A For Average, B For Bad: Behind The Model Minority Myth | NBC Asian America
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- Опубликовано: 21 авг 2017
- What happens when academic success is tied to identity? Harvard alum Shannen Kim shares her story about the pressures associated with the "model minority" label in academia.
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A For Average, B For Bad: Behind The Model Minority Myth | NBC Asian America
![The Untold Story Of America's Southern Chinese [Chinese Food: An All-American Cuisine, Pt. 2] | AJ+](/img/1.gif)
dad: Are you a doctor?
kid: no im 12
dad: talk to me in 20 years
Nice family guy reference.
I feel like this mindset is present in a lot of immigrant's children, not just Asian's, because immigrants most of the time had to struggle to get where they are, and they want to ensure you succeed
Blanchard Kenfack Very true.
The point is, not just the immigrant , in Asian country ourself, parents always push their kid this way , you can see the teenage suicidal rate in Japan, Korea, China, Vietnam , etc it's never been low or became lower only higher by years. This is our culture and it become worse to immigrant family.
Minh Anh Nguyễn I can see how that is a problem. I think that the difference lies in that (at least in West Africa) children see education as not a chore but a chance, and that a lot of them are more grateful and push themselves when given the chance because only a small amount of them can succeed, so those that do really want it. Especially since their parents might not have a high level of education, even though this is rapidly changing as Africa advances.
Could not agree more
Blanchard Kenfack They want you to follow the 'obvious path' to be successful in other's eyes, but they couldn't dare imagining riskyly that you can find a better way yourself, nor to say that one day you'll be defining what's a success.
F is for find a new family
😂 😂 Now this is. Minority in. India
Haha
😂😂😂
D is for dead
It's easily said than done!
A for “as expected” B for “be gone from the house”
D for disowned
E for excommunicated
Cold Falco
*Excommumicado
F for find a new family
F is for F*** off, leave the house.
As an African immigrant, I have to say that this is an immigrant mindset. My parents are convinced that the only way for me and my siblings to be happy is if we are the best in school if we go to the best universities and get the highest paying jobs. They don't really care about what makes us happy or what we want to do with our lives. Choosing to do something you want in such a household is like you become a failure. You become a disappointment to your parents and when you think of all the things they did to get you where you are, guilt starts eating you up from the inside. It's horrible and as a person, you feel empty and everything feels meaningless and it's even worse when you can't open up to your own parents without feeling like you're doing something bad.
Oli Joni same. My parents are from the islands and had expectations of my sister and i
Oli Joni honestly Africans as a group are out performing Asians so the stereotypes really annoy me
Truth is that a lot of Asians, especially the Chinese, Koreans and Japanese, have this mindset even in their home countries. Not just the immigrants
Oli Joni Dude, this is my parents mindset. Thankfully, I have been able to leave that mindset behind (by the grace of God) but it is really very costly. It can be painful...but they will change, with time. Ur parents can’t control u. It’s that simple. But...can u continue without ur parent’s support all the time? I can. Can others say the same? It’s very unlikely. With God, all things are possible, tbh. That’s what I found out for myself, which got me out of such a toxic cycle of guilt.
nthnpark0 I wouldn't think being a doctor or having an advanced degree are indicators of this strict upbringing. It's something statistics may not be able to outline in numbers. It's just this Asian mindset in a lot of these countries where if you don't make something of yourself, you've failed. I'm Asian, but I don't live in those countries, so I can't speak for them, but based on observations, the myth almost seems like fact
My parents are perhaps the most lenient Asian parents yet somehow I still feel pressured to get good grades. All of my friends have straight A’s and are well disciplined so I felt inferior. I’m basically trying to get good grades to prevent myself from feeling inferior and worthless.
Same man same
Same yo thats wack
But that pressure comes from yourself.
It is horrendous when that pressure comes from someone else because you are forced into an unhappy scenario.
But if you feel pressure on yourseld then it is wholly up to yourself to do what you want to do, how you do it, and how you handle pressure.
It is better to have feelings of worthliness when those feelings stem only from yourself than if those feelings are brought on by other people.
Brandon Tang that’s what selfishness is for if you know you won’t be happy with the situation or out come when it makes someone but you happy you disagree with their demands so their true colors are exposed
It's stressful as a kid when it's ingrained in you to please your parents. And so many end up living their parents dreams and not their own.
Technically you are your parent's experiment. Hey, you can all rebel if you want. Fail one test on purpose. I dare you.
There were many asian parents in previous generations who were immigrants, didn't speak a word of English, worked menial jobs making minimum wage, putting in 80 hours a week. Maybe we should see it from their perspective as well. Academic excellence isn't a sure bet, but its definitely the safest play.
She still graduated on top of her class in Harvard though
did she?
cream yeah just look at her degree
At the expense of her sense of self-worth. Pretty sure that’s a high price to pay
y huh?
but does it matter if she doesnt feel good?
A-sian! Not B-sian!
....no sian for D😰
Baysian...
TheOxtailSoup C-aucasian. Oh...
TheOxtailSoup A-Frican
Blasian
It's sad that parents push their kids to succeed academically but completely fail to cater to their emotional and personal needs. Being good in school can in many cases lead you to a successful career, but that doesn't equate to happiness. More money and more prestige doesn't mean you achieve happiness.
The girl in that interview is still a teen. I'll be more curious on if she would have the same mentality three years into the job market.
As an Asian, my parents push me academically too. They also wanted us to get a job/internship during college. I have always thought they were not considering my overall happiness. I just want to play games or go parties.
Once you graduated with a job you love, you quickly realize how important their teachings are. Capitalism is cut throat. If you dont work smart and work hard, you will be left behind. So many of my friends with parents that taught them "happiness" earns minimum wage. They cannot even afford to pay their rent. They can pretend to be happy, but we all know it is sad. The goal of working hard in school is NEVER just about school. It is about doing the best you can at the job you got. As a child, your only job is getting that A in class. Once you are mature, all your hardworks in school, college, interns paid off dramatically. I now have a six figure salary in an industry I chose. The only reason I can change careers more easily than others is because I had to learn EVERYTHING WELL.
