To the first lady, you can adopt at any time. I was adopted by a woman who really wanted to be a mother but had shit partners. She said "I have a lot of love to give and I want to be a mother and a man won't prevent me from achieving this" then she saw me at age 3 and the rest was history.
I don’t think she wants kids or a family. She been dating or living together for like 8-10 years and no kids and not even get married ? Living for 8 years and not marry, thats not normal.
@@MrNsoethe very first lady with the plaid shirt did want kids and a partner she said. I think she is childless because it just didn't work out. Maybe you are thinking of someone else in the video. There were a lot of ladies! The first lady is not in a relationship
I’m only 23 and have opted out of dating entirely. It is so damaging to my mental health because so many people do not work on themselves. As a woman you’re expected to care for men because poor them, but the moment you don’t make them the centre of your world you’re a bad person. Most of these men don’t care which is why they feel comfortable allowing you to deal with their shortcomings. How am I supposed to see these people as potential mate when they make life harder? Why would I want to produce a second version of them for me to take care of? Marriage and motherhood sounds like my version of a living nightmare. It took me three years to recover from my first and only relationship with a male. Never again, I’m addicted to my alone time and my peace.
I had to laugh a bit while reading your comment. I am 64, single and happy. When asked if I wouldn't like a man in my life I always say - Well, I would love a male companion if I f could one who didn't think I was supposed to be his sex partner, maid, cook, butler, gardener.. I am NOT some grown man's mother and I refuse to become one.
45 and after 2 failed marriages I'm happy I didn't procreate with them...found out my first husband is now a woman and my second had red flags around minors and I found out he had a warrant for his arrest for molesting his friends 7 year old daughter 2 years after I left. People are all kinds of mentally sick out here. They mask it really well but the truth always comes out. I'm done wasting my time trying to play Sherlock Holmes...I have a happy life to live.
That first woman's story is heartbreaking. The ridiculous pressure and shame foisted onto women who don't have children, even if they are infertile or their partner is infertile is sickening and demoralizing. I really feel for this woman.
Oh my God, that is me 😭 I didn't want to raise a child alone, and I wanted to find the right person. It's like I did what e thought was "the right thing" and still got penalized for it.
I also felt bad for the first woman, but the truth is that society doesn’t want to hear that sometimes you just don’t find the right person. It makes people very uncomfortable. So instead, they’d rather blame her or accuse her of focusing on a career.
Those tears my dear were not from her shame those tears come from the back breaking endless day and nite and nite and day massive loneliness. Holiday after holiday it never ever ends then u die… What will u be thinking about on your death bed that hot girl summer how about those degrees and corporate jobs u had… No baby girl most women in times gone by are surrounded by children and grandchildren children. Ask hospice nurse biggest regret whether they be make or female biggest regret is they didn’t have children. Horrible way to die.
Let's be real...motherhood is all consuming for women. Almost everything falls to the mom, even in today's so called modern society. Women end up completely sacrificing themselves to raise their kids for at least the next 20 years, possibly longer. The man may or may not help and many men, even the good ones, don't share an equal amount of responsibility. The woman is still expected to do the lion's share of work or else she's labeled as selfish or a bad mom. Not a good arrangement for anyone except for the man. 🙄
My mother got married at 36, a toxic marriage. Before, she was a happy nurse, alone and happy. He died too soon at the age of 66, he got heart disease because of what he experienced in the family. She was more of a slave than a wife…that's why I will never allow it. I know what a toxic marriage is. 😢
She does❤ wish she would think of getting a baby through a donor then she gets to be a mother. The rest of this women are terrible and selfish glad they do not have a kid😅
I’ve met women who have gone to sperm banks to get a baby, but they also had super supportive family who agreed to help raise the child and pay for things. Being a single mother, living on a single income, while raising a child is terribly terribly difficult by yourself.
She does, I feel like she’d be an excellent person to adopt. I’m sure there’s an older child, a girl who needs a mom like her. I get that being a single parent is hard though but if it’s your lifelong desire like it seems to be for her, it’s not too late to give up.
When I was a little girl, my dreams were to be rich, have a nice penthouse in NYC, an amazing wardrobe and a Mustang…I traded the NYC penthouse for a Cali condo and the mustang for a challenger…but even then, just like now, there was NO DESIRE to have kids or get married. I wouldn’t even mother my baby dolls; they were audience members on my cooking talk show and nothing more 😂
I have never had the motherly instinct at all! My family would even tell me like you don't seem like you want kids... I feel more of like a big sister or aunt to children. I can love on them just the same!
Children was never part in my future as a kid either and I’m soon turning 38 and still have zero desire to have kids and my partner doesn’t want any either. In fact we are both asexual so none of that is ever going to happen. We live in a 18+ household that is most definitely not children friendly and we are happy with our dogs. And no, the dogs are not treated as our children, we treat them as pet companions. I don’t even like kids, they are too noisy and high noises gives me bad migraines so nope, keep the lil monsters away from me!
Our society is also judgemental for women who did have kids and are not in a current relationship. Women get judged and shamed either way unfortunately.
Why don't we return the judgment and shame people for trying to pressure others into making a bad investment? Do a cost-benefit analysis that will reveal that children are financial liabilities that are more effort than they are worth. Also, one person's trash is another's treasure. Fulfillment and meaning are subjective - there is no singular way people SHOULD live.
I don’t understand the hatred for single mothers. Because the same mfs who hate on them, wouldn’t care if they had a husband, as though the woman would be doing any less work with one. She’s probably better off on her own, but if a man’s not in the picture, the picture looks wrong ig 😑
EXACTLY! People should think if they even deserve to have any, that should be the very first thought and not just have it bcz it is common smh, retards.
But if there is no kids or a husband aren’t just living for yourself??? Who else is there?? Oh I forgot a dog, then u go gurl you are not selfish!!! Give that woman prize!!! Y’all don’t have a clue what’s in store for you, regret is a hellava drug!!! But hey u do u boo!!
I never wanted bio kids. I have chronic illnesses and did not want to pass on my genetics. My husband agreed with me even before we got married. I was 30 when we adopted our beautiful daughter. She is healthy and happy and so smart. No, we don't want any more children. I am proud of the women making their stand to do with their bodies as they wish! No more doing what "society" aka our families and friends want. My body My choice.
@@jsully7426 I have a genetic disorder I don't want to pass on. I also have a heart condition, I couldn't carry one either 😔. I've known, since before I knew about the other issues, that I never wanted children, or married. You can't trust men to do anything, and the world is seriously over populated, we need to slow down.
As a woman my main reason to be childfree is that no man deserves me to go through 9 months of pain and suffering just to have 50% of his genes when he never contributed anything to the whole process. Adding to that, he can still decide to get up and leave at any moment
I think the right partner will contribute in different ways and support you, like being and caring for you. But yeah, obviously you don’t owe your partner a child, it’s your body
Men live longer in marriage. Men can’t take take care of themselves. There is no gain for women in marriage. Most women live longer and men don’t make enough to sustain the woman after his death. Not enough life insurance, house not paid off, and debt.
@csu111 "Men gain nothing from marriage." Complete LIE. Men gain a maid, a cook, a therapist, a sex slave, a baby carrier and childcare worker, the appearance of stability and respectability, somebody helping you pay the bills, somebody to run your errands, someone to take on the burden of caring for your parents, somebody running your home and making sure all the little details are taken care of, someone making sure you are healthy and going to the doctor, and a plethora of other benefits. It is a statistical fact that a man's workload DECREASES when he marries because he dumps all the sh*t on his wife that his mother used to do. Men absolutely benefit from marriage. What you don't benefit from is DIVORCE. 😂
It’s just not worth the risk is it, dating is like walking through a mine field, and dying alone with cats is just not a very good threat, I’ve worked in nursing home and it’s full of people who had children, ..plus, I love cats!
I am a mother. I loved being a mother, but I want to be really clear. DO NOT have children unless you are going into it knowing how much work it is, how you can't be yourself for decades, and that knowing all this you still absolutely want to be a mother. Do NOT have a child if you have any reservations. And the women who say that it's all going to fall on you and not the man in your life, this is unfortunately true.
MrNsoe, women get pressured to have kids. Funny thing is that the ones doing the pressure are not ones who be responsible for the kid. I was pressured and didn’t give in. 😂
I think the opinions from people who already have children and decided not to have anymore are the most important and it also gives light to how difficult and complex raising children can be and how everything changes when the kids are here and how you yourself have to change and adjust because life can be complex and difficult
I agree with everything you said. 💯 Always do what's best for you because motherhood is harder than I expected it to be. Especially when others only talk about the good aspects of it. It's a 24/7, thankless job. Unfortunately a lot of fathers will leave the mothers to do all the work.
Your life would be a lot worse if you had kids with the wrong person! I have friends who are going through divorce, custody, lawyers, money, their partner has moved on with someone else, and their kids are only 6 and 8. My friend has to put up with all this crap until the kids turn 18. Can you imagine the stress? I used to want to have kids but I have a fertility issue and the right guy never showed up. Plus, some of the kids I have seen have horrendous behaviour and they expect presents and treats all the time and they have no freaking manners, either! If the opportunity came that I could have a kid and with the right partner, I'm not sure if I would want to go down that road now. My life is quite busy and fulfilling without kids. Don't give yourself such a hard time about not having a child, whatever the reason is. The birth rate is dropping globally because people want to enjoy their lives and they see parenthood as a hindrance more than anything.
@@wisdomdantecourt8179 Well, it is not the community's responsibility to do the tasks that the parent should do, but I kinda get your comment I think to what you mean. Like, related to that ''it takes a village to raise a child'' and all that, general support. It is still no one's responsibility than the parent or parents.
You can do the reverse and get them to try and justify the benefits of having children especially when a cost-benefit analysis is performed and reveals that kids are much more costly than they are beneficial. Don't let people pressure you into making bad investments.
No need to justify... It's your life and you can do what you want with it. People who shame others for not having kids are either unhappy in their own choices and jealous because what?! They didn't know there was a choice, they just followed society's expectations and didn't have an ounce of guts to stand up for themselves OR they didn't have anything else more interesting to do then humdrum have a kid and give up their lives to cook, clean, change diapers. Or they just are the type who feels the need to give unsolicited advice and I say f..em , just because someone thinks you should have kids and feels the need to say it to you doesn't mean you have to do it...I like it to if someone thought I should jump off a very high bridge and told me I should, I wouldn't just go jump off a bridge. If you feel shame then you are just allowing people to get to you. Tell them where to go with their advice or just be amused by their sense of entitlement to tell you how to live YOUR life!
I knew since I was a young child that I did not want to have children. When I was 18, 21, and 25 I tried to have my tubes tied and was denied by my doctors because they could not believe that I would not regret it later in life. I am 55 and so very happy that I stayed true to myself and did not bring kids into this warped world.
I will carry on NO m¤le's legacy! Not through birthing a child or through marriage. My life is for me and I've known this since I was a teenager. I'm 49 now with zero regrets for turning down marriage proposals and staying childfree.
