I think too if he calls her derogatory names...like what man who truly loves a woman would ever call her a "bitch". Yet some people think it is perfectly acceptable to call their spouse a name like that...some women think it is acceptable too.
True words not nearly spoken enough: “Domestic violence always starts with the words ‘shut up.’” In my case, “shut the fuck up.” And then I knew his statement was really a marker of “the beginning,” but I just wouldn’t leave. I did manage to survive, though, and am safe and single ever since.
This is so true about abusive man they try to isolate from everybody you know....i loved and cared deeply for the man that i was with i had received multiple black eyes, fractured bones, broken eye bones, and i still stayed...emotional and metal abuse, and after he almost strangling me in a head lock infront of his kids and my daughter i decided that, that was enough.... i called the police and he's in jail now.... women please have the strength to leave these man at the first sign ....it never gets better only worst
Terryankev Miller Good for you for leaving!! Many Blessings your way for doing that. Its painful to hear what happened to you & all I can say is I understand. Wishing you well
@sravan kumar A ok...I know a woman in an abusive relationship and she wants to put up with it because she thinks she loves him. So, she says even if he gets right up in her face, she doesn't react. Still, wouldn't the better thing be to just get out of this relationship...maybe you can learn to "play" the abuser or learn how not to set the abuser off, and it may seem like you then have the control...but really, he still has the control because you have to resort to this tactic. It's deceiving oneself.
@sravan kumar A I did this technique toward the last month of my abusive break up. I remained unresponsive and he took it as I disrespectful because I wasn't being reactive to his emotional landslides. The result of being unresponsive resulted in him going to jail for pushing me in public and trying to break my phone.
I am a male survivor of domestic violence. My ex-girlfriend repeatedly assaulted me. I watched this video even though it's geared toward a different demographic. It's striking how similar the behaviours she exhibited were to what he described here. Power was definitely a huge focus of hers. She couldn't tolerate me standing up for myself, or even walking away from arguments. She was so manipulative. Sadly she ultimately won.
They dont take it seriously and despite overwhelming evidence such as video, 911 recordings, and witness statements you're still required to stand in front of him in court and testify and that is scary as hell.
That is because most of them are not conscious when they commit the abuse because of the same drugs these so called "therapists" & shrinks & doctors are all recommending them to take as treatment when the drugs are SO SIMILAR to PCP they often test out in toxicologies as PCP! The are mistakingly calling those drugs antidepressants when they are not! They are dissociative anesthetics just like PCP! They know NOTHING about drugs other than how to write a prescription for them!!! And they always prescribe them for Anger Management as they court ordered for shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Kleebold at Columbine!
Very true! I just escaped my toxic relationship of domestic violence of almost 2 decades. I escaped 3 years ago. He is now in a new relationship, and from what my kids tell me...the cycle is beginning again victimizing another.
Wow! Profound and powerful! Thank you so much! I wish there were more videos from this therapist! He is amazing and the world needs more men like him! Thank you!
When my Dad couldn't "control" me because he said I was "wild" ...this is back in the mid- late-1970s, he once brought in two of his brothers because I had tried to run away from home. One of the brothers (my uncle) found me like a block away. took me, and both uncles pinned me down near the front entrance of the house. The older of my uncles passed on in 2014. The younger one is 81 and still lives. They said they both gave their life to Christ. The older of the two I found after he died that he wouldn't let my aunt drive. He wouldn't allow her to have access or have her own computer. You know what my aunt did after my Uncle Tony did? She learned to drive at age 70 something. She bought herself a tablet PC.
Thank you, this was one of the best videos on abuse I have seen. The use of the words, "just but and only" are huge words that do minimize the abuse in the eyes of the abuser. Sadly I heard them all, directed at me in half ass apologies. Great video. I hope more people watch it. Thank you so much.
My ex husband use to break things too when he got angry at me. I remember he bought me a nice cd player he got angry & broke that shit up right in front of me..
I don't believe an abuser will change. They will stop for awhile then start up again. That's how it was in my marriage if I stayed in that abusive marriage I wouldn't be here..
@@Werewolf0216 My ex husband was a alcoholic when he's not drunk he was so sweet.. once he started drinking his personality will change dramatically. I was his 2nd wife. I was told she did him wrong. all his anger he had inside him was taking out on me. I tried everything to make him a better husband nothing worked I wasnt allowed to talk with any men nor my family.. I was blamed for everything.
@@beverlysmith6031 thanks for the reply. Yes, I have known of men who, when they drink, they get mean or abusive. So in that case may be why it starts up again. But I've also read there are some who are abusive even when they stop drinking.
I believe that it is according on the person and the issue. The devil drinker can probably only change by not drinking, but thats a part of who they are.
It's the flowers at the end of the video for me. Forgive me flowers are the worst to receive. A woman wants "just because flowers" not "forgive me flowers".
Reach out to people who care for you. Don't stay silent. Surround yourself with people who will give you strength. Abusers take your voice, strength and you become weak. I know.... 22 yrs of it!
Please get out asap...I can feel you when you say this...It just takes a one strong move...after that each and every thing gets better..You will pat your back ,I can guarantee .
I thought I was so tough and could handle anything….. I was wrong….. I feel like I will die alone after my experience. I hope I don’t, and I can find myself again one day, but I don’t even know who that is anymore. I feel like a dark sickness is inside my soul, and now I’m nothing but a shadow of a person pretending I am ok. I try hard everyday to figure out how to heal but I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore. I feel so lost in the darkness. Thank you for this video.
I can relate to this feeling. U can heal slowly by focusing on your self and self growth. Can be simple like diet, exercise, reading, study. Learn to relax the best way that suits you. Stand up for your morals. You will be ok :)
They know they are being abusive because they always makes sure to hide it infront of others! What people hide they are highly aware is not ok, like domestic abuse!
I respect the fact you’re taking on the work with perpetrators because someone has to do it. I’ve worked with women who have been victims of domestic violence. My belief is that it is difficult to change an abuser because they are completely aware that the behaviour is wrong but they are getting something from the behaviour whether it’s power, control, preventing their insecurities etc. It’s still important to do the work because some perpetrators can and do change.
I know that what I'm about to say is going to offend some people but so be it. I'm a 40 year old man who watched his father beat on his mother as a child. I hated him because I wasn't big enough to help my mother and I hated her because she let him do this to her. My mother told me at the time my grandfather tried to help her but she chose to go back to my father. We finally had the conversation a few years ago and she said that the reason she stayed was because she wanted to make her marriage work and that she wanted to give her children a father. My question to all DV victims is how can ANYONE help you if you keep going back?! How can anyone take your situation serious if you don't?! My brother was a baby at the time when my mother finally decided to leave. I have NO memories of my parents being happy together. All I remember is him hitting her. You women - or men have no clue what the fuck you do to your children!!! All because you think your in love...
I AM Hi, It is just not that easy to leave. It is a complex emotional crippling situation. Women do not have to explain. Men should never strike a woman period. I truly am sorry you had to grow up that way. Please consider reading this book titled, "Family and Friends guide to Domestic Violence". Written by Elaine Weiss Ed.D. That book saved my life for today. One in 4 women will be killed by thier partners. Unbelievable and there is less places for rehabilitation for men & women that abuse. I hope you can find some peace with what you have been through.
m n I want to thank you for responding. It just makes me angry when I think about it and I wouldn't wish that on anybody. I have been in two relationships with women who were in DV relationships. I have tried to love them the best way I know how but I think - and this is my opinion - that after being in the situation they were in they have become confused about love. I guess after being with someone for so many years promising them that things would change it's hard to tell who really cares about you anymore. I was married to one and I eventually had to divorce her because of this and the woman I'm with now every time we get close she just pushes me away. It hurts because I genuinely am in love with her and I love her children as if they're my own. I want to marry her but I'm not really sure what to say or do anymore and some days I find myself sad about the situation because all I have done is shown her how much she really means to me. I have went on other websites and people have said that battered women are damaged goods and should be avoided. I don't think that's fair because my mother is a wonderful person and she finally found someone to love her. Life can be so cruel at times...