Looking around of my six figure coworkers, many of their parents (white, indians, asian, hispenic) did the same. Now, I thank my parents instead of telling them they were wrong during college. The more mature you get, the more you realize how lucky you got to have parents pushing you to success! Money never grants you happiness, but working hard to accomplish something will!
Yusuf Celenli In the west is the other way, they baby their children and put less emphasis on education and discipline, thus results into over grown teenage adults in the future who struggle financially or for employment. 😑
chan stanley Exactly thank you, I hope more people understood this, Thank you for explaining. 🙏🏼
Yusuf Celenli We all asian always like that, most of them. that is the pity. Everytime i got B i just think it was bad.
Very well said.
More like I knew I was going to get discriminated for being Asian, so I had to become smart. Parents didn't even push me at all academically.
I can already smell the disaster awaiting in the comments section...
Adrian Martinez you guessed it...
I got a C in economics at a college while STILL in high school. My only C in my whole life. I was so scared to tell my parents. But looking back at it now, it wasn’t my parents that pressured me although it was what i thought at the time. It was actually me who pressured me to make good grades.
and that's good. Because it pushed you to be succsessfulllllllllllllll and C is still passing amiright?
C gets Degree. The only C I got in college was in my Art History, but that's only because my Professor derailed the syllabus and asked questions that were never really covered.
How were you studying in college while in high school?
a dual credit
Itachi Uchiha
C is close to failure. No success is possible with C
Fortunately my parents never saw B as bad. They saw it as decent. I think it’s tough when a straight A student gets their first non A. I’ve seen my friends breakdown over a B which reminds me of Shannen’s experience. Your life doesn’t revolve around a grade. Grades are arbitrary. There isn’t a standard for grading criteria. One professor may think a paper is a A, others may see it as a D. Even then like Shannen mentioned, what matters is personal happiness.
La Delicia De Linda
People laugh when you don't get an A here. Lmao I pity the people who can't get a simple A
I always admire Asians for their hard work and contributions to America. Plus they’re the least crime committing minority. My best friend is Filipino. Her parents immigrated to California from Philippines 20 years ago with only $500 in their pocket. Now they live in a $3 million mansion and they are the most humble people I have ever met. We Americans can learn alot from them.
thats exactly how I'm tryna be
wow they rich lol; not like mine though :/
"My best friend is Filipino. Her parents immigrated to California from Philippines 20 years ago with only $500 in their pocket. Now they live in a $3 million mansion"
You mean they're not rioting in Ferguson or turning over police cars? Oh, wait a minute...
perfectsplit
Well, no they aren’t. Because Asians don’t statistically suffer from corrupt policing and brutality.
@@RizzoDaManiac LOL as if Asians were not marginalized and not of underpriviledged group in the early west.
I'm Asian too (Bangladeshi actually) and this is so relatable. Good grades is like a way to represent yourself in your community.
Bangladesh is a shithole why is that?
@Paul Tello Lol what? Yes they are. Bangladesh is in Asia just like China and India. In the U.S people typically refer to people with oriental eyes as "Asian" but in the U.K it's the Indians and Bangladeshi that are referred to as Asian.
@Paul Tello must be American hahahahahaha
Paul Tello I clearly just said Asia and not East Asia
Bangaladesh was part of India and edu system is same as of like India(good grades, become doctor/engineer). Bangaladesh got separated from India because they want to have there own muslim majority nation.
A= Average
B= Bad
C= Couldn't be worse
D= Don't come home
F= Failed life
Wow! This really speaks to me. As a college student at Penn, I felt exactly like her. Now I kind of found my own way, but it took a lot of courage to keep carving my own path.
My father told me, "You could lose everything except your knowledge and education. Nobody can take that away from you so read and read as much as you can". And he was right. - Asian german here
Landhaus Idyll old age and dementia can. I've seen it first hand
Unfortunately being pushed to have the best grades and then wrapping your whole identity and self-worth around that suffers when that's all you are. Life is a lot more than that one academic dimension.
A+: Acceptable
A: Average
B: Below average
C: can’t have dinner
D: don’t come home
F: find a new family
It's not about model minority, it's about mindset.
I can relate to this a lot. I'm from a Mexican family, and only one of my parents made it to college. I'm the youngest of 4 brothers none of whom went or even tried to go to college so I felt a lot of the pressure was on me to succeed. Being the youngest a lot of people think I get the most attention from my parents but in reality the only time they ever seemed to really notice me was when I received an award, got a good grade, or achieved academically. It really made my self worth tied to a judgment done by another person. I felt meaningless with out a good grade, a teachers approval, or an award. This really all culminated to a breakdown at graduation, I graduated with honors and was part of the top 5% in my state but I felt so stupid when I hadn't decided on a major. I had to take a step back and ask myself what parts of me weren't for someone else. I had realized that for a majority of my life I did everything to make my parents proud and honestly I didn't know who I was. I had become a trophy, I was something with little to no value, who's sole purpose was to look good and be shown off. I started to develop major panic attacks and ptsd. I would have nightmares about failing in school or being late to class. Honestly it sucked, and even today I still get pretty anxious about school, if I don't have a perfect grade I still feel part of me didn't achieve anything and I constantly have doubt about my major, I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and it really sucks. I wish the world wouldn't put so much pressure on young people to succeed because in the end it doesn't even bring you any true happiness. Down the line you will wake up and realize that you wasted your life chasing after meaningless success only to receive regret and a wasted, unhappy life
I understand how she feels being pushed to be her best her whole life and not giving time be herself. On the other hand I was never pushed and now wish that my parents had pushed me so I could have gone to a better school and got more opportunities career wise.