For the first woman, have a conversation with your sibling, it’s not your nieces place to speak to you in that manor. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone when it pertains to this issue. Especially children.
Obviously, her sister is trying desperately to feel smug about the fact that she has kids. Because kids literally are a little recording devices that just say aloud what they are hearing around their house.
Yes, I have nieces and nephews, more than 20 of them now ranging from age 14 to less than 1. None of them ever said anything like that to me. I think her nephews and nieces had heard some adults around them discussing her in that way
I am a Mom, and I chose to be. To you that aren't mothers, you saved me when I was growing up. My mother's friends that were childless, and my aunts that were childless, were 2nd Moms to me. We need your guidance. We need your friendship. And, you are awesome, smart, and level-headed. Ty.❤
Honestly, just feel sorry for your aunts and mothers friends. Dont wish any women to be childless. As a childfree (and grateful I never gonna feel like they do) I can only sympatise with those poor women. Cant imagine the daily pain they lived with never getting what they wanted wich kinda explaines why they latched on and tried to mother you. Big of your mom to share you like that, since I know other mothers would have found it to much with other women mothering their child and taking part in the raising. Just cant help it and just find your story sad overall, sorry.
I get what you’re saying but some people like children in small doses. I think they’re cute and fun to be around sometimes but I don’t want to have one.
@@AnnafromHungarylvNW She said they were childless. Childless = wanting kids but dont have any for several reasons. Childfree = dont want kids and dont have any. The words have compleatly different meanings. Have you been living under a rock? This is common knowledge.
@@scarofmanleavethembehindDistinctions are unfortunately not always common knowledge - just like how people are not able to distinguish between feminism and misandry.
@@MrNsoeso then why should she want to be a mother if she's so awful? It sounds like a win win. She doesn't have to raise kids, and she doesn't have to date men she doesn't want to. I don't get your point, if there even is one. 😂
@@Hyear2030 did she say she awful at being a mother? She said she was hurt by men, thats why maybe she doesn’t want kid or dat anymore. There are plenty of good men. But i guess she attracted by bad guys, rich guys or hot guys who hurt her? You can only get heart broken by play boy. You should know who you date.
@@MrNsoe if a woman isn't a good wife, by your logic. She cant be a good mother. Keep up. If you can't pick a good high earning man, you can't properly raise children. She's better off single and pouring into herself. Why are you mad. She's right where she needs to be. Alone.
I am 37 and childfree and Married. I came to the conclusion I was better off a Aunt than a Mother. There is responsability that comes with Motherhood that just never appealed to me. Being a Mother isn't for everyone and anyone who tells me anything about it,ends up embarassed and mouth wide open so my surrounding knows better. Women need to stop letting society hate the lives they live and the skin they are in. Enough is ENOUGH. Nobody will be there if you have one and struggle.
The shame and stigma from society comes from the bitterness and envy of parents towards the women who have managed to maintain freedom. They deep down feel envious, so they shame us, to hopefully bring us down.
I dont want kids because I'm tired of taking care of people. I've been caring for people for far sooner and far longer then I should've. I'm still caring for people now and I'm 34 and still waiting for my life to start! And then people are still saying I should have kids because "its a different experience". It's not I cared for my grandpa until the day he died. In that time I changed diapers, gave him baths, made sure he got to doctors appts, etc. I dont want to take care of people for the rest of my life. I am waiting for the day I can come home after work to a quiet house and not have to worry about making sure everyone has eaten or taken their medications.
Girl yes !! I have 4 kids who are grown now . My dog died last year . Everyone keeps telling me I should get another pet … but I don’t want one . I have been taking care of several other living being for YEARS and honey I’m done with all that mess. These next years are about me, myself and I .
First Lady, oh how I wish we could sit over a cup of coffee. I am 64, never married, no kids and absolutely no discomfort, much less shame over it. Take some time to really get to know yourself, know who you are, what you stand for and work to be the best person you can be. When you know and respect yourself, your opinion of yourself is the one that matters - not the opinions of a bunch of strangers or society. Why would you care what a bunch of strangers who don’t give a rats patootie about you think? they do not matter in your world and you don’t matter in theirs. Be proud of who you are, you are so much more than a baby maker.
I used to have a cousin who would talk about how people with children were somehow morally superior. I reminded her that Jesus didn’t have any children. That shut her up! 😂😂
I used to feel the need to explain that I wasn’t able to have kids and I don’t anymore. When ppl ask me, I just say nope proudly. The looks on their faces is priceless.
Apathy in response to people's attempts to guilt or shame you is often shocking to those who are used to their emotional manipulation tactics being effective.
My family tried bullying me about getting married and having children. I resented it because I had never been interested in either, not because I’m “selfish” but because I loved my life too much just as. What is wrong with being happy just as. I’m now in my 50s, and I still feel the same way. Girls, if it isn’t in your calling, do not let people bully you into a marriage or children you do not want 🤷🏻♀️ I’m here to tell you, it is awesome being single 🥳 I’m planning to spend my retirement years volunteering with children 😊👍
Your family was worried you would make them look bad. I would have simply gone childfree to spite them for being bullies - their genetics are not worth passing on.
I just turned 49. I kind of didn’t want kids in my 20s. I thought love and family would “happen naturally” at some point, but it never did. I did not have positive relationships or positive dating experiences, and I knew I didn’t want to be a single parent. I don’t regret being child free, but it deeply saddens me that I have never met “the one”. Loneliness is tough, but deep down I know that being in an unhealthy relationship is worse.
Who cares if they don't want children? That is THEIR choice and not anyone else's business. People need to keep their noses out of other people's lives and shut their traps.
After you have menopause you will feel much better and the decrease in hormones will keep you more relaxed and more balanced. Peri menopause is the worst. Hit flashes,, insomnia, irritability, weight gain.....But once you've gone 12 months without a period you'll be in menopause. I've been in menopause for 5 years and I love it. And I'm childfree and retired early so my life is about travel and doing what I want. 😉
Same here. I have never understood the fear of menopause. No more periods and no fear of pregnancy is freaking awesome. I have never had a hot flash either, and my hormones are fine. My life has continued on as normal, minus having to wear pads every month.
This is great to hear.💛 Thank you, ladies, for sharing your experience! I'm 49, and I've been getting anxious about menopause coming soon. My mother passed away at 49 and my maternal grandmother passed away at 50, so I don't really have close or personal examples of how it is to actually go fully through menopause. People in the media talk about it like it's horrific, but I don't understand that because the most I've dealt with was night sweats, not random hot flashes like they say we'll have. Once I started taking iodine, selenium, and Saw Palmetto, the night sweats went away AND my hair thickened.😁 I was still worried about the potential future symptoms of menopause, though. It felt like I was waiting for a doomsday to come where my body would just dry up and betray me. Hearing positive experiences from other women truly does help. Thank you, again, for sharing.🤗
I don’t have any kids and fabulous. Ladies who are childless don’t lose yourself for what others say. You have given yourself the opportunity and gift to fulfill a life’s journey to the fullest. Work on yourself and BE fabulous don’t lose or depress yourself, life is grand. You also look younger and fresher, and those that have kids HATE / detest that you have the freedom to BE cause they have to actually work for acquiring what you have access to. 🌟
I don't know about that. I take care of myself because my kids need to learn about self-discipline and seeing mom eat healthy, exercise is the example I want them to follow. Also my child free sister is a pretty heavy drinker, I gave it up years ago. In any case, I 100% support those who do not want kids and do not judge, unless they start offering up parenting advice...then they get the side eye.
I actually had a relative who has children say aloud that everyone envies her because she has kids and a husband. Jump forward 10 years and now all the children are in college, and the tuition bills are crazy, and the kids have finally found their voice and they’re telling mom off. Guess who the real envious person is now.
I'm child free also. I'm a high risk pregnancy first of all, and I don't want to risk my life for a child just for the sake of having a child. Besides, I'm a black woman and frankly the only black men I've met without kids already haven't been right for me. I won't date a man who has kids with someone else. If we really want children, we can adopt, they'll still call us MOM and love us. I keep a Nexplanon and I enjoy my hobbies.
Heavy on the being able to afford them and its not just basics you need to consider can you afford your kids if they have special need? Can you pay for therapists and medications and all the thhings that may come with that for the rest of their lives? There is no guarantee that your child will be neurotypical can you afford what that would entail. These are thing parents dont think about until they have the child.
Not just that, but are they up for parenting someone who will be a child forever even in old age? And are they up for the intense job raising a child with disabilities?
Let's not forget to mention that the older a woman gets, the higher risk of birth defects such as down syndrome and miscarriage. A woman can also die from giving birth. The risks are astronomical and very serious. Do people even know how traumatic it is to have a miscarriage? It's devastating to a woman.
@@Cerez78 Not just that, but from what I learned, if the father is older, these special needs also increases in the child. Honestly, the last bit depends on the women how hard she takes it. It wont be traumatic for everyone.
Married 30 years and we chose to not have kids. I’m so glad i love other people’s kids. Big brother big sister is a great outlet. Kids need mentors as much if not more than parents. No regrets
@@spirals73 Sad to hear this, but know that it is not your fault. It's his fault that he made an unconscious decision. Take care of yourself. 🧡 Be kind in this world.
My children will know, so they can be warned not to be pressured like I was. They know I'm not having the best time. I still love them more than anything. Can't kill them, won't give them away, so they'll have to deal with that fact. Maybe they won't manipulate women like their father did seeing how their mother suffers.
I'm 22 years old and single. I give up on relationships because men are too chaotic and dramatic af for me I love spending time on solitude a lot so I'd rather be single and happy rather than getting married and miserable.
Once, I heard a woman said..."You are worthless, as a woman if you can't kids" I took my time to educate her cos' i knew that was the spirit of patriarchy talking. The best, thing you can do for the world as a woman is not to have kids. The dis-advantages, is far more than the advantages. Most, importantly you will be saving innocent children the trauma of having to deal with a patriarchal society that is disorganized on every level. Children, are not protected let alone adults. So, what's the point of keeping the system in existence? I know that soon, men will start forcing women to bear children. If you haven't, seen the series "Handmaid tale" you should make out time to watch it. I feel, that movie is a prophecy cos' more women will stop bearing children.
I have my fingers crossed that increased understanding of women as fully vibrant and fully formed beings with dreams of our own, just like men, will lead to enough positive changes that we wont have that handmaid situation. There are men affected by the patriarchy and cut off from things deemed feminine (feelings) and toxic femininity that shames those feelings coming from men, they've internalised that men showing feelings is weak and seek to stop it. I like the Scythian model, their women did the same as the men, they lived out on the steppe in Siberia though so it was all hands on deck to survive. The less gender disparity the better, I'm also aware that men do dirty jobs that help us all in society (clearing sewers, oil rigs, distribution) and of course women but the biological differences can be advantageous in so many applications. I've got my fingers crossed but religion needs to chill out; that's the major patriarchal structure that needs to adapt and chill or gtfo.
Major projection there. Clearly she felt worthless not procreating. Poor woman. She is the one to be pitied as she cannot understand any other existence.