I AM I think it is amazing that you truly Love her. Dont give up. Love is wonderful and of course ALL of us that have encountered DV, have ptsd and trust issues. PTSD is no joke and it would be good to start writing in a journal if you cannot start therapy now. Have you spoken to her about this? Seriously, humans have an amazing ability to adapt and bounce back. Just dont give up please.
m n She means EVERYTHING to me. I am not perfect but it's hard being with someone that has gone through this. I feel like I am being blamed for the decisions she made in the past. I have to keep constantly proving that I'm committed to her and our relationship. I'm starting to doubt myself and questioning who I am because of this relationship and some days I'm honestly not happy. I am going to share something with you that I don't with many people. I held a lot of my emotions in as a child because as boys we're told not to cry. BE A MAN!!! So I did just that. I starting smoking and getting high at the age of 12 and I starting drinking when I was 15. I was a very violent person because I never knew how to express how I felt to others and I felt as if nobody cared or understood what I was going through. I'm not going to say what I did but I spend 20 years in prison for it. I don't blame anyone for the choices I made but for a long time I didn't know how to talk to people and trust them with my thoughts. My ex wife was someone I grew up with. I was 15. She was 14 when we met. Her life experiences made her into the person she is just like mine made me into the person I am. But the difference is I CHOSE to do something about it and not allow what I've gone through make me a bitter person. I stopped drinking and in March it will be a year. I say all this because I don't want to go through this with the person I am with now. I went through this with my ex wife and it will make me appear as though I'm the bad guy if I walk away. " You're just like the rest of them. You never really cared!!! " I just don't know what to do anymore. Smh...
This is good stuff appreciate it really I’m well a man I can see it throughout my own life, having a brain tumour and survived, I can see that this can reverse 🔄
Hi to all who may be following me This is Bernardo from the video. I made that video 10 years ago and only now realized that I've gotten views and comments over the years. In reading some of them, I see that I should indeed make additional videos to answer the various questions, comments and in some cases, complaints made mostly by men. I will begin by making one specifically about the guys who are upset that my video is one sided and doesn't address female abuse. But until I do, let me say this, We're not talking about that here!! Yes there are female perpetrators of DV but I am addressing MALE batterers with whom I work with. And just the fact that those kind of comments keep coming up seeking to blame or include females in the mix shows how deft, dumb and blind we men can still "choose" to be. "If the shoe fits" THEN REALIZE IT YOU!!! if it doesn't then move on. There is no excuse for abuse, PERIOD! if you want to change then keep your focus on and about you, you and you. And for those that say she's the problem, then I would ask, why do you keep picking the same type of partner? More of the blame game, and other topics to come. And thanks to those who have viewed and commented in any way, shape or manner. Helps keep the conversation going.
Clarification---When I said, "You don't know anything etc....", i was referring to his comments toward the woman. It was NOT a statement about your perspective. I think that you are accurate. My abuser said that I didn't know anything---that (basically), I was stupid.
Very true facts. Most men don’t seek help. Most women are killed when they say they’re ending the relationship or after the relationship ends. Most therapists don’t counsel couples if there is known domestic violence. Also, a good therapist would never ask a woman ‘what are you doing to cause the violence’.
Another reason why the judicial system does not take domestic violence seriously is because it was shown that a lot of abusers are in the judicial system themselves.
Abusers "love" their families. Gotta take more than "love". Gotta take religion, faith, good morals. Learn boundaries. Teach boundaries to kids as soon as they start school. isn't this done? Guess not.
Today, the heaviest punches I can remember. Thank God I didnt get fractured skull. But black cauliflower ears and massive bruises. My face swollen. I have no income and Have a daughter. I decided to stay for the economic and financial reason for time being. Pray for me and my daughter
It's been 2 years. Have you been able to get away? Did something change? I hope you're both doing ok. May you be blessed with good luck going forward, and be safe and healthy!
My abuser really tore me inside out so fast because I was so vulnerable already to my ex ‘s abuse that he fed off of it and .... yeah it was worse than my ex
I'm sorry it just seems to much of a risk, like playing Russian roulette . I cannot...no trust what's the point. I agree with getting counseling for myself that's it
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROFESSIONAL INSIGHT INTO THIS DANGEROUS PROBLEM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE . YOU HAVE SHOWN A GENUINE CARE AND COMMUNICATED SO ACCURATLY THE OUTLINE OF THIS DANGEROUS PR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE . THIS HAS MADE ME FEEL VALIDATED AND HAS STRENGTHENED MY WAY OUT OF THIS NIGHTMARE . THIS REALITY OF ISOLTION AND BEING SO SCARED ITS SO HARD TO STOP BEING PARAALISED BUT TODAY YOU HAVE TRULLY HELPED . THANK YOU Also share on Google+
It was like this. First time he said shut up, later this man nearly killed me. Beaten me abused me everything. Another man I left when it started with "shut up" And a third case he did the same like shut up although not using these 2 words yet. So I understand at this moment already that it is the same sort man towards me :-( and dangerous.
The last guy who liked me was emotionally abusive. After he blamed me and treated me the way he did I no longer cared about his well being when he came to me for a job reference. He wanted empathy and demanded it from me but tried to possess me. This was after I told him not to come into my job and I broke off the friendship.
Sometimes the woman stays because shes addicted/comfortable to the abuse. She doesnt know anything else. All the men in her life have abused her so she feels this is what man and woman suppose to go through.
I kinda blame my self for putting up with him.. The day i met him he told me to go wash my make up off.. And a couple days later he'd say how he'd want to have sex with someone on his fb.. And then a couple of months later it started with him calling me ugly and I'd just be submissive and once I spoke up and got tired of it all hell broke loose.
It is easy to call someone an abuser these days. People can get carried away with frustration and anger in their relationships. My wife did it to me And I to her, but i never hit her. She claims I am the abuser when I felt strongly that she was doing things that were innapropriate in a marriage. I like this video because he discussed the evil and possible good in people. It may be too late, but i have learned , since we seperated, That both people do need to give an unconditional love for a relationship to work. That is a very deep thing for most people to know when they are in the relationship with hurt feelings and emotions. Men tend to yell and be more physical while women ten to manipulate and play games. That was missed here. Anyway, people can change but they have to want it. Therapy can work if they want it. I have a degree in psychology and still overlooked important things because of my emotions. Control and discipline become key until you have a full cognitive change. Most of these comments sound like you are dating rude jerks. There is a difference in people and their reasons for arguing. Abuse is not the correct outcome and definately hitting a woman can break bones. However the other forms of abuse are on a different level for me and should be treated differently. One big lesson is from Jesus. Love others as you love yourself. That does not work with very bad people with deep seeded anger issues and hitting though.
Wow. It even started this way with my grandma who punched me two days ago. She told me to be quiet. I can't think straight since then and her voice gives me nausea. Don't laugh at me, I could easily overpower her but being abused by a weaker person is still a nightmare because if you defend yourself, you become the "abuser" much faster according to others because you're stronger. Even if the weaker one started it. It's a nightmare. It hurts deeply, especially if you have to think hard about who to tell it to and who will just ridicule you. You kinda have to suffer in silence because "My grandma punched me" sounds rather funny than sad to some people. But as I said, it's a nightmare.
@@diamondgirl7997 Thank you for your kind words! Yes, I don't want to go near her again and I avoided her since then. And I'm moving away from her. I lived with her and my grandpa.
@@diamondgirl7997 Thank you! When he makes little jokes at her expense, really mild things, she punches him. She overreacts a lot. She's a very insecure woman. And I didn't even make a joke at her expense, she just feels threatened by every day conversations all the time.
If they are a narcissist there is no help. Control is their right in their twisted mind. Therapy does not help, they don’t see what they Do is wrong!!!
I'm sorry but I don't believe that abusers can be rehabilitated. The pattern of thinking it's so ingrained that it's very hard if not impossible to change plus very little of them want to change.