For immigrant's mind, failure is not an option. No turning back.
Yeah but their not immigrants, these are kids who were raised in america by immigrant families
The problem with this mindset is that in many cases a good college is the end game result. When you are away from your parents, you don’t want to work as before you always worked because your parents forced you. I think it’s better for your parents to want you to learn something, as the desire to learn will follow you wherever you go, no matter how far from your parents you are.
I know this is really hard for the traditional Chinese to hear, but in my experience, character counts for more than grades - in the long run.
I agree. Many asians are soulless inside and don't have much moral compass. The only thing that ever mattered was the bottom line, such as grades.
“There’s just this feeling of never being...enough.”
I get that
A: Average
B: Bad
C: Can't eat tonight's dinner
D: Don't come back home
F: Find a new family
Well in the end she dose go to Harvard, go to med school and probably gonna make money that are better than most of the people commenting on this video. She did get things in return for her work and she should at least appreciate that she was given the chance of living a good life by her parents. I’m not saying it’s the only way to live a life, but it sure seems a good life to me
At the expense of personal happiness, though? It seems like it's not a good life only if you have money to me.
I mean whats more fulfilling than saving lives for a living?
Ruoming Sha you miss the point- and the traumatizing effects it has on her.
return for her work? You're able to view it "positively" in a way because you have not went through the unhealthy work ethic she has gone through. You can't make that kind of suggestion unless you came from the same environment as she did.
Sajan Patel LOL why can’t she start finding her own happiness now after college? Is she dying tomorrow? A lot of ppl restart their lives at the age of 40s +, I find her little too young to have said that.
I am not Asian, Hispanic in fact, but I relate to this so much. I remember being really little, elementary, and I came home from after-school care and showed my dad my "report card", he took one look at it, looked at me, and went "So? You could have done better." My entire report card was A's. I didn't know what to do, ever since then I've been repeating the same sentence in my head, "You will never be good enough, you won't impress them.". I'm 16 and every time I get anything lower than an A I break down. I have started to not care about what I end up doing but intead how much that makes. This video was really eye-opening, there are still a lot of things I need to work on. Thank you and good luck to everyone out there.
I know someone who fits this "model minority" stereotype, only thing is that he's Nigerian. Lol, there is no model minority only model individuals, people who put up their best always or at least try.
I thought Nigerian American is above average and higher than white American, certainly a model minority.
Count Janus Hassildor Nigerian immigrants are actually considered model minorities as well and they actually outperform most Asian immigrants. It's not surprising since immigrants from Asia and Nigeria are mostly professionals
Model minority is a stereotype of Asians. It may not be "true" in that there's not genetic or biological difference between Asians and non-Asians, just like the concept of Race itself doesn't exist in biology. There is no difference in intelligence or difference in species between "races." But model minority is true in society, just like the concept of race, in the way people make assumptions about Asians. So the concept of model minority is true. And Asians inherited the pressures to achieve in society from their own communities, so it is true and real in people's lives. I don't know where you're drawing your resources from but to put down a person's own close experience with this trauma is the worst. Unless you have a close connection/experience with this concept or have studied it extensively, there's no logic in making a bold claim "It's not true" when it very much affects the way Asians see themselves.
Nigerians are also a model minority. In fact they out-do Asians. But because their numbers are much lower, and "just black," no one talks about them other than lumping them together with the monolithic black American population
snillocgrom I've noticed that many people that come from Africa really just come to study, they are very academic, but not everyone in Africa is like that, I think the phenomenon we see with incoming African academics is the same with Asians, we only allow the majority of well endowed people to enter our countries, people who have a family lineage of education, we shun the rest, I'm sure if most people saw that Asia isn't all egg heads and sunshine they would change their view of model minority, not to mention you put someone from 3rd world country in a place like the U.S, they will take full advantage of thr education, we in the U.S, born and raised take these educational facilities for granted, that's why we are being left behind, one of the reasons.
Asian families mentality education=salvation from poverty. This is unfortunate as well as a blessing. The way i grow up is something like- parents: "if you want to live a better life and not be on the streets study. And study hard then get a high paying job"
I eventually enjoy the life i have today because of it but back then it was an really a large amount of pressure to perform academically.
My parents are super relaxed with underlining pressure and expectations. They’re relaxed cause they assumed I’d do well
I relate to this so much and I bet many students out there do too. It's interesting to see that no matter where you go to college, you end up feeling the same way. I'm slowly learning what my real values are but it's tough.
I feel like this whole piece is just about identity and confidence issues. You can easily do a bit on an under achiever that's content but wishes they had tried harder. She's at where she is because she's a perfectionist but being that is one she can never be too sure or fully happy. She has a degree and a stable life she just needs to learn how to enjoy life and not take it too seriously.
I’m an Asian living in Asia. Growing up, my parent always told me to work hard and get a good grade. They always compared me to other children back in the day. I didn’t choose everything for myself. Since I was a very small kid, I was very obedient. All I did is for them. I ended up studying what I don’t really like in college just because they it’s good. I know they want the best for me but it feel suffocated sometimes.
So relateable because I'm Asian to
Wedorandom Combinations you definitely make us seem stupid because of your grammar.
Voice Of Reason 4U late reply but might as well answer. Being an only child, my parents expected great things of me, I was expected to do well, get a good job etc. I kept being pressured and pressured and I’m suffering mentally right now because of it. The sad thing is, the pressure is what’s made me unable to complete a lot of tasks or complete anything in life, I always think to myself it’s better failing than completing something that’s not the quality or grade I want. I’m close to finishing my psychology degree (which my parents didn’t want me to do) and I only have 2 weeks left to submit my dissertation and I am tempted to just give up and lay in bed all day because of the pressure I feel. Right now I’m being pressure to do a masters and then a PhD. There’s so many up sides to the Asian culture and Asian work ethic and I’m proud of that stats suggests that us Asians are doing better most people, but I guess it really break children and really damages them when they’re always told they’re never good enough, they belong in the trash etc etc. I have scars and am suffering right now because of it, I’m looking to move away from home as soon as I can because my parents have driven me away and the only way to heal myself is to get away from them. Pathetic and sad story but it’s true.