I have a young daughter, and although this may sound paradoxical but I always tell her not to have children because I love her so much. To be honest, being a parent really wears me out and there are times I regret it immensely. I wish my daughter could just be herself and live life to the fullest, without having to sacrifice herself for someone else.
Reasons I am not having a kid: 1. I know I can't financially afford a kid. Plain and simple. 2. They're very low on my list of prioritities 3. I need my space at the end of the day. I work with kids all day, and I need quiet at the end of the day. 4. I'm selfish. I like the freedom of not having kids 5. I never really had the "gotta have kids" vibe go off 6. My family history in terms of mental health and physical health conditions. I already have PTSD, Major depression, Hashimoto's, disordered eating/eating disorder behaviors, high cholesterol (under control now), and I would have a STRONG possibility of passing down that stuff. 7. The thought of actually not being interested in my child and what they're doing. Due to my depression, I sometimes struggle with feeling genuine excitement, and kids need LOTS of that, especially when they are young, and the world is a whole new thing to them. 8. The stress and judgement I would recieve on raising my kid. As much as I want to say that we shouldn't be influenced by others, and what they have to think or say, we are. 9. Overstimulation....I get overstimulated by loud noises sometimes, and if my kid is screaming and crying, after I've been with kids all day who also scream and cry....nope. 10. Time. Kids are basically a life long committment, and I feel like I wouldn't be able to be my authentic self if I was always having to focus on them.
I will leave this here. Every woman I know who LOVES having children and being a mother and or wife is because the man they with is supportive and or they have a great supportive system. I love being a mother and wife, I find it easy for me, no complications, I enjoy the love they give- they are teenagers now and I have been told I keep looking younger year after year. 😊I’m blessed I know but can say this because I have An amazing husband and support system. 20 years happily married I would marry my hubby all over again. I love my in laws, I love my parents, they never hesitate to be there for us. Trust and believed I would sound like these women in this video, if my support was not there. So yes, it does take more than just the mother to raise children, the father should be there or at least some type of support for somewhere else. I do feel sorry for single parents cause it does take away the joy of being a parent when ALL the work is solely on you. I would tell women, unless you have an amazing man by your side and a good support system DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN, you will NOT be happy and this video proves that. Not every woman should have children and not every woman has a good environment to have children. I thank God hubby and I are able to take vacations with or without the children and just live a happy fulfilling life. I personally will never wish my life to be different. God is good. 🙏🏽😊💕
I agree, only blessed people in that way like you should have children (I would give everything to have a life like yours, I think most people) I think its best that the family lines with abuse over many generations should come to an end at one point (like in my case, it ends with me not having children, even though I'm sad about it but I consider it as taking responsibility. I had to cut contact with the family, I'm traumatised and alone, so no good conditions to raise a child, I need the energy to heal myself to live somewhat of an okay life by myself or maybe with others in the future if I can/healed enough...but no child should suffer with me no way..)
Having children is NOT a requirement for women. If you want children go for it. Having children is a life long commitment and not something you should do because you feel pressured. People should just STOP!!!! It’s nobody’s business.
As a woman, above the age of 25, I don’t trust any man to help raise a kid with me. I just don’t. It’s unfortunate but it wasn’t like I was born this way. I observed this growing up, how unfair mothers were treated. Husbands doing the bare minimum or less and running off to cheat. It’s sad really. If men were more consistent, considerate, empathetic, emotionally intelligent and quit being annoying about sex, I’d think about having a child with one. Women don’t have many options. I’m happy women are putting their foot down and choosing not get married or have kids if they don’t feel it’s a fit for them. Like others have said, I’d raise a child with another women. Solidarity ladies ❤❤ also I see the girls 39-50 and I’m like okay I can hang with y’all 😂. I just love women.
The lady in pink nailed it! Beside ofc worse part - having kid, in marriage woman is expected to do EVERYTHING. She gets all the mental and physical stress and the huge amount of additional work to do, while man does nothing, but LESS, because he expect woman to clean/cook for him/wahs his clothes etc etc... To not mention, he's also expecting to have a free sex anytime he wants. No matter woman comes home very tired after work and her mind is around the fact she needs to clean the huge dumpster he made of a place, still he won't care and would like to have sex and if she says "no", he goes all offended... Not everyone of course, but it seem if not a majority, then at least a 50% of men behaving that way. STILL. In XXI century...
Don't worry, we men want nothing from modern women anymore. Please convince my wife to leave me, she can also leave the kids i fed, clothed, and educated. I have been doing the all the chores while she spends hours on social media for the last 13 years. Please woman, take your sister from me.
I'm not having kids if I can't provide a better life than my single mother provided for me as an only child. Private schools from Pre-K till University; includes private tutoring for 6 years too Scheduled annual one month vacations... France, UK, Dubai, US.... Live in Nanny/Housekeeper and a chauffeur... We had two owned homes. Monthly allowance starting at age 10 All these happened while growing up in West Africa... I live in the States now... the future seems bleak enough
Hopefully one day soon it will be completely normalized for everyone to live their lives exactly how they want to without feeling any societal pressure.
I'm almost 47 and a single mom. I have twins That will be almost 7. I honestly would never encourage someone to have kids never ever ever. That sad the fact of reality we live in this day and age is most mom' end up doing all of the work with the kids in and out of the home and still have to work a full-time job. You feel like you're working 3 jobs or more at once. It's completely unfair. And if one parent does need to quit to stay home with the kids, it's usually the mom and then when the mom wants to go back into the workforce, it's very hard because they haven't worked whats considered a job. Taking care of children is a full-time job that never stops and is very tired and exhausting, so I am totally all for woman that don't want to have kids. Enjoy your freedom do what you want because if you are a selfish person, you cannot have kids because kids will take up pretty much all of your time when they're little and that's something people do not realize. And the other downside is some people say they want kids, and then when the reality comes after the baby arrive sometimes you have parents There are patents that think they can still live their life the same way and don't have to put any of their needs aside, and they don't put their baby first, which is very sad, but true. And if you ever hear somebody being serious, saying raising kids is easy and they have kids then they've never been active parent in their child's life at. And babysitting someone's kids or watching someone's kids is not the same as having kids.
Honestly, kids are rude these days . I always knew, I would just adopt a child, rather then having one. There is alot reasons behind that, however , God blessed me with a cat, therefore I am a cat parent. I want to enjoy my life. Children aren't for everyone.
Decided NOT to have children at the age of 12. Now 59, and never waivered. Completely at peace with my decision. I understand that 25% of women from generation have actively, concisely made the same decision.
I wanted/want kids but everyone around me is so unsupportive that I don't have any. I do believe that it takes a village and my village is empty or under sewage....I can't in good conscience bring a child into that. So all I do is re-parent my inner child.
You've made a good choice and have solid reasoning. If one doesn't have adequate resources and support to raise a child, they shouldn't have any. This includes money, time, family/friends, and energy. All limited resources. You deserve a supportive network otherwise you will be burdened and overwhelmed and the child will suffer.
I don't even like kids I'd probably be one of those moms that end up in the news doing something horrible to her children; Like they can just stay home alone for a few hours right, what's the worst that could happen ?? 😅 Not to mention men are disappointing and I don't want to be the inevitable single mom. Plus I'll probably die of cancer and then my mom will have to take care of the child and she already raised 7 kids. My family already has enough descendants without my defective psychotic dna contribution.
Lolol that's exactly my attitude. I'd lock them in a padded room so I wouldn't hear the screaming. I just know after a while I'd forget they were there and not feed them. I told my friend not to leave her kids to me if she croaked, cuz I'd just drown them.
Felt sad for the First Lady, I’m surprised people still think like it’s the 1970s . I’m 62 and remember when I was 23 some one asking me why wasn’t I engaged and did I have children. I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed,I look back and think how ignorant people were and I’m shocked that it’s still being said in today’s society. I left home in my 30s, met my husband and had my daughter at 42, it was the best thing that happened to me, now it seems the norm people are still at home, because there are no places to live in. Shame on people who think we all have an easy run in life, some of us have to wait longer
You. Are. Not. Alone!!.Things do happen for a reason. I never wanted children either, and I don’t regret it not one bit. The woman from the UK was Spot on!! Solidarity!! Warmest embrace
I didn’t want kids either but then I found out I was pregnant (thankfully by a man that I am still in love with today). I never had a regular period and I’m over 40 so I had no idea I was pregnant until I was basically at the end of my 1st trimester. Now I am so thankful for my beautiful son and partner. It has been a blessing I never realized I wanted. It’s not always easy but when my baby smiles and laughs and plays and wonders at the world, I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. Things happen however they are meant to. Love yourself and do what feels right for you at this time in the present. Maybe you never have a baby because you are way more diligent than me about birth control later in life. I had thought by then that I was actually not able to have kids anyway (which I was totally ok with), but that is why I got a bit relaxed with the birth control. Whatever the case… it worked out great for me. Wishing you the best in whatever works for you. Much love
As a male I've felt bad about past relationships because even though it started with mutual agreement on not wanting kids, I could tell their opinions changed over time. But I know that women who don't want kids face far more pressure and difficulty getting out of a relationship if a man decides he wants them. Stay strong, live free and happy!
I was always worried my partner would change his mind, we are 10 years in and in our 30s a baby only has to cry on tv and he gets stressed ! I’m really happy to say I feel comfortable he won’t change his mind now and we are traveling loads it’s great !
27..Child free by choice...tried to date I consistently get told my reasons are not valid, that who will take care of me when I'm older, that I'm not normal, that I'm a feminist,some men purse me in hopes I'll change my mind or I might end up pregnant by chance etc... 😅People have the wrong notion that because you don't want kids that you hate them on the contrary I like kids but I like to return them to their parents and I really want to help low income families... It's not easy but I'm happy with my decision made it years ago. And I'm sticking to it... Don't get me wrong I've met great guys one I even contemplated changing my mind for but I noticed I was compromising a lot on my side what was he compromising for me so I called things quits and vowed to never do that again... I would still like a relationship /partnership... Someone to travel with etc...
I knew from around 22 years old I never wanted children but the amount of people that tried to change my mind… partners, friends, family. I lost a great relationship with a man who decided he wanted to be a father. I fought with doctors to get sterilised and was literally laughed at. People told me, ‘Just have one kid and he can be the main parent’! It was insane. I’m now 39, got sterilised this year and am in a long term relationship with a man who doesn’t hate the idea of kids but is happy without them. Stick to your beliefs and look out for yourself, you will be fine whether you find a man or not. Life has so much to offer, kids are just one option that no one has to take and no one can force on you x
@@snoochieboochies8523 oh wow this is awesome, I'm glad you stuck to your decision and have found a good man in the process. Thanks for sharing girl and thank you for the advice 💓I'll definitely take this on board
For the first time in history women aren’t forced to be the homemaker and take care of the children, when there are other options besides this one, why are people surprised that people want different things?