Yes I agree. Even therapists support this idea. There is a very low 'success rate' with rehabilitating abusers. They don't really want to change because they get so much out of doing the abusing. ...and when you listen to their use of language, it's very rarely them saying that they are solely responsible for their actions. They always try to deflect blame and suggest that "it takes two to tango", or that ANYONE is capable of doing what they've done. Even though that is absolutely not true. They lack any REAL sense of insight into their own behavior, and without the solid desire to change and become a better person, it's not likely to happen. Abusive men should be simply counselled to stay out of relationships with women, end of story. They are just not willing to face the fact that it is ALL their problem, and THEY are the only ones who need to change.
I disagree. All things are possible through Christ. ALL.. The problem is, those that do not change do not know Christ. And, the attitude presented in many comments here that abusers cannot change. That is a lie from the pits of hell.
What if it's a bully female doing this to another woman? I wish the world knew there were a lot of women who are verbally and physically abusive bullies, who either hurt partners, children or housemates. It's terrifying.
Overwhelmingly domestic abuse is committed against women and children. Men are far more likely to be the victims of male-on-male violence than female-on-male violence. Now, in the interests of not re-victimising already victimised women, please leave this discussion forum and do not return. You're not welcome here.
Yes I fought back! I hit him too. He was a covert narcissist. He choked me once! Another time he pinned me down and I almost consciousness! I was hoovered and stalked by his friends. I just ignored him.
I have similar behavior to perpetrator how could I help myself and be clean out of it, I am doing intensive therapy over the year and I had show some signs of success, however I noticed that this behavior not completely treated and tent to come back after year period... I thought I had overcome it but it took me again, please help with an advice or suggestions
I'm praying for you and your family. Try calling the national domestic violence hotline anytime. Other resources to try are: anabuserspeaks.com/about/ www.chrismoles.org/ lundybancroft.com/articles/guide-for-men-who-are-serious-about-changing-part-1/ leslievernick.com/a-mans-story-i-am-changing/
That's a lie 95 percent it's more like 50/50 every relationship I have been in the woman cut me hit me punched me. Until recently I hit back and I'm glad.
What about the woman starting he never mentioned the men who get slapped kicked bit and cut in the neck like me. Then when we hit back we are the abuser. What about female abuse ?
What about men who are emotionally manipulated and abused by stubborn women? Also I am a believer in “it takes to to tango” So stop your biased talking and opinion yank!
Women don't experience violence at a level that is even remotely comparable to men. The one and only reason why domestic violence is so en vogue here, is that it is the only area where women, by and large, might experience violence AT ALL. Both as victims and as perpetrators. A much better video on the issue is this one: *Christina Hoff Sommers on Violence Against Women* So what do we do? We "gender" the issue of domestic violence, as if men are doing the harm to all these innocent victims that are women. Even though, depending on where you live, roughly 40% of DV injuries WE KNOW OF are suffered by men (under-reporting and all) and in roughly 70% of DV instances women initiate the violence - self-reportedly, no less. So even IF we were to take the traditional narrative (man bad, woman weak) at face value, what we learn from these basic facts is that women are very, VERY good at inciting violence, then SUCK at inflicting it but still come out as the triumphant survivors of EVERYTHING.
Listen to an esteemed academic speak on the topic of violence: *Police Training for Domestic Violence with Donald Dutton* Very few women these days tolerate bad behaviour from males. The behaviour described in the following videos is common but there are no $billions of government money to fight it, search in RUclips for: 1. *NFL Cheerleader Megan Welter Drunk and Abusive Caught on Camera* 2. *MSNBC: False Rape Allegation Thwarted By Police Camera* 3. *False Accusations in Spain* 4. *A Lying wife falsely accuses her husband of assault--CAUGHT ON TAPE* 5. *False Allegations Only Fathers With $$ Can Fight Back*
Please go away, you're not welcome here and you are creating anxiety amongst already victimised women. Take your 'agenda' elsewhere and leave these women alone. Like I said, you're not welcome here, so please leave, and stay away.
"Women are very very good at inciting violence" This is exactly the abusive man's warped mindset. You've demonstrated it perfectly with this comment. He portrays himself as the victim, and even goes so far as to insult the woman while still insisting she is squarely in the role of aggressor. This is referred to as blameshifting. This guy wrote a full page out of the abuser's handbook.
Have you worked in the field, read any books on this topic or done any research? In the UK, 2 women are killed every week by a partner or ex-partner, there are waiting lists for women’s refuges and 24 helplines constantly ringing in regards to domestic violence. It’s not about women not tolerating bad behaviour. If a person who’s physically stronger than you attacks you with their fists, a knife, rapes you, threatens you, threatens your children etc. what are you gonna do? You have no understanding about the level of violence that occurs worldwide to some men and women. You’re just giving an opinion which is fine but don’t report it as facts or reality because it definitely isn’t.
You really don't know what you're talking about. Any man who has been abused by a woman and educates himself on domestic violence still knows that women are by far abused more than men.
I like this info but he should not dismiss abuse carried out on males from females. It may not be physical but could well be emotional, verbal and coercive control. Otherwise I loved this video
First 5 min I see You are part of the problem in the way women us there situations to say men are the abuser when in most cases it is both party's most dominant but in threw a woman's actions and maybe gets turned over through escalation to the man ... What is your justification to always state that the man is the abuser or are you trying to sale your self on a plateau to know your thoughts you have not been in any other person's position for you to put a image in society that only men are the abuser. But in most cases you will never change you're just as bad as the women that only us the words domestic violence as a shield but is the abuser of the situation in most cases just because she's not physical maybe emotional so what is the out look that can show who wins out of the situation no one especially when you have children.
True. After many loud arguments being called a verbal abuser, i relized that my wife was setting me up. I chose not to partipate and she got worse trying to provoke me. Even jokes about a boyfriend. I just learned to shrug it off now that we are seperated. she always wants to know if i still care about her and wants to see a reaction. of course she told her whole family that she was abused. A girl at the pool laughes at her when she told our story and she got mad. The girl told her that her ex broke 2 ribs and a cheek. She wished they just argued.
@@deanhill5002 this is not about when people argued woman played games or manipulated this is about different than yours situations where physical abuse becomes a norm and if u separated without hitting your wife all the glory to you
Thankyou so much for this video. I dream of the verbal, emotional, financial abuse ending? I'm 71 yrs. old, Mother of 3 adult children. One has mental illness like the father , very anusive, just out of jail for a yr for 3 drinking , driving arrest. I've had 3 strokes, 2 heart attacks and still living it every day!!!😂🙏 my daughter is living with Her abuser 37 yrs old who beat her so bad her removed her eye!! 😂she's with him after her release. She's bipolar but denies it. She returns here to see her 12 yr old daughter living with her father and becomes very abusive to all of us. Learned behavior. She is not a good mother. She's back with a friend drinking. NOW her 12 yr old daughter has become verbally abusive!!! I'm a mess! I have no finances of my own. I refuse to go to shelter. Ben there done that. Have been removed from my house 3 times by judge because of their danger. I slept in car. Embarrassed. Friends. Etc. I don't hVe a place to go nor the means. I want a place of my own. Peace and quiet, music, etc. my adult children don't want to get involved. Their father is very good to them . Difficult. I'm afraid they will hate me. I will loose them. I can't see the light @ end of tunnel.😭I've been a good person All my life. Never did anything to be ashamed of. Just take it! Low self esteem. He's drug me down. So afraid. Can't be in my car again. He has No money. I see a therapist every Fri. Alan on for my daughter. Going to see priest tomorrow. There's not the right help!god help me. I need to learn to love myself . Take care of myself instead of everyone else. Scared.
Mary Ellen Libonati How are you today? That is horrendous what you have encountered and I hope it is ok that I pray for you. I am praying you have swift help and healing. Your story is important and please do not let it define you. When the times are bad, try to remember your favorite memory, place, animal, house, smell. This way you can remember who you are. I hope this message finds you well and if not , just know that a total stranger is praying for your protection and safety.
