, but given Cindy's record, I really don't think they're in the wrong for refusing to take her on. She would probably have sucked every cent out of them that she could, stolen their chance to ever retire, and never paid them back in any way at all, and ditched them to work for the rest of their days. I think he's being unreasonably hard on them.
Well she was acting up I'm glad they made up they seem to be good for each other, and now they know about psycho.
Poor OP. He apparently has the misfortune to hook up with two psychos.
People who get bullyed if they discovered that a close person to them had or have i relationship with her bully the person who destroyed her life it will really hard to accept it they need time to process things . It's really hard for them .
Doormat taking pure joy of getting rinsed by 2 304s. Simps be simping
but that's not what happened...?
@@randomboys1000that's exactly what happened
@@friendlyneighborhoodshinigami clearly we didn't read the same story
Irrational people not communicating. If you're married to someone and instead of talking to you, they start blaming and gaslighting you should probably end things. You can try therapy but when they do this. They obviously don't value you as a person or respect you.
Honestly, I wouldn't even entertain this crap. The moment communication broke down I would wash my hands and move on. I would then go after Cindy. This is why it pays to have cameras. You have no idea you have a kid then she shows up and tries to manipulate you. Nah, kid is in a precarious position and one that can damage him. So, if he was your kid. You owe it to him to get him away from that kind of situation. You should have called CPS as she is mental.
Mandatory paternity tests at birth should be something that happens. It's 2024, don't waste your time with irrational people. It will mentally drain you.
u said cindys whole family knows but u were forbidden to talk to them. that means amy knows and has known since she is family.
so she had no right getting mad about a past relationship she knew her cousin was cheating in
Looks like you failed to listen to the story there, buddy. Amy and her parents are in no contact with Cindy and her parents.
This man is a doormat of doormats. Can’t even open his mouth. This why his ex walked all over him without any problem..
Cindy was probably shocked and scared to see OPs wife because she knew she couldn't take advantage of OP alone. Let's be real, OP didn't have a back bone in their relationship and completely got taken advantage of. Now that he has someone new to help him the ex knew she was screwed
Yea ok. With friends like Amy, who needs enemies?
It's interesting to see how she acknowledges that the whole "I'm going back to my parents" situation was her fault and how she was completely unreasonable, yet she STILL didn't try to correct and instead be like "Oh woe is me, now I've also lost my husband"
She was probably heariung Cindy remind her that, when they were both teenagers, she'd told her that she was too much of a screw-up to deserve/hold on to a man. Scars like that run deep and they play with your decision-making when emotions are involved.
Long story short Amy is letting Cynthia win because she is disturbing her happy marriage
This man has no spine and will continue to have horrible relationships
Glad the two of them could stand strong and get help because Cindy left them with some DEEP scars.
I do agree with OP it is very fucked up that Cindy expected her parents to help but they literally made her the way she is, entitled and selfish. So yeah of course she’s gonna hold the boy over thier heads for not helping her, honestly she should. Some cosmic karma for their years of inaction and enabling their daughter.
Dude can’t pick a decent woman to save his life lol
Guess toxicity runs in the family
This guy needs to get his act together. Stand up for yourself man 😂
Good grief. Trouble walked out on her own, and OP was upset about it?
With his reaction speed; I am betting that this took place 10 years ago and he's only just processed it.
Looks like OP has a thing for toxic women Amy isn't much better than Cindy
Man up dude
This is a rage bait. No one is this submissive and clueless.
oh yeah let me tell you every detail of my ex so you know what kind of girls i was into because its always a good idea to talk alot about the ex
He stood there staring at the other little boy 😂
The king of all doormats
and I don't think it's selfish to choose a safe retirement over an unintelligent little girl who has a little package. but don't expect to play gp's. and dysfnction has to start somewhere
This guy, OP, is a frontrunner for the weakest doormat in the world award. No self-respect, no backbone. He just stands there and takes it whenever someone unjustly goes off on him, be it Cindy, Amy or her parents, completely incapable of getting as much as a word out to defend himself, just stands there and takes it which makes him look guilty.
Don't get me wrong, he's obviously a good guy; reliable, kind and caring, but oh boy he needs to work on himself and his self-esteem and self-worth. Glad he's going to individual therapy because he needs it.
Cindy was 100% cheating on op, creating little bastards along the way.
It was obvious to me that she (Cindy) was cheating on you. Was she not, she wouldn't be so crazy about everything in your relationship. But I don't blame you for not seeing it. Love can make a person absolutely blind to cheating or red flags that you're really not to blame. But what I hate about this story is that she made everyone around her suffer. EVERYONE. You, Amy, the kid, she's really won the prize of the shittiest person of the year. Does she suffer as well? Yes. Do I care? Basolutely not, she deserved it for her own behaviour. It's just the consquences of her own actions. . But that poor kid will have a bad life and I hope he moves out the day he turns 18 and turns his life around for the better. And for the two of you: I'm sure it was a bad experience and you surely need to work on things, but I'm sure your relationship will come out of it stronger than it's ever been. Either way, I'm sorry (for you and everyone except Cynthia).
him not trying to call her in that week is what make hate snap out of her anger.she realise that she lost him because her stupid actions.
