To let feelings be: I am a senior with a little counseling experience from years ago and do think that the concept of ‘riding out the emotions’ is important to learning how emotions work, how to manage with them and how they and other facets of life can function together, as we learn and mature. A challenge can be with the emotions that arise in the listener as the other emotes, those also need to be ‘riden out’. Feelings are just feelings and don’t always have a rational or readily understood explanation and that’s alright. Thank you for the informative vlog
I feel like I’m doing a great job as a father. I’m only two years in and this is the first time I searched a video for handling toddler emotions and everything that I seen as an example, I’ve been doing. I just pray my daughter knows how much I love her even when I’m validating how she feels even when she’s two
That’s how i did with my 2 daughters who are 20 and 21 today. People were judging me by saying that i was « too soft » on them… i didn’t listen and now that my kids are grown ups, people now see that i was right! They are good girls with a good heart with no big issues in life. They blossomed so well and they thank me for that 💕
Dear mom I am a mom of 2.5 yrs old son. Pls help me how to deal if he starts crying at small things like door not opening immediately or I am not reading him a book once he asked . Basically need to understand that we have to allow sometime to get things done.
@@bhagyashreeprabhakar6448 I would maybe suggest that if you spend just a little more time to « communicate » with him so he feels like even though he can’t get what he want, you still understand his feelings. For us grown ups, it’s little things but at his age, he feels proportional to his little 2 1/2 years old 🤷🏼♀️ I think that just this little Time more given for a couple of days and you’ll save much more Time later because he Will start to be confident that even if you stay with your word, he feels understood. Witch bring much more benefits over time. Sorry for my english, it’s not my first language 😅
@@bhagyashreeprabhakar6448 I would also consider that he might be showing first signs of for eg. ADHD or BPD and maybe a trip to a psychologist first, especially if more signs come up and to a psychiatrist next if a psychologist can also see certain signs could be in place. It doesn't mean it has to be any mental issue at all, but we as people often forget that there might be many things at play that don't always mean that we as parents are doing something wrong or that the child is doing this on purpose, is being bad etc. Sometimes there might deregulation in the brain that a child can't really do anything about nor a parent without enough knowledge so... yeah. Don't take it to heart tho! If you see that nothing works and your child is becoming even harder to manage, understand, to relate to and have trouble self-soothing, then it's always a good idea to check and be sure. ;) PS You can't diagnose them that early on many issues, but it's good to pay attention already.
I love this gentle approach. I'm a nanny (not yet a mom) and I deal with toddler emotions on the daily. One thing I don't know how to handle besides just ignoring the situation and redirecting is when I am trying to assist a child with a task they are very invested in, but they do NOT want help (normal) and cannot do it on their own. I try to offer help but I get screamed at and more crying. Sometimes I just butt in and help (like trying to move a stroller the child wants to move but cannot move himself), but both options deeply upset him. I try to explain why I want to help, but it seems to only escalate the situation. At this point, I usually say something empathetic like "I'm so sorry this isn't working. Let's see what else we can do" and move on, but it does not always work. What else can I do to validate the child's emotions and solve the issue, rather than letting him cry it out?
This is such a great question! From what I learned from books about the kids brain is that there is a lot of new connections being made and the rational brain hasn't fully formed so the child is emotional but we are trying to come in and do something rational so that's where the disconnect is. My son would also get easily frustrated and it's just part of their leaarning, I have found that just saying "I am here for you" and letting that frustration pass through. My son is 4 years old now and he is getting better at dealing with the frustration but it means I have to give him lots of room to figure it out while letting him know he has support when he needs it.
For anyone else looking into this Ashley on Hapa family did a video on toddler frustration using positive discipline techniques its really his breakdown of why and what to do
As a teacher many years ago I am heartened to find out that I did many of these things naturally! That rubbing of the back took the stress out of a little body almost immediately! However when I had my own children I found it much more difficult! When they were having emotion meltdowns I felt I was a failure for letting that happen! How I wish I could have had access to these wonderful insights then!With thanks!
I need child therapy like this. This has made so much sense why I act like this still. I don't have anger meltdowns but I have emotional ones. Therapy is sometimes hard bc I'm doing adult stuff when I haven't ever got emotional help as a kid
I'm not even a parent but I already did this with my 6 year old cousin a when I used to do Pre-K work with him when it was remote learning. From what I understand, getting angry at your child, screaming at them to stop will not solve the problem. When he got upset I turned off the Xbox, instant meltdown. I got on his level and I was saying "i know you're upset but you have to do your work". Patting him on the back, and just riding out his emotions. It took a long time, so I told him when you're calmed down come to me.
Thank you. I’m single dad of two children, 9 months boy and 2 years older girl. It’s getting really hard to look after my son while my daughter is throwing tantrums, but hopefully this will help.
You will get through this! You did it! Today and yesterday and all the days before! You. Did. It. And you will continue to do it and do it better and better. You clearly want to be better too so good luck to you!
It's nice watching you e gage with your son by trying to learn from his reactions instead of forcing him to do things the way you want him to without understanding why he is upset. Understanding how to calm him in ways that make him feel comforted will go a long way. It's a win for you and him.