Mary Ellen. I am sorry you have been thru this kind of abuse. I have experienced some of this kind of Abuse. I had a young child at the time and no way to support her. Had to get a job. And I did with the Help of God. I am now married to a man who loves God. Please pray and ask Him to help you with all Things. Spoken separately. I will pray for you and your situation.❤️🇺🇸😐
I disagree that a counsellor or family therapist is going to simply side with the abuser and support their behavior.. And you cannot just assume if a couple come for couples therapy around domestic abuse that the male is instantly the abuser - you should be impartial until all the facts are provided.. Some very broad assumptions made.. Also whilst males are predominantly the perpetrators of physical and sexual abuse women use much more covert psychological and emotional abuse which is rarely ever identified - it is much harder to hide from physical and sexual abuse.. Not saying that covert physchological and emotional abuse justifies escalation to physical and sexual but it must be acknowledged as a possible contributor.. Abuse is abuse in all forms.. If abuse was simply about misogynist beliefs and attitudes why are men abusing other men more than women - maybe it is not just gender related causes but other factors are driving their abusive behavior..
This therapist’s description of DV is extremely flawed. He obviously has not read the peer reviewed journal articles. Too many errors for me to list here...the most obvious is his gender bias but also in his self confidence in his ability to “teach” men to not abuse.
I think pretty much all he said is accurate. It seems you may have a bias simply because he didn't include women as abusers. I don't think he implied he was confident in his ability to "cure" an abuser, but simply stated how an abuser should be dealt with or is typically dealt with for any chance of rehabilitation. He made an excellent point that couples therapy is a pitfall and works against the abused.
Never resort to violence. It doesn't matter what she has done. No one will hear about how she took your 66 Corvette to run over your dog, smash it into your mothers home, killing your dog, mother and car. Alls they'll hear about is what you did to her. Instead do preventative measures. Early in the dating game explain that my life is a drama free zone. Abuse whether verbal, psychological or physical wont be tolerated. If she breaches the rules, dump her no good ass. Start acting like a quality guy. Quality guys have many women interested in them. If one doesn't work out, there's always more in line. No need to be needy or desperate, when there's other women. Men like variety. This is your chance to upgrade to a better woman. This therapist (part of a ever growing trend) is pandering to abusive women. It takes two to tango. If a man is telling you to shut up, it's because you are being abusive. Nagging and harassing him. Would you want to be continuously harassed for sex, when you weren't feeling up to it? What would many women do if their "No!" to sex was ignored and a guy kept harassing and groping them? Slap slap him? Double standards right? Ignoring his point of view will surely end in trouble for you. Relationships should be win / win. Not pandering to abusive women or for that matter men too.
@@salvatorecarapazza248 sir you are so totally and completely full of bullshit that you can't help but spread you sick lies and you cannot judge anyone on mental health with your delusional mindset!
@@salvatorecarapazza248 men are not too embarrassed to show their weiners time and time again so they are not shy about reporting abusive females so look at your research again and call local police departments because many males report women.
These stories very disturbing, This was absolutely terrible and Very difficult to watch Men keep your cool, Men mind your temper, Men breathe, relax, and whatever you are upset about... it is simply not that serious, Men DONT hurt your Lady, Never beat up your Woman, Never beat up your wife, girlfriend, or any woman, that’s NOT is what being a man is. Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man tough... Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man strong... Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man cool... Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man a man.... Beating a woman is Not masculine Beating Women is NOT sexy Beating Women is NOT manly Using abuse, and force for sexual gratification, intimidation, by harmful behavior for sexual intimacy with someone doesn’t make a man, strong, tough, cool, or, manly. I believe in the Safety and Well-being Women, Children, and Men WOMEN Have the RIGHT to FEEL SAFE and BE SAFE This is a reply post regarding a article on Assault Against Woman: For what is statistically true, or accurate, and even what is not included statistically, and all other crime such as this is what is ( violence against women) Always unacceptable... Women have the Right to Feel SAFE and be Safe... No woman..., or person....child...should ever have to experience this kind heinous personal intrusion in their lifetime, this seems to be occurring at least according to news reports more, and all to often. Actually this activity should be in a stage, or state of Reversal, and NOT Increasing, I am continually upset as well as greatly disturbed in hearing such stories, as I have always have been... My Heart Always... goes out to any person which have experienced any such similar experience of intrusion, attacks, and, or invasion of their personal well-being... due violence, and or violent behavior, I will continue Praying for the Safety and Well-Being of Others... Keep everyone SAFE PLEASE BE SAFE Your Life is important Advocate of Humanity, Author, Writer, Poet, Safety Advocate Jason Sandifer, Michigan MESSAGE REPOSTED 10/28/2021
It's incredible how all abusers have the same patterns of behavior.
That’s good to know. The moment a man or woman says, “just shut up!” Start walking away it’s over. Red flag! The end!
Wish I had taken that advice, I stead I married the trouble maker. Big mistake. Should have run in the first year.
Very true. Big red flag.
My Dad would yell " Shut up Bitch" to my Mom in the late 60s when I was 2 or 3 years old. Then he'd take me grocery shopping.
I think too if he calls her derogatory names...like what man who truly loves a woman would ever call her a "bitch". Yet some people think it is perfectly acceptable to call their spouse a name like that...some women think it is acceptable too.
Right. My ex shouted at me 'f you' while attacking me. That's not love
True words not nearly spoken enough:
“Domestic violence always starts with the words ‘shut up.’”
In my case, “shut the fuck up.”
And then I knew his statement was really a marker of “the beginning,” but I just wouldn’t leave. I did manage to survive, though, and am safe and single ever since.
This is so true about abusive man they try to isolate from everybody you know....i loved and cared deeply for the man that i was with i had received multiple black eyes, fractured bones, broken eye bones, and i still stayed...emotional and metal abuse, and after he almost strangling me in a head lock infront of his kids and my daughter i decided that, that was enough.... i called the police and he's in jail now.... women please have the strength to leave these man at the first sign ....it never gets better only worst
Terryankev Miller Good for you for leaving!! Many Blessings your way for doing that. Its painful to hear what happened to you & all I can say is I understand. Wishing you well
Terryankev Miller I basically was kept like a prisoner..at the very.end.
"metal abuse"?
@sravan kumar A ok...I know a woman in an abusive relationship and she wants to put up with it because she thinks she loves him. So, she says even if he gets right up in her face, she doesn't react. Still, wouldn't the better thing be to just get out of this relationship...maybe you can learn to "play" the abuser or learn how not to set the abuser off, and it may seem like you then have the control...but really, he still has the control because you have to resort to this tactic. It's deceiving oneself.
@sravan kumar A I did this technique toward the last month of my abusive break up. I remained unresponsive and he took it as I disrespectful because I wasn't being reactive to his emotional landslides. The result of being unresponsive resulted in him going to jail for pushing me in public and trying to break my phone.
I am a male survivor of domestic violence. My ex-girlfriend repeatedly assaulted me. I watched this video even though it's geared toward a different demographic. It's striking how similar the behaviours she exhibited were to what he described here. Power was definitely a huge focus of hers. She couldn't tolerate me standing up for myself, or even walking away from arguments. She was so manipulative. Sadly she ultimately won.
That's super tough. Glad you're better now
This is the most honest and realistic view of what domestic violence is.
Thank you for sharing this video!
They dont take it seriously and despite overwhelming evidence such as video, 911 recordings, and witness statements you're still required to stand in front of him in court and testify and that is scary as hell.
That is because most of them are not conscious when they commit the abuse because of the same drugs these so called "therapists" & shrinks & doctors are all recommending them to take as treatment when the drugs are SO SIMILAR to PCP they often test out in toxicologies as PCP! The are mistakingly calling those drugs antidepressants when they are not! They are dissociative anesthetics just like PCP! They know NOTHING about drugs other than how to write a prescription for them!!! And they always prescribe them for Anger Management as they court ordered for shooters Eric Harris and Dylan Kleebold at Columbine!
Very true! I just escaped my toxic relationship of domestic violence of almost 2 decades. I escaped 3 years ago. He is now in a new relationship, and from what my kids tell me...the cycle is beginning again victimizing another.
Why my cousin bring in this
MY GOD!!!! Thank you sooo much for taking the time out to do this video. THANK YOU!
Wow! Profound and powerful! Thank you so much! I wish there were more videos from this therapist! He is amazing and the world needs more men like him! Thank you!