I felt so badly for that woman in the first story. I’m in the same period of life, but I never wanted kids and I’m relieved to have reached the finish line without them, but to have wanted it so badly, it’s a grieving process I don’t envy. I hope she considers adoption or fostering. There are lots of kids out there he need mothers who want motherhood. I’ve always said if I ever changed my mind about kids, that’s what I’d do. But I’m pretty happy just me and my dogs because I have also found dating men is incredibly bad for my health, both mental and physical.
I just turned 30 four days ago! And the very ultimate clear feeling I had within me that I haven’t been honest with and avoiding it, is not wanting to have babies and the responsibility that comes with it! And so I’ve set my intention on that and I am now at peace with it. Yes for getting married but no kids! That’s all.
Pregnancy , childbirth & dealing with an annoying crying screaming infant Isn’t some magical experience. I can’t stand It all, but I do adore older children. I mean toddlers & up. Infants though? Nah, I don’t see the hype
after having three children and raising them as a single parent with no support from any other human I completely understand how humans are waking up and realizing they do not have the ability to raise happy confident children that have empathy and sympathy for others.
I have children that I love with all my heart but I choose to remain single because like the first woman pointed out, it’s damaging to my mental health. I had children and my ex husband violated our daughter and I tried dating men but it’s just too exhausting and I rather focus entirely on raising my beauties.
Hey, kids aren't leeches. There are people whom children make happy, people who want children very much. They don't fulfill you, you don't want them, that's OK. But don't talk like that...
@@dianasofi6565 They eat everything you eat, if that's not the definition of a leech, Idk what is...😂 And please stop trying to police ppl on their own person views. You could've clearly NOT respond but you felt the need to do so, why, when you don't know me...? 😂😂😂
@@ejnichols05 Were you a leech? You ate what your parents ate. Where is your humanity? You are sick. You don't talk about anyone as if they were a leech... And, no, I'm not a mother and I won't be.
These women are thoughtful and reasonable. And honest. And responsible. Respect to all of you. Lots of love to the first woman especially. I hope the loss of your desires and the sting of the betrayal stops hurting ❤
Woman at 2:51. I have never had children and reason number one is why I never had children. Children change everything and require a lot of self sacrifice. Not for me!
Also, fewer people means workers have more bargaining power to get better pay - so businesses will not be able to afford to be picky and will have to train and invest in people to create ideal workers. It will need to be a mutually beneficial arrangement.
Oh, and don't feel the pressure because more and more younger women are not getting married and having kids. So much so that in some countries the gov't is in a panic and have financial incentives to couples. I mean, even in China there are young couples who don't want kids! I'm Asian ... this is culturally abnormal! Which, I love.
I’ve never had any biological children of my own, but I have a stepson. And let me tell you, kids are a negative in so many ways from a young age to adulthood. This child that is now an adult, is a narcissistic sociopath and made my life miserable. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t only not have children biologically again, but I would certainly not marry someone with child/children. Just my experience and opinion.
Maybe this is just my experience but I see many women who are married and have children take disrespect, lies, cheating, they’re always stressed out and ready to rip their hair out. I just don’t see it as being enjoyable, I’m over here chillen, I still have a few years but honestly it turns me off. I don’t want to have to be stuck in something I don’t want to be in. I guess that’s my greatest fear.
To the first woman: there are a lot of women who (1) choose to not date any more and (2) choose to adopt. And they have wonderful, happy lives. One of my family members adopted a beautiful little boy. Nobody calls him the "adopted" cousin. We call him our cousin. Period. You don't have to share blood to be family. Also,pregnancy only lasts 9 months anyway; most of the mothering comes AFTER that nine months. Please consider adopting a little one to love on. There is a wonderful woman named Lisa Harper; you may want to google her name in quotes and adoption. In her early 50s, she adopted a little girl. She is having a wonderful time raising that little girl. Please look into it.
Wow that is extremely true that so many women throughout history and still now don’t have a choice if they want kids or not and that’s really sad. I am so grateful I get to remain child free.
No shame my friend! Yep, outside shame is real. Listen to your sweet self. I have a wonderful son with a narc and I can't win because now, I'm deemed a bad mom, no bad dad, bad mom because of HIS choices. Society gives him a pass but not me. It's a now win but you have to win for yourself and do what is right for you. Come sit with me. I have tea, cats, books and a really cool teenager who can talk your ear off.
I am a mom of 2 adult children, I beg my children to either not have children at all or to hold out as long as they can, I would always say that if I could do it over again I would either have waited longer or wouldn’t have had children!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am childless, not by choice; and people have made assumptions and looked down on me. I am OK though, and you will be, too.
My aunt and uncle (my mom’s siblings ) are both childless. After my mom died from cancer, they were around to spend time with me and guide me through life. If they had their own kids, I would have truly been alone. It takes all kinds ❤️
As a mom of 3 I absolutely commend you all. It takes so so much and my marriage went to shit after my last baby was born and I've raised my kids alone with the exception of my oldest kid for about 10 years. The woman speaking about people romatisizing seeing kids online and wanting what you see just online but she was correct. Its honestly super exhausting. Daily. Anyways I am so proud of you all, it is not necessary to have kids to exist or have a nice life. Society is different from 300 years ago where everyone basically had to have kids or you were shunned from community. Anyways, enjoy your lives everyone, seriously. Xo
Whoooooboy the second woman speaking about getting overstimulated and overwhelmed by noise and light and sounds BIG YESS I have ADHD, am diagnosed, and on meds that work for me, and I have mindfully built a system of skills to help me function more effectively... and just the thought-exercise, just entertaining the hypothetical scenario, in which I, with my brain, would have to devote myself 24/7 to the care of a helpless screaming infant, who would then become a rambunctious screaming toddler, who would grow into a child of ever-expanding, noisy chaos, who would eventually become a hormonal teenager....no. I'd never make it. Nope. I'm great for babysitting. I'm great for short bursts, a few hours at a time, where we pull out art supplies and movies and dress-up and whatnot, but at the end of the day I need to be able to hand the kids back over to their actual guardians and go be quiet again for a while. I CANNOT handle the chaos of raising a child fulltime, and I KNOW this about myself. So I decided NOT to do that, to myself or to the poor child who'd end up stuck with me as their parent! And anyone who has anything critical to say about my decision can take a long walk off a short pier 😃
I'm not having children because every other person I know or meet has a kid with autism.. now they're saying 1 in 3 kids will be born with autism in just 10 years 😢
I think it’s the increased age of both father and mother. Beyond a certain age, it just shouldn’t be down. Could be the micro plastics and medicines in the water.
@@AmyMichelleMosierit’s the food too and constant stimulation. I’m pretty sure we are re wiring our brains. Going back to the food, oh honey our food does not have nutrients anymore. No wonder celiac disease and food sensitivity is popping up! Our bodies can’t digest it! Fake pasta, fake bread, meat filler, hormones, antibiotics. Produce have lost many nutrients. It’s horrible. It makes me think the loss of nutrients it’s causing people to resort to supplements. Trying to buy local or from a farmers market is not attainable for the average family. It’s expensive! I can’t imagine trying to raise a family on sustainable / ethical food - it’s so pricey. The world is getting worse
To the first lady, you can adopt at any time. I was adopted by a woman who really wanted to be a mother but had shit partners. She said "I have a lot of love to give and I want to be a mother and a man won't prevent me from achieving this" then she saw me at age 3 and the rest was history.
Aww, sweet story.
Oh, i wish one day i could adopt ❤
@@susan7374you can!!
I don’t think she wants kids or a family.
She been dating or living together for like 8-10 years and no kids and not even get married ?
Living for 8 years and not marry, thats not normal.
@@MrNsoethe very first lady with the plaid shirt did want kids and a partner she said. I think she is childless because it just didn't work out. Maybe you are thinking of someone else in the video. There were a lot of ladies! The first lady is not in a relationship
And if you don’t want children.. make SURE to protect yourself!! Not wanting children is OKAY
🎯😊
ok boomer
@@joseywales1150 gen x here 😂 wtf? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
@@raineedaytinyfilms Is that suppose make shame???
Most of you sound like boomers y'all took what they were spewing hook line and sinker..
@@joseywales1150are you trying to impregnate every woman who comments here? Do you plan to take care of those kids or just abandon them?
I’m only 23 and have opted out of dating entirely. It is so damaging to my mental health because so many people do not work on themselves. As a woman you’re expected to care for men because poor them, but the moment you don’t make them the centre of your world you’re a bad person. Most of these men don’t care which is why they feel comfortable allowing you to deal with their shortcomings. How am I supposed to see these people as potential mate when they make life harder? Why would I want to produce a second version of them for me to take care of? Marriage and motherhood sounds like my version of a living nightmare. It took me three years to recover from my first and only relationship with a male. Never again, I’m addicted to my alone time and my peace.
I had to laugh a bit while reading your comment. I am 64, single and happy. When asked if I wouldn't like a man in my life I always say - Well, I would love a male companion if I f could one who didn't think I was supposed to be his sex partner, maid, cook, butler, gardener.. I am NOT some grown man's mother and I refuse to become one.
You’ll like @bootobeneficiary it’s a self development for dating tumblr page. I was recommended and you may enjoy it I see myself in your comment
45 and after 2 failed marriages I'm happy I didn't procreate with them...found out my first husband is now a woman and my second had red flags around minors and I found out he had a warrant for his arrest for molesting his friends 7 year old daughter 2 years after I left.
People are all kinds of mentally sick out here. They mask it really well but the truth always comes out.
I'm done wasting my time trying to play Sherlock Holmes...I have a happy life to live.
You’re complete without a man man.period
"so many people dont work on themselves"
care to post your height and how much you you weigh?
That first woman's story is heartbreaking. The ridiculous pressure and shame foisted onto women who don't have children, even if they are infertile or their partner is infertile is sickening and demoralizing. I really feel for this woman.
Oh my God, that is me 😭 I didn't want to raise a child alone, and I wanted to find the right person. It's like I did what e thought was "the right thing" and still got penalized for it.
That’s what happen when try fuck the 1% an I don’t feel bad hope y’all ladies have fun wit ur cats an dying alone
I also felt bad for the first woman, but the truth is that society doesn’t want to hear that sometimes you just don’t find the right person. It makes people very uncomfortable. So instead, they’d rather blame her or accuse her of focusing on a career.
@@donicaharris6163 me too girl ❤️🫂😢
Those tears my dear were not from her shame those tears come from the back breaking endless day and nite and nite and day massive loneliness. Holiday after holiday it never ever ends then u die… What will u be thinking about on your death bed that hot girl summer how about those degrees and corporate jobs u had… No baby girl most women in times gone by are surrounded by children and grandchildren children. Ask hospice nurse biggest regret whether they be make or female biggest regret is they didn’t have children. Horrible way to die.
Let's be real...motherhood is all consuming for women. Almost everything falls to the mom, even in today's so called modern society. Women end up completely sacrificing themselves to raise their kids for at least the next 20 years, possibly longer. The man may or may not help and many men, even the good ones, don't share an equal amount of responsibility. The woman is still expected to do the lion's share of work or else she's labeled as selfish or a bad mom. Not a good arrangement for anyone except for the man. 🙄
The truth!