AnOriginal Name hhaha
Voice Of Reason 4U they told me to work harder bc they(Americans) will never accept us as their own they will ask u where u are from if you say america they want more... you have to work hard to be recognized. “Work four times as hard as the white man”
@@madison8322 you know not all Asains speak English?
Same as Nigerians. 😂Most of the times you get used to it. Often times the pressure to do better is for two reasons:
1) Be Better than your parents
2) Not have to struggle like they did.
I think this is the only video I've ever seen that I relate to as a whole person. I truly understand, in my own way, what she says. Because I am like her and I thank you for telling us what your experiences are and I know.
"A" grades are fine and dandy at an undergraduate level. Memorization of procedures, facts and methods is one thing, but how good are you at creating new knowledge? That is the question for the post graduate and the entrepreneur.
A+: Awesome
A-: Average
B+: BEATING
B-: BEATING WITH INTENSITY
F-: FIND NEW A PARENT!
I wished this video was made earlier. I went into depression when I was in college. I remember the sense of lost as she described. It was like I had worked my whole life for being in that institute and then, I had no idea what to do next. Now I am still searching for what I want to do
Getting good grades is such a way to represent ourselves into the community, to against back the pressure from the family and being push away from a group of people, this is such retalable because I use to have the bad time having a bad grades, I used to... sorts of stupid thinking, but after all, I developed.... being who I am really are, and I love my life.
I love the Asian work ethic. Its something that a lot of Americans should take up. We should make being fat and having guns a big deal too.
Angry Misanthropist Freak This is america.
Yes I'm well aware. Its a country full of morons.
Angry Misanthropist Freak, I agree with you
To make this political (introducing guns) is a terrible mistake. Based on your reply "country full of morons" I am sure you are obstinate and unwilling to consider anything other than your own immediate desire. Best of luck in your anger.
Angry Misanthropic Freak will never hear anyone or consider any other opinion, regardless of facts.
IMO No matter how many times they complain, Asian Americans or Europeans are the luckiest Asians, though most of them are pressured to get an A, their pressures are nothing compared to real Asians, in Asia the pressures are so real that we have the highest suicide rates among all continents. Some poor people have to work dangerous jobs in order to pay their school, some kids got killed, robbed or kidnapped when they're on their way to school. My parents used to tell me to get an A too, but later I found that they actually don't want me to get an A, they want me to give it my all, to have big goals and big dreams and thrive through the challenges.
Wow. The place I'm staying in Asia, we kinda don't really care about grades much...as long as the child learns and does not fail in class...it's alright for the parents.
which country are you staying in ?
Lol Which world are you living in
Korea, Japan and China are one of the best countries in the world.
3106 김진우 yeah korea w the highest suicidal rate among oecd countries and China suppressing its own ppl. U should double think about what u hv said
@@user-bk7ew3tz8o Indonesia
I'm so happy my parents pushed me to be a wholostic person. They wanted me to get straight As and get into a good college of course, but they also pushed me to explore my interests, chase a career I'm interested in, pick up some hobbies, have a social life, and have balance in my life.
Hey, I just wanna say that it's not just you. I think that "A for average, B for bad" mindset is for many Asian students too. I'm one of those. I'm not saying it's good or bad but just so you know, you're not alone. That part, that you said it felt isolating and freezing, I once felt it too. It was just about 1 or 2 years ago. This mindset hurt my self-esteem and me as a person. I still felt stupid even when I got A. And when I got B or B+, I felt worse. I had to take some time off being alone to recover that. I don't know if this is because our Asian parents and the society keep telling us that good grades equals future success. I'm just trying to find a way to feel happier about other things in my life other than my good grades.
If anyone feels the same, let me know please.
The fact is there's no such thing as "model minority", there are only "model people". Model people have strong work ethics, resilient and persistent in achieving their life goals.
Tristan Lau
How do you explain Chinese Indonesia owning 64% of Indonesia wealth while being only 2% of the population.
Ok, so if it so happens that a huge portion of one minority obeys has those traits, then is it a model minority?
Tristan Lau 3 .
The term model minority was coined in the US to contrast the Asians against the blacks and Latinos.
Han Zhang They're still "model people" regardless of their race. Although they were born with the same ethnicity, they're still different and seperate individuals. And model people chose to embrace one of the instinct of every single human being in the world: to become a better version of themselves. Simply stating that one's family background and culture decides whether a person would succeed or fail is too deterministic, human beings have the power to change themselves and forge their own path as an individual. Sadly, many people chose to walk the path forged by the "mass" in the society because they're too lazy and afraid.
Why are people in the comments here defending tiger parenting? This type of pressure contributes to the high rate of suicide in young people in East Asian countries. I am a product of this type of parenting too. I’m thirty and I have a stable high paying career in healthcare. But . . . it has not brought/bought me happiness. And now my parents want me to MARRY a doctor as well, or somebody equally “successful” in their eyes. The tiger parenting never stops. I refuse to breakup with my current boyfriend because he is one of the few sparks of happiness in my life, and they threaten to disown me. I would gladly trade in my career for a slightly more loving childhood. Hard work and education are important, but parents shouldn’t make their children feel like they’ve failed at life if they don’t become a doctor/lawyer/PhD-engineer.
tinah142
Really ? Grades are pretty much everything when you go to school. And you must joking about your parents controlling you when you've got a job. Its you who is weak. You don't possess enough strength to break free from parental control
Let them disown you then! When does your life become yours!? If you continue to let them control every aspect of your life then its you who have become weak. At some point you have to be in control!
