Love Is Blind - Jimmy Lied - Season 6 #97 - Therapist Reacts
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- Опубликовано: 20 апр 2024
- Dr. Kirk Honda reacts to Love Is Blind Season 6. Includes clips from Love Is Blind (Netflix), The Reunion.
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Jimmy’s “I’m really proud of the edit Jess got,” comment sounds like a CLASSIC Southern backhanded compliment to me.
Passive agression isnt cute
@@gracethroughfaithbloodofje4753 Agreed
EXACTLY!
I share these exact sentiments! Jess is an excellent communicator and does a great job of advocating for her own needs. Some of the best communication I’ve seen on this show. I don’t think Jimmy interpreted it that way because of his own trauma.
He so desperately wants to prove his case that her "conflict resolution" skills were an issue. 👎🏾Bye Jimmy
It's interesting with Jimmy because with Jess he tends to shut down and not express his own feelings and blames her for being a lot. But then with Chelsea when she's much more unreasonable and abrasive he can communicate his side, just not eloquently.
@@jamietigges2154think Jess is way more self assured and confident than Chelsea and maybe he feels intimidated by her. He may feel judged or is afraid of judgement and doesn’t know how to verbalize any of his feelings towards her. Its hard to say what exactly was going through his head but I think he was just completely indecisive and couldn’t actually tell her straight forward that he doesn’t want her: maybe he was also keeping her as a plan B because he knew Chelsea could’ve chosen Trevor and he wouldn’t have anyone
Yeah, Jess and AD are very articulate, glad they're mostly given the floor here without constant interrupting. On the other hand, AD lacks a little self awareness at times, but don't we all.
@@jamietigges2154remember in the pods when he said something like “I’m not used to being led” or “I’m used to being the leader” in relationships. I just went back to try and find it really quickly and I couldn’t but I remember him saying that, and he always froze up so frequently with Jess and picked Chelsea who has a more girly/cutesy type voice. So I think that’s why - he has something about assertive women. Maybe he feels better with a partner who’s meeker because it lets him feel more masculine or more competent. Maybe he has insecurity issues or something from his past
My impression of this exchange is that Jimmy doesn’t like to be challenged in partnerships. Jess is a woman who expects and requires a lot because she knows that she has a lot to give. I believe that he didn’t feel comfortable having her push back and that’s why he gravitated towards Chelsea in the first place. She presented as though she wouldn’t require as much accountability.
it could be that he feels criticized / shame when he senses others are disappointed in him which triggers abandonment issues which further leads to "ok this is ruined anyway so let me just detach / end it first"
"She presented as though she wouldn't require as much accountability." is SUCH a fire line because it summarizes SO much so succinctly. Brava!!
@@ligli500😂Why thank you!
Same! And boy did he misread what was in store for him with Chelsea , “the easygoing one” 💀
Honestly, I think he made up his mind because she had a kid, but he doesn't want to admit that and potentially look like a bad guy, so he's grasping for other reasons like her allegedly storming out after 10 minutes. He really shouldn't have picked either of them, but you're right that Chelsea did a good job in the pods of concealing her crazy and portraying the chill vibe she so desperately wishes was authentic.
I think the reason it was important to show all the is because it really illustrates the way Jimmy reframes things to make himself look like the good guy in any situation. It would be very frustrating to be in a relationship with someone like that.
Exactly! That's my problem with Jimmy..I think HE got a good edit.
Yes - this
Yes!!!! Bruh….
@@thisismyinferno exactly😂
Exactly... No one calls Jimmy out on this. I feel so seen rn. 😢
Jimmy looked livid the whole reunion
I was thinking the same thing. Not sure if he was just supremely uncomfortable and it put him on edge and made him super defensive… but yeah, he didn’t seem relaxed at all.
I thought he looked scared and I kept wondering why then post interviews a few people had said he was fearful of getting a bad edit. Granted he presumably watch before the reunion but I think Jimmy has major insecurities issues where that he terrified of what people think about him while simultaneously craving attention. It'd pretty obvious in his interviews, if you ask me.
In the interview Jimmy said that Jess got a “good” edit. I think the implication for Jess is that she’s not that nice and the show edited her in a positive light. So it makes sense for that to hurt her feelings.
I think it's important to remember that you can be a good person and still get a good edit. I understand what you mean about how the insinuation could be interpreted as "only ""villains"" get a good edit" because that's how we're used to bringing up edits (that is, in terms of whether someone shitty was edited; either well or badly. We hardly ever discuss how kind people were edited well.)
Natalie and Deepti of season 2 talked about this on their podcast in relation to this very situation and Jimmy's comment towards Jess. They used the example of how Deepti got a good edit; it's not because she secretly managed to get away with being a shitty person, but because they didn't show her doing any dumb/gross/stupid stuff. Same with Natalie, who they said got a good edit because they didn't include any of her sarcastic, snarky humour in the episodes (which could have been taken out of context and gotten her in trouble with the public).
I agree. I think a good person can get a good edit. What I’m saying is that I understand why she was hurt by his statement in that interview. I can understand where her mind would go.