My ex has people helping him, his parents, and brother were all part of his abuse.
When my Dad couldn't "control" me because he said I was "wild" ...this is back in the mid- late-1970s, he once brought in two of his brothers because I had tried to run away from home. One of the brothers (my uncle) found me like a block away. took me, and both uncles pinned me down near the front entrance of the house.
The older of my uncles passed on in 2014. The younger one is 81 and still lives. They said they both gave their life to Christ. The older of the two I found after he died that he wouldn't let my aunt drive. He wouldn't allow her to have access or have her own computer. You know what my aunt did after my Uncle Tony did? She learned to drive at age 70 something. She bought herself a tablet PC.
Sounds like he has toxic enablers
Nothing I've ever seen or read has ever addressed the actual issues, better than this video. Thank you thank you for posting this.
Thank you, this was one of the best videos on abuse I have seen. The use of the words, "just but and only" are huge words that do minimize the abuse in the eyes of the abuser. Sadly I heard them all, directed at me in half ass apologies. Great video. I hope more people watch it. Thank you so much.
My ex boyfriend use to break things after I told him no then say “This is what you want from me! You want to see this side!”
Sorry you had to experience that, hope you're ok now. He definitely was blaming you for his problem...typical of an abuser.
My ex husband use to break things too when he got angry at me. I remember he bought me a nice cd player he got angry & broke that shit up right in front of me..
@@beverlysmith6031 yeah, seems they often break things they once gave you as a nice gesture
After he bruised my face or hit me, he would say you made me do it!
Did you hear, " you were in the way, when I threw that" or " I didn't really hit you that hard.". I heard it all.
Yes they are very good at convincing that whatever happened it was all your fault and you asked for it.
I don't believe an abuser will change. They will stop for awhile then start up again. That's how it was in my marriage if I stayed in that abusive marriage I wouldn't be here..
what causes them to start up again? just wondering what triggers it if they were able to stop for awhile.
@@Werewolf0216 My ex husband was a alcoholic when he's not drunk he was so sweet.. once he started drinking his personality will change dramatically. I was his 2nd wife. I was told she did him wrong. all his anger he had inside him was taking out on me. I tried everything to make him a better husband nothing worked I wasnt allowed to talk with any men nor my family.. I was blamed for everything.
@@beverlysmith6031 thanks for the reply. Yes, I have known of men who, when they drink, they get mean or abusive. So in that case may be why it starts up again. But I've also read there are some who are abusive even when they stop drinking.
I'm afraid.Im afraid he will kill me
I believe that it is according on the person and the issue. The devil drinker can probably only change by not drinking, but thats a part of who they are.
Therapists are great supporters in domestic violence situations. Thank you sir for speaking up on that behalf God bless
It's the flowers at the end of the video for me. Forgive me flowers are the worst to receive. A woman wants "just because flowers" not "forgive me flowers".
I’m literally crying my eyes out rn ... literally what I’m going through right now. 💔😢
Tell someone and Leave ASAP.
Im very sad for you too
Reach out to people who care for you. Don't stay silent. Surround yourself with people who will give you strength. Abusers take your voice, strength and you become weak. I know.... 22 yrs of it!
Please get out asap...I can feel you when you say this...It just takes a one strong move...after that each and every thing gets better..You will pat your back ,I can guarantee .
You are worthy.
I thought I was so tough and could handle anything…..
I was wrong…..
I feel like I will die alone after my experience.
I hope I don’t, and I can find myself again one day, but I don’t even know who that is anymore.
I feel like a dark sickness is inside my soul, and now I’m nothing but a shadow of a person pretending I am ok.
I try hard everyday to figure out how to heal but I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anymore.
I feel so lost in the darkness.
Thank you for this video.
I can relate to this feeling.
U can heal slowly by focusing on your self and self growth. Can be simple like diet, exercise, reading, study. Learn to relax the best way that suits you.
Stand up for your morals.
You will be ok :)
They know they are being abusive because they always makes sure to hide it infront of others! What people hide they are highly aware is not ok, like domestic abuse!
This information is so important. Thank you for sharing.
I love what you say about the Anger management myth... If it is the case it should be with everyone else
I respect the fact you’re taking on the work with perpetrators because someone has to do it. I’ve worked with women who have been victims of domestic violence. My belief is that it is difficult to change an abuser because they are completely aware that the behaviour is wrong but they are getting something from the behaviour whether it’s power, control, preventing their insecurities etc. It’s still important to do the work because some perpetrators can and do change.
I have endometriosis
I know that what I'm about to say is going to offend some people but so be it. I'm a 40 year old man who watched his father beat on his mother as a child. I hated him because I wasn't big enough to help my mother and I hated her because she let him do this to her. My mother told me at the time my grandfather tried to help her but she chose to go back to my father. We finally had the conversation a few years ago and she said that the reason she stayed was because she wanted to make her marriage work and that she wanted to give her children a father. My question to all DV victims is how can ANYONE help you if you keep going back?! How can anyone take your situation serious if you don't?! My brother was a baby at the time when my mother finally decided to leave. I have NO memories of my parents being happy together. All I remember is him hitting her. You women - or men have no clue what the fuck you do to your children!!! All because you think your in love...
I AM Hi, It is just not that easy to leave. It is a complex emotional crippling situation. Women do not have to explain. Men should never strike a woman period.
I truly am sorry you had to grow up that way. Please consider reading this book titled, "Family and Friends guide to Domestic Violence". Written by Elaine Weiss Ed.D. That book saved my life for today. One in 4 women will be killed by thier partners. Unbelievable and there is less places for rehabilitation for men & women that abuse. I hope you can find some peace with what you have been through.
m n I want to thank you for responding. It just makes me angry when I think about it and I wouldn't wish that on anybody. I have been in two relationships with women who were in DV relationships. I have tried to love them the best way I know how but I think - and this is my opinion - that after being in the situation they were in they have become confused about love. I guess after being with someone for so many years promising them that things would change it's hard to tell who really cares about you anymore. I was married to one and I eventually had to divorce her because of this and the woman I'm with now every time we get close she just pushes me away. It hurts because I genuinely am in love with her and I love her children as if they're my own. I want to marry her but I'm not really sure what to say or do anymore and some days I find myself sad about the situation because all I have done is shown her how much she really means to me. I have went on other websites and people have said that battered women are damaged goods and should be avoided. I don't think that's fair because my mother is a wonderful person and she finally found someone to love her. Life can be so cruel at times...
m n Again I thank you. I don't want to give up on her but she has to learn how to trust as well and if it's truly meant to be it'll work out. TC.
I AM I think it is amazing that you truly Love her. Dont give up. Love is wonderful and of course ALL of us that have encountered DV, have ptsd and trust issues. PTSD is no joke and it would be good to start writing in a journal if you cannot start therapy now. Have you spoken to her about this? Seriously, humans have an amazing ability to adapt and bounce back. Just dont give up please.
m n She means EVERYTHING to me. I am not perfect but it's hard being with someone that has gone through this. I feel like I am being blamed for the decisions she made in the past. I have to keep constantly proving that I'm committed to her and our relationship. I'm starting to doubt myself and questioning who I am because of this relationship and some days I'm honestly not happy. I am going to share something with you that I don't with many people. I held a lot of my emotions in as a child because as boys we're told not to cry. BE A MAN!!! So I did just that. I starting smoking and getting high at the age of 12 and I starting drinking when I was 15. I was a very violent person because I never knew how to express how I felt to others and I felt as if nobody cared or understood what I was going through. I'm not going to say what I did but I spend 20 years in prison for it. I don't blame anyone for the choices I made but for a long time I didn't know how to talk to people and trust them with my thoughts. My ex wife was someone I grew up with. I was 15. She was 14 when we met. Her life experiences made her into the person she is just like mine made me into the person I am. But the difference is I CHOSE to do something about it and not allow what I've gone through make me a bitter person. I stopped drinking and in March it will be a year. I say all this because I don't want to go through this with the person I am with now. I went through this with my ex wife and it will make me appear as though I'm the bad guy if I walk away. " You're just like the rest of them. You never really cared!!! " I just don't know what to do anymore. Smh...
