Honestly it’s harder when you’re attractive. People act like your friend and try to get at you on the low. Anytime I politely reject someone they get salty and don’t want to be friends. I need other handsome friends that have absolutely no interest in me
I tired to bro- I was talking to this other gay guy who I met online back in 2006--we finally met this year and all the time, he confesses his attraction for me, and I said " bro, I wasn't looking for a relationship, I just want friends" shortly after us hanging out, that, he stopped talking to me.
As a masculine gay male, I could never be friends with a gay man based of my own experience dealing with them- Most of my friends are butch lesbians and straight males. The only time I interact with a gay man is if I am pursuing a relationship with him- nothing more and nothing less.
Three books I've read within the past year deal directly or tangentially with this question: "HIding in the Hip Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry -- from Music to Hollywood" by Terrance Dean, "One of the Children: Gay Black Men in Harlem" by William G. Hawkeswood, and "Butch Queens Up in Pumps: Gender, Performance, and Ballroom Culture in Detroit" by Marlon M. Bailey. Traditionally gay black men have had to band together for their own survival. There has been times in the black community when young black men have been tossed in the streets by the black community and found living together to be apropos because they had no other choice. Young brothers need to stop being messy so that can survive in a post-pandemic world when the challenges of low income and now wealth will be a constant challenge.
@@Jarroddking trust issues ..two faced .not supportive emotionally. Self centered .metastatic to the frist power. Not honest. Nor Loyal. And many more..im done with the community..yall can have it. Peace
@@djunknownnyc I hear you. A lot of us make it so hard to just be happy with each other. I'm sorry that's what you've been dealing with. It may take some digging, but good guys are out there. 😊
I had a gay friend of color eventho he was Dominican n I’m African American, he knew not 2 even think about going there with me, n it was mutual respecting each other 4 who we are, Period.....
Lol its hard because same sex attraction even in the romantic sense often mirrors a brotherly energy sometime because they are ur soul family so getting close to another gay guy even tho its ur sis is still ur bro but if u guys are both feminine energy or both masculine energy it can work if there is polarization then it will be difficult but doable fwb lol
It's really difficult to not want to be friends with only those I'm attracted too physically. I mean I don't eschew those in which I'm not attracted, but they typically are attracted to me as to their investment in our interaction. Is it ever 50 50? I have platonic friendships for sure, but in 80%, we've explored physically once
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're like me. I used to be motivated to interact with other gay men only out of the possibility of finding a relationship. We all want to be loved so we go after attractive guys as friends, but it's hard to friend zone them once we have they're attention.
@@Jarroddking Riiiight... Sometimes it's not til after having sex and then actually getting to know the person that you feel like uh-oh... Now I know you and the sexual attraction just disappeared 😂.... How dismissive and self serving we can be!
I agree it is hard to find homosexual male friends that don’t eventually have sex with you… smh it’s so sexualized (homosexuality) who can take it serious. I have a good topic for you! But I have to be on it. I am Chyno
I honestly feel that we make the easiest things in the world so hard. I don’t care if it’s homosexual or heterosexual if you are attracted to the same gender especially keep in mind the word especially especially if you are single you’re going to notice other men if you are homosexual. It’s not rocket science people. It’s not cliché to be attracted to someone that you are friends with. This is why relationships don’t last long because we don’t become friends first we want to meet the person that automatically say this is my boyfriend after the first day /date. Or if someone that you’ve already known for 15+ years. Give or take. That person is showing interest in you and you say no and you put them in friend mode or brother mode not knowing that that could have been the person that God had for you or has for you Both parties have the same interests both parties are attractive both have the same interest and it’s not always about having the same interest but it’s always a good thing when you have people in your circle that I have the same thing in common. But people say I don’t want to ruin a good friendship but I beg to differ because if you have a good solid foundation as just simply friends and then you do decide to become more than friends God for bid if something was to happen at least you have a good solid relationship and you can still be friends again. So I do believe that you could be gay or straight and be friends with the type of gender that you are attracted to. If you are single you can be attracted to your friends are in or your best friend. Because your partner your boyfriend your husband should become your best friend. You’re in a relationship that’s another story but outside of that yes absolutely you can be friends as a gay man. I have plenty of people that I know that are gay that I find attractive but I’m in a relationship with someone and my partner is attractive so I’m not gonna pursue that person but if I was single I’m going to pursue one of my friends that I’m interested in because I already know that person I think we shortchange ourselves and not be happy because we set up too many rules and relationships and then we wonder why we can’t find anybody with the answer could be right in your face
You have to be careful with who you consider friends. There's somehow this hierarchy of this one is better than the other one, and whatever or whoever you have if I want it I can take it because I'm better or have more resources than you. So then the loyalty has left the building.