Jimmy is jealous of Jess, he is so musculine... 👍
I understood what Jess was saying as the very end of the date was the intermission. Where she said I'm not ending things that he remembered as a storm out, that was in her mind a brief break or intermission. And why she thinks it was the end for him is because the next date he had was with Chelsea where he told her he loved her. Jess thought that she and Jimmy were taking some time to breathe (an intermission still) and that is when Laura tells her Jimmy told Chelsea he loved her. And he told Chelsea he loved her first, so that line about wanting Jess to go first was very disingenuous and distracting from the point. So in my understanding of her narrative, she is absolutely correct. As correct as any human can be about time, etc.
Yes, I came here to say that. 50 minutes after their "intermission", Jess says "I think we should leave it alone FOR RIGHT NOW" and Jimmy agrees. That's the "break" she was referring to and she was the one that requested it. And Jimmy saying "no" to her was him choosing Chelsea right away instead of waiting for their next date. It's so funny to me, too, that Jimmy believes she "stormed out" when she literally introduced their break with "I'm not walking away."
Thanks for this episode though, Dr. Kirk, it was a very interesting dive into the concept of memory.
This was how I took it as well
That's how I understood it as well because she specifically referenced that. She said it felt forced and wanted to take a break. That's what she said at the end of that date. She suggested it and he agreed. She never said that he rejected it and said it was over. That was Dr. Honda's memory being inaccurate.
Ok, here's my wacky theory: Jimmy has some codependent tendencies, (though not to the same extent as AD). I feel like the hallmark of a codependent mindset is, at it's core, 'my partner is the one with problems and vulnerabilities, and I am their problemless rock'. I think you see this with Jimmy as he gets SUPER defensive and strange when his needs or vulnerabilities become the focus, he is much more calm when the focus is his partner's vulnerabilities. This is why he showed a lot of patience in the worst of the Chelsea fights, when he was there to be the steady rock, and after the fights to reassure her. I know Honda read this as a lot of differentiation from Jimmy, but I read it more as a lot of comfort with a mindset of superiority over a struggling partner. He can dismiss a lot of the worst of what Chelsea said because he pities her, in the way many codependents quietly do. He has the codependent worldview of 'I'm here for them, the struggling one'. But when Jess is calm and reasonable and creating space for him to be vulnerable, he gets defensive and upset. And even in this reunion clip, I swear I saw him kinda loosen up when Jess seemed on the edge of crying, because that allows him to revert back to his comfortable space of the calm comforter, instead of the one with the big feelings opening up. Now, I don't think Jimmy has the part of codependency that is 'desperation to fix their partner', but DOES have the side of codependency that is 'we both agree you're the one with more problems and you lean on me'. And just like AD and her tendencies, codependents can look super healthy when helping a struggling partner, and it's only when removed from the caretaker role (like Jimmy here), where their issues jump out. I think but for codependent tendencies Jimmy would have noped out on Chelsea way earlier, and would not hang out with her after the show, as he has. It also explains his anger at Chelsea in the breakup talk, and how he drew it out, as so much of codependency is having this repressed anger at how much they 'have done' for their 'incompetent needy' partners. I feel like we're conditioned to really spot and support and kinda condone female codependents, and not really recognize male codependents as much (unless it's as blatant as Marshall's 'you're a project', lol).
I *LOVE* this take!! It makes a LOT of sense to me and explains a lot of the nuances of Jimmy's behaviours. It's so interesting and important to see how co-dependency can show up/manifest/come across in male codependents because, as you so rightly pointed out, we're much more used to identifying or highlighting it in women. Because of societal and cultural norms, women tend to be able to access sadness more readily than anger, whereas the opposite is true of men where anger is a more widely acceptable emotion for them to access than sadness. So it would make sense for Jimmy (or codependent men in general) to have a more angry/frustrated response in situations where their codependency is rejected or not "given the space" to exist.
Thank you for your comment FishAreFriends! Incredibly insightful and it's given me a lot to mull over (:
I like your theory, yes!
Not a wacky theory at all. I was also thinking similar: I think he picked Chelsea over Jess bc he could see that Chelsea is far more emotional / messy than he, which makes him feel like he’s “better” than her. Whereas Jess is far more “strong” and did not put up with his BS. He can’t handle a woman like that because it puts him in a far more vulnerable / uncertain state. I agree with you completely.
Damn! Thats a good take!
Wow! Super interesting perspective
I really wish they had spent less time on Jimmy's incorrect perception of 10 mins vs 1h45 mins, and more time (even ANY time) on how Chelsea had incorrect perceptions of SO many things. Jess is able to be friends and close with Chelsea when she did it to Jimmy over and over again, but Jimmy does it once in an interview in reference to Jess and suddenly it's completely unacceptable and she can't move past it (like she does with Chelsea)?
Why would they when Chelsea has repeatedly made reference to her being in the wrong in their relationship and overreacting in situations. Why pick apart her emotions? In this situation he was adamant on specific details that could easily be disproven with video evidence. Like the cuties scene.