Its all consuming because its chemical. Our childrens DNA stays in our bodies. Thats why we have a 6th sense about them.
💯 👏
My mother got married at 36, a toxic marriage. Before, she was a happy nurse, alone and happy. He died too soon at the age of 66, he got heart disease because of what he experienced in the family. She was more of a slave than a wife…that's why I will never allow it. I know what a toxic marriage is. 😢
If a man doesn't share equal responsibility, he isn't a good man. Such men don't deserve to have their genes reproduced at all
That first woman needs a huge hug. ♥️
Yeah she does
She does❤ wish she would think of getting a baby through a donor then she gets to be a mother. The rest of this women are terrible and selfish glad they do not have a kid😅
I’ve met women who have gone to sperm banks to get a baby, but they also had super supportive family who agreed to help raise the child and pay for things. Being a single mother, living on a single income, while raising a child is terribly terribly difficult by yourself.
She does, I feel like she’d be an excellent person to adopt. I’m sure there’s an older child, a girl who needs a mom like her. I get that being a single parent is hard though but if it’s your lifelong desire like it seems to be for her, it’s not too late to give up.
When I was a little girl, my dreams were to be rich, have a nice penthouse in NYC, an amazing wardrobe and a Mustang…I traded the NYC penthouse for a Cali condo and the mustang for a challenger…but even then, just like now, there was NO DESIRE to have kids or get married. I wouldn’t even mother my baby dolls; they were audience members on my cooking talk show and nothing more 😂
🤣😂🤣😂 that's cute! Tell me why I had a visual of your dolls as your audience.
I have never had the motherly instinct at all! My family would even tell me like you don't seem like you want kids... I feel more of like a big sister or aunt to children. I can love on them just the same!
All of this!! That last part though 😂 love it!!
I want a challenger!
Children was never part in my future as a kid either and I’m soon turning 38 and still have zero desire to have kids and my partner doesn’t want any either. In fact we are both asexual so none of that is ever going to happen. We live in a 18+ household that is most definitely not children friendly and we are happy with our dogs. And no, the dogs are not treated as our children, we treat them as pet companions.
I don’t even like kids, they are too noisy and high noises gives me bad migraines so nope, keep the lil monsters away from me!
Our society is also judgemental for women who did have kids and are not in a current relationship. Women get judged and shamed either way unfortunately.
Why don't we return the judgment and shame people for trying to pressure others into making a bad investment? Do a cost-benefit analysis that will reveal that children are financial liabilities that are more effort than they are worth. Also, one person's trash is another's treasure. Fulfillment and meaning are subjective - there is no singular way people SHOULD live.
Society hates women no matter what we do with our lives, so do what you want to do and don't give two fs.
I don’t understand the hatred for single mothers. Because the same mfs who hate on them, wouldn’t care if they had a husband, as though the woman would be doing any less work with one. She’s probably better off on her own, but if a man’s not in the picture, the picture looks wrong ig 😑
So?
You're NOT SELFISH if you don't want kids!! The selfish thing is to have a kid who you know you can't care for!
EXACTLY! People should think if they even deserve to have any, that should be the very first thought and not just have it bcz it is common smh, retards.
FACTS.
Yes so true
💯🎯
But if there is no kids or a husband aren’t just living for yourself??? Who else is there?? Oh I forgot a dog, then u go gurl you are not selfish!!! Give that woman prize!!! Y’all don’t have a clue what’s in store for you, regret is a hellava drug!!! But hey u do u boo!!
I never wanted bio kids. I have chronic illnesses and did not want to pass on my genetics. My husband agreed with me even before we got married. I was 30 when we adopted our beautiful daughter. She is healthy and happy and so smart. No, we don't want any more children. I am proud of the women making their stand to do with their bodies as they wish! No more doing what "society" aka our families and friends want. My body My choice.
Beautiful🎉
@@Soulutions89You and me both!
@@jsully7426 I have a genetic disorder I don't want to pass on. I also have a heart condition, I couldn't carry one either 😔. I've known, since before I knew about the other issues, that I never wanted children, or married. You can't trust men to do anything, and the world is seriously over populated, we need to slow down.
@@Hunter225 I'm sorry to hear about your health issue. I wish you all the very best.
@@jsully7426 Thank you. I appreciate it.
please never stop posting these videos. all of these experiences are valid and childfree people deserve to also have a platform to share.
Yes there needs to be a place for childfree people
As a woman my main reason to be childfree is that no man deserves me to go through 9 months of pain and suffering just to have 50% of his genes when he never contributed anything to the whole process. Adding to that, he can still decide to get up and leave at any moment
THIS ‼️
You hit the nail on the head👏🏾
Every partner should be fully vetted.
@@deirdremorris9234 but too many people get pregnant by strangers
I think the right partner will contribute in different ways and support you, like being and caring for you. But yeah, obviously you don’t owe your partner a child, it’s your body
There is an interview I saw a divorce lawyer said If you are a woman stay single but if you are a man get married and that stayed with me 🥰
Why would it be better for a man to get married? Men gain nothing from marriage today.
Men live longer in marriage. Men can’t take take care of themselves. There is no gain for women in marriage. Most women live longer and men don’t make enough to sustain the woman after his death. Not enough life insurance, house not paid off, and debt.
@csu111 "Men gain nothing from marriage." Complete LIE. Men gain a maid, a cook, a therapist, a sex slave, a baby carrier and childcare worker, the appearance of stability and respectability, somebody helping you pay the bills, somebody to run your errands, someone to take on the burden of caring for your parents, somebody running your home and making sure all the little details are taken care of, someone making sure you are healthy and going to the doctor, and a plethora of other benefits. It is a statistical fact that a man's workload DECREASES when he marries because he dumps all the sh*t on his wife that his mother used to do. Men absolutely benefit from marriage. What you don't benefit from is DIVORCE. 😂
@@csu111Marriage only benefits men lol. Having a husband is like having another child. I want to get married but only to a top shelf man.
@@csu111how would you know. You're not a married man
I stopped dating too. Mental health struggled and I finally feel peaceful in my life.
It’s just not worth the risk is it, dating is like walking through a mine field, and dying alone with cats is just not a very good threat, I’ve worked in nursing home and it’s full of people who had children, ..plus, I love cats!
I am a mother. I loved being a mother, but I want to be really clear. DO NOT have children unless you are going into it knowing how much work it is, how you can't be yourself for decades, and that knowing all this you still absolutely want to be a mother. Do NOT have a child if you have any reservations. And the women who say that it's all going to fall on you and not the man in your life, this is unfortunately true.
Thank you so much for your wisdom and for not pressuring other women to have kids.
@@mineandmine4528lol ok. But I don’t think people have kid are the result of u pressuring them.
MrNsoe, women get pressured to have kids. Funny thing is that the ones doing the pressure are not ones who be responsible for the kid. I was pressured and didn’t give in. 😂
I think the opinions from people who already have children and decided not to have anymore are the most important and it also gives light to how difficult and complex raising children can be and how everything changes when the kids are here and how you yourself have to change and adjust because life can be complex and difficult
I agree with everything you said. 💯 Always do what's best for you because motherhood is harder than I expected it to be. Especially when others only talk about the good aspects of it. It's a 24/7, thankless job. Unfortunately a lot of fathers will leave the mothers to do all the work.
Your life would be a lot worse if you had kids with the wrong person! I have friends who are going through divorce, custody, lawyers, money, their partner has moved on with someone else, and their kids are only 6 and 8. My friend has to put up with all this crap until the kids turn 18. Can you imagine the stress? I used to want to have kids but I have a fertility issue and the right guy never showed up. Plus, some of the kids I have seen have horrendous behaviour and they expect presents and treats all the time and they have no freaking manners, either! If the opportunity came that I could have a kid and with the right partner, I'm not sure if I would want to go down that road now. My life is quite busy and fulfilling without kids. Don't give yourself such a hard time about not having a child, whatever the reason is. The birth rate is dropping globally because people want to enjoy their lives and they see parenthood as a hindrance more than anything.
You made so many good points. The lack of community support like the good ole days is the biggest one for me.
Exactly.
@@wisdomdantecourt8179 Well, it is not the community's responsibility to do the tasks that the parent should do, but I kinda get your comment I think to what you mean.
Like, related to that ''it takes a village to raise a child'' and all that, general support.
It is still no one's responsibility than the parent or parents.
@@Soulutions89 For sure.
SO TRUE!!!
It's so sad that we have to justify what lifestyle we choose when that choice affects NO ONE. So unfair. I will also be child-free.
You can do the reverse and get them to try and justify the benefits of having children especially when a cost-benefit analysis is performed and reveals that kids are much more costly than they are beneficial. Don't let people pressure you into making bad investments.
@@evilds3261 true
an answer I'm practicing to use is "because I said so."
No need to justify... It's your life and you can do what you want with it. People who shame others for not having kids are either unhappy in their own choices and jealous because what?! They didn't know there was a choice, they just followed society's expectations and didn't have an ounce of guts to stand up for themselves OR they didn't have anything else more interesting to do then humdrum have a kid and give up their lives to cook, clean, change diapers. Or they just are the type who feels the need to give unsolicited advice and I say f..em , just because someone thinks you should have kids and feels the need to say it to you doesn't mean you have to do it...I like it to if someone thought I should jump off a very high bridge and told me I should, I wouldn't just go jump off a bridge. If you feel shame then you are just allowing people to get to you. Tell them where to go with their advice or just be amused by their sense of entitlement to tell you how to live YOUR life!
I knew since I was a young child that I did not want to have children. When I was 18, 21, and 25 I tried to have my tubes tied and was denied by my doctors because they could not believe that I would not regret it later in life. I am 55 and so very happy that I stayed true to myself and did not bring kids into this warped world.
I will carry on NO m¤le's legacy! Not through birthing a child or through marriage. My life is for me and I've known this since I was a teenager. I'm 49 now with zero regrets for turning down marriage proposals and staying childfree.
Feel for the first women she childless not child free 🆓.
yes, her story is very sad, I bet she would’ve been a great mother 🤍
I wonder if God is going to punish the man who betrayed her and his new woman-if she knew.
She can always adopt.
Yeah, but I can't relate, I have never felt the maternal instinct.
date a chad. pay a chad price - pumped and DUMPED 😂
She has to mourn that loss.
For the first woman, have a conversation with your sibling, it’s not your nieces place to speak to you in that manor. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone when it pertains to this issue. Especially children.
I would speak to my sibling about why their kid thinks that all women have a duty to have kids. What are they being taught?
Obviously, her sister is trying desperately to feel smug about the fact that she has kids. Because kids literally are a little recording devices that just say aloud what they are hearing around their house.