This is good stuff appreciate it really I’m well a man I can see it throughout my own life, having a brain tumour and survived, I can see that this can reverse 🔄
I wish I had listened to my Mother and Father!!
Please people listen closely to what is said in this video❗
Sir, well said, thank you!! 🎀
Hi to all who may be following me This is Bernardo from the video. I made that video 10 years ago and only now realized that I've gotten views and comments over the years.
In reading some of them, I see that I should indeed make additional videos to answer the various questions, comments and in some cases, complaints made mostly by men. I will begin by making one specifically about the guys who are upset that my video is one sided and doesn't address female abuse. But until I do, let me say this, We're not talking about that here!! Yes there are female perpetrators of DV but I am addressing MALE batterers with whom I work with. And just the fact that those kind of comments keep coming up seeking to blame or include females in the mix shows how deft, dumb and blind we men can still "choose" to be. "If the shoe fits" THEN REALIZE IT YOU!!! if it doesn't then move on. There is no excuse for abuse, PERIOD! if you want to change then keep your focus on and about you, you and you.
And for those that say she's the problem, then I would ask, why do you keep picking the same type of partner?
More of the blame game, and other topics to come. And thanks to those who have viewed and commented in any way, shape or manner. Helps keep the conversation going.
Not enough laws. Throw them in jail to stay. And save a life today
@Anon Anon no it should be that the guys stays away from her!
The law must change even for own parents who’s abusing their children as well as adult children! Abusers have no genders.
The end goal should be reform. So the abuse STOPS for good. The problem is the majority of prisons are NOT concerned about reform, but rather profit.
Excellent information 👌 ty! 🎉
Thank you. That was very informative. Though it has been 9 years since this video has been uploaded, it's content is still relevant for today.
This is excellent! Thank you!
Clarification---When I said, "You don't know anything etc....", i was referring to his comments toward
the woman. It was NOT a statement about your perspective. I think that you are accurate. My
abuser said that I didn't know anything---that (basically), I was stupid.
Very true facts. Most men don’t seek help. Most women are killed when they say they’re ending the relationship or after the relationship ends. Most therapists don’t counsel couples if there is known domestic violence. Also, a good therapist would never ask a woman ‘what are you doing to cause the violence’.
Another reason why the judicial system does not take domestic violence seriously is because it was shown that a lot of abusers are in the judicial system themselves.
WHY AREN'T THERE A MILLION COMMENTS ,
TIME TO WAKE UP WORLD AND HEAL THROUGH LOVE ;]
sophie fraid
No need. We are one in a million. 💙
they're too busy harassing females online
Abusers "love" their families. Gotta take more than "love". Gotta take religion, faith, good morals. Learn boundaries. Teach boundaries to kids as soon as they start school. isn't this done? Guess not.
Today, the heaviest punches I can remember. Thank God I didnt get fractured skull. But black cauliflower ears and massive bruises. My face swollen. I have no income and Have a daughter. I decided to stay for the economic and financial reason for time being. Pray for me and my daughter
I hope you are okay now and safe and know you are worth it! You are loved.
It's been 2 years. Have you been able to get away? Did something change? I hope you're both doing ok.
May you be blessed with good luck going forward, and be safe and healthy!
My abuser really tore me inside out so fast because I was so vulnerable already to my ex ‘s abuse that he fed off of it and .... yeah it was worse than my ex
that can happen when a woman opens up about her past abuse to another abuser...then he knows her vulnerabilities and can exploit them
I'm sorry it just seems to much of a risk, like playing Russian roulette . I cannot...no trust what's the point. I agree with getting counseling for myself that's it
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROFESSIONAL INSIGHT INTO THIS DANGEROUS PROBLEM OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE .
YOU HAVE SHOWN A GENUINE CARE AND COMMUNICATED SO ACCURATLY THE OUTLINE OF THIS DANGEROUS PR DOMESTIC VIOLENCE .
THIS HAS MADE ME FEEL VALIDATED AND HAS STRENGTHENED MY WAY OUT OF THIS NIGHTMARE . THIS REALITY OF ISOLTION AND BEING SO SCARED ITS SO HARD TO STOP BEING PARAALISED BUT TODAY YOU HAVE TRULLY HELPED . THANK YOU
Also share on Google+
umm... you alright there? you need to turn it down a notch
It was like this. First time he said shut up, later this man nearly killed me. Beaten me abused me everything.
Another man I left when it started with "shut up"
And a third case he did the same like shut up although not using these 2 words yet. So I understand at this moment already that it is the same sort man towards me :-( and dangerous.
i think i might have some trust issues
What about Healthcare interpersonal Domestic Violence and Abuse❓
The last guy who liked me was emotionally abusive. After he blamed me and treated me the way he did I no longer cared about his well being when he came to me for a job reference. He wanted empathy and demanded it from me but tried to possess me. This was after I told him not to come into my job and I broke off the friendship.
Absolutely TRUTH .
It's not just men who abuse, women are guilty as well. Discuss the issue full circle, not half.
He talks about what he addresses in HIS practice.
What about if the abuser is Narsistic and Medical Provider in Hospital❓
This is the best video I have seen so far on domestic violence. I wish I seen it years ago.
Sometimes the woman stays because shes addicted/comfortable to the abuse. She doesnt know anything else. All the men in her life have abused her so she feels this is what man and woman suppose to go through.
She is what's called trauma bonded.
What about when the Domestic violence and abused are roommate and his daughter❓
My man here looking like John Quinones
What about the Abuser was my ex-husband and covert bisexual/down-low❓
I am going through this. I can’t agree more with what you say
I had to cut them off because they are all sick!
How common has 'drugging & raping' become in a relationship?
Is this premeditated or is it a combination of both men and women’s interaction within the relationship?
Don't forget spiritual abuse.
I kinda blame my self for putting up with him.. The day i met him he told me to go wash my make up off.. And a couple days later he'd say how he'd want to have sex with someone on his fb.. And then a couple of months later it started with him calling me ugly and I'd just be submissive and once I spoke up and got tired of it all hell broke loose.
Holy shit, cut off completely! Tell him to go f**k himself, block, delete as if he never existed. It's not worth it, get out. Who does he think is
Those abusers dodge lax court servers then play around where u work. Best to get good protection.
I had a baby to be able to give the love I never received. Unfortunately I continued to attract abusive men. It's a cycle.
It is easy to call someone an abuser these days. People can get carried away with frustration and anger in their relationships. My wife did it to me And I to her, but i never hit her. She claims I am the abuser when I felt strongly that she was doing things that were innapropriate in a marriage. I like this video because he discussed the evil and possible good in people. It may be too late, but i have learned , since we seperated, That both people do need to give an unconditional love for a relationship to work. That is a very deep thing for most people to know when they are in the relationship with hurt feelings and emotions. Men tend to yell and be more physical while women ten to manipulate and play games. That was missed here. Anyway, people can change but they have to want it. Therapy can work if they want it. I have a degree in psychology and still overlooked important things because of my emotions. Control and discipline become key until you have a full cognitive change. Most of these comments sound like you are dating rude jerks. There is a difference in people and their reasons for arguing. Abuse is not the correct outcome and definately hitting a woman can break bones. However the other forms of abuse are on a different level for me and should be treated differently. One big lesson is from Jesus. Love others as you love yourself. That does not work with very bad people with deep seeded anger issues and hitting though.
Really well put.
Very untrue. My mother did all the abuse. This isn't a male issue.
But that leaves me wondering if someone in her life had abused her when she was younger
k beaverhousen sure...I get that...but to you give men the same benefit? Abuse is abuse, violence is violence, people are people...get it?
what did your dad do about it?
He never said the woman cant be the obuser
One anecdotal story does not discount the overwhelming FACT that men are nearly always the perpetrators of abuse.