Thanks from south korea! My son is 31months, and the video is very helpful and i start doing this technics with my son dealing with phone using. Thanks again♡
Thank you so much. I am feeling so desperate right now. Watching this shows me at least things are “normal” in my house. Hahaha. I have never told myself to breath as much as I have the past month. He turned 3 last week and wow…I feel like I have a pmsing teenager instead of a toddler. 🤣🤦🏼♀️
Omg this is me right now🥲 my daughter turned 3 and she thinks she can do her own thing... Emotional damage but i have to breathe and widened my expectations this is not easy as 123. Glad this is normal in every households 😄
Remember to label the emotion in this process. What is “you look upset because” mean? What is upset? You look angry because….. You look sad because….. You look scared because….. Why it is excellent that you identified how the child’s body is reacting with the emotion, the actual emotion should also be identified. It will help the child begin to learn to use the emotion word in verbal language, understand why his and her body is reacting and then be become available to learn and use self regulation. Your coregulation is incredible! You also released your child when your child showed resistance to being held and comforted but accepted your kind words and gentle touch. A child develops self regulation after first experiencing co regulation with a safe adult. The adult is with the child in the emotion and feeling safe in the emotion. Validated by the support through the emotion rather than trying to change it. Wonderful video!
Thank you for this video I'll definitely apply these techniques to my children. One problem I have is that I'll lash out on them. I'm a single mother with 2 children (2,5) I work full time as well as cleaning homes to make ends meet. I hardly spend any time with my children an when we do spend time together I get really frustrated with them because I know that they act like angels outside of my home (daycare & school ) I've received nothing but amazing comments on how well behaved an how happy my children are. But when we are all together they do the complete opposite. They dnt wanna eat food only junk food. They wanna make a mess but dnt wanna clean up. They fight with eachother. They talk back to me an tell me " NO ". I'm not someone with patience at all an when it comes down to my kids lord knows I try my BEST to not lash out. But man oh man it's so hard. I spank them I yell at them. My parents say I'm taking down to them an that's gonna traumatize them as they get older. Please I want to be a better mother for my children. Our life situation is so stressful an most my time is taken up by me working and making sure we have EVERYTHING we need. I know at the end of they day they'd love to just hang out with mama an have alot of fun. I feel so guilty as a mother because I feel as I neglect my kids emotionally. I need help on being a better mother.
I feel for you. When our own needs as guardians are not met it's hard to be patient with others. When we are stressed out and physically worn down we easily get frustrated, I sometimes experience this as well. Big hugs.
Please, please don't hit your kids. There is nothing good that can come out of that. Only hurt. Is it possible to change jobs? Something that won't wipe you out physically. It might help you be more patient with your children.
there is great parenting book called "how to talk so kids can listen and how to listen so kids can talk".you might get some tips.parenting is indeed a most challenging job @maria olvera
Thankyou for sharing this video, it helped me immensely! I've been feeling really down about not knowing how to deal with my sons tantrums, as everybody tells me to ignore him or stop babying him. This is reassuring that I'm not the only one who's toddler continues crying after I comfort and that I'm not doing bad! Just want what's best for my son and for him to know I love him even in those moments
Thank you soo much for creating this video! This was so helpful to me. My son has such big emotions and up until this point if it occurred at the "wrong time" I would become so frustrated.
Alicia thank you so much for the kind words on the video! My son is 4 years old now and this technique has taught him to come to me when he is upset (or seek another adult for a hug). I believe through these small gestures we are teaching and raising a new generation of men who are comfortable with their feelings and expressing them in healthy ways.
My son is 3yrs 11months... He shows quite a severe emotions sometimes... Crying without a reason, difficult to understand. Feels helpless sometimes. I just hug and calm him down as much as possible
Thank you for sharing this found it so helpful and useful. I'm a mom of a 5 year old girl with autism and helping her manage her emotions has been one of the toughest things I've experienced as a parent. It's still a work in progress but i know i will be able to help my daughter.
This video is helpful. Hope you can share more things about my situation. When my son is on tantrums, he is comfortable in pinching, slapping or kicking someone who comforts him.. or throw things.. so challenging
Hi John! Thank you so much for the kind words! Let me know if any of these techniques work for you both, I love hearing from other people and their own experience.
I love this! The points were pointed out and shown very well and the video is very informative. This could be my favorite video of helping regulate children's emotions. This made me subscribe to your channel. Looking forward to more!
Ok. You just said that our toddlers learn how to view the world by watching our expressions… if we constantly keep our voice and expressions soft, then how does a child deal with the outside world? Especially when people are so cruel. I worry that this approach will make a child be unable to cope when someone is not kind or they are cruel. I understand that we need to be a stable and safe place for our children, but how do we get them to be prepared for when the world is ugly to them? I am not saying that we as mothers or family should be ugly to the child but how do we prepare them? I feel there’s a problem with the way parents are with their children within the past decade or so. A lot of children and young adults are entitled. I believe there needs to be a happy medium of acceptance, love, understanding, discipline, and consequences, so children, or young adults don’t crumble under pressure, or have meltdowns when things don’t go their way. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not in any way saying that we should beat our kids or something crazy like that. I understand babies don’t understand emotion regulation and need assistance dealing with emotions. Just how do we make a happy medium?
Toddlers may struggle to manage their strong emotions, but parents and caregivers can assist them by utilizing emotional intelligence. Naming and validating the emotion, teaching coping skills, modeling emotional regulation, using positive reinforcement, and practicing empathy are all part of this process. Toddlers can develop healthy relationships with their feelings and the skills needed to deal with difficult situations if they are taught to recognize, understand, and manage their emotions. Allowing them to connect with them and be with them when they encounter big emotions is very important to ease and practice their emotional intelligence.