Yes, I have nieces and nephews, more than 20 of them now ranging from age 14 to less than 1. None of them ever said anything like that to me. I think her nephews and nieces had heard some adults around them discussing her in that way
I am a Mom, and I chose to be. To you that aren't mothers, you saved me when I was growing up. My mother's friends that were childless, and my aunts that were childless, were 2nd Moms to me. We need your guidance. We need your friendship. And, you are awesome, smart, and level-headed. Ty.❤
Honestly, just feel sorry for your aunts and mothers friends. Dont wish any women to be childless. As a childfree (and grateful I never gonna feel like they do) I can only sympatise with those poor women. Cant imagine the daily pain they lived with never getting what they wanted wich kinda explaines why they latched on and tried to mother you. Big of your mom to share you like that, since I know other mothers would have found it to much with other women mothering their child and taking part in the raising.
Just cant help it and just find your story sad overall, sorry.
I get what you’re saying but some people like children in small doses. I think they’re cute and fun to be around sometimes but I don’t want to have one.
@@scarofmanleavethembehindWhy do you think they wanted kids??
@@AnnafromHungarylvNW She said they were childless. Childless = wanting kids but dont have any for several reasons. Childfree = dont want kids and dont have any. The words have compleatly different meanings. Have you been living under a rock? This is common knowledge.
@@scarofmanleavethembehindDistinctions are unfortunately not always common knowledge - just like how people are not able to distinguish between feminism and misandry.
I’m the same as the first woman. I’m 48 now and haven’t dated in many years. I was so tired of getting hurt by men.
If every men left you, something might be wrong with you. Look back.
@@MrNsoe How do you know she didn't leave them after finding out how horrible they were?
@@MrNsoeso then why should she want to be a mother if she's so awful? It sounds like a win win. She doesn't have to raise kids, and she doesn't have to date men she doesn't want to. I don't get your point, if there even is one. 😂
@@Hyear2030 did she say she awful at being a mother? She said she was hurt by men, thats why maybe she doesn’t want kid or dat anymore. There are plenty of good men. But i guess she attracted by bad guys, rich guys or hot guys who hurt her? You can only get heart broken by play boy. You should know who you date.
@@MrNsoe if a woman isn't a good wife, by your logic. She cant be a good mother. Keep up. If you can't pick a good high earning man, you can't properly raise children. She's better off single and pouring into herself. Why are you mad. She's right where she needs to be. Alone.
I am 37 and childfree and Married. I came to the conclusion I was better off a Aunt than a Mother. There is responsability that comes with Motherhood that just never appealed to me. Being a Mother isn't for everyone and anyone who tells me anything about it,ends up embarassed and mouth wide open so my surrounding knows better. Women need to stop letting society hate the lives they live and the skin they are in. Enough is ENOUGH. Nobody will be there if you have one and struggle.
The shame and stigma from society comes from the bitterness and envy of parents towards the women who have managed to maintain freedom. They deep down feel envious, so they shame us, to hopefully bring us down.
Kudos to all the ladies who live their lives as they choose. ❤
I dont want kids because I'm tired of taking care of people. I've been caring for people for far sooner and far longer then I should've. I'm still caring for people now and I'm 34 and still waiting for my life to start! And then people are still saying I should have kids because "its a different experience". It's not I cared for my grandpa until the day he died. In that time I changed diapers, gave him baths, made sure he got to doctors appts, etc. I dont want to take care of people for the rest of my life. I am waiting for the day I can come home after work to a quiet house and not have to worry about making sure everyone has eaten or taken their medications.
Heard. Loud and clear!!
Girl yes !! I have 4 kids who are grown now . My dog died last year . Everyone keeps telling me I should get another pet … but I don’t want one . I have been taking care of several other living being for YEARS and honey I’m done with all that mess. These next years are about me, myself and I .
@@megalou6567 5 kids here. Bunch pets. Last one died last February. Im the same. No more.
34 and feel the same way
@@frieda8956Exactly!
First Lady, oh how I wish we could sit over a cup of coffee. I am 64, never married, no kids and absolutely no discomfort, much less shame over it. Take some time to really get to know yourself, know who you are, what you stand for and work to be the best person you can be. When you know and respect yourself, your opinion of yourself is the one that matters - not the opinions of a bunch of strangers or society. Why would you care what a bunch of strangers who don’t give a rats patootie about you think? they do not matter in your world and you don’t matter in theirs. Be proud of who you are, you are so much more than a baby maker.
I used to have a cousin who would talk about how people with children were somehow morally superior. I reminded her that Jesus didn’t have any children. That shut her up! 😂😂
@@latsnojokelee6434 oh. My that is a strong point
I used to feel the need to explain that I wasn’t able to have kids and I don’t anymore. When ppl ask me, I just say nope proudly. The looks on their faces is priceless.
Apathy in response to people's attempts to guilt or shame you is often shocking to those who are used to their emotional manipulation tactics being effective.
I will never shame a woman for not having kids! Ever!
Neither will I!
My family tried bullying me about getting married and having children. I resented it because I had never been interested in either, not because I’m “selfish” but because I loved my life too much just as. What is wrong with being happy just as. I’m now in my 50s, and I still feel the same way. Girls, if it isn’t in your calling, do not let people bully you into a marriage or children you do not want 🤷🏻♀️ I’m here to tell you, it is awesome being single 🥳 I’m planning to spend my retirement years volunteering with children 😊👍
Your family was worried you would make them look bad. I would have simply gone childfree to spite them for being bullies - their genetics are not worth passing on.
I feel as if men were more reliable there would be less women wanting to be chid-free
Yep, too many man children around. No room for actual children.
I just turned 49. I kind of didn’t want kids in my 20s. I thought love and family would “happen naturally” at some point, but it never did. I did not have positive relationships or positive dating experiences, and I knew I didn’t want to be a single parent. I don’t regret being child free, but it deeply saddens me that I have never met “the one”. Loneliness is tough, but deep down I know that being in an unhealthy relationship is worse.
I am going through something really similar.
Who cares if they don't want children? That is THEIR choice and not anyone else's business. People need to keep their noses out of other people's lives and shut their traps.
After you have menopause you will feel much better and the decrease in hormones will keep you more relaxed and more balanced. Peri menopause is the worst. Hit flashes,, insomnia, irritability, weight gain.....But once you've gone 12 months without a period you'll be in menopause. I've been in menopause for 5 years and I love it. And I'm childfree and retired early so my life is about travel and doing what I want. 😉
Same here. I have never understood the fear of menopause. No more periods and no fear of pregnancy is freaking awesome. I have never had a hot flash either, and my hormones are fine. My life has continued on as normal, minus having to wear pads every month.
This is great to hear.💛 Thank you, ladies, for sharing your experience! I'm 49, and I've been getting anxious about menopause coming soon.
My mother passed away at 49 and my maternal grandmother passed away at 50, so I don't really have close or personal examples of how it is to actually go fully through menopause.
People in the media talk about it like it's horrific, but I don't understand that because the most I've dealt with was night sweats, not random hot flashes like they say we'll have. Once I started taking iodine, selenium, and Saw Palmetto, the night sweats went away AND my hair thickened.😁
I was still worried about the potential future symptoms of menopause, though. It felt like I was waiting for a doomsday to come where my body would just dry up and betray me. Hearing positive experiences from other women truly does help.
Thank you, again, for sharing.🤗
Started menopause at 28, it's great! I didn't have crazy symptoms, but I didn't have PMS or hormonal issues before either.
@@luna-pedit: How did you start menopause early? Lol Please tell me!! I'm 24 and been over it since 12 lol
@@MsElizaRae That's how I felt. I got a total hysterectomy.
I don’t have any kids and fabulous. Ladies who are childless don’t lose yourself for what others say. You have given yourself the opportunity and gift to fulfill a life’s journey to the fullest. Work on yourself and BE fabulous don’t lose or depress yourself, life is grand. You also look younger and fresher, and those that have kids HATE / detest that you have the freedom to BE cause they have to actually work for acquiring what you have access to. 🌟
Lovely comment
I don't know about that. I take care of myself because my kids need to learn about self-discipline and seeing mom eat healthy, exercise is the example I want them to follow. Also my child free sister is a pretty heavy drinker, I gave it up years ago. In any case, I 100% support those who do not want kids and do not judge, unless they start offering up parenting advice...then they get the side eye.
I actually had a relative who has children say aloud that everyone envies her because she has kids and a husband. Jump forward 10 years and now all the children are in college, and the tuition bills are crazy, and the kids have finally found their voice and they’re telling mom off. Guess who the real envious person is now.
It's childfree not childless
I'm child free also. I'm a high risk pregnancy first of all, and I don't want to risk my life for a child just for the sake of having a child. Besides, I'm a black woman and frankly the only black men I've met without kids already haven't been right for me. I won't date a man who has kids with someone else. If we really want children, we can adopt, they'll still call us MOM and love us. I keep a Nexplanon and I enjoy my hobbies.
Heavy on the being able to afford them and its not just basics you need to consider can you afford your kids if they have special need? Can you pay for therapists and medications and all the thhings that may come with that for the rest of their lives? There is no guarantee that your child will be neurotypical can you afford what that would entail. These are thing parents dont think about until they have the child.
FACTS
Not just that, but are they up for parenting someone who will be a child forever even in old age? And are they up for the intense job raising a child with disabilities?
Let's not forget to mention that the older a woman gets, the higher risk of birth defects such as down syndrome and miscarriage. A woman can also die from giving birth. The risks are astronomical and very serious. Do people even know how traumatic it is to have a miscarriage? It's devastating to a woman.
@@Cerez78 Not just that, but from what I learned, if the father is older, these special needs also increases in the child.
Honestly, the last bit depends on the women how hard she takes it. It wont be traumatic for everyone.
Married 30 years and we chose to not have kids. I’m so glad i love other people’s kids. Big brother big sister is a great outlet. Kids need mentors as much if not more than parents. No regrets
Good of you to mentor, I'm thinking of doing the same.
❤
@@TGP109 theres over 400 homeless high school kids in my small arizona town. So many need a good adult influence and mentorship. 😌🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Never have child u don’t want … those kids will know
We know because my dad said it.
@@spirals73 Sad to hear this, but know that it is not your fault. It's his fault that he made an unconscious decision. Take care of yourself. 🧡
Be kind in this world.
My children will know, so they can be warned not to be pressured like I was. They know I'm not having the best time. I still love them more than anything. Can't kill them, won't give them away, so they'll have to deal with that fact. Maybe they won't manipulate women like their father did seeing how their mother suffers.
I'm 22 years old and single.
I give up on relationships because men are too chaotic and dramatic af for me
I love spending time on solitude a lot so I'd rather be single and happy rather than getting married and miserable.
Once, I heard a woman said..."You are worthless, as a woman if you can't kids" I took my time to educate her cos' i knew that was the spirit of patriarchy talking. The best, thing you can do for the world as a woman is not to have kids. The dis-advantages, is far more than the advantages. Most, importantly you will be saving innocent children the trauma of having to deal with a patriarchal society that is disorganized on every level. Children, are not protected let alone adults. So, what's the point of keeping the system in existence? I know that soon, men will start forcing women to bear children. If you haven't, seen the series "Handmaid tale" you should make out time to watch it. I feel, that movie is a prophecy cos' more women will stop bearing children.