I know how you feel. I remember not to be able to tell my parents anything. Well look at you now, got a good job and you can change things with your family.
You have the free will to change your job and build your own life, but you choose to be a victim of your parents' way of raising. So what, you choose to be unhappy.
If you don't have your parents, where do you come from? If you don't study hard, are you qualified to speak here? Happy education like rubbish
This is brave, expressive, raw, and appreciated by your fellow peers.
My parents thankfully aren’t too strict with grades and say most Asians are only good at studying and that the ones in China (where she comes from) ended up in factories
Unfortunately, for Asian Americans, the conversion rate of good grades / good degrees to good job or corporate success is not that high.
Cosmic Horror Romance
That’s true in general for all graduates. Degrees and great academic records simply aren’t that valuable in the job market anymore. With such a high demand on social responsibility, a great personality along with free-thinking disposition is seen as more of an asset. That’s almost the exact opposite of the cookie-cutter, don’t think outside of the box mentality that Asian parents require of their children. So in the market now, you see people with average grades, but interesting backgrounds excelling in the job market. Because they are more valued as they are more relatable to consumers.
Uhhh and where are your sources for that??
From your head?? 😂
Believe me IF we earned the same degree that you did,
we CAN do the same job as you!!
I have NOT seen any relatives/friends who earned a degree & could not do their job!!
And believe me I know people in all kinds of professions
engineers, lawyers, principals, professors, nurses, doctors, Doctorate in pharmacy & in law, psychologists
IF there’s not many Asians in corporate jobs, it’s either because of the fact that we are not that many in the population
OR they are white companies
so they would not pick Asians for the top positions
steve beineke
DONT think so
For you people to keep generalizing our people like that
tells me you’re the ones who cannot think outside the box
We are individuals!
SAME as with your race,
some are very bright & some not so much! 😂
As Asian parent my planned for my daughter is to get AA+ all the time. A- is not in the radar and B+ is a no no.
Yep lots of pressure cooker for them
So far, the plan is great, they are topping the class. Beside the grades, I taught them to be friendly, humble and cooperative.
Once they graduate in high school with flying colors, my ultimate plan is not to enroll them to Ivy league. That's where most Asian parents are making the mistake. I will stop them competing with the best of the best but rather prepare them for a long lasting career. Yes sir, reputable college where they can be happy with less pressure and still accomplish a better career. After all, I can guarantee they can make as much as the student went to Ivy league.
This plan will keep my children out of poverty and share some their resources to the unfortunate.
Cant tell if you're trolling or not.
All I read in your comment is “MY plan this! MY plan that.” Sounds just like another typical Asian parent.
Never lose sleep over the small stuff Sure, let kids be kids. They need to enjoy childhood. But...”nothing wrong with getting a D once in a while.” Really?! “Once in a while” implies more than 1. So getting one D is not enough. Getting multiple Ds is ok?! A D is a near failing grade. It means your kid is barely understanding anything in class or not applying themselves at all. By accepting a D, you’re accepting mediocrity in your child. This kind of mentality is why people nowadays don’t know the difference between “you’re and your.” Or “there, they’re, and their.” Or “lose and loose.” Etc. That kind of mentality is the same as the participation awards parents. “Yeah, we don’t keep score in our child’s t-ball games.” And now you have a whole generation of “entitled” grownups.
You understand that you can have fun in your childhood and still get straight As and Bs, right? One isn’t exclusive of the other. I don’t know if you have kids or not, but I certainly hope if you do, you don’t have that mediocrity mentality for your children. You want your children to get good grades, which means they’ll get into good colleges, and then get good jobs and careers. There are exceptions but that’s the general path of successful people.
Never lose sleep over the small stuff I don’t know why you told me that you’re overseas and that you invited your parents there. Ok, since you’ve mentioned it, I grew up overseas in several countries. Now, how does that relate to what we’re talking about?
Some classes you can’t do mediocre in them. Let’s take math for example. If you’re just getting by in 4th grade math, you’re not gonna do well in 5th grade math, because one builds on the other. If you can’t do 5h grade math, you can’t do 6th grade math. If you can’t do 6th grade math, then forget about algebra or geometry or trigonometry or so on....and even any of the sciences, because sciences need math skills. If you can’t do any of that, forget about being a doctor, a vet, scientist, curing cancer, accounting, anything in business, etc. etc, etc. Some classes/courses like women studies or art history or music appreciation...yeah, of course, who cares if you get an A in that.
You said, your mom was “stoked” (not stocked) that you got a 80. Well no wonder why you’re ok with mediocrity. You were raised that way. Not to mention she didn’t expect much from you. You got rewards for mediocrity...well then of course there’s no reason to try harder. That’s like a football team saying, “we got into the playoffs. We don’t need to be the Super Bowl champs.”
d05wtt I agree
I'm Filipino and I live in the Philippines and somehow I already have a in-built mindset of being pressured on my grades, even though my parents are not strict and do have any high expectations about my academics, if I get a 60% passing grade (which is hella low) they seem chill and usually reply positively.
My school environment is similar to this. This year I really hated myself for taking only 2 AP classes even though it was still more than I could handle.
Wow thanks for candidly sharing your story
Andre Harvey this isn't candid.
Drega001 makes sense. I meant candy ......candy sharing. Final answer . Now what do I win?
What she was talking about in the beginning...its basically most of parents (or should I say all parents?) will ask their kids to do in China. No matter you come from rich/middle class/poor family, your parents want you to do what you should do as a student, which is learning knowledge. And I personally see nothing wrong with it. I really don't understand how come you don't know what you want to do...if you are good at lots of things.....I was an average Chinese student and I wish my academic was just as good as yours so I can have more options regarding choosing my major and which University I can go to.