My first born nephew is 14 months. I’m the oldest of 7 myself and I cannot have children of my own. That’s one generational curse down. Next, helping the next generation to have a better handle of their emotions. ‘It takes a village’ and this auntie villager is willing to pitch in.
Thank you so much. Recently my son is getting very emotional, and I don't know how to deal with it. He starts to throw things around and constantly wants to be in my arms.
Hi! I love this. Our boy is 2 1/2 and recently diagnosed autism. I noticed the video is over a year old now, so just wondering if you'd still handle this the same way? Or if you've learned new techniques since posting this? I appreciate you! Thank you so much ❤️
Hi there! My son is 4 years old now and this technique has taught him to come to me or any other adult for a hug when he is upset. No matter what age the child (and adult!) we all want human connection. I apologize I am responding so late, I only saw the comment just now.
Hahahah the day i had some hot food waiting for me my dad to give his meal as his carer too was when she had her first huda emotional reaction before bedtime she slipped slightly on her step stool whilst brushing and this happened before without a reaction i checked she did not get hurt but it seemed like she did so my reaction after realising it was not because of real pain but because she was overtired and wanting connection too having had a mixed up routine. It all added up and came out in this one mishap. I realised that i was using mirroring techniques hugging soothing gentle talk and riding the emotions whilst ensuring we didnt have an accident without her nappy on yet. Its was tricky but not as bad as i would have though i was just feeling her and guiding her through it it really was so much better than trying to stop her crying to telling her its okay or trying redirect her straight away the emotions had calmed so quickly you wouldn't even know how badly she was crying before we were readingthe bestime book in her nightie like 3 minutes ago. Alhamdulillah i am so blessed to have this information i wish i could have this sort of support in learning to regulate my emotions even now. I can have patience for my babby but other people especially my own parent and husband is soooo tricky.
Definitely breathing techniques and if they don't want to.... it's ok to let them know you are going to go.....xyz.... and give them time to allow their emotions to flow❤ (Parenting Life Coach here)
I use this technique as well. It's really helpful though sometimes a bad day gets in the way a little bit and I tend to forget dealing hehehe but rarely it happens.
I struggle getting him to cooperate regarding general bodily functions. He doesn't want to eat, bath, change diaper, potty train, blow his nose...it's so frustrating. He is 3 and 2 mo ...and when I try talking to him gently as you suggested he lashes out and hits...but he is not this way at daycare...just when he gets home. At daycare he is an angel...at home he is challenging.
I believe most challenging conduct I have right now with my toddler is that she hits me when she's upset and that she throws stuff and I am having a hard time figuring out whats the best and most efficient approach toward that
My 3 yo will randomly burst into tears and scream ouchy and point to random places on her body (mostly hands and feet) all I have to do is kiss the spot she points at. Then she is fine. But she does this over 30 times a day. If I don't kiss the "ouchy" she breaks down into a tantrum. Idk how to get her past this.
yes do more please! this is very helpful thank you. i have a 4 year old that usually cries a lot when he doesnt get things his way with his cousins, like sharing things, or playing catch, he seldom gets angry he expresses his emotions though crying... how do i help him with this or even help him probably be stronger or learn to grow out of this... thank you..
It's not a sign of weakness... It causes him pain and you have to support that not try and change him because it's a lower brain thing like she says. Meeting him where he's at is the first step
Watching this late at night after a hard day of so much big emotions and i read and have tried these techniques but I just forgot how impactful they are especially when I doubt myself so much as a mom that i dont think I am doing doing good enough. But it was just a nice reminder to myself that i am doing my best and to stick with what is right for my son. Thankyou so much! And you should really put a link about the books in the description so we can tske a look at them!
Okay how can I (the mom) do this when my almost 3 year old is LOSING IT (tantrum) and I’m already frustrated. Example when he gets something taken because he wasn’t listening.
I feel you, the frustration can be very real and I also experience this at times. I sometimes override my own needs knowing that if I meet the emotional needs of my son then he is more apt to calm down so then my needs for peace can be met. If I ignore his needs then the tension persists. It's a balance and even I don't always get it right. Thank you for sharing and leaving a comment.
Hey, im just wondering what the name of the song you played at the end of the video is called. Loved this video btw! So helpful even for me as an adult understanding my own emotions
My son (3 years) I feel I can control him more when my wife is not around, but when my wife (mother) is around his behavior is much more difficult to manage, he gets angry very fast, for the smallest thing, such as when he's throwing food and when I say to stop it, he gets angry and start to do it more or start to throw even other things around, and it seems he does this on purpose, because sometimes he laughs while in the middle of act of showing anger
So what's coming up for my toddler at the moment is he's so flooded that he's full on running away from me when he's upset and or telling me to leave him alone. He is two years old, so I understand this is a process he is going through. My concern is that if he's running away from me, I do not have any opportunity to connect, name his feelings, and redirect.
Hi I am working in afterschool club and I have a child that just doesn't want to listen and running and teasing other children what you will recommend what approach to use? Other other toddler he has tantrum that we have to hold him otherway he just run out or hurt himself or others.