My biggest issue with Jimmy is that everything magically seems to happen with him off camera. There’s the zoom Interview with both Chelsea and Jimmy on the Viall files where they both said he would wait for filming to wrap and then he would go out. Then there’s a lot of off camera conversations that they refer to. But ultimately, he says he was done with Chelsea when she brought up his secret on camera. Seems like he’s only worried about the edit. Not about the relationship. Says a lot to me that the only part they had documentation of (the 10 min/storm out he was referring to) shows that he wasn’t truthful.
She didn't say he rejected the intermission and said it's over. She said that she asked to take a break because it was feeling forced and he agreed. That's exactly what happened after 2 hours.
She just didn't mention the part where they took a 10-minute break earlier on initiated by him.
This was surprisingly healing for me because I saw the Jess situation from a negative perspective before your commentary. I was judging how she handled Jimmy’s indecisiveness with what I thought at the time was abrasive. Now I realize that I have a tendency to morph myself to levels that make others feel comfortable, sacrificing my own needs, and I expect others to do the same. 🥺
This is my take about Jimmy's behavior through what he said through the reunion but also multiple interviews outside.
1. He picked Chelsea mainly because he thought she was a lookalike Megan Fox but also because Jessica was a mother. He was not ready for it and felt betrayed she did not tell him earlier in the process. He created tensions in his mind with Jessica to find excuses to leave her but he could not tell it was because she was a mother. He thought also that Chelsea was a confident and bubbly personality. He thought she is a catch (sensitive flight attendant Megan Fox lookalike, very popular in the pods).
2. He ended up with someone with charm but defo not as hot as Megan Fox (you can see his disappointment at their meeting), very insecure and exhausting... During the experience, he tried to reinsure her that he was into her, not Jessica. That he has made his choice and he was happy with it 😬 despite all the roller coaster.
3. At the end of the experience, he broke up with Chelsea... but as he is very concerned by his image and reputation,, he cannot say that Jessica would have been a better choice for him, and to show that he was not a liar with Chelsea, he will just bash Jessica (she was a mean girl, she stormed out, nagging...) and present her as hysterical when she is probably the most accomplished character in this season. Not perfect but more mature than most of them. So now, he is stucked between his failure to pick the right girl that could have made him grow up. I really think he is full of regrets and angry regarding Jess. He cannot make a move towards her because of Chelsea. So his only way is to portrait in his mind a story that depicts her as a villain...
it's true, i love that dr honda takes things at face value and gives benefit of doubt but societal context matters like this should be discussed more
Just to add: in my belief he was not attracted to Chelsea. He was trying to convince everyone around saying how attracted he was to her but think most of us didn’t actually believe it.
I also think he didn’t pick up Jess because she was a mother and she was way too self assured for him. But he didn’t reject her earlier because he wanted a plan B in case Chelsea went for Trevor instead.
@@Rubenesquebody I really think Chelsea was his plan B. And he was caught in the competition with Trevor. He was picturing someone else different, he thought life would be easier when Jessica was challenging him on a deeper way. Jimmy just showed how shallow he was... and he keeps playing the part. I do think tho a part of him was sincere with Chelsea and he tried his best... but he was facing conflicting feelings inside of himself and did not know how to deal with it.
100%, he made up his mind about Jess as soon as she mentioned the kid, he even mentioned how upset he was about that to Chelsea later that day. He just didn't want to look like the bad guy and admit to discriminating against single moms, so he had to make up some other reason. Similar to how a lot of people won't admit that they're rejecting someone for being fat, it's not socially acceptable to be honest about that. Probably he's not perfectly compatible with either of these women though, I don't think he necessarily should have picked Jess either. Realistically it's not guaranteed that we'll all have a soulmate in a random group of 15 people.
Every single point, yes! It’s one thing to take the show as a jumping off point. But when he specifically targets characters in a show and labels them in a 5+ part series as potentially abusive, you need to then go into all the other factors. I don’t know why he took the time to look into Jeremy if he wasn’t going look into the other interviews with Chelsea and Jimmy. There is a bias either towards Chelsea or in favor of Jimmy. Maybe both but it’s been very frustrating as a long time viewer to listen to. It’s especially discouraging when these videos come out so far after the point. I enjoy the tangents, but maybe we need to cut down and a couple of them so that we can get the edits pumped out with the most updated information.
The issue, and why it really matters, is he went on a public interview, said untrue things about Jessica that made her look bad. She may have remembered some things wrong, but she didn’t trash him on TV- he did that to her. Meanwhile, she thought they were friends.
IMO Jimmy is utterly awful. And everyone cuts him so many breaks. The way he treated Chelsea, and now Jessica.
Count your lucky stars, Jessica. You dodged a lifetime with Mr. Defensive who would argue over small things just to get out of accountability. Yuck
I’m so glad that healthy Jessica didn’t get with this unhealthy dude, and have to “carry the day” and do the emotional labor for the couple, because he can’t be bothered.
Thank you! That is the central issue here! Finally someone said it
Yes, it was so hard for me to sit through Dr. Honda giving Jimmy all the benefit of the doubt and none to Chelsea.
What did he do to Chelsea?
@@samanthas8340 same, but I think it's male blind spot. Except my husband really saw it and immediately realized how problematic Jimmy was. He's been doing his work- yay.
@@jesssc402 He wasn't really honest with her. He didn't even like the way she looked at the reveal. It was so apparent. There is more but other people have already done great videos about it. Melanie Hamlett made a couple.