Wow. It even started this way with my grandma who punched me two days ago. She told me to be quiet. I can't think straight since then and her voice gives me nausea. Don't laugh at me, I could easily overpower her but being abused by a weaker person is still a nightmare because if you defend yourself, you become the "abuser" much faster according to others because you're stronger. Even if the weaker one started it. It's a nightmare. It hurts deeply, especially if you have to think hard about who to tell it to and who will just ridicule you. You kinda have to suffer in silence because "My grandma punched me" sounds rather funny than sad to some people. But as I said, it's a nightmare.
I hope you don't go near her again. That was 100% wrong of her. Stay away
@@diamondgirl7997 Thank you for your kind words! Yes, I don't want to go near her again and I avoided her since then. And I'm moving away from her. I lived with her and my grandpa.
Franzifii, that broke my heart when I read that. I am glad you are moving away. I hope she doesn't bully your grandfather 😔 😢 😞
@@diamondgirl7997 Thank you! When he makes little jokes at her expense, really mild things, she punches him. She overreacts a lot. She's a very insecure woman. And I didn't even make a joke at her expense, she just feels threatened by every day conversations all the time.
Cover Gaslighted Abused and Aggression.
I like his voice. Is he from New York
If they are a narcissist there is no help. Control is their right in their twisted mind. Therapy does not help, they don’t see what they Do is wrong!!!
Good luck
I'm sorry but I don't believe that abusers can be rehabilitated. The pattern of thinking it's so ingrained that it's very hard if not impossible to change plus very little of them want to change.
Yes I agree. Even therapists support this idea. There is a very low 'success rate' with rehabilitating abusers.
They don't really want to change because they get so much out of doing the abusing.
...and when you listen to their use of language, it's very rarely them saying that they are solely responsible for their actions. They always try to deflect blame and suggest that "it takes two to tango", or that ANYONE is capable of doing what they've done. Even though that is absolutely not true.
They lack any REAL sense of insight into their own behavior, and without the solid desire to change and become a better person, it's not likely to happen. Abusive men should be simply counselled to stay out of relationships with women, end of story.
They are just not willing to face the fact that it is ALL their problem, and THEY are the only ones who need to change.
Omg..you need some help yourself.
I disagree. All things are possible through Christ. ALL..
The problem is, those that do not change do not know Christ. And, the attitude presented in many comments here that abusers cannot change. That is a lie from the pits of hell.
Sheesh. I should’ve left so long ago.
What if it's a bully female doing this to another woman? I wish the world knew there were a lot of women who are verbally and physically abusive bullies, who either hurt partners, children or housemates. It's terrifying.
Overwhelmingly domestic abuse is committed against women and children. Men are far more likely to be the victims of male-on-male violence than female-on-male violence.
Now, in the interests of not re-victimising already victimised women, please leave this discussion forum and do not return.
You're not welcome here.
@@LJY08 You're actually being rather rude, abusive, and victimizing to people who bring up concerns of abuse other than men toward women.
@@LJY08 Her comment had nothing to do with men, but women.. Also, much of what you said is not true..
Yes I fought back! I hit him too. He was a covert narcissist. He choked me once! Another time he pinned me down and I almost consciousness! I was hoovered and stalked by his friends. I just ignored him.
When you hit him, did he hit you back? Way to go but that could have turned out very badly for you.
I have similar behavior to perpetrator how could I help myself and be clean out of it, I am doing intensive therapy over the year and I had show some signs of success, however I noticed that this behavior not completely treated and tent to come back after year period... I thought I had overcome it but it took me again, please help with an advice or suggestions
I'm praying for you and your family. Try calling the national domestic violence hotline anytime. Other resources to try are: anabuserspeaks.com/about/
www.chrismoles.org/
lundybancroft.com/articles/guide-for-men-who-are-serious-about-changing-part-1/
leslievernick.com/a-mans-story-i-am-changing/
Once you agknowledge it there is hope for you.
Yeah sure. Like women aren't abusive.
Thank yoy
Sorry but it goes both ways. More focus on all kinds of domestic abuse please. Both men and women are capable of it.
SOME TIMES RESHIP GET MAN AND WOMAN SHE CALLS THE POLICE ABOUT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE IN AMERICA GO FAMILY COURT AND TRY HOT LINE
So true
Talk about trying to justify a women commiting domestic violence!
That's a lie 95 percent it's more like 50/50 every relationship I have been in the woman cut me hit me punched me. Until recently I hit back and I'm glad.
What about the woman starting he never mentioned the men who get slapped kicked bit and cut in the neck like me. Then when we hit back we are the abuser. What about female abuse ?
What about men who are emotionally manipulated and abused by stubborn women? Also I am a believer in “it takes to to tango” So stop your biased talking and opinion yank!
When women start killing men and children at the same rate that men do then we can say "what about"
It does not take two to tango with an abuser. You can believe that, but it is an ignorant belief.
Women don't experience violence at a level that is even remotely comparable to men. The one and only reason why domestic violence is so en vogue here, is that it is the only area where women, by and large, might experience violence AT ALL. Both as victims and as perpetrators.
A much better video on the issue is this one: *Christina Hoff Sommers on Violence Against Women*
So what do we do? We "gender" the issue of domestic violence, as if men are doing the harm to all these innocent victims that are women. Even though, depending on where you live, roughly 40% of DV injuries WE KNOW OF are suffered by men (under-reporting and all) and in roughly 70% of DV instances women initiate the violence - self-reportedly, no less.
So even IF we were to take the traditional narrative (man bad, woman weak) at face value, what we learn from these basic facts is that women are very, VERY good at inciting violence, then SUCK at inflicting it but still come out as the triumphant survivors of EVERYTHING.
Listen to an esteemed academic speak on the topic of violence:
*Police Training for Domestic Violence with Donald Dutton*
Very few women these days tolerate bad behaviour from males. The behaviour described in the following videos is common but there are no $billions of government money to fight it, search in RUclips for:
1. *NFL Cheerleader Megan Welter Drunk and Abusive Caught on Camera*
2. *MSNBC: False Rape Allegation Thwarted By Police Camera*
3. *False Accusations in Spain*
4. *A Lying wife falsely accuses her husband of assault--CAUGHT ON TAPE*
5. *False Allegations Only Fathers With $$ Can Fight Back*
Please go away, you're not welcome here and you are creating anxiety amongst already victimised women.
Take your 'agenda' elsewhere and leave these women alone.
Like I said, you're not welcome here, so please leave, and stay away.
"Women are very very good at inciting violence" This is exactly the abusive man's warped mindset. You've demonstrated it perfectly with this comment. He portrays himself as the victim, and even goes so far as to insult the woman while still insisting she is squarely in the role of aggressor. This is referred to as blameshifting. This guy wrote a full page out of the abuser's handbook.
Have you worked in the field, read any books on this topic or done any research? In the UK, 2 women are killed every week by a partner or ex-partner, there are waiting lists for women’s refuges and 24 helplines constantly ringing in regards to domestic violence. It’s not about women not tolerating bad behaviour. If a person who’s physically stronger than you attacks you with their fists, a knife, rapes you, threatens you, threatens your children etc. what are you gonna do? You have no understanding about the level of violence that occurs worldwide to some men and women. You’re just giving an opinion which is fine but don’t report it as facts or reality because it definitely isn’t.
You really don't know what you're talking about. Any man who has been abused by a woman and educates himself on domestic violence still knows that women are by far abused more than men.
Another excuse the evil on press ave made me do it or I'm 60 yrs old I can do what ever I want. My ex boyfriend who I got a fro on said that in court
What is a "fro"?
I didn't understand this entire sentence
@@jaworskij Probably a restraining order.
I like this info but he should not dismiss abuse carried out on males from females.
It may not be physical but could well be emotional, verbal and coercive control.
Otherwise I loved this video
First 5 min I see You are part of the problem in the way women us there situations to say men are the abuser when in most cases it is both party's most dominant but in threw a woman's actions and maybe gets turned over through escalation to the man ... What is your justification to always state that the man is the abuser or are you trying to sale your self on a plateau to know your thoughts you have not been in any other person's position for you to put a image in society that only men are the abuser. But in most cases you will never change you're just as bad as the women that only us the words domestic violence as a shield but is the abuser of the situation in most cases just because she's not physical maybe emotional so what is the out look that can show who wins out of the situation no one especially when you have children.