Of course, friendship is important ...but just ask yourself or around how many of you still got in touch when you reach 30..35...40? No matter you were a nerd or cool kid in the school. Life gets in the way, eventually. Taking good care of your family will be the most important thing in your life (please allow me assume you are a responsible individual). Sorry to be a traditional Chinese, I am not only talking about taking care of your wife/husband/kids. But also taking care of your parents if you choose to be single for the rest of your life.
I am 100% agree with you if you say money cannot solve all the problems. But...Unfortunately we are living in a capitalism world...most things are valued at $$$. Money, indeed, cannot solve all the problems, but can make you life easier or let you worry about less things at least. Just ask yourself...how many problems you were/are facing can be simply solved by money?
Ps: Let's say, if all Asian America (actually borned and raised in US) stop doing what their immigration parents was doing to them...then there is no such issue in the future, isn't? Or they final realised, at certain age in their life, what their parents were asking them to achieve helped their life a lot. So they just repeat it...let's see.
Totally agree! Entering into the job market, you quickly realize and appreciate your parents. In college, I would yell at my parents for pushing me too hard. When you start seeing your friends unable to find a job while you can do it with ease at a 6 figure salary, you will THANK your parents. A lot of these stories are just interviewing immature teens that got nothing to do but to complain.
it's harmful to project your life experiences with someone else's, and then attacking someone for voicing their struggles. are you missing the point she's trying to make? there are families who push their kids to an abusive degree, and develop severe mental issues, that no six figure salary job that you're so proud of can fix.
I think when she says she doesn't know what to do, she means she doesn't know who she is, what passion she has, why she chooses the path she chose and what's next. It's not just what job or career she wants to pursue, it's more of a self-awakening moment that she realizes her life shouldn't only be building up skills that can be redeemed in capital world which was all she did in her previous life. The other Harvard peers who seem more confident, put-together, and know what they want are because what they know are what their passions are. Finding out who you are and what your passion is not only make you happier, it also makes you less robotic and more soulful.
I also can't help pointing out that yes, friendships may not last long, but if you think in that way, most life experience is unnecessary and should be avoided. It's just not a good way to look at life as humans.
" The other Harvard peers who seem more confident, put-together, and know what they want are because what they know are what their passions are."
OK, others seem don't have the issues she was/is having, according to her own words. Right, so she's an exceptional? How come an exceptional can present a group? I pretty sure most of her Harvard peers were just studying as hard as her in secondary/high school, why they seem to turn out just fine?
I think you miss the point, I did say the friendship is important and did not say it is unnecessary. But her argument is really weak. "I sacrifice my friendship because of studying". Come on, most of Chinese students study from 8AM to 7PM Monday to Friday, and have the homework that you need to spend 4-5 hours to finish once you back home in year 12. It DOES NOT STOP US MAINTAINING OUR FRIENDSHIPS. How much time you need to hangout with your friend so you won't think your friendship will be sacrificed? And your friends are no longer your friends once you spend less time with them? Yeah, I don't think making more of those "friends" will help you to answer the question "Who am I?" and to find what your passion is.
Do you believe people who don't study hard or even just don't study will not having the issues she was/is having? No, you wont. So studying hard or not is really irrelevant to this topic.
Just because you can doesn't mean who can't isn't trying hard enough. You know, empathy is a thing.
Besides, she lives in the US, I'm pretty sure the way people build and develop friendships is very different. If *everyone* studies from x to y hours and then go out and you do the same it's one thing, but if you never do because you study until y+5, of course your presence will dwindle in the group. That, and the problem with parents who are obsessed to an unhealthy level is that even if you do go out/rest/do something for your enjoyment at a time that won't do you any harm and wouldn't be productive if you were trying to cram anything into your head, you'll still feel guilty because you have this mindset that anything and everything that doesn't directly contribute to x is detrimental to x, and that... That just isn't how life works. My grades plummeted in the first year of college, like hers, and I found my way back on my feet through keeping up with two anime that were airing at the time. Having certain breaks a definite time of the week and a short-term goal (stay alive and preferably well until the next episode airs so that I could discuss with friends later) that I could focus on kept me going. God only knows what could have happened if I hadn't found escape in that, I was really at my wit's end, and that's why I don't believe it was wasted time.
It's not about working hard. It's about not having the time or mental availability to know yourself, your needs, wishes, goals, passions, how to accomplish what you want/have to. Through being told what she was supposed to do constantly (which was a lot) and probably having no time or mental availability to question or even just think a little deeper about it, she skipped important steps of maturing, which came down on her the very minute she was on her own.
Thank you for sharing this.
Yes, please make more of these!
She is me even though I'm not Asian. I feel as if I'm not good enough if I get a lower score on a test than my friends
If you are able to get an A easily, why you get a B?
While co-teaching 6th grade math class in a Hispanic-majority school, I saw that the lone Oriental boy in the class was always the first to solve the primary teacher's class problems. All the other kids kept saying, "What???!!! How does he keep doing that?" I was loving every minute of it.
*DID NBC READ MY MIND?*
Thank you for this video!
This is why I go to Hogwarts
you have to find that place where you can find peace of mind your going to do just fine nobody said life would be easy but as a good chinese dr, said mark you have to find your
balance center your focus
This is such a common feeling for me and I’m so glad so many other people feel this way 😋
I feel grateful that my parents were alwAys proud of me and didn't put that kind of pressure on me. It allowed me to make my own decisions, mistakes, learn from them and I became success and happy because of it.
your amazing you even stuck it out you can do it, find your happy place and relax
I never understood how ppl get straight As. In middle school I was in gifted classes then HS I couldn't even get Bs. I'm actually kind of smart. I've also been self taught. I have bad test skills. Now it doesn't matter because I'm doing what I love and keep growing.
I have become so stressed I think my reading level went down and I cannot understand a single thing I read in history class
To be honest, even though I'm only in middle school, I fell like her all the time. But, it wasn't really my parents pushing me, it was me pushing myself to much to the the point where I just hated myself every day. I always sighed when I got one question incorrect on tests, when I saw all my friends(who were Asian if you want to know) getting better grades and attending all the school clubs, I would just follow them and try to be a person I wasn't. This is just my story
Not all Asian parents are like her parents. Maybe a lot are like her parents, but not all.