It only took… all season, plus
The reunion, for the majority to see that Jimmy is a piece of work.
I'm just glad to know I'm not crazy and that others are calling Dr. Honda out for his biases. Man oh man..
Jimmy is a character who really took me on a roller coaster 🎢 ride. I went from initially finding him doofy and unlikeable to seeing a mature side of him with Chelsea thank thinking I misjudged him. To seeing his behavior on the reunion and arriving back at my original poor opinion of him
lol. He’s the Rorschach test of the show. 😂
@@pnwlady totally lol
Jess showed up well in the pods. She was looking for a partner and father. Jimmy isn’t mature enough to grasp what she was offering. When she was open and vulnerable he flailed.
I don’t understand any of this stuff making it onto the reunion though. Especially since the main couple: Chelsea and Jimmy get basically skipped over.
Jimmy seems like he's avoidant and a massive bullshitter. I'm not defending Chelsea or Jessica but there seems to be a lot of focus on the women's behaviour and not his he did and said a lot of terrible shit and he got let off easier then they did.
I am always impressed by Jess.
Omg, "Cuties"-gate was one of the most anticlimactic reunion reveals, it made her look like a crazy person. Like it's one thing to have a misunderstanding and get upset in the moment, but to still be upset a year later and use that as a "gotcha, see how abusive he is" moment?
She was emotionally abusive to Cole
So much of life is perspective. If you don’t understand how wrong perspective can be, you are really going to struggle with interpersonal dynamics.
@@anastassiyali140 Yeah, I'll be honest, I didn't pick up on it as clearly as the Chelsea situation until the altar and everything that was revealed after the show. They just seemed stressed out and incompatible to me during the season, she's a lot better at masking her behavior than Chelsea.
I don't think she was referring to the intermission or 8 minute break when she said that. I think she was referring to taking a break with dating him until he thinks about their relationship and is sure of her. She says, "If you do come back, and I still feel the same, that's something I would need (him to be sure of how he feels for her)". From my perspective, she was asking for a "break" in that way. A break, so he could figure it out and come back with some communication on how he is feeling.
Her recollection of events was pretty damn accurate.
He didn't like that she had a child and didn't like the way it was revealed. Everything else is just covering up for that on his part bc he was self-conscious about his edit.
I agree. I think his main issue with Jess was that she had a daughter. So he kept telling himself Chelsea is fun and cute and bubbly, and doesn’t have a kid, and looks like Meghan Fox 😂 so it seemed like the easy choice compared to a single mom.
The fruit of the Loom thing is real. As a child, I had no clue what a cornucopia was or even the word for it. I literally learned what it was & was called BECAUSE of the Fruit of the Loom logo. I kept wondering, I asked an adult & that's why I know the word & what it is.
Yes! There’s a creator that found their original copyright and it lists the cornucopia. I also have certain things that were saved from when I was a toddler and the cornucopia was on the label. Like that one is proven lol
he didnt pick jess because he felt pressured, then he picks chelsea who was putting all kinds of pressure on him. isnt it ironic. alanis Morrissette
The Jess and Jimmy relationship would've never worked because Jimmy would've needed to get help for his stuff and he wouldn't have been able to handle Jess. I just dated someone similar to Jimmy for 2.5 yrs and I'm a lot like Jess. It was constant emotional ghosting. Jimmy's EQ is too low and he just wasn't willing to do any work to be a better human. She deserves someone who can meet her vulnerability.
Wait, you dated a guy similar to Jimmy, or you literally dated this Jimmy?
@@rachelmaddowswife8713 corrected! Similar.
@@Okashio87 Oh rats, I thought we were about to get all the tea, haha.
YES.
@@rachelmaddowswife8713😂😂😂
We have found physical evidence that the cornucopia existed lol. Printed on an old t shirt.
I never doubted. 😂
any shirt w a knock off logo is evidence?? 😂
@safestart6252 it can be authenticated, how do u think there’s old vintage expensive brand clothes
@@sugaandspice5963 so was this one authenticated lmao cuz they did not say that
18:33 Dr. Honda I think you are thinking of her storming out on the last day (black dress) after she finds out that Jimmy told Chelsea he loves her, not this date which from our understanding is the day prior. He then goes directly from what he is telling press this “terribly bad date” with Jess to a date with Chelsea where he tells her he loves her. He claims this bad date clarified his feelings but at the lake party he tells Jess he still had feelings for her and she was still his #1. His freezing and time stopping and complete reframing of reality really shows he has severe traumas with pressure and having to make decisions. This would not bode well for someone that has a child or even a relationship I don’t think. Jimmy wants to answer for himself and only to himself and doesn’t want to be held accountable to anyone. Similar to the Chelsea situation with him going out bc from what we hear happened behind the scenes he mentally checked out early and was lying and going out often with his girlfriends and others and that is what was making Chelsea so insecure and worried.