What's wrong with saying, "oh that probably hurt, but hey hey look at this".... and just distracting them from their emotions so they learn to to self soothe by doing something fun instead of sitting in their sorrow. There won't always be someone around to stroke their hair and pity them.
don't take my word for that but i think it depends on the age of the child, toddlers especially are still not capable of doing so by themselves so they need a caretaker to help them to sooth, this also helps building a stronger bond between the child and the caretaker and develops the trust. so when the toddler is in trouble\upset he knows someone has his back, and by the time he approaches 5 years old he will be likely much more capable at learning how to self regulate and he will be able to understand situations much better. for example, if you take something from a 2yo, like dangerous object, this will be on a scale of a tragedy for him since he can't understand the logic behind "why" was this taken from him. but a 5yo can already understand some concepts and the reasoning behind why he can't have that thing that he wants so he will be able to deal with the situation much better. so to sum everything up, by building trust and helping him sooth his emotions, and establishing trust between you both you are giving him tools and helping him get ready to deal things on his own. i hope this was helpful!
I think it is probably partially an issue because it doesn’t teach introspection or self soothing, you can’t always distract from emotions and although it’s a useful tool it’s also useful to teach them to feel their feelings and self sooth
Hi just saw your question! Yes this approach is based on human connection and is used all the time. Similar to if a child falls and hurts themselves, we always comfort them. This approach is similar except helping the child to regulate their big emotions.
My daughter is almost 5 years and I only recently started knowing about mindfulness and emotional regulation and I want to ask what to do after the meltdown is over how to address the incident and how to redirect??
My 2.5 year old always runs away when I need to change his nappy. Please can you give any tips, how to stop this and to make the nappy changing experience pleasant
My grandmother had 19 children… imagine how that would work? OMG the human race would not be here still if we had to do this all the time. But I guess happy some people have all that time :). Let the child figure it out!
Such beautiful video❤ thank you for guiding shared with my moms group ❤️❤️ Could you please also make video how to handle a baby who cries for small small things Even if remote button don’t start or I don’t immediately do what he is asking Pls help me
thank you so much but i got problem who does not want to potty train him and he is two everytime i ask him nicely he just starts doing it in diper then hides not wanted to chance but many times in bathroom he very ok talking what about it he knows what u do where 😄i never forced him how can i ho about this?
Have granddaughter who has big emotions. She will turn away from us and not want us to be by her or talk to her. She has a hard time settling down. What do I do?
For me it's getting hard is if something changes in his routine. For example he doesn't want to wear his coat or Jacket on whilst going outside and he doesn't want to watch different cartoons.
The only issue with your video it does not address bad behaviour. For example we have a no throwing toys in anger rule in our home and no hitting or throwing furniture rule. We get down to our sons eye level and tell him “ this is your first warning no throwing toys. If you do it again we will take the toy away from you” we give him an opportunity to make a good choice and we always follow through. We’ve seen good results with this. To raise balance children we have to follow through with consequences they can understand. Your sons tantrums were not that bad by the way. You need to provide more tools for parents with serious issues with their children. Just talking in a sweet voice is not all there is to it. But part of it.
My daughter doesn’t respond to anything I do. She only wants me husband and freaks out if I take her when she wants him to hold him. Nothing will calm her down even all these techniques. She is usually able to be comforted while he’s at work tho. Still a lot of whining and crying.
For me the hardest part of being a parent is riding out the emotions. It's hard not to be affected.
It is! especially if we ourselves are hungry, tired stressed etc.
Sooo relatable!!!!
Me as well, then on top of that I feel mom guilt that i feel affected.
@@hoganessence14 yes
To let feelings be:
I am a senior with a little counseling experience from years ago and do think that the concept of ‘riding out the emotions’ is important to learning how emotions work, how to manage with them and how they and other facets of life can function together, as we learn and mature.
A challenge can be with the emotions that arise in the listener as the other emotes, those also need to be ‘riden out’.
Feelings are just feelings and don’t always have a rational or readily understood explanation and that’s alright.
Thank you for the informative vlog
I feel like I’m doing a great job as a father. I’m only two years in and this is the first time I searched a video for handling toddler emotions and everything that I seen as an example, I’ve been doing. I just pray my daughter knows how much I love her even when I’m validating how she feels even when she’s two
That’s how i did with my 2 daughters who are 20 and 21 today. People were judging me by saying that i was « too soft » on them… i didn’t listen and now that my kids are grown ups, people now see that i was right! They are good girls with a good heart with no big issues in life. They blossomed so well and they thank me for that 💕
This is helpful to see.
Dear mom
I am a mom of 2.5 yrs old son. Pls help me how to deal if he starts crying at small things like door not opening immediately or I am not reading him a book once he asked . Basically need to understand that we have to allow sometime to get things done.
@@bhagyashreeprabhakar6448 I would maybe suggest that if you spend just a little more time to « communicate » with him so he feels like even though he can’t get what he want, you still understand his feelings. For us grown ups, it’s little things but at his age, he feels proportional to his little 2 1/2 years old 🤷🏼♀️ I think that just this little Time more given for a couple of days and you’ll save much more Time later because he Will start to be confident that even if you stay with your word, he feels understood. Witch bring much more benefits over time. Sorry for my english, it’s not my first language 😅
@@bhagyashreeprabhakar6448 I would also consider that he might be showing first signs of for eg. ADHD or BPD and maybe a trip to a psychologist first, especially if more signs come up and to a psychiatrist next if a psychologist can also see certain signs could be in place. It doesn't mean it has to be any mental issue at all, but we as people often forget that there might be many things at play that don't always mean that we as parents are doing something wrong or that the child is doing this on purpose, is being bad etc. Sometimes there might deregulation in the brain that a child can't really do anything about nor a parent without enough knowledge so... yeah. Don't take it to heart tho! If you see that nothing works and your child is becoming even harder to manage, understand, to relate to and have trouble self-soothing, then it's always a good idea to check and be sure. ;)
PS
You can't diagnose them that early on many issues, but it's good to pay attention already.