I kind of understand what she´s going through, when I was in elementary and middle school I was in the top 5 smartest students at my school and the smartest of all my siblings and I got so wrapped up in my academic achievements that that was how I labelled myself, as the one who got good grades. Then when I went to highschool,they didnt put me in any honors classes and I couldnt make the honor roll ( in my defense the honor roll was 3.7 and up, and a 92 percent is a B so it was really hard school) and there were lts of people who got really good grades, were good at sports also and had lots of friends... and im like, how are you great at sports, have lots of friends, and get a 4.0. I was no longer one of the smartest in my class, It seemed like everybody had better grades then me, and it helped me realize that my focus shouldnt only be on grades and I should put my time in things that I like to do, there needs to be balance of what you need to do and what you want to do, either extreme can mess up your life or make you miserable.
but im not an immigrant and my parents never pushed me, somehow I just put that expectation on myself though
lightsilverdust, I think you´re definitely right when you said there is a difference of being forced to do something and pushing yourself to do something. I was just saying that I put all my self worth into my grades, and even if I wasnt good at it I had to push myself to do it which stressed me out and all my time was spent on homework and not on things I actually wanted to do. even the subjects I was good at wasnt that fun, it just seemed like another hour I would be studying. I totally agree that you should do something you are actually good at but im just saying dont let your academics, sports, and achievements define who you are because if you get a F on a test and other people got As and Bs, you question your whole self worth instead of putting your worth in your qualities, like kindness and peacefulness, your qualities of who you are as a person should be your self worth, not just a piece of paper telling you you did all assignments the way the teacher wanted you to do it.
I love the honesty.. she is Harvard educated and still has anxiety about her decisions 🌹
I'm very glad that you expressed interest in Psychiatry. There are lots of challenges there to keep you busy and hopefully fulfilled.
You're just smarter than most and you got to accept that.
We need to also remember that the concept of “Model Minority” was created by a white man, a term used to suggest that there was no need for government action to adjust for socioeconomic disparities between minority groups in America. So, by continuing to ignore this important history of the term, and only applying it to describe the “Asian American” experience and what success means, we neglect the impact it has on other Asian groups that aren’t categorized under “Model Minority”, as well as a ton of other minority groups.
There's more to intelligence than grades...
I personally feel my mental health directly correlates with my grades. As an Asian myself, my parents expect too much from me. I feel like I had the obligations to honor my family even if the expectations were high. Studying and testing causes stress. Especially studying something you’re not interested in, it drains the life energy out of you. Imagine studying your whole teen life without finding what you truly want. What are you passions and callings for life? Imagine not finding that out and just followed your parent’s plan of being a lawyer. Realizing you never had control in your life and what you wanted to do or be will drive a person into insanity.
I think a lot of pressure that minority eastern asians have comes from being able to see another culture's life.
Like, I'm a chinese minority in the Philippines but I grew up with the Chinese community. By highschool, my classroom had more diversity (elementary were mostly chinese kids) and when I "found out" that Filipinos don't actually study during the summer, holidays and etc. They had more freedom, they could date before graduating from college, they could have sleepovers, they could cry and be angry, they could complain about things, they could rest from time to time, they could wake up late and etc. I found it increasingly harder to just do my usual work ethic that i've had for several years. I felt betrayed, angry and mindblown that there was another way to live life.
Then when the internet came, western ideologies filled my head about personal freedom, personal desires and that "my life is my life" which further made me realize how much the Chinese worked. After realizing all these, I noticed the stark difference more and more and more that it drove me to depression. I tried to do things my way, disregard my parents and etc but it never went well. This new culture I tried to bring home just kept clashing and me and my family constantly fought. In the end of all the mess that spiralled out of control because I "found out" that there were other ways to live a life was a bitter pill to swallow.
There was no place for such a thing in my culture.
If I force it, everyone including me ends up unhappy. I told myself, while i'm not a financially independent adult yet, I'll just have to stick to my roots for now. Who knows, maybe one day I can pursue that sort of "other life". But tbh I don't know.
If I stopped comparing my culture with other cultures, I felt better. I could just work as hard as I used to without feeling bitter about it. It's the frustration and feeling of deprivation you guys. That's what eats at us. One day, we will all be free from our family's grip and when we all have children, we can make a new decision by then.
A-verage
B-ad
C-atastrophic
D-isowned
My parent are from Asian Hong Kong they say I am lazy when I was in a Canadian school. They thought I didn't study or do my best. I did my best in school to please them but I still did not do so well. My parent always comparing me to my cousins or my brother or someone else daughter or son. Lucky I am in Canada they say. My relative and grandparent weren't very happy either about my achievement because starting a new life in Canada is hard. My parent got better job and pay roll and benefit in hk. and a lot of relative live there. They say I would not have move to Canada if it not for children education. They say they are happy in HK. If we live in hk and the school kick me out l will just get a job at MacDonald. That will be the end of it. No Q ask. They say only successful people can get in to university not mention getting a good job .
oh no you shoudlnt believe all that stuff from your family or care about it. i think Canadian schools and getting into Canadian universities would be easier for you as opposed to Hong Kong.
hk school system is very competitive
Well tbh Hongkong work culture is on a whole other level! From their point of view you must be lazy but I get it. It's an uphill battle. I hope that one day you realize that your parents cannot change and one day you'll grow up and won't need to be under them anymore.
I can relate to this mind set. As a middle schooler I’m a very down to earth person and I think heavily of my future. Though because of this mind set I feel as though I cannot enjoy my young years and be a normal kid. My mother expects high of me for I have always done well in school but I feel that that is what’s pushing me down. My GPA a 3.8, while that is good for others it’s disgusting to me, I have been convinced that if I don’t have a 4.0mor higher I have failed my mom. As my mom is a single parent I see her push to support me. The stress just intensifies everyday...