Hope u guys don't mind, and I'm sorry if u do my apologies. I'm white, and I started dating black men in the USMC at the age of 24 I am 68 now. I prefer straight black men for many reasons I guess u would call them by-s. But not all. I had many fatal attractions after me. The ones I try not to get involved with r the down low one's. Bad news bad company. The gay one's r good home body's & fun to party with. But when it comes time to turn the lights out & put the music on its the good looking rough straight one I will be with. But back to the topic ( friends ) u have to be careful with that word in this time & age. Just be cause all friends r not created equal in any kind relationship or groups....
I would love to be on the next zoom because I would love to be in this conversation if at all possible please include me in some of your videos I would be honored I love good topics like this
@@Jarroddking Because gay men only want to be friends with other gay men base on how he looks- Gay men only speak to you only if he finds you attractive.
Black gay friendship tend to be difficult, not only because of a ‘wall’ - but we tend to lead with our ego.
Agreed. And the egos sometimes are HUGE.
Preach
Honestly it’s harder when you’re attractive. People act like your friend and try to get at you on the low. Anytime I politely reject someone they get salty and don’t want to be friends. I need other handsome friends that have absolutely no interest in me
Right..
I tired to bro- I was talking to this other gay guy who I met online back in 2006--we finally met this year and all the time, he confesses his attraction for me, and I said " bro, I wasn't looking for a relationship, I just want friends" shortly after us hanging out, that, he stopped talking to me.
As a masculine gay male, I could never be friends with a gay man based of my own experience dealing with them- Most of my friends are butch lesbians and straight males. The only time I interact with a gay man is if I am pursuing a relationship with him- nothing more and nothing less.
Three books I've read within the past year deal directly or tangentially with this question: "HIding in the Hip Hop: On the Down Low in the Entertainment Industry -- from Music to Hollywood" by Terrance Dean, "One of the Children: Gay Black Men in Harlem" by William G. Hawkeswood, and "Butch Queens Up in Pumps: Gender, Performance, and Ballroom Culture in Detroit" by Marlon M. Bailey. Traditionally gay black men have had to band together for their own survival. There has been times in the black community when young black men have been tossed in the streets by the black community and found living together to be apropos because they had no other choice. Young brothers need to stop being messy so that can survive in a post-pandemic world when the challenges of low income and now wealth will be a constant challenge.
Absolutely. At the end of the day, we're a brotherhood whether we like it or not. And thanks for the book recommendations.
We can be friends but sadly it’s always jealousy or envy.
Exactly
No they are cut throat period.. especially the ones who act like basketball ball wives and the house wives franchise
What has been your experience?
@@Jarroddking trust issues ..two faced .not supportive emotionally. Self centered .metastatic to the frist power. Not honest. Nor Loyal. And many more..im done with the community..yall can have it. Peace
@@djunknownnyc I hear you. A lot of us make it so hard to just be happy with each other. I'm sorry that's what you've been dealing with. It may take some digging, but good guys are out there. 😊
I had a gay friend of color eventho he was Dominican n I’m African American, he knew not 2 even think about going there with me, n it was mutual respecting each other 4 who we are, Period.....
This point is silly. Under this circumstance, black gay men are only friends with females?