Love wins love.
Your son is an angel. My toddler kicks, hits, scratches and screams, hourly.
I love this gentle approach. I'm a nanny (not yet a mom) and I deal with toddler emotions on the daily. One thing I don't know how to handle besides just ignoring the situation and redirecting is when I am trying to assist a child with a task they are very invested in, but they do NOT want help (normal) and cannot do it on their own. I try to offer help but I get screamed at and more crying. Sometimes I just butt in and help (like trying to move a stroller the child wants to move but cannot move himself), but both options deeply upset him. I try to explain why I want to help, but it seems to only escalate the situation. At this point, I usually say something empathetic like "I'm so sorry this isn't working. Let's see what else we can do" and move on, but it does not always work. What else can I do to validate the child's emotions and solve the issue, rather than letting him cry it out?
This is such a great question! From what I learned from books about the kids brain is that there is a lot of new connections being made and the rational brain hasn't fully formed so the child is emotional but we are trying to come in and do something rational so that's where the disconnect is. My son would also get easily frustrated and it's just part of their leaarning, I have found that just saying "I am here for you" and letting that frustration pass through. My son is 4 years old now and he is getting better at dealing with the frustration but it means I have to give him lots of room to figure it out while letting him know he has support when he needs it.
For anyone else looking into this Ashley on Hapa family did a video on toddler frustration using positive discipline techniques its really his breakdown of why and what to do
As a teacher many years ago I am heartened to find out that I did many of these things naturally! That rubbing of the back took the stress out of a little body almost immediately! However when I had my own children I found it much more difficult! When they were having emotion meltdowns I felt I was a failure for letting that happen! How I wish I could have had access to these wonderful insights then!With thanks!
I need child therapy like this. This has made so much sense why I act like this still. I don't have anger meltdowns but I have emotional ones. Therapy is sometimes hard bc I'm doing adult stuff when I haven't ever got emotional help as a kid
I'm not even a parent but I already did this with my 6 year old cousin a when I used to do Pre-K work with him when it was remote learning. From what I understand, getting angry at your child, screaming at them to stop will not solve the problem. When he got upset I turned off the Xbox, instant meltdown. I got on his level and I was saying "i know you're upset but you have to do your work". Patting him on the back, and just riding out his emotions. It took a long time, so I told him when you're calmed down come to me.
Identify their why vs the observation of Behavior you don’t like is the game changer!
Thank you. I’m single dad of two children, 9 months boy and 2 years older girl. It’s getting really hard to look after my son while my daughter is throwing tantrums, but hopefully this will help.
You will get through this! You did it! Today and yesterday and all the days before! You. Did. It. And you will continue to do it and do it better and better. You clearly want to be better too so good luck to you!
It's nice watching you e gage with your son by trying to learn from his reactions instead of forcing him to do things the way you want him to without understanding why he is upset. Understanding how to calm him in ways that make him feel comforted will go a long way. It's a win for you and him.
Thanks from south korea! My son is 31months, and the video is very helpful and i start doing this technics with my son dealing with phone using. Thanks again♡
Thank you for your kind message! I love Korea and Korean food!
Thank you so much. I am feeling so desperate right now. Watching this shows me at least things are “normal” in my house. Hahaha. I have never told myself to breath as much as I have the past month. He turned 3 last week and wow…I feel like I have a pmsing teenager instead of a toddler. 🤣🤦🏼♀️
Big emotions! Thank you for stopping by and sharing.
Hi my son turned 3 in March and life is...hell right now...I'm at the end of my rope. Glad I'm not alone.
This made me feel much better because my daughter just turned 3 and it’s so hard. I miss the baby days.
😂😂😂 feel better that im not alone. Thanks for sharing
Omg this is me right now🥲 my daughter turned 3 and she thinks she can do her own thing... Emotional damage but i have to breathe and widened my expectations this is not easy as 123. Glad this is normal in every households 😄
Remember to label the emotion in this process. What is “you look upset because” mean? What is upset?
You look angry because…..
You look sad because…..
You look scared because…..
Why it is excellent that you identified how the child’s body is reacting with the emotion, the actual emotion should also be identified.
It will help the child begin to learn to use the emotion word in verbal language, understand why his and her body is reacting and then be become available to learn and use self regulation.
Your coregulation is incredible! You also released your child when your child showed resistance to being held and comforted but accepted your kind words and gentle touch.
A child develops self regulation after first experiencing co regulation with a safe adult. The adult is with the child in the emotion and feeling safe in the emotion. Validated by the support through the emotion rather than trying to change it.
Wonderful video!
Thank you for this video I'll definitely apply these techniques to my children. One problem I have is that I'll lash out on them. I'm a single mother with 2 children (2,5) I work full time as well as cleaning homes to make ends meet. I hardly spend any time with my children an when we do spend time together I get really frustrated with them because I know that they act like angels outside of my home (daycare & school ) I've received nothing but amazing comments on how well behaved an how happy my children are. But when we are all together they do the complete opposite. They dnt wanna eat food only junk food. They wanna make a mess but dnt wanna clean up. They fight with eachother. They talk back to me an tell me " NO ". I'm not someone with patience at all an when it comes down to my kids lord knows I try my BEST to not lash out. But man oh man it's so hard. I spank them I yell at them. My parents say I'm taking down to them an that's gonna traumatize them as they get older. Please I want to be a better mother for my children. Our life situation is so stressful an most my time is taken up by me working and making sure we have EVERYTHING we need. I know at the end of they day they'd love to just hang out with mama an have alot of fun. I feel so guilty as a mother because I feel as I neglect my kids emotionally. I need help on being a better mother.