To be honest that is how I feel. I am from Poland and the Best in my class with great perspectives and everyone who wants better grades wants to study like me. Meanwhile I am truly broken inside. I cant deal with the stress and pressure that I have been under. Sometimes when I know that I am not perfectly prepared for the test or quizy I cry myself to sleep because I am so stressed. I suppose the worst thing is that no one is harsher on me than I am. I am my own worst judge and I expect so much from myself. No one else. I am the one hurting myself and I cant stop. My whole self-esteem is based on how well I do at school.
This woman got into Harvard and is now towing this line that brings question to the methods that got her to the top of the undergraduate food chain in the world?
The The Chinese imperial examinations was introduced by Eastern Asia countries, this is the reason that every parent ask kids struggle for good grades.
As said in Wikipedia: The Chinese imperial examinations were a civil service examination system in Imperial China to select candidates for the state bureaucracy. Although there were imperial exams as early as the Han dynasty, the system became widely utilized as the major path to office only in the mid-Tang dynasty, and remained so until its abolition in 1905.
same here, forced to do things all my life, majored in mechanical engineering, received multiple D's in classes, creid, depressed, socially anxious, I got stuck in my room questioning my life. 6 month after graduating, I worked part time at retail to get myself back up, worked there for 1 and a half year and finally quit cuz it killed me both mentally and physically. 26 year old right now about to be 27 in less than 2 month, back to the state when I was crying in my dorm room but maybe a little bit manageable. Her last line before video ended, I'm the same way as in as long as I do something that my heart desires, I'd be truly blissful but I don't know what that is and I don't know if I can even pursue it due to student loan sigh....
ugh well what I've always been in love with music and visual effects and I still do now (I've loved it to the point of it being helping me emotionally and getting me out of depression) but I don't know if I actually enjoy playing/composing music or creating artistic visuals as in I'm just thinking in my head. But at the same time I just don't have any motivation to literally do anything. I don't know if I'm just out of energy but this has been going for years... At the same time, the fact that music and art don't give you stability scares me to even start at it, along with student loan killing me...
Her effort and hard work is what drives this country forward.
Her parents did great... went to Harvard and now get to do the things she likes. Nothing to complaint about! should thank her parents every day!
It's hella lot easier finding who you are when you're a doctor with a degree from Harvard. I know a lot of people who thought they knew what they wanted to do with their life and they couldn't be any more wrong. I thought that, although strict your parents do know the secret to a successful life.
The last part of what she said us key. What we think of ourselves and who we spend time with is key.
I had a completely different upbringing as an Asian. My parents weren't strict at all, and I still got good grades despite going with the flow most of the time. I did get upset not getting straight A's for a little while, but I stopped caring after a while. I barely even check my grades now. Sometimes I don't even know my grades until I decide to check the next semester. That doesn't mean I don't try still, and I like doing well on tests. Try hard, but not too hard. That way the pacing and the goals and expectations you set for yourself won't get out of hand.
Would someone tell Michael Phelps that he was training too hard and spending too much time in the pool training, at the expense of his friendships and that it was not that worth it. Probably not...
imho. the difference is knowing yourself and finding your passion
Sun bird u mean Michael the one who admits he wish he had chilled a bit bc he was unhappy and self medicating with alcohol and weed?
I would. There is no reason for you to damage your social life and happiness to achieve a trophy. A second of fame. It doesn't mean as much as your families or friends.
big difference between working too hard for passion vs working too hard for something you have no interest in....
allwellallgood What if studying is the only way to your passion. I am asian and I wanna be a doctor because i wanna save lives. Thats my passion, not something I have no interest in....
Roses are red
violets are blue
there's always an asian
who's better than you
Jonathan, you are a genius who deserves an award!
Imagine this but at Berkeley where there is grade deflation as opposed to Harvard with grade inflation...
As a black guy I personally feel east asians in general are good at science and maths due to tradition. Their language is the hardest language to learn and write (Mandarin). The great walls of China architecture is so fascinating to know it was biult without advanced machines. It takes a group of Smart brains to do that.✌👍
Academic robots are good at following orders, but where is the innovation?
All immigrant children go through this I'm Latino and I got the same thing get good grade or I whop I was just not scar of the belt and had bad influence too my parent really care about what other though of them hated that gang members smoke weed in front of our home but also want to have fun but my life turn out what ever. If it means anything my parents are Christian.. and I was influence by the gang culture.
I think what she describe is applicable to many people who goes to good colleges. You realised you were just a big fish in a small pond and now you are swimming with other big fishes as well. Imposter syndrome would set in, especially for people who worked really hard(imo) as you’ll start doubting your intelligence. The thought “I’m only here because I work crazily hard while others are here because they are actually smart.” always crossed my mine.
her talking about harvard, im just here like woah she is explaining art school perfectly, we were all the best art students from our schools, but now we are all average, but our art has to be the best, and for commercial majors like illustration it is highly competitive and if you cant keep up and learn every skill, style, and computer program, and meet very short deadlines, while being creative, then you feel awful because your self worth is tied up in your art, Theres no time for friends only research and practice and its no wonder everyone at my school is stressed and struggling and breaking down constantly, we already have to face the world's stigma of not understanding how much work goes into learning art, so people don't understand why it causes so much anguish. On top of that you still feel pressure to learn a secondary skill like animation just to make it in the industry, because you have proffessors that work for disney and other major companies who can do both, but maybe that's just my school ----- on that note though we have to compete with evey other art school too not just our own, I go to CIA but you hear CalArts has a good program as well as so many other schools... and while i think this art boot camp is preparing me it just also a lot of pressure and things to perfect all at once
probably a weird place to post this rant but whatever
its just hard to become a professional artist in only 4 years