I am both sympathetic and greatly annoyed by this dude. Crazy.
OP is a professional doormat. His weakness disgusts me.
12:57 man the cousins are clearly from the same tree aren't they with how they treat others.
Edit: well I'm glad they're working on that, but OP also needs to get some individual therapy as well, because well, he needs some courage and the wizard left town.
Yet another example of a problem that couldve been solved with actual communication. Its literally not hard to communicate like an adult
16:42 Nothing selfish with that.
If her parents gave her money how would they live the last years of their lives without money?
They say thief always suspect others also a thief , a cheater always suspect others a cheat.
Cindy should be sued tbh.
Definitely a case of "Ew, throw the whole wife out." That completely over the top reaction seems to run in the family
May I just say I have heard too many stories where a partner doesn't want to hear ANYTHING involving their partner's ex? Like it just becomes a comparison and it becomes them judging themselves against the Ex(es). You say anything good about the ex, and it is why aren't you with them? Then you end up having to talk about pretty much a demonized version of them that makes you just wonder why you ever was with that person or see past memories in a terrible light. It just seems to always be toxic in some shape or form.
This guy is pathetic. Abused. Pines for abuser. Abuser shows up 7 years later and immediately berates him, he stands there like a dolt. Then gets screamed at by new wife who "is sooo wonderful" (lol okay), and he's on reddit trying to explain to strangers why it really wasn't his fault he didn't tell his new wife that he dated her childhood bully. No shit buddy, why would you ever think you would need to explain that? If you act like a doormat, you will be treated like a doormat.
DNA THIS 7 YEAR OLD AND WHEN IT COMES IN ! I THINK SHES HAD A FLING OR SOMEONE ELSE IN THE 7 YEARS AND HE OR SHE DUMPED EX GF LIKE A HOT PENNY AND I DON’T BLAME THEM ?. OH IF YOU EX SAYS THAT THERE NO NEED FOR A DNA TEST GO ONE ANYWAY BECAUSE YOU CAN PROTECT YOU AND YOUR NET GF/WIFE AND THE EX WELL SHES A RIGHT B ?.
I hope Amy's parents apolgised to OP to, I understand shs is their daughter and it's a parental reaction, especislly with the shit Cindy caused the whole family but blaming OP without knowing anything was a dick move.
Can we not all agree that Cindy is someone we don’t need in our lives?
OP has a great taste in women
Op needs to grow a backbone.
OP is more spineless than crustaceans
Someone needs to be the adult and step in to save the child from a narcissistic psycho. He's the most innocent and important thing right now and doesn't deserve to live a life of hell with that woman. Truly ya'll need to do something to help the child cause he did not ask for any of this shit.
Sounds like the crazy runs in the family.
Bro, you gotta drop both of them. That is too much drama, too much bullshit, and the fact that she won't even listen to your side of things is a massive red flag of what future squabbles will be like.
Remember men, your feelings and trauma don’t matter.
"i never wanted to talk to women again, but everything changed when the fire nation attacked…" /ref
I feel for Amy, i think she had a lot of unresolved trauma and sadly OP got caught in the crossfire. You could tell that the resentment targeted at OP wasn’t really about him. I hope they can both heal and grow from this.
This man will be a walkover for ever & ever .
Sounds like OP needs to grow a pair. And Amy needs to grow up. And Cindy needs to go away.
Wow, I did not see that twist coming.
Wow this guy is a pushover. He has a type and the type is crazy! The cousins are very similar and it’s sad. I would feel bad for him but I don’t because he’s allowing this to happen to himself 🙄
I'll never understand why men let women freak out on them.
Minecraft parkour with this history is oddly... calm and bizarre?
Rule 1 of relationships: if she starts making demands and telling you who you can and can’t talk to, including both her and your families, then maybe don’t date her…
OP got tangled into the worst family not gonna lie. Of all the women he somehow found himself in this mess with 2 cousins who hate each other. He only got lucky to marry the good one. Amy’s got a right to be pissed sure but ONLY at Cindy not at OP. Happy they worked it out tho hopefully this is the only major issue they have to face
WOW A WOMAN BEING OVERLY EMOTIONAL… IM SO SHOCKED!!!
Gentlemen I am sad to say…Women.
Divorce that wife they both are bad for you
Bro the sister in law is the only sane person in the wife’s family