I feel for you. When our own needs as guardians are not met it's hard to be patient with others. When we are stressed out and physically worn down we easily get frustrated, I sometimes experience this as well. Big hugs.
Please, please don't hit your kids. There is nothing good that can come out of that. Only hurt. Is it possible to change jobs? Something that won't wipe you out physically. It might help you be more patient with your children.
there is great parenting book called "how to talk so kids can listen and how to listen so kids can talk".you might get some tips.parenting is indeed a most challenging job @maria olvera
This is wonderful and I will be sharing this with ALL of my speech therapy parents for their toddlers. Thank you!
Wow the ultimate compliment, thank you very much.
Thankyou for sharing this video, it helped me immensely! I've been feeling really down about not knowing how to deal with my sons tantrums, as everybody tells me to ignore him or stop babying him. This is reassuring that I'm not the only one who's toddler continues crying after I comfort and that I'm not doing bad! Just want what's best for my son and for him to know I love him even in those moments
Thank you soo much for creating this video! This was so helpful to me. My son has such big emotions and up until this point if it occurred at the "wrong time" I would become so frustrated.
Alicia thank you so much for the kind words on the video! My son is 4 years old now and this technique has taught him to come to me when he is upset (or seek another adult for a hug). I believe through these small gestures we are teaching and raising a new generation of men who are comfortable with their feelings and expressing them in healthy ways.
My son is 3yrs 11months... He shows quite a severe emotions sometimes... Crying without a reason, difficult to understand. Feels helpless sometimes. I just hug and calm him down as much as possible
This has helped me be the best mom... so has inner work on my own EQ skills.
Thank you for sharing this found it so helpful and useful. I'm a mom of a 5 year old girl with autism and helping her manage her emotions has been one of the toughest things I've experienced as a parent. It's still a work in progress but i know i will be able to help my daughter.
Hi Jasmine, my son has autism as well :) 6 years old. I was looking for parenting and discipline tips and found this!
@@gabrielaramirezful that's good that you found this also.
The demo was so helpful. Thank you for this!
ASKING THEM TO TAKE A BREATH IS VERY HELPFUL!
Omg this is so good & EXACTLY what our daughter is going through now- this is the first video I’ve watched that i can relate to! Thank you!
This video is helpful. Hope you can share more things about my situation. When my son is on tantrums, he is comfortable in pinching, slapping or kicking someone who comforts him.. or throw things.. so challenging
ruclips.net/video/mQ4ShWmDU4U/видео.html
Wow. I feel like I’m watching my own boy. I really needed this video. Thanks for sharing!
Subbed.
Hi John! Thank you so much for the kind words! Let me know if any of these techniques work for you both, I love hearing from other people and their own experience.
I love this! The points were pointed out and shown very well and the video is very informative. This could be my favorite video of helping regulate children's emotions.
This made me subscribe to your channel. Looking forward to more!
Thank you! Those are really kind words.
Truly i think its the best because i need real examples and clear directions with consise dirext reasoning. So good.
Ok. You just said that our toddlers learn how to view the world by watching our expressions… if we constantly keep our voice and expressions soft, then how does a child deal with the outside world? Especially when people are so cruel. I worry that this approach will make a child be unable to cope when someone is not kind or they are cruel. I understand that we need to be a stable and safe place for our children, but how do we get them to be prepared for when the world is ugly to them? I am not saying that we as mothers or family should be ugly to the child but how do we prepare them?
I feel there’s a problem with the way parents are with their children within the past decade or so. A lot of children and young adults are entitled. I believe there needs to be a happy medium of acceptance, love, understanding, discipline, and consequences, so children, or young adults don’t crumble under pressure, or have meltdowns when things don’t go their way. Please don’t misunderstand me. I am not in any way saying that we should beat our kids or something crazy like that. I understand babies don’t understand emotion regulation and need assistance dealing with emotions. Just how do we make a happy medium?
Love this! My only challenge is what happens if they start school and they don't get this same attention and patience?
Toddlers may struggle to manage their strong emotions, but parents and caregivers can assist them by utilizing emotional intelligence. Naming and validating the emotion, teaching coping skills, modeling emotional regulation, using positive reinforcement, and practicing empathy are all part of this process. Toddlers can develop healthy relationships with their feelings and the skills needed to deal with difficult situations if they are taught to recognize, understand, and manage their emotions. Allowing them to connect with them and be with them when they encounter big emotions is very important to ease and practice their emotional intelligence.
This is quite helpful to me as a teacher-and I tutor high schoolers!
Thank you so much! Always means a lot when people leave comments here sharing their personal experiences. I believe we all learn from each other.
Im babysitting my niece today, so this is going to be helpful, lol.
My first born nephew is 14 months. I’m the oldest of 7 myself and I cannot have children of my own. That’s one generational curse down. Next, helping the next generation to have a better handle of their emotions. ‘It takes a village’ and this auntie villager is willing to pitch in.
Thank you so much. Recently my son is getting very emotional, and I don't know how to deal with it. He starts to throw things around and constantly wants to be in my arms.
