Brought up in a codependent family....messed up my mind. Being mildly autistic also, it has been challenging. Now at 40, I want nothing more than to protect my peace. And prefer to be with myself instead of being around people i dont even like.
You're so right about the first seven formative years. I was born in the late 50's to teenage parents who were both on track to have successful careers in the Royal Navy. Abortion was illegal, so they were stuck with me. It killed my mother's aspirations and my father was obliged to marry her just before my birth. You can guess what a hellish upbringing I had throughout my childhood. It's only really in my late 50's that I really discovered who I am and what I'm capable of. My friends can't equate to my own creative skillsets, but at least I get validation from them which has done a lot to heal those decades of trauma and lack of self worth. Subscribed, as you're very much a kindred spirit 🙏
Thank you for sharing your story. It's so hard when our early years are tainted by the adults in our life. I'm glad you found you in your 50s and that you developed creativity that helped you heal. Wishing you many blessings ♥
58 here and a widow. Most of my life, everyone seemed to come first. Now that I learned to love myself, I don't need a man. I was brain washed as little girl to be a people pleaser.
I totally know where you're coming from! I spent most of my life thinking I 'needed someone.' Now I've come to realise I was looking for me! I hope you are doing well on this journey ♥
Thank you. It's a really important lesson that our (my) generation and probably my culture is not taught to do. Or not taught to do in balance with loving and being kind to others.
This was so wonderful, insightful and inspiring. I'm 72 and feel I am just becoming myself and living without the weight of other's expectations, and without the need for validation from others. When I listened to your comment about not spending money on clothes, I kind of smiled to myself. That was my attitude for most of my life -- my CONDITIONED belief acquired from family and religion -- that caring about appearance and buying clothes was vain, superficial and self-absorbed. WELL, at 72, after my mother's recent death, I realized that my clothes are a form of self-expression -- even an art. And buying a couple of new pieces that reflected more of who I am today, greatly energized and uplifted me! I was doing it for ME, and how it made ME feel -- not dressing to please anyone else, but just myself. I realized, that buying clothes and expressing myself through what I put on my body, was a huge part of giving myself PERMISSION to PLAY and have fun without guilt. I'm still pretty frugal and never excessive in my spending. I'm not rich, so I have to be practical. And I have always loved simplicity in everything. So I call my style of dress/self-expression: "minimalist with impact", like the art I love, like Asian paintings or calligraphy, where less is more. And it astounded me how just this change in my attitude toward clothing has brought me so much joy and freedom. Even at home, I dress for joy and self-expression and when I pass a mirror I say, I love you. I threw out the sloppy clothes I used to wear around the house because I didn't think I deserved better and I wasn't worth spending the money on. Thank you so much for your reflections. I relate to everything you say and I appreciate you so much! 🙏🌷 💖
Thank you for watching and sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm so glad that you've found yourself and doing things for yourself. It makes such a difference to feel worthy of doing things for yourself. Sending you hugs 🤗💜
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Just came across your channel...your delivery is clear and calming. I just turned 70 and enjoy my time walking, hiking, swimming, cooking, and caring for my plants.
I'm trying to catch up with your older videos to understand your experiences and insights. I'm glad I found this video. So much emphasis in society on "love" as defined by many who don't show it or know it. It's got to be found within. So I understand your point. Remember when the song came out that everyone needs love, from each other. I now believe I can't give nor recognize what I don't know I have inside. Thank you for this post. I enjoyed it.
I’m on a similar journey, external approval and validation from other people, is never the answer, or trying to fill the void with anything other than intrinsic activities and self love.
I enjoy complements I'm 58 years old as I was jogging for an hour plus in the Texas heat like feel like temperature of 💯🔥 fire this lady bleartted out I go a long time in Spanish it made my day.HappyTrails.
My take on what you said here is more that you've put romantic love on hold for now until you've finished working on yourself, rather than giving up on it totally.
I don't think it is a good idea to say you are done with love. Self-love is one of the foundations of happiness but not the only one. Love is at once individual and social. Since we cannot always control the social aspect better to start to with individual aspect. Self-love is the foundation of being able to be able to giving nourishing love to others.
@@1789balzac She never said she was "done with love". She is learning to love herself FIRST and fully. That is enough for her now, and maybe always. Maybe she doesn't feel the need for a particular partner or a romantic relationship. She is loving herself and others and life more than ever before. Love comes in MANY forms.