Jimmy should have let Jess loose much sooner than next to the last day. He knew he was gonna choose Chelsea much sooner than what he portrayed. And Jess should have told him she had a child much sooner ( not sure what day she did tell him, but i think quite late in the game) I believe this backed Jimmy into a corner as he did not want to look like the bad guy who right away broke up with a single mother, He was not ready to take on a women with a child and did not have the courage tell Jess.He had every right to feel this way. They both made mistakes .I believe at the time Jimmy felt Chelsea was the right 'my person' choice and fitted more the life style he was looking for.The megan fox thing was just the icing on the cake.Sure i think he was a little disappointed when he first saw Chelsea. but later realized she was very pretty in her own right.A Lot of people say Jimmy dropped the ball, but i don't think he felt way.Jess may be beautiful but she would have still had a child
Didn't she say it was the 3rd day she told him?
Yay! You’re talking about Elizabeth Loftus’ work Dr H! ❤
I think that Jimmy’s defensiveness makes him delusional! Also, does anyone notice Jimmy’s body language. He looks so pissed the entire time-pursed lips, stiff body, clenched jaw. Sort of scary that he becomes that when challenged. He didn’t really seem that way when him and Chelsea were fighting a lot during the show, but now his body language is very different.
I don’t know why people chose to protect jimmy. I could see through him this entire time.
I want to ask Dr. Honda so bad if this changes the scene where Jimmy says he’s was out for only 1h that night with his friends cause Chelsea said he lied about that night on camera, and if 10min to him is actually 2h and a half, imagine what 1h is to him lol.
@@amandadosanjos3994 if I remember correctly, he also said he asked Chelsea if she wanted to go, but in that same breath, he also said he didn’t ask her because she looked comfortable in the bed already. I think it’s little white lies he tells. But that’s just my opinion.
@@amiianectarI can imagine, and with someone like Chelsea who looks like she listens to even minute details, every little white lie is like a huge deal. Imagine how many he said and how he was off camera. Wild.
I don't think it's about protecting jimmy. He is toxic. it's just that Chelsea is abusive. Being with a jimmy may hurt you but a Chelsea will damage you.
I feel Dr Honda gave way too much grace to Jimmy and Clay this season
She is too good for him, I'm glad they didnt end up together
Jimmy is so triggering... we've all dated someone like that
I know what you mean. Maybe we could say "he reminds us of people we dated in the past" instead of using the word 'triggering' in this situation
Yes.
@@louibeans How do you know they weren't legitimately triggered?
@@lunaeriss I don't know. There is no way to know. Maybe the commenter has actually been triggered. They didn't specify by what exactly. That's why my remark has the "maybe" in front of it. I can't be sure. I do wonder how a whole person can be triggering, though, since they said "Jimmy is triggering", not that a specific thing about Jimmy was triggering, or something Jimmy did or said
I agree. I think it was easier for people to focus on Chelsea but I always saw communication and honesty issues with Jimmy.
I personally think Jimmy is the one thay got a good edit. They tend to show the women in a bad "crazy" light than the men more times than not.
When I watched this interaction between Jimmy and Jess, I assumed they were conflating conversations. I suspect Jess was talking exclusively about the date where she gave him the letter to her future husband (which I felt was a bit on the extreme side). But I feel Jimmy was talking instead about their last "date" where he tells her that he's not choosing her, where she does just go off on him and storm out of the room. Particularly a year later, it would be easy to understand how they'd both be confused.
About the intermission thing:
In the reunion episode Jess retells the story and mentions that she told Jimmy that in that conversation it was staring to feel forced and that they should take an intermission. Looking back at the clip from in the pods we can see that she does in fact say that line about it feeling forced it. However, at the end of the conversation she states “Maybe I will talk to you later”
(So she does not use the specific word intermission or break) However, the line maybe I will talk to you later kind of means the same thing. So, although there is some misremembering happening with the memories, Jess is closer to the truth than Jimmy.
Before the 8 minute break Jimmy is the one who asks for the break. But at the end of the conversation Jess ends it with the line “Maybe I will talk to you later,” which can be coded in her memory as a break as well.
This ep should be titled "Kirk v. Conspiracies"
Omg thanks for the explanation on Mandala effects. Have been for a long time wondering how those may happen!
chelsea did an interview on a podcast that illuminates some of her reactions that seem very unreasonable. obviously we still need to go take it with a grain of salt but it might be interesting to look at!
yes please doctor honda !!
27:02 Totally agree that this was a fascinating example of how memory works. I'm glad they included the receipts. It seems like a small detail but it says something about Jimmy's distortions - and possibly casts doubt on to what degree Chelsea was distorting. It seems that Jimmy's brain went to great lengths to try to put the blame on Jess for their breakup and/or not admit to himself his true motivations for choosing Chelsea over her.
Jess is just the southern version of Micah. Having lived in the south, Jess comes off as the classic southern mean girl to me. She is just mad that her own actions make her look bad. She just also happens to be a smooth talker, so she gets more benefit of the doubt. She purposely left out the fact that she has a child until Jimmy was attached, then she sends this letter at a time when their relationship is shakey due to her deception. Then, when he turns her down, she gets nasty suggesting that she deserves Jimmy because she is hot. There is also a mean girl element, since she knows what Chelsea looks like, thus implying that she thinks she deserves to "win" against Chelsea (a stance that she doubles down on multiple times). She is just mad that she doesn't come off as sympathetic as she thinks she should, but as someone who is familiar with the more subtle mean girl style of the south, her edit is probably fair or maybe even kind of nicer to her than it could have been (which is what Jimmy is saying qhen he says that he is proud of her edit).