Ambivalent attachment
this is a lot to deal with sometimes im scared of my son but I'm strongly and willing to help my child with his emotions I won't give up
This knowledge you are giving is AMAZING. thank you thank you thank you! 📈💛
Hi! I love this. Our boy is 2 1/2 and recently diagnosed autism.
I noticed the video is over a year old now, so just wondering if you'd still handle this the same way? Or if you've learned new techniques since posting this? I appreciate you! Thank you so much ❤️
Hi there! My son is 4 years old now and this technique has taught him to come to me or any other adult for a hug when he is upset. No matter what age the child (and adult!) we all want human connection. I apologize I am responding so late, I only saw the comment just now.
O wow, my son could be autistic too and he is having difficulties speaking too....we are working on it, one step at a time
Thank you, this really helped me understand and connect with my daughter.
Hahahah the day i had some hot food waiting for me my dad to give his meal as his carer too was when she had her first huda emotional reaction before bedtime she slipped slightly on her step stool whilst brushing and this happened before without a reaction i checked she did not get hurt but it seemed like she did so my reaction after realising it was not because of real pain but because she was overtired and wanting connection too having had a mixed up routine. It all added up and came out in this one mishap. I realised that i was using mirroring techniques hugging soothing gentle talk and riding the emotions whilst ensuring we didnt have an accident without her nappy on yet. Its was tricky but not as bad as i would have though i was just feeling her and guiding her through it it really was so much better than trying to stop her crying to telling her its okay or trying redirect her straight away the emotions had calmed so quickly you wouldn't even know how badly she was crying before we were readingthe bestime book in her nightie like 3 minutes ago. Alhamdulillah i am so blessed to have this information i wish i could have this sort of support in learning to regulate my emotions even now. I can have patience for my babby but other people especially my own parent and husband is soooo tricky.
This was a great help. Thanks for sharing it. 😊
This was soooo helpful. And I would love to watch and learn 👏🏾👏🏾🙏🏾♥️
My son had a huge personality!
I will try all of these! My baby is terribly 2 and isn’t talking much yet.
I'm going try this thank you so so much!!
My son just today started having tantrums. So here I am on you tube looking for help .
Thank you for sharing!
30 or 60 second big emotions....our little ones last up to 15 minutes in a daily basis. Quite hard to handle
Do you teach your kid how to calm down? Breathing techniques work best for us.
Definitely breathing techniques and if they don't want to.... it's ok to let them know you are going to go.....xyz.... and give them time to allow their emotions to flow❤
(Parenting Life Coach here)
I use this technique as well. It's really helpful though sometimes a bad day gets in the way a little bit and I tend to forget dealing hehehe but rarely it happens.
That is wonderful to hear! I am so happy this video resonates.
I struggle getting him to cooperate regarding general bodily functions. He doesn't want to eat, bath, change diaper, potty train, blow his nose...it's so frustrating. He is 3 and 2 mo ...and when I try talking to him gently as you suggested he lashes out and hits...but he is not this way at daycare...just when he gets home. At daycare he is an angel...at home he is challenging.
It’s a great way. You can also check out the CALM technique by Jennifer Kolari. It does take practice but it works like a charm.
Thank you for the video! I will definitely try this approach
Thank you!
Yes please more information
I believe most challenging conduct I have right now with my toddler is that she hits me when she's upset and that she throws stuff and I am having a hard time figuring out whats the best and most efficient approach toward that
excellent information ty
This was great! Thank you for teaching me/us!
My 3 yo will randomly burst into tears and scream ouchy and point to random places on her body (mostly hands and feet) all I have to do is kiss the spot she points at. Then she is fine. But she does this over 30 times a day. If I don't kiss the "ouchy" she breaks down into a tantrum. Idk how to get her past this.
yes do more please! this is very helpful thank you. i have a 4 year old that usually cries a lot when he doesnt get things his way with his cousins, like sharing things, or playing catch, he seldom gets angry he expresses his emotions though crying... how do i help him with this or even help him probably be stronger or learn to grow out of this... thank you..
It's not a sign of weakness... It causes him pain and you have to support that not try and change him because it's a lower brain thing like she says. Meeting him where he's at is the first step
Watching this late at night after a hard day of so much big emotions and i read and have tried these techniques but I just forgot how impactful they are especially when I doubt myself so much as a mom that i dont think I am doing doing good enough. But it was just a nice reminder to myself that i am doing my best and to stick with what is right for my son. Thankyou so much! And you should really put a link about the books in the description so we can tske a look at them!
I do like your video a lot! It's very helpful 👍
if someone had touched me like that when i was lil it would had made it worse (know the child is step 1) (im on the autism spectrum)
Please guide me in handling twin tantrums and their fighting
Okay how can I (the mom) do this when my almost 3 year old is LOSING IT (tantrum) and I’m already frustrated.
Example when he gets something taken because he wasn’t listening.
I feel you, the frustration can be very real and I also experience this at times. I sometimes override my own needs knowing that if I meet the emotional needs of my son then he is more apt to calm down so then my needs for peace can be met. If I ignore his needs then the tension persists. It's a balance and even I don't always get it right. Thank you for sharing and leaving a comment.
Well done great video
Hey, im just wondering what the name of the song you played at the end of the video is called. Loved this video btw! So helpful even for me as an adult understanding my own emotions
Thank you so much!
Beautiful!!! Thank you!
What if the child's default emotion to a challenge they think they can't manage is to cry? My kid cries 10 plus times a day?