Lol its hard because same sex attraction even in the romantic sense often mirrors a brotherly energy sometime because they are ur soul family so getting close to another gay guy even tho its ur sis is still ur bro but if u guys are both feminine energy or both masculine energy it can work if there is polarization then it will be difficult but doable fwb lol
It's really difficult to not want to be friends with only those I'm attracted too physically. I mean I don't eschew those in which I'm not attracted, but they typically are attracted to me as to their investment in our interaction. Is it ever 50 50? I have platonic friendships for sure, but in 80%, we've explored physically once
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you're like me. I used to be motivated to interact with other gay men only out of the possibility of finding a relationship. We all want to be loved so we go after attractive guys as friends, but it's hard to friend zone them once we have they're attention.
@@Jarroddking Riiiight... Sometimes it's not til after having sex and then actually getting to know the person that you feel like uh-oh... Now I know you and the sexual attraction just disappeared 😂.... How dismissive and self serving we can be!
@@TuscanWonder we've got some interesting topics I think you'd like on our live show. You should join us in the chat! We go live in 15.
@@Jarroddking let me put on my face 👀
I agree it is hard to find homosexual male friends that don’t eventually have sex with you… smh it’s so sexualized (homosexuality) who can take it serious.
I have a good topic for you! But I have to be on it. I am Chyno
I honestly feel that we make the easiest things in the world so hard. I don’t care if it’s homosexual or heterosexual if you are attracted to the same gender especially keep in mind the word especially especially if you are single you’re going to notice other men if you are homosexual. It’s not rocket science people. It’s not cliché to be attracted to someone that you are friends with. This is why relationships don’t last long because we don’t become friends first we want to meet the person that automatically say this is my boyfriend after the first day /date. Or if someone that you’ve already known for 15+ years. Give or take. That person is showing interest in you and you say no and you put them in friend mode or brother mode not knowing that that could have been the person that God had for you or has for you Both parties have the same interests both parties are attractive both have the same interest and it’s not always about having the same interest but it’s always a good thing when you have people in your circle that I have the same thing in common. But people say I don’t want to ruin a good friendship but I beg to differ because if you have a good solid foundation as just simply friends and then you do decide to become more than friends God for bid if something was to happen at least you have a good solid relationship and you can still be friends again. So I do believe that you could be gay or straight and be friends with the type of gender that you are attracted to. If you are single you can be attracted to your friends are in or your best friend. Because your partner your boyfriend your husband should become your best friend. You’re in a relationship that’s another story but outside of that yes absolutely you can be friends as a gay man. I have plenty of people that I know that are gay that I find attractive but I’m in a relationship with someone and my partner is attractive so I’m not gonna pursue that person but if I was single I’m going to pursue one of my friends that I’m interested in because I already know that person I think we shortchange ourselves and not be happy because we set up too many rules and relationships and then we wonder why we can’t find anybody with the answer could be right in your face
You have to be careful with who you consider friends. There's somehow this hierarchy of this one is better than the other one, and whatever or whoever you have if I want it I can take it because I'm better or have more resources than you. So then the loyalty has left the building.
Yes. Yikes! It's a dangerous game.
Hope u guys don't mind, and I'm sorry if u do my apologies. I'm white, and I started dating black men in the USMC at the age of 24 I am 68 now. I prefer straight black men for many reasons I guess u would call them by-s. But not all. I had many fatal attractions after me. The ones I try not to get involved with r the down low one's. Bad news bad company. The gay one's r good home body's & fun to party with. But when it comes time to turn the lights out & put the music on its the good looking rough straight one I will be with. But back to the topic ( friends ) u have to be careful with that word in this time & age. Just be cause all friends r not created equal in any kind relationship or groups....
I would love to be on the next zoom because I would love to be in this conversation if at all possible please include me in some of your videos I would be honored I love good topics like this
Aren’t most gay black men friends who haven’t slept together? Lol this is a non issue.
I agree with you I think we overthink things check out my response at the top
🤔 💭
Nope!
Why not?
@@Jarroddking Because gay men only want to be friends with other gay men base on how he looks- Gay men only speak to you only if he finds you attractive.