The fruit of the loom one is actually true though. Someone went through an old box of clothes and found a shirt with the old label. It’s weird that the company itself is trying to trick us, but it’s probably good PR.
Also a lot of physicists say simulation theory isn’t actually that improbable.
Dr Honda! The fruit of the loom cornucopia was real. It’s actually an example of corporate gaslighting. There is a creator that located the original copyright documentation and listed a cornucopia as one of their logos
His name is Wolf and he’s wearing sheep’s clothing.
Dr Honda, I think what she means by "I asked for an intermission" is not the 8 min break they had. It was at the end of the conversation when she said there's no point to continue, they'll talk another time if things still go their way but then he ended it by saying to Chelsea that he loves her. So she did ask for a break in the conversation at the end and in her mind he did end things by telling someone else that he loves her. I may be looking into it too deep. To be honest, I wasn't very happy with Jess in this reunion. I felt like she was taking too much space but seeing it through your eyes, made me think differently.
This discussion of the Mandela effect and other aspects of memory fickleness sort of blew my mind. Something about the way you explained it this time really made me understand it. I think that Jessica talking about how she did not storm out actually might’ve accidentally inserted a memory in my mind of her storming out.
Hi Dr. Honda, i waited this whole time to see you react to this episode. hahaha. I just wanna see if you would notice the same thing. I think Jimmy was talking about the Epipen date(black dress) that she stormed out, but She's talking about the date before that(pink dress). But production team showed her clip instead of his. I've only seen sprinkle amount of people talking about it but they mostly got shut down, i like to hear your opinion on this.
I have never heard of the brand Fruit of the Loom until I moved to the UK and was looking for plain cotton t-shirts in order to make a home made print as a present for my new boyfriend (now partner of 14 years). The t-shirts I got mentioned the brand name but not the logo. When they arrived I was surprised by a very distinctive logo with the horn of plenty and lots of fruit. Not a rumour:)
hi so i think jess was talking about her initiating leaving things the second time and him agreeing so she wasn't lying she just didn't include the little 8/10 minute break they had in between
i think she was talking about how it ended because he said she 'stormed off' so she was clarifying how they actually ended that conversation
so i'd say she remembered accurately
In response to the whole Mandala Effect topic: I totally get what you're saying and it makes sense that people's minds will work that way. But with the fruit of the loom thing, it *was* originally in a cornucopia! Photo evidence is out there. Just wanted to give you a heads up
14:35 Is Jess asking for a break, in my opinion. She was frustrated he wasnt adding anything in to the conversation and sharing his feelings. She wanted to take a break for him to sort himself out and come back with a decision.
Funnily enough with the fruit of the loom example it’s been proven they lied about never having a cornucopia.
she was talking about the break at the end
(~17:50) In relation to talking about how our tendency to visualize as people describe things can impact memory...I'm so curious if this is any different in folks with aphantasia. Human memory is so delicate in multiple ways, I'm sure there's still some possible shifting or manipulation that can happen. But could there be a reduction in memory fragility if there's no visual imagination to confuse with memory ?? 🤔🤔
The cornucopia is REAL though.
Okay, off topic but now I really want you to do an aliens episode because you just blew my mind 😂
If Dr Honda or anyone in the psychology field/with similar experience has suggestions - I'd love to know what someone in Jess' position could have said to Jimmy in the pods to allow him understand the situation, assuming she could tell in that moment that his perception was distorted, to clarify things and make things easier for him.
I know someone similar but more extreme than Jimmy who struggles with expressing emotions. If I express my feelings on something, not in an accusatory way but just wanting to hear his feelings back and discuss them, he will often take this as be being confrontational or scary. He will either get overwhelmed and shut down, or possibly get defensive.
I am aware that due to his childhood, emotions are very difficult for him so I can tell what's happening and clarify that's not how I meant to come across, but it doesn't seem to work. He's a really great person but this is just the biggest hurdle in our communication. I have suggested therapy to him but unfortunately he pretty adamantly against it.