I have my fingers crossed that increased understanding of women as fully vibrant and fully formed beings with dreams of our own, just like men, will lead to enough positive changes that we wont have that handmaid situation. There are men affected by the patriarchy and cut off from things deemed feminine (feelings) and toxic femininity that shames those feelings coming from men, they've internalised that men showing feelings is weak and seek to stop it.
I like the Scythian model, their women did the same as the men, they lived out on the steppe in Siberia though so it was all hands on deck to survive. The less gender disparity the better, I'm also aware that men do dirty jobs that help us all in society (clearing sewers, oil rigs, distribution) and of course women but the biological differences can be advantageous in so many applications. I've got my fingers crossed but religion needs to chill out; that's the major patriarchal structure that needs to adapt and chill or gtfo.
Major projection there. Clearly she felt worthless not procreating. Poor woman. She is the one to be pitied as she cannot understand any other existence.
@@whitneyanders5945Agree
Only un-educated women who have nothing else going on in their lives say schitt like that!
I have a young daughter, and although this may sound paradoxical but I always tell her not to have children because I love her so much. To be honest, being a parent really wears me out and there are times I regret it immensely. I wish my daughter could just be herself and live life to the fullest, without having to sacrifice herself for someone else.
My mother said the same to me. She said don’t have kids, get a good career and enjoy your life! I am grateful for her honesty!
I feel you. Similar happened ro me Believe it or not, i think we were spared. This world is not good enough for my children.
Reasons I am not having a kid:
1. I know I can't financially afford a kid. Plain and simple.
2. They're very low on my list of prioritities
3. I need my space at the end of the day. I work with kids all day, and I need quiet at the end of the day.
4. I'm selfish. I like the freedom of not having kids
5. I never really had the "gotta have kids" vibe go off
6. My family history in terms of mental health and physical health conditions. I already have PTSD, Major depression, Hashimoto's, disordered eating/eating disorder behaviors, high cholesterol (under control now), and I would have a STRONG possibility of passing down that stuff.
7. The thought of actually not being interested in my child and what they're doing. Due to my depression, I sometimes struggle with feeling genuine excitement, and kids need LOTS of that, especially when they are young, and the world is a whole new thing to them.
8. The stress and judgement I would recieve on raising my kid. As much as I want to say that we shouldn't be influenced by others, and what they have to think or say, we are.
9. Overstimulation....I get overstimulated by loud noises sometimes, and if my kid is screaming and crying, after I've been with kids all day who also scream and cry....nope.
10. Time. Kids are basically a life long committment, and I feel like I wouldn't be able to be my authentic self if I was always having to focus on them.
I will leave this here. Every woman I know who LOVES having children and being a mother and or wife is because the man they with is supportive and or they have a great supportive system. I love being a mother and wife, I find it easy for me, no complications, I enjoy the love they give- they are teenagers now and I have been told I keep looking younger year after year. 😊I’m blessed I know but can say this because I have An amazing husband and support system. 20 years happily married I would marry my hubby all over again. I love my in laws, I love my parents, they never hesitate to be there for us. Trust and believed I would sound like these women in this video, if my support was not there. So yes, it does take more than just the mother to raise children, the father should be there or at least some type of support for somewhere else. I do feel sorry for single parents cause it does take away the joy of being a parent when ALL the work is solely on you. I would tell women, unless you have an amazing man by your side and a good support system DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN, you will NOT be happy and this video proves that. Not every woman should have children and not every woman has a good environment to have children. I thank God hubby and I are able to take vacations with or without the children and just live a happy fulfilling life. I personally will never wish my life to be different. God is good. 🙏🏽😊💕
I agree, only blessed people in that way like you should have children (I would give everything to have a life like yours, I think most people) I think its best that the family lines with abuse over many generations should come to an end at one point (like in my case, it ends with me not having children, even though I'm sad about it but I consider it as taking responsibility. I had to cut contact with the family, I'm traumatised and alone, so no good conditions to raise a child, I need the energy to heal myself to live somewhat of an okay life by myself or maybe with others in the future if I can/healed enough...but no child should suffer with me no way..)
Having children is NOT a requirement for women. If you want children go for it. Having children is a life long commitment and not something you should do because you feel pressured. People should just STOP!!!! It’s nobody’s business.
As a woman, above the age of 25, I don’t trust any man to help raise a kid with me. I just don’t.
It’s unfortunate but it wasn’t like I was born this way. I observed this growing up, how unfair mothers were treated. Husbands doing the bare minimum or less and running off to cheat.
It’s sad really. If men were more consistent, considerate, empathetic, emotionally intelligent and quit being annoying about sex, I’d think about having a child with one. Women don’t have many options. I’m happy women are putting their foot down and choosing not get married or have kids if they don’t feel it’s a fit for them. Like others have said, I’d raise a child with another women.
Solidarity ladies ❤❤ also I see the girls 39-50 and I’m like okay I can hang with y’all 😂.
I just love women.
As a woman who sacrificed ALOT for my children I’m not sure it was worth it!
The lady in pink nailed it! Beside ofc worse part - having kid, in marriage woman is expected to do EVERYTHING. She gets all the mental and physical stress and the huge amount of additional work to do, while man does nothing, but LESS, because he expect woman to clean/cook for him/wahs his clothes etc etc... To not mention, he's also expecting to have a free sex anytime he wants. No matter woman comes home very tired after work and her mind is around the fact she needs to clean the huge dumpster he made of a place, still he won't care and would like to have sex and if she says "no", he goes all offended... Not everyone of course, but it seem if not a majority, then at least a 50% of men behaving that way. STILL. In XXI century...
Don't worry, we men want nothing from modern women anymore. Please convince my wife to leave me, she can also leave the kids i fed, clothed, and educated. I have been doing the all the chores while she spends hours on social media for the last 13 years. Please woman, take your sister from me.
I'm not having kids if I can't provide a better life than my single mother provided for me as an only child.
Private schools from Pre-K till University; includes private tutoring for 6 years too
Scheduled annual one month vacations... France, UK, Dubai, US....
Live in Nanny/Housekeeper and a chauffeur... We had two owned homes.
Monthly allowance starting at age 10
All these happened while growing up in West Africa... I live in the States now... the future seems bleak enough
I grew up in an abusive home. I choose not to have children for fear that I would have been an abusive parent.
I admire women who are honest about not wanting a child. You do you!!!
Hopefully one day soon it will be completely normalized for everyone to live their lives exactly how they want to without feeling any societal pressure.
I'm almost 47 and a single mom. I have twins That will be almost 7. I honestly would never encourage someone to have kids never ever ever. That sad the fact of reality we live in this day and age is most mom' end up doing all of the work with the kids in and out of the home and still have to work a full-time job. You feel like you're working 3 jobs or more at once. It's completely unfair. And if one parent does need to quit to stay home with the kids, it's usually the mom and then when the mom wants to go back into the workforce, it's very hard because they haven't worked whats considered a job. Taking care of children is a full-time job that never stops and is very tired and exhausting, so I am totally all for woman that don't want to have kids. Enjoy your freedom do what you want because if you are a selfish person, you cannot have kids because kids will take up pretty much all of your time when they're little and that's something people do not realize. And the other downside is some people say they want kids, and then when the reality comes after the baby arrive sometimes you have parents There are patents that think they can still live their life the same way and don't have to put any of their needs aside, and they don't put their baby first, which is very sad, but true.
And if you ever hear somebody being serious, saying raising kids is easy and they have kids then they've never been active parent in their child's life at.
And babysitting someone's kids or watching someone's kids is not the same as having kids.
Honestly, kids are rude these days . I always knew, I would just adopt a child, rather then having one. There is alot reasons behind that, however , God blessed me with a cat, therefore I am a cat parent. I want to enjoy my life. Children aren't for everyone.
You sound just like my grandparents! I heard them say that same thing when I was a kid. By the way, I am 61! LMAOOOOO
No matter how much you do for your kids it’s never enough. They will blame you for ruining their lives. Don’t have kids. Ps mine is 46 years old
Decided NOT to have children at the age of 12. Now 59, and never waivered. Completely at peace with my decision. I understand that 25% of women from generation have actively, concisely made the same decision.
How the prices are going up rent food everything I can’t imagine adding a kid into that mix rn . Ima live life and be the aunt still
I wanted/want kids but everyone around me is so unsupportive that I don't have any. I do believe that it takes a village and my village is empty or under sewage....I can't in good conscience bring a child into that. So all I do is re-parent my inner child.
You've made a good choice and have solid reasoning. If one doesn't have adequate resources and support to raise a child, they shouldn't have any. This includes money, time, family/friends, and energy. All limited resources. You deserve a supportive network otherwise you will be burdened and overwhelmed and the child will suffer.
@@Cerez78 yup. My parents and grandparents were overwhelmed and burdened and their children suffered. I'm not repeating that.
I don't even like kids I'd probably be one of those moms that end up in the news doing something horrible to her children; Like they can just stay home alone for a few hours right, what's the worst that could happen ?? 😅 Not to mention men are disappointing and I don't want to be the inevitable single mom. Plus I'll probably die of cancer and then my mom will have to take care of the child and she already raised 7 kids. My family already has enough descendants without my defective psychotic dna contribution.
I appreciate your honesty, it's good not to sugarcoat shizz.
Lolol that's exactly my attitude. I'd lock them in a padded room so I wouldn't hear the screaming. I just know after a while I'd forget they were there and not feed them. I told my friend not to leave her kids to me if she croaked, cuz I'd just drown them.
My mother raised a stubborn child. I used to get the husband and kid questions a lot. My response don't want it and it's my business.
Felt sad for the First Lady, I’m surprised people still think like it’s the 1970s . I’m 62 and remember when I was 23 some one asking me why wasn’t I engaged and did I have children. I remember feeling embarrassed and ashamed,I look back and think how ignorant people were and I’m shocked that it’s still being said in today’s society. I left home in my 30s, met my husband and had my daughter at 42, it was the best thing that happened to me, now it seems the norm people are still at home, because there are no places to live in. Shame on people who think we all have an easy run in life, some of us have to wait longer
You. Are. Not. Alone!!.Things do happen for a reason. I never wanted children either, and I don’t regret it not one bit. The woman from the UK was Spot on!! Solidarity!! Warmest embrace
I didn’t want kids either but then I found out I was pregnant (thankfully by a man that I am still in love with today). I never had a regular period and I’m over 40 so I had no idea I was pregnant until I was basically at the end of my 1st trimester. Now I am so thankful for my beautiful son and partner. It has been a blessing I never realized I wanted. It’s not always easy but when my baby smiles and laughs and plays and wonders at the world, I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude. Things happen however they are meant to. Love yourself and do what feels right for you at this time in the present. Maybe you never have a baby because you are way more diligent than me about birth control later in life. I had thought by then that I was actually not able to have kids anyway (which I was totally ok with), but that is why I got a bit relaxed with the birth control. Whatever the case… it worked out great for me. Wishing you the best in whatever works for you. Much love
As a male I've felt bad about past relationships because even though it started with mutual agreement on not wanting kids, I could tell their opinions changed over time. But I know that women who don't want kids face far more pressure and difficulty getting out of a relationship if a man decides he wants them. Stay strong, live free and happy!