@@1789balzac Your first sentence, "I don't think it is a good idea to say you are done with love." Did I misunderstand? If so, would you please explain what you mean?
Only came across you today. Well done you. I love what you have to say and I hope you continue to record your vlog as I've subscribed now and look forward to much more.
Yep! Love yourself first and the rest will come. I feel like people tend to be drawn the confidence and self love. They will show when you aren't expecting it.
Now you will find out how to really love yourself! Its the greatest love of all - believe it or not - its the truth. How will you really be able to love others - if you never have loved yourself? That´s a big challenge and a huge discovery to finally learn who to love yourself, dear. We are all on the same journey here - love is the only reason why we do live on this planet earth - did you ever know that?
Hello. Thank you for this beautiful share. I believe I’m in a similar boat. I am 54 and I worked so hard the last 10 years to accept and Love myself. Today I’m perfectly content being me and enjoying my life but I’m open to connecting with a beautiful soul. I don’t know if this is appropriate, but I would love to meet you and connect as a friend, you know, and see where it goes without any agenda or expectations. I never thought I would stumble upon someone on RUclips that I’d like to spend time with. Thank you again.
Hills and valleys thanks I'm also in self discovery mode I made up my new name just for fun 😂 I go by Party Marty Godzilla minus one hold my beer 😎 I know a guy Stay thirsty my friend Miyamoto Musashi some days I'm not feeling great but some days I feel great 😃 Happy Trails.
Brought up in a codependent family....messed up my mind. Being mildly autistic also, it has been challenging. Now at 40, I want nothing more than to protect my peace. And prefer to be with myself instead of being around people i dont even like.
You have so much sincere love. Not insincere love.
You're so right about the first seven formative years. I was born in the late 50's to teenage parents who were both on track to have successful careers in the Royal Navy. Abortion was illegal, so they were stuck with me. It killed my mother's aspirations and my father was obliged to marry her just before my birth. You can guess what a hellish upbringing I had throughout my childhood. It's only really in my late 50's that I really discovered who I am and what I'm capable of. My friends can't equate to my own creative skillsets, but at least I get validation from them which has done a lot to heal those decades of trauma and lack of self worth. Subscribed, as you're very much a kindred spirit 🙏
Thank you for sharing your story. It's so hard when our early years are tainted by the adults in our life. I'm glad you found you in your 50s and that you developed creativity that helped you heal. Wishing you many blessings ♥
Valuable advice. Thank you for sharing💜
58 here and a widow. Most of my life, everyone seemed to come first. Now that I learned to love myself, I don't need a man. I was brain washed as little girl to be a people pleaser.
I totally know where you're coming from! I spent most of my life thinking I 'needed someone.' Now I've come to realise I was looking for me! I hope you are doing well on this journey ♥
I am so glad for you. If you cannot love yourself then you cannot love anyone else or we leave ourselves open to abuse.
I love this message of refocusing away from seeking the love of others... to focusing on self and self love and bettering yourself.
Thank you. It's a really important lesson that our (my) generation and probably my culture is not taught to do. Or not taught to do in balance with loving and being kind to others.
This was so wonderful, insightful and inspiring. I'm 72 and feel I am just becoming myself and living without the weight of other's expectations, and without the need for validation from others. When I listened to your comment about not spending money on clothes, I kind of smiled to myself. That was my attitude for most of my life -- my CONDITIONED belief acquired from family and religion -- that caring about appearance and buying clothes was vain, superficial and self-absorbed. WELL, at 72, after my mother's recent death, I realized that my clothes are a form of self-expression -- even an art. And buying a couple of new pieces that reflected more of who I am today, greatly energized and uplifted me! I was doing it for ME, and how it made ME feel -- not dressing to please anyone else, but just myself. I realized, that buying clothes and expressing myself through what I put on my body, was a huge part of giving myself PERMISSION to PLAY and have fun without guilt. I'm still pretty frugal and never excessive in my spending. I'm not rich, so I have to be practical. And I have always loved simplicity in everything. So I call my style of dress/self-expression: "minimalist with impact", like the art I love, like Asian paintings or calligraphy, where less is more. And it astounded me how just this change in my attitude toward clothing has brought me so much joy and freedom. Even at home, I dress for joy and self-expression and when I pass a mirror I say, I love you. I threw out the sloppy clothes I used to wear around the house because I didn't think I deserved better and I wasn't worth spending the money on. Thank you so much for your reflections. I relate to everything you say and I appreciate you so much! 🙏🌷 💖
Thank you for watching and sorry for the loss of your mother. I'm so glad that you've found yourself and doing things for yourself. It makes such a difference to feel worthy of doing things for yourself. Sending you hugs 🤗💜
@@SoulCareOver50 Thanks so much for your very caring thoughts. I truly appreciate your kindness!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Just came across your channel...your delivery is clear and calming. I just turned 70 and enjoy my time walking, hiking, swimming, cooking, and caring for my plants.