Refusing therapy and refusing to communicate are huge red flags in my book. Before anything, does he acknowledge the issue? Does he express a desire or willingness to make change/progress within himself? Does he validate your need for communication? There are approaches you can try but it will be a difficult uphill battle if he doesn't put his part in. I am not a professional but I warn against therapizing your partner if they are that resistant, because it could escalate things and make them more defensive. I advise you to just ask simple questions, preferably yes or no, about whatever you want to know. Break it down to the simplest terms and the simplest reassurance you may need. For example, "I'm getting nervous that I did something that upset you. Did I?" Or "We can talk about it later but in the meantime, are we okay, do you have any doubts about us?" (If you're at that point, straight up asking "do you still love me?" works too) Or "will you reach out later when you collect your thoughts just to let me know how you feel so we can understand each other?" Or "hey, when you said this, it could be interpreted this way, did you mean that?" The theme is narrowing down what YOUR insecurity is to the simplest terms and asking for reassurance or clarification, but you have to be ready to accept the answer. It doesn't work if you still press like, "are you sure, but you seem so upset so I just thought". That triggers defensiveness. You also have to be ready to set your boundaries and reevaluate your relationship if you get answers you don't like or you start to see a lack of empathy or care, like if he tries to make you feel dumb for interpreting something a certain way. I don't know how he presents to you but be prepared because you may see a different side of him by prodding deeper. The floodgates will open and he will need you to make him feel safe but you will also have to consider your own safety. This is why I advise caution
9:58 and esp 10:08 so satisfying
Agree, as a person who never even watches the show and doesn’t care 😆
Not that I care so much about an analysis of Jimmy I just think there are many men in his approximate demographic in US society that get away with a lot in life, that are given a lot of passes, and that society expects so little from, compared to literally any other age/race/social/education strata. My own hot take
Read the room? 😂😂😂
I think you might be remembering when Jessica left when he broke up with her. That could have looked like storming out.
Jess and Jimmy just don't work well together. Chelsea was way more confrontational but Jimmy was still able to communicate with her and tried to figure out and meet her needs. I know a lot of people don't like Jimmy and think he only wants a woman who is passive and obeys him, which could be true, but we didn't see that at all with Chelsea.
He dumped Chelsea pretty quickly once she showed that side of her.
@@Okashio87 I think I would have ended things really quickly with Chelsea after seeing how much she distorts. I'm guessing Jimmy was slowly walking away after those first fights.
@@zacharyjohnson1193 I didn't see any curiosity around her thoughts and feelings. I would've given her the benefit of the doubt and come from a place of curiosity and connection. That's what I mean when I say he just left; he didn't express any curiosity or humanness. The arguments were surface level.
@@Okashio87 ah, ok. Yeah. You might be right. He did seem to ambush her with his intent to leave her.
I don’t know. I’m starting to believe the editors do give men a better edit after hearing “the insiders” take on Clay and Jeremy receiving good edits this season. Seems like they don’t mind showing women’s “bad side” more often.
Commute to the pods 😂 y'know its about 6-6 1/2 mins without traffic 😂
JIMMY LIED... point blank period.
and lies....
From what i saw, jimmy received a ton of backlash for the megan fox comment, his first meeting with chelsie, the fact that he didn't pick jessica, and also jess was always a topic brought up by chelsie in their fights. Even celebrities quoted jess with that epipen phrase that is automatically attached to jimmy. Coming from that place and that criticism, i've noticed in interviews that jimmy really reinforces that the made the right choice with chelsie, he was happy with her as a partner for the experience, which probably is true, because he probably feels he's not believed and that he has to reinforce this in any way. Maybe throwing jess under the bus is his way to defend his choice in the pods: see, she's not all rainbows and butterflies, we had a hard time in the pods, she got a good edit compared to what i really know, she was preassuring me etc. All of this unconsciously, of course. One factor to consider, maybe, idk 🤔
But Dr. Kirk I have to ask about Mandela effect, I've never understood that James Bond and the man with Iron teeth if Dolly doesn't have bracelets that scene wouldn't make any sense. Because of the "iron in Dolly's teeth" made the Iron Teeth Man see that they have something in common... That's my only issue with Mandela effect. I remember those bracelets and without them the scene makes no sense! (Or I could imagine I remember but still...)
Wait..doesn’t the fruit of the loom logo have a cornucopia with fruit spilling out of it!?
the only time i think jessica left in a negative way was when jimmy and her broke up
Please watch The Affair on Showtime!!! Pleeeeeeease 😅
Yes yes yes!!!
Unfortunately, due to the pervasive influence of patriarchy worldwide, and the enduring sexist stereotypes against women ingrained in societies like ours (USA), I have had to continuously deconstruct my own biases and internalized misogyny. And I would strongly encourage you, Dr. Honda, to make a conscious effort to examine some of your ingrained biases against women as well. We can begin by questioning why it was readily assumed that Jess did "storm" out, despite consistently demonstrating higher emotional intelligence than Jimi? Why are Jimi's avoidant and codependent tendencies interpreted as anywhere near 'secure' in the first place? Why do we instinctively offer men the benefit of the doubt and attribute positive intentions to them, even in the face of wrongdoing, while neglecting to extend the same courtesy to women? Is it because we unconsciously expect women to behave irrationally?
The fruit of the loom thing was proven lol chill with the laughing and condescention
i want dr honda to watch baddies on zeus 😭
Maybe Jimmy just sucks. 🤷♀️
Jimmy likes to lead all the time.
For all the shit he had to deal with on this show, I really don't give a damn if the last date felt shorter than it was
Same this was so dumb, I didn’t even think Jess should have been at the reunion
Dr Honda, you're asking why you quickly thought and believed that Jess stormed off? It could simply be because of the fact that you've been partial and biased in favor of Jimmy and almost everything that came out of his mouth, after the pods, you believed without questioning really.
I think it's probably because you're triggered by Chelsea's behavior and personality type (because you've experienced dealing with these types of patients before) and focused on, with only the greatest of intentions, making so many educational videos on her type of behavior and character (which I assume will help a lot of people), that you ignored Jimmy's flaws and any potential contribution from his personality type or his possible subtle lies.