I was always worried my partner would change his mind, we are 10 years in and in our 30s a baby only has to cry on tv and he gets stressed ! I’m really happy to say I feel comfortable he won’t change his mind now and we are traveling loads it’s great !
Get a vasectomy. It’s hot to child free women and will make it clear to fence sitters you are not interested in kids.
@@jewdy8915 Is it painful? What are the risks for complications or infections?
27..Child free by choice...tried to date I consistently get told my reasons are not valid, that who will take care of me when I'm older, that I'm not normal, that I'm a feminist,some men purse me in hopes I'll change my mind or I might end up pregnant by chance etc... 😅People have the wrong notion that because you don't want kids that you hate them on the contrary I like kids but I like to return them to their parents and I really want to help low income families...
It's not easy but I'm happy with my decision made it years ago. And I'm sticking to it... Don't get me wrong I've met great guys one I even contemplated changing my mind for but I noticed I was compromising a lot on my side what was he compromising for me so I called things quits and vowed to never do that again... I would still like a relationship /partnership... Someone to travel with etc...
I knew from around 22 years old I never wanted children but the amount of people that tried to change my mind… partners, friends, family. I lost a great relationship with a man who decided he wanted to be a father. I fought with doctors to get sterilised and was literally laughed at. People told me, ‘Just have one kid and he can be the main parent’! It was insane.
I’m now 39, got sterilised this year and am in a long term relationship with a man who doesn’t hate the idea of kids but is happy without them. Stick to your beliefs and look out for yourself, you will be fine whether you find a man or not. Life has so much to offer, kids are just one option that no one has to take and no one can force on you x
@@snoochieboochies8523 oh wow this is awesome, I'm glad you stuck to your decision and have found a good man in the process. Thanks for sharing girl and thank you for the advice 💓I'll definitely take this on board
For the first time in history women aren’t forced to be the homemaker and take care of the children, when there are other options besides this one, why are people surprised that people want different things?
I felt so badly for that woman in the first story. I’m in the same period of life, but I never wanted kids and I’m relieved to have reached the finish line without them, but to have wanted it so badly, it’s a grieving process I don’t envy. I hope she considers adoption or fostering. There are lots of kids out there he need mothers who want motherhood. I’ve always said if I ever changed my mind about kids, that’s what I’d do. But I’m pretty happy just me and my dogs because I have also found dating men is incredibly bad for my health, both mental and physical.
I just turned 30 four days ago! And the very ultimate clear feeling I had within me that I haven’t been honest with and avoiding it, is not wanting to have babies and the responsibility that comes with it! And so I’ve set my intention on that and I am now at peace with it. Yes for getting married but no kids! That’s all.
Pregnancy , childbirth & dealing with an annoying crying screaming infant Isn’t some magical experience. I can’t stand It all, but I do adore older children. I mean toddlers & up. Infants though? Nah, I don’t see the hype
I think they're all horrendous
after having three children and raising them as a single parent with no support from any other human I completely understand how humans are waking up and realizing they do not have the ability to raise happy confident children that have empathy and sympathy for others.
I have children that I love with all my heart but I choose to remain single because like the first woman pointed out, it’s damaging to my mental health.
I had children and my ex husband violated our daughter and I tried dating men but it’s just too exhausting and I rather focus entirely on raising my beauties.
I had a friend and some of her teeth fell out 😳
😂
My boss told me thats normal with pregnancy. Some just get cavaties but she lost several teeth.
OMGOODNESS!!! I thought I was the only one who thought about kids as leeches... 🤣🤣🤣
And you're proud of it. Gross.
Hey, kids aren't leeches. There are people whom children make happy, people who want children very much. They don't fulfill you, you don't want them, that's OK. But don't talk like that...
@@dianasofi6565 They eat everything you eat, if that's not the definition of a leech, Idk what is...😂 And please stop trying to police ppl on their own person views. You could've clearly NOT respond but you felt the need to do so, why, when you don't know me...? 😂😂😂
@@ejnichols05 Were you a leech? You ate what your parents ate. Where is your humanity? You are sick. You don't talk about anyone as if they were a leech... And, no, I'm not a mother and I won't be.
Definitely agree on the leech part, keep them away from me! xD
These women are thoughtful and reasonable. And honest. And responsible. Respect to all of you. Lots of love to the first woman especially. I hope the loss of your desires and the sting of the betrayal stops hurting ❤
The only "kid" I want is my perfect cat. Men saying they are babysitting their kids, just is just f-ked up
I don't want children. And it's normal.
Woman at 2:51. I have never had children and reason number one is why I never had children. Children change everything and require a lot of self sacrifice. Not for me!
I LOVE IT! 😍
EVERYONE TALKS ABOUT CLIMATE CHANGE AND HOW WE NEED TO FIX IT.
The thing is - less children - less people - better for our planet 🌍 😉😉
That's actually not true, also people have a right to choose if they want a child or not, it's not your job to tell them what you they want.
Also, fewer people means workers have more bargaining power to get better pay - so businesses will not be able to afford to be picky and will have to train and invest in people to create ideal workers. It will need to be a mutually beneficial arrangement.
@@abbiealverez2960Where exactly did they say others should not have kids?
Oh, and don't feel the pressure because more and more younger women are not getting married and having kids. So much so that in some countries the gov't is in a panic and have financial incentives to couples. I mean, even in China there are young couples who don't want kids! I'm Asian ... this is culturally abnormal! Which, I love.
I’ve never had any biological children of my own, but I have a stepson. And let me tell you, kids are a negative in so many ways from a young age to adulthood. This child that is now an adult, is a narcissistic sociopath and made my life miserable. If I had to do it again, I wouldn’t only not have children biologically again, but I would certainly not marry someone with child/children. Just my experience and opinion.
Maybe this is just my experience but I see many women who are married and have children take disrespect, lies, cheating, they’re always stressed out and ready to rip their hair out. I just don’t see it as being enjoyable, I’m over here chillen, I still have a few years but honestly it turns me off. I don’t want to have to be stuck in something I don’t want to be in. I guess that’s my greatest fear.
To the first woman: there are a lot of women who (1) choose to not date any more and (2) choose to adopt. And they have wonderful, happy lives. One of my family members adopted a beautiful little boy. Nobody calls him the "adopted" cousin. We call him our cousin. Period. You don't have to share blood to be family. Also,pregnancy only lasts 9 months anyway; most of the mothering comes AFTER that nine months. Please consider adopting a little one to love on. There is a wonderful woman named Lisa Harper; you may want to google her name in quotes and adoption. In her early 50s, she adopted a little girl. She is having a wonderful time raising that little girl. Please look into it.
Love it. You're not missing anything
I never wanted to be a single mother - there was only ONE WAY to guarentee that.
Yup. Watched relatives. Go through terrible divorces and become single parents. Way too much work for one person.
Can’t be a single mother if you don’t get pregnant ..cheers 🥂
The last woman. I think about my mom having to be tied to my dad forever too because of me. I don't want that for myself.
Some of us can't have kids.
Wow that is extremely true that so many women throughout history and still now don’t have a choice if they want kids or not and that’s really sad. I am so grateful I get to remain child free.
No shame my friend! Yep, outside shame is real. Listen to your sweet self. I have a wonderful son with a narc and I can't win because now, I'm deemed a bad mom, no bad dad, bad mom because of HIS choices. Society gives him a pass but not me. It's a now win but you have to win for yourself and do what is right for you. Come sit with me. I have tea, cats, books and a really cool teenager who can talk your ear off.
I am a mom of 2 adult children, I beg my children to either not have children at all or to hold out as long as they can, I would always say that if I could do it over again I would either have waited longer or wouldn’t have had children!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am childless, not by choice; and people have made assumptions and looked down on me. I am OK though, and you will be, too.
My aunt and uncle (my mom’s siblings ) are both childless. After my mom died from cancer, they were around to spend time with me and guide me through life. If they had their own kids, I would have truly been alone. It takes all kinds ❤️
As a mom of 3 I absolutely commend you all. It takes so so much and my marriage went to shit after my last baby was born and I've raised my kids alone with the exception of my oldest kid for about 10 years.
The woman speaking about people romatisizing seeing kids online and wanting what you see just online but she was correct. Its honestly super exhausting. Daily.
Anyways I am so proud of you all, it is not necessary to have kids to exist or have a nice life. Society is different from 300 years ago where everyone basically had to have kids or you were shunned from community.
Anyways, enjoy your lives everyone, seriously. Xo
Whoooooboy the second woman speaking about getting overstimulated and overwhelmed by noise and light and sounds BIG YESS
I have ADHD, am diagnosed, and on meds that work for me, and I have mindfully built a system of skills to help me function more effectively... and just the thought-exercise, just entertaining the hypothetical scenario, in which I, with my brain, would have to devote myself 24/7 to the care of a helpless screaming infant, who would then become a rambunctious screaming toddler, who would grow into a child of ever-expanding, noisy chaos, who would eventually become a hormonal teenager....no. I'd never make it. Nope.
I'm great for babysitting. I'm great for short bursts, a few hours at a time, where we pull out art supplies and movies and dress-up and whatnot, but at the end of the day I need to be able to hand the kids back over to their actual guardians and go be quiet again for a while. I CANNOT handle the chaos of raising a child fulltime, and I KNOW this about myself. So I decided NOT to do that, to myself or to the poor child who'd end up stuck with me as their parent! And anyone who has anything critical to say about my decision can take a long walk off a short pier 😃
Only you can define what you personally find meaningful or fulfilling. I respect your preferences. Do what is best for you.
Women are the default parent. Kid is sick, call mom. Teenage lashing out, on mom. Hungry, call mom.
I'm not having children because every other person I know or meet has a kid with autism.. now they're saying 1 in 3 kids will be born with autism in just 10 years 😢
I think it’s the increased age of both father and mother. Beyond a certain age, it just shouldn’t be down. Could be the micro plastics and medicines in the water.
@@AmyMichelleMosier I can't say.., I'm referring to my peers in their 20's
@@AmyMichelleMosierit’s the food too and constant stimulation. I’m pretty sure we are re wiring our brains.
Going back to the food, oh honey our food does not have nutrients anymore. No wonder celiac disease and food sensitivity is popping up! Our bodies can’t digest it! Fake pasta, fake bread, meat filler, hormones, antibiotics. Produce have lost many nutrients. It’s horrible. It makes me think the loss of nutrients it’s causing people to resort to supplements.
Trying to buy local or from a farmers market is not attainable for the average family. It’s expensive! I can’t imagine trying to raise a family on sustainable / ethical food - it’s so pricey.
The world is getting worse
I wonder what a world ruled by neurodivergents would be like?
Amen sisters! Be you first. Its okay to look in the mirror and say me.myself and I.
Long blonde hair girl in black. I feel you
I really want kids, I dream about having my future children. But I respect those who don't, its a personal choice.
Sad stories but it is better to not be a parent than be a bad one! There are way too many people who have kids but cannot take care of them. 🥺