True. After many loud arguments being called a verbal abuser, i relized that my wife was setting me up. I chose not to partipate and she got worse trying to provoke me. Even jokes about a boyfriend. I just learned to shrug it off now that we are seperated. she always wants to know if i still care about her and wants to see a reaction. of course she told her whole family that she was abused. A girl at the pool laughes at her when she told our story and she got mad. The girl told her that her ex broke 2 ribs and a cheek. She wished they just argued.
@@deanhill5002 this is not about when people argued woman played games or manipulated this is about different than yours situations where physical abuse becomes a norm and if u separated without hitting your wife all the glory to you
If you’re human it’ll happen to you
Abusers they prey on a victim they don't act that way with anyone else
Good
Thankyou so much for this video. I dream of the verbal, emotional, financial abuse ending? I'm 71 yrs. old, Mother of 3 adult children. One has mental illness like the father , very anusive, just out of jail for a yr for 3 drinking , driving arrest. I've had 3 strokes, 2 heart attacks and still living it every day!!!😂🙏 my daughter is living with Her abuser 37 yrs old who beat her so bad her removed her eye!! 😂she's with him after her release. She's bipolar but denies it. She returns here to see her 12 yr old daughter living with her father and becomes very abusive to all of us. Learned behavior. She is not a good mother. She's back with a friend drinking. NOW her 12 yr old daughter has become verbally abusive!!! I'm a mess! I have no finances of my own. I refuse to go to shelter. Ben there done that. Have been removed from my house 3 times by judge because of their danger. I slept in car. Embarrassed. Friends. Etc. I don't hVe a place to go nor the means. I want a place of my own. Peace and quiet, music, etc. my adult children don't want to get involved. Their father is very good to them . Difficult. I'm afraid they will hate me. I will loose them. I can't see the light @ end of tunnel.😭I've been a good person All my life. Never did anything to be ashamed of. Just take it! Low self esteem. He's drug me down. So afraid. Can't be in my car again. He has No money. I see a therapist every Fri. Alan on for my daughter. Going to see priest tomorrow. There's not the right help!god help me. I need to learn to love myself . Take care of myself instead of everyone else. Scared.
Mary Ellen Libonati How are you today? That is horrendous what you have encountered and I hope it is ok that I pray for you. I am praying you have swift help and healing. Your story is important and please do not let it define you. When the times are bad, try to remember your favorite memory, place, animal, house, smell. This way you can remember who you are. I hope this message finds you well and if not , just know that a total stranger is praying for your protection and safety.
Mary Ellen. I am sorry you have been thru this kind of abuse. I have experienced some of this kind of
Abuse. I had a young child at the time and no way to support her. Had to get a job. And I did with the
Help of God. I am now married to a man who loves God. Please pray and ask Him to help you with all
Things. Spoken separately. I will pray for you and your situation.❤️🇺🇸😐
Amazing video!
He is so on point.
I called police and after they talked to us I was told don't call again, it's petty. And I have real crimes to sort out.
That's when you have a in person meeting with the chief of police. Get that cops badge number and name.
@@tranquility9325 yeah current situation woman's aid put in a complaint and it's quite serious now.
I disagree that a counsellor or family therapist is going to simply side with the abuser and support their behavior.. And you cannot just assume if a couple come for couples therapy around domestic abuse that the male is instantly the abuser - you should be impartial until all the facts are provided.. Some very broad assumptions made.. Also whilst males are predominantly the perpetrators of physical and sexual abuse women use much more covert psychological and emotional abuse which is rarely ever identified - it is much harder to hide from physical and sexual abuse.. Not saying that covert physchological and emotional abuse justifies escalation to physical and sexual but it must be acknowledged as a possible contributor.. Abuse is abuse in all forms.. If abuse was simply about misogynist beliefs and attitudes why are men abusing other men more than women - maybe it is not just gender related causes but other factors are driving their abusive behavior..
Did you really just excuse female abusers? Wow!
Group therapy (supported/challenged).
This therapist’s description of DV is extremely flawed. He obviously has not read the peer reviewed journal articles. Too many errors for me to list here...the most obvious is his gender bias but also in his self confidence in his ability to “teach” men to not abuse.
I think pretty much all he said is accurate. It seems you may have a bias simply because he didn't include women as abusers. I don't think he implied he was confident in his ability to "cure" an abuser, but simply stated how an abuser should be dealt with or is typically dealt with for any chance of rehabilitation. He made an excellent point that couples therapy is a pitfall and works against the abused.
Exactly. I love how non licensed air heads need to argue with true professionals.
Its great advice but it seems completely one sided.
1 in 4 women? What a load of bollocks.
right it's more like 2 in four women are abused
@@realmaletearsaspatriarchys1351 really, you mean by not getting a free tampon?
Never resort to violence. It doesn't matter what she has done. No one will hear about how she took your 66 Corvette to run over your dog, smash it into your mothers home, killing your dog, mother and car. Alls they'll hear about is what you did to her. Instead do preventative measures. Early in the dating game explain that my life is a drama free zone. Abuse whether verbal, psychological or physical wont be tolerated. If she breaches the rules, dump her no good ass. Start acting like a quality guy. Quality guys have many women interested in them. If one doesn't work out, there's always more in line. No need to be needy or desperate, when there's other women. Men like variety. This is your chance to upgrade to a better woman. This therapist (part of a ever growing trend) is pandering to abusive women. It takes two to tango. If a man is telling you to shut up, it's because you are being abusive. Nagging and harassing him. Would you want to be continuously harassed for sex, when you weren't feeling up to it? What would many women do if their "No!" to sex was ignored and a guy kept harassing and groping them? Slap slap him? Double standards right? Ignoring his point of view will surely end in trouble for you. Relationships should be win / win. Not pandering to abusive women or for that matter men too.
Love your response. Thank you for posting. This guy who made this video is an incompetent fool.
@@salvatorecarapazza248 and you are a complete LIAR and an abuser!
Liar!!!
@@salvatorecarapazza248 sir you are so totally and completely full of bullshit that you can't help but spread you sick lies and you cannot judge anyone on mental health with your delusional mindset!
@@salvatorecarapazza248 men are not too embarrassed to show their weiners time and time again so they are not shy about reporting abusive females so look at your research again and call local police departments because many males report women.
mangina
sissy bitch ass
These stories very disturbing,
This was absolutely terrible and Very difficult to watch
Men keep your cool,
Men mind your temper,
Men breathe, relax, and whatever you are upset about... it is simply not that serious,
Men DONT hurt your Lady,
Never beat up your Woman,
Never beat up your wife, girlfriend, or any woman, that’s NOT is what being a man is.
Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man tough...
Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man strong...
Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man cool...
Beating up a Woman doesn't make a man a man....
Beating a woman is Not masculine
Beating Women is NOT sexy
Beating Women is NOT manly
Using abuse, and force for sexual gratification, intimidation, by harmful behavior for sexual intimacy with someone doesn’t make a man, strong, tough, cool, or, manly.
I believe in the Safety and Well-being Women, Children, and Men
WOMEN Have the RIGHT to FEEL SAFE and BE SAFE
This is a reply post regarding a article on Assault Against Woman:
For what is statistically true, or accurate, and even what is not included statistically, and all other crime such as this is what is ( violence against women) Always unacceptable...
Women have the Right to Feel SAFE and be Safe...
No woman..., or person....child...should ever have to experience this kind heinous personal intrusion in their lifetime, this seems to be occurring at least according to news reports more, and all to often.
Actually this activity should be in a stage, or state of Reversal, and NOT Increasing, I am continually upset as well as greatly disturbed in hearing such stories, as I have always have been...
My Heart Always... goes out to any person which have experienced any such similar experience of intrusion, attacks, and, or invasion of their personal well-being... due violence, and or violent behavior,
I will continue Praying for the Safety and Well-Being of Others...
Keep everyone SAFE
PLEASE BE SAFE
Your Life is important
Advocate of Humanity, Author, Writer, Poet, Safety Advocate
Jason Sandifer,
Michigan
MESSAGE REPOSTED
10/28/2021