Jimmy can lie too. Jimmy can act like an a**hole too. Jimmy is capable of gaslighting his parter too, just as many other people are. Just because he does a better job staying calm when talking, doesn't get triggered outwardly and is better at hiding his true emotions way deeper than the surface, doesn't necessarily mean he has a good character or isn't calmly gaslighting someone or calmly lying about his emotions or intentions. It also doesn't necessarily imply he doesn't have a distorted view of events.
(Unpopular opinion maybe…)They spent too much time on this. Why is Jess even there. She is a side character, who should join for 5 min and then leave. Why do they spend so much time on her story?
I think she needed that to move on, and was hurt by him.
She's a real person with thoughts and feelings. Not a "side character" in a cartoon
I think it was also illuminating of Jimmy's issues (since Chelsea's issues overshadowed them in their context).
@@Allison-fc3xf that was used figuratively… geez… and all of them are real, same with other reality shows. Real people obviously
She's going to be on their other dating show, so are Micah and Izzy. That's they they're all there, to promote Netflix's new season of perfect match.
I feel like this is so simple: Jimmy intuitively picks up on her aggressive, mean girl attitude and doesn't like the way she is coming for him!
Kinda like the way ppl said Zanab really believed Cole was trying to hurt and body shame her. I think Jimmy really believed Jess was a lot more mean and pushy than she was. She’s an excellent communicator & in touch with her emotions, knows what she wants. He, not so much. I heard ppl call him a goofball and milk toast
I don’t think Jess is aggressive nor mean. She was waiting for him to say something/ anything: he said nothing. She is obviously self assured and confident woman so she knows what she wants and she expected the same from him. He was completely lost and couldn’t verbalize anything
You're projecting
@@Rubenesquebodyyeah I think it's fair to say Jess was a better communicator. Even in this scene in the reunion she is doing really great. But conversely that doesn't mean Jimmy has a "wolf in sheep's clothing" persona. He just is somewhat bad at communicating & retreats when being held to a standard.
@@msmendes214 sure. I never said Jimmy is a bad person for being a bad communicator. But he was probably not the one for Jess. And I was referring to an original comment saying Jess was mean, which I don’t think is true at all.
A lot of women who are assertive and vocal about their standards get called problematic or bossy, or mean. And that’s unfair
Yall so ready to crush Jimmy and give Chelsea a pass it's wild
I think ppl feel bad for the "bashing" Chelsea got that they need to balance some of the analysis? Because Jimmy has some issues, sure. But the whole "He's a liar! Wolf in sheep's clothing!" finger pointing feels hyperbolic to me.
These two things are not contradictory. We can talk about a lot of problematic behaviors Chelsea has displayed but we fan also talk about how Jimmy behaved.
Have you watched any of Dr. Honda's other videos on this season? Literally 90% of the episodes are about how abusive Chelsea is and how patient Jimmy is in their fights. Maybe in other corners of the internet people gave Chelsea a pass, but certainly not here.
@@rachelmaddowswife8713 even more telling that the doctor disagreed with the tik Tok mobs.
@@Sough I've never heard anything reasonable said on any topic on tiktok, nothing on there in any way tracks with the people I interact with in real life. My advice to you would be to avoid it before it either rots your brain or makes you depressed about humanity.
First
Second?
Third 😅🎉
Fourth
Dr. Honda I respect you and your opinions. But, I feel like Jimmy is getting a bad rap. He just wasn’t into Jessica’s personality and I think he tried to retreat as best as he could. That’s a hard situation to navigate. That is presumptuous, in my opinion, to give someone a letter like that when you’ve only known them a few weeks. AND NEVER MET THEM. Who does that?!
...people who go on a show to get married to someone after knowing them a few weeks? She was not being presumptuous in the least. You have a problem with the whole premise of the show, not Jess specifically
Jimmy could’ve said that instead of blatantly lying about what happened though
@@Allison-fc3xf You’re right, not Jess specifically, but her type. She brought that letter with her to the show to give to “insert name_____” could have been Jimmy or ANYONE else. Just doesn’t seem authentic and specific. Like she had the letter and just needed the name to give it to. Not sure if I’m making sense but….it’s like when women just want to be married. Doesn’t matter who to. 🤦🏻♀️😣
@@Duckduckobtusegoose true. He should have said I prefer another girls personality and demeanor over yours but damn that’s a hard thing to do. No one wants to hurt others. 🤷🏻♀️
I agree. I feel over time he liked her less and less. And preferred a more down to earth woman. Which even Chelsea ended up not being. The letter was premature. Once the mutual love had been established, totally fine to share that. But many men are put off by premature sharing of deep feelings, before they have gotten there themselves.its one of the reasons many women intuitively wait for the guy to declare feelings first. Once she did this and he did not respond as she wanted, she was offended by his lack of response and he felt pressured. And on some level, she was taken aback that he did not choose her. And there is some entitlement in that. I don't hate Jess, but I think she shot herself in the foot by going all in too soon, alongside not sharing about the kid sooner. I also think that if these two had a relationship they would be butting heads all the time.