I'm trying to catch up with your older videos to understand your experiences and insights. I'm glad I found this video.
So much emphasis in society on "love" as defined by many who don't show it or know it. It's got to be found within. So I understand your point.
Remember when the song came out that everyone needs love, from each other. I now believe I can't give nor recognize what I don't know I have inside.
Thank you for this post. I enjoyed it.
I’m on a similar journey, external approval and validation from other people, is never the answer, or trying to fill the void with anything other than intrinsic activities and self love.
I see you are very brave to undergo such a change, now you show yourself on youtube and speak so openly...I wish I could make it too..
I enjoy complements I'm 58 years old as I was jogging for an hour plus in the Texas heat like feel like temperature of 💯🔥 fire this lady bleartted out I go a long time in Spanish it made my day.HappyTrails.
My take on what you said here is more that you've put romantic love on hold for now until you've finished working on yourself, rather than giving up on it totally.
Thank you for stopping by, I would love to know your thoughts on self-love? Do you feel self-love?
No. I think self -acceptance is enough.
I don't think it is a good idea to say you are done with love. Self-love is one of the foundations of happiness but not the only one. Love is at once individual and social. Since we cannot always control the social aspect better to start to with individual aspect. Self-love is the foundation of being able to be able to giving nourishing love to others.
@@1789balzac She never said she was "done with love". She is learning to love herself FIRST and fully. That is enough for her now, and maybe always. Maybe she doesn't feel the need for a particular partner or a romantic relationship. She is loving herself and others and life more than ever before. Love comes in MANY forms.
@@sl2608 You know I really saying anything different to what you are saying. What do you think I am saying here?
@@1789balzac Your first sentence, "I don't think it is a good idea to say you are done with love." Did I misunderstand? If so, would you please explain what you mean?
Only came across you today. Well done you. I love what you have to say and I hope you continue to record your vlog as I've subscribed now and look forward to much more.
Thank you for being here and subscribing. I am going to continue this journey and have several videos I'm in the process of editing 😉
Very well said 😍👍
Thank you so much! ☺
Yep! Love yourself first and the rest will come. I feel like people tend to be drawn the confidence and self love. They will show when you aren't expecting it.
I agree and lack of self-love draws people you don't want to. It's a lesson that's been a long time coming for me!
Now you will find out how to really love yourself! Its the greatest love of all - believe it or not - its the truth. How will you really be able to love others - if you never have loved yourself? That´s a big challenge and a huge discovery to finally learn who to love yourself, dear. We are all on the same journey here - love is the only reason why we do live on this planet earth - did you ever know that?
Yes!
Im 35 but agree with you on things. You are very generous for giving your advice. Im from pakistan. Love you much.
Thank you, I'm glad you've found the helpful 😊
Great message! Thanks for sharing 💕
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it! 😊
Good video….But I would encourage you to never say never to love. Love can take many forms throughout one’s life time.
🙏❤ Love is always a gift of self to others the originates from our creator. 🙂 I hope you don't give up on love. It's the only thing that lasts.
Hello. Thank you for this beautiful share. I believe I’m in a similar boat. I am 54 and I worked so hard the last 10 years to accept and Love myself. Today I’m perfectly content being me and enjoying my life but I’m open to connecting with a beautiful soul. I don’t know if this is appropriate, but I would love to meet you and connect as a friend, you know, and see where it goes without any agenda or expectations. I never thought I would stumble upon someone on RUclips that I’d like to spend time with. Thank you again.
Hills and valleys thanks I'm also in self discovery mode I made up my new name just for fun 😂 I go by Party Marty Godzilla minus one hold my beer 😎 I know a guy Stay thirsty my friend Miyamoto Musashi some days I'm not feeling great but some days I feel great 😃 Happy Trails.