My son (3 years) I feel I can control him more when my wife is not around, but when my wife (mother) is around his behavior is much more difficult to manage, he gets angry very fast, for the smallest thing, such as when he's throwing food and when I say to stop it, he gets angry and start to do it more or start to throw even other things around, and it seems he does this on purpose, because sometimes he laughs while in the middle of act of showing anger
So what's coming up for my toddler at the moment is he's so flooded that he's full on running away from me when he's upset and or telling me to leave him alone. He is two years old, so I understand this is a process he is going through. My concern is that if he's running away from me, I do not have any opportunity to connect, name his feelings, and redirect.
Hi I am working in afterschool club and I have a child that just doesn't want to listen and running and teasing other children what you will recommend what approach to use? Other other toddler he has tantrum that we have to hold him otherway he just run out or hurt himself or others.
me : seriously trying to catch the idea
0:22 : hellow!
What's wrong with saying, "oh that probably hurt, but hey hey look at this".... and just distracting them from their emotions so they learn to to self soothe by doing something fun instead of sitting in their sorrow. There won't always be someone around to stroke their hair and pity them.
don't take my word for that but i think it depends on the age of the child, toddlers especially are still not capable of doing so by themselves so they need a caretaker to help them to sooth, this also helps building a stronger bond between the child and the caretaker and develops the trust. so when the toddler is in trouble\upset he knows someone has his back, and by the time he approaches 5 years old he will be likely much more capable at learning how to self regulate and he will be able to understand situations much better. for example, if you take something from a 2yo, like dangerous object, this will be on a scale of a tragedy for him since he can't understand the logic behind "why" was this taken from him. but a 5yo can already understand some concepts and the reasoning behind why he can't have that thing that he wants so he will be able to deal with the situation much better. so to sum everything up, by building trust and helping him sooth his emotions, and establishing trust between you both you are giving him tools and helping him get ready to deal things on his own. i hope this was helpful!
I think it is probably partially an issue because it doesn’t teach introspection or self soothing, you can’t always distract from emotions and although it’s a useful tool it’s also useful to teach them to feel their feelings and self sooth
So inspiring
Thanks you.
Do you do the same thing when you are in public?
Hi just saw your question! Yes this approach is based on human connection and is used all the time. Similar to if a child falls and hurts themselves, we always comfort them. This approach is similar except helping the child to regulate their big emotions.
Awesome 🧡
Hi. New to your channel. I was wondering how to apply the techniques displayed here, in public
Recently my toddle refuses to go nursery and having big emotions every morning. Any advises ?
My daughter is almost 5 years and I only recently started knowing about mindfulness and emotional regulation and I want to ask what to do after the meltdown is over how to address the incident and how to redirect??
Hi there is a really great easy book called
Tears and Tantrums : What to Do When Babies and Children Cry by Aletha Solter
I highly recommend it.
thank you ✨🙏✨
Yup it just worked!
My 2.5 year old always runs away when I need to change his nappy. Please can you give any tips, how to stop this and to make the nappy changing experience pleasant
My grandmother had 19 children… imagine how that would work? OMG the human race would not be here still if we had to do this all the time. But I guess happy some people have all that time :). Let the child figure it out!
What if riding out the emotion includes hitting, kicking & throwing toys?
No child was harmed in the making of this video ..... 😂
Such beautiful video❤ thank you for guiding shared with my moms group ❤️❤️
Could you please also make video how to handle a baby who cries for small small things
Even if remote button don’t start or I don’t immediately do what he is asking
Pls help me
Hi! I will send you a resource in a few days.
thank you so much but i got problem who does not want to potty train him and he is two everytime i ask him nicely he just starts doing it in diper then hides not
wanted to chance but
many times in bathroom he very ok talking what about it he knows what u do where 😄i never forced him how can i ho about this?
Interensting✨
This is very good. I truly think that emotional intelligence can help with any thing! #coacheq2020
Thank you Susan, I feel the same!
Can I use these on adults??
Adults needed even more😁
He looks tired too....could also be the reason why he is crying
Have granddaughter who has big emotions. She will turn away from us and not want us to be by her or talk to her. She has a hard time settling down. What do I do?
Get her a bf.
Is this technique from 1 particular book or several books? I want to learn more about this approach but which book explained it the best?
Peaceful Parent Happy Kids by Laura Markham.
For me it's getting hard is if something changes in his routine. For example he doesn't want to wear his coat or Jacket on whilst going outside and he doesn't want to watch different cartoons.
We never outgrow these techniques!
My 4 yo keeps doing things which I tell him not to do, so even then I need to tell him calm voice ? In public ?
This helps!
The after school burnout tantrum 😔
The only issue with your video it does not address bad behaviour. For example we have a no throwing toys in anger rule in our home and no hitting or throwing furniture rule. We get down to our sons eye level and tell him “ this is your first warning no throwing toys. If you do it again we will take the toy away from you” we give him an opportunity to make a good choice and we always follow through. We’ve seen good results with this. To raise balance children we have to follow through with consequences they can understand. Your sons tantrums were not that bad by the way. You need to provide more tools for parents with serious issues with their children. Just talking in a sweet voice is not all there is to it. But part of it.
My daughter doesn’t respond to anything I do. She only wants me husband and freaks out if I take her when she wants him to hold him. Nothing will calm her down even all these techniques. She is usually able to be comforted while he’s at work tho. Still a lot